************************************************************************** * "NEW TO LOVE" * * (part 6) * * by Vince Water 5/03 * ************************************************************************** | Copyright 2002-2006 by Vince Water Corrected 3/06 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's becoming very tense between me and this police officer. Are his only suspicions about what I know? He called me a liar. Was that to rattle me into admitting that I know he's holding Ron's diary and the secrets it contains? I'm in a fight for my life! Bold words may save me. In an angry voice, "I've fessed up about taking that drum. I didn't try to hide that little book from you." More calmly, "What's so important about it?" Oh-oh. I'm regretting having asked that. Our eyes meet for a long deadly moment. He's trying to break through my angry demeanor for the truth while I'm trying to glean his intent. Did he shoot Ron? If he thinks I know something about that, will he kill me too? The policeman's eyes fall to my chest. I don't have to look down at myself to know what he's staring at. A stab of fear goes through my heart. He must realize that it is an Indian thing. "I'm going to have to take you downtown, Mr. Yager. Put some clothes on." Panic fills me. I see the lie in his eyes about what he's said. I'm not going to be taken to the police station. Most likely, he's wants to get me somewhere far and remote to question me. When he discovers what I know... Oh, no. This man is going to kill me! Both of us are startled by a loud bang coming from my bedroom. "Who else is in the trailer?" the officer asks in a commanding voice. "I'm alone. I swear it!" After glaring at me, the policeman draws his gun and stalks towards the rear of my trailer. His left hand is flung back in my direction, warning me not to follow him. I remain frozen in place. Who is he going to find back there?! My bedroom door is kicked opened. The police officer has his gun pointed into the room when he shouts. "Havre Police. Show yourself with your hands up!" I realize that this is my chance to escape but I'm only in my underwear and it's freezing outside. He'd swoop down on me in an instant. Then a greater fear squeezes my heart. Could Jesse somehow be in my bedroom?! I start heading there even though the officer had gestured for me to stay back. That was probably for my own safety. I have to see who it is! To my utter surprise, I see the policeman fleeing my bedroom with his gun lowered. I'm pressing myself flat against the hall wall to let him pass. He pulls the front door open in a rush and leaves. That's when I've seen his face. A haunted look that leaves me badly shaken. I remain still against the wall while listening for sounds. Nothing. When I've managed to get up the nerve, I slowly walk towards my bedroom. I'm peeking through the open door. I don't see anyone. "Hello?" I shout. Actually, my voice wasn't more than a squeak. No one answers but there must be someone in my bedroom! Who could have sent an armed police officer flying out of my trailer as if he'd seen a ghost? The tiny hairs lift at the back of my neck. I gather up some courage and step into my bedroom. My eyes widen in disbelief. Not from seeing Ron's ghost but what he has done. My chest of drawers is laying on its side. Each drawer has been stacked one on top of the other in an impossible balancing act. Only part of a drawer's edge supports the drawer above it in a staggered fashion. My clothes are piled neatly beside it. I'm slowly walking towards this ghostly sculpture. I huddle my arms around me because of the cold. How can that be? The heater is on. My hair stands on end. I'm quickly looking around but don't see anyone or anything. When my left foot steps near the balancing drawers, they fall down with a crash. My arms are flung up to protect my head. Amazingly, I wasn't struck. I slowly open my eyes. The zerox I had made of Ron's diary is seen in the carnage. I'm grabbing it. My clothes next to the bed are quickly put on, wallet and keys stuffed down in each pocket. My watch is fetched from the nightstand. I'm getting out of here! My laptop bag and school satchel are taken in each hand. What else do I need to bring with me? My eyes fall to a set of good clothes airing over the rope strung between two walls. I stuff them into the satchel over the zerox. I'm rushing out my bedroom. Oh. I've left the heater on but dread having to go back into that room! I enter the bathroom instead. The extension cord plug is pulled from the socket. I run down the hall into the front room. Running Water's drum catches my eye. I'm going to have to leave it behind. There's no room for it on my motorcycle. My jacket is hastily put on. I grab my laptop bag and satchel and run out the open front door. It's slammed shut but not locked. I'm half running to the end of my trailer. With my arm, I shove the layer of snow off my bike. The tarp covering it is cast away. My stuff is piled on the rack in back and secured with elastic cords. My fingers are too slow. Hurry! I walk my motorcycle to the road. My keys are taken from my pocket and after unlocking the engine cutoff switch, I insert a key in the ignition. It starts! That's when I realize that I'm without a helmet. I'm not going back to the trailer for it. I put my motorcycle in gear and take off. It is a cold windy drive to Roy's Motorcycles. I'm on the lookout for anyone following me but my teary eyes makes that difficult. A police car is sighted ahead of me. I slow down, and to my relief, it turns left at the next intersection. My face is frozen. So are my hands and legs but at the next right, I sight the bike shop just up ahead. It's with utter relief that I've made it to safety! I park my motorcycle near the opened garage door. Tears nearly spring into my eyes when I see Running Water. He also sees me. After handing over a tool to his companion, he walks out to meet me. I've remained on my bike. With it loaded up with stuff, I don't trust the kick stand to hold. "You are leaving, Mike?" "Yes! I mean no." I heard how stern his voice was. He probably thinks I'm leaving Havre. After looking around for anyone within earshot I rasp, "The police had come to my trailer." The Indian's eyes flare. "Stay here, Mike. I'm going to excuse myself from work." Running Water returns to his companion. A partially disassembled motorcycle is between them. After having some words, the Indian grabs his coat and returns to me. I step off my bike and hold it upright. "Let's go to my truck." "Ah. Can you remove my stuff from the rack for me?" Running Water does. I stand my motorcycle on its kick stand and to my relief, it holds. We walk through the parking lot towards his red pickup. I'm bursting to tell him about what's happened but his sharp hand gesture warns me to wait. Running Water has remained silent during our drive through Havre. My feet press against my laptop and bulging satchel. I'm constantly looking down at it, more glad than ever that I had made that zerox. We are heading for Chinook. "Okay. Tell me what happened, Mike." I'm wetting my lips. Should I come right and tell him or start at the beginning? A big breath is taken. "After you left this morning, I took a long nap. Loud knocking at my door woke me up close to two. It was a lone policeman. He knew that I had an Indian drum and that little black book. Mr. Cavallero must have told him. He's the trailer park's manager." "Did the officer take Ron's diary?" asks Running Water. "Yes." The Indian's shoulders slump. He turns to me with sad eyes. "Okay. Tell me what you said to him." "It was lying on my coffee table in plain sight! He'd asked about it so I had to let him have it. He wanted to know if I'd read it. I told him no, that the writing was in a foreign language. He said that I was lying!" I'm trembling. "The officer told me that he was taking me downtown but I knew he was lying. He was planning to take me somewhere else to question me about what I knew. I felt murder in him!" "How did you get away?" asks Running Water. My throat is all choked up. I can't speak. "Okay, Mike. Try to relax." I'm swallowing past the hard lump in my throat. I see the concern in his eyes that I've told that policeman about him. After taking a deep breath, I'll tell him that it's not so. Words rush out of my mouth. "The reason I gave for taking that drum was to get even with my manager because I was mad at him for not wanting to fix my water heater. That I'd heard he had stolen some things from that dead man's trailer - a stereo, mechanic tools and an Indian drum. Never did I mention Ron's name or yours. I told him that if anyone had to be arrested for theft, it should be Mister Cavallero. He had taken the stereo for himself or sold it." "I'm not quite following you, Mike." Another big breath is taken into my lungs. "I'm still feeling pretty shook up after what's happened." He hasn't heard the scariest part yet. The Indian grasps my shoulder. "Calm yourself, Mike. Put your thoughts in order. I'm taking you to a meeting with our tribe's Elders. They'll need to know everything you've said to that policeman and what you can remember about Ron's diary." I'm digging into my satchel. The zerox is brought out and with a grin, I show it to Running Water. "I had made a copy of it." The Indian turns to me with a look of surprise on his face. "I didn't know if you would let me keep it." Shame fills me. I'd made the copy because I wanted to know what Ron had written about Jesse. "You knew that I was going to take it back?" asks Running Water. "What do you mean?" Now, I'm lost. "I called my grandfather this morning. He told me to get Ron's diary from you and bring it to a council meeting that's going to be held at four. Our legal Elder is going to decide whether or not to let you translate it for us. It may contain tribal secrets. At this meeting, I'm going to ask that you be taken into our confidence. My vow prevents me from sharing anything with you now." "Oh." I'm curious about something. "Is that legal Elder that man I'd seen at Sunday's meeting who was talking about a court action being brought against the mine because of the runoff of heavy metals poisoning the fish?" "Yes. When you talk with him, show respect and don't hold anything back. My grandfather has told him about you and Jesse." "Why does he have to know about us?" Anger fills me. "That man is a chief of our tribe. An equal to a shaman so he must know everything that is happening. Ron had worked with him to recover the remains of our ancestors and sacred belongings of our People from museums." I'm struck by Running Water mentioning the word 'belongings'. I turn to him and blurt out, "Ron revealed that to me in a dream last night!" "Why didn't you mention it to me this morning?" "I was trying to but you had left my trailer in such a hurry." "That's because I wanted to speak with my grandfather. Tell me what you dreamed, Mike." "Okay. I saw Ron tearing out a page from his diary and burning it on the stove. He must have felt that what he'd written was too secret." "Do you know what he wrote?" "It was something that excited Ron. He wrote that an important Blackfoot belonging was going to be returned to them." I see the Indian shudder. He turns to me with wild eyes. "Do you know where it is, Mike?!" "Where what is?" I've never heard Running Water shouting at me before. In a small voice, "Is that sacred belonging the reason why Ron was killed?" The Indian shudders again but he doesn't speak a word. I also keep my mouth closed. The rest of our ride is in silence. Running Water enters Chinook and he makes his way to the community center. He parks out back. I'm feeling reluctant about getting out of his truck though. The Indian turns to me. "Mike. It's going to be alright. Speak from your heart so that the Elder will know that you are worthy." "Like Ron was?" Running Water nods his head. "You are a part of something big in our tribe. Not just your Connection with Jes-ee-ah but an important matter that is close to our hearts. I can't tell you what it is. They may decide to share it with you. It is a great responsibility but already you are in danger because of it." My thoughts turn to that policeman. Would he have taken me somewhere to be killed if Ron's ghost hadn't intervened? Running Water gets out of his truck. He asks me to bring the zerox. Together, we walk to the community center and what will come. I'm sitting before two old men. Shaman He-who-runs-up-mountains is already known to me. He's Running Water's grandfather. I also consider him my grandfather because of what he's done for us. A wise man. I can see the many years that he's lived in his sharp dark eyes. The other man is not quite as old. I recognize him from the Sunday's meeting where he tried assuring some ngry tribal members that court action against the mine is expected to have a positive outcome. He wears three feathers in his long hair. No suit and tie today, I notice. Just a pair of kaki pants and a long sleeved shirt. His name is Quiet-before-the-dawn. Running Water is sitting at my side. He's been speaking to the Elders in Siksika for a while. Not one word do I understand. The smoking of a pipe had been forgone. Though it would have made me cough, I miss not having partaken of that Indian rite. I'm glancing at my watch. It's not four yet. That's when Running Water said he was going to meet with them. He's early, and my arrival was unexpected. It's no wonder that they're talking in Indian. I'm feeling left out. My ears perk up when Running Water speaks my Indian name. I turn to him. "Tell the Elders what happened." Does he mean about my dream? or should I begin with my visit from that police officer? My right hand is shaking. I'm staring at it for a moment and am surprised when Running Water clasps it in his brown hand in front of these men. "Cristoa sacoay ah-eene pah kaps. Sah, stum!" Running Water translates what his grandfather has said. "He sees that your heart is heavy, Mike. He asks that you cast your burden off by sharing it with them." I give my grandfather a weak grin. A breath is taken before I speak. "The policeman's knock at my door had awakened me from my sleep. I invited him into my trailer. He asked me about the Indian drum and a small black book I'd taken from Mr. Cavallero, the trailer park's manager. I told him that was so. It was because I was angry at that man for not wanting to fix my water heater. I knew he had taken things belonging to the man who died in my trailer. I didn't say it was Running Water's drum or Ron's diary. "The reason Mr. Cavallero gave me those two things was because I knew he had kept the stereo and mechanic tools for himself. I'd thought that my knowing about his theft would prevent him from telling anyone what I'd taken from him. He must have told that policeman. After the officer noticed the drum on my wall, he asked about the small black book. I knew that was the real reason why he had come! It was lying on my coffee table in plain sight. I tried casting his suspicions away from me by quickly offering it to him and saying that I couldn't read it. He took the book. Again, he asked if I knew what was in it and I answered that it was written in a foreign language that I couldn't understand. He said that I was lying." I'm squeezing Running Water's hand. I've been speaking in easy words so that these Indians would understand. Another big breath is taken before I continue. "For that policeman to be so concerned about Ron's diary, that I may know what it said had me thinking he was the one who killed Ron or knew who did. He told me that I was going to be taken to the station. I saw that lie in his eyes. It made me very afraid! I just knew that he wanted to take me somewhere remote to question me about what I knew. Maybe kill me!" My hand is really starting to tremble. I'm about to get to the frightening part of my story. "At that moment, we heard a loud bang in my bedroom. The policeman asked me if there was anyone else in the trailer and I told him no. He drew his gun and went to see, gesturing for me to remain in the front room." Running Water's hand is squeezing mine back. Does he suspect what I'm about to say? "The policeman kicked my bedroom door open. He shouted to whoever was in there to show themselves with their hands up. I thought it could have been Jesse! Instead of making my escape, I started walking to my bedroom to find out. To my surprise, the policeman flew past me and ran out of my trailer with a frightened look on his face. That made me scared. I was thinking that it had to be Ron's ghost because what else could frighten an armed police officer?" I'm pausing to take a few deep breaths. My eyes look at each old man in turn to glean what they are thinking about what I've said. Will they believe what I'm about to tell them? Air is gulped into my lungs. "My chest of drawers had fallen onto its side. Stacked over it were the four drawers balanced in such a way that no person could have done. My clothes that had been inside them were neatly piled beside it. I knew that Ron's ghost had done that." My voice is trembling. "That policeman saw it!" "When I approached, the drawers came crashing down but none struck me. My zerox of Ron's diary was seen sticking out of the chest of drawers. That's where I had hidden it. I took it back. After quickly dressing into some clothes, I grabbed a few of my belongings and rode my motorcycle to where Running Water works. I'm never going back to my trailer again!" I turn to Running Water. He reveals awe mixed with fright on his face. The old men before me do not. Their faces are plain so I'm thinking that they don't believe what I've said. "He speaks the truth, shaman." I'm glad that Running Water has said that on my behalf. His grandfather nods to accept those words. My eyes widen when realizing something. He knows about his grandson's ability to read a person's thoughts. A voice from behind startles me. "Can you describe that police officer?" I turn my head. It's an Indian wearing an official uniform. My heart squeezes with fear because I'd seen him at Sunday's meeting. He's a policeman himself! "Don't be scared, Mike. Officer Hawk-swooping-down can be trusted." I'm staring at Running Water. He squeezes my hand to assure me that this is so. I turn back to the Indian standing behind me to address him. "That officer didn't give me his name. I know he's from the Havre Police Department because that's what he shouted at my bedroom door. He's white but I can't tell you much more than that. Oh. His badge had a black number imprinted on it - 846, I think." "Lieutenant Danielson. I suspected as much." The police officer comes to sit at my left side. We exchange glances. "Mike. You said that the officer drew his gun. Did you hear him call for back up?" "You mean with a radio or something?" Hawk-swooping-down nods. I'd seen him wearing a microphone hanging down from his shoulder. "No, he didn't. Why do you ask?" "It is standard procedure for an officer to call for help when he feels threatened." He addresses the Elders. "This proves that Lieutenant Danielson was acting on his own interest. He didn't want other policemen involved." Elder Quiet-before-the-dawn releases his breath in a hiss. I turn to him and see his head nodding. "Did he shoot Ron?" I ask. Shaman He-who-runs-up-mountains lifts up both of his hands in warning. "We do not to know this thing for certain. He is involved, yes." The shaman asks Hawk-swooping-down something in Siksika. The officer replies after a moment's hesitation. It's a lengthy telling. I sure wish at this moment that I could understand some Blackfoot or have Jesse beside me to hold my hand. Running Water speaks up. "Elders. I say now before you that Mike who is called Sah-kee-otokan in our tongue has a good heart. I consider him to be my brother. If it is your wish, I ask that he be told of that matter close to our hearts. He can help." Quiet-before-the-dawn turns to the shaman. They exchange nods. "Sah-kee-otokan. You have been named a brother of my grandson. I know of your good heart and ask you to be a joined in our council where the Nahtoya Ponokah Nah-tos Kits tah kee can be spoken of. You wish to?" I don't understand what he's said in Siksika but I'm thinking it is about that sacred Blackfoot belonging they are looking for. I nod my head. "Yes, grandfather." He brings out a rattle and shakes it menacingly at me. I'm trying not to flinch. "Speak a strong vow to keep what we say from others to know!" Running Water releases my hand. He flares his eyes at me. I'm getting to my knees and utter an oath with my hand over my heart. "I swear unto God that I'll keep secret from all others not of this council what is said. May I go to Hell if ever I break this solemn vow!" "I hear your vow, Sah-kee-otokan and know not any that you to break," answers the shaman. All the Indians present utter a word in unison. The closest thing that it reminds me of is what we Christians utter after prayer - 'Amen'. Running Water grasps my right hand again. I'm given his assuring nod. "Tell them about your dream," he asks. "Okay. Ah. Last night, I dreamed about Ah-ee-ne." My quick glances at the old men reveal their great interest in what I'm about to say about Ron. "I saw him tearing out a page from his diary. He burned it on the stove in my dream but I saw some of what he'd written." A breath is taken. "That page said an important Blackfoot belonging was going to be returned to them." Running Water adds, "He does not know where it is, Elders." The shaman asks my brother something in Siksika. He gives a long reply, his words becoming a mere whisper. I heard Jes-ee-ah's name spoken along with my own Indian name in one breath. My eyes widen in understanding. I know what he was telling them! "You are looking for this sacred belonging, grandfather. It's what has bound me to Jesse!" "Ah." The shaman said 'yes' in his Indian language. He speaks in a lower whisper in Siksika to the others. I know that he's telling them that Jesse and I have also bound our hearts together. My face begins to burn. Another concern comes to me that must be voiced. "Grandfather. Anything that I know will become known to Jes-ee-ah without me having spoken a word." My eyes flare. They know what I'm talking about. "He can help find this belonging you are looking for. I know this!" "Ah. Neet ahkse." Quiet-before-the-dawn picks up the zerox from the floor. He turns the pages slowly at first, then more quickly as I imagine his frustration at not understanding what Ron has written. "Elder. I can translate it for you. I've taken German in college and with the help of a dictionary, can provide you with an English translation. Ron's handwriting is difficult to read though. I'll do my best." "A copy will be made before returning it to you," answers Quiet-before- the-dawn. "Try to learn where Ron has hidden the Nahtoya Ponokah Nah-tos Kits tah kee." "Elder. I don't know what the... Ponoka is." Running Water answers me. "It's a sacred Blackfoot Power Bundle. The closest thing in English to describe it is: an elk skin bound mystery-man's medicine sacrifice." I shrug my shoulders. "Mike. A powerful shaman of our tribe had crafted it long ago. By his sacrifice unto our Father and the Blackfoot People proving their worth, Power was borne into that elk skin bundle. It is a spirit. We think that an outsider had possession of it for historical examination or for its monetary value as an artifact. Ron must have gotten a hold of it. Before he could return it to our tribe, he was murdered. It is believed that a policeman shot him. Certain officers like Mr. Danielson are on the pay by collectors to help them obtain valuable Native American objects. It is likely that they have taken back the Nahtoya Ponokah Nah-tos Kits tah kee that Ron had and killed him so he wouldn't talk." I'm sadly nodding my head. "His diary had mentioned a name in his last entry, a page before the one he tore out. Does anyone know a Mr. Thomas?" "Miss Thomas," corrects Hawk-swooping-down. "She's a dealer in Native antiquities. If her name is mentioned in Ron's Diary, then she is the one who wants our Power Bundle." A flash of insight comes to me. "Or she had it and Ron took it from her. That policeman came to get it back and shot him." My brother squeezes my hand hard. He speaks. In a painful whisper, "If that's so, Nahtoya Ponokah Nah-tos Kits tah kee is lost to us. And my lover had sacrificed his life for nothing." I'm shocked to hear Running Water refer to Ron as his lover. When I look at the Elders for their reaction, they reveal sadness. For that man's death or the loss of their bundle? I'm thinking that it is for both. Maybe my brother's lover didn't die in vain. "Grandfather. If that Power Bundle is what bound Jes-ee-ah and me, it must be near us. Running Water has told me that Ron's ghost remains in my trailer because of a Call from Power. That policeman who took the diary from me may not only be trying to cover up Ron's murder but to find where that Power Bundle is." "I charge you to find Nahtoya Ponokah Nah-tos Kits tah kee." "Yes, grandfather. I will need Jes-ee-ah's help." My eyes flare at him. "Ah. You may say to him what this thing we look for. Do not say any about Ah-ee-ne's murder or the police." "Yes, grandfather." I doubt that I'll be able to keep anything from Jesse. Surely this man realizes this. "I to bind Jes-ee-ah in vow the next time I see him. Neet ahkse." Everyone is nodding in agreement. Officer Hawk-swooping-down touches my left arm, drawing my eyes to him. "Mike. It is not safe for you to return to your trailer. Ever." "I know that. My most important things were taken with me when I ran. I've left behind clothes, appliances and kitchen stuff. Those can be replaced." Running Water's drum was left there. His clay pot and medicine pouch, too. It saddens me that I had to do that. All this trouble started when I'd gone to Mr. Cavallero to get that drum back. My heart pains me for yet another reason. Now Jesse and I have nowhere to be together. How am I going to see him? Not even in class. I'm glancing at my watch with concern. In a small voice, "I have a class to teach tonight at seven. Since I can't go back to my trailer, where am I going to sleep?" Hawk-swooping-down speaks. "You should not go to class. Lieutenant Danielson can track you down that way, Mike. Your life is in danger." I'm sadly nodding at his words. Then anger fill me. It's so unfair that my life has been turned up-side-down by an evil man! I take a deep breath to calm myself. "No. Not yet. That policeman had turned tail and ran from my trailer because of what he'd seen Ron's ghost do. It will take him a while to get over that. I know he'll try to find out all he can about me. I need to see my students tonight. To say my goodbye." "Okay, Mike. Neet ahkse." I release a sharp breath. My question still hasn't been answered. "Where am I going to sleep tonight?" I'm looking at Running Water. "My brother. I will try to find a place for you to stay tomorrow night but it's too short a notice." Running Water turns to the shaman. "Could Mike sleep here?" My hopes are raised. That would give me the chance to speak with my grandfather about Jesse. Alone. "Sah," answers Hawk-swooping-down. "A motel room would be best for Mike to stay, under a false name. Not in Havre." I glare at the officer. He's not being very helpful. "What have you done to bring Ron's murderer to justice?" Running Water flinches at my side. "You have to understand how things are," answers Hawk-swooping-down in a strained voice. "There are mostly white men in the Havre Police force. Here in Chinook, the officers are Blackfoot, Chippewa and Cree. I have been working quietly to find out who did this bad thing. Mine were only suspicions until tonight. If Lieutenant Danielson is involved in Ron's murder, it will be difficult to move against him until I have proof. We must not tip our hand to them." I'm shaking my head. "Can't we go to the F.B.I. or something?" "No, Mike. We have no evidence against Danielson and don't even know if he's involved in the murder. We only know that he's interested in finding our Power Bundle. Is he acting to sell it to Miss Thomas or to recover it for her? There are too many unanswered questions." "I want to help!" "Mike. You have done a lot already. Having made a zerox of Ron's diary is a big thing. We'll know what they know so you must start working on the translation. And we have an advantage. Ron wants you to know what happened to him, and to find this sacred Blackfoot belonging before they do." I was agreeing with the officer's logic until he mentioned Ron wanting to help us. That surprised me for a moment. Hawk-swooping-down may work as a policeman but he's an Indian first. Hawk-swooping-under takes out a business card. With a pen, he's writing something down on back of it before handing it to me. "That's my cell phone number. Call me if you need to." I'm nodding my head in understanding. Wow. This Indian has a cell phone? He says something to Quiet-before-the-dawn. This Elder hands him the zerox with everyone watching it exchanging hands. We know of its importance. The policeman leaves the room with it. "He is going to make a copy," the Elder explains. "Mike. When you learn anything from the diary, call Hawk-swooping-down immediately." "Yes, Elder." He's staring at me hard. I meet his eyes and don't flinch. "My heart is lifted to know who you are. You're a good man." It's difficult to hear his praise for me. I had copied Ron's diary not to learn who murdered him or to find their Power Bundle. I wanted to know what that man had written about Jesse, what they did together. I'd feared that Running Water was going to take his lover's diary from me. Quiet-before-the-dawn reaches up to his hair. He pulls a feather from it and leans over to me, glancing at my hair for a moment before sticking his feather into the back of my collar. I'm awed by what he's done. Then shame fills me. I do not deserve this honor. The Elder's dark eyes lift to study me as if for the first time. "Sah-kee-otokan..." The Elder smiles before he continues. "It is good that you have come to our People." He raises his arms with head lifted. I sense the man's silent prayer unto God. I'm praying too, asking Him to make me worthy. My eyes fall to the shaman. I'm in need of his wisdom. During the next twenty minutes, the old men speak to each other. In Indian. Running Water continues holding my hand. My head feels so heavy. Today's events are finally catching up with me so I rest against the man's shoulder. His long arm wraps loosely around my neck. I'm startled awake by Hawk-swooping-down's voice. I straighten up. The officer hands a zerox to the legal Elder while telling him something. My copy is returned to me. I glance at Running Water uneasily. He reveals no embarrassment or shame that the policeman had seen me resting on him. "There are hundreds of diary pages. It is a great task before you, Mike. Will you be able to translate what Ron has written?" I look down at the zerox in my hands. "I'll do my best. The difficult part is reading his handwriting. It's pretty bad. I'm going to work from his last entry and go backwards. If I learn anything, I'll call you." The officer nods. My stomach feels like there are stones in it. Am I expected to reveal everything Ron has written? What if it's about him and Jesse? Quiet-before-the-dawn slowly gets to his feet. He bids farewell to us along with Hawk-swooping-down who leave the room. I glance at my brother uneasily. "We don't need to get back to Havre for an hour." My eyes fall on the old man. "Eh, toa." Running Water nods at his grandfather. He gets up from the floor. "I'll wait for you outside." "Thank you." I watch my brother leave the room. The old man looks at me. I can't read his face but I know that he is waiting for me to speak. I've had so many questions to ask him! but now, I'm feeling reluctance. The feather chafes against my neck. I gently take it from my collar and look down into my hand. It's a real eagle's feather. I've read how a brave earns one to achieve the honored status of warrior. I didn't count coup or slay an enemy. I cannot keep it. "Grandfather," I whisper while handing it over to him. "Please give this back to Quiet-before-the-dawn. I can't accept it. I mean... It's illegal for a non-Indian to have such a thing." The shaman reaches out for the feather. No. He's holding my hand instead. When our eyes meet, something unspoken passes between us that reminds me of how Jesse and I share thoughts. "Say what is in your heart, Sah-kee-otokan." I have to lower my eyes in shame. "I'm not worthy to be given this." The old man's hand tightens around mine. "Have you not escaped an enemy? He want to know who you stand in arrow's path for. You did not tell him. That is very brave. Our hearts are full of hope. You have come to help us find Nahtoya Ponokah Nah-tos Kits tah kee and return to the People. That a good thing." I peer at the old man. "I need Jesse." "Cristoa na Jes-ee-ah jeh ah-eene, ah?" I'm quickly nodding, my right hand goes to my heart. Jesse had taught me the meaning to those words. How gently they were released from his grandfather's lips. "I love him so much that my heart aches!" The shaman smiles. He points to his eyes, then his heart and lastly, he touches his head. I hold my fingers together and wave them at my side. I'm not sure why I did that. Just felt like the right gesture of reply that came automatically from me. "Your spirit's touch to Jes-ee-ah is stronger." "Yes. I Feel that he's with me all the time. Sometimes, he Calls to me so that we can Share." I'm reluctant to mention how that weakens my body. "My grandson has said to me." "I need to be with him, grandfather." My eyes flare. When he nods with understanding, tears start to flow. The ache of our separation is difficult for me to bear. "I to talk with Winna on the morrow. She not know this thing between you but she feels it. The heart do that, runs far up the path before the head meets up." I think I know what he's saying. Another concern comes to me, one that I'm reluctant to mention. The old man gives me an assuring smile. "You are brother to Running Water. That good." "More than that," I whisper. Air is sucked between my teeth because I'm surprised to have admitted that. He knows. I need to ask him about it. "Grandfather. How can my heart go to both of them?" I'm staring down at the feather in my hand. "To love is a good thing, Sah-kee-otokan. You have a love for parents, sister, brother, friend and mate are all same. It strong for one than the other and what you do to show it. Jes-ee-ah na cristoa are one. It strong! Running Water and you, like brother eh more. He peeha so to show you how." I'm trying to follow what the old man has said. His voice is filled with emotion, words not all in English yet I gather his meaning. He's saying that Running Water is like an older brother to me. I'll learn from him but should that include allowing him to be in his arms? "I know the path your spirit is pointed to, Sah-kee-otokan. A boy can do with boy as no baby comes. Not so for man to woman. They no do with others. It taboo!" In a whisper, "You to love both is good. I say to Running Water go do this thing with you. No bad to Jes-ee-ah." I'm twirling the feather in my fingers. It's difficult hearing his words because they don't agree with what I've been taught about love. I only know about the normal kind between a man and woman though. He's saying that because no baby comes, I can be with other men. Won't that weaken my love for Jesse? I glance at my watch. There's still some time before my class. My thoughts turn to Running Water. He said that he'll be waiting outside. This door or outside in the cold? The old man sits quietly with his eyes closed. I get the feeling that our conversation has come to an end. "Grandfather?" He slowly opens his eyes and smiles. "I want to thank you for sharing your wisdom with me. I'm glad that you're going to see Winna tomorrow and I hope that... I'll be able to be with Jesse." "We to see." I look down at the feather in my hand. It's lifted to my shirt collar and stuck in back of it. The old man nods with approval. "Sah-kee-otokan." The shaman grins for a moment. "You are young so I to know how strong you feel. The need for now! I have seen many, many winters. Be pays-ent. Here to I give you my wisdom: The mated birds build nest with care. It to be strong nest so forth on, the bird's young to safe and grow. What I say is it: your nest with Jes-ee-ah be build good and strong. In care to do this thing, the morrow is more good and last to many winters." "I understand, grandfather." I'm getting to my feet. My right hand is raised to the shaman. "How." "Ah. Goodbye, Mike." I grin. He's called me by my English name and that makes his farewell more personal to me. Running Water is found sitting in his pickup truck. I climb in. The zerox is stuffed into my school satchel. The good clothes that I'm going to wear tonight are wrinkled. And there's no belt. I'd forgotten to take one but it doesn't really matter. I'm going to be telling my class goodbye. We drive out of the community center's parking lot. My thoughts turn to how I'm going to say that to my students. At the beginning of class or the end? How can I explain to Miss Owens that I'm leaving? She can't be given the truth! A ghost of a plan comes together in my head, a way to throw that policeman off my scent. I feel bad to use Miss Owens that way. I'm telling myself that it will serve a greater good. An aching fills my heart. Oh, Jesse! How can we get together again? My trailer is denied us and I'll be staying in a motel far from Havre. Running Water said that he'll try to find me a place to sleep tomorrow. Probably with relatives or a friend. Even if it's in town, I won't be able to have Jesse over there. I'm feeling the need to be with Jesse right now! To know if he is well and let him know what's happened to me. He should be warned not to come to my trailer. I won't be there. Tears sting my eyes. I'm quickly wiping my face so that Running Water won't notice. The temptation is great to Call out to my lover. A sharp pain fills my stomach. That's my longing for him. Through my window, I notice the lighted houses passing by. We're in Havre. A glance at my watch tells me that my class doesn't start for another forty minutes. I'm thinking ahead to afterwards, where to find a motel to sleep for the night. I bring out my wallet. There's only $17 in it. "Running Water?" He was already looking at me. "I need to stop by an ATM to withdraw some money." "Okay. I'll find one." "Do you know where I can find a motel? Not in this town." "We'll go to Box Elder. That's a town just within the Reservation and close to my cousin's house. The one with the hot tub. I'm going to ask him tomorrow if you can stay with him for a while." "What... How are you going to explain that to him?" I don't know if Hawk Flying Over is privy to what the Elders told me this afternoon. "He doesn't know about you or that matter spoken in council. I'll think up something." My brother's voice sounded grim. Probably because he's going to have to lie to his cousin who's also a close friend. "I don't want to make trouble for you. Why don't I just stay in a motel?" It doesn't matter where I stay. Jesse can't be with me. "My cousin's house is deep in the Reservation. A better place to hide you from... them. He can keep you company and watch over you." A pause. "Mike. This is a serious matter between you and the Havre police. We don't know how many of them are involved in this thing. The motel won't be safe after a while." I'm nodding my head. "Whatever you say my brother. I listen." He grasps my shoulder. I return his grin. "Mike. If my cousin allows you to stay at his place, I can be there on the weekends." I see longing in the Indian's eyes. "I'd like that." An awkward silence passes. I take Running Water's hand into my own. "The hot tub is nice." After withdrawing $200 in cash from an ATM machine, we head for the Havre community college. It's still a bit early. I'm going to need a place to dress into my good clothes (such as they are from being wrinkled inside my satchel). An idea comes to me. "Can you find a laundromat?" "To clean your clothes? Now?" "No. Just to unwrinkle them. And it may have a bathroom." "Okay, Mike." Running Water and I look down the streets for a laundromat. When one is found, he pulls in. My good clothes are taken in hand and we enter the place. There's no one here. I get change for a dollar and put two quarters in a slot machine for a 'Sweet Smell' dryer strip. Water is sprinkled over my shirt and pants from the bathroom's sink. I put them in the dryer. During the fourteen minutes of drying, Running Water stands close to the door. He's often looking out. A smile comes to my lips. He's acting as an Indian warrior on guard but I doubt the police would think to find me here. Another dollar is changed into quarters so that I can buy a can of Coke. Running Water doesn't want anything but I'm feeling thirsty. I realize that I haven't eaten since this morning. My stomach still aches me. Not just because I'm missing Jesse but this whole situation of having to deal with the police and needing to hide out, what I'm going to tell my students tonight and facing Miss Owens. I wasn't much of a worrier before. At this rate, I'm going to need to buy some new jeans to fit my shrinking waistline. I dress in the bathroom (after relieving myself, cleaning hands and face. My fingers comb through my hair.) After satisfying myself with my appearance in the mirror, I take a deep breath and step out. I'm not looking forward to the next two hours. My stomach tightens when Running Water pulls into a parking space at the college. It's 6:53pm. He's chosen a spot close to the door, I notice. "Mike. I'm going to stay here while you teach." "To watch out in case..." "Yes. But also to stay out of sight. If a policeman should enter your classroom, especially if it's Danielson, do not leave with him!" "I doubt that he's found out that I'm teaching class here this quickly." We stare at each other uneasily. "Ah. If worst come to worst and he does come to take me away, I'll shout out his name to my students and tell them that he's murdered a man in the trailer I'm staying at. I'll say that I'm in fear of my life. That should make him think twice. At the very least, other policemen will be summoned to the scene and not all of them are corrupt." "Try not to do that, Mike." I take a deep breath. "Okay. Nothing is going to happen tonight." "Are you going to teach the full two hours?" I see my brother's concern. "Yes. I owe my students that. It's going to be hard to say goodbye to them." He nods. Another glance at my watch tells me that I have four minutes. When I'm about to get out of his truck, I notice the eagle feather clutched in my right hand. "Can you hold this for me?" I hand the feather over to him. "No, Mike. It was a great honor that Quiet-before-the-dawn has bestowed upon you. This feather must always be with you. It's our way." I don't want to go against the beliefs of his tribe. Where can it be kept on me? Not in the back of my collar because that'd look silly, in contrast to my white man's clothes. Maybe I can hide it under my tie... Shame fills me. Why should I be embarrassed to show it off? The feather's stem is inserted into the knot at my throat and hung down in front of my red tie. My fingers touch upon the small bundle against my chest, reminding me that another Indian thing is upon my person. Its contents is to be revealed in a happier future. I turn to Running Water. He gives me that Look. "My brother, you are right. I should honor what that Elder has given me and wear it with pride. I don't care what anyone thinks about it. All that matters is how I feel and, in this way I'm becoming a part of your tribe." "Ah. Neet ahkse." I've heard the Elders saying that in council. A part of me understands the words but I would like to know their meaning. "Tell me what you said." "Oh. It's something we say in reply to show our acceptance of hearing words spoken in council." I'd felt that. My eyes flare in a gesture to be given the exact meaning. "Very well." I'm waiting for Running Water to say something more when it hits me. He's just told me. I grasp my school satchel (the zerox is being left in the truck) and open my door. "Be careful, my brother. I will stand guard here and pray unto Him for your safety. Be as the rabbit! Keep your ears and eyes open." I heard the sharp edge in his voice. "Neet ahkse." I'm getting out of his pickup without looking at him. A cold wind blows across my cheeks. The eagle's feather dances over my chest. With my right hand tightly grasping my satchel, I make my way to class. I'm scribbling on the blackboard. My face is tight with tension when I consider how to tell my students that this is our last night together. A quick glance is taken of the clock. It's only 7:10pm. This is going to be a long night. Miss Owens had seen me rushing to the classroom earlier. I'm dreading having to speak with her afterwards. I put on a plain face before turning to my students. "Okay. Follow these steps to search your text for the word 'customer'. When it's highlighted, delete it and type 'client' in its place." I wait for my students to do so. "In our example document, 'customer' appears three more times but instead of having to manually type 'client' in its place, we're going to have the computer do that for us." I point at the blackboard. "Now follow the second set of instructions. Click the Replace tab. Within the 'Replace with' field, type 'client' then click the 'Replace All' tab. See what's happened? The three remaining occurrences of 'customer' has been replaced with 'client' automatically." I wait a moment until everyone has done it. "From that dialog box, you also have the option to selectively replace 'customer' with 'client' instead of having the computer doing all of them. Let's try that with the word 'buy'. Type that in the 'Find what' field and in the 'Replace with' field, type 'purchase'. Click the 'Replace' button. The first occurrence of 'buy' will change to 'purchase'. When it finds the second occurrence, click the 'Find Next' button instead. 'Buy' will remain unchanged and you'll be set on the third occurrence. Read the sentence where 'buy' has been highlighted and decide if it would make sense to change it to 'purchase' or to leave it unchanged. Go ahead and do that through the entire document." I hear keyboard buttons and mice clicking away. The classroom door is opened. Fear stabs my heart. To my relief, it's not a policeman but Winna! She strides to her computer station. After setting her coat over the chair, she starts the machine up. I'm tempted to go to her but I keep my place. One of my students raises their hand. I go to Mrs. Blanchet to see what she needs help with. My eyes often go to Winna. She has MS-Word started and the instructions that I've written on the blackboard are copied into her notebook. Her hands go to the keyboard. I slowly erase the blackboard to give Winna a chance to catch up. I'm going to show my students another advanced Word function. Those instructions are chalked out after referring to my class notes. My thoughts turn to Winna. I'm glad that she's here. Has the shaman spoken with her already? No. He said it was going to tomorrow. Perhaps she has come around on her own, probably with a lot of help from Jesse. When my students are practicing how to create Tables, I go around the room to see if anyone needs help. No one does. Not even Winna when I've made my way to her computer station. She shook her head at me. I felt the tension in her and that makes my heart sink. Something is wrong. Has she only come tonight to resume her lesson in Word? The remaining hour and a half of class drags. I've been trying to glean Winna's intent for being here. She writes down notes in her book. Not much computer work though, I noticed when passing her by. Her eyes avoid mine every time I try looking at her. The clock finally reads 9pm. My students turn off their computers and file out of the room. I realize with a start that I've forgotten to tell them about this being our last class together! Winna remains behind. I busy myself with erasing the chalkboard. My spiral notebook is put in my satchel and I grab my jacket. Winna is standing by her computer. I slowly go to her, my eyes seeking hers. "Don't take my son away from me," says Winna. I'm frozen in my tracks. After a moment's hesitation, the woman grabs her coat from the chair and leaves. I couldn't come up with anything to say to her. Miss Owens enters my empty classroom. "Hi, Mike." The moment I've been dreading has come. "Was that Mrs. Winnapah?" she asks. "Yes." "She looked mad. Can you tell me what's going on now?" I stand up straight and face the woman. Her eyes fall to the feather hanging down over my tie for a moment then she's staring at me. I've already decided what to tell her. Those words spring out from my mouth. "This is my last night to teach class. I'm flying back to Indianapolis tomorrow to be with my parents. It's a family emergency. I am sorry." "What? Oh. Have you told your students?" "No. I didn't have the heart to tell them. I couldn't. I'm really going to miss teaching them. They're a great bunch." It's difficult keeping eye contact with Miss Owens but I don't want her to realize that I'm lying. She probably knows anyway. When she shakes her head with a frown, I slip past her to open the door. She joins me outside in the hall. After locking up my classroom, I hand the key over. "Mike. Is there anything I can do to help? That's my job. If something has happened, I can try to correct it." My eyes are staring down at the woman's feet. "No. Thank you, anyway." "I'm going to miss you, Mike. We have few teachers who know the computer as well as you do." Our eyes meet for a moment. Then I'm starting to walk past her but she stops me with her hand on my shoulder. "Will you be coming back to Havre?" she asks. I've heard the pleading in her voice. I want to tell her what's going on but I can't! My face turns hard. "No." With that said, I continue walking down the hall. A sense of relief comes to me. It is done. A cold wind is blowing outside. I rush to Running Water's pickup and get in. We exchange looks. The Indian puts his truck in gear and we leave the community college behind us. "I saw Winna going to your class." I'm nodding my head. My heart aches from what she'd told me. I don't know how her uncle is going to convince her to allow Jesse and me to be together. She thinks I'm going to run away with him or something. "How did it go with Miss Owens?" I release a sigh. "I've told her that I'm going back to Indianapolis tomorrow to be with my parents because of a family emergency. I don't know if she believed that or not. I'd said that in case the police show up and ask her about me, to throw them off the scent." Running Water becomes silent. For that, I am glad. I'm really tired. So much has happened to me today, the worst day in my life! I'm feeling lost. What is tomorrow going to bring? We're driving down a long dark road. My head falls to my chest from my great weariness. I really need to sleep. Running Water comes to a stop at a railroad crossing. We're waiting for the train to pass. I'm startled awake by a jolt. Was that from Running Water's truck hitting a pot hole? No. I think my head struck the dashboard. My shoulder is grasped. I glance at the Indian before my eyes drop in disgrace. "I'm sorry for all the trouble I'm causing." "Don't feel that way," answers Running Water. "It isn't your fault." I'm pulled towards him with my face pressing into his chest. He smells good. There's a stirring in my cock that makes me feel ashamed. Am I turning to this man because I can't be with Jesse? "Mike. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you." The Indian reveals his love for me by saying that. My eyes close but sleep is kept from me. I'm feeling too anxious. Running Water holds me close during the rest of our drive. I notice that the engine has stopped. Running Water gently lets me go. I'm looking out the windshield at a flashing neon sign: 'Vacancy'. I don't see the name of this motel. I'm pulling out my wallet and hand $40 to him. "Could you get the room?" I ask. "They're probably going to ask for I.D. and it would be safer if your name is on the registry." Running Water nods. He takes the money and gets out of his truck. After a few minutes, he returns. We drive to a parking space around back. I grab my laptop bag and satchel. The zerox is seen on the floor. It's scooped up. When we're in front of the pickup truck, I catch sight of a man watching us going to our motel room. The manager? Running Water unlocks the door. I'm rushing in, setting my things down on the dresser. "I'm going to take a shower, Mike." "Okay. Ah. Did you see him?" I ask. The Indian nods. "He figures that I'm taking a lady guest to my room." I'm smiling shyly. "I don't think he could see that I was a guy with it being dark and all." Running Water goes to the bathroom. I eye the bed. It's full sized, enough room for both of us to sleep in. Is he going to be spending the night with me? I quickly undress. Yawns are coming out of me like there's no tomorrow. After pulling back the covers, I slip into bed. My head hits the pillow. Late in the night, I feel the need to relieve myself. I'm slipping out of bed. It's really cold! The shaggy carpet feels slimy against my feet. I'm struggling to find the light switch in the bathroom. A fan turns on. After sitting on the pot, I rush back to bed. Running Water says something. He's muttering in Indian and that's when I realize he's dreaming. His feet kick. It must be a nightmare because the man cries out. I snuggle up against him with my arm going around his chest. He relaxes. Snoring. I'm lying on my right side against the Indian. My nose presses into his hair, breathing him in. I smell the shampoo that he's used when showering. My body warms up from holding him close. I'm unable to get back to sleep. Running Water's butt is felt against my cock. Although we're wearing underwear, the sensation excites me. I'm panting for breath. His long hair tickles my face so I gently pull it down to his right shoulder. My lips touch his neck. I don't kiss him but breathe in the lime smell of his skin. I'm really wanting this man! It's more than to have sex but a way to show how I feel for him. More than my love for a brother. The shaman's words return to me. He said, 'You to love both is good.' He'd asked his grandson to be with me and that it wouldn't harm Jesse. But what about me? Wouldn't my love lessen for him by sharing my heart with his uncle? There's a rubbing felt against my hard cock. Running Water is humping his butt and I feel my intense lust for it. He's breathing hard, proving that he's awake. My left hand is grasped over his chest. He brings me down to his underwear and they're pulled down. I'm pulling mine down in a rush. My cock presses along the crack of his butt in naked warmth. I flinch when the Indian grasps my cock, guiding me between his cheeks. My oozing knob sticks onto his hole. I want to fuck him. He wants me to. His hand is pulling over my butt, forcing my cock to slip into his butt. A breath is sucked into my lungs. There's a sensation of tight slimy warmth around my shaft when our bodies come fully together. My groin hair presses up against the man's cheeks. I'm holding his butt, deciding if I should push on it to get my cock out. The Indian tightens his asshole. That thrilling squeeze gets me stabbing into him. Hard. His hand relaxes over my butt for a moment. My cock starts slipping out. I gasp when I'm forced back inside his ass, deeply, with intense thrills. My left hand grabs his cock. Its hardness if felt against my palm, proof that I'm doing a man who wants to be taken like a squaw. My hand roams up the Indian's body, enjoying its smooth warmth and the hardness of flexing chest muscles. I palm over his left nipple. He moans. My moans of pleasure from fucking joins with his. Our bodies are moving together as one like two cat tails swaying in the wind. It is joyous! I'm performing as a man but feel there's something lacking by only having sex with him. My right hand tries slipping under his tangle of hair. He lifts his head, allowing me to cradle him within my arm. I feel a kiss there. He's expressing his love for me so I bring my lips to his neck. A kiss is given him. My heart bursts to show my love for him. It feels right. "Mike..." The man breathes. I smile at hearing him speak my name. He's not half asleep (like before) and thinking that I'm Ron. Another kiss is planted on his neck. A deep sucking one that I hope won't mark him. His hand pulls harder over my butt to drive me faster through his. He's doing neat things with his asshole - squeezing my cock when I'm pulling back. I stab in deep with the intense thrills that gives me. Fucking feels really good! I'm close to release and wonder if he wants me to do that inside him. "Yes. Cum in me!" the Indian pleads. With his hand trapping my butt, that's going to happen. Soon. My arms tighten around his heated body, breaths are racing through my mouth as I plow his ass good and hard. It's making a wet slapping sound. The weak bed springs creak and moan. I'm raping this Indian warrior and it feels good! A warning tingle comes from my balls. My cock thrusts deep into his hole when I squirt again and again. So intense! I hear the man's groan of pain. Or was that from his perverse satisfaction from getting his butt fucked? Pride fills me from my lusty accomplishment. I've spent my seed in this strong Indian. Our wild bodies are slow to relax. My mouth opens to gulp in air. Fucking is hard work, I realize with some embarrassment. His butt must be hurting him. My spear had stuck him so many times that he should be dead but it wasn't done in hate. I love this Indian and can freely admit that to myself now. There's no shame in me. I'm not quite ready to say that out loud but he knows. He shares Jes-ee-ah's gift to Mind Touch but to a lesser degree. Running Water nips my right arm with his teeth. I'm wondering why when he struggles to breathe. I loosen my strangle hold of his body. "Sorry." Another concern comes to me. My hand runs down the front of his body until I'm grasping his hard cock. This man is in need and I want to satisfy him. After pulling his butt off my cock, Running Water turns to me under the covers. He presses himself close to my body and begins thrusting. It's clumsily done. His right hand pushes down on my shoulder. I'm forced onto my back with him getting on top. My hands grip his sweaty body when I surrender myself to him. A smile comes to my lips. This Indian warrior wants me bad! I feel his urgent stabs against my cock, that great need in him to release himself. I welcome it. His face comes close to my face. Our lips press together. After a moment's hesitation, I kiss him. He responds passionately. His long hair spilling onto me tickles my eyes, nose and cheeks. It's wonderful. I bring my right hand down to his ass. It's flexing with such power. Being gay allows us to express both sides of our sexuality: male and female. He's let me mount his butt as if he were a woman but now, he is acting as a man by stabbing his cock against me. I'm glad that he doesn't try to fuck my butt. That part of me should only be given to Jesse. Running Water is moaning through his nose. I feel his tongue in my mouth but I'm not wanting to do that with him. My neck is lifted in his left hand. He's kissing me frantically now. There's no escaping it. His sweaty chest slides over mine. I feel his hard nipples rubbing against me. All these sensations begin to overwhelm me. My cock enjoys doing battle with this Indian's. My butt lifts from the mattress to meet his wild spear blows. I think that I'll cum again. He senses this and grinds our groins harshly together. His right hand reaches down for my butt. I'm pulling over his. That tightens our embrace to mash our cocks together. Running Water ends his kisses. His head lifts from mine, a groan comes out of his mouth. I feel squirts to my belly. The sharp smell of cum fills my nose. That enflames me to join his male release so after a few more harsh stabs, I get myself to cum. Pleasure explodes in my head! It's sweeter than that first time but not as long lasting. I think that I've cried out. The Indian drops his full weight over me, making it hard to breathe. Ahhhh. I've always imagined that mating would feel this good! The man rests over me, exhausted after such a fiery display. His breaths cool the sweat from my neck. I bring my left hand up to his hair. Its length tangles in my fingers when I enjoy its silky softness. My right hand is still clutching his butt. No more humping from it. His was nice to fuck. My thoughts turn to what I did with Jesse in the garage. I've fulfilled myself in his butt too. A wonderful way to express my love for him in this most intimate of gay acts. Concern fills me. Where are my feelings of guilt? I love this man too. I'm not feeling anything bad by having shown him that. Running Water begins snoring in my arms. I continue holding him with my hand gently rubbing over his butt. He has my sperm in it. That gives me a deep sense of satisfaction as if this man is mine to keep. But should I? He knows that I'm bound to Jesse in spirit. My heart, too! Will sharing a small part of myself with this Indian prevent him from seeking a man who could love him completely? My eyes open in the early morning light. I reach over for Running Water. Alarm fills me - he's gone from my bed! I'm sitting up to look for him. No sound from the bathroom. I push the covers down to my feet and search the floor for his clothes. They're missing. Has he gone to work already? I don't know if he's only paid for one night at this motel so I'm going to have to leave by 11am. What time is it now? There's no clock on the nightstand. Where did I put my wrist watch? I'm rushing out of bed to search for it in my dress pant's pocket. Only my wallet and keys are there. My laptop bag and satchel are searched. No watch. I hear the door lock turning. Running Water comes into the room with a sly smile on his face. I'm looking down at myself, at my nakedness. Some embarrassment fills me. "Morning, Mike." The Indian removes his coat and sits down on the edge of my bed. I sit at his side. We look at each other uneasily. "I'm sorry about..." "No! I don't regret that we were together last night." The shame on his face is difficult for me to see. "I'm not either. Mike." He releases a deep breath. "I broke your watch. It was lying on the floor when I stepped out of bed." "Oh. That's okay. I'm not going to need to know what time it is anyway. I don't have to worry about getting to class anymore." My head hangs. I'm really going to miss teaching. Running Water wraps his arm around me. "It's going to be alright, Mike. I've called my cousin this morning and he's going to let you stay with him." "Really? What did you tell him?" I lift my eyes to read his face. "More than I probably should of," whispers Running Water. "He knows that you're in trouble with the police but not why. I've had to tell him that so he'll realize the danger you're in. Him too, for harboring you." My heart aches to see every emotion this Indian is feeling on his face. He's hiding nothing from me. I touch his big nose with my fingers. That gets him to close his eyes, a tight squeezing when he tries to regain control of himself. He is so different from that man I'd met only a week ago. "Running Water?" His eyes remain closed. "I can't deny what I'm feeling about us but it's unfair. For you, I mean. My heart is set on Jesse and we're going to be together. Already, our spirits are one. What I'm trying to say is that you should be free to find someone who can really love you. Completely." "Mike. That is very... caring of you to say. I wasn't expecting such wisdom from you." That's a shaman's trait. It has me realizing that I'm not just speaking from myself but drawing on Jesse's understanding and wisdom. "I just wanted you to know that." Our eyes meet. His longing for me touches my heart. "I'm nearly ten years older than you, Mike. I've had a lover for almost six years so I know what I'm doing. Don't worry about me." I know that Running Water is more experienced. He can teach me about gay love as Jesse has told me. My head thinks this is wrong but my heart feels okay with it. "Jesse isn't the only one who's grown up all of a sudden." The Indian's eyes flare. He means me. "Yeah. It must be that connection thing between me and Jesse. We're drawing on each other's strengths. What he's taken from me was more obvious than what I've been given." "And what's that, Mike?" I smile. "My humanity." Running Water reaches down to grasp my hand. His eyes go to my limp cock. "You should get dressed. Not that I mind seeing you naked." I'm blushing. When I get up from the bed, he gives my butt a fond pat. I wiggle it at him. A giggle escapes my mouth for teasing him. The Indian grabs me, fondling my cheeks that gives me thrills. I'm stretching myself. My arms are reaching towards the ceiling, legs standing straight while my butt sticks closer to his face. Running Water kisses both my cheeks. I release a sharp breath from him doing that to me. I'm stepping away. When turning to the Indian, I look him right in the eye. "I want to give that part of myself only to Jesse." The fire in this man's eyes cools. "Ron would never let me fuck him." "Didn't he love you enough?" The Indian flinches at my uncaring words. I hang my head with shame. "Come here, Mike." I slowly go to Running Water. His brown hands reach out for me, gently grasping my hips. I'm brought down into his lap with my knees pressing into his thighs. He looks at me. It's difficult meeting his gaze. "Ron loved me very much. I've learned a lot from him and forgive what he has done with my nephew. He's only human. Me too. I rushed things with you when we first met but that's because I thought we were meant for each other. If I'd known that you were already in love..." "Jesse wanted to tell you but I was afraid that you'd get really mad at me and not help us with bringing his mom around to accepting it." Running Water nods. "I know that you've forgiven me, Mike. You've put my heart at ease and even more, your love comforts me. I think that I'm still in mourning over Ron." Tears are falling down the Indian's face that are in contrast to his smile. I launch my arms around him to share in the joy of us being together. A love as brothers. He accepts that I've given myself to Jesse while I can give him some love. My heart is big enough for them both. Running Water's hands lift up my back. His right hand reaches for my hair, stroking over my short length. Tenderly. My face presses into his neck. I give him a kiss there. "Did you sleep well last night?" There's a sly smile on my lips when I recall what we did together last night. The Indian flinches against me. What? Did I say something wrong? Oh. He had cried out in his sleep. I gave him a hug to chase the ghosts away and that led us to... "I dreamed about him last night." "Ron?" The Indian nods his head against me. He doesn't say anything further so I'm pulling from his arms to peer at him. "Tell me?" I can see the tension in him. He breathes deeply a few times before he can speak. "I was standing in his bedroom. He wanted me to watch him being with Jesse, laying over the boy's back to fuck him. Ron was enjoying it and that made me jealous, really angry that he was taking advantage of my nephew but when I looked down at Jesse's face, I saw how much he was enjoying it too. His hands reached back to trap the man over him when he came in him. I knew that they weren't doing it out of love. Both were in need and Jesse was learning how to give himself to another. The joy he felt to be gay by expressing himself sexually with Ron." What Running Water dreamed is what Jesse has already told me about him being with Ron. It's still difficult for me to handle that. He continues. "In my dream, Jesse turned to me with a sly grin. He asked me to join them in bed. I was naked and really burning to fuck Ron. When I laid over his back, he turned into you, Mike. All three of us were joined in love." That is a strange twist to his dream. Oh. Maybe not because that's what is happening to us now. I wait for Running Water to continue. He doesn't. My back is squeezed hard. "Can you forgive Ron for what he did?" I'm slowly nodding against the Indian. In a low voice, "I don't know if I'd let you do that with me." "It was only a dream, Mike." I'm feeling very intense. My cock is getting hard when I think about it, me laying over Jesse's back to fuck him while Running Water is doing me. "You have given so much of yourself to me already." I kiss the Indian's neck. "There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you." He'd told me that last night. And it's true, for both of us. We hold each other close for a while longer. Then Running Water's hands fall to my hips, gently pushing me until I'm standing before him. His eyes go to my hard cock. He's reaching out his right hand. Not to grasp me but lifting it until his palm is pressed over my heart. Our eyes meet. "Ne stoa pinnan jeh ah-eene," the man whispers. I have some mixed feelings about what he's said yet I'm answering him. "I love you too, Running Water." I'm looking down at his brown hand over my chest. Hanging from my neck is that bundle given me by our grandfather. We're both staring at it. "Do you think he can convince Winna to let me be with Jesse?" "I hope so," whispers Running Water. "Did she say anything to you in class last night?" I'm nodding, sadly. "Winna asked me not to take her son from her." "Mike. That means she acknowledges what's going on between the two of you but she fears losing Jesse." "I know that. Winna doesn't like that we're gay. It's going to be hard for her to face family and friends." "Give it some time. Although it wasn't talked about, a lot of the People knew about Ron and me. They accepted him." "Because of what he was doing for your tribe. Not that he was gay." "He didn't flaunt it. They liked Ron for being himself. He was eager to learn our ways that was more than to do research on the Blackfoot. He was a good listener and he thought before he spoke." "I need to do that more." Running Water grins. "Mike. It's okay to be yourself so don't try too hard to find acceptance. There were those of my tribe who didn't like Ron because he was white. An outsider who brought back the bad memories of the past when our two Peoples clashed. He overcame a lot of mistrust by helping us with legal and possession issues. Even if he wasn't gay, there were those who would never accept him as being a part of our tribe." "Was he ever given a feather?" I ask in a small voice. I'm not sure why I've asked that. "No. Other honors were bestowed upon my lover but he did things for us not to gain recognition or to get others to accept him. I remember him telling me that, as a white guy, he felt obligated to undue some of the evil our People suffered by his own. He was really selfless when it came to that. And, I loved him the more because of it." "It sounds like he was a really nice guy. More mature than me." "Yes. He was in many ways, Mike. Don't feel bad because of where you are in life. I know that you're new to being gay. I'm happy that you and Jesse are going to learn what that means together." My thoughts turn to Ron. He was already showing Jesse what that meant. I'm still hating him for that. What they did together confused my lover; I should have been his first! I'm still uneasy that Running Water and me are having sex because it's more than that. We're becoming close like lovers because of it. No. That's not true. I've gotten to know him as a person first and I like what I see. He really likes me too. We're expressing our feelings as close friends, as brothers by having sex because it feels good to do so. My heart doesn't have a problem with it. "My grandfather told me that if more of us would listen to their hearts, our world would be a much better place." I smile shyly. I'm getting used to having him read my thoughts. "You're a very handsome guy, Mike." I wasn't expecting him to say that just now. When his dark eyes bore into mine, I get the feeling that he wants to know what I think about him. "You're good looking too." The Indian lowers his eyes. "You are! I admit that my attraction to you is because you're an Indian. I like how you're slim, brown colored and wear your hair long. You have a big nose." I touch it. Running Water laughs. "Ron once told me that he thinks us Indians pretty much look the same." That's true, I admit to myself. I've thought this same thing about the other races. For instance. If a black guy were to mug me on the street, I'd be hard pressed to identify him in a police lineup. Black dudes look the same to me. I'm staring at Running Water's face. I note some identifying features from other Indians. Mostly, he looks like an older Jesse. "What do you see in me, Mike?" I smile. "Everything that you're feeling is on your face." The man frowns. "I didn't mean to embarrass you. All the other Indians hide their emotions. You did too when we first met. 'That warrior fierceness.' It prevented me from knowing who you really were inside. Now, I see you. You're a proud warrior who isn't afraid to reveal himself. That is part of the reason why I can... love you." "I like hearing you say that, Mike." I'm sensing something very strong from Running Water. My eyes widen with understanding. "Ron couldn't talk to you about his feelings." The Indian flinches. I've seen him do that before when I've said something he doesn't want me to know. There's concern showing in his dark eyes. My eyes close to concentrate on what's happening between us. A connection, like I share with Jes-ee-ah. No. It's not the same spiritual sensation nor is it very strong. "Don't worry. That's not happening to us. You've told me about your family, how they can sense what other people are thinking and to detect lies. My connection to Jesse gives me your family's ability to do this and I'm also drawing on his memories. Do you remember how I knew things about you, the hot tub and Jesse admiring how you looked naked? When you were driving me to your cousin's house, I recognized a large tree we passed and I knew that we were going to cross over a small bridge without water running under it. If you recall, I'd been Called to Jesse earlier and I was feeling the afterglow from our Sharing. It faded when I we went into your cousin's house. Almost, I knew what the rooms would look like but the memories faded." Running Water stares at me for a long moment. I can't read his face. Did I say something that has made him afraid? "My grandfather warned me about this. Man! I forgot to tell him that was happening to you and Jesse sooner then he'd thought." "What is?" I remember him mentioning this to me before but he said that his grandfather had to explain it to me. I'd forgotten to ask him yesterday. "Not only are your spirits becoming One but your minds as well. There is a danger in this, a losing of your separate identities. You will become one person in two bodies." "What's wrong with that?" I ask. The Indian's face turns grim. "It's a form of possession. An evil spirit does that to someone to live on in their body. A really bad thing!" "Jesse isn't evil. I'm not, either! We love each other and through our special bond we are becoming one. I've told you how we're drawing strength from each other. That's made Jesse normal. He can talk now and shows a confidence in himself that he was lacking. I have regained my humanity. How can that be bad?" Running Water lowers his head in deep thought. "I am not a shaman. My grandfather told me that there is a danger so I will tell him what's been happening to the both of you so that he can stop it, or at the very least help you control it. Mike. Remember how your body weakens when Jesse Calls out to you? What if your spirit gets stuck in him? You would die. Your body, that is. It's not right for your spirit to dwell within Jesse because that is possession." I'm getting real scared. "Okay. I hear what you're saying. I've warned Jesse about that. He hasn't Called out to me since." "That's good." I release a tense breath. My head is spinning so I turn myself to sit in Running Water's lap. His long arms come around me. I'm enjoying the warmth of his embrace. "Running Water? I think that's why your grandfather asked you to be with me. You help ground me. To keep me inside my body by offering it pleasure." "Yes. That's so. I've also been doing it because I want to, for myself. I love you." A long pause. "When you and Jesse can be together and learn to control what's happening between you, there will be no need for me to be with you anymore." "No. That's not true!" Running Water gives me tight squeeze. I feel how much he doesn't want to let me go and I'm not ever wanting him to. "Go take a shower, Mike. My cousin is expecting us to be at his house before he leaves for work." Running Water lets me go. My feet slip down to the shaggy carpet and I stand up, facing him with seeking eyes. The Indian is guarding his face. That makes my heart ache. I'm heading towards the bathroom alone though I feel his eyes chasing after me. We're heading straight east out of Box Elder. Running Water has been very quiet since we've left that motel. Outside my window, a snow covered wilderness passes by. No signs of life. This part of the Reservation is as barren as our trip down south from Havre that last time we went to his cousin's house. Will we get there before he goes to work? I don't know what time it is but judging from the sun's rising, it could be eight or nine in the morning. My thoughts turn to the task ahead of me. I'm to translate Ron's diary in the hope of learning how he'd gotten into trouble with the police and to find that sacred Blackfoot bundle he had. There are some questions in my mind that I need answers to. I make a coughing sound. Running Water glances at me. "What does that medicine man's sacrifice bundle look like? If I'm... If me and Jesse are to find it, we need to know what to look for." "You mean the mystery-man's medicine sacrifice bundle," Running Water answers. "Yes. What does it look like?" "Only my grandfather knows." "How? I mean, he's not described to you what it looks like?" The Indian glares at me. Is he mad at me for asking that? I need to know or else how are we going to find it? "He Saw it in a dream." I wait for Running Water to continue. "All I know is that it's bound in elk skin. Sacred objects are within. Those objects proved the mystery-man's worth unto Him on behalf of his People. This bundle acts as the body for a spirit. If it were to be opened as so many of our sacred things were, that bodies dies. The spirit is released." "This bundle is still alive." I have felt its Power. "Yes. My grandfather believes that is so." Another question comes to me. Probably a silly one but I need to know. "Running Water? What does this bundle do for your tribe?" "Mike. I realize that you don't understand so I'll try to explain it." The Indian takes a deep breath. "A shaman acts for the good of his People. He heals those who are hurt, both in body and in spirit. He is also responsible for the tribe's well being and calls upon our Father for help. Sacred bundles are crafted. The objects within represent a sacrifice of himself in obtaining them so that his People will be blessed. Think of a bundle as being our Connection to our Father. We deeply mourn when one is lost to us." "That's why Ron was trying to recover them for your tribe." "Yes. But many were already dead because of their violation by those studying the bundles' contents for 'historical' research. This particular bundle cried out to my grandfather. He needs to find it soon, Mike." Goose bumps cover my arms and legs. I'm staring down at my feet. "That's why Ron's ghost has been Called," I whisper. "He found it and before he could return it to your People, he was killed." "Yes. That is what we believe." "What prevented Ron from returning this bundle to you? Did the police catch him before he could? I don't think they have it though. That's why Lieutenant Danielson came to see me. Why he's interested in having your lover's diary." "Mike. You must translate what Ron has written so that we may know." "I will work on it today." An idea strikes me. "I'll go on the Internet to find a German dictionary." "Wouldn't it be faster to just buy one at a book store?" he asks. "No. Oh, you don't understand. I'm going to download a German dictionary from the Internet today. All I need to do is type the words that Ron has written into my laptop to get an English translation." "That's clever. If you learn anything important, call Hawk-swooping-down immediately!" "I will. He's given me his cell phone number." A concern comes to me. "What if Ron has written something about Jesse. What they did together?" Running Water turns to me. His truck nearly comes to a stop. "Mike. If Ron has, and it has no bearing on why he was killed or where we can find that sacred bundle, keep what he's written between us." "Okay." I release a sigh of relief. Running Water steps on the gas. I'm turning from him to peer back out my window. The thong around my neck tightens when the eagle's feather pulls taunt against my back. It's become trapped against the seat. I lean forward slightly. A smile comes to my lips when I feel through my shirt for the small pouch hanging down the front of me. I'm wearing the feather in back like a real Indian. After taking my shower, Running Water had stood behind me to secure it to my neck thong. That way, my eagle's feather will always be with me. It's usually worn in one's hair but mine is too short. We're coming into a residential neighborhood. Running Water takes a right turn. A familiar rust colored ranch is seen on our left. He parks at the curb. In the driveway is a brown jeep. It's a squat little Samurai. Running Water goes into the house without even knocking. I was surprised that the front door wasn't even locked. He does call out a greeting when we're inside. Our shoes are removed. A young Indian comes into the front room. He's that man I'd seen driving the jeep we passed on the road a few days ago. His right hand is raised in greeting to Running Water; I'm ignored for the moment. They talk in Indian. I'm studying his face. It's nice to look upon, making me guess that he's not much older than me. No cowboy hat is being worn today. Or a shirt. I'm averting my eyes from his slim brown chest. "This is Mike Yager." I offer my hand to Hawk Flying Over. He gives me that Look while shaking my hand. That's when I notice his short hair. I thought all Indians wore theirs long. "I've heard that you need to hide out for a while." I'm looking to Running Water for help. "Ah. Mike pmoi nem. Eehcooa pah kaps. Maex etta teh amo. Amo ah eene sacoay et ne stoa pinna ahghsee eh Mike. Ah?" "Neet ahkse," answers Hawk Flying Over in a low voice. I don't know what my brother has told this man but it convinces him. Just barely. He's not happy that I'm here. "Okay. Is that all of your things?" he asks. I'm looking down at my laptop bag and satchel on the floor by my shoes. "Yes." "I'll show you where you can sleep." I'm grabbing my things and chase after the Indian. He heads towards the back of his house. A door on his left is opened. "There's a bed in here," says Hawk Flying Over. I look into the small room. There's a mattress atop a wooden frame but it's without a sheet. Oh. I see one on the floor beside it along with a folded blanket and two pillows. No other furniture. Piles of boxes stretch along the walls. It seems that this room is being used for storage. "There's food in the refrigerator and you can watch TV." I turn to the Indian. "Thank you, Hawk Flying Over." Those boxes in the room has me remembering something. "I am sorry to hear about your wife's death." He slowly nods. I'm hearing him asking Running Water something in a whisper. Running Water answers, "Neetasta jeh week teh Mike. Ah?" Hawk Flying Over peers at me. I think that he's asked my brother how long I'm going to stay here. Although I don't understand Running Water's reply, 'jeh' means 'one' (Jesse had told me that word's meaning when describing our 'one heart') and he probably spoke in English when saying the word 'week' followed by my name and asking his cousin, 'Yes?'. I keep my eyes lowered and don't utter a word. This isn't the time to act clever by telling them that I'd followed some of their conversation. "I'm getting ready for work." "Ah. I need to get going myself," answers Running Water. We watch Hawk Flying Over entering his bedroom. The door is closed behind him. I turn to my brother uneasily. "It's going to be okay, Mike." I release a tense breath. "Do you know where there's a phone line? For my computer to connect to the Internet." "In that room." We peer through the open door of where I'm going to be sleeping. "That was his wife's workroom. I remember seeing a computer in there." I'm stepping inside to look for an outlet for the telephone. It's probably behind one of those boxes. I set down my things near the bed. "He'll warm up to you, Mike. Just be yourself. Ah. Don't ask him too many questions or reveal what trouble you're in. Okay?" "Okay." Running Water is leaving the room. I hurry to catch up with him. "You will be over on the weekend?" "Yes. I'll sleep in your room, if you want." A smile comes to my lips. "He won't mind?" Running Water laughs. "No. I've stayed overnight in that room with Ron a few times. He knows about us." "Did he like Ron?" I ask in a small voice. We've reached the front door. "Oh, yes. My cousin showed him around the res to explore the sites. They liked going fishing at Bear Paw Lake." A sly smile comes to his lips. "The three of us skinny dipped in Beaver Creek. And we've enjoyed the hot tub out back." My eyes flare. Was that a hint? "Nothing happened, Mike. My cousin has been married you know." I keep my mouth shut. I've heard that a lot of gay guys marry to hide that about themselves. I'm remembering Running Water telling me that his cousin and their friend had fucked Sly Lizard 'every chance they could get' when they were boys. Wouldn't that prove Hawk Flying Over is gay? Running Water gives me that Look. I'm nodding my head to his unspoken plea to be good. I already have my hands full with Jesse and what's developing between us. Getting it on with three Indians would be too much! I've connected to the Internet. There was no need to change the ISP access phone number because the area code here is the same in Havre. I use Yahoo! to search for a German dictionary to download into my laptop. The search result offers many possibilities: 'WordReference.com', 'The Alternative German Dictionary' and so forth but what catches my eye is 'German - English On-line Dictionary' so I click on that. It's not a fancy website. In only a moment, I get the gist of what they're offering users. It's not a program download (a whole dictionary would probably take hours) but a simple on-line translator. And it's free! 'Leo German <-> English Dictionary' is the site name. I read the brief instructions: 'Searches are case insensitive. You can use a * as a wildcard. Enter words in English or German, but no German umlauts!' I click my mouse on the long white entry field. Could this translate whole phrases? I type in: 'Ich bin ein gut junge' and click the 'translate' button. After only a moment, English appears: 'I am a good boy.' I'm rubbing my palms together with glee. This is going to be easy! I'm eagerly flipping through the zerox to Ron's last diary entry. Then my heart sinks. His handwriting is so bad that most of my effort will be trying to make out what his German words are before I can type them in for translation. The name 'Thomas' catches my eye. I'd assumed it was a man but I note that there's no 'Herr' written before that name nor any gender. Officer Hawk-swooping-down had corrected my assumption of Thomas being a man. He said it was Miss Thomas. How did he know that's what Ron had written? My heart sinks further when I note the many abbreviations Ron has used. I'm only able to glean that he's met with Thomas on November 22nd, 2002. His last entry is clear. 'Ich haben es!'. I type that in the computer and it confirms what I'd already known - 'I have it!' From my dream of watching Ron burning that torn out page on the stove, I know he was referring to a sacred Blackfoot bundle he was going to return to them. Am I going to need to dream some more to learn all of his secrets? I flip back one page. 'Jes' catches my eye. Running Water has told me that was Ron's nickname for Jesse. It appears twice on this page dated November 21st. I try making out the words in the first sentence where Jes appears: 'Mit Jes Ich habe gesehen.' I'm typing that in but I know enough German to translate it without the computer's help. English appears on my laptop's screen: 'With ?Jes? I have seen.' The question marks indicate that the on-line translator couldn't identify what 'Jes' meant; it's not a German word. There are four short entries written on this page. 'Jes' appears in the first and after skipping a badly written second entry, I find Jesse's nickname in the third: '??? geniessen ??? Jes' dicht stummel ??? gereiben.' I'm typing in the five German words that I can make out from the eight Ron had written. The English translation appears after a short pause. 'enjoy ?Jes? tight butt rubbed'. A sharp pain pierces my heart. I force my eyes back to the zerox. The word written before 'gereiben' could be 'imere' so I type that in. A long pause follows. I'm given a warning that the word entered is likely misspelled but it does give me a possibility: 'im(m)er = always'. That doesn't seem to fit. I look again at that badly written word and it occurs to me that what I thought was the letter 'm' could be two n's. I'm entering in: 'innere'. The computer spits back: 'inside'. Ron has written: '??? enjoy Jes' tight butt inside rubbed.' I stare at those words with anger rising in me. This is clear proof that he's fucked Jesse! My hand slaps down hard on the zerox. I try calming myself down. A thought strikes me. I'm going to need to document all of this. After a few mouse clips, I get MS-Word up on my screen. I'm typing: 'November 21, 2002' followed by a blank line. '{Four entries as follows:}' Another blank line. '1. With Jes I have seen.' A blank line. '2. {Yet to be translated}'. A blank line. My hands are trembling. I breathe out slowly. '3. ??? enjoy Jes' tight butt inside rubbed.' My fingers were heavy over my keyboard when typing that. I save this document with the filename: 'Ron Earlman'. The Elders want me to learn why Ron was killed and anything about their sacred bundle. So far, I've only translated what he has written about Jesse. I peer over the two remaining entries for November 21st but they are hard to decipher. My eyes look to the left. It's another page of terrible handwriting and 'Jes' doesn't appear anywhere. I flip back a page. To my surprise, the words here are easy to make out. And I see Jesse's name written three times amongst the nineteen or so sentences. A mouse click gets me back to the German on-line translator. My fingers fly over the keyboard. With growing alarm, I learn what Ron had written. I'm copying and pasting the computer's English translation to MS-Word. Only a few words couldn't be made out by me. When I'm done, I save this document to the hard drive. I'm staring at the screen. My eyes are wide with disbelief and horror when I read it all back to myself. ??? willing partner, Jes in my bed is. He enjoys to be sucked. After my hands explore his brown smooth skin down to wonderful twin hills, his deep valley is tasted. ??? prepared. As the keen eagle, I fly down and go in his rabbit hole. The joy of it! Jes joins in my cries. At my ending, he holds me close so that it is I who don't escape. We watched have been. It the boy's uncle is. Not angry as I feared, my lover his clothes remove and he on our bed comes. Next to Jes he lies. Waiting. My hands over his back in massage. Their hands holding with eyes at the other in knowing smiles. My eagle again flies down. When I am done, two butts with my love filled are. In me no shame. They turn so to backs touching, hands finding when ??? butts rubbed in Indian ritual are. I ??? My whole body turns to ice. I'm frozen before my computer screen when those paragraphs are read once again. Only my right finger can move. It slides across the glide pad until the pointer rests on [X]. MS-Word is closed. Then I howl out from my deep sense of betrayal. Running Water knew what Ron has done with Jesse! He had joined into the fun! I'm looking down at myself. I shiver with disgust for having allowed that man to be with me too. I'm as bad as Ron... No! I was tricked into being with them both. A terrible decision comes to me. I'm clicking on my Favorites menu, find Expedia.com and enter that website. Great Falls, Montana is entered along with Indianapolis, Indiana. I click the Search button. Four air flights appear. I'm warned about a bunch of fees that will be added to cover airline surcharges, a passenger facility charge, Federal segment fees. The Sept. 11th Security fee catches my eye. I'm half wishing that I'd been in New York that day. 'One way, adult, anytime, any airline is indicated on the screen. What follows are four ticket quotes: $777.50 for both Delta and Northwest, $728 for another Delta flight. Only $426 is quoted for an Alaska Airlines flight ATA 926 with a connection in Seattle (SEA). The departure is on April 18th at 6:40pm. That's tomorrow. I click on that. After filling out a bunch of information fields and noting that this is a non-refundable ticket, I pull my wallet out from my pocket. My VISA card number is entered. The Purchase button is clicked with my hard strike down over my glide pad. It is done. I'm shutting down Windows XP. My laptop's screen is closed. The telephone line is pulled from the modem port. I hear my teeth grinding. I'm clamping down hard until my whole face shakes. Then my mouth opens to release a wail of despair. Tears start flowing. They can't drown my anger at Running Water, what he has done to me! What he's allowed Ron to do to Jesse... I'm faling to the carpet on my side. My head bangs against it. Darkness. It fills my eyes, creeping down to my hart in my wish to be dead. Love is gone. In its place, there is only sorrow. I slowly awaken. What am I doing on the floor? When staring at the zerox lying next to my laptop, a rush of emotion squeezes my heart: hate, fear but mostly my longing for Jesse. Oh, love! I can't leave you! It's not your fault for what Ron and Running Water had let happen to you. My eyes close in concentration. I don't care about the danger! I'm Reaching out to my soulmate with my great need to be with him. I sense Jesse's Presence. There's a reluctance on his part but my need to be with him draws us together. We Share. It is joyous and almost, I can give up the woe inside me from what Ron has revealed to me in his diary. He pushes me away?! I'm Reaching out for the wonderful glow that is my lover but he is gone. An urgent breath fills my lungs. There are stars dancing at the edge of my sight. My limbs are all pins and needles. I can't lift my head up from the carpet. A morbid disappointment comes to me. I'd wished that my spirit hadn't returned to my body because Iwant to be with my lover. Forever. That's not going to happen now. His mom won't let us. I hate Running Water for lying to me! How could he let Ron do that to Jesse?! I'm slowly sitting up over the floor. My head feels heavy, so weary of this whole terrible situation that I have no control over. I'm like a leaf being tossed about in a storm. No more! My head hangs down over my chest in despair when I'm taking a leak. I stare at the small pouch holding what was going to be our wedding rings. Oh, Jesse! I promised that I wouldn't leave you but this whole situation is tearing me apart. I can't go on like this! I hear a telephone ringing. I'm drawn to answer it but stop myself. It's probably not for me. Anger fills me. Running Water could be calling to check on my progress of Ron's diary. Is he afraid that I would find out about him joining Ron in bed with Jesse? Them having sex together! After counting to twelve rings, it stops. I leave the bathroom. My heart is feeling heavy. Tomorrow, I'm going to be leaving all this behind. That gives me a small sense of relief. No more worrying about the police catching me, facing Winna's anger or reading from Ron's diary the terrible things he nd Running Water have done. A terrible burden is lifted from me. Let them find their Power Bundle. I'm done with it all. The phone rings again. A strong sensation comes over me like when I'm with Jesse. I slowly make my way to the kitchen. One foot is placed down in front of the other. The phone cries out to be picked up. I do so. "Mike!" My heart wrenches to hear his voice. "Jesse?" Tears fill my eyes and at this moment, I turn away from my plan to run away. I can't leave him! "I'm really worried about you." My throat is too choked up to ask if he knows why. "Mike. What's wrong? I Felt that you were really sad and angry at my uncle about something." "Yeah." I'm wiping my face with my arm. "Please tell me what's happened?" Jesse begs. The worry in my lover's voice is too much for me to bear. I breathe in. "I've been reading Ron's diary. He wrote that your uncle had caught the two of you in bed and he... joined you. Running Water lied to me. You too!" "What?" gasps Jesse. "You think my uncle was with us when Ron... I swear to you that it never happened! He didn't know what we were doing and if he did." A pause. "Mike. Did you tell Running Water?" "Yeah. A few days ago." I hear Jesse breathing hard through the phone. "That's not why you're angry at my uncle though. I wish that you hadn't told him but I'm feeling that you had to. I'm not angry, Mike." In a small voice, "Are you going to be leaving?" "No. I swore to you that I'd never do that!" I'm also remembering my vow unto God when Jesse had fallen sick. I asked Him to awaken my sweet love and promised never to leave him. "I didn't know that Ron kept a diary," Jesse whispers. "What did he write in it about me?" It's difficult but I recount the painful entries that I've translated to Jesse. He gasps with surprise. "It's true that we were together on November 21st. That was the last time before Ron died." "What about a few days before that. On the 19th?" Jesse pauses before answering me. My heart is squeezed by anguish. "No, Mike. I didn't see Ron for almost a week before that last time." A measure of relief fills me but only for a moment. "He wrote that Running Water had caught the two of you in bed! Are you saying that never happened?" I'm trying to keep anger from being heard in my voice. "It didn't, Mike. I swear to you! I don't know why Ron would write that." I hear the sincerity in Jesse's voice. He has never lied to me before. "Okay. I believe you." My heart didn't want to believe it! Like Jesse said, if it's not true then why did Ron write that it happened? "Mike. I've been feeling a lot of strong things from you these past two days. Yesterday, you were really scared. I almost Called out to you but I didn't. Then last night, I felt your happiness. Like it is when we're together. I Felt your pain and great anger this morning. You Reached out for me. I tried stopping you but you needed me so much! My head filled with so many of your thoughts. I couldn't understand them. That's why I had to call you." "How do you know where I am?" "I knew because of you Coming to me this morning. It made me pass out. My teacher thought I was getting... sick again. He let me go to the nurse's office. That's where I'm calling you from." "I'm glad. I really needed to hear your voice." Shame fills me. "I am sorry for thinking that your uncle..." My voice breaks up. "It's okay, Mike. I love you. I need to be with you!" "Me too. Ah. Your grandfather is coming over to your house tonight to speak with Winna about us." "I hope that he'll help my mom to understand," whispers Jesse. "Mike? What did she say to you in class last night?" Winna's even voiced statement that she spoke comes to mind. There wasn't any anger in her. She'd almost said that as a worried plea unto me. "Ah. She doesn't want me to take you away from her." "I knew that's what she's afraid about. I'd felt that in her. She asked me what we were doing together. If we had sex. I kept telling her how much I love you and need to be with you. She thinks you're taking advantage of me. That I don't really know what's going on but I do, Mike." I'm smiling to hear Jesse say that. He has grown up a lot since we've first met. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- End of file: NEWLOVE6.TXT The story continues in: NEWLOVE7.TXT