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    BRAVE-WILLOW-BIRD-9                         "Brave Willow Bird"
    (Part #9 of 9)                              Copyright 1997 by Vince Water
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       There's murder on the warrior's face. A scary, evil expression that
    I've Seen before in my dream! I struggle to get myself free of his weight
    and the wild striking out of his hands. But it's the man's face, contorted
    in fear and anger that most frightens me. I don't recognize the man I've
    come to love.

       "Big Horn!" I shout. "Why are you doing this?!"

       The man ignores my pleas and continues striking my face and chest. He
    also kicks me. The blows land hard, bloodying my nose and cutting my lip
    against my teeth. I taste blood.

       After managing a clever body roll, I get to my feet and face the
    warrior. His eyes are wild like the hunted wood pig. Strange sounds come
    out his mouth that sound more like hissing from an angry snake. The man
    doesn't act human! He closes the distance between us for the kill.

       My hand reaches for the metal blade on my thong belt. Big Horn strikes
    first! His blow lands on my chin and it rattles me. I have the power to
    end our melee... No! In my anger and fustration, I snap my belt from
    around my waist and toss it away. Though this man may intend to slay me,
    I'll not use his gifted knife to take his life. Big Horn is my love; my
    second self! My arms reach around his wild body and grip him in an attempt
    to save us both.

       We fall hard to the ground and roll. The man tries breaking free of my
    arms around his body. I feel his sharp claws over my back as if he were an
    angry bear. My blood flows; the dirt stings my wounds during our death
    struggle. I ignore it all. My embrace must hold for both our live's sake!

       Loud shouts come out of the man. Not as intelligent words but the
    shrieks of a crazed animal. It frightens me like that time I had faced
    the black bear. What is the matter with Big Horn? Why does he try to kill
    me?! My shouting joins with his to drown out the terrible roar of battle
    in my ears.

       Something snaps in the warrior. His body grows limp in my embrace yet I
    hold him a while longer to be sure that it's not a trick. My arms are slow
    to loosen... I slowly push the man away and stand over him with many
    conflicting emotions squeezing my heart. I hate him. No! My head warns me
    that something evil has taken possession of him as I was warned in my
    dream.

       I'm feeling confused and I don't know what to do next. My legs wobble
    as I circle around the man's prone form. The battle is over... I have won
    it? A rush of pain assults me. Blood streams from my nose and my cut lip.
    My back burns from the man's nail wounds which have filled with dust. I
    look around in a haze. Where's the horse? I fall to my knees and breathe
    deeply to prevent myself from fainting.

       Pai-alucia snorts behind me. I carefully rise and free the remaining
    water skin from his back to drink from it. Water is splashed over my
    bloodied face. I turn to find Big Horn. He's still lying in the dirt,
    unconscious. A terrible thought strikes me. I drop to my knees and check
    for a pulse; I'm relieved to find one. My ear hears his shallow breaths.

       I reach my hands around the man's back and lift him to a sitting
    position. Tears of anguish fill my eyes as I try shaking him awake. I
    fetch the water skin. The man doesn't react when splashing his face with
    water.

       My arm reaches upwards to our Great Father in a desperate prayer: "I
    need Your help, oh Wah-Conda! Awaken him from the evil that's inside him.
    This man is my love; he's my life... I need him to be freed. Please!"

       I bow my head and hold my man for a very long while. The breath of life
    remains in him but he doesn't awaken. Pai-alucia's cold nose against my
    back startles me from my anguish and woe venting. I gently lower Big Horn
    to the ground. Our sleeping hide is found and dropped over the man for
    warmth. I make plans for what must be done.

       We're a full day's walk to our tribe and more than a day back to the
    mountains. No other villages nearby, at least those friendly to us. I
    could fly over Pai-alucia's back to camp but that would leave Big Horn
    alone. No. What must be done is to help the man to recover enough for
    traveling.

       My mind clears enough for me to plan out what must be done. There's no
    more water. That becomes a priority. The cover of the woods will offer us
    some protection from the enemy. We'll camp here for the night. I tie up
    the horse's reins into some tree roots and gather up the empty water skins.

       I find my breechclout and tie it around my waist. My knife and sacred
    bundle are still secured to its belt. Good. After checking on Big Horn, I
    go off in search of water. We're lucky to have reached the woods. I'll
    find water there.

       My eyes come upon a raccoon family's trail over the soft earth. I
    follow it until coming to a stream. My two skins are filled. Water is
    splashed over my burning back wounds and bruised face. I pull on some moss
    to press against my nose bleed.

       When returning to camp, I notice that Big Horn hasn't moved since
    leaving him. I drop to his side with my filled skins and force a few
    mouthfuls of water into him. I'm greatly puzzled by his unconsciousness.
    I hadn't struck him during battle and my hands can't find any broken
    bones or other injuries. A thought strikes me... Perhaps he's in battle
    with the evil spirit within!

       Night falls. I get under the sleeping hide and I hold my man close for
    warmth. My tears run down my cheeks. I allow them but no girl's sobbing
    comes out of my mouth. My weary body settles over the ground... I fall
    asleep.

       Morning comes. I awaken to Big Horn's moaning and my heart leaps with
    joy! He tries getting up to a sitting position so I help him. His eyes
    open. I embrace him with much happiness in my heart. He's alive!

       "What's happened?" asks Big Horn weakly. "Did I fall from my horse?"

       I shake my head and begin worrying. "No. Don't you remember what's
    happened?" I ask.

       "Where are we, Willow Bird? Have we been attacked?"

       The man touches my bruised face and the ugly purple marks on my chest.
    I shake my head at his questioning. How can I answer him?

       "My head hurts a lot," Big Horn explains. "Tell me what is going on."

       I swallow nervously in my throat and decide on an approach. "What is
    the last thing that you remember?" I gently ask.

       Big Horn pauses to think. "I was checking on the snares that Climbs Oak
    had set a few days ago. He asked me to see if any had been tripped. Where
    did you come from, Willow Bird? I hadn't expected to see you so far from
    camp."

       "Climbs Oak?" I ask. Then it hits me; I recall Big Horn taking a day's
    trip with Pai-alucia to check on some snares. But that had been a few
    moons ago! Why is Big Horn speaking of it now?

       "Is that the last thing you can remember?" I ask in growing alarm.

       Big Horn nods. "Yes. Were we attacked, Willow Bird?"

       I nod my head for lack of having a better answer for him. The direct
    path is decided upon so I speak it. "Two moons of time has passed since
    you checked on Climbs Oak's snares. You've initiated me into the Mahyee-na
    and we've become bonded lovers. Do you not remember this? We've been
    visiting with the Moss-bowl Tribe... Try to remember!"

       Big Horn shakes his head in wonder and looks around. "You speak of my
    warrior lover, Willow Bird. How did you know about him and I?"

       Tears fill my eyes in anguish. I bury my face in Big Horn's chest to
    escape my confusion of what's happening. The man has become lost... me
    along with him. I keep my tight hold of my lover and cry.

       "Find strength, Willow Bird. We must travel away from this place," Big
    Horn suggests. "Those who attacked us may return."

       I'm puzzled by the warrior's words but nod my head in agreement. With
    my help, the man is helped up from the ground. He's wobbly on his legs. I
    bring him to his horse and he eyes the decorated clay pots with wonder. He
    touches them in disbelief.

       "What you had said is true..." whispers Big Horn.

       I face my lover and nod my head. "Don't you remember any of it?"

       "No. I don't, Willow Bird."

       It's difficult facing my lover. He stares at me with eyes as if seeing
    me for the first time. A kind of frightened look fills his expression.
    Does he suspect the truth? I can't bear to tell my lover of his harm done
    to me so I act as if we're on the run from our enemies.

       "Can you ride?" I ask. "You are right to say that we must be leaving
    here!"

       Big Horn tries mounting his horse. It's difficult with all the
    traveling pouches and clay pots but with my help, the man finally manages
    it. I take hold of Pai-alucia's reins and walk hurridly through the woods.

       From time to time I look back at Big Horn. He's clinging to the horse's
    back as if in much pain. Head down. His arms reach around the stallion's
    neck and hold tight. I keep my eyes about for danger. Both of our lives
    are in my hands now.

       By noon time the wide river is found. We've come to the northern side
    of it which is fortunate since its current is strong and swift-flowing as
    if swelled from much rain water. The woods stand back from its bank. I
    lead Pai-alucia on the narrow path between the river and the trees. An
    urgency builds in me. We're less than a day's march from home!

       I pause only to eat and to give the horse water to drink. Big Horn
    remains clinging to the stallion's back as if in a death struggle. I let
    him be. We continue onwards and by night's fall I find myself exhausted.
    My injured body aches me. A camp is made within the cover of the trees.

       Big Horn has fallen into unconsciousness. I have to pull apart his tight
    fingers from around Pai-alucia's neck so that I may carry him to the
    ground. Some water is forced into the man's mouth but no food can be given.
    I wrap my arms around his body for a shared warmth. The horse blanket
    covers us. Before allowing my eyes to close in sleep I face upwards, at
    night's sky with my prayer unto Him. I beg for my lover's recovery.

       Morning brings Mother Earth's tears upon us. Her cool fog clings to our
    bodies wetly. I listen for Big Horn's breaths and am relieved to hear
    them. My lips come to the man's cheek in a kiss. He stirs in my arms. When
    he opens his eyes, I see intelligence and a sharpness in them that has
    been missing since our battle.

      "What has happened?" asks Big Horn in growing anger. He touches the boy's
    face and chest wounds while taking a quick look around for the enemy.

       "Have you returned to yourself?" I ask in reply. "Do you remember that
    we're lovers and that we've been visiting with the Moss-bowl Tribe? See
    their gifts of clay pots on Pai-alucia!"

       Big Horn's expression is one of puzzlement. "Yes. Why do you ask about
    such things?"

       I give my man a fierce embrace and all the worry and tension in my
    being cries out to him. I'm sobbing like a weak girl. The warrior pats my
    back and he tries shooing me from my fear. My weakness takes a long while
    to flow out of me in his strong arms. When I fall silent, Big Horn pulls
    me from his chest to face me. He's puzzled by my tears. His hand touches
    upon my injuries.

       "Tell me what has happened," he firmly asks. "Who did this to you!"

       I swallow nervously in my throat. "Don't you remember? You did it."

       Big Horn's mouth opens in stark surprise. Disbelief fills his eyes and
    he whispers hoarsely. "No. I couldn't have!"

       Tears fill my eyes again when I nod my head. "You've lost yourself for
    a day," I explain. "The Trickster's spirit had entered you as my dream
    warned me and He took over your body to make battle with me. Your hands
    made those blows to my face but their anger came not from your heart!"

       Big Horn gets to a sitting position with me under the dew-soaked hide.
    His eyes narrow from pain when his head hurts him. I reach my hand out to
    his shoulder to steady the fainting man. It's a long moment before he
    recovers.

       "My head, Willow Bird... It hurts me a lot!"

       "I know. We must return to our tribe quickly before the Trickster tries
    possessing you again! The shaman can help."

       Big Horn gives me a sour expression. I know that he regrets having to
    show his weakness before others but the evil spirit in him must be
    exocised! The shaman can do this before it's too late.

       "We must be going." I help Big Horn to stand. The man nearly faints
    when standing on his feet so I get him to lean against the horse. Some
    water is given him along with a few strips of dried venison to eat.

       Big Horn relieves his body's needs at the side of his horse. It aches
    me to see the warrior weak and in such need of help for simple concerns. I
    help push him over the stallion's back so that we can travel.

       I continue our trek along the river's swollen bank. The fog hangs low
    over its swift waters like seeking spirits. I'm always keeping a look out
    for enemies, both of flesh and outworldly. I will the Trickster's spirit
    to leave us alone! My anger protects us both like a tomahawk at the ready.

      By the afternoon, Big Horn regains some strength. He sits over Pai-alucia
    with the reins held in his hands. There's room for both of us but I remain
    walking at their side. We must conserve the stallion's strength.

       Our path along the river ends when it joins up with another and larger
    river ahead of us. We can't go back so a crossing is forced upon us by the
    Y-split. Big Horn advises that we retrace our steps until finding a
    shallow place to cross. The currents of both rivers is frightening!

       We spend much of the afternoon exploring the two rivers for a crossing.
    Their paths separate and widen with forests during our back tracking. A
    somewhat shallow place is found and Big Horn decides to risk it. We tie
    everything securely to Pai-alucia's back; our breechclouts are removed and
    kept in a sack for safe keeping then our attempt is made.

       A double thong is tied to the horse's mouth. I'm given one end to grip
    while Big Horn takes the other end. He instructs me to keep hold of the
    thong so that we'll be together no matter what happens. We face the angry
    churning river and begin our dangerous crossing of it.

       My feet finds bottom. Yet the current threatens to turn me in the
    water; I keep a tight hold of the horse's thong and pull on it. Big Horn
    also urges Pai-alucia into the muddy water. We make a cautious crossing.
    The debris from uprooted trees and the such are carefully avoided. Between
    the two of us, we coax the stallion to reach the other side.

       Pai-alucia eagerly stomps up the muddy bank to safely. He snorts and
    shakes his body free of water. I turn to Big Horn and my arms eagerly
    bring his nakedness to mine. His arms were reluctant to hold me in return.
    I look into the man's down-casted eyes and see his shame.

       "You have nothing to fear from me, Big Horn! I don't blame you for
    those blows to my body; they had come from an evil spirit. You are my
    love. My life! Kiss me now to prove that this is so!"

       The warrior's eyes fill with tears. He leans his face close to mine for
    a kiss. A dear one that helps to heal the man's spirit wound. I pat his
    back like the mother who shoos her frightened child and my tears join his.

       "You are a true lover," says Big Horn with much awe. "In less than a
    moon, I've seen a boy growing into a wise young man."

       I can only nod my head at his words. Between us, I feel the hardening
    of our cocks from their own need for a loving expression. We begin rubbing
    them together. Kisses fill my mouth from the needing man. He gasps out in
    warning.

       "What's wrong?" I ask. Big Horn gently pushes me away. There's no cum
    againsts my belly but in his dark eyes I see the answer. "Your head?" I
    ask.

       Big Horn nods. Anger fills him suddenly. "I'm prevented from making love
    to you, my dearest one. I curse this evil spirit that you say has taken
    possession of me!"

       I grip the man's quaking shoulders. "It doesn't matter, my love. Flesh
    is weak but your heart shares the strong love of my heart. And together,
    we'll vanquish Him!"

       Big Horn nods. I stare into the man's eyes and see that he's hiding
    something from me. He gives me a grim smile that leaves me wondering as to
    the purpose behind his silence. We slowly part. The man fetches our
    breechclouts and we quickly don them. Our journey begins again on what I
    hope is the right side of the river. We lead Pai-alucia at a fast walk.

       Father Sun begins the slow fall from His sky. He's chased all the fog
    and low clouds away. A bright day is gifted us. When our bodies have
    dried and Pai-alucia senses the nearness of camp, Big Horn and I mount up.
    We make a fast trot on the final leg of our journey home.

       My arms reach around my lover's waist in my tight hold of him. The land
    becomes more familiar. It quickens my heart within me. Home! We are near!
    It's on this bright day that Big Horn and I return.

       Pai-alucia eagerly crosses the wide muddy river to our tipi camp. The
    boys of our tribe greet us with their shouts and bright faces. Warriors
    nod their heads with respect to Big Horn for they see in his hair an
    eagle's feather.

       I give my lover a tight squeeze of happiness with my arms around his
    waist. This is Big Horn's moment of triumph! He returns to his tribe as a
    proven man; a feathered warrior for having saved me from the evil clutches
    of a Trickster. This man has also won my total love.

       We remain on horse while making our way to see the chief. I notice a
    change in the placement of the tipis. They're farther from the river bank
    and some show recent signs of damage; torn skins hastily sewn together
    with newly cut poles standing against their rounded skins. Has Big Horn's
    vision of danger to our Kalinlepi People already unfolded?

       Big Horn leads his horse to the largest of our tribe's tipis. We're
    greeted by Yellow Deerskin outside. She's ceremonially given several
    crafted bowls from my lover along with a pouch of smoked venison. How her
    eyes light up when receiving these gifts!

       We are led into the chief's tipi. I quickly look around for Song Bird.
    The boy isn't here... An old man, the chief of our tribe greets Big Horn
    with much ceremony. He brings out a long clay pipe and prepares it with
    tobacco for a smoke between them. I'm ignored.

       Big Horn gives his uncle a full account of our hunt, his dealing with a
    Trickster (while proudly showing that evil man's scalp) and tells of our
    visit with the Moss-bowl Tribe. Yellow Deerskin displays her gifts of the
    decorated clay bowls to her husband. The old man nods his approval.

       During their talk, my mind wanders to Song Bird. The boy must be doing
    well since there's no ill mention of him and Yellow Deerskin isn't in
    mourning. I look around the chief's tipi and find my friend's empty
    sleeping mat next to another. A guest is visiting with them?

       The chief's younger wife enters. She gives Big Horn a soft greeting and
    I'm glad to receive her smile. It's difficult to be sitting in the chief's
    tipi while being ignored by the old man. I had expected his sharp words of
    warning to be staying away from his son or at least a hard look of anger.
    Nothing. Big Horn has the chief's full attention with his account of our
    journey.

       I quietly excuse myself and go outside. Pai-alucia looks at me with his
    big eyes and whinnies. I lead him to the corral. Before joining him with
    the other horses of our tribe, I remove my deer skin, meat pouch and
    finely crafted pot. Big Horn's sleeping hide is also taken off the
    stallion's sweaty back and left to dry over the corral's wooden fence.

       My arms are filled when I go to my mother's tipi. Yet the replacement
    of all the tribe's tipis has me wandering around to look for it. A boy
    running past me gives me a bright grin and he giggles. His eyes have
    fallen upon my rear end and I'm given some embarrassment for it. This
    isn't the Moss-bowl Tribe where I was eager to announced my Mahyee-na
    status for attention by its lusting men. I wonder what my mother will say
    when she sees me half-naked?

       A ragged tipi comes into sight. It's a small one with the skins old and
    sewn together over the aging poles. My home. As a proven hunter, I vow to
    myself that in the moons ahead my mother will be sleeping in a new tipi
    with freshly cut poles covered in the fine animals skins of elk and the
    buffalo. She will not have want for meat. Nor will she have to labor for
    the others of our tribe to gain their support. I am a man now. This is my
    duty and an honor to uphold for my mother.

       I enter the tipi with my arms filled with gifts. My heart is bursting
    with pride to show my mother that I'm a proven hunter! In the darkness, I
    notice her empty sleeping mat. All my excitement spills out of me like a
    broken water skin. I slowly empty my hands to the dirt and go to look for
    her.

       The People of my tribe greet me when walking past the tipis. I see
    their eagerness for a talk about my recent adventures but I'm too intent
    on finding my mother. I want to find and tell her that this is the last
    day that she must work for others. My time has come to act as a man to
    support all our needs.

       An old man crosses my path. His gruff voice at my back turns me to him
    and I see that it's our shaman. I give the man my respectful greeting
    while my head bursts with the many things that I need to discuss with him.

       "You were a long time away," says the shaman. "Was it a good trip to
    the Moss-bowl Tribe?"

       I slowly nod while my thoughts race around in my head. How did this man
    know of our trip? A suspicion arises in me when recalling his low words to
    the chief after exocising the bear's angry spirit from Song Bird. He had
    seen my love eyes for that boy! I remember the chief's hard stare for me
    afterwards.

       They must also have spoken with Big Horn. I was invited that evening to
    join in his hunt and that's when the chief's warning was given me
    concerning his son. Our trip to the Moss-bowl Tribe had been planned! It
    provided the means for Big Horn and I to bond and for Song Bird to heal
    without my being at his side as I would have wanted it.

       "Song Bird must be allowed his own path," asks the shaman softly. "Yes.
    I had suggested to Big Horn that he take you along on his hunt and it was
    thought that a long trip would be beneficial to you both. Wasn't it?"

       I swallow nervously in my throat. The anger in my heart is quick to
    rise at the old man's admission. He has interfered with my life and he
    dares to ask that I leave Song Bird alone? Big Horn's words of advice
    return to me of how men will test me; that my character will be revealed
    by my actions. I won't show the shaman a boy's anger. My face remains
    plain and unrevealing.

       The shaman's question is still upon me. I simply nod my head. The old
    man grins and gestures for us to walk along the river. I notice how high
    the muddy water has risen along the grassy bank.

       "A great storm had come down upon us," the shaman explains. "It had
    sent our tipis scurring closer to the woods for a protection from the
    winds and the rising river. I'm afraid Big Horn will find that his tipi
    was much damaged. He will need to sleep with his uncle until new poles
    can be cut and hides can be tied around them."

       My eyes flash in alarm. Coyote Thief's tipi, given to Big Horn after
    his death has been destroyed?! "What of Big Horn's personal things?" I
    voice.

       The old man grunts. "They are safe and being kept in my tipi."

       My shoulders sag in disappointment. I'll have to be sleeping in my
    mother's tipi while Big Horn sleeps in another. It's a return to the way
    things were a year ago. I had been looking forward to staying with the
    warrior as his lover; two men together in their honeymoon tipi!

       "Some harm has come to you," the shaman asks while touching Willow
    Bird's face and chest wounds.

       I stop in my tracks and face the shaman. "Big Horn is in need of your
    help! Something evil had dropped in his head. It hurts him sometimes and
    causes the man to fall unconscious. A few nights ago... he was driven to
    crazed acts."

       "Big Horn had done this to you?"

       I slowly nod my head in shame. "Afterwards, he didn't remember any of
    it. He didn't know where he was or to recall anything about our trip with
    the Moss-bowl Tribe. It was as if two moons of events had been wiped clean
    from his life."

       My troubling vision comes to mind. "There's more, shaman. I've been
    Seeing strange events unfolding that needs your wisdom to interpret.
    Troubling images that could mean someone's death."

       "Hmm. You are revealing yourself as the makings of a shaman, Willow
    Bird! Come to my tipi this night and we'll talk about how I can guide you
    along its path of power."

       "Will you help Big Horn?" I ask as if not hearing the old man's words
    about making me a shaman.

       The man nods his head. "It was good of you to bring this matter to my
    attention! I know how prideful your lover is, as all men are to keep their
    weaknesses from others. His head hurt has caused you harm, Willow Bird. I
    must act so that the evil in him will be driven out."

       A strange vision is recalled when the shaman speaks of Evil. I see a
    glowing spirit suffering from a blot of evil that's trying to swallow him
    up. It's Big Horn!

       "Willow Bird; can you hear me?" the shaman shouts.

       I peer up at the old man in surprise. He looks worried. Against my butt,
    I feel the coolness of the river mud. How did I come to be laying down?

       "What did you See?" asks the shaman.

       My eyes widen. Yes. A memory has returned to me but it is fading,
    trying to escape from me. I speak quickly as if that will allow me to
    recapture it. "The image has gone... but I'm left feeling much worry for
    Big Horn. An evil spirit is trying to swallow him up!"

       "Hmm. We will have much to discuss in my tipi tonight, Willow Bird."

       The old man helps me to stand up. He smiles when I rub away the wet mud
    from my rear end as if knowing how I've given its pleasure to other men.
    We walk along the swollen river in silence. My sense of power and fear has
    blown away like the wind. I'm comforted to have the shaman at my side.

       I stare at the river's wild flow. It's been churned a dark muddy color
    with much debris caught in the current that would make for a dangerous
    swim. My thoughts turn to Song Bird. Is the boy safe?

       We continue to walk along the muddy bank and it's only after a while
    that I notice the shaman's absence. My hand goes to my sacred bundle in
    anger. How could I have forgotten to give him Deep-roots-that-whisper's
    bundle?!

       Tonight. I will go the shaman's tipi and he will be given the power
    bundle along with an account of all my visions. He'll help me to stand
    against Death's Hand!

       I release a long and drawn-out sigh. My head clears of its troubling
    thoughts so that I can think of where my mother can be found. Where would
    she be at this time of the day? I pass through a thick stand of river
    grass. Seeing them brings a smile to my face in rememberance for this is
    where my young lover and I had come to gather them for the hungry horses.

       I run through the tall golden stalks like a carefree boy. Their
    coarseness tickles against my legs and rear end. I'm a happy butterfly!

       A boy comes to stand before me. I stop in my tracks and face the youth
    who has meant so much in my life. My eyes sweep over him for changes. He
    still wears his Wah-ha head cloth and two deerskin flaps cover his body.
    My hands have felt his soft curves beneath them.

       "How are you?" asks Song Bird in a meek voice.

       "I could tell you that all is well with me but that would be a lie." A
    pained silence comes between us. He must know of his father's restriction
    upon us since his arms aren't flying around me. I open my heart's pain to
    him.

       "You are my first and best love, Song Bird. To look upon you is a great
    joy to my heart! Yet we're prevented from... embracing it. That brings me
    much pain that's going to be hard to endure."

       Song Bird only nods at my strong words. I know of his shy nature; how
    the boy was reluctant at first to embrace our love and to speak about it.
    He feared for others to learn of our joining. A thing that has come to
    pass... I see its result mirroring in the youth's dark face. Pain is all
    that we're left with to share between us.

       I'm startled when Song Bird's dark expression turns to joy. He glances
    around as if to be assured that we're alone. Is the boy preparing to go
    against his father's wishes to give me a loving embrace? Should I allow it?

       "I have something to tell you that will bring us joy," explains Song
    Bird. "But first, I must have your solemn oath that what I'll say will
    not go beyond the two of us. Not even to your lover... Big Horn."

       I'm stunned. What has my young friend to tell me that is of such
    importance that not even Big Horn can learn of it? The boy waits for my
    oath. It seems that I must give it before learning of the joy he has
    promised us.

       "I give you my vow of silence to what you'll be telling me."

       Song Bird nods his head in acceptance with a smile coming to his face.
    He blurts out his secret. "We're half brothers!"

       I'm surprised by the boy's words. "Half brothers? But how?"

       "My father's shameful secret that we've been sworn to protect is that
    he cannot make children in any of his wives. He'll need sons to support
    him in his old age so he asked your... our father to sperm his first wife
    in secret. I am the result."

       I look upon my young friend with new eyes while counting back the
    years to his age when I was three. The forward pace of those years had
    seen my father taking the both of us on fishing trips to the river and
    giving us a man's teaching as if we were brothers. We actually were.

       "You are my half brother!" I announce with much joy. "You are also my
    love, denied me by the chief. I may not be allowed to touch you but it
    pours out of my eyes every time you are near. It's my body's ache to join
    with yours!"

       Song Bird lowers his eyes. "You have Big Horn for that now."

       My friend's words silence me. His are true words which remind me to be
    keeping my vow upon the pa-he-wat-che in my sacred bundle to express my
    bodily love only for Big Horn. Song Bird is aware that I've chosen that
    man. It leaves the boy without a similar companion.

       Song Bird stretches out his left hand. He removes his silver ring so
    that it can be returned to me. I'm filled with dark emotions at his
    gesture; anger filled with great pain.

       "It is yours!" I shout to Song Bird. "I gave it to you in love and my
    heart has not changed."

       "Why not give it to Big Horn?" the boy asks.

       "No. I won't," I answer my friend. My disturbing vision of Big Horn
    wearing this boy's ring comes to mind. It must not go to the warrior! By
    acting now to prevent the fulfillment of its dark path, I may prevent the
    rest of my vision from coming forward. Song Bird must be kept from my
    lover's wrath!

       I watch my friend return the silver ring to his finger. His face is
    solemn and I feel the wrongness by forcing the boy to keep it. A
    scuffling sound from behind us draws our attention. My eyes widen at
    seeing the strange youth.

       A boy of white skin and Father Sun hair walks up to us. It's my vision
    unfolding! Here stands the boy of white light that saved Song Bird from
    Big Horn's wrath.

       "This is my new brother, Yellow Hair."

       "I have Seen him," my voice but a low whisper in reply. "He will save
    you from drowning in the river."

       Song Bird appears stunned by my words. I turn to the white boy and
    explain. "When I was taking a sweat in the sacred lodge of the Moss-bowl
    People, a vision came to me. I Saw Big Horn wearing your ring. He had
    struck you down with a lightning bolt and to hurt me further, had thrown
    your body in the river to drown. And you did.

       "Yet a boy in the glow of white light came to you. He lifted you alive
    from the river. It was this boy!"

       "Yellow Hair has saved me from drowning in the river," explains Song
    Bird. "I was dead but he breathed life into me. What does the part about
    Big Horn and my ring mean?"

       "I don't know. The shaman has spoken to me this day with his offer to
    help me with my visions. He says that I could become a shaman."

       "You?!" asks Song Bird with a sharp inwards breath.

       I nod my head. "I've learned from my visions that things cannot be taken
    literally. Our Great Father puts the images of what will come to pass in my
    head. It requires the skills of a shaman to properly interpret them."

       While we've been talking, my eyes have stayed on the white youth. He's
    about Song Bird's height and appears to be of the same age. His armful of
    cut grass is dropped at our feet. Sky blue eyes from the boy look at me
    with interest. I wonder what he is thinking about me?

       Song Bird points at me and utters my name to the white boy. He makes a
    hand gesture of a bird that has alighted in a willow tree. I smile in
    agreement. The time has come to inspect this boy not born of our People. My
    hands take a hold of Yellow Hair's shoulders while I stare deeply into his
    sky blue eyes. There's some fear in them yet the youth keeps his place.

       I drop my hands down the boy's pale chest and I marvel when finding
    that he has soft hair on his breast. Not even the oldest men of our tribe
    have any growth there! I wonder what other surprised will be discovered?

       My hands continue to drop down the boy's body, feeling over his rounded
    belly until finding his newly cut breechclout. I lift the front flap. The
    white youth folds his arms across his chest in protest.

       There's a strange cut to the white boy's penis. No thick skin around
    it to keep the pink glans protected within. I gesture this to Song Bird
    who shrugs his shoulders and giggles. When the two youths glance at each
    other, I get a shiver down my spine. There's an obvious attraction between
    them. It prompts a question from me.

       "Have you pulled over it?" I ask my friend.

       "No," replies Song Bird with growing uneasiness. "I do have a love for
    this boy. If not a Mahyee-na love like ours, it's the love that I have for
    an adopted brother. I owe him my life!"

       "As you owe me from saving you from that bear," I remind my dear
    friend. That painful memory prompts me to ask something of him which I
    need to learn. "Tell me, Song Bird... Do you forgive me for having left
    you up in that redwood tree?"

    (Song Bird peers into Willow Bird's eyes to read him. Their conversation
    has turned in an unexpected direction. He had expected his friend to
    pursue his admission of love for Yellow Hair; a thing that needs to be
    discussed.)

       "Yes. I do," answers Song Bird to assure his friend. "You couldn't have
    known that a black bear would climb up that tall tree to get me!"

       Relief fills my heart. I'm glad to hear these words from my dear
    friend; my half brother! His face reveals something troubling in him
    though. He glances at Yellow Hair as if it concerns the white boy.

       "Have you undergone the Mahyee-na rite with Big Horn?" asks Song Bird.

       "I am Mahyee-na," I answer proudly. "And before you ask, I will tell
    you that Big Horn and I are bonded lovers. That only happened after I
    learned of your father's command to keep us apart. The warrior has also
    saved my life!"

       "Warrior?" asks Song Bird. "What did he save you from?"

       "Big Horn earned his eagle's feather when slaying an evil Trickster
    who... raped me. It had happened on the first night out from camp."

       "Is that why you and Big Horn were a long time on the hunting trip?"

       "No. We had felled two deer which Big Horn decided would make for good
    trading with the Moss-bowl Tribe. It was a nice visit with their People."
    I decide to remain silent about the lusty pleasures we've embraced with
    their men. I have even kept my joys of making love with their boys from
    Big Horn!

       "Their People make fine pots which I'm sure Big Horn has gifted to my
    mother," says Song Bird.

       I nod my head in agreement. A silence comes between us. Something is
    being planned in Song Bird's head to speak with me about. I know that
    troubled look of his... The white boy watches us with intelligent eyes.

       "You have Big Horn now," says Song Bird softly, "so I am free to love
    whom I want."

       I feel a pang of dreaded anticipation when Song Bird turns to the white
    boy at his side. In the two handfuls of days during my absence, I'm coming
    to see that many things have been going on between these two boys.

       "I want to give my silver ring to Yellow Hair."

       All hope for Song Bird's love in me dies. My friend has spoken yet it
    surprises me how calm I remain. It's like the calm after the tense arrow
    is shot from the bow. My heart was struck. No bad blood between us though.

       I'm actually feeling a sense of relief. No longer must I endure the
    middle negotiation of Song Bird's and Big Horn's love for me. I've made
    the hard decision and I chose the warrior. That man's heart and flesh are
    now mine. Song Bird should be freed to pursue his own heart's content.

       Though tears threaten to rise in my eyes, I endure their humility while
    speaking to my dear Song Bird in formal stance. My hand grips his ringed
    hand. "Your bond of love unto me is cast away," I announce. "What we once
    had is gone... like the innocence of boyhood. I have become a man. As a
    brother of the Mahyee-na, I'm growing to understand my responsibilities as
    a man and I will allow you a boy's love for another boy. Give him your
    pledge ring."

       Song Bird nods at my words of release of him. He lifts his small hand
    to my shoulder and grips it. Are there tears forming in his eyes?

       "I will always love you as my closest friend, Willow Bird. No one can
    take away the bond of blood that we share as half brothers! You've shown
    me a man's love and now I'll teach it to Yellow Hair. Will you witness my
    bond unto him?"

       I give a mournful nod of my head. Song Bird gestures for us to go into
    the thick cover of the woods. Yes. We're too exposed out here by the
    river. My head turns numb from all the conflicting emotions swirling in
    me. I follow the youths to the rite that awaits them in the trees.

       Song Bird turns to glance back at me. I try giving him a smile from as
    much joy as I can muster for them. A difficult thing. Yet this is my gift
    of love and sacrifice to my once boy lover. An equal thing is given to me
    in return. Big Horn and I are truly going to be together.

       A ray of Father Sun glints from the silver ring that Song Bird has
    pulled from his finger. He faces Yellow Hair with a grin. The white boy's
    hand is taken into Song Bird's and the pledge is given.

       "My love for you... Yellow Hair," explains Song Bird. "Love... my love!"

       I watch the white youth for his reaction. He smiles and accepts the
    gift of Song Bird's ring on his finger. My left finger turns cold. A
    brief icy pain that goes away and will never return.

       I notice the eyes of the white boy upon me. Has he seen my great
    sadness? His eyes drop to Song Bird's and fill with joy. They embrace as
    lovers. It brings a pain to my heart to know that I have truly lost my
    first love.

       It's a long hug between the two boys; one sun darkened and one like the
    clouds. Their happiness brings a small measure of joy to my jealous heart
    and seeing it quenches my pain. The boys' love is like a pretty flower
    just coming into blossom. An idea comes to me that would be like a gift to
    the new lovers. I wait with it until the youths are finished hugging.

       When their tender moment ends, I present my gift. "Song Bird, why don't
    you embrace Yellow Hair now to consumate your new bond. I'll scout out the
    forest to ensure that no eyes look upon your love act."

       Song Bird's eyes stare into mine. I know what he's looking for so my
    heart opens to him in an assurance of my good intent. He finally nods his
    head in agreement. I turn from the two boys and check out the woods.

       I'm looking for the day sentry. The forest around our camp is always
    under the watchful eyes of our men. We don't want to invite another sneak
    attack by our enemies like the Spear-bearing warriors! This day, I'm
    trying to prevent Song Bird's new love from being ruined by spying eyes. I
    vow to myself to keep his new boyfriend a secret, even from my own lover.

       I encircle their position with my eyes coming to look upon them from
    time to time. The boys have become naked against each other. They're
    embraced in the Mahyee-na belly rub that Big Horn had shown me and in turn
    I had given Song Bird. Its love offering is now passing onto Yellow Hair.

       I watch it unfolding between the trees. The boys are holding each other
    close with their faces staring into one another. Song Bird shows the white
    youth how to rub their erections together for pleasure. Their held butts
    flex with love's urgent motion. Bellies rubbing. I feel its sweet power in
    my heart from when I had been in Yellow Hair's place as Song Bird's lover.

       Tears fill my eyes in rememberance. I had stood in the river with my
    boy lover not even a moon ago. Our arms held each other. My hard dick
    pressed against his pole to teach Song Bird how two males could express
    love. The white boy now stands before him for that same lesson.

       A bitter smile fills my lips. Song Bird hasn't been the only boy to be
    held in my arms. Sun Beam was a sweet youth who I had wet to in our
    hugging ritual by Spirit Lake. There were other boys of the Moss-bowl
    tribe who had eagerly embraced love making with me. A variety of thrilling
    sex acts that not even to Big Horn had I admitted my gifting of sperm to
    the boys. And he will never learn of it.

       Through my tear-filled eyes, I spy the white boy pressing his face into
    Song Bird's shoulder. Their straining bodies are nearing a completion.
    Male power fills the air. My own penis throbs with anticipation yet I tear
    my eyes from the two boys. Their joining is not mine.

       I'm given some shame from my peeking. The boys must be given their
    moment alone so I sprint past the trees with my eyes looking only for
    intruders. I complete another circle around their love making. There is
    no one else about.

       My eyes find the two boys again. Their bodies are no longer moving
    against each other in love so I approach them with down-casted eyes.
    There's a quick movement from the white boy. He fetches their breechclouts
    from the ground in an attempt to cover their bodies. It's an amusing
    display of modesty.

       A bulge fills my front flap. My sexual hunger can no longer be
    satisfied with Song Bird. I turn to him saying, "I'll take my leave of
    you. I'm glad that you have someone that you can embrace in Mahyee-na
    love, Song Bird. Your white brother is a handsome boy. He looks to have a
    good heart as well."

       Song Bird smiles at my words and nods his head. I notice his small grin
    from seeing my erection. I wave my goodbye and run through the woods back
    to camp. I'm in need of Big Horn's love right now!

       My flight through the familiar trees of my home camp is joyous. The
    path bears the same twist and turns. Nothing has changed except for
    myself; I've become a man. I wonder if others will see this thing in me?

       The forest path makes a sharp turn. I'm startled when a man jumps down
    from a tree to block my run: a short warrior... It's Tree Snake! I catch my
    breath while studying the lean warrior. He wears two feathers of the eagle
    in his hair. A bow is worn over his right arm and chest; a quiver of arrows
    peeks above his left shoulder.

       "You have returned," says Tree Snake. (He notices the boy's lack of a
    rear cloth for his butt.)

       I nod my head while looking over the warrior. His body is much browned
    by the summer sun: lean and powerful. Though he's a grown man of eighteen,
    we are of the same height. His butt is rounded like mine. Only flaps are
    worn over his nakedness. I'm curious to see what else we have in common.

       "It looks like you were in battle," asks Tree Snake with concern.

       "Yes. And I won it," I reply softly. I'm glad that Tree Snake doesn't
    press me to say more since it was against my own lover that my strength was
    tested. A worse thing to have endured than if I had to face ten enemy
    warriors!

       "Did Big Horn return with you?" asks Tree Snake. (He slowly steps around
    the boy to study all his battle wounds. Yet his eyes lower to the more
    interesting part of Willow Bird that are uncovered. The man wonders if that
    was done by intent or if the rear cloth had simply been lost.)

       "Yes. He has come back to our tribe as a proven warrior!" I announce.
    "He'll be glad to show off the scalp that was taken off an enemy brave who
    had raped me."

       "You were forced to that?" asks Tree Snake.

       I slowly nod my head. My admission was done to test this man's reaction.
    His eyes remain on my butt like a burning fire. Yes. I see his interest for
    me! If this were the Moss-bowl Tribe, I would simply turn around and stick
    out my butt. This warrior is well known by me. I'm feeling a little shy to
    offer myself sexually to him.

       Tree Snake makes the next move. He reaches under his front flap and
    makes a pulling motion over his loins. His face remains plain. I lower my
    eyes from his and stare at the growing bulge within the man's breechclout.
    He has a hold of his manhood in a very revealing manner but it doesn't
    prove that he wants to fuck me.

       "Did you see that enemy brave's cock," asks Tree Snake. "Was it big and
    powerful like mine?"

       I shake my head and find myself grinning with embarrassment. "No. It was
    night time when he covered my back, his dick penetrating me. I was kept in
    that man's embrace by the knife he held to my neck."

       "Did Big Horn rescue you before the brave's act was finished?"

       I shake my head again. "The Trickster seeded my butt. Yet I diminished
    that man's boastful accomplishment by telling him that I wasn't a virgin."

       Tree Snake grins. "It's true that Big Horn is your lover?"

       "Yes. We are bonded together though I'm free to satisfy the lusty needs
    of men who like my butt. During our visit with the Moss-bowl warriors, no
    man had to force a joining of our male bodies. I am Mahyee-na and want it!
    I see your need, Tree Snake. Take me."

       A shiver runs down my back when turning away from the man. My hands
    grasp a tree's rough barked trunk. I stick my butt out. It's exciting to
    stand as I am, naked and in offering of myself to a sexual rite with a
    familiar warrior in the forest near my tribe.

       I hear a scuffling behind me which is followed by the man's breechclout
    dropping at my feet. His hands reach for my ass. He parts my cheeks and I
    yelp out in surprise when feeling a wet tongue darting over my hole! He
    sticks it in with much spit being put in me. I'm tickled by its wiggling.

       "You have a tight hole," breathes Tree Snake. "I will gladly mount you!"

       There's a pressing of warmth over my backside with a man's hardness
    searching between my trembling cheeks. He finds my butthole and stabs in! I
    yelp out again but this time in pain. The warrior's hands grab my hips and
    he keep our bodies tightly together. He begins a man's lusty motion through
    my ass even before I can recover from his cock's brutal fitting of it.

       "Yes..." hisses Tree Snake. "A tight butt! I will enjoy having you this
    day and the many days ahead whenever you walk into the woods where I keep
    guard. Big Horn already knows this. I've given him many releases from my
    aching loins over his butt cheeks."

       I blow out my pained breaths when recovering from the quick joining of
    our bodies. The warrior's thick cock no longer feels like a spear's brunt
    in my inards. I hold onto my tree companion while enduring his lusty use of
    me. He doesn't stick far into my butt. I suspect that Tree Snake has only a
    boy's length though much thicker from being a grown man. My hole clings to
    his cock like hungry lips in their want for a sweet drink. I wait with much
    anticipation to hear the man cum.

       Tree Snake's breaths blow over my neck. No low moans out of him like the
    other men that I've taken into my body. Yet I sense his growing pleasure.
    The warrior's fingers around my hips pinch me. His balls slap against my
    cheeks with his increasing fucking pace. I arch my back to get the man's
    stabs deeper through my hole.

       The warrior nearly pulls out. He sticks his cock back into me and pulls
    out again. Quick shallow stabs that enter me from a sideways angle instead
    of straight in. They pain my ringed butthole muscle. It makes me tighter.
    The man groans with lusty pleasure so I endure his strange fucking motion.

       "I'm going to cum!" warns Tree Snake.

       The warrior pulls from my ass and squirts on me. Why not inside? I grab
    his throbbing cock and aim its wetting through my puckered hole. My butt
    slams onto the man's hairy groin. He yelps out in surprise.

       "No, Willow Bird!" he shouts. "I don't want my seed in you!"

       The strong hands of the warrior push me away. I feel the tight clinging
    of my butthole around his thick-skinned dick. Some of the man's cum must
    have made it inside me.

       I turn around to face Tree Snake for an explanation. Silence. My eyes
    fall to the man's hairy loins. Sticking towards me is his oozing dick. It's
    short in length like a boy's but very thickly skinned. A small pair of
    balls cling beneath it.

       "Did Big Horn not tell you that I don't want to fill a man's body with
    my seed?" he asks.

       I slowly shake my head. "No. Why is that?"

       The warrior crosses his arms over his chest in anger. "It is wrong to
    put my tiny baby in a man's hole that will eventually fall out like dung.
    Better to slip down his skin and fly off in the wind!"

       I turn sideways to Tree Snake. His thick cum is pooled above the crack
    of my butt and is running into it. He nods his head with approval.

       "The other men that you've taken into your rear squaw hole may gladly
    seed you without a care for what happens to their male essence," explains
    Tree Snake. "I don't want mine to mix with the waste from your body."

       I slowly nod my head in understanding to the man's words. It's kind of
    disappointing that my joining with this warrior will only result with his
    cum running outside my body. My Mahyee-na spirit grows from the proper
    planting of manly seed deep inside me. An idea strikes me.

       "Would you allow me to suck out your sperm with my mouth?" I ask.

       Tree Snake shakes his head. "Big Horn asked this same thing. No. The
    sacred release from my loins isn't food."

       "Why do you allow it out on another male when its proper place is in a
    woman?" I ask rather meanly.

       "I've not found one yet to fulfill my needs," Tree Snake replies.

       "Needs... You mean children?" I ask. The warrior nods his head but I see
    in his eyes that something is being held back. I wonder what it is?

       "Until I take a squaw for wife, my loins fill with seed and aches me to
    spill it out. I'm glad to have Big Horn and yourself now for that. All I
    ask is that you honor my restrictions to where it comes out of me."

       I slowly nod my head in agreement. "Your sperm is running into my butt.
    Do you want me to wipe it from my body?"

       "No. Wear it in honor, Willow Bird. The wind will dry it from you like a
    woman's tears." The warrior thinks a moment. "Keep what we have done to
    yourself. I'm not ashamed to embrace you with my needs but I still have
    hope in finding me a wife. I don't want anything bad to be said about me."

       "I think that I understand," is my reply. The warrior gives me a small
    grin and he grips my shoulder.

       "Take care, Willow Bird. I can hardly wait for your naming ceremony but
    two moons away. Has your monedo revealed to you your new name yet?"

       "No. Big Horn says that I must wait for my initiation."

       "Ah, yes. It gives you something to look forward to. Already, I see the
    many things about you that already make you a man. You wear a fine knife
    and a sacred bundle on your thong belt. All the men have talked about your
    battle with the black bear in defense of your friend. Perhaps you'll earn a
    warrior's eagle feather before even being named a brave!"

       I laugh with the warrior. His fingers give my shoulder a fond squeeze. I
    lay my hand over his to show my appreciation for his fine words. He is a
    good man. I hope that he'll find a woman to stay in his tipi with him.

       Tree Snake picks up the two deerskin cloths to his breechclout and wraps
    them around his waist. It reminds me of Sings-to-the-birds' scanty flaps. I
    ask, "why don't you wear the lengthy breechclout of a man?"

       "In summer, I prefer the coolness of a boy's flaps to the long breech-
    clout a man wears. It also shows off my nakedness better."

       "To attract a woman?" I ask.

       Tree Snake laughs. "Well... I'm more pleased by the wide-eyed looks
    given me by the envious boys when peeking at my thick manhood. Some of the
    men are also jealous of it."

       I giggle at Tree Snake's bold words. His cock isn't that big! I begin to
    see how this man thinks of himself: a mighty warrior of the tribe like
    Brave Heart. It isn't so... Yet he has this belief.

       The warrior tightens the knot in his thong belt and lifts his quiver of
    arrows that have fallen down his back. I watch his hasty departure. It
    brings a smile to my face to see his rear cloth flapping over his rounded
    butt. I get a strange wish to rape this man to dishonor him. He seems too
    stuck on himself for his own good.

       A coolness is felt over my backside. I reach my hand back to find the
    warrior's cum. It runs down through my cheeks so I direct its flow deeper
    into my butt. I ignore the man's wishes by gathering it over my hole. My
    fingers push it inside me to join what I've stolen from his cock earlier.
    There is a lot of it! I don't think this man has come out for a few days.

       When my hole is filled, I bring my wet hand to my nose and sniff it. The
    warrior's sharp smell fills me. It's a sexy male smell to prove that my
    body has won it from his loins! I lower my hand to my loins and grasp them.
    His male power will give me strength. I feel my dick lifting in response.
    The blood swelling of it is nice but I need to return to camp. I promise to
    myself that I'll beat off later or embrace Big Horn with my need.

       I take to the wide dirt path and follow it to my river camp. My head
    swirls with all the things Tree Snake has told me. He has an unusual sense
    of things that make him appear bigger than he really is. It's something I
    need to speak with Big Horn about so that I can better understand the man.

       The buffalo hide tipis come into sight. They're closer to the woods and
    stand in a different order than when Big Horn and I had left them a week
    ago. I study their painted door markings for ownership. The familiar faces
    of my People turn in my direction and smile. I know all of them. I'm not
    feeling lost here as I was when walking past the many Moss-bowl lodges.

       "Willow Bird!" cries the voice from a woman.

       I come to stand before my mother. Her smile at seeing me turns to a
    frown. Already, her hands reach out to inspect the injuries of my body.
    She follows the long scratches of my back down to my uncovered butt. I see
    disapproval in her eyes. Though nothing is said, I feel that I'm being
    badly scolded.

       "Does not Big Horn look after you?" she asks.

       I deflect her question by walking to our tipi. My mother follows close
    on my heels while I endure the attention of some people watching us. I'm
    feeling very much the boy that I was before Big Horn's initiation for me
    and all that has happened during our hunting trip. It's most embarrassing!

       We finally reach our tipi. I dart into it with much relief; glad that no
    one had stopped us to ask about my adventures or to see my embarrassing
    predicament. My mother fetches a water skin and soaks a cloth from it. Dirt
    from my wounds are cleaned out while I try squirming out of her hand's
    reach.

       I point at the gifts that I've brought from the Moss-bowl People. The
    clay pot gets her attention with its finely painted decorations. I hand
    her a pouch of dried venison. This is from a man's hunt versus the rabbits
    that I usually hand over as a boy. Lastly, I unroll my deerskin and give
    it to her. This is the best proof to my mother that I'm a proven hunter.

       "Fine things, my son," she says. "I see your pride in gifting them but
    I'd rather have you return to me unharmed. Tell me all that has happened!"

       I sit down over the mat while my mother places her gifts between us. She
    frowns at my uncovered body with distain. It causes me discomfort which I
    try turning into a strong resolve. I'm an initiated Mahyee-na man. This has
    caused my change of appearance and what I am inside. In a strange sort of
    way, it's good to see my mother's reaction... even her disapproval. I have
    changed much!

       "Our hunting was very successful," I begin in the telling of my
    adventures. "We decided to visit with the Moss-bowl Tribe and trade our
    deer meat for their clay pots. Yellow Deerskin was given similar gifts
    from Big Horn."

       "What happened to you?" she asks while pointing at her son's wounds.

       I swallow nervously in my throat. An idea comes to me which would twist
    the truth only a little. I dare not speak wholly least it bring Big Horn
    shame! "A crazed enemy brave had taken me captive," I whisper in the fear
    that His loosed spirit may hear me and seek vengeance. "I was rescued by
    Big Horn who killed the man and collected his scalp."

       "From what tribe was he from?" she asks.

       I'm puzzled by my mother's turn of questioning but answer, "we don't
    know. He had painted his body with black ash. There were no other
    identifying marks. Why do you ask?"

       "A warrior came to trade with our chief from the Spear-bearing People."

       I stare at my mother with an ache coming into my heart. Much hatred
    fills me in rememberance. It was the Spear-bearing warriors who raided our
    camp and had taken my father away from me when I was only ten. Big Horn had
    also lost his father to their warriors but in an earlier raid.

       "The man calls himself Snarling Bear," she continues. "He brought a
    white boy with him for our chief along with the hope of peace between our
    Peoples."

       "I have seen Yellow Hair. It's good that our chief has another adopted
    son with him in his tipi." I see a wave of emotion break over my mother's
    face. She tries hiding it with a cough. Very interesting. I hide my
    observation by quickly asking, "what did the Spear-bearing warrior get in
    return?"

       "He learned that our chief's younger wife was his sister," she replies.
    "A gift of buffalo and elk hides were given to Snarling Bear as a peace
    offering. It's said that he'll return in a few moons with his mother for a
    visit."

       I nod my head while pondering over my mother's reaction to what I've
    said. Does she know that her husband, my father, had lain with Yellow
    Deerskin to sire the chief's first son?

       "I'll cut your tanned deerskin into a lengthy breechclout that a man
    wears," she suggests.

       "No. I have enough covering for my body," is my reply. "That soft hide
    is my gift to you; use it as a blanket for the cold nights." My explanation
    troubles her. Does she suspect that I share the same Mahyee-na spirit as
    Big Horn?

       A sly grin forms on my lips. It would shock my mother to learn that my
    uncovered body has already attracted a man of our tribe. He's sprayed my
    butt with his sperm and my asshole has some inside it! Before the moon
    wanes, I hope to discover who the other needing man in camp is. My butt
    wants to be fucked!

       "I see the changes in you," she whispers after the silence. "Tell me.
    What is happening between you and Big Horn?"

       I'm surprised by my mother's boldness. We've had this discussion before
    though I hadn't decided at the time to accept that man. I will tell her
    now. "We are lovers. When Big Horn repairs the storm damage to his tipi, I
    will be spending my nights with him. But know this, my mother. I promise to
    support you in the days ahead with meat and hides from my hunting and
    you'll have new tipi skins from the buffalo and the elk. You'll not lack
    for want."

       My mother's eyes look into my own for a moment before dropping to stare
    at her gifts over the floor. It's good to hear no objections from her. I am
    reminded of something that needs to be discussed so I go about asking it in
    a round-about way. "As a hunter, I can provide for most of your needs. No
    longer must you labor for others of our tribe. Return to your proud
    stature! It would please me to see a loving warrior spending his nights in
    your tipi."

       My last words get my mother to gasp. Her eyes peer into mine with a
    fierce emotion that I cannot identify. Anger? Perhaps she was unprepared
    for her son to have said such a thing. They prove that I speak with a man's
    understanding instead of the boy that I think she still clings to about me.

       "I need to return to my tasks," she says softly.

       I watch my mother get up and silently leave the tipi. She's upset. It
    saddens me to see her thusly but all my words were true ones that were
    needing to be said. I know that she will have much to think about this day.

       I lay back over my sleeping mat and stretch my arms. It's good to be
    home. Much has happened since last I was in this tipi; a boy has grown
    into a man! As a man, many things are becoming clearer to me. I see my
    mother's needs and the changes coming between us with my new standing in
    the tribe. It has become my turn to support our needs. A good thing!

       I enjoy my new freedom. I'm able to do as I want by being in control of
    my life; no longer am I the boy who must harken to his mother's concerns. I
    feel no shame to admit my Mahyee-na spirit to her. Soon, everyone will
    learn that I am Big Horn's lover!

       This day, Tree Snake revealed his lust for me. I welcome his manly need
    of my body and I'll give myself eagerly to the other warriors of our tribe
    who want me. I slap over my rear end with pride. It's a good butt to fuck!

       My hole feels wet. I turn on my side and reach between my cheeks for the
    man's sperm. Some of it has leaked out. My fingers bring its thickness to
    the front of me; to my dick which grows with lust when recalling Tree
    Snake's brutal fuck of my ass. I use his cum to make for a sticky pulling
    over my stiffening erection. The neat thrills build up.

       I make a lusty daydream: After getting fucked by Tree Snake, I follow a
    path to the swollen river to clean my body. On its bank, I spy a boy of
    Night's Star's age trying to brave its fierce current. At my feet are his
    two deerskin flaps. I drop my breechclout over his and enter the cold water
    to scold the youth and bring him back to safety. He should know better than
    to risk a swim here.

       The boy turns to watch my approach. I put Day Rabbit's face on him since
    Night's Star is beyond my reach. My body excites from seeing the youth's
    nakedness: a thick-skinned pole. There are dark hairs on his groin. When I
    take hold of the youth's arm and pull him back to shore, my long dick shows
    my excitement from our touching. The boy smiles back with similar interest.

       We stand on the muddy bank and face each other. My dick is already
    standing against my belly so I begin pulling over it. The boy grins with
    approval. I smile when he eagerly joins into my common male rite. We rub
    over our hard dicks with a wet squishy sound.

       The boy closes his eyes for some reason. Embarrassment? This gives me
    the opportunity to join our bodies in a manly act. I turn around and
    quickly back my ass onto the youth's long dick. Before he can protest, I've
    gotten my slimy hole to fill with the boy's entire length. My hands reach
    back to his butt and pull on it. I force the youth's deep stabs.

       My daydream is a good one! I peek through my closed eye slits every so
    often to make sure that I'm alone in the tipi. My mother didn't tie up its
    door flap before she left so my act is daring!

       My knuckles brush against the front flap to my breechclout that I've
    kept on. I pull over the thick skin of my dick. It fills with nice
    thrills. When I'm in need of lubrication, I reach between my butt cheeks
    and gently push out some of the warrior's cum. My fingers carry it to the
    front of me. It's very pleasing to use manly seed to aid with the release
    of my own.

       I close my eyes again to find that sweet boy on the river bank. Yes.
    He's startled by our forced joining but my hands are locked over his butt
    and prevent escape. I flex my butt to get him to stab. An in and out motion
    that teaches the youth how a man performs sex. I hear his thrills from his
    rushed breaths. My cock begs for attention so I drop my right hand to it
    for a savage pulling. The sharp thrills in it are quick to build up.

       My body flexes over my sleeping mat in the telling motion of lust's
    spell. My legs stretch towards the tipi's rounded wall. I feel my toes
    curling against it. I'm in great need to relieve my lust since I've not
    come out for a few days; not since Big Horn sucked it from me. I put aside
    my dark memories from the past two days. I'm safe at home now.

       I glance at the tipi doorway and think: 'should its flap be tied up?'
    No. What I'm performing is a common male rite. No one would enter without
    first calling out their name and it may attract a needing warrior! I giggle
    at my lustful daydream. More likely, my mother would catch me doing it.

       I smile in rememberance. There have been times in the night when she
    would awaken to scold me after I've come out. Had she heard my revealing
    skin rubbing or was it the sharp smell of my sperm? My mother told me to go
    do it in the woods where no one would see my necessary act. I've not beated
    off in the tipi since I was twelve.

       My dick aches me to finish it. I close my eyes in concentration to
    return to lustful daydreaming. The older Day Rabbit is enjoying his use of
    my ass. I boast to the boy that Tree Snake has already put his seed in me.
    This gets the youth very excited. He clumsily stabs through my hole to
    join his sperm with that warrior's. My balls tingle in warning!

       I let go of my cock to prevent its coming out. My breaths break up
    lust's rhythm. I pant against my right arm that I've curled around my face
    and eyes. So close to it! I reach back for my butt and pull over it. This
    is how I coax Day Rabbit to fuck me faster!

       It's exciting to imagine the smaller body of a boy standing behind me in
    his urgent need for sex. His features are smaller and undeveloped; slim
    shoulders and arms. No manly strength to his chest or long legs. A small
    flexing butt! I'm enjoying the youth's conquest of my bigger body.

       A squirt comes out of my dick! No thrills for me? I reach into my front
    breechclout to finish pulling over myself though my lust is gone. Only a
    little cum fills my palm. I'm left feeling unsatisfied. I knew that my
    balls were warning me to come out but I held back, ruining my pleasure. Day
    Rabbit pushes on my back with a frown...

       My daydream ends. A disappointment fills me when I think of Song Bird.
    He's the only boy in the tribe who shares my Mahyee-na spirit but we can no
    longer embrace in love making. I must keep myself from the other boys so
    that no one will stand against me or Big Horn in fear and anger at what we
    do. Only with men can I seek a joining of our male bodies.

       The five-feathered warrior comes to mind. He's a man that can stand with
    boys in the performance of male sex. Their tribe approves of what they do.
    This was also true for Big Horn's first lover who initiated boys. The
    needing youths of my tribe are taken in hand by their fathers for their
    growing up rite. I would like to perform sexual rites with them.

       I sigh in deep longing. I'm Mahyee-na yet my spirit seeks boys; a thing
    that troubles Big Horn. That man is my love but I feel incomplete without
    having a youth in my arms to express that part of myself which is youthful.
    It's going to be a difficult thing to endure alone.

       A yawn escapes from me. My body is weary and begs for sleep though it's
    only the late afternoon. I'm reminded of my meeting with the shaman this
    night. A nap would be good so I lay over my sleeping mat and close my eyes.

       I'm shaken awake by my mother. I rise in the darkness and make my way to
    the door. A man greets me outside. I follow the shaman back to his tipi and
    enter it. There's a fire burning in its center. I'm in awe of all the
    sacred objects here. Ceremonial drums are hung on the walls along with
    painted ritual masks. Numerous pouches over the floor contain untold power
    objects. I notice a pile of familiar objects which are Big Horn's. Yes. The
    shaman had said that he was keeping them safe until my warrior could
    rebuild his damaged tipi.

       The old man offers me a mat to sit down on while he ties up the door
    flap for privacy. My hand reaches for my sacred bundle at my side. I
    hurridly bring out its contents.

       "This is for you," I explain when handing the tied bundle to the shaman.
    "Deep-roots-that-whisper of the Moss-bowl People has asked me to bring this
    to you in secret."

       The old man nods his head in understanding. "So... I'm not the only one
    to See power in you," he says. The tied bundle is weighed in the shaman's
    hand. "I feel its Power! The one who is asked to bear this bundle shares in
    it."

       I nod my head since to say anything would prove my ignorance. What does
    the shaman mean? As if to answer my unspoken question, the old man unties
    the white thongs from around the bundle and he gently spreads the sheep
    skin apart. Within it are several tied pouches.

       The shaman opens the largest pouch to reveal its content. "Ah... This
    is filled with sacred red dust from the Howling Hills. A potent dye." The
    other small pouches are inspected though their contents are kept from
    Willow Bird.

       "The white bundle was meant for me?" I ask from some unknown insight.

       "Yes. You have spoken from inner Sight," the shaman replies. "You are
    learning to trust the wisdom that's deep inside you, boy. A powerful thing!
    When it's used to interpret what you See from our Great Father Spirit to
    guide your People, you will have become a shaman."

       "I am honored to have your guidance."

       "You may not think so in the moons ahead!" scolds the old man. "There
    will be trials that you'll have to endure to hone those powers within you,
    boy. Your flesh is weak. It can prevent the flow of power so through ritual
    your body must be cleansed and made fit to hold the gifts from our Father."

       "What must I do?"

       "Hmm. The ritual to seek for your animal helper is upon you. It can also
    serve you in another way..."

       The old man collects the small tied pouches and he wraps the white
    sheep's hide around them. I don't like his grim smile for me. My fasting
    ritual is a four day trial that may reveal my animal helper to me. I knew
    that I'd have to perform it before being named a brave. What more will
    have to be faced for following a shaman's path?

       "You will go to the Wanderer's Cliffs in the morning," the old man
    announces. "Spend this night with me. Tell me of all your visions and I
    will try helping you through them. Know this, Willow Bird. I'm glad to see
    you following in my footsteps!"

       I eagerly nod my head. The old man's hand grips my shoulder and I feel a
    kindredship with him. No longer am I the frightened boy before a powerful
    shaman; I will someday become him.

       "Before speaking of my visions," I ask, "have you met with Big Horn?"

       "No. I've not had the chance," says the old man. "He's been keeping to
    his uncle's tipi like a rabbit who hides in his burrow from the wolf. But I
    will chase him down in the morning!"

       I nod my head in acceptance. After collecting my thoughts, I give the
    shaman an account of all the visions that were given me along with what
    Deep- roots-that-whisper has said about them. The old man keeps silent
    throughout my long telling with his arms crossed over his chest.

       "Hmm. Your vision of four rising peaks and a fallen oak is a puzzling
    thing," the shaman says. "Deep-roots-that-whisper has said that it speaks
    of someone's death?"

       "Yes. But I may already know its meaning! Song Bird had drowned in the
    river while entangled in a fallen oak that was being swept in its current.
    I Saw a strange boy in white light bring him back to life. This thing was
    done by Yellow Hair!"

       "I've not heard this," mutters the shaman in surprise.

       "Song Bird didn't want to alarm his father with yet another near-death
    encounter," I explain. "His attack from the bear in the Tall Forest must
    have prompted our chief to adopt another son." I study the old man's face
    for any telling emotions like what my mother has revealed to me.

       "That may be so. An old chief will need sons to care for him in his
    declining years ahead... Just as I will."

       I find nothing in the shaman's face to show that he knows how Song Bird
    and I share a father. Only the old man's hope for my support. "I will see
    that you are provided for. That is the least I can do for your guidance in
    making me a shaman."

       "You have your mother to care for," says the old man. "Yet it's good to
    see your willingness to help me. A shaman thinks of the needs of others
    before his own. You have passed my test."

       I can't prevent the grin forming on my lips. Yes. Big Horn has warned me
    that men will test me... and the more so from a shaman of my People! I
    allow myself to relax. My hands reach out to the warmth of the fire. The
    rest of my evening with the shaman passes in discussion of what I'll be
    facing in the days ahead. After my fasting rite, I'll be at this man's side
    to learn the things expected of a shaman. I'm told that my visions have
    opened me to its path. Yet much needs to be learned before I can guide our
    People as he has. I'm assured that my new path will not take me from Big
    Horn's arms.

       When the fire burns low, I settle over my mat and sleep.

       Morning comes with a loud shout for help through the shaman's door. It
    gets us up in a hurry. The old man unties the flap to his doorway and Song
    Bird rushes inside. He pauses only to give me a questioning look.

      "You must come," begs Song Bird. "There is something wrong with Big Horn!"

       The feel of Death's Hand squeezes my heart. Even before the old man can
    fetch his healing pouches, I rush out the door to find my lover. Panic
    drives me! My legs tear up the ground when I go to Big Horn's tipi. It has
    half fallen over to the ground with torn hides and broken support poles. No
    one is inside?

       I catch my breath for a moment. No! Big Horn has been staying with his
    uncle, I scold myself. My legs make another dash through our camp. I pass
    the shaman and Song Bird in my run. The chief's tipi comes into sight with
    a group of people standing outside it. Yellow Deerskin spots me. She holds
    open the tipi's door flap to allow me in.

       I give my quick greeting to our chief. The old man points to a mat next
    to where his sons sleep. Yellow Hair is sitting over one; his pale face is
    sad. Big Horn is also sitting up. He's awake and shows no sign of pain. I'm
    also relieved to see that he's not acting like a crazy man. What troubles
    him?

       I come to kneel before my lover. He turns his head to me with a strange
    look on his face; eyes that won't stare into mine. When my hands reach out
    to the man's shoulders, he asks who I am.

      "It's Willow Bird," I answer. "Are you forgetting things again, my love?"

       "No. I know you," Big Horn answers plainly. "My eyes... They cannot find
    you in this darkness."

       My stomach tightens with fear. "It's morning, Big Horn... You can't
    see?!" The shaman comes to kneel at our side. He studies the warrior's
    face and there's no expected flinching from Big Horn when the shaman waves
    his hand.

       "You must return with me to my lodge," asks the shaman. "Willow Bird has
    told me about the Trickster and how His evil spirit is possessing you!"

       After a pause, Big Horn nods his head. Together, we help lift the man
    from his sleeping mat and guide him towards the door. Yellow Deerskin
    opens it for us. We step out to the many faces watching our departure with
    concern. I feel for my lover. This moment is a humiliating one that I'm
    glad he can't witness.

       We reach the shaman's tipi. Big Horn is taken to a sleeping mat and
    gently lowered to it. I spring to my lover's side and embrace him hard! My
    tears flow. The man shoos me with his hand over my wet face. I try finding
    strength.

       "Leave us, Willow Bird," the shaman asks. "I have much to do."

       "Can't I stay and help you?" I beg. "If I'm to become a shaman, I must
    see and participate in your rites!"

       "Not this one," the shaman commands. "Obey me in this, Willow Bird. Go!"

       I give my lover a quick hug and a kiss before separating our bodies. The
    warrior looks up at me. Under the piercing eyes of the shaman, I slowly
    make my way to the door. Big Horn's eyes don't follow me. It's true; he
    can't see!

       "Please help him," I beg the shaman. "Big Horn is my life!" The old man
    gives me an assuring nod. I step out of the tipi while my eyes remain on my
    lover. He sits over the sleeping mat without a care. A plain face. I feel a
    terrible fear gripping my heart for the man. He must not be left alone!

       The shaman ties up his doorway after me. I face the crowd of people
    outside and feel my need to turn away from their questions but I'm no
    longer a boy who can run from difficulties, I remind myself. Though my wet
    face embarrasses me, I stand my ground before the shaman's tipi to guard it.

       "What is wrong with Big Horn?" asks a warrior named Elk-trail Finder.

       I swallow nervously in my throat before answering. "An evil spirit has
    dropped into him from the Trickster who he's killed in battle. Our shaman
    will exocise it from him."

       "An evil spirit?" gasps a woman. "What has it done to Big Horn?"

       "The Trickster pains his head," I reply, "and light from Big Horn's eyes
    has been blocked to his heart."

       "He's blind?" asks Tree Snake.

       I face the warrior and slowly nod my head. The crowd becomes silent from
    shock. Everyone knows that a man who cannot see is no better than an old
    man who can no longer hunt and take care of his needs. My lover is still
    young!

       My eyes fill with tears. Yet I stand strong before the shaman's tipi
    with no shame for my display of love for Big Horn. The crowd of People
    return to their morning tasks. I'm startled when a strong hand grips my
    shoulder.

       "Walk with me," asks Tree Snake.

       I quickly wipe my eyes dry of tears and follow the warrior through camp.
    I'm taken to the woods instead of his tipi as I was expecting. This man has
    words to speak with me. I remain patient until he's ready to give them.

       We follow a path through the trees which takes us to the Big Stone. The
    man stops before it and his hands lay over its polished surface when he
    speaks.

       "I'm sure that our shaman will rid Big Horn of the Trickster's evil
    spirit," assures Tree Snake.

       I nod my head in agreement. A thought strikes me. "The shaman was going
    to send me to the cliffs this morning so that I could undergo my fasting
    ritual. Now, it must wait until Big Horn is well enough to attend me."

       Tree Snake turns to face the troubled boy. "No. You cannot delay it for
    too long," he advises. "Prepare for that journey tomorrow. I will go with
    you to guard over your fasting ritual. The Great Spirit will see the sorrow
    in your heart for Big Horn and He may aid our shaman with the evil spirit's
    exocist."

       "I can't leave him!"

       "He will be in good hands," says the warrior. "Was not the bear's angry
    spirit taken out of Song Bird by our shaman?"

       "Yes. But this spirit is evil and stronger than an angry animal!"

       Tree Snake ponders over the boy's words. He speaks. "The better reason
    for you to undergo the fasting rite. You can make a special appeal unto the
    Great Spirit for Big Horn's recovery. Perhaps your animal helper will help
    you."

       I stare into the man's eyes to read him. Yes. His words are true and I
    feel the wisdom in them. Yet again, I'm going to leave the side of a loved
    one who could die in my absence. Song Bird healed. I hope it will be so
    with Big Horn!

       The warrior's strong hand falls down my back and rests on my butt. He
    grins when squeezing my sweaty cheeks. Is this man in need again?

       "I know that some of my seed is inside you," he says. "It brings to me a
    sense of bonding with you, Willow Bird. Have you pushed it out yet?"

       I turn to the man while lifting my eyes to his. "No. I want to gather as
    much strength from it as I can. This is our way of the Mahyee-na."

       Tree Snake nods with relief. "That is good. You've not told me if my
    offer to guard over your ritual has been accepted."

       I find the warrior's right arm and grip it. "I'm honored that you'll
    act in my monedo's place, Tree Snake."

       "That is good," he says. "I will meet you outside the shaman's tipi in
    the morning after your blessing. Big Horn must pass his authority unto me
    then."

       I nod my head in understanding. "Bring Pai-alucia. He has proven to be a
    good, strong horse. I'm sure that Big Horn would approve." Tree Snake
    agrees. He turns from me to take up his usual guard in the forest. I return
    to camp.

       My feet wander over the familiar paths and I pass my People in a daze.
    No one tries to speak with me. Word must have spread of what's happened to
    my lover. It brings an ache to my heart. Great worry! I walk faster until
    finding myself in front of Big Horn's tipi. It has half-fallen over from
    the broken poles that are unable to hold its buffalo skins erect. An unfit
    dwelling.

       I enter it anyway. The floor is slighty muddy with no sleeping mats or
    hides for me to lay over. None of Big Horn's belongs remain. They're safe
    in the shaman's tipi. I sit near the long-dead fire and brood over my fate.

       My head fills with thoughts. Bad ones. I remember the freak accident
    that had befallen Big Horn's first lover, Coyote Thief. That old warrior
    had been gored by an elk bull. He was the beginning of our Mahyee-na
    society which has passed to Big Horn. And like a curse, my lover has been
    struck by bad luck and an ill fate. The Trickster's evil is in him. If it
    wins, I'll be left alone to face what comes. After me, Sings-to-the-birds!
    Will that boy, Night's Star became the last to meet with Death's Hand?

       I shake my head to be rid of my troubling thoughts. Are they true ones?
    There are no answers to them; only my fears for what may be happening to us
    of the Mahyee-na. Big Horn is falling. I have the power of visions that can
    be wielded like a weapon against the evil that's following our society.

       Tears fill my eyes. I lay down over the cool dirt and stare at the fire
    pit with my seeking eyes. 'Where is Your wisdom?' I ask. Only silence. I
    remember the gifted pouch from Sings-to-the-birds which contains the
    charcoals from our half-lodge's sacred fire. Should I try to Fire Speak?

       I continue to cry softly while pondering my need. This dark tipi is
    fitting to my ill mood; unhappiness and doubt. It feels empty. I miss Big
    Horn's arms around me and our expression of sweet love. The shaman must
    save him! I stare at the ashes in the fire pit and sigh. No. It's not yet
    time to Fire Speak.

       I'm in need of happiness so my moments with Big Horn fills my head. This
    tipi was where I was initiated into the Mahyee-na by him. After that rite,
    he held me close and tied our hard dicks within his pa-he-wat-che. I
    remember the strength of his love for me and his hope that I would tie my
    knot over his. I didn't confirm my lover for him that evening.

       Song Bird was still in my heart. That boy wore my pledge ring and we
    eagerly embraced what became the last days of our love. A black bear
    injured my young lover near to death. I saved him but I couldn't save what
    we had for each other. Now, Big Horn is in danger. Will I be losing him
    too?

       My eyes look up to the tipi's smoke hole to voice a prayer unto our
    Father. No daylight comes through... It's blocked by the sagging hides. A
    fire's smoke would not find escape and neither can my prayer fly upwards
    to Him. I rest my head over my arm and sigh.

       My bladder begins to pain me. My need to piss has made my dick grow long
    within my breechclout. My hand reaches within and handles it for pleasure.

       I push away my forming daydreams. I've been staying in my head too much
    when I should be embracing real concerns. Big Horn should be here! I need
    his arms around me now in sweet love making.

       My dick fills with thrills. I put aside my troubling thoughts to enjoy
    this simple male pleasure. My fingers tighten around the thick skin of my
    erection. I use my excitement dripping to make a slippery handling. My butt
    flexes in beat of my hand stabs to enhance my self-loving. Breaths hold.

       I'm startled by soft giggling. My eyes open to find a young boy in the
    tipi with me. It's Pony Ear; a youth of ten. His dark eyes fall on the
    front of my breechclout where my hand is moving within it. Does he know
    what I'm performing?

       I smile when looking the boy over. Like other youths his age, he goes
    about naked in summer. I notice his erection; a mere finger length of a
    pole standing tall against his belly. No groin hair.

       I let go of my hard dick and reach for the boy's pole. Pony Ear allows
    my slimy fingers over his male hardness. I pull over it to give him nice
    thrills. How his eyes shine when my handling gets him to a quick climax! He
    closes his eyes and release a sharp breath. A dry release with no outcry
    from him. It's known that Pony Ear is a shy boy who doesn't talk much.

       I let go of the boy's pole to get myself to sexual release; a wet one!
    Pony Ear watches my performance with a grin. My handling makes an obvious
    rubbing sound under my front flap. The boy reluctantly reaches for the
    front of my breechclout. When I nod to the youth, he lifts it for a peek.
    His eyes widen. Is he amazed by the size of my cock in comparison to his
    small finger length?

       I roll up my front flap around my thong belt. Pony Ear kneels closer to
    my belly to watch my performance. I can feel the heat of his body. His
    pole is still hard since without having seed in his small balls, the boy
    can enjoy thrilling his pole again and again. Yet his hands remain at his
    sides. An idea comes to me.

       I'm nearing my explosion so my lust has me grabbing the little boy. I
    lift him over my belly and bring our dicks together. Pony Ear yelps in
    surprise. He squirms in my hands which reach around to grip his small butt.
    I flex my butt against the floor and my cock rubs over the boy's hard pole
    with tremendous thrills. I hold in a sweet breath. The youth's struggling
    gets his erection to stab against me. My loins tingle in warning!

       I cry out with the blowing out of my breath. My cum shoots between our
    bodies and I know that the boy must feel them. I count five strong releases
    before my loins empty of seed. The tipi fills with the sound of my loud
    breaths. Pony Ear continues to struggle above me.

       I realize with fear what I've done. Not only did I come out when not in
    my lover's arms but to a boy who was forced into my embrace. I cannot let
    him go until explaining what we've done. Will he understand my concern and
    keep it a secret?

       "Our rite is done," I explain softly. "You shouldn't be acting like the
    scared rabbit in a hunter's snare. You're a good boy, Pony Ear. Let me
    perform a 'growing up' rite for you."

       "What rite is that?" the youth asks, "and why did you wet on me?"

       "You are a young boy so I'm not surprised that you don't understand what
    I've done," I gently explain. "I'm nearly a man's age, but without a squaw,
    my loins get hard and ache for release. That's what you were spying on in
    the tipi. Didn't your pole get hard and feel good when I touched it?"

       Pony Ear nods. "Why did you wet on me!"

       "That's what all older boys and men achieve when their hard dicks are
    pleasured in hand. It's male seed that comes out. A warrior puts his into a
    squaw to get her to fill with his baby. Boys spill it to the ground or to
    each other since to keep it in their balls would ache them."

    (Pony Ear listens with wide eyes. He pushes on Willow Bird's chest to
    separate their wet bodies. He looks down at the thick liquid pool on the
    older boy's stomach. It's not urine like he had thought. He slowly nods in
    understanding.)

       "Let me perform the growing up rite for you," I ask.

       "What will that do?"

       I give the youth a knowing grin. "When I was your age, my balls were
    empty and my pole was small. An older boy took me into the woods to show
    off his dick to me. He took its length in hand and made it wet on me. I was
    given his growing up rite by having his thick seed rubbed into my loins. In
    time, my body grew from his male power. Now it's my turn to perform that
    rite for a young boy."

    (Pony Ear stares at Willow Bird's swollen balls and long dick. There's dark
    hairs on the older boy's groin. Looking at himself, he sees how small his
    loins are in comparison; there's a smoothness to his groin. A small pole.
    It would be good to grow! The youth nods his acceptance of the male rite.)

       I take hold of the boy's hips and slide his body over my body. The
    youth's balls touch the pool of sperm over my stomach. I turn him over from
    his sitting position to lay on me. His stiff pole drops over my wet body.

       I perform the sacred rite and speak the words: "From the proven loins
    of a man is given a gift of seed for a young boy. May it fill your body
    with my strength and bring you a quick maturity. It makes us one!"

       Pony Ear curiously stares into my eyes. I show him the seriousness of
    this moment by returning his stare. It's a sweet moment for us both. My
    hand fondly squeezes his soft butt at the ritual's end. He gets to a
    sitting position over me with his knees pressing against my sides. A loud
    breath blows out of his mouth.

       I gently take the boy's pole in hand and pull on it. My cum makes it a
    slippery handling, bringing Pony Ear much pleasure. His eyes shine with an
    understanding. It's good to teach the youth this male rite.

       When the boy's eyes close, I know that his thrills have become very
    intense. His small body squirms over my larger body. We are males in a
    dance of sex. My fingers pull over the thick skin of his erection and gets
    his rosy knob to pop out. The boy cries out in his high-pitched voice.

       No 'rain' falls to my chest from Pony Ear. He is too young. His small
    body shivers over me as if greatly chilled. I slow my pullings over his
    hard pole with a grin and know that it's given him much pleasure; nice male
    thrills! It's very satisfying to be giving this youth my sex teachings.

       "It is... done?" he asks between breaths.

       "Yes, Pony Ear. My growing up rite for you has been completed. All I
    ask in return is that you keep this thing between us a secret. You don't
    want any of the girls to giggle at you!"

       The boy nods his head in understanding. He glances at the open doorway
    and lifts himself to stand over me. I make a gesture of pulling over his
    hard pole. The youth reaches down to himself and fingers his erection; I
    join him by pulling over my hard dick. He has learned how to pleasure
    himself. After only a few strokes, the boy gasps. His eyes narrow from the
    sharp thrills he's been given. I nod my head in pride for him.

       Pony Ear looks down at his wet body. I smile at seeing my cum on his
    stiff pole and balls. He cups my male gift in his right hand to keep it
    from escaping to the dirt.

       I watch the boy leave. His hand remains over his loins as if he's in
    great need to piss. This makes me laugh after he's run off. I unroll my
    front flap to cover my happy penis. Yet another youth has been empowered
    with my seed.

       My body is weary so I close my eyes and take a nap.

       I awaken with a start. The pounding of a low drum is felt through my
    body from the ground. Is it night time already? No. This isn't the mens'
    sacred lodge of the Moss-bowl Tribe but Big Horn's tipi. Who is beating a
    drum? I sit up from the ground and listen. Its rhythm is chaotic; a
    medicine beat! The shaman must be in battle with the evil spirit that's
    inside my lover!

       I rise from the ground and race through camp. It's the late afternoon. I
    find the shaman's tipi and stand before his tied door flap. There is
    chanting from within. I'm disappointed for not being allowed to participate
    in his exocist ritual so I turn and guard the door instead.

       People of my tribe pass by. They give me gentle smiles mixed with
    empathy. The shaman continues to beat his drum and chant. He must be
    calling upon all the strong warrior spirits to do battle with the evil
    Trickster. I hope that they'll be successful.

       I remain on guard in front of the shaman's tipi while Father Sun falls
    from His sky. My mother comes by to ask me to eat with her but I decline.
    My place is here. Night falls. The loud ceremony within the tipi ends. I'm
    tempted to squeeze through his doorway and spy on their rite to see if it
    has ended but I keep my place. It's bad to enter a man's tipi when his door
    is tied up; especially the shaman's when he may be in ritual.

       My body becomes chilled by the night air. Though it's full summer, the
    evenings have been cool. I remain standing while wrapping my arms around my
    chest to keep warm. No sounds have come from within the tipi. Are the two
    men sleeping? I remain on guard. The air fills with the smoke from wood
    fires. My eyes become heavy for sleep.

       I allow myself to sit down. The soft hides of the shaman's tipi presses
    against my back and offers me some warmth. I think of Big Horn inside. My
    arms long to be in his! Instead, I must keep a hold of myself alone without
    him.

       A scuffling sound awakens me. My eyes pop open in the early light of
    morning. When I stand, the shaman faces me with a grim expression. He
    shakes his head to my unspoken question. I enter his tipi to find Big Horn.
    The fire pit is aglow with embers. The air is filled with the heavy scent
    of burned herbs. I find my lover sitting up. His face is marked with
    medicine paint; his eyes have yellow circles around them.

       I sit down at Big Horn's side with my arm reaching out to his shoulder.
    The man stirs at my soft touch. Though his head turns in my direction, his
    eyes don't aim for mine. My heart twists with fear and pain. He is still
    blind!

       "Are you prepared for your fasting ritual?" asks Big Horn casually.

       I'm startled by the man's question. "I've not come here for that," I
    answer. "How are you?!"

       Big Horn shakes his head. "It's no good, my love. The Trickster's spirit
    still has a strong hold of me. I can't see... And my head pains me! It
    would be better if I were dead."

       "No! Don't speak of such a thing," I shout. "You will get better!" The
    man remains silent. He keeps a plain expression on his face to hide what
    he's feeling inside. It scares me.

       "You must go to the cliffs for your ritual," says Big Horn. "Seek for
    your animal helper. Mind what I've taught you and one day you'll become a
    warrior."

       I'm frightened by my lover's words in a way that's hard to explain. I
    ask, "what about you?"

       "The shaman will care for me. He's gone to the chief's tipi for a
    council and perhaps you should be there too."

       "Why?" I ask.

       "Go, Willow Bird!"

       My lover's cold words of command slice through me like his metal knife.
    I find myself on my feet because of them. I've always obeyed my monedo in
    all things but my inner wisdom is warning me to stay.

       I make my way to the door. Big Horn listens for my departure so I make a
    noisy one. When I'm outside, I turn around slowly and remain still. Ten
    heart beats pass before I silently step back inside.

       "Willow Bird; are you there?" asks Big Horn softly. "I need you."

       I don't answer the man's plea. A small fear grips my heart from what I
    suspect the man is planning.

       "Come here, Willow Bird." After a long pause, Big Horn speaks again.
    "Are you there, shaman?"

       I watch Big Horn get up from his mat. He wanders to the doorway while I
    stand within the tipi to one side, out of his way. The door flap is
    clumsily tied. The man returns to his mat while feeling around for
    something. A flint dagger comes into his hand.

       I watch my warrior lift up the weapon as if asking for His blessing.
    After a long silent pause (in prayer?), the knife is turned around in his
    hand. It's aimed towards the left side of his chest! My eyes widen in shock
    while my heart twists with fear. I spring into action before he can strike
    down!

       Big Horn cries out. His two hands join and thrust the flint knife
    towards his heart. My hand gets there first. I push away its deadly path
    and struggle with my lover for it. We end up in a tangle over the dirt.

       "Don't do this!" I shout. "You are my love; my life, Big Horn!"

       "Why did you stop me?" he cries. "It is better this way!"

       "No! You'll become wingless to the afterlife if you do this!" I warn.
    The warrior ends his struggles. I take the dagger from his hand and toss it
    away. His face turns plain. I know that he's planning something... He will
    wait until I'm away on my fasting ritual to try again! My heart surges with
    fierce determination to not let it be so. My head comes up with a plan. I
    voice it. "Big Horn: I swear unto our Father to join you in death if you
    take your own life," I vow. "We will wander the underworld of the damned...
    together."

       "No, Willow Bird! Do not say this!"

       "My vow is given." I see the tears of fear filling Big Horn's eyes. My
    arms reach around my lover and we embrace. My tears join with his when my
    mouth touches his lips in a bitter-sweet kiss.

       Big Horn gasps for breath. "I may die anyway," he whispers. "The shaman
    has warned me that the evil Trickster is cutting away at my spirit as if it
    were a tree. My head pains me more and more. I've lost my sight. I may soon
    lose my sanity and then... my life."

       "Is there no hope for you?" I ask. Big Horn stares at me with a vacant
    look in his eyes. I can't bear their look so I bury my face in the man's
    neck. I'm a long time holding onto my dear lover. His tears wet my
    shoulder. My heart is all torn up for him.

       A noise within the tipi startles us. We part from each other and I turn
    to face the shaman. There's a tense expression on the old man's face. What
    has he been consulting with our chief about? He towers over us and speaks.

       "Big Horn: The answer to what you've asked, as expected, is no."

       My lover nods his head in understanding. My eyes widen from what I
    suspect he has asked of our chief. And knowing what the answer would be,
    Big Horn used the shaman's absence as an opportunity to carry out his
    deadly plan. I was glad to have stopped it!

       "I've warned Big Horn that I will join him in death," I whisper.

       "You knew?" the shaman asks.

       I slowly nod my head. "This man has been my monedo for five years and
    he is my lover. I know his heart... And he knows mine. I've made my vow so
    Big Horn must not do this thing."

       Big Horn swallows nervously. "I will suffer my fate, shaman."

       I squeeze my lover's shoulder to console him. To the shaman, I ask, "is
    there nothing more that can be done?"

       "I'll be calling upon more warrior spirits to fight the Trickster's
    spirit within Big Horn," he explains, "but I fear that the damage to his
    eyes is done. His body may suffer more things before the evil leaves him."

       A horse's snort from outside the tipi attract our attention. A man's
    head pops inside the door; it's Tree Snake. He enters when given a nod by
    the shaman. I know why he has come.

       The warrior faces Willow Bird. "Are you ready?" he asks.

       I turn to the shaman. "You've asked me to undergo my fasting ritual and
    this warrior has offered to guard over me." To Big Horn: "I had wanted you
    with me on this day of my sacred journey! But... Will you allow this man to
    act in your place?"

       "Yes. Guard my lover well," asks Big Horn.

       The warrior places his right hand over his heart. "With my life!"

       The shaman nods his approval. He places a hand over my shoulder and he
    grips Tree Snake's shoulder while facing the heavens in prayer.

       "Oh, Wah-Conda! Hear my plea," shouts the old man. "Guard their journey
    to the sacred cliffs and give Sight to Willow Bird so that he may find his
    animal helper. In the boy's name, I ask for Your aid against the evil in
    his lover."

       With his blessing done, the shaman removes his hands from our shoulders.
    I know that Tree Snake is eager to be on our way. He gives the old man a
    hand gesture of farewell and leaves the tipi to attend his horse. I linger
    a moment with the shaman. In a whisper I ask, "keep him from harm!"

       Big Horn remains seated over his mat. I kneel at his side and take up
    his right hand into my own. "I will be back in four days, my love. Please
    be here to grasp my empty hand." Our grip tightens. I give the man my
    goodbye kiss.

       Without looking back, I leave Big Horn with the shaman. My tears are
    kept from falling. Tree Snake offers me a hand up on Pai-alucia. I mount
    up in front of the warrior and he kicks the stallion towards the wide
    river. Boys from our tribe follow behind us with their loud shouts. We
    enter the muddy water and cross over to its other side.

       We head towards the rising sun. I'm held in Tree Snake's left arm while
    he grips the horse's reins in his right hand. The stallion is made to
    gallop. To the south are the rolling plains where elk and the buffalo can
    be found. The few stands of trees shelter deer. Ahead of us are the sacred
    redwoods of the Tall Forest. They only stand on the high hills above the
    plains. Tree Snake is taking me to the Wanderer's Cliffs. That's where I'll
    fast for four days.

       My thoughts return to Big Horn. Even if the shaman can drive the
    Trickster's spirit out of my lover the damage to his eyes cannot be undone.
    He will remain without sight! I can care for him but the path ahead will be
    dark and without honor. It may have been best that he died.

       No! I love him... I need him! To lose Big Horn is to lose his guidance
    and his love that I'll need as a newly named brave. It is his
    responsibility to stand at my side on summer's eve to fulfill his role of
    monedo. Blind or not, I will accept no other man in his place.

       Tree Snake holds me close in his left arm. I appreciate having this
    warrior act on Big Horn's behalf to guard over my fasting rite on the
    cliffs but it's not what I had wanted. This was to have been my lover's
    proud duty! Instead, he waits for my return in the shaman's tipi like a
    helpless old man. Blind. It brings a terrible wrench to my heart to think
    this of my strong warrior.

       The stallion gallops onwards. We've been following the river bank during
    the morning but our trail takes us into forests. A brief rest is taken to
    water Pai-alucia. I stumble over the ground with a shaken body. My butt
    hurts. Tree Snake remains oddly quiet. His brief glances in my direction
    are to peer into my eyes; what does he seek? My offer for a sexual joining
    is ignored.

       We mount up and continue our journey through the woods. Father Sun
    rises to the top of His sky before we leave the trees behind us. The
    rolling hills are before us. I keep my eyes out for danger. We've left
    behind the safety of our tribe and out here two men on a horse can be
    easily overtaken by an enemy.

       In the distance, I can see the rising cliffs. We are quickly drawing
    nearer to them. They're called the Wanderer's Cliffs since no path can be
    made through them; a man who foolishly attempts a crossing will forever
    remain in their twisting mazes of stone walls and dead-ending canyons.

       Tree Snake slows our horse. He keeps an eye out for some feature of the
    rising cliffs and I'm asked to keep a look out for enemies. Pai-alucia
    snorts. He doesn't like the high walls of stone before him. Perhaps he
    thinks that we'll be making a hard climb of them like our journey to the
    Moss-bowl Tribe. This day, it won't be so. I've been told that the fasting
    ledge is at the foot of the Wanderer's Cliffs. The only climbing to be done
    will be on foot by me.

       We stop. Tree Snake silently points to a break in the cliffs. He directs
    our stallion into the forming canyon. We leave behind the soft path of the
    rolling hills for a trail of hard stone. The loud clippity-clop rhythm from
    Pai-alucia's hooves echoes in my ears. It makes the warrior tense.

       I look for enemies. The high walls could easily hide unfriendly eyes
    and a hand pulling on a bow or throwing down a spear could easily take us
    out. The canyon comes to an end. Tree Snake and I dismount. The warrior
    silently leads us around a stone wall that turns into a passageway! It's
    like a cave that has been wind worn through the stone. We walk down its
    length and emerge into a grassy clearing.

       The cliff walls tower around us. They are of baren stone yet where we
    stand between them is filled with life. I hear the chirping of birds.
    There are trees, bushes and a clear stream flows at our feet. It's a
    wonderous place!

       Tree Snake ties up the stallion to a bush. He fetches a small pouch and
    silently takes me in hand to the rite that awaits me. We follow the stream.
    It leads to a small waterfall! The thundering of its power fills my ears
    and our bodies get wet by its spray. A squarish stone is pointed out to me.

       "That is the guardian stone," yells Tree Snake. "Bare yourself and leave
    the things of your worldly existance upon it."

       I fumble with the knot in my thong belt. When it loosens, I pull away my
    single deerskin flap, knife and sacred bundle from my body. These things I
    place upon the guardian stone. Naked, I turn to the warrior and ask where
    I'm to go. He pulls something red from the sack that he's carried with him.
    I'm handed a red dyed breechclout and thong belt.

       "Willow Bird: you are to walk through the waterfall," he explains.
    "Keep a tight hold of your ceremonial breechclout and put it on when you
    reach the cave beyond. Follow its passage to the end. Look up. Make a
    climb of the chimney stones until you come out onto a ledge. That is where
    you will fast."

       I nod my head in understanding. Tree Snake's hands grip my shoulders and
    his dark eyes stare into my own. I feel the power of what I'm to face in
    the days ahead. Through the trial of fasting, I hope to find my animal
    helper. I'll also be calling upon our Great Father Spirit to aid my
    stricken lover.

       The warrior's hands fall from my body. I turn from the man and walk
    towards the waterfall. In my hands is tightly clutched the red
    breechclout. My nose fills with the heavy water spray. My ears fill with
    the waterfall's roar. I pause before the falling sheet of water. Tree Snake
    nods his head when I'm glancing back at him for guidance. I hold my breath
    and walk forward.

       My head is pressed down by the force of the falling water. Its cold
    spirit embraces my body. I feel cleansed by it. In only a few steps, I
    come into a dark musty cave. The sunlight coming through the sheet of
    water helps to guide me down its passageway. My feet nearly slip over the
    slimy cave floor.

       The passage becomes narrow. It grows darker away from the falls and I
    have to use my outstretching hands to grope my way ahead. I'm feeling
    chilled. I remember the red breechclout that I'm holding. Tree Snake's
    words return to me. I bring the thong belt around my waist and tie it at my
    side. The soggy cloths are hung over my belt to cover the front and back of
    my body.

       I slowly make my way ahead in the dark. My hands come upon a dead end.
    Even when I turn to my left and right, I find only stone. I remember to
    look up. There's sunlight above me! My eyes notice the rough stones to the
    chimney that I'm standing in. I lift myself from the cave floor in my climb
    of it.

       The upwards passage is easy to climb. It's as if the protruding stones
    were placed here by a man's design. I make my way upwards until coming out
    of the chimney hole like a gopher. When I stand up, I find myself on a wide
    ledge. All around me are the Wanderer's Cliffs. My wet body warms under the
    hand of Father Sun. I look down at the red breechclout clinging to my skin.
    An awe fills me. My sacred rite is at its beginning!

       I walk over the ledge to measure its space. On all sides is a great
    drop to the stones below. I can't find the waterfall or the wonderous
    clearing that Tree Snake awaits in for my return. I'm alone here.

       I walk to the center of the ledge and raise my hands up to the sky. My
    voice lifts in song. I am praying unto our Great Father to ask for His
    guidance. Not only for myself, to find my animal helper, but I ask Him to
    strengthen our shaman's hand to rid the Trickster's evil spirit from my
    lover. I also ask that sight be returned to his eyes.

       My song ends. I continue to raise up my hands in His sky. My arms ache
    me after a while but I don't let them drop to my sides in rest. A fasting
    ritual is done to weaken the body. Only through abstinence and pain can my
    spirit be freed to the sky world.

       I face Father Sun and burn my eyes with His brilliance. When it hurts
    too much, I turn away with closed eyelids. The aching in my arms grows. I
    ignore its pain. The passage of Father Sun down His sky seems agonizingly
    slow. My breaths pant out of my heated body. Sweat runs down my skin and
    makes for lots of tickles that I try ignoring. When the torture of my body
    becomes too much, I raise my voice in song. I sing of all the sweet
    melodies and teaching words that were given me by my father and Big Horn.

       Night comes. I welcome the cooling shadows over my skin and my heavy
    arms drop to my sides in defeat. I had wanted to keep them raised
    throughout the night but I'm weak. I try swallowing. My tongue sticks
    within my dry mouth. Four days of this must be endured. I can easily go
    without food for my belly but to not drink water will be the harder test.

       The bright stars come out. I gaze up at their familiar arrangements and
    try to name each one. There's the Hunter with his raised spear, the Twin
    Boys, Arrow stars, the Rabbit and many others which I find and call by
    name.

       My body grows cold during the long night. I wrap my arms around me to
    keep warm. A fire would be nice but it's not permitted during the fasting
    ritual. I also fear what the dancing flames would try to show me.

       Morning comes. I awaken and scold myself for my weakness! In punishment,
    I stand up with my hands reaching high for the sky. My belly rumbles in
    hunger. I am badly thirsted. A grim smile comes to my face for these pains.
    Good. My flesh is weak and the passing days will make it weaker. Only then
    can my spirit be freed for its brief flight into the sky realm.

       My arms ache me badly. Father Sun rises in His sky and the growing heat
    brings sweat to my body. My open eyes follow His bright passage. When I try
    raising my voice in song, only a dry rasping comes from my throat. I speak
    the words to what I cannot sing to. The second day of my fasting rite
    passes as slowly at the first.

       Night falls gently upon me. Though I lower my arms to my sides, I remain
    standing in the growing cold. My feet are planted over the stone like tree
    roots. I must not allow sleep to take me again!

       My mind tries forming memories of things to pass the time. I think of my
    mother, of Song Bird and Big Horn. My love cries out for them! I find that
    my head is filled with swirling patterns of colors and emotions that sweep
    away clear thought. I must be deep in the ritual's spell.

       Morning comes again. I greet the rising of Father Sun with a hand wave
    since my dry mouth cannot utter words. A pride fills me for not having
    slept during the night. I remain standing and raise up my arms to His
    brilliance. All around me are the tall strong cliffs of stone. I'm small
    and weak in comparison but inside me burns a living spirit. It needs to be
    freed!

       My head grows faint. Is this my third day of fasting?

       My body trembles. I feel myself swaying over my feet and when I fall to
    the ledge, I pick myself up after a short rest to stand again. My eyes fill
    with sunlight. It pierces me like lightning and explodes as thunder within
    my head. A strange calmness follows the storm. Thoughts are difficult to
    form. No pain. I no longer care about anything; not even to ask where I am.

       My exhausted body falls away from me like a broken turtle's shell. I am
    in spirit; so free! Yet there's a sad twisting in my heart. I look for its
    source and find the sky path to follow. I'm led to an arrangement of bright
    stars: the Great Bear!

       He growls a welcome to me. I recognize His power and give the Great
    Bear my thanks for being my animal helper. Within his dark sky body, a
    man's face appears. This is the source of my heart pain. Big Horn is
    radiant in the utter beauty of his glowing spirit. The Great Bear allows
    our connection so that I may hear the man's words:

       "My love, we'll be together again in the Above. Until then, allow my
    hand to guide you along life's long path. Be brave!"

       With Big Horn's words comes his acceptance of my youthful spirit. I'm
    free to seek out boys with my guidance and to offer them my sweet love.
    The evil heaviness of my guilt falls from me to free my spirit. Power
    flows. I face my lover with my thanks. Another man's spirit forms in the
    Great Bear. It's Coyote Thief. The two loving spirits embrace and fade in
    night's sky. I fall back to Mother Earth and into my fleshy shell.

       My body stirs with life again. I find myself laying over the cold
    stone; my limbs ache me and a thirst pains me. Yet my eyes widen from great
    happiness. I have Seen my animal helper. It's the Great Bear! And I
    remember the two men spirits embracing within His dark body. Big Horn's
    words echo in my head. His understanding of my youthful spirit brings tears
    of relief to my eyes.

       I drag myself towards the stone hole in the cliff. It's difficult since
    my body is without strength though my spirit burns brightly within me!
    Before crawling into its depths, I watch the rising of Father Sun giving
    me His morning greeting. My feet then drop into darkness.

       My passage through the cave is a slow one. I prevent myself from licking
    the moist walls for water drops since it would probably give me a sour
    belly. At times, I'm forced to crawl over the stone floor because of my
    weakness. The roar of water soon fills my ears. I rush towards it. The cave
    opens to a sheet of water which I walk into. My mouth opens and drinks of
    its sweetness.

       I open my arms to welcome its strong flow over my body. The falling
    water cleanses me; a chilly spirit to embrace! When stepping into the
    sunlight, I notice my nakedness. The force of the waterfall has stolen
    away my red breechclout. I step towards the guarding stone and find my
    things upon it. I've return to my worldly existance.

       The thong belt is tied around my waist. I fold my single deerskin flap
    over it to cover my loins and my knife and sacred bundle are secured to it.
    My fasting rite is done. I follow the stone steps down to find Tree Snake.

       My belly rumbles with hunger. I find a black berry bush, and although
    most of them are still an unripened red color, I eagerly eat a handful. The
    swiftly flowing stream is followed so that I can find my guardian. Where is
    he?

       I'm about to call out to Tree Snake but an inner wisdom prevents me. I
    come to the place where he had tied up our horse. Nothing. The ground
    markings show the warrior's footprints over stepped by Pai-alucia's
    hooves. I follow them.

       Their tracks end at the wind worn tunnel. I take a careful look around
    before walking down its long passage. At its end, I come out to the canyon.
    There's no one here and the stones don't allow for any markings for me to
    follow. I head for the entrance of the cliffs to find them.

       My head fills with troubling thoughts. Why did Tree Snake abandon me?
    Did something draw him away; a sign of the enemy or had he simply gone in
    search of food? I keep looking to the cliffs above me for men. I'm alone
    without a horse; my flesh is weak after my fasting and I have only a metal
    knife to defend myself with.

       I step out of the cliffs. Before me are the rolling plains with soft
    earth below my feet. I look down for markings. Yes. My eyes find the
    passage of Tree Snake upon his horse from the cliffs. I follow them at a
    run. Again, I prevent myself from calling out to the warrior. I'm eager to
    find him but Big Horn's training is ever in my mind. I'm no longer a
    carefree boy. Danger may be near!

       I run past an outcropping of rocks and come upon a terrible scene. On
    the ground, face down is a dead man. My heart twists with fear. Is it Tree
    Snake? I free my knife to hold it in my hand at the ready. My eyes look
    around. My ears listen for sounds. After many heartbeats, I find no signs
    of the enemy. My eyes study the ground before me to discover what's
    happened here.

       There are markings of horses and men who wore moccasins. I try sorting
    through their chaotic paths for meaning. My eyes glance at the dead man
    from time to time. I make my way slowly to him while studying the ground
    before my feet further confuses the footprints. I reach the stiff body and
    frown.

       The man has been scalped. If he had any eagle feathers, they were taken
    by the men who had killed him. At my feet is his sacred bundle; its
    contents has been spilled over the ground and trampled on. I avert my eyes
    while collecting these sacred things and return them to the man's bundle
    with reverence.

       I gasp. The rear flap to the man's breechclout is missing and it brings
    to mind what I've heard of warpath atrocities. Has this man been raped?!
    I peer between the cheeks of his butt and find dried blood. The ground
    reveals that the raped man had thrashed against his captors. There are
    signs of heavy leg prints around him.

       I swallow nervously in my throat. The time has come for me to look at
    the dead man's face. I've already guessed that it must be Tree Snake... He
    had worn the deerskin flaps of a boy instead of a man's lengthy
    breechclout. No moccasins are worn on his feet. I step over the man's body
    and look at his face; the dead eyes are open and filled with horror. Yes.
    It is my guardian.

       A terrible anger builds in my chest. It threatens to explode out of me!
    Why? Why was this man killed, his sacred bundle violated and his scalp
    taken? Who did this?! Which men found it necessary to further humiliate
    this warrior by using his butt as if he were a squaw? They raped him!

       I catch my breath and try controlling my anger. The men who had done
    this could be close by. I touch Tree Snake's back with my hand and shake
    his body. It's stiff from the death of a full day. Perhaps two.

       No. These men are gone and they've taken Pai-alucia with them. I scout
    out the area to be sure of it. My eyes take in all that the ground has to
    offer. I determine that there were four men riding on three horses. They
    came upon Tree Snake, killed him and at least two of the men raped him
    while he was still alive. A knife's cut to his throat was the death blow.

       I drop to the ground from exhaustion. Tears threaten to fall but I
    prevent them. Everything has gone wrong! The end of my fasting rite was
    supposed to be one of triumph. I had wanted to find Tree Snake and tell
    him that I've Seen my animal helper. And now, I must walk back to my tribe
    with the news of his death. A dangerous journey that will take me at least
    two days.

       I spot Tree Snake's rear flap. An idea comes to me that would prevent
    anyone from our tribe from learning that this proud warrior had been
    violated. I step to the man's butt and sit over it with my own.

       A sadness fills me in rememberance. The last time our naked bodies had
    touched was in the deep woods with my hand reaching back to grip this man's
    wildly flexing ass. His hard cock was stuck into me with all of its male
    power. I can almost feel the sweet pain from our joining!

       Tree Snake's body is lifeless now. No more will he labor to gift his
    seed to anyone; not even to that woman he was looking for to carry on his
    precious life through his child.

       Much anger fills me. I should have been the one laying helpless before
    those four lusting warriors! My butt needs to be conquered. I'm not longing
    for death but Tree Snake shouldn't have had to endure that further
    humiliation of rape. His is a man's butt. It flexes with power when the
    front of his body drives his cock to seed; not to endure male penetration!

       I raise my arms high to the sky. In prayer, I ask our Father to remove
    the dishonor done to Tree Snake's manly body and to embrace it myself. My
    eyes strain from the tight shutting of my eyelids. A breath holds in my
    lungs. In my mind I beg, 'bring upon me this man's shame!'

       I become faint. Someone answers me with quick images flashing before my
    eyes: a dark forest. I'm tied to a tree with my hands raised to a limb. Two
    painted warriors take their turns behind me with their intent to violate my
    body. It brings a grim smile to my lips. I secretly welcome their fierce
    cock attacks to my butt which ends wetly for them. Much seed in me. A boy
    watches my performance with approval.

       Tree Snake points his heavy finger of accusation at these two men. He
    asks of me, "it was they who stuck in me! Kill them."

       To be given the opportunity, another morning of humiliation is endured.
    The boy is befriended; he speaks to me in the tongue of my tribe? Together
    we face the two painted warriors. Yet the greater trial upon me is to open
    my heart to love...

       My deep feelings for Big Horn breaks me from the trance. A breath fills
    my air starved lungs. Sight returns to my eyes. I remember what I've Seen
    and to the unspoken question upon me is given my head nod of acceptance. I
    will endure this for Tree Snake's sake. My butt will be violated in the
    place of his.

       A vow is made to myself. I've sworn to keep silent about what this
    warrior has had to endure at the hands of our lusty enemies. And if it's
    within my power, I will avenge his death!

       My butt feels the clammy coldness of Tree Snake's butt. I rise up and
    spit to my fingers. The dried blood between the man's cheeks is wiped
    away. I fold the rear flap to his breechclout over his thong belt. The dirt
    around him is kicked. Now when the warriors from my tribe return to collect
    his body, there will be no telling signs of his rape.

       A horse's snort alarms me. I spin on my feet at the intruder with my
    metal knife pointing outwards. No men. My eyes widen in disbelief when I
    find myself facing Pai-alucia.

       What fortune! I slowly approach the horse with my shooing words so that
    he'll recognize me. He still bears our water skin and food pouch. I grab
    his reins and pat over the horse's side with much affection. With his help,
    I'll be able to ride back to camp in only half a day!

       I reach into the food pouch and bring out several sticks of jerky. These
    are quickly eaten. Oh, how good the smoked venison tastes after four days
    of fasting! I already feel strength returning to my body. A plan forms in
    my head. I'll have to leave Tree Snake's body here. The moccasined warriors
    could be scouts from an enemy tribe with plans to direct an attack on our
    camp! I must return home with all speed to warn my People.

       I jump over Pai-alucia's back and savagely kick his sides. This gets the
    stallion to a quick gallop. I follow the path that Tree Snake had taken us.
    My eyes tear from the wind whipping past me. I keep an eye out for the
    enemy: four men on three horses. There could even be a band of warriors
    with them!

       My fast riding takes me through several forests and I pause only to
    water Pai-alucia and to give him a brief rest. Big Horn's words of warning
    return to me. He had said that his sweat rite vision warned him of some
    danger to our People. Are warriors from our enemies planning to fall upon
    them in surprise?

       Father Sun rises to the top of His sky and falls half way down before I
    reach the river and follow it back to my camp. When I enter the shallows,
    my eyes fill with bewilderment. Where are the tipis of my tribe? I kick my
    horse to get him to cross over to where my camp is supposed to be.

       I have returned home but there are no People; no tipis to be found! The
    muddy ground reveals to my eyes that a rushed move has taken place. The
    earth is marked by the two deep lines from travois and a procession of
    horses that are followed by the footsteps of my People. They have gone. To
    where? And why?

       The remains of a charred tipi is found. Its lodge poles and buffalo
    hides were burned for some reason. When I look around at the empty space
    that was our camp and sight along familiar trees, I determine that this
    was Big Horn's tipi. Who had done this and why?

       My head fills with more questions. I head to our burial grounds with
    dread. If there was a battle here, I'll find new platforms for the dead. I
    drop from Pai-alucia's back and tie him to a tree. He would bulk at the
    smell of death.

       I walk through the woods until finding the sacred clearing of our dead.
    My eyes search through the raised wooden platforms. No. I don't see any new
    ones. When I turn around, my heart wrenches with fear. I find a lone
    platform standing away from the others. Hanging down from it are objects
    familiar to me. I rush to its base. A long spear is tied to one wooden
    post. I recognize the decorated clay pot from the Moss-bowl Tribe, the
    gifted clay smoking pipe and the quiver of arrows. These things belong to
    Big Horn!

       "Why did you go?!" I shout.

       I stare up at where my dear lover sleeps. Is he truly dead? My eyes dart
    to each hanging possession and I confirm that they're Big Horn's. Tears
    fill my eyes. The painful scene before me is blurred from sight. Yet my
    heart was struck by the truth of it. My head has turned numb from the pain.
    He is dead!

       Words fill my head. They were Big Horn's spirit words to me from my sky
    journey; he had said that we would be together again in the Above. I
    suspected that my lover was in the sky with all the others. Didn't I see
    Coyote Thief, his first lover in a joyous embrace with him? Yes. I will
    join them in the afterlife. Perhaps sometime very soon.

       A strange calmness comes to me. I stand strongly planted in the earth
    and my eyes are dry of weak tears. I'm a man. Big Horn lies dead before me
    and I must now decide to which path my feet will turn to and follow...
    Alone.

       My eyes lower from the painful scene as if burned from Father Sun. My
    ears can still hear death by the wind-tossed jiggling of Big Horn's
    possessions. Now I know who I was searching for amongst the dead of the
    Moss-bowl People... And the fallen oak beside my path was him; my lover! I
    find myself staring at my opening right hand with dread.

       My four fingers rise above my thumb which is falling. It's my vision!
    Like what Deep-roots-that-whisper had warned me, I would come to understand
    its meaning only at the end. A rising ache in my heart bursts out of me as
    a sob. I stand alone with an empty hand. My lover is gone!

       Anger turns aside my weakness and my tears are prevented from falling.
    My rash vow unto Big Horn is remembered. If he has taken his own life, I
    have promised to follow him! My head pounds like from a tomahawk's blow. My
    heart races in fear of my dangerous resolve. I will kill myself.

       "Be brave!" a voice shouts.

       I spin around on my feet but find no one. Who has spoken those words?!
    My ears fill only with the wind and the faint jiggling of bumping objects.
    I open myself to that which is felt but cannot be seen. Things are
    whispered to me. I'm told to take his spear, bow case and quiver of arrows
    and that Pai-alucia is now my horse. I know this not from spoken words but
    the absolute knowledge that this is what Big Horn wants me to do. And I
    obey him.

       I turn away from the sacred burial grounds of my People and walk towards
    the river. My horse is taken in hand. A quick look around of my empty
    village proves that there's nothing left here for me. They have gone... To
    where, I don't know yet but I will find them! Those enemy warriors near the
    Wanderer's Cliffs may have something to do with my tribe's hasty departure.
    If I come across any sign of them, I vow to avenge His death! No retreat!

       My path is chosen. It's a dangerous one but what have I to lose? Failure
    means that I'll be killed by another's hand and my spirit will glady join
    with Big Horn's in the sky. Success will find me back with my tribe, and
    with any luck I'll be wearing the proud feathers from the eagle in my hair
    even before having been named a brave!

       I stop before the wide river of what was once my home. A last look
    around is made with a grim smile coming to my lips. I've had fifteen years
    of happy memories here. In ritual stance, I grab a handful of mud from the
    bank and wipe it across my butt. That life is behind me. My new path lies
    before me. I secure my long spear to Pai-alucia's back and mount up.
    Together, we cross over the muddy river to what will be.


                                    - The End -


    "Willow Bird, Warrior" continues with the boy's quest for his lost tribe.
    He has not yet been named a brave yet the challenges before him will test
    his path towards manhood. Anger is his new companion. With it, Willow Bird
    will face his enemies and he may pass through them. But will his heart
    become too hardened to the possibilities of new love?

    This final chapter in the "Willow Bird" trilogy can be found in the
    collection of short stories entitled, "Indian Boys at Play" which is
    expected to be ready by the end of 1997.

                                      ***
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