Date: Sun, 13 May 2001 10:26:19 -0700 (PDT)
From: John Walsh <alt76frat@yahoo.com>
Subject: Fraternity Memoirs Part 7

Fraternity Memoirs - Part VII

	The rain was coming down pretty hard and there was a definite chill
in the air. The clouds were low and the ground was soaked and muddy. It was
the kind of morning where you just wanted to stay in bed all day, under the
covers cuddling with your girl. Except on this morning, I wished that I was
cuddling under the covers with a guy, Kevin. Well, not literally cuddling,
but I did wish that he were there when I woke up. I was going to miss
him. Who else was gone?

	I made my way to the fire, what was left of it due to the
rain. Sean was standing there, trying to heat some water for coffee. He
gave me a 'Good morning Walsh' and seemed just as happy as I did about the
rain. It seemed that I was the first one out of the tent. I opened a can of
soda and took a chug.  Behind me I heard a voice say, "I see you are still
with us, Walsh, alright!"  I turned around to see it was CJ. Cool, I liked
CJ. I had hoped he was still with us. Although he was a dick about it at
first, my accidentally cumming on him the Pizza night actually got us a lot
closer. He still jokes every once in awhile that he waiting for his
revenge.

	"You too CJ," I said and gave him a high five. "Kevin quit last
night, he never came back to the tent."

	"So did Steve, he never came back to the tent last night either,"
CJ said, "This fucking sucks. No great loss with Kevin though, the
conceited prick, but Steve was a great guy."

	"Kevin wasn't so bad dude. He and I, of all people, were actually
starting to get along.  Once you got past his conceited side, he was
actually an awesome Dude," I said. Me, defending Kevin?

	"How many pins and shit were next to the fire when you went last
night?" CJ asked.

	"Two," I responded

	"There were two there when I went too. Guess Kevin and Steve were
the two who quit, unless other pledges quit, after we went. You think
anyone else would quit?" CJ asked.

	"Don't know. I can't believe that Kevin and Steve quit to begin
with. But I guess we'll find out soon enough," I said. We got a bit closer
to the fire. I was drenched already and I had only been up for 10
minutes. This was going to be a very long day. The fire was giving off
about zilch in the heat department and the rain was freezing.

	"Yo Walsh, here comes your roomy," CJ said and nodded his head to
my right. I turned around and Matt was making his way in my direction.

	"Fucking aye, brother, glad to see you are still with us," I said
to Matt and gave him a hug. I was so glad to see Matt. If Matt had quit, I
don't know if I could have continued. Losing Kevin was bad enough, but Matt
would have been tragic.

	"Hell yeah! I was worried about you, but I knew you wouldn't quit,"
Matt said as he returned my hug. This was the first time that I actually
hugged Matt, and to be honest it felt kind of good. I held on for about a
second longer than Matt.  "God last night sucked being in that tent all
alone trying to figure out who else quit beside Anthony. Glad you're still
around CJ," Matt said and gave CJ a high five as well.

	"Thanks Matt, you too," CJ returned. "Anthony quit too? Fuck, that
makes three."

	"Three?" Matt asked.

	"Yeah. Steve and Kevin never came back to the tents last night
either. This does fucking suck. I hope that is everybody," I said. Jesus,
who the hell is going to quit I thought to myself?

	"Damn, three guys? What the hell? Kevin quit? Kevin's a prick and
all, but I never thought he would have quit. And Steve too? Shit!" Matt
responded. I felt the urge to defend Kevin again, but what the hell was the
purpose? He was gone anyways.

	A bunch of the guys started making their way towards us from the
tents.  Mike, Damien, Evan, Ben, Kevin. Wait a second, what the fuck?
Kevin? I felt the excitement in me growing.  Holy shit its Kevin! He was
wearing a sweatshirt with his hood up, but it was Kevin. I couldn't believe
it.

	"Look guys, its Kevin. Its fucking Kevin!" I said to Matt and CJ,
pointing at him. They seemed a bit surprised at my outward excitement, but
they seemed happy themselves.

	Kevin hadn't seen me yet as he was keeping his head down I assume
to block the rain from his face. I heard someone say, 'Yo Kevin. There's
Walsh. He didn't quit.' And Kevin looked up and saw me. I'd have to say
that it was the biggest smile on anyone's face that I have ever seen. It
made me feel great that he was just as excited to see me too. He looked
awesome, even in his soaked sweatshirt.

	In seconds we were up to each other and gave a huge hug. It was
different than the hug that Matt and I had moments before. It was tight and
heart felt, like we hadn't seen each other in a year. "Fuck am I glad to
see you, bro," Kevin said. "Thought I might have scared you away, that you
quit because of the other day. I didn't sleep a wink last night."

	"Man, glad to see you too Kevin. I missed you so much last night, I
couldn't believe you were gone," I said. I felt like I was choking up. I
loved his tight hug around me. I could feel his strength and it felt
good. The hug lasted a few seconds longer than Matt's as well.

	"What the hell happened last night? Were did you sleep? I saw your
stuff was gone, but I thought eventually you'd be back. But you never
came," Kevin said, we had let go of our hug and were walking back towards
the others.

	"Ditto, man. I slept in our tent but you weren't there. It must
have been some kind of a trick, like that wall thing last night," I
said. Although I missed Kevin, I didn't realize just how much I missed him
until just this moment.

	"Bro, how scary was that? Jumping off that wall? I thought I was
gonna fall," Kevin said.

	"Yeah, me too. I was telling my legs to jump, but they just
wouldn't move," I said laughing. Not so much at the wall jump, but kind of
intoxicated by my happiness of Kevin still being with us.

	"Ha ha. Mine neither, bro. So you think that last night was a
trick? You think that nobody quit?" Kevin asked.

	"We'll find out in a second, but I think not. I mean, you're here,
so I have the feeling that so will everyone else," I answered.

	Sure enough, everyone was there. They had tricked us. At some point
in the night, they had put up another 9 tents and separated our stuff. The
pins, books and demerits were extras. We were led to the tents in
blindfolds, so we had no idea that some of us were in different tents. I
didn't even realize when I left this morning that the tent that I was in
was in a different spot.

	Everyone was ecstatic to see each other, especially the assigned
pairs. Everyone was hugging each other and giving high fives. The trick had
worked and fooled us all. It was such a great idea and made all of realize
just how important we were to one another. Even those that previously
didn't get along, like Kevin and I. We just had to be shown it. It was one
of my favorite moments of all of pledge season.

	The rest of the day pretty much sucked. The Brothers had a tarp
going off their tent so they stayed nice and dry. But the rest of us had to
eat in the wet and cold. The rain was relentless.  Luckily we didn't stay
for too long. But we didn't leave until we had done a bunch of chants in
the rain, along with about 100 pushups and 100 sit-ups in the mud. We were
all freezing and soaked and muddy. It took us forever to break down the
camp and clean up. All the stuff was packed in the cars when Kevin asked me
to ride in his car. If you remember, the night that Kevin and I got in our
fight was the last night that I rode in Kevin's car. I was touched. I was
still afraid of what had occurred between us, and how to address the issue,
but still wanted to be next to him, if that makes any sense. I was going to
ride with Matt in Damien's car. Matt seemed disappointed when I told him
that I was going to ride with Kevin. I told him to ride with us, but wasn't
a fan of Kevin and passed. I felt bad, but I figured that we could talk
about it later at the dorms.

	The ride back was kind of quiet. I though that everyone would be
talking about the events of the weekend, but perhaps being soaked dampened
everyone's mood. Perhaps everyone was exhausted. I fell asleep rather
quickly, so for all I know, they could have talked about it. I didn't open
my eyes until we pulled up on campus. I love when I can sleep a two-hour
car ride away.

	***As an interlude to the story, a few of you indicated your
anticipation for what the condoms and lube were used for. Keeping true to
life, unfortunately, they were never used. We were told by Sean that they
were going to replenish the Frat House Supply and that all the Brothers
thanked us***

	I looked at the clock in Kevin's car. It was 4:00 PM. I couldn't
wait to take a shower and get some good food. Before we left camp, the
pledge masters had told us that we were to find an open lounge in one of
the halls for a meeting at 7:00 PM. They had their Brother Meeting at 8:00
but wanted to meet with us for an hour before hand and would give us
instructions for the night's activity.

	Matt and I went right to our room. It felt great to be home
again. We dropped our stuff immediately, grabbed two towels, soap and
shampoo, and headed straight for the showers. We passed a few guys on the
floor that looked at us like we had 10 heads. I guess we looked like hell
being soaked and muddy. I guess some people think that what we are putting
ourselves through for 'acceptance' was idiotic. Sometimes I agreed with
them, especially lately. But they didn't know the half that they were
missing. But that's a debate that has been going on for years.

	Matt and I peeled our wet and muddy clothing off us in front of the
sinks and mirrors.  Both of us examined ourselves in the mirror.  The hair
that was shaved was starting to grow back and my crotch area was itchy. I
noticed that Matt was scratching like crazy. I wasn't sure if it was the
scratching or what, but Matt's dick was growing. So was mine. I couldn't
help but sneak peeks at Matt as he was checking himself out. He was doing
it rather thoroughly, lifting his balls, turning around and looking at his
behind in the mirror. Matt had such an awesome body. I imagined myself
shaving Matt Friday night and sleeping with him in the sleeping bag. My
dick grew even more. I was afraid that someone was going to come in the
bathroom and see us in front of the mirrors naked and shaved, so I grabbed
my towel and headed for the shower. I also didn't want Matt to see that I
was getting a chubby and I hoped the warm water would settle little Johnny
down a bit.

	I turned the water on real hot and jumped under the spray. The hot
water felt awesome running over my body, very therapeutic. I just stood
with my head under the water with my eyes closed for like 5
minutes. Eventually I heard the shower next to me start and Matt said,
"Damn, this feels great!"

	"Hell yeah," I responded. I took my head out from under the spray
and looked at Matt.  He was standing with his back to the showerhead, his
head tilted back and under the running water. His eyes were closed. We must
have been taking some seriously hot showers because the shower was filling
with steam quickly. I followed the mud as it rinsed off Matt's head and
made its way down his body. Matt's body was not over-worked-out, but just
enough to be bulging. His dick was fat but not erect, hanging at about 4
inches. Nice thick legs. The water just rolled off his now hairless body. I
couldn't help but stare, I was mesmerized.

	I don't know if Matt felt my eyes burning him or what, but he
suddenly turned his head my way and opened his eyes. I freaked inside. My
first instinct was to look away but I decided that would infer that I was
doing something wrong. Better to play it off in another direction.

	"God, it looks so funny to see you, everyone, shaved. It feels
funny too. Your hair starting to grow back, itchy?" I asked Matt, hoping
that it would make him think that I was only checking out his
'hairlessness'.

	"It sure does. It's starting to feel a little stubbly and real
itchy. It was fucked up that they made us shave each other. Just my luck
that I had to be stuck with the hairiest guy of the group," Matt said. My
diversion seemed to work. He stuck his head under the water again and
closed his eyes.

	I had to keep my attraction someplace else, so I grabbed the bar of
soap and started lathering myself up. I sort of half turned away from Matt
so he couldn't see that my dick was getting harder. What the hell was going
on with me? I'm throwing wood at my roommate in the shower. My sexual
desire was in overdrive. I needed to find myself a girl to screw soon,
hell, even jerk off if I have to, to stop thinking about guys.

	"That was fucked up. First time that I was ever that close to a
guy, like touching one, ya know? And then the sleeping bag shit and the
oil. Matt, can I ask you a serious question?" I asked. I wanted to talk to
Matt desperately about what happened Friday night. I was going to leave the
BJ part out for now. I just didn't know how to pose the question. I had
most of myself lathered up, just finishing up my feet.

	"Sure Walsh, what's up? Before you ask though, can I borrow you
soap? I forgot mine by the sinks," Matt asked. Now, I realize that people
share bars of soap all the time, no biggie. But given the circumstances, us
standing next to each other naked in a shower, about to discuss the
acceptance or non acceptance of guy sex, I was shocked at his question.

	"Soap? You want to borrow my soap?" I asked, fumbling for my
words. The idea of Matt and I sharing a bar of soap seemed so erotic to me.

	"Dude, I don't have the cooties or anything. If it's a big deal, I
can go get my soap from the sink," Matt said looking at me strangely.

	"No. No, its OK Matt, I just didn't hear what you said," and I
handed him the soap. I passed the lathered up soap bar to Matt, our hands
touched for a second. I was starting to shake.  Why the hell was I so
nervous? All he wanted was to borrow my soap. Chill out John, you're
freaking yourself out! I watched Matt as he started soaping up his upper
body. I had to look away, I was getting dizzy.

	"So what did you want to talk about?" Matt asked. I saw from the
corner of my eye that Matt had his arms up and was washing under them. His
back muscles stretched. I was chickening out. I lost all confidence to have
this conversation with Matt, especially in the showers. I felt like I was
going to pass out from the heat of the shower, the steam and my nerves.

	I turned to lower the temperature of the shower. It felt a bit
better, but I decided I wasn't going to have this conversation with Matt
yet. It would have to be over a few drinks, maybe many drinks. I decided to
go in another direction, but still something that was really bothering me.
"Around the fire, Saturday night with Adam and Sean, how close were you to
quitting?" I asked Matt.

	"Didn't even give it a thought," Matt said as he washed his
legs. The water was hitting his back and rolling down and over his ass. I
was definitely checking out my roommate and he was doing for me what only
girls had previously done, making me horny.

	"Really? I contemplated leaving. Then they had to go and use the
quit word. It wasn't that I wanted to leave, I'm just tired of all
this. You know what I mean?" I said, looking at Matt, but concentrating on
his face.

	"Yeah, I know what you mean. Just think though, we're almost
halfway done. Don't lose sight about the benefits bro. Think of all the
pussy we're going to get when we are wearing those letters," Matt said in
excitement. Did he forget that both of us were doing quite all right in the
pussy department before ever deciding to pledge? Did we really need the
letters for that reason?  But it seems that lately I was checking out the
dick department more than the pussy department.  That was my issue,
Matt. Why is this happening? But I didn't say that.

	"I know, I know. But half way through? We could still have six
weeks left, or more. I don't know if I can make it that long," I said.

	"Dude, you're just a little down from the weekend. You don't want
to quit, I know you.  You'll get a good night sleep tonight and be ready to
go in the morning. And if you ever think about quitting, I'm going to kick
your ass. So don't think it ever again," Matt said. He had done soaping up
his body and was rinsing all the soap off.

	"Thanks Matt. I'm glad that we are doing this together. I can't
imagine what it would be like if you didn't pledge," I said, kind of
emotionally. I really meant it.

	"No problem man, Trust a Brother. I'm here for you, you're here for
me. We can talk about anything dude. We got to help each other get through
this. Is that all that was bothering you? You were really quiet on
Saturday," Matt said with concern.

	"Basically, I just feel like I'm changing, you know what I mean?"

	"You seem the same to me bro. I'm sure we've all changed a bit, but
I don't think you are any different. Just don't be hanging around with
Kevin too much. You'll start getting all conceited and shit. Listen, can
you do me a favor? You mind soaping my back up a bit? I can't reach it all
and I feel like I still have slimy baby oil on my back," Matt said,
assuming I would because he was already passing me the soap.

	I took the soap from Matt's hands. I decided to dodge the Kevin
comment as I didn't want him to become a topic. Matt had his back turned to
me and moved up real close so that he was practically under the shower with
me. I stared at his back for a few moments. What was he doing? Did he have
any alternative purpose here? Or did he want me to just wash his back?
Maybe I didn't get away with my stare before? Maybe he was testing me?
Maybe Matt was just as horny as I was? Maybe I was thinking this out way
too much.

	I brought the soap to Matt's skin. I didn't spend too much time on
it, I was really freaking out. His skin was real smooth. I noticed the few
freckles that he had on his back. I could feel the strength of his back
from working out. I couldn't keep my mind off imagining Matt in the
sleeping bag with me. I felt my dick getting harder. I had to stop. I
quickly finished Matt's back and passed the soap back to him. I turned my
back to him so that he couldn't see my hardening dick.

	I guess Matt assumed that I wanted him to do my back since I turned
around from him. I felt his hand touch me. I could have sighed but I held
back. It felt amazing having Matt wash my back. But only for a moment
before my heterosexual side took over. I tensed up and couldn't enjoy it. I
was afraid. Not of Matt, but afraid of myself for enjoying Matt's touch and
it being an erotic moment to me when he had no idea that I was hot to his
touch. This was all too much for me to handle. What the fuck was going on
with me? Matt ran the soap over my back a few times and then passed the bar
of soap back to me, over my shoulder. I had to leave the shower. I quickly
washed my hair and got out. Matt followed me out of the shower about a
minute later. I didn't even look at him.

	We went back to the room and got dressed. I felt much more
comfortable and myself when we were both clothed. I wondered if since I
shower with Matt everyday, was I going to go through this sick feeling each
time. God, I hope not. Although we were exhausted, we were hungry too. We
went down to the cafeteria and had some food. We took a nap for a while and
slept till the alarm went off at 6:30. Before napping we had reserved the
lounge on our floor and called the pledge masters to let them know. We also
started the phone chain amongst the pledges to let them know.

	Matt and I walked in to the lounge about 5 minutes to 7. Adam and
Sean were waiting for us. We made small talk about something and everyone
else filed in. I saw Kevin come in, but he sat in the back with a few of
the other guys. It kind of hurt that he didn't even acknowledge me.  When
everyone was there, Adam and Sean began. They started off by congratulating
us for a successful camping trip and that although we could have done
better with our individual quizzes, they thought that we all learned the
lessons of the weekend well. Always remember to trust a brother, yadda
yadda yadda.

	On to business, the reason for tonight's meeting was to go over
some events that needed to be planned. As a pledge class we were expected
to hold two functions, a fundraiser and a charitable event. We had a week
to come up with our ideas and present them to the pledge
masters. Typically, prior pledge classes collected around $1,000, so we
should plan something that would pull in that amount. The money would be
donated to out national charity. We were also told that we were to begin
the interviewing process. Each of us was required to interview each of the
Brothers for a minimum of a half hour. They passed out index cards that we
were to record the interview on, have the Brother sign it and turn them in
each Sunday evening. Hell Week would not begin until every pledge had
interviewed every active Brother. There were 67 active Brothers this
semester and 10 inactives. The inactive Brothers didn't have to be
interviewed, but for every 5 we got, a demerit was taken away from us. Up
to this point, I had 7 demerits.

	The event for the evening was that there was no event. We were
given the night off to rest. Everyone cheered at the news. Of course, pairs
were still in place. Otherwise, we were free to do whatever we wanted. Sean
and Adam left for their meeting. A bunch of the guys left to hang out with
their girlfriends. Those of us that didn't, hung around in the lounge for a
bit. A couple of the guys wanted to go back and rest, but Dan had an idea
that all of us liked. Dan, if you remember, is the one that lived locally
with his parents. His parents were away for a week and he was home
alone. He suggested that we go over to his house and hang out for a while,
drink and maybe watch a movie or something. Although we weren't supposed to
drink without a Brother, we figured that we wouldn't get busted. It had
been a long time since any of us just relaxed and drank. We were sold on
his idea.

	So Matt, Kevin, CJ, Damien, Evan, Ben, Mike, and myself jumped in a
car and went over to Dan's house. His parents must have had a lot of money
because his house was huge and beautiful. His father was the Superintendent
of Schools and his mother was a doctor. His father had a refrigerator full
of beer in the garage. Dan told us that we could drink as much as we
wanted, but we had to replace it before his parents got back. Dan had a few
bottles of vodka and tequila that was his own, which we could drink as
well.

	Dan put on some tunes and we just hung out chatting for a little
while, just shooting the shit. A few of us went to Dan's porch and smoked a
fat joint with Evan. I was pretty stoned. We went back inside and talked
for a while. At one point Kevin got up and went to the bathroom. The guys
started talking about him and how surprised they were that he was hanging
out with them and actually being cool. They all said that whatever I did to
turn him around, I had better keep it up. They had no idea what they were
asking me to do.

	Kevin had pretty much been on my mind since we got here. I was
surprised that he came as well. The only reason that I could come up with
why he came was that he was looking to have a little fun again tonight. I
was nervous about it and I wondered how I was going to handle himm, and do
with him, if anything. But at the same time, my balls were aching for
another blowjob. So far he was being real cool. Yet, he was actually being
a bit distant from me. He hadn't said more than two words to me all
night. Maybe Kevin had his fill and was done with me. I wasn't sure if I
liked that or not.

	After about an hour and 3 beers, Matt suggested that we play a game
of Chandeliers.  Everyone was in. I'm sure that everyone knows how to play
chandeliers, but if you don't, just know that when the game is done,
everyone is wasted. You could easily go through a case of beer in a half
hour. We had gone through almost a case and had to get more beer out of the
fridge. I hadn't gone yet to get any beer, so I got up and went to the
garage. I hadn't stood up since we started playing and I probably drank 7
or 8 beers already. I had a problem walking straight and realized that I
was kind of drunk.

	The light in the garage was off and I couldn't find the switch. But
with the light shining in through the door I could make out the fridge
straight ahead and against the wall. I made my way to the fridge and opened
it. Jesus Steve's dad liked beer. The whole thing was stacked with beer. I
grabbed a half a case and closed the fridge door. I turned to leave and
Kevin was standing right there. I jumped and almost dropped the beer.

	"Fuck Kevin, don't fucking do that," I said. I was scared for two
reasons. First, the obvious one, he had startled me in the dark. Secondly,
I was scared at what he was doing here.  Why had he followed me? Was he
going to try something? As nervous as I was, my dick started getting hard
at the sight of him.

	"Walsh, I need your help with something, I have a plan. These guys
are all pretty wasted and I want to find out if any of them have ever
fooled around with a guy before. Maybe find out if anything really happened
in the tents. You want to help me?" Kevin said.

	"Umm, yeah, OK Kevin," I responded. "What's your plan?"

	"You ever played a game called 'I Never'? You go around the table
and each person says 'I never something', like 'I never had sex on the
beach'. Anyone who has had sex on the beach has to take a drink. Got it?"
Kevin asked.

	"Yeah, I got it. So what do you want me to do?" I asked, excited at
his idea. Leave it up to Kevin to come up with an idea like this.

	"At some point, after we go around a few times, I need you to say
'I never had sex with a guy'," Kevin said.

	"I don't know if I can say that Kevin. Why don't you say it?" I
wanted to find out what the other guys were going to say, but I didn't want
to be the one asking.

	"If you say it, and the guys don't react, I can drink and be like
'right, you guys have never been with a guy'. But if I say it, and then try
to get something out of them, it will look like that was my purpose. Know
what I mean?" Kevin said, dazzling me with his smile.

	"Gotcha. I guess I can do," I said, not really wanting to do it,
but how could I say no to Kevin. He was standing right in front of me and
my body ached for his touch. Touch me Kevin, please touch me. I couldn't
ask him. I wouldn't allow myself to. It wasn't that I necessarily wanted
sex from him, I just wanted his attention. I wanted him to want me.

	"Cool, just follow my lead, I'll let you know when it's a good time
to ask," Kevin said and turned to leave. He never touched me, or came on to
me.  I was pissed. I wanted his attention, and he didn't give it to
me. What was up with that?

	We made our way back to the table. Kevin stopped in the bathroom
and I continued the table. About 30 seconds later the toilet flushed and
Kevin came back in. We played Chandeliers until we finished the beers that
I had brought in. Everyone was pretty wasted, starting to slur our words.

	"So you guys want to play something else?" Kevin asked the group.

	"Sure, what you want to play Kev?" Matt asked. Matt was not a big
drinker and I could see in his eyes that he was feeling no pain.

	"How bout spin the bottle?" Kevin asked while laughing. I never
could have said something like that. I was amazed by Kevin's forwardness,
yet no one seemed to notice. Guess no one knew what I knew, so to them it
was just Kevin being a wise-ass. I envied his self-assurance of his
sexuality, yet complete chameleon approach.

	"Pass," Matt said directly, but not like he was shocked at the
suggestion.

	"How about I Never?" Kevin said.

	"That would be cool," said CJ and everyone agreed.

	"I have a rule that will make this more interesting. If somebody
drinks on the I Never, they have to tell the story about what happened and
allow us to get to know each other better.  Good idea?" Kevin said.

	Again, everyone agreed. Dan got up to get more beer. These guys had
no idea what Kevin was setting them up for. I was excited at the
prospects. My dick was tingling and ready for what could happen. At the
beginning, the typical stuff was said, like I never smoked crack, I never
jerked off at work. But after a few rounds, it started getting more sexual,
like I've never been tied down during sex. Everyone drank to that one and
told some crazy tales. Not me though.  Although I thought I had a pretty
healthy sex life, I was beginning to learn that it was very innocent
compared to some of the things these guys had done. I was the next to go
and I saw Kevin giving me eyes to ask the question now.

	I stumbled on it for a while, ready to ask and then too afraid. I
pretended that I couldn't think of anything to say and that I was thinking
it out. I was too embarrassed to say it. I wanted to hear the answers, but
I couldn't gather enough confidence to come out with it. Finally Damien
says, "Come on Walsh, ask a question or pass!"

	"OK, ok. I never, umm, I never," I saw Kevin looking at me like
'say it, say it', "umm, I never fooled around with a guy." There, it was
said. I was relieved. Everyone's face sort of dropped. Not scared, more
like 'how am I going to answer this question'.

	I saw everyone look at each other around the table. There was
silence. Either no one wanted to omit it or no one had. I watched Kevin
lift the beer to his mouth slowly and take a sip.  All eyes were on Kevin
as he did so. Eventually, other guys brought the cans to their mouth,
Damien, CJ, Evan, Ben and Mike. I kept a close eye on Matt out of the
corner of my eye, but didn't actually look at him. Matt didn't make a move
for his beer. I was disappointed. Neither did Dan. The tension in the room
was thick. I couldn't believe that a few of the guys drank. I have to admit
that I didn't drink. Not that I was trying to hide, I was just so wrapped
up in everyone else.  I was growing hard in my pants. Something had to be
said and it was Kevin who did so.

	"Alright. I realize that I made the rules here, so I'll go
first. But what is said at this table stays at this table, agreed?" Kevin
said. Everyone shook his head in agreement. Kevin was such a devil, posing
himself as the martyr when he was the one who set this whole thing up.

	"OK then. (pause) Well, until a few nights ago, I wouldn't have
taken a sip. But on Friday night (my heart stopped beating, I knew what he
was going to say) when Walsh and I were in the sleeping bag together, we
kind of got off on each other," Kevin said.

	That fucker had me set myself up. I was so pissed. He was
lying. Well, he was telling the truth, but I wasn't his first. Or was I?
Did Kevin set me up in the tent with his whole bi story? I'm sure that I
turned the color purple. Everyone's eyes came off Kevin and turned to me. I
felt like crawling under the table I was so embarrassed. It was the last
thing that I expected. I was angry, but I was at a loss for words. I
brought my hands up to my face and hid behind them. It was all that I could
do. I was even more humiliated since Matt didn't raise his beer and
drink. What would he think?

	Kevin continued, "To Walsh's defense, it was mostly my idea. I
mean, like when I was in HS, we jerked off together and shit but we never
touched each other. I don't know what came over me the other night, but I
was just horny as hell, oiled up and against his body. And given the
circumstances, we just had to get off." He left it at that. I had my hands
buried in my face the entire time, shaking my head. I couldn't look at
anyone. Thanks for the defense Kevin, but I was still an accomplice.

	Damien spoke next (Damien is the v-ball player). He admitted that
when he was in Community College, he had heard a few guys talking about
great blowjobs they got in the basement floor bathroom of one of the
academic buildings. He was curious so he went to the bathroom. He saw a guy
coming out of one of the far stalls zipping up his pants. He wouldn't make
eye contact with Damien. Damien made his way to the stall the guy just came
out of. He got in the stall and saw that there was a hole between
them. Above the hole it said 'insert dick here' and under the hole it said
'for a great blow job'. He said that he was scared as shit, but horny as
hell. So he pulled down his pants and his dick was already hard. It was his
first time doing such a thing, but he stuck his dick through the hole and
got the best blowjob ever. He didn't frequent the place, but he went more
than once. He admitted that the first few times he tried to convince
himself that it was a girl behind the wall, but deep down he knew that it
was a guy.

	Listening to Damien's story, I was hard as a rock. I couldn't
believe what he was saying.  I had never heard of such a thing. But it
totally turned me on. I took my hand away from my face and looked at
Damien. He was looking into his beer as he spoke. But he wasn't done. He
said that since Kevin was so honest about what happened in the sleeping bag
(yeah right), and he knew that I had pretty much seen the aftermath, he
admitted that Evan and himself had jerked off with each other in the
sleeping bag. All eyes moved from Damien to Evan. I didn't once look in
Matt's direction.

	Evan (pot head) kind of looked down himself and told his
story. Yes, Damien and he had jerked off together. They were both so horny
from not getting any in a while that they decided to get off. But when he
was in High School, he used to go skiing with his best friend's family
every weekend. There were always a hundred people in the house up to go
skiing, and his friend's mother wanted them to have the beds. So he and his
friend had a queen sized futon that they always shared. One night Evan woke
up to the feel of his friend playing with Evan's dick. He was going to say
something, but it felt really good so Evan pretended that he was
sleeping. The guy jerked him off till he came, cleaned him off and put
Evan's dick back in his underwear. This happened week after week and Evan
never said anything. One night his friend started sucking his dick and it
felt awesome. Evan had to look so he opened his eyes and his friend saw him
looking and knew Evan was awake. He finished Evan off, but again nothing
was ever said. Evan said that it was kind of a weird situation, but both of
them, when they woke up, pretended like nothing ever happened. After that
it wasn't as constant as it was before, but every few weeks he would wake
up to his friend sucking or jerking him off. Evan admitted that a few times
he felt bad, so he jerked his friend off, but that was it. Then Evan got a
girl friend and he stopped going skiing. He was still friends with the guy,
but to this day, they still haven't discussed what happened.

	I was blown away. I couldn't believe that these guys had been with
other guys. I was dumbfounded, but hard as a rock. I guess Kevin was right,
I was the odd one out, not including Matt and Dan. There was kind of
silence for a minute, no one wanting to fee up next. Kevin asked Ben what
his story was.

	Ben (baseball player) didn't seem as ashamed of his tale as
everyone else did; he kept his head up and looked at everyone as he was
speaking. Ben had a gay cousin that was 3 years older than him. His cousin
was out to everyone and Ben said that he was a real cool guy. One night his
cousin came over to Ben's while his parents were away. Ben was 17 at the
time. His cousin brought over a case of beer and they drank it. Ben had
never drank before. Ben's family had a swimming pool and they decided to go
swimming. His cousin convinced him that they should go skinny-dipping. Ben
said that he was pretty wasted. His cousin kept on making slight moves on
him and that Ben was hornier and hornier. Eventually Ben decided to give in
to his cousin's advances and wound up in his bedroom and his cousin gave
him a blowjob. Before Ben came, his cousin came off him and asked him if he
had ever had anal sex with a girl before. Ben said that he hadn't and his
cousin said that he wanted Ben to fuck him. Ben wasn't sure at first, but
he decided that he had gone this far, why not do it. He said that it was
the tightest thing he ever felt around his dick. He didn't last long, but
he came like crazy. He said that he and his cousin would get together every
once in awhile, only when Ben was drunk. Then Ben got girl friend and he
stopped messing around with his cousin.

	Oh! My! God! I was astonished. Ben had fucked his cousin. He fucked
a guy! He never mentioned if ever let his cousin fuck him, or if he ever
actually touched his cousin's dick. I wanted to know more details, but I
was too shocked to speak. From the look on everyone else's faces, they
appeared to be just as shocked as me, even Kevin's face. I think that Kevin
wasn't expecting to find all this out. But he seemed in his glory. I was
too. My dick was hard as steel and pressing against my pants.

	Ben finished off by saying that nothing happened between the three
baseball players in the tent Saturday night. They were exhausted from the
day, playing baseball, riding up to the mountains, doing the trust walk and
then the shaving ritual. He mentioned that it was pretty fucked up that
none of us gave them any warning. So by the time they got in the sleeping
bag, they were beat. And although it was uncomfortable with three guys in
the bag, they just fell asleep.

	CJ was going to go next, but he said that he needed to have a beer
first, so he got up for a second and went to grab some more beer. As you
recall, CJ had a pretty big dick and it was obvious when he got up that he
was sporting some wood in his pants. I don't know if anyone else noticed,
he was moving pretty fast. We remained silent while he was gone, everyone
deep in thought. I still hadn't looked at Matt.

	CJ came back with some beers and passed them out. I was wasted, but
I took another one.  CJ went on to share his story. Last year, when he was
a freshman, the team was up in Vermont for a swimming match. They had won
the match and were sleeping over one more night before heading back the
next day. A few of the guys were hanging in a hotel room drinking some
beers.  They had gotten pretty drunk and ran out of beer. No one could
drive so CJ said that he would drive. It was late, like 1:00 AM. He drove a
bit and finally came upon a bar. He went in, but they didn't sell beer to
go. The place was empty, a couple of guys and girls getting ready to leave.
They were closing up. CJ went back to the car, but realized that he forgot
his keys on the bar. He was walking back up when the other people were
leaving. The bartender was locking the door but opened it when he saw
CJ. CJ told him that he forgot his keys inside. He let CJ in and locked the
door behind him. The bartender made some small talk and asked CJ if he
wanted a beer while he cleaned up a little.

	CJ said yeah, so the guy poured him a beer. CJ has a fake ID, but
the bartender never asked for it. The bartender looked about 25 years old,
normal looking out of college guy. They talked for a while as the guys
cleaned up. CJ had a second beer. Eventually the guy poured himself a beer
and sat next to CJ. They started talking girl friends and sex. The
bartender asked CJ if he had ever had sex with a guy. CJ said he should
have known right then and there to leave, but he was horny as hell and
wanted to see where this was going to lead. He was nervous but excited. CJ
told the bartender that he had jerked off with a few guys before watching
porn, but never any contact. The guy put his hand on CJ's leg and told CJ
how hot he thought that he was.  The Bartender said that he had a
girlfriend, but liked to fool around with guys too. He asked CJ if he
wanted to try it. CJ told us that he was nervous as shit, and wanted to
leave, but he wanted to cum. The guy reached for his crotch and found that
CJ was rock hard and he rubbed CJ's dick through his sweatpants. The guy
said holy shit, your dick is huge and asked if he could see it. CJ said he
was proud of his dick, so he stood up. CJ told us that he was just wearing
sweatpants after swimming with no underwear. His dick was sticking straight
out causing a 9 inch tent his pants.  The bartender dropped to the floor
and pulled CJs pants down to his ankles and worshipped his dick. He was
giving CJ the best job of his life. CJ told us that he was shaking like a
leaf he was so nervous but the BJ felt awesome.

	CJ went on to say that he was getting close to cuming when he heard
a lot of knocks on the window. They were out of sight, but the banging
continued and was louder. The bartender got up and peeked around the
corner. He told CJ that he thought his buddies might be here, there was
like 10 college guys out front looking in the window. CJ freaked and pulled
up his pants and came up behind the bartender and looked himself. It was
the swim team. CJ told us that he pretty much went berserk. The bartender
calmed his down and said not to worry. Just tell them that you were hanging
out. They won't know what happened. But that he had better do something
with his dick, it was still rock hard and pointing straight out. CJ told us
he lifted his dick up and under the stretch band of his sweatpants and came
out by the window. The guys looked pissed. The bartender came out and
opened the door. The guys came in and started yelling, where the fuck you
been? You been gone for two hours! They thought he was dead on the road or
something.  They were driving around and finally saw the car parked out
front. CJ had to think fast so he told them that he came here to buy some
beer, but the bartender was an older brother of one of his HS friends so he
was just shooting the shit. He had no idea that he was gone that long. He
said that the guys went along with his story, but they left immediately. CJ
said that his dick never went down the whole ride back to the hotel and
that he had to go into the bathroom and finish himself off.

	I was at the end of my seat at CJ's story. It appeared that
everyone else was too. "Wow, that was close, CJ," I said. The fact that he
was talking about a blowjob from a guy seemed to escape me. I mean I knew
it, but I was more fascinated by how close he was to getting caught.

	"So anything happen in the tent?" Damien asked. I was surprised at
his curiosity. Perhaps he wanted to know that he wasn't the only one
besides Kevin and I to get off that night.

	"Well, to be honest, no," CJ said. "Both Brian and I were boning
pretty hard, and I thought that I was never going to get any sleep. But
Brian just laid there still with his eyes closed.  He didn't even talk. I
mean, it not like I was attracted to Brian or anything, its just that it
felt so warm and slick under there and once my dick gets hard, its like
impossible to get down unless I cum. But I wasn't about to ask Brian to
help, if you know what I mean."

	We all shook our heads in agreement. Mike went next. We had two
Mikes in our pledge class. One Mike was a sophomore on the baseball team
with Ben. But that Mike stayed behind in the dorms. This Mike was a cool
guy. Mike was a freshman. He was a tall dude, like 6'3". He played
basketball in high school, but like some of us, not good enough to play
college ball. Mike was a good looking guy, dark black hair. He was on the
skinny side, but naturally broad due to his height. Mike and I eventually
became really good friends, but I hardly talk to him anymore.

	Mike said that he and one of his best friends when he was a jr. in
HS used to watch porn together. At first, nothing happened. But then one
day they layed on top of each other with their clothes on and sort of
rubbed their bodies together. It felt really good and both of them came,
but under their clothes. This went on a few more times. One time, his
friend suggested that they get down to their underwear and do it. Mike
didn't really see any harm, so they went for in and came that way. It
become their new practice and they were doing it once or twice a
week. Eventually the practice led to doing it with no underwear and they
were doing it more often, like three times a week. They never had sex,
including blowjobs, but they would jerk each other off sometimes.  After
about 4 months or so of doing this, he said they both eventually grew tired
of doing it and they just stopped. Regarding the tent, he said that he
shared this tale with Steve (who was in the sleeping bag with Mike), that
both of them had this very discussion we are having right now.  Mike made
it a point to say 'that although he was straight', he and Steve reenacted
what he did in high school, rubbing together until they both came.

	Kevin looked surprised. He was the one who woke Steve and Mike
up. Guess they somehow got it past Kevin.  So that was everyone's tale that
drank at 'I never fooled around with a guy'. I was truly amazed. I guess
Kevin was right, there really isn't much wrong in getting off with a guy. I
mean, after all, these guys did. I was leaking pre-cum in my pants I was so
hard and turned on by these guy's stories. I didn't want it to end. I
wanted to hear more. I guess Kevin did too, because he continued the
conversation.

	"So Matt, Dan, you guys didn't take a sip. You guys never fooled
around with a guy?  Ever?" his voice was kind of condescending, almost as
if he was accusing them of lying.

	Matt spoke up first, "No man, I never have. I mean, a few of us on
the football team used to watch porn and shit together. There were a few
times that we pulled out our dicks and compared sizes and shit. One guy
jerked off in front of us once. But we never touched each other or
anything. I know some guys who did though. Me, I was just never into it."

	I was disappointed. It wasn't so much that I was looking to get off
with Matt, although I had thought about it lately. I just wanted to know
that Matt maybe had the same experience and confusion that I did, and that
he got out of it OK. But at least Matt was exposed to it and didn't seem to
be bothered that pretty much everyone else did.

	Dan was real short about it. "Nope, never fooled around with a
guy." That was it. I wondered if he was hiding something. But maybe he was
just like me. After all, before Friday night, I had never been with a guy
ever. And if you were comparing stories, Matt's story was worse than
mine. I never even watched a guy jerk off before pizza night. I suddenly
discovered that maybe that is why I was so 'enthralled' by all this. These
guys had subjected themselves to getting off with other guys years
ago. They experimented, but got over it. Me, I was a few years behind,
never experimenting in high school, and this was my experimental period
now. Maybe I would get past all this. It was just so new to me. Regardless,
I was hard as a rock still and needed to go jerk off or something.

	Kevin got up and grabbed a bunch of plastic cups and the bottle of
tequila. He poured up 9 shots and passed them out. "To trusting a Brother,
what was said here remains here," Kevin said as he raised his glass.

	We were to take the shots, but Damien had one more thing to say,
"Wait a second. What about you Walsh? I didn't see you drink, but Kevin
says that you two helped each other out camping. Was that your only time?"

	I had just calmed down and was ready to move on and do the
shot. Not like I needed the shot, I was already pretty fucking wasted. I
cringed at Damien's question. Fortunately, I had nothing to tell. But I
also had to fess up that something happened in the sleeping bag. If Matt
wasn't around, or had fessed up to something himself, it wouldn't have been
so bad. I was mostly concerned about what Matt would think. Would he treat
me differently?

	"Umm, yeah, just that one time with Kevin. Before that, I never did
anything," I looked at Matt as I said it, as if I was pleading my case to
him. He was looking back at me. He seemed to be OK with it, he didn't look
disappointed or anything. And yes, I lied. It wasn't one time with Kevin,
there was the second time, when he sucked me off. So much for trusting a
Brother. But I didn't want to omit that.

	"Alright then, to Trusting Your Brothers!" Damien said and threw
the shot back. We all followed suit.

	Everyone seemed to relax a bit more after the shot. Everyone was
plastered. We talked about getting home, but no one was sober enough to
drive. We decided that we would spend the night at Dan's and get up early
enough to go back to our rooms, take a shower and be in the student center
by 8 AM. It was around midnight. Dan suggested that we try calling one of
the guys, in case the pledge masters were looking for us. We all thought it
was a good idea. Dan walked away to make the phone call. The rest of us
just hung around talking about something and still drinking beer. Dan came
back and said that he got Jacob on the line. All was cool, they hadn't
heard from the pledge masters all night.

	We probably hung out for another hour or so. Most of the guys, like
Matt, slowly passed out on the floor and couch. Eventually it was only
Kevin, Dan, Evan and I left awake. Dan said that he was going to bed. If
the rest of us wanted to sleep upstairs in the bedrooms, we could. We all
decided to go to bed and followed Dan upstairs, after quickly cleaning the
downstairs up. Matt pointed a bunch of rooms out. He would sleep in his
parent's room, Evan could sleep in his room, Kevin sleep in his brother's
room and me to sleep in the guest room. We all said good night and went
into the respective rooms.

	I took off my shoes, socks and pants, leaving on my boxers and
t-shirt. I usually sleep in boxers only, but being a guest in a strange
bed, I figured it was polite to sleep with my shirt on. I crawled under the
covers. The room was spinning, I was that drunk. My mind was all over the
place. I couldn't believe what I had heard tonight. All these guys having
sexual experiences with another guy. I felt rejected by Kevin. First of all
by him setting me up just like everyone else and announcing to the class
that we hooked up in the tent. I understood why he did it; he wanted to get
everyone else to admit it too. But he could have done it another way.

	Second, he pretty much ignored me the whole night. He made feel so
special and significant over the weekend, but today like I wasn't even
around. I felt used and abused. I guess part of that was my fault. I did
distance myself from him. But I really wanted his attention and affection,
I wanted him to make me feel special again. I was so confused.

	My mind went back to the stories that I heard tonight. They were so
intriguing and erotic.  I liked CJ's story the best. It was anonymous sex,
a random blowjob by a stranger. What a hot account. I pictured in my mind
CJ in his sweatpants with his big dick sticking straight out, the bartender
on his knees. But I knew the bartender. It was Kevin. My mind had put Kevin
in the Bartender's role. I envisioned Kevin pulling down CJ's sweatpants
and going down on him. I was rock hard and hornier than anything. I started
jerking off to the image of Kevin sucking off CJ.

	I didn't want to jerk off. I wanted to be with Kevin. I wished that
Kevin would knock on my door. 'Come on Kevin, please come into this room',
I prayed. Please make me feel the way you did over the weekend. I was
desperate for his presence, his touch, his caress, his attention, his
smell, his body, his mouth. I was actually aching for him. Should I go to
his room, I wondered?  No, I couldn't do that. Its one thing to fall into
temptation, but to seek and ask for his attention was another matter.

	I tried closing my eyes, but I couldn't get Kevin off my mind. I
started to get up, but then lied back down. I wouldn't allow my to go
looking for a BJ from another guy, no matter how good it was. I debated it
in my head for a few minutes. I eventually got up off the bed and paced the
bedroom, back and forth. Going for the door, and then turning around. This
was insane. I had to make up my mind, either go for it, or go back to
sleep.

	I went to the bedroom door and slowly opened it and peered out into
the hallway. It was dark and quiet. I was shaking but my mind had been made
up. I stepped out of the room and closed the door behind me. I tiptoed to
the door that Kevin was in. Should I knock? No, someone might hear the
knocking and wake up. I stood outside his door for a second. Are you going
to do this or what? I asked myself. It was now or never. I took a deep
breath, grabbed the doorknob and slowly turned it. I saw that the light in
his room was on. As I opened the door the bed came into view. There was
Kevin, lying on the bed buck-naked. I found his face. He was awake and
smiling. Jesus Christ, he looked amazingly hot and my dick was instantly
hard at the sight of him.

	"What took you so long Walsh? I was beginning to think that you
weren't interested," Kevin whispered. He was waiting for me. I guess he
knew I couldn't resist him.

	I closed the door behind me and made my way towards the bed...

To be continued...Let me know what you thought alt76frat@yahoo.com