Date: Tue, 30 May 2006 06:23:31 -0700 (PDT) From: Alvaro Lopez Subject: The Candy Store Diaries (Part 1) [Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any similarities between actual events and the events in this story or the characters in this story are purely coincidental. This story involves descriptions of unsafe sexual acts between men for the purpose of erotic fantasy and is not intended to condone such acts. If you are underage or homoerotic material is otherwise illegal in your area, please do not continue. Author retains copyright; do not duplicate this story without express written consent by the author. Comments and suggestions are welcomed at lopezbos@yahoo.com] Candy Store Diaries (Part 1) February 5, 19XX I can't believe I'm home and under my own power. I guess it takes an accident like mine to appreciate the simple things like getting up to find the remote. I'm still a little shaky if I walk too much, but it's getting better. I lost twenty pounds (and don't miss them) and my upper body actually is getting strength it never had, probably all that PT. I feel like I've gotten a jump start on the workouts I promised myself I'd do but never did. So much has changed since December, it's hard to believe it's been such a short time. Leslie's gone, but everyone says it's for the best. I'm not entirely sure that's true right now, I miss her. I'm not pissed at her not being able to handle the situation; I knew she sucked in a crisis, so it's not like it came as a shock that she bailed. I think I'm the only one that knew it was coming, even as they were carting me away in the ambulance. What I miss the most is the sense of male-ness she provided. Since she left, I've found myself thinking about my urges again. The guys in PT didn't help. I can't believe I'm even writing this, but Randy was pretty damned good to look at. I found myself staring more than once. The other guy, Chris I think, was a skinny prick, and the way he fawned all over Randy made me cringe. He was like a cartoon character side-kick. So I'm back in my apartment, crutches and all, and the days ahead look pretty long. Did three sets of exercises. February 9, 19XX Spent the day packing Leslie's stuff. Not much too it really, and it wasn't an emotional thing, just wanted my bathroom back. There was enough shit in there to fill two boxes alone. Went through the CDs and DVDs, packed up anything we'd bought together, not because I didn't want to be reminded of her, just because I really don't like the shit. I'll probably finish off tomorrow and give her sister a call to come get it all. The place is starting to feel like mine for the first time. My visiting nurse showed up yesterday, Frau Ugly. Damn that woman's a bear. She's got more of a stache than I do, and arms like a linebacker. The massage felt good though, and with Frau Ugly at work, no chance of an erection. Speaking of erections, stumbled on a chatroom this morning while looking for PT strategies (anything to get done faster). I had no idea guys discussed shit like this on line. Hate to admit it, but it got my motor running pretty good. If Luce from next door hadn't knocked, man. Did four sets, could have done a fifth, but taking it easy. February 11, 19XX I'm a sick fuck. I spent the better part of yesterday surfing gay sites. I had no idea. I came like four times just looking at pictures and reading stuff on line. What an education. I gotta get off these fuckin crutches and back out now, or I'm going to be a pervert for life. Five sets. February 14, 19XX Five sets and added some upper body stuff. Mom bought me a home gym thing that fits only in the living room. Good thing Leslie's not around to bitch. Weirdest Valentine's day on record. I should have known Leslie would jump at the opportunity to make a big dramatic scene. I asked her sister to come pick up her shit precisely for that reason, but simple instructions seem to be confusing to them both. I should have know she'd pick today to get her shit, and I should have known that it would be both of them. The funny thing in all this is that she's more concerned about what people will think of her than what I think, which is pure Leslie. She came in sobbing, as if I were throwing her out. I think that my not giving a shit really pissed her off. Things got really weird really fast. I pretty much ignored her antics while she made trips in and out, sniffling and teary the whole time. I sat in the kitchen reading the paper. On the last trip she decided that she wanted files off the computer. For a second or two I didn't really click, then all those sites and all those pictures sprang to mind. I pretty much jumped out of my chair. She caught the overreaction. Her whole mood changed when I told her that I didn't want her poking around on my computer. Good old suspicious Leslie came out to play. It was like waving a red flag. She planted herself down at the keyboard and went right to the browser. Good thing the apartment is pretty small, I managed to hobble over quick and in a show of machismo, I yanked the electrical cord out of the wall. I managed to flip the printer halfway across the room in the process, but it was a cheapo model anyway. Leslie accused me of everything in the book, yelling at the top of her lungs that it was all clear to her now, how I had been cheating on her. I stood (well, leaned mostly) and stared her down. The last thing I needed was for her to go around telling everyone I was gay and that's the real reason she left. I let her rant, looking as impassive as possible and wondering how far she'd gotten on the history list before I pulled the plug. When she asked me who "she" was, I knew. All I said to her was "Get out, now." And that was all she needed. It was finally my fault, my decision, my doing. She was exonerated. I told her there was no one else, but it fell on deaf ears and I could care less. Leslie was going to re-write history regardless. She demanded her files, but the last thing she needed was proof that there wasn't someone else, so it was a weak request that ended in sobbing fits and a stage exit. I thought later that I should have asked for my key back, but it's probably less stressful to just pay for the locks to be changed. I'll talk to the super tomorrow. February 16, 19XX In a bizarre addendum to the Leslie show, Rico the super came by today to change the locks. I've known Rico since I moved in, and I think I've called him twice, both times to report a leak in the apartment upstairs. Everything else in the place I fix myself. Locks have to be changed by the super, and I explained to him the Leslie thing and told him that I didn't want her in my place when I wasn't here, just in case she had the wit to ask him for the passkey. Rico shook his head and didn't ask for details, which was good because I really wasn't in the mood. He asked me how my legs were doing and told me he'd heard about the accident from Luce. So far normal. Then Rico gets to work, and the damned lock is an old style that doesn't match the new ones. So he's drilling and cussing, and banging. He's working up a sweat because although it's February, the heat's freaking again. It works out great for me because I get to wear shorts which makes it easier to work my legs than bulky sweats. I'm handing him water like he's in a marathon. When he's finally done and the door latches right (after about a hundred tries) he plops into my kitchen chair. It took about a minute before I realized I was staring. All those pictures and movies, dammit. A sweaty, hairy jock is gulping down bottled water at my table, letting a little stream escape his lips and course down his neck. And I'm watching it like it's Monday Night Football. By the time I realized I'd been staring, I'd been staring too long. Rico let out a mighty sigh and pulled himself up. I envied his strength right now, I needed crutches and something to lean on to get up. Meanwhile my dick is actually getting wood. He eyed the gym in the corner and nodded, asking me if it was any good. Before I could think about what the hell I was saying, I offered to let him try it whenever he wanted to. He nodded and said he would. Yikes. Maybe he'll motivate me, no sets, no reps, no nothing today. February 17, 19XX Spent the better part of this morning jacking off. I can't get Rico out of my head, and I better because a) he's straight, b) he's living with a latina chick, and c) I'm straight. I think. At what point exactly do I cross the line? Did five sets again, man are my legs sore. Really gotta work on the upper body too. No sense losing the gains. Found yet another chat service last night. Usually I just read what everyone is saying, but I got private messages from a couple of guys. I didn't answer, it was too weird. I'm starting to freak myself out, I feel like I'm doing something dirty, but I'm not really. Jacked off to naked women just in case. I did exchange some encouragement with a guy in Phoenix who'd just had a similar accident as me (not all my surfing is sex). He pointed out that all my personal info was on line through the chat, and taught me how to create an alias to keep some privary. Ugh. Felt like a complete moron in light of the other chat rooms I've been watching. February 18, 19XX Rico came by and it really helped get through six reps and a whole upper body workout. I'm going to be sore tomorrow, but feels good now. He really knows his way around this equipment, which is good since I haven't bothered to read the book that came with it. Having Rico in close quarters is a little challenging, but once we got talking, it was better in some respects. We have almost nothing in common, but he's funny and tells great stories about his family. He's got four brothers and two sisters and their grandmother lives with their parents. All but two sibs are out of the house (small wonder). He wants to start his own maintenance company someday and is saving up for that. Fantasized about him when he left. February 19, 19XX Frau Ugly showed up again today. She liked the gym and was pleased with progress. I think I'm afraid of her. The massage was fantastic though, the woman has amazing hands. Skipping the workout today and just enjoying the buzz. February 21, 19XX Another great workout with Rico today. He said his brother is a body builder and that's how he learned on the stuff, only he's not into the fanatical side of it. He says he's not looking to bulk up, just stay in shape. Since I am looking to bulk up, he knows the tricks, but man, it hurts. Down to one crutch today, much better than two. Finally got up the nerve to talk to a guy on line today. A lot older than me, but a lot in common. He wasn't pervy or anything, just chatting about feelings and urges like he's been there. He's married with two kids and plays around with the soccer coach about once a month. I feel like I'm a visitor on another planet sometimes. February 24, 19XX Sore as hell, but good workout yesterday. Rico's pretty easy going about it, but working out with him makes me push harder than if I were alone. Just keeping up with him is a bitch. He's almost thirty and can outlift me in just about everything. Chatted with Bert (the older guy) again last night. I think he's a shrink, or should be. Had me talking and thinking a lot. This interest in guys isn't new, I know that, but making it real is. He had a lot of advice, most of it about being safe. It's not like I'm going to go out to a gay bar tomorrow and gang-bang the place. He's a nice guy to talk to, but sometimes I just want to get off and I'm not looking for the analysis. March 9, 19XX Damn it's been a while since I wrote in this. Workouts going fine, Rico's coming up every other day at ten so I'm on a schedule now. Frau Ugly says he's my angel because he's doing me a huge favor. I'm torn between the distraction and the need for exercise. It sort of got dicey last week. Rico came up early because he had something to do at lunch and wanted to be ready. I sort of had a routine (I hate writing this) but I'd jack off before he came up so as not to be too focused on his body. I know that after I come, I'm not so horny or interested, so it works out. Unfortunately, he came up early, so I wasn't done. I also forgot to turn off the computer, and while we chatted it went to sleep, so I didn't notice it until later when an e-mail came through and woke it up, showing a great picture of a guy on all fours taking it up the ass. Three feet from Rico's face. He looked a little surprised then laughed. Turns out Rico's kid brother Ray is bi. Here's where it gets complicated. The sibs all know he's bi, and the parents know he's bi, but the parents think he only `tops' which is OK in their culture (they're Brazilian I think). The parents freaked when they heard `bi' because they thought (rightly) that he takes it up the ass. The oldest brother, Nickie, I think, told them that `bi' in the US means taking men as well as women, so mom and dad calmed down and assumed their baby boy was a top stud for either sex. Talk about confusing. Anyway, Rico said it's no big deal, but he was totally straight and I should know that. I told him that I was just looking and was straight too. I don't think I sounded convincing to myself either. I felt like a total pervert, but Rico was totally not freaked out. The thing with Rico was an insight for me. Not the being `outed' part, the part about being bi. I hadn't thought of that before. I thought that you were either straight (which I have a resume for) or gay (which I appear fixated on). The whole thing got me thinking about myself and where the hell I am. I can think of twenty reasons why I'm looking at guys now in my life. I'm 28 and have been with women since I was 17. I thought every guy looks at wrestlers and body builders and feels the little zip down under the nuts. I just chalked it up to curiosity. This accident and the whole Leslie thing (I'm including the two-year relationship) would make anyone want to hand over the keys to someone else for a while. Is that what this is? Just wanting to be the `passive' player for a while? It's driving me crazy. I know that the more I explore on line, the more it appeals to me sexually. It's so different, but almost as if I've known it's there all along. The Leslie thing was exhausting, I know that now more than ever, but is this need to explore because of that? March 11, 19XX Made it most of the day without the crutch, but now my leg is aching big-time. Workout is good, but kinda sick of feeling sore all the time. Had a long chat with Bert again last night. It's good to get my thoughts out to someone, even if it is a buzz-kill sometimes. Against Bert's advice, I'm posting a personal on line. He says it's a mistake, but at this point, I'm giving myself room to explore. Bert's actually going to be in town next week and I promised to meet him for dinner at his hotel. I made it pretty clear I wasn't interested in anything but conversation. Bert's nice and all, but not my idea of a guy I'd actually touch. Now Rico, that's another story, but I guess his unavailability makes him a little more interesting. Sort of a safe guy to enjoy the show knowing it ain't going anywhere. The subject of the pictures hasn't come up again, or of my dating anyone of any gender. Speaking of dating^Å Luce came by again today, she's a sweetie. If she wasn't with that loser boyfriend, well, she'd be up in the top five. Jan's insisting I start dating soon, but I think that's just sister-talk to keep my morale up. She and Mom are secretly (well, not-so-secretly in Mom's case) thrilled that Leslie is not in the picture. I know Jan disliked her on sight, but never said anything. Mom said more than one thing, but it went over Leslie's head most of the time. I think Mom is worried that Leslie II will arrive, so she's not pushing the dating issue. I wonder what they'd think if they knew my first post-Leslie "date" was with an orthodontist from Toledo with a wife and kids? March 16, 19XX I was re-reading last week's stuff. Burt (with a `u') is a periodontist, not an orthodontist. Gums, not braces. It's funny how we ascribe characteristics to people on line. I had his picture, which is pretty on-target, but his voice was a surprise. I had imagined he had a softish head-shrinker voice, but he's got this deep bass rumbling voice that feels like it's shaking the room when he talks. And he talks fast, a lot faster than I imagined, but then I'm used to `hearing' him on the chat line in text. We had a nice dinner, he was staying at a nice place with a piano bar. I felt unbelievably awkward talking about urges and stuff in public, but we were in a corner and there wasn't anyone around (weeknight). I think he figured out I was a little freaked and kept things pretty normal. He asked me about the personal ad and I told him I'd put it in and he was a little disappointed. He took a long time explaining the `candy store' syndrome to me. In his experience, and apparently other guys he knows, `late bloomers' like me go through a candy-store phase. It's a whole new world of seduction and conquest that pits natural hunters against each other. He said that in this day and age (he sounded like my uncle there) the number of serious diseases you could get just `playing around' made the candy store phase a really hazardous time. He practically begged me to be super careful. I know I'm not at my best right now with the legs and all, but I'm not exactly a whimp either. I'm still a good six foot one and getting stronger every day. He said the danger wasn't something I could beat up, and there were shady characters out there that would more than like the challenge. He told me a few scary stories from his own experience, but I can't see myself in those situations. I'm not ducking out on a wife, so I'm not likely to get into a rest-stop scene or a dark alley. All through dinner I was really uneasy because in the back of my mind I was wondering what was going to happen afterwards. It was a weird combination. I sort of wanted him to ask me up to his room, and dreaded it at the same time. All through dessert I had this little buzz going, anticipation and fear, lust and revulsion. It occurred to me on the ride home that I've made more than one chick feel this way. Man it can suck to be on the other side! Rico asked me about my love life during the workout. Freaked me out a little, but I told him that after Leslie I was taking a break. He told me his brother posted an ad on a bi website and had lots of replies, and some of the guys were pretty decent. For a second I thought about protesting, but then I told him the truth, that I've never `been' with a guy, that I'm just thinking about it. He laughed and told me it was cool, that he'd thought about it too, but just never really felt a strong draw to it. March 17, 19XX Man it's late. Went out drinking with the guys for the first time since the accident. How many times have I said that? "since the accident" It's like the stupid accident is this punctuation mark in my life now where I measure time. Why not "since I lost my love handles" instead? I am looking sharp, if I do say so. Frau Ugly got me a cane so I could be out and about without looking like Tiny Tim. It was good to see Billy and Marty again, but they're all weird about stuff, like they're afraid to talk about stuff. I toasted Leslie's departure, and they eased up a bit, but it took a few more rounds to feel OK again. Billy got shit-faced as usual, but I couldn't really help Marty get him home, I'm still not strong enough to carry another guy. I think that pissed Marty off, but too bad. Burt's back in Toledo, which is nice because I get to talk to him again. I liked meeting him, but it felt wicked weird to actually say that stuff in a public place. I actually got a few responses to my ad, if that's what you call it. Burt said the site's a meat market, but I'm not exactly in it to find a life partner. One of the guys, Sam, seems like a regular guy. I sent him e-mail today, so let's see where it goes. March 20, 19XX Big day! Frau Ugly says I'm ready to go solo, sans cane and crutches. Told me the cane was for old men and `pretentious fags' I think she said. I laughed my ass off. If she only knew I ditched the cane when I met Sam yesterday! Sam. Where to start? I was nervous as hell, and to keep my promise to Burt, I met him at a coffee shop. This one goes to Burt. Now I'm a pretty laid-back guy, but when someone tells you they're six feet tall, you kind of expect them to be six feet tall. I can understand being generous about your weight (even though I don't have to be any more ^Ö thanks Rico) but height? Like I'm not going to notice you're five-nine? He described himself as `masculine' which apparently means `still wear men's clothes' to him. What a freaking swish. I felt like every eye in the place was on us. He made me laugh a lot, and he's got a wicked way of talking about people, but not my speed. I think he kind of figured it out too, but I told him I didn't really feel any chemistry. Before I could stop myself I told him I'd call him again. Some things never change. March 24, 19XX Rico came up for the workout on schedule today. Nothing unusual about that, but I did share the Sam story with him. I don't know why, maybe because Rico's the only person (other than Burt) that knows I'm bi and is a friend. That's weird. He laughed a lot, and I embellished the story of course. He's always cracking me up with stories from his family, I figured I was due. He asked me if I'd posted on the site and I told him no, I hadn't remembered the URL. He told me again, and winked when he said to stay away from `Gino911' because that was his little brother. Which reminds me, need to check out that profile ASAP. Rico's easy to talk to about this, which is really weird. He doesn't have the slightest problem with it. Maybe it's cultural, or just having it `in the family' that makes him so laid back about the whole thing. He did say that his brother Nickie, the body builder, isn't as cool with it, but that's because he's always getting hit on and he hates it because it's disrespectful. Exchanged a few e-mails with a guy named Rick. He says he's just exploring too and that he's engaged. His fiancé sounds like Leslie, and I don't know why the hell he's going through with it, but it's his life. We're meeting for coffee tomorrow. March 27, 19XX Got my last massage from Frau Ugly. I'm going to miss that hairy witch. I actually saw my abs today for the first time since high school. Rick: Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. We talked about sports the entire time in the shop. He showed me pictures of his fiancé, which actually looks like Leslie too. We talked for a good half hour, and I have to admit I was checking him out. He was wearing shorts and a bike shirt, and he's in good shape. Hairy, muscular legs too. It'll be a long time before I'm ready to wear shorts, the scars on my right leg look like shit and my left one looks only slightly better. The doc says the road-rash on my thigh is for life, sort of a sand tattoo. Maybe by summer the red will have faded enough for me to wear shorts, but not yet. So in the parking lot, Rick tells me that he's really interested. Which is good, because I'm feeling pretty insecure about the limp. He said he didn't notice it, then he told me that I looked hot. Can't really describe the feeling, but it's totally different than when a chick tells me I look hot. I'm so nervous I don't know what to say or do. I don't know the rules here, and it's pissing me off. Rick gives me his cell phone number, but tells me not to call it after four because he's usually home then. I blurt out that I live alone, and immediately feel like a slut. I give him my home number, but he says he can't keep it, his fiancé might find it. I'm starting to wonder how Rick and Burt exist in two worlds like that, but I'm not looking to date the guy. Which brings me to the conversation with Rico this morning. I told him about Rick, and how we'd pretty much left it up in the air and I didn't know whether to call him or not. Rico comes right out and asks me what it is that I'm looking for and I realize I don't have an answer. As usual, he laughs and tells me that if I'm just looking to know what dick tastes like, he can set me up with a bunch of guys. I laugh too, but it puts me thinking about what the hell it is I want. I look at the porn on line, and I want that guy to be me, but why? For the sex? Just sitting across from Rick made me horny, and when he told me I was hot, it was like fire. Frustrated and confused. March 30, 19XX I realized this morning that my legs don't ache. I don't know when they stopped, but when I got up to piss, I realized that the ache was gone. Feel like celebrating. I can't wait to tell Rico about it tomorrow. I called Rick yesterday, right after lunch. After he answered, I realized that I had absolutely nothing to say. I didn't have the balls to invite him over. I suggested we go for a bike ride together tomorrow, but warned him it would be a slow, short ride. He knows about the accident. He agreed and promised not to wear me out. We're going to meet at the trails. I should have asked him to pick me up. Since the call I've been in a mild panic. I'm hoping Rick is as clueless as I am about all this. March 31, 19XX Did my usual workout with Rico, and mentioned my bike-date with Rick. First time I ever saw Rico pissed. Said I was pretty stupid to head off into the woods with a guy I knew for all of an hour, and made me swear to take my cell phone. I told him with my legs the trip into the woods would be yelling distance from the parking lot. Met Rick at the park, he was wearing spandex shorts. Put this on my list of things I like. We rode the kiddie trail for my sake. I was actually feeling good. We got into the woods and followed the brook trail for a while. It's been a wet, warm spring and the trails are for shit. We stopped and sat down for a while, I think Rick was worried about my legs. With no one around we got to actually talk, and sit right next to each other. I was almost shaking, I felt punch drunk. I put my hand on his leg and just let it rest there. Man that felt weird, but in a good way. Hard, hairy, male, and not mine. I rubbed and he reached over and did the same, only I jumped when he touched me. Felt like a total asshole. He thought he'd hurt me. We laughed, then he leaned over and kissed me. Talk about off-guard. I must have sucked because I was so surprised that I didn't react for a second. Every sensation was new, and totally different. He put his arms around me (a little awkwardly) and I did the same, and it was overload. It was so totally different that it threw me. And it felt pretty damned good, and he noticed. Guilt hit me like a two-by-four. What was I doing? What was he doing? Why did it feel so good? We kissed a while, rubbing and holding, and I even brushed his crotch with my hand, but I couldn't work up the nerve to touch his hard cock. But his cock was hard for me. And that made me hard enough to pound nails. April 2, 19XX Been thinking about Rick non-stop. Rico didn't ask, and I wasn't about to tell what happened. Burt was pissed when I told him about it, same as Rico. Burt suggested I make a pass at Rico to see what happened. Burt can be an asshole sometimes. I invited Rick for another ride, and this time asked him to pick me up at my place. He's coming by day after tomorrow. April 4, 19XX Rick showed up and the second the door was closed he grabbed me and told me he hadn't stopped thinking about the last `ride.' I told him I felt the same way, and this time I kissed him. This time it wasn't awkward, it was animal. We were grabbing each other like wrestlers to the death. I didn't care if my hard on was obvious. I didn't think about anything, just the feel of this guy. My brain kept asking for more, but I didn't know what to do next. We must have grappled for a while, but I don't really know, I lost track of time. At one point I grabbed his crotch to feel him, no excuses. Man that was hot. Rick was the first to pull off the shorts, and he took my shirt off too, and I took his. Kissing bare-chested is fuckin amazing. I wanted to take my sweats off, but those damned scars. I think Rick took it to mean I didn't want to get naked, but I didn't really care. I grabbed his cock and started to stroke it, like it was mine. All the while my brain is saying "what the hell are you doing??" but my dick is yelling louder. Rick ground himself into me hard, really hard. He must have been loaded for bear, because he came like a fire hose, and I had trouble holding him up while he let go. His cum was all over my pants, and I didn't give a shit. I think Rick's a lot like me in that when he comes, he's done. He got this weird look on when he saw his spunk all over my crotch (and down to my knees) and started apologizing and freaking. I told him I'd change, but he suddenly noticed the time and had to `run.' OK, so he's out the door in two minutes, and I'm jackin at the desk to relieve the pressure. April 6, 19XX Rick finally sent me an e-mail today. I called him yesterday, but got his voice mail. Told him he still owed me a ride, and after I hung up I realized what that sounded like. Ugh. He said in his e-mail that he's got a big project for work and has to spend some time on it. I've been feeling a little weird about the whole thing myself, so I'm glad he's busy for now. I don't think I'm ready to face him again, I'm still processing the whole thing. Rico gave me two tickets to his brother's competition this weekend. I told him I only needed one, and I swear he looked relieved, the same way my sister looked when I broke up with Brenda the Stewardess. Anyway, Rico said that with all the work I'd been doing on the weights it would be fun, plus there would be a shitload of muscle guys and gals to ogle, except his brother of course. I asked him if he was going, but he said that Nickie was uncomfortable with family in the audience so he had banned them all from all but the biggest meets. I gave him back the second ticket, but he insisted I keep it, just in case I met someone to take to the meet. As luck would have it, Sam sent me an e-mail detailing his latest date. In a weird way I think of him as my `inside' guy, giving me answers to questions as they come (like what the hell PNP is). Sam's convinced I'm a bottom guy, but I'm not sure about that. He's taken to calling me his `girlfriend' and loves to dish out venom on his failed encounters. He really is a riot. I asked him to join me for the meet, but warned him to `butch up' for the event. He said yes of course, and promised not to sing show tunes. April 9, 19XX Rico pushed me hard today, man does it hurt. He said I hit a plateau and need to push through it if I'm going to get stronger and bigger. I'm not sure I want to get that much stronger and bigger if it means being sore all the time again. Rico's looking leaner and much more defined, and suggested we take measurements. I declined because I don't think I could handle it, and I really like him as a friend and don't want to do anything that would be weird. A guy named Anthony replied to my ad. If he's really the guy in the picture, man, that would be amazing. He's a big guy, six-four, and solid. Hairy too. Intimidating, but a really nice e-mail. April 14, 19XX I'm not sure what to write, where to begin. This is supposed to be a workout record, but it's turned into a diary of sorts. I know I can't tell Burt or Rico. Sam and I went to the bodybuilder's meet on Saturday. It was oppressively hot in the auditorium, and kind or rank too. The guys were painted brown, which was totally unappealing to me. The women too, but not so much. They were actually more a turn-on for me than the guys. Nickie was amazing. He looks like Rico, but bigger and older. He came in third, which was shitty because he was way better defined than the two guys ahead of him, but Rico says it's politics. Sam was out of his mind. He really can butch up when he wants to, you'd have thought he was just one of the guys. But he'd lean over and whisper stuff to me that made me crack up. He pointed out the guys that were gay, swearing that his `gaydar' was always one-hundred percent accurate. I told him he was full of shit, and he bet me ten bucks he was right. Well, originally he bet me a blow job, but I told him I wouldn't take that bet. He'd prove it by approaching one of the guys after the meet and talking to him, and I was supposed to see which guys checked Sam out while he was talking. I told him this was a dumb idea. There were a bunch of gyms at the meet with displays in the lobby and side rooms. I guess they get business at these things. Sam insisted on checking out the displays, so we walked up and down. I actually got involved talking to one that's a few miles from my place and has steam rooms and a pool, and in the meantime Sam wandered off. By the time I'd finished talking to the chick (with an outstanding rack by the way), Sam was nowhere to be found. I wandered around some more, then decided to go outside, it was too hot inside. Sam came out and said right off, `you owe me ten bucks, girlfriend' and a big-ass guy followed him out. Allen (the lifter) was going to give Sam a tour of his gym. Now Sam's a nice looking guy, but I think the only time he's seen the inside of a gym is in pictures. Sam explained that he'd catch a cab home afterwards since the gym was just a couple of blocks from his place. Part of me envied Sam and his ability to just `pick up' a guy like Allen, like shopping at a supermarket. I drove home alone, feeling a little horny for Sam and Allen. I was thinking I would love to be a fly on the wall. I was just getting into my apartment when the phone rang. The ID said it was Sam's cell phone and my heart jumped in my chest. I had an image of him beaten and bloody in an alley. As soon as I heard his voice, I knew he was OK, but it took a couple of seconds to figure out what he was asking me. Apparently Allen wanted to take Sam out to a club, but he'd promised his buddy Ronnie to go. Sam had benevolently suggested that I join them and make it a `double.' Sam's attitude is nothing if not infectious. He'd planned it all out and was just calling to notify me of my role. My job was to take Ronnie home. I could figure out the rest. As I write this, I wonder what the hell I was thinking, but then at the time, I'd spent a day looking at hot men and women, sitting with my gay friend, and fantasizing about said friend and a very hot muscle guy getting it on. I agreed to the whole scheme. He gave me directions (which turned out to be to Allen's house, not a gym, surprise) and I was over there in forty minutes. Sam rode with me to the club while Allen went to pick up Ronnie. I suspect that Allen thought this would be the return strategy too, or maybe not. At some point it occurred to me that I'd never been to a gay club, and I quizzed Sam about it. He told me to relax and enjoy it. When Allen arrived with Ronnie, Sam leaned over and whispered something to the effect of my winning a lottery. The idea that Sam was actually jealous of me and my `date' sent a little zing through me. I felt like I was diving in for the first time. Allen introduced us, not remembering my name. Ronnie was taller than me, at least six-three, and built like a brick shit-house. His shirt was too tight, and his arms looked like they were going to explode out of them. His pants were tight, but unbelievably narrow waisted. The legs looked like they'd been inflated. I recognized him as one of the guys in the finals, and he looked much better without the brown paint. The club was pretty much like any other one, only there were a lot more guys than women (and I was surprised to see women there at all). Guys dancing all over the place, a lot of them shirtless. It was a little overwhelming for me, but the volume prevented any conversation, which was good since I had no idea what to talk about. Sam immediately dragged Allen out onto the floor, and his sheer bulk cleared a path for them. I looked over to Ronnie, not really knowing what to expect, but he was ordering drinks. He leaned close and yell-asked what I wanted. I yelled back, and reached for my wallet, but he stopped me. I slugged down the tequila when it came and felt immediately better. After a song or two (it was hard to tell when one stopped and the other started) Ronnie asked me to dance. I could have begged off, but I wanted to. I'm not a great dancer, but it was fun. After a while dancing and drinking, we all met up again at the table. Allen suggested we go to another floor where it was quieter. By then I was pretty buzzed, so I didn't care. Ronnie had his arm over my shoulder, and I had mine around his waist. I was getting used to his bulk and it felt good to have him to hang on to. My legs were getting pretty tired. On the way upstairs, my right leg gave out. If Ronnie hadn't caught me, I'd have hit the dirt. He grabbed my belt and held me up, looking worried. I apologized, feeling like an asshole Ronnie suggested he drive me home, and I agreed because I sure as hell couldn't drive (I was pretty drunk). Sam volunteered, but Ronnie insisted. By the time we got to the apartment, my legs were really aching, but I could walk again. The pain had taken the buzz off, and Ronnie and I talked about the accident and my PT on the way home. I let him help me upstairs, even though I'm pretty sure I could do it myself. He was worried that I'd over done things. I sank into the couch, and Ronnie sat next to me. I don't know what made me do it, but I leaned over and kissed him, mostly to thank him. His sheer weight on the couch put me practically on top of him. For such a big guy, he was amazingly gentle, not like Rick. Every inch of him felt like warm steel, but his touch was so light, so careful. At some point we adjourned to my bedroom. We undressed as if it were the most natural thing in the world to do. I hesitated to take off my pants, with the scars and all, but Ronnie sat in front of me and gently pulled them off, running his hands along my legs gently. Then he leaned forward and took my very hard cock into his mouth and my legs failed again. He caught me by the waist and eased me next to him. I'm glad my legs gave, because I think I would have come in another second. We kissed some more, and I let my hands roam all over him. I pulled his underwear off without looking down. I didn't want to lose it yet. I felt like this wasn't going to happen all the time, and I needed to really enjoy every second of it. I gave myself permission to relax and go with it. When my hands reached his rod, I was a little surprised that it was on the smaller side. I guess I expected it to be as big as he was, but it was certainly thick. I didn't think, I didn't question, I just kissed his neck, his pecs (I'd kill for pecs like his) and down his abs to the base of his cock. In full view it looked huge, and I did what I'd seen all the guys in the movies and pictures do. The first taste was so different and so familiar. I guess all guys have the same scent. I worked it gently, the way Leslie used to do me (on those rare occasions). He moaned as I went up and down his shaft, enjoying every inch. His nuts were smallish too, and tight up, but I could care less. He spread his legs for me and I dove in. For my first blow job, I couldn't have picked a hotter guy. He bucked his hips and pushed his knob to the back of my throat, and I gagged a little, but I liked it. His hands were all over me, and they felt good. At one point he curled up and kissed my head, no small feat for a guy that big to do. He whispered, `do you have any condoms' and I freaked a little, but remembered to let myself enjoy it. Truth be told, I did want this big stud to fuck me, at least in theory. I came off him long enough to mutter that they were in the nightstand, and he stretched over to get them, giving me a great view of his naked body. I noticed that he shaved his armpits, which struck me as a little weird. But every muscle was defined and pumped, every inch of him was perfect. I couldn't ask for a better guy to be my first. He tore open the package and sat up, reaching across the bed for my cock. At this point I was so confused I just went with whatever he was going to do. I'd already decided he was in charge and I was the apprentice here. He gave my cock a second or two suck, then withdrew to put the rubber on. That was pretty hot too, even if I had no idea what we were doing. I figured he'd grab another one and put one on before he took me. Instead he rolled over on top of me and I felt completely under his control. It's not easy to feel in control when a two-hundred and seventy pound guy is on you. He kissed me hard, and I hugged him to me, my cock grinding into his abs. I felt more drunk than I'd felt all night, and the surreal events unfolding on my bed were just happening to me, no plan, no thought, just one moment to the next. If I'd been thinking, I would have figured out what was going on, but who can think? He sat up, straddling my thighs. He took his cock and mine and stroked them together, milking his fat head for precum. He inched up, letting my cock slide behind him. At this point I got the picture, and again, I didn't give a shit that my first experience with a guy would be completely the opposite of what I expected. As he aimed my cock, I arched my back and felt the familiar resistance. That was the last second of familiarity. The head entered his tight ass, and unlike a pussy, where once you get past the entrance it's a hot dark well, this was a tight, three-sixty around ring squeezing my cock. I bucked and he flinched a little. Lube would have been a good idea, at least more than his precum (yeah, I figured that one out all by myself). He eased back down on me, driving my cock deeper. As more and more of his weight came down, I felt myself penetrating and stretching, pulling my skin back, then a snapping as it move in. He arched his back, and old habits took over. I reached up and grabbed his tits. Only they weren't soft and full. Hard, hot pecs and nips that could cut glass. I ran my hands down his body, enjoying the feel of his muscles as he gyrated slowly, seating my cock deeper and deeper. No pussy ever felt so tight and so enveloping. I could get used to this, although a part of me wanted to be where he was. I remembered his cock, and stroked him as he slid up and down mine. My feeble hips only accented his movements, I wasn't remotely strong enough to lift this guy with my hips alone. He was making deep animal noises which turned me on even more. The idea that my feeble seven and a half-incher could make this dude moan was just phenomenal to me. He was riding me hard, and I wished again I'd lubed up more. The pull and push was not exactly smooth. If I was gonna top this guy, I decided to go for it. When he leaned back, I planted my hands on his chest and pushed, forcing him back further until he had to unpin his massive legs. I spread mine so he'd land between them, then (painfully) swept back, all the time never leaving his tight hole. His legs were now on either side of me, and I took hold of his ankles and pulled them up and back. They were unbelievably heavy. I'm not one to brag (like hell) but I'm pretty good in bed, and in this situation, I knew for the very first time since I'd decided to `explore' exactly what to do. I reached back and grabbed the bottle of lube and pulled out enough to douse my aching rod with a good amount. I think Ronnie got the picture and grabbed the back of his knees and I went to town. My legs were on fire, and I didn't care. This was the tightest pussy I'd ever gotten, and I wasn't about to call a time out. Ronnie shifted under me, putting one of those tree-trunk legs on my shoulder and stretching out the other one. This gave me a side-angle attack, which I took aggressively. If I'd exerted as much force on a woman, I'd have injured her, but on a mountain of muscle, it must have felt like a gentle caress. Ronnie bucked and pushed back every thrust, driving his ass onto my cock. I wanted to come, I could feel it bubbling in my balls, but my mission was to make him come first. He twisted around again, this time getting flat on his face, and giving me a view of his stupendous back muscles. Although my legs were beyond sore, I pulled his hips hard (as it throwing all my weight into it) to get him to all fours. From here I knew I had him. His moans turned to grunts as I drove deeper than before, using every trick I knew. I ground in circles at the bottom of the stroke then pulled out until the head was just at that incredible ring. I reached around and grabbed his cock, which was a little flaccid. I panicked, but then remembered that Sam said that was normal. I stroked him up to full then echoed my thrust with stroke after stroke. His ass (and it was so damned small compared to his back!) changed angles every stroke. My balls needed release bad. I felt him with my cock before my hand; all along my shaft it tightened up, then twitched. I felt his cock lurch and Ronnie bellowed like a bull, ramming his ass on to me so hard it knocked me back to a sitting position. His orgasm lasted way longer than mine usually did, and the dick massage he was giving me sent me over the edge too. My cock shot off and every muscle in my body tensed up, sending burning hot pain through my legs. I think I shouted, but I don't know. Ronnie pulled off slowly, giving my sore dick one more stroke. The feeling of sliding out of him was amazing, even post-orgasm, and my cock was still hard and full. He may have been ready for another go, but the rest of me was spent. I stretched out and my legs started shaking right away. Ronnie stretched out next to me and threw his legs over mine and kissed me hard. To be honest, I wasn't really in the mood for any more, the punch-drunk feeling was gone, and the reality of the situation was all around me. He asked if he could take a shower, and I said of course, and wished I could join him, but I needed a few minutes to let my legs rest. While he was in the shower, I recovered my senses a little. There was a huge cum-spot on my bed, and for the first time, it wasn't mine. I got up with difficulty and wiped it down with a towel. It occurred to me that I had no idea how to get Ronnie home, or if he expected to spend the rest of the night (it was about two in the morning). I reached for my boxers, but then decided to stay naked. I got Ronnie a towel and took it into the bathroom. He didn't ask me to join him in the shower, and I was relieved because although I really wanted to, my legs hurt so much that I just wanted to take a pain med and hit the rack. Again, I decided to let him call the shots. If he got dressed when he came out, I'd know where we were going. Tired now, I'll finish this tomorrow. April 15, 19XX Mailed my taxes today, which reminded me that I have to go back to work soon. I'm looking forward to it, although I still have another month off. My company is being very generous, but then they don't have much choice since the accident was their fault anyway. The lawyers keep calling me, I guess it's time to listen to my sis and get my own. It's been four days since my experience with Ronnie, and I'm still a little shocked by it. Sam called this morning (at the crack of noon) to chat, but Rico was over so we decided to meet for lunch tomorrow. I wanted to talk to Sam too, since we haven't had a chance to catch up since the meet. Ronnie did end up spending the night, but he left early. He woke me up with a blow job, which I gotta say is better than an alarm clock. I drove him home, which turned out to be Allen's house, and I wanted to ask Sam what the deal was. Anthony sent me another e-mail, and after my experience with Ronnie, I feel different about things. Different how I don't know, but the wind's out of my sails a bit. I'm torn between meeting Anthony or just taking a break to take stock. April 16, 19XX Workout with Rico was good. Legs back to semi-normal and could keep up again. Rico asked me how my love life was going and I lied, said `what love life?' and he laughed. He said his girlfriend know this girl I might like, and I acted interested. I wouldn't mind going back to the way things were, but not yet. Ronnie left me wanted something and I need to know what it is. Lunch with Sam was good, he knows the best places. I couldn't wait to ask the story about Allen and Ronnie, but didn't need to. Sam thanked me profusely for coming on the date, (even paid for lunch, a first). Turns out Allen and Ronnie are a couple, but they occasionally have a `night off' where they hook up with other guys. This seems weird to me, but I guess when all the players are men, if you actually put rules on the cheating it's better than if left to our own devices. The rules for them are that they have to meet and approve of the other guys' date, no skanks or wierdos that will get in the way later. If I had any hope of being in bed with Ronnie again, that was now gone. Sam regaled me with his night with Allen, and demanded details on Ronnie, which I couldn't believe I was giving. He was upset that I was still a `virgin' and said he'd make it his project to get me laid. He then launched into a detailed description of what I needed to do as a bottom; more information than I could possibly need. April 18, 19XX Workout was great. Rico brought the phone number of the girl he wants me to meet, I gave her a call and left a message on her machine. There are some advantages to being a homebody. Decided to meet Anthony. For the past few nights we've been doing cyber, and if he's half as good in person as he is on line, I may get an education from him. He definitely knows what he wants and isn't afraid to ask for it, at least on line. Found out he too is married, no kids, wife works all the time and isn't interested in sex. Just how many guys are bi?? [should the diaries continue? lopezbos@yahoo.com]