When Thursday came I went to the office after practice like I was supposed to. Even though I knew what it was about I was still nervous. Coach was working at his computer. I started to strip and he looked up and smiled. When my leotard was bunched up around my waste, he said, "Stop there, Sarah. That's such a lovely sight. Your beautiful body, so toned... yet still nascent. Half exposed, with the promise of the rest. Knowing that you have no shame, nothing to hide, that you want to share your nakedness."
His words and his look melted me. My knees got weak when he did stuff like that.
"You saw Becca." I nodded. "Then I expect you're very sore."
I looked down. "Ya. Like... very."
Coach understood. "Of course you are. She told me that you were... intact. Many of the girls lose their hymen accidentally in the course training." Despite everything, I blushed. It was still weird how he talked about stuff like that, so matter-of-fact. "So we'll wait. I'd like for you to ask me, when you've fully recovered."
"Ask you?" I thought maybe he meant, 'Tell me.'
"Yes, Sarah. Ask me to fuck you. This is about what you want."
I knew that he meant it. "Yes Coach." I was quiet for a minute.
"What do you need, Sarah? Right now?"
We'd kinda gotten to the point where we didn't have to talk a lot. I just got the towel and folded it up and put it on the floor at his feet. He turned in his chair. I got on my knees and opened his pants. I looked up into his eyes. It was like I was drinking from them. "I want you to cum while I'm in your mouth, Sarah. Keep the leotard on." I pulled it to the side where I had to and used my fingers. I didn't go inside because it hurt. When I shivered he did too, and I drank again. I knew from his face that I stuck the landing.
Tuesday at school I got a text from a number I didn't know.
'i cant do the thing at the end'
'what thing? who is this?'
'u got a phone? i didnt get a phone til i was 9'
'cant help how old i am'
'i guess not haha'
'how do u do it'
'at the end'
'i dont know what u mean'
'coach wants me to but i cant'
'just do what i did'
'u cant touch it?'
'no at the end when u did the end part. i tried to pretend but he said he knew i was pretending'
'what do i do'
I figured out what she was saying. She couldn't cum. I didn't know what to tell her. I remembered how Coach got mad at me for not being able to say things. I can see how it gets annoying. I thought about how I got the idea.
'Becca showed me'
'god no i hate her'
'she can be nice if ur nice to her'
'ill talk to u at practice'
If I had a sister I'd want her to be like Sam. She's so smart and pretty and her body's perfect and she's got all her Level 5 tricks but she's not stuck up at all. She's shy and nice and you want to hug her. So I hugged her when I saw her at practice. It reminded me how tiny she is. We stretched together and whispered. Coach gave us a look but he didn't say anything.
"He talks about you a lot," Sam said. I wanted to know what he was saying. But at the same time I didn't want to know.
"So like, what do you do?" I asked.
Sam still blushed like mad, even after being Monday for a while. "I do what he tells me to." She was staring at her feet.
I rolled my eyes. "What does he tell you to do?"
Sam chewed her lip. "You know. Take off... my stuff... and touch... and he takes out his thing and he says like 'Make me cum.' But I'm not supposed to touch... it... he says he'll do it when I can do it. But I have to do it for real."
I was never Monday, so this was new to me. Maybe it was different for different girls. I knew Coach wanted Sam to not be shy. He told me once that if you make the judges hard in their pants it gives you an extra half point at least on your scores.
"Doesn't it feel good? When you rub?"
Sam leaned her head like she was thinking. "Kinda. But he's looking at me and it makes me all tight and it doesn't get... big? Like it's supposed to, I guess. And it's scary if it starts to get big."
"You don't like how he looks at you?"
Sam shook her head. "He looks like he wants to eat me."
I giggled. "He probably does, but not how you think." She turned brighter red. I wasn't sure she really knew what I meant.
"You like it? How he looks at you?"
I felt my face get warm. "Ya. I guess I kinda always liked it. Is that weird?"
Sam shrugged. "Maybe."
We had to stop talking then so we could practice. When we were done I asked Sam if she wanted to come over to my house. She was surprised and she smiled and she said she'd have to ask her Mom. Her Mom seemed surprised too, but she said OK. When we got into Dad's car he just said, "Who's your friend, Sarah?" If he'd been paying attention at my meets he would have known.
"Dad, Sam. Sam, Dad," I said. We both sat in the back and whispered and giggled all the way home. Dad kept looking at us in the mirror. He seemed a little nervous. Secrets are tricky.
Sam and I went to my room. We were both still in our gym clothes. Sam just stood there kinda awks. I sat on the bed.
Finally I said, "Do you want me to help?" She bit her lip a minute but nodded.
"You still want to do it, right?" I wasn't going to make her do anything.
"I want to go to States," she said. Like duh. That was too easy.
"Do you think you can win at States if you don't like people looking at you?"
Sam shook her head. "I guess not."
"So Coach is trying to help."
"I guess so."
"So let him help you. You know what he wants. It's easier if you just do it."
"You mean..." I think she knew but couldn't say it. "What do you mean?"
"Don't wait for him to tell you."
"You mean..." she started again. I know it's hard for her, but geez.
"Just take your stuff off and do it. And look at him. Look at his eyes, not his cock. And smile. Just like you're selling your moves."
Sam didn't smile. "I hafta smile?"
"He wants you to like it. Just like the judges like you more if you look like you're having fun on the floor. You got an amazing smile, Sam. I bet that will get him off even if you don't cum."
"It's so weird that you talk like that."
"Coach likes that too. You can say anything to him. Like you could say, 'Let me see your cock.' He'd love that.
Sam was beet red. I wasn't sure I was really helping. I remembered that there's only one way to get better at something.
"Let's practice. Pretend I'm Coach and it's Monday and you come into his office."
I tried to make a serious face like Coach does. Sam giggled. "You're not scary like him."
I frowned and thought about what Coach would say. "Why are you here, Sam?"
"Cuz I want to go to States?" It wasn't very convincing.
"Ya but. Why are you in his office? Like what is he trying to teach you?"
"To not be shy?"
"Ya. That's better. Now show me that you're not shy."
"So then I should... just..."
I gave her the impatient look Coach has when he thinks I'm being dumb. Finally she got the idea and started to peel off her leotard. She was red as a fire truck but she did it. She held it and looked around the room and finally threw it on the bed. She had her hands in front of her. It was weird for me to be the one with clothes on.
"Geez Sam. You're so pretty." She smiled a little. "That's it. Smile just like that."
I pushed the pile of stuff on my desk to the side. "Sit there. If it was Coach's office you could sit on his desk, right in front of him." Sam sat. Her butt is tiny. "Cool. Now open your legs."
Sam swallowed. I tried again. "I guess Coach would say it like, 'Show me your cunt.'"
Sam made a face. "I know. It's weird. But it's kinda fun once you get used to saying it. What do you call it, anyways?"
"I never talked about it before. It was just... there. It's where you pee. I don't think my Mom even has one cuz she never said anything either. Except I'm not supposed to scratch there." We both laughed. My Mom was like that too.
Sam said, "So how did you have your first... one?" I think she was trying to not think about what was happening.
My turn to blush. "Oh... Becca. With her mouth. I know, weird."
Sam whispered. "Naomi told me Becca did that to her since she was 6." I wasn't really surprised. That would have been about when Becca started at the gym. "Do you think Becca likes girls... that way?"
"I think Becca likes Coach and does whatever she thinks will make him happy."
"Isn't that what we're doing?"
"Not really. Not me, anyways. I'm doing what I want, to get what I want." It was what Coach would have wanted me to say. But it was true too.
Sam met my eyes. I reached out and touched her hair. She opened her legs really slow.
"Wide," I said. "Show me. With your fingers." Sam opened herself up a little. Itsy petals inside. A little pink. "Now smile." She did, but it was fake. "Think about how you smile for the judges." Her grin got wider and more natural. "Now rub."
I saw right away why should couldn't cum. She was just rubbing everything with her whole hand. I put my chair in front of her and say close. "No, silly. Like this." I pushed her hand away and felt around for her bump. So small I could hardly find it. But I did and I took it between my thumb and finger and rolled it back and forth. Her face went all funny.
"Stop. That's weird."
"I know. But that's how it happens. You try."
She didn't take long to figure it out. "Harder. You won't hurt it, promise." She twisted faster.
"Feels... different..." Her breath was short. Progress. "But... scary... too big..."
I took her hands in mine and held them tight against the desk. I don't know why really, but I wanted to. I leaned over and kissed her there. And used my tongue. It was the softest thing I could ever imagine. She wiggled like mad. "Let me," I said. Pretty soon she stopped saying no and I let go of her hands and she put them on my head. After a few minutes she squeaked... I felt her hug my tongue inside. I looked up and her eyes were wide. She pressed my head onto her tummy.
"Did you cum?"
"I think s-so..."
"Me too. I felt it, inside. That's what happens, it squeezes and squeezes. Did you like it?" Sam nodded a little. I slid my head up over her chest and kissed her cheek. "Awesome. You did good. Now you do the next one, like I showed you."
Sam used her fingers like I showed her. Pretty soon her butt was moving again. I kept my hands on her knees to spread her. She didn't fight it. It was so cool to see that I didn't hear the door open. I just saw Sam's face go into a panic.
"Sarah, would you like for Sam to stay for din..." My Dad's voice. He's supposed to knock on my door but being my Dad he forgets stuff like that. He stopped talking before he finished the word.
I stayed where I was and held Sam's legs. She was trying to wiggle away and cover up but I didn't let her. "Ummm... ya sure Dad. Sam... do you want to stay for dinner?" Dad was staring. He swallowed.
Sam looked at me like I was crazy. "Ummm... ok?" She finally said.
I know I'm bad sometimes, the way I tease my Dad. This time he looked like he was going to fall over. I saw him holding onto the door. "Are you ok, Dad?"
He finally said, "S-Sarah... what are you doing?"
"Oh. I'm teaching Sam to cum. She just had her first one."
Dad blinked three times. It was a while before he said, "Errr. Dinner in a half hour... then." He closed the door. I giggled. I couldn't stop. After a minute, Sam started too and we couldn't hardly stop until it was time to eat. I told her that it was ok, that my Dad wouldn't say anything to anybody. Dad didn't seem to be able to look at either of us at the table. We laughed more, like we had a secret.
I rode with Dad and Sam after dinner to take her home. On the way back, Dad found his voice. "Sarah. What all goes on at that gym?" Of course he knew some of it, but he had no idea about the days-of-the-week thing.
I shrugged. "I guess we do what we need to do to be great."
"But... she's so small. Surely she can't be..."
"She decided what she wants, Daddy. Like I did."
He was quiet again for a few minutes. Then, "W-why did you decide that, Sarah?" I think this was the question he'd wanted to ask me from the beginning but never had. Maybe he was afraid of the answer. I told him the truth.
"I'm not totally sure. But I guess part of it was I wanted the attention." Daddy seemed sad, but not surprised.
"Did it make you hard, Daddy?" I couldn't help it. He just looked so confused.
"Did it make you hard, seeing Sam like that?"
He shook his head but he looked down and got really red.
"Liar." I could always tell. "That's so cool. She'll be really happy. See, she's really shy and..." I stopped before saying more. I didn't think he was ready. I made it easy on him.
"Are you hard now, Daddy?"
He shook his head but I reached over and felt him through his pants.
"Sarah. Please. You know I'm not... I don't..."
By then I had his zipper down and my head was in his lap.
I love my Dad. I really do. I used to be really mad at him but I'm not anymore. But that doesn't mean I can't tease him still. It's fun and deep down I know he likes that we have that between us.
He really wants to take care of me in his own dorky way. When he picked me up from school the day after Sam came over, he told me I was going to miss practice. I was worried at first cuz he looked all serious and I thought maybe something was really wrong.
He saw my face and touched my hair. "It's ok, princess." He hadn't called me that in a while. I didn't want to be treated like a baby, but I still liked it. "I'm taking you to the doctor. Because I want to be sure you're ok. I mean... you're... growing up... and..."
I laughed. Poor Daddy. He was trying so hard. "So he can tell me about sex?"
He sighed. "No, Sarah. Well. In a way, yes. I want him to tell you how to be safe and take care of yourself and not have... troubles."
"I didn't start my period, Daddy. I don't even have any boobs yet. Or anything." It was still awks talking about this with him. It's way easier to not talk and just do stuff.
"Not just that. There's... diseases and... anyway. I want the doctor to make sure you're ok. But Sarah..." He looked all serious again. "You know that you can't tell him about... any of the..."
Duh. Eye roll. "Yes Daddy. I know."
"Do you think... I mean... will he see..."
I hadn't thought about that. I bit my lip. Dad frowned. But then he actually helped.
"Tell him that you fell on the balance beam," Dad said.
Of course I fell on the beam. I fell all the time. Sometimes I was one big bruise.
I must have looked confused cuz he went on. "Because girls sometimes... they break their... insides... when they fall."
I figured out what he meant, Honestly, it was like talking to Sam, the way he couldn't say the words. I nodded. Dad blinked. I realized that I just told him that my inside was broken already.
"Should I be scared for you, Sarah? Because you being ok is the most important thing. I mean... even if I have to go to jail because of what we did... I would if it meant you would be ok. This is really difficult for me. Part of me is terrified. And guilty and ashamed. But I see you. I see that you seem happy. You seem... ok. Are you? Are you really ok?"
He sounded like he was about to cry. I never saw my Dad cry before. I leaned over and hugged him so tight. "I love you, Daddy. But I'm ok. I promise. Nobody ever made me do anything I didn't want to do."
Turns out we didn't need to worry. I went in to see Doctor Cooper by myself again. He was all smiles. I sat on the table in my clothes and he asked me some questions.
"Any changes in your health since last time, Sarah? Any concerns?"
I shook my head.
"That's great. School going ok? How are your grades?"
"It's mostly boring. Mostly As. Mostly."
He smiled. "Excellent. Now the awkward questions. Sorry, but you're at that age. Have you started your period?"
I shook my head. He nodded and wrote things down. Then he said, "You train with Coach Harkins, don't you?"
"Ya. I've been to States twice now." I got a little nervous about where this might be going.
"That's amazing, Sarah. I know what sort of dedication is needed to achieve that. You see, Coach Harkins and I are old friends."
I nodded but I didn't say anything. He went on. "And I know that it's very hard on your body. Tell me about your injuries. And don't try to kid me that you haven't any. I've never met a serious gymnast who didn't have multiple issues from it."
"Oh. Well ya. I do a lot of work on the beam and you know... I fall sometimes. But I never broke anything. Just bruises and sprains." I paused. "I never broke any bones, I mean."
Doctor Cooper gave me a funny smile. "Well then. I think on this visit we should do you first internal exam. Do you know what that entails, Sarah?"
My Mom had actually talked to me about that. He explained it anyways. He showed me the weird metal thing that looks like the bill of a duck and opens up. Weirdness.
"You remember your last visit?"
Of course I did. Especially the end. "Ya."
"You're not a shy girl, as I recall."
"Umm... I guess not."
He smiled some more and put his hand on my knee. "Well then." Seemed like he said that whenever he was going to tell me to do something. "Let have you take everything off. It'll be easiest that way."
I could see how it would make the stuff he was going to do easier. I stayed on the table and pulled off my shirt and kicked off my sneakers and then I laid back and pulled off my shorts and underpants. Doctor Cooper didn't even pretend not to watch.
He had me sit up and he did all the poking around my head and neck and shined the light everyplace, even up my nose. He was asking me more about school and what was my favorite subject and did I have a lot of friends. His hands are big and they moved down to my chest. He felt around there for a while.
"I don't find any signs of breast development yet, Sarah. But not to worry. That will come anytime now." He had each of my nipples between his thumb and finger and pulled on them a little when he said that. I felt them tighten up. He pulled more and twisted. I winced.
"They're becoming sensitive already, aren't they? Notice how they respond. Pretty little points. That's just fine, Sarah. Just the way they should. As a gymnast, I expect that you're very in touch with your body."
I was feeling warm and kinda confused. My butt squirmed. He didn't let go.
"Everything is connected, isn't it? Feelings in one place can travel all over. Isn't that right?" I shivered.
He finally stopped the pinching and pushed me down onto my back on the table. He put up the metal things on the side that look like wings and he put my legs in them. I never felt so naked, all open and spread and with my ankles strapped in. He pulled his chair up between my legs. I could look down and watch but I didn't. I felt his hand on the insides of my thighs.
"I remember your last visit very well, Sarah. I could tell you were a special girl. Not a shy girl at all." I remembered too and my butt squirmed again. "I think I may even have mentioned you to Coach Harkins." His fingers were between my legs, holding me open. There was a cool feeling, and a slippery feeling. And then a finger. Not where I expected it though. It was in my butt. He just pushed it in, all the way. I looked down. He was staring right in my eyes.
"I did this last time, didn't I? But it doesn't feel quite the same now. That's an interesting thing. Why would that be, do you suppose?"
I stayed quiet. His finger wiggled inside. "Do you stay after practice, Sarah? Do you stay after, and visit with the Coach in his office?" I swallowed hard.
"You can trust me, Sarah. I'm your doctor. And the Coach is a good friend. We understand each other. You can tell me. You visit him, don't you?"
Finally I nodded. He was making my head fuzzy. "That's my girl. Just relax." He pulled his finger out but then he went right back in, but this time with two fingers. I squirmed a lot.
"What day, Sarah? On which day of the week do you go to see Coach Harkins?"
I figured if he knew about the days, then he must know everything. I still wasn't sure how to answer. "You mean now?"
He chuckled. "Oh my. I was right. A special girl. Let's start at the start. Was it Monday at first?"
I shook my head.
"Straight on to Tuesday then. I'm impressed. I can imagine you sucking his cock. I bet it's a very lovely sight."
So ya, he knew everything. Still I knew I was blushing. His fingers wiggled more. "And then how long before he had you sitting on it, Sarah?"
"You mean when he fucked me in the ass. It was three months, I guess."
Doctor Cooper coughed. Then he laughed. "Remarkable girl. So direct. So explicit. Naturally inclined to the obscene, perhaps. That would make you the youngest Wednesday ever, I think." I nodded. Was I proud of it? "And I can tell, Sarah. I can tell right now that you liked it. Maybe not the first time. But you do, don't you?"
"I..." It was hard to think. He had a finger from his other hand on my bump and he was rubbing it in little circles. "I... like how he... looks at me..."
"Yes, I can see that. You have that hunger, don't you? Probably because your father ignored you so much. I remember that last visit, how he was on the phone and not paying attention, how anxious he was to let me have you alone."
I didn't like that. I could pick on Daddy, but nobody else could. He's my Daddy.
"Don't talk about my Dad like that."
Doctor Cooper looked surprised. "I beg your pardon?"
"Don't talk about my Dad. He's the best Dad. He didn't know you were... you know."
Doctor Cooper blinked. "I'll talk about him just as I like, Sarah. You're in no position to argue right now, are you? We know what you are. You're a little slut. Sluts do as they're told." He sounded cold and mean.
Now I was really mad. I'm not sure where all the words came from, but they came. "I don't care what anybody thinks about me. I'm just me. I decided about Coach. But I didn't decide about you. I don't like you. Take your fingers out of my ass and let me go or I'm going to tell people about you."
Doctor Cooper's face turned white. I wasn't done.
"If you thought you were going to fuck me, forget it. I'm going to tell Coach that he shouldn't be friends with you any more. He listens to me."
I felt the fingers slide out slowly. His voice was different. "Sarah. If you've gotten... the wrong impression... about any part of this exam... well, I'm sorry, but you aren't a doctor. Your father asked for me to perform your first adult examination, and that's what I've been doing. If I've made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. Perhaps you should see another doctor from now on."
He stood up, undid the straps on my ankles and just walked out of the room. He even left the door open a little, with me still naked and my legs up in the air. I climbed down and got dressed. When I got to the waiting room, Dad was there. He looked anxious. I hugged his neck and kissed his cheek. That only made him more worried.
"Silly Daddy. Everything's fine. He just said that now that I'm growing up I should see another doctor. He's a kid doctor, and I'm not exactly a kid anymore." I was shaking but I hoped it didn't show.
"No. I guess you're not." His face was sad, but at least not as worried.
It was Thursday again. Coach had a strange expression when I saw him after practice. I was still sore so I was going to tell him I wasn't ready. He pointed to the chair in front of his desk. I sat.
He never wasted time with extra words. "Ben Cooper tells me that you're dangerous, Sarah. Are you dangerous?"
At first I didn't know what he was talking about. Ben somebody. Then it sank in. Cooper. Doctor Cooper. I never knew his first name.
Maybe I should have been scared. But Coach didn't say it like he was going to put me in the trunk of his car. He was watching me like he was afraid I might disappear.
I thought for a long time before I answered. Finally I said, "Not to you."
Coach smiled like my Dad smiles when I bring home a good report card. He seemed to relax. "You impress me more every day, Sarah. What set you off with him? He's usually very careful, as he must be in his position."
"He said something bad about my Dad."
Coach nodded. I went on. "And he was... I guess... molesting me?" I never said that word before. I never thought about anything that had happened that way. "So I told him to stop or I'd tell."
"What a stupid, selfish asshole," he said. My tummy turned to water. Coach must have seen it in my face. "No, Sarah. Not you. Him. I'm proud of you."
"T-thanks." It was all I could say without crying.
Coach stood and lifted me up and hugged me. "Are you ok, Sarah? You can tell me if you're not." I nodded into his chest. I felt his heart against my cheek.
"How are you feeling?"
"Angry still. Did you tell him he could do that to me?"
"I most certainly did not. You should be angry."
He just held me til I stopped breathing hard. He kissed the top of my head. "And... how are you feeling, otherwise?"
I knew what he meant but appreciated him letting me pout.
"Sore. But not as sore."
Coach smiled and kissed me on the forehead. "Go home. Hug your Dad. Take a hot bath. Eat ice cream. Sleep." He gently pushed me toward the door.
I had one more question. "Coach... am I a s-slut?"
"Did you stop your adult doctor from fucking you because you didn't want him to?"
"Then you're not a slut. You're a girl that likes sex and knows what she wants. Some stupid assholes call girls like you sluts. But they're wrong, Sarah. They're scared of you. A slut has sex with anybody because she doesn't know what she wants. You're much, much better than that. Don't ever forget it."
I did all five things that he told me to do, and in the morning I felt different.
This will sound weird, but that next morning I felt like a person. I'm not sure what I felt like before that. But being a person meant that I could really choose. I could choose to do things, and I could choose to NOT do things. It was the second part that was different.
Turns out I still couldn't decide not to clean my room. I tried. Mom wasn't having it. But other stuff, I could say no. Maybe you think Coach is horrible, but I don't. I think he made me into a person.
Like on Monday, when Coach told me to give the Wednesday stuff to Malika.
"Does she want it?" I asked.
He raised his eyebrows. "Of course she wants it."
"Did you ask her? If she wants it."
"I don't have to ask her. She'll either take it or she won't."
That was fair, I thought. She'd be deciding. "What about Becca?"
Coach frowned. "Becca seems to have lost interest. I think she has a new boyfriend."
"Ya. College guy. She says he's in love with her." He didn't seem happy to hear that. He should have been, I think. She was getting what she needed, what she couldn't get from him.
I filled the silence. "I'm not Becca. I don't want to be her. You give the stuff to Malika. I know you got extras." His eyes got narrow like he was going to say something, but he didn't.
And on Tuesday, when he said, "I thought you didn't want to be Becca."
"I'm pretty sure Sam didn't figure things out for herself. Did she?"
"No. But I'm not Becca. She asked me. I was nice to her. You should be nice to her too. She's amazing and you know it."
Narrow eyes. Didn't say anything. I talked to Sam after practice. She said Coach squirted like a fountain. "It was weird," she said. "But kinda cool." She hugged me.
"You did it? No pretending?" I asked. She flashed a grin and whispered in my ear. "I did it again in bed last night." I was glad that she was happy. I didn't say anything about Tuesday.
It was Thursday again. I was kinda nervous. I watched Coach at practice. He was spotting Jenna on the parallel bars. She's 7 but she can already fly. I remembered what he said to Sam, about how he'd been touching her and how she liked it. I saw how he used his hands. Unless you knew, you'd probably never think he was doing anything. I watched her face, how she looked when his hand was between her legs. She was concentrating on her tricks but I could tell she was feeling things, confusing things. She kept asking for more reps. Coach smiled every time she said she wanted to go again.
Part of me feeling like a person was trying to understand things. Before I didn't really think about why things happened, but if they were happening I guess I thought they were supposed to happen. That's how a kid thinks about what grownups do. They're in charge, so what they do must be ok.
After practice I went to the office. Coach looked up from his computer and smiled at me. He seemed different now too, somehow. He was being patient. He didn't say anything, or ask anything. I was the one with the questions.
"What's the best part, for you?" He looked surprised.
"The best part of coaching, Sarah?"
I nodded, but we both knew I meant all of it.
"It's when a girl does something that she didn't think she could do," he said.
"Sam didn't think she could cum," I said.
He smiled. "Yes. So you know. How did it feel, Sarah? When you saw her succeed?"
"It was... nice. I only did it because she asked me. So I knew she wanted it."
Coach nodded slowly. I was thinking ahead. "I'm not sure she's going to want to suck your cock," I added.
"Did you want to suck my cock? When you came to my office that day. When you came to my office and stripped naked. And got on your knees."
"I wanted to go to States."
"Yes. That was the easy answer. But you had other needs too, didn't you? Needs you didn't really understand. They just had to be woken up."
"Sam needs to not be shy. I get that. So Monday is probably good for her. But why does she need to be Tuesday? Why can't she be great without that?"
"Such good questions, Sarah. You care about her a lot, I can tell."
I nodded. He went on. "What did you learn from Tuesday?"
"How to swallow with my mouth open?" He gave me a sideways look. "Okay okay... I guess... doing something hard and scary to get what I want?"
"Yes. In a word, discipline. Pushing through. That's what you lacked and what you needed most immediately. That's part of it. But in the end, sucking cock is about something else entirely."
"I saw you learn this, Sarah. Every Tuesday you learned a little more. You learned how I looked when you came in the office door. You learned how I looked at you when you undressed. And when I was in your mouth, and you stopped, and you looked up at me, what did you see?"
"You didn't want me to stop."
"More than that. I needed you to not stop. You were in control of me, completely. I was the vulnerable one, at those moments. Did you feel that?"
I knew what he meant. The look that couldn't look away.
"That's power. That's what Tuesday is about. You knew. You wanted it. Knowing that you could get me hard, make me desperate for your mouth. That's when you started to find your power. After a time, it was you unzipping me, smiling when you found I was already hard."
He was right. I remembered teasing him with my tongue. Making him wait until finally he held my head. And then I felt his need, his need for me. I said, "Sam was proud. Not just that she did it. But that what she did made you cum."
"And I was proud of her. How she took control. I didn't have to say anything. There's nothing more gratifying to me than seeing a girl own her body, own her feelings, own her power... own her potential. This is what you've done, Sarah. Did you ever think you'd be auditioning for the National team?"
I shook my head. "And Jenna? Does she want it?"
Coach looked surprised. "You don't miss a thing, do you? To own your body and own your feelings, you need to know what your body is capable of. You need to be woken up. It's how you respond that matters. Like with Sam. Yes, I touched her. But she responded. She asked me to spot her on moves that gave me access. She pressed herself into my hand, and shivered. She was asking without words."
"I saw that. With Jenna. She kept asking you to spot the kip up."
"Yes. She knew what it meant."
"So she's the next Monday."
"Perhaps. I'll know when she's here in the office, willfully naked."
I thought for a while. Coach seemed happy to watch me. Finally I had to say what was running through my head. "So it's not all just a fancy way to have sex with little girls?"
Coach leaned over the desk. "Do you know the risk I'm taking, Sarah?"
I shrugged. Coach didn't seem to be afraid of anything.
"Larry Nassar, the idiot that he is, will die in prison."
I nodded. We all knew about that.
"Any of you could have done that to me. None of you have. If any of you feel the need, then I've failed."
I didn't answer. I remembered how I'd felt like I had to tell my Dad, but I knew that wasn't want he meant. Eventually he said what I wanted to hear him say. "Yes, Sarah. I love the sex. Girls are... exquisite. Experiencing their first blush of those feelings... it's compelling. You know this about me. You see it in my eyes, every time I watch you pull the strap from your shoulder. You always do the left one first, you know.
He didn't try to pretend it was all just some noble way to help us be great. Weird, but it meant a lot that he was honest about it. Everybody has needs.
"Do you like it with me... more than with the others?" I hadn't meant to ask that. It just came out. It was embarrassing. But I guess I still had that empty place that wants to be filled. Dad and his stupid phone.
Coach smiled. He got up. He gathered me into his arms and lifted me up. I was still so small he could do that like I was nothing. His big hands were under my butt. I wrapped my legs around his waist. Then he did something he'd never done before.
He kissed me. On the lips. Soft at first, then harder. I opened my mouth and he was inside it, my tongue sliding along his. Our air mixed.
"What do you want, Sarah?" Heated words on heated breath.
I didn't have to think about the answer. "I want you to fuck me."
He grunted. "Say it again. You know how."
"F-fuck me. Your cock. My cunt. Please... fuck me. I'm ready."
His hand was there. It yanked at the crotch of my leotard and I heard it tear. I was on my back on his desk and his mouth was there... his tongue... but I was already wet... I felt molten... his eyes on mine... and the pressure... the fullness... the ache and the burn... my legs around him, clinging as he moved, a little deeper each time, my smallness fighting every push but unable to squeeze him from me. I pulled myself up with my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his. When he was deep inside my air was pushed from my lungs, like I was so full of him that there wasn't any room. I didn't let go for a very long time, even after all the moving stopped.
When I leaned back and blinked, he met my gaze. It was a look I'd never seen before. It was a look that couldn't look away. But something different. Something warm, not hot. Something soft. Not wanting to eat me. Wanting to keep me.
"Sarah." I swallowed. Panted. Blinked.
"Sarah." I blinked. Panted. Nodded.
"I love you." He looked surprised that he'd said it.
I panted. Blinked. Nodded.
I didn't say it back. I never did. I didn't love Coach. Not that way. I loved what he did for me. I loved how me made me cum. I loved and wanted and sometimes needed the looks that couldn't look away.
But it wasn't about love. It was about what I wanted. We fucked like rabbits for the next year, and not just on Thursday. Sam never did become Tuesday, but she did just fine. I never made the National team. Malika did though. I think she'll go to the Olympics. I didn't feel the need to blow my Dad anymore. He seemed relieved.
When Coach said that he loved me, I said, 'Thank you.' I said, 'I know.' I said, 'I love your cock.' I did. It was my first and I'll never forget it or regret it. Eventually he couldn't deal with it.
One day he said, "You were wrong, Sarah." I could tell that he was sad.
He nodded. "You are dangerous. To me. Especially to me."
I said I was sorry. I was sad too.
He asked me to leave the gym. By then my ankles were giving out and I was more interested in learning to code. I stopped training in gymnastics and started swimming. Sam and me stayed friends though. Sometimes she asked me to lick her and I did. She's so cute when she cums. Dad always remembered to knock when she was over.
Swimming is way easier on the body, and the boys... oh my god. But boys my age are boring as soon as they open their mouths to speak. The Coach liked me. He said I was pretty. I wasn't even naked when he said it. I went to his office one day and got what I wanted.
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