Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2011 10:15:45 -0800 (PST)
From: Indiana Polis <polisindiana@yahoo.com>
Subject: A Grandmothers Decent Into a Dark World Pt 1

A Grandmothers' Decent Into a Dark World Pt 1
By, the family story teller.

Hello, my name is Mary Davies, I was born in 1918. Some would say I have
led a long and wonderful life. In way's I'd agree with that statement, but
at the same time in my heart I know that my life didn't really start till I
was 48. For me that is when a whole new world opened up to me. One I fought
at first to not be a part of, but in the end, I found myself embracing it
and loving every second of it.

A little brief history of myself leading up to that day in 1967 when my
whole world fell apart, but then started to change and turn into a whole
new world filled with new experiences and love. As I said, I was born in
1918; I was born into a strict Catholic family. I was a pretty little girl,
that grew into what some would say was a beautiful woman. I had blond hair,
fair complexion and very much a prim and proper woman. Many boy's through
my young life wanted to date me. But from the moment I laid eyes on John
Davies, the boy who moved down the block from us when I was 16, I knew in a
moment that he was the boy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

John was a tall with a beautiful smile that could charm the birds' right
out of the trees. He had dark brown hair, and a strong build from all of
the sports and activities' he participated in. All the girls in school
wanted to spend the rest of their lives with him as well.  But, after a few
months of his family moving down the block from us, and a few dates he'd
had with some of the other girls, I was the one he wound up choosing to
date regularly and in the end wound up marrying in the spring of 1939.

We had a good marriage, a happy one filled with love. In 1941 we had a
beautiful daughter, Beth.  Soon after Beth was born, John went off to war
and up on his return went to school and got his degree in law. Our daughter
grew to be a wonderful young girl and woman, with a mixture of both her
father's looks, as well as mine. She too, met a young man named Russell in
her High School years, which she fell in love with. Much to our surprise,
as well as Russell parents, he and Beth eloped the night of their High
School Graduation. However, they both proved us wrong in our thinking that
they had made a mistake getting married so soon. They were very mature in
how they dealt with continuing to go to school, getting jobs and living on
their own. And in the fall of 1959 they made us Grandparents to a beautiful
baby boy named Justin.

Justin was a beautiful little baby and grew to be a beautiful little
boy. After he was born Beth put her college life on hold to look after him,
while Russell worked part time and continued his college life. Both
Russell's parents and John and I helped them here and there with things to
help them make ends meet at times. Once Justin was old enough to start
school, Beth went back to college her self as well as getting a part time
job. By then Russell had a good job as a foreman at a local plant working
swing shifts. Their were times during due to both Beth and Russell's school
and work schedules that Justin would stay with John and I for a couple of
day's during the week due to Russell's parents had since moved out of
state. It was nice to have a child in the house again, so neither John nor
I minded in the least being full time baby sitter for Justin. John doted on
him like crazy. I know he had always really wanted a son when we had Beth,
so this was his chance I felt at having one around the house now at times.

Through the years of John's and mine marriage, John became a good lawyer,
making partner in one of the top firms of our city.  I joined several
ladies' comities and was highly looked up on in our City. Time was good to
us; John's and mine looks and figures doing nothing but aging with grace
and staying very fit. We were the called the golden couple in our area with
our wealth, looks and happy family. Sadly though their was the one thing
missing in our marriage that as time went on, started to worry and cause me
much fear that something was wrong with me. Even though we were happy and I
loved John with all my heart and I had no doubt that John loved me the
same, our sex life was extremely barren. I was never one of those wives
that had headaches, or put off pleasing her husband, it was the other way
around. I won't say that when John and I first got married we had sex every
waking moment, but we did have it about once a week. But over time it grew
to several years since John and I had been with each other as man and wife.
I did everything I could think of to try and entice John at times for a
fulfillment I was finding my body was starting to crave from a man.  I got
sheer night gowns, would light candles. Make romantic dinners, but all to
no avail. John was always kind and tender in his declines of sex. I had
reached a point where I didn't know what to do any longer. Then in the
spring of 1967, I got extremely bold and pushed my prim lady approach to
sex deep down inside of me as I made one more attempt at feeling the warmth
of a male body pressed into mine making love to me.

It was a Friday night in May; I'd spent most of the afternoon shopping in
the far part of town in a area I knew I wouldn't be seen by any of the
other ladies' in my clubs and comities, so I could get something more
daring to wear that night other than a sheer night gown to try and entice
John to make love to me. All through dinner I could hardly eat due to being
nervous at what I had planed for John that night. We had a nice pleasant
conversation over dinner as always, but still the butterflies wouldn't
leave my stomach.

After dinner I cleaned up, doing the dishes and straitening the kitchen
like always while John set in the den having a cocktail and reading the
paper. After I was finished with my cleaning I went to our room and took a
quick bath and proceeded to dress myself in the new outfit I had purchased
that day.  As I stood their looking at my reflection in the mirror I
couldn't help but feel a bit like a hussy with the way I was dressed.

I wore a very sheer black bra with matching panties. Hose with red garters
and matching red high heels. My hair lose and flowing around my shoulders,
my face bright and vibrant with blush on my cheeks, bright red lipstick on
my lips. The bra was tight and showed my still full breasts, the panties
sheerness clinging to my cunt. I took a deep breath before I left the
master bed room and walked downstairs to the den.

John sat there in the den, in his favorite chair. A cigarette lit in one
hand while he sipped of his cocktail from the other. Other than the end
table light being on, the only other light in the room was coming from the
soft glow of the television set John was now watching. I walked into the
room and stood in the middle of it, right in John's view.  My heart was
racing as I gave him what I hoped was a seductive smile and in my best
husky voice I'd been practicing all day spoke.

"John, my love, I offer you my body to do with as you need and
desire. Please make me your sexual play thing. Tell me whatever you need or
want and I will do it for you for it."

I stood their, John's eyes on me the room quite other than the back ground
noise coming from the television behind me. My heart was racing as I waited
for John to do or say anything. He sat there a few minutes just staring at
me as if he really didn't know me. Then he stood and walked over to the
television set and turned it off, both of us with our backs to each other
now. The racing of my heart drowning in my ears as I still waited for
something, anything and then at last John spoke.

"Mary..I..you..please know, I do love you. I always have and always will,
but I have been living a lie my whole life and it's time I just told you
the truth." My body was starting to shake as I listened to him. I then
sensed his movement behind me as he came close and put his arm around me
and led me to the sofa to sit down. He reached for the throw on the back of
the sofa and carefully wrapped it around my shaking body.  The room was
quite again for several seconds as I looked into John's face seeing the
pain on it as he started to choose his words carefully.

"Mary, I never meant for any of this to happen. When we met you were so
very kind and sweet. You weren't like any of the other girls. All they
wanted was to just go parking and do things. You, you my love wanted to
talk go to the shows, take walks no pressure of other things. I loved that
about you because I felt I would be safe with a woman like you. That I
could forever burry and hide my true self from not only me but the world,
but I can't any longer. It's hurting you; I can see that now more than ever
with what you've tried to do tonight."

My eyes never left his face as he spoke. I could see the shame in his eyes;
hear the distress in his voice. My heart was beating faster as I tried to
understand all that he was saying and then after he'd taken a long drink
from his glass he said it. "Mary, I don't like women, I mean not in a
sexual way really. I never have. I have always found my self attracted to
men. Please my love don't hate me for telling you this now after all these
years of living a lie. Just know that I have and do love you in my heart. I
just..I just can't love you in the way you need. Nor can you do anything to
help me with the things I need."

We both set there quite; I could feel the tears running down my face. My
mind trying to wrap around all that John had just said and then I started
to scream as slid down to my knees off the sofa grabbing at him begging.

"OH god no John no!!!! Please I beg of you let me help you, tell me what it
is you need but please don't say you're going to leave me now. I couldn't
live without you I love you John I love you!"

John tried to gently pull me back up to sitting on the sofa as I cried and
screamed. "I don't care what you what you want or what you are...I can do
it.I can give you whatever it is you want I can.please don't leave me
please don't!"

John was finally able to get me to stand. I buried my face into his strong
chest and cried holding on to him as if my life depended on it. He gently
led me back upstairs to our room and helped me get into the bed. My body
shaking as I cried the whole time as I felt my life falling apart around
me. John went to the bathroom and came back with a sedative for me. I took
it and laid back in bed just staring at him. The look on his face was so
different than I'd ever seen it before. His handsome features seemed to be
taking on a new look, as he just stared back at me. Then when he spoke his
tone yet soft had a slight edge to it.

"Get some rest Mary; we will talk more in a little while ok?" He reached
down and traced the side of my face with a finger as he whispered. "Did you
mean what you said? Did you truly mean that you'd do whatever I wanted to
please me? To give me what I desire?"

"Yes!" I cried out, my hand reaching for his, holding it tight. "John I
will do whatever it takes to make you happy and give you what you desire,
just please don't leave me."

John removed my hand from his as he adjusted the covers around me. "Don't
worry Mary I won't leave you and I will think of a way that we can both
help each other get what we need." With that he turned the light off and
left the room shutting the door. I could hear him go back downstairs.  I
could feel myself starting to drift off to sleep form the sedative John had
given me.  As I drifted off I kept thinking of what John had told me, about
how he was attracted to men. I'd heard of such things of course, in little
whispers through the years. There was Mr. Charles that was head of the
Library. He was a sweet nice man, tall and lanky and very sensitive
acting. He was nothing like my husband; John was a big tall masculine
man. None of it made sense to me, but as I finally drifted off to sleep I
knew that no matter what it took, I would please my husband and keep him. I
loved him that much.


I didn't know how long I'd been sleeping when the sound of the bedroom door
opening woke me. The soft light from the hall way filling the room caused
me to blink a bit, as I sensed John entering the room, the sound of glass
tinkling.  I did my best to sit up in bed and turn the light on next to
me. I saw by the bedside clock that it was a little after 2. It had been
around 9 when I had gone downstairs earlier, with my plan to win my
husbands attention back to sex with me.  It had been five hours since my
world had fallen apart. My head was swimming as I blinked some more. John
sat down on the edge of the bed next to me, a bottle of scotch in one hand
and a couple of glasses in the other hand.

I looked into his face as he sat their staring at me, again it seemed as if
his features had taken on a new and different look. He was still very
handsome, but something now about him seemed dark and dangerous. I
shivered, as he poured some scotch into a glass and handed it to me. I took
the glass and brought it to my lips as taking a sip of the liquor. It
burned as it went down. John took a big drink from his already filled glass
his tone low and almost hateful sounding.

"Did you mean it Mary?"

I looked at him. "Mean what John? That I'd do anything to please and help
you? Yes, I meant it." My free hand reaching out to take hold of his arm,
holding on to it as if my life depended on it. "I will do anything to help
you my dear, I love you with all my heart and only want you to be happy."

John took another drink, his eyes locked on my face as he spoke. "I never
wanted you to be hurt Mary, but something inside of me snapped tonight when
you came downstairs as you did. I know I've not been the husband you really
hoped for, at least not in the sex department. But, for the first time
tonight with your little show and saying you wanted to please me, so you
could have what you desired it hit me. What about what I desire and need? I
have locked so much deep inside of me Mary that you have no idea what kind
of man I really am."

I held my hand around his arm more as I sat up," Oh please John let
me..please let me help you I don't care what it is you need I'll do it. I
promised to love and obey you when we married, I meant that then and I
still do.

The look in John's eyes bore through me; I'd never seen such a look on his
face, or anyone's face before. It was chilling. My grip on his arm loosened
as I leaned back in fear. A fear that I'd never felt before, especially
from the man I so dearly loved.  The room was quite as John just sat on the
edge of the bed working on his drink. My throat was dry as I took another
sip of my scotch, it still burned going down. Without saying a word John
moved the bottle and topped my glass off again, then his. His eye's never
leaving my face. Finally after several minutes he spoke again.

"Mary, you don't know what you're suggesting. You don't really know the
real me I've kept hidden all these years."

My heart was breaking more as I listened. I didn't care what he said, or
how scared I was feeling at this moment. The only thing I knew was that I
loved this man. I had loved him from the moment I saw him I'd spent half my
life with this man. No matter what kind of man he was warning me that he
was, I knew I still loved him and would do anything for him. My mouth was
dry and my throat felt tight as I softly spoke to this man I loved.

"John, I don't care about what you've been hiding. I love you, you have to
know and believe that. Whatever you need I'll do it I promise you
that. Please believe me."

John reached pulling the cover's down from my body. His eyes roaming over
my body still dressed at it was in the sheer black bra, panties and the
hose with the red garter belts. I blushed in shame at how I'd dressed and
realizing it hadn't been what my husband had wanted or needed after all. I
wanted to pull the covers back up to cover myself and shame but I sat still
as John stood, his eyes not leaving my body as he walked around the bed as
he started to talk. His tone was low and menacing; the things he said to me
were nothing like I'd ever heard from him before.

"I do believe you Mary; I believe you would do anything for me. Just look
at the way you dressed tonight. A slut outfit, that's what you have on. The
way you are dressed shows me just how low you were willing to degrade
yourself for my pleasure. And why? Just so you could get what you wanted!
Haven't I been a good husband to you all these years Mary. Haven't I always
given you what you wanted? UH?? Well answer me?"

I couldn't speak my throat was so tight all I could manage to do was nod my
head in agreement. Because he was correct, John had always given me
anything and everything I ever wanted from the moment we married. A lovely
family, a good home, a good social standing in the city, all because he
knew that's what I wanted.

"Damn right," John said as I nodded. He continued to walk around the room
as he talked. "You have no idea Mary, just what you've unleashed tonight. I
have never once strayed from our marriage with anyone. Not just because of
me, but because I couldn't stand the thought of any kind of scandal hurting
you. I was happy and content to live the life we were living and do without
the sexual desires I myself need and crave, but no, you couldn't! You had
to go be selfish and pick at me till I broke just so you could fulfill your
needs."

I jumped in fright as John suddenly threw his glass against the wall,
shattering all over the floor. He stared at me for the longest time before
he came over and sat back down on the edge of the bed. He reached and
touched at my sheer bra as his lip curled up into a snarl.

"You thought I wanted a slut, you degraded your self thinking that's what I
wanted. Just to get what you wanted. Well, if you're willing to do that
then and if you profess to say you're willing to do whatever I want to give
me what I need. Then that's just what you're going to do. Do you understand
me Mary?"

I was scared as I kept listening to John, hearing his tone, seeing the look
on his face. However all I knew was that he was correct in all that he
said. I had just been really thinking of my needs and not really thinking
about what he wanted or needed. That even tough I loved him deeply, at the
same time I'd been ungrateful for all that he'd done and given me through
the years. I fought to clear my throat as I spoke.

"Y.yy..ess John yes. I.understand what you're saying..An.nd I will do
whatever it is you want and need John. Just please, all I ask is that you
don't leave me. I couldn't live without you John."

"Ok then Mary, here's what's going to happen from this point on." John said
as he just sat there looking at me.  "You have opened a big Pandora's Box
now Mary, their will be no turning back from this point on, or I will leave
you. Understand?"

I nodded, my heart beating in my ears as I spoke. "Yes John anything,
anything to keep you from leaving me."

"Ok then Mary, I have been thinking about this for some time. Something
that I wanted and needed but I was never going to act on, because I didn't
want to not only cheat on you, but run the risk of being caught. But after
what you've done tonight and the way you've shown you are willing to lower
yourself then you can help me get what I desire and also give you what you
need as well with your desire to be with a man. In fact I'm going to
continue to think of you first and allow you, to get the touch from a man
you evidently need so bad. To be honest, you being a part of what I need
will be a great help in getting it started. So, ask me what it is I want
Mary"

I listened to what he was saying. His words ringing in my ears as I tried
to take it all in and understand what he saying to me. Something deep
inside of me knew that I was about to enter a very dark place in my life
now, but I didn't care I just knew that as long as John was a part of it I
would go there. I licked my lips nervously as I spoke. "What is it John,
what do you want? I will get it for you."

His eyes bore into mine as he spoke. "I want Justin. I want you to
introduce him to play with adults in a adult way. And then lead him to me."

At first I wasn't sure I'd heard correct, but I had and I felt more fear in
my stomach at the dark place he was saying he wanted to go and to take me
with him.