**************************************************************************** * "NEW TO LOVE" * * (part 20) * * by Vince Water 8/04 * **************************************************************************** | Copyright 2002-2006 by Vince Water Corrected 3/06 | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jesse sadly nods. He suspected Simon might react this way from jealousy. "They've been together before. I've allowed it and I'm glad that they are." Simon shakes his head back and forth in disbelief. "How could you if you really love him!" The expression on the boy's face is difficult to look at. He's more angry at Jes than the two of us. I find my voice. "You have to know how it is..." Running Water flares his eyes at me in warning. He fears others learning that we are together but Simon knows now. Is he gonna tattle on us? "Remember what I told you in the river?" Jesse gently asks. The anger in Simon's face slowly fades. He slumps his shoulders and steps closer to Jes like a lost puppy. My lover reaches out for the boy who accepts his arm around his shoulders. "I'm sorry," Simon mutters. "I shouldn't have gotten mad at you." He peers at Running Water with shy eyes. :What did you tell Simon in the river?: :That's between him and me, love. I was worried the boy might feel bad if he saw Running Water and you together.: :Whatever you told him, it's helped.: Simon kicks down some grass with his feet. He glances at Running Water again. I glean that he's hoping the man will say something to him, if there's a chance for them to be together. I'm turning to my brother. A gasp escapes my lips when a sharp pain is felt from my butt. "Are you hurting bad, Short Hair?" "Some, my brother." I'm rubbing over my aching rear end. Simon is staring at Running Water's cock. It's gone down but he's seen how big it can get. "Simon? That's another reason why you should save yourself for your lover." Simon looks off into the distance. He's still troubled by what he's seen and heard. I remember how hurt I'd been when Jes told me that Ron had sex with him. The boy giggles when Jesse tickles his belly to lift him from sadness. They turn to face Running Water. Simon looks low at the man. "You didn't want to hurt me so that's why you were with Mike instead." Running Water looks down at himself. "Mine is rather big." Simon covers Jesse's hands that are over his belly to prevent him from more tickles. "I would have liked hugging you." He means belly rubbing. I see the knowing look in my brother's eyes. We both know why he didn't want to encourage the boy in this. "You're afraid, aren't you?" asks Simon. "That I'd think you were falling for me or something." "Simon..." "No. It's okay. I'm not mad that you wanted to get off with Mike instead." A sly grin comes to Simon's lips. "Butt fucking feels real good!" I'm rubbing over my aching rear end. "Yeah. For both of us." I realize what I've said and block my thoughts from Jesse so he won't know how much I enjoyed Running Water's big cock riding in me. The boy's amusement fades. He turns his head round to look at Jesse when deciding if he should tell Running Water something. "I'm sorry about what happened to Ron. If he'd been my lover, I would have died too. In my heart." Running Water gasps. Tears threaten to fill his eyes which he blinks away. Oh. That's what Jes told him. :Yes, love. I told Simon that you're comforting him but he didn't realize that it's led to both of you being together.: :Is there no place in my brother's heart for this youth?: :That's up to my uncle.: Another concern comes to me. :Will Simon tattle on us?: Before Jes answers me, the boy pulls from his arms. He takes a timid step towards Running Water who's been struggling with his emotions. "Is it okay if... Can I give you a hug?" asks Simon. Running Water wipes his eyes dry with the back of his hand. He reluctantly holds his arms out that the boy rushes into. They hug. I'm glad to see it. Jes comes up behind to give me a hug. I'm gasping in pain. Man! My butt sure hurts a lot. There's a strange sensation in my head that makes it go away. It leave me feeling a bit dizzy. :Are you doing that?: :Yes, love. When you were hurting during that first time I was inside you. I'm Pulling you to me.: I release a sigh of relief. My eyes clear enough to see Simon stepping from Running Water's arms. He asks him something that I didn't catch. My brother whispers back. It's an exchange that wasn't meant for our ears. :Why did you let Running Water fuck you if he didn't prepare your butt?: :He was only trying to give me wet cheeks at first. I let him stab into my hole a little and after he came, I pulled over his butt to slip him all the way inside me. He fucked me again.: I'm reluctant to Share how intense it felt when that man's cock massaged my prostate because it's something Jes can't ever do for me with his shorter dick. :You pulled your butt off his cock when it was still too hard,: scolds Jes. :You need to wait until he's softened some.: :I know that. Simon startled us so that's why I separated our bodies in a rush.: Jes reveals his excitement against me. :Are you in need?: :Not if your butt is hurting you, love. I can wet to your belly if you want me to.: :No. You've made the pain go away.: I'm smiling to myself at something Simon said. Butt fucking does feel real good! I realize something. :Jesse? You're the only one who hasn't gotten off. Simon fucked Running Water who released himself in me. Twice! I've given you a complete massage...: I'm feeling my lover's growing excitement. His hands have been squeezing my shoulders. He massages his way down my back until he reaches my butt. It's not hurting me at all. Even the muscle strain in my arms from cranking that jack is gone. I'm sure that I'll be hurting later though. :I can massage you tonight, love.: Jes wants to put off his own need. He's concerned that I'll be embarrassed if Simon were to see him doing me. :It was a lot of work lifting that trailer up from the mud. I look forward to getting massaged tonight.: Jes wraps his arms around my waist to just hold me. In spite of what I've just Said, I spread my legs to give myself to my lover right now. :It's not like the boy hasn't seen two guys fucking before.: A sly grin crosses my lips. He did Running Water so he knows what it's like. I feel Jesse's dick between my cheeks and it easily slips into my hole. My lover likes butt fucking too, as a man. :You feel real slippery in there,: Jesse teases. My face burns to Hear that. Running Water has put a lot of cum in my butt and I'm gonna get filled with more in a moment. The thought of that is a real turn on. I cover my face to hide my embarrassment from everyone. :Don't feel that way, love. I've wondered what it would be like to have a bunch of horny guys fucking me. My butt hole would be overflowing with sperm so I wouldn't know who the father was.: :The father of... You're teasing me!: Jesse pulls over my waist when he begins his motion in my ass. It's a kind of tickly sensation. I press my legs together and try tightening my hole so it'll feel good for him. I peek around the palm of my hand to see if we're being watched. Simon is still talking with Running Water. The boy has his back to us so I can't tell if he's hard. My eyes fall to his brown half moon curves. I'm imagining them putting on a sexy dance if he were to fuck me. That's a very lustful thought but if that youth wants to stick in my ass after Jesse's done, I'd let him. :You gay fuck!: Jesse Sends in a tease. I remember calling him that. Yeah. My butt is hot to trot. Merging with my former self has given me a liberated view about sex. As Mike, I'd feel that I should only do that with my lover. One guy. I have two lovers as Short Hair. Chris did too. He's also enjoyed having sex with Indian boys but unlike him, I'm not threatened by men who'd want some gettin' together for fun. :Not that I'm trying to peek in your head, love. You think so loud.: :That's okay. What is it?: Jes pulls over my waist to drive himself through my ass. He presses his face into my neck to kiss me. Sweetly. Our love making isn't rushed. I try turning my head around to peek at my lover. I'm Sensing his reluctance to Answer me. :I wouldn't be against you being with other guys.: That's not what troubles me and Jes knows it. Would I act with jealousy if my lover was with another guy? Hmm. It would only be sex. His heart is mine for always and I've given him my heart. That's what really matters. The joys from the flesh is fleeting while true love continues on even after death. I know this is so! My former self loved Owopspec dearly. We're reincarnated from those two lovers, found each other here in Havre and fell in love again. :A Geas has been placed upon us by that bundle's Spirit to help others who are like us.: :By having sex with them?: I Ask sharply. Jes turns shy. :I'm sorry. It was hard to know that Ron had sex with you before me.: :When you were only Mike. How do you feel about this as Short Hair?: Jes already knows. He'd only given his body to that horny bastard. I've had sex with Running Water but that's come from our love. If I were to meet a nice needing guy... :Don't we all need to piss?: "Huh?" I ask out loud. Oh. Shooting cum is only another bodily function. Much more pleasurable though. I've given Indian boys wet bellies who eagerly rubbed my male strength over their balls to help them mature. Ah. Chris did, that is. I'm realizing why I feel such a loss to my manhood. I've Passed it to Hawk Flying Over so I don't have any left to give youths such as Simon. :Love? You've given that boy something more important from yourself.: Yeah. My words have filled Simon's head that being gay doesn't mean you can't fall in love. Happiness can be found with another. I've helped set that youth on the path to his life. That's what Jes meant. :Simon was drawn to you by the strong allure of sex,: Jesse explains. :You were also drawn to him but you didn't take advantage of his innocence. Chris would have. Yet by talking with the boy first, he's not as confused he might otherwise have been after the act. He has more respect for you than for my uncle because of your restraint. Yours is a good heart, love. You have also proven your wisdom.: I'm glowing with pride after Hearing my lover's praise yet we've gotten away from what troubles me - us having sex with other guys. :But we are talking about that, love. We can help those in the tribe who are like us to accept themselves. We'll be the example. Even if it's only for sex, a gay man or youth will realize this need in them and they'll be open to love as Ron helped ready me to find you.: :It's not I who is proving to be wise, my love.: Jes gives me a tight squeeze and he kisses my neck. A warm breeze is blowing through the grass we're standing in. Our connected bodies sway in the wind of our own making. Running Water doesn't seem to notice what we're doing only a few steps away. I'm closing my eyes to enjoy this moment with my lover. I don't think he's in much need for release but his heart is. My hands reach back to urge his flexing. He has a nice butt. Jes sighs in my ear. :Simon and I compared them in the river. He said that our butts are about the same size and wondered what it would be like to get his fucked. He'd seen how much I enjoyed giving mine to you earlier. I warned the boy that it hurts a lot at first. I stuck my finger into his hole to prove it. Maybe now, he won't be so eager to offer himself to the first horny guy that he meets.: I recall the boy sticking his butt at me a few times. :I've warned Simon that he'd get it raped.: Jes sticks his tongue into my ear to tease me. That leads to a kiss between us. A sixth sense warns that we're being watched. I open my eyes to see Simon standing before us. There's a shy grin on his face. He's not sure if it's okay that he can watch us. I'm not embarrassed. This youth can look upon our expression of love for each other and see how it differs from just having sex. That's all he was doing with Running Water when they fucked. I take a quick look around for my brother. "He's cleaning up in the river," Simon whispers. His eyes drop sheepishly to his feet. Jes lets go of my right hip to gesture something at the boy who timidly steps closer to our side in response. His palm slides down my belly. I'm looking back and see that he's reaching for my lover's bottom. :I want him to feel what it's like. How we're connected.: Simon drops his hand to my cock. He grasps its shape with awe filling his eyes. That's not just coming from feeling our love in hand but Feeling it with his heart as well. Our bodies express this. My heart soars from my lover's kisses to my neck, the warmth of his body next to mine and from Sharing how we feel through our special Connection. I'm enjoying his unrushed use of my butt. His dick isn't massaging my prostate yet I enjoy our love making from all these other sensations. They combine to bring me happiness. Simon's hands are pulling over our bodies in beat to our love making. I see the smile on his face mixed with deep longing. He wants to join into it somehow. It's exciting to feel the boy's hand around my cock and Jes likes having his butt touched. He admired my lover's slippery curves in the river and had asked him what it felt like to have an asshole filled with sperm. :Peeking in my head, love?: :I thought you were Showing me this. It just popped into my head.: :I was thinking about Simon just now. He's a very curious boy, asking me what getting fucked was like and if my butt still held your love inside me. I told him what he wanted to know.: :Was he hurting much over Running Water?: :A little. I told him how my uncle lost his lover and that you're comforting him during his grief. It's true, but the boy didn't know that you've become lovers.: :Are we really, Jes? I enjoy having sex with Running Water but my feelings for him are like that of an older brother. It's not the same intense way we feel for each other.: :Of course not, love. We Share a bond that no one could ever offer us. You love my uncle in your own way. Don't doubt your feelings for him. He needs you still even though he's over mourning for his lover.: Simon's hands are pulling over our bodies to get them moving again. I bend over slightly. Jesse sticks his dick deeper in me yet there's no sense of urgency to his fucking. Our bodies gently bump. I'm feeling a hand across my right butt cheek. That's Simon. Jes looks down at his dick being gently grasped by him. It's wet from being inside my hole. My face is burning. :I can't believe how bold this youth is! He's looking at us doing it up close and holding yours, Jes.: :Simon is a curious youth.: My lover's hands over my waist urge me to turn left slightly. Simon pulls on my right cheek to peer in for my asshole. Jes stabs his brown dick in, pulls all the way out of my pale butt and he sticks back inside. Wetly. I'm Seeing this through his eyes. That's what the boy is looking at. Teasingly, I ask, "Is Jesse doing me good?" Simon breathes out 'wow'. "Your hole easily swallows his dick." "My ass has been well broken in." "Plenty slippery too," Jesse adds with a giggle. I'm given a few deep stabs before Jes pulls out of my butt. Simon gathers the cum covering it into his fingers. :Look. The boy is pulling over his thing,: Sends Jesse. I look down at the boy's groin. His dick is standing along his belly with his brown knob popping in and out from its foreskin. I'm surprised that the boy feels in need of beating off because he's already come out three times. I'm sure that he could get himself off again. Why not in a more adult act? :I'm sure he'd rather do some more fucking,: Jesse suggests. I get the impression that he'd be willing to loan me to Simon afterwards. A sharp thrill comes from my butt. It's a woman's longing to fulfill a man's need. My cock swells up in anticipation. :Love. You're understanding what I feel when giving myself to someone. It's similar to the joy that comes in releasing the front of my male body. My butt completes who I am. Being two spirited.: :That's just another way of saying that you're gay, Jes.: :Maybe. But Ron didn't offer that part of himself to anyone. He was gay.: I'm sensing that distinction Jes is talking about. It's more than just enjoying getting my butt fucked. I have this intense longing to satisfy male need by giving my body to them whether it's done in love or lust. :I especially like the ending part,: adds Jesse. He means when his butt gets wet. That's why Jes reached back to hold Ron against him when that man was about to pull out of his butt to cum. :I heard Ron's grunts of pleasure and felt the strength of his cock when he was near his ending. I wanted that man to sperm in me. His male joy was tremendous when he did and it gave me a deep sense of completion.: :Did your butt feel intense by his stabs?: I timidly Ask. :Oh, yes! Ron's cock was really thick and long.: Without shame, I Reveal to my lover what Running Water's cock felt like in my ass. The pleasure he'd given me. It's something Jes can't do for me because his dick doesn't have that same reach. :Don't feel bad about this, love. I'm not. We can both find pleasure with others by relishing these differences. My uncle's thing is longer than mine so I want you to enjoy him that way. You shouldn't feel ashamed.: :I'm not, Jes. Not anymore.: I turn to peer at Simon who's pulling over our bodies to get them moving again. His erection is cute to look at. A boy's size yet I'll be very excited to feel his efforts at fucking my butt. :Do you see, love? It's not a matter of size, whether you're doing it with a lover or some horny guy that can make you feel good. Sex is a natural function of your body like pissing. It's nothing to be ashamed of.: I'm getting it. Running Water knew this when he tried having sex with me when we met. My heart was already stuck on Jesse so I thought it would be wrong like I'd be betraying our love. He was acting from lust though. :When you grew to know my uncle, your heart went to him as well. It is different than how we feel for each other. Running Water is like a loving older brother to you...: :...while you are my mate, Jes.: I'm given a deep kiss to my neck. We've come to an understanding about having sex with others that in no way risks our love. A grin fills my lips. I've been given a love mark to my neck. Jesse sticks back into my ass. I'm given a few good stabs that hurt me (much to my surprise) but I Ask my lover not to Pull me so close as before. It's a good pain. Simon is crouched at our feet to wait for that moment when Jes will cum. To see it. :Soon, love!: Jesse's hands surge over my waist to get himself very deep in my butt. He's panting for breath against my neck. Holds one. I Share in his sharp male thrills when he squirts. My butt feels them. My heart Feels his deep love for me that enhances our joyous act! We rest our weary bodies that remain stuck together as one. I'm straining to turn my head around to give Jes the kiss he wants. It's very nice. His release in me happened gently, no outcry or gasp of breath. We Share the joy of having mated. This physical act joins with the love bursting in our hearts and intertwining thoughts that completes us. We are as One. "Did you do it?" asks Simon. He stands up beside the couple. We break from our kissing to peer at the boy. How imperfect this youth's eyes are. He can't See the depth of our love that's much more than the mere passing of sperm. Jesse gently pushes on my hips. His dick slips wetly out of me that I'm sure doesn't go unnoticed by the boy. He's gathering cum from it to coat his dick before resuming to beat off. That's a boy's act. I turn to my lover for more kisses. We get lost in them. He's no longer that shy boy I tried kissing on the couch. His lips move against mine. Our noses make little kisses of their own. This is love! I'm glad that I was the first man Jes kissed. Only his body was given to Ron. Not his heart. :Yet that man made me ready to embrace a man's love. Yours, Short Hair.: I'm close to tears from Feeling how much I do love this man! An Indian. I realize that if Jes were white, black or yellow I'd still love him. It's what's inside him that has taken hold of my heart. Completely. We pause from kissing to catch our breaths. I look into my lover's dark eyes that shine with his love for me. I'm also Feeling this from his heart. Our connection. It is wondrous! Jesse buries his face in my neck. I hold this dear man close to me while he rests. My hands tangle in Jesse's loose hair flowing down his back. I'll miss its silky feel when his mom braids it for him again. Should I say something about that? Ah, no. I'm thinking there's some significance to binding his hair that isn't my place to comment. Not until we're married next month. I'm startled by a hand slapping over my butt. "You sure like getting fucked a lot," says Simon. What a dumb thing to say. Wasn't his heart touched by our kissing? I turn to this youngin' and see his excitement. That was his dick talking. He is yet only a boy who hasn't experienced love for himself to know what it's like. "Yeah. At least I won't get a baby from it and wonder who the father is." The boy giggles in his high pitched voice. "Are you done playing with yourself?" I ask but not in a mean way. Simon looks down at his erection. Pulling over it has dried the cum he'd taken from Jesse's dick. I turn my ass towards the boy. "This can help get you off." Simon reaches between my cheeks to gather up some cum. He's bringing it back to his dick. I'm surprised that he'd rather beat off than fuck me. :Simon mistook what your wet butt was offering him,: explains Jesse. I'm laughing to myself. "Hey, kid. You've been stealing what Running Water has given me so you've gotta put some back." "Huh?" squeaks Simon. His eyes grow very wide when he gets it. :Is it really okay with you?: I Ask. :It'll help Simon understand that what he did with my uncle was just sex. I think his heart is still stuck on him.: In a strange way, allowing Simon to fuck me will lessen how he's feeling for Running Water when they did it but will it confuse the boy more? I eye his hard dick standing along his belly. A sharp thrill goes through me to feel what it would be like inside me. I spread my legs and stick my butt out to Simon. Jes looks over my shoulder at the youth. He gives his permission with a slight nod. We return to our kisses. Jes has his eyes closed but he sure ain't shy with them. His lips move hungrily over mine. I feel Simon's dick slipping between my cheeks. In a single thrust, my asshole is penetrated with stabs going in and out. There's no pain. :Are you blocking it?: I Ask. :No, love. Simon's thing is smaller than mine.: I'm reminded that this boy isn't even fifteen yet. I didn't have sex until the age of twenty-five. Is it wrong to be letting Simon when he's so young? That's what stopped me from doing anything with him earlier. :In the time of my grandfathers, boys of Simon's age achieved the status of warrior and married. Their bodies were mature enough to make a baby.: Chris has seen this happen. Eats-clover was only thirteen when he counted coup against a Cree brave who was trying to steal his father's horses. For that deed, he was given an eagle feather and took Soft-buffalo-calf for wife. He became a father at fourteen. Worry gnaws at me though. I glare at Jesse. :This isn't the past where such things were acceptable. All of us could go to jail if Simon tells anyone!: :He wouldn't do that, love. What you're really worrying about is if Simon can handle what we're doing with him. I think he can.: Jes is confident of this. I know about his ability to Look into people when he touches them. :But we've seen how badly the boy reacted when he saw Running Water and me together, like he was betrayed by his 'new lover' for fucking me. He seemed even angrier at you for allowing it.: :It's not easy to control one's heart,: Answers Jesse. :I've talked with Simon about it when we were in the river. Like you, he'll learn to control his rash feelings by tempering them with wisdom that comes with experience. We'll be helping him with that from our get togethers.: :I'm looking forward to that!: I reach back for Simon's little ass and feel its exciting dance against my palm. Jes grins at me, knowing how much I'm enjoying it. :You're right, my love. Both of your butts are about the same size.: I'm wondering why that is because he's ten years older than this boy. :Because of Marfan's,: reminds Jesse. :That's why I can't play in sports, exercise or even walk a lot. I know how much you like my behind because it's small like a boy's.: :Yeah. Yet yours is more shapely than Running Water's ass.: My face begins to burn when I remember how much I've enjoyed fucking that man. :Don't be embarrassed, love. You like brown butts. It was very exciting to watch you sticking in my uncle's at the hot tub. He loves getting fucked.: I'm discovering how much I like that too. Simon's dick feels like a tickle in my ass. He's giving it a lot of effort by stabbing me hard, his wildly flexing cheeks and from hearing his sharp cries against my back. The boy is enjoying my body as much as I'm enjoying his. Guilt squeezes my heart. I'm bringing my arm around Jes to make love to him. He gives me a long deep kiss. I respond passionately, all thoughts of Simon flying from our heads. :We'll get wet bellies, love.: :Yeah. We might.: I reach down to pull over Jesse's backside to mash our cocks together. That thrill adds to the sweet love we Feel for each other in our hearts along with the pleasure coming from rear part of my body. It's almost as if Jesse is making love to both sides of me. :I am in a way. My hands are directing Simon's butt when he fucks you in my place.: I like the way he put that. I'm pressing my legs together and tighten my hole to enhance Simon's thrills. His dick isn't stabbing me as quickly. I hear the boy's high-pitched moans growing louder between his held breaths. He's staying very deep in my ass. No more in and out. :My hands are really tight over his cheeks,: Jesse explains. :His butt is exciting to hold. Lots of humping.: It's nice that Jesse likes the boy the same way I do. I'm tonguing into my lover's mouth that he sucks on like a Popsicle. I see the passion in his face though his eyes are closed. He's always doing that when we kiss. I want to look at a man when I'm kissing him. Jes reveals shy eyes when he peers at me. We've paused from our kissing. :I didn't mean for you to do that if you don't want. We can See into each other to know how we really feel for each other.: :I don't know why I keep my eyes closed.: We return to our kissing. His eyes narrow and then close as I expected. I'm scolding myself for having chided my lover about it. Simon draws my attention back to him. I feel his dick swelling in my ass, his fingers are digging into my waist and high pitched wails escape from his mouth. Jesse is pulling harder over his butt. Simon bucks into me deep and hard. He cries out. My butt is filled yet again. Another male victory. What a wonderful thought. It feels a bit strange to be making love with them both at the same time. Well. This boy is only having sex with me while Jes... I tighten my arms around his back while joy bursts in my heart. He makes me feel good! I'm living life now. I've gone through most of it without knowing how happy I could be. :Me too, love. We'll never be alone for the rest of our days.: I'm Feeling a familiar tug that Lifts me towards that Light where we really are in spirit. I Join with my lover in a way few people have ever experienced. The joy of it! It lasts but a moment or was it an eternity? We fall back into our bodies that's but a small existence of who we really are. I'm struggling for breath. Jes notices my distress so he loosens his arms around me and cradles my head against his neck while I recover. :I forget sometimes, love. Sorry!: He means when we take a Spirit Flight. I know that Jes-ee-ah has this special gift that can carry him to the All. It's a risk for me. My limbs regain their strength and my eyes are clearing. I gently pull from my lover's embrace. My legs are still a bit shaky. Simon is at our side. Watching. "Did you do it?" I ask in a tease. The boy looks down at his dripping dick. His eyes shine with pride. "I know that you're expressing love for each other beyond the sex stuff." He means our kissing. "Yes, Simon. I love this man so much!" Maybe this youth understands more than I've given him credit for. "What's it like?" asks the boy. Huh? Jes flares his eyes at me. From our Connection, I know what my lover is Asking of me. I'm giving him my consent. We turn to Simon who reveals longing on his face. "Would you like us to show you?" asks Jesse. He reaches out to Simon with his long arms. "Show me what? Oh." Jes wets his lips in a silent gesture of what he meant. The boy peers at me wide eyed. I'm nodding for him to find out. The two embrace. My lover has to lower his face to reach the youth's lips with his own. It's a timid kiss. Simon breathes in sharply, his next kiss turning bolder when his lips move against Jesse's. It lasts longer. Their arms tighten around each other. I Sense the boy's joy to feel a small part of the love Jes and I share. Simon gives my lover a fond kiss to his cheek when they separate. My arms open to offer this youth my kiss. He eagerly accepts, our bodies coming together and lips meeting. The boy gives me a deep kiss. I'm enjoying it. He is sweet and there's such an eagerness in him to try adult acts with us. "They were nice," Simon whispers. "When the two of you kissed, it had come from your hearts. I see how much you love each other." "Yes. When you find the right guy, you'll know that it's love because it will be revealed in your kisses. Your heart will soar like an eagle." Simon grins. He turns his head sharply and that's when I see Running Water coming to our side. The boy goes to him. He looks deep into this man's eyes and timidly reaches his arms out. His desire for an embrace is accepted. Jes clutches my right hand when we watch them kiss. A brief one. Running Water's face turns plain of emotion. Simon steps back with his eyes dropping to his feet. It becomes an awkward moment. Jes comforts the boy with his right arm wrapping around his shoulders. "He only likes white guys," Simon whispers to Jesse. Running Water flinches. He heard that. "Simon. My heart goes to whomever I love be he a white guy or a Native. Do you understand why... we can't?" "'Cause I'm too young." "That's part of the reason why." Running Water releases a sharp breath. "Did you feel anything special when... we kissed?" I see the concern in my brother's eyes. He risks much by asking that. "No, Running Water. It was nice though." Simon glances at the couple. "I'm understanding what you meant about being in love and just having sex. All of you have taught me a lot today." The boy smiles wearily. "I'll be ready to find that right guy for me. Love is much more than enjoying the naked stuff an' all." Relief fills me. At last, this boy is showing wisdom. "I'm gonna live with Jes-ee-ah for the rest of my life. We share the good with the bad and we're learning how to become better human beings." I lift Jesse's left hand up to my lips. "This man brings me so much happiness. He completes me." Jes gives me a tight hug. We end up kissing that causes Simon to giggle at our side. "You two can't get enough of each other!" I turn to the boy with a grin. "When you find a lover, I'll be saying this same thing of you." My tongue sticks out at him. "I can hardly wait," answers Simon. He sticks out his tongue. Jes and I part from each other. Our hands clasp. Simon bends over with his long hair sweeping the ground. "Are you alright?" I ask with concern. The boy slowly straightens up with a weary grin on his face. "I'm just tired. That's all." "It was a lot of work pulling your grandfather's trailer up from the mud." My eyes fall to the boy's limp dick. He gives me shy eyes, knowing that what I said isn't the real reason why he's tired and he knows I know it. "We should be heading back," says Running Water. "The boy's grandfather will be getting concerned." I raise my hand in a gesture that I'll be right back. I'm running to the river. Water is brought up to rinse out my cheeks. My butt is aching me so I can't empty it. Man! I've been fucked by all three of them; Running Water had even shot twice in me. When racing back to join them, I notice that silky sensation from my hole from being filled up. It makes me feel like a gay man. Jes has his right arm around Simon's waist when they climb up. It's nice to see that they've become good friends. They look like two boys of similar age. My eyes fall to their butts that twist this way and that during their struggle up the hill. Both are a deep brown, nicely shaped and I'd be hard pressed to identify which pair of cheeks belong to my lover from only being able to look at the back of them. I notice how thin their bodies are. Not too lean as the Indian boys of Christopher's time though. I join Running Water at his side. He welcomes my arm around his waist to help him up the hill behind the others. "Is your calf giving you trouble?" "Some. I'll likely be hobbling around the garage on one leg tomorrow." That's right. He has to work tomorrow. Our climb down the hill is more difficult. Running Water leans heavily onto me so he won't stumble. I'm taking advantage of this situation by enjoying the feel of this man's butt. I wonder if he's emptied it of Simon's cum? "Are you hurting, Mike?" Huh? Running Water squeezes my bottom. "It's aching me a little." My face is burning. I won't tell him that I'm still holding everyone's sperm in me. Simon and Jes are running ahead into camp. I turn to Running Water for a quick hug. I'm noticing how tense he is that comes from worry. "My brother? It's okay... what you showed Simon. He is a needing youth." I mash our cocks together to get my point across. "That boy has had sex with me too and knows that's all it was. I don't think he'll be pining for you." "He shouldn't. I'm too old for him." I've been Reaching into this man during our embrace. His feelings for Simon match what he's said and besides, he'd rather be with a white guy. Me. When Running Water gives me a tight squeeze, I no longer doubt his deep feelings for me beyond the sex stuff. It's like Jesse said. I do love his uncle too. We continue our walk and try avoiding the muddy spots. The winter runoff has soaked these lands. When we streak into camp, Goes-late-in-the-night is tossing some logs into the fire. He acknowledges our approach with his eyes peering at each of us in turn. I'm keeping my face plain of emotion. Jesse reveals no shame before this old man. Running Water drops his eyes to his feet after a moment. Simon smiles shyly. "You were a long time cleaning up in the river," gruffs the old man. Simon carefully nods. He can't ignore his grandfather's unspoken question. "We... talked for a while." Goes-late-in-the-night grasps his grandson's shoulder. Something unspoken passes between them. Is the old man wondering if something happened to the boy when in our care? My body tenses up. I reach out to the flames and rub my hands together uneasily. The others have long since dried in the sun. Only the lower part of my body is wet. "I've heard that our shaman has announced to the tribe that you will be following in his footsteps, Jes-ee-ah." "Yes, grandfather. I'll try to lead our People into the Light as he has." Goes-late-in-the-night glances at his grandson. "Sings-as-a-raven is in need of guidance that I cannot give." His eyes flare. He's addressing me. "I've set his feet along our path." The old man gives me sharp eyes in reply. Is he concerned about that or is it something else? "That is good to hear but tell me, Short Hair. Is my grandson old enough to share in what I suspect the three of you have together?" Running Water flinches at my side. We've heard the anger in Goes-late-in- the-night's voice. Has he figured us out?! Jesse answers, "Grandfather. Your keen eyes have uncovered this truth. I don't think the People would understand that my uncle is also with Mike. It will be difficult enough for them to accept that he is my companion." "No one will hear me say anything bad about it from my lips." "I thank you, grandfather." Goes-late-in-the-night peers at Running Water. "Is there anything I should know that concerns my grandson?" A sharp pain stabs my stomach. Was this old man spying on us? He's seen! Jesse speaks without shame. "We showed your grandson the pleasures that come from his body. He needed this release and learned that it isn't love." In a lower voice, "I was given this same lesson by a man before I met Mike. It's helped me accept who I am and prepared me for his love." Goes-late-in-the-night is startled to hear that. I am too, that Jes has revealed a secret we've been keeping from his mother. The old man's face takes on that Look I've seen in Indians when they're hiding their emotions. He faces his grandson. "Were you hurt?" asks the old man. "No. They didn't take advantage of me, grandfather. I let them show me." The old man peers into his grandson's eyes. He breathes in deeply, the release of air from his lungs almost sounding like a moan. "Have you given Running Water your heart?" Simon is startled by his grandfather's question. "No. I don't love him. He's only shown me what it's like... That it's okay to be gay." "Did he stick in you, boy?" "No!" squeaks Simon. He reaches back to clutch his cheeks with a burning face. "I'll save that part of myself for my lover." I glean that Goes-late-in-the-night had spied down on us from the hill when his grandson was laying over Running Water's back. He fears how it will affect the boy. Not the physical act itself but that it would bind his heart to a man more than twice his age. Running Water speaks up. "Forgive me, grandfather! I should not have let Simon be with me. I'll surrender myself to any judgment you must render." Goes-late-in-the-night glares at the man. "Hmm. I needed to hear you admit what you did with my grandson. Perhaps he knows it for what it was. In my youth, there were certain men who instructed boys in this thing so they would know how to perform when they became men. It's not an acceptable practice in this day." He means men like Owopspec, I realize. My former self had taught boys how to perform sexually when he was only a boy himself. An uneasy silence passes. Simon looks like he's about to burst into tears. Goes-late-in-the-night is shaking his head in dismay. We've sure upset him. The old man brings Simon to his chest for a hug. I glance at Jesse. He doesn't look worried and I don't Feel this from him. :Keep silent, love. This thing must play itself out.: :Grandfather doesn't know what we did with Simon,: I Send with much guilt. :He'd seen the boy fucking Running Water. Should we offer him our admission?: :No, love. Goes-late-in-the-night was more concerned about my uncle taking advantage of his grandson. That his heart would be hurt. We're closer in age to this boy and new to love so grandfather doesn't fear anything from us since we're already a couple.: Goes-late-in-the-night keeps his grandson in the protection in his arms. That's what it looks like to me. He's sure mad at Running Water. "I need some time to think about this," says the old man. "You've helped secure my trailer and I thank you for that." "We will go now," says Running Water in a tense voice. "In peace," answers Goes-late-in-the-night. The others are getting back into their clothes. I'm lingering by the fire to dry off the lower part of me. Goes-late-in-the-night comes to my side that fills me with dread by what he may say. "Running Water has hurt his leg." I'm nodding. He's wondering if that happened when we pulled his trailer out of the mud. Let him think so. He won't feel so angry at Running Water. "You came to help me in my time of need, Mike. I'll always remember that." Goes-late-in-the-night hesitates to ask what's really on his mind. He looks back at the others. Simon is talking with Jes-ee-ah. Running Water hobbles over to his truck and opens the passenger side door. "My brother had hurt his leg during our long walk down the road," I admit. "That's why he didn't come back with us to your trailer to help you with it." I'm realizing that it's better to speak the truth than to hide it. This man has sharp eyes like a hawk besides. "Running Water's truck really helped. You and Simon were able to secure my trailer until he arrived to pull it out of that mud hole." "Yes, grandfather." I'm sensing that he wants to ask me something. What? I nod my head slightly to prompt his unspoken question. "I think you have some Native blood somewhere back in your family." "Yes. My mother's grandmother was Blackfoot. Her name was Shirt-for-man." I notice the startled look in this man's eyes. "That was the name of my father's sister." We stare at each other. This man's heart feels a truth that his head hasn't worked out yet. In a low voice, "She was my wife in a former life, grandfather." What made me say that?! He'll think I'm crazy. "Your former... life?" Goes-late-in-the-night looks off into the distance when he thinks back to his youth. "Hmm. I was told that my father's sister had married outside her People. His name was Krist' fer." My eyes grow very wide. That was me! This man and I are related by blood? "My Christian name was Christopher Walker," I answer in a low voice. "A brave of the People took me from the fort to live with his tribe. They called me by a corrupted form of my first name, Krist-o-fer, instead of a proper Blackfoot name such as 'Short Hair' that Jes-ee-ah has given me in this life." The old man reveals no doubt to what I've said. It was the truth. "I've heard you speak in the old tongue. There is something in your eyes that remind me of the People from long ago yet you were not born of them." Awe fills the man's eyes. "In your heart, the good that is in White People has been seen in your acts this day. I believe that our Father has brought you back to help us. I understand you now." "Grandfather. What you say may be true but I'm not without faults or weak moments that I later regret." Should I admit having sex with his grandson? "We are only human beings trying to find our way," answers the old man. I'm gently nodding. "Sings-as-a-raven looks up to me. I will not betray his trust." Goes-late-in-the-night peers deep into my eyes for a moment. I don't flinch under his gaze. "You won't, Short Hair." The old man mutters another name under his breath who was that white youth brought into his tribe long ago. He knew the name was Krist-o-fer instead of what he told Mike. My shoulder is grasped. Goes-late-in-the-night gives me a toothy grin. He has learned my deepest secret and accepts who I am. I'm feeling an ease to the burdens my shoulders carry. Jes is Calling out to me. :It was meant that the two of you should meet, love. Raven knew this.: :You Saw this in your dream last night?: :Not how this day would unfold,: Answer Jesse. :You followed your heart.: My feet have begun to walk along the good red road yet I'm still white skinned. I'll never be accepted by everyone in the tribe nor should I try. There's no shame for being who I am! A white guy. Will Jes understand that I may not be able to wear that elk skin robe his grandfather has given me? Goes-late-in-the-night peers over his shoulder at Jesse. My lover is looking at me with an intense Look in his eyes. The old man peers at me with awe filling his eyes. I'm feeling very naked before him. "Are you ready to put some clothes on?" asks Goes-late-in-the-night. I nearly run from him to fetch my clothes from the ground. My fire dried jeans feel stiff against my body. I'm hopping around when pulling on the moccasins I've been gifted. Jes comes to my side. He pulls my bundle over my head and I tie his eagle feather to his hair. I'm enjoying its silky length against the back of my hand. Almost, I ask that he not braid it when we get back home. Simon gives us shy eyes when he approaches. He feels real bad that his grandfather is angry at Running Water. Maybe he fears that we won't want to see him again. "You have my phone number," I assure the boy. "Call us. Okay?" "I will." He glances at Jesse. My lover fondly grasps Simon's shoulder. I see relief in the boy's eyes. When he turns to me, my arms reach out in their offer of a hug. He's glancing at his grandfather uneasily. "It's gonna be okay, Raven Eyes." "What... what did you call me?" "That is your secret name amongst us. Give me a hug." The boy leaps into my arms and I hold him close when he trembles. "Don't worry. Your grandfather isn't really that upset about what happened. Assure him that you weren't hurt and are in need of our guidance." "I am!" We feel another set of arms coming around us. Not from Jesse? My head turns to see Goes-late-in-the-night joining into our embrace. He speaks to me in old Siksika so his words will be for my ears alone. "You are good for my grandson, Short Hair. I want you to be monedo to the boy if you are willing." I'm in awe of what this man has asked of me. From Chris, I know that a monedo is a man highly honored in the tribe who takes a fatherless youth under his wing for training into manhood. He's usually a feathered warrior. "Are you not acting as this boy's father already?" "Yes. That is so yet I cannot teach him all he needs to be a man who walks the same path you do." His eyes flare. "I'm new to all this myself, grandfather. Perhaps another man would serve better in my place." I was about to suggest Running Water but realize he wouldn't be accepted. The old man peers deep in my eyes. He's Seen me, whom I've become by joining with my former self. "I am confident that you can fulfill this role for my grandson." "Very well. I will act as monedo to Sings-as-a-raven in this matter." Goes-late-in-the-night pulls from us. He wiggles the fingers to his right hand in a gesture of thanks. Simon realizes that something important has been decided concerning him. I see that in his eyes. Goes-late-in-the-night does not speak of it now. I'm slowly pulling from the boy's arms with an assuring grin. "Bye, Mike." "For now, Simon." Jes knows what's happened but he doesn't Say anything to me. No need to. As we start heading for the truck, Goes-late-in-the-night bids us farewell in modern Siksika. "Our paths will cross again in gladness, Jes-ee-ah. Short Hair. Farewell." The old man mutters another name to himself. A white youth who is an uncle to him whom he's never meet until now. I look back over my shoulder with a peculiar feeling. Goes-late-in-the- night is holding his grandson in his arms. The boy is waving happily at me. I wave back. After making sure that the truck has been disconnected from the trailer, I get in. Jes is sitting beside Running Water who has his head propped against his right arm. The man's eyes are closed. He's probably still suffering from a hang over. My butt has worn him out. That has me smiling though I'm paying for that now by its aching. The key is already in the ignition so I start the engine. We take off down the dirt road. A cloud of dust is brought up behind us that I see in the rear view mirror. Jesse grasps my hand. I can't turn to him as much as I'd want because my attention is needed when driving up a steep incline. It curves to the left around a rocky cleft. We're bouncing in our seats. I have to brake when the road slopes downwards sharply. My butt is aching me a lot now. I'm getting the uncomfortable sensation of having to go to the bathroom. It can't wait until we reach Box Elder. I'm not even gonna be able to hold it before we reach the highway! The truck is braked to a stop. I fling my door open and run to the side of the road. My jeans are pulled down to my ankles. I barely manage to drop my underwear when my butt explodes to the ground. I'm trying not to push after relieving myself. Man! My butt hurts a lot. Jesse has gotten out of the truck and offers me a napkin to wipe myself. "Thanks." He offers me a sympathetic look. To my surprise, he's dropping his pants. I'm giving him my spot when his underwear is pulled down. I avert my eyes. There's a bubbling sound coming from his butt. The napkin in my hand is folded inwards and I offer it to my lover who uses it to wipe himself. Jesse gets to his feet. He lifts the napkin to the sky in silent prayer. Then it's reverently placed over the ground where we've spilt the seed held in us. I'm in awe of his sacred rite. Our butts were filled with love that came from each other and in my case, from Running Water and Simon as well. I'm looking down at my balls. They still look the same after Passing my male strength to Hawk Flying Over. I noticed something when squirting into my lover's butt. It felt different somehow, like the ease of pissing instead of the thick flow of sperm. Oh. My balls can't produce that anymore. I must have shot only seminal fluid. My head hangs. "Mike? It's not important what came out. You performed as a man when you gave me your love. We're not trying for a baby you know." "Yeah." My held breath explodes out of me. Jes hugs me really tight. I'm needing to be held right now. We end up kissing. His naked warmth is felt against the lower part of my body with our dicks making kisses of their own. Jesse starts giggling. I follow his eyes down to our groins. He Thinks to me to explain his amusement. :I've not seen them limp when they're touching.: I know what he means. :They won't be sleeping for long.: Jes pulls over my ass to coax the expected response from me. I'm enjoying the feel of his soft curves in my hands. We wait for about a minute but our cocks won't rise, not that we're in need for release. I'm starting to laugh. :We've worn them out.: :I can't imagine how, my love? Let me see... We made love this morning in bed with Running Water. Then we fucked each other on the river bank.: My face begins to burn when I recall Running Water doing my ass twice. The virility of that man amazes me! Simon also managed to perform in spite of having shot off his dick three times before mounting my ass. I look towards the truck. Running Water is still leaning against the window. Sleeping. :My uncle has likely emptied his butt when he cleaned up in the river,: Sends Jesse. :He's not rushing out of the truck to join us on the side of the road.: I'm feeling a twinge of sadness. Running Water didn't want to keep the boy's love in his heart either. We pull our pants up. Before Jesse turns for the truck, he gives me a quick hug. I kiss his nose. "It was nice sharing our love with others this day." "Yeah. I like Simon." We've reverted to speaking out loud. I miss hearing my lover's soft Indian accent when we Mind Talk. Words can be clumsy though. From our Connection, Jes knows what I meant about my liking that boy for himself beyond his nice body. Jesse gets back into the truck. I gently close my door (so as to not awaken Running Water) and put it into gear. The bumpy road continues for another ten minutes before it reaches a paved road. I make a right turn onto the highway. It'll be smooth sailing from now on. I breathe a sigh of relief. My weary body is able to relax. Jes snuggles against me with his left arm reaching around my waist. His soft head lowers to my shoulder. I'm Feeling how tired my lover is. Me too. I stifle a yawn and force my eyes to stay open. My next yawn manages to escape from my mouth. 'Stay awake!' I scold myself. My left hand tightens over the reins to Pa's horse pulling our wagon down a snowy bank. Huh? Jes has fallen asleep and I'm being drawn down with him. Fear squeezes my heart! I turn to Running Water for help but it's as if my head is stuck in molasses. I'm gonna lose control of his truck in a moment. :Jesse!: I Call out in alarm. My plea is Heard. Jesse peers up at me with nearly closed eyes and Pulls himself away before returning to sleep. My eyes clear. I turn the steering wheel sharply to the right until we're back in our lane. My heart is racing. That had been a near thing. I'm discovering a drawback to our Connection. Where one of us goes whether in sleep, sickness or death, the other will follow. It's a sobering thought. My concentration doesn't waver from the road. I'm bringing our speed down to fifty five and keep a tight hold of the steering wheel with my left hand. When reaching the town of Box Elder, I take highway 87 north. Havre is twenty two miles away according to the sign. I've only gotta stay awake for a half an hour more. Jesse is fast asleep. His uncle is snoring by the window. I've noticed the utter quiet in my head. No exchange of thoughts, emotions or flashes of insight. Almost, I feel like who I was before meeting Jesse. Oh, what am I doing with these Indians? These past two weeks have been filled with many strange events, stomach numbing fear, discovery of a former self, getting into trouble with the police and other weird things that have turned my life upside-down. The burdens to my shoulders! It isn't fair!! For a shameful moment, I wallow in self pity and woe until anger sweeps me back to myself as Short Hair. Jesse's love has seen me through it. He accepted that dumb guy I was and is making me a better person. I want to be worthy of him. He also needs me desperately and I've given him all that I am: my heart, my body and my very soul. It kinda seems like my will has been bent to him. Am I being used? No! I'm violently shaking my head in denial to this wrongful thought. I trust my heart over what my head has tried to reason out. What's troubled me most is the fear. For both of us! There is an evil in this world with powers I never suspected could exist yet I've seen it with my own eyes. Our house is ever under guard against Eli Kie. Trickster. How many more lives will that evil man snuff out before he's stopped? I peer at the young man sleeping against my chest. The look of tranquility on his brown face fills my heart with deep feelings. Man! I do love him so. It's much more than enjoying the naked stuff with him. He makes me feel good, more alive than I have ever felt before. I'm no longer alone. We are together nearly every waking moment. I'm sleeping in his bed. He's my life-long companion, my lover and my closest friend. We Share everything. Well. At this moment, our Connection is weak so I can remain awake to drive this truck. I'm only able to see him now with my eyes. No inner Sight. It's a strange sensation after I've experienced how close we can be. An intertwining of two persons. Hmm. Chris is always a part of me too. His memories are mine as if I lived them. I'm no longer who I was so there's no turning back. I'm slowing the truck to cross over some railroad tracks. Running Water and Jes aren't disturbed from their sleep. Yawns fill my mouth. I violently shake my head to keep awake. A nap would suite me fine when we get home. No longer do I think of it as Winna's house, I'm realizing with a grin. Jesse's head has been slowly sinking along my chest. I've been cradling him in my right arm but it's grown fatigued. How long can I Hold my lover in his struggle against his former self? I'm Seeing this clearly now. A kind of drain to my life force that cannot be shut off nor would I try for that would mean Owopspec wins. He'll live on in my lover if I let go, overwhelming the young man that I love. Chris and I won't let him! With effort, I lift Jes back up to my neck. I'm kissing his forehead. He stirs from sleep for a moment with his left arm tightening around my waist. I Send soothing thoughts to him. 'Sleep my little Indian love'. A faint smile comes to his lips. I'm looking ahead to the road. A big rig speeds past us at what must be over seventy miles per hour. He sure is in a rush. When I glance at Jes again, there's a look of peacefulness on his face. He's deep asleep. I'm savoring this moment with him and long for a simpler life when we could have some quiet time together. Alone. Chris had such moments with Owopspec. They rode on a horse together to get away from the tribe at days on end. Those were happy times for them. Peaceful and happy, their only concern was to find shelter for the night. They made love when the mood and need struck them. No other cares in the world. Jes and I really need a similar outing. We could ride a horse along the wilds near Canada. We'd live off the land as it was done in Christopher's time. I have his Indian skills. Jesse would wear a breechclout and me in a pair of jeans. We could get to know each other from outside of thinking to each other. No distractions. Just us. It would be a vacation. More like a honeymoon. Ahh. It's a sweet daydream. I'm slowing down when approaching Havre. The smile on my face fades. My shoulders feel their burdens returning to them but I vow that we'll have that honeymoon after we marry next month even if it's a truck instead of that horse and a resort hotel instead of sleeping in wild lands. We'll be together as I'm longing for. All I'm asking for is a week. God! We deserve to this. I'm straightening up in my seat when passing the trailer park where I used to live. Jes stirs against me. He must have Sensed my strong emotions coming from the dread I have to be returning to the troubles in our lives. There's a white pickup truck parked at the curb in front of Winna's house. That would be One-white-horse's. Yup. I see him leaning against the front bumper. He's giving me a hand wave. Charlie's pickup is parked in front of the neighbor's house but he's not inside it. I'm pulling into our driveway and see a car parked there. Winna's truck is in front of this Toyota Camry near the garage. It looks like she's having company. I was hoping that we could get to bed for a nap. With a deep sigh, I shut the engine off. Running Water awakens with a big yawn. Jes is stretching himself beside me. Our Connection flares up strong with our thoughts and emotions Passing to each other again. He peers out the windshield. :I don't know whose car that is.: Jesse sniffs himself. :We need to take a shower, my love. I want to get into some clean clothes. I hope it's not important guests of your mother's since we won't make a good impression on them.: I open my door and get out with Jesse joining me at my side. Our hands clasp. Running Water scoots over to the steering wheel. He starts the engine. "Are you gonna be okay with driving?" I ask with concern. Running Water stifles a yawn. "I'll make it home alright." I shut the door for him. We're waving when he backs out of the driveway. Jes peers at One-white-horse standing in front of his pickup truck. I Feel a sharp emotion from my lover. :What is it?: :Mike! I Heard him Thinking to me. He knows who's visiting...: Before Jes can Tell me, I hear my name being called. 'Michael'. Only my mother calls me that. I'm spinning over my feet to face the front door of the house in surprise. She's nearly running to the driveway with my father close behind her. Jesse takes a step away from me. We'd been holding hands. He's studying my parents and through his eyes, I'm seeing them as if for the first time. My mother is wearing good clothes as if she's gone to church. She has short black hair, a bit plump like Winna and short. Her face reveals worry lines that quickly fade in her happiness to see me. I Tell Jes that she's nearly fifty years old. Five years older than Winna, I'm Told. My father is fifty two. A very tall man. I'm noticing a limp to his steps that hadn't been there when I left Indiana some four months ago. He has a mat of white hair with balding in front of his scalp. He's not wearing his hat as is customary. Like my mom, he's wearing good clothes. A suit and tie. "Michael! We were getting worried," exclaims the woman. "How are you?" I give my mother a hug. It's good to see her but that feeling fades when realizing that I have much to explain. Will she accept that I'm gay and with an Indian lover? When we part, I notice my mom grimacing. I'm looking down at myself. My jeans are mud streaked. Moccasins cover my feet instead of shoes. I'm in need of a shower. All of these things are not lost on her. "How are you, son?" I shake my father's hand. Shock fills me to see how old he looks. I've also noticed a slur in his voice. "Hi dad. I'm fine... but how are you?" The man looks down at his feet. A sharp pain fills my stomach. He's been sick! After a moment, I recover enough to remember Jes who's standing at my side. "Let me introduce you to Jesse, Mrs. Winnapah's son." "Hello," says Mr. Yager. They shake hands. "Jesse? This is my father, Michael Yager and this is my mother, Linda." "It's good to meet you," says Jesse. He turns shy under their gaze. My mother smiles at Jes but her eyes return to me with a piercing gaze, studying me from head to toe. "I'm sorry about my appearance," I mutter. "We've been helping a man lift his trailer out of a mud hole this morning." My hands run down my soiled clothes. "Why don't you take a shower and then we'll talk," says Mr. Yager. I'm nodding my head. Jes is amazed by how tall my dad is. He's over six feet. We enter the house where Winna is waiting in the hall. "Jes-ee-ah?" "I'm sorry, mom. The phone was out at my uncle's house but I left you a message this morning." I face Winna with a sullen face. "It's my fault. We decided to stay overnight at Hawk Flying Over's house so I'm sorry if we've worried you." Winna nods with understanding. I've appeased her (at least for the moment) so I'm off to the bedroom to get some clean clothes. A thought strikes me. :Jes? You can hide out in our bedroom until it's your turn for a shower.: :No, love. I'll stay with my mom. She's a little overwhelmed by your parent's visit so I should be with her.: :Okay. Don't tell them anything about us. That's my responsibility.: I've reached our bedroom and fetch clean clothes to put on after my shower. When I walk down the hall from the kitchen, I hear voices in the front room. I'm not envying my lover and his mom. My parents can be quite a handful. I rush with my shower. New underwear, jeans and a shirt are worn to cover my thin frame after I've toweled off. Will my parents notice how much weight I've lost? Probably. After taking a deep breath, I leave the bathroom and head for the front room. From the hall, I see Winna sitting in her comfort chair by the T.V. My parents are on the couch with Jesse sitting between them. He's saying something to them in his soft Indian voice and turns to me with a shy expression. All eyes are on me when I enter the front room. Jes eagerly surrenders his place to me on the couch. We avoid eye contact. His thoughts fly to me and in a flash, I know about his exchange with my parents. It was mostly about how we helped Goes-late-in-the-night with his trailer that caused our delay in returning home. I'm sitting down between mom and dad. Being clean and wearing new clothes is making me feel better. A little, anyway. Jesse goes to kneel beside his mother's chair. She takes his little hand into her own. "When did you get in?" I ask my parents. "Last night," answers Linda. "Mrs. Winnapah said that you hadn't returned from visiting with her son's uncle. When you didn't come back in the morning, we became worried. We drove over here from our motel." Jes Sends that my parents have been with his mom for over two hours. He's sure that they haven't been told anything about us but it's been difficult for his mom. I flash Winna a sympathetic look. "Are you hungry?" asks Linda. "A little." I get the notion that mom wants to take me out to lunch. I've not eaten since this morning but any sense of hunger I may have had has been scattered by the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I peer at Jes with worried eyes. :Will you come with us?: I plead. :If you want me to, love.: I'm having second thoughts about that. :Maybe that won't be such a good idea. My parents might want to have me alone for a talk. I could put off telling them what's been going on between us.: :Okay. You go with them.: "Why don't we all go out to lunch?" asks Linda. "Can you suggest a good restaurant in town?" "There are several," answers Winna. "I don't know what would be to your liking. Why don't you take your son out and come back here for dinner?" Relief fills me. Jesse smiles, but to our woe my mom suggests something. "Would you like to have lunch with us, Jesse? With your mother's approval of course." :You don't have to go, my love!: :I won't if you don't want me to.: It's selfish of me, but I'd feel better if Jesse were along to keep my parents on good behavior. They still think of me as their little boy. Man! I'm of mixed minds when it comes to having Jes along with us or not. He must be feeling like a yo-yo because of me. "My son can help you find a good restaurant in town," suggests Winna. It's settled then. Jesse nods in answer to his mother's wishes. "If you'll excuse me, I need to put my clothes in the dryer." Winna gets up from her chair and hurriedly leaves the room. "I should take a shower," announces Jesse. Before I can stop myself, I'm giving my lover a gesture to do just that. He heads off, leaving me alone with my parents. "Mike! You look so thin," Linda remarks. I'm glancing down at my waistline. "I've trimmed down some from all the hiking and stuff I've done." I turn to my father. "Dad? What's been happening with you? Tell me." "Well... It's nothing unexpected for a man of my age." He drops his eyes to his hands folded in his lap. "I've had a slight stroke a few months back. My right side had turned a numb. Nothing alarming so don't be worrying about it. My doctor says that I'll make a full recovery." "Why didn't you call me!" Michael glances at his wife. "We didn't want to interrupt your vacation." I'm grasping my father's arm. "You should have called, dad." "Don't worry about me. Really. It's nothing serious." I hear the slur in dad's voice that proves his condition is much more serious than he's letting on. I'm also gleaning this. My mother distracts me when she asks me a question. "Have you heard anything from your lawyer?" "Yeah. He's gonna send a letter to the D.A. to persuade him to drop their case against me. Them police officers who confronted us were corrupt. We have proof of this that will come out in court if it gets that far." "You aren't going to jail, are you?" "No, mom. My lawyer assures me that I won't." An uneasy silence passes. Winna hasn't returned from the laundry room. Jes is taking his shower. I'm feeling a bit mad at my parents for having come unannounced to invade my world. I wasn't prepared for their arrival. There are problems enough without having to deal with them right now. "I know. We should have called you before coming out," says Linda. "It had been done on the spur of the moment. Your father wanted to see you." I'm turning to my dad. In his eyes, I can see that he does have something important to tell me. Is he dying?! I squeeze my father's arm. "Dad? Are you really alright?" "That's your mother going on," mutters Michael. "There is nothing serious about my health. Really." I'm looking back at my mom. "I needed to see you! We want to help you with what's been going on by facing trial and all. We're really worried about you." "Don't be, mom. I'm in good hands." I slump my head against the back of the couch. Man! I am feeling real tired all of a sudden. "These seem to be good folk that you're with." "Winna and Jes have been just great. Can we have lunch without a lot of fuss? We'll talk about things tomorrow. I'm real tired now." "Jesse has told us. That old man's trailer would have tipped over it you hadn't come along. Lucky for him that Mr. Water's pickup had ran out of gas stranding you in the middle of nowhere yet you managed to help others." "Many of these Indians are in need of help," I answer. "They're forced to live on terrible land, don't have jobs, real houses to live in or even have money to pay for medicine that they need." Linda looks around the front room. "Mrs. Winnapah lives comfortably." I don't like the way my mother had put that. Anger gets the better of me. "Winna's husband ran away some years ago and she found out that he took money from the house. She's lost her job recently so paying her mortgage was gonna be really hard for her." "I'm sorry, Mike." "I am too." My head slumps to my chest. "We can see that you're tired, son. Let's get something to eat and you can tell us all about it tomorrow before we leave." "You're leaving on Sunday?" My dad nods in reply. "A late night flight back to Indiana. We only came out to see how you were holding up and offer what help we can. We've missed you, son." "We could stay longer if you need us to," asks Linda. I'm releasing a tense sigh. "That's not necessary. Really, mom." "Like your father said, we'll talk about this tomorrow." I close my eyes and rest my head against the back of the couch. Mom is stroking my right arm, comforting me like she did when I was a little boy. I regret thinking badly of them for their visit. It is good seeing them. I'm gently shaken awake. My mother is getting up from the couch so I rush to my feet. Ouch! My butt is hurting. Almost, I reached back to rub the pain from it. Jesse grabs my attention by his handsome appearance. He's wearing a white long sleeved shirt, tan colored pants with a belt around his slim waist. Polished black shoes are on his feet. That has me remembering the moccasins I've tossed off at the front door. The only shoes that I could wear have been left back at my trailer. I'm not gonna go get them now. It's either walking about barefoot or wearing moccasins when I leave the house. We'll need to drop by a shoe store this afternoon. I cast another long gaze at my lover. He looks really nice. The clothes he's wearing helps him look his age instead of the muddy faced boy my parents first saw. His eagle's feather dances along his unbound hair. I'm tearing my eyes from him least my parents suspect anything about us. Jes leads my parents out the front door. I'm quickly donning my moccasins. My father gets into the driver's seat with mom sitting on the passenger side. My lover and I get into the back of their rental car. Where's Winna? I know she wasn't going with us for lunch but she could have at least seen us out. :My mom is hiding in her bedroom. She's tired.: :Really?: Jes nods at me. :It was difficult for her to be with your parents. Not that they aren't nice but so many questions! She was afraid of saying something that might have offended them.: :Like what, for instance?: :My mom told me that your parents don't have a clue about the struggles our People are going through. She tried not being offended by some of their off hand remarks. I don't mean to upset you, love.: :You aren't. I'm indebted to your mom for handling this situation. Man! How am I gonna tell my parents that I'm gay? Will they accept that I've chosen to be with you?: Jesse's eyes flare when I consider not telling them. :You're right, my love. They should be told but not today. Okay? It would be better if I do this tomorrow when I'm not feeling so tired.: "Where should we go?" asks Mr. Yager. "Turn left, dad. Head for the heart of town and we'll find a restaurant." "Can you suggest a good place, Jesse?" "I don't know, Mrs. Yager. There are several downtown that white folk like to eat at." My lover casts his eyes down to his feet after what he said. :It's okay, Jes.: I'm about to reach for his hand but remember myself. We face forward. No eye contact that might give us away to my parents. My father doesn't have any difficulties with driving. Mom would have asked me to if he wasn't up to it because of his stroke. Man! He should have called me. I would have flown back home to be with him but then, I wouldn't have met Jesse. What will my parents think about me being gay? I'm afraid for my dad. His heart will break when he learns that I'll end the proud line of sons from his forefathers by not having a son myself. "Mike? I think that man who was parked outside Mrs. Winnapah's house is following us. A white pickup truck. See it?" My stomach begins to hurt. I was hoping to put this off until tomorrow. "It's alright, dad. That's One-white-horse, Jesse's uncle." I take a deep breath. "He's keeping watch over us." "Why?" asks Linda with alarm. "That corrupt policeman who attacked us has it out for me. One-white-horse will keep us from harm." Mom gives me a sharp look but she doesn't press me to say anything more about it. Dad makes a turn onto the main street of Havre. We're passing Wal-Mart. "There are a bunch of restaurants up ahead." All of us are looking out our windows and name them out loud for consideration. I've never gone to any of them myself, preferring to eat at places like McDonald's and Burger King. Jesse announces the name of a restaurant that we're passing on the right. "The Dining Car." "Would you like to go there?" asks Linda. Jes turns shy. I look out his window and see the large sign. It reads: 'Meet you at... The Dining Car.' Real train cars are sticking out from the restaurant. Dad pulls into the parking lot. It looks like we're gonna be eating here. When we find a place to park out back, I see people eating in those dining cars. There's even a train ride for the kids going around the parking lot. We get out of the car. I'm stepping down onto concrete with my moccasins that makes me feel a bit awkward. Mom, dad and even Jesse are dressed in good clothes and shoes while I'm only wearing jeans. At least they're brand new. My father leads his wife while my lover sticks to my side. We enter the lobby. A waitress is told that there are four to be seated and to my mother's delight, we're given seats in one of the train cars. "Looks real authentic," comments Michael. I've never been in a dining car on a train so I take my father's word for it. Our table is rather small. Jes bumps elbows with me. The aisle running between the tables is narrow filled with people eating. A young black lady named Katrina introduces herself as our waitress. She hands us menus, asking if we'd like to be brought drinks. My dad asks for coffee. Nothing for mom but I'm asking for glasses of water to be brought for all of us. It's been my habit to drink from my father's glass after emptying mine. I know how long the wait can be for our meal to arrive. I'll drink milk later with my food. We're pouring over our menus. They offer steak, pasta, seafood and chicken along with a list of appetizers. I shouldn't be shocked by the high prices and know better than to order something cheap that would insult dad. I'm warning Jesse about that. There's a notice in small print at the bottom of my menu stating that prices are subject to change without notice. I'm sure that this restaurant will be charging more in 2004. :I don't know what to order,: Sends Jesse. I've already decided on a seafood platter with a baked potato. My efforts turn to helping my lover order something he might like to eat. :How about fish? I know that some of the People catch salmon from the streams. Ah. They do have that listed on the menu.: :Alright, Mike. I'll have that.: We both remember Hawk Flying Over serving us salmon he prepared himself. It was good. My parents seem to have decided on what they're gonna eat. Our waitress returns with my father's coffee and four glasses of water. "Are you ready to order something from the kitchen?" That's a funny way to put it. Maybe what she's said is in line to the theme of this restaurant. My parents look to Jesse. He drops his eyes from them shyly. "Are you ready?" asks Linda. Jes eyes the menu again. I speak up to rescue him. "He'd like the baked salmon." :You get a baked potato, French Fries or green beans with that.: My lover Tells me he'd like the green beans. He informs the waitress of this before I could speak up for him. I'm scolding myself for my foolishness. What would my parents think of me ordering for him? Stupid, stupid, stupid! :Calm down, love.: :Sorry! I am very tense.: :Would you like me to order that seafood platter for you, love? Do you want chives and butter with your baked potato?: Jesse teases. I'm smiling at my lover. After taking a deep breath, I order for myself followed by mom. She's only having salad. Oh. Back to being on a diet, huh? That usually doesn't last long when she sees how much better her little dog is eating with table scraps given to him by her husband. "I'll have the New York steak," says Michael. "Medium well. And please bring two glasses of milk when our meal arrives." Dad remembered. He started that ritual when I was a little boy. My food tastes better when sipping milk between bites. The waitress finishes writing that down in her order book. She turns to the booth beside us to ask if they need anything. I'm trying not to stare but the white guy is about my age. The girl is Native. By the way she smiles at him, I know that they're a couple. I'm turning to look at Jesse. He returns my gaze, briefly, then folds his menu that the waitress had neglected to take from us. My father collects them and they're set at the edge of our table. "Who's taking care of Little Bert?" I'm trying to divert my parent's attention from what was a blunder on my part when I gazed lovingly at my partner. "Oh. He's staying this weekend with my neighbor, Sally. You remember her, don't you? She lives across the street with that black dog of hers." I'm surprised that my mother has placed her little dog in Sally's care. Her Pit Bull could swallow Little Bert in one gulp. "Do you have any pets?" Linda asks of Jesse. My lover shakes his head back and forth. He's acting real shy. I notice how his hands are folded in front of him on the table. His back is straight and rigid, eyes focused on the napkin dispenser. :You poor thing! Please try to relax, my love. They aren't gonna ask you anything difficult.: "I've been admiring that feather you wear," says Michael. "It means you've been acknowledged as a warrior in your People's eyes, doesn't it?" "Yes, Sir." "Please. Call me Michael." He turns to his wife. "Linda has some Native blood coming down her family. Aren't you a quarter Indian, dear?" Linda nods slightly in reply to her husband. "It's from her grandmother," I blurt out. "Shirt-for-man is from the same Blackfoot Tribe as Jesse." My mother tries hiding her astonishment. I know that she's told us that it was from her grandfather but I know from personal experience that Indian blood flows in our veins from the maternal side of her family. Shirt-for-man was Christopher's wife. That means mom is also my granddaughter. Funny, that. "How do you know?" Linda whispers after she's recovered from her shock. I turn to Jes. "Ah. His grandfather is shaman of the tribe and is aware of my Native heritage." What I'm not revealing is how we know that. I'm surprised that mom had it all wrong. "Is that why you chose to vacation in Montana, son? To find your roots, at least on your mother's side of the family?" "Not really. I just kinda stumbled into all this Indian stuff." I'm trying not to look at Jes. He is the real reason why I've come to Havre even though I didn't know that at the time. My mother is very anxious. I'd almost say that she dreads how I've learned about my heritage. My father speaks up with pride in his voice. "Well, Jesse. My side of the family is German. It was my grandfather, Johan Yager who arrived from the old country to farm in the Arkansas hills. It was good land for planting corn and cotton. I went off to college instead of being a farmer like my father. That made him very proud. I'm the first in the family to do so, graduating with a Master's degree in English." My father's eyes fall on me. He's disappointed that I dropped out of college after only a year. Most of what I know about computers came from my own studying instead of taking classes. They were too slow for me. That same college hired me to teach their faculty how to use MS-DOS and Windows 98. I also taught older adults how to use computers. Non-credit courses in Word, how to surf the Internet and do email since I'm not certified. I've made a good living as a programmer. Dad knows how much money I've made, am still making on Royalties to those three educational programs I coded. Why can't he be proud of those accomplishments? "Mom says that Mike is a good teacher." I'm startled that Jes spoke up on my behalf. Oh. He knows how I'm feeling. "I'm told that's how you met," says Linda. "My son is great with computers but he also has the patience to teach. I think Jesse, that you're my son's first friend we've met who isn't into computers like him." Jesse grins. It's nice to see his face light up and we exchange glances. My parents don't know what kind of a 'friend' he is to me or how I've been changed by him for the better. In my old life, I was becoming a computer nerd by coding for Dianne during the day and working on my own projects at night. It was consuming my life but no longer. My lover rescued me from all that. Jesse continues. I love hearing his soft Indian accent when he speaks. "Part of the reason why my mother was laid off from work was because she doesn't know how to use MS-Word. Mike is giving her private lessons after his class... ended. He suggested that mom ask her boss to return to working part time while she's learning the computer and he did." My mother is beaming. She turns to her husband who shrugs his shoulders like it's no big deal. Man, that hurt. "What grade are you in, Jesse?" We're both startled by my father's question. Jes looks down at his hands and speaks in a really soft voice. "I was attending a special program." Before my mom could ask what that is, we're rescued by our waitress. She's setting down three bowls of soup. "Would you like your salad now, Ma'am?" "Yes, please." "What kind of salad dressing can I bring you?" the waitress asks. "Ah, Thousand Island. Do you have any bacon bits and croutons?" "Yes. I'll be right back with it." I'm smiling to myself. Salad is a low calorie food but when dressing is added, croutons and bacon! Maybe mom isn't trying to get back on a diet. "What kind of soup is this?" asks Michael. "The waitress didn't say." I unroll the cloth holding my silverware to fetch a spoon. A dip into the broth brings up vegetables and meat. There are white bits, too. "I think it's minestrone soup. Smells good whatever it is." The waitress returns. "Here's your salad and fixings, Ma'am." Was that a southern accent in her voice? She rushes off before my dad could ask her what soup this is. The lines in his forehead tighten. I can tell that his mood is turning even more sour from what it was. I'm trying not to slurp my soup. Dad hates it when I do that. When I glance at Jes, he seems to be enjoying his soup. :I like the vegetable bits but it's kind of salty.: :That's soup for you. Don't tell me that you've never had any before.: :Of course I have. My grandmother made sheep's meat soup that we'd dip our fried bread into.: I remember how good her soup tasted. From Jes, I have strong memories of our grandmother when I Lived them after that bundle's Spirit Passed into us. Grandfather was very concerned by how we were acting as One. We've since settled down into separate selves. Our Connection bridges our feelings and thoughts along with my ability to speak in Siksika. Jesse's autism isn't as pronounced since I'm filtering out a lot of the noise for him. I think that my ability to glean things from people stems from my lover or maybe it's something that Spirit within us is giving me. I don't know. Voices from the table next to ours draws my attention. It's that mixed couple. The white guy is holding hands with his Native girlfriend. The look on their faces is very endearing. Love is easily seen in others. I stare down into my empty bowl and feel sad. My own lover is sitting right beside me yet I'm unable to express how I feel for him out of fear for what my parents will think about it. My spoon drops noisily into my bowl. "Is anything wrong, Michael?" I release my held breath. "No, mom." Between bites of salad, my mom asks Jesse questions about himself, his family and what he's doing lately that disguise her real intent to learn what I'm doing at their house. When I glance at dad, he appears interested in everything Jes is telling her especially when my lover lets slip that I've been given an elk skin robe by the tribe's chief at the meeting where his grandfather announced that he's gonna be trained as shaman after him. "What is the significance of that elk skin robe?" asks Michael. "Your son was given a great honor by my tribe. He may become a member of the Blackfoot." Jesse realizes he shouldn't have mentioned that last part. "Is this so?" Linda asks with alarm in her voice. She doesn't want her son to remain in Montana, so far away from her. "Mom. I signed some legal papers that say I'm a member of the tribe so their attorney can help me. I helped Jes find a sacred belonging of the People and prevented those corrupt policemen from stealing it back. I'm not actually part of their tribe." "You will be returning to Indiana after all this trouble blows over?" My mother's question is difficult. To answer her, it'll lead to others that I'm not ready to answer right now. In a low voice, "I still have a few months left to my vacation." "Hump. Some vacation!" exclaims Michael. "You really need to get back home and return to work. Dianna called only the other day to ask us about you. Why you haven't answered her emails." "Dad... You know why I didn't answer Dianne. Do you want me to tell her about the trouble I'm in? She wants me to work on a computer program while I'm on vacation. Man! I'm burned out from doing that. Can you understand?" "Well, son. If you are going to remain here afterwards, what will you do for work?" "I could teach." I'm already regretting those words out of my mouth. "You are going to stay here afterwards!" Linda gasps. Pleading comes into her voice. "Teaching doesn't pay that much. You can find something else to do that's computer related in Indiana. I don't think there's much demand for your skills here." Relief fills me when our waitress arrives with the food. She's carrying it on a tray held against her stomach by straps running up to her shoulders and looping down her back. Oh. I suppose that's because a moving train would spill a hand held tray. All in keeping with the theme of this restaurant. Mom is glaring at me but I task myself with getting ready to eat. Jesse is asked to pass the A-1 sauce to my dad for his steak. During the meal, Jes and I are given a brief reprieve from more questions. I'm taking my time with my meal. Jesse has managed to eat most of his salmon. All his green beans are gone from his plate. He's drinking down his glass of water and when it's set down, I Ask my lover if he can finish the fish. I'm worried about his thinness. We exchange glances. Jes picks up his fork and eats the rest of his salmon. Mom and dad are finishing what's on their plates. I drink down the rest of my milk that was made to last to the end of my meal. Dread fills me when I set my fork down and wipe my mouth with the napkin. The questions will begin again. I can see that in my mother's eyes. Oh, yeah. I haven't answered her last one about whether or not I'll be returning to Indiana after my troubles blow over. To my relief, our waitress returns to clear the table. Yawns escape from my mouth. That gives my mother pause. She realizes how tired I am and dad diverts her attention by asking if she'd like to see a dessert menu. "No thanks, dear. How about the two of you?" "I just couldn't. I'm full." Mom turns to Jesse to see if he would like anything. He's shaking his head. "I think we're ready for the check," mutters Michael. I'm lifting my hand to attract the attention of our waitress. She signals that she'll be over in a moment. Jesse asks to excuse himself so I slip from our table to let him out. My eyes fall to his little butt. Is it hurting him? He Tells me that he only needs to take a piss. I return to my seat. Oh, no! I'm being left alone with my parents who are bursting to ask if I'm really gonna be staying in Montana. "Jesse seems to be a really nice boy," comments Linda. That stung. How old does she think he is? Sixteen or something? If you don't know how young Indians can look for their age, that's what you'd think. My first impression of Jesse sitting beside his mother in class was that he was only in his late teens. Dad has a dark expression on his face. Mom asks to excuse herself. I slump back in my seat to relax until noticing my father's sharp eyes on me like I've done something wrong. "He's kind of young, isn't he?" What does he mean by that? The tiny hairs lift at the back of my neck when I glean the real intent of my father's question. "Jes is nearly twenty four," I blurt out. It becomes a really tense moment. We're staring at each other across the table without saying a word. He can't quite bring himself to ask me what he suspects and I'm not gonna admit anything right now. I'm not ready to. After a moment that seems like an eternity, dad lowers his eyes with a troubled look in his face. :Love! I Feel that something is wrong. What is it?: :My dad might have figured us out.: My hands are trembling. I hide them under the table but my fear, anguish and remorse shoots from me like an arrow to my lover through our Connection. He's forced to Share this aweful moment with me. Our waitress returns with the check. Dad doesn't bother to look it over (as he customarily does) when he's handing his credit card to her. She runs off. Both of us aren't daring to look at each other. It becomes very awkward. "When were you planning to tell your mother?" Michael whispers. "She needs to know why you're... staying here." "Tomorrow." A cold chill runs down my spine. I've confirmed my dad's fears without coming out and admitting that I'm gay. Jesse catches my father's eye when he comes to stand quietly by our table. I'm rushing up. My stomach hurts me bad and my head feels stunned as if from a tomahawk blow. Jesse tries not looking at me as much as he wants to at this moment. My dad is tapping the table nervously. He's keeping a look out for mom's return. The building tension is broken when our waitress returns with a credit slip for my father to sign. We leave the table and enter the main lobby of the restaurant. Its walls are filled with train accoutrements, posters and lighted railroad crossing signs. I try distracting myself from my plight by appearing to study them. Dad stands quietly near the bathrooms waiting for mom to come out. I'm turning to Jes. :Love. If your father knows about us, give him some time to get over his shock. Remember how my mom first took the news?: :Yeah. You and I are having to go through all that again with my parents. Man! All I want to do right now is get to bed for some sleep. Then we're facing dinner tonight with your mom hosting my parents and we're not even home yet. Do you think my dad will say something about it to mom?: :I don't know, love. Let's just take one step at a time.: I'm giving Jes a weak grin. At least he's there beside me to face them and what will come. But what about tomorrow? I'll likely be alone with my parents and there's no getting out of telling mom then. Dad is driving us back home in silence. Mom has picked up on his grim mood and hasn't uttered a word herself. We're not Talking to each other. Jes knows how bad I'm Feeling. His soothing emotions coming through our Connection is like him holding me. I'm needing that right now. We're pulling into the driveway. I rush to get out of the car. A white pickup truck is parking in front of the house. That would be One-white-horse. Jes is thanking my parents for lunch. "What time should we arrive for dinner tonight?" asks Linda. "I think seven would be alright," Jesse answers. My lover joins me quietly at my side. He closes the door behind himself and we're walking towards the front of the house. I look back at the car, for my dad but he has his head turned when he backs out of the driveway so I'm unable to read his face. Is he gonna tell mom about us? A sharp pain stabs my stomach that leaves me gasping. :You are going to get an ulcer, love!: Jesse warns. :Yeah. Tell me about it.: We reach the front door. I'm kicking off my moccasins in the hall and head for our bedroom. Jesse is close on my heels. Winna is nowhere in sight much to my relief. We enter our room. I'm pulling off my shirt and jeans. Jesse removes most of his clothes, setting them over a chair to hang up later. Our socks come off when we're sitting in bed. The covers our drawn down and we slip inside, facing each other with worried looks. "Get some sleep, love." I'm dropping my eyes to Jesse's chest. His two brown circles hold my eyes. I look lower to the slight bulge of his stomach, reminding me that my lover had managed to eat everything on his plate. I'm glad. He is a rather thin kid. MAN, I correct myself. That's what my dad thinks about him when he said, 'He's kind of young, isn't he?'. I peer at Jesse's face while silently mouthing dad's words. Yeah. He really looks it. Will my parents think I'm taking advantage of Winna's 'young' son? 'He's rather old for you,' mouths Jesse. He breaks into a soft grin. My breath explodes out of me. I'm smiling too when Jes imagines my dad saying those words instead if it had been Running Water sitting in his place at the table today. My eyes roll and I groan out loud. "They can't ever know that I have two lovers!" "Don't tell them. It'll be enough of a shock that I am yours. Even if we were exactly the same age and I looked it, your dad would've found something else to object to." 'Why an Indian?' I mouth. My face takes on the grim expression of my dad's in dark teasing. 'Why didn't you go for a squaw instead of a feathered warrior?' mouths Jesse. The grin fades from his face. I'm frowning when Jes hits upon the crux of it. My dad knows that I'm gay. That's what he's really objecting to but he couldn't bring himself to come right out and say it. And when mom finds out... I'm shutting my eyes tight. Jes hugs me. His warmth presses against my chest and it feels good. I cling to him, realizing how hard it's gonna be tonight when we face my parents again at dinner and how tired I'll be if I don't get some sleep. "Close your eyes and try," Jesse pleads. I bury my face in Jesse's neck. I'm trembling. His hand lifts to the back of my neck with gentle strokes to my hair. It is soothing. A yawn comes out of me. My eyes remain closed but I know that sleep will allude me. There are too many troubling thoughts racing around my head. They threaten to burst out but I remember my promise. Our bedroom is a sanctuary from all the problems in our lives. We should only find sleep here. Or make love. Jesse's right hand drops along my back to my underwear. He's trying to pull them down. I'm lifting myself slightly from the bed when I glean what he has in mind. Yeah. Maybe that'll help tire me out if we do it. When his own underwear is at his feet, our bodies come back together in naked warmth. My lips find his with a fierce hunger that he responds to after a moment. Our hands are all over each other. I'm pulling on his long hair, his fingers caress my ear and our noses are rubbing while we kiss. A palming massage to each other's back soon leads to pulling over sweaty butts. Mine is still hurting a little. In a strange way, its aching helps me grow excited though I don't think I'll be able to shoot. Jes doesn't think he can either. We've already had too much sex today. :Simon was worn out too,: teases Jesse. I'm grinning. :Yeah. But at least his grandfather didn't object to him being gay. He practically thrust that boy onto me! When mom finds out about us, she'll try dragging me back to Indiana to bring me to my senses.: Jes buries his face in my neck. That had been really dumb of me. :My love? I swear that I'm not ever gonna leave you! Even if my parents end up hating me and storm back home. My place is here with you.: :I know that.: We cling to each other for a long while. I awaken from my light sleep. A glance at the clock on the night stand reads 6:18pm. Winna is likely in the kitchen preparing dinner. Jes and I will have to be getting up soon but not yet. I'm feeling his soft breaths against my chest that proves he's still asleep. I know this too from his lack of thoughts in my head. My right hand lifts to clutch his back. He feels very warm against me. My other hand is entangled in his long hair. This sense of completion that Jesse gives me. It's wonderful. He's been sleeping against my chest, his small hands clutch my shoulders while I've been holding him close to me. A togetherness from being a couple. Is this man really mine? I still can't believe that we met and fell in love. Jes said that it was meant to happen. Like fate, or something. I'm a believer after seeing Indian magic with my own eyes. Chris witnessed that himself when he was with his brave. I'm gonna do better this time around in my second life. Eli Kie had better watch out! Jesse stirs against me. He's awakened. I lower my hand down to his butt for a fond squeeze. It's nice and soft; warm. I'm Feeling how much he likes me holding him there. :Yours is nice too, love.: I'm Given an image of Jes touching my pale butt. He's felt the fine hair covering it and the joy from fitting his body into mine... filling me with his love. I want him to act as a man in our love making. Jesse is two spirited. Maybe I am too though I'd rather think of myself as being completely gay. Jesse moves on top of me. He buries his face into my neck while I pull over his little behind to mash our dicks together. They're limp but not for long. I'm lifting my hands to his back and lock them there. My legs fold over his. He's feeling my thighs around his cheeks in my tight embrace not ever letting him go. :Yes, love! I am yours.: "Forever!" I utter out loud. :For as long as you want me, that is,: I add meekly. My legs loosen around his and stretch along our bed. Our Connection ensures that we'll be together. There's no choice anymore. :We decided to when grandfather performed that Passing Rite,: reminds Jesse. :He warned that taking the bundle's Spirit into us would bind us more close than love. When one of us dies, the other follows.: :To that Place where we really are.: Jes has Taken me There for brief visits. I'm still in awe that there really is a heaven. :Until we go There, love, let's make for ourselves a good life and share that with others.: I'm reminded of the Geas upon us by that Spirit dwelling inside us. Simon is the first youth whom we've helped. A joyous task. It's not such a burden as I had feared. :All this trouble we face will blow over,: assures Jesse. :We walk in the Light with a sun beam from our Father pointing out the way for us.: Jesse gives my neck a deep kiss. That enflames me to make love with my hands pulling over his butt. His dick slides over mine with sharp increasing thrills. We Share them. I hear my lover's moans of joy, feel his body riding mine and he gushes suddenly to my belly with a boyish outcry. "Mike!" My body tenses up from Feeling his male joy. Like a strung arrow, I'm in need of release myself. Jes urges me to roll on top of him. I do so. His hands lower to my butt, pulling on me there to drive my cock against his. It's real slippery. I'm breathing in the sweet scent of his cum. My mouth finds his for kisses. A frenzy drink from his lips to satisfy the thirst of my love for him! I grasp his slim shoulders, buck my ass and stab forward again and again to release my cock. Ahh... Ahhh! I'm shooting. I collapse over my lover afterwards. His hands lift to caress my sweaty back while breaths blow through my mouth. I'm surprised by our need to make love. It hadn't come from lust. :We are intimate from Sharing our thoughts and emotions, love. That spills over to the need for our bodies to as well. I suspect that we'll be making lots of love in the days ahead.: :Even more than we have been?: I Ask, teasingly. :Yes. And we'll Share our love with others.: Simon comes to mind. I wonder if he's regretting what we did with him now that his body is drained. Is his grandfather scolding him for being with Running Water? Will he tattle on us for being with him too? :Your thoughts are very loud, love.: Jes knows what I'm thinking but he didn't mean to intrude. :It's okay. Tell me what you think about it.: :That boy is going to be a handful for us,: warns Jesse in a nice way. :Yeah. A butt full, too.: Jes pats my bottom. I'm Sensing his desire to take in that boy's need himself. Our thoughts turn to where we can take Simon for another get together. Hawk Flying Over's hot tub comes to mind. :He is a needing youth,: reminds Jesse. :We'll fill his head with good teachings so he'll be ready to find love himself.: :His butt, too?: I Ask with surprise when my lover reveals that to me. :Yes. Simon asked me in the river what that felt like. I Saw the desire in him. Ron fulfilled this same want in me even though it wasn't done from love. Before you close your ears to what I'm saying, consider this. If we don't give Simon this experience, he'll find some guy to fuck him. His heart could get stuck on him that may not be deserved. Separating sex from an act of love is difficult for the young and innocent. He knows that we're a couple. We'll share this with him as friends so he'll be ready for love himself. I understand what Jes is telling me. If Simon thinks that saving his butt is for a lover, the first guy who does will capture the boy's heart. I used to think that myself. How I raged over Ron for being the first to be with my lover that way! But no longer. I'm not so innocent and dumb anymore. Getting your butt fucked, doing someone's, sucking or belly rubbing is all the same. It's just sex. The real magic to love is how you feel in your heart. It doesn't happen overnight. Well. Jes and I are a special case but for others, a relationship develops from getting to know each other through dating. You find out if the guy is compatible and shares interests. Friendship may turn to love or it may not. Sex is a bodily function. Its release isn't always done from love though it's a wonderful way to express what's in your heart for another. I'm wishing that Simon's urgings hadn't been awakened at such a young age. :He's old enough to make a baby,: reminds Jesse. :It was once acceptable for a teen boy who's proven himself in battle or through deeds that he is a man and could take a wife. Today, eighteen is considered the right age yet I'm sure there are guys in their twenties who aren't ready to act as men because they haven't proven themselves. No rite of passage.: :While boys like Simon might be ready.: :Being gay makes it even harder. How many youths have ended their lives because they thought love could never be found? We'll be that guiding light. From our example of being together, our teachings and sharing of ourselves with others, we'll save those who might otherwise fall into darkness.: My eyes widen when I glean something. That's how the Darkness ensnares his servants such as Eli Kie. That man's rite of passage to become a Trickster happened when he raped my former self and took his life. He's gay, like us! :The darkest and most evil side of who we are,: Sends Jesse. :Eli Kie uses sex to express his hatred for others.: I'm thinking about what we've done with Simon with some guilt. :We didn't act from hate,: Sends Jesse. :Do you not feel something good for that boy in your heart?: I don't have to think about it. My heart is fond of that youth and I feel the need to set him along the right path. I really care for him. :Yes, love. We both do. He's our younger brother who we'll take care of. Now you'll understand why Shaman Good-eyes made his plea unto our Father to help his gay son accept himself. A guiding Spirit was brought down from the Above for this reason. It slept in Good-eyes' bundle until Passing into us, strives to act through us for the good of all the People.: I knew that but now, my heart feels this truth. A smile comes to my lips. My path in life opens before me into a distance I didn't quite see before. :We are servants to the Light opposed to the servants of Darkness.: Jesse gently turns me onto my side. He kisses me. My eyes have been opened and awe fills my heart. What I'd thought had been burdens to my shoulders is instead a joyous task! We'll teach those who are like us to seek love instead of self destruction or hatred. We are servants to the Light! *** Author's Note: This ends the 'New to Love' story but don't you fret. The next series, 'New to Teaching Love' will pick up where I've left off. Mike and Jesse will try gaining acceptance in their tribe for being a couple. They'll pass on a truth to the People by helping others who share their spirit such as Jake, a long-lost nephew of Winna's who comes to live in their house. Together, these three young men will learn what it means to be 'new to love'. This new series will be posted with the Nifty Archive at: www.Nifty.Org/ From their homepage, click NATIVE AMERICAN INDIAN STORIES BY VINCE WATER... and select the NEW-TO-TEACHING-LOVE folder for my new stories. Enjoy! My thanks to Luke and his partner for helping me with many good suggestions, corrections and by giving direction to my writing. I've now corrected this first series and will begin correcting the second. Its text will bear the 'Corrected 4/06' indicator below the title. This story part is dedicated to Standing Bear whose path crossed with mine. May we both work to help others in need in our own way. I welcome feedback from my Readers. In this way, I'm motivated to write more story parts and improve my craft. Thank you. Vince_Water@Yahoo.com ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- End of file: NEWLUV20.TXT This is the end of this series! It continues in 'New to Teaching Love'