**************************************************************
         *                  A Story Outline for Jake                  *
         *                          (part 4)                          *
         *          (Correspondence between Luke and myself)          *
         **************************************************************
         | Copyright 2005 by Vince Water               March 18, 2006 |
         --------------------------------------------------------------

         PLEASE NOTE that the 'Singing' text posted on my Yahoo! Group
         didn't include some story clips I'd written about Jake for
         parts 15/16 NtTL that only Luke was given to read. I will be
         posting this updated 'Singing' text on my Group July 21st.
         For now, bear with what Luke and I are saying concerning the
         story clips 'B' and 'C' that are about Jake.

    7/17/05 Luke wrote:

         I laughed at the story clip B. That is so typically
         adolescent to be speeding around in a car. Also I laughed at
         one or other of them calling each other "chicken". I do think
         it is "cheating" for Jessie to borrow Mike's skill and drive
         so well! Adolescents are always saying "that's not fair" and I
         think that Jake would be correct to say that in this case.

         Story clip C is the skinny dipping sequence. That's very sexy
         although I hope that you will have the time to greatly expand
         this experience. I like how they swim together and then get
         into talking about the Indian game. However, I didn't like the
         way Mike and Jessie just kind of backed into the shadows as
         Jake pulls out his cock and starts to beat off. I think that
         Mike and Jessie both should play with their own hard cocks.
         They don't have to cum but to just hug each other and watch
         Jake beat off until he cums seems odd. They are both guys who
         have had sex with other guys and aren't that shy about their
         bodies. And what about them touching each other's cocks?
         That's what the game involved, didn't it?

         Maybe after Jake asks them "do you two fuck?" they could ask
         him the same question. I wish they could maybe do something
         with their butts - like talk about being amazed that a cock
         can get inside there while fingering their own holes..... or
         something like that.

         But I like it and look forward to reading it in its full
         blown version.

         I realize that these are raw first drafts that need to be
         fleshed out but you've done a good job with them. Again, I
         look forward to being able to read them when they're finished.

         About Part 1 of "A Story Outline for Jake", I am amazed that I
         wrote all that. I did come across the eye color issue. I said
         that Jake's eyes were a light brown which looked green under
         certain conditions. It is you who made those "certain
         conditions" using his power to Glean. That's a great addition
         but I think it's your addition, not mine. Also I said that
         Jake was 5'10" at 16. Somehow I've thought of Mike as about 6
         feet tall. How tall is he? And how tall is Jessie. Of course,
         if Mike is 5'8" or shorter, then he is "short" and Jake would
         look tall to him. These are VERY minor things and I don't
         really care whether you make Jake taller or shorter than was
         in my original outline. You description of him in Part 14 is
         very true to how I described him. And in Clip C, you have kept
         my description of him of being very proud of his muscular body
         and of being well hung and uncut.


    7/19/05 Vince wrote:

         I'm glad you liked story clip B where Jake, Mike and Jessie
         drive the pickup truck wildly. I wanted for them to have some
         adolescent 'fun' while demonstrating an aspect of M&J's
         Connection to each other to Jake. Yup - Jes cheated!

         In story clip C, Mike does handle his cock though Jessie is
         too shy to in front of his cousin. He doesn't touch his
         'thing' even when alone and he represents 4% of boys who don't
         masturbate. I wanted Jake to think, 'Ah, hah! That's why
         Jessie 'needs' Mike to get off since he can't himself'. Again,
         this story clip was written very late at night, is a first
         rough draft and I'll keep your points in mind when expanding
         and editing this clip when it appears in a NtTL story part.

         The reason why M&J didn't ask Jake if he fucks too is that
         they didn't want to press this teen about gay matters yet.
         They know he's gay but DON'T know he's prostituted himself.
         I'm saving that shocker for later. Per your outline, Jake has
         separated the act of sex from love. Jake doesn't accept that
         he's really 'gay' but just fooling around with the other boys
         at school and having sex for pay with men. He'll observe M&J's
         loving relationship and make that connection to how he feels
         for Dr. Karl as being the same thing. That will get him to
         accept that he's gay too, and that it's okay (after he returns
         to Havre. Too much is already planned for Winna's visit in
         Rosebud and Jake can't absorb that much 'wisdom' by the guys
         in so short a time).

         I know how much you want Jake's asshole to be seen by M&J and
         to show them theirs. Please be patient, Luke! I don't want to
         overload that skinny dipping scene. Trust in sexual/gay
         matters needs to build between these three first. Okay?

         Here's another thought I have about Jake. A change to my view
         of him.

         When you read expanded story clip 'C', Jake says that he's not
         gay to M&J during their 'tell the truth' game. I've told Tryme
         on my Group and had thought so myself that Jake just wasn't
         accepting that he could be gay, only fooled around with boys
         at his school when he was 'younger and stupid'. Now, I'm
         thinking that Jake knows he's gay but won't admit that to M&J
         because doing so could lead them to suspect that he's
         prostituted himself to men. Jake fears being 'Gleaned' and
         having all his dirty little secrets known. Mike's already
         explained that they're both 'shielded' from that happening.
         What do you think, Luke? I really need your professional view
         about this young man of yours.

         Per your outline, Jake is in fact functionally gay. He likes
         having sex with men from a pleasure standpoint, to relieve his
         lust, and from his need for a loving father figure in his life
         (if even for a brief time when he's with his johns, especially
         enjoying those moments with Dr. Karl when they are together as
         'father and son' eating out at restaurants, going to a movie
         and the sex of course). This latter point we've agreed is not
         consciously realized by Jake - wanting a loving father. He
         only knows that having sex with men (who are more mature and
         older than him) is more pleasurable than fooling around with
         the boys at his school which stopped at age 13/14 when he
         began prostituting himself.

         Back to Jake knowing he's gay. Perhaps he's not 100% sure or
         hope he isn't gay or doesn't want to be gay. Which is it?
         There are two 'sides' to this young man that M&J have noticed.
         That 'charming' actor wearing a mask which Jake plays all too
         well with people like his johns, and that vulnerable honest
         kid M&J briefly see. Please give me your analysis of this
         young man and what YOU think Jake is about concerning his
         sexuality. THANKS!

         Mike is shorter than Jake by being 5' 8" to the teen's 5' 10".
         I built on your 'green' eye color for Jake that's seen by
         others when the teen is in a certain mood. I'm good at
         building around a 'seed' of information using my creativity.

         I won't be posting Jake's outline with the Nifty Archive until
         a few more NtTL story parts about Jake are written. That way,
         readers can be surprised by things such as the teen's
         prostitution that hasn't been revealed in the story yet. One
         Group member (Tryme) was confused when part 14 had Jake not
         accepting he's gay and in love with Dr. Karl that didn't jive
         with the Jake outline saying he was. Again, having advance
         knowledge about Jake's character in the outline but not
         reading it yet in the NtTL story can be confusing and I told
         Tryme so. You'll read this exchange between Tryme and myself
         in Jake's updated outline part 3.

         I will begin writing part 15 NtTL when part 2 'Honeymoon' is
         completed early this week. Expanding/editing those story clips
         about Jake will be done first and sent you; not posted with my
         Group since they're too revealing right now. Be patient! I'm
         tackling two series at the same time. Many story parts are
         expected to comprise the H series that will be posted with
         Nifty only when NtTL story 'time' catches up to it. I'm
         getting my 'feel' for Jake, and from your comments/suggestions
         to what I've written of story clips in the 'Singing' text
         helps clarify and set my path correctly to write part 15 NtTL
         properly where Jake is concerned. He is your character and I
         want you to be happy! That's why I lost a night of sleep to
         write those story clips for you to get your feedback, which
         thus motivates me to actually begin part 15 NtTL. My fingers
         are really flying now with the new H series (which you might
         view as a 'threat' to me writing more about Jake) which serves
         as my reward when cranking out the next NtTL story part. After
         part 15 NtTL is written, I'll return to write parts 3 & 4 to H.

         P.S. I've fleshed out those story clips B&C some more this
         Monday evening. It occurs to me that M&J and Jake have their
         'outing' on Thursday instead of Friday which is going to be
         the day Winna goes to court to gain Guardianship of Jake. He's
         given them a tour of his school that Thursday morning after
         breakfast with Fr. McMillan. Winna remains behind to get the
         paperwork done with the school's social worker though Jake
         hasn't been told. They're just rushing to get things prepared
         in case the boy is partial to returning to Havre with them.
         Saturday isn't a 'court' business day so it has to be done
         Friday. What happens Thursday between the guys sets up the
         next day where Jake agrees. He probably won't realize that
         Winna will be taking him from school on Sunday! Saturday he
         finds out, and takes tests to pass from the tenth grade.

         Those story clips B&C won't be further enhanced in the
         'Singing' text beyond what I've worked on this evening. I've
         written enough now until a NtTL story part 'catches up' in
         time where this raw text will be inserted and there enhanced
         and edited. The purpose of writing story clips is to quickly
         jot down a future event while it's fresh in mind so I won't
         forget it. Things could change in the main NtTL story that
         could make a story clip obsolete and not fit in. I'll try not
         to let that happen for B&C! It's too much wasted effort for me
         not to use them!

         Take care, my friend. I value your input, your inspiration and
         you do motivate me into writing good stuff! I hope you'll be
         pleased with Jake in the NtTL series. Be honest. Let me know
         if something doesn't seem right and unlike Mike, I can control
         my anger if we clash on something. That's only human.


    7/19/05 Vince wrote:

         NOW I can begin writing part 15 NtTL. When I have a good
         amount written, It'll be sent you for comment; not editing.
         I want to get Jake 'right' by passing text past you. When this
         story part is written, I'll reward myself with returning to
         the H series for a few parts. It's really taken hold of me and
         my readers! I've already received some nice feedback on my
         Yahoo! Group through message postings, and privately.

         What did you think about that revised story clip 'C' in the
         Singing text sent you Tuesday morning? I really need your view
         about Jake's denial/fear of admitting to M&J that he's gay.

         I look forward to your next letter in answer to my questions
         about Jake.


    4/20/05 Khasidi, who is a member of my Yahoo! Group: NtTLStoriesAndSketches
            posted a lengthy note that, in part, gave his views of Jake. His
            subject line read: 'NtTL - Speculation on what comes next...' I
            won't repeat the entirety of his note here but relevant points.

         Jake has been abused as a child. This hasn't necessarily been
         intentional abuse, but nobody cared enough to save him, nobody
         actually loved him enough to care for him. Also, he has been
         ripped away from his home and those who ought to have loved
         and protected him three times (from his grandmother's house,
         from his mother, and now from the Rosebud school). He has
         coped with this by distancing himself emotionally and this
         comes out most strongly in the fact that he has disconnected
         (so he thinks) his emotions from his sex life. It is a form of
         extreme alienation. Jake is able to love Charlie because, in
         that relationship, he is in the position of power. Charlie
         can't abandon him because Charlie is too little; therefore he
         is safe to love.

         But then Jake leaves Charlie! In his heart, he considers this
         his greatest sin -- the fact that he has now abandoned Charlie,
         something that he swore he would never do. He has committed
         the sin against Charlie that was done to him. In fact, it is a
         pattern. When Jake starts to care for a person, he has to
         abandon that other so that he, Jake, won't get hurt.

         In a situation like this, sex would be used as a mechanism to
         escape from feeling. After crying with the doctor, Karl, Jake
         probably went out and did a few tricks just to prove to himself
         that it was all just sex. He had just been feeling moody. Love
         had nothing to do with it. This doesn't mean that Jake's sexual
         attention isn't fixated on father figures, just that he can't
         allow himself to trust anyone in that position for fear of
         rejection or abandonment. His whole emotional life is blocked
         by that kind of double blind -- what he wants are the same
         things that terrify him. On the other hand, he does truly
         dangerous things almost compulsively. When Jake gets to
         Montana, he is going to have really severe problems with trust.
         The more he wants to trust his new family, the more terrified
         he will become. After all, when you start to trust someone
         they abandon you, right? And abandonment is his greatest fear.
         ...

         I am thinking that He Who Runs Up Mountains (Grandfather) would
         want to put him through a coming-of-age ritual in which he would
         be forbidden any sexual activity for some period of time. This
         would be accompanied by other stress-induced practices such as
         fasting, sleep deprivation, (pain?), and maybe even hallucinogens
         (mushrooms? peyote?). The idea would be to trigger a crisis in
         a controlled situation in which the boy could be protected and
         in which he could open his heart to healing transformation.
         Hopefully Jake would find his totem and open his heart.

         The problem, of course, is that Jake can't trust anybody, so
         how can he believe in Grandfather's medicine enough that he
         doesn't simply run? In may be that, knowing that Grandfather
         is going to die, Jake is able to actually admit to himself
         that he loves the old man. It fits a pattern that he
         understands: the people I love leave me.

         I imagine that Jess-ee-ah is not going to understand this. For
         him, sex has been a way out of darkness, a spiritual path; and
         that was true for Good-eyes, too. He has no experience of the
         inverse situation -- sex as an escape from the light. This is
         the first time that Jes has not had the right answer. It will
         be a learning experience for him to find that his young wisdom
         is not infallible. A difficult lesson on his path to becoming
         a Shaman.

         {Khasidi goes on to describe how grandfather asks Mike to
         attend Jake when he undergoes his coming-of-age ritual that
         proves to be a trial by fire for them both.}

         At the end of his ordeal, Jake will come to an understanding
         of God and death that will allow him to discard his fear of
         abandonment. He will understand in his inner feeling (heart)
         as well as in his mind that there is no circumstance in which
         the Father would abandon him. Thus, he will let go his fear of
         loving another person.
         ...

         At some point Grandfather will have to die. I think probably
         that will be a final ritual that will really crush Benton. I
         also imagine that his death will coincide with the crisis Jake
         comes to in his ordeal. Witnessing Grandfather's ascension to
         join the Father will be the factor that opens his heart.


    7/21/05 Vince wrote in response to Khasidi's posting (only relevant
            parts concerning Jake are shown here):

         ...
         Jake won't ever accept Winna as his second mother. It'll be
         lucky if the boy considers this woman his aunt with whom he
         can trust given his past bad experiences.

         Jake's character is the brainchild of my good friend Luke.
         You've read the progress we've made in developing and refining
         Jake's outline which is still ongoing. An important idea that
         you've put forth is what you said in so many words that Jake
         cannot allow himself to trust anyone, even to be loved, for
         fear of being rejected or abandoned again like he's been for
         all his life. Jake has coped by distancing himself emotionally
         from most people and it explains why he's disconnected any
         possibility of feeling love for someone he's having sex with.
         Those ideals have become two and separate things in his mind.
         His young friend Charlie was 'safe' to love, as the kid
         brother Jake's never had since they're both stuck at that
         Jesuit school where neither will leave the other. I agree
         with you that when Jake does return with Winna back to
         Montana, he will consider abandoning Charlie (left at the
         school) as his greatest sin that had been done to him
         throughout his own life when, for example, his mother had
         left him at the school at age five and didn't keep her
         promise to return for him.

         Being able to trust is always a difficult thing for persons
         who've been hurt by a break in trust. When 'damaged' Jake
         feels drawn to someone as a friend, aunt, or lover (such as
         Dr. Karl), he expects to be hurt and abandoned again so he'll
         try to avoid letting them under his skin. This is the problem
         Mike and Jessie encounter and you're right that Jes won't know
         how to help his cousin right off.

         I am considering Khasidi's idea that Jake be there when
         grandfather (the tribe's shaman) dies. They'd be alone
         together when it happens. This old man's death is expected in
         the 'handful of moons ahead' but it's not known exactly when
         it will happen. It would be a peaceful Passing. As
         grandfather's spirit takes Flight to the Above, Jake would
         See it as the joyful release from flesh that it is and help
         complete his own healing.

         Jake will be going to school in the Fall. Mike is teaching
         computer classes in Chinook during the evenings when Jake
         comes home after school. Jessie is off with his grandfather
         for training. Jake could come out to grandfather's house on
         the weekends to serve as 'helper' in their rituals. He and
         this old man will become close. Unlike Jessie (due to his
         inexperience), grandfather can effectively help this troubled
         youth.

         The idea that Mike attends Jake during the boy's Vision Quest
         is a good one. It wouldn't last weeks or months but four days.
         That's the traditional duration for a fast. This event may
         happen soon, and help Jake to reveal his greatest shameful
         secret: that he's prostituted himself to men. Mike is the
         ideal person to confide in since he's not blood family.

         Simon and Jake will likely be having some sexual fun over at
         Hawk Flying Over's house in the hot tub. Simon wants HFO to
         get 'jealous' since the man has thwarted his attempts to get
         it on with him. Jake will be able to have a near same aged
         friend who is gay and very sexually liberated like himself.
         Boys will be boys, having lots of fun and connect as friends.

         The views I've put forth about Jake are my own. Ultimately,
         it's up to the character's creator - Luke to approve if this
         is indeed what this troubled youth is going through for me to
         write about him in the story. NtTL is MY series but Luke looks
         over my shoulder concerning Jake. I'll ask Luke to comment on
         Khasidi's view presented about Jake.

         As to Khasidi's other speculations to what comes up next in
         my series... Jake will not learn about that gay cruising area
         at Bearpaw. That proved very destructive for Running Water as
         a boy which holds true into his life as a man.
         ...


    7/23/05 Luke wrote:

         I'm sorry that you clearly got the impression that I thought
         that Jake needed to be drunk or high to beat off in front of
         Mike and Jessie. I didn't mean that at all. Like a lot of
         things, saying things in an abbreviated way just makes it more
         confusing. So let me start with that skinny dipping scene.

         Think about it. Jake is a sixteen year old adolescent. He
         has been with men for money one-on-one. He has not done sex
         shows or gotten up in front of other guys and masturbated. He
         might have done some circle jerks at school so he has probably
         beaten off in front of other guys but like all the other
         guys, he has hidden in the anonymity of the group. But even
         with his experience with other guys, I think he still would
         have been shy about beating off in front of his older cousins
         whom he has just met. Not that I think it shouldn't happen
         in the story. In fact it's a great idea. But I think it
         needs to be a bit more refined. Remember that at sixteen Jake
         is "half child/half adult". Mike and Jessie in their twenties
         (this is correct, yes?) would be more mature than Jake despite
         his sex-for-money experience.

         Remember the nudity and sex play with Simon down by the
         river? That was really well done and felt to me, at least,
         just the way a precocious adolescent might handle this
         situation. This skinny dipping sequence feels really good to
         me on reading it until it gets to the beating off part.

         It's hard for me to tell you how to change things. I'm not
         the writer. You are. However, let me look now at that ending
         of the skinny dipping scene and react to some of the
         specifics, OK?

         First off, I like the way the getting naked and getting into
         the water was handled. I like the cutting of the farts. I like
         the game with the mud. And I REALLY LIKE the truth questions
         game. That's really good.

         So they're sitting around naked asking each other questions
         that each has promised to tell the truth in response to. So
         each of them is getting a leisurely and complete view of each
         other's bodies including their genitals. The question about
         whether Jake wanted to come back to live with them in Montana
         was a stunner. I didn't expect it. Is Jessie just asking this
         out of the blue or does he know something from Winna about her
         intentions?

         You know what? As I'm reading this in your text on page 16
         of SINGING I realize that you have a written direction to
         yourself to the effect that ......"more little stuff happens
         here while the three are drying off in the sun......" So you
         ARE going to add more. Hopefully whatever else you add will
         lead us to the scene where Jake beats off in front of them.

         Maybe instead of Jessie turning away in embarrassment because
         he has a hard on, they would all be kidding around after the
         seriousness of the "truth questions" and Jake could ask
         something about Jessie's or Mike's cock - like it's shape or
         color or cut/uncut. This might lead to a discussion of
         nonhairy Jessie, hairy Mike, and Jake being something in
         between. Maybe they can tell Jake that he's not fully grown
         yet including the amount of hair on his body and, probably,
         the size of his cock and balls among other things. Maybe as
         they talking about each other's genitals, all three of them
         begin to get hard. Maybe they comment on the size-while-hard
         of each other's cocks. Teenagers might do this with a lot of
         kidding around. Teenagers would probably get out something to
         measure with and check out who is the longest. This is
         familiar territory for Jake since he has probably done this
         with other boys at the school when they've had a private time
         away from the priests, brothers, and prefects.

         So all three continue stroking themselves. Mike and Jessie
         could do exactly as you describe - not actually cum. Jake,
         thinking that all three are going to cum, goes right ahead and
         does what you describe. Actually I wonder if Jake is going to
         feel left hanging out there to realize that he's the only one
         who cums?

         Jake's nonchalance is a "put on" because actually he's
         feeling very weird inside. Here he is with his cousin and
         his male lover whom he has just met. And he cums in front of
         them. This is different for him than sex-for-money. This is
         family. He probably wonders if they think he's a degenerate
         shit for doing this. He will feel this inside but on the
         outside will give them that adolescent indifference that
         hides - or tries to hide - the uncomfortableness inside.

         Anyway, you can tell that I really like this scene as I've
         told you before. It brings back memories of things that
         happened with me in my own youth skinny dipping in farm ponds
         with the Explorer Scouts on camping trips, circle jerks in the
         hayloft where we were sleeping overnight, and so forth. So
         that's why I focused on this, I guess.

         Now let me go to the other questions about Jake that you
         asked in your letter.

         Regarding whether Jake's sexual orientation, I do think of
         him as gay. However, he does not consciously know this about
         himself. So when he answers Mike's and Jessie's questions by
         saying "I'm not gay...." that's what he thinks although his
         unconscious is bubbling up into his conscious mind to realize
         that he really enjoys being sexual (not necessarily just
         "having sex") with guys than he ever has with girls. However,
         he does view his prostitution activities as ways to make money
         and not meaning that he is gay. But of course, he is gay!
         It is a real area of conflict for him that I hope that Mike
         and Jessie can help him sort out. It's what he would do in
         psychotherapy - remember my recommendation that he get into
         therapy? Things that seem perfectly obvious to an outsider
         can be completely unaware to the person himself.

         Adolescence is at time when such things are sorted out.
         Adolescents do, in fact, experiment around sexually and often
         with somebody of the same sex. For most of them (80-90% if
         you believe the statistics about sexual orientation) are
         really heterosexuals (mostly heterosexual but maybe not
         completely) who are just "walking on the wild side". For
         those 10-20% of us who are gay, however, it has much deeper
         meaning. I'm not sure how Jake would have gotten involved in
         prostitution. I'm not sure whether he was propositioned by
         some guy in town and got started that way or what. I'm not
         even sure what he would have charged. Based on advertisements
         in the gay newspaper here he could have charged $150 and up
         for an hour of his time. Given his propensity on the Internet,
         maybe he would have known what to charge. Maybe he would have
         discounted his regulars who were favorites of his.

         So, yes, he would have considered his sex-for-money
         activities as one of his "dirty little secrets". He certainly
         would not have wanted these two guys to know that about him.
         Mostly this is because he fears that they would condemn him
         or, at the very least, think badly of him. He does not in any
         way feel superior to them or look down on them. What they
         have said to him when they were drying off and also beside the
         fountain has really given him something to think about. He's
         probably turning it over in his mind as they get dressed and
         drive back to the school. Maybe he can let himself get in
         touch with how it might feel for himself to have somebody love
         him. Somebody who is male. And, as we have already discussed,
         his heart gravitates to somebody older like Dr. Karl.

         Many people choose partners or spouses based on their deepest
         needs. Jake would be unconsciously longing to be fully loved
         and "possessed" by an older man who would function, in part,
         as the father he never knew.

         So, yes, Jake is in fact functionally gay as you state. In your
         letter which begins "Per your outline, Jake...." is exactly
         right from my point of view. You have voiced exactly the way I
         see Jake.

         I don't know where he might have gone to actually connect
         with men. Probably the school had several busses that would
         take the older kids into town for "outings". High School
         boarding schools do this all the time. Maybe they would have
         money to go to the movies. Maybe the boys would be encouraged
         to meet girls. Maybe some of them had girl friends, probably
         Native American ones, in town. So my thought is that Jake
         would have gone into town on the bus but instead of hanging
         around with the other boys, he would have gone off on his own.
         Maybe he would have had to cut his liaisons with guys short in
         order to make the last bus home. I doubt that the Jesuits
         would have taken kindly to Jake being brought home much later
         by a stranger. That would certainly have been against the
         rules and would have gotten their antennae up!

         However, once Dr. Karl became Jake's Big Brother, if you go
         in that direction in your story, he would have been able to
         come to get Jake and then bring him back to the school almost
         anytime he wanted. Given the prestige that a medical doctor
         would be held in, the adults at the school wouldn't have even
         thought that any hanky-panky might be going on between Jake
         and Dr. Karl. Maybe Jake would take the bus into town, go
         over to Dr. Karl's house or office, hang out with him
         including dinner, and then come back much later with Dr. Karl.
         Also in that area of the country, I imagine that people are
         used to driving long distances to get somewhere so even an
         hour's bus ride into a larger city would not have been out of
         the question. I'm guessing that there would have been a bus
         going into town every Saturday right after lunch and coming
         back before "lights out". However, I agree with you that you
         could "fluff off" this point and just not deal with this
         particular detail. Have you decided where Dr. Karl lives and
         has his office?

         I do think that Jake might have contacted guys on the computer.
         Remember that he's a real whiz at this.

         Back to Jake knowing that he's gay. From his responses to
         the questions after the skinny dip, he seems to think about
         being gay just in terms of sex. Mike's and Jessie's comments
         to him about their own relationship must be a real education
         for him. Most of straight society, after all, thinks of
         gayness primarily in terms of sex and not in terms of
         "orientation" which includes identification, loving, and so
         forth. As he hears these things from M&J and sees how loving
         they are with each other but not immediately jumping each
         other's bones all the time (making sexual grabs, always trying
         to have sex, and so forth) he has probably really started to
         do some thinking about himself.

         So he does not consciously know that he's gay. It's not
         something he has allowed to enter his mind maybe until the
         arrival of Mike and Jessie. I do NOT think it's because he
         doesn't want to be gay but maybe it is, as you suggest, that
         he hopes he's not gay. It certainly must have occurred to him
         that his sexual activity with men, albeit for money, would
         make most of his friends at school say that he's "a fag".
         That's why he keeps it so quiet. Also he's has sex with some
         girls.

         Yes, Jake does have at least two sides to him. He's the
         charming young man whom adults are absolutely taken with. He's
         also able, probably, to put on the "little boy" or maybe
         "little Indian boy" persona when he's with guys for money.
         He's also a fighter able to take care of himself when he needs
         to do so. He's also a vulnerable, honest, almost naive kid
         which M&J have only seen glimpses of so far.

         I do think that maybe Jake's awareness of his own sexual
         orientation is going to take a giant step when he says his
         good-byes to Dr. Karl. We've already talked about this. Dr.
         Karl has already told Jake that he thinks he loves him. Jake
         feels something for Dr. Karl and he knows it's powerful and
         that he wants to be with this guy more and more as time goes
         on. He looks forward to it. He loves to talk with him. He
         loves to be held by him. Their sexual activities are different
         in quality and intensity from all the other guys Jake has been
         with. But so far Jake has kept the implications of this out
         of his conscious mind. M&J, in observing him with Dr. Karl,
         pick up on the truth of their relationship immediately. Maybe
         Dr. Karl looks at M&J with a look (of anguish?, of love?, of
         pain?) as he's holding onto the sobbing Jake that indicates to
         them that Dr. Karl is aware of what's going on with him and
         this teenager. Maybe Dr. Karl has deliberately held back on
         talking to Jake about this up to this point because he knows
         that Jake isn't ready. Also what he knows he feels and wants
         is not only against the law but it means that he would have to
         give up the wife he doesn't love and his two kids - if he has
         kids. It would certainly be easier for him to not have kids
         and, therefore, not break up a family when go comes to Havre
         eventually to be with Jake. It could be that either Mike or
         Jessie could gently talk with Jake about Dr. Karl as they ride
         back from town to the school. Such a talk would have to handled
         VERY delicately and carefully or it would freak Jake out.

         I've thought that Dr. Karl and Jake would uncover their
         feelings for each other through a series of intense e-mails
         once Jake gets back to Havre. Maybe Mike can somehow come
         upon them and that is how they would get into the story. I've
         imagined that Jake would have his intense conversations with
         Mike and/or Jessie and then talk via e-mail to Dr. Karl. I
         imagine Jake writing to Dr. Karl very late at night. I imagine
         Dr. Karl reading Jake's e-mails first thing in the morning at
         his office just before he starts his "patient day". E-mails
         written at private moments when the writer is "ready" and read
         and responded to by the reader when they are "ready" is very,
         very powerful. I have heard parents of kids who have gone off
         to college talking about just this thing happening. Parents
         say that their kids share things with such intensity through
         these late night e-mails to them that they would NEVER say
         face-to-face. I have always thought that Jake and Dr. Karl
         would do this with each other.

         As a doctor, Dr. Karl has the money, I guess, to fly or drive
         to Havre to see Jake. That would obviously have to occur some
         number of times before Dr. Karl actually moves to Havre.

         The fact that Jake can really love and be loved by Dr. Karl
         can certainly occur without Jake being conscious that he is
         gay at least at this point in Jake's development and in the
         story. Think of the number of adult men who love a teenage
         boy where the teenager has no clue that this is anything more
         than friendship. It happens all the time. So your reader's
         problem with this doesn't jibe with what happens in real life
         - at least in my experience.

         So if you have any more specific questions about this issue
         of Jake's gayness, please get a letter back to me. I will
         answer it as speedily as I can.

         You are doing wonderfully with this, Vince. You are developing
         Jake just the way I've pictured him. And please bear in mind
         that I have deliberately only developed him in my own mind to
         a certain point. I know that things are going to happen with
         him in the story that are not necessarily my ideas and I'm
         prepared for that. I trust you to "take care" of Jake for me.
         I really do. So let your fingers fly away. I am REALLY looking
         forward to seeing the next few parts and to read how things go
         with Jake.

         I'm also glad that Jake, for his part, is stirring up
         comments from your other readers. That's good, right?

         I wanted to comment on some of Khasidi said in his post about
         Jake. I liked your response to Khasidi but I wanted to give
         you some reaction myself about what he suggested.

         Yes, I agree, that Jake has been abused as a child. His life
         from the time he left Mexico (age 2 or 3?) until Judy took
         him to the school at age 5 was rough to say the least. He was
         left to take care of himself and he was exposed to adult
         sexuality a lot including to guys having sex with his mother.
         This would have left him as he got to the school and grew up
         with a lot of technical knowledge of what adult bodies look
         like and what people do sexually with another person. But
         because he was so young, he just wasn't able to know any of
         the feelings that might go along with the sex. That is, sexual
         feelings and loving feelings. And, I guess, hateful feelings
         because there are certainly people for whom having sex with
         somebody is violent and an act of hate. Think of Eli Kie.

         So whatever sexual activity Jake got into at school from the
         time he got there until he went out and sold himself to adult
         men, it would have been just something to do. Something that
         felt great in terms of firing nerve endings and, eventually,
         the discharge of something out of his cock. This sex without
         feeling was what he learned as a young boy. What he may be
         learning now with the arrival of M&J&W plus his leaving Dr.
         Karl and, more generally, the only home he has ever really
         known, is going to stir up powerful feelings in him. And
         included in those feelings, of course, are his feelings for
         Dr. Karl and his own awareness of longing to love a man.

         Khasidi is absolutely correct about Jake abandoning Charlie
         and it being a repetition of sorts of what happened when Judy
         abandoned him. Remember me suggesting to you that somehow
         Charlie come to Havre to join the "family"? You had said it
         wasn't going to happen and that when Jake said good-bye to
         Charlie, that would be it for Charlie. I guess I had wanted
         to avoid that very painful abandonment of Charlie by
         eventually bringing him to join them. I imagine that those
         kids who have no known to be alive parents could be adopted
         by families couldn't they? Actually the kid (like Charlie in
         this case) would be placed with a family as a foster child
         because, in the absence of proof of parental death or
         parent(s) giving up parenting rights, adoption couldn't
         occur. So I'm with Khasidi in that regard about Charlie.

         I don't think that Jake would go out and turn a few tricks
         after crying with Dr. Karl just to distance himself from his
         feelings. I understand the dynamic that Khasidi is talking
         about but I think that Jake would probably be absolutely
         drained and feeling empty. He would be in no mood to be able
         to turn on the sexual charm. At least I don't think he would.

         Although it is possible that Jake will have "severe problems
         with trust" as Khasidi suggests, I don't see it that way.
         Although Judy left him at the school never to return, Jake was
         loved and cared for by Jesuits and by lay adult volunteers who
         really cared for these kids. I see the Rosebud School as
         being a place where the kids are well cared for. It's not the
         same as having a parent but it's not like being in an
         "orphanage" with mean caretakers. So I see Jake as having
         gotten a relatively good upbringing at the school. He is
         going to have to do a lot of working through with Winna and
         the family in terms of why they waited until he is sixteen to
         come to see him and take him home with them. It is going to
         take Winna and M&J to repeat the reality over and over before
         Jake can let it fully sink in.

         I don't like the sound of the ritual that Khasidi suggests.
         And I hope that you don't put Jake through something like
         that. It sounds sadistic and horrible this day and age.

         And to finish up this letter, I wanted to say that I read
         with great interest your response to Khasidi and the group
         that you intended for HFO to evolve into a man who loves boys.
         Specifically Simon. That's nice. And the prospect of Jake and
         Simon having sex in HFO's hot tub is "hot"!! Go for it. I
         hope, though, that this will be something of interest to both
         of them, maybe done playfully, and not just Simon trying to
         get HFO jealous! Will you have anybody else in with them?
         Probably not for this particular sexual encounter although if
         Mike is not there to witness it, how will it come into the
         story?

         Oh yeah - Khasidi's comment on the role of women in your
         stories is quite interesting, isn't it? I know you responded
         to him about this but I hadn't really thought about that until
         he mentioned it. What about Winna's sexuality? Do you intend
         for her to have a "gentleman caller" at some point? Does she
         masturbate, do you think? Does she go out on dates and get it
         on with a guy?

         Also, we did talk a lot about Jessie's father. My own wish is
         that he is dead and that eventually M&J go wherever he lived
         before he died to get a fuller picture of him. I think of him
         as a louse who abandoned his wife and his autistic son. What
         a creep! I would upset me if somehow the story rehabilitates
         him like coming up with some OK rationale as to why he left
         them and then refinanced the house without Winna's knowledge
         thereby sticking her and eventually Mike with the bill. I
         wouldn't mind some fuller understanding of Jessie's father in
         terms of his own personality but I do think he's a guy who
         went bad and died that way.

         Well, I will bring this to a close. You said you will pick
         it up on Monday. Again, if you have any other specific
         questions about this that you want to ask me, please do so,
         OK?


    7/23/05 Vince wrote:

         You really have given me a lengthy letter this time. Thanks.

         I know that you didn't mean Jake would beat off in front of
         M&J unless he was stoned or drunk. That was just an example of
         yours to explain that's when adolescents might be so bold.
         What had confused me was that you read story clip 'C' and
         liked it, asking that M&J join him then you said that Jake
         wouldn't do that. Perhaps the addition of the 'truth game'
         change the context and had you switching positions. I'll wait
         until story 'time' comes to that scene and we'll work on it
         some more (using the ideas you said in your letter).

         I'm really hung up on writing about Jake. I forced myself to
         stop writing part 3 H to get part 15 NtTL started as I've
         promised you but my 'flying' fingers moved like molasses. In
         three days, all I could write was 8 K towards the 110 K story...
         I've reviewed the 'Jake Outline' for help.

         I want you to be happy with my portrayal of Jake. I need to
         keep the boy 'real' to his personality, his motives, story
         plot and basically be happy with him myself. You and I have
         worked so hard on his background leading up to this, some of
         what happens in Havre, his meet with the three but now that
         I'm actually there at part 15 NtTL, I can't get my fingers
         moving in a comfortable direction.

         Let me 'talk out loud' with you as I see these days at Rosebud
         unfolding. If I'm going in a totally 'wrong' direction as you
         see Jake, I've not written too much to throw away and can change
         direction when you respond to this letter with a replacement
         idea of your own that works.

         First, let me briefly state what you and I have agreed on
         concerning Jake at this part 15 NtTL point in time:

       * Jake is grieving over learning that his mother was murdered.
         At most times, he'll hide his pain from these three 'strangers'
         with his actor's mask and at other times, such as Jessie's
         first 'meet' with Jake, the boy cries. He does not like
         breaking down in front of anyone.

       * Jake is angry at Winna for not seeing him before now. He
         intellectually understands that she simply didn't know he even
         existed but in the boy's heart, he is a bit angry. This woman
         also wants to know about her sister that Jake doesn't want to
         reveal (Judy turning tricks, into drugs - yucky stuff!). He'll
         remain closed mouth about his mom at least until Monday per
         what Mike commented about in the 'Singing' text, story clip A.

       * Jake doesn't want to be gay. He's separated the physical act
         of sex from the loving act. Seeing M&J's loving relationship
         is a new idea to him but he's viewing it critically for now.

       * Jake will NOT reveal to anyone that's he's been prostituting.
         Later, in Havre that will come out likely with Mike.

       * Jake has been in a stable, loving place at his school. He will
         NOT want to leave that by going back to Havre with Winna.
         Something dramatic still needs to take place in part 15 or 16
         to change his mind/force him to leave friends (Charlie), Dr.
         Karl, his prostitution, and the comfortable place in his life
         at the school. (More about this later.)

         That 'family' visit for Jake is more a burden to him than a
         help (for now). He doesn't know his aunt and fears her
         learning about his mother's sad life, and him prostituting. He
         is curious about being part of a Blackfoot family but the
         school has been his 'family' for 11 years. Why change things?

         Jake learns that he has Power. Yet that scares him because
         Mike might Glean that he's prostituted himself. At first, he
         despised Mike for 'taking advantage' of his autistic cousin.
         At the fountain, he knows better now. The idea that two gay
         guys can have a loving relationship never really occurred to
         Jake and when M&J demonstrates their love in front of him,
         he'll realize that his 'friendship' with Dr. Karl might be the
         same thing.

         In part 15, Jake will continue to take 'pot shots' at Mike as a
         defense mechanism to prevent his 'dirty secrets' from being
         Gleaned/known to M&J. This will make your character seem
         detestable to readers but it sets up a useful, believable
         story plot. You've seen how 'put off' Jake is in story clip C.
         "I'm not gay," he's told them.

         I don't want Jake to be another "Simon" who's easily won over.
         The dynamic here is very different as outlined above. Please
         bear with me in part 15 with a seemingly unfriendly Jake. He's
         only trying to protect himself from M&J, and Winna.

         The GOAL is to get Jake going back to Havre with Winna & Jes
         on Sunday. Tenth grade final tests on Saturday. Transfer of
         Guardianship has to take place Friday. Jake shows them around
         his school Thursday morning, going off with M&J that afternoon
         as shown in clips B&C while Winna remains at his school to
         prepare paperwork with social worker unbeknownst to Jake.

         How to accomplish our goal? Let me talk this scenario out with
         you and get your go, no go or suggestion of your own.

         In part 14, Winna speaks privately with Fr. McMillan while
         the 'boys' are in the garden. Readers don't know that Winna
         has expressed her desire to take Jake home to Havre. The
         Father asks that she get to know her nephew first, take a few
         days to do so and keep her plans to herself for now. He wants
         Jake to go back with Winna because of an 'off story' event(s)
         where he KNOWS that Jake has been prostituting himself! This
         came to his attention through someone seeing Jake in town with
         a man, an anonymous letter sent him (maybe by Dr. Karl whose
         last meet with a crying Jake revealed to him that the boy was
         still turning tricks and he needs to let the Father know so he
         can stop that whereas he has failed to do so himself), etc. I
         don't have to reveal in NtTL just how the Father knows, but
         that he does and he was about to confront Jake when news of
         his mother's murder delayed that. Here comes Aunt Winna who
         WANTS to take the boy home with her! Father McMillan's
         prayers are answered on how to get Jake away from his
         destructive lifestyle. Yet he doesn't want to pass his
         responsibility for the boy off to an unknowing Winna unless
         she is sure she wants to take care of Jake and likely the
         Father will reveal Jake's prostitution privately to her Friday
         morning before court so she can make a final decision.

         In the meanwhile, Jake has been a cool strong teen in front of
         the three. He can be charming to his aunt, avoid telling her
         what she desperately wants to know about Judy. Maybe some tears
         with her that may even be real. Jake's outing with M&J for
         some fun, observing their loving relationship but being on
         guard against them. Especially with Mike.

         Fr. McMillan has Winna prepare for transfer of Guardianship
         on Thursday afternoon. He's not promising Jake will agree to
         it now, perhaps at a later time so their paperwork won't be
         for nought. Winna wants to take the boy home Sunday. The
         Father warns her to not hold out hope for so soon a change in
         the boy's life but it could happen. The question to Jake is
         popped Thursday evening at dinner at the school. Of course,
         Jake says no. He has another month of school, another two
         years until he's eighteen. He likes it at Rosebud. Thanks for
         coming to visit with me, Aunt Winna. Have a safe trip home!

         M&J and a disappointed Winna return to the motel. Fr. McMillan
         has a 'little talk' with Jake in his office that Thursday
         evening where (off story - readers won't know content but only
         its result Friday morning) he reveals knowing about Jake's
         prostitution. The boy denies. Father shows 'proof' and says he
         can't trust Jake anymore even when he promises to stop it.
         Father says only way is to keep Jake at school all the time -
         no leave into town but it's a more serious matter than that.
         Jake is too 'sophisticated' to live amongst the other boys.
         Sending Jake off to a foster home is the only real solution,
         hence going back to Havre with Winna which would be better for
         him since she's family and far away from temptation here in
         Rosebud. The fear of God is put into Jake at that meeting.
         He's angry of course since he feels forced to go with his aunt.
         Fr. McMillan tells Jake that he made that decision for having
         prostituted himself, it's a destructive lifestyle that the
         school will not tolerate and he fears the boy will run away to
         live on the streets. Do you want that, Jake? I would never
         want that for you! This change in your life will be for the
         better, don't you think? You have found family. Go with them.

         Friday morning, Winna, M&J are told of Jake's 'change of heart'.
         The boy hides his anger behind actor's mask. Perhaps Winna is
         told privately by Fr. McMillan that Jake was prostituting
         himself so she can back out with Jake going to a foster home.
         It's only fair that the woman know. Obviously, Winna isn't
         going to allow that but take in her sister's son in spite of
         what he's done. Transfer of Guardianship takes place. The rest
         follows as outlined above to Sunday.

         In Havre, grandfather first meets his grandson Jake at a late
         lunch with 'Singing' story clip A. M&J go off on their
         honeymoon Tuesday - Friday. Winna confides in her uncle
         (grandfather) who begins his relationship with the boy that
         week with Jake starting to respond.

         What do you think, Luke? This scenario comes right out of
         your original outline explaining why Winna was contacted to
         take the boy home. I want Jake to pose a real challenge for
         M&J who cannot help the boy on their own. Grandfather really
         shows that he's a wise man. The story dynamic sets up strain
         between Jake and Mike Thursday with Jes cooling his lover down
         by reminding him that they're visiting to help the boy deal
         with his mother's death. Readers may detest Jake at first. A
         few vulnerable moments of Jake's will come out to reveal the
         human struggles plaguing this troubled youth by hints of the
         problems he faces.

         Now to answer things in your letter:

         I understand that you have a 'life' unlike myself. Don't
         worry about me getting mad/concerned by the pace of our
         correspondence. Them readers can wait!

         Let's not discuss the 'skinny dipping' scene anymore until it
         comes up. I first need to write Jake to that story 'time'
         point where your Saturday letter can guide me. I'm glad that
         you enjoyed the 'truth' game! Jessie suspects/knew that his
         mom wants to take Jake home with them so that's why he
         'tested the waters' by asking that of Jake.

         NtTL won't explain how Jake met his johns. We can fluff that
         off. Winna will likely learn from Fr. McMillan Friday morning
         that the boy was prostituting himself and interestingly, M&J
         won't be told until returning from their honeymoon! They'll
         wonder at Jake's change of heart from Thursday's dinner where
         he said 'no' to Winna and then him agreeing to go back to
         Havre with her on Friday morning. Readers don't always have to
         know why things happen in a story until later, where it comes
         out to explain after the fact.

         Jake will be intrigued that the gay couple M&J are can be
         loving. After 'surrendering' to his fate Friday, knowing that
         he's going back to live with Winna, he'll lighten up towards
         Mike (I'm going to be living in the same house with him...).
         Jessie will tell Jake things about Blackfoot culture, his many
         family members wanting to see him, and such that will also
         give the boy something to look forward to in his forced
         change of life. Jake will think that going to Havre might not
         be so bad after all by Saturday. Leaving Charlie will be an
         issue he has to deal with. When it comes up in story 'time',
         you and I will deal with that.

         Dr. Karl will learn that Jake is leaving. Maybe he's the one
         who sent that 'anonymous letter' to Father McMillan. He
         provides Jake's medical records needed at Friday's court.
         Again, what transpires between Jake and him, if Mike is there
         to see it, etc. will be dealt with when story 'time' arrives.

         I certainly hope NOT that my praise for Khasidi's writing
         skill wasn't viewed by the other Members for what he'd
         outlined happening to Jake and other NtTL future events! I
         meant it was the way he expressed his ideas through a writing
         skill I have yet to achieve. Khasidi brought up some good
         points. I am NOT going to have Jake go through some painful
         rite-of-passage rite. It is a four day fast, being alone in
         the wilderness to seek a vision. Mike will be near (but out of
         sight) to guard over him those four days. His idea for Jake
         being alone with grandfather when he goes Above is good. We'll
         see if that actually happens in the 3rd NtLS series.

         No too for Jake turning some tricks after meeting with Dr.
         Karl. A lot of Khasidi's 'fantasies' for Jake, especially
         going out to that Bearpaw hunting ground! just ain't going to
         happen. Thanks for assuring me that Jake's so called 'severe
         problems with trust' isn't so. You're right. The Rosebud
         school has been family to him these 11 years. That's why he
         would resist any suggestion of him leaving it.

         Later in NtLS, Jake will have some 'play time' with Simon in
         HFO's hot tub. Again, the dynamics of that scene will be dealt
         with when the scene arrives in story 'time'.

         NtLS has paths for my characters going off in all directions.
         Jessie undergoes shaman training. Jake at Winna's house, being
         with grandfather assisting him with Jes and their own talks
         alone, Mike teaching computer classes, HFO spending lots of
         'clothed' time with Simon. Winna will try to 'mother' Jake but
         the boy don't need a mom. He hasn't had a real mother since
         age 5 and even then, Judy just wasn't there for him. Winna
         will see to her own needs as a woman. I won't be giving that
         lot of story time as this is a GAY story! Just smiles and best
         wishes from M&J, Jake to Winna going out on a date, etc.

         Oh. I am leaning towards the idea that Jessie's dad is a rat.
         Sure would fit the typical Native 'dad'. He did have to leave
         town to avoid trouble at his construction company or one of
         their clients. He took half money out of their house to live
         on. M&J will try to find him. Eventually, they might and bring
         back his ashes like in that movie (what was it called?!) I've
         told you about in an earlier letter.

         Sorry if my letter seems crudely worded. That's the result of
         half a bottle of wine in me this evening and my lover is 'waiting'
         for me to finish this letter to you. Therefore, I am.

    P.S. I'm continuing this letter Sunday evening. Just some quick
         questions needing to be answered as they're about to come up
         in where I've written to in part 15.

         Jake only has one other roommate due to his older age. Younger
         boys are in bunk beds, four per room. Is Charlie in Jake's
         room? Sure would help explain a lot of things in the Outline.
         What does this 'straight' boy have displayed on his walls, on
         shelf, etc. while Jake has them 'strong' physic Native American
         poster(s) on his wall.

         Would the proctor follow Winna, M&J and Jake around the school
         while the other boys are in classes or would the Father trust
         them to go around unescorted?

         Any interesting Jesuit sights in the school, church, etc. that
         I can put in the story will help let Readers see this in the
         Rosebud School. The magnificence of the church (describe awe
         inspiring sights), how halls look like, classrooms, bedrooms,
         etc.

         Jake will being doing his utmost to distract the three with
         showing them around the school to avoid difficult questions
         directed at him (especially about his mother). Fr. McMillan
         won't be breakfasting with them Thursday morning but asked
         Wednesday night that they return at 9am to continue their
         visit with Jake. After the three look around school, I'll have
         Winna get some 'alone time' with Jake in the garden after they
         eat lunch with the Father. He'll have that opportunity to ask
         M&J stuff at the table. Winna and Jake return. It is suggested
         (I don't know by whom yet) that the three 'boys' explore the
         Rosebud res. while Winna takes care of some 'paperwork' with
         the Father. Story clips B&C. Upon their return to school,
         Winna spends more time with Jake alone. Dinner with Fr.
         McMillan, the question is popped to Jake. He says 'no' to
         returning to Havre with Winna as described earlier.

         Jake is your character and though you've 'put him in my hands'
         I still need a good 'send off' by you to get him right. Part 15
         is this transitional phase between us and that's why I'm
         depending heavily on your help. What other 'events' Thursday
         would be good to take place? Jake is on the defensive to
         prevent difficult questions being asked and he'll not answer
         any upon him. Winna learns that Jake isn't ready to talk about
         his mom per your outline where he says, "I don't want to talk
         about that right now" in the garden with her.

         In case you haven't guessed, that remaining half bottle of
         wine is in me this evening and my lover is soundly snoring.
         The weekend is the only time we have quality time together as
         he comes home from work tired Mon-Fri going to sleep. A nice
         weekend for me to get away from story writing which consumes
         most of my life.

         I'll post this letter to you on Monday. I want to write a bit
         more for part 15 before showing it to you. Please answer my
         questions posed, if you agree to basic outline of events that
         tear Jake away from his school. If you can come up with any
         'vulnerable' moments that reveal this troubled teen to M&J/
         Winna, PLEASE let me know. For now, Jake is on the defensive
         and wearing his actor's mask. No real grieving yet with Winna
         (unless it's 'off story' when they're in the garden alone).

         Thanks for bearing with me, Luke! Your character is posing a
         great challenge for me to write until I get a 'feel' for him.
         When my fingers do, they'll fly over the keyboard to get part 15
         finished. It's my concern about pleasing you and being true to
         your vision for Jake while making the story believable that is
         difficult. I need events to be 'real' and understandable since
         that's one of my strong points that's attracted a reader
         following to NtTL. We've set out goals for Jake. Yet to achieve
         them, things must happen from a motivational standpoint that's
         often not logical but coming from very human reasoning and
         emotions. Poor Jake! He's sure going to be sent through the
         wringer these next few days. I want readers to feel for him
         and forgive his cool teen smugness and pot shots at Mike.


    7/27/05 Luke wrote:

         Your "talking points" in your letter are fine with me. That's
         my understanding of Jake also. Jake is clear intellectually
         that Winna could not have come to see him or get him before
         this because she didn't know he existed. However, emotionally
         he still feels angry, as you say, that she hadn't come before
         this. Paralleling this same split with the gay issue for Jake,
         he probably knows intellectually that his behavior is "gay
         behavior" but he doesn't feel any emotional connection to the
         sex except with Dr. Karl and he isn't consciously aware of
         that yet. This intellectual/emotional split is very common
         with people. "I just know that I should leave him (intellectual)
         but I can't (emotional)"

         Yes, I do think that Jake will keep his prostituting secret.
         I do wonder how he's going to react when he realizes that Fr.
         McMillan knows about this and figures out that he's probably
         shared this with Winna? It is interesting that you do not
         plan on M&J knowing about the prostituting until they get back
         from their honeymoon. Also, when you say that Winna confides
         in Grandfather, I guess she will also confide in him about the
         prostituting. Maybe this will free Grandfather up to talk with
         Jake about this and, maybe, do some healing. I cannot imagine
         Jake being comfortable or willing in terms of talking to Winna
         about this. And vice-versa.

         Yes, Jake has been in a stable, loving place at the Rosebud
         School. I had not thought of it this way, but he would
         certainly say "no" when invited to go home with Winna. Your
         suggestion of having Fr. McMillan have a heart-to-heart talk
         with Jake about his recent knowledge about Jake's prostituting
         is great! You have a wonderful mind in terms of all this! This
         is really perfect in terms of an explanation and in terms of
         Jake changing his mind about going to Havre. Will you be able
         to at least suggest what Fr. McMillan told Jake (and also Winna)
         to the reader? Since Mike doesn't know, then I guess the
         reader won't know either except through the background
         material on Jake that has gone back and forth between the two
         of us!

         It's OK that Jake be a "nasty teenager" for a while. That is
         certainly true to life. Your last paragraph of what you've
         written so far in TEACHL15 is really excellent in this regard.
         You have a very sexy description of Jake in his form fitting
         t-shirt and tight jeans. It made me get hard reading it! Mike
         clearly sees how sexy and attractive Jake is. And then after
         checking out his crotch and that is noticed by Jake followed
         by a "knowing smirk" from Jake is great. Jake is probably
         used to getting eyed by people. He knows that he's attractive
         so, especially knowing that Mike is gay, he is probably
         reassured by Mike's eyeing his body like he does.

         Jake taking pot shots at Mike is a nice way for the story to
         go for awhile. You know the dictum that "love and hate are
         two sides of the same coin"? Well, it would not be at all
         surprising that Jake's hostility for Mike may well be
         covering over a real attraction to him although Jake is not
         conscious of it now. Nonetheless it might be there unconsciously.

         Are you still planning on having the boys go with Jake to
         visit Dr. Karl and get the medical records? Also to allow
         Jake and Dr. Karl to say good-bye. I'd like to see that but
         it's your story and let your fingers make that decision, OK?

         Yes, maybe Dr. Karl would have been Fr. McMillan's informant
         about this. And Fr. McMillan would certainly be willing to
         keep his source quiet even if he knew where the information
         came from. This does show a kind of disloyalty on Dr. Karl's
         part in terms of keeping Jake's secrets but, since Jake is
         just 16 and Dr. Karl is a medical professional who also happens
         to love Jake, he might want to protect him from himself and
         have decided to send the information to Fr. McMillan.

         I like the idea that Jake is going to really be a challenge
         for everybody. That means that both Jake as well as his
         family (W, M, J, and Grandfather plus probably RW and HFO)
         have to work at getting this relationship established.

         TOURING THE SCHOOL:
       * Probably nobody else would go with them to tour the school.
         Jake is old enough to show them around and Fr. McMillan
         trusts him to do that.

       * Yes, Jake having only one roommate would be fine. And it
         could well be Charlie. Although Charlie is younger than Jake,
         I imagine that the Jesuits in charge would have realized how
         much Jake has taken Charlie under his wing and allowed them to
         room together. This would have allowed talks in bed in the
         dark between them. Maybe other things that I've already talked
         about......?  So there could be noticed a distinct difference
         between Jake's more erotic NA posters and Charlie's posters of
         rock stars, sports figures, and so forth - but all "in action"
         and in full uniform. Jake's posters, by contrast, are hunky
         and probably partially clothed.

       * Fr. McMillan would have told Jake that he was excused from
         classes as well as "work assignments" for the week. I don't
         know of a special term for the jobs that Jake would have had
         around the school. In Jake's case, his work assignment was
         probably in the computer lab. Maybe when they're touring,
         some kid could be there and have a question for Jake that he
         doesn't know the answer for. Maybe Mike could step in and
         answer it. How would Jake react to that, Mr. Writer? I would
         imagine that Fr. McMillan feels sorry to see Jake go because,
         among others things, how well he manages the computer lab.
         Maybe Jake tells them that a lay volunteer - a "computer nerd"
         who came out for a year to volunteer his time to the Jesuit
         mission among the Indians - taught him all about computers when
         he was 12. The school is really going to miss him and is
         going to have a hard time replacing him in the computer lab.

       * What Jake is explaining to Jessie and Winna hanging on the
         wall of the school is probably something from the State of
         South Dakota that was awarded to the school for services to NA
         citizens. Jake could be explaining when the school was
         established.

       * What else would be on the walls? Probably photos of past
         graduating classes from 12th grade along with their teachers.
         More likely, though, there would be photos of the whole school
         student body including faculty for each year. That would allow
         Jake to point out himself, with some embarrassment, each year
         from when he first appeared in a picture at age 5 up until
         last year's picture. Maybe he can point out others he knew
         including Fr. Jerry from when he was much younger. Maybe
         Mike/Jessie can pick something up from him when he says this
         and realize that Fr. Jerry was somebody special to him.

       * Another thing that would be on the wall would be a picture
         of the founder of the Jesuits, St. Ignatius Loyola. He is
         usually pictured as a Spanish soldier which is what he was
         before he left all that and became a priest and founded the
         Society of Jesus. Jake would have probably been told about
         St. Ignatius Loyola by various Jesuit teachers over the years.

       * I imagine that the chapel would be rather simple rather than
         grand. This place is really a mission without a lot of money.
         I've imagined the chapel as a rather plain place with an altar
         in front, pews in the main part of the chapel, and maybe some
         stained glass windows although maybe not because these would
         have been expensive. Actually, as a mission, Rosebud might
         have gotten stained glass windows from a Jesuit church
         elsewhere which got renovated and the old windows were sent
         off to the mission. The altar would have four or six candles
         on it. Behind it or off to the side would be a tabernacle
         where the Blessed Sacrament (consecrated hosts) would be kept.
         Beside it and in plain view would be a candle burning - it's a
         candle inside a glass holder. The holder is either clear or red.
         The burning candle indicates the presence of the Blessed
         Sacrament. It's why Catholics genuflect when they enter or
         leave a Catholic church. There would also be confessional
         booths along the side - maybe two or three of them. They would
         consist of a center door where the priest would go in and sit
         down. And then there would be doors on either side of the
         priest where penitents could go in and make their confession.
         On entering the chapel there would be holy water fonts where
         one would dip one's hand and make the sign of the cross on
         entering or leaving the chapel.

       * When they peek into a classroom or two, they will notice
         that each one has a crucifix on the wall-typical of every
         Catholic school. Also above the front blackboard are the
         letters "AMDG". The Jesuit "motto" is "Ad Majorum Dei Gloria"
         (hence AMDG) and is Latin for "To the Greater Glory of God".
         Beyond that I imagine that the classrooms would have
         blackboards, overhead projectors, and maybe set up for using
         MS Power Point. Since they have all this donated computer
         equipment with software like Power Point loaded onto them,
         this would not be at all impossible. The school, despite its
         poverty, is very high tech.

       * They might look through the gymnasium - essentially an indoor
         basketball court, bleachers on either side, and a locker room
         with adjoining showers. One locker room for the students, one
         for visiting teams, and a smaller third room for the coaching
         staff. I'm sure that some interesting things went on in
         those locker rooms however Jake will not allude to that if
         Winna is along on the tour.

       * Maybe they would also go into the kitchen/refectory. That's
         where the students eat and also where the dining room is that
         they ate with Fr. McMillan. Maybe Jake would take them through
         the kitchen talking about how meals are prepared there and,
         afterwards, dishes are washed and things are set up for the
         next meal. Maybe Charlie could be there on "kitchen duty" and
         that would give Jake the chance to introduce him to them and
         allow them to talk and maybe kid around. I would imagine that
         all three (M,J,W) would notice that Charlie, despite his
         joking and smiling, seems on the verge of tears. Maybe Jake
         is too.  Winna would particularly notice this as a mother.
         Maybe she would ask Jake about Charlie as they are leaving.
         Maybe this could plant the seed for possible later action in
         terms of Charlie coming to Havre?

       * The walls of the corridors in the dorm, school building,
         computer lab, library, and so forth would have some rather
         large pictures of saints. Maybe one of the pope!

       * The computer lab would probably be off the library. Jake
         would be particularly "proud" when he takes them in here
         because this is his domain. Maybe Mike asks him about
         Internet access and Jake has him sit down and shows him the
         DSL Internet connections they have. Maybe they have wireless
         connection. Jake probably has the computers all in some sort
         of connection. He probably has a desk of his own with his own
         computer. Maybe a new set of computers and software has just
         arrived and is stacked near his desk for him to sort through.
         Now, unfortunately, he will not be able to do that. Maybe he
         takes at least Mike into the adjoining work room where Jake
         assembles computers from parts of the donated, old ones
         they've received. Mike is impressed!

         Well, I think I've responded to what you've requested. What do
         you think of Khasidi's "Mike's dream"? It's a real stream of
         consciousness isn't it? Khasidi has quite an imagination and a
         very smooth writing style. I wonder if he's a writer himself?

         I hope you're doing well and I look forward to getting the
         fuller TEACHL15 when you have time to finish it.


    7/28/05 Vince wrote:

         THANK YOU for responding quickly to my many questions upon
         you about Jake which must seem becoming like an avalanche.
         Sorry. I'm not in my element at Jake's Jesuit school. I have
         my own memories from attending a Christian school but it's not
         a Catholic school. Your descriptions of this Jesuit flavoring
         will really help make my... OUR story believable to readers
         especially if they had the 'honor' of attending Catholic
         school in their youth!

         After sobering up and rereading my last letter to you, I was
         concerned by using the word 'detest' to describe how I'll be
         portraying Jake to my readers when he takes pot shots at Mike.
         He's got to fend this white guy off so attack is better than
         having to defend. I'm relieved that you didn't take my harsh
         wording to describe a boy near and dear to heart - to heart!
         You understood what I meant and agree with it. Don't worry,
         there will be true Jake moments when his vulnerability will
         show to heart ache readers for this poor boy.

         Jake will prove a complex character and a hard nut to crack.
         I should be on the right track with him because of our
         exhaustive correspondences where you've given me this boy's
         psychological profile. If I'm able to write him right, that
         will make Jake that much more believable and not the smiling
         pulls down his pants simpleton that Simon is. Thanks for
         finally getting it in my head that Jake intellectually knows
         he performs gay acts while emotionally doesn't think he's gay.
         That helps me explain what Jake said it in the Truth game.

         Because Fr. McMillan's Thursday night talk with Jake and his
         Friday morning talk with Winna are 'off story', I don't have
         to come up right now with just what that 'evidence' he has
         that Jake is prostituting. It could be a culmination of things
         as we've discussed before so when the Father receives that
         anonymous letter (doesn't have to be from Dr. Karl but it sure
         sets up a great future story plot!), that clinches it and he
         must act to 'save' Jake from himself as well as the reputation
         of his school. The authorities are not involved per the
         earlier draft of Jake's outline. Yet if Jake isn't stopped,
         Fr. McMillan worries that it could come to involve the police
         catching the boy with a john.

         I'm not going to go into the Father's threat of placing Jake
         in a foster home, his evidence of the boy's prostitution and
         such with you now as it may never come out in the actual
         story. I'll try to keep my letters to you direct from now on
         instead of 'what ifs' so I can spend the time WRITING the
         story. I haven't been trying to gather extra 'material' from
         you by all my questions to place in a Jake outline for Readers
         to enjoy. You haven't accused me of this; just wanted to get
         that out in the open. When you started the 'Jake Letters' that
         comprised all of our past correspondence, that prompted me do
         so in plain text for me to easily consult and that led to
         releasing it to Readers, after censoring out our personal
         information. A lot of your thought for Jake may never be known
         so in this way, Readers will through the Jake Outline texts. I
         will soon end releasing our letters about Jake after parts
         15/16 are written. By then, you'll have passed your character
         to me without my needing to hinder you so much with questions!

         After Winna is given the shocking news about her nephew
         Friday morning by Fr. McMillan, Jake is called into his office.
         You can imagine how the boy feels to know that his aunt KNOWS!
         He begs her not to tell M&J and she agrees to keep it secret
         for the present. Of course she'll go through gaining
         Guardianship of Jake. She'll think had badly her sister Judy
         has done in raising her son (from her own prostitution/drugs
         that led to her murder - yes, Winna is told this by the Father
         in their Friday morning meeting to help explain why Jake may
         have followed in her doomed footsteps). We're going to see a
         very emotionally shattered Jake on Friday as you can imagine.
         M&J will wonder about that. So will Readers by Jake's change
         of heart from Thursday night when he said 'no' to Winna. Upon
         return to Havre, Winna will confide in her uncle (grandfather)
         about Jake so he can help her with the boy while M&J go off on
         their honeymoon. A grandfather is sometimes easier to talk to
         about difficult things than with an aunt or cousin. Jake's
         earlier pot shots at Mike and denial of being gay makes it
         that much harder for him if M&J learn that he's been
         prostituting. Hence the test in trust when Winna remains
         closed mouth to M&J about this. It will help glue her to her
         nephew by keeping a dark secret.

         Please don't give me so much credit about this recent idea to
         get Jake's ass back to Havre. I'm taking elements YOU came up
         with in your outline to put forward this solution that I'm
         relieved you agree with. Readers won't know (yet) what changed
         Jake's mind until much later in the series (or even the next).

         That scene where Mike checks out Jake's crotch came from you,
         even to that 'knowing smirk' the boy gives. I liked that idea
         put forward in your letter and it works well in this scene.

         You may be right about Jake's unconscious attraction to Mike.
         I see Dr. Karl as a white guy (I'm sure you've given me a
         description of this married man somewhere). Who knows what may
         happen in the NtLS series when Jessie is busy getting trained
         by grandfather and Mike is left home alone with Jake. No
         promises, but guys get horny!

         Dr. Karl will make an appearance. He has medical records
         needed for Friday's transfer of Guardianship. I'll let my
         flying fingers worry about it when story time arrives. I'm
         learning not to think ahead too much during the Rosebud visit
         other than to set 'must have' scenes and fulfilling story plot
         goals. Too much can change!

         Dr. Karl is showing 'tough love' for Jake if he is that
         anonymous letter writer that tips Fr. McMillan off not to
         mention personal risk since he's known to be Big Brother to
         the boy though his sexual relationship wouldn't be suspected
         due to the man having a wife and kids. Jake wouldn't know
         right away. The letter was anonymous and Fr. McMillan doesn't
         actually read it out to the boy. Later, an email between Jake
         and Karl may reveal this and set up a strong story moment
         where, if Jake has matured enough, he 'thanks' the man for
         helping him at a critical point in his life.

         Jake will prove a real challenge for his family! That will
         only endear him that much more to Readers when he does come
         around in the NtLS series. For now, he's a smart ass 16 yo.
         on Thursday. He's defiant and angry Friday, mellowing out
         (emotional detachment and surrender to his fate) Saturday
         during test taking, and who knows what on Sunday morning when
         he goes home with Winna and Jes. Mike will Hear what's said
         during their Amtrak journey via mind Talk with Jes while he
         drives home alone in his truck.

         Your further school descriptions will help me write Jake's
         tour for the three. Thank you. A chapel? The only building
         that didn't get burned down in 1969 (by Red Power advocates)
         was the Church. Is a chapel separate? I won't write that it
         is a chapel. Your Catholic terms like genuflect(ion) and the
         Blessed Sacrament will prove very useful in describing their
         visit to the Church. You're a real life saver, Luke!

         I like your idea of all them class photos showing a younger
         Jake in the entrance hall. Thanks!

         I've started writing the computer lab scene. Your idea of
         Jake having his own 'station' stacked with software to go
         through, a room where he fixes computers up (proudly shown to
         Mike) and having a student ask Jake a question that Mike is
         able to answer instead are great! It helps connect Mike to
         Jake from a common interest while setting up a 'professional'
         rivalry. Jake knows computer hardware. Mike knows software.

         Charlie will be Jake's roommate. It helps explain things in
         your earlier outline about them being 'close' friends. Sorry.
         I can't get Charlie up to Havre for the simple fact that
         there's no more room in Winna's house! She won't have legal
         ability to take this kid anyway. It will be a tearful scene
         when the boys are separated. How to show this in the story
         will be up to my flying fingers to come up with. Any
         suggestions from you will be helpful. Friday night is when
         Charlie would know when Jake tells his closest friend that
         he's going home with his aunt on Sunday. Or perhaps, it won't
         be until Saturday night since Winna won't make it known until
         Saturday morning that she intends on taking him home Sunday
         instead of waiting until the remaining three weeks of school
         are over with. Hence the reason for Jake taking final tests
         Saturday afternoon. It sinks in then to Jake that he's leaving
         school and he cries with Charlie Saturday night.

         More has been written in part 15 since what you were sent
         Tuesday. The restaurant breakfast scene has the three talking
         about Jake and Winna's warning to Mike NOT to say or do
         anything to confirm the Father's or Jake's suspicions that M&J
         are a couple. You didn't comment on Winna's brief moment about
         remembering that she's a woman instead of a 'mom' at the
         register with that Native man. I took Khasidi's point about my
         portrayal of women in my stories to heart.


    8/3/05 Vince wrote:

         While I'm awaiting your reply to my last correspondence and
         review of what I've written for part 15 NtTL, I have come up
         with this idea of WHO wrote 'that' letter to the Rosebud
         school's Headmaster tipping him off that Jake has been
         prostituting himself. It wasn't Dr. Karl nor one of the teen's
         johns. This 'mystery' person cares enough for Jake that he's
         trying to save him even if that risks discovery of being the
         author of that letter. Who was it? This is the computer
         printed letter anonymously mailed to the Headmaster:

         -------------------------------------------------------------
         Rosebud Indian Mission School
         Rosebud, South Dakota 57570
         Rev. Sean McMillan, SJ, Headmaster

         PERSONAL AND CONFIDENTIAL

         Dear Sir,                                       April 28, 2003

         I am writing you this letter in the hope that you can help
         save someone. What he's done is terribly wrong but the person
         who's been hurt is himself and if he doesn't stop, he'll end
         up on the street or suffer a worse fate. We need to help this
         wayward student of your school through the compassion and love
         of our Lord Jesus Christ. Not to blame, not to punish or to
         turn out from the fold but to help. I have heard that you are
         a good man who will take what I'm confiding in you to heart
         so he can be turned away from this destructive lifestyle.

         I cannot tell you how I know the things I do. It'll probably
         get me into a lot of trouble if I'm discovered writing you
         this letter but I'm willing to risk it so that you can save
         him. Please remember that we need to help this student and not
         punish him.

         His name is Jake Marques. He has been having sex with men but
         I don't know if it's for the money or because he's looking for
         the love of a father he's never known.

         I think that a good strong talk with Jake to show him how wrong
         he has acted is how he can be helped. Maybe with counseling. If
         you were to suspend him, where could he go? He has no family
         to take care of him. Your school has been Jake's whole life.
         I beg you to consider this if you get angry at Jake for the
         stupid thing he has done. Please help him. He is worth saving!
         --------------------------------------------------------------

         This letter reached Fr. McMillan's hands on April 29th. Though
         it didn't offer any 'evidence' that Jake was prostituting
         himself, the Father finally had an answer to all the other odd
         things he's noticed about Jake (too much pocket money, returning
         late at night to school after weekend leave, the few times that
         he's been 'beaten up' that he claimed was done by white boys
         in town who hate 'Indians', etc.). There are other things that
         made the Headmaster suspicious about Jake that this letter
         finally helped him connect all the dots.

         What to do to help Jake? Fr. McMillan doesn't want to expel
         one of his best students especially after recently learning
         that the boy's mother had been murdered and having to deal
         with a grieving Jake. He redoubled his efforts to find aunt
         Winnapah who was listed in Jake's admission records in the
         hope that she could help. His letter to the Blackfoot Nation
         was written the next day on April 30th with this in mind.

         That 'strong talk' with Jake as proposed in the letter could
         wait. Fr. McMillan hoped that the boy's aunt would be found
         and want to come down to visit her nephew and perhaps even
         want to take him back to live in Montana. Getting Jake away
         from the Rosebud area would stop him prostituting himself that
         would have likely resulted in eventual discovery by the
         authorities who'd put the boy into a foster home or juvenile
         hall not to mention the scandal to the Rosebud school. If the
         aunt couldn't be found or wouldn't be willing to take Jake
         back to live with her, the Father would have to deal with
         helping this 'wayward student' that would result in Jake being
         taken from the school anyway and put into a foster home.
         Procedures had to be followed that tied the Father's hands in
         this matter.

         Luckily for Jake, his aunt Winna does come down to visit him
         and she expresses her desire to take Guardianship of the boy.
         Fr. McMillan has not told her that Jake has been prostituting
         himself. It's his hope that aunt and nephew will bond during
         the visit so when Winnapah is informed about what Jake has
         done, she'll not abandon him.

         Does Fr. McMillan know who wrote 'that' letter? He suspects.
         The wording seems like that composed by a boy who must reside
         at the school. A good friend of Jake's and his confidant for
         how else could this person know that he's been prostituting
         himself yet care enough that he get help? WHO WAS IT? Charlie.

         Jake and Charlie have been the closest of friends for many
         years. Fr. McMillan acknowledged their brotherly relationship.
         Jake is big and strong. Charlie is two years younger than him,
         small and weak who's been picked on by the other boys until
         Jake served as his protector. At thirteen (a rite-of-age),
         Jake was moved from the 'younger boy' dorm to the 'older' dorm
         and though Charlie was only eleven at the time, he was kept as
         Jake's roommate as they'd been in the 'younger' dorm. There
         was no reason to separate these 'brothers'.

         Fr. McMillan has not asked Charlie if he indeed was the author
         of 'that' letter. The important thing is that he knows Jake
         needs help and that's what he's going to do. Sadly, the result
         is that Charlie will be separated from Jake whether his aunt
         takes him to Montana or if Jake is placed in a foster home.
         The Father doesn't want Jake to know who wrote the letter. It
         won't come up unless Jake refuses to accept Guardianship by
         his aunt. In that case, Fr. McMillan would confront Jake with
         those two options. Either will mean the separation of those
         two 'brothers' and Jake having to leave the school.

         Why did Charlie write the letter? Put simply, he cares enough
         to get help for Jake. It meant violating a confidence that
         risks the boys' friendship. Jake has told Charlie that he's
         been having sex with men for money. The two boys used to have
         sex in the 'younger' dorm but when Charlie grew older, he felt
         it was wrong. He didn't share Jake's feelings for the acts
         that went beyond youthful exploration of their growing bodies
         and sexual relief. When Jake returned late at night from
         weekend leave in town, Charlie covered for his friend. He'd
         seen how Jake had been beaten up a few times and knew the
         truth. A john had roughed him up. When Jake's foreskin had
         been 'chewed' by a man, he knew that too. Dr. Karl treated
         that and Charlie also knew that this doctor was one of Jake's
         regulars though he felt the man meant much more to his friend
         than he let on.

         When Fr. McMillan confronts Jake Thursday night after the boy
         said 'no' to aunt Winna's offer to assume Guardianship of him,
         that letter serves as the Father's 'proof' that Jake has been
         prostituting himself. He won't actually read the contents but
         hold it up in his hand to show that it exists. Jake will wonder
         who had 'rat' on him to the Father. Dr. Karl will come to mind.
         Only a week ago, Dr. Karl had been comforting Jake over his
         mother's death when the man said that he loved him beyond the
         sex they've been having and said that Jake must love him too
         as if they were a gay couple. Jake couldn't accept that. To
         prove it wasn't so, the boy admitted that he's still seeing
         other men 'for money' after claiming to have stopped it the
         year earlier after Dr. Karl had scolded him that it was a
         destructive thing to his life that must stop. Needless to say,
         their last 'meet' ended badly. Jake figures that it was Dr.
         Karl who wrote that letter to the Father. He doesn't suspect
         it was his closest friend, Charlie.

         I'm changing my earlier intention given you of who wrote that
         letter to the Father from Dr. Karl to Charlie for several good
         reasons. Though Dr. Karl really cares and loves Jake, he
         wouldn't risk himself (married with children!) to the legal
         consequences for having sex with a minor boy. He also knows
         that if Fr. McMillan or the legal authorities knew that Jake
         was having sex with men that he'd be taken away from his
         school and placed in a foster home. That would mean losing
         Jake. It's Dr. Karl's hope that he can turn Jake away from
         prostituting himself to be in a loving relationship that he
         can give the boy, though in secret. Their last meet had ended
         badly but Dr. Karl thinks that was the result of a very
         emotional kid who'd just learned that his mother had been
         murdered five years earlier; not because he told the boy that
         they were a gay couple. They'd get together again after Jake
         got his head on straight.

         Charlie didn't realize what the consequence of writing his
         letter to Fr. McMillan would be; he only wanted Jake to get
         help. The result is that Jake will be leaving the school to go
         back to live with his aunt in Montana. Charlie is separated
         from his closest friend and Dr. Karl loses his boy lover. Jake
         thinks it was Dr. Karl who wrote that letter getting him into
         all that trouble without considering that it was he himself
         who's at fault for prostituting himself in the first place!
         This sets up a future story plot when Jake eventually learns
         that it was Charlie who wrote that damning letter. His
         feelings of hate and betrayal towards Dr. Karl will turn to
         love and longing for what he's lost. He'll forgive Charlie and
         'thank' him for showing tough love. This maturity demonstrated
         by Jake comes about after being taught what love really is by
         Mike and Jessie, and through his many talks with grandfather.

         So. What do you think, Luke? Readers won't know right away
         what had changed Jake's mind to go back to Montana to live
         with Winna. He'd told her 'no' Thursday night then agreed to
         the next morning. Only in future story parts will everything
         be revealed.

         I hope that you approve of part 15 NtTL. An assurance I'd like
         to give you is that my portrayal of the Jesuit Brothers such as
         Br. Simon won't be that ALL the men at the school are chasing
         boy ass. Fr. McMillan is a very decent man. So are most of the
         other priests, brothers, teachers, etc. which I'll demonstrate
         in part 16 NtTL. Oh. I'm bothered by using the name 'Simon' as
         I already have a character named that. Could you come up with
         an appropriate replacement name for this gay brother?

         My flying fingers are doing just that as I get my 'feel'
         for your character. While Jake is at school, he is your
         responsibility to help me write the major changes coming in
         his life and hence the reason why I'm bothering you with so
         many damn questions! Once Jake arrives in Havre, he'll truly
         become my own though texts will still pass through you for
         comment and approval but without the 'veto' you hold now. I
         think that's what you want. For me to own Jake so you can sit
         back and enjoy reading a story instead of so much input as
         needed now. I still expect parts 16/17 will be about Jake at
         his school. Maybe even part of 18. That'll give me 19/20 to
         get Mike's legal woes concluded, M&J's wedding and tie up any
         loose ends when the NtTL series ends at part 20.

         The information you've provided me about the school's Church
         will be used when Fr. McMillan holds a special 'farewell'
         service for Jake on Sunday morning. Jessie's talk with Jake in
         his dorm room took up too much 'time' so that's why they
         didn't get a tour before lunching with the Father. It's always
         been my intent that the Rosebud Church is the largest in the
         area and is of historical significants for having been built
         in 1886. No chapel, unless that's a separate substructure.
         The Church survived the arson in 1969. I want Sunday to be
         glorious and filled with a religious send off for Jake by his
         school and Fr. McMillan.

         I have placed story clip 'C' (skinny dip scene) into part 16.
         Preamble text has been written to join it with where part 15
         ended for a smooth transition. I have edited this scene. Yet
         I'm still bothered, as you are, by Jake beating off in front
         of M&J. I WANT that to happen, M&J NOT doing it too other than
         Mike 'playing' with himself as written. Some transitional
         text is needed where what Jake does for sexual relief will
         seem more believable in context to the scene written so far.
         I'll attach part 16 for your review so you can help me with
         ideas on writing the transition after the 'truth game' to Jake
         beating off. PLEASE first help me 'finish' part 15 before
         reviewing part 16.

         I am aware that you have commented on this scene in an earlier
         letter and I'll review. It didn't really suggest how to make
         that translation though, as I recall. Maybe I'm wrong. We both
         need to reread your past letter about clip 'C'.

         I'm still holding to the course that Mike won't know that Jake
         was prostituting himself until after his wedding with Jessie.
         Winna will know Friday morning from Fr. McMillan. Jes will
         know from Jake himself when they Share at end of clip 'C'.
         He's promised his cousin not to reveal this to Mike. As a
         shaman, Jes will be keeping secrets of tribesmen he helps and
         Mike has already acknowledged that 'shaman secrets' grandfather
         imparts to Jes during his training must be kept from him. Poor
         Winna! Luckily, she'll be led through the legal procedures to
         gain Guardianship of Jake Friday while in a shocked daze. Her
         son will spend a few hours with her at the motel that evening
         to console her while Mike wonders about it.

         I've learned not to 'plan out' future scenes concerning Jake
         as things tend to change but I have an idea for Dr. Karl. He's
         called Friday morning to bring medical records for Jake to be
         used in court that afternoon. When he comes to the school and
         Jake sees him, their brief 'alone' time will be fireworks. I
         don't mean with their cocks. Mike will overhear Jake accusing
         the man of sending 'that' letter getting him in trouble with
         the Father which Dr. Karl will deny. He wasn't its author!
         A dejected Jake will feel betrayed and thus help him accept
         his fate to leave the school on Sunday with Winna.

         Poor Charlie! Thursday night he talks with Jake in their
         bedroom and realizes the full consequences for having written
         that letter to the Father. He'd be losing his older friend no
         matter what - to his aunt or from Jake being placed in a
         foster home. Charlie will not reveal that he was that letter's
         author. He can't! Yet the boy knows it's for the best since
         his friend needs help. Getting Jake away from his johns is the
         solution though that means losing his friend forever. At least
         they can still email each other. Charlie will fess up to Jake
         in such an email later and thus set the stage for Dr. Karl's
         redemption and eventual reunion with Jake. What do you think?

         Can you give me any insight about Winna's emotional condition
         after learning Friday morning that Jake has been prostituting
         himself? She's obviously in shock during the judge's chamber
         proceeding. Jessie will talk with her that evening at the
         motel. Winna will feel badly towards her sister for having
         exposed her son to that lifestyle (Jake tells her in the
         Father's office Friday morn. in defense of why he's doing it).
         How will Winna act on Saturday after Jake takes his 10th grade
         finals? Will she snap at Mike, using him as a punching bag for
         her anger? Winna will see Jake as the victim needing a 'real'
         mother to take care of him but in the weeks after, learn that
         Jake won't be mothered. He's a 'big boy' now. Mood swings.
         Crying. Anger. Despair. What will Winna display in front of
         Jake, M&J while keeping her nephew's secret from Mike as she's
         promised?

         How will Jake ACT in the days ahead? His dirty secret is
         revealed to Jessie on Thursday afternoon but he promises to
         keep it a secret from Winna & Mike. Jake says 'no' to Winna
         Thursday night at dinner then has that talk with Fr. McMillan
         that evening which shatters him. Friday morn. Winna learns and
         Jake is brought into the Father's meeting to explain himself
         to her. Court. Saturday tests. Maybe an outing with Winna M&J.
         Sunday's Church to say goodbye and then off to catch that
         Amtrak train back to Havre while Mike drives back home alone.
         Jake's self esteem is blown to hell. He's going to be taken
         from the home (his school) that he's ever known. Mike doesn't
         know though Jake fears he will from Jessie (who will keep his
         promise as will Winna). Your insight will help me write clashes,
         quick patch healing, etc. that may come up Friday - Sunday.

         For now, I'm tackling each NtTL story part as they're written.
         Too much future planning on our part may be for nought. Yet I
         want to be assured and given psychological insight into Winna
         and Jake from these planned events so my fingers won't stumble.
         Thank you, Luke, for hanging in there during this difficult
         process of writing about a TEENAGER. Winna, M&J and grandfather
         are going to have their hands full in the weeks ahead!

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  End of file: JAKEOUT4.TXT              My correspondence with Luke continues
  Folder: A-STORY-OUTLINE-FOR-JAKE       in JAKEOUT5.TXT