I was still processing what was driving my wife. There was a deep energy flowing from her. It had been anger and jealousy. The intensity hadn't faded, but somehow she'd reshaped it into something else. A fierceness, an insistence, a focus. A mother lion, owning her pride.
At the breakfast table, even. Bringing us together. Setting our rules.
Caroline wasn't giving up. She pressed her question. "So can I watch?"
Carol turned her gaze to me. "What do you think, Rick?"
"I think..." I had to pause and imagine myself in this new forest, unlike the old one but perhaps just as confounding. I had to get my bearings. There was a path, through not yet fully blazed. I followed it. "I also think that hiding is stupid."
"Then everybody head for the bedroom," said Carol. I was a bit surprised that I was still capable of being shocked. My eyes were as wide as the girls'. There was a metallic clatter as three forgotten spoons dropped onto the kitchen table. "Go on," she shooed us with her hands. "All clothes off. On the bed. Everybody." She pulled off her own shirt, a flush flowing over her chest from her face, her nipples visibly erect. As resolute as she sounded, I could tell she was pushing her own boundaries. I didn't discourage her.
The girls shrugged at each other and scampered. I waited for Carol and followed her. By the time we got there our naked daughters were gleefully jumping on the bed. My wife embraced me standing, pressed herself against me, merged our mouths, shoved her hand into my sweatpants and then pushed them down over my hips. I followed suit, our bottoms now tangled around our feet. We feel into bed that way, side by side, the girls a bracket around us.
"Are you gonna do the f-word?" said Caroline.
"We're going to make love, sweetheart. Because we love each other." As obscene as this was already, I still didn't want my preteens wantonly f-bombing.
"But I hear Mommy say that, when you do it," offered Stephanie. "You say the f-word a lot, Mommy."
"I guess I do. I do because I love it when your father fucks me." They smirked. Carol had me in her grip. We paired as equals, on our sides. "So fuck me, Rick. Here and now."
I slid into her easily, as easily as ever, embraced her lips with mine. Her heat swallowed me whole, searing me inside, a cauterizing burn. Soon a slow steady rhythm, Carol's knee draped over my hip, soft moist sounds from our slippery dance. Stephanie's breath at the back of my neck, her hand on my shoulder, then on my chest, her smooth skin against my back, moving with me.
"I can't believe it fits." A seven-year-old whisper. "That's... so... weird..."
"Shut up," said Stephanie.
I came in a shudder, grinding into her, buried to my root. It triggered my spouse to her own tremble, a deep sigh. No pyrotechnics. They weren't needed. I still saw stars.
We lay together as a family, a mound of soft tangles until it was time for lunch.
"What are you ashamed of, Rick?" In bed with my husband, the cool glow of the early Spring morning illuminating my courage.
I hated my shame. I hoped to purge it entirely. I wanted my family to do the same. Shame is fear and fear is the mind killer and fear almost killed us. First and maybe hardest we had to talk about it. It felt like sticking a finger down my throat, forcing me to vomit from the pit of my soul.
Rick sensed my seriousness. He thought before answering. "I'm ashamed of my cowardice. How I didn't trust you after you trusted me."
"Thank you. I know that one already, though. What don't I know? You go first. Then I will."
He swallowed. "I'm ashamed that I let things get out of hand with Stephanie."
"Better. But you're not at the heart of it." I knew I was torturing him a little, but it was needful.
"I'm... ashamed that she arouses me. That my nine-year-old daughter arouses me."
I took hold of him, gently at first, then more firmly. He was halfway stiff. I relished the feeling of his growth in my hands.
"There we go. Now me. This one is hard." He smiled, reminding me of where my hand was. I felt myself blush. He waited.
"When Gale told me about Stephanie. About watching Stephanie masturbate when Gale was telling her about her father, how he came to her room at night, how Gale loved to suck her father's cock... it got to me. It excited me."
Rick's hand found my warmth. His finger probed. My hips shifted to press my mons against his palm.
"Your turn," I said.
"The day that Stephanie cut up her clothes. In the car on the way home. I made her change her clothes, in a parking lot. She hid in the back seat. But I watched her. And when she was naked, I stopped her from putting her clothes back on. And I told her... I told her to touch herself. So I could watch."
I felt a surge of heat in my loins. "She was scared." I remembered, from our letters.
"Yes. I scared her. That's what I'm most ashamed of. I lost control, and she was afraid."
"Those are things we should be ashamed of, even now. When we hurt each other, make each other afraid." His middle finger penetrated me to its root, pushing a breath from my lungs.
"Now me," I managed. "I had a dream. About you. You as an adult, with me, as a child. When I was ten, like when we met. And you were in my bedroom and you were taking off my clothes and I called for my mother but she just told me not to be a baby..."
"We shouldn't be ashamed of our dreams, Carol."
"I'm not. I'm not ashamed of the dream. It came out of my shame, but it's just a dream. I'm ashamed that I've been thinking about it even since, because it made me want to see it. To see you, that way, with Stephanie. To watch you taking off her clothes, and then..."
"Then... what? What happened in your dream?"
"You licked me. You were between my legs. I felt you there. When I woke up I masturbated, thinking about it. Thinking about you, with Stephanie."
I tugged at his cock, smeared his anxious dew over the swollen head with my thumb. My thumb on Caroline's chin, wiping away the milk. On my husband, slippery over his desire.
He grunted. "When she... when I was in her mouth... I almost... I wanted to... I wanted to hold her there..."
"You wanted to cum in her mouth."
"Yes. Desperately. I didn't. I didn't make her."
"Cum in my mouth." I was on him in an instant, nursing out the sweet clarity of his need. His compliance to my demand came apace.
"Now me," said I through sticky lips.
My husband consumed me, his hunger relentless. My dream played on my closed eyelids like grainy video of a secret visit in the night.
Movement on the bed. A child's hand in mine. My youngest, curled up beside me, our fingers laced, watching, her other hand tucked at her cleft, slowing taking her own pleasure. Her tshirt came only to her hips, nothing on the bottom. Rick's eyes met mine and he attacked my cunt with his tongue, forcing my body to plank in ecstasy, a guttural sigh, big hand squeezing the small.
I melted into a puddle of warmth. Rick kissed my tummy. I knew he was smiling even with my eyes closed.
"Now her," I said. I turned to kiss my baby on her lips. "Spread your legs for Daddy, little one."
She giggled, her knees shamelessly akimbo. Rick hesitated for just a moment, watching me, watching her.
"Okay," she said. And that was all that was needed. Rick was gentle, his hands caressing her miniature frame, pushing her shirt up over the plane of her chest, his lips slow and deliberate. I held her, stroked her hair, whispered sweet nothings in her ear, pulled carefully at a pale tan nipple. Her shivers mounted and passed, and again, toes balled tight.
After a time, after the shivers, Rick patiently lapping... a squirm, a scrunchy face. "Daddy. Too much. Feels funny." He kissed her tummy, rolled to the side, made a Caroline sandwich of us.
"I want to do that a lot. Daddy's good at it," she said.
"He is, isn't he? It's one of the very many reasons that we love him."
"Ya," she said. Then, "Breakfast?"
"Yes please," I said.
We watched Caroline's tiny bare bottom pad off to the kitchen.
I was so glad that stuff at home got figured out. I still kinda feel jealous of Daddy sometimes, but it's okay. We all got everybody so it's fair.
So Mommy finally let me go over to Andrea's house and even spend the night. And we're there and it's at night when you're supposed to be sleeping but you never do cuz that's boring so we both got in her bed and talked. And Andrea says, "I can't even believe what happened. At the pool. I can't even say it."
She's mostly shy and doesn't say stuff but I could tell she really wanted to. "I won't tell. I promise. You can say."
She turned her face to the wall and hid in her hands. "No way. I. Can't. Even."
"Okay," I said. I guessed she'd tell me if she didn't think she had to. I was right. She started talking so fast I could hardly hear her.
"So I go there and I'm in the lockers after swimming and my Mom isn't there cuz she was picking up my brother and the pool lady came and I was trying to hide under my towel and she said "oh you're Stephanie's friend aren't you" and I said ya and she said really quiet "I can tell you're shy, maybe you'd want to change someplace more private" and I guess I said that would be nice so she takes my hand and she takes me to that other room but she didn't just leave me there she came in with me."
"You mean Gale?" I said. I figured it was.
"Ya, the smile lady and then she just starts talking to me and she takes off her suit and she's standing there naked and watching me and she says "I know it's hard to be shy, I used to be shy and it kept me from doing so many fun things," and she says "you don't have to be shy with me, I've seen lots of girls," and i said well you haven't seen me and she laughed and said that's true but she made me feel like I was a baby so when she said "Do you want me to leave you alone" I said no it's okay and I tried to keep my towel on and I took off my suit and then she says like "There you go, that's not so bad is it" and she goes to the shower and then says "Come on then, you should always shower after."
"Ya. That sounds like Gale."
"Ya so I did it. I went in the shower with her without anything on and I was wicked embarrassed but she just kept talking to me and I guess it was okay and then she said let me wash your hair and I let her."
"Wow. Was it weird?"
"Ya. Kinda. I mean, it's nice when somebody washes it I guess and I didn't have anybody do that for a long time so ya. But then like she was standing close behind me and I felt her... chest... on my back and her hands went down my front and she just kinda held me there and told me I was pretty."
"Wow." I was trying to sound all surprised and not say anything.
"Ya so. She dried me off everyplace. Like everyplace but she was talking the whole time and it was warm and kinda like she was being a mom and I guess I didn't mind so much so then we got dressed and she said if I wanted to come back to the room that I should look for her next time. Oh and she said tell Stephanie I miss her. So I told you."
"So it was okay?"
"Ya. I guess so. Weird. But."
We were both quiet for a while. I felt the bed move. I got closer to her back.
"Do you think about it? About her doing that?"
"Ya. I can't help it."
"Are you gonna go back?"
I was scared about it but I wanted to so I put my hand over her hip and her arm was there and I followed her arm with my hand and it was between her legs. She pulled it away and I said, "It's okay, I do it too." So I put my hand there over her pjs and she let me and I rubbed really gentle for a while and she pushed her bottom back against me. I thought that meant it was okay so I put my hand inside her pjs and touched her there and she opened her legs and so I did it like Daddy and Mommy showed me, doing her button with my finger and thumb back and forth and faster and faster and I felt her get all tense and then not and then we went to sleep.
I was in the bath with Mommy and I think maybe I was making her crazy with questions.
"Daddy's penis is really big. How come it doesn't hurt if it goes in?"
"Our bodies are made for it, kitten. It stretches. If can stretch enough for a baby to come out, it can certainly stretch enough for Daddy to go in."
I couldn't even think about that.
"You're small still, Caroline. Your kitty will grow as you do. Here."
She took my hand and had me touch her there. "Pinch your fingers together with your thumb," she said. So I did and she said, "You can push them all inside together. Just not too far." So I tried and it was pretty amazing cuz they went in right up almost to where my hand starts.
Mommy touched my arm. "More," she said.
"Doesn't it hurt? I don't want it to hurt."
"More," is all she said. So I pushed more and more went in and it was really warm. Mommy's hand went down there too and she started rubbing her button. She had a face like she did when Daddy was fucking her. Her bottom was moving and it made the water move too. Her voice was real quiet but she said "more" one more time so I pushed hard and it was like my whole hand went it there and she shook really hard and I felt it squeezing and squeezing inside.
"Whoa. That. Was. So. Cool," I said, cuz it was. When she opened her eyes again she had this funny smile.
"I didn't really mean for that..." she said. But then she stopped. Then she said. "Actually, I did mean for that to happen. In the moment, it's exactly what I wanted to happen. Thank you, love bug. That was... a very intense orgasm. I... came... very hard."
I squiggled my hand out and looked at it. It's bigger around than Daddy's penis but not all that much. So now I get that part but I still can't see how a baby comes out.
Reading in bed at night. So normal, so us, back to our solid ground. Perhaps onto new and different solid ground. But it felt solid.
Carol put her book down. "Are you horny?" she said.
The calm bluntness was a feature of our new solid. Before we'd more often start with a touch, then a word.
"To the extent that I wasn't already, that question has instantly made me so." I thought a thorough response was indicated.
"I want to watch Stephanie suck your cock." Remarkably the same calm voice, but her face gave her away. Knowing that this had happened before without her knowledge was perhaps the sorest point of our very sore times.
"Are you sure?" The words were out before I'd fully thought them through. I winced in anticipation of her response.
"Yes," she said, almost too quickly. She took my hand. I regarded her curiously as she led us from our bed down the hall until we were standing outside of Stephanie's room. Our bookworm, re-reading Harry Potter for the God-knows-how-manyeth-time. Her music was on quietly because her sister was already asleep.
Deep in the night
I take it all, it's all I ever had
Far out of sight
I wander off, you'd think that I've gone mad
But I'm no monster
A brand new world in the palm of my hands
I'm no imposter
Just simply lost in a wonderland
She looked up. "Am I in trouble?"
"Should you be?" I asked. Parental instinct.
"No," she said. It seemed sincere.
"No, sweetheart. You're not," her mother, reassuring. Carol sat on the edge of her bed. "I want you to do something for me."
"You do? What?" Our eldest seemed a little anxious, wondering if her mother was still somehow angry.
Carol touched Stephanie's shoulder. "Shhhh. It's okay. I want to see... how you and your father love each other. I want to feel it, and be part of it. Is that okay? Would you do that for me? For us?"
Stephanie raised her eyes to me. "We came to your room, sweetheart," I said. She recognized the words. A small smile.
The scene triggered my memory. I knelt on the floor beside the bed. Stephanie set her book aside and sat up. I began unbuttoning her shirt. Pushed it off her shoulders. It was all she was wearing. I pushed back the covers and guided my daughter's legs to the edge of the bed. Parted them with a nudge. Sank my lips and tongue into her impossible softness. I felt Carol's hand resting on my head. In her breath, I heard the words... "My dream..."
Stephanie began to move, her hips twisting gently to meet my active mouth. Then Carol in my ear. "Stand up," she said. I did. Stephanie's eyes were hungry. Carol took my pants down, my hardness impeding the process only for a moment. My wife took me between her warm lips, leaving me wet and shiny, and then withdrew. She held my sac, deftly squeezing.
"Now you," she said to my nine-year-old. Stephanie and I both studied her face. There was nothing there but love and need, no hint of anger or fear or shame. And then Stephanie's lips took me ever so gently into their embrace. Carol kissed her ear, and her cheek. I couldn't stop myself from moving, just a little, sliding through the taut ring of her mouth. My primal grunt escaped unbidden.
"Don't cum," said Carol.
"Then Stephanie needs to stop. Right now." I heard the urgency in my voice.
Carol guided Stephanie's head back. The cool air on my insanely stiff organ helped defuse the imminent danger of eruption.
"Was I doing it right?" my daughter asked.
I almost laughed. "It's always right, princess. Everything done with love is always right."
"Lie down, Rick." Carol clearly had something in mind. I did as I was told, a human flagpole.
"Sit on him," my wife said. I sought her eyes, some small panic mounting.
Stephanie was also confused. She clambered to sit astride my hips, her smooth sex just at the parting of my legs. She must have connected the same dots that were crashing together in my head. "Daddy. Mommy. I thought about it. A lot. Gale told me. Her Daddy did it to her. Just... she was older..." She stared at my pulsing desire, her expression in no way consistent with her brave words.
Carol shook her head. "No, Stephanie. Daddy's not going to fuck you. That's... it's... not time for that. Just lean forward. Put your hands on his shoulders. And scoot your bottom up."
My spouse guided my daughter with hands on her narrow hips until the silk of her outer lips spread over me, pressing my shaft against my stomach, trapping it between us. My leakage and hers mixed as the top of her cleft met my ridges.
"Now back," said Carol. "Rub your button on him."
Stephanie moved back, and then on her own pushed forward again, leaning in, taking her pleasure from me. "Mommy. It's... oh God."
"Yes little one. Not inside. The next best thing, maybe. Make yourself cum with Daddy's cock. Make him cum with your kitty."
My gaze locked on my daughter. She moved, and I moved. Her face was the face I saw when first we'd watched each other, when she knew why there's so many babies.
Carol kissed me on the lips, then kissed Stephanie. "Bear down," she said. "You won't hurt him."
Stephanie mashed us together, her bottom twisting, masturbating herself against me. No shame. No fear. I clutched her hips and we shook together, my seed spreading over our merged bodies, and she lay in it, on me, in my cum, gluing us. We panted as lovers do, one shared breath, both of us encircled in Carol's embrace.
From the doorway, a seven-year-old voice completed our picture. "That was so awesome. Can I try?"
I'm profoundly grateful to the readers who have shared encouragement and experiences and insight and feedback. You have helped to shape this story. Some have developed the same love and care for this family that I've felt. Thank you, and please stay in touch. I'm only able to focus on writing periodically, so your patience is also deeply appreciated.
I'd love to hear your feedback. You can contact me at email@example.com
My other work can be found here: Joshua Woode's stories
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