Date: Sun, 26 Jul 2009 10:21:21 +0000 (GMT)
From: Matt Doesburg <mailtomatt@ymail.com>
Subject: Toni The Book 13

Disclaimer: I admit that I copied them from one of the other publishers
because I think it says it all.  This work of fiction is for the
non-commercial use of its readers.  Permission to copy and distribute
through electronic media for non-commercial purposes is granted.  All
commercial and non-electronic rights are reserved by me, the author.
Please do not read this story if you are offended by adult material,
reading this material is illegal in your legal jurisdiction or, if in the
United States, under the age of 18.  It ain't like this disclaimer is going
to stop the determined, but I got to try.  But let's get on with the story.

By the was if you want to comment, write to mailtomatt@ymail.com

TONI IS A TRANSGENDER LOVE STORY

There may be parts about sex, intercourse, masturbation, paedophilia, BDSM
and the likes but in the end it is a romantic love story.


Toni The Book Chapter 13

My life with Mel was different. We were together at the wish of somebody
else. Our relation was overshadowed by Toni and Eric. One of the first
things we had to do however was informing Eric Jr. about our plans. I flew
to the East Coast together with Mel. During our first evening at Mel's and
Eric's house we talked to Jr.  We explained that since Aunt Toni and
especially his father were now not there anymore, could he accept that Mel
and I would be his parents? Although he was a wise guy of six at the time
he gave a very, very childish answer. He answered that, when his father and
Aunt Toni were now together in heaven, it was OK for me and Mel to be
together on earth. Upon this statement we both hugged him, cementing a bond
between us that lasts until today.

In the beginning Mel and I talked a lot about ourselves and about our late
partners. Mel did not know much about the beginning of my relation with her
sister and I informed her about the difficult times we had together and she
even had tears in her eyes when she heard about our reunion shortly before
she was introduced to me in Delft.

She on her turn confessed to me that her marrying Eric was in part a
running away from me. She had really been in love with me in Delft and in
Amsterdam, which culminated in our sex night in Amsterdam. Still Eric had
become the love of her life, which they had crowned with Eric Jr. After
these long conversations we drifted automatically into the decision to go
back to Delft and raise Eric Jr. there. Until that moment he had lived the
life of the high society. That resulted in having almost had no friends,
because he was constantly watched by security people. We both hoped that in
Delft he could grow up as a normal person.

Coming back to Delft was indeed the right decision. We bought a normal
house in one of the best neighborhoods. The house was much smaller than we
both had gotten used to. We did not have personnel but there were also no
walls around the garden. We could indeed live incognito. Eric Jr. had been
raised bilingual from the beginning. Mel had even gotten him a Dutch Nanny
in the States. He adopted easily to the Dutch way of life and to the
children of the neighborhood.

The only thing out of the ordinary was the treatment by his
grandparents. The Westerloos just tried to spoil him and corrupt our
education. It seemed that they wanted to make good with him, all the
mistakes they had made with their own children. The grandparents in the USA
where he spent his summer holidays did the same on the other side of the
Atlantic. My father was the third factor in this group of people trying to
spoil him as he loved him like his other grandchild.

Although I was far away from retirement, I stopped working and spent 80% of
my time with the family. I guess also Eric got used to me. In his more
serious moments however, he still says that he misses his Dad. As I have
known Eric Sr. too I can understand that. Mel and I became also lovers but
it was not the kind of wild love we had known in Amsterdam. It was the
deeper spiritual love that does not need sex all day long.

Another unforeseen development was the return of Terry to Holland. After we
had left the States, Ms. Westerloo and occasionally also her husband, kept
on visiting California. They really had come to like it very much and
Ms. Westerloo wanted to visit the grave at least 4 times a year. I have
seen her once at the grave, when I went there myself not knowing that she
was there. She did not see me and I witnessed her sitting on the base plate
and speaking with Toni. As I was curious how long she would stay there, I
waited but after an hour she was still sitting there talking and I left.

During one of their visits they witnessed the breakup between Terry and
Paula. After that they had long conversations they had with their youngest
daughter, during which Terry found her peace with them. At a certain moment
the possibility was discussed for Terry to take care of the business
interests of the Westerloo Company. Much to the parents' surprise and joy
Terry embraced the idea. One of her reasons might have been that in that
way she was closer to Mel and me again. In that way the Westerloo family
got united again in Delft. Although the first family meetings were always
sad ones as there was of course one person missing. Gradually we became a
regular family again though.

In the beginning we did not talk with Terry about her breakup with Paula. I
was looking intently for signs though that she might have gone back to her
old habits. When I did not see any indications in that direction, I asked
bluntly about the separation and her sex life afterwards. She told me that
it was not Paula's fault but that she had ended it. Before I could ask why,
she continued to say that she had become bored with Paula. She had started
to search for young girls again. The break up with Paula was because the
latter did not want to participate. When her father proposed to work for
his company she accepted. One of the reasons was that she knew that the
legislation in Holland regarding pedophilia was very liberal.

Back in Holland however she found out that it was not as easy as she had
thought.  Little girls that would start affairs, which were based on mutual
consent, were impossible to find. An important reason for that was that she
was not attractive to young girls anymore. She found that out the hard
way. When she fell for a 13 year old girl and tried to seduce her, she was
laughed at. She told me that she was close to using force. She didn't, but
understood that it was time to seek professional help. At the moment we had
our conversation she was in a therapy and on sex drive blocking medicine. I
was relieved and I told her so.

My relationship with Terry became a very special one. I am probably the
only male who knows about her secrets. She kept coming back to me because I
never condemned her. We talked openly about pedophilia and she knew my own
weaknesses in that field. This mutual understanding made us a kind of blood
brothers. Sometimes the rest of the family even raised their eyebrows when
we showed our understanding for each other a little too much. Mel even
asked me whether we ever had an affair. I do not know whether my denial was
one hundred percent believed by her. She married in the late nineties. She
fell in love with man at last who was some 6 years younger than she. After
her marriage though, she kept coming back for our private
discussions. Until today Mel does not know about this dark side of her
sister and we both agreed that we better left it at that.

Twenty percent of my time I have to look after my business interests that
are based partly in New York and for the bigger part in Los Angeles. The
house on the beach is still there. Terry lived there for a short time. She
moved in after she broke up with Paula leaving their apartment to her ex
lover. Mama Sue and Uncle Tom are still there to pamper me on my LA stays,
or any other family member who visits the city. It is a guest house for all
of us. Another reason to keep it was that because we decided to go to
Holland without Mama Sue and Uncle Tom, we felt obliged to leave them
there. But when I am there I love to sit in the sand, facing the ocean,
drinking wine and remember the good times I had there.

When we both go to the States nowadays we stay at our smaller house with
the vineyard in Napa valley. It is far away from bustling Los Angeles and
even quieter than Delft. I can imagine of making the place our permanent
residence after Eric has left the house and all other contacts, with the
exception of Terry, to Delft do not exist anymore.

I still teach occasionally at the Tulane University and I love it. By
talking to students I get an idea how the music industry is changing in
ways I never had thought possible.  Today, music seems not to be consumed
anymore by faithful fans. Bands become more singing groups. The
identification with bands as musicians seems to dwindle. These young people
have thousands of single tracks on their computes. They download them from
I-Tunes or P2P platforms. Many of them told me that they don't even own one
single CD. I tried to convince them about our old ways of enjoying music.

In order to see their reactions I start every semester with an introduction
to my music. The first time I did it I had an old fashioned stereo
installation installed in one of the auditorium. I got a really big one
with excellent speakers. Although my name is known to most of the students
I really do not know what they expect from me. The first thing I give them
however is a furious toccata played on a pipe organ in full force. Normally
I have them hooked right there. Some of them make faces on Sinatra but when
I start with Cliff Richard there is only puzzlement on their
faces. Afterwards I present English groups of the first hour to them that
never made it in the US. Especially with Family or the Humblebunms I get
the first believers. Especially when they realize how many years ago this
music was made. I even dug up some American talent that is usually utterly
unknown to them, like The United States Of America and Painter.

After that first introduction until today I organize listening sessions
with them in the way of the old Delft and Amsterdam sessions. Some of them
as part of the lectures but with smaller groups I also organize them in the
evenings. The music I play there is basically also the old music of my
Dutch period. I am always surprised that many of them start to collect in
the old way after they are hooked on that "old" music. These experiences
make me sure that the music is not dead yet. The problem today is that the
whole business is built too much on short term successes. I even may get
back more actively into the business to work on its future.

New Orleans now-a-days means also Pierre LaCroix . He is the reason I stay
more in New Orleans than my teaching obligations make necessary. He wrote
me a letter about one year after Toni's death in which he invited me
whenever I was in New Orleans. He felt that I was his only link to Toni;
whom he was unable to get out of his mind. When we are in New Orleans we
talk about her very much. He seems to have an insatiable hunger to hear
every thing he can about her. I must admit that I love these sessions
because while talking about her, I remember constantly additional moments
of our time together. I guess these meetings prove that we are getting
old. I even took him with me to my special spot on the banks of the
Mississippi; to sit there in silence for hours.

About one year after Terry had left Paula I met her again in Los Angeles
and we had a long talk during dinner one evening. She told me that when I
met her the first time on that party in Laurel Canyon she thought of
herself as bi-sexual. Later when she met Terry she really fell in love with
her. She told me that that their time together probably been the best time
of her life. After Terry left she did not want to start another affair; but
she gradually let some male colleagues take her out at the time of our
meeting. Still this freckled little girl had come a long way and a
successful one at that. After her first roles she had changed into the
directional side of the business, helped as much as we could at the time by
Terry and myself. Her first movie was a successful one and her name
steadily grew in movie circles.

Not being actively involved in the music business anymore meant also that I
saw the disaster with Napster and the World Wide Web from a distance. I
tried to intervene with the channels and possibilities still available to
me. The lawyers and glamour boys who had taken over however, thought they
had been given a possibility to print money. They did not want to use these
platforms for promotion and for service to their customers. No, they wanted
to milk them. The results of those politics they get rubbed in their wounds
regularly nowadays.

Today being sixty years old I finished this book that I had to write for
one big reason. I wanted more people to know Toni. I wanted people to know
what problems people like she faced, at a time when the she-male phenomenon
was not an accepted one together with so many other life style matters. Now
much has been accepted by society but only 25 years ago, they were simply
not known by the majority of society. I wanted people to know what a normal
guy had to go through in that period of time; before he could accept the
one he loved for what she was.

Today I am grateful to have been married to two fabulous women. They might
have looked like twins but they were radically different. I just want to
excuse myself to Mel by ending the book by confessing to her that she
conquered my body already long ago, but she had a hell of a time to conquer
my heart. I know she will forgive me however, when I end by saying to Toni:

All I ever wanted to do
Is spend my life with you

ONLY WITH YOU



I miss you Toni.


That's it, now you have read the complete story of Matt and Toni. I hope
you liked it and I also hope that at last I do get some comments. The lack
of the comments during the ongoing story was in part my own fault but now
you know where to write:

mailtomatt@ymail.com