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Tuck In A Game -*- Copyright 2003 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck In A Game


***
18:04 18 Sep

     "Yeah, Field Day tomorrow," I sighed.
     Miz Parker said, "What?  I always loved those..."
     "You must've been more athletic than me," I said.  Then I
remembered what we were actually competing in, and smiled.
     "See?" she smiled at me.  "You'll have fun."
     I couldn't help but think I'd have more fun if we'd be playing
Killer, with real guns, rather than Quake, but Quake would have to do
for now, as I was too tired lately to come up with a good escape from
multiple capital crimes.

***
20:06 18 Sep

     I stole Dad's parking spot while I had the opportunity, and went in
the house to find Sabrina asking me immediately, "Where's your dad?"
     "Like I know?  I know where he's NOT, which is anywhere I'VE been
today..."

***
20:12 18 Sep

     "You wouldn't know who stole my parking spot, would you?" Dad asked
me and Sabrina.
     "Nope!"
     "Well, that's too bad, because I had the car towed away."
     I almost lurched out of my seat to go check, and Dad laughed at me,
worm that he was.  "So where were you?  Inquiring tutoring subjects want
to know."
     He frowned a bit.  "Eugene, did you forge a call from school asking
me to come in and install Quake?  On almost all the student boxen?"
     "What?  You did?  They are?  Oh MAN!" I shrieked happily and danced
with Sabrina until she hit me enough to notice.  I hadn't been quite
sure it was really gonna happen until Dad said that.

***
20:15 18 Sep

     "I have to do some heavy work this weekend, too," Dad whined,
looking for sympathy he wasn't going to get from me.  "Someone blew half
a server cluster with a bad transformer."
     "Whups," I commented.  That could ruin your day.  And a lot of
hardware.  Which, since Dad was doing the repairs, would be a lot of
retail markup that would flow into the shop's coffers, some of which
would thence eventually fall into our hands.  "Cool."

***
20:17 18 Sep

     "Wanna play Hearts?" Kelly grinned at me.
     "Oh, gosh," I said, "that's not my best game..."
     Mike rolled his eyes at me and left the room.

***
20:21 18 Sep

     Brian came in, cuddling his stupid cat, and saw us with cards.  "Oh
god, you're not playing for money, are you?"
     "Brian!  Don't you have chores to do?" I insisted.
     "Oooh, lemme see the kitty!" Kelly cooed, showing a feminine side I
hadn't even suspected up to that point.  Paul and I rolled our eyes at
each other.

***
20:33 18 Sep

     "Hi Tuck!" Jill cackled and came in and hugged me and kissed me on
the cheek.
     "Uh-"
     "Running practice," she explained, looking around.  "Mike said to
come by after work?"
     "Mike has HIS own house, how come you don't all go over there?" I
said to myself as I shut the front door after Kim and Anne-Marie.

***
21:18 18 Sep

     "You're gonna be there tomorrow, right?" Sabrina confirmed.
     "Yeah-  Oh, jeez," I sighed.
     "What?" Dad asked.
     "Field Day!" Sabrina said happily.  "I'm doing volleyball; you'll
come watch, right?"
     "I'll try," I promised, and got a hug as a reward.  Or a bribe.

***
21:25 18 Sep

     "Just one game, Tuck," Mike pleaded.
     "Alright," I grumbled.

***
21:51 18 Sep

     We'd found some bunch of damnfools online, calling themselves the
'DethMettalSkreemers' who actually allowed us to run the server for a
deathmatch game, them versus us.  They got stomped.  And we weren't
using cheats, either.
     "I think we can do this," Mike nodded to all of us, which led to a
bunch of cheers and hooting and high-fives and hand-slapping.

***
02:08 19 Sep

     It was amazing how many Quake moves you could do in a prom dress
and heels, but Travis had been shot first, when he went where I told him
not to go, and then without someone to watch my back, I didn't last long
after that.  At least I took a few cheerleader bitches with me.  Before
one of them got me with a knife, and the rest of them clustered around
with scalpels...
     Now if I could just stop crying and shaking by the time we played
today, I'd do great.

***
08:04 19 Sep

     Mrs. Vangormer had passed out the master schedule for the day, and
it looked as though Da Rat Boyz were gonna be kicking ass, or trying to,
in Quake right up front.  Which was one reason I'd worn long pants
today; it made it easier to dry my hands quickly and get back to the
mouse.  At least, that was the reason I'd be claiming.
     I also had a special signed-by-Dobson pass that allowed me to
escape before 3 o'clock, since I had it registered that I had to leave
school at that time to go to work.
     "Gee, and we don't even start until nine," Mike grinned.
     "You brought your..." George asked before I could, and we all
nodded at each other.  And smiled.  After all, I'd had several hours
this morning to pack stuff and think about what I forgot to pack, before
I had to leave.

***
08:18 19 Sep

     Of course, Dobson not being entirely free of The Taint, he had
ordered us to appear in the gym for an assembly before we got down to
serious killing.  Well, those of us playing Quake, anyway.  Maybe.

***
08:25 19 Sep

     Dobson droned onwards, "Each event will award points to the winning
class, and these points will be totaled at the end of the day."
     "I feel strangely unmotivated by this pep talk," I said to Mike.
     "Me neither," Mike agreed.
     "Let's go kill something," George proclaimed, and we all agreed
until Mrs. Vangormer had a snit on us and we quieted back down.
     "...Gets a free pass to King's Island," Dobson said.
     "What?!"
     "The team placing second in overall points..." Dobson went on,
oblivious.
     "Ohmigod, that's the grand prize?" Mike spazzed before Mrs.
Vangormer could.

***
08:31 19 Sep

     I heard something which sounded very ominous, so I spun around to
see if I could confirm it.
     Kathy was grinning at me above the crowds, and coming my way.  I
thought it best to begin evading immediately.
     "Kiss Tuck for luck!" Jill announced again.  That was what I was
afraid I'd heard.
     "C'mere, Tuck," Kathy grinned.
     "Oh jeez, Kath, come-"  Backing up didn't get me far enough away,
and before I could turn and run, I'd bumped into someone - who slugged
me - and then Kathy grabbed me around the waist and hauled me up into
the air and spun me around and kissed me rather enthusiastically.  I had
just enough brains left to kick the asshole who'd just hit me and make
it look like accidental reflexive flailing around, and then Kathy Was
Kissing Me.

***
08:32 19 Sep

     "Eeeeeee!" Kathy whimpered in an incredibly high - for Kathy -
voice, as I continued lightly sucking and tasting her neck, moving
towards her collarbones.  And I was clamped around her waist tight
enough she couldn't get rid of me easily, though she'd stopped trying
after I went for her neck.  "Tuck stop it!" she almost squealed.
     I grabbed her shoulders, unlocked my scissors from around her
waist, and lowered myself down to my own feet again.
     "My turn," Jill purred, and I had just enough time to realize she
was wearing lipstick before she kissed me on the cheek, and then dove
for MY neck.
     "Iiiiiiiiii!" I commented as I froze.
     "Here, put some on," Kathy ordered Kelly as she handed my Little
Sister a lipstick.  And Anne-Marie, her hair put up in a prissy little
bun, was looking rather unsure about the entire thing.  But she already
had lipstick on-
     "Wh-  AIII!"  Jill had found my ear, and my eyes rolled up in my
head.

***
08:40 19 Sep

     I had been kissed by a few girls I didn't even know, several more
that I did, and while Kim was chewing on the back of my neck - far more
pleasant than it sounds - and thus immobilizing my nervous system,
someone had written on my white T shirt, the slogan 'Kiss Tuck for
Luck', in this hideous pink lipstick.  Maybe it was working; Kim had
immediately grabbed Mike and done something similar to him after she let
go of me, which meant I wouldn't have Mike bitching at me later.
     Then all the girls had cheerfully wandered off, leaving a bunch of
pissed off Boyz, and me twitching with an almost obsessive desire to run
the parking lot blockade, go find Travis at his school, drag him
someplace private, and screw my brain the rest of the way out.
     "Your nipples are hard," Mike commented.
     "ShutupMike!" I gasped.
     He held up his hands, and I slammed into connection, and about
twenty seconds later I'd regained the ability to walk and think, so we
disconnected.
     And I noticed that all the freshthings were staring at me.
     "What the hell was that about?" Paul asked, almost reverently.
     "We've been working on some new pheromone formulations," Mike said.
"I think this batch might be a little overpowered."
     "Can I-"
     "No!" Mike and I yelled at the same time to the several freshthings
that had asked.  "You're too young," Mike added.
     "Yoiks," I mentioned.
     "So, ready to kill?" Mike asked me.
     "He's a lover, not a fighter," George smirked, so I feinted at his
head and stomped on his toes.

***
08:45 19 Sep

     Damned if I WASN'T covered in lipstick, about nine different shades
worth; and all over my face, ears, and neck.  I was fairly certain there
was some in the back, too.
     I'd been sent into the bathroom to clean it off, but I decided that
unless I wanted to destroy the luck, I needed to leave it on.

***
08:46 19 Sep

     My throat closed and my heart stopped.
     Pause.
     Debbie turned and went into the other bathroom without saying
anything.
     "Ohhhh shiiiiiit," I breathed as I slumped back against the wall
and slid down, before I passed out.  NOW my heart was beating.  I
checked my pulse, out of curiosity, and found it was somewhere well over
120.  "Oh, crap, I gotta get out of here," I realized, but I couldn't
stand up yet, so I crawled away as fast as I could.
     George noticed me first and queried, "Tuck?  What the hell are you
doing?"
     Mike came over and hauled me up, and then I grounded everything
into him, which made me feel lots better.  I was still hyperventilating,
though.
     "You two need to talk eventually," he warned me, and then waved off
my reply.  "To the lab!" he ordered all of us, with a dramatic finger.

***
08:57 19 Sep

     We sat down at contiguous terminals, and I noticed with annoyance
that my dad had suggested 'customs seals' over the drives.  Insert or
remove a disk, or even try to too hard, and the paper tape would rip or
tear and thus get you disqualified when they found it.  I didn't even
need to have this explained to me; I'd lived with his evil far too long.
     Plus, we had to get ready.  Before the referee/proctor/warden could
start droning on about the rules et cetera, we were reaching into bags
and coolers - well, the Rat Boyz were - and pulling out our headsets,
and I also pulled out the intercom box and lots of cord.  The cords got
tossed down the line, and then we were all jacking in and checking
commo.
     Then Dan smirked and passed out what looked at first like black
cloth scraps, but turned out to be black dogrags with Quake and Werewolf
logos, stenciled in what seemed to be bleach on the forehead area.
     There was much rejoicing on our side as we tied them on and slid
our headsets into position.

***
09:02 19 Sep

     I spawned in a not-bad place and the game was on.
     "Go right go right!" George screamed and we all headed that way,
and shortly thereafter Dan got the first cache of weapons we'd need.
And I got my first shot at an enemy.  Which missed.
     The second one didn't, though.  Or the third.

***
09:56 19 Sep

     "Those little runts need lives," I panted as I massaged my hands.
     "Goatfmmm," George trailed off into a mumble.
     We had just barely lost the last round to a clan of freshthings
that had apparently done nothing but play Quake for the last year.
     "Losers!" two of them taunted us.
     "Hey, WE date, pedo-bait!" Mike yelled back.
     "Settle down," a warden told us as they scribbled with paper and
calculators.
     "Hey, wait," Book mentioned, "isn't it total kills?"
     "Kills versus deaths," I said.
     "What's our totals?"  We looked at the wardens, who were still
accounting.

***
09:59 19 Sep

     There was much rejoicing on our side.  The freshthings started
whining immediately.  We ignored them as we danced about and hooted and
hollered.  I considered singing the Internationale, but decided that
even in this moment of triumph, Mike would whack me.

***
10:04 19 Sep

     I slid into place, across from Paul, panting.  I hadn't even had
time to remove my headset.
     He asked, "How'd you-"
     "KICKED ASS," I asserted, and he grinned nastily, then waved as
Kelly rushed past.  She stopped and looked at us, but Anne-Marie called
her over.

***
11:09 19 Sep

     "You awake yet?" George asked me.  He'd found me, or the girls,
somehow in the mass of adolescent pseudo-humanity.
     "Guh?"
     "C'mon, Tuck, what happened?"
     "Kah.  Kathy.  Kissed me.  Again," I panted.
     "For luck," Jill grinned.
     Julia added slyly, "And it's working."
     "Nooooooo..." George moaned.
     He screamed when Jill and Julia kissed me ahead of time.  Again.
     Then the two girls screamed when Anne-Marie ran past, just barely
in the lead.  She must've been wearing a helluva bra; she was barely
bouncing, as far as I could tell.

***
11:22 19 Sep

     We were all screaming for Jill, but I was a bit relieved when I saw
George's hand jerking around; at least I wasn't the only one having
post-Quake shootem reactions to opposing teams.
     "GogogogogogoGOGOGO-"
     I really hoped she wouldn't be disqualified if we all scrambled
over the railing at the front of the bleachers and ran out on the grass
alongside the track, because that's what we ended up doing.  I had a
vague question as to whose idea it was, and why I was doing it too, but
the important thing was urging Jill on.

***
11:24 19 Sep

     We almost had to carry Jill away, but she'd just barely taken the
mile away from some useless tart, at just under five minutes.  Luckily,
she'd run her sprint earlier, and had placed first in that; from the
way she looked, she wouldn't be able to run any more today.  Matt had
whipped ass in his, and now he was getting ready to run his mile, along
with Book.
     "Ohhh god," Jill wheezed.  "Ohhhh god."
     "I cannot believe we're doing this good!" Anne-Marie enthused.
     "Kiss Tuck," Jill gasped, and Anne-Marie did.  Again.  Giggling.
But semi-enthusiastically.
     "Heh," Jill grunted with a faint grin, as the guys made disgusted
noises.
     "You're gonna pay for that," I promised Jill.  Maybe I'd bake her a
cake...  *No, she likes brownies,* I remembered.

***
12:04 19 Sep

     A group of us had collected for lunch, and now I had to figure out
if I wanted to try swimming through the mess around the concessions to
get something, or go hungry.  The cafeteria was closed today, which was
probably a good thing; maybe they'd use the downtime to actually clean
it for once.
     A group of varsity football goons getting in line convinced me that
I liked being hungry and it would build character.  Solely with passive
radiation, no less.

***
12:08 19 Sep

     "Jill, I'm going to have to be in love with your little sister,
instead of you," I mentioned.  Anne-Marie had a cooler, and in that
cooler were about a bazillion sandwiches and large containers of potato
salad and cole slaw.  And paper bowls and plastic forks.  I mean, I
could have done this, if I had thought of it, which I hadn't...
     "Why?"
     I pointed at the food.
     "Oh, you're all alike!" she said angrily.  "All you men can think
about is your stomachs!"
     We both held it for several seconds before we cracked up
simultaneously.  Which luckily blotted out the noise of George saying
something with food in his mouth.  "Don'ttalkwithyourmouthfull!" fired
automatically, and then I ducked and shielded my own food with my hands,
because all the guys - and most of our team was guys - started doing
exactly that.
     "Men," Jill chuckled to me, but luckily everyone else missed that.
     "You gotta watch that babysitting stuff, Tuck, it's infected your
brain," Dan mentioned after he swallowed.
     Anne-Marie asked, "Babysitting?"
     Jill answered, "Yah, he sits for four brats-"
     "Two brats," I interrupted.  "Most of the time.  One about a year
old and one in third grade," I told Anne-Marie.  "The other two are
their cousins, but I don't watch them most of the time.  Had to watch
'em yesterday, though," I told Jill.  "Their mom had to go shopping for
something, and didn't want to bring the boys along.  So I got 'em," I
explained to Anne-Marie.
     "Man, four kids?" Anne-Marie confirmed.
     "Tuck keeps 'em in line pretty well," Mike said.
     "Duct tape!" George suggested.
     "That's been considered," I told him.

***
12:22 19 Sep

     Dan and I were headed out to his car early, to get his gear, when
something caught my eye.  I looked up to see what it was, and was just
in time to see this girl I didn't know sway a little bit and then go
down hard.
     We were over there in seconds, but as I slid to a stop on my knees
I almost pissed myself, because Debbie was right there, almost on top of
me.  I scrabbled back, as she slapped the girl's face, lightly but
repeatedly, and called out, "Karen!  Karen!"
     "Get Kathy!" Debbie snapped at me, and I immediately ran to do so
without managing to think of anything else other than the fact that I
had somehow escaped.

***
12:32 19 Sep

     Kathy shrugged.  "Just fainted, apparently...  She's awake and
seems okay now.  Debbie's keeping an eye on her, and they're inside
where she can sit down."
     "Weird," commented Julia, as I made sure Debbie wasn't coming this
way, to talk to Kathy for instance.  "So how are you guys doing?" Julia
asked me.
     "Huh?  Oh, man, we're kickin' ass today," I affirmed.
     "Man, us too!" Julia grinned.  "Think you'll win the top slot?"
     "I dunno," I said, not wanting to jinx things.  "At least we've got
a chance this year."
     "Yeah," she sighed and smiled.  "I can't believe they added all the
performance stuff."
     "The what?"
     "The singing, the dancing," she prompted.
     "Kim and Julia did a killer duet, swept it," Kathy informed me.
     "I was pretty happy with it," Julia smiled.
     "Man, that's great!" I smiled back.
     "Too bad we didn't get you to record it," Kathy grinned evilly.

***
12:35 19 Sep

     "They're kissing me for luck," I offered.
     "Drop dead," Dan suggested.

***
12:41 19 Sep

     I almost couldn't believe that they were actually going to have
archery, but here it was, and here Dan was.  And worse yet, they'd
actually let people bring their own equipment.
     And Dan went for bows like I went for computers.  Well, sort of.
He only had four.
     In any case, we were one of maybe three teams with anyone that had
the serious sort of hardware, and all but one of the other teams had
pretty well given up, judging by the way they were just shooting their
arrows off.  Dan, however, was concentrating, looking at the wind and
stuff, and aiming carefully, and time after time he released - a truly
authoritative TUNG rather than a limp TWING, or the occasional
THWACK-"Aaaaugh!" as someone forgot to rotate their elbows and found out
why real archers wear those stupid-looking armguards - and it went
straight into the gold like it was guided.
     George and Mike were doing alright too.
     "Jeez," Kelly commented.  "Does he hunt?"
     "Yeah, actually," I admitted.  "Dan, anyway.  I dunno about Farmer-
Boy Bob."  He was shooting too, and not doing too badly.  About as well
as me, anyway, which wasn't that great.  Which is why I was watching
instead of shooting.
     "Deer and stuff?"
     "Yeah, why?"
     She shrugged.  "Lot of hunters come through Yak.  Some of them have
bows and stuff."  TUNGthunk, into the gold again.  "I think they're
nuts, but at least they have to have a gun with 'em.  Bears," she
explained.
     "Aren't many bears left in the rest of the states."
     She nodded, looking a bit glum.
     "You ever gone hunting?" I asked.
     She nodded again.  "You?"
     "Yeah, a few times.  I'm not that fond of butchering stuff, though,
and that's the rule - you kill it, you skin it and cut it up and get it
ready for eating or freezing."
     "Yeah, seems stupid otherwise," she agreed.
     Everyone came back from collecting their arrows and scoring, and
the shoot light eventually went green.
     TUNGthunk.
     "You think he could show me how to do that?" Kelly asked.
     "Sure," I agreed.  He'd love it.  "On the other hand, there's no
escaping the one crucial thing you have to have; plenty of time to
practice."
     "Oh," she sighed.

***
12:55 19 Sep

     "Dude," Mike commented, sounding amazed, "we just might WIN."
     "What's next?" Kelly asked.
     "Math relay," George commented, as he rubbed his hands.

***
13:03 19 Sep

     Me and Mike, James and Paul, versus a whole lot of other people
that we usually sort of counted as allies, or at least neutrals.  Too
bad there could only be one winner today, and it was going to be us.
     "Go!" shouted one of the wardens, and papers rattled as we ripped
open the envelopes, wielded pencils, and started solving problems.
     Unfortunately, me and Mike had to wait for James and/or Paul to
solve one first, since the answer to one of theirs would fill in an
unknown in one of ours.

***
13:14 19 Sep

     We'd settled into a steady rhythm, with James and Paul rushing over
as they got one or two, me solving all of the second stage problems, and
Mike running my final answers over to the judges' table for scoring.  I
wasn't even bothering to use scratch paper on half of 'em; I just
churned a bit and the answer popped up.  I wished we could have had all
our freshthings working on the first stage problems, though - I was
idling far too much of the time, even though I was simplifying what I
had so that when I got a first-stage answer to plug in, the rest of it
fell into place.  Thank Ghu we didn't have to 'show the work'.

***
13:23 19 Sep

     "Time!"
     I dropped my pencil and immediately started massaging my cramped
hand, because it HURT from all the writing.  I guess using the laptop
had caused me to get soft.
     Mike crash-landed in his seat and flopped onto the table, breathing
frantically.  "Never, knew," he gasped, "math, so, aerobic..."

***
13:24 19 Sep

     "...And first place, with seventy-one correct answers, the
Werewolves!"
     *That's us!*  "Yaaaa!" I yelled at James and Paul and Mike, who
were pretty much yelling the same thing at me, as we all danced around.
     "Arise ye workers from your slumbers,
      Arise ye prisoners of want!
      For reason in rev-Ow!"
     I had been right; Mike would hit me for singing the Internationale,
even in our moment of triumph.

***
13:29 19 Sep

     "And now, in the How-Stupid-Can-We-Get category," Paul announced.
     "Tug-o-war," James said sourly.  If we hadn't had to sign up for
some team-wide event, we wouldn't have; but we did, and they were all
stupid ones, like this one or egg-carrying relays or something.  Once
again, the full-team assassination or MOUT competition had been, pardon
the pun, killed.

***
13:32 19 Sep

     "Yes, you have to stay standing up the entire time," said Mister
Alston.  But quietly, at least, so no one else would hear what we were
planning.  Or trying to plan, anyway.
     "Aw, man," Mike complained, but he shrugged and we went back to the
rest of the Werewolves.  Mike was shaking his head before we even got to
them.  "I guess," he said as we got closer, " we just get as low as we
can, and work it that way."
     "We could just let go, like they did in that movie..." Matt trailed
off when he couldn't think of it.
     "But then, we lose," George pointed out.
     "We can do it," Jill said firmly.
     "We can do it!" I echoed, and pulled my sleeve up and cocked my arm
like I'd seen in a poster.  Jill got it because she started laughing as
she did the same thing.
     "Yeah, I think I know how," Mike mused.

***
13:36 19 Sep

     Now I wasn't so sure.  They wouldn't let us use gloves, they
wouldn't let us wrap the rope around our arms or body... all we could do
was hold on to it.
     Still, we were going to give it the ol' postgraduate try.  And Mike
had come up with a 'strategy' of sorts that might actually work.
     "Ready..."  I wiped my hands for the last possible time and grabbed
the rope with both of them.  "Set.... GO!"
     After a few seconds, as both sides pulled hard, Mike shouted,
"One!"  At "Two!" we all took a long step forward, and at "Three!" we
stopped and yanked backwards with our legs.
     And it shook four of them loose, and before they could grab the
rope again, they were getting stepped on by their own teammates as we
dragged them towards us.
     Five seconds later, just as we were starting to stumble ourselves,
the whistle blew as the tied-on rag in the middle danced over our
starting line.

***
13:46 19 Sep

     Three heats into it, and we'd won them all, but Mike was starting
to look desperate, because we could only come up with so many tactics
that they weren't expecting, and we were getting to the point that we
just did not have the mass or the muscles to win otherwise.
     "Wait, distract 'em?" Dan asked, like that wasn't what we'd been
running around in mental circles trying to do.
     "YES!" many of us yelled at him.
     "Dude!" Dan said sharply at Paul, then whispered something in his
ear.
     "You think that'd work?" Paul asked Dan, who nodded.
     "What?!" Mike demanded.
     "He'll say something right before we start," Dan grinned, "and
it'll demoralize 'em.  Trust me."  Paul looked a little weak at that.
     Mike looked a little enraged at that, but he glared at Paul and
asked, "Can you come up with something that won't get us disqualified
but'll work?"
     "Uhhh..."  Paul closed his eyes for a few seconds, then opened them
as he nodded.  "Yeah."

***
13:47 19 Sep

     "Under the leadership
      of Miracle Mike,
      we're gonna kick your butts,
      and you know it ain't hype.
      We got Tuck and Dan and Kelly,
      and Jill and Bob too;
      Allen George and James,
      Anne-Marie with her 'do;
      Matt and me-that's-Paul,
      we round out the team.
      You know that we're better
      than you've ever seen.
      So give up, surrender,
      before it's too late.
      We got this contest cooked and done
      and served on the plate.
      You cats are goners.
      You know that it's true.
      Any one of us is better,
      than all of you.
      So lay down your weapons,
      on your knees and kowtow.
      The Werewolves have got it
      with a victory howl!"
     My own astonishment at what had come pouring out of Paul's mouth
lasted about two beats, and then I was howling along with Mike and
Anne-Marie, and the rest of us picked it up quick enough.  Quicker, in
fact, than we picked up the rope.

***
13:48 19 Sep

     "Go!"
     And we held, and then Paul started rapping again.
     "Huffin' and puffin'
      and groanin' in pain.
      Thinking you could beat us
      only shows you're insane!"
     One small thigh-stretching step per beat.
     "I hope you're ready,
      to eat some mud!
      Trying to stop us is like
      blockin' a flood
      with some paper, a Twinkie,
      and some jelly beans.
      We're th-"
     Which was as far as he got before the other team did give up and
lose.
      "-finest tuggin' crew
      the world has ever seen!" Paul finished, and we all howled.

***
13:50 19 Sep

     Great.  Now we had to face what looked like half the football team,
any three of whom outweighed all of us.  And I wasn't sure they had the
neurological capacity to be amazed.
     Mike boffed me in the head to get my attention back to us, and
said, "Here's what we're gonna do."

***
13:51 19 Sep

     Even with our legs locked, we were starting to skid their way
almost instantly.  It was clearly hopeless.
     Mike yelled, "Two-three-CUT!" and we all let go at the same instant
and away they went.  Unfortunately, this not being Hollywood, none of
them burst into flames as they crashed and tumbled.
     We applauded, being the good sports that we were, as the goons
started unknotting themselves from each other and the crowd.

***
13:55 19 Sep

     "George has got the killer decks," Mike assured me, "and we've been
playing that too, after school.  We got it."
     "Dude," I commented smugly.  Dobson was a fool for letting us
insert some events that us geeks were actually GOOD at.
     On the other hand, a fool that gave me a break was the kind of fool
I could gladly suffer.

***
14:04 19 Sep

     I should have known better than to go anywhere alone, especially
after the tug-o-war deal, but the thought of victory must've blinded me.
     And I'd paid for it.
     At least I still had my pants.

***
14:09 19 Sep

     "I've got a pass to get out now, I have to go to work," I told the
cop who was standing guard in the parking lot.
     "What happened to you?" he asked.
     I sighed tiredly.  *Isn't it obvious?*  "Got stuffed in a trash
can.  And I need to go so I can shower and change before I go to work,
y'know?"  I waved the tail of my shirt at him, which had been white and
was now multi-colored and sticky.
     He shook his head at me, looking disappointed, I guess at my lack
of awareness or something similar, but took my pass and waved me towards
the cars.  I wasn't real happy with the situation either, but it would
have to wait.

***
14:36 19 Sep

     I hoped that showering while the games were still going on wasn't
going to wash off the luck and make us lose, but I HAD to get ready; I
was already running a lot later than I liked.

***
14:43 19 Sep

     A little foundation, some eyeliner, a touch each of shadow and
mascara, dusting of blush, and lip gloss, and I was ready to go pick up
the kids.
     "No, stupid, you need clothes," I told myself sternly as I almost
lost the towel.

***
15:11 19 Sep

     "It's Friday," Ricky breathed in relief.
     "Yeah, no kidding," I agreed.  I just had to hope this weekend
would be calmer than last.

***
15:44 19 Sep

     Stupid fashion commercials.  "Hey, Ricky, want to go to the mall
today and go clothes shopping?"
     He looked at me over his fruit and cheese, and cautiously said,
"No?" like he was sure that was HIS answer but I might somehow be
playing a trick on him.
     "That's what I thought."  *I can go tomorrow, and-  Oh, shit;
Saturday detention.  Shit.  Maybe Sunday...*

***
16:03 19 Sep

     I got knocked offline in the middle of a Zmodem transfer, which
always pissed me off, especially since I didn't think this line had call
waiting.  But it did, and the hand phone started ringing when the modem
dropped off.
     "Hello?"
     "Hey, Tuck," Mike said.
     "'Sup?"
     He sighed.  "We came in fucking FIFTH."
     I sighed in despair, "Aw, man..."  And we'd done so well today.
     "Deb's team took third place," he inserted.
     "Well, SHIT.  What happened?"
     "Tug-o-war, the running, and I think the hearts.  Deb and them
placed tops in all their events except one."
     "Damn..."
     "Yeah, but at least the football team didn't win anything either,
this year," Mike said hopefully.  "Or the cheerleaders."
     "Yeah, that's something."  A very tiny something, but something.
"Is Jill pissed off, about not winning with Deb and them?"
     "Naw, not really...  She's more pissed about the tug of war thing,
'cause we ran up against the jocks there more than anything else.  Hey,
I gotta go, we're having a loser's party before the dance thing tonight.
You coming?  To either?"
     "Uh, I-"  Stella bounced off the floor and I wasn't sure if I saw
blood or not.  "Uh, baby crash," I said loudly over the screams, "I
gotta go, later!" and hung up before going to see what was broken on the
baby.
     Nothing, it turned out, but she was screaming like there was.

***
18:19 19 Sep

     "So, could you take her on the third?" Miz Parker finished.
     "Oh, yeah...  No problem," I said.  "Just remind me closer to the
time, you know..."
     "I know," Miz Parker said, "I just...  Last time, I don't think I
gave you enough time, so I wanted to ask you early this time."
     "Oh, okay," I nodded.  "Sure, I can take her.  Did you need any
appetizers or anything done before then?"
     "Oh, I don't know..."  She looked kind of like she did, but didn't
want to have them around tempting her.  Or, something like that.

***
19:08 19 Sep

     A knock at the door made us all look up from dinner with the same
expression: 'Who the hell is that?'
     "I'll get it," I said first, and got up and went to go get it.

***
19:10 19 Sep

     "I just totally forgot," I admitted miserably.
     "Well, I think we have enough for one more," Mister Parker said,
after eyeing the table.  "Travis?"
     "Oh, no, I couldn't.  Thank you," Travis replied.
     *Thank you!* I beamed.

***
19:12 19 Sep

     He'd lied; he could.  And he did.  And he was.
     "Wow, this is really good," he mentioned, after wiping his mouth.
"What's in it?"
     'A couple of stray cats I caught' I almost said, but caught it
before I said more than, "Ak-"  "Travis," I said instead, "never EVER
ask the cook what's in a dish.  It's impolite, like asking the Coca-Cola
board of directors what the formula is."
     "What formula?" Ricky asked.

***
19:33 19 Sep

     "Man," Travis said as we left.
     "God I missed you," I said before I climbed up on him.

***
19:35 19 Sep

     "Val?" Travis rumbled throughout my body.
     "Mmmhmm?"  I really liked being squished up against him, especially
when it was a bit colder, like it was tonight.  I only needed one
nostril to breathe through anyway.
     "You have to let go so we can get in the truck," he said.
     "Nnn nn."  I was quite happy where I was.

***
19:38 19 Sep

     "Val, come on!" he laughed, which made me feel good.  If only he'd
stop trying to do whatever it was he wanted to do, and do what I wanted
instead.  "I said we'd meet Bobby and Ryan and them before eight; we
gotta go."
     "No we don't!  You got sick and couldn't make it!" I protested.
     "What?"
     "Deathly ill," I expanded.  "Your old malaria flaring up."
     "Val!" he laughed, and then he just laughed as he shook me loose.

***
19:44 19 Sep

     "Okay, so what are we doing?" I asked, trying not to sulk just
because he'd peeled me off and stuck me in the passenger seat like I was
a little kid.
     "I thought we could play miniature golf," he said.
     "Do what?" I said skeptically.
     "Miniature golf?  Like Putt-Putt?"
     "Okay, okay," I said, smiling.  He could have his little joke.

***
20:04 19 Sep

     "Uh..."  It apparently wasn't a joke, or he was taking it too far.
And his 'friends' were standing around waiting for him, too.  Or waiting
for us.
     Bleah.

***
20:06 19 Sep

     "Hey, Valerie!" Bobby waved, and I almost corrected him before I
realized he'd finally gotten my name right.

***
20:09 19 Sep

     "Okay, okay," I finally caved.  Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought
it was.  It still seemed like the ultimate suburban waste of time, worse
than television even.  On the other hand, it wasn't like I had to do
well or anything.  Which was a relief - I was beginning to think I had
washed off a lot more luck this afternoon than I'd gained this morning.

***
20:20 19 Sep

     Having Travis wrap his arms around me was more than welcome; I just
wished there wasn't this stupid pseudo-golf game in the middle of it, or
all these witnesses standing around.
     "Just tap the ball firmly," he said, and did so with my club, my
ball, and my body.  The ball went off sideways, not coming near the cup.
     "Like that?" I said sweetly.

***
20:48 19 Sep

     "You want to play another round?"
     "No?"  I hadn't wanted to play the first round, so I was pretty
sure I didn't want another.
     "Aw, come on," Travis smiled.
     I sighed.  *Y'know, I could be sleeping, or kissing, or...*  I
motioned him over so I could whisper in his year, "I have a better idea
of what we could do for a couple of hours..."
     "Oh, come on, let's have some fun!" he said, out loud, which sort
of gave me the indication that the 'fun' he had in mind was a lot closer
to this than it was to his bedroom.

***
21:05 19 Sep

     You'd think with all the little kids they had around places like
this, that moving things like the windmill would have had all the sharp
edges and points filed off or clipped or covered or something.  I'd
thought that too, but I was wrong.
     Luckily, I'd noticed the bleeding when I was at a place I could sit
down, which I did before passing out.
     "It's just a scratch," Travis assured me earnestly, as he did
something that stung a lot to my ravaged arm.
     "I know," I hissed.  "Don't tell me about it, just clean it and
cover it up, please?"

***
21:08 19 Sep

     "Just let me lay down in the truck until I feel better, okay?" I
pleaded.  "I'll be fine, I'm just a little woozy."  I was more sick to
my stomach, but I didn't want to say that; Travis seemed overly
concerned about me right now, and wasn't listening too much to me
telling him that this was all sort of normal for me.  "Really, it was
just a little scratch."

***
21:33 19 Sep

     I was feeling better, but sleepy, and trying to get up enough
energy to get up and out so I wouldn't end up snoring in here, when I
thought I heard a semi-familiar voice outside.  I struggled up and
looked, and Jack was getting out of a small truck, along with some woman
I didn't know.  "Jack?"
     He looked around, then smiled when he saw me.  "Hey, Val!  What's
up?"
     "Oh, out...  with my boyfriend," I admitted.  I'd already told him
something about Travis when we'd talked on the phone.
     He gave me a look, so I hurriedly explained, "I got a slice from
the windmill, that made me pass out, I was in here lying down..."
     "Ah," he said.  "Val," he said when the woman came over to see what
was going on, "this is Lily, my girlfriend.  Lily, this is Valerie,
one of my teeny-bopper fans."
     "Oh he is just so COOL!" I squeaked, making both of them laugh.

***
21:36 19 Sep

     "Putt-Putt is a lot more fun when you're drunk," Jack assured me
before laughing and putting his arm around Lily.
     "I can believe that," I agreed, wishing I'd thought of that before
coming here.  Not that I'd had the opportunity, though...

***
21:40 19 Sep

     "Toobin'!" I gasped.  "That thing is so old-"
     "Hey, you wanna play?  I'll spot ya," Jack said amiably.
     I thought about it, watching the game demo, and decided, since the
monitor wasn't burned in too bad, that I would.

***
21:42 19 Sep

     Not only did throwing beer cans at the fisherman make a supremely
cool noise, it got you points too.  And I'd gotten the six-pack, which
meant I had basically unlimited ammo for a while, so I was hosing him
as Lily laughed and tried to maneuver around.  Using two buttons for
forward paddles and two for backwards was not, I had to admit, the most
intuitive of control setups, but I'd played it enough that I could
handle it after a while.
     Besides, Toobin' was not a serious game.

***
21:46 19 Sep

     It was good that Toobin' wasn't a serious game, because I was not
doing so well.  I remembered a little too late what would come gurgling
out of those ominous pipes, and my toober drowned for the last time in a
wash of bubbling greenish toxic sludge.  "Ah, man," I sighed, and turned
around to say something to Jack and Lily-
     And saw Travis outside, looking around and very confused.
     "Uh, 'scuse me a minute," I said, and immediately went outside,
because I had a feeling that Travis was being confused about me.

***
21:48 19 Sep

     "Travis, I was RIGHT INSIDE THERE," I emphasized, pointing.  "I
could see YOU from in there, why didn't you look?"
     "Because I thought that if you went anywhere, you'd tell me?"
     "What, do I have to ask you if I can use the bathroom?"
     "You could at least have told me if you were going to go inside-"
     "Travis!  I!  Was!  Right!  There!" I pointed, feeling strangely
like I'd just been here before.  "Look, right through the window you can
still see Jack and Lily, see?"
     "Who's Jack?" Travis asked as the other guys made that sort of low
expectant moan or hoot that tells you you've just said something
relationally dangerous.
     "He's this guy I know, in a band?  Haven't you met him before?" I
questioned, wondering.
     "That's not the point, the point is..."

***


"You must be sure
that your girl is pure
with the Funky Col' Medina."


Distribution:
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person or group.
Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as
the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to
the END PGP SIGNATURE footer) is distributed, and credit is given to the
original author, me.  And no fee may be charged.
Archiving is permitted provided no fee is charged for access.

All rights reserved.


+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


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