by Stephanie Silver


Chapter 5 - Lucas

Lucas couldn't remember the girl's name. At least not her first name. Her last name was Hunter. For some reason he could remember that. But he'd totally forgotten her first name.

Which was unfortunate since she'd already told him her name twice. The first time was shortly after they'd met and she had introduced herself. He quickly forgot what she said, and so he had to ask her again, later, when it seemed there was a chance of getting her into bed with him. But now he'd forgotten what she'd told him that second time, too.

And now it was too late to ask, because asking at this point would have been extremely awkward, since the girl in question didn't happen to be wearing any clothes. Except for some black stockings that appeared to lace together in the back, ending in black satin bows just a few inches below each delicious bum cheek. That was all. Those two bum cheeks were now raised high over her head; her face and breasts pressed tightly against the sheet-covered mattress. At the moment she was quiet, but the quiet could only be described as a pregnant pause as she waited for him to decide which of her two openings he felt like violating.

This patient young lady, Miss Hunter, was interested in a music career. She was a college freshman with dreams of one day becoming a concert pianist. She had come with Lucas to his apartment for an audition. Somewhere along the way she had gotten the idea that Lucas might be able to facilitate her career goals. Maybe it was something he said. Perhaps she still even thought that was true, but also believed that offering herself sexually to him might somehow improve her chances. Lucas wouldn't deny having somehow encouraged her belief.

Being something of a world-class violinist, Lucas spent a great deal of time on campus working with the music department acting as a consultant. It was actually fairly common for him to have students audition for him so that he could recommend them for various programs, scholarships and musical groups. He was normally careful not to mix his consulting work with his sexual activities, but he was willing to make an occasional exception when conditions warranted.

Of course, if there was no business relationship to worry about, he wasn't opposed to using his influence within the music department to help him gain access to any student he found particularly attractive. That's how he had convinced Miss Hunter to come to his home. She'd been hesitant at first, but having seen him hanging around the department a lot, conversing with the department staff, she figured he was legitimate. When he approached her, suggesting that he might enjoy hearing her play, and further suggesting that he might be able to make some recommendations in her favor, she had quickly agreed.

The truth was she reminded him of Jenna. Her short blonde hair was about the same length, and very nearly the same color, other than a few traces of red. The piano student had slightly bigger breasts, but, like Jenna's, they were still very much on the small side. And her relatively wide shoulders and boyish hips gave her that androgynous look that really excited and aroused him.

Lucas liked young college students. He would have preferred even younger, but worried about getting arrested, so he settled for young college students. Male or female, it didn't matter. His preference was for males, but he didn't mind looking at pretty young girls too. The only problem with girls, however, was that he tended to feel awkward and shy around them. He never quite knew what to say. And it seemed like the prettier they were, the more awkward he felt. With boys, he never had that problem. The prettier they were, the more in control he felt.

Lucas wasn't exactly sure when the audition had turned into sex. Maybe it was while she was playing the scherzo allegretto from Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 2 in A major that he realized he hadn't heard a single note, and had been fixated the entire time on the soft swelling of her breasts. He only became aware of his lack of concentration when she slowly stopped playing and asked, "Are you staring at my tits?"

Her question seemed more of an invitation than an actual challenge, and Lucas had felt uncharacteristically bold when he replied, "I was just wondering if you've ever tried playing topless."

Lucas explained how playing in the nude could force a person's concentration to new levels, helping them to perform even better, and soon the piano student was seated at his piano wearing nothing above the waist while she concentrated on playing the music piece once again. This time Lucas actually heard a few of the notes, and thought she sounded much better. It helped that she had cute, perky breasts with small, dark nipples. Yes, they were definitely a size or two larger than Jed's, he thought. Her breasts, not the nipples.

Jenna, he reminded himself quickly. Jed wanted to be called Jenna now. He looked more like a Jenna now. The same Jed who had betrayed him by telling him he loved him, and then had gone back to Utah anyway, leaving him feeling alone and empty. Why couldn't he keep Jed/Jenna out of his thoughts? "Take off your skirt," he said to piano girl, surprising himself with the harshness in his voice.

Whatever her background, the girl was obviously not shy about undressing in front of a man twelve years her senior. She stood and quickly unzipped her skirt, letting it fall to her ankles before stepping out of it and tossing it next to the rest of her clothes. She wasn't wearing any panties. "Should I leave my stockings on?" she asked?

That was about the time Lucas realized he didn't remember her name. "Do you think it would make it harder to concentrate?" he asked, remembering to keep a professional, scholarly tone in his voice.

"No, I think this is good," she said, her voice right on the verge of a giggle.

"Then go ahead and leave them on," he said. "The idea of this exercise is to learn how to work through the distractions."

One excuse was as good as another. Right? Lucas's real interest was in seeing her naked, but if she believed what he was saying about nudity helping her concentration, that worked just as well. The girl was probably as interested in improving her talents as she was in having sex with the cute department consultant she'd seen wandering around the music classes from time to time. If he believed nudity would help her become a better piano player, that was good, too.

She began playing again, this time not as well. Nudity was, indeed, making it harder to concentrate. Lucas, who at this point was certain the girl wasn't there simply for an audition, moved up behind her. "You have to concentrate," he reminded. "Start from the beginning."

She began again, concentrating, and actually did better on her second try. Pretending to act in the name of education, Lucas placed his hands on her bare shoulders and then quickly moved them down to her breasts, cupping them gently and fingering her nipples. The action caused her to lose concentration again, and she faltered through several stanzas. "Concentrate," he reminded her.

"It's hard to concentrate when your butt keeps sticking to the piano bench," she said, lifting her hands from the keys and leaning back with a hiss of air through her teeth.

Lucas kissed her neck. He wished it was someone else's neck he was kissing, and someone else's breasts he was fondling. "Try again..." He caught himself just in time. He was about to call her Jenna.

She started again, the notes becoming more and more erratic and discordant. "I can't" she said at length. She turned her face up and waited for him to kiss her.

"I want to screw you," he said, after first giving her lips a gentle kiss.

"I know. I want you to."

She knew? Lucas led her to his bedroom, and within a few minutes the young lady was poised on the bottom corner of the bed with her ass raised, waiting for Lucas to make his decision.

He placed his rigid penis against her vagina, grabbing some of her moisture there and slowly dragging it up across her anus. She moaned, "Oh, yes."

For a brief moment he considered taking her that way. He wanted to, but something prevented him from doing it. "Some things are just between us," he heard Jed's voice saying. Lucas wanted to argue. That was a long time ago. We've both changed since then. There've been other people. For both of us. He wasn't sure if that was true in Jed's case, but it was true in his case, and he guessed Jed, or Jenna, had been with at least one or two other people. And if there was some other guy in her past, Lucas would have been willing to bet that he did it to her that way,

The girl wiggled her ass seductively. "Ooo, yeah, stick it in me. Hurry."

He pressed the head of his dick up against her anal opening once again, intending to sodomize her. She didn't flinch or resist. It's what she wanted.

"Damn it!" he muttered at last, and tilted his cock slightly lower to enter her pussy. She gasped as he slid inside. "Oh god, fuck yeah."

Her vagina felt like a velvet glove wrapped around him. Lucas told himself he was just practicing for Jenna. It didn't matter if he'd forgotten her name. It didn't matter that he came in less than two minutes. When she sensed he was close, she begged, "Pull out and shoot on my ass, Mr. Mysinger."

He plunged his cock in deep and shot his load deep inside her. It didn't matter what she wanted.

* * * * *

Had Lucas been able to have a sexual relationship with anyone after Jed? One that lasted more than the two minutes it took to shoot his load into them? Probably not. There'd been a few candidates. Most of them guys, but a few girls. He'd even tried it once with a transvestite named Amanda. "A man, duh," she had explained.

All through college and the two years he'd been in high school with Jed, he'd kept that promise. It was easy then. Fooling around with others was just sex. What he did with Jed was something different. It's what made it special.

And then Jed betrayed him.

After Jed went back to Utah, and until Lucas met him as a missionary on the UNC campus, he'd kept the promise. He was saving himself for Jed. It made him feel almost virginal, somehow. But then Jed had met him, and made it obvious that he was never coming back, and that was that. No more promise.

Lucas had broken the promise within a month, with a music student who came to his home for an audition, just like the girl he'd just seen. Like her, the boy was a freshman. Actually he wasn't even a freshman yet. It was two months before the start of classes, and the young man was auditioning for a college placement. There was a chance he hadn't even had his eighteenth birthday yet. He was young, and innocent looking. Lucas seduced him. First by telling him how talented he was on the violin. Later by telling him how physically attractive he was. Flattery, when used correctly, will get you all kinds of places.

The boy had been extremely nervous about taking off his clothes in front of Lucas. "Are you sure this will help me play the violin better?" he asked.

"No doubts about it," Lucas had answered. There were no doubts either when he saw the young man's impressive erection. It was easily seven inches, and as thin as any cock he'd ever seen. Just right for having in your ass when it's been a long time.

The young man had more doubts when Lucas suggested he might enjoy having his cock inside Lucas's ass. "Maybe it would be easier if you did it to me first," he said.

Nonsense, Lucas had told him. "You have the perfect cock for fucking and everyone knows it's better to give than to receive. I don't think you're ready yet to be on this end of things. You did say you were a virgin, right?"

The boy admitted that was the case, and finally agreed to let Lucas feel his cock inside him. Lucas closed his eyes, letting the pleasant sensations slowly engulf him. He'd missed it. Missed it more than he could have imagined. His cock felt like butter, easing into him in one gentle motion. "Is it all the way in?" he asked in surprise as he felt the kid's balls pressing against his crotch.

"Yeah, I think so," came the gasping reply. "What do I do now?"

"Whatever you want," was Lucas's gentle suggestion, knowing natural instinct would soon take over. And it did. With the boy's long, thin cock going back and forth, gently massaging his prostate, Lucas came quickly. So did the boy.

He came, and thought of Jed. It's your own fault, he thought. This could have been you instead. You should be the one doing this to me, not him. And in that moment he made up his mind that Jed needed to be his enemy.

Except it never happened. Jed's letters and emails still came, and Lucas couldn't help smiling at Good Jed's limitless optimism. He even managed to write back occasionally, trying to echo Jed's tone in his letters.

The years passed, and Lucas watched as Elder King's mission ended and he went back to being just Jedidiah. Jedidiah, the non-missionary, went to the University of Utah and earned a degree in engineering while Lucas started working as a computer programmer in Chattanooga. In 2003, Jed sent him pictures of his new car, a Mustang GT convertible with leather seats and a 4.6 liter V8. It was a graduation gift from his parents before he started working full time as an engineer in Salt Lake City. They shared in the joy of Utah's historic appearance in a BCS bowl game in 2005, and North Carolina's basketball championship later that spring. Never did Jed mention anything about wanting to be a girl.

Lucas didn't know if it would have made any difference. In hindsight, yeah, he thought he could see it. There were traces of it in Jed's past, if you knew what you were looking for. Certain places where he wasn't like regular guys, but was in some ways more like one of the girls. And Lucas was pretty sure he could have taken it either way, as long as it was Jed. But not telling him at all, that just hurt.

* * * * *

There was more sex. A lot of sex. Well, some sex. It depends who's measuring. None of it great, unfortunately. A veritable revolving door of nameless faces and meaningless relationships. A lot of quickies and one-nighters. A few repeat performances, but nothing with any emotional significance. Lucas refused to let anyone get that close to him again. He'd already been hurt too many times.

But commitment can take other forms. Lucas committed to stop using drugs while he was still in high school. At Jed's request. "Lucas, I want you to stop using drugs. You can get arrested for that."

"You won't get arrested," Lucas had scoffed. "They'll just confiscate your stash. They're more interested in getting the drug dealers than people who just like to get high now and then. And plus it's just pot. I'm not doing any of that other stuff."

"I'll bet they'd arrest you in Utah," Jed had insisted.

"Yeah, well, they'd arrest you in Utah for having a cup of coffee," he'd countered. "That doesn't mean it's wrong."

Jed was silent for a moment before saying, "Yes it is."

The conviction in his friend's eyes was too much for Lucas. He flushed what little marijuana he still had down the toilet and was never seriously tempted to try it again.

He would have done the same thing with alcohol, another substance that he knew Jed and Jed's religion didn't approve of. But that was a little more difficult. By the time he was old enough to buy it legally, Jed was back in Utah and there just wasn't as much pressure to abstain, even though he knew Jed wouldn't like it. He still tried, though. He limited himself to an occasional beer, or two, and only on weekends. Right up to that fateful day in North Carolina. Then, with his hopes and dreams shattered, Lucas let himself get completely drunk. For the first time in his life.

It didn't help, he found out. he was still miserable and his dreams of living happily ever after with Jedidiah King were still shattered.

But getting drunk once in a while just seemed to be a way of reminding himself how he felt. Something was missing, and trying to fill that void with alcohol just seemed to make sense. At least until the next morning. It didn't happen often, but every once in a while, Lucas would get drunk only to wake up the next morning wondering how in the world he got into bed with THAT person. More often he just woke up in an empty bed with a hangover.

There'd been a few times with Katon. Just for old times' sake. Just when he couldn't find anyone else and didn't feel like getting drunk enough to find someone he knew he'd regret. When those times came, he'd call Katon, and see if he wanted some company. He usually did.

They usually started with some mutual masturbation. Mutual masturbation? Is that one of those oxymorons? You know what I mean, though. Lucas would sit on the couch and jerk himself off while Katon sat on the chair and jerked himself off. Eventually that would lead to an invitation from one of them to move closer and start jerking each other off. And that always eventually led to sucking each other off. In fact, Lucas had to admit, sex with Katon was probably the most meaningful sex he ever got once Jed disappeared from his life.

And now Katon and Jenna were living in the same apartment. "You know they're doing the same things Katon and I used to do," he told himself. "Probably more." Definitely more. He imagined Jenna flat on her back, legs raised, while Katon buried his dick inside her. He winced, and shook his head. He didn't want to think about that. Betraying him by going back to Utah was one thing, but having sex with Katon, that was something else.

If he was honest with himself, which he almost never was, Lucas didn't believe Jenna and Katon were actually doing it together. It just wasn't in Jed's nature to do something like that. Or Jenna's, now. In a way that he really didn't want to consider, Lucas knew deep down inside that Jed, now Jenna, wouldn't do that to him. At least not with Katon. At least not with someone they both knew.

But Lucas didn't want to consider it because considering it got in the way of having his feelings hurt. It was hard to feel properly betrayed by someone if you kept imagining they might be mindful of your feelings.