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Tuck On The Wing -*- Copyright 2002 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck On The Wing


***
14:31 15 Aug

     When my pager went off from where I was keeping it my pack, I
thought as I scrambled for it that it was Mike paging me, but after I'd
set the parking brake, turned around and grabbed my pack out of the back
seat, and retrieved the pager from where it had buried itself, I found
out it was the Parkers' house instead.
     "Oh God," I said, hoping that sitting tonight was NOT going to
happen, and then I put everything back into driving mode and started to
move out of Kelly's parking lot so I could find a pay phone.
     *On second thought,* I thought.

***
14:37 15 Aug

     It was always good to know where another pay phone was, just in
case, which is why I'd turned around, parked, and rooted around Kelly's
complex to find one, and then memorized the number that ANI gave me.  I
hung up and dialed Miz Parker's house and waited, until she picked up
with a non-panicked-sounding, "Hello?"
     "Miz Parker?" I asked, looking around for Kelly, whom I didn't see.
Good.  I liked the guy, but he probably wouldn't like me saying, "It's
Valerie?"
     "Oh!  Are, I mean, is this a bad time?"
     "What?  No?"
     "Well, I sort of just wanted you to call me back later sometime,"
she said, "but since you called, what I was going to ask was..."
     "What?" I asked after a while.
     She took a breath and said, "Well, it's about the cooking?  I just
realized that it would be a good thing to go over what you can cook or
whatever, versus what David likes and-"
     "Isn't he going to be eating at HIS house?" I blurted.
     "Wh- Oh, no, not DAVY," she laughed.  "My HUSBAND David!"
     "Oh."
     "Anyway, I thought, WAY too late I know, that maybe I should go
over the menu with you?  Is there a good time for you?"

***
15:14 15 Aug

     'Now' was as good a time as any, for sufficiently large values of
'now', which is why I'd dashed over to Rachel's house to find something
decent to wear to dash back over to the Parkers' house and talk about
food.
     I was SO glad I'd eaten lunch.  Just the idea about discussing food
for a few months was kind of making me hungry, and I was full.
     "You're back!" Ricky yelled when he opened the door, and then he
almost tackled me in a hug.

***
15:15 15 Aug

     "But, I mean, you told him I'd be picking him up after school,
right?" I confirmed with Miz Parker, who nodded.  He'd detached himself
from my leg only when his mom appeared.
     "He really likes you," she smiled at me.
     "I guess," I admitted.

***
15:40 15 Aug

     We'd moved out to the pool after fixing a light snack for all six
of us, though Stella had an entirely different menu to choose from.  I
hadn't quite realized how much different kinds of food she was eating,
but it almost looked like she could eat what I cooked if I put it
through the blender first.  'Raw apple' was still a bit beyond her,
though.
     Miz Parker and I were watching the boys splashing around, and I was
sort of wishing I still had my swimsuit in my pack, instead of
schoolbooks.  Unexpectedly, Miz Parker asked me, "How old do I look?"
     "What?"
     "How old do I look?" she repeated.  "Honestly."
     "I dunno," I said truthfully.  I had no idea.  "Older than me."
     She kind of snorted, like it was too obvious a thing to say, which
I guess it was.  "Come on, I won't be offended."
     "I really have no idea," I told her.  "Under forty-five, older than
twenty, somewhere in there," I shrugged.  "Why?"
     She sighed.  "I dunno... sometimes I think I made..."  She trailed
off, and just watched the boys swimming in the pool.
     "What?" I asked after a while.
     She looked at me again, with a kind of concerned look on her face.
"I..." she started again, and then sighed.
     "Miz Parker?  If there's something you want to talk about, I mean,
if you don't want me to sit after school or something, that's-"
     "No, no, that's not it at all," she said, sounding surprised like
that was the last thing on her mind.  Then she smiled deliberately at
me.  "Nothing, I guess."
     "No, come on, now I'm curious," I said, because I was.
     She let out a breath.  "I..."  She looked back at Ricky for a
while, then looked at me.  "Don't tell this to anyone, like Ricky or
Dav- my husband, or anyone, okay?"
     "Well, okay," I lied.  I'd have to see what it was first.
     Pause.
     Long pause.
     "What?"
     "Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision, marrying David
and having Ricky so young," she said, sighing.
     'That's it?' I almost said out of sheer relief but didn't.  Thank
goodness.  "Why?" I said instead.
     "Just...  I don't know.  I'm twenty-eight, almost twenty-nine-"
     "Ooooh, that's so old," I said in a teasing voice.
     "No, really," she said, smiling at me a little.  "I mean, Cindy's
five or six years older than me, and we got married at about the same
time..."  She trailed off again.
     "Okay?"
     "So... I mean, she- I mean, don't get me wrong, I love David, and
Ricky and Stella," she excused herself.  "But...  My family said I was
marrying too early, too young, and sometimes..."
     "You wonder if you should've listened to them?" I guessed.
     "Yeah," she said, like she was relieved I'd said it instead of her.
"I mean, I was in college when I met David, studying art, and..."
     "Art like making it?" I asked when she trailed off this time.
     "No, more like art history, art appreciation, that sort of thing,"
she said.  "I really liked it and all, but after I met David and he
asked me to marry him, I, I dropped out without getting my degree."
     "And you're now having this great yearning to have a degree that
allows you to work in fast food?" I joked.
     She did laugh a little.  "No, but... I work in a gallery sometimes,
now, you know," she said, "doing a lot of little things, like an
administrative assistant, and sometimes I look at the director or one of
the buyers, and think, 'That could have been me, if I hadn't dropped out
and gotten married.'"
     "Okay," I prompted after another pause.
     "So... sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't have been happier, if I'd
stayed in school and put marriage off for a few years, gotten my degree,
maybe my master's, and then gotten started with a career.  Cindy did
that, with nursing..."
     Another pause.
     "You know?" she asked, looking at me.
     "Not directly," I grinned.
     "You know-"
     "I know what you meant," I admitted.  "Um... I guess you want my
opinion?" I confirmed.
     She nodded, eventually.  "Yeah, kind of..." she said hesitantly.
     I thought for a while.
     "My mom had something similar happen, I guess," I started.  "She
met Dad up at MIT, she was this real political activist at the time,
really looking forward to changing the world or something.  I think she
was torn between reforming the system and swimming in it, you know?
Like they talk about ex-hippies going mainstream twenty or thirty years
later?"  She nodded at me.  "I guess unlike you, though, she was in grad
school, I think."  I wasn't too sure; Mom hadn't talked about it enough
that I could remember it that well.  I'd had suspicions she was in the
Weathermen or the SDS, but I later gave those up because Mom was too
mundane.  "She'd already gotten her BA's in economics and poli-sci, with
a minor in sociology.  Maybe she was working on the BA in sociology..."
     "All three?"
     "Mom was a nut," I warned Miz Parker, "like I said.  Anyway...  She
married Dad, dropped out of grad school or whatever, and worked for a
while until she got pregnant with Susan, my older sister, and then she
stopped working too and was 'just' a mother full time.  Which is
definitely a lot of work, you just don't get paid," I added, and she
nodded.
     If you said 'just a mother' or 'just a housewife' around Mom
without the ironic emphasis, she'd still rip you a new one.
     "So it's kind of a similar situation, I guess, in that regard," I
said.  "And Mom says..."  I kind of shrugged.  "So, like...  I, this is
a really rude question, but, you love your husband, right?"
     She thought about it, and nodded.  "Yeah, I do," she said in a soft
voice that made me think of Travis.  "I love him a lot..."
     "So, he works and brings home the cash, the stuff that converts
into food and a house and a car and clothes and medicine and stuff,
right?  Even extras like a personal babysitter?"  She nodded.  "So, you
got incredibly lucky; you fell in love with someone who makes plenty
enough to support a family, without you having to work too.  Take
advantage of it.  And you can always go back to college, too.  Mom did
that, took some courses a few years ago..."  I grinned at a memory.
"'Course, you might want to wait on that before you take the classes,
because we gave her so much grief over doing her homework and not
watching television before it was done and all that..."  I laughed along
with Miz Parker.  It hadn't helped Mom's temper any when Dad sided with
us kids, either.  Heh.
     "So I mean," I continued, "you lucked out and I'm working out well,
I guess, but even if I hadn't, even if you couldn't find anyone to take
care of Ricky or Stella, you could always afford to blow the job off and
stay home, right?  Or work half time, or whatever you could come up
with.  Use the resources of your partnership."
     "But, I mean, couldn't I have had that and a career too?" she
asked.  "Doing what I want?"
     "Who did your husband marry?" I asked back.
     She looked very confused.  "What?"
     "He married you, right, not some other person?  He married you at
the time, because you were you, and you were the way you were at the
time, and he liked that person.  He could have not dated you, though,
right?  Theoretically?"  I waited until she nodded.  "Maybe he was
looking for someone who was a little more traditional, someone who he
could trust to think of home, hearth, and the heathens," I pointed at
the heathens who were jumping off the diving board at the moment, then
continued, "instead of their next promotion.  Would he have waited for
you, hoping you'd turn into the person he wanted to marry someday, or
would he have just sort of broken up with you, and then you'd have your
career and stuff but no David, no Ricky, no Stella.  No nice house et
cetera."  I sat back.
     Pause, while she thought about it.
     "Plus," I added, "you said you love him too."
     "Yeah..." she admitted.  "I just wonder..."
     "So, take classes or something," I suggested.  "Heck, quit work and
go to college full time, if you want.  If you cut back on some of the
frills, I bet you could do it."
     She thought about it.  "But, I mean, I like what I'm doing..."
     "Well, duh?" I said incredulously.
     She laughed at that, then.  "Yeah, I guess," she admitted, with a
sunnier tone in her voice than I'd heard for a while.  "What do you want
to do with your life?" she asked.
     "Me?  Be an engineer like Dad, get well-set like Dad, get married
have kids and be a pain in the butt because I'm rich enough to do what I
want, just like Dad," I summarized.
     She really laughed at that.

***
16:08 15 Aug

     Stella and I were dancing on the lawn, me singing snippets of song
and Stella screaming at the top of her lungs and occasionally frothing
and bubbling as she stomped her legs up and down.
     "You'll make a good mother," Miz Parker said from the chair.
     "Huh?"
     "When you have kids, I mean," she smiled at me.
     "AHHHHHHHHHHH!" enthused Stella in an armor-piercing shriek as she
bounced up and down, relying on me to keep her from falling.
     "Oh, good," I smiled back before I tried to pop my ears and get my
hearing back.  No luck.  "Is this why parents are deaf when you ask them
for money when you're older?  Someone spent too much time screaming like
that?"
     Miz Parker opened her mouth, but Stella beat her to it.

***
16:32 15 Aug

     My pager went off, buzzing in my pocket, so I pulled it out and
looked at it.  This time it was Mike.  "Hey, can I use your phone?"
     "Oh!  Did the phone company come by yesterday?"
     "Yeah, didn't you see?"
     "See what?" she asked, puzzled.

***
16:34 15 Aug

     I couldn't easily point while I was holding Stella because she was
squirming, which made it harder to show Miz Parker what I'd done and
where the boxes were, but Miz Parker finally caught on.  "And you did
this?"  Stella continued squirming obliviously, not at all impressed.
     "I helped with some of it," I de-emphasized.  "I wanted to make
sure the wiring wasn't like glaringly obvious, so you wouldn't be upset
at it and it wouldn't stand out."  I also wanted to put a bit of
insulation between me and any possible blame for adding jacks and wires
where I had.
     "Wow, they did a really good job," Miz Parker decided, which made
me grin.

***
16:36 15 Aug

     "Hello?" Mike said, so I put the phone around Stella and tickled
her until she squealed.

***
16:37 15 Aug

     I waited Mike out, since I knew he wouldn't dare turn the ringer
off on his phone because he might miss something important.  Finally,
after about twenty rings, he picked up again.
     "Hi Mike!" I said.
     "That was ever so funny," he said.
     "Well, she just wanted to say 'Hi'," I said, and smiled at Stella,
who squealed again happily, not into the microphone this time so it only
deafened me.
     "Ha ha ha.  What happened to you?  Where'd you go?" he clarified.
     "Oh, me 'n Kelly went to a bookstore, and then out to lunch, and
then we went home."
     "Home where?  You didn't bring him-"
     "No!  Kelly's place," I said.  "Then, Miz Parker called, wanted to
talk about menus, and so I came over here for a while.  'Sup?"
     "Thought we could do something tonight?" Mike suggested.
     "My calendar's free," I said.
     "When are you leaving?"

***
16:40 15 Aug

     "So, I'll pick Ricky and Stella up Monday afternoon, right?" I
confirmed, and Miz Parker and Ricky both nodded.  Stella unconcernedly
sucked on her fist and looked around.
     "Not us?" asked David.
     "You guys can take the school bus like the rest of us," I said.
     "Do we come over here after school?" Gary asked.
     I looked to Miz Parker, who said, "That depends on what Cindy wants
to do that day.  Sometimes, I'm sure."
     "Cool," said Gary, and David nodded, which made me feel good.

***
17:02 15 Aug

     And, now that I had scoped out Ricky's school and found the house
number Stella was supposed to be at, I could go home.

***
17:29 15 Aug

     I finally made it to Mike's house, all 'boy'ed up again, and found
George and Dan hanging out there already.  "'Sup?" I asked when Mike
opened the door.

***
17:52 15 Aug

     Hanging around yakking was fun, but when I saw the time, I realized
that I ought to go and make an appearance for dinner with my family,
since it had been a long time since I did that, and if I didn't Mom
would ask questions about it.
     "Call us after you get done, right?" Mike said.
     "I will," I nodded.

***
18:04 15 Aug

     "Hey, Mom, what'cha fix?" I asked as I came in the back door.
     "Who are you?" Mom asked, which stopped me dead.
     She continued, "You LOOK like my son, but he NEVER shows up for
dinner any more, so you CAN'T be HIM..."
     "Mom!" I complained as she grinned at me.
     "And we were just getting used to eating in a civilized fashion,"
Brian said snottily as he carried stuff to the dining room, past both of
us.  Mom snorted at that.

***
18:19 15 Aug

     "Doesn't look too bad," I claimed.  'Of course it's not too bad, I
went in last night and fixed it specifically to remove the problems,' I
didn't add.  "Except for homeroom, which is only ten minutes a day.
They replaced Dobson with one of the French teachers, and she doesn't
like me or my kind."
     "Disrespectful punks?" Dad guessed.
     "You forgot 'arrogant' and 'technocratic'," I said back.  Though it
was probably the disrespectful part that had stuck in her mind, from the
time we all had screamed at lunch, "FRENCH SUCKS!"
     "'EXTREMELY arrogant'," Brian amended.
     "No kidding," Susan voted.
     "Jeez!" I complained.  "YOU should talk-"
     "Children," Mom said.
     "That's m'boy!" Dad said proudly, and grinned at me.
     "I'm gonna be on soccer team again this year," Brian boasted.
     "That's m'boy!" Dad said in exactly the same tones as he grinned at
Brian.
     "Speaking entirely not of soccer, for one last moment," I said,
"George desperately wants a reminder of civilization tonight, and they
want me to help.  Can I go help him?"
     "You?" Brian fake-gasped.
     "You wanna do it?"
     "No."
     "See?"

***
19:38 15 Aug

     I had finished washing dishes and I was looking at the chores
signup sheet, trying to figure out what I wanted to do in the two days
I'd have off, or rather what I was willing to do for the pittance I'd
get, when my pager went off again.  I checked, and it was Mike again.

***
20:02 15 Aug

     "What else am I going to take?" I asked rhetorically as I swung my
set of nunchaku around slowly, getting a feel for the speed and balance
and things.  "After this, there's nothing left in math that I haven't
jumped over already, I get the last science class this year unless I
take Bio-two, and I don't like dissecting cats, an-"
     George sighed, "Too bad they don't let you dissect humans," then
shot, the arrow thunking into the backstop around the nine ring.
     "No kidding," I sighed back.  I think we all had enough candidates
in mind to fill any possible course of study for a few years.  Our
school's football performance would suffer, but not as much as the team
members would.  Humane killings were for those that deserved them.
     "What about language?  I gotta take Spanish-Three," Dan sighed.
     "ASL test Monday," I sighed happily.
     "At least I don't have that bitch Vangormer for French class too,"
George said as he crossed himself.
     "Thank Buddha," Mike agreed, and we rubbed our bellies.

***
20:09 15 Aug

     I was shooting again, and I was just about to release for a ten, I
knew it, when my pager went off, and startled me enough to twitch as I
released and sent the stupid thing off into the hinterlands of white.
     I sighed, as everyone else laughed, and I looked to see who it was.

***
20:11 15 Aug

     "Hello?" Kim asked, or said, or something.
     "Hey Kim, it's me," I said.
     "Hey Val!" Kim said, which sent George and Dan into gales of
laughter from where they were listening in.  "Wh- Is someone else
listening to this?" she accused, which made Mike hit George and Dan
repeatedly.
     "No," I lied, "George just lost control of his mouth and dribbled
coke all over himself."  George sent me a hand sign which I was pretty
sure wasn't going to be on the ASL test.  "Whatsup?"
     "Is Mike there?"
     "Yeah, somewhere around."
     "It's Friday night, you two want to go out or something?"
     "Can I bring the guys?"
     "Uh, not George, not if he can't control his drinking," she said.
     "Hey!" George protested.
     "I KNEW they were listening!" Kim yelled into everyone's ear.
"Val, what the-"
     "Jeez, Kim, it's not like you haven't conf-called me a few times,
you know," I pointed out as George received a well-deserved beating.
     "That's different!"
     "Uh huh," I smirked.  "So, if ya want me or Mike ya gotta take all
of us."
     "Huh-boy," she sighed.  "Okay.  Where?"

***
20:42 15 Aug

     "They're not gonna show," George said.
     "Shut up, George," Mike said back.  "They wanna see lil' Tuck here,
you know."  He tried to shag my hair up but I dodged.
     "Yeah, they haven't tortured me in a week or so," I sighed.
     A car that turned onto my street looked a lot like Kim's car, and
it was when it got closer, because it had Kim and Jill in it, and some
other people in back.  We waved them over and they parked next to Mike's
car.
     "Hey beautiful!" Jill called as she got out.
     "Yo BITCH!" I grinned, and gave her a hand to slap at, which she
did as she grinned back.  "Whatsup?" I asked as we hugged.
     "BORED bored bored," she said as she let go, then she looked around
for a minute.  "What, you're not wi-"
     I put a hand over her mouth.  "Shut up," I suggested quietly.  She
gave me a look over my hand.  "Not YET!" I snapped back.
     "Oh God, you are such an idiot," Jill muttered when she pulled my
hand down.
     I put my arm around her waist to pull her closer so I could
whisper in her ear, "Look, I gotta make sure George and Dan won't freak
TOO bad, okay?  And now is just not a good time."
     "No," George moaned loudly, and we turned to look at him.  He was
pointing at me.  "Not her too!"
     "We just LUVVVVV lil' Tuck!" Jill crooned, and kissed me on the
cheek.  "He's so CUTE!" she squealed.
     "Go put on a skirt, luv," I suggested.
     "Fuck YOU," she shot back as she dropped me like a hot potato and
I laughed.

***
21:00 15 Aug

     "So where's Julia?" George asked.  Apparently having Kim tickling
Mike, Ellen and Dan looking at each other a lot, and Jill and I joined
at the hip, was making him think of things.
     "I thought you two broke up officially before you left for the
summer?" I asked.
     "Yeah, but, y'know..."  George shrugged as he trailed off.
     Amanda answered, "She's dating this guy from summer drama class she
met.  Sorry George," she smiled apologetically at him.
     "They're out at a play or something tonight," Kim contributed.
"Aii!" she squealed as Mike zapped her in a sensitive spot, and then
began thrashing him.
     "You still with Johnny?" I asked Amanda, and she sort of shrugged.
"What does that mean?"
     "He's, I mean, he's busy a lot, with the band and rehearsals and
stuff, you know?" she said.  "I mean, I saw him last week, but..."
     "We did not come here to talk about guys!" George insisted.
     "I suppose girls would be okay, though?" Kim asked, sounding
casual as she held both of Mike's hands.
     George almost opened his mouth, but his baser cunning alerted him
that his mouth was about to fall into a trap, so to speak, and he
stopped with his mouth just barely open.  Then he closed it.
     "He IS learning, isn't he?" Jill smirked at me.
     Thumping down the stairs alerted me to something I needed to
investigate, so I disconnected from Jill and went to go see what it was.
     It was Susan, all dressed up again.  "'Sup?" I asked
     "Got a date, remember?" she reminded me.
     "Who's it with?  Where are you going?  When are you going to be
back?  Do you have some money?  Did you leave a phone number where we
can reach you?"
     "Shut up," she suggested with a grin.  "Dad checked him already."
     "Have fun, be careful," I suggested more seriously.
     "Will," she said, and gave me a hug.

***
21:02 15 Aug

     "We could trail her," Mike suggested.  "We got cars, now."
     "Nah," I answered.  "Too much effort, too little payback."
     "'Trail' her?" Jill asked.
     "Yeah, like follow her around," George answered, "see what she's
doing, take pictures-"  George shut up when Mike and I started beating
him.
     "You do that?" Kim said, looking unhappily surprised.
     I sighed.  "We used t- ow," I said, and backed away from George so
he couldn't hit me in the face again.  "We used to," I restarted,
"'cause it was good practice.  On the other hand, Suze got pretty good
at picking us out of crowds and stuff, even when we were doing it with
six people and radios and disguises and stuff."
     "I thought my family was bad," Jill sighed.
     "Mine IS bad," Kim insisted.  "So is yours."
     "But at least mine - or yours - doesn't follow us around with
cameras!" Jill said, which I think was her point, because she poked me
hard several times before I could stop her.
     "We used to do it to each other too!" I protested.
     "Everyone should know how to avoid police surveillance," Mike said.

***
21:06 15 Aug

     "We ought to have a game of Killer, is what," I suggested, and Mike
and Dan's eyes lit up.
     "What's Killer?" Amanda asked.

***
21:08 15 Aug

     "Right in there," I pointed, and Ellen nodded and went in and shut
the door.
     "We'll run a two-day tourney one weekend," Mike suggested, and
everyone sort of nodded at that idea.  "When?"
     "I'm busy this weekend," I said.
     "Yeah," added Jill.  "Us too."
     "With what?" I asked Jill, ignoring George asking me the same
question.
     "Sleepover at Lisa's place, Debbie's coming of course," she
shrugged.  "And, you two really ought to talk sometime," she suggested.
     "Right, over my not-yet-dead-body," I said back.  "I don't have
anything to say to her, I don't think she has anything to say to me, and
if I say anything she might blow up and try to kill me."
     "Oh come on," Amanda said, "don't you think you're blowing it out
of proportion?"
     I answered firmly, "No."
     "We were thinking about having another one with you, in a week or
two, if you want to come," Kim suggested to me.
     "No!" George cried in fear, or something.  Maybe it was jealousy.
     "Where?" I asked Kim.
     "Dunno-" Kim started, but then George interrupted by grabbing my
arms and shaking me.
     "No, Tuck!  Don't go!" he suggested as I rattled.
     "Let GO," Jill ordered from behind me.  "Tuck can decide if he
wants to go or not.  Right Tuck?"
     "You're brainwashing him!" he accused the girls as he let go of me.
     "Yeah, they keep tying me down and torturing me with their nude
bodies and lascivious-"  I stopped when Mike and Kim hit me at the same
time from opposite sides.  "Ow!"
     "George," Mike suggested, "give up.  You'd go to all of them you
were invited to, and we know it."
     "That's different," George protested, "I wouldn't be just sitting
there, I'd be-"
     "AND," I cut off whatever stupid thing he was about to say.  He was
lucky he had us looking out for him, even if he was jealous, which he
was.  "That's why you don't get invited to girl's sleepovers."
     "We could do his hair for class, though," Kim said thoughtfully,
staring at him and his hair.  "Just," she started as she reached out to
touch it or something.  George ducked so violently he lost his balance.
     "HOW about," Dan said loudly to distract us, "we have the Killer
tournament whenever we have the next three-day weekend, to give everyone
time to sleep and do homework and stuff?"
     There was general acclaim for that, but none of us knew when that
was at the moment, so we'd have to plan later.
     "Speaking of fun and games," Mike said, "I had this idea for a
different game at lunch?"
     "Do what?" Ellen asked as she came back from the bathroom.

***
21:30 15 Aug

     'Just by chance' I'm sure, Mike had most of the relevant books in a
pack with him, and he was explaining options to the girls while George
and Dan and I fought over some other copies of books I had brought down
from my room.  A quick call to Book had discovered the information that
he'd already heard about this from Mike before now, and so he was all
for it already.  Now we just had to have characters ready for a perusal
Monday.
     In a way, I hated new game systems, but this one was pretty easy,
and we could pick up dice sets when us Boyz got together tomorrow, as
well as some more books for Jill, which ought to pay off some more of
the debt I owed her.

***
22:06 15 Aug

     "It was fun," Jill said as she hugged me goodnight.  "Do you like
the idea of the other game?"
     "Yeah," I grinned.  "Ought to be fun.  'Vampires and witches and
werewolves, oh my!'" I quoted Kim, and we laughed again at it.

***
23:13 15 Aug

     I was sitting in bed, still working on my character - I'd had two
great concepts already, but Mike had bribed me with a ton of freebie
points not to play either a Glass Walker OR a Bone Gnawer, so I was
having to really think about it now - when my door beeped several times,
and Susan came in before I could put the books down, get up, and wedge
the door shut.  *I've GOT to blow a new PROM for that damned thing,* I
thought a bit angrily, *if I ever have TIME.*
     "'Sup?" she asked as she came in to my room.
     "I... was going to ask you that," I said neutrally.
     "I'm here 'til Tuesday, and I thought, if you weren't going to be
an asshole about it," she said, "that I could sleep in here and you
could get some sleep.  If you wanted."
     Since I'd been contemplating not sleeping for an entire week at
once, and hating the idea, it took me about five seconds to go, "Okay."

***
23:29 15 Aug

     "I wish Amy was still here," I sighed as Susan pulled the covers
up so she could get in.  Her getting ready for bed had given me enough
time to make some notes and clear the bed off, which I thought she'd
appreciate.
     "Me too," she sighed back.  "Then I could sleep in my OWN bed-"
     "Hey," I protested, feeling embarrassed and therefore irritated at
her for bringing it up, "I didn't ask-"
     She interrupted, "I offered?  I just wish she was here, or you
didn't have nightmares every year when school started.  How did you deal
with it last year?"
     "Went to Mike's treehouse a lot," I admitted.  "Or over at Mike's
or something.  You could sleep on the top bunk, that might be enough-"
     "I hate top bunks," Susan stated.  "Move over, bed hog."
     "Kiss off," I said back as I flumphed over to give her more room.

***
23:37 15 Aug

     "Suze?"
     "Mmmm?"
     "Thanks," I said.  "I appreciate it."
     "Mmmmph," she said, but reached behind herself and patted me, sort
of.  "Sleep," she ordered, so I did.

***
09:09 16 Aug

     "Whuh?" I asked again.
     "I said," Susan said, "you have to go to therapy today?"
     "Uhuh," I mumbled.
     Then, *Therapy?*
     THEN I was awake.

***
09:31 16 Aug

     "Brian!" I smiled, and he immediately got wary.  I motioned him
over, and eventually he came.  "I got some photos Tim and Dave wanted to
see, I think?" I whispered, and waved the envelope at him.
     He looked around, then took the envelope and stuffed it in his
pocket, then headed for his room.

***
10:02 16 Aug

     "How was the camping trip?" Sheila asked.
     "Fine," I said.  "We went eight days, or seven and two halves, and
nothing bad happened."
     "Seven and two halves?" she asked.
     "Got up at five the first Sunday to get finished getting ready, got
there by ten in the morning, hiked the rest of the time, then we got
back to the cars about noon of the next Sunday, drove home and unpacked
and stuff."
     "Wow.  So, did you enjoy it?"
     "Yeah," I said.
     Pause.
     "Did anything interesting happen?"
     "Not really," I lied.  "Which is actually a good thing.  But I have
some pictures, if you want to see them," I offered, having edited my set
before I came here and having buried the negatives.  "The first one's us
right at the first day, when we were about to start..."

***
10:07 16 Aug

     "So," she said as she sat down again and I put the photos away.
I'd hoped she'd look at them longer.  "You had your first day at school
yesterday?"
     "Sort of," I said.  "We didn't have any classes or anything."
     "You were supposed to get a 'Little Brother', right?  How did that
go?"
     "That was really strange," I started.

***
10:10 16 Aug

     "That sounds good," Sheila commented when I got done telling her
about the Little Brothers we'd picked up.
     "Yeah, I guess, I mean I hope so," I agreed.
     "Did you have any problems, that first day?"
     "No, not really."
     She looked at me closely.  "Did anyone try to pick on you?"
     I shrugged.  "Not seriously.  I've gotten smarter about it."
     "How so?"
     I sighed.  "I just try really hard not to be alone, away from
either my friends or a decent adult, and then the rest of it is pretty
lame, not worth responding to."
     "So you did get picked on?"
     "It wasn't serious," I repeated.
     "What happened?"
     "Nothing!" I protested.
     "You said, 'Nothing serious,' which isn't the same as 'Nothing'.
What happened?"
     I sighed, cursed myself silently for my stupidity, and then said,
"Somebody called me a few names..."  I chuckled.  "Uh, insulting me and
Debbie at the same time, I think, about us breaking up or something.
He's a total retard, though, and as long as he doesn't get physical, it
doesn't hurt me."
     "It doesn't?"
     "Sticks and stones, you know?"
     "Words are actually some of the cruelest weapons," she said.
     Pause.
     "What?" I asked.
     "They are," she insisted mildly.  "Words can be very very hurtful,
and they are a favorite tool of bullies because they don't leave marks.
And, of course, they can always 'take them back' by claiming it was just
a joke.  Which leaves you still feeling hurt and wounded, but unable to
'do anything' about it."
     "Uh... yeah, I guess," I agreed eventually.  That actually made a
lot of sense.
     "So what did he say to you, to hurt you?"
     "Just- nothing, it's not important."
     "I think it might be, Eugene," she said.
     I shook my head at her.  "It's not, really.  He tried to say
something about me breaking up with Debbie, which was useless, and-"
     "Useless?"
     "Did you want me to tell you or not?" I asked.
     "Well, go on," she said, and took some notes.
     "Um... and then he said what she needed was a real man, which I
guess was supposed to imply that I'm not.  Which I'm not, but-"
     "Why do you say that?"
     "Uh, hello?" I asked.  "Remember me, Eugene Tucker, I'm a patient-"
     "Are you referring to your medical condition?" she interrupted.
     "Yeah?  Isn't that what I'm here for?"
     "Why does it make you not a real man?" she asked.
     "Didn't Doc Treble send you a brief on my physical problems?" I
asked back.  "Or did you forget it all?"
     "I didn't forget," she said.
     "Then, what would you call it?"

***
10:13 16 Aug

     "My point was, though, he was insulting me about if I'd been a real
man I'd- no, he said, uh," I thought about it.  "'What she needs is a
real man,' or something like that.  Which is ludicrous..."
     "Why is it ludicrous?"
     "Because, Debbie picked ME, you know?  So, at least when we were
together, I knew it was ME she wanted, right?  Not anyone else."  Except
Lisa, but that was different, and I wasn't going to mention that either.
"And certainly not someone like him.  See, it's like he was saying 'a
real man LIKE ME', and that's about the last thing I think DEBBIE would
want.  Or put up with, either," I finished.  Then I frowned, thinking,
*But, Tom Lenich?*
     There was a pause.
     "What are you thinking?" Sheila asked.
     "Nothing," I said, shaking the image out of my head.
     "Something," she smiled.
     I sighed.  "I was thinking of someone I saw her with, and if she's
dating him then she IS dating a 'real man' now, but that's her problem,
not mine."
     "But it still bothers you?"
     I shrugged.  "She'll dump him when she gets tired of him, I
imagine."
     "What do your friends think about him?"
     "Who?  The guy she's dating?  They tell me it's not my problem."
     "But what do they think?"
     "I don't know, they keep telling me it's not my problem and not to
worry about it."
     "But you worry about it anyway, don't you?"
     "Did you want to talk to Debbie about this?  I can give you her
phone number-"
     "No, we're talking about you, Eugene, and why her dating someone
else bothers you."
     "I thought we were talking about me getting harassed at school?"
     "That's where this part about Debbie came from," she said, "and I
think the harassment bothered you so much-"
     "WHY do you think it bothered me?" I asked, feeling bothered at the
moment but for totally different reasons.  "I have that shit all the
time!  It's like having classes or homework, it's just something that
happens at school, okay?  I'm used to it by now."
     "You seem upset by it, though-"
     "That's because YOU keep trying to twist it around and make
something deep and significant about it," I said.  "He just saw me,
decided to have a little fun picking on someone, and then left, I guess
he had something to do or a lunch date or something.  Maybe he got bored
with it, I dunno.  But this happens like every day, it's not significant
or anything."
     She took some notes, and I sighed and closed my eyes.

***
10:17 16 Aug

     "So, did anything else happen at school?"
     "No... I mean, yeah, cosmetology orientation, we got the 'real'
schedules, the revised ones, we got all our books, and I showed my
Little Brother around the school, so he'd know where the classes were.
Mine, I mean my Big Brother, back when I was a freshthing, he didn't do
that for me and it caused me problems, so I did it for mine.  But
nothing really interesting."
     "That was nice of you, to show him around," she commented.
     "Yeah... I guess.  I mean, I didn't want him totally unable to find
things the first day, you know?  Kids laugh at you if you're twenty
minutes late for a class, and my first year, some of the other students
thought it was funny to lie about where rooms were and stuff."
     "So you really did help him out," she agreed.  I thought.
     "I hope so," I said.
     Pause.
     "So," she said eventually.  "You said you have a boyfriend?"
     That sent flutters up and down my spine.  "Yeah," I agreed
eventually, feeling kind of shy about it still.
     "Could you tell me something about him?" she asked.
     "Um, well... he's going to be a senior this year, he doesn't go to
my high school... he's really tall," I said, and then noticed I was
rocking back and forth in the chair, which I stopped.  "Um..."

***
10:19 16 Aug

     "So how did you meet him?"
     "Oh, at a party..."  This was still pretty intensely embarrassing.

***
10:21 16 Aug

     "So, how did you two..."  Sheila trailed off.  "Well, let me ask
you something else first.  You're not really involved in the gay
culture, are you?"
     "Cult- oh, no," I said.  "Not... no."
     "Not unless what?"
     "Um, not unless," I started, and then realized _I_ hadn't said
'unless' first.  She was being sneaky again.  On the other hand, this
one was safe to answer.  "Um, not unless you count going to a, well, I
guess it's a mostly gay dance club, a couple of times.  With my girl
friends a few times, and then last week me an' Amy went out there with
Travis because it was the only dance place we could find open on a,
uh..."
     Damn, I missed Amy.
     "Uh, on a Tuesday night," I finished.  "But that wasn't because it
was gay, especially, it was just open, you know?"
     She nodded at that, which was an immense relief.  "Okay, so..." she
said, "since it's really hard for gay teens to meet each other, in a way
they can both feel safe, how did you two, well, communicate your
interest in each other?"
     "Um, well...  I...  It just sort of happened, one night, I guess.
I met him at a mall, I was watching Stella that night," I remembered.
"And I asked him, I was alone so I asked him if he wanted to have dinner
with me, he was alone too," I explained.  "And he said yes, and we had
dinner, and then we were talking, and...  Um.  I guess we just sort of
started talking about it, and then he said he was interested in me, and,
and... I dunno," I shrugged.  "We ended up making out in the back of his
truck, that night, kissing and stuff, and then we sort of started seeing
each other whenever we could get together."
     "You 'just started talking about it'?"
     "Um.  I think... I think he said I looked nice that night... I
don't remember too well how it went after that, but... it was raining
that night, but we were safe and dry in the back of his truck, I mean
Suburban, and he was pretty close to me, and..."  I shrugged helplessly.
"I... I guess it was when he started holding my hand, maybe that I
didn't freak then or something?  'Cause, uh, I think that's when we
started talking about, you know, how we liked each other and what that
meant and stuff."
     "Okay," she nodded, taking some more notes and politely ignoring
the embarrassment that was glowing all across my face and ears.  "And
you said you've had sex with him?"
     "Yeah, well, yeah."  It HAD been getting a little easier to talk
about, but this wasn't.

***
10:27 16 Aug

     "But you didn-"
     "Don't you even start!" I warned her.  "I've already gotten it from
everyone else I know, okay?"
     "Alright," she said calmingly.  "'Everyone else'?" she repeated.
     "Yeah... Mike was- no, this roommate of this college girl I know,
he was the first one to point out it was a bad way to do it, and she did
the same thing.  They were the ones that looked at it, the night it
happened, and said it would be okay.  Her roommate's a gay guy," I
explained.  "And then..." I felt myself flush even worse as I said, "he
showed me what I should do next time."
     "He showed you?" she repeated, in a carefully neutral voice.
     "He just, he made me go up in his room and watch as he did himself
with a dildo," I sighed.  "And lectured me at the same time."
     I did at least have the small consolation of seeing her eyebrows
shoot up.  Eventually, she started, "He..." and then failed.
     "He said he'd spank me if I didn't watch and pay attention.  Which
was about the last thing I wanted right then, you know?"
     She nodded faint agreement to that.
     Pause.
     "Uh, where were we?" I asked.
     "Ahhhhh," she breathed as she looked at her notes for a while
before she could read them.  "Um, I think we were... you mentioned Mike
was the first before you corrected yourself?"
     "Yeah, so when he found out about me, and what I was doing, I told
him all of it, and HE said 'You didn't use lube?', like first thing.
Does everyone but me know this?" I asked her.  "I mean, I know it now,
but..."
     "I... don't know, really," she said.  "I work with gay kids, so I
do, but... I don't have, I mean, I don't know if 'everyone' knows it,"
she said.

***
10:36 16 Aug

     "So, how do you think this is going to affect you at school?"
Sheila asked.
     "Uh, well, hopefully they won't know about it, and we go to
different schools anyway, so it won't affect anything.  I mean, I
thought about it, and it's like, they've been calling me and my friends
'gay' and 'faggot' and stuff for years, and beating us up and stealing
our stuff and things, so... I mean, THAT isn't going to change.  That
guy, yesterday?  He was calling me queer or something to start with,
like he usually does, and I know he doesn't know anything about it.  So,
I mean, I've been, I mean we've been staying away from places that know
me, right?  So, it's... I mean, I think it's not going to change
anything."  I shrugged.  "And, I mean, _I_ am not going to suddenly
announce that they're right, that they guessed it finally, right?"
     "That's probably good for you right now," she agreed.  "What about
the other people that know?  Your friends?"
     "They're not going to talk about it either," I said, fairly
confident.  "They don't... I mean, yeah, it would get worse if it was
like confirmed that I was gay, instead of just being unpopular and so
sort of 'gay by default' or something, yeah.  But, my friends, since
they ARE my friends, they like me and don't want me getting beaten up
worse.  So they won't announce it either."
     "Have you told anyone in your family?"
     "No... my cousin Amy found out when Mike did, and she told my
sister, but that's it so far."
     "What do they think about it?"
     I sighed.  "Well, Susan said she's okay with it, she just
wants me to be careful.  Amy..."
     Amy wasn't here, and I missed her.

***
10:51 16 Aug

     "Okay, so, be careful at school this week," she suggested.
     "I will," I agreed.
     "And be careful with your boyfriend too."
     I couldn't help smiling at the thought of Travis.  "Yeah, we will.
I keep an eye on him anyway."

***
11:28 16 Aug

     "Hi," I said to Mike's mom.
     "Hello, Eugene!" she said happily.  "It's been a long time..." she
remarked as she opened the door for me.
     "Can Mike come out to play?" I asked formally, and we both chuckled
a little over the old lame joke.

***
11:54 16 Aug

     I couldn't believe that we were going to a mall, especially today,
but we were, because George had called and they had everything we needed
in stock and the prices were decent.  So I shrugged, gave up, and then
realized that I could use a new pair of sneakers too.
     If we could fight our way into a shoe shop.
     But first, the gaming.

***
12:26 16 Aug

     "Um, Mike?  We get bonus points for common books, right?" I asked.
     "Uh..."  He thought about it a while, then pulled out a main
rulebook to consult it.  "Um," he said after a minute, "one free- no,
two experience points for every five dollars on the receipt."
     "Hoo hoo," I grinned, and rubbed my hands.  "Which ones do you
want?"
     Mike looked at me for a minute, then grinned back and lied, "Did I
mention I like your job?"
     "You wanna babysit too?"
     "NO," Mike emphasized.

***
12:37 16 Aug

     "Gawd almighty," George said as we plunked a fortune's worth of
bound knowledge on the counter.
     "Oooh, and dice sets," I reminded Mike.

***
12:58 16 Aug

     "Can I help you?" asked a salesdude.
     "Yeah," I said, "I need a new pair of sneakers, something with
really good traction, good for changing direction and sudden stops."  It
used to be that you could sort of guess what shoes were good at what,
but the things had gotten so diversified that I needed help to pick out
the best pair.  "And in all black, no colors or white or anything like
that, solid black."

***
13:02 16 Aug

     "Size eight, I'll be right back with a pair of those," the guy
said as he stood up, which made me wonder immensely, since my old
six-and-a-half's still fit quite well considering they had virtually
disintegrated.  I looked down, and the guy had been using the GIRL's
measuring thing.  I looked up again to tell the guy he'd made a mistake,
but he was gone already.
     I looked over at Mike, and he looked back at me, like 'What?'  I
guess he missed it.

***
13:07 16 Aug

     The shoes went 'skreek' a lot on linoleum, which was not ideal, but
they had an immense amount of traction, allowing me quite a bit of
delta-V which I was definitely going to appreciate.  And the noise would
fade in less than a month.  They also felt very good when I jumped off a
chair and landed as hard as I could.
     And luckily, despite the wrong size, they were still all black,
which was also a good thing.  The last thing I needed was white or
yellow (or pink or purple) highlights on the hightops.  It was bad
enough they had a logo, but that would succumb to a laundry marker next
weekend, when I would be sure I wouldn't need to take them back.  Little
contrasty bits on shoes were an amazingly potent attention attractor,
considering the size.

***
13:11 16 Aug

     They were also expensive as hell, but good footwear was the most
important part of my school attire, that being the instrument of running
away and kicking both.  And since I was keeping the receipt, I could get
reimbursed since it was a legitimate 'school clothing' expense, and I
hadn't gotten the money for that yet either.
     They were still skreeking as we went down the stairs, but that was
partially because I was trying to burn it out of them early.
     "Don't you even!" yelled Debbie from below me somewhere.
     I pushed a bit and got to the landing turn, and she and Tom Lenich
were faced off down on the first floor, with some of his friends looking
amused about thirty feet away.  Mike grabbed my shoulder and said,
"Tuck, it's not-" and Tom was yelling something about being a goddamned
bitch back at her.
     Then she slapped him.
     Then he hit her in the face and she went down.
     Then he kicked her.
     "Fox four engage," I spat as I unloaded and eeled over the railing
and aimed and dropped.
     I guess the noise of me hitting the floor got Tom's attention
because he was turning around as I completed my floor roll.  That was
unfortunate for him, and his look of surprise went somewhere else
entirely as I put the remaining energy from the drop and roll into my
fists which I linked and shot into his solar plexus.  By the way he
folded, I got close enough.  I stood up and turned and hook-kicked him
sideways, and he went down and stayed there.  That was about the time
Mike and them got there.
     "Time to go," I told Debbie, scooping up her purse and grabbing her
arm and pulling her up to her feet, then called "Lead!" over my shoulder
as I pulled her along.
     "Wing," Mike called from behind me, sounding kind of tired.  "Clear
for egress, now," he advised me.
     I checked behind me, and they had my pack and my shoe bag.
     "You have your car?" I asked Debbie as we kept moving.  She
squeaked as she held one hand to her face, then nodded and pointed in
one direction we could go.  We went.

***
13:14 16 Aug

     "Kim's at her house, go there," I heard Mike tell Debbie as I
circled back towards the mall entrance to cover us, with Book and
George.  "Get out of the parking lot before you worry about your lip,
'kay?"
     "Yeah," I heard Debbie reply, and she didn't sound too bad, which
was good.

***


Pi = 3, for sufficiently large values of 3.


Distribution:
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+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


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