****************************************************************************
  *                          "NEW TO TEACHING LOVE"                          *
  *                                (part 19)                                 *
  *                              by Vince Water             October 25, 2005 *
  ****************************************************************************
  |  Copyright 2005-2006 by Vince Water                   Corrected 8/30/06  |
  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

     "I want to... be with you, Mike, in any way that pleases you."

     "Great." My bright grin shows him that I'm willing. His hand falls from my
  face to grasp my hip. He's been feeling over my butt with his other hand but
  it lifts to my waist.

     "You didn't release with me earlier. But then, of course, I was dreaming
  that you were Glenn. The rear of him."

     My mouth opens to explain that I've made a commitment to Jesse about that
  part of my body but to tell him now isn't the right moment. He's offered to
  make love to me in any way. We both likely want to perform the same act so I
  won't be breaking my vow to my lover. I peer into this man's eyes that are
  burning for me. I'm slowly turned around in his hands. My eyes fall to the
  bed where we've lain together earlier. We should go over there but I can't
  seem to get my feet to move.

     Hand-won't-grip starts fondling my ass with his hands. He's panting with
  excitement. I am too. I'm spreading my legs and bend over slightly to signal
  to him that he can do anything he wants with my rear end.

     "You really have a nice one, Mike."

     "Thanks." That's how I've been answering him whenever he says something
  nice to me. I've gotta come up with something else to say.

     "Do you like getting rimmed?" asks Hand-won't-grip.

     "Yeah." He's already falling to his knees. A kiss is given to my left
  cheek followed by a kiss to my right cheek. They were quick pecks at first.
  His kisses start lingering over certain spots (my lower humps) and turn to
  nips and then bites that almost hurt! The man's hunger for my butt has him
  mouthing into my crack. I bend over some more. He breathes in my smell. Then
  his wet wiggly tongue attacks my hole. "Ahhh!" What a sensation!

     Hand-won't-grip stands up behind me in a rush. I feel his long cock
  tickling against my cheeks with a deep longing in me for us to join our
  bodies. I'm feeling more than my desire to get fucked. This man is very nice.
  Helping him get over his heart pain for Glenn and forgiving himself has let
  me see who he really is inside - a vulnerable human being like any other.
  Indians can be so stoic at times. That was true for Running Water with his
  warrior fierceness when he attacked me for sex but when I got to know the
  feeling person he was, that's when love grew between us.

     "Jesse is taking a long time in the bathroom," whispers Hand-won't-grip.

     "He sensed that you'd be uncomfortable making love to me if he were
  watching. I would... too." In a quick burst, I Ask Jes to wait in there for a
  while longer. He agrees, though making no promises that he won't catch the
  'ending' act. That has me smiling shyly.

     I gasp when Hand-won't-grip sticks his cock all the up my ass in one quick
  thrust. Ahhhh!

     "Sorry! Did I hurt you?"

     "No. Just took me by surprise." My hands rush back to the rear of the man
  to hold his cheeks to keep our bodies connected. "I'm well broken in."

     Hand-won't-grip chuckles. "I'm sure you are." He pulls over them pale hips
  and wiggles his own butt to tickle that tight white ass with his long cock.
  "Have you been with a lot of men?"

     "No." I'm panting with excitement to feel him so deep in my butt. "I can
  count on one hand how many I've been with, including you."

     Hand-won't-grip is hesitant but he asks, "Have you been with a boy?"

     I'm taking a deep breath. "Yes." I know why he's asked that since Glenn
  was a boy of fifteen so he wants to know from me if it's alright making love
  to a young person.

     "How old was he?"

     "Nearly fifteen." Hand-won't-grip is already beginning his stabs. I'm
  keeping a firm grip on his butt to ride him deeply. What a sensation! By not
  having a thick cock, this man isn't stretching my hole like Running Water's
  cock does with the pain that gives me. This man's upwards 'bending' doesn't
  land strong blows on my prostate so I'm also spared that strange pain/tickle.

     "A Native boy?" asks Hand-won't-grip with a trembling voice.

     "Yeah. I like dark smooth bodies." I'm quick to add, "The Indians I've
  been with are so loving with their hearts!"

     "It's lucky that you aren't attracted to white guys."

     I'm Feeling that Hand-won't-grip doesn't think highly of white skins. He's
  enjoyed their butts but he hasn't ever felt anything endearing in his heart
  afterwards. "Am I not a white skin? So was Glenn." The man gasps sharply.

     "I'm sorry, Mike. I didn't mean that to sound the way it did."

     Hand-won't-grip gives me a tight hug. He's stopped fucking to offer me
  love with his hands rubbing over my chest and a kiss to my left shoulder.
  "I'm sure that lots of guys from the bar only want sex but if you don't have
  your heart open to the possibility that it could turn to love..." I hear the
  man breathe in sharply. He gives my right shoulder a kiss.

     "I couldn't love anyone else. Not after losing Glenn. You and Jes have
  opened my eyes to what I've been doing to myself all these years. I have been
  punishing myself but no more." Hand-won't-grip realizes something else at
  that moment. "You told me in the bathroom that Glenn would want me to be
  happy. That he probably is. I'd want him to find someone and be in love!"

     What he's said proves that the healing has begun. "Both of you deserve to
  have love." That earns me a fond nose rub along my neck that ends in a deep
  kiss. My hands pull from his butt to cover his when palming over my hairy
  chest. I know that he likes that about us white guys. Our soft fur.

     "Jesse is very lucky to have you for a lover."

     I've already answered that before so I remain silent. I'm the lucky one.
  Because of Jes, I'm a feeling human being who will grow into a better person
  by following the good red road. Hand-won't-grip is proving that he's outgrown
  his boyhood name. It makes me happy that he'll be able to find the next man
  or boy to fall in love with and keep his 'grip' of their heart.

     "Did that Native boy give himself to you?"

     "Yes. His heart was stuck on me at first but then he went for Jesse.
  That's why we've agreed not to have sex with the boy anymore since he's
  confusing that act as being in love."

     "Oh." Hand-won't-grip meant if the boy had given his butt to them.

     I pick up on his thoughts (through Jesse's gift to Look inside a person)
  but decide not to say anything. I'm wiggling my ass to get him fucking me.
  Swift stabs follow. Wow! I've never felt my asshole getting penetrated this
  deep before! It takes my breath away.

     "Oh, Mike! You feel so good in my arms."

     He means his cock up my butt. I'm scolding myself for thinking that. We're
  not just having sex but making love with each other even though my cock is
  hard but being denied its release while Hand-won't-grip fulfills himself as a
  man. That's what Jes meant by being two spirited. Gay guys like us express
  both their male and female side. I'm playing the squaw right now. Man! It
  feels so good. His arms reveal their strength when he pulls really hard on my
  chest so there's no hope for escape. Not that I want to!

     Hand-won't-grip is really plowing my ass. His hands have fallen down to my
  waist to pull me onto him. I reach back for his wildly humping butt to ensure
  that I'm gonna get filled at the end. An outcry! I'm Feeling his sharp male
  thrills from cumming in me. That gets my cock surging but it doesn't release.
  Jesse does sometimes when I fuck him hard and we have wet bed sheets from
  last night to prove it.

     The man's heated body slows behind me. I give his ass a fond pat then lift
  my hands to cover his clutching my belly. He's trying to catch his breath.

     "I came out... so fast," explains Hand-won't-grip. "Your ass... is great!"

     This man thinks he's denied me my own pleasure. "I felt your joy with you!
  I'm not really into enduring a long ride but relish the ending part when my
  butt has satisfied a man." Jesse smiles at me from across the room. He'd
  come out of the bathroom only moments before to catch our ending scene. It's
  replayed in his mind's eye for me:

     Jesse rushed into the room when he Felt Hand-won't-grip's nearing climax.
  That man had only seriously started fucking me less than a minute ago. What
  my lover saw was my pale body held tight in the arms of a fierce hungry
  warrior. His brown body bucked like a stallion over his willing mare. We're
  both about the same height. I didn't realize that before. My hands held the
  Indian's flexing ass as if to keep from being pushed down to the floor but
  I'm Telling Jes that I enjoyed feeling his rear manly motion there while the
  front of him felt great with its quick stabs up my asshole. A burning comes
  to my face after admitting that.

     Hand-won't-grip's face had looked very intense when he spermed in me. His
  eyes were closed so he didn't see that Jesse was watching his performance. It
  has really excited my lover. He's not seen a man doing me before, at least not
  from the side where he can see two butts dancing to love's lusty music. My ass
  is smaller than in my 'fat' days before coming to Montana. I've lost weight
  from all the hiking and exploring I've done. It's very shapely now. No wonder
  Indian guys like Running Water and Simon love fucking me too. Jes reminds me
  that he's gotten a lot of enjoyment from my butt. I'm glad. My lover is that
  Indian warrior from my fantasies who I want to satisfy in every way.

     :And you satisfy my squawness too, love:

     I'm looking down at Jesse's little brown butt. Ahhh. I really enjoyed it
  last night and he enjoyed me taking it so much that he wet to our bed sheets.
  Now it's his turn to get a burning face.

     :Your cock is in need again.:

     :Always!: Jesse strides up to me with his erection flopping against his
  belly. He gives me a hug that startles Hand-won't-grip. His hands release my
  belly so that our cocks, brown on pink, can hug too. I'm quick to ask him,
  "Can you hold Jesse to me?" The man feels reluctant yet his brown arms go
  around my lover's upper back while his butt is being held in return. Not by
  me! I'm holding my lover's humping little ass. That gets our cocks rubbing.

     :Let's not kiss in front of him,: Jesse Asks. :Otherwise, he'll feel like
  a third wheel and spin off.:

     :Okay.: I want Hand-won't-grip to keep hugging me from behind. His cock is
  still buried in my wet ass. Jesse's body starts swaying like a cattail in
  the wind. I'm a wheat stalk joining in that loving dance. Our chests rub,
  Indian smoothness both in front and behind me while they enjoy my soft hair
  against them. My hands pull more strongly on Jesse's little butt. His hands
  are pulling over Hand-won't-grip's as if he were holding my butt. That gets
  our cocks to mash lustfully together. Ahhh! I'm in such need after getting a
  great fuck. Jes is also excited from having watched it.

     "I can feel the love that the two of you have for each other," mutters
  Hand-won't-grip. "Maybe I shouldn't interrupt it."

     "We are enjoying your company," says Jesse. He keeps his grip of the
  man's ass to prevent him from leaving their big hug.

     I'm smiling to myself. That's what 'Henry' told us last night at the table
  though it was about interrupting our evening. Jesse's reply to him now was
  the same word-for-word. To my surprise, I feel the man's hands over mine.
  He's helping me pull over Jesse's butt in beat to having his butt pulled on.
  My neck is kissed. Not by Jesse but from the man behind me! That prompts my
  lover to kiss the other side of my neck so I'm kissing his. It's nice being
  loved by two Indians at the same time. Low moans come out my lover's nose.

     There's a stiffening to the man's cock in my butt. He's really getting
  turned on by us 'swinging'. I hope that he'll be able to cum in me again
  while my efforts are to get Jes and I to release to our bellies. We both need
  it! We're expressing the love that we have in our hearts for each other with
  our bodies. What a wonderful thing our Father has designed by having our
  flesh held spirits making love in all ways! It is really beautiful.

     Our heated bodies are really moving now. I slip my left hand from Jesse's
  flexing ass and reach back to hold Hand-won't-grip's cheeks. They're humping
  up a storm. My pulling of the man's body behind me and my lover's body in
  front of me keeps me tightly between them. Middle loved. The sensation of
  getting stabbed in my ass and stabbing forward onto my lover's dick at the
  same time is tremendous! Breaths are rushing through my mouth between neck
  kisses. My neck is being kissed by both of them. I'm being loved by two men,
  caught in their lusty embrace. This is love! Maybe what Charms A Bird said
  about sex being love in itself is true. Hmm. When did he tell me that?

     Jesse is getting close to release. I know that by his mouth sucking on my
  neck hard, the urgent stabbing from his dick against me and his hands are
  forcing the man behind me to fuck my ass fast and hard. High-pitched wails
  blow out my lover's nose. Hand-won't-grip is groaning at my neck. He's no
  longer kissing me so he can take breaths. I grunting from the sensation of
  getting dicked hard. A squishy sound from my ass proves that my squawness is
  being fulfilled. I'm performing as a man in Jesse's arms and so is he. A
  high-pitched cry!

     Warm spurts are felt on my belly. Male pleasure explodes in Jesse's head
  that sends me over the edge! I'm giving him a wet belly too. Hand-won't-grip
  releases a lusty grunt when he gives my butt another load of his seed. At
  this moment, we Share in the ecstasy that comes from making love in all ways.
  It is overpowering!

     Our heated bodies slow against each other. We're catching our breath. My
  hands come around Jesse's back while he holds Hand-won't-grip's upper back.
  Where are the man's hands?

     :Down at his side,: Says Jesse. :Our lost one has not fully committed
  himself to the road ahead but looks behind, hoping that he can reclaim love
  from that boy who is no more.:

     :You've Seen that Glenn is dead!:

     :Yes. Not in body as you fear but who that boy was to Hand-won't-grip is
  gone. I need to perform a ritual to kick this man in the butt. Don't react to
  what I'll be doing to him. Sit alone quietly.:

     :Very well.: I release my lover and off he goes to the bathroom.
  Hand-won't-grip pushes on my lower back to get his cock out of me. I'm
  tightening my asshole so it won't gush out to the carpet.

     "Thanks, Mike. I am honored that you've included me in your love making."

     I'm only nodding in reply. Following Jes-ee-ah's instruction, I sit on our
  bed and remain silent. Hand-won't-grip comes to me and sits down at my side.

     "Why has Jesse run off?"

     I have to tell him something. "He's getting a clean up cloth for us." That
  has me realizing that my butt is wetting the bed beneath me. The mingling seed
  from my lover and mine covers my belly. Hand-won't-grip's cock is dripping
  which he catches into his hand.

     "The aftermath can be messy," the man says with a laugh.

     I'm keeping my face plain of emotion. That doesn't go unnoticed by him.

     "What's wrong?"

     At that moment, Jesse returns to our room. I'm startled by the way his
  face looks: white zigzags are drawn down both cheeks and there's fire in his
  eyes. His right hand is cupped. He stands before Hand-won't-grip and starts
  rattling. Does he have stones in there? I remember that Jes had picked some
  up from the ground at Tom Grips His Tomahawk's garage to make a rattle with
  his hand so he could Bless my pickup truck. The ritual he's performing now is
  more violent. An angry shaman's cant springs from his lips that causes the
  man to stand up and hold out his arms to defend himself from attack.

     "What have I done wrong?" pleads Hand-won't-grip.

     Jesse doesn't answer him. He strikes the man's shoulder with his left
  hand again and again until he's sitting back down beside me. We exchange
  glances. I'm keeping my face plain and turn to my lover performing his
  ritual. He's Drawing on his former self's skill as a shaman to exorcise this
  man's false hope of returning to his love boy.

     "Who are you?" asks Jes-ee-ah.

     The man shrugs his shoulders. "I am Hand-won't-grip."

     "Who Are You?" Jesse asks again in a louder voice.

     "A man." He laughs nervously and asks, "Who are you?"

     Jes-ee-ah stops rattling his hand. He glares at Hand-won't-grip in the way
  an Elder silently scolds someone who's acting badly. I see that he gets it.

     "What have I done?"

     The rattling begins again. Jes-ee-ah holds his palm against this man's
  heart as if listening to it Speak to him. He cries out in woe. That startles
  both of us which gets Hand-won't-grip turning to me again to try reading my
  face so he can get a hint about what's going on here. I remain silent as my
  lover asked. A stoic expression is on my face.

     The rattling stops. Jes-ee-ah cups his hands until each holds a stone when
  they separate, tightly grasped. He peers at Hand-won't-grip for a long moment
  until the man lowers his eyes to his knees.

     "Take this."

     Jes-ee-ah's left palm turns upwards that reveals a common street pebble.
  He lowers his open hand at the man's chest, near his heart. Hand-won't-grip
  takes the stone offered him.

     "That is Glenn."

     The man looks at the pebble in his hand not seeing what Jes-ee-ah meant.

     "Your love for the boy is unchanged like this stone. No accounting for the
  passage of time that all living things undergo. How old would Glenn be now?"

     "The same age as your lover," answers Hand-won't-grip. "He's twenty five."

     "Did the boy love you?"

     "Yes!" The man answers.

     "Does he remember what you had together?"

     "Yes."

     "Do you think you can return to him and reclaim his love?" asks Jes-ee-ah.

     Hand-won't-grip releases a harsh breath. "I don't know."

     "I See the hope in your heart that this is so. It has been eight years
  since you last saw him." Jes-ee-ah taps the pebble in Hand-won't-grip's palm.
  "It is not for me to say if Glenn would take you back as his lover for I do
  not know his heart but I do know yours. It has suffered these many long years.
  You blamed yourself for not following after him in his new life in New York.
  That excuse of your having to leave family and your People behind to be with
  him was not the real reason. Was it?"

     Hand-won't-grip has to think about it. "I have lost my family and my
  People for they couldn't accept me! They've turned their backs on me."

     "You spurned them."

     "Me? My own mother kicked me out the house!" defends Hand-won't-grip.

     "Then why did you not run back to your lover? Your excuse for not wanting
  to lose your family for him came about anyway yet you remained here."

     I get what Jesse is doing. He's making Hand-won't-grip dig out the real
  reason from himself as to why he didn't go to New York City to be with him.

     "Glenn's parents would have suspected that we were more than friends if
  I'd showed up in New York looking for him."

     "You feared that the boy would lose his family too?" asks Jes-ee-ah.

     "Yes."

     "Are you sure about that?" Jes-ee-ah taps the pebble in the man's hand and
  sadly shakes his head.

     Hand-won't-grip shakes his head in dismay. He turns to me with a shy grin
  on his face as if saying that he's endured enough foolishness from my lover.
  I'm shaking my head at him in warning. My eyes are dead serious. He doesn't
  know that Jesse was a great shaman in his former life and his ritual is real
  and of benefit to this man so he'll have a happy life.

     "What did the pebble tell you?" asks Hand-won't-grip in a humorous voice.

     Jes-ee-ah closes the man's hand around it. "Listen to it yourself." He
  rattles the unseen stone in his right hand and gestures for Hand-won't-grip
  to rattle his own close to his ear. The man plays along.

     "Maybe it'll come up a six," says Hand-won't-grip in reference to a die
  roll. "How about your dice? Will it beat mine?"

     "Every time," answers Jes-ee-ah. "You have stone for ears and a hungry
  heart that thinks only of eating instead of providing food for others."

     "I don't understand."

     "Your heart tells me the truth!" shouts Jes-ee-ah. "Hear it. What kept you
  from following your lover was fear. Fear that your having sex with a minor
  would be discovered and land your ass in jail."

     I'm Feeling a tickle in my head when Jesse Draws on our Father's gift
  given me that allows me to Glean people.

     "Did not your mother warn you to burn all of Glenn's love letters since
  they could be used as evidence against you?"

     Jes then speaks words that are unfamiliar to me. They're obviously Indian
  and my eyes widen when thinking that they are Lakota, repeating word-for-word
  what Hand-won't-grip's mother had yelled at him when kicking his butt out of
  her house. The man's eyes grow wide as saucers.

     "You finally acknowledge my Power," whispers Jes-ee-ah. "Good. I am trying
  to help you, Hand-won't-grip, and your feet are nearly set back on the good
  red road in life. Just take one more step."

     "Are you saying that Glenn won't love me as it was if I return to him?
  He's of legal age now."

     "I've already told you that I don't know his heart. The boy he was is no
  more. He's grown into a man of twenty five who had loved you in his youth and
  he'll remember what you had together but perhaps no more than a fond memory.
  Eight years have passed. The stone in your hand is the Glenn that you remember
  and cling to in the hope that nothing has changed. Has he remained unchanged?"

     Hand-won't-grip slowly shakes his head. Sadness fills his eyes and I'm
  tempted to wrap my arm around him in support.

     "No. It's like Mike said to me, that Glenn has probably found a lover and
  he would want me to be happy too."

     "You acknowledge that the boy you knew is no more?" asks Jes-ee-ah.

     "Of course. He's grown up to be a man."

     "Let go of your stone then," asks Jes-ee-ah.

     Hand-won't-grip stares at his hand holding Glenn. His eyes look very sad.
  He realizes that what my lover said is true. The boy he knew is no more.
  Though we've helped this man with easing his heart of pain that came from his
  guilt of losing the boy, he now realizes that what he thought was the reason
  for not reclaiming his love was not the actual one. He has to let the boy go.

     "I hold the promise of another in my right hand," offers Jes-ee-ah. He's
  not shown the stone in that hand to him yet.

     "You have my next lover in your hand?" asks Hand-won't-grip.

     "Something like that. Can you release what's in your hand first?"

     Hand-won't-grip slowly opens his hand to reveal that pebble. It's so
  common looking; of no value to even bother picking up from the ground as my
  lover has done. Yet this stone represents this man's hope that Glenn is still
  waiting for him in New York and that their love will return to what it was.
  That sweet dream has been shown for what it is in the harsh light of truth.
  Glenn has grown up and likely has another lover. He needs to let him go.

     We watch Hand-won't-grip do just that. He slowly turns his open hand until
  the pebble falls to the carpet at his feet. A rush of air comes out his lungs.
  We're Feeling the lifting of a burden to this man's heart that now frees him
  to find another lover.

     "What's in your right hand?" asks Hand-won't-grip with hope in his voice.

     Jes-ee-ah lowers his closed hand over the man's empty palm. The stone he's
  held is released.

     I'm curiously looking at what my lover has given the man. Another common
  pebble he's found on the ground? No. It's a piece of polished quartz. The
  point of it is multifaceted like a diamond.

     "This is my next lover?"

     "A clue to his identity, Hand-won't-grip. Go to the night stand and hold
  that crystal in your hand with the light showing through it."

     The man does so. He turns on the lamp and holds the flattened end in his
  fingers with the sharp point digging into his palm. Jes and I join him. When
  Hand-won't-grip turns the polished quartz in his fingers, a rainbow of colors
  are cast over his hand.

     "You have seen this dazzling light effect before. Haven't you?"

     Hand-won't-grip gasps in remembrance. "At the church! My friend from work
  had taken me to his Sunday service on Easter. I was sitting in the pew beside
  him when a rainbow of colors were cast over my hand holding our song book. It
  seemed like a miracle until Toby pointed out the stained glass panel above us.
  The smile he gave me at that moment..."

     A revelation strikes this man like the Vision my lover obviously was given
  to point out his next lover.

     "Are you saying that Toby is the one for me?" asks Hand-won't-grip.

     "Look into your own heart," answers Jes-ee-ah.

     Hand-won't-grip is lost in thought for a while. This gives me the chance
  to Speak with my lover. :Were you given a vision about Toby?:

     :No. I but Looked into this man's heart and Saw the truth he did not.:

     :But the quartz crystal. Where did you find it and know that its rainbow
  of light cast over his hand would remind him of being in church with Toby?:

     :That's 'Indian magic' as you call it, love. I have some secrets to keep.:

     Secrets to keep. I Glimpse a terrible secret Jes has desperately been
  trying to keep from me. It explains his moodiness of late coming from the
  fear that he thinks we won't be together for much longer... Calm fills me.
  I'm surprised by my subdued reaction since I should be worrying about it
  instead. What is Jesse afraid will happen to him?

     :You've had a Talk with Charms A Bird!: Sends Jesse.

     :Last night, in a dream.: I'm trying to remember it but my memory has been
  blocked. Of course.

     :No, love. I'm Seeing the spell that shaman had crafted last night. You
  are going to remember everything in a few days.:

     :Can you tell me now why you're afraid that we won't be together soon?:

     Jesse sadly shakes his head. :Please wait a few days so you won't be
  burdened with it right now. We have to concentrate on other things like
  helping Jake. Alright, love?:

     :Alright.: As much as I want to give my lover a hug, he's still acting in
  his solemn role as shaman for Hand-won't-grip. This man is still lost in deep
  thought. :Should I Glean him about Toby? If he's gonna be his next lover?:

     :No, love. He's working that out for himself.:

     At that moment Hand-won't-grip does. Hope comes into his eyes.

     "I didn't see it!" the man gasps. "Toby, I mean. All the clues were there
  about him wanting to be more than just friends with me. I didn't realize!"

     "Because your heart wasn't Open to this truth," answers Jes-ee-ah.

     "Will we become lovers?"

     Jesse shrugs his shoulders. "That is up to the two of you. All I've given
  you is a nudge in the right direction."

     "Thank you," says Hand-won't-grip. "Thank you for giving me back hope in
  my life!"

     "You're very welcome... lost one." Those two last two words were muttered
  under Jesse's breath.

     I Heard them. Jes gives me that Look and I'm smiling back at him. Yeah.
  We've brought a lost one back into our Father's light. It makes us very happy.

     "May I keep this?" asks Hand-won't-grip.

     "Yes. Wear it around your neck for luck and if Toby becomes your lover,
  gift it to him."

     "I'll tell him about you!" promises Hand-won't-grip. "How you've helped me
  realize that he was going to be my next lover."

     I'm holding up my right hand in warning. "I'd be careful about telling
  such things to a white skin. He may think that you're crazy."

     "You believe, don't you, Mike?"

     "Yes. As Short Hair, I am no longer that dumb white guy I was so I believe
  in Indian magic."

     "Than you have more faith than I," admits Hand-won't-grip. "Even when I
  was Traditional, I didn't believe all that stuff about shamans seeking
  visions and the old stories told by my grandfather about Good battling Evil."

     My heart is filled with this truth he's spoken of. It wasn't faith that
  made me believe in Indian magic but what I'd seen with my own eyes and from
  inner Sight. There is Evil in this world beyond what men make for themselves
  but there is also Good to combat it. Jes-ee-ah and I are given the Power to
  do so. A deep sadness squeezes my heart. I'm half remembering that there may
  be a terrible price my lover will pay if he helps Shaman Charms A Bird fight
  Trickster Eli Kie. Could Jesse die?

     "Do as I have suggested," asks Jes-ee-ah. "Return to your family and your
  People for they can help guide you along the good red road."

     "I will." Hand-won't-grip tightens his hand around the quartz crystal.

     We watch the man roll over the bed onto his back. He rests his closed hand
  over his heart while a dreamy look comes into his eyes.

     :Let's let him be, love. He has a lot to think about right now.:

     :So do I.: I'm not the only one who's Glimpsed a hidden truth. Jesse
  catches my meaning with a frown. :All right. I've promised to put that aside
  for now while we're helping Jake. Charms A Bird said that it would take me a
  few days before I remember everything.:

     :You are already remembering things, love. Please put them aside so we can
  have a few carefree days before you turn into a worry wart again!:

     :Carefree days. Are you kidding?: We still have to deal with Jake. We're
  going on a picnic with him this afternoon. That's when we'll find out if the
  boy is gonna open up to us some more.

     :I'm getting concerned about the time, love.:

     I look at the clock. It's nearly a quarter after eleven. Winna had gone
  off to do laundry two hours ago. :Your mom can't find him in our room!:

     :I know. Too much explaining to do and I'm already pooped out. If she
  knocks on our door, we'll hide Hand-won't-grip in the bathroom. She's not
  going to come in with us both being naked.:

     :That sounds like a good plan.: Yet it's said that the best laid plans
  often go awry. I hope that won't prove so when Winna returns. She's gonna
  have enough to worry about on our outing with Jake. Man! I hope he'll be a
  good boy on our picnic. Jes and I really need a break, too.


     Things did work out. Winna had knocked on our door at eleven thirty to
  delivery our clean clothes. Hand-won't-grip went into the bathroom to dress
  so the woman didn't see him. Not that she could see much through the crack in
  the door where her naked son stood. All of us are gonna rest up for half an
  hour then she'll call Jake's school to see if he's done with his testing.

     Hand-won't-grip is sipping coffee. Winna had brought us breakfast food
  that consisted of donuts. I'm gobbling down my second one. Jesse nibbles on
  a glazed donut but our guest claimed he wasn't hungry. I see the fatigue
  lines around his eyes from not getting enough sleep or rather, him suffering
  from a hangover. The coffee is helping. A thought strikes me.

     "I should drive you back to your truck in Rosebud now. I'll return before
  noon. That way, Jesse's mom won't know."

     "No. That's alright, Mike. You two rest up before your picnic and I'll get
  a ride from a friend in town."

     From that glow in Hand-won't-grip's eyes, I suspect he'll be calling Toby.
  He tightens his right hand around the crystal. A concern needs to be voiced.
  "Do you see the bundle that I'm wearing around my neck?" I'm gonna warn this
  man about certain lackings to Indian magic in a round about way.

     "Yes. Is it your sacred bundle?"

     I'm shaking my head. "It contains our wedding rings." That gets the man's
  eyes to widen in surprise. "I'd found a ring left behind by a dead man who'd
  been renting my trailer before I arrived in Montana. When Running Water,
  that's my lover's uncle, saw me wearing it, he angrily took it from me since
  it had belonged to his dead lover. He'd not removed the mate to it from his
  finger since he was in mourning."

     "Those rings came to the both of you?" asks Hand-won't-grip.

     "Yes. Jesse's grandfather, he's shaman of the Blackfoot, thought my
  finding this ring meant that I was chosen by that dead man to be Running
  Water's next lover. It was not so." (At least not in the way grandfather
  interpreted things.) I continue. "Because Running Water took that as a sign
  that we were to be together, he didn't try to win my heart thinking that it
  was already his to take."

     "Because you found his dead lover's ring," says Hand-won't-grip.

     "Yes." I stare at this man's right hand. He notices, and opens it to
  reveal the quartz crystal.

     "What are you trying to tell me?" Hope blares in Hand-won't-grip's eyes
  since he's taken this stone as a sign that Toby and him will become lovers.

     Jes-ee-ah speaks up. "What my lover is saying is that you can't assume
  Toby is your next lover. You must still win his heart. What I've given you
  (looking at the crystal) was only a helpful nudge in the right direction."

     "But it all fits!" says Hand-won't-grip. "The rainbow of colors it cast
  that reminded me of that wonderful moment when Toby smiled at me in church.
  I realize now that what I'd seen in his eyes was more than friendship! He
  loves me and I love him though we haven't voiced it."

     "That is likely so," assures Jes-ee-ah. "Consider that stone as a lucky
  piece that pointed you to Toby but it's no more than that."

     We can see in Hand-won't-grip's eyes that he gets it. Hope still burns in
  them as it should.

     "You were well chosen to be the Blackfoot's next shaman."

     Jesse only smiles.

     "Now you see what I mean about my words being too clumsily released from
  my heart." Hand-won't-grip does. "In the bathroom, I'd spoken from my heart
  but lacked the wisdom that my lover has to shape them properly to fit the
  listener's ear."

     "I wasn't ready to hear the truth, Mike. It wasn't your fault." He closes
  his fingers tight around the crystal and gets up from bed. "Thank you for
  letting me spend the night." The man's eyes flare.

     Hand-won't-grip really means what we did to help his ailing heart. I scoot
  out of bed with Jesse at my side.

     "I should be going now."

     "Go in peace, my brother. Follow the path our Father has set before your
  feet." Jesse opens his arms to this man.

     They embrace. I hear Hand-won't-grip's low muttered thanks in my lover's
  ear and he nods gently in response. Now it's my turn for a farewell hug. The
  man's arm are very tight around me and I'm held for a long moment.

     "Thank you for caring enough about me."

     I don't know what to say. My heart burst with the joy for having helped
  this man. Words spring from my mouth. "You deserved it." He laughs, which
  surprises me until I feel his hand fondling my butt.

     Hand-won't-grip stands from me with a shy grin. I smile back at him. He
  turns for the door and after peeking out (for Winna), he leaves our room.
  The last thing he saw when turning at the closing door was Jes and I holding
  hands with our free hands lifted to him in farewell.

     Jesse pulls on my hand to get us back in bed. I'm not Feeling his need to
  make love; we're both pooped out. I drop onto my stomach. My lover rests his
  head over my lower back. His right hand fondles my butt.

     "You do have a nice one, Mike."

     That has me laughing. He's given me Hand-won't-grip's words right before
  he fucked me. :Peeking in my head again?: Jesse opens my cheeks to peek on
  my asshole.

     :It's very full in there, love.:

     My face begins to burn. Hand-won't-grip had filled me three times this
  morning: when he thought I was Glenn and then he released twice in me during
  our standing fuck. I'm glad that Jesse was in my arms that last time since
  it made ours one big loving hug.

     :You're fulfilling your pledge to be Mahyee-na, Short Hair. Through your
  offering of self, that lost one accepted our help.:

     :I'm beginning to understand, Jes-ee-ah.: He knows what I meant; that
  having sex with another man is in itself love. It opens the way for our
  hearts to get to know each other better.

     :Power is given you in return, love.:

     Jesse holds my cheeks closed. That man's Power fills me and it brings
  back a memory from Running Wolf taking mine. After Healing my ulcer in the
  shaman's lodge, he'd asked to drink my seed to restore him and I gave it.

     :The sexual release from one human being to another is a form of love,:
  Jesse explains. :We of the Mahyee-na are pledged to give of ourselves to
  needing men so their Power won't be misused.:

     I get it. Satisfying lust prevents rape or an even darker release of
  Power. Charms A Bird had explained that to me. He said that Tricksters twist
  love acts towards an evil purpose. My thoughts turn to the secret Jesse is
  keeping from me. I'm startled when my butt is slapped hard.

     :Go empty the Power you were given,: Asks Jesse. :It can be too much for
  you to hold for too long.:

     I'm getting to my knees in bed with a sly grin on my face. :I'll be filled
  with more Power again.: My hand gives a playful tug to my lover's dick.

     :And not just from me, love.:

     It's exciting to know that I'm gonna get fucked by lots of men. Even if
  it's only for sex like what happens at Bearpaw Park at night, my butt is
  also given to men who love me such as Running Water. The most purest form of
  love with the greatest Power comes from Jes-ee-ah. In this way, we tend to
  our Child spirit inside us and make him happy and thus his parents are kept
  happy too. It's a wonderful circle of love begetting love.


     Winna fidgets in her seat beside us. Laid across her lap and Jesse's is a
  folded blanket topped by grocery bags filled with lunch food. I'm driving
  through the Jesuit school's arched entrance. We're gonna pick up Jake and
  have a picnic.

     A deep sigh is heard from Winna. I glance her. She's not as tired looking
  as yesterday but I can see the tension on her face. There's no need to Glean
  her (I won't) to know what her concerns are about Jake. Will the boy accept
  that he's gonna be leaving his school and the only life he's ever known to
  come live with us? When asked if he would want that, Jake had said no. Fr.
  McMillan told the boy to sleep on it and by morning he had a change in heart.
  Well. Maybe not 'in heart' but he changed his mind to do so because of a
  letter sent to the Father that had been damning for Jake. What did it say?
  Who'd sent it? Everyone seems to know except for Jes and me. Funny, that. I
  can Glean people to know things and Jesse has the gift to Read thoughts and
  emotions from those he touches. Neither of us has employed our Powers to find
  out because that wouldn't be right. It's frustrating! How can we help Jake if
  things about his life are kept from us?

     I'm given a jab in the ribs by my lover.

     :Please don't ask about that letter to Jake or anyone,: Jesse pleads.

     I catch something from Jes through our Connection. He knows what it says!
  I cast a glaring look at my lover. When he peers back timidly at me, my eyes
  soften. I'm taking a few deep breaths to calm myself. :Why can't you tell me
  what that letter...:

     "Could you wait in the truck while I go in to get Jake?" asks Winna.

     "Sure." I face forward to concentrate on driving into the parking lot.
  Jesse hasn't Answered me. Another deep breath is taken. I've often been quick
  to feel anger but after Meeting with Charms A Bird, he's mellowed me.

     :He's only brought your attention back to the Now,: Says Jesse. :You had
  been stumbling over your feet by trying to look too far ahead, love.:

     He's right. Another deep breath is taken. I put the truck in neutral after
  driving into a parking spot close to the administration building's entrance.
  The engine is shut off. Winna drops the grocery bags to her feet while Jesse
  gathers the blanket in his arms. A thought strikes me. "Ah. Where are we
  gonna put Jake? My truck can only fit three." Winna's eyes widen when she
  realizes this herself.

     "Is it far to Ghost Hawk Park?" she asks.

     I'm shrugging my shoulders.

     "It's not, mom. You could drive while Mike holds me in his lap. Jake can
  sit between us."

     There's a pained look on the woman's face. My heart hurts me to see this
  until I Glean Winna (couldn't help myself). It isn't that she's hurting
  about learning that her son is gay (and with a white guy at that) but that
  her newly found nephew is also gay. A new burden to all those troubles she's
  been facing! I'm taking another deep breath to calm myself.

     "I wouldn't be comfortable with that," whispers Winna. She looks towards
  the back of the truck.

     "It's illegal for anyone to be sitting in the truck bed," I tell her.
  I've seen pickups racing through the reservation packed with Indians in back
  and thought how dangerous that was. I'm not gonna endanger Jake because
  Winna isn't keen on the idea of me holding her son in my lap.

     "I could sit at Mike's feet," offers Jesse.

     Winna looks at the grocery bags that she's set down on the floor. Her son
  could just fit there but his head would have to rest on my legs.

     "No... no," answers Winna. She releases a deep sigh. "Find a place for
  those bags and the blanket while I'm getting Jake."

     The woman and I exchange looks. There's anger in her eyes and when she
  realizes that I'm seeing that, she abruptly turns to scoot out of my truck.
  The passenger side door is slammed closed with a bang. I've felt that down to
  my bones. Jesse gives me a worried look by how I'll react. I don't seem to
  care. That's when I realize that there is something different about me. I'm
  not able to feel strong emotions like anger or fear. Charms A Bird had done
  this to me. I know this intellectually but my heart doesn't rage against
  what he's done.

     "Mike... I am sorry."

     Winna has turned around to stick her head through the truck's window to
  say that. "Me too, for everything." The woman slowly nods. She knows what I
  mean and it's more than this dumb situation of how to fit Jake in my truck.
  Jes and I watch his mom walk to the administration building and enter it.
  A quick glance at my watch shows that it's nearly one. Hopefully, Jake has
  completed his testing this morning.

     Jesse grabs the grocery bags from the floor and sets them behind our seat.
  He tosses the blanket we'll be using during our picnic in back too. I've
  been looking at him but he's avoiding my eyes. I scoot to the right over the
  seat. My arm goes around my lover.

     "I'm sorry too, love."

     "Don't be." A breath explodes out my nose. I bury my face in Jesse's hair
  and breathe him in. His long arms rush around me and grip my back as if never
  letting go. I know what he's afraid of. Charms A Bird and him have tried
  keeping a secret from me but in spite of their efforts that went so far as to
  casting a spell of forgetfulness on me, I've unraveled it. Jesse will help
  that Omaha Shaman do battle with Trickster Eli Kie on that moonless night
  soon to come. Charms A Bird expects that he'll die in the effort. My lover
  could die too. Strangely, I'm not feeling worried about that. My thoughts are
  focused on the here and now instead of what could happen in the future.
  That's what Charms A Bird did to me. He'd told me that certain 'compulsions'
  were set to help ease my mind from undo worry.

     :You let him do that for you,: reminds Jesse.

     I Sense that Jes is worried that I'm angry about that. I'm not. As a deep
  breath is taken through my nose (tickled by Jesse's hair), it catches in my
  throat when I remember something. If my lover dies, I won't be following him
  to the Above. That's what Charms A Bird said. There's no jab of pain in my
  stomach that I was expecting from knowing that. Why won't I Join my lover in
  heaven? Are we not life bonded?

     In a trembling voice, "Jesse? Why won't..." My throat constricts for a
  moment until a deep breath fills my mouth. Calm returns to me. I don't need
  to complete uttering my question because my lover knows my thoughts.

     :You will know in a few days, love. Charms A Bird's spell will fade by
  then and you'll know why.:

     Jesse's arms tighten so hard around me that my breath is forced out. I'm
  not that concerned about what I'll find out but my heart aches for Jesse!
  He's really scared. "Shh... my love. Nothing bad is gonna happen to you."
  That's why I won't follow him to the Above because he isn't going to die.
  I won't let him die. He won't!

     My mouth opens to fill with breath. Some of Jesse's hair is sucked in
  which my lips grip onto. Where is my fear for my lover or the anguish I'd
  suffer if he were to... I blow a breath out my nose. Calm returns to me.

     Charms A Bird's compulsions that he's set in my head prevents me from
  feeling so bad. What about feeling love? I pull back from Jesse and our eyes
  meet. He gives me a timid look with his silent plea for me to be strong.

     "I love you so much, Jes-ee-ah!" And I do. I'm not prevented from feeling
  such a strong emotion. We end up kissing with our hands pulling over each
  other's backs. It is wonderful. Only when we hear a car passing by do we end
  our wonderful and much needed hug. We sit side by side panting for breath.

     I feel Jesse's left hand slipping into mine. No one could see that unless
  they were to peer in through the windows. So what if someone does? I'm not
  ashamed that we're a couple! My fingers are given a love squeeze.

     We look towards the administration building from time to time. Its doors
  remain closed. A glance at my watch shows that Winna has only been gone for
  ten minutes. We continue holding hands in silence.


     Here they come! Jake walks slightly ahead of Winna with his eyes cast down
  at the ground. He's wearing gym shoes, jeans and a brown short sleeved shirt.
  A very casual look for the boy. They're sensible clothes to wear on a picnic.
  Jesse opens his door and gets out. He's greeting his cousin when I get out to
  stand at my lover's side. "Hi, Jake." No eye contact.

     After mumbling his reply, Jake gets in my pickup truck. His butt sticks
  out from his tight jeans and drops to slide across the long seat. I tear my
  eyes away from him to look out the windshield. Winna reaches the driver's
  side door and gets in. I join them followed by Jesse. He's about to plop down
  in my lap when Jake speaks up.

     "Jesse! You can sit over our legs."

     Why didn't I think of that? My lover steps between our feet and turns,
  pulling on the dashboard when easing his butt down on our legs. Jake reaches
  around his cousin's waist to support him and finds that my left arm is already
  there. We exchange looks. Jake withdraws his right arm from around my lover.

     Winna had watched it all. There's no emotion on her face but I can imagine
  how relieved she is by our 'seating' arrangement. I'm given the satisfaction
  of holding my lover under the guise of steadying him over our legs. Jake
  acknowledged this though he's not happy about it.

     "How did your testing go?" asks Winna.

     "Fine."

     "Are you hungry, Jake?"

     "I will be."

     "We've packed a lot of food for our picnic. My son has told me that you
  recommend us going to Ghost Hawk Park."

     "Sure."

     The woman releases a tense breath. "I'd like for us to have a nice day
  together. Alright?"

     "If you want," answers Jake in a small voice.

     The boy is curt with his answers. From Winna's pained expression, I can
  tell that she thinks Jake is going to be very subdued during our picnic. We
  were hoping that he'll open up to us today. The engine is started. With eyes
  forward, Winna drives through the nearly empty parking lot and curves around
  to the entrance road. No one says anything. Not even through Mind Speaking.
  Jesse sits like a stone over our legs.

     Winna turns right when we reach Spotted Tail Road. She turns to Jake to
  ask him something. The boy casts his eyes towards our window to avoid her
  questions. No silly expression on his face as I was expecting. I'm giving
  Jake a mournful look when our eyes meet.

     "He hates me," mutters Winna.

     Jes and I are shocked to hear the woman say that. She'd spoken in Siksika
  so Jake couldn't have understood.

     "Sah, na'a!" answers Jesse. "Kit isa kin aim tsik kih kin ii'taki..."

     I hear my lover's words that aren't translated into English in my head but
  are automatically understood from knowing Siksika through our Connection.
  Jesse said: 'No, mother! Your nephew is feeling anxious about this big change
  in his life.'

     "It was forced upon him," answers Winna. She releases a sharp breath
  through her nose. "You warned me not to do it this way, Jes-ee-ah. I've won
  custody over him but not his heart."

     I speak up. "Give the boy time to adjust and he'll come around."

     "He will, mom."

     "I hope so."

     "Let's not speak Blackfoot when he can't understand our words," scolds
  Jesse. Turning to Jake he asks, "My mother wants to know how we get to
  Ghost Hawk Park."

     "Keep following this road. The entrance comes up in a few miles."

     How soft Jake's voice was. He knows that we were talking about him instead
  of asking for directions. I can remember how left out I'd felt when hearing
  Indians talking around me and not understanding their words.

     After a curve in the road, a sign announces that we're entering Crazy
  Horse Canyon. A road is about to cross ours. Winna sees the sign for Ghost
  Hawk Park and turns right. Jesse playfully leans onto his cousin as if his
  mother had taken that turn sharply. Jake pushes on my lover's left shoulder
  to get him off him where he falls into my lap.

     "Ouch!" Jesse gasps.

     "I didn't mean to push that hard," says Jake in alarm.

     "It wasn't your hand that hurt."

     Through our Connection, I know that Jes leaning onto Jake had mashed his
  balls on the boy's right knee. Both my hands drop to cup my lover there.
  Jake gets it. He's about to laugh but it dies in his throat. We all turn to
  Winna for her reaction. She's looking forward while following this twisting
  road into the park, ignoring what's just happened.

     Jesse laughs though the pain hasn't gone away. :My fault that happened.:

     Jake nods and I realize that my lover's thoughts weren't directed at me.
  That boy shares a small Connection with his cousin where he can Hear him when
  Jesse wants him to.

     I push my lover back onto Jake's leg. We're passing a group of boys hiking
  along the road. Little white faces; none are Native. They wear scout uniforms
  and are being led by a man grasping a walking stick. He points it menacingly
  at our truck though Winna had been careful when driving past them.

     We come to an old bridge that stretches across Little White River
  according to the sign. It's a swift clear flow that makes me aware of my
  thirst. Wooden planks rumble under our wheels. Before us is a lush valley of
  green with trees and a grassy bank surrounding the lake. It's beautiful. Most
  of what I've seen of South Dakota has been stark. Few trees and mostly dry
  wasteland. Ghost Hawk Park is like an emerald set in a band of tarnished
  silver.

     Winna turns left at a group of signs. There are camping grounds at this
  park (which explains the Boy Scouts) along with boating and fishing. We're
  driving towards the lake. The dirt road slopes down sharply and there's a
  noticeable change in temperature. A cool wind blows into our truck that feels
  refreshing. Everyone is breathing it in. Winna smiles when turning to us. I
  share her hope that we'll be having a nice picnic by the lake.


     "You aren't hungry?" Winna asks.

     Jake shakes his head at her. He's only eaten a drumstick. Jesse and I have
  eaten our fill of the chicken, potato salad, corn on the cob and apple pie.
  When Jes wipes his mouth with a shirt sleeve, that draws his mother's frown.
  I'm handing my lover a napkin.

     Winna is often looking at Jake but the boy is facing away, sitting at the
  furthest part of our blanket towards the lake. He's obviously trying to avoid
  being asked questions. Winna has been showing restraint in that regard. The
  earlier hope in her eyes to have a nice day with Jake has turned to
  disappointment.

     Jes and I exchange glances. He doesn't know what to do though I'm Sensing
  a lot of Talk between him and his former self. Shaman Good-eyes has much
  wisdom to offer. My lover isn't acting on it or maybe he can't in his
  mother's presence. That's what I'm figuring.

     "Jake..." Winna takes a deep breath. "Do you think you did well on your
  tests?" That wasn't what she was going to ask him.

     "Uh-huh."

     "That's good. You'll be ready to attend your new school in the Fall."

     Winna gasps when the boy turns to us with an angry look. He then returns
  to facing the lake. An awkward silence passes.

     "I know that you don't want to come live with me."

     Jes and I wait with baited breath for Jake to respond to that. He doesn't,
  continuing to face away from us. He grinds the heels to his gym shoes into
  the grass.

     "You don't see it now, but taking you away from that school and... what's
  been going on in your life... I'm trying to save you!"

     Jake turns to us. There's fear in his eyes that quickly turns to anger.
  He's glaring at me. What did I do?

     :Nothing, love. My cousin fears what you'll think of him if you knew.:

     :Knew what?: Jesse doesn't Answer me.

     In a venomous voice, "You promised not to tell!"

     Jake means that I was told about his dark secret. I peer at Winna then
  back at the boy. "Tell me what?" Silence. Jesse gives his mother pleading
  eyes to remain silent.

     "Yeah... right." Jake's hands form two fists as if he's prepared to fight
  me. I sit uneasily over the blanket. The boy's hands open, spreading over the
  grass. It looks like he's about to bolt when Winna gets to her feet.

     "I need to stretch my legs," the woman explains. Without looking back at
  us, she strides towards the lake.

     Jake relaxes. He folds his hands in his lap while watching the woman. Jes
  scoots over to his cousin. I watch his long arms go around the boy that to my
  surprise, isn't rejected by him. Talk is exchanged but I'm unable to Hear it.

     Winna has reached the lake. She starts walking along the bank in a fast
  stride until she's lost from sight past a stand of cattails. Jake stirs from
  Jesse's arms. He turns sideways in his cousin's hug with tears in his eyes.
  I look down at my feet.

     "I don't want to go!" Jake wails.

     Jesse Answers his cousin that I'm just able to pick up. He's assuring Jake
  that everything will turn out all right in Montana. He'll find new friends
  at school, join the wrestling team, work with computers and meet family who
  love him. The boy is shaking his head in denial.

     "You don't know that! Who are you to say that my life will be better by
  leaving? Everything was going great before your mother came."

     "Everything, Jake? Father McMillan doesn't think so."

     Jake twists himself out of Jesse's arms until he's sitting over the grass.
  He's glaring at my lover.

     "I don't like people judging me. Their thinking is all wrong 'cause I'm
  not a bad person! I know what I'm doing."

     Jesse shakes his head. "You are only a teenager, Jake."

     "You're not much older than me!"

     Jesse reaches up for the eagle's feather tied in his hair.

     "So? That's just a symbol of manhood from the past. I've seen lots of
  Indians wearing feathers as decorations. It don't mean anything these days."

     What a sad look on my lover's face. He tries helping his cousin out of
  love but the boy spurns him. Jake's heart, ears and eyes are closed. I make
  the gesture for this which Jesse acknowledges with a sad nod.

     :Maybe he'll listen to someone older,: Says Jesse. :Much older...:

     Jesse springs to his feet. He turns his back on Jake and I'm given a quick
  Mind Burst not to fear what's about to happen. I lose Contact with my lover
  or I should say, I'm feeling another Presence rising in him. Jes-ee-ah slowly
  turns to face us. His shoulders sag and a tired look comes over his face
  that makes him appear old. He slowly drops to his knees over the blanket.
  There's a change to his eyes. Ancient wisdom fills them.

     "Owopspec!" I gasp. He acknowledges me with love eyes. Chris, that is.

     "Iss oko's. Pas siko owopspec, cristoa sanii en sah komape."

     Jesse said that in old Siksika in a voice not his. Jake gasps so he
  obviously understood from Hearing the meaning to those words in his head.
  This is what was said: "Grandson. In my eyes, you are a boy."

     Jake laughs. "What are you playing at, Jesse?"

     Anger fills my voice. "Not what, but who. This is Shaman Good-eyes." Love
  bursts in my heart coming from that part of me who is Christopher for this
  man. I should fear Owopspec coming up in Jesse but I'm not. His vow unto
  Shaman Charms A Bird not to possess my lover still holds. He's come Forth to
  offer wisdom to Jake. Shaman Good-eyes continues to speak in a cracked voice
  through Jesse.

     "You stumble along a crooked path, grandson. There is much pride in your
  heart for learned accomplishments which can be regained at your new home. It
  is your dick that trips you up. You have made bad trades with it. Either cut
  it off before it darkens your spirit made vulnerable to Evil or hold it in
  hand when running onto a better path. This is what your aunt offers you."

     "I don't want to go with her," says Jake.

     Then what do you see as your choice of paths in life?" asks Good-eyes.

     "Why can't I remain at my school?" Jake asks bitterly.

     "Your Elder has said that you cannot. He knows the crooked path you walk
  and acted to save you from yourself and to protect the other boys."

     "I wouldn't hurt any of them!"

     "What of Charlie?"

     Jake is dumbstruck. He glances at me but I give him a plain face to hide
  what I've Gleaned about him having sex with his younger school friend.

     "He wasn't hurt," answers Jake.

     "His spirit is not like yours, grandson. He stopped being with you that
  way yet remains your friend. A good friend who has likely acted to save you
  from yourself."

     Jake's eyes widen like saucers. "He sent that letter to the Father?!"

     Good-eyes shrugs his shoulders. "In his moccasins, I would have to help my
  wayward friend."

     "I have to leave my school because of that letter!" wails Jake.

     "Not because of the words but the truth they spoke of, grandson. You have
  done bad things that have banished you. Harm is caused to yourself and others.
  When you can see this truth for yourself, then will you walk back into the
  Light. Those who care for you and love you are trying to pull your feet from
  the wrong path and set them onto the right one. Open your heart!"

     We're both startled by the loud hand clap by Good-eyes. Jake glances at
  me. I'm nodding in agreement to the shaman's good words he has spoken but the
  boy shakes his head. Humor fills his eyes.

     "Good acting, Jes! You almost had me believing you were a shaman of old."

     "He is Shaman Good-eyes at this moment, Jake. This is Jesse's former self
  in a past life who was Chief of the Blackfoot and then their Inspired One.
  You would do well to listen to his words."

     Jake's eyes glow green when he tries Gleaning me. I Open myself to the boy
  to prove that my words were true. Good-eyes Sends his thoughts into Jake but
  I'm not Hearing them. He wraps his arms about his head and wails out in pain.

     "I am not like my mother!"

     Jesse blinks his eyes several times. His back straightens up, shoulders
  lifting and that aged look from his eyes disappears. :Have you returned?:

     :Yes, love.:

     Jake continues to wail that's difficult to listen to. Jesse rushes to hug
  the boy. :What did Good-eyes Tell him?:

     :They were very sharp words,: Says Jesse. :They've cut Jake most cruelly.:

     :Tell me,: I beg.

     :Shaman Good-eyes asked Jake, 'If you do not go with your aunt, where will
  you go? Elder McMillan has banished you. Alone you will become. Would you not,
  in desperate need, trade your body for food and a place to sleep as your
  mother had done?':

     My eyes widen from shock. Jake's mother had been a prostitute?! And Jake
  is well on his way of becoming one himself. He's admitted to us that Dr. Karl
  messes around with him. I'd thought that was Jake's way of not acknowledging
  that he's gay and in love with that man by taking his money.

     Jake quiets down. I'm feeling afraid all of a sudden and realize I've
  picked up on Jesse's fear when peeking in the boy's head. Jake plans to run
  away after we bring him back to Montana. No woman is going to tell him what
  to do or hold him. He has enough money to strike out on his own.

     "I will help you run away if you are unhappy," says Jesse to his cousin.

     "You are trying to trick me," answers Jake bitterly.

     "No. If you can't stand being with my mother or are unhappy in your new
  life, I will help you to escape it."

     Jake stares at Jesse with power rising in him. He's Gleaning my lover for
  the truth of his words. After several heartbeats, the green glow to his eyes
  fade. The boy releases a sharp breath.

     "You think I won't run away because I'll be happy becoming an Indian."

     "You are already Blackfoot by blood, Jake. I will help you find yourself
  and that's how you'll be happy wherever you are or whatever you end up doing
  with your life."

     "I have a say in what I do with it!"

     Jesse nods.

     I'm nodding in acknowledgement when Jake glares at me. "We only want you
  to be happy, Jake. Really." The boy drops his eyes as if he's ashamed. Then
  he looks towards the lake. For Winna? I don't see the woman who must be half
  way around it already.

     "Why... bother with me?" asks Jake.

     "Because you're worth it," answers Jesse. "You're family."

     "I didn't think I had any. All them years at the school, no one came to
  see me. Not even my own mother." Jake closes his eyes in pain. He struggles
  against the tears. "I didn't know she had died. My father. I don't know if
  he's still alive."

     "We didn't know you were left at that school," Jesse explains. "Otherwise,
  we would have come sooner and brought you back to live with us." He smiles.
  "I've never had a brother before."

     Jesse is smiling but inside, he's feeling sad for all those lost years
  when Jake could have been with him. I realize at this moment how lonely it
  must have been for my lover. Being autistic had him withdrawing inside himself
  where hardly anyone could reach in; only family. He must have seemed strange
  to school mates who feared befriending him. A neighbor boy did, but that
  ended when Jesse's father had caught him playing cowboys and Indians with
  Edward to his disapproval. That man never accepted his son. When he ran away,
  hope died in Jes that they would ever be father and son. How did he endure
  those years of loneliness? I see Jake grip my lover's arm.

     "I have lots of brothers at my school. It's a wonderful feeling." Jake
  turns sad. "No real family who cared for us because..."

     Jesse nods in understanding. "You have family now. My mom only wants
  what's best for you."

     "I don't need a mother," says Jake.

     "How do you know? She's been great with taking care of me all these years
  until I could... stand on my own."

     Jes gives me shy eyes. He wouldn't be 'normal' if it weren't for my love
  and supporting him through our special Connection. :I won't let you fall.:

     :You must, love. Otherwise, how will I ever learn to stand on my own two
  feet? I must become a man and lead the People as grandfather has done.:

     I'm Sensing from Jesse that he doesn't expect he will become shaman. Huh?
  That's a shocker to me.

     "You're talking to each other. Aren't you?"

     Jes and I nod.

     "I can sometimes Hear your thoughts," says Jake. "Were you talking about
  me like Winna did in the truck? I don't know Blackfoot but I could tell she
  was mad at me."

     "No. We weren't Talking about you, cousin."

     Jake releases a tense breath. "What did she... say about me back there?"

     Jesse looks down at the blanket. I'm not gonna tell Jake either.

     "Please tell me." Jake looks towards the lake.

     "My mom was upset," explains Jesse. "She said that you hated her."

     Jake lifts his shoulders for a tense moment then he relaxes.

     "I've really messed things up. Haven't I?"

     "We all mess up sometimes," answers Jesse. He laughs. "Mike has been quite
  a handful for me and grandfather but his feet have found the right path. You
  will too with our help if... you'll allow us."

     Jake doesn't answer that. He continues staring at the lake as if seeking
  something. I wish that I could peek on the boy's thoughts as Jesse can.

     :My cousin isn't thinking about anything right now.:

     :He's losing himself in nothingness?: I Ask.

     :Yes. You have only recently learned how to yourself, love. That's how
  Charms A Bird was able to come and give you a hug.:

     I remember the utter tranquility of being in that man's arms. All my
  concerns about the future had fled. I've learned to keep myself in the Now.

     "Things will get better," assures Jesse. He grips his cousin's shoulder.

     Jake turns to look at me with pleading in his eyes. I'm feeling guilty all
  of a sudden. "Jake. I am sorry for giving you a hard time and all."

     "Me too."

     Something unspoken passes between Jake and my lover. Jesse reaches his
  other hand back to grip mine. Love Passes between us.

     "I don't understand how you two feel for each other," mutters Jake.

     "I think you do," says Jesse. I'm picking up on Jake's thoughts through my
  lover. He's felt the same feelings for Dr. Karl and is only now considering
  them but that's difficult for him.

     "It's not bad being who you are," says Jesse.

     "Does... your mother have a nice house?" asks Jake to change the subject.

     "Yes. You'll have your own room, Jake. My mom works for a construction
  company so they'll convert her workroom into a bedroom for you with a door
  and everything."

     "Do you live on the reservation?"

     "No. Havre is a white town with a Wal-Mart, restaurants and paved streets."

     I know what Jake's concerns are. He's seen how bad reservation life is for
  Indians. I have too. Winna was spared that when her husband bought a house
  close to where he works. A house Whites would be proud to live in.

     "Does the school I'll be attending have a computer lab?"

     "Probably. My school has lots of computers. Mike just bought us a computer
  so you can use it too."

    "Does it have Internet access?"

     I speak up. "Not yet but you can help me install that."

     "Won't you be taking your laptop with you?" asks Jesse.

     "Yeah. Is there a phone line near where my room will be?"

     "I don't know but a phone jack can be installed for you."

     I'm catching something Jesse is Reading from Jake through our Connection.
  He wants to keep in touch with his friends like Charlie through email. Maybe
  write to Dr. Karl too.

     "You can send messages through your laptop or call them up," says Jesse.
  "Dr. Karl wants you to call him before you leave."

     Jake glares at his cousin. In a mournful voice, "Isn't that a part of my
  life your mom wants me to leave behind?"

     "She doesn't know about you and him."

     Jake goes deep into thought. Jes shakes his head to let me know that he
  can't Read the boy at this moment.

     "It is time for you to leave boyhood behind and become a man," whispers
  Jesse. "Our grandfather can show you how and initiate you to our ways."

     "A manhood rite?" asks Jake.

     Jesse nods. He goes deep into thought himself with his eyes looking off
  into the distance. I lose my Sense of him for a long moment when our
  Connection wavers. This always happens when my lover is seeking a vision.

     "Someone has to take care of grandfather."

     I'm given a cold chill by what Jesse has said. He doesn't think that he'll
  be there for grandfather so Jake must take his place. As shaman?!

     :No,: Says Jesse. Turning to his cousin, "Grandfather is very old. He
  won't see that many more moons but having you at his side will comfort him.
  A lost son returned to the tribe. Both of you will learn from each other."

     Jake obviously doesn't understand what my lover meant.

     "Why do you think our Father has given you Power?" asks Jesse.

     Jake shrugs his shoulders.

     "It is a gift to be used in service to the People." Jesse smiles. "I don't
  think He meant for you to Glean advantages from your wrestling opponents or
  cheat at Air Hockey."

     "I don't!" Jake defends.

     Jesse continues to smile. "You See others as Short Hair and I can. We've
  pledged our lives to help others. Grandfather guides us in this noble pursuit
  and he can help you."

     "By setting my feet on the right path?" asks Jake with scorn in his voice.

     "Yes."

     "I'm not really an Indian."

     "Mike isn't an 'Indian' yet he walks along the good red road. There's
  been some stumbling but I'm very proud of him."

     Jesse's hand tightens around mine. We exchange loving gazes. To hear such
  fine words from my lover gives me the strength to continue being a good human
  being in his eyes. This isn't lost on Jake. His eyes are glowing green. We
  Open ourselves to this boy and he Sees us.

     "You really do care for each other," whispers Jake. "Beyond the sex."

     Jesse turns to the boy and smiles. "We are two human beings who have
  chosen each other. Mike completes me and I him. Our union is sacred and we
  walk in the Light of our Father. It brings us happiness and completion."

     Jake looks down at his hand. Jesse has been holding mine and I wish that
  Jake had someone to love to bring him happiness and completion.

     "You hand isn't empty, Jake."

     "Huh?"

     Jesse smiles. "Look into your heart for the truth of what I've said."

     Tears fill Jake's eyes and he turns away from us in embarrassment to face
  the lake. Jesse lets go of my hand to sit beside his cousin. Thought sent
  words are given the boy but I'm not Hearing them; only Jake's spoken replies
  to Jes.

     "He's been a Big Brother to me. I let him mess around with me 'cause..."

     Jesse wraps his long arm around the boy.

     "Love him?" gasps Jake.

     There's denial heard in the boy's voice but the tears swimming in his eyes
  prove otherwise. I crawl over the blanket to sit on Jake's other side.

     "I don't want to be gay!" wails Jake.

     I'm now able to pick up on my lover's thought sent words to his cousin.

     :It is the path set down by our Father. You were born this way and it's
  nothing to be ashamed of. The path you've chosen has darkened your spirit.:

     "For being with Karl?"

     Jesse shakes his head. Jake reveals fear in his eyes when he peers at me.
  I get the impression that That damning letter revealed what Jake has been
  doing that prompted Fr. McMillan to put the boy in his aunt's care that saved
  him from having to expel the boy from school.

     :Give me some time alone with Jake,: Asks Jesse.

     I'm getting to my feet and stretch my arms. Jake peers up at me. Without a
  word, I stride towards the lake without looking back. The grass softens under
  my shoes when I near the edge. I'm breathing in the water's smell that
  reminds me of my father taking us fishing. Those are happy memories. Sadness
  fills me though for being a disappointment to him as a son. I won't marry
  and have children for him and mom to cherish. No! I'm not ashamed of who I am
  and being with Jesse. He's made me very happy and for the first time in my
  life, I feel complete. Why can't they understand that?

     Tears sting my eyes. I'm wiping them away when resolve strengthens in me.
  This is the right path that my feet are walking even if my parents can't
  understand that. I've grown up. I don't... need them anymore. No. That's not
  true. They don't need to take care of me anymore but I do need something from
  them. Their acceptance. I want them to be happy for me!

     I stand at the water's edge for a long while lost in my thoughts.


     There's shouting behind me coming from Jake but it's not in anger.

     "Show me!"

     The boy stands up from the blanket while shedding his shirt. My eyes drink
  in the dark brown of his chest. Muscles bulge there and in his arms. I rush
  back to them.

     Jesse gives me a shy look before he turns to his cousin. "Okay..."

     :What's he asked you?:

     My lover doesn't Answer me. He unbuttons his shirt to stand half naked
  with Jake who points at me.

     "Who wants to wrestle with me first?" the boy asks with glee.

     I'm shaking my head. "Not me!" I've already lost to him before.

     "Then you show me how to Indian wrestle," Jake asks his cousin.

     "Here are the rules," Jesse explains. "No grabbing arms or legs though you
  can try to unbalance me by a foot strike."

     "What can I do with my hands?" asks Jake.

     "You push on my chest. I've seen wrestlers pull on each other's hips to
  try twisting them around. A thump to their butt..." Jesse kicks out his foot,
  "sends him flying to the ground."

     Jake laughs. "So. To win at Indian wrestling, you have to remain standing."

     "Yes. There's no struggling on the ground or putting him on his back."

     The boy gives me a sly grin. No doubt he's remembering us wrestling naked.
  He'd put me on my back a few times and nearly raped my ass. I was surprised
  that he'd gotten off by rubbing himself against my upper cheeks. He is gay
  though he keeps denying it.

     :Don't you dare mention that to him now!: Warns Jesse.

     I was thinking that but I wasn't gonna shame the boy by saying it out loud.
  I cast a dark gaze at my lover. He knows that he shouldn't be peeking on my
  thoughts that would have remained in my head, unspoken or known by anyone.
  Jes lowers his eyes from me.

     "Indian wrestling is more skill than brute force," I tell Jake. "You're
  obviously stronger than Jesse." I'd said that so he'll be careful with my
  lover due to his Marfan's Syndrome. "You score more points by a display of
  your skill than simply pushing an opponent to the ground."

     "How are points earned?" asks Jake.

     "Well. There aren't really points being kept in this game. What impresses
  people is how quickly you can topple your partner or the skill in doing so."

     "How many falls are needed before a win?"

     Jesse answers that. "That depends on your opponent. When he's tired of
  falling on his butt, he'll signal that you've won."

     "Oh."

     I can tell that Jake doesn't think much of Indian wrestling. He's used to
  a points system for getting an opponent on his back. Christopher had often
  wrestled with his Indian friends. It was a game done for fun and to earn
  prestige amongst the other boys.

     "Ready?" asks Jesse.

     Jake gives him a wicked grin. When the two face each other, I'm struck by
  how thin my lover is: his unusually long arms that lack the muscle strength
  his cousin possesses. A very slim chest like a boy's. Jesse is seven years
  older than Jake but you wouldn't know that by looking at him. They're
  obviously related. I can see that in their faces.

     Jesse grasps Jake's waist who in turn grips his. The contest begins. My
  lover tries twisting his cousin sideways but he stands like a tree rooted in
  the grass. Jes hooks his foot behind Jake's calf. A strong push on the boy's
  chest unbalances him and he falls right on his butt.

     "Good move!" announces Jake. He rushes back to his feet.

     I'm shooting Jes a big grin. They face each other with hands around each
  other's waist. Jake looks down to counter more leg hooks. He's trying to do
  that to Jesse. The two spin over the grass. I can't help but look at Jake's
  butt which sticks out nicely from his pants. It's more fuller than Jesse's.
  I wonder. Has he let Dr. Karl fuck him?

     Seeing these two young Indian bucks wrestle is exciting. Christopher had
  enjoyed watching naked Indian boys struggling with each other. The loser
  would jerk his companions off afterwards. It's an aspect of Indian wrestling
  that I'm sure Jake won't perform on his cousin.

     Jake hooks his cousin's left foot and pushes on his chest but Jesse turns
  sideways, hopping on his right foot. He would have fallen if Jake had used
  all his strength in that push.

     They face each other again. Hands pull on each other's waists, feet strike
  out at legs as they try to put the other in a position to get pushed down to
  the ground. This is a serious male game. Yet in their faces, I see their joy
  to Indian wrestle. I'm happy for my lover and to see Jake smiling.

     Jesse is nearly tripped up. He uses the momentum of his 'fall' to twist
  Jake around and a foot strike to the boy's butt sends him flying. Jake gets
  back to his feet.

     "That's two falls for me," mutters Jake.

     I see the determination in Jake's eyes to get his cousin eating grass.
  They face each other with grim faces. Jesse tries twisting his cousin around
  but he's learned that trick and counters it. Jake hooks my lover's left leg.
  Jesse jumps away and escapes a push that didn't fully land over his chest.
  Jake laughs.

     "You're very agile," says Jake. "Like a bunny rabbit."

     Jesse only nods in reply. Jake has the strength to overpower his cousin
  but he's keeping himself in check. My lover has noticed that.

     "I'm not a China doll," Jesse complains.

     Jake glances at me so I nod for him to go for it. He grabs Jesse's hips,
  turns him sideways and tries hooking his lower leg. His right hand is about
  to push on Jesse's chest.

     My lover was expecting that. In a blur of movement, I watch Jake falling
  to the ground instead. Anger flashes in the boy's eyes. He's slow getting
  back on his feet and spurs Jesse's help.

     "I've never done this style of wrestling before," Jake explains. "You've
  had years of practice and know all the moves."

     "Not really," answers Jesse. "I've seen it done but this is the first time
  I'm wrestling with someone."

     "No way!" says Jake.

     I realize that my lover hasn't wrestled before. He's seen it done but due
  to his Marfan's Syndrome, his mom had kept him from participating out of fear
  for her frail son. Jake obviously doesn't believe him.

     Then it hits me. Jesse is drawing on his former self's memories. Bad-eyes
  has surely wrestled with boyhood friends and that ability is given my lover.
  It's been with skill that Jes has dropped Jake these three times.

     I see the fire in Jake's eyes. :Careful, my love!: I mind shout.

     Before Jesse can Answer me, Jake rushes him with a fierce grab of his hips.
  My lover plants his feet. He pushes on his cousin's chest as hard as he can.
  They're trying to hook each other's legs. It's a fierce struggle between them
  and I Feel my lover's growing fatigue. Jake's breaths are also coming rushed
  through his mouth. They spin over the grass a few times. Jesse squats down
  suddenly and pulls on Jake's hips to throw him to the ground.

     "Do you... give up?" asks Jesse between breaths.

     Jake gets to his feet. He shakes his head and comes to stand before him.
  I'm Sensing concern in my lover. Not for his cousin but himself. He's getting
  out of breath that's making him feel faint.

     They grab hold of each other's waists. Jesse is turned sideways in Jake's
  strong hands but he doesn't get tripped up by the boy's leg hook. I Warn my
  lover to watch out for Jake's right hand that's about to push him hard. He
  already saw it and ducks.

     They become separated. Jesse stands on shaky legs and turns to face Jake.
  To our surprise, my lover falls to the ground.

     "Hey! You don't have to give me a freebie."

     I'm rushing to Jesse. His eyes are closed while he fights against a
  fainting spell. I Feel pain flaring in his chest. Is it his heart?! I'm
  holding him tight in my arms so he won't fall on his back. An urgent plea
  is given me. 'Catch him!'

     My right hand lifts to cover Jesse's heart. My fingers are tingling with
  Power. Strange words fill my head in the shaping of a shaman's spell.

     "I didn't mean to hurt you!" shouts Jake.

     "I'm... alright," whispers Jesse. "Could you please get me some water?"

     I return to myself. Jesse opens his eyes with the pain in them fading like
  the unfulfilled spell on my lips. :Are you really alright?: I Ask.

     :Yes, love.:

     Jake squats at our side handing Jesse a bottle of water. My lover sips
  from it. He's guarding his thoughts from me that makes me more concerned.
  :Tell me what's wrong! Is it your heart?:

     "Worry wart!" scolds Jesse. "I just got out of breath."

     I'm not so sure. His chest had hurt him bad like a heart attack. Someone
  had Spoken to me at that moment. To Catch him.

     Jesse drinks down all the water from his bottle. He doesn't react to my
  thoughts. "Maybe you should see a doctor."

     "Why? It's nothing."

     "I'll get our shirts," says Jake.

     I'm nodding at the boy to do so. Jesse looks at me with a smile filling
  his lips. He leans over to kiss me.

     :My protector.:

     We end our sweet kiss that has driven away my concern for him. Jake hands
  Jesse's shirt to him. I'm Feeling my lover's weariness so we continue sitting
  on the grass together. Jake returns to the blanket. He's looking at us with
  much concern on his face and probably thinking that it's his fault that
  Jesse got hurt.

     :Are you feeling better?: I Ask.

     :Yes, love. Wrestling is harder than it looks. My cousin is a big strong
  guy so I'm surprised that he ended up on the grass those four times instead
  of me.:

     Jes has avoided Answering my concern. He gives me shy eyes so I won't
  press him about it now.

     :Please don't tell mom what's happened. I don't want her worrying about
  me, love.:

     :I'm worried.:

     :Don't be. I have to remember that my body is frail.:

     I've caught a deeper meaning behind my lover's words. That's why he thinks
  he won't become a shaman. :Your spirit is strong!:

     "Maybe too strong to stay inside me," says Jesse out loud.

     I'm about to Ask Jesse what he means by that but his thoughts and emotions
  become guarded from me. I look down at my right hand. It'd been filled with
  Power and strange words had filled my lips when a Voice in my head had urged
  me to Catch him. I think that was Shaman Charms A Bird.

     "You are starting to remember," whispers Jesse.

     I give my lover a strained grin. "Peeking in my head?"

     "Always. You think so loud."

     Jesse then reveals shame in his eyes for scolding me earlier about what I
  was thinking about Jake. :I wouldn't have said anything to shame the boy.:

     :I know, love. It was wrong of me for scolding you.:

     :You are Jake's protector,: I Answer. :He's gone through hell so he could
  really use a friend right now.: I'm giving my lover a kiss of forgiveness.

     We turn to look at the lake. I'm taking a deep breath. Pleasant odors of
  flowers, the grass around us and the lake water fills my nose. It helps calm
  me. This is a very beautiful place to sit with my lover. He squeezes my hand.

     :I don't know what the future will hold for me,: Says Jesse.

     He means about dying. :How could that happen, Jes? You won't be standing
  at Charms A Bird's side when he does battle with Eli Kie.:

     :No. You'll be at my side along with Jake on that moonless night to come.:

     I'm sucking in a sharp breath. :Have you Seen this?:

     :No. That's what Charms A Bird has told me. I will Open myself to his need
  and help him do battle with Evil.:

     :Like passing to him your Power or something?:

     "Yes."

     Jesse had said that out loud. He turns to look over at Jake sitting on the
  blanket. He gives the boy an assuring wave and obvious relief fills him. He
  begins eating like a hungry beast.

     :That will make my mom happy.:

     We watch Jake gobbling down pieces of chicken like there's no tomorrow.
  He points a gnawed drumstick in our direction with a grin.

     "If you don't come and get something, I'll eat it all up."

     "Go ahead," answers Jesse. "We've already eaten our fill."

     :He is a growing boy,: I think to my lover. Jesse laughs.

     :That won't help him beat me at Indian wrestling.:

     I join Jes in a good laugh. :You really whipped his ass, my love!: I'm
  given fierce eyes from him.

     :We'll 'wrestle' each other tonight, love.:

     "Yeah." When Jesse wets his lips, I give him the kiss he wants. Then we
  turn to look at the lake. He points at a canoe way out on the water. The sun
  is shining in the sky. A cool breeze feels nice on our faces. We continue to
  hold hands and enjoy this moment together.


     Winna returns from her walk around the lake. She stands before us with a
  tired look on her face or maybe that's her concern about Jake.

     Jesse smiles up at his mother. "Your nephew is eating up all the food."

     She looks over at Jake and smiles. We get up from the ground, still
  holding hands, and join her over the blanket with the boy.


     We've polished off the apple pie. An empty metal pan remains at Winna's
  legs which Jake gathers along with our paper plates. He dumps them into a
  plastic grocery bag his aunt opens for him.

     "What kind of food do you like to eat?" asks Winna.

     Jake shrugs his shoulders. "Well. I'll eat anything so long as there's
  plenty of it."

     Jes and I exchange grins. Jake is a growing boy.

     "I'd want to prepare meals that you'll eat," says Winna. "Do you like
  Mexican food?"

     That draws a startled look from Jake. "Not in particular."

     We realize what Winna had meant by asking that. Jake had been born in
  Mexico and raised there for a few years until he was left at that school.

     "I don't remember my father," Jake blurts out in anger. "You've come to
  see me because you want to know about your sister. I've already told you
  everything I know. Okay?"

     Winna reveals pain in her eyes.

     "That's sad that you don't remember your father," whispers Jesse. "I'm
  hoping that I'll see mine again and maybe you'll see your father too."

     My arm goes around Jesse to comfort him. Instead of Feeling anguish in
  him, there's a strong sense of hope and determination that he will see his
  father again.

     Jake slumps his shoulders. He mutters an apology to Winna without looking
  at her.

     "My husband ran away."

     Wow. That had been bold of Winna to say. In Jake's eyes, I see that he'd
  like to know why his uncle left them but he won't voice that out loud.

     "He wasn't man enough to face his troubles," says Winna in a low voice.

     Jesse shudders in my arm. Jake grows wide in the eyes.

     "I've had to be both mother and father to our son. Jes-ee-ah needed
  special care since he was born and my husband was ashamed of..."

     Winna shuts her mouth when realizing that her words would upset Jesse. It
  becomes an awkward moment. My lover peers over at his mom but she won't meet
  his gaze.

     "Na'a..." That draws his mother's gaze. He wets his lips and continues to
  speak in Siksika. "It was wrong of him to leave us. Part of the reason why
  was because I was a disappointment for a son."

     "Sah, Jes-ee-ah!"

     Winna has told her son no.

     Jesse sadly nods. "He suspected that I was gay. That's why he was so mad
  that day he caught me wrestling with Edward. That, and being autistic made
  him ashamed of me like you told Jake."

     Upon hearing his name spoken, Jake glares at Jesse and his mom. He doesn't
  understand Blackfoot and thinks they're talking about him.

     "Could you talk in English, please?" asks Jake.

     Winna takes a deep breath. "We weren't talking about you." She looks at
  her son with tears in her eyes. "I am not ashamed of you, Jes-ee-ah."

     "I know that, mom."

     When I'm given a stern look by the woman, my stomach tightens in fear.
  She's gonna say something hurtful so I'm steeling myself. Anger fills me.
  I'm not ashamed of loving her son! Before I can defend that, she speaks.

     "Mike. I am sorry that I can't hide what I'm feeling about you being with
  my son. It's difficult knowing that he... won't be giving me any grandchildren
  to cherish. Any mother would be disappointed."

     I drop my eyes from hers. Winna hasn't been able to hide her occasional
  anger at me which comes from my gay relationship with her son.

     "I am not ashamed of either of you," says Winna in a strong voice. "It's
  because of you that my son has grown up into a man. You need each other. If
  I seem angry, it's because... Well. I need some more time with it."

     "I know." Jesse squeezes my hand and wipes tears away with his other.

     Jake clears his throat. We'd forgotten that he's here and I'm wondering
  what he thinks about our exchange.

     Winna peers at Jake. "I don't want to hear you saying anything ill about
  Mike being with my son."

     "I haven't!" Jake says defensively.

     No one believes that. Even when the boy hasn't said that out loud, his
  ill thoughts about Jes and me have been announced on his face and how he
  acted towards me. Part of that is my fault. I have been hard on Jake since
  we met, challenging him on everything that was my anger coming out for him
  not accepting my relationship with his cousin.

     "I'm not ashamed of you either, Jake. Not for who you are but the things
  you've done."

     Jake's eyes blaze. He reveals fear that turns to anger at Winna.

     "That's why I'm taking you away from here," Winna explains. "You belong
  with family. They can help set your feet on the right path in life."

     Jake is glaring at me with glowing eyes. He's trying to Glean if Winna has
  told me about those bad things he's done. I shield myself from him. He's been
  warned not to try his Power on me and I'm reminding him of that when pressing
  against his shields in my attempt to Glean him.

     "You told Mike!"

     Winna releases her breath in a huff. "No. I've kept my promise to you."

     Jake glares at his aunt with Power rising in him.

     :That's not polite, Jake!: Thinks Jesse to his cousin. :You shouldn't do
  that to family.:

     That green glow in the boy's eyes fade. I Sense my lover Speaking to his
  cousin but I'm not catching those words. Jake releases a tense breath.

     "Why are you taking me to live with you?" asks Jake. "It looks like you
  have enough to deal with as it is."

     Jake looks at Jesse and me. We continue to hold hands but remain silent.

     "Because you're family," says Winna.

     "So? You didn't even know I existed a few days ago."

     Winna peers at Jake for a long moment. Her face reveals compassion and I
  Sense her thoughts being ordered to what she's about to say to her nephew.
  Not from Gleaning the woman; I'm getting this impression from Jesse who knows
  his mother well.

     "Jake. It wasn't your fault that your mother had left you at that school.
  I suspect that came from her need to put you in a safe place so she could
  straighten up her life. She should have returned home! I would have welcomed
  my sister with open arms and helped raise you."

     "She couldn't," whispers Jake.

     Winna's eyes flare. "Do you know why?"

     "She probably felt ashamed."

     To my surprise, Winna nods in agreement though there's pain in her eyes.

     "She could have come back to me. I don't care what she did that messed up
  her life. No. I'm not against her marrying your father or wanting to live
  with him in Mexico. Judy had told me right before she left that she'd fallen
  in love with a migrant worker named Miguel. I was happy for her! Our home
  life wasn't easy with... our father. I'd escaped that by marrying. When my
  son was born, I couldn't visit her as much as I'd like so it's my fault for
  leaving her with father. That's why she ran away."

     "Mom ran away from her husband," mutters Jake.

     "Why?"

     The boy is looking down at his feet. When it seems like he won't answer
  that, he does.

     "He stopped loving her." Jake peers at his aunt and adds, "It wasn't her
  fault! She's told me that after I was born, Miguel lost interest in her. He
  was often away to work in the U.S. so his mother took care of us. I liked
  grandmother. But it was difficult not knowing Spanish and mom couldn't find
  work in Mexico to earn money. Times were hard there. That's why she left."

     "What was your mother doing in Los Angeles?" asks Winna.

     Jake shakes his head as if not wanting to reveal that out of shame.

     "My sister had the good sense to leave you with that Jesuit school. I
  wished that she could have done so with family but... I'm understanding why
  she felt that she couldn't. Oh, Jake! I am so sorry about what happened to
  your mother. I should have been there for her so it's my fault for what's
  happened to her!"

     "Sah, na'a!" says Jesse. He reverts into English so Jake can understand.
  "You were busy taking care of me, mom. Your sister followed her heart to be
  with Miguel. She tried for love. You couldn't have stopped her and it's not
  your fault that things didn't work out for them."

     "I shouldn't have been born," mutters Jake.

     "Don't think that!" says Jesse. "Through you, your mother lives on and she
  left you with that school so they could take care of you when she couldn't."

     "Why didn't she come back for me?" asks Jake.

     Winna opens her mouth but she keeps her suspicions to herself. Jake drops
  his eyes in shame. He has his own suspicions as to why that was so. Judy had
  lost herself in drugs and prostitution. That's how she died. A lost soul no
  one cared about. That's not true. If only she could have reached out to her
  family for help! It's too late for Judy. Not so for Jake.

     "We've come to take you home."

     "Home?" asks Jake. "The only home I've known is my school."

     "You have a home amongst the Blackfoot though you knew it not. When I
  learned that my sister had a son, I had to see you! Father McMillan's letter
  said that you were in mourning over your mother and I wanted to comfort you.
  It's true that I'd wanted to learn from you what'd happened to my sister. I
  was also concerned that you were being raised by Jesuits who denied your true
  heritage as a Blackfoot. I'd planned on taking you home with me even before
  we met."

     "Now that you have, why do you still want to knowing about me?" asks Jake.

     "You are family. Jes-ee-ah will be like a brother to you."

     "I have lots of brothers at the school. The priests are my fathers."

     "Not blood family."

     Jake shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know anyone in your family. Why should
  they care about me?"

     I'm sensing this truth about family needing to be together from having
  lived with my parents. Jake doesn't understand because he'd been abandoned by
  his mother at the age of five. He can't feel this need we do. Winna has to
  explain this to Jake but it's difficult to put into words.

     Jesse speaks up. "Your mother was Blackfoot. She had been raised with the
  values and proud heritage of our People. Your life is the result of many many
  ancestors who came before you and they live on through you. How can you walk
  forward in life by not knowing what was behind you? That's why you've stumbled
  but family can help steady your feet."

     Jake thinks over what my lover has said.

     "I'm only half Blackfoot by 'blood'. My father was Mexican."

     "He'd abandoned you and your mother," says Winna in a gentle voice. "You
  didn't understand Spanish or been taught the ways of their culture."

     "I was too young!" defends Jake. "I don't know how to speak Indian either."

     "You can learn how to though what's important is that you'll be shown what
  it means to be Blackfoot. We are a proud People! Our sacred beliefs, values
  and faith in our Father guides our lives."

     In a low voice, "I've seen the Indians of today. They're forced to live on
  reservations. It's bad land. They don't have jobs or have good houses to live
  in. Many of the men get drunk, beat on their wives and their kids get into
  drugs. That's what I've seen with my own eyes."

     Winna bows her head. How can she answer that?

     "It's true that some of us have lost our way," says Jesse. "We're still
  suffering from what happened to us when They stole our land."

     Jesse means my people.

     "Yet there are those of us who haven't lost the faith," continues Jesse.
  "My mother owns a nice house. She has a job. But more importantly, she and
  her family have retained their spirituality and remain true to Blackfoot
  beliefs and traditions. You've only seen the worst, Jake. We're bringing you
  back to your roots so you will be able to grow up proud and strong."

     "I'm already strong," says Jake. He looks at the muscles bulging in his
  arms with pride.

     "A man's strength also comes from within," says Winna.

     "The Jesuits have taught me that! I know you don't approve of how they've
  raised me by filling my head with their values and beliefs. They are my own
  now! I believe in Jesus Christ and won't be forced to believe in your God."

     I speak up. "They are one and the same, Jake. I'm Lutheran Christian so I
  believe in Jesus Christ like you do. Jesse and Winna pray to our Father too.
  They thank Him for His many blessings and ask for His guidance as we do. You
  aren't being asked to believe in another God."

     "The Blackfoot don't believe that Jesus Christ is our Lord. Only that he's
  a Great Teacher sent to them."

     "That is so," says Jesse. "Your faith believes that God is made up of
  three: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. We believe in the Father
  who is your Father. Our Inspired Ones, shamans, Seek guidance from His Holy
  Spirit to help the People."

     "But you don't believe that Jesus Christ is even the Son of God!"

     Winna holds up her hand in appeasement. "Jake. We're not trying to force
  you to change your beliefs. When you come to know your People, you'll
  understand this Truth that will help guide your life."

     "I already know the 'truth'. Those values have been guiding my life!"

     "Yet you haven't been following all His teachings, have you?" asks Winna.

     "What do you mean?" Then Jake gasps.

     I see the anger blazing in the boy's eyes. He's got what Winna meant and
  I'm given a fearful look by Jake that his dark secret is about to be revealed.
  "I don't care about what you've done. No. Winna hasn't told me anything as
  she's promised you. We all do stupid things in our boyhood. It's by learning
  from our mistakes that we can become men."

     "Are you even a man?" asks Jake in a sneer.

     How dare he say that when he's in denial of being gay himself!

     "Mike is a man!" says Winna. "I've seen the way that he's faced troubles
  by defending my son from those corrupt policemen, how he's helped my People
  and embraced a truth you've failed to recognize in yourself."

     Jake shakes his head violently.

     "You are only a boy. I'm not trying to belittle you, Jake, but the trouble
  you're in that would have expelled you from your school is proof of this. I
  am trying to save you from yourself!"

     "Maybe I don't want your help."

     Winna glares at the boy. "If I hadn't come to take custody of you, what
  would have become of you?"

     "I can take care of myself."

     "Like your mother did?"

     Jake is rushing to his feet. He's gonna bolt!

     "A true man doesn't run away from his troubles," whispers Jesse.

     That stops Jake in his tracks. I Sense my lover Speaking to his cousin.
  After a long moment, he sits back down.

     "Jake. Let's put all this behind us," asks Winna. "Just give us a chance."

     :What did you Tell your cousin?: I Ask. Jesse doesn't Answer me. He scoots
  over to Jake and puts his arm around him. The boy is guarding his feelings
  from us. His face becomes stoic like I've seen in Indians who hide themselves
  from strangers. That's what I'd seen them do in the reservation when I tried
  striking up a conversation. Running Water had with me when we'd first met.
  But when he began to know my heart, he let me into his. Why can't Jake?

     "Excuse me..." mutters Winna.

     I see the woman looking around. I point out a wooden structure near the
  road behind us. She rushes off.

     Jake is peering at Jesse with hurt in his eyes. My lover reaches behind
  the boy's head to playfully tug on his hair.

     "I'm not a bad person!"

     "I know, Jake. Your heart is good but you lack wisdom. My mom is trying to
  help you. So are we."

     Jesse peers at me but Warns that I keep silent.

     "I'm not trying to make your mother angry at me."

     "Then why does your mouth say such stupid things?" Jesse tightens his arm
  around his cousin when he tries to get away. "You've hurt my mom bad. She
  hasn't done anything to deserve this, Jake."

     "She's taking me away from my school."

     "No. You made that happen."

     Jake grinds his teeth in anger and when he glares at me, I give him a
  plain face. He knows better than to try Gleaning me anymore. Man! What he's
  done isn't my fault. After a long moment, the boy looks away when I don't
  back down from our staring contest. My lover releases a disappointing sigh.
  He's obviously upset at his cousin and probably at me as well.

     "Let's pack up," whispers Jesse.

     We get to our feet and Jake starts gathering up things. I help Jesse fold
  the blanket which ends up becoming a hug. My lover is trembling in my arms.
  :It's alright Jes. You've tried reaching out to him...: My thinking about
  what's upset him is wrong. For an instant, I'd Felt Jesse's fear that he
  won't be around long enough to help his cousin or to be with me. Anguish
  squeezes my heart! Yet I don't give voice to my concerns and hold my lover in
  his moment of weakness and doubt.

     "Jesse?" whispers Jake. "I'm sorry for acting like an ass."

     I turn my head around to look at the boy. He's facing towards the road
  with his arms filled with picnic things. I'm unable to see if he'd really
  meant that. Jesse doesn't answer him. None of his thoughts have come into my
  head to explain why he's feeling so scared. I had that brief Glimpse earlier.
  It was enough to know what's troubling my lover. Though Jake doesn't seem to
  be opening up to us, he has, to Jesse. They're becoming close as cousins
  should which includes trust. That's slowly coming. What my lover fears is if
  something were to happen to him, Jake would be left without the one family
  member he's coming to trust. He'd be devastated. Winna will be too (at the
  loss of her son) but they won't find comfort in each other. I won't be in any
  condition to help anyone if my lover dies on that moonless night to come.
  Won't I be Joining him in the Above?

     I'm scolding myself for thinking such gloomy thoughts. Though I've been
  guarding them from Jesse, we're touching, and he was born with the ability
  to Read what a person is feeling and thinking. My left hand reaches down
  for his butt. I'm giving it a fond squeeze which gets my dick tingling. My
  lover begins to pant. He reaches down for my rear end to goose me and I laugh.
  He does too. For a moment.

     We walk up to the road and stand near the outhouse. When Winna comes out,
  she sees that we've packed up from our picnic (avoiding Jake's eyes), and
  heads for the pickup truck. I pull on Jesse's hand to follow her. His steps
  are slow and labored. Before I can Ask what's wrong, he Pulls energy from me
  that has me groaning out. I'm nearing bending over to fight a fainting spell.
  Jesse grasps my hips so I won't fall.

     :I am sorry, love!:

     Such anguish and guilt in my lover. I straighten up with a feigned grin on
  my lips though that doesn't fool him. :You can Pull what you need from me,
  my love. I'm there for you!:

     :I know.:

     "Hasn't Jesse recovered?" asks Jake in a small voice.

     That green glow in the boy's eyes fade when I shield myself from him. Yet
  I think he's Gleaned why I'm feeling faint. His words belied his concern for
  his cousin though.

     "It wasn't your fault," answers Jesse. "Please don't tell my mom about it."

     Jes means when he'd fainted during their wrestling bout. I'm looking out
  for Winna but she's oblivious to what's happened. We make our way to the
  truck where she's waiting for us.

     "I need to start packing," mutters Jake.

     Winna nods, not even looking at the boy when she starts the engine. He's
  scooted along the seat next to her. I'm holding Jesse fully in my lap. He
  needs my arms around him though his weakness has passed. I've been Sending
  him emotional comfort and all my love to put his heart at ease. I know that's
  been hurting him, and I mean more than from emotional distress. He needs to
  see a doctor about his heart! No use scolding him about it right now. I bury
  my face in my lover's neck, breathe him in and my nose gets tickled by his
  long hair. We're enjoying this moment together.

     "I want to say goodbye to my friends."

     Winna releases a tense breath. "Yes. Of course. I'm taking you back to
  your school now." She drives over that rumbling bridge before speaking again.
  "What time is Sunday's Church service?"

     "Oh. At eight."

     "Will you be ready to leave after that?" asks Winna.

     "Yes."

     "Mom? How are we going to get back to Montana?"

     There's a long silence. Winna knows that my truck can't fit four.

     "We can take Amtrak," Jake suggests. "Flying would cost too much."

     "That sounds good. Could you check the schedules for us?" asks Jesse.

     "Sure. I can find that out on-line when the train leaves on Sunday for...
  Havre. Right?"

     Jesse nods.

     "I don't know if that'll be in the afternoon or the evening."

     "We need to get back in time for Mike's court session Monday morning,"
  reminds Winna. "Do you know how long a train takes to reach Montana?"

     "No. Probably at least half a day."

     Winna peers at me with concern. "What's important is that I make it to my
  Hearing on time. I'll drive this truck back home. Alone." As much as I'd want
  Jesse along with me, Jake will need him more.

     :You won't be alone, love!:

     He's right. Jesse can Talk to me and make sure I don't fall asleep at the
  wheel during that fifteen hour trip.

     "Will you be alright, Mike?" asks Winna.

     My arms tighten around her son. "Yes. Jesse will be with me. In spirit."


     Winna shuts her engine off in the school's parking lot. Jesse opens our
  door and we scoot out, hand in hand, while Jake bolts past us. Not even a
  muttered 'thanks for the picnic', a promise to see us tomorrow or the apology
  he wanted to give his aunt that I'd seen on his lips when he was squirming
  beside us during the silent ride. The boy runs between the buildings and is
  soon lost from sight.

     We hear our mother sigh. Getting back into the truck, Jesse sits on my
  right side still holding my hand. He closes the door with a bang. That sets
  Winna off.

     "What am I getting myself into with that... child!"

     "I'd thought things went well today with Jake," comments Jesse.

     Winna gives her son sharp eyes.

     "He's starting to open up to us, mom. That's mostly his pain you've heard
  for being abandoned by his mother and having to leave school and his friends.
  At least he's talking about it."

     "But not accepting that he's going to be living with us," adds Winna.

     "His head knows this. It's his heart that still needs convincing. Such
  fear in him!"

     "Of me?" Winna asks. "I know that he's not had a woman... a mother in his
  life since he was five."

     "He's not that scared of you, mom. Not really. But you're right that Jake
  hasn't been mothered for a very long time."

     I've been listening to their exchange across me and decide to keep my
  mouth shut. Jesse has always been better at explaining difficult things to
  his mother. I'm always messing things up between us when opening my mouth.

     "What do you think, Mike?"

     Oh-oh. Something comes to me to tell her. "Jake wanted to apologize to you
  on our way back. Even though he couldn't get the words out, he'd felt sorry."
  Winna covers her face with her hand to hide her anguish.

     "He is my sister's son!" the woman wails. "I had to come for him, to bring
  him back... home."

     "Jake doesn't know what that means," says Jesse. "Having a home with
  family with him. Not yet. It's hard for him to leave the only home he's known
  (looking at the school buildings) but when he's with us, he'll be content."

     "Do you know this Jes-ee-ah?"

     Winna means if her son knows this from a vision or something.

     "My cousin will be happy in his new life with us."

     Jesse's strong assurance puts his mother at ease. I'm nodding in support
  of my lover but I know that he's not so sure. My hand tightens around his.
  :You will be there for Jake.: Hope bursts in Jesse's heart at my assurance
  but he knows that I'm not sure of what the future will bring. We're both
  dreading that moonless night soon to come.

     Winna releases her breath in a huff. "I'm really tired. Mike? Could you
  please drive us back to our motel?"

     "Sure." Jesse opens his door, pulls me out and with a look of concern in
  my eyes given him before I leave his side, pass Winna in front of the truck.
  She gives me a weary grin. I'd thought to offer her a hug but the moment
  passes, both of us walking to our doors and getting in. Jesse sits between us.
  I start the engine and drive towards the school's entrance.

     Winna pulls her son to her bossom and speaks in a low voice. He softly
  answers her. I concentrate on driving to give them privacy. Jesse will tell
  me later if he thinks I should know what they're talking about.


  AUTHOR'S NOTE:
  This story part is dedicated to Luke. He has really helped improve my stories
  by providing me not only the editing of texts but useful suggestions and a
  direction when writing about Mike's and Jesse's adventures. Jake is his
  character whom I've introduced in this series. We've really worked hard on
  fleshing out his outline that now comprised five texts of the correspondence
  between us. Read it for yourself on my Yahoo! Group: 'NtTLStoriesAndSketches'
  www.groups.yahoo.com/group/nttlstoriesandsketches

  It's free to become a member of my Yahoo! Group. Benefits include downloading
  images of erotic sketches a Reader has drawn of Mike, Jesse, Running Water,
  Jake and grandfather, reading Jake's outline (which will provide you with
  background information about this teen that might not ever be revealed in an
  actual story part), sneak peeks at stories in progress (such as the third
  series: 'New to Love Honeymoon' - two parts are already written), and Members
  post their comments, suggestions and questions to my stories that I answer
  there. Come join us!
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