Date: Sat, 16 Sep 2000 08:52:13 GMT From: james berger Subject: strange life strange life I have finally come to terms with who I am. I am a Bisexual who prefers sex with a female partner to a male partner. However if the opportunity arose I find nothing wrong with imaging myself locked in an embrace of another man. I think that it would be a turn on to kiss, fondle and play with this man. I would love to get on my knees and suck him dry, or feel the long shaft of his cock slamming in to my inviting ass. It turns me on thinking about screwing a man and having him cum as I cum in his ass. I have always look at men but now I know I'm deliberately looking at him because it turns me and I imagine what that cock would taste like. I have standards for the men I would make love to. He can't be fat, but I don't like skinny either. I find that my attraction is to circumcised penises rather then an uncut one. Though I have had both and there is no real difference once there hard. I think this preference is what you are use to and soft uncut cock doesn't look anything but ugly. He must also have a nice rounded butt, that was a great turn to feel the power of the butt muscles as it tighten and released when the person you were sucking was about to cum and their cock was fucking your mouth. I'm turn on by semi-erect cocks? Why, I don't know. I think because of it's state of arousal I would love to feel it grow in my mouth. I enjoy the taste of cum and have gone to eating my own to quench that one desire of tasting the salty essence of man down the back of my throat. My only outlet now is the Internet and all the pictures and story have given me many enjoyable masturbation sessions and lots of cum to eat. Also, with help of my wife. My one remaining questions that does remain is why a man who enjoys, desires and needs the love of his wife; has two children he loves dearly and would not tell of his other thoughts for fear of losing them. How can such a man want and crave sex with another man. To be such a raging queer in his desire to have sex with a man. This duality bothers me more than anything. I feel it relates to my addiction to sex. Starting even before I reached puberty and has been a driving force in my life ever since. Plain and simple a slut who in this case doesn't really care what sex so long as it is sex. I have a control on it because of my love for my wife, but oh, god would I like to do with these impulses. I still have fantasies about other women and that part of my sexuality is still very strong. I sometimes worry that I'm totally queer when out of nowhere comes another pair of long leg, cute butt or tits that drives my fantasies the other way, but now I do fantasy about men. A great ass, a certain look, or a beautiful cock will cause me to take that same look as I do with women. Through my twenties I denied this side of myself. In my thirties those feelings did return and in discussion I tried to tell what my feeling were without saying it. I asked my wife of her feelings and action with other women. I admitted that I masturbated with other boys in my youth. No matter how much you love someone or they love you, you have to be pretty sure of yourself to face that sort of rejection. Through dildo, butt plugs and a wife who puts up with my weird sexual addiction I have some of those urges smothered slightly. In my forties I can look myself in the mirror and say that I have enjoy the act of sex with a man as much as I do with women. I have told my wife in a letter of most of my past actions and my desires. She still by my side and I can discussed my inner feelings and desires with her. Truly a remarkable women. She how ever is not addicted to sex and believes that sex and love are the same thing. Unlike the sexually addicted who don't see them the same way. Maybe there is some sanity in me, because I look but I don't touch. I will not do anything to loose that love and devotion. You can't believe the internal turmoil that drives someone with this many desires. Thank god for masturbation, guilt frees sex. So, after all this rambling what is the answer? Heterosexuals only desire the opposite sex, but I wonder how many of them have this hidden desire. Homosexual though they feel like social out cast still have no confusion about their desire for same sex partners. Is Bisexuality a male thing, since I believe that most males are sluts? Their instincts and the social values given them by society drive them. But this statement isn't true because there are female bisexuals and I've known females that enjoyed and wanted sex. So why this attraction to both sexes? God dose have a sense of humor and if can truly see us must be bent over hysterical over this flaw he has bestow on some of us. I have now seen that there is many bisexuals, they explorer their desires on the web. Some only talk and read; collecting pictures of men that turn them on. They have sites were you can watch other men cuming or send pictures of yourself coming. Others who don't know whether bisexual or not, but they enjoy masturbating with other men. They watch or someone watches them. Confusing at best, is this cheating on a spouse? But then the question must be asked of self- masturbation! Is it simply exhibitionist who enjoys and get off by being watch. Some even go to clubs were they can masturbate or be masturbated by other men. No other act of sex is permitted but mutual masturbation. What a turn on. All those horny men and all that cum god it turns me on thinking about it. What a thrill it would be just to be part of the floor for about an hour. There is the group that runs ads or answers them. Most are married and haven't told their wives that they are bisexual or that they are having sex with other men. I wonder about the guilt they must be feeling not telling their partner; or how they resolve these emotions of their actions. You can talk to and meet many of them in on-line chat rooms. Some tell me that my stories of my experiences turn them on that they have cummed while on-line talking to me. I have not had any that caused me to come as we were chatting, but they have turn me on. Several have offered to meet for sex, but as inviting as it may sound I can not find the desire greater then my life now and would do nothing to jeopordies that. One guy has even sent me email pictures of himself Cuming and want some of me. I didn't keep the pictures, his cock was ugly and the pictures were fuzzy. I am about to send pictures of myself so I can get in to one of my favorite of these web sites for free. This in itself is a turn on that my cock can be seen in all states of arousal and cuming by other men and turn them on as some of their pictures turn me on. One might even get turn on enough that he comes looking at my cock. My only outward expression of my homosexuality. It is amazing how that little outward statement of my gay sexuality is satisfying at its own level. So, now I have talk about the confusion of the duality of my bisexuality, but my action don't show anything more then and exhibitionist who talks a good story. Short of the actual act the only evidence is my pass experience, action and feelings. I know if I did not have the emotional barriers that I could enjoy a male lover. So, here are those early experiences and the feeling I have about them. Or some self-righteous justification that I'm fag and I can prove it. My experiences began in a tree house behind Cliff's house. We would take off our shirts but only pull down our underwear and shorts in case someone came out looking for us. I had seen my father and brother both naked, but my cock was the only hard one I had seen until then. It was already hard with though of being sucked on, and seeing two other hard cocks was more of a turn then I could have imagine. The first male to suck my cock was Cliff; it wasn't any better then any other blowjob I had, but I was extremely horny and turned on by the sights and the possibility of sex. The thing that was new and amazing was sucking my first cock. It was my brother's and I reach out and with my hand felt it. I turn it up as I bent forward to put it into my mouth. It was hard, warm and smooth. It felt good in my mouth and I would have keep it there for ever if there was a time limit and I didn't want look like I was enjoy it. There was no disgust or repulsion about sucking on a cock for two minutes. All I could think of was playing again so that I could cum. If I had to suck an occasional cock it really didn't bother me. About the third time we did this I was being suck by Cliff and that warm mouth sucking ever so lightly was too much. I remembered grunting out that I was going to cum. Cliff stopped sucking and look at me as if I were dying. By now it was to late and my first load shot out all over my pants and Cliff's leg and belly. That was when the two of them found out what happens at puberty. Bob wanted no part of it, but Cliff was playing with the cum and still hard. I notice from the beginning that there was something different about Cliff. Bob was adamant that I could not cum in any ones mouth, but Cliff didn't say anything. By now we played at night in a large 8-man tent that was set up in the back yard. In fact we slept out more often then not and the game continued. I noticed that Bob would not suck very hard and was more worried that it had gone passed his time. Cliff however was sucking harder and would not pull off fast when his time was done. I wouldn't cum all the time but did get there after three or four times of playing and shot my load on the ground. Bob would almost jump back out of the way, but Cliff would point it down or off to the side, holding on to it as it shot. This intensified the feeling even more. I found that I enjoyed sucking on cocks and gave Cliff that little harder suck when I did Bob. Neither had reached puberty they could not cum as yet. Bob was bothered by the game so it was off and on depending on his desire. At this time Tim join the game one night. He had caught Karen and I skinny-dipping and twice fooling around. I always thought that everything had gone that far because I was doing it and I had done it with a girl. Thus, it was cool. It may not have even been that and just the right crowd of horny boys. Tim had not reached puberty until a couple of weeks after this. He had the start of hair and was drooling pre-cum all the time. He sucked when he had to, but was more into the enjoyment of being sucked. The second night with Tim there I came in Cliff's mouth. It was so fast that I "forgot" to say I was cuming and after all the choking he assured me it was all right. Two days later I walk home from the lake with Cliff and apologized for cuming in his mouth. He told me it was all right and he understood. Without saying it directly he told me that he enjoyed it and it was okay by him. So slut that I am, I told him that I really needed to cum then and would he mind doing me. He replied that he understood and said he would help. By a stone wall were the path came out of the woods; I pulled down my swim trunks to my knees, Cliff put down his towel and got on his knees and gave me one excellent blow job. I didn't tell him I was going to come, I just moan loudly as I let go. He keeps sucking me until I was done. Rising he wiped his mouth with the back of his arm. I said "thanks man!" and he replied no problem any time. From that moment on for the next three years Cliff was available to me for whatever sexual purpose. I was thirteen years old. The game became more elaborate in that now the winner got suck by everyone and the first person out suck last, and now if four people were playing the first guy out had to suck the other three for two minutes. The second guy out had to suck the other two and so on in reverse order of the way they went out. That way the winner usually came before it was done. It was to much for Bob and with Chuck and Frank now playing. Cliff was forced out because of his age. Tim had now reached puberty and now came down to four very horny thirteen-year-olds who had no problem sucking someone else's cock so long as theirs got suck on. You could not take your mouth of the other guys cock or you were required to suck it twice as long or leave. It was amazing how fast you recovered after cuming at this age and had a hard on by the end of the next game. It was also a turn on seeing all these hot naked bodies each time we played. Each with a hard on that stuck out in front, that was a more turn as you sat there naked playing with yourself and noticing that everyone else did the same thing. It was a turn on having that hot naked body between your legs sucking your cock. I also found that it was exciting feeling a cock slide into your mouth and feel its response to being sucked. About the third time we played I was the first one out and sat there naked watching three bodies appear and two became totally naked. Chuck, Tim and myself were all the same size; Frank was larger by an inch or two. Each of us had hair to one degree or another and each of us had hard nipples; Hard with the excitement I guess. I watch as Tim and Frank both sucked Chuck as they finished, Frank started sucking Tim cock. On all fours I moved to where Chuck was sitting I could see his cock in the dim light of the lantern. There was no need to to pull the cock up to my mouth it stuck straight up. I bent forward taking the head and shaft in my mouth and started sucking. Whenever someone came into someone's mouth it was followed by spitting and lots of water drinking. As time went on this happen less and less. I think everyone was swallowing but would not admit to it, I know I never did. Any way I got into sucking Chuck's cock, I felt his hips move and his hard cock fucking my mouth. It was such a turn on that I started moving my mouth up and down the shaft in time with his hips. In less then a minute I felt the first spray of cum on the back of my throat. I felt that I was choking at first but managed to swallow as fast as I could. It was fantastic to feel the energy of someone coming and taste cum for the very first time. I was hooked and knew I had to taste it again. I pretended to spit it out and move on to suck Tim's cock, I enjoyed sucking his cock and finally on to Frank. Neither of them came, but I know they both enjoyed the suck job. I though I going to cum right there without any one touching me. The second game I won and Tim got the full blast of the load. The games were sporadic at best, but were extremely satisfying; I can say that having that many naked bodies all males around me was a turn on. The biggest turn on was that I enjoyed sucking on cocks and loved the taste of cum. What did change was my relationship with Cliff. We would sleep out every so often, but Bob was there and unwilling to play the game because it was queer. I would go swimming with Cliff; if the card game weren't happening; which was quite often. I took him to my favor skinny-dipping spot in a stream about a half a mile down in the woods. Over time I had move rocks to make the stream pool deeper. There was a nice bank with several trees, which had been well used. We would strip and wrestle in the cool water of the stream. Cliff was always hard and always ready to suck my cock. He would kneel between my legs as I leaned on one of the trees near the bank of the stream. He would stroke my cock with his hand and slowly lean forward and lick the tip and shaft. He then sucks me dry as he had before and would in the future. A couple of times I would suck his cock, I would lick the tip and the shaft. As time went on and the initial nervousness fades are hand would wonder. Cliff would spend more time stoking my cock and licking it, I would also ask him to do different thing. Licking my balls was very enjoyable, but it always came down to suck and fucking my cock with my mouth. I found the more conformable I became that my fingers would rub his arms and along his rib cage. Not for his pleasure as I am a strongly physical person who enjoys the sense of touch. We never kissed or hugged but with mouth, fingers and dick we explored each other. During that summer I had licked cliff's balls and found it a turn on to have his sack tighten around his nuts. Even though he could not cum he always enjoyed the feeling and wanted it when I wanted to give it. School started that year and the sleep outs ended. There were girls to talk to but, there was none that I knew that were into sex and if they were they weren't saying much. We the four would have card game very couple of weeks. It would start as regular poker and as soon as we where alone the real game started. I remember being so turn on that my hands would shake. Each of us had a hard on that that caused are pants to tent out in front of us. It was amazing how much sexual tension there was. Each of us trying to win so we could feel the lips of the other sucking on your cock. I found as we went on I actually enjoyed being naked and on my knees sucking their cocks. Hoping they would cum in my mouth so I could taste their cum. Also, hoping they wouldn't notice how much I enjoyed sucking and eating they're cum. I think that is when I first noticed that most people don't even notice what is going on around them; Especially when their horny and they are receiving pleasure. More then once I lost on purpose just to sit there totally naked and get hard and horny watching the others get naked. They all had different things that turn me on and off. Frank had the most beautiful, long cock that I enjoyed sucking more then the others. It was not the size as much as it's shape and feel that turns me on. Frank how ever was the worse cocksucker. The only thing you got out of him is when he was very horny he would move his tongue lightly on the bottom of your cock and if horny enough it was all I needed. I once suck his cock until he came as a favor; to both of us; but he wouldn't return the favor. Tim had a smaller fatter cock which would fill your mouth and his cum always tasted the best. Tim however, would loose control and start fucking your mouth when he was about to cum. I was once sucking Tim and as time end I pulled off him with a last suck. He lost control and blew his load on my stomach and cock. That was such a turn on I nearly blew my load. I beat off with cum on my cock while I was cleaning up in the bathroom. Cum is a great lubricant and the clean up tasted great. Chuck had a good-looking cock as big as I was at that time. Chuck would suck and on occasion I watched him swallow a load, but it was for his own pleasure. It was very hard to get a fix on Chuck; he could be very cold and arrogant at times. The card game went on very couple of weeks through the winter. By spring time though it was all over and the taste and feel of all those cocks at once was to be a memory. Amazing that much could happen to one person in that time still baffles me. God, though I did enjoy it. Through the fall I would take Cliff to the wood or back to the tree house behind his house for quick satisfaction. A new element came into play that spring. I was now babysitting and making good money. Cliff had convinced his mother that I could watch him when they went out for the evening. It didn't happen often and I guess they figured that with my parents across the road what could happen. If they only knew what was happening. Cliff and I sat on the couch watching TV, I reach over and played with him through his pants, he was the first one I meet that never wore underwear. I had him remove his clothes and sit beside me. I play with his penis; balls and thighs as started leaning on me with his naked body. Finally I suck on his cock for several minutes. I knew he couldn't cum but he was fucking my mouth. After a few minutes I got up and dropped my pants and underwear. Without a word Cliff got off the couch and down on his knees naked in front of me. He would grab my cock and started licking it and sucking it. I don't think I lasted more then a couple of minutes before I shot into his mouth. He made no attempt to spit it out, but swallowed the whole thing and look up smiling. One night we were watching TV and Cliff was in his pajamas. We started wrestling and after several minutes I had him pinned face down and had hook my finger into pajama bottoms. As I tried to roll him over ended up slowly pulling down his bottoms until his ass was exposed. Holding in place and watching his ass bounce up and down, I just started swatting it. He didn't get upset but push his ass up to meet the next blow. I was turned on by the crimson color his very white ass turned and found that I was extremely hard and horny by all of this. I removed his bottom and swatted his ass a few more times as he stood up. I rub my hands on his warm ass and rub his small hard cock with the palm of my hand. The next experience came one night when Tim and I slept out and Cliff had joined us. We were going to play cards or not I don't remember. The discussion had started up about fucking of which I was the only one that had done it and was the only expert. Tim was very aroused and stroking his cock repeat over and over he had to fuck something. I don't remember how or what was said, but all at once; Tim was ready and convinced that Cliff need to pull down his pants so he could fuck him. The idea surprised me and sounded very good all at once. Within seconds Cliff was up and out of the tent convinced he wanted nothing to do with it. I remember telling Tim to shut up as I ran after Cliff. I caught up to Cliff told him to cool down, but the idea sound great and that he would be doing me a favor and he would enjoy it. He was concerned that it would hurt. I don't remember who came up with idea of butter as a lubricant, but I sent Cliff to his house to get some. I return to the tent and told Tim that Cliff would be back and that he should take it easy and slow. I don't think he heard me, he was more intent on watching the tent door for Cliff's return. He never stopped rubbing his hard dick through his shorts. Cliff returns and in no time Tim had removed his short and Cliff was greasing his dick. I had Cliff get down on all fours and after he removed his shorts and under wear I rub a wad of butter on his ass. Tim got on his knees behind cliff and without much hesitation shoved his cock into Cliff ass. I don't think Cliff ever enjoyed it, but I know that I was so horny that I had my shorts off and was rubbing butter on my cock. Tim started fucking cliff like a jackrabbit and with one long grunt he came. Several seconds later he fell out of Cliff and crawled to the other side of the tent. I moved behind Cliff and asked if it was all right if I could fuck him too. He says ok and asks me to do it slowly as it hurt. The sensation of pushing my cock against his ass was incredible. The warmth of his ass, all that butter and Tim's cum made it easy to slide my cock into his ass. I tried to be very slow but the feeling was too much. I started to fuck his ass and remember the sound of slurping as my cock moved in and out. The smell of warm butter on hot sex organs is hard to describe but it still a turn on to this day. I soon lost control and started pounding into his ass as fast as I could. It was one of those cum's that rocks you to your toes and one of several I still remember. Cliff took a towel and start cleaning up my cock which was so sensitive I made him stop. He cleaned himself up and we all went to sleep with Tim muttering about getting himself some real pussy. The next morning I woke up to cliff nude from the waist down and cleaning up the last of our cum from his ass along with spots of blood from his over stretched and over used ass. We threw the towel away in the trash so no one could find it. I thank him for letting us fuck him. He said he like it but his ass was still sore. Several weeks later Tim and I sleep out alone. It was another one of those nights where Tim only wanted to talk about fucking. He was extremely horny and we had strip that night to our underpants because of the heat. Watching him play with his fat cock was enough to make me as hard as a rock. After several times of asking and finally begging me; it was my turn to get the butter. When I got back to the tent Tim was already naked and his cock was sticking straight out. I stripped and warming the butter in my hand I rub it up and down the length of his cock. The smell of melted butter and hard cock was more then enough to overcome any doubts I had about what we were about to do. I took a little more and rub on my ass. I knelt down but was to high for Tim to stick his dick in me. I laid down and Tim tried several times to get in but missed. I rose on my knees slightly and reach back to guide his dick to my ass. Tim was not holding back and fat cock push in with one painful stroke. As he pump away in my ass it became enjoyable. I started squeezing ass together as he pulled out. This only lasted a few seconds and he lost control and started fucking me like a rabbit in heat. It hurt, but what a turn on when I felt him starting to come. I did not feel the cum going in but all night I felt it leaking out of me into my underwear. I laid there quietly and beat off inside my underwear. The rest night I slept with that gooey mess drying and sticking to every orifice. Tim woke me early the next morning and ask me if he could fuck me once more. He told me he was really horny and it felt so good. I removed my underwear and naked I got on my knees as Tim put more butter on his dick. His cock felt so much better sliding in and out. Within a couple of minutes he had lost control again. As his dick started slamming into my ass I feel my asshole clinch down on his cock as he pulled out. By now my cock was hard as a rock and as the heat of the moment rose I came as Tim let loose with spasms as he came in my ass. Another pair of underwear went to the garbage that day with all that heady smelling cum. I made a hard attempt to appear not to be walking bowl legged for the next several days. That was the last time I slept out or had sex with Tim, but thanks to him I no longer have a virgin ass, and enjoyed this new aspect of sex with males. At the end of this summer was when I went off to Boy Scout camp. The first week was a lot of fun and we all had a great time. This was mostly due to our senior patrol leader. He was 17 or 18 and would not stand for any of the shit the sadistic four would try. As they were 16 or 17 years old and the rest of us range in age of 13 to 15. Thus smaller and not as develop as these four were. Are scoutmaster was a non-entity, I personally think he was a drunk, because nothing could rouse this guy after ten o'clock at night. He either never believed or didn't know how to react to anything he was told about the trio. The second week started quite after the sr. patrol leader had left for some reason that I can not remember. Anyway by Wednesday the unholy four let it be known that it was time for all the patrols to be initiated into the troop. There was three tents with a patrol in each. We were to be the first to receive our initiation. The four of them enter the tent and told us that we must all strip down and stand in line. Since none of or even as a group we could not stand up to them. The seven of us strip off all our clothes and stood in a single line on a very warm summer night. The flaps of the tent were open and there was a very slight breeze blowing through the tent. It made it quite comfortable standing there nude waiting to hear what our tormenters had in store for us. They had singled out and were bulling the smallest guy in our tent telling him he had to take the butter and rub on each of our dick and nuts until they told him to stop. The only light in the tent was the four flashlights that they had. In the dim night I could make out the naked bodies of my tent mates, each of us watching as they started pushing this kid around. By now he had started to cry and that is when they started slapping on and around the head. After a few seconds it was to much to watch and like a fool I told them to stop. All four of there lights hit me at once and after asking what I was going to do to stop them they hit me with, "then why don't you do it?". I responded like a dummy fine as long as it got rid of you guys fast. They handed me the butter and reminded me that I had to coat each of their dick and balls and keep doing it until they told me to. It felt good to feel those soft cocks turning hard in my hand. The smell of butter on those hot cock and balls was to much and before long my own cock was rock hard. As I went down the line, the four fools would make fun of the size of each of their cocks and laughing at them calling them little girl fags. The flashlights ran up and down the line of hard cocks, the insults and taunts continued. I was in seventh heaven with all these cocks for me to play with. I wanted to get down and suck the butter off and the cum out of each one. That smell of warm genitals smelling butter permeated the entire tent. When I had finished the last one they told me it was time for me to do myself. The lights all hit my raging hard on at the same time. They started laughing and calling me a real faggot and saying they now knew the real reason I wanted to rub the butter on the cocks. The insults continued and they started with I could suck the cocks if I wanted to. After I told them to fuck off and other insults they began again with you will suck the cocks. I refused and threw what was left of the butter at them. I tried to leave the tent and they jumped me and held me down. They told the other guys to come get their cocks sucked by a faggot. None of them came and by then I had managed to roll over. They sat on me slap at my head and body with hands and shoes. Finally with one sitting on my shoulders and other one holding my legs they push the large slab of half melted butter onto the crack of my ass and mashed in several times with their feet. They left laughing and promising me more fun tomorrow. We did not have showers so I only had the hot water of the latrine and a towel to clean myself. I did not sleep that much that night. The next day several of my friends and myself; went to the scoutmaster asking him to stop the four of them. He response was that we over dramatizing some non-harmful "high-jinx". The day passed with some taunts and names, but with all the activities I could escape the four of them. After dinner until lights out all was quiet. Soon after getting in bed the four of them came in and after a brief struggle I found that I was no match for the four of them and capitulated to going with them naked. No one else stood up to them, mostly because they were glad it wasn't them. We entered the tent and again I was at the task of buttering six more cocks until they were nice and hard. The torment of the humiliation was not enough to over come the feeling and smell of those buttered cocks. In the end I again faced the four of them with a hard cock and put up with verbal abuse. On this night for unknown reason they left me to walk naked back to my tent in the dark. I was humiliated and turn on at the same time. Very confusing for a teenager. On the third night they arrived and as I got out of bed and stripe off my underwear at their demands and followed them again naked to the third tent. As we went the continued their insults and I ignore them hoping it would soon be over. We enter the tent and they had the seven occupants' stand naked as I again buttered and rub each of these beautiful cocks and balls until it stood straight out begging to be sucked. Each of them was called names and assured they must be faggots as they had a faggot rubbing their cocks. They keep an eye on me and commented on how I must have liked this or that cock as my cock got harder. At the end they decided that tonight the last night I should butter my own cock. I was not completely hard but it only took seconds of my hot buttery hands on my cock and it was rock hard. They really had fun with that and again started back on watching me suck some faggot cock. God knows I would have loved to drop to my knees and suck each of those cocks dry. I threw down the butter and pushed my way to the door. Outside they tripped me up and were beating me and kicking me. I kicked swung and pushed with all I had, but could not escape them. Two of them had me pinned to a log and some one was beating me with a branch. This didn't last more then a minute and they released me. As I laid there naked and crying my four tormentors kicked me and spit on me. The final insult was that two of them pissed on me as I laid there and left me there as they went off laughing. I got up and cleaned myself up. I had several welts, felt cheat and dirty but god was I horny and would have gone back and played with those hot buttered cocks if I had a chance. The next day camp was over and I never talk about what happened at camp. I would not go to scout meeting for about a year until the unholy four and the low life scoutmaster had left. But, it was a great turn on to stroke all those cocks at one time and I still fantasize about dropping to my knees and suck each one of those beautiful cocks off. To have all of them coming at once and while on my knees with my mouth open to catch as much as I can. My only homosexual contact after this returned to Cliff. Through the summers mostly and when ever possible in the winter. I found that the longer it went on the more bazaar it got. It was always to see how far it could be pushed and what new feeling could be felt. There were the times we would go to the lake and swim in the early evening. As the summer went on we would have the lake to ourselves. We would swim out to the raft and take off our suits and stash them under the raft. We would swim around and enjoy the freedom. I would float on my back and get Cliff to come up between my legs and blow me. Once I had him climb up the ladder to the raft a couple of steps and stick his ass out. I fuck him right there it was great. A couple of times I slide under the raft and put my suit back on. I grab cliff's suit and swam to shore where I grab his towel. He would come out of the water looking all over to make sure no one was looking and begging for his suit back. I made him follow me across to the path in the woods totally nude and laughing at his attempts to cover himself. Once in the woods near the stone wall where he first suck me off; I would stop and tell him the only way he could get his suit back was to suck me off. He would drop to his knees and pull down my suit, that sweet mouth wrap around my cock was heaven. As time went on, when I was about to cum I would grab the back of his head and start fucking his mouth. He never complained and even after he choked he would tell me he was ok and enjoyed it? I enjoyed the sucking and was looking for gratification, but Cliff would stop and lick the shaft and balls. On occasion he would lick down between my legs. It was the next summer when I would let him fuck me every so often that he first licked my asshole. We had no lubricant and I made him lick it with a lot of saliva. It felt so good that I had him fuck me with his tongue. A couple of times that summer I did the same to him. It was a great turn on and I enjoyed giving him a rim job. It was very much a turn on and made it more intense when I fuck him. When Cliff reached puberty I now had the enjoyment of tasting cum once more. It was a great turn on to kneel or lay naked next to Cliff and suck and lick his cock. By now it was almost as long but a lot thinner then mine, it had bend in it to the left and the head was much larger then the shaft and always very sensitive. It was great to feel his cock harden in my mouth and feel him cum in my mouth. I liked getting him close and stopping. What control with both males and females to listen to them beg to cum. Most of the time I would finish him in my mouth. Sometimes I would just watch as he beat himself off. That final summer Cliff's dog would follow us down to the stream where we skinny-dipped. He had gotten the dog the summer before. This was a strange dog, but we had a lot of fun with him. Right off we found that the dog loved to lick our cocks. It would get a hard on while it was doing it. It loved cum and any time that I fuck Cliff it would come up and lick the cum as it oozed from Cliff's ass. The best turn on it would come up and lick my ass as I was fucking Cliff. A couple of times the dog tried to mount Cliff after I had fucked him while he was on all fours. Cliff wouldn't have anything to do with it and always stood up and yelled at the dog. I always threaten him that I was going to hold him down and let the dog fuck him. I never did, but it has always been a turn on to think about, watching a dog fuck somebody or myself. We would feel sorry for the dog and beat him off every so often. It was amazing to feel his nuts rise up in a large knot to end of his dick before he came. He would shoot his load all over his underside and spend the rest of the day cleaning himself up. I once made Cliff suck the dog until he was close to coming. He complained, but I had a feeling it wasn't the first or last time he had or would suck the dog's cock. I still have fantasies about the possibility of being mounted and fuck by a large dog! Strange but true, I never suck the dog's cock, but that might be interesting to. The end of that summer Cliff moved away and to this day not sure how much further or longer it would have lasted. I enjoyed it and would do it again. I don't think that made me a bisexual but it made me realize that I could enjoy anyone as a sexual partner. My last homosexual encounter occurred six years later while I was in the military. In the service during the Vietnam War you were enough of an outcast. That and the short hair made it near impossible to date any woman. The girls you did meet that would date guys in the military were strange by themselves. This left a lot of time for masturbation. It was a weekend late September when I drew weekend duty. At night we return the truck to the motor pool and catch a shuttle bus to the barracks if no one was around to pick you up. I drop off the truck and had to go to the bathroom. There was a large men's room inside of the warehouse near the loading dock which was all part of the motor pool. I enter the bathroom and there was no one there, I went to the urinal and started pissing. Out of no where this guy appears and comes to the urinal next to mine. Very strange because there are fifteen or so of them and I off to one end. I have always been a cock watcher and when the chance arises I will check them out. He unzipped his pants and out came this huge ugly cock. He wasn't even close to the urinal and all he was doing was pulling on it. My mouth must have hit the floor, because I couldn't take my eyes off his huge cock. By now he was facing me and his dick was fully exposed and all I could do is look and back away from the urinal. He asked me if I liked what I saw and whether I wanted to touch it. I answered no as I moved away from him. He just stood there and finally repeated a couple of times that he would do me if I would do him. I nodded my head yes and all I remember is he put cock back into his pants and led me to one of the stalls. As he came in after me his cock came out once again, I reach for his cock, it was not completely hard but I could barely get my hand around it. He was shorter then me and had a beer gut, and far from good looking. I don't think it was just his cock that caused me to go to the stall with him, I was horny but so was he from the look in his eye. He unbuttons my shirt and told me that my hand job felt great as he rubs his hands over my nipples. He undid my pants and they fell to the floor, he rubbed my cock through my underwear. My cock was rock hard, he point at my underwear and said let's see what you got. I was so horny I would have done anything to feel him rubbing or sucking my cock. I pulled down my underwear and stood back up naked in front of a total stranger and waited for him to tell what to do next. He rubbed my cock and then spit in his hand and starts stroking my cock hard. He looks at me and said that my dick would make a great snack for him after I got done with the main course. He told me to sit on the toilet, as I sat he drop his pants and I was at eye level with his cock. It had to be 11 or 12 inches long and as he held it up and pointed at me. It was not standing up on its own but had downward sag, it was hard and the foreskin never completely uncovered the head of his penis. I reach forward and grabbing it with both hands open my mouth and started sucking on as much as I could get in. I tasted the salty taste of his urine trap under the fore skin, but all I could think about was sucking and tasting his cum as it went down the back of my throat. I struggled to get as much of his cock as I could into my mouth. After several minutes he told me to relax, pull the skin off his dick by pulling with it with my hand and only suck the head. With my hand I slide the foreskin off the bulbous head of his cock and with clinch fist slide it easily up the shaft. I put the head back in my mouth and started to suck. He told me to rub the bottom of the head with my tongue. I gently licked the bottom of the head of his cock and then would let my tongue slide as far as I could up the ridge behind the head of his cock where it drops off to the shaft. I slide my tongue around to the front of his cock and lick and played with his piss hole. By now he was moaning and telling me what a good little cocksucker I was. I want to feel him come in my mouth more than anything and started a slow sucking motion as my tongue and hands stroke away at his dick. I was leaning forward and was aware of my hard on rubbing against my stomach and heighten my desires to feel him cum. He started calling me names and his hip stated to move back and forth in a slow rhythm. He call me the best faggot cocksucker that suck his meat, that's it faggot boy suck my cock, that's it faggot boy you know you like it. All this did is make me hornier and I sucked a little faster to me the strokes of his hips. As he was about to come he grab the back of my head and started fucking my mouth and with one more yell of open your mouth faggot boy here's the load you want he started to cum. Now I'm not sure whether it was the friction of my stomach on my dick or being turned on, but I came hard allover my stomach, legs and dick. He came so fast and deep in my mouth that I only felt it go down the back of my throat. I just sucked until he pulled back his dick probably so sensitive from coming. He stood there in front of me and with his hand milk the vein of his cock up to the head and as the his cum oozed out he push the head towards me and told me to lick it off. Come on faggot boy you know want it. Even after cuming I was still so horny I would have done anything. I closed my eyes and bending forward licked/sucked the cum from the tip of his penis. He pulled his cock back and squeezing it again and let it drool down the side of the side of his cock. As the cock came back I started licking the cum off the length of the shaft back towards the head which I started sucking as he milk more his cum into my mouth. He was into talking dirty and enjoying it as I suck his cock. He pulled his cock from my mouth and told I was a good little faggot and he would let suck his cock anytime. It was then that he noticed that I had cum all over myself and laughing comment that he never had a faggot that enjoyed his big piece of meat enough to come on himself. I always love cocksucking, cum drinker that gets into his work you can suck my dick anytime. With that he left leaving the stall door open laughing the whole way. I clean up as much as I could in the sink and left for the shuttle bus. When I got to the barracks I took a long shower and felt very cheap, dirty and used and knowing I would do again if I had a chance. I wonder for a long time if I was just a faggot and how repulse that sound sitting there and hearing it in my mine. To tell you the truth the next weekend and anytime I had a chance for the next year I would go back to that bathroom, but never ran into him or any one else. Twice I sat in a stall and jerk myself off convinced I was a low life faggot. Now that I look back at those days I realize that there is nothing wrong in what I did. If I had to do over I would do the same, but I think I would enjoy it more and express my affections and desires more openly. Maybe pursue them more aggressively instead of think that I was socially sick for my desires to have sex with men. Maybe my regrets at the unfilled desires would have been filled if I took that next step and treated Cliff as a love and not a sex object. At that time of my life I think I treated anyone I had sex with as an object and not as a lover. Until I meet my wife everything I did was for sexual gratification. What change when I meet her I do not know. If I was not sexually addicted maybe I would not have even considered males as a sexual option or maybe I would be and homosexual. Instead I am I stuck in the middle someplace with a person I love and won't hurt. I will continue to fantasize my Desiree for men and live my life with people I love and realize who I am and what I am. Some may say I am living a lie for not telling all my family who I am; a bisexual, but I believe they don't need the trauma of my sexual identity interfering with their life and finding some stability in it.