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This is actually a serious piece. The purple text indicate exuberant flights of fancy and imagination on the part an 11year old boy expressing a joyful but feminine personae. (He can't help it. this is the real Rainbow. ) People around him worry, oppress and even regard him as a threat. When I was very young I might been a little bit like Rainbow until I had it beaten out of me. Is there a better way?..

letters please jet2larkin [ at ] g mail [ d o t ] com

 

Rainbow, Conclusion: by Larkin

Leaving The Nest.

Marko didn't ride by to find me after school but it was ok because I knew what he was up to. I walked over to his house and I could hear it a block away. He got his motorcycle working. I think he had ditched school just so's he could work on it and clean it and make it pretty and all brand new.

Marko was beaming, "What do ya think?"

I said, "It looks all clean and pretty."

"You want to go for a ride?"

Of course I did. He jumped on and I jumped on in back of him and putting my arms around his waist I hugged him tight. The engine revved louder and louder and suddenly we took off like a rocket!

I don't know nothing about motorcycles, all's I cared about was how happy it makes Marko and If you really love someone, you want that.

Marko is my knight in shining armor riding his horse from olden times, Marko is my hero and we are flying away to a magic land. We went miles and miles and miles. I thought that maybe we could all around the world. We are going to a place that is all wonderful and happy all the time and no one can hurt us ever again.

The wind was rushing by too fast to talk but I was going to ask Marko if his motorcycle could fly up in the sky but I know that he would laugh and say, "Rainbow, you're just being silly."

I love Marko so much...

 

Marko's Father was out front and he called him back.

He whispered to me, "You better go, don't look back, just go."

I was afraid to look at Marko's Father and I just turned and ran.

 

After dinner, I snuck back to Marko's little room.

He was sorting through all his stuff. "What happened?"

Marko said, "I can't stand it here anymore. If I don't leave, I'll go crazy."

"What did your Father say?"

"I'm going away, Fuck him! I haven't told him. I haven't told anyone except you."

I knew this was serious and I felt a rising panic inside me.

"Marko, if you leave, what am I gonna do?"

This time he looked up at me and I could see the pain in his face. I thought he was going to cry.

"I'm no fuckin good. That's what he says. I don't care anymore. What's the fucking point?"

His face was concealed by black hair that was all tangled and sticking up.

I thought to myself, "If he leaves, what's going to happen to me?"

I love everything about him from his crooked front tooth to his beat up old nikes. My stupid life had become all about him. His face had broken out again. It bothered him, but in never bothered me. I looked at his bare knee sticking out of his ripped jeans.

He was much older than me and no one really knew how attached to him I am. He was the only one in the world who lets me be a girl. I need him. If he takes off, I feel like I might kill myself.

I was trying to keep it together. "Where you gonna go?"

He answered, "Further West, I've never seen the ocean before. They got McDonalds there like every where else so I'll be able to work."

He looked straight into my eyes and said, "Rainbow, I can't stay."

I believed him. His pain had spread into my own body. I leaned forward and tried to get shelter in his hoody sweat shirt. I slipped my arms around him and breathed in his scent. Marko was always like a guy, like a bigbro or buddy. I was the girly one, the one that always wanted to cuddle, the one who wasn't afraid to kiss. Maybe that was it. We were opposites.

Now I was crying. "If you go, I'm going to kill myself."

I wondered, Why is this happening to us? "When are you going to go?"

"As soon as he leaves for work in the morning."

 

 

When I got home, my Mother looked concerned. "Richard, what's the matter?"

I answered abruptly, "Nothing!" and went into my room.

Now I was determined to go with Marko. I tried to sleep but got up near dawn and started to organize my stuff. The only money I had was 3 rolls of quarters. I had a red backpack and I packed it with stuff I thought I would need. It wasn't cold so I didn't give a thought to warmer clothes.

Most of the things I thought I would need were silly, useless, and stupid like me. It would be just like me to bring the Hello Kitty pillow but that was too stupid. "Rainbow is silly and useless and stupid."

I had to bring my magic role playing cards. I over-looked practical things we needed like a flash light. I did remember a sleeping bag.

It was still dark when I peeked into Marko's garage. His Dad's car was still there and so was Marko's bike. I hid my backpack and my little self in the clump of bushes next to the garage and started the long wait till it got light and Marko's Father went off to work.

My mind imagined a life living with Marko. We could build a house made of driftwood down on the beach and team up with other kids just like us. Marko could be my hero and I would do anything for him. I wanted him to be happy more than anything else in the world and then I would be happy. During the day, we could swim in the ocean and at night we could role play with my magic cards. Then we could crawl into bed together. That's the kind of life I want to live.

I thought about the gray life I was living. My tired Mom working all the time, lots of bills and no money. My hostile brother, angry teachers and mean kids at school and nothing, nothing outside but miserable reality.

Suddenly the garage door opened up. I hid tightly in the bushes until the black suv with Marko's Father in it, glided out and quickly drove off.

Quietly, I crept into Marko's room. He was still asleep. I slid under the covers with him.

I started to get emotional. I knew he was going to get ready to go. "Marko, I am going with you!"

He looked serious, "No you're not."

I softly said in response. "I am."

"Rainbow, I can't take you, I gotta do this on my own."

He could see that I was determined. "I brought my stuff and some money."

We moved out to the garage for the departure. I showed him that I had my backpack and my sleeping bag. He started ignoring me.

"If you go without me, I'll kill myself."

He went on as if I wasn't there and began tying his belonging onto his bike.
I broke down and clung to him and started begging. I didn't care how it looked. I had to do something.

"Please take me with you!"

The last resort was the thing that all guys are afraid of. The tantrum!

I started to scream. I screamed so everyone could hear it. I was desperate. Marko began to look uneasy. I was putting his whole escape in jeopardy. He looked all around to see if my commotion was attracting attention.

Finally in exasperation he said, "OK! Just shut the fuck up."

My mask of distress melted away into a Rainbow's, happy, stupid smile. I knew I was really going when he picked up my back pack and tied it on top of his. No more than a few minutes later, with me perched up behind Marko on his beautiful motorcycle. We sailed off with the dust, wind and the sky. Never in my life had I felt so much happiness and excitement.

I held on tight. I thought, "How can Marko not love me?"

From the middle of our state, we crossed into the next state. We followed the local roads and stayed away from the inter-state. The bike was great because at night we could pull way off the road where we could build a fire and sleep under the stars. Other than each other, we didn't have much, but we didn't need much. The six days we spent on the road together were the happiest in my life.

He smiled at me and said, "Guess what, today is my birthday."

The next day we both were arrested.

I was sent home and Marko was kept in jail and then transported back home.

Because we crossed state lines it was a Federal kidnapping offence. Even though my Mom didn't want any charges pressed, they couldn't be dropped and the charges took on a horrible life of its own.

I was stupid, stupid, stupid, because when the social worker questioned me about my friendship with Marko, I told her that I loved him.
Why did this happen? We weren't hurting anyone.

We just wanted to be free.

 

 

My mom was at the police station when I got back.

"We just need Richard for a little while longer. Is it ok if we question him, It's nothing serious."

She was just grateful to have me back so she agreed.

It seems like I have been here forever just waiting and waiting.  I saw my Mom talking to some people out in the hall and I saw Marko's Parents walk by but I didn't see Marko anywhere. He must be here too otherwise why would his parents be here?  A policeman came and brought me down the hall to another room. He shut the door and left. The room had a few chairs and a table and curiously, no windows. To say I wasn't worried would be an understatement, but why? There was a large clock on the wall like the ones in schools. It just didn't seem to move at all. If it did it moved very very slow. There was a mirror on the wall. It didn't take a genius to figure that one out.

I looked at my face. "It really hard for Rainbow to look pretty in a police station."

Finally the door opened. I looked up and saw a tall woman carrying a brief case and a stack of folders. She came in and put her stuff down by one of the chairs. She was very pretty and dressed more formal than any of my teachers. She looked at me and gave me a warm smile and started organizing some papers and forms in front of her.

After she had gotten everything straight she gave me a big smile and said, "You must be Richard. Is that what they call you at school?"

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Sometimes."

"So what else do they call you?"

I said "Richard."

"You mean you don't have a nick name or something like that?"

Normally, I wouldn't care but she was embarrassing me.

"Sometimes they call me Rainbow, but maybe you could call me Richard if it is alright with you."

She was puzzled at my response. She told me her name was Dianne Carver and that she was a social worker and a psychologist.

"You can call me Dianne if you want."

She looked over her forms.

"Richard I'm here to ask you some questions. Now don't worry, you aren't in trouble and we asked your Mother and she said it was ok. The only thing I want you to do is to be truthful because it is very important. Do you think you can do that for me?"

I nodded yes. She was quiet for a moment and was writing things down on the form.

"Now, your full name is Richard Lake" She looked up at me for a confirmation.

"What was your date of birth, Richard?"

I rattled off, "December 3rd, 1995."

"That would make you twelve, or thirteen this December, right? Richard, do you have any brothers or sisters?"

I said, "I have an older brother."

"And you live with your Mom, right?"

I said "Yes."

It was obvious to me that she already had all this information but I guess she was double checking what she had against the forms.

She went on, "And, what about your Dad?"

I was silent.

She paused for a long moment and then slowly and carefully said,

"Richard, I know about what happened to your Dad, I just needed to know if you knew. Suicide is a terrible thing but you must remember that it wasn't your fault."

If she knew, why did she bother to ask me? Why would it be my fault, I was only two at the time.

"Richard, what school do you go to and what grade are you in and do you like or dislike school?"

"I'm in seventh grade and I go to Lincoln Middle School."

I thought for a minute, "It's ok."

"Do you have many friends at school?"

I said, "Pretty much."

"Richard, what do you mean when you say, `Pretty much'?"

"I don't know, pretty much I guess?"

"Richard, when I say that, I need to know if you have a lot of friends, some friends or maybe just a few or none. Can you pick one of those?"

"I don't know, I guess a few."

Richard, when you think of friends, are friends all the kids that you know at school or maybe friends that are some special friends that you spend time with?

"I guess I have both kinds."

"How many special friends do you have? You know the kind of friends that you spend time alone with?"

"I don't know, maybe one."

"Would you consider Mark a special friend?"

I had a feeling that I had to be very careful about what I said.

"Richard, think very carefully, is Mark a special friend?"

Reluctantly I said, "Yes."

"Richard, explain to me what a special friend is?"

I was thinking to myself, Rainbow isn't a liar. What am I supposed to do?".

"Richard, tell me about the time that you and Mark spend together before he took you away?"

"Um, he was going to runaway and I made him take me."

"Mark is more than 4 years older than you than you, isn't he?"

I said, "I guess."

"Did Marko ever touch you in a place he shouldn't?

Now I looked puzzled. I tilted my head and looked towards the ceiling as if an answer was hanging there in space. I made a frown like I didn't understand.

"Richard, you've heard of the concept of good touch and bad touch, haven't you? Well I think you are old enough to know what I am really talking about, aren't you?"

What is she trying to find out?

"Richard, in the beginning of this interview I told you that you were not in trouble. I also asked you to tell the truth. If you don't tell the truth, you will be in trouble and lying is a crime. Think about where you are. You are in the police station and we need the truth."

It's so not me but my impulse was to clam up tight. She was trying to make Mark and me hugging and caring about each other be like what my brother says that faggots do. My brother is ugly.

The woman talking to me is ugly and she suddenly had fire in her eyes. "Richard, If someone touches someone inappropriately it hurts people. It hurts people like you and we must do something to stop them from hurting other people...."

Why am I scared, we didn't do anything?

"Richard, I want you to think very carefully and I want you to tell me the truth. With all the time you and Mark spent together did he ever touch you in a harmful way?"

I said, "No!"

She says that she's on my side but why is she acting like my enemy?

"Well, Mark told us different, he admitted that he did."

I have no idea where silly Rainbow got the courage but I said defiantly, "Did what? Marko would never ever hurt me!"

She was trying to trick me into saying something I didn't want to. "I'm not a liar!"

My rebelliousness angered her and she raised her voice. "If I find out otherwise you will be in serious trouble!"

She sat down and tried to regain her sweet facade but It was too late. I wouldn't answer any more of her questions. I was made to sit alone in the room another hour and then was finally released to my Mom. She didn't know what she was doing when she allowed me to be questioned. Ms. Carver turned out to be the prosecutor. All her talk about telling the truth.

 

 

The Fantasy Ending.

On the ride home, I ask my Mother, "What's happening to Marko?"

She said, "Richard, I think it would be better if you didn't see him anymore, maybe find kids your own age to play with."

"Says who?"

"Well, Mark's parents feel the same way and so does Ms. Carver at the police station."

I barked back, "So who put the police in charge of the world!?"

"Richard, be reasonable, Marko is too old for you. They are afraid of what might happen."

"Like what!"

I walked back into the house a very different Rainbow. Even my brother saw the daggers coming from my eyes.

I didn't talk much and my mother tried to make me feel better by doing nice things for me. Even my brother left me alone.

After everyone went into the bed, I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror. "Why are they are trying to kill me inside."

My face looked different. It looked sad and unhappy. Rainbow has changed. I didn't even cry. I'm becoming like everyone else. Mean and angry.

 

Late that night, I wasn't really sleeping. Everything was cold and empty and I wanted to die.

My eyes flew open. I heard it! A motorcycle and the engine stopped in front of the house. I ran to the window. He was waiting for me. I dressed as fast as I could and ran to him. I hopped on the back and hugged him. We rolled it down the hill before he started it.

We drove into the night and didn't stop. I was happy again. We drove for days until we saw the huge beautiful ocean and we found that beach where we could live, where we could be happy and where no one could ever hurt us again.

Fini..

 

 

The Real Ending:

Unfortunately, the Rainbow story was getting closer and closer to the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet where young lovers die rather than to be pulled apart. Even today, the intensity of youth makes this a real danger.

LGBT kids are more almost 4 times more susceptible to suicide than hetero kids. If we didn't love Rainbow, we wouldn't finish reading the story so if you've gotten this far, you don't want to see her come to a bad end before she makes her contribution to life. Not only is she beautiful and innocent, Rainbow is brave and courageous and she has already weathered the worst of it. The unique pairing of Marko and Rainbow was because he unselfconsciously accepted Rainbow as a girl. Rainbow is more likely to runaway again rather than to ever commit suicide. His next challenge may be transformation. If he decides to do this she will do it with determination. Rainbow's mother is not the kind to ever reject her son/ daughter. But this is not the case for thousands of others who are cruelly discarded and cast out onto the streets. Laws have been enacted that make it dangerous to take in a homeless Rainbow or any LGBT street kid because the police have decided that only reason to give a kid refuge is sexual.

Unfortunately, in this society, the message is conform or be banished. Rainbow will never conform because she is Rainbow.

 

Let's hope that at 17 years old, a devastatingly beautiful Rainbow arrives in Grand Central Station with other young girls out to make their way in the world. That's what I hope. She deserves to find happiness. That's the way it should be....

 

Comments welcomed