8 January 2024

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Email me. Comments, ideas, and suggestions welcome

I love email. If you give me a story line, I'll name a character after you. I really need ideas for fun situations. Get it?

My spring in Madrid

This is crazy. I'm 12-years-old and I'm moving to Spain for a semester.

By myself. Mom and Dads have their jobs and Ty is too involved in the Montreal school to move.

So I am off by myself. I had to fly myself, being too young to travel alone. Isn't that silly? An airline won't let me fly, so I am taking my spaceplane by myself. I'm subbing for a professor in some graduate classes. He's off on some super-secret project for Bob.

Somehow it will involve sex. Everything involves sex.

I'm good with that.

Bob suggested that instead of living on campus, I should buy a nice apartment in one of the interesting areas of town.

Then he suggested he could come with me to look at the choices. Hmm. King Bob wants to spend a few days with me in Madrid. Darn.

I hope he can handle me. I'm a lot to deal with.

Sexy little me.

I would have been fine with a dorm room, but I thought the idea was cool. He was going to help me choose a major domo, too. We'd probably interview them together. Our interviews are legendary. Since I'd only be there for a semester, Bob suggested we find someone already associated with the school.

I was thinking 16 or so and hung. I think Bob was, too. We were off a bit. You'll see.

I stopped in Robertville to pick up Bob so we would only have one plane. He suggested I would need a car and took me to the mountain. There were literally hundreds of cars. Lots of classics. Some classics that were retrofitted. Some new. Belen just knew to send one of anything cool to Bob. Even the numbers matching cars have flight kits. Easily removeable flight kits. He told me to pick anything I wanted.

Well sure, but at the moment I wanted him. It was really cool in the mountain, and by that I mean temperature. Cold temps make my nipples pop.

Bob likes my nipples. I've grown since my introduction. I have A cups with big nipples. I love my nipples. I took the initiative when we walked in and stripped.

Bob got the idea. He led me over to a break area, complete with a king-size bed. Most break areas have a bed, at least in our world. Bob let me undress him and I'll bet we took a half hour to do it. Lots of kissing and licking. Bob managed to push me through a big orgasm.

By kissing me. Just kissing. Yes, I have a hair trigger, but Bob.

I confirmed he hadn't cum today, which surprised me.

"I saved myself for you," he said, with a smile. I moaned. You know I moaned. I pushed him back on the bed and climbed up and took him in my mouth.

"Turn around," he said. No, he growled.

It was hard to concentrate on his cock. I finally had to pull off his cock because I was afraid I would bite him. He was closer than I thought, and I got quite a facial. Bob's fun.

He's amazing at cleanup, too. He licked and licked and then kissed a full mouthful to me, right as he slid in.

Bob is so, well, Bob. Even as he pumped in and out of me, I knew I was everything to him. His focus is incredible.

"Cum in me," I said, which was all it took. He kept pumping and pumping and pumping. That was a lot of cum.

I hopped off the bed and pulled on my panties.

"Squish, squish," we both said. He got jinx out first.

I leaked a bit of the cum out from the orgasm I had from his next kiss. He leaned down and licked it up.

Should I repeat that Bob is fun? I think I just did.

She does need a car

Natalie is so much fun. She's gorgeous, too. The mix of Hispanic and Asian is incredible. Simply stunning. I love spending time with her. I love spending time with all the kids. They're all amazing.

Think about it. She is the guest professor at our Madrid campus. In Physics. Graduate physics. She is 12 years old. Hopefully you inferred this is Bob.

Our next step was picking an actual car. We got distracted. That can't surprise you. Madrid is congested but anything she picked would fly. We spent a lot of time walking around looking at the various cars. I suggested that if we made a good apartment choice, she could have more than one. She loved a lot of different cars but kept coming back to a 71 Miura.

Bright orange. Ion powered. One of our restoration fail cars.

"It's impractical and silly," said Natalie.

"Yes, it is, but remember the school has pool cars," I said. "Why don't you pick a couple more and we'll try to ensure you have a place that can handle three cars."

That took another half hour or so. She loved the little Mini Cooper, and it was such a perfect fit. I suggested a small SUV, too, and she struggled with the choice. Finally she settled on a C63S wagon.

Amy would love her choice. Brilliant blue. Just gorgeous. We decided to take the Miura on this trip. Before we did, we went for a ride around the island. She laughed the whole time. She's a hell of a driver, too. We drove all the way out to the dig.

Gosh, we ran into Jameis and Maite, along with Ava and Cole.

Time for a break. First they took us on a tour of the dig site. I hadn't been in a while, and it is amazing what they've discovered. Too cool. They are literally changing the known history of the world.

Then we celebrated their success.

Repeatedly. Natalie is voracious and there was something about watching her bounce on Jameis that was animalistic. Sexy Natalie bouncing on giant Jameis. Now my view was watching while Maite was bouncing on my cock. I only had a short view though, because Ava sat right down on my face.

Then Cole slid his cock into my mouth. It is a little difficult to picture, but Ava was sliding her pussy along his cock. I am licking anything I can lick.

You get the idea.

I'm worn out

We haven't even left the islands yet and I'm worn out. Don't get me wrong, the sex was incredible but...

"Why don't we postpone and go tomorrow," said Bob. "Come back to the house with us. Everyone would love to see you."

What the King wants. OK, I need a nap. We got back in the Miura, which is truly sex on wheels, and flew over to their house.

Somehow finding Amy, Luke, and Cassie on the back porch rejuvenated me. Cassie is so sexy.

I am now covered in a sticky mess of cum and squirt. That is a good thing.

And it was only 1300. The rest of the day was a bit of a blur, but I reconnected with a lot of people.

And we reconnect differently than you do.

Off to Madrid, for real

I don't know why, but Luke and Cassie decided to come with us. That seemed like a fine idea to me. Neither one had ever been to Madrid. Then again, neither had I. It did make us switch out cars though. We loaded the C63S, so we'd have room.

We landed at the school and did a little tour. It's pretty exciting at a school when a royal arrives. Bringing Cassie, Bob, and Luke was a big freaking deal. Finally we needed to meet the realtor. Cassie and Luke stayed at the school, so it was just Bob and me. We walked outside and what should be in the parking lot but the Miura. Bob just smiled at me. I hopped in and he did, too.

You knew I was driving. We had a lengthy list of apartments, but I was pretty confident in my choice. It was recently refreshed and quite modern. It was interesting, because it was a triplex of sorts. A main three-bedroom apartment, which was airy and had a nice balcony. Then there were two attic apartments. A 1/1 and a 2/2. More than I needed, but I was going to put it all in the app, right?

We met the realtors. Aina and Basilo. We expected a couple, and they kind of were, but not exactly. Aina was clearly in charge. I think Basilo might have been along mainly to drive.

You see, Aina is 13 years old. Adorable, too. We think Basilo is her dad, but we're not quite sure. They acted like lovers.

Pretty sure they were. Now, technically he is the licensed realtor.

We met them for lunch to walk through my needs and the properties they had previewed for us. We had a nice lunch and they're a lot of fun. We narrowed the initial list down to three, including the one I mentioned. We'd do it last.

"So Aina, why don't you go to our school?" I asked. Yes, not in our school, but working at her age, which is unusual.

"My parents won't sign," said Aina, with regret.

"Why not?" I asked, being the blunt person that I am.

"They think I am sweet and innocent and don't want me corrupted," said Aina.

"So they don't know you and Basilo are lovers?" asked Bob. They both smiled.

"They suspect," said Basilo. "I think the problem is temptation. They want Aina, particularly her dad."

Ah. We've crossed this before. We will come back to that. We finished lunch and headed out to the first apartment. We did tell them that they had to stop until she is in school and then only on campus.

Bob didn't think I was spending enough, but I liked my choices. The first place was a 5/5 and midsized. I admit, I liked it better than I expected. It was furnished and I liked it a lot. Bob clearly did, too.

"I like it more than I expected," I said. Everyone agreed. It was on the maybe list.

The second place was an entire building. Commercial first floor and then three floors of apartments. It was quite nice, but not perfect. It was off the list.

The third place was the triplex. It was a ten-story building, and this unit was the top floor, plus the attic above. The views were spectacular. It was designed so the two apartments would easily be combined with the main apartment, which I would do. That made it a 6/6, but with privacy for the two smaller apartments. What sealed the deal was the four underground parking places.

Bob and his garages. We snapped it up quickly. Then Bob bought the first one, too.

"I like Madrid," he said, which answered any question we might have.

"So, should we celebrate?" said Aina. At the same time she said it, she dropped her dress.

Yes, we all moaned, including Basilo.

Why yes we should. Why is this different? Because it is a consulate now, silly.

You knew that didn't you?

I do understand Aina's fondness for Basilo. Not only is he an accomplished lover, which both Bob and I can now attest, he's hung. Really hung. Only a little longer than average, with a 7-inch (18 cm) cock, but damn. Think a Coke can.

Then go thicker.

A challenge for Bob, but Bob is always up for a challenge.

Don't you love a good challenge?

Aina's parents

Bob, here. We were going to surprise Aina's family. She has an 11-year-old brother, Manel, who, as she puts it, fucks her often. Admittedly, she said it while bouncing up and down on my cock, but still. We were all pretty well-dressed, so it shouldn't freak them out too much.

I hope. Aina told them that she and Basilo had made a major sale today and their clients wanted to take her entire family out to dinner.

Which was all true. We have learned one thing, and it comes off a little rude, but we don't mean it to. We came just a little late. That way, if they are a little freaked out, we can get the intros done before they can escape. Seriously. Once we become people, it works out. If we arrive first, we've seen people spot us and turn and leave.

I don't think I'm that intimidating. I'm a freaking nerd from Florida. OK, that made Natalie laugh, but still.

"Dude, come on," she said. "You're fucking gorgeous, you're married to possibly the only person in the world more gorgeous than you, plus you're married to Pari, who is off the charts everything. Don't get me started on Rylee. OK, get me started with Rylee, but that's a different context. You have more money than most countries, including owning a country, you have sex multiple times a day with damn near anyone you want, and, to top it off, pretty much the entire fucking world knows you're the best and most caring lover in the world."

Well, if you put it that way.

"You realize all that makes me feel completely ridiculous?" I said.

"Which makes you even more fucking desirable!" shouted Natalie.

Aina, who was in the back seat, leaned forward.

"Dude, she has a point. I've never met you before, but I knew all that. Especially the best lover in the world thing and I have to tell you, your reputation doesn't even do justice to it. I will enjoy sex with others, but it will never, ever be better," said Aina.

"I suppose I should be offended by her points, but hell, I agree with every single one of them," said Basilo, with a laugh. "You could take over the world with sex. Hmm. I guess you already have."

Embarrassed. That's all I am right now.

"I've never wanted you more," said Natalie, laughing. It's tough when they can read you.

We got to the restaurant and let Aina and Basilo go in first. We held back for almost ten minutes. Weird, I know. You know how we would normally fill an available ten minutes, but not this time. Going in smelling like sex with my 12-year-old friend might not send the right message. Although I doubt there is anyone that would surprise anymore. We finally walked in, and the buzz started. I am sure it didn't help that I was holding Natalie's hand. I think it is just habit, since I pretty much do it with everyone. There is a fantastic shot of me walking through the Rose Garden holding the President's hand. Now, you're assuming Chris, and it could have been, because I've been on that walk, but this shot was me with Kyrsten. Walking with a person, I take their hand. Hell, I walked through Athens the other day holding hands with Blake.

We don't fucking care what anybody else thinks. I do laugh, because there was a bit on MSNBC recently about the new trend of men that were just friends and even straight holding hands. I don't know exactly where they got it, but it was me walking into the White House holding hands with Orlando. Well, he is my son, and on the other side I was holding hands with Jessica. How is that different? They cropped out Jessica. We called them on it.

OK, that was a tangent. We got to the table and both of Aina's parents just stared at us. Her dad, Felipe, and her mom, Carme, looked kind of startled. Then I realized. They weren't staring at me.

They were staring at Natalie. Felipe quickly jumped up and introduced himself and his wife.

To Natalie. I finally just sat down. They started talking about Physics. It's not that it was beyond me, at the level of their conversation, but, oh hell, it was beyond me by the second sentence. Her brother, Manel, was right in the conversation.

So was Aina.

It turned out that Felipe and Carme were both professors of Physics at the University of Madrid. Finally, after about ten minutes Natalie stopped.

"I don't get it," said Natalie. "You clearly have two brilliant children. You absolutely know that you are taking away an opportunity by not having them in our schools. I don't care what is bothering you, get over it. You're screwing your children by not screwing your children."

OK, that last one had some zing to it. Carme made a little weak argument about being Catholic, but Manel called her on it.

"We didn't even go to Easter Mass. You're not much of a Catholic, and Aina and I are atheists," said Manel. "We want to go. We should both be freaking adults."

"Not yet. You're kids," said Felipe. Manel was clearly pissed and Aina was not far behind him.

"I don't mean to intrude, but can I share my experience as a parent with children that are in the school and some that have gone through the entire program?" I said.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Felipe. "What have your kids accomplished that makes you so proud?"

"Well, until recently, one of my daughter's was the President of the United States. My son recently held the same position in Russia. Another son is a doctor and he's 5. Do I need to go through more kids? I have nine of them."

I think it was the nine kids that gave it away to Carme. Felipe still didn't get it. Carme was tugging on his sleeve, but he wasn't having it.

"None of that is remotely possible," said Felipe. "The only way that could be true is if you're the King."

"He is the King," whispered Carme. The blood drained out of Felipe's face. He started to stammer something, and I held up my hand.

"Stop," I said. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm just some young guy in a suit that came to dinner with a young girl that is famous. What I really am, though, is a caring father that has seen his kids succeed beyond their wildest dreams. I've seen dozens, no thousands, of other kids succeed. We have millions in our system now and the median age of high school graduation dipped to 8. For their first bachelor's degree, the median is still 8. Do you get my point?"

"They can't be legitimate degrees," said Felipe. Natalie laughed.

"Well, that's sad to hear, considering I'm a graduate," said Natalie. "And you both teach at one of our universities." That stumped them a bit.

"But she's a baby," said Carme. I admit, Natalie and I both laughed.

"This is such BS," said Aina. "You know it is the right choice. You won't do it because then you could fuck us and that freaks you out. You want to, but your fucking religion thinks it is wrong. Stop being controlled by that shit. It's ruining my fucking life. Fuck us. Don't fuck us. Whatever you want. We'll deal with it, but you are going to freaking agree that we can go to that school. Your school!" She kind of shouted that last sentence.

"How do you handle this?" asked Carme.

"I'm not the best to ask," I said.

"Fuck that," said Natalie. "Bob's the best in the world and I can tell you that from experience."

"Sorry," thought Natalie. "I shouldn't have done that."

I just smiled at her. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

Carme and Felipe started jabbering at each other in a fairly rare dialect of Catalan. Aina and Manel just sat there, trying to look uninterested. That's when Natalie snorted.

Which stopped the conversation. They both looked at her.

"I'm sorry, but your argument had reached the ludicrous stage. You're both arguing for positions you don't believe in, because you think that's the position of the other one. Good God, your communication sucks. Just in bed alone, you need to communicate more. I'll bet your sex is boring," said Natalie. Their expressions agreed with her.

She said this in the dialect.

"Natalie and I would be glad to put on a little coaching lesson for you," I said, in the dialect.

Manel snorted and Aina spit out a little wine. Carme and Felipe looked shocked. Out of all that was going on, their realization that both kids understood every word they said was their big shock.

"You understand this?" said Carme, staying in the dialect. Just assume we are now.

"Good grief, mom," said Aina. "We learned it when I was 4 and Manel was 2. It was pretty easy to derive the context, because you switched to it and told us you were going to take a nap for a bit. Your naps never last more than about ten minutes and let me tell you, what we heard was pretty bland. Still is. You haven't changed your story or your sexual skills. Even Manel and I are better at it then you are."

"I don't think they knew about that," said Natalie, switching back to Spanish.

"Yes, we did," said Carme, softly. Now we all have our eyebrows up.

"We live in a two-bedroom apartment," said Felipe. "You heard us. We heard you. Your sex life is better than ours."

Well, ain't that a turn of events.

"This is weird, offering up my friend, but you really do need to let Bob teach you," said Natalie. "You can learn from me, too. We'll demonstrate."

Carme just rocked through a small orgasm.

"Oh please," said Manel. "You teach at a Dionysus school and are that bad at it. You're not even going to the wrestling rooms, are you?"

"The temptation would be too great," said Felipe, sitting up straight.

"You are missing the entire point," I said. "Sex is joyous. Sex isn't love. Love involves sex. Learn the difference. Look at Aina and Manel. They're fucking like rabbits, but they already know they're not soulmates." They both nodded, but I saw it in their eyes.

"Their soulmates are Nicolau and Nuria," said Carme.

"Yes, but not exactly as you suspect," said Aina. "My soulmate is Nuria, and Manel's is Nicolau."

"We know," said Carme. "Thin walls, remember?"

Oh good grief. I guess Basilo is just a boy-toy, isn't he? That got me a smile from Aina. Which doesn't surprise me.

"We're going to a wrestling room, right now," said Natalie. "To watch. You'll see what we mean, and we can point out a few ideas to you without freaking you out by having Bob and me show you."

Carme and Felipe looked at each other.

"We'd rather learn from you," said Felipe. "If the rumors are true, I hope Bob can teach me things I have never experienced."

"And you for me, Natalie," said Carme.

"OK," said Natalie. "But I strongly suggest we include Aina and Manel."

Felipe and Carme both moaned, loud enough for the small family at the next table to notice. And smile. The young man is holding his sister's hand. Oh boy.

It was Felipe that surprised me. He stood up and walked over and introduced himself to the family. Just then the waitress walked up to the table and handed Natalie two receipts.

We could see the father at the next table point at the waitress.

"Oh, you're all set," said the waitress, to the father. "This young lady asked to pay for your meals when she came in. She's a generous tipper, too."

"When we came in?" said Carme. "They sat down after us."

Natalie just shrugged. I feel ya, Carme. It confuses me sometimes, too.

It was Natalie that took the initiative though. She went over and sat with the family. I don't know what she said, but we're headed to campus with both families.

Feels like a win.

And it was.

It turns out that once Carme and Felipe started communicating, their sex life was pretty impressive.

Now, this is where you expect that Natalie and I taught them things. We did not. Aina and Manel did.

I learned three things. One of them with a spatula and I checked later, and it was new to Jessica, too.

That really surprised me.

It's already up on Jessica's microsite.

You know what really surprised me? I think they're a quad.

No, not Aina and her family.

The four adults. Carme, Felipe, Martina, and Pau.

The couple from the next table.

Or...

Aina, Manel, Paia, and Biel.

Plus Nuria and Nicolau, of course. They joined us on campus.

A sextet.

So far Natalie's first day is going well. I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

It's my first day

Natalie, here. It's my first day. I'm not that worried about it. I've been teaching for a while in Montreal. I'll just use mostly Spanish here. No biggy. When I walked in, I had a first goal. I had to find the person that has my back and also find my nemesis.

Everyone needs a good nemesis. They're the skeptics. Maybe in me. Maybe in what I've done.

Maybe in everything.

I walked in and stood at the front of the class. About half the people saw me and took their seats. Most of them recognized me and worked to quiet those around them. Right in the middle, in the sixth row, was a young woman with a little smirk. Maybe 10, or even 9.

I'd found the person that has my back. You can tell.

One guy, a little farther up, and a bit to the left, was the last one to quiet down. He was way too proud of himself and apparently I was an imposition. He turned around and saw me and sneered.

"Sit down, Jose Luis," said my girl. "You can talk when you win your first Nobel like she has."

Jose Luis snorted.

"Be quiet, Maria Jose," said Jose Luis. "I don't want to listen to you here anymore than I do at home."

Well, sure. Brother and sister. 10 and 19 or so. I would find out they were 9 and 19.

"I just want to know who Jose is?" I asked.

"Our father," they both said. Maria Jose yelled "jinx". Then she started cackling.

"God, he hates this. He'll pay off and hate every minute of it, because I am a vastly better kisser than he is," said Maria Jose.

"Like there is any truth to that," he said, almost puffing out his chest.

"I heard a challenge," I said.

"And how would you judge it?" he said.

"The class votes," I said. "You both kiss me. You don't have to. No one will shame you. It was just a challenge." Yeah, I almost spit out that last word. Jose Luis almost ran down the stairs and gave me a truly terrible kiss. As in the class moaned and not in a good way. He seemed to equate kissing with mauling and was just attacking my breasts. I wouldn't mind if he was any good at it. He was sloppy, too, and at one point appeared to have licked my nose.

He stepped back triumphantly. A young man of about 11 got out of his seat and walked over.

"I am Alvaro," he said. "I am 10. Please let me demonstrate." I was waiting for him to come in for the kiss, and he did.

With Jose Luis. Alvaro put his hands on Jose Luis cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss. It was one hell of a kiss. As in, there was a growing wet spot in Jose Luis pants. Good.

Alvaro stepped back and smiled. The room clapped and he bowed and started to walk away.

"Hold up," said Maria Jose. "There are two of us up here who you haven't kissed."

Alvaro walked back and kissed Maria Jose. We all saw her go over. Alvaro gently put his hands on Maria Jose's waist. To hold her up. She fainted briefly.

Alvaro turned to me and smiled.

"I've got a contest to judge here," I said. "Meet me here at 1700. You can be my first guest for dinner and breakfast."

Alvaro smiled and bowed and took his seat.

A young woman higher up raised her hand. I pointed at her.

"Do all of us get a similar invitation?" she asked.

"Everyone, listen up," I said. "Until I get to know you, please introduce yourself when you speak. Once I remember, I'll call you by name."

"It's Nerea," she thought to me. I admit I snorted.

"And the answer is yes, of course," I said. "If Alvaro is amenable, perhaps you would join us tonight."

She looked imploringly at Alvaro. I could tell the suggestion rocked him back and then he smiled.

"I would be honored," he said. Oh! Coming up on stage was out of character.

And he is sweet on Nerea.

Win freaking win.

"First we're going to judge the contest," I said. "Then we're going to spend an hour walking around and meeting each other. If you feel a spark, suggest that they join you for dinner at my place. Pair up. Maybe a trio if you're feeling it. Let me know and we'll schedule the night. I'm here for a semester. I don't want any lonely nights. Now, you've all had the speech. No pressure. Just good fun. Feel free to pass on dinner and breakfast. You can always come for dinner or breakfast fully clothed. I don't bite. Usually."

I turned and Maria Jose came in for the kiss. We put everything we had into it.

We woke up with Jose Luis leaning over us. We were both a little dazed.

"You both went off so hard you fainted. You're also lying in a very large puddle you created," said Jose Luis. "I concede the competition to you, Maria Jose. We are far apart in age, and I was not respecting you as a peer. We're in the same class. You're smarter than I am. I apologize."

"Would you be my partner for dinner and breakfast?" asked Maria Jose, so damn sincerely.

"Will you marry me?" he asked.

"Not really an answer to my question," said Maria Jose to laughter from the room. "Yes, but you have to promise to take direction in bed."

"Anything for you," he said.

I love it when a plan comes together. We all walked around and did introductions until I got to a group of four. Two young men and two young women.

Adrian, Carlos, Yolanda, and Susana. The boys are 11 and the girls are 9.

Adrian and Carlos are brothers. Yolanda and Susana are sisters.

Both are sets of identical twins. Yolanda and Susana were arguing on the pairings. Neither could make up their minds between the boys, who just looked bemused. I walked up and did the intros, which was how I got all that info.

"We don't know what to do," said Yolanda.

"Yes, you do," I said. "You all do."

"Can we do that?" asked Susana. The boys are still clueless.

I just nodded. Susana turned to the boys.

"Will you boys both marry us both?" said Susana. It appears to be proposal day.

That's when I figured out they were two sets of twins from the same family.

When Susana asked me if that mattered. I assured her it did not.

"Can all four of us come to your house?" asked Adrian. I admit I laughed.

"It is encouraged," I said.

"OK, everyone back in your seats," I said. "We're actually going to have some class time. Today's discussion topic is interplanetary travel. We'll start with the assumption it is possible and simple. For example, assume my plane can do instantaneous interstellar travel. What are the implications?"

"My name is Andreu," he said. "You didn't ask, but it might be helpful to know I am 8." He paused for a moment, clearly expecting a response. I admit I laughed.

"Doesn't feel like an issue given I am 12, now does it?" I said. Andreu is smiling right now. Andreu is hard right now, too. Pretty impressively for 8, too. He's also freaking gorgeous.

"I think the conversation is interesting, but what is the point?" said Andreu. "I know you've proven that it is possible, but at great expense. You can't have made it commercially viable yet. That's decades if not centuries away if it can even be done."

You know exactly what we do in this situation.

Nothing. Just standing there smiling at Andreu.

"Oh come on," said a young woman. "Oops. Sorry. I'm Llucia and I'm 15. There is no way you are that advanced. Just no way."

"OK," I said. "I'm going to share this with permission. I am not asking you to keep it a secret but am asking you to not go to the media with it. I suppose I can't stop you, but we appreciate discretion."

"Discretion above all," said Aina.

Yep.

"And sure they can," said Ania. "They're proven their ability. When they first did it, ion-power was not as developed. I have been following their research and clearly they can make enough power even on a plane as small as the S-88. So yes, I believe they can do it. Reliably and affordably. How many planets have you visited?"

OK, do I answer? Yes, discussed this with the council, too. Up to me. They were not helpful.

"Almost 3,000" I said.

That quieted the place down. I needed to bring them back.

"Fucked on everyone," I said.

Eyebrows hit the ceiling on that one.

"With a different partner on them all," I added.

Now they're imagining me with almost 3,000 different partners.

Like that put a dent in my little black book. No, I don't literally have a little black book. I am not sure I could even lift it if it was a complete list.

I'm a horny little thing.

"I'm Raimon," he said. "Apparently I am the old man at 22. If I am crossing a line, I apologize in advance, but for anyone in the room, especially the men, there are rumors of a planet where a man can have over 30 consecutive orgasms and then recover and do it again."

"First," I said. "Your phraseology was poor. A more accurate statement would have been anyone with a penis, or even cock."

"Yay!", said a young woman, who immediately blushed.

"Sorry, just loving school," she said. "I'm Mariona, I'm 14, and I have B cups and a 6-inch (15 cm) cock."

"Well, girl," I said. "You might just have to move right in."

Well, come on, she's gorgeous, clearly whip smart, and, you know, tits and a cock.

Did I mention the group moan?

Understandably so.

Mariona will be a popular addition to many a dinner and breakfast.

Yay!

Oh, apparently including tonight. With Nerea and Alvaro.

Feels like a win. Better balance, you know. Two cocks.

Yay!

It felt worth repeating.

I am not going to narrate every night in Madrid. You would wear out your cock masturbating to the stories.

Spectacular.

I should mention that Mariona did actually move in.

Whee!

Maybe I overshot

I invited all of my classes to spend the weekend in Arteixo. What I had failed to do was count the number of people that included. 335.

Oops.

I called the one person that could step into the crisis and fix it. Maybe. Hopefully. Now, you're assuming I meant Bob. OK, we all had a nice laugh, now didn't we? Then again, if I had called Bob, he would have fixed it the same way I did.

By begging Jessica. OK, maybe not begging. It is more putting up with her laughter. She assured me it would be fine. Then I looked up room availability.

Which I probably should have done first. There are zero rooms available. Ruby was having a party.

Double oops. I actually called Jessica in a panic.

"Who did you call to fix this?" asked Jessica.

"I called you," I said, in what I realized was a cross between a pout and a whine.

"And who is going to fix this?" she asked.

"You are," I said, quietly.

"That's right, if you leave me alone. Have everybody on the quad, ready to go, at 1800 on Friday," said Jessica. Then she hung up.

I guess I was bothering her.

I'm walking onto the quad now. There must be a thousand people on the quad. There were little booths set up, which showed you which line to get in, depending on your last name. You walked up and the system issued you a badge, already with a picture. Mine is me on stage, receiving the Nobel. I'm little and beaming.

One of my favorite memories. I saw Aina and realized her parents were with her and so is Manel. That didn't surprise me. They're both in my class now. What surprised me was their parents had lanyards and badges, too. They could tell I looked confused.

"You didn't know that Jessica contacted us all and told us all to bring our families?" asked Aina. I shook my head no.

Just then the sky darkened, and ten E-111 airliners floated down and stopped about 300 feet up. One at a time, they landed, and filled up and were sent on their way. I found Jessica and stood next to her. She and I got on the last plane.

I started to say something several times, and Jessica just kept laughing and shaking her head no. She wasn't even going to listen. It is a quick flight, and we got there fast.

Come on. Just come on.

There is a new tower. A hotel, or apartment complex. I turned to Jessica. I wasn't stopping this time.

"I was here last weekend. That building was not there," I said. Jessica laughed.

"Then where did you plan on putting everyone?" she asked, all innocent and shit.

"Thank you," I said, and she laughed again.

"I live for this shit," said Jessica. "And over a hundred of their siblings are 4, 5, and 6. Mom issued them all a blanket 7-year-old exception. I'm gonna have fun."

"Lots of fun," she added.

That last sentence was about fourteen octaves lower. Damn, Jessica. She just laughed again. We walked in and everyone was milling about in the lobby. Read that again. The lobby easily held a thousand people.

This is not a small tower. Jessica jumped up onto a table. The entire group sucked in and held their breath and Jessica laughed again.

"Not right now, but maybe later," she said. Everyone let out their breath. Roughly a hundred of the people were extremely disappointed. No, that's not fair. The exception is anyone up to 17.

Including me.

I jumped up on the table with her. Wait.

"How many of the thousand are under 18?" I asked.

"803," she replied.

"And you have a 7-year-old exception," I said.

"Oh yeah," said Jessica, who then vibrated through a small orgasm to the delight of the crowd.

Being me, I kissed her. We both vibrated through an orgasm. Then I stood up, bringing Jessica's polo shirt up and off in the process. She laughed and did a little shimmy.

I was smart enough to cover my ears. So was Jessica.

It was loud. Finally everyone calmed down and someone handed Jessica a mic. The person that did kind of hung around in that spot for a bit. A cute young guy. Jessica laughed and turned and faced me and flipped up her skirt.

Giving me, and everyone else in the room, the same pussy shot that the young guy had been getting.

I just slammed my hands back over my ears.

That's when Jessica reached down and pulled off my shirt. Not to be outdone, I shimmied out of my skirt which made Jessica laugh and drop her skirt.

Here we are. One minute into the lobby and Jessica and I are naked. You absolutely knew what was going to happen. It was like the wave. It started with the people in front of us and worked its way to the back. I was impressed that everyone carefully folded their clothes.

Every. one.

Finally Jessica could speak again.

"OK," said Jessica. "Everyone's tag has their apartment and room number, and the badge is your key. For some families, you have an apartment. Others decided to all break up and get assigned a random bed on each of the three nights. Others were in the middle and are sharing an apartment with another family."

A young girl raised her hand.

"Can we individually change groups?" she asked, and Jessica laughed.

"It's in your profile in the app," said Jessica. People everywhere were digging through their pile of clothes and finding their phones.

Jessica's and my phones both beeped. Jessica looked at her phone and laughed. She looked back at the girl.

"Are you Cierra?" asked Jessica and the girl nodded with excitement. I'd guess at about 6.

"And who is Mauricio?" asked Jessica to the crowd. The little girl moaned. Oh boy. A young man of about 13 walked up. Mauricio is naked. Mauricio is smoking.

Mauricio is Cierra's cousin. The light bulb went on for him.

He moaned. I think that is when he realized that Cierra has an exception. He reached down and picked her up.

And walked away with her, heading towards the elevator.

"I'll be up shortly," said Jessica. Both Cierra and Mauricio threw a thumbs up.

Then the elevator door closed. To cheers from everyone.

I missed that one. My ears are ringing. I took the opportunity to look at my phone.

"Who is Konner?" I asked of the crowd. I saw movement in the crowd and finally a young boy pushed through the crowd.

"I am Konner," he said. This kid is young. As in 4 young. Really? This is who I got assigned to?

Then he smiled up at me.

And caught me when I fell off the table. Actually freaking caught me. Or so they tell me. I'd passed out from the orgasm his smile caused.

I give the little guy credit. I am easily twice his size and he carried me to the elevator and right inside. Once the door closed, he set me down.

That's when I noticed this tiny little guy has a very respectable 4-inch (10 cm) cock. He waved me to lean down a bit and kissed me, while gently stroking my clit.

This elevator will require clean up.

In deference to his age, I won't tell much more of that story, but I will remind you that he has an exception.

Damn. In a good way. Konnor is a new friend. For sure.

Two parties in one

A Bob move. That's what Natalie did. A Bob move. Over commit. Completely fail to plan. Ask Jessica to fix it. Most of us have done it. OK, I never have but still. I would have had the tower built four months ago without a clue why I was doing that. Have you figured out this is Ruby?

Then again, I have no doubt that Jessica had that tower staged somewhere knowing she would eventually need it. A lot of people talk about me as the most powerful.

Not even freaking close. Jessica and Bill. By far.

Anyway.

My event is the annual Costco celebration. OK, the first year, but still. Now, you're assuming that it was a senior executive retreat.

No.

There are some leaders here, but only if they were voted to be here. Let me back up. There are 782 Costco stores. Each store could send two people. The two people that were voted to be here by the store employees. Whoever they thought deserved it. Now, before they voted for someone, they had to ask their permission. Why?

Because it is one of our parties, and we only invited them, not their families.

Tempting as that might be. Next time. I'll need some place bigger. Lizzie sure needs one. There are over 11,000 Walmarts. That's over 22,000 people.

Just imagine when Peaches has a party. Or Belen.

I might need to finagle an invite.

Pretty sure they'll give me one. I am Ruby!

Come on, I'm laughing. It is all hooey.

Now, our party is interesting. 1,564 employees. A nice scattering of royals. OK, a damn big group of royals. The parties sort of mingled pretty quickly.

Joyfully so.

Now, you're assuming most of the weekend was all of us naked, but it really wasn't. These are two groups not quite as used to all the nudity. So we set up an entire ballroom as a closet. Our kind of closet. We encouraged everyone to change as many times as they wanted and to take anything they liked home.

It's not exactly going to bankrupt me.

I invited Gael to bring in a team of photographers and treat the entire weekend as a photoshoot. We did it for fun and made sure that every guest had multiple incredible shots of themselves and their families.

And we hired a pretty large swath of them. As models.

I got to know a few of those even better.

It was a hell of a weekend.

I spent a lot of time with Natalie and Jessica.

Plus lots and lots of cock. Lots. Lots of lots.

982 under 18.

In Jessica's group. Now, Natalie and I don't have that limitation but, you know, Jessica.

That doesn't add in the under eighteen from Costco. A surprisingly large group.

I am a little sore.

Me!

Interviewing a major domo

I hadn't gotten around to it. It upset Bob. It upset Bob enough that he is coming back to Madrid and on Saturday we are interviewing candidates. Which he arranged and prescreened.

We have over 1,200 applicants. Bob narrowed it first to fifty and did interviews. One-on-one. With the King. I'll let him tell that story, but one of his tests was whether they were intimidated and also how bold they were.

He wanted me to have someone to play with, too.

Our interviewing and hiring criteria may be a little different than you are used to.

It's awesome.

Bob narrowed it do to three candidates.

Hernan, who is 13, Gitana, who is 9, and Marjun, who is 15. Boy, girl, boy.

Now, I really have no preference. I want someone that is good at the job. Honestly, a cock would be nice.

Isn't it handy that they all have cocks?

Yes, the moan is implied.

Bob invited them all to spend the afternoon with us.

On the space station. As he put it, they need to be comfortable with the Gamma lifestyle. I read their profiles.

They will be.

We all met at my apartment. Let me tell you, it was tough leaving the apartment. My God, Bob has great taste. And tastes great.

Let me start.

Hernan is about 5'5", really thin but with definition. He has an easy laugh and just feels comfortable to be around. He also has a nice 5-inch (13 cm) thin uncut cock.

A nice ass cock.

No, I haven't seen it in person yet. Just their profiles.

Gitana is small in stature. Only 4'3". Petite, but with the smallest of nipple bumps. Now, I chose in stature intentionally. You see, she has a thick 6-inch (15 cm) uncut cock.

Very thick. She also has an easygoing confidence that I like.

Then there is the old man. Almost 6'0" tall. Really muscular. He has an average 6-inch (15 cm) cock.

I like average 6-inch (15 cm) cocks. I like cocks of all sizes.

I like cock.

The funny thing is that Marjun might be the oldest, but he is a little shy. I suspect that will change when he knows me better.

And he will know me better.

I pulled Bob to the side before we got on the plane.

"How do you expect me to pick?" I said. "They all seem great."

"I don't expect you to pick," said Bob. "They can only work part-time and you're really busy. This is your team."

"My team," I said. "You think I should hire three people."

"Just think about the company parties," laughed Bob.

"Oh yeah," I said. "Can we just clear this up before we go to Gamma?"

"Your call," I said.

We walked back into the living room.

"OK," I said. "Let's get the pressure out of the way. I'd like to offer all three of you the job. You can work together to come up with a schedule that works for you all. You're welcome to swap around however you want."

"Oh, we're swapping around," said Gitana, with a laugh.

The group moan was a bit loud.

"Now, are any of you uncomfortable with our having sex?" I said. "You absolutely know it is not required."

"Unless you tell us otherwise, one or more of us will likely be in your bed every night," said Gitana. She seems to be in charge.

Harnan and Marjun are just nodding.

"Oh goody," I said.

"Anyone afraid of going to the space station?" asked Bob. "It is, well, space."

"Kind of a dream come true," said Marjun.

"In every way you can use the word cum," said Harnan.

All three are just nodding.

"OK," I said. "Let's go. Let's reserve the one-bedroom apartment to be your office and crash place."

That seemed to make them happy. As in they're hard.

Impressively so. Gitana is particularly fetching given she is in a sundress. Just pushing it out there. We headed up to the roof and got in my S-88. That was another attraction to this apartment. Roof access. We don't worry about if it's structurally sound anymore, since the plane just floats.

Putting out oxygen.

I took us up fast, but we did a lap. I didn't introduce the socks yet. We'll save that. We just floated around and laughed. It is incredibly fun. We finally got the announcement that we were docking, and I turned on the gravity and sat in the pilot's seat while we docked. It is all automated now, but we still have a pilot to be safe.

"Bob, who is here today?" I asked. He just shrugged.

"I don't know, but the five of us have to share a bed," said Bob. "Which means it is pretty full."

"The five of us are sharing a bed?" said Harnan.

Bob nodded.

I think they heard that moan on Earth. Or maybe even Nibiru.

Oh, I'm taking them to Nibiru, too.

Oh God. Priapus.

We actually docked at the royal pod. Kidding. You have to know they would never name it that. Just the family pod and they define family broadly.

"We're a close family," said Bob, giving me a kiss. Not too big of a kiss.

It can be messy.

We went into the living room and Bob was right about it being full. Wall to wall bodies just going at it.

Seriously so.

"We would like our first to all be with you," said Gitana. "And our second with Bob."

"How do you feel about the middle of a train?" said Bob. "Natalie in the front and me in the back."

"Dream cum true," said Gitana. The other two are just nodding and yes we are all naked already.

"And you were serious that we can just go free range," said Gitana.

"Gitana, you're 9, so the perfect age," said a voice. We all turned.

Jessica, with Bill. Naked. Holding hands.

"Actually," said Bill. "Everyone in this group but Dad is the perfect age."

Yes, I got their first. Yes, in three successive trains. Then Bob wandered off.

And the real orgy started. We all learned things. From Jessica. Some from Bill.

Dude has talents.

And stamina.

I now have major domos. Plural.

Whee!

A Blanket on the Quad

My turn to tell a story. This is Cassie. Luke and I did stay behind. Our first thought was the wrestling room, but it is a simply gorgeous day. Too nice a day to fuck inside.

So we're going to fuck outside.

Lead by example, so to speak.

All of our cafeterias have a program where you can get a picnic basket and a blanket. It's really cool and a lot of people use it. I preordered ours and it is mostly a charcuterie plus wine. It took me a few back and forths with the cafeteria manager on my choice of wine. Not that I chose a nice Sauvignon Blanc. That I chose a wine that costs over $100K. As totally ridiculous as it sounds, that's a cheaper wine for us, but the best he had.

Showing him my passport cleared up any challenges.

We headed out onto the quad. There were probably a dozen blankets but they're all just having a nice picnic. Nothing wrong with that, but a nice blanket, some wine, and Luke.

I had other ideas.

Uh huh.

We spread out our food. Ya gotta have food. We spent a few minutes eating and drinking. Glorious. I admit I got a little frisky and pulled down my romper top and pulled Luke to my breast. Not exactly suckling but close. He slipped his hand in the leg hole of my romper and teased my clit while he sucked.

Oh, I just rocketed over. I finally recovered and looked around. We appear to have an audience.

Not participating. Yet. But curious.

Interesting. A few same sex couples, too. A couple with girls and a couple with guys. I'm also pretty sure one of the girls in a couple has a cock.

We notice things. It is a gorgeous day. No one has all that many clothes on.

It is, after all, one of our campuses.

I am feeling frisky, so I pulled Luke's shirt off and then he lifted his butt enough for me to pull off his shorts. Nice hard cock you got there, Luke. Then I stood and did a little shimmy to drop my romper.

I did appreciate a few gasps.

Then I sat down on Luke cowgirl.

God, he feels nice. I sat all the way down and stopped. Luke gave me a little smirk.

He knows me well.

In keeping with my friskiness, I pointed at a young couple on a nearby blanket. They looked behind them, but there isn't anyone behind them. They looked back and then at each other and then turned to us again.

And raised their hands. I admit I laughed a bit and then nodded.

Then ran to our blanket.

"It is such an honor to meet you both," said the smaller boy. "I am Francesc and am 9.

"And I am Ovidi and am 10, said the slightly larger boy.

"Are you comfortable getting naked with us and learning things you have only dreamed of?" said Luke. Being direct there, dear.

"We, um, well, I, we," said Ovidi.

"Ah," I said. "Feel free to head back to your blanket, but we would love to help you fulfill your fantasies."

They both moaned.

"We've never..." said Francesc.

"Nothing at all?" said Luke.

They shook their heads no.

"Even though you're soulmates?" I said.

They looked at each other with simply huge eyes. By now they were naked, which was good, since they both broke into a huge smile.

And came all over each other.

Which seems to have surprised them.

"I've never cum before!" they both said. Word for word.

Then they looked at each other. It is pretty hot.

"Will you marry me?" they said.

Word for word.

Then Francesc just shouted it out. Jinx.

We had to start by teaching them to kiss. Then clean up. Then fucking each other. Then blowjobs. Then fucking a woman.

We're a full-service teaching team.

We spent a fun afternoon and a lot more people joined in. Francesc and Ovidi made a lot more friends. Later in the afternoon I noticed a young woman off by herself on a blanket. She had watched for quite a while. I'd noticed that she discretely had her hand in her shorts a few times but hadn't joined us.

Time to introduce myself. First I pulled my romper back on. Still pretty sticky, but it felt appropriate. I walked over and sat down.

"Hi, I'm Cassie," I said.

"Knew that," she said, with a laugh. "Elisenda. I'm 11 and before you ask, I've never done anything before."

"What's holding you back?" I said. "No pressure, but you know that."

"I'm shy," she said. "That's it. I am also madly in love with Francesc and Ovidi."

"OK," I said. "They don't bite. OK, they do just a little, but it feels great on your nipples."

She stared at me for a moment.

"I'll bet it does," she said, softly.

"Would you feel better if I introduced you?" I said. She laughed.

"I know them pretty well," she said. "They're my brothers."

Well, that's a plot twist.

Just then Francesc walked over.

"Elisenda," he said. "Why didn't you join us? No pressure, but we would love it if you did."

"You would?" she said, just as Ovidi walked up.

"Are you kidding?" said Ovidi. "You are amazing. Smart, funny, gorgeous. If I had to describe my dream woman, I'd just describe you."

That's when his eyes got huge. I looked. So did Francesc's.

"Will you marry us?" they both said.

Elisenda is staring at them.

Neither even shouted out the jinx.

"Yes," she said, softly.

Oh, they celebrated. Luke and I didn't even join in.

Their first two times.

OK, we did coach them.

We'll pay for the wedding, of course.

They're an adorable trio.

Our afternoons often have wonderful outcomes like this.

They just do.

She really did move in

Mariona really did move in. Not officially, but she and her roommate didn't click. Nothing negative, just not buddies. Not even fuck buddies!

What's up with that?

No, that didn't work. I was trying to be funny, but consent is everything in our world. Mariona's roommate didn't find sex all that interesting and that's just fine. Mariona, on the other hand, loves sex.

Loves sex.

Me too.

That's not why she spends so much time here. That's just an added bonus. She spends so much time here because she is the fourth in their quad. Francesc, Ovidi, Elisenda, and Mariona.

Two boys, two girls, three cocks.

But here's the deal. They're an amazing loving quad. That likes pussy.

I have the only pussy in the house.

Oh no. I must put out for the cause.

OK, that didn't work either. Apparently I am not funny. I am, however, a damn good fuck. I also have guests over for dinner pretty much every night. My guests enjoy that I have housemates. Yes, all four of them almost every night.

In other words, I have a small orgy every night.

Dionysus. What can I say?

I am going to miss Madrid. I already told Bob that this house is their wedding present. He gave me a funny look which confused me until I realized he thought that was obvious.

I guess it was.

Natalie encouraged me

Natalie encouraged me. To write this. Oh, Natalie encourages me to do a lot of things.

A lot.

I love spending time with Natalie. We explored parts of Madrid that I never would have found. Fun little shops. Amazing restaurants. Music that you just wouldn't believe.

What did you think I meant?

Yeah, that too.

A lot.

But this is about something different. You remember the line about me holding hands? I do. So what? Even MSNBC started doing bits about how Dionysus men hold hands like it was a bad thing. I called up Rachel. You know. Rachel Maddow.

"Rachel, what the hell," I said. "Why is your network making it a bad thing that I hold hands with everyone? They're singling out that I hold hands with men. So what!"

"It's news, Bob," said Rachel, although I don't think she believes it.

"Why?" I asked.

"Well, it, hmm," said Rachel. "It's, well, unusual."

"Would you like me to send you thousands of pictures of Queen Elizabeth holding hands with women of all ages, including Amy, Pari, Ruby, and more?" I said. "Were any of those considered newsworthy?"

"Well, it, hmm," said Rachel.

I waited some more.

Finally Rachel sighed.

"It is the world we live in," said Rachel, finally. "Women, particularly grandmotherly women, can hold hands with other women."

"I'm a grandfather!" I said.

OK, we both laughed at that.

"So MSNBC has jumped on the homophobic train to boost ratings," I said.

"That's not fair!" said Rachel.

I waited some more.

"That's entirely fair," said Rachel. "Wow. But it is the way society treats it."

"Bullshit," I said. "It's the way your society treats it, not mine."

"So what do you want me to do?" said Rachel.

"Orlando, Blake, and me. Tonight," I said.

"Whee!" said Rachel, with a laugh.

"On your show," I said.

"Less of a whee," she said.

"Really?" I said. "I guess I'm not a draw anymore?"

"You are," said Rachel. "But the network is trying to gain viewers on both sides. You're controversial."

"Seriously," I said. "On both sides. You believe there are two sides to homophobia."

She was quiet for a bit.

"I believe I'd like this network to still be in business," said Rachel.

"Do you honestly believe there is any risk that MSNBC would go out of business, even if it ran at a substantial loss?" I said. "Do you really believe that the right choice is money over people? Really?"

I waited for a bit.

"So you'd take a financial hit to do the right thing?" said Rachel.

"You do realize how utterly silly that question is," I said.

"Tonight," I added. "And figure out who is making these editorial decisions. We're going to talk when I am there."

"She's not going to like that," said Rachel.

"She. Seriously," I said.

"Yeah," said Rachel.

"Not you," I said, carefully.

Rachel laughed.

"No, not me," said Rachel.

"Well, we're going to have a little chat that very well might end up with one less decision maker," I said. "This is just not OK."

"Be here at 7:30," said Rachel. "Wear clothes."

We were laughing when we hung up.

Actually not bad advice. I sometimes forget.

I suppose I should let Blake and Orlando know. So I pulled out my phone to call them.

Stop laughing.

I texted them. I could have just thought to them but we usually text. Thinking to someone can be startling.

We're on Rachel Maddow's show tonight to discuss men holding hands at 7:30

Now, from Orlando I got a simple OK.

>From Blake I got a soliloquy.

Me? On TV? Rachel Maddow? Me? On TV? Why would I be on TV? Me?

See!

You don't have to do it

I'll do it

Original New York apartment at 4

4?

Oh yeah

We'll find ways to fill our time. They're implying that we hold hands because we're fucking. We hold hands because we like each other. We also fuck.

That's kind of well known. There will be others in the apartment.

Maybe I should have made it noon.

I'm going to jump ahead with arriving at the studio. Sorry. The sex was amazing, but no narration today. We had not seen Bianca and Delfina for way too long. I'm thrilled that Bianca is doing well.

Really well, but that's a different context.

You might not remember them. Sheila helped save them back in journal entry 70.

We actually walked over to the studio, and I had to laugh. They caught us on camera as we approached the building. Me in the middle. Orlando on my left. Blake on my right.

Holding hands.

It is kind of what we do. It isn't even sexual. It's friendly.

We checked in and are waiting in the green room. We're all dressed fairly casually. Nice slacks and golf shirts. We each picked a school. I have a DCU shirt. Orlando has a DAU shirt. Blake has one from DEU. Eliville University.

That one makes me laugh.

It embarrasses Eli.

Which makes me laugh even more.

"You should have worn a DRU shirt," said Orlando.

Yeah, no. Dionysus Robertville. No way.

It embarrasses me.

Finally we were called out onto stage. Typical set. Rachel behind the desk. We're in chairs facing her. A little angle so you can see all of us. Same order. Orlando on my left. Blake on my right.

"Welcome to the show gentlemen," said Rachel. "Today's topic is public displays of affection by men and why are they controversial."

"Well, we're terrible guests, then," said Orlando. "Because we don't think they are."

"Bob, your picture has been shown on multiple media outlets holding hands with a wide variety of men of all ages," said Rachel.

There was dead air for a bit.

"Was there a question in there?" I asked.

Rachel laughed.

"I guess not," said Rachel. "Care to comment?"

"On what?" I said. "Holding someone's hand is nice. It's a little contact with someone you like. If we were walking together, Rachel, I'd hold your hand, too. It's just a little symbol of affection. Nothing more. Everyone is reading so much into it. I have absolutely no understanding why. No one questions when I hold Amy's hand. Or any of my daughter's hands. They don't question when I hold Bill's hand, but they do when I hold Orlando's. It's just weird. It's clearly homophobic. Weird."

"You think it is homophobic," said Rachel.

"Come on," said Blake, jumping into the conversation. "You can't tell me that it is not. Even on your network. It is no different than if I gave Bob a big kiss right now."

"The world is full of misguided people that want to force their small minded values on other people," I said. "They are entitled to their beliefs, even though we find them abhorrent. We don't force our beliefs on them."

"They would claim you do," said Rachel. "That you're indoctrinating children."

"By holding hands with them," said Orlando.

"By having sex with them," said Rachel.

"Not the topic," I said, in a hard voice.

"Isn't it?" said Rachel.

"Feels like a bait and switch, now doesn't it?" said Blake, in equally as hard a voice.

Rachel took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Just a continuation of the topic," she said, stoically.

"Ah," I said. "Direction of your producer."

"Well, I," said Rachel, and then she stopped.

"Feels like we need another guest on the show," said Orlando, adding his tone to the group of hard voices.

"Well, that wouldn't be appropriate," said Rachel.

"You and your producer don't have a choice," I said. Yes, I used my dom voice.

Rachel appears dumbfounded.

"Feels like a good time to go to commercial break," said Blake.

"It certainly does," said Rachel.

"And we're out," said the stage director.

And woman just stormed out on the stage.

"Who the hell do you think you are demanding that I come on to the show?" she screamed.

I just looked at Rachel.

"Does she seriously not understand the ownership structure of this network?" I asked.

"Apparently not," said a voice.

As Jessica walked out on to the set.

"What is a child doing on our set!" screamed the producer.

"Apparently firing you," said Jessica.

Jessica climbed up into my lap and wiggled a bit to get settled.

Cruel, Jessica, cruel.

Which made her laugh a little.

"About 1,200 days Dad," said Jessica.

I think it confused everyone when Orlando and Blake moaned.

It did not confuse Rachel. After all, she's invited to the party.

Duh.

"You," said Jessica to the producer. "Sit your ass down in a chair or get the fuck out of my building." Jessica looked up at the countdown timer.

19 seconds.

We're all looking at the countdown timer.

"Is she serious?" said the woman, to Rachel.

"Very much so," said Rachel. "She owns the network."

That knocked her back a bit. She's seeing her career go up in flames.

"Could be an interesting show and you'll still have a job," said Orlando, in a nice tone.

"Could burn your career to the ground," said Blake.

"Not sitting your ass down guarantees that second choice," said Jessica.

In her dom voice. Just because I have not experienced it does not mean I have not witnessed it. She put on a clinic just last weekend.

It scared me a bit. OK a lot.

I can't wait.

"5, 4, 3," said the stage director.

She sat down.

"And we're back," said Rachel. "Joining us for the remainder of the show is our producer and Princess Jessica. For those unaware, Princess Jessica owns Comcast, which owns NBCUniversal, which co-owns MSNBC with Microsoft. I believe Rylee owns Microsoft now?"

"Colby," said Jessica. "Rylee had too much on her plate."

"Your 7-year-old brother owns Microsoft," said Rachel.

"I own Comcast," said Jessica. "I'm 5. Not that weird."

"In your world," said Rachel. "Which comes back to our topic."

"Let me ask a question," I said. "What makes me holding hands with a man newsworthy?"

Now we're all looking at the producer.

"It's against God!" said the producer.

There we go, powering the world with eyerolls again.

"Not this shit again," said Jessica. "Why do you believe that?"

"Leviticus 18:24," she said, smugly.

"You don't know your bible very well, do you?" said Jessica.

"I most certainly do," she said. "I'm a deacon at my church."

"Well, it is 18:22, not 18:24," said Jessica. "And what it actually says is that a man shouldn't rape another man but it is just fine for a man to rape women."

"No it doesn't!" she said.

"Really," said Jessica. "Have you read it in the original Hebrew?"

"Of course not," she said. "The bible was written in English. Everyone knows that."

Jessica looked over her shoulder at me.

"I'm not sure I can fix this level of stupid," she said.

I think the producer's head is about to explode.

"You can't say that about me!" she shouted.

"Why did you assume I was speaking about you?" asked Jessica. That perplexed her.

Yes, I will be rewarded for perplexed.

"Leviticus was written in Hebrew," said Jessica. "I have my master's in religious studies from Oxford and my PhD from Notre Dame."

"Oh, that's just bullshit," she said. "No one your age has that educational background."

"My twin brother is a MD and is the Chief Medical Officer of Harvard," said Jessica. "I have over 60 PhDs and my law degree. I'm licensed in 45 states and 9 countries. My 7-year-old sister is licensed to practice law in all 50 states and 14 countries and has won all three cases she argued before the US Supreme Court. How do you not know this?"

The producer just rolled her eyes.

"Does she have kids?" asked Jessica, of Rachel.

"Of course I have kids!" she said. "Six of them!"

"Jesus," said Jessica. "How sad for them. Let me guess. Religious schools."

"Of course not," she said. "We home school them."

"Really," said Jessica. "You work full-time here, and home school them. Is your husband a stay-at-home dad?"

"No," she said. "Of course not."

"Then who homeschools them?" asked Jessica.

"They follow a curriculum," she said. "The older kids help the younger kids."

"Who helps the older kids?" said Jessica.

"They're older," she said, with exasperation.

I'm getting rewarded for exasperation, too.

Whee!

"I'm reporting her to child services," said Jessica.

"Or," came a voice from offstage.

Which turned into Pari when she walked on stage, carrying six passports.

"Well, that's a bold solution," said Jessica.

"You're all just going to go have sex with each other," she screamed. Well, that's a change in direction.

"Well, yes," I said.

"Sure," added Orlando.

"It will be great," said Blake.

"It always is," added Pari.

Then Pari leaned down and kissed...

Jessica.

The producer is apoplectic.

I am on fire.

"Still reporting her to child services," said Jessica.

"Probably the right choice," I said.

"And you're definitely fired," said Jessica, to the producer. Yes, she has a name. No it isn't worth mentioning.

And Jessica did turn her into child services. It was really bad.

Really, really bad.

It had nothing to do with their lack of schooling and everything to do with the things her husband did to the children. Yes, I get the irony, but consent is key.

Remember how South Carolina has four islands? One is a sanctuary. One is a Gamma resort.

We're building out the other two to be very much like the island of LA now. She's kind of pissed about it, but if you remember when we bought them, it was a trip I took with Leslie. So the six kids moved to Leslieville.

And MSNBC stopped commenting on who I hold hands with.

Email me. Comments, ideas, and suggestions welcome

End of Chapter