****************************************************************************** SHAMAN-WILLOW-BIRD-12 "Shaman Willow Bird" story series Shaman Willow Bird Copyright 2001-2002 by Vince Water ****************************************************************************** * "Shaman Willow Bird" 10/02 * * (part 12) * A rush of images go through my head, places I've never been to and faces I don't recognize. Am I dreaming? My eyes are closed and I can't feel my body so I must be asleep. It's strange that I'm able to realize this. The dream images become a blur. I'm seeing events through someone's eyes: a mountain home, tree barked lodges, a golden hawk soaring above the cliffs and Moss-bowl People. Ah. These are Moss-stone-walker's memories given to me when we Shared. I'm tempted to step into moments from his life but I hold myself back. There's danger in actually living them; I won't be able to separate which ones are his from my own. By standing outside each memory, I'll view the man's life and absorb them more easily. Otherwise my head will burst like an over-filled water skin. I try to flow with each memory. They're given me in no particular order. I see the man Moss-stone-walker has become while others are from his boyhood. So many places and events. I'm trying to make sense of the events from his childhood. His was a lonely life shared only by his mother and a few friends. There were men who taught him how to hunt, track and fashion weapons that any boy needs to learn. Nothing that went beyond teaching. How he yearned for love! I realize how fortunate I'd been to have Big Horn as my monedo. He gave me friendship. By caring for me, I learned quickly and earned that brave's approval. This summer had seen our relationship turn to love and it has freed my spirit. I'm unable to dwell on my past because another memory assaults me. I see Little-crack tossing his stick through a rolling hoop, boys cheering and they take turns throwing. A naked youth watches them with envy because they won't include him in their game. Little-crack notices this boy clutching his 'stick' that draws knowing grins from the older boys. He's joining into their game in his own way. Almost, I'm able to feel the joy of playing with friends. I have to remind myself that these are not my memories. They are Moss-stone-walker's. My head is filled with so many of the man's memories. I'm trying to absorb them, make them part of myself without losing who I am as Willow Bird. They cannot be ignored or tossed away. Sharing is a dangerous gift, I realize. It's a newly discovered ability. Without guidance, I don't know how to work the spell properly or know when it should be used. This is one of my most unusual gifts from our Father. More of Moss-stone-walker's memories come to me. They're like a fast moving stream. I'm scouting down its length that often turns abruptly, leading me back into his youth. I see his mother, the friends he played with and the drudge of everyday life. When I've absorbed those memories, I find myself flung forward to when he's a man. The images are nearly a blur. Too quick to grasp so I'm left with only a sense of his experiences. The pressure in my head eases a bit. I'm learning how to flow with his life experiences that become part of me as permanent memories. I think I'll know which ones are his. There is much wisdom to be gained from Moss-stone-walker. What a wondrous gift - Sharing. If I could have done this with Smiles A Lot, he would've lived on through me. The rushing current slows to a trickle. Only a few images remain for me to absorb. My head no longer feels swollen with Moss-stone-walker's memories; they have become my own. Only one more memory to accept. It's a recent one. I'm startled by a familiar face. Moss-stone-walker is handed a stick of buffalo meat by a youth whom he studies intently: slim of body much tanned by the summer sun. He bears many wounds, some healed. Ugly bruises cover the boy's face and chest. His hair has been burnt by fire. What the brave notices most is suffering in this youth's eyes. His loss of spirit. I am that youth. Is that really how Moss-stone-walker sees me? "Willow Bird!" I'm pulled up from the ground to a sitting position. There's concern in Moss-stone-walker's eyes. I see a man sitting next to him who's handed a bowl of meat from a squaw. I don't know who they are. I'm confused. I don't recall this moment from the past... Oh. What's happening now is real. I bring up my right hand to rub sleepiness from my eyes. There's a bundle tied to it. I've been drawing power from the acorn after Healing that brave who'd been shot. "Eat this," asks the old man. The bundle is slipped from my right hand and reverently placed on my thigh. I grasp the bowl and greedily eat the fresh deer meat. No one speaks but I feel their eyes on me, the questions being held back. The squaw smiles when I nod my thanks to her. The empty bowl is taken from my hand by her husband. I think he's the shaman of this Woods Tribe. "Are you rested?" the shaman asks. I nod at his question but my head feels very weary. It was draining to absorb Moss-stone-walker's memories. I'm left feeling exhausted. "Shakes-like-the-ground wants to know when you'll be ready to ride today." I peer up at the lodge's smoke hole and see Father Sun's Face in the height of His sky. It's already noon. We could have reached my tribe yesterday evening if not for encountering these Woodland People. I release a sharp breath. My regret is softened when remembering Hawk's Eye. He's alive because of me. I grasp the small bundle and tie it around my neck. Oh, my head feels like it's in a fog! When I try getting to my feet, Moss-stone-walker has to help me up. A wave of dizziness strikes me like a tomahawk blow. I'm struggling to remain conscious but lose that battle... My butt hits the ground. I'm lowered to the mat on my back and there are words in my ear that sound as if they're being spoken from far away. My sight slowly returns. I see the shaman crouched over me. His hand presses down on my chest when I try getting up again. "Rest, Willow Bird." Turning to the Moss-bowl brave, "Tell your war leader that he's not yet recovered." "No. We need to get back to my People!" I struggle against the shaman's grip of my arms. "The Spear-bearing warriors are coming..." My voice trails off when I feel an overwhelming need for sleep. Darkness takes me. I awaken with an urgent need to urinate. My eyes open in darkness. I'm able to get to my feet with a clear head. Sleeping the day away has renewed me but there's a tightness in my stomach when thinking about my People. I've kept help from reaching them. Have our enemies fallen on them in my absence? I stagger around the unfamiliar lodge until finding the door. Passing through it, the cold night air has me shivering. I look up at the bright stars. They are familiar to me! My tribe is only a half day's ride away but my weakness has prevented Shakes-like-the-ground and his men from reaching them with their strength at arms. Please! Don't let us arrive too late! I raise my arms to the night sky and make this plea unto our Father. My hands return to my sides. I wander in the dark, past sleepy lodges to find a place to piss. Trees come before me like dark sleeping guardians. I lift my front flap and let go. The tightness around my bladder eases. With a sigh of relief, I shake my cock until it stops dripping. It's very stiff in my hand. A few pulls are given over my foreskin that gives me a few sharp thrills. I'm feeling very horny. I look around the woods for a companion to share my lust with but sadly, I'm alone. There are needing men like Left-hand Bow, Shakes-like-the-ground and Moss-stone-walker who'd gladly take my body. I could find where the Moss-bowl men are encamped. See if any of those three men are awake. I stalk within the tree line to avoid the lodges. It's very dark. Without the use of my eyes, I strain my ears for horses. The Moss-bowl men would be sleeping over the ground near their mounts. My steps are slow and silent towards them. I don't want to alarm a night sentry. Bushes scratch my legs. A stick breaks at my passage so I stand still a moment to see if it's been heard. My body is shivering. I'm thinking of heading back to the shaman's lodge instead of this foolish pursuit. A tree sapling bends under my thigh when I turn towards camp. It awakens to ask me who I am. 'Willow Bird,' I Send. I fill my head with images of the forest near my tribe and how I've been gifted with a oak mother's child. The sapling acknowledges that he's from their clan. I'm given quick images: a bird carrying a seed in its beak to eat but was dropped here. He'd taken root in unfamiliar ground. These trees don't Sing together in praise of Father Sun's Hand over their bows, to thank Mother Earth for nourishment or gossip about the passage of four-legs. They're too sleepy. Pity fills me for this lonely spirit. To prevent this tree youth from breaking, I step backwards until he's standing again. My hand reaches out to straighten his supple body. He senses my own loneliness and Takes me somewhere. Sunlight fills the forest. An tall oak stands at my feet where a youth is rubbing his butt against its rough bark. This isn't an image in my head. I can see the slim brown boy but when my hand reaches out to him, it passes through his nakedness like fog. The tree sapling urges me to invoke the acorn sleeping in my bundle. That I'll come Ahead to this moment and be apart of it. I don't understand. How can there be daylight? I spin over my feet and see the forest that's different from my passage through them. Behind me is a fallen pine. I don't recall having to step over it a moment ago. My eyes return to the youth. He wears his hair long in tied braids. His facial features are strange: a long nose and his eyelids are squinted, turning downwards at the edge of his rounded face. A breath is taken through his rosy lips. The youth's body is evenly tanned. My eyes roam down his flat chest, over his navel button sticking out above a smooth groin. His pole stands erect. It's brown like his sac of balls. At the boy's feet are strange garments: a long tan robe, wooden moccasins and a round object of tightly woven grass. This youth is not from a People that I've ever seen before. Again, I'm urged to come Ahead by the tree sapling. When I look for him, darkness returns with my hand around his slim form. That tall oak standing in sunlight and the boy are gone. My breath blows out of my mouth with regret. That youth was nice to look upon. The sapling acknowledges my loneliness. He Shows me how that boy was Calling out from his loneliness in a forest of silent spirits, hoping to awaken someone by his singing. I ask to see him again. The sunlight returns. The naked youth stretches out his arms as if to embrace me. He speaks but I can't hear him. At the sapling's urging, I reach up for my bundle. My shivering body feels the warmth of day. The boy peers up at me with wide eyes. When he speaks, I can hear his words. "Nah-ho-ma. Yhet mm-goo-ey?" he asks. The boy's high-pitched voice sounds like pleading. I don't understand his words so my right hand clasps his shoulder to Connect us. He flinches. There's fear in this youth so I try soothing him. Emotion only since I don't want to scare him further by Mind Speaking. Yet his thoughts are bared. He thinks I'm a Wild One's spirit that his song has Called. His grandfather had told him about these American People, similar to themselves in features and sharing a love of the land. Not like the white devils who lord over them with a whip in one hand and money offered in the other. The boy casts his eyes shyly to the ground. He blinks a few times but my feet remain before him, proving that I'm not a daydream. I decide to Speak to him. 'My name is Willow Bird. You Called to me in song and I came.' The boy's dark eyes peer up at me. There's wonder in them. He speaks strange words with his mouth but I Hear them in my head and understand. 'You are a Wild One?' the boy asks. My People have never been called that but from what this boy's grandfather has described us, I reply that this is so. 'Why did you Call to me?' 'To see you! Often, I'm searching the forest for the Wild Ones to see if there are any left.' I Read more beyond the boy's words. He is lonely. In search of himself that he's ashamed to ask his grandfather or the other men. I Reach into this youth's head to See who he is and from what People he comes from. It's amazing. They are not born of this land but come far across the water from a land they call the Middle Kingdom. Great canoes brought them here to work. The White People are building a path that a moving lodge puffing white breath runs over. It is an enormous task. Many labor to cut down trees, form a dirt path and lay down shaped wood that supports two shiny lines called tracks. Cities of the White People are connected this way. 'What is your name?' I ask. "Chung," the boy answers. He's spoken his family name. The name given him by his parents is 'bamboo' which is a kind of swamp tree that I've never seen before. I Sense sadness in this boy. His father is dead so only his grandfather, 'Chung elder' cares for him. They are earning money to send back to the boy's mother and grandmother who've remained in the Middle Kingdom. I Feel the boy wondering about my People, what they were like. I'm startled that he thinks of us as being no more. I Show the boy images of my tribe, our tipi dwellings, how we hunt and our beliefs. They don't match what he's been told about the Wild Ones. My People are seen as savage warriors, naked and lust filled. He was hoping to be taken by a Wild Man and ravaged. 'My People are not like that!' I Send. 'You were given lies by the White People who prove how much they hate and fear us.' The boy understands. He's seen their cruel ways and heard the bad things said about his own People. 'It was wrong of me to Call out to you,' thinks Chung. He looks down at his nakedness with embarrassment. 'No. I am attracted to your need and share your loneliness.' Chung stares at me with fright. Yet there's longing in his eyes too. 'How can we?' thinks Chung. I glean what he's asking but stand patiently before him until he can sort through his conflicting thoughts. He longs to be held in my arms. 'You are only in my head, Willow Bird. A ghostly images in my eyes.' Ah. He doesn't believe that I am really here. My hands fumble with the knot in my thong belt and I release my breechclout flaps to the ground. The boy stares at my hard cock. I slowly turn around, showing him every part of my body. He touches my butt. I turn to face the wide-eyed boy. Chung realizes that I'm of flesh and not here as a spirit. We can embrace our needs together. I twirl my fingers to ask the boy to turn around. He looks deep into my eyes a moment before stepping from the oak tree. I watch him turn around. He is long legged but slim in body. A small flat butt. When he turns to face me, I reach for his slim shoulders and grip them. 'I sense your longing for a man.' A clash of emotions come through our Connection. Chung is ashamed of his sexual feelings but he can't deny them, hoping that a Wild One will take his naked body so that he'll know. The boy is expecting to be raped. It's a twisted desire in him to satisfy a man while getting hurt because of what he is inside, that forbidden lust he feels while not considering it as an expression of love. 'Let me show you,' I gently Send. There's fear in Chung so I try soothing him with my feelings of love that I have for boys. The youth slowly relents. He nods his head for me to approach. I take Chung into my arms. Our chests meet in warmth while below, my cock sticks into his erection. The boy gasps. He's startled but filled with much longing for my body. My hands reach around for his shoulder blades to tighten our embrace. I press my forehead against his. 'Do not be afraid. I have much love to give boys and that has helped guide their steps on the path to follow.' 'There are other boys like me?' Chung asks, surprised. I open myself to this youth with glimpses of having made love to boys: Crying Loon, Song Bird, Wolf Running and Sky Runner. I Show him what's in my heart for them. He's curious about how our bodies joined to express love. I reveal our naked belly rubs, sucking on each other's dicks and the joy of sticking into tight butts to fill them with my seed. 'It is not brutal?' thinks Chung with awe. 'No. Love is a pleasurable act for both who embrace it.' Relief fills the boy who presses his face into my chest. I feel his small hands coming around my back to hug me closer. My lips press against his left ear. I Sense the boy's desire to be shown love so my cock makes gentle thrusts against his dick. He enjoys the sharp thrills. Me too. Our Connection shares the pleasure our bodies are feeling and I open my heart to his, loving him. Another spirit enters our embrace. It is Smiles A Lot. Tears come to my eyes when I feel his strong love for me and for this lost youth. I kiss Chung's ear. He blows his breath against my chest, relishing my hold of his body towards completion. I reach my left hand down to his little butt. A gentle pulling over his cheeks to drive his erection against my cock. Thrills are building in the youth. His dick hasn't felt this intense before because he's not ever handled himself. That surprises me. I thought all boys learned how to at a young age. I Show this youth how to pleasure himself when he's alone. Chung thinks it's a bad act. He sometimes awakens from a thrilling dream with a wet pole. I explain that his pent up lust has to be relieved and boys do it in hand. Often. More enjoyable with a needing friend. Chung's hands pull over my back. The boy mashes his stiff dick against my cock with his thrills becoming intense. I ask him to hold breaths. After a few savage stabs, the boy cries out. I feel his liquid warmth to my groin. Pleasure explodes in his head unlike anything he's ever felt before! I get to enjoy sharing his sweet male thrills through our Connection. My loins aren't close to release. I'm surprised by that because Chung is a nice boy to have in my arms. Perhaps feeling the Presence of Smiles A Lot has kept me from fully loving this boy. I don't know. I hold the weary boy in my arms until he's recovered from love making. He pants to my chest like a dog. What a fiery body! After giving his butt a fond pat, I release him from my embrace. We stand apart. Looking at each other with only our eyes after losing our Connection. Chung stares at the front of my body with embarrassment. He looks down at his wet dick. I smile, gathering his clear release in my fingers and tasting it. My nose fills with the smell of young cum. It's also very sweet in my mouth. The boy's face burns. I reach down to my groin and cover my cock with the boy's essence. My hand makes slippery pulls over my foreskin. The youth's eyes shine to watch my act. I look over his slim body with longing. Ours was a sweet embrace but not lasting long enough for me to fulfill myself. I stare at his flat butt. Chung notices my eyes on him. He turns around, backing onto my groin and reaches for my hips. Is this boy offering himself to my need? I Sense this in him. My cock urges me to stick him but I don't want this youth hurt. He has never been with a man before. 'You will be hurt,' I warn. The youth realizes this but he feels that something must be given me in return, for having Called me. He reveals a secret longing to have his butt taken. 'Your body may only attract a man's lust,' I warn him. 'That would be enough for me,' the boy answers. 'In return, I may be given the man's heart!' I Sense this boy's longing to be loved. He proves that his spirit is like a girl's for wanting to be taken. 'Yes. I should have been born one.' I accept this in Chung. My arms wrap around the youth's slim frame, hands locking over his chest. I lift the boy off his feet. My cock sticks into his little butt. Fear returns to Chung that he'll be savagely raped by a Wild One. I lower him back to the ground. The boy trembles in my arms so I loosen them from his body. He turns to me shyly. My face turns plain. I'm hiding my passion that would frighten him. The boy looks down at my hard cock. I step closer to him so that he can touch it. He grasps my hard shaft. A few pulls are given to my foreskin then the youth reaches down to cup my balls. He's envious of my hairy groin. I grasp the boy's pole. It's still somewhat erect and with pulling back his foreskin, I get his knob to pop out. My hand lowers to his small sac of balls. He's holding mine. We both know that's where our seed comes from. I peer into the boy's eyes and reveal my longing for him. The boy flinches under my gaze. He reminds me of a hungry bird who can't decide if he should stay on the ground to hunt for worms or fly away. I assert my will in this youth. His fears are cast aside when I fill him with sexual desire and strengthen his curiosity to an act that will join our bodies. He's fantasized about giving himself to a Wild One. I want to make that happen. Chung blows out a tense breath. He peers into my face for a moment then turns to face the oak tree. He grasps its trunk, feet planted amongst its roots when he sticks his butt out. I step behind the boy. My hands go to his back in a massage. I'll go slowly with him. I grip the youth's shoulders. My lips find his left ear and nibbles over it. The boy responds to my loving, no longer trembling. I roam lower with my kisses over his back. His sweat is tasted in my mouth. My hands work his tight muscles to get him to relax. An childhood memory fills the boy's head. He remembers spying on his parents making love. It was very gentle. His father took time with kisses and caressing his mother in the early morning light. He couldn't see their bodies beneath the blanket. Their clothes were in a pile on the bed. Chung is glad that I'm also being gentle with him. 'Yes. That is how to make love,' I assure him. 'But we're both boys.' I Sense the clash of emotions in this youth. He is very wanting but still denies his spirit. 'Do not question everything with only your head,' I explain. 'How does your body feel?' Chang relishes my hands over him and my sweet kisses. 'It would be easier if I were a girl.' 'I am glad that you aren't. My spirit longs for boys, to teach them how to accept love and express it. You are a girl from the rear part of your body. In front, you are male so think of yourself as two spirited.' Chung accepts my explanation. He looks down at his dick and remembers how good it felt in our embrace. His butt can also give him pleasure. I drop to my knees and fondle his brown cheeks. The boy shivers with delight. I plant kisses over his flat butt, my tongue darting into the crack of it for his hole. He has a very tight one. My hands gently pull his cheeks apart so that I can tongue deeper, putting spit in him. The boy gasps. He's thrilled by having me eating out his butt. With a strong grip over Chung's hips, I get him kneeling over the ground. He grasps the tree roots. Head forward with his hair rising over his curved back. He awaits to be taken by a Wild One. A flurry of images go through the boy's head. He's imagined what it would be like to be ravaged by a man. After being chased in the woods, his body bared, the Wild Man would lay over his back to stick in his butt. His painful cries joining the man's hoarse groans of pleasure. A wet ending. Chung would capture more than sperm but the Wild One's heart. I'm surprised by the boy's fantasy. Does he expect a brutal fuck from me? I pull the boy's legs apart. My knees press under him, getting my cock aimed into his open butt. My knob is oozing. Chung trembles under my hands so I massage his back to calm him. From our Connection, I Sense his readiness for the pain but too, he's eager to be mounted like a girl. The boy is curious to know what that will feel like. I fondle the youth's flat butt. He sighs longingly, enjoying the feel of my hands around that very sensitive part of his body. I'm Shown memories of the boy touching his butt for the exciting thrills it gave him. He wouldn't handle his dick but the rear part of his body was often fondled. I take my hard cock in hand and direct it through the boy's cheeks. My knob presses against the warm moist place within. 'Relax your hole and it won't hurt as much,' I explain. My hands pull his cheeks apart some more. I stick in. The youth feels pain. I raise my hands to massage his back. He's quivering like a deer that my spear has struck. I'm a long time getting his body to relax. The boy feels a tightness from his nipples. I reach around for his breast and gently palm them. The boy is surprised by how sensitive he can feel there. I hear him take in a sharp breath. He's brought his butt down on my cock. More of it fills his tight asshole. Chung is feeling much pain. I Reach into his head and block most of it, bringing forth a memory of having my butt stuck by Crying Loon; how good that felt. I feel this youth relaxing in my arms. He surrenders to getting fucked. I'm feeling sharp urges from my cock. A careful stab is given the boy. What a tight asshole! I pull back and stick him again with much lust. He Shares in my excitement and tries ignoring his hurt butt. I raise my hands to the boy's under arms, lifting his body so that I can spread my knees around his little butt. My cock slips all the way in. Chung feels the discomfort from having his hole filled but he's also thrilled that we've managed to fit our male bodies together. My hands return to his chest. I hug this sweet youth tightly. All the love that I'm feeling is offered this boy who craves to have it. My joy is heightened by the Presence of Smiles A Lot. He wants me to enjoy physical love with a boy because he cannot offer it to me. Our hearts open to fill this youth. It is very beautiful! I bury my face in Chung's neck. My kisses are tickling him there but he likes feeling them. I breathe in the boy's lime smelling skin. That enflames me to make another stab into his butt. He gasps from the thrilling pain/tickle. My cock stabs some more. I'm trying to be gentle but I really want to fuck this boy's ass, Sharing my male thrills with him that's echoed by his desire to satisfy me. His spirit reminds me of Sky Runner. Chung's head fills with questions about that Painted Tribe youth. I Show him how Sky Runner is a special boy. His male loins will remain immature but that doesn't deny him the pleasure of having sex with a man sticking in his butt. I explain that Sky Runner and him are not female. I've enjoyed getting fucked but my spirit is male. There's nothing wrong with desiring those of your sex and expressing it with pleasurable acts. We are Mahyee-na. I use this boy's willing body with the joy of being a man. Chung feels something intense inside his butt. My deeper thrusts are hitting his squaw spot that makes his dick surge. I lower my left hand and find that he's erected. My fingers clench his silky foreskin, pulling it back and forth. That thrills him. I find the boy's hand and get him to handle his dick. My hand covers his, setting the exciting rhythm of beating off. His earlier disgust with touching himself there gives way to acceptance. Especially when I Show him all the boys who've handled their erections in front of me. When Chung gets the beat of it, I slip both hands around his hips and resume fucking him. Our Connection lets me Feel it slipping through his hole, deeply, making the boy feel intense as if it were a pain. My thoughts shape that sensation to one of intense thrills. He gets to like being stabbed. It enhances the pleasure from handling his dick. My toes are digging into the ground when I stab into Chung. He's sitting over my groin, legs surging against mine during our mating. I reach up along his chest to grip his shoulders. That lets me pull his small body down onto my cock when I stab. My eyes are often looking down at his flat butt. I watch my cock impaling it again and again with my groin hair crunching against his cheeks. I'm holding breaths to get my loins to explode. Chung feels my cock getting very stiff in him. My stabs pain his butt. He concentrates on pulling over his erection. All that he's imagined about a Wild Man ravaging his body is coming true. I plow his little ass. My breaths come out my mouth as hoarse groans. He whimpers in his high-pitched voice, enduring his rape and wanting it. After holding a big breath, the boy feels his dick getting intense and he releases a joyous outcry. My cock gets squeezed. I groan out like a bear when shooting into the boy's butt. He Shares in my male fury at seeding him and squirts some more from his dick. We reach that thrilling height of pleasure as eagles. Our bodies connected and in spirit with utter joy! before starting to fall back to the earth. Our intertwining thoughts separate. I pull myself from Chung to lessen the risk of losing ourselves to each other. Breaths rush through my mouth. I hear the boy straining for breath so I drop my hands from his shoulders. I'm fingering his wet dick. I also have a wet dick buried in his butt. It was very thrilling to climax together. Chung recovers enough to direct his thoughts at me. He never imagined that love could feel so intense. A concern comes to him about what I've done in him. 'No. You are a boy so my seed in your butt won't give you a baby.' 'I came out again.' 'My cock felt good in you, yes?' I'm given the boy's sense of completion for having satisfied me. He is a boy who wants to express himself from the rear part of his body. The front of him just happens to be male. We rest together. I reach down for Chung's dick. He's slightly erected and my fingers play over his silky foreskin. He enjoys the sensation. I feel the tightness of his asshole around my cock. His butt has been flooded with my cum. 'Do you love me?' the boy thinks. 'Yes. You've captured my heart but soon, I must go Back to where I'm from.' Chung feels a twinge of sadness. He wonders how he'll be able to find another man who'll accept his spirit. He's scared of shaming his grandfather so he won't risk being with a Chinese man. White men are too mean. They'll likely beat him if they knew what he was or rape his butt without returning love. He doesn't know what signs to look for in another that he could be with. I open myself to this youth to Show how I've found those who are Mahyee-na. The signs in such men and boys: how their eyes look you over, their longing spirits that can be heard in what they say and how they act when you're alone with them. Chung thinks it a difficult task. 'The foundation of love begins with friendship and trust. You're not experienced with finding love with men so look to boys. They're easier to bond with and are willing to share male relief with little risk of revealing your spirit. Are there any boys in the work camp whom you like?' Chung's thoughts focus on a particular youth. He's the son of a White boss who's shown kindness by offering him a drink of water, knee wrestling and offering him and his grandfather blankets when the nights are cold. Chung marvels at the boy's sun-colored hair, freckles on his face, blue eyes and the fine hair on his arms. They don't know words to speak to each other though. 'That White youth has offered you friendship. You can reach him without words by returning his acts of kindness. Play more games with him. Use your eyes and hand gestures to reach his heart.' Chung considers pursuing that White youth but he wants to see me again. 'That oak tree you stood against heard you Calling out with your loneliness. He helped me come Ahead. No other tree will hearken to you.' Anguish fills the boy. 'I won't be able to return here tomorrow. The work gang moves on after laying down track.' 'I will also be heading back to my tribe in the morning. Where I come from, it is night time and that oak is but a sapling.' 'You aren't from the spirit world?' asks Chung. 'No. I am from the living.' The boy is saddened but comes to accept that we won't meet again. He releases a long sigh, yawning with his inward breath. I Reach into his head to strengthen his desire for sleep. His thoughts fade. We're still Connected so I Reach into his head for memories. They come to me in no particular order and I don't want to delve too deep and risk waking him. This is what I See. Chung has been working long days beside his grandfather, poking the dirt with long sticks to clear away brush and rocks. They make the ground level in a raised path. Stronger men (some whose bodies are black like the dirt!) set down long wooden blocks where lengths of metal sticks are joined over. This man-made path is endless behind them while continuing ahead through forests, plains, over rivers and even through mountains. Huge iron lodges run along this path with People in them. I'm startled by another of the boy's memories. The White People are at war with themselves. Life is easily taken by pointing a stick at an enemy that claps like thunder. There isn't land enough where Father Sun rises so they are spreading into Wild Ones' land. Taking without asking. Pointing thunder sticks to shoot them all dead. I'm reminded that's how Hawk's Eye was injured. That Shew-owa scout had shot him with a black stick. An evil White Man's crafting! How can the People stand against such a deadly weapon? Our warriors' bows, spears and blades are like child's toys compared to their horrible might! Chung stirs in my arms. I pull over his braided hair in a tease. The boy giggles, grasping my knees so that he can buck over my groin. My limp cock comes out of his butt. I pull on his hips to get us standing. The youth turns to me with shining eyes. I run my hands down both sides of the boy's body until I'm clutching his dick and wet butt. 'You understand now what you are?' The youth nods shyly. I Sense that he does. He is ready to seek for love as Mahyee-na. I press my face against the boy's hip and kiss him there. He turns to me. Love pouring out of his heart for what I've given him. I offer the boy one last embrace. 'I will always remember you, Willow Bird.' My hands tighten around his back. 'You will always be in my heart, too.' We separate. I look the boy over to remember his face, his slim brown body and his little butt that has taken my lust. Chung turns sideways to me. With a grin, he reaches back to grasp his flat behind. I nod with understanding. It's time that I go Back. My breechclout is fetched from the ground and with a wave of farewell, I step into the tall oak tree. Night returns. My body feels chilled. The sapling is felt against my side, acknowledging my Return. A sense of wonder comes to me. The ability within this tree child! His was the gift while power from my acorn let me come Ahead. I clutch the bundle hanging down from my neck. He's been drained. So have my balls! I run my hands down both sides of my body and clutch my wet cock and butt. I'll always remember what I have shared with Chung. After covering myself, I find my way back to the lodges. It's very quiet. There are no fires burning and I've not caught sight of a night sentry. I try finding my way back to the warmth of the shaman's lodge. I stretch my arms with a grin. I'm feeling my male relief from being with that boy, glad that we've met for I've set him on the right path. He's Shown me many things to ponder over. I'm concerned about the White men soon to come into our lands to take it for their own. A low moan catches my ear. I freeze in my tracks, straining to hear where it came from. Only my rapid heartbeat is heard. I start walking again slowly. My left foot strikes against something warm. A pained grunt comes from the ground where a man lies. Wild thoughts fill my head. Has this tribe been attacked while I was sleeping! Have the People fled? I dismiss these thoughts as being unworthy. I kneel down to the man my foot had struck. He appears to be sitting, his arms turned behind him to a pole stuck in the ground. I feel the binding to his hands around it. My hands jerk away. This must be that Shew-owa scout that Climbs-the-tree and his men had captured. My heart rises to my throat. I'm reminded of finding Smiles A Lot bound to a totem, tortured by the Split Tribe and how I was unable to save him from death. A surge of anger replaces my fear. I feel my hands shaking so I clench my fingers tightly into a ball. My breath trembles. After I've managed to calm myself, I kneel before the captured scout to check on his condition. There's a pulse felt at his neck. It's not strong. I feel the stickiness of his blood against my fingers when they run down his body in search of wounds. Pity rises in me for this man. I know that he'll likely suffer my lover's fate but he deserves it. He shot Hawk's Eye with a strange black stick of loud noise. That brave would have died if I hadn't Healed him. I take a quick look around. Why is there no guard on this enemy scout? I check on his wrist bindings again and am assured that he can't escape. The man's pain is Sensed from my touch. I lay over my side near him, close my eyes and concentrate on Reaching out. The scout's mind is in a fog. He's nearly unconscious and I know why. There are many wounds to his body that are spilling his life's blood to the ground. I doubt he'll last until morning. Tears sting my eyes. I'm reminded of Smiles A Lot; what he suffered at the hands of the Split Tribe and anger rises in my breast. I have to remind myself that this man isn't my lover. He's not even from the same tribe. The Shew-owa are akin to the Spear-bearing People and they've joined together to make war on my People. I should want this man dead! Strangely, a part of me wishes that it were not so. I am sickened by suffering and death. The circle of hatred is a strong one and without ending. It has claimed so many lives. I have been made aware of the Darkness-that-comes and how through His Tricksters, evil is sown in men's hearts to do His bidding. They don't realize how their hate has been used against them. The Light from our Father has opened my eyes to this truth. The killing must end. My head hangs with despair. Even with all my gifts, how can I hope to stop them? I'm only one calm voice admits many that shout for blood. Kill! KILL! They won't listen to a mere boy asking them not to. The man's moan of pain attracts my attention. I shake my head of troubling thoughts and consider his plight. He's been badly tortured. I think he's dying. I'm filled with many questions about this man. Why was he scouting this deep in the forest? My People are encamped on the river across from the Split Tribe. Are enemy warriors planning to attack all the Woods Tribes? I need to find out. My mind Reaches out for his memories. An image comes into my head. This man was running through the woods when he was captured. I concentrate on our Connection so that I can See more. It's a struggle. Not because he prevents me from reading his thoughts. He's been too weakened from blood loss to form coherent images. There's also much despair in him, a surrendering to his fate of nearing death. He has suffered terribly. I Sense his broken legs and right arm, the cruel cuts over his body and a deep gash to his stomach. That one in particular is a mortal wound. I pull my hands away, folding them against my chest. This enemy scout could provide me with answers I need to know. Has war broken out? Was he running from battle or simply scouting out tribes for his warriors to attack? He's been harshly questioned by Climbs-the-tree's men. I doubt they learned anything from him. Why should he talk when a quicker death would be his only reward? I'm reluctant to use my Father's gift to steal his thoughts. It wouldn't be right to do so. Anger fills me for holding back. I think that I'm allowing my judgment to be clouded by what happened to Smiles A Lot. He too was an enemy scout who was tortured. This situation differs from my lover's. Yet I'm reluctant to act as the Split Tribe did. That would make me as bad as them. I'm startled from my thoughts by violent coughing. The man gasps for breath. It's terrible to hear his suffering and I know that his ending is at hand. A decision comes to me. I don't question the wisdom of what I'm about to do but it feels right, honoring who I am as Willow Bird. I reach out for the man's shoulders. They are slippery with blood, warm and I feel him trembling. He coughs again. I close my eyes and center myself by concentrating on my heartbeats. I've made the decision to save this man's life. He doesn't deserve it but in return, I'll get the answers I need to know. I may not even be able to save him. He's been badly tortured and has lost a lot of blood. I'll make the attempt but not risk my life as I'd done when saving Hawk's Eye from death. No. It is wrong of me to make a half-hearted attempt. I will Heal him or not. I must prove myself worthy of our Father's gift. We are all His children. It is wrong to kill when there's no need. The excuses often spoken: 'He is the enemy' and 'Kill them before they kill us' tastes bitter in my mouth. A powerful sensation lifts my spirit. My head bursts with sunlight! It's hard to describe but if you could feel our Father's loving smile and approval, that's what it would be like. I've been given a brief glimpse of what lies Ahead. My decision to save this enemy scout has set my feet on the right path. My grip tightens around the man's shoulders. I'm rallying what strength I have but in a moment of panic, I realize that it's not enough! The acorn inside my bundle sleeps, lacking the power to restore me afterwards. I could end up trading my life for his! Yet I don't hesitate. The Love of our Father strengthens me from what I've been Shown. Thy Will be done. I center my being, prepare the flow of my life's energy through my hands to the one who needs to be Healed. Another set of hands are lain over mine. I recognize the ghostly touch of Smiles A Lot and my heart bursts to have his aid. My Reach into the wounded man directs our efforts. Mine is the ability and his is control, to help me work this difficult Healing. My inner Sight focuses on this man's injuries. His limbs have been broken but most grievous is his stomach gash from which he's lost a lot of blood. I sense the fading heartbeat. A last breath. There's a fluttering of Wings when spirit is loosened from flesh. Oh, he is going to die! Just like Smiles A Lot! Anger swells in me, casting away any concern for myself when I open my very being to this man. The release of Power is frightening, violent, yet beautiful like a thundering waterfall against the rocks. A brilliant flash of sunlight blinds my Inner eye. I feel a terrible wrenching from my spirit. It is the Flight from bodily death! Mine? I gasp for breath, relieved that I'm alive but the man in my arms has died. His wounds were beyond my ability to Heal. Tears sting my eyes. My woe is replaced with disbelief and anger because I thought this man was to live! I'd been given a glimpse of our Father's Great Plan that included my Healing him for some good purpose. I try remembering what it was but my head is stunned. I'm feeling a strange loss. There's a part of me that's missing, like my hand or a foot. An emptiness fills my stomach. I'm reminded of the price to be paid for attempting this Healing. My hands still tingle from the horrific release of energy. I prepare myself for my moment of weakness that will overcome me but it doesn't happen. Why am I not feeling drained? For a long while, I sit with the Shew-owa brave. My thoughts keep turning back to my last moments with Smiles A Lot. Tears fill my eyes. I'm mourning the loss of my lover and for this scout. The night reflects my dark mood. I awaken with a start. Morning has come and I'm not sure where I am. The sky is filled with a faint glow through the trees. Wooden lodges surround me in a clearing. My eyes fall upon the bloodied body of a man. He was a young Shew-owa scout. Slim of body and sun kissed, attractive if not for the streaks of dried blood covering his chest, arms and legs. His head hangs over his breast. I'm afraid to look upon his lifeless face because it would remind me of Smiles A Lot. I'm filled with sadness. I gather the courage to grasp this brave's chin, lifting his head so that I can see his face. The eyes open. I gasp for breath, surprised that he still lives! We stare at each other uneasily. There's no hatred in his eyes, only surprise that matches what I'm feeling. Dried blood covers the ground. It stains the man's breechclout and covers his body but where are his open wounds? He drops his eyes to himself. His stomach gash has healed. Both legs are straight and show no signs of injury. I must have Healed him. The man peers at me and opens his mouth to speak. For a moment, I think he was about to utter my name but his lips squeeze tight. He makes his face plain to hide all emotion. We stare at each other again. I get an eerie feeling by the way he looks at me. What was he going to say? I doubt I'd been able to understand his words anyway. My hands lift for gesturing. 'I have saved you from death. Will you trade something of equal importance to me in return?' The brave swallows in his throat and nods. I was expecting anger from him or disbelief. He can't deny that his broken body has been made whole. Hope fills me. 'When will warriors of the Spear-bearing Tribe and the Thundering Horsemen attack the Muddy River People?' A distant look comes into the scout's eyes. Some kind of inner struggle. His elbows lift as if preparing to answer but his hands are tied behind the wooden pole. I crouch closer to his side. My fingers slip into the thong's binding to loosen them from around his wrists. The enemy scout has been freed. I realize what I've done but strangely, I'm not afraid. He slowly pulls his arms to the front of him, rubbing circulation back into his hands. They lift for gesturing. 'I will tell you. What you did last night has changed me. I am no longer the man I was.' What does he mean? I can read nothing from his guarded face except that something is being kept from me. Does he intend to spring past me and escape? I lift my hands. 'Where are your warriors? When will they attack?' The scout nods. 'They will reach the muddy river in two or three days. I was scouting out the best approach to your tribe from the forest. The Split Muddy River Tribe will be attacked by the main force from the south.' I look for deception in this man but find none. Why is he telling me their war plans? An idea comes to me to test him. 'What did you discover about the woods around my tribe?" I remember sensing something dark in him last night during our Connection. The brave's eyes take on a haunted look. 'A forest with angry eyes.' I feel the tiny hairs lift at the back of my neck. 'Tell me.' 'The trees attacked. My horse was lost and I wandered for a few days until being captured.' I become bold. 'If you were set free, what would you do?' 'Warn my war leader not to attack! What good are tomahawks and arrows against an angry forest?' Hope burns in my heart. 'Our Father has given us His sign that you are to do this thing. That's why you were kept from dying. Will your warriors turn aside from their plans if you warn them?' The scout reveals sadness. 'I do not think so. But I will try.' I'm struck by the strangeness of this situation. He's not acting as I'd expect from an enemy. I put on a feigned grin and grip his shoulder to make a Connection to our thoughts. This is what I learn. It is this man's intent to escape but I feel fear in him for me. Something he doesn't want me to know. I'm unable to Read what it is though. 'I am going to stand up now and run into the woods. Don't try to stop me.' Again, I'm struck by this man's odd behavior. He's gestured his plea as if waiting for my permission. I Sense no malice in him or anger. Only his fear for me. When I try Reaching for his hidden thoughts, the man's fear deepens. He rushes to his feet and turns for the woods. I follow the brave to the trees, undecided if he should be allowed to escape. I'm unarmed but a shout from me would bring warriors to my aid. We reach the forest. He turns to me with a strange look on his face. 'Prepare your tribe for attack. I am against it but my voice is small next to the angry warriors who shout for revenge. You have given me a new life.' The brave drops his eyes a moment to his feet to consider something. 'Remember these words:' "Ent, ah ee-em plah teh." I mouth the strange sounding words. There's an intensity in the man's eyes that makes me shiver. He smiles, turns and runs through the trees until he's lost from sight. I repeat the man's words again to remember them but they are Shew-owa. Were they meant to mock me for allowing his escape? Then I recall his smile before he ran. Not gloating; it was an expression of warmth that sends chills down my spine. There's shouting. I turn from the trees and run back to the middle of camp. A warrior confronts me with his tomahawk in hand. I'm quick to raise my hands in a peace gesture. "I am Willow Bird from the Kalinlepi!" To my relief, the warrior lowers his weapon. "Have you seen the enemy scout?" he asks. I glance at the wooden pole. It's covered in dried blood. My eyes fall upon the thong binding I had released from that scout's wrists. "What's wrong?" shouts another warrior. "He's escaped!" Both men turn to me. I feign confusion and glance at the tree line in the opposite direction from where the scout had ran. "I heard someone in the woods when I was, ah, relieving myself." Three more men join us. One is a brave who is hastily covering himself with a breechclout. The warriors avert their eyes. Sly grins. "This boy said he saw him in the woods. Which direction?" I cringe at being called a boy but answer him. "I heard a sound but don't know if it was the enemy scout." "He couldn't have gone far, not as badly tortured as he was." The five men race towards the woods. I look around before kicking at the dirt that would have revealed two sets of tracks heading in the opposite direction. My eyes lift towards the early morning sky. 'Father! Have I done right to let that man escape?' My eyes fall over the wooden pole. There's blood everywhere. I relive the horror my Smiles A Lot had been made to suffer. Unlike my lost love, that enemy brave has been given a new life. I hope that he'll fulfill his promise to me. I head to the lodges. The People have awakened with squaws peeking out from their doors and men arming themselves for battle, rushing past me to the center of camp. Shakes-like-the-ground comes to me. His men are hastily rolling ground mats and seeing to their horses. "What's wrong?" the war leader asks. "That Shew-owa scout has escaped. We must ride in haste to my People!" Shakes-like-the-ground looks past me at the gathering of Woodland men. I see his yearning to join them in hunting for that enemy brave. He's stopped by my hand over his shoulder. 'My tribe is in danger,' I Think to him. 'Get your men mounted so that we can ride to save them! They can hunt for that scout.' The war leader hesitates for a moment but he turns to me, nodding. I'm not sure if it was my reasoning that had convinced him or bending his will to mine. Shakes-like-the-ground commands his men to ride. I find my brown mare and mount her. In the chaos, we depart unnoticed from this woodland tribe. I kick my horse to a position behind Shakes-like-the-ground. He's set a cantering pace. The dirt path winds through the forest until it breaks out at the river. We turn left, galloping down the path in a race to reach my People in time. I cling to my horse's neck, as much for warmth as to hold on so I won't fall off. The river is covered in fog. Ghostly fingers reach out to our path and swirl at our passing. I glance back at the men riding behind me. Only three can be seen because of the thick fog. It's an eerie sight. Shakes-like-the-ground drives his horse hard. I realize the reason for it; we've lost a day of travel and he fears an attack on my People is soon to come. The presence of that enemy scout proves it. I go over my encounter with him, struck by the strangeness of it and I can't explain why I let him escape. Our Father had Shown me a glimpse of what is to happen. But like a fading dream, I can't recall any details and am left with only a strong feeling that what I'd done was the right thing. I hear the thundering of hooves behind me. Our war party tears up the river path in our haste to reach my tribe. We won't reach them until nightfall if we can keep up this fast pace. Pride fills me. My People will see my return to them with these Moss-bowl braves and warriors. Nearly three hands of fingers of men! But will that be enough to stand against our enemies? I peer down my chest for my pouch. The sleeping acorn within assures me that a forest of warriors stand ready to protect my tribe. That Shew-owa scout had experienced their wrath. He goes to warn his warriors but even he doubts they will believe his words about trees who can fight like men. What if they are armed with thunder sticks? Do the White men hope that we do battle amongst ourselves so it will be easier for them to take our lands? I've Seen their coming. Like a termite plague that cannot be stopped! Chung has Shown me that in the place Ahead, we are no more but a memory: The Wild Ones. Not even the truth of what we are as a People is remembered. My hands tighten around the mare's reins. I grit my teeth from the ache of hard riding these past days. Pain shoots up through my legs into my butt. I'm feeling an urgent need to piss. My stomach rumbles with hunger. Our haste in leaving that Woods Tribe has left us unprepared for today's journey. Shakes-like-the-ground slows his horse and comes to a stop. I look around for danger but find none. The warrior drops to the ground and faces the woods. He slips his cock out from his breechclout. Ah. That man reveals his own need to urinate so I eagerly join him. Many of the braves to my left are also watering the ground. My guarded glances try getting a peek of their cocks but they're tucked in each man's hand, pissing yellow streams. I hear sighs of relief. The horses are tended to next. Water is given them in each man's cupped hands and I offer my brown mare a drink from mine. Her whiskers tickle my palms. When she's satisfied, I take a long drink from the spout. My water skin is returned to her back. My empty stomach reminds me of my hunger so I open a sack filled with smoked buffalo meat. There are two other sacks tied to the mare. An idea comes to me. I gather two handfuls of jerky and run down the line of men to feed them. Some smile at my offering. Drum-beater accepts a stick with a guarded face; why does he hate me? I walk back down the line of men. Brave Climbs-far asks for a second piece of meat and I gladly give it to him. When I pass Moss-stone-walker, he stops me with his hand over my shoulder. His thoughts fill my head. 'Can you hear me?' I peer into the brave's dark eyes and nod my head. For some reason, I'm trying to guard my thoughts from him. 'Our war leader doesn't know the reason why you ran from your tribe.' He knows! Moss-stone-walker points at his left temple. 'My head has been aching from being filled with your memories,' the brave Sends. 'I know everything about you, Willow Bird. Why you've come to our tribe and how you must be feeling to be returning to your People.' I swallow nervously in my throat. 'They are in need of the Moss-bowl's strength in arms. I'll be glad to return home with your tribesmen.' The man peers deep into my eyes. He senses my inner turmoil. 'Shakes-like-the-ground should be told,' the brave pleads. I slowly nod my head, tearing my eyes from his. Moss-stone-walker releases my shoulder and I walk back to my horse with a heavy heart. At the war leader's signal, we mount up. I'm granted a reprieve from having to speak with Shakes-like-the-ground. That brave is right; I should tell him what's happened that caused my flight from my tribe. He already knows part of the story: that my lover was killed and how Evil pursued me. We're galloping down the river path before I realize it, so deep was I in thought. Shakes-like-the-ground will have to be told. I don't want his men to be received by my tribe the wrong way, that I'm seeking revenge on Iron Bow and Catch-fish-with-arrows with their help. My thoughts turn to my tribesmen's betrayal. It was because of them that Smiles A Lot was killed by the Split Tribe. My hatred is mostly directed at Catch-fish-with-arrows. It was he who attacked my lover outside the shaman's lodge and dragged him to the river. Iron Bow permitted their crossing in a canoe while quieting his men. That's why my chief nor Oaken Strength didn't learn about what happened. I found out too late to save my lover. My head fills with thundering hooves. Their pounding echoes in my head as if it were hollow, driving my troubling thoughts away. I'm feeling stunned. Something is missing from me like a stolen precious belonging or a part of my flesh that's been cut off. I don't feel whole. I concentrate on riding, clinging to my mare's long neck while following behind Shakes-like-the-ground. I'm not looking forward to speaking with him. The morning passes in a blur. Father Sun has risen to the height in His sky. The fog has since lifted from the river and our winding path along it. Our horses are brought to a walk. My mare snorts with relief. She trembles below me, her back slippery with sweat against my butt. I wipe my brow to clear my eyes. Our war leader signals a halt. I'm unable to get my legs to swing off my horse but with help from Shakes-like-the-ground, I manage to stand over the ground. Shakily. My butt is in agony! I'm feeling very faint. I bury my face in the mare's shaggy hide, clinging to her until my moment of weakness has passed. Shakes-like-the-ground grasps my chin. I open my mouth and accept a pinch of herbs. He lifts a small flask. The fiery liquid burns my throat but I know the strengthening effect it will have for my body. "We've traveled a good distance this morning," the warrior says. "I know how it wears on you, Willow Bird, on all the men but we should reach your tribe by this evening." I turn to the warrior and answer him. "Yes. That is good." After taking in a deep breath, I push from my horse to stand fully on my feet. A wave of dizziness makes me swoon. How my body aches from riding! When my eyes clear, I see the braves tending to their horses. My water skin is fetched and I offer my mare a drink from my hands. After she's satisfied, I quench my thirst. I'm too unsettled from riding to eat a stick of jerky. The men are stretching stiff legs, checking on their horses or stepping into the woods to relieve themselves. I catch Moss-stone-walker staring at me. My shoulders slump as if from great weight so I turn from him to find Shakes- like-the-ground. He's retying his breechclout. I walk over to him. The warrior turns to me and notices my troubled expression. I clear my throat before speaking. "I am very grateful to you and your men for coming to protect my tribe." The man only nods. "I need to tell you something that you should know. Ah. The Kalinlepi didn't send me to your People to ask for their help." A long pause. "I ran away from them." Shakes-like-the-ground looks past me to see if anyone has overheard my words. Then his eyes glare at me. "Walk with me, Willow Bird." I follow the warrior down the river path. He studies the ground for signs, often glancing back as if waiting for me to speak. I'm feeling reluctant to do so. He walks a little further and stops before an old gnarled tree that's leaning into the water. Its roots have been exposed. By next summer, this tree will likely fall into the river. I feel the man's eyes on me. I keep mine on the slow flowing current while considering what I should tell him. "They killed my lover..." My words trail off while I try keeping tears from filling my eyes. That empty feeling returns. I've lost my connection to Smiles A Lot's spirit. "Who did?" asks Shakes-like-the-ground. I turn to the warrior with anguish. The sight of his face swims from my tears which I angrily wipe away. "My chief commanded that he was not to be harmed!" I explain. "He was tending to our shaman who'd been struck on the head by a Trickster, an evil Spear-bearing youth named Tash-o-gwa. I was learning how to control my gifts from our Father because he's had training as a shaman. "His names was Smiles A Lot and... I loved him." My breath comes in gasps while I try coming up with more words to say. "He comes from the Spear-bearing Tribe but like the shaman who trained him, he was for peace. The Split Tribe caught him and tortured him as an enemy scout. He pleaded to be taken to me. My spirit had loosened from my body and he helped bring me back. He tended to our shaman's head wound and helped teach me to control my gift of Healing. That's how I was able to Heal Hands Weaving, an old woman whose heart was failing. And we Healed Rain Dancer's foot she'd broken from falling out of a tree. "Afterwards, he went outside to relieve himself and didn't come back. I didn't learn until morning that brave Catch-fish-with-arrows had knocked him out and took him across the river to the Split Tribe. Warrior Iron Bow let him pass through his line of men guarding the bank. When I learned what happened, I ran to save him. My lover was tied to a pole and struck with stones and sharp sticks. I was there when he died... In my arms! The Split Tribe murdered him. Men of my tribe also wanted this too. That's why I struck Iron Bow for what he'd done!" "Did you kill him?" asks Shakes-like-the-ground. "No. My arms were restrained though that warrior was eager to fight me. I struggled free but I ran. My heart was in great pain. My horse bore me along the river path while Evil pursued me, trying to make me His Trickster. I lost my horse in the plains and the next morning you found me." My chest heaves with sobs but I don't allow them to escape from my mouth. I'm feeling very wretched. My throat hurts from speaking. Two strong hands come to my shoulders and I Sense the man's thoughts. He's trying to sort through my flurry of words with what Deep-roots-that-whisper had told him but he doesn't really understand. I Send him my thoughts: my strong feelings of love for Smiles A Lot. I Show him why he'd come to the Kalinlepi to train me, how he tended to our injured shaman and was teaching me how to control my gifts. The few days we had together are also revealed. Nothing is held back. This man Sees our growing love, shared with a boy and a man from the Wandering Band named Thump. My council with Chief He-who-walks-beyond-all-others where I gained his acceptance for what I am. Then I Show how my lover was murdered at the hands of the Split Tribe. The horror of it and what I felt at his ending... Shakes-like-the-ground violently pushes me away. His eyes are wild looking and he gasps for breath. My heart is pounding. What I've Shown this man feels like it has just happened. Oh, my Smiles A Lot! You are gone! "Do not blame Willow Bird," asks Moss-stone-walker. I wipe my face of tears and turn to the brave. I see worry on his face. "Blame Willow Bird?" rasps Shakes-like-the-ground. "No! I blame those who have acted badly from the Kalinlepi. I would have killed Iron Bow and Catch- fish-with-arrows for what they've done." The warrior stares at me with understanding coming into his eyes. He's about to reach out to grasp my shoulder but stops himself, afraid to be Connected to me and See the horrors I have witnessed. Shakes-like-the-ground wipes his face. He looks past us, at his men standing by their horses waiting for the journey to continue. The warrior stalks past me. He is nearly running to his horse when he signals that we are to ride. Moss-stone-walker runs at my side. I give him a quick glance and see his face is plain of emotion. Though I'm not touching him, I Feel his anguish for me and that he fears what our war leader may do when he reaches my tribe. I quickly mount up. Shakes-like-the-ground kicks his horse to a gallop and we fly down the river path. I'm flushed with excitement to be returning home but too, I am feeling afraid. It wasn't my intent to bring these Moss-bowl tribesmen to help avenge my lover's death. During our long ride, I think ahead to what will happen when we reach my tribe. Shakes-like-the-ground must be prevented from acting against those two men. He is a war leader of the Moss-bowl and sent by his chief to aid the Kalinlepi in the coming war. Nothing more. Smiles A Lot was my lover. It is my place to act for his murder but all the hatred I've felt has gushed out of me like a broken water skin. I worry about my People. Have they been attacked by our enemies? Oh, please let that not have happened! I fear for my mother and those whom I love: Song Bird, Running Wolf, Crying Loon and Second Bird. My brother must be told that I've forgiven him. Hope fills me. I've brought these men from the Moss-bowl to protect my tribe. The acorn in my pouch, when awakened, will rally the forest against our enemies if it's not too late! I kick my horse. She surges forward and that causes Shakes-like-the-ground's stallion to greater speed. My aching body is forgotten. We must reach my tribe this night! Father Sun has fallen from His sky, behind the trees but not yet to rest his sleepy Head. It will soon be twilight. Our path along the river has slowly turned left. Shakes-like-the-ground pulls on his horse to a walk. My mare snorts. I hear the horses behind me snorting as well after our long run. We've driven them nearly beyond endurance. I'm exhausted. A cool wind blows past me. My sweaty body doesn't feel chilled and that seems strange. I lift my arm. There's no breeze felt against it but I hear the leaves rustling in the trees. Someone cries out. I turn my head to see what's the matter. Down-the-cliff points at the ground, at a tree root that's been exposed. The horses behind him turn to avoid it. I get an eerie feeling that eyes are watching us. Shakes-like-the-ground draws out his tomahawk. The men behind us also readying their weapons. I try peering into the woods to see if there are enemy warriors about to ambush us. It's twilight, the worst part of the evening to rely on eyesight. There's a swatting sound behind me that could be an arrow in flight! A man cries out, falling to the ground. I'm expecting to hear a war cry that signals battle from our enemies but it doesn't come. Leaves begin to rain down on us. My eyes widen when I realize what's happening. "Get down from your horses!" I shout. "Keep hold of their reins and stay in the middle of the path. Don't move." I dismount. My legs threaten to buckle under me but the rush of excitement gets my blood flowing. "Why are you telling my men to do this?" asks Shakes-like-the-ground. I turn to the war leader. He's remained mounted along with some of the braves who didn't hearken to my words. A tree branch swings at He-who-doesn't- get-cold and swats him. The leaves falling on us become a violent storm. "It's the trees! They are attacking your men," I explain. "Get down from your horses!" Shakes-like-the-ground grows wide in the eyes but he dismounts. I hand him the reins to my horse. "I must try to appease them." The warrior doesn't seem to hear what I've said so I turn from him, stepping into the woods where an aged oak tree stands. I press my right palm against its trunk. My left hand is clasped around the bundle hanging down from my neck. After swallowing to clear my throat, I burst into song. "Oh trees of the forest, standing tall and proud. I offer up my praise to your greatness! Hear my song. Your tribe is vast and without count. Standing vigilant under Father Sun. I marvel at your mantle of green that catches the Light from above. May you grow strong! We honor your sacrifice of flesh: to warm us on cold nights and giving form to our dwellings, handles for our weapons and Voice to our carved totems. Without complaint you offer yourselves to our needs. We eat of your seed (acorns) and drink of your sweet blood (syrup). Your hands soften the ground where we sit. Hear my praise! We are all children of Wah-Conda, our Father who watches over us from Above. None is greater than the other. We know our places on Mother Earth. Oh trees of the forest, standing tall and proud. Hear my plea. Your child was given me in covenant to protect my tribe and I will protect yours. I am Willow Bird. I ask that your anger be cooled like a mountain stream. Let us pass." My voice trails off at the completion of my song. I've made up that last stanza in my hope of appeasing these angry trees. My thoughts try to Connect with this aged oak, to ask permission for passing through them unmolested. I Sense a response. Where there was great anger, calmness settles on the forest. Tree leaves stop raining down on us. I've been recognized as the One chosen by Grandmother Oak, the bearer of Her child. That acorn sleeping in my pouch will take root in me, fulfilling my pledge to protect the Forest People as they will protect mine. I step back onto the path, stunned. I see their plans for me. My frightening Change to become one of them. That's the trade I must make so that my tribe will be protected from our enemies. A hand comes to my shoulder. Shakes-like-the-ground turns me to him with awe in his eyes. "The forest listens to you!" He doesn't realize what it will cost me. As a tree, will I remain as Willow Bird? The war leader signals his men to walk forward. It has become calm in the forest. No swinging branches, raining tree leaves or exposed roots to trip up the horses. I pull on my mare's reins. She is eager to leave these haunted woods behind. Twilight turns to night during our long walk. Shakes-like-the-ground has put me in the forward position, ahead of his men to catch sight of sentries from my tribe. But will they welcome me? I take another step forward and sense movement from my right. A few more steps are taken. I turn to where I think a man hides behind a tree and loudly announce: "I am Willow Bird from the Kalinlepi." A warrior steps out with his bow in hand. An arrow has been made ready for flight. "You have returned?" My heart tightens with fear. It's Iron Bow! He notices the approaching horsemen so I quickly tell him, "They are men from the Moss-bowl Tribe come to protect us from our enemies." Shakes-like-the-ground joins us with his right hand raised in greeting. Iron Bow lowers his bow. Are his hands shaking? "I am war leader Shakes-like-the-ground from the Moss-bowl Tribe." "I am Iron Bow." Fear clutches my heart for what Shakes-like-the-ground may do but he reveals no anger on his face for this man. "My chief has sent these men to protect your tribe," says the war leader in stiff formality. He adds, "At Willow Bird's request." "We welcome a visit from the Moss-bowl Tribe," Iron Bow answers. He looks past the warrior to make a count of his men. "I ask that you run ahead and announce this," asks Shakes-like-the-ground. Iron Bow stares at me a moment before disappearing into the woods. I feel a hand over my shoulder and turn to Shakes-like-the-ground. "I am relieved that my tribe has not been attacked." With my thoughts, I Send: 'Please do nothing! Let me confer with my chief to see what punishment has befallen that warrior and Catch-fish-with-arrows.' Shakes-like-the-ground grunts. He turns from me to speak with his men while I stand holding the reins to my horse. I am eager to return to my tribe. I want to see Crying Loon, Song Bird and know if my shaman has recovered from his head wound. It would be good to sleep in my mother's tipi tonight! At the war leader's signal, I pull my horse into the forest towards camp. He leads his men behind me. My eyes make out glows in the distance. Campfires beyond the trees. It's unusual for my People to set them in the night. I break out into a clearing. Someone shouts a warning that becomes a loud chorus of greeting for the Moss-bowl men. People walk towards me with torches in their hands. I hear Shakes-like-the-ground answering their welcome; I'm mostly ignored. "Willow Bird!" a woman shouts. My heart bursts to see my mother rushing to me. I drop the reins to my horse and embrace her. Tears fill my eyes. In this moment, I realize that I've come home. I loosen my arms from Warm Hands. She slowly pulls away but takes hold of my right arm. All the weariness from riding catches up to me and I swoon, nearly falling if not for my mother clutching me. "Come to my tipi and rest, Willow Bird." I follow Warm Hands through camp admits the joyous greetings, faces of People revealed by campfires (some who greet me) and past the glowing tipis of my tribe. It all becomes a blur. I don't remember falling to my ground mat. Sleep has taken me. It is early morning when my eyes open. When I sit up, my arms and legs feel stiff. The long days of riding have ended. My tribe is safe! I turn to where my mother sleeps over her mat. My heart lifts to see her. I look around the tipi of my boyhood, noting its small size and shabby condition. My father would be shamed to see it. I hang my head. I silently get to my feet and slip through the door. No one is about. I'm feeling my need to relieve myself so I head towards the woods. Slim pines are passed until I find an appropriate place to piss. My wet spot on the ground steams in the cool morning air. I reach up for my bundle. The acorn is pinched, perhaps too tightly when recalling this forest's plans to make me one of them. I fear that Change! Why did they choose me? I look towards camp but feel reluctant to return there. This will be a trying day, I realize. My chief will want to speak with me. Will he accept my return, praise me for bringing those Moss-bowl men to protect us? What has he done to punish Iron Bow and Catch-fish-with-arrows? I'm walking past the trees, deep in thought. There's an emptiness in me from something I have lost. Not the gifts from our Father. I feel a change from Sharing with Moss-stone-walker; a man's confidence that has since guided my steps. I can draw on his experiences. They'll be needed when I face my chief in council this day. No. Something important is lacking in me. A Presence, that guiding voice. I know that Smiles A Lot only reveals himself when I'm working a Healing. His love will always remain in me along with his spirit. Am I missing Ring Boy? I stop. The slim pines are gone to be replaced by gnarled oaks, hickory and thick undergrowth. I'm not sure of the direction of camp. A man's voice startles me. "I have heard that you returned, Willow Bird." I spin over my feet to face Catch-fish-with-arrows. He's armed with a spear, bow and a tomahawk tucked in his thong belt. A small shield is worn over is left arm. He's sought me out to kill me! I face the armed brave with alarm. Which way is camp if I need to flee him? Catch-fish-with-arrows props his spear up against a tree. He pulls his quiver from his back and sets it down on the ground with his bow and shield. His tomahawk is pulled from his belt. He drops it to the dirt with a grim smile. I glare at the brave to read his face. That's when I note the red and black lines drawn across his cheeks. A shiver goes down my spine. They indicate this man's intent to face our enemies without retreat. He'll be the first one killed in battle! "Yes. You see my face, Willow Bird. May it frighten Spear-bearing warriors who dare attack our tribe! How many will I kill before I fall?" I try swallowing in my dry throat. Catch-fish-with-arrows has chosen this grave responsibility to face our enemies thus. Did our chief suggest this to the brave so that he'll avoid a greater punishment? "I avoided banishment," the brave explains. He's read my thoughts! I glance at the weapons Catch-fish-with-arrows has cast away. Why did he do that? "Lost your voice, eh Willow Bird?" "It's honorable to serve our People in this way." The brave nods in reply. "That has always been my intent, to serve our People. That enemy scout you loved threatened the peace between us and the Split Tribe." "I know that you hated him." "He came from the tribe of our enemies! The Split Tribe had the right to take his life and your interference angered them. That's why I had to take him back across the river." "He was tending to our shaman." "And he was tending to your needs in the night!" I'm stung by the man's words. I look for anger in me but don't find it. I'm feeling sad for losing Smiles A Lot and pity for this young brave. Words spill out of my mouth. I'm not sure where they come from. "You thought you were acting for the good of our People. You and Iron Bow. Your ignorance and fear blinded you to the truth. He was my lover, yes! but he was a peaceful man who tended to our shaman's wounds, to teach me how to use my gifts - all for the good of our tribe." I step to the brave and reach out for his right shoulder. "I forgive you." The brave shows anger in his face, flinging my hand away. "I don't need that from you! Defend yourself, Willow Bird." Catch-fish-with-arrows stretches out his arms in a wrestling stance. He springs at me! I barely manage to deflect his attack. He comes at me again! A blow lands on my chest, causing me to spin around and his left foot strikes to trip me to the ground. I roll away before the brave can fall over me. He springs up and waits for me to get to my feet. "You'd be dead if I were a Spear-bearing warrior." I rub my hurting chest. Breaths blow out of my mouth but before I can recover, the brave attacks again. Our hands lock. There's a crazed look in his eyes when our feet struggle over the ground. A trick comes to me. Something from Moss-stone-walker's memories. I feint to my right but throw my weight the other way to unbalance him. Catch-fish-with-arrows falls on his butt. I stand over him with much anger. The brave laughs. "That was clever of you, Willow Bird." "I don't want to fight!" I shout. "Is that what we're doing?" the brave asks in a sweet voice. "I only wanted to wrestle with you." I glare down at Catch-fish-with-arrows. When he lifts his right hand, I slowly reach down for it. "No trick?" The brave laughs. "No." The brave's hand grips mine and I pull him to his feet. He turns to fetch his weapons. A cramp pains my left leg so I try stretching it out. "You've ridden hard to bring those Moss-bowl men to our tribe." I nod my head in reply. My whole body aches after long days of riding. "Your monedo would have been proud of you." I'm surprised by Catch-fish-with-arrow's words. I study his face for signs of contempt or malice but find none. Why does he offer me praise? "Did you know that we were blood brothers?" I nod, suspecting that Big Horn had performed that rite with him. Their relationship was never discussed but I recalled how my monedo's eyes glowed whenever this brave's name came up in conversation. "He asked a favor from me," says Catch-fish-with-arrows with a distance look in his eyes. I keep my mouth shut and hope the brave will tell me. "It was when he was staying across the river with that Spear-bearing warrior. The one with the five head feathers." He's speaking of Coyote Thief but cannot utter the name of the dead out loud because it's taboo. "Your monedo asked me to look after you. To offer comfort when you were sad at his long absences while he was learning our enemy's warrior ways from that man." I find my voice. "I was missing him last summer. He was often away from camp to be with Coyote... that warrior. You never came to me." Catch-fish-with-arrows frowns. "I was a newly named brave and eager to fulfill my responsibilities as a man by hunting and standing guard over our tribe. You didn't seem to need comforting." I see something in the brave's face. A dark emotion he's struggling with so I reach out to grasp his arm. I Sense betrayal in him. Big Horn loved a man from an enemy tribe. The same tribe of warriors who had hurt him during his survival test on the plains before he was to be named a man that following summer. My eyes widen with understanding. They had raped him! I pull my hand away. Catch-fish-with-arrows won't look at my eyes. He shifts the tomahawk in his thong belt while trying to hide his embarrassment. "You didn't approve of my monedo's relationship with that enemy warrior." Catch-fish-with-arrows glares at me. "That's why you hated my lover so much. I reminded you of his betrayal." "What did he tell you!" the brave demands. I want to lower my eyes from his but cannot. In a low voice, "He didn't tell me what you endured at the hands of our enemies. I see it in your actions. That's why you took my lover across the river to be killed." "He would have betrayed you," explains Catch-fish-with-arrows. "Your monedo was a man who should have known what he was doing by... loving that Spear-bearing warrior. I saw this disgusting thing happening between you and that enemy scout. I acted to protect you. All of us!" I sadly shake my head. Tears fill my eyes from losing Smiles A Lot and without shame, I allow them to fall down my face. "You are wrong. Those two men found love together and it strengthened my monedo's heart. He found his path in life to be Mahyee-na. In turn, he set my feet on that path that joined with Smiles A Lot. They may have come from an enemy tribe but their hearts were good! Not like those lusting warriors who... used you." I hear the brave growl. Tears filling my eyes prevent me from seeing his face. Is he very angry at me for revealing his shame and will act to strike me? "Oh, he swore to keep it a secret! Why did he tell you?" "Big Horn did not. Your burning face gave you away and I Read it from your thoughts." "What are you talking about?" asks Catch-fish-with-arrows. I grab the brave's arm and Send my thoughts into his head. They are like spear points, brutally sharp as truth can be when it's been denied. I Show this man how much Big Horn loved Coyote Thief. That love turning to me after that enemy warrior's death. It was our strength. Freeing our hearts for love and in turn, I loved Smiles A Lot. The Mahyee-na society is more than to have sex with men. We bear the responsibility to protect the People from Evil. Boys who share our spirit have to be shown the way least they be turned by the Darkness-that-comes into Tricksters like Tash-o-gwa. That evil Spear-bearing youth has murdered. He struck our shaman and brought chaos to our tribe. Worse, he has likely returned to his tribe to fan the flames of war with his lies so that our People face being attacked by them. I hear the brave moan with pain. He cannot deny my thoughts that I've shaped most cruelly. My spear of truth to strike him back for what he's done! Catch-fish-with-arrows begs me to stop. I relent, staying my wrathful blows to see if he'll repent. We've fallen to the ground together. My hand is tight around his arm to keep our Connection. I Feel his suffering, the man's revelation of what he has done and how he's acted out of ignorance. It is soothing to my aching spirit. Yet it won't bring Smiles A Lot back to me. I pull my hand away. There are tears in Catch-fish-with-arrows' eyes and I feel ashamed. Mind Speaking is a wondrous gift from our Father, not to be used to hurt one of His children. "I didn't realize..." gasps Catch-fish-with-arrows. "That is true for many of the People," I whisper. "They don't understand and that causes many to fear us of the Mahyee-na, to fear me... My abilities. Believe me when I tell you that I'm trying to act for the good of our People." I get to my feet and look down at the weeping man. I'm feeling ashamed. I offer my hand and the brave grabs it to get to his feet. There's understanding in his eyes, opened to the truth I've forced upon him. His path has been set. When our enemies come, he will be the first to meet them. No retreat. "I deserve that fate," whispers Catch-fish-with-arrows. I've forgotten that we're still Connected with our thoughts. "Our tribe will be rubbed out!" the brave gasps. "No. There are many warriors who will defend us when battle comes." "Not enough, Willow Bird. Those men you've brought from the Moss-bowl tribe are only a token force. Even if we could enlist warriors from the Wandering Band of Tagalou and the Split Tribe, our enemies are too many!" I see this man's despair. My mind opens to reveal the warriors all around him who will come to our aid. I grasp the acorn sleeping in my pouch. "The trees?" asks Catch-fish-with-arrows. 'Yes. They will act to protect our tribe.' I don't reveal the price I'll pay in return. "You are much more than you appear, Willow Bird. Our People must know." I shake my head. 'They would fear me.' I Show him what happened when I had turned into a bear to frighten away those three Split Tribesmen who beat me. "Does our chief know about your powers?" "Yes. He understands what I am, the hope given to his People from our Father. I walk in His Light." Catch-fish-with-arrows wipes the tears from his eyes. He stares at me for many heartbeats. "A heavy burden for your shoulders." I feel my nose sting when tears threaten to fill my eyes anew. To know that this man understands me! My voice is hoarse when I speak. "You also have a heavy burden, Catch-fish-with-arrows. This path you have chosen to serve our People. I wish that things could have been different between us." The brave nods with grim understanding. "It is my fate. I will bear it with honor, Willow Bird. Many enemy warriors will fall at my feet when they come! I will prove myself a warrior." "As shaman, I'll make sure that the People will remember you in song." Catch-fish-with-arrows nods. He peers into my eyes for a long moment then turns to resume his guard in the woods. I lift my head towards the sky, hands raised when making my plea unto our Father: 'Please guard that man's life!' I glimpse the brave in the distance. His spear in his right hand as he goes to protect our tribe. I walk in the opposite direction, hoping that camp lies that way. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- End of file: SHAMAN12.TXT The story continues in: SHAMAN13.TXT