Date: Mon, 15 Mar 2004 10:17:44 -0800 (PST)
From: Andrea Jamal <andrealitpervgrrl@yahoo.com>
Subject: I Like to Watch

1.

I vividly remember the first time that I bought pornography.  It was when I
was sixteen, near the end of my sophomore year that I bought my first dirty
magazine. Billy, my ex- boyfriend and sometime fuckbuddy had just started
dating another girl, so I knew I wouldn't be getting any action anytime
soon. I think it was curiosity that motivated me as much as anything
else. I didn't think of myself as gay or bisexual then, just oversexed.

I went into a convenience store in a neighborhood a distance from mine. It
was so nice to finally have a car of my own! I waited until there were no
customers in the store. I had terrible butterflies in my stomach. The boy
behind the register was only a little older than me. I went straight up to
the counter and asked him for a Hustler magazine. I'm not sure which one of
us was more embarrassed. I paid him with a twenty. He didn't look at me
when he counted out the change. Back in the car, the magazine safely in a
brown paper bag, my heart rate finally slowed down, and I realized that my
pussy was drenched. I took the magazine home and inspected it in the
privacy of my own room. The photographs were lewd, the models impossibly
busty, garishly made up and shaved, the poses shockingly explicit. I loved
the raw sexuality of it. I came three times that afternoon.

After that, buying pornography became a minor obsession of mine. Not too
often, but now and then, when I was bored and horny, and worked up the
courage, I would go out and buy a magazine. I enjoyed the charge, the
embarrassed, exciting sensation of actually buying them as much as I liked
looking at the pictures and reading the stories.  Often, the cashier would
be a boy, or sometimes a girl, my own age. I liked that best. It excited
me, the way they would blush, the way they kept their eyes down. I never
got carded. I discovered that, while I liked the erotic stories inside
these magazines (they definitely enhanced my masturbation fantasies), I
liked the pictures best. I liked to look.

2.

I was eighteen, a senior, a nerd-girl in a black leather jacket. My friends
and I cut classes, sometimes smoked pot, and still got pretty good grades.
I hadn't had a boyfriend since Billy, two years before, but honestly I
wasn't all that worried about it. I knew how to get myself off.

Stacey and David were good friends of mine, and they had been dating most
of the year. They seemed to make a really good couple, and the three of us
hung out together a lot. I had been friends with Stacey longer than I had
been with David, but we were all pretty close. I thought they looked good
together. Really good.

We were hanging out over at Stacey's house, just the two of us. I don't
remember where David was that afternoon. I asked Stacey if they did it a
lot. She laughed and said, Yes, they had a very healthy sex life.  She knew
that I hadn't had a boyfriend in a long time. She wanted to know if that
bothered me. I said Not really, and anyway I could take pretty good care of
myself. We laughed at that.  Then I asked Stacey whether they would
consider letting me watch sometime.  While they got it on.  At the time,
Stacey thought that I was hitting on her, or that I wanted a threesome.
She would have gone for it too, she told me later. We actually did end up
getting together, her and I, but that was a couple years later. At that
point, all I wanted was to watch.  It was very quiet in the room. I could
hear my heart beating. I was afraid that I had just lost my two best
friends, all because I had opened my big, horny mouth. Then Stacey said
that she wouldn't mind, and she would ask David what he thought. About me
watching them have sex together.  I don't remember how we changed the topic
of conversation after that.  A couple days later, Stacey and David sat with
me at lunch. Stacey asked me if I wanted to hang out with them that
night. I asked what they were going to do, and Stacey said, Not much, hang
out at David's house, his parents were going to be gone for the
night. David smiled and blushed. Then all three of us got the giggles.

I showed up at his house at eight. We all watched TV and yacked for a
while.  The atmosphere was tense, we were all excited. Then David said that
he and Stacey were going to go upstairs, and I could come if I wanted. Of
course I did.  David lit a candle, and turned out the lights, and they got
on the bed. I sat in an armchair near the bed, and felt self-conscious.
Then they started to kiss and make out.  Stacey got his shirt off and
started kissing him all over. David had a nice body.  He was no jock, but
he was slim, and his muscles were we well-defined. He had a nice smooth
chest, and I loved the way he responded when Stacey playfully bit at his
nipples.  Then Stacey's shirt came off, and her bra. She had bigger tits
than me, and nicer, I thought. They weren't big and fake like the girls in
the magazines, but they were full and round. Her nipples were large and
erect. I liked the way her boobs jiggled when she moved. David sure seemed
to like them. He was kissing them, sucking them, squeezing them, nibbling
and rubbing them, while Stacey sighed and stroked his hair.  At this point,
I realized that I was soaking wet. I had honestly never been so excited in
my life. I wondered if I was making a puddle on the chair, all the way
through my panties and jeans. Still self-conscious, I unsnapped my jeans,
and let them fall around my ankles. I slipped a finger down inside my
panties, where my clit throbbed needfully. I shouldn't have been worried
about what Stacey and David thought; they were off in a world all their
own.  Stacey had David's pants and underwear off. His cock was hard,
bobbing in the air, head purple with excitement. I could see a drop of
precome glistening on its tip. He lay on the bed, and Stacey began to go
down on him. I had a great view. I loved the way her mouth opened wide to
accept him, the way she took it all into her mouth, pressing her face into
his pubic hair, the sexy slurping noises she made as she worked on him. He
stroked her hair as she sucked him. His dick glistened sexily as it slid in
and out of her mouth. He began to hump back against her face, slowly at
first, then faster and faster.  With a loud moan, hands wrapped in her
hair, he came in her mouth. She swallowed it all, milking the semen out of
his wilting cock. They cuddled and kissed for a little while after that.
  "You can get naked if you want to, we don't mind." Stacey said, seeing
me, with my jeans around my ankles, still rubbing myself under my
panties. Then her attention was focused back on her boyfriend, who was
kissing her again, and working on getting her pants off.  My clothes came
off in a hurry. They had just been so incredibly intimate in front of me
that somehow I was no longer embarrassed. Naked, I got up and sat on a
corner of the bed. My sex was swollen and wet, my thighs were slick with my
juices.  David had Stacey's jeans off, and was working on removing her
panties. His dick was already hard again, and bobbed pleasantly as he
moved. Stacey's legs were long and smooth, and I held my breath with the
anticipation of seeing her pussy. I could see brown hairs peeking out from
under the white material as he rubbed her through her panties. She raised
her butt off the bed, and he easily slid them off. I was thrilled at the
sight of her hairy, light brown muff, so different from the magazine
models, different even from my own, which has dark hair and is sparse
around the lips. I could see the seam of her labia, pouty and moist. He
touched her, and she seemed to open up like a flower. He was sliding one,
then two fingers in and out of her pussy, her eyes shut tight, her fingers
busy with her own nipples. Then he went down on her, and she started to
moan out loud. I could see her juice all over David's face when he came up
for air. I thought his butt looked cute as he lay there on his stomach,
face buried between Stacey's thighs.

I knew Stacey was on the pill, so I shouldn't have been surprised when he
moved up and started fucking her. I had an awesome view from where I was on
the bed. It was incredible the way her pussy opened up to swallow his cock,
the way her breasts jiggled with their movements. His cock glistened with
her wetness as he pulled it almost all the way out, then shoved it back
deep into her body. His forehead was wrinkled in concentration, dripping in
sweat. Her head rolled back and forth, her long hair spread out on the
bed. They were kissing each other, whispering encouragement, breathing
hard.  He was fucking her faster, harder now. I loved the sound they made
together. She was coming. She cried out loud, hands on his rump, pulling
him into her. He shouted, and buried himself deep inside her, and they
collapsed together.  My legs were spread wide, I had two fingers of one
hand in my pussy, while the other hand worked furiously on my clit. They
watched, enthralled, as I brought myself off. It was the best orgasm I had
ever had, it seemed like it would never stop.

3.

At college, I had more friends, but I still didn't date very much. For the
first time, I was really interested in school, and with all the coursework,
I didn't have much time on my hands. And the fact is I wasn't that
interested in being with anybody.

I went through this phase where I really got off on watching people
masturbate. I think it is incredibly sexy seeing the private ways people
touch their bodies, the secret ways they pleasure themselves.  I asked my
friend Jason one day if he would let me watch while he jacked off.  "Are
you serious?" he asked.  I wouldn't be asking if I weren't serious, I told
him.  "Can I watch you too?"  Of course.  We got naked together in his
room. He had a nice hardon. We lay down on the floor across from each
other. He squirted some lubricant onto his hands. I liked the sure, gentle
way he handled his cock. He worked silently, stroking himself in a sure,
steady way, his eyes glued to my pussy, where my fingers were wetly
busy. Just before he came, he stuck one finger up his asshole. He squirted
come halfway up his chest. I came like a roll of thunder.  Jason and I
became jack-off buddies for a while. He was the only person I've been with,
I think, who began to understand my sexuality. He never tried to touch me,
never suggested that we do more than watch each other. Sometimes we would
watch porn movies together, or download images on the computer. Other
times, we would masturbate for each other outside, or in risky, semi-public
places. I got a big charge out of that.

Amy and I were kind of friends, not tight, but friendly. We had a couple
classes together. She was very proper and neat, and sharply intelligent.
She had a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that I liked. She laughed at my
jokes. I don't know what possessed me to ask her, but I did one day,
sitting with her in the cafeteria.  "I'm not gay, you know." she said.  I
know, I just like to watch.  "Alright." she replied.  We locked ourselves
in her dorm room. She put a video on. It was fairly standard stuff as far
as pornos go (By this time, I had become something of a connoisseur.);
well-hung studs pounding silicone blondes this way and that. Amy obviously
thought it was secret and naughty, and the fact that she was sharing it
with me turned me on immensely. She got a dildo out from her nightstand.
I've never really got into toys, but I loved watching her use it on
herself.  We were naked, of course, by that time. She had a great body,
tall and slender, small breasts and short blonde hair. She watched the
video and I watched her. She spread her legs wide apart, and slid the
plastic cock in and out. I loved watching her pussy devour the toy. She
rubbed her clit as she fucked herself, and I matched her rhythm on my own
clitoris. She was fucking herself hard, burying the dildo deep in her cunt,
her finger a blur between her legs. On the screen, two muscle-boys were
taking their pleasure with a busty, shaved blonde. I came, loud and long. I
surprised myself: I usually come silently.  We talked for a while, after we
were done, laying around naked. She wasn't very experienced, sexually. She
hadn't dated much in high school, she said. Who had? I asked. We seemed to
have a lot in common, our passion for our studies, our reading interests,
our hopes for the future. I wondered that we hadn't become better friends
before. After a while, she asked if she could go down on me. I said yes.
After she made me come again, we traded, and I licked her pussy and clit
until she cried out. It was fun.  We spent the rest of the afternoon
together in her dorm room.

The day I watched Jason with another boy was a revelation. I had never
really looked at gay porn before. It was he who brought it up. He had been
seeing this guy, he said. They were starting to get serious. He had told
this boy, Mathew, that he had a friend who liked to watch. Mathew had
agreed to it. Would I like to? Watch?  Of course I would.  I had never
actually seen two men kiss before, and I found it very erotic. The fact is,
I love the male body, with all its hardness and softness, and here I was
getting a double eyeful. They kissed passionately for a while, touching
each other all over. I felt my panties getting damp. I could see the twin
lumps in their crotches, and I couldn't wait to see them touching each
other more intimately. I had a hand down the front of my pants when they
landed in the bed. Jason pulled off Mathew's shirt, and started kissing and
massaging his back. He had a very sexy back, smooth and muscular. After a
little of this, Jason rolled Mathew over, and started sucking his nipples.
Mathew was groaning with pleasure. I took the opportunity to step out of my
pants, and to pull off my now soaking panties. Jason unsnapped Mathew's
jeans, and, surprise! He wasn't wearing any underwear, and his hard cock
bounced free. It wasn't as big as Jason's, but that didn't concern me. It
was nicely shaped, circumcised, and swollen with desire. The jeans came
off, and Jason paused to remove the last of his own clothing. I was in
heaven; two great male bodies, full of sex and totally turned on, right in
front of me. I slid a finger up inside my hungry pussy.  "Suck me.", Mathew
moaned, and Jason went right to it. My pussy gushed.  Slowly,
excruciatingly, Jason kissed all around Mathew's crotch, nuzzling his
balls, but avoiding the trembling hard cock. He pushed Mathew's legs up in
the air, and stuck his face between the asscheeks. From Mathew's gurgles, I
knew that Jason's tongue must be buried deep in his asshole. At last Jason
turned his full attention to Mathew's erection.  The poor thing was purple
with desire by this time. Using just the tip of his tongue, Jason traced up
and down the length of the shaft. Finally, he opened his mouth wide and
took it inside. He swallowed the entire length. His face was pressed into
Matthew's pubic hair. Mathew grasped Jason's head and began to fuck his
face. This was wild, I was in ecstasy. I matched their rhythm,
finger-fucking myself until Mathew shouted out loud and came in Jason's
mouth.  After a breather, Mathew got onto his hands and knees on the
bed. Jason rolled a condom on, and then squirted lube all over his
erection. Holy shit, I thought, they're actually going to do it. While I
watch. I couldn't believe how wet I was. Jason started licking Mathew's ass
again, worshiping it with his tongue. Mathew moaned, wiggled, held his
cheeks wide apart for Jason's exploring tongue. Jason slowly stroked his
own slippery, rubber-sheathed cock while he rimmed Mathew's anus. At last
he removed his mouth, and positioned himself behind Mathew, his cock
pressed between the boy's muscular cheeks. Mathew sighed and buried his
face in the blanket. I wasn't sure how Jason's cock was going to fit into
that little hole, but I knew that it would. Jason pressed forward, Mathew
grunted and shoved back, and little by little, they buried his dick in
Mathew's asshole. Jason started fucking him, slowly, gently at first, then
faster and harder. Mathew was jacking off while Jason pounded him. I was
sliding two fingers in and out of my pussy along with them, and tickling my
own asshole with another finger. I was avoiding my swollen clit for now; I
wanted to come with them.  Jason cried out, the way he always did when he
was coming, and I brought my finger up to circle my aching clitoris. He
pulled out of Mathew's wide open anus, pulled the condom off, and squirted
semen all over his sexy, heaving back. I came at the same time, and Mathew
wasn't far behind us. They cleaned up. We took a shower together, with much
kissing and fondling between the two of them. We shared a joint. Mathew
hadn't known that Jason's voyeuristic friend was going to be female. He
thought it was cool, he said, that I got off watching them fuck. I wasn't
invited back to watch them again though. Jason told me that it was too
weird for Mathew. I could understand that.

4.

It was Christmas break, my second year of college, when Stacey and I got
together. We were home for the holidays, and had two weeks of incredible
sex together.  I had fooled around with a couple of girls at this point,
and Stacey was well on her way to being a card-carrying lesbian. She told
me that, back in high school, when I had watched her and David fuck, she
had really wanted me to join in.  I think sex between good friends is
usually the best. Stacey definitely knew how to push my buttons. I had more
orgasms on her sweet tongue than I can count. Stacey liked it kinky, and
that was fine with me. I learned to appreciate the stinging smack of
leather on tender flesh, learned to love the way my lover strained against
the bonds that held her tight as she struggled to get her tongue into my
sex. I spent happy hours with my face nestled between her firm ass cheeks,
my tongue exploring her dark, musky anus while she pulled my hair and
twisted my nipples mercilessly.  Stacey wanted me to be her girlfriend. It
wasn't practical, I told her, the schools we went to were states apart.
What I didn't tell her was, that no matter how much I liked her, no matter
how good the sex was, I didn't want to be anybodys girlfriend.  I went out
on infrequent dates with boys, and a few girls, throughout college.
Sometimes we would fool around after. Sometimes I would sleep with them. I
might ask them to masturbate while I watched. But I never let it go beyond
a date or two.  I don't like to get involved. I like to watch.

The End