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This is actually a serious piece. The purple text indicate exuberant flights of fancy and imagination on the part an 11year old boy expressing a joyful but feminine personae. (He can't help it. this is the real Rainbow. ) People around him worry, oppress and even regard him as a threat. When I was very young I might been a little bit like Rainbow until I had it beaten out of me. Is there a better way?..

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Rainbow part 3. copyrighted by Larkin 2014

My brother came into my room. I am always cautious around my brother.

He said, "Where's Mom?"

I said, "I don't know, I think she went to the market."

He moved closer and I pretended not to be bothered.

"You know what?"

"No, What?"

"You are a disgusting little faggot. Do you know what faggots do?"

I said, "No, and I don't want to know!"

"They suck dick. They get on their knees and let guys stick their dicks in their mouth!"

"Leave me alone!"

"If someone tells me they saw you suckin dick, I'll find you and kill you."

I'm used to my brother's hostility.

"There's more, do you know what else faggots do?"

Just then Mom came in from the market. "Hi boys."

My brother retreated back into his room.

I lay in bed thinking about Marko. I don't know but I'm sure I'm in love. I have never felt like this before and my life is pure excitement from my inside to my outsides just thinking about him. I lay in bed with Hello Kitty and Imagine where we could go? Where we could escape to? If I love him then everyone in the world has to love him too. He is so warm and he is good to me. He doesn't mind that the whole thing is a mistake and that I am really a girl.

I fell asleep and dreamed about him. He crawled into my window and took me into his arms and we flew out the window together into the diamond night sky.

He whispers into my ear, "Rainbow, I don't care if you are all girly, I like you just the way you are."

I don't know, but I think I peed the bed.

I couldn't bear it any longer and before it got light, I dressed, quietly snuck out of the house and ran down the street, excited and free. It was still curfew so I had to be careful that no one saw me. I ran until I was breathless but the excitement inside of me continued to grow. When I finally got to Marko's I stopped and thought about if he would be angry at me or if he would yell at me or hate me like everyone else.. But I had come this far.

I slipped into the garage, crawled through Marko's tunnel. It opened up into his Christmassy lit room. He was asleep under blankets and sleeping bags. I thought about what I was going to do. Quietly and slowly and with all my clothes on, I slid under the covers with him and moved up close so that we were touching. He was naked.

Marko looked up and then turned to see it was me. He didn't say a word but instead, pulled me close, wrapped his arms around me and went back to sleep.

I thought to myself, "Rainbow has just gone to heaven."

I slept too, and I cuddled and wanted to stay forever, but I slipped out before Marko was awake and ran home to get ready for school. I wanted Marko to think my visit with him was a beautiful dream.

 

"Well you were up early where do you go? I was afraid you went to school without any breakfast. Richard, you are nothing but a skinnybones. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you weigh 15 pounds."

She asked me what time I went out.

I said, "I don't know."

I decided that I was going to live with Marko in his little room. Just me and him.

At the end of the day, Marko rode by and took me away with him. I think some kids saw us and I hope they tell everybody else that Rainbow has a real cute boyfriend. I hope they do.

I was thinking that it wasn't just Marko room, but it was our secret room. He seemed to like how I cuddled with him.

He smiled at me and said, " I don't know, Rainbow, I like it. There we're no girls that ever hug me like you do. It makes me feel like a man."

I giggled and pulled myself closer to him.

 

A booming voice came from outside our little room. "Mark, come out here, I want to talk to you!" It was Marko's Father.

Marko urgently put his finger to his lips so that I would be completely quiet and even thought it wasn't likely that his Father would crawl through the tunnel to the room, He threw a blanket over me to hide me. Marko crawled out and I heard both of them.

He barked. "What did I tell you!"

He was hitting Marko, When I understood what was happening I felt horrible inside.

He yelled at the top of his voice. "I have told you over and over again"

There was a crash and repeated slaps or punches, I just don't know. I heard nothing from Marko, just his angry Father. I was crying and trying hard not to make a sound. I buried my face in Marko's pillow.

The thoughts I used to drown out the noise was why can't we runaway? Please, please can we runaway?

 

When it was over, Marko crawled back into our little room. He hadn't been crying like me but I could see sadness in his eyes. He lay down next to me and faced the wall. I hugged him.

I said, "Marko, let's runaway.."

 

Marko eventually sat up and talked a little bit to me. I told him I was really sorry that his Father was so mean to him.

He said, "I'm used to it."

I tried to snuggle closer to him.

"Rainbow, I like you a lot anyway, I like you as much as I am able to."

I listened. I was thinking he didn't like me after all and now he was going to say it. I squinted my eyes and hid my face and then covered my ears, but it didn't happen. Instead, Marko pulled me up on him and hugged me close.

"Rainbow, I'm just fucked-up, don't worry about it, anyway, I better take you home."

We slipped out and hopped on his bike.

 

Half way down the block, one of the neighbors, Mr. somebody called to us. "Mark!"

We followed him into his garage and then stood in front an old dusty motorcycle. "Mark, you think you might want this old thing?"

Marko's mouth dropped open.

The man said, " It's not exactly a chopper but it is a little bigger than a scooter. It belonged to my son and he's gone off to the army. Do you think you want it?"

He needn't have asked, of course Marko wanted it.

"I don't think it works but that will be your problem, not mine. The papers and keys are here." He lifted the seat and showed Marko the compartment.

Marko was ecstatic. He climbed on and even standing still he looked like he was moving fast. He could not contain his excitement.

The man continued. "I have only one request... You got to get it out of here today."

I rode Marko's bike and Marko pushed the dead motorcycle home.

 

On the way home, I talked to myself. "Rainbow isn't very mechanical."

I'm going to let Marko do all that stuff. He likes being mechanical. I'm going to make Marko dinner.. It will be a candle light dinner. We will have Pop-tarts and Hot-pockets, macaroni and cheese and baloney and chocolate milk.

Maybe Marko will take me to a fancy dinner at the Olive Garden.

He would tell the waiter, "Bring me the most expensive wine in the house."

The waiter would pop the cork and we would taste it and tell the waiter, "It's delicious!"

I'm like a balloon. I fly up high in the sky but there always to be something or someone that forces me back to earth. Why?

 

At home I'm already missing Marko. I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I went up to the mirror and looked at my stupid, stupid face. I'm stupid. Everything everybody says about me is true.

For no reason I started to cry.

I don't want to be a boy, I wish I was a girl and then everything would be ok. I want Marko and me to be in love and I hate myself, I hate the way I am, I hate myself so much!

I don't know what's happened to me because I am crying so hard and I can't stop. My eyes are all red and tears are running down my cheeks. I wanted to smash the mirror.

 

"Richard! What's going on in there, are you ok?"

"Richard, open the door!"

"Richard!"

 

I slowly opened the door.

When my Mother saw me she pulled me into her arms and said, "Richard, what's the matter?"

I started to cry again. My Mother has no idea what to do with me.

She held me and said, "Richard, I love you. You're just growing up is all, things will get better."