Date: 19 Mar 2000 22:24:10 -0800
From: samantha lalalalala <joeysgal@backstreetboys.com>
Subject: A Simple Talk

Hey All-
I'm back! That's right, I am totally, completely, 100 percent back!  and
with a NEW e-mail addy!

Okay, you probably have no idea who I am... It's Gemmi, author of Lance's
Song.  With a new short story called A Simple Talk.

Standard Disclaimer Applies... This is fiction, not reality.  No one
mentioned in this story is gay, at least, not to my knowledge.  Don't read
this if your under the age of 18.

E-mail me at Joeysgal@backstreetboys.com (like the addy?) with comments on
the story.  BTW... part 8 of Lance's Song will be out by Friday... I
garantee!

now, without further ado... read!

*******************************************************
    Today was my first day on the job. Not that it was actually a job or
anything, it was more like an oppurtunity to do something I've always
wanted to do, work with other people.  The building was fairly new, and it
still had that wet paint smell that came with it.  The hallways were long,
uncluttered, and appealed to my more simplistic side.  Never would you have guessed
it was an assisted living home, for people who needed health care, others just
needed people to care about them.Then there were the people who had
given up,on love, on life. They were the suicidal ones, here to make sure they
didn't do anything drastic before they could get help.
    "Tanya!" A voice called out, waking me from my walking day dream.  I
looked around, but didn't really see anyone, so I continued to walk.
    " Tanya!" the voice called out again.  I stopped, looked around, and
still didn't see anyone.  I guess my mind was just playing tricks on me
or something.  But then I spotted an open door a little ways behind me.
Turning around, I walked towards the door, figuring it was Kyle, the manager of
the assisted living home.
    " Kyle, that you?" I asked, peeking into the room.  To my surprise,
I found myself facing someone that I had never seen before.
    " Sorry." I apologized, "I thought Kyle was calling me." The older
man smiled.
    " It's alright." He answered, and then turned around walking back
into his bed room.  Unsure of wether I should follow him or not, I stood
there for a few moments.  That was when I actually took in everything that was
surrounding me.  There were awards of all shapes and sizes on one wall,
I even spotted the firmiliar looking grammy award.  The furniture was old,
ragged. The only way to truly describe it was comfortable. And the
bed... it was an ordinary bed, nothing different about it, but the man lying on it
was. I could tell he had lived a full life, and maybe resented being here,
alone.
    "I'm Tanya." I introduced myself.  I don't know if he heard me or
not, his eyes never left the ceiling.
    "Do you want to be alone?" I questioned. He nodded, and I turned
around, walking slowly out of the room.  "Ah, there you are Tanya." Kyle said,
walking up behind me and startling me. " I see you met Kevin."
    " I didn't actually get his name.  He wanted to be alone." I
replied, walking slowly down the hall once again.
    " Yep, that's Kevin all right. He sort of resents being here." Kyle
explained.
    "Come on, we need to get you settled in before your first day here
as the councellor." Kyle said, leading me down the long hallway.  I smiled.  A
couple minutes later we stopped in front of an unopened door.  A sign on the
nearby wall said counsalor, and I knew this was my room.
    " Thanks Kyle." I smiled, "I'll be fine.  I take it my furniture
arrived yesterday?" I questioned. He nodded. " Great. I'm going to go take a nap
or something, I need to be ready for tonight." I opened the door and walked
inside.  The apartment was spacious, well kept, and looked like home
with all of my furniture in it.  There were boxes everywhere, and I knew
eventually I was going to have to unpack them, but not right now.  I needed sleep
more then anything.

    Some time later I awoke to a knocking at my door.  Streching, I
walked over to the door and opened it.  To my surprise, Kevin was standing
right in front of me. I smiled.
    " Hi Tanya." He said.  I didn't reply right away.
    " Hi Kevin." I finally said, then I stepped back, inviting him
inside.
After he was in, I shut the door to give us a little privacy.
    "I just wanted to say sorry about earlier. It's been a rough month."
Kevin didn't vencher any more information, and I didn't pry.
    " It's fine, Kevin.  I understand." I said softly.
    " Well......." Kevin said, figiting. I could tell he was
uncomfortable.
    " I just want you to know, if you ever want to talk, I'm here." I
said, giving him a way out.  He didn't take it, much to my surprise.
    " How old are you?" He asked, seemingly out of nowhere.
    " 22." I replied, he shook his head.
    " You wouldn't know who I used to be then." He commented. That
caught my interest.
    " Who?" I asked, hoping he would volunteer more information.
    " Oh, nobody." He answered, then without saying a word, turned
around and left.

    That incident was on my mind for the rest of the day.  I finished
unpacking, and after much internal debate, decided not to join the staff
for dinner.  I was new, and officially I didn't start til tomorrow. I didn't
want to waste a moment of my free time.
    Walking into the bathroom, I settled down for a long bath. Hopefully
this would relax me enough so I could sleep later.  The water felt
marvoulous.  In no time at all I was sleeping, My mind wandered, and when I awoke, I
felt more refreshed then I had in days.  It was a shame I was also freezing,
the water had long since cooled off.
    After drying myself, and getting dressed in an old pair of pj's, I
settled into my nice big bed.  Pulling a book out from one of my bags, I
flipped open the front cover.  It was an old book, ratty and torn, but
well loved.  The memorized words fell victom to my eyes, and before long I
was lost in the lives of the four March sisters. Little Women had always
been my favorite book, even now.  The sisters held such love for eachother, for
Laurie.  I had always wondered if I would find that type of love, but
was content enough with my life to only dream about it.   It was safer that
way.

    Morning came much to quickly.  My eyes were tired from a long night
of reading and dreaming.  Still, it was my first day on the job, and I was
looking forward to it.
    Kyle greeted me as I walked into the dining room. It looked more
like a fancy restaraunt, complete with the outside dining area.  People were
milling around, waiting for breakfest to be served.  I was almost in shock.  I
hadn't imagined what a large number of people lived here...but now I
understood.
    " Tanya, ready for your first day on the job?" Kyle asked. I didn't
answer him for a while, I just stood there with a silly expression on my
face.  Then I nodded and sat down, eager for breakfest to begin.
    After breakfest was finished, I went around and met the various
people that were staying here. They were nice, for the most part. Some were
depressed, others sick.  This was why I wanted to be a counsalor, so I
could help these people get on with their lives, so I could help these people
leave this place and go home, where they belonged.
    Then I saw him, sitting in the corner by himself.  He wasn't
actually doing anything but it looked like maybe he needed to talk. I
confidentely made my way over to where he was situated and sat down beside him.
    " Is that offer still good?" He asked.  I thought for a moment, then
remembered I had offered to listen to whatever he had to say...whenever.
    " Of course." I replied, "lets go back to your room."
    "No!" he practically shouted. I just nodded.
    " Alright then, we can go to mine if you want." Kevin stood up and
walked towards my room.  We didn't talk, but I think that's how he wanted it.
Silence was golden.
    Once inside, I settled down on a nearby couch. It was old, ratty,
comfortable; just the way I liked it.  Kevin sat down on another nearby
chair.  I looked at him, but he didn't really look back.  He was to busy
folding his hands together, then unfolding him. I could tell that was
his nervous habit.
    " What do you want to talk about, Kevin?" I asked softly. He
pretended not to hear.  I tried again, "Kevin, what's wrong?" this time he spoke.
    " a month ago. It was a month ago today." I didn't know quite what
to say.  I didn't really want to ask what was, Kevin needed to tell me that
himself. He spoke again. "I'm 47.  God... that's so old... so ancient.
Nick was only 36..." I nodded.
    " He didn't deserve to die!" Kevin suddenly shouted out. "Why didn't
God take me instead?" I didn't answer him.  I couldn't.  Kevin seemed to
sense this, and quieted down.  Then I said 7 words that changed my life.
    " Why don't you start at the beginning." he nodded. This is his
story.

    "I used to be famous. A long time ago.  It was like a different
life.  I had three brothers who I told everything to.  And then there was Nick.
Ever since day one I had liked him... loved him even." he noticed my mouth
open, and nodded. "Yeah, I'm gay." he responded. I just nodded.
    "Why were you famous?" I asked.  He shook his head, almost like
trying to clear a memory out of his mind.  I didn't press him.
    "Ever heard of The Backstreet Boys?" He suddenly asked me. I nodded.
They were a legend.  Everyone knew who they were, what their songs were.
Even now, nearly 15 years after their break up.
    " I grew up on their music. My mom was a big fan." I reponded.
    " what was your favorite song?" He questioned. I thought for a
moment, and smiled.
    " Oh So Sorry." I said.
    " I wrote that, you know." He announced, I shook my head, I hadn't
know.
" I wrote a lot of their songs." He continued.
    " Why?" I questioned. He laughed.
    " cause I was one of them." he explained, and suddenly it clicked...
    " Kevin and Nick... god, I remember my mom going on about that.  She
was so.... proud of you, I guess, when you guys came out together." I
exclaimed.
    " that was one of the hardest things I've ever done." Kevin
responded.
    "You made people proud when you came out. It opened doors every
where for gay musicians." I exclaimed. Again Kevin nodded. I wanted to ask him
more questions, about what it was like to be famous, but he needed to talk.
    " go on." I prompted. Kevin sighed.
    " it's a long story."
    " you aren't getting off that easily, Kevin. I have all the time in
the world." I answered him.  In response, he closed his eyes and began to
tell me what had happened.

*flashback

    "Brian, Nick, get your lazy behinds out of bed. Breakfest in ten
minutes!" Kevin shouted while banging on their hotel room door.
    "Geez Kev, we're up!" Brian shouted from inside.
    "Good!" Kevin responded, moving on to the next door.
    "AJ, Howie, you two alive in there?" Kevin asked. Howie opened the
door.
    " yeah Kev, we're up." He replied. Kevin smiled
    " Kay then, breakfest in 9 minutes." He said, turning and walking
away.
Howie smiled, "that's Kev" he thought to himself as he closed the door.
Aj was standing there behind him, trying to decide which pair of sun
glasses to wear.
    "Those." Howie said in response to the unasked question. Aj nodded,
slipped them on, and walked towards the door.
    "D, I gotta talk to Kev. Catch ya at breakfest." He said, and walked
out.
Howie just shook his head, Aj couldn't have been more obvious in his
feelings for Kevin.  Smiling to himself, he proceeded to get dressed.  Then he
walked to Kevin's room also, stopping just outside the door. He heard Kevin and
Aj inside, talking about nothing, and knew it was safe to knock.
    "Come on in D." Kevin shouted, "The doors open."
    "Morning Kev. Whatcha order?" He asked, walking inside.  Kevin
shrugged.
    "The usual." he replied.  Howie nodded.
    "Kay then." Aj said, standing up, "I want my food!" Kevin and Howie
laughed a little, only to be interupted by a knock at the door.
    "Brian, Nick, its open." Aj said while helping himself to some of
the wonderful food Kevin had ordered. Nick walked in, alone.
    "Hey Nick, where's B?" Kevin asked, curious.
    " Showering." was Nick's only reply.  Kevin nodded, used to Nick's
morning personality.
    " Get some food." Howie said, pointing to the trays, " Kev got the
usual."
    "YEAH!" Nick shouted, rushing towards the food. "French fries!"
Howie, Aj and Kevin laughed at Nick, he was 19, and still went nuts over being
allowed to have French Fries for breakfest.
    "What?"he questioned, his mouth full.  No one bothered to respond,
they were to busy cracking up. Kevin was laughing by far the hardest.
    "Ugh...!" he yelled, rushing towards them, "don't laugh at me!" the
three didn't stop laughing. Nick looked at them, and then at Kevin.  Without
any warning, he was ontop of Kevin, trying to get him to stop laughing.  He
did immediately.
    Nick looked so cute, so innocent, sitting on top of him. He had the
biggest urge to kiss him, but knew he shouldn't.

*end flashback
    "When was that?" I asked.  Kevin opened his eyes.
    " right after we released Millenium. I fell in love with him right
then and there..."
    " aw..." I cooed. He didn't respond, his eyes closed.  I knew he was
having another flashback.

*flashback

    Nick and Brian were playing basketball, trying to outdo eachother
with silly tricks and long shots.  Kevin just sat on the grass, watching.
The two of them were really close, he got jealous of Brian sometimes, because he
was that close.  He shut his eyes and didn't see Howie sitting down right
next to him.
    "When were you going to tell us?" Howie questioned, making Kevin
open his eyes.
    "Tell you what?" Kevin asked, playing stupid.
    "That you love Nick." was Howie's response. Kevin looked at him,
shocked.
"It wasn't that hard to figure out"
    "How?"
    " You always look at him... with this look in your eyes." Howie
explained. Kevin nodded.
    " I don't know." He said, " I don't know if I was going to tell
you."
    "Really?" Howie asked. Kevin nodded.
    "I needed to tell myself first, and I haven't been able to do that
yet.
Until now." Kevin explained. Howie  just nodded.
    "Tell Nick." he suggested. Kevin was staring off into space again,
he pretended not to hear Howie's comment.
    "Tell Nick." Howie repeated.
    "Tell me what?" Nick asked, settling down next to Kevin.
    " Nothing." Kevin replied, smiling. "Just that your great at
b-ball."
    "I already knew that...jeez." Nick kidded.  Howie shook his head.

*end flashback

    "I was scared, I suppose." Kevin suddenly said, "scared that he
would reject me. Scared he would tell me I wasn't good enough for him."
    "But he didn't." I commented.
    "I know. Do you have any idea how much I've beaten myself up for not
getting the guts to tell him sooner? So I could have had more time with
him?"
    "You shouldn't think about it like that. Think about the wonderful
times you've had together. The good times." I advised.
    "I suppose"

*flashback

    "Come on Kev!  I wanna know what the surprise is!" Nick whined.
Kevin shook his head.
    " Nope, it's a surprise!" Kevin replied, smiling.
    "Pwease? I'll give you something if you tell me..." Nick said with
an evil look on his face. One of his hands was reaching down, rubbing Kevin
through the material of his pants.
    "Ohhhhhhh yeah baby." Kevin moaned.  Nick smiled and stilled his
hand.
"Don't stop!" Kevin shouted.
    "Wanna tell me yet?" Nick asked, innocently.
    "No! It's a surprise!" Kevin said, leaning in and giving Nick a kiss
on the lips.  A short peck. "Now be a good boy, okay, and behave for
Brian." Kevin said, kissing Nick again.
    "Yes daddy." Nick replied, grinning.
    " I'll be back." Kevin responded, leaving the room. Brian entered.
    "Hey Nick." Brian grinned. He knew what Kev was planning for
tonight.
    " He B..." Nick answered, "say, you wouldn't happen to know by any
chance, what me and Kev are doing tonight?" he slyly asked. Brian
laughed.
    " Kev warned me Nick. I'm not talking." Brian chuckled.
    "Fine!" Nick huffed, sitting down on the bed, " wanna play some
Nintendo?"
    "Sure." Brian said, sitting down next to Nick.
    "How's Leigh?" Nick asked, choosing a character to race Brian with.
    " Bitching at me daily now... I swear, if her morning sickness
doesn't go away soon I'm going to crack!"
    "How bad can it be?" Nick asked.
    "Wait til you have someone bitching at you..." Brian advised.
    "Hey, I got Kev." Nick said, laughing.
    "I HEARD THAT." Kevin said, standing in the door way. Nick squaled
and ran to Kevin, jumping into this arms.  Soon they were involved in a
passionate kiss.
    "He was gone for five minutes Nick. Not 5 years." Brian said,
smiling. He knew Nick and Kev really loved eachother.

*end flashback

    "What happened that night?" I asked, timedly.
    "I asked Nick to marry me." Kevin replied.  I smiled.
    " wow..." I smiled. "Did it go well?"
    " more then well. It was perfect." Kevin was walking down memory
lane, I could see it in his eyes. "Our wedding was beautiful." Kevin suddenly
said.
    "I'm sure it was." I commented.
    "Nick gave me this ring." Kevin explained, showing me a ring he wore
on a chain around his neck. "It won't fit on my finger anymore."
    I nodded.
    " Why did the Backstreet Boys break up?" I asked, not really sure if
I should have.
    " because." was Kevin's response.

*flashback

    Nick was wrapped up in Kevin's arms, sleeping soundly when the call
came. Kevin answered the phone, and a couple seconds later hung up.
    "Nick...nick...." he gently shook Nick awake. " we need to go to the
hospital."
    "WHY!" Nick shouted, awake.
    "Bri...." was Kevin's only response. Nick began to violently shake
his head.
    "No...no...." he said, over and over agian.  Kevin just nodded.
    " yes Nick. Yes. We need to go." Nick continued to shake his head,
saying no over and over again. Kevin stood up and helped Nick.  He continued to
shake.

*end flashback

    "Oh my god... I didn't know Kevin. I'm so sorry." I whispered. Kevin
was crying now.
    " they both died... car accident." Kevin answered me. "They left me
and Nick, Colin."
    "Whose Colin?" I asked.
    "He was their son... he was only 4 at the time." Kevin smiled.
"Colin was the best thing that ever happened to me, besides Nick."
    "Where is he now?" I asked.  Kevin frowned a little
    "College." one word, said with love.
    "Oh." I replied.

*flashback

    "Colin!" Nick yelled upstairs.
    "Yeah dad?" He answered.
    " come down here for a sec, you got something in the mail!" Nick
replied.
Colin came running downstairs.
    "Yeah?" He questioned. Nick smiled broadly and handed him a large
envelope. In the right hand corner it said U.C. Berkley
    "Oh my gosh!" Colin began to get extremely excited.  He couldn't
even hold the envelope... too nervous.
    "Dad, open it for me, please!" he said. Nick nodded and ripped the
envelope open.  After skimming the contents of the letter, his smile
faded.
    "I didn't get in, did I?" Colin asked apprehensively.
    "Um..."Nick replied. He wasn't sure how to break the news to Colin.
He decided to go for the truth. "You not only got in, you got a full
scholarship!" he said. Colin began to scream.
    "Why were you sad then, dad?" He asked. Nick wiped a tear away.
    "Just cause me and Kev are going to miss you soooooo much." Nick
replied.
Colin grasped Nick into a tight hug. That's how Kevin found them. After
hearing the wonderful news, they celebrated.

*end flashback

    "Wow... Berkley's a great school." I said.  Kevin nodded.
    "Sometimes I wish it wasn't so far away, so I didn't have to be all
alone." he said.
    "I know what you mean. When I went away to college my parents nearly
moved with me, they wanted me with them so much." I explained. This made
Kevin smile.
    "Nick would have done something like that." he commented.
    " really? He sounds like a great guy." I said.
    "You have no idea."
    "Tell me..." I said. Kevin shook his head.
    "Not today. It's getting late."
    "Please?" I asked. Kevin still had something trapped inside that he
hadn't let out.  Something big.
    "No." Kevin said, frowning a little. I tried to understand. He had
been doing so well, telling me all about what he and Nick used to do.  That's
when I realized something. He said today was the one month anniversery of his
death... Kevin was all alone.
    "Kevin, I have a question for you." I tentively said.  He just
looked at me. "Would you like to go out to dinner with me?" I asked. He looked
startled.
    " I'd really like to get to know you better." I continued.
Eventually he smiled.
    " I'd like that, if you really want too." He said. I nodded.
    " I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want too. Let me change." I
explained.  He shook his head.
    "Your fine. Lets go now. I'm hungry." I glanced at my watch.
    "No wonder, we talked right through lunch." I exclaimed.  He smiled.
    "It felt good to have some body to talk to again."
    "It did." I agreed.  The two of us went out to dinner that evening.
He continued to talk to me more and more over the following days. He even
told me about how Nick died. Cancer.  We became friends, close friends. And
still, to this day, I consider him a great friend.
    He left assissted living a month after I got there. I guess he felt
like he could handle the world on his own.  I'm proud of him, he did it.  And
now, three years later, we still kept in touch. It helped, of course, that I
was married to his son Colin. That's right, me and Colin.  Kevin couldn't
have been happier.  Neither could I.
    I still work at Assissted Living, I just don't live there anymore.
Like I said before, it was my dream job.  In a way, it fullfilled a dream I
had, also.  It brought me to a family that loves me, to Kevin, to Colin.  I
met Aj and Howie. They were the only two members left, besides Kevin.  We got
along, but don't really see eachother. Howie's busy with his family, Aj with
his daughter.   It doesn't matter though, we're happy.

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