Date: Fri, 6 Nov 2009 18:34:04 -0800 (PST)
From: H. Rick Cantwell <jockhunger@yahoo.com>
Subject: Halloween 16 Epilogue

      Halloween 16 Chapter eleven
      Epilogue
      jockhunger@yahoo.com

      The usual disclaimers about illegal conduct apply.  If you are not of
legal age to read this, you know the law.  By being posted on Nifty, this
becomes copyrighted material.  Please observe all of our laws.

      That was almost twenty years ago but I can recall it as easily as if
it were yesterday ... because I think about it constantly.  My wife, yes
it's still Tiffany, and I will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary
... on Halloween.  I have four boys whose ages range from age 8 to 14.
Declan, Devon, Dylan and Dakota ... yes, he was a Mt. Rushmore vacation
baby.  Like Mom and Dad, we had the kids two years apart.  No I don't have
sex with them.  If they ever ask me to, I'll think about it and decide at
that time.
      However, to follow up, in the order of my educational enlightenment:
      Caitlin (at age 12) was a virgin when she impaled herself on my cock.
So in essence, we both took each others' virginity.
      Collin (at age 10) spit my cum into a condom, rushed home and hid it
in the freezer down in the basement.  He said he wanted to get some girl
pregnant with my sperm so he could be its father and always have a part of
me in his life forever.  I don't know what ever happened to that condom.
      Caleb (at age 14) when he fucked himself on my cock that Halloween
was an ass virgin.  He had had some oral contact with one of his classmates
but he knew from the start, he wanted ME to pop his ass cherry.  He had
been using things he found around the house ... and his own fingers ... to
prepare his ass for my initial assault.  He did a good job.
      As far as I know, Mom and Dad were never aware of the sexual activity
in which we kids were engaged.  Although ... there was that day a year or
so ago Dad told me he discovered the early warning doorbell.
      He said, "I was upstairs jacking off when it rang.  I didn't know
what it was so I stuffed my cock back in my pants and headed downstairs to
investigate.  Your mom came through the door just about that time."
      "What did you say?" I asked.
      "I told her I'd come up to do some cleaning in preparation for your
visit and that I'd fallen asleep."
      "She bought it?"
      "Yeah.  But now that I know about the doorbell, I can go up there all
the time for my jack offs... you know, on those days when your mother's
being ornery.  I won't have to keep looking for a safe place to do it and I
won't have to worry about being caught.  I haven't had a long leisurely
jerk-off in years," Dad said wistfully.  "For a lot of years, I had to take
my chances of being caught using that old bed of yours on the back porch.
For some reason, whenever I laid on that, I never had a problem getting a
boner.  Wonder why that is."
      "TMI, Dad." I chuckled.  "TMI."  Although, after that liberating
Thanksgiving discussion many years ago, Mom and Dad started talking
... well, joking ... about sex in front of us kids more openly.  As time
wore on and we kids grew older, sex was discussed a little more frequently.
We never had another sit-down discussion like Thanksgiving but an
occasional or casual mention of sex was no longer unusual.
      Even so, I thought, `I can't believe my dad still jacks off.  He'll
be 65 soon.  And I don't know if I'll EVER be able to get another hard-on
in my bed ... now that I know Dad's been jacking off in it.  But I guess if
Caleb is with me, I won't have a problem.'
      But Dad wasn't finished.  "You probably didn't know it but your mom
moved that bed down there for our nooners."
      "Nooners?" I asked.
      "You know.  I'd come home for lunch at noon and instead of eating,
we'd use the bed, if you know what I mean.  Well, sometimes I'd eat but it
wasn't anything you'd call lunch."
      "You mean ..."
      "Yeah, we had sex while you kids were in school.  That's one of the
benefits of getting a good education," he said, like all his discussions
had to end with some kind of learning lesson.
      "No, I mean, MOM put it there ... for that reason?" I asked.
      "Yeah, she said something about not wanting to mess up the big bed in
the master bedroom.  But you know, there was something about the chance of
getting caught by the occasional meter reader that she said made our sex
more exciting ... but we never did, as far as I know!"
      But that was a couple of years ago and I discovered I could still
perform quite well on either of the beds.  In fact, Caleb and I still have
sex regularly.  He's the only man I have sex with now ... and have had sex
with during all those intervening years.  Tiffany is, of course, okay with
it.
      However, Caleb had a long talk with me before he asked his
girlfriend, Angelina, to marry him.  He wanted my permission to tell her
about our relationship because, if she wasn't cool with it, he couldn't
marry her ... but he was sure she was the one.
      He met Angelina when they were in college in Spain.  They dated,
graduated and when she decided to get her Master's Degree, she chose to
come to America where, of course, they continued dating.  So, when Caleb
blindsided her with the news about him and me having an incestuous
relationship, he was sure she would drop him.  But I guess Europeans think
of life a lot differently than the Puritanical Americans.  She had already
met me and liked me so I guess that made her decision easier, too.  She
said, "In Europe, extramarital affairs are routine ..." then with a smile
she added, "and in some countries, I think, mandatory."
      They have three daughters, a four-year-old, a two-year-old and a
newborn.  Mom is so happy to have little girls in the family again after
all these years.  She just loves dressing them up like baby dolls.  I think
she's hell-bent on spending the family fortune on new clothes for them.
Every time I see them they're wearing something new.
      Collin fell off the planet the year he went to college.  None of us
heard from him for four years ... unless he needed money.  Then, after
college, he decided not to move back home but remained in the San Francisco
Bay Area.  He's been home a couple of times in the last twenty years but
never for more than two days.  Every once in a while, Denny will say he's
heard from him and that he's doing okay ... nothing more.  I think Denny's
visited him a couple of times, too, but that's only speculation.
      Each time Collin came home, I noticed he had another tattoo.  The
last time he was here, I saw he had a new one ... this one was on his dick.
It said, `Life sucks.'  When I told him that was pretty negative thinking
he smiled and told me the underside says, "And I do, too."  I didn't ask
him to prove it ... he's never given me any reason to doubt him.  When Mom
asked him point blank one night at dinner, he swore he had no kids.
      As is typical with our family, we are allowing him to `find' himself.
I guess Collin forgot my little lecture that night when I said, "I'm your
older brother and I've got to know what you're doing and who you're doing
it with.  Maybe I'm better off not knowing.
      Caitlin has suffered through two bad marriages and is working on her
third ... not her third bad one ... her third marriage.  This new husband,
however ... unlike the other two ... looks like a decent guy.  He's helpful
to Mom and Dad, puts up with Caitlin's attitudinal shit like it was an
offering from the gods and, if I'm not mistaken, he thinks Denny can walk
on water.  She has no kids and keeps telling me she doesn't think she is
the "mother" kind of woman anyway.
      The other day Tiffany let it slip that Caitlin has had multiple
miscarriages over the years.  I think that's partly why she feels the way
she does about having kids.  I don't think she'll admit it but I think the
first marriage ended in divorce because her husband couldn't stand Denny
and, of course, Caitlin loves Denny like a brother ... no pun intended.  To
this day, Caitlin is the only woman Denny has ever had sex with.  She is
always faithful to her husband while they are married and she ONLY fucks
with Caleb and me ... and Denny ... between marriages.
      As for Mr. Barnard ... a couple of years ago, when he decided to
retire, I bought the costume shop business from him.  I kept him on as a
consultant with a very generous salary.  In addition to his day job Caleb
works as my financial and inventory manager, there, too.  He's making me a
lot of money with this little sideline venture.
      Denny is our "wardrobe mistress."  He began working for Mr. Barnard,
part time, before he graduated from high school and continued with him,
part time, after he graduated college.  He began reproducing many of the
trendy costumes he expected kids to wear the following Halloween so
Mr. Barnard wouldn't have to pay the high dollar to the manufacturers to
buy them.  He also mends and repairs the older costumes.  If they get too
old, Caleb has him mend them and we donate them to local museums.  Caleb
says it's a healthy tax write-off for me.
      In addition to everything else, Denny creates new costume designs for
local stage plays.  Also, we now have three gay bars in town that hold
costume competitions.  Denny's designs are really beautiful ... even if
there ARE a lot of feathers and sequins.  The competitions are called "Drag
Shows."  And to think ... at one time ... I thought that had something to
do with automobile racing.
      "Paris is unmarried and living abroad as a fashion model.  Miss
Brenda retired three years ago.  There sure were a lot of much younger men
at her retirement party than there should have been ... something I think
Ryan arranged.  I'm the only one he told that he's planning a young
stripper for her 70th birthday next year ... a really young stripper.  But
he hasn't told me who the kid is.  He said it's going to be a surprise for
everyone and it's a strip to the balls dance routine.  But I'm sworn to
secrecy ... and to definitely not tell Tiffany about it.  `Of course not.
They're sisters.  Duh! ` And little Ryan Song will be 26 this year.  GOD
he's handsome!
      But I guess a follow-up isn't all glamour.  Dad died at, as far as
I'm concerned, a young age.  The four of us siblings were sitting in the
funeral home.  Tiffany was at home with Mom and Aunts Jan and Nan.  It was
quiet.  There was one other "guest" who was so old there weren't enough
people still living to come pay their respects ... or maybe they were too
feeble to get there.  Anyway, the four of us were talking and we began to
untangle the things that happened in our lives.
      Knowing Collin wasn't aware of the good news, I said, "Caitlin's
pregnant."
      "Congratulations, sis," Caleb said somberly ... apparently
uncomfortable about displaying too much glee in a funeral home.
      "Whose is it?" Collin asked.
      "6/21, Collin, 6/21" Caitlin said venomously using the computer
acronym for FU.
       "I didn't mean it that way, Caitlin.  I just mean, I know you're
married but I know you still fuck Connor ... and occasionally Denny."
Then, shaking his head, Collin said, "Boy, I'll never understand that."
      "She has always been faithful during her marriages," I said,
defending Caitlin.  "She might play around with us between marriages but
never during them."
      "Oh, I didn't know."
      "Well, maybe if you came home once in a while for longer than two
days or however long it takes to get more money out of Mom and Dad, you'd
know I was always faithful."
      "Calm down.  I'm not attacking you."  After a few moments of deadly
silence, Collin said, "Hell, my life's been no bed of roses, either.  I
guess I just want to hear about you guys.  You know, if your happy ... or
not."
      "You're morbid," Caitlin said disgustedly.  "You don't show up for
years at a time and then, when you DO come home, you want to hear how bad
OUR lives are just to make your miserable life less miserable."  I knew she
was feeling a lot of heartache from losing Dad ... more so than us guys
because he always paid more attention to her ... so I didn't jump her about
her unpleasant attitude.
      "Think what you wanna think," Collin said.  "You always did anyway."
      I think Caleb was trying to redirect the conversation because he
said, "You know, sis, I've been wondering all these years about Richard the
First."
      Ever since Caitlin married her third husband who was her second
husband named Richard we started referring to the first husband as Richard
the First.
      "What about him?  He was as dick!" Caitlin spat.
      "Appropriate name for him, then," Caleb said, "but when you were
dating, he seemed to be a perfect match."
      "Yeah, well first impressions are deceiving sometimes."  Again after
a long silence she said, "Everything was fine.  We got along, we made love,
and he was a terrific lover."
      "He was just like Connor," Collin said.
      Caitlin's eyes shot daggers at him.
      Caleb came to his rescue.  "It's true, Caitlin.  He looked like
Connor.  From what you've told me he was even hung like Connor."
      "He was a geek like Connor," Collin added.
      "So I married Connor.  What's the big deal?"
      "Not a big deal," Caleb said soothingly.  "What went wrong?"
      "After the first few months, he just got obsessed with the Internet
porn sites.  I'd wake up at all hours of the night and he was on the damn
computer jacking off for some webcam weirdo."
      "Wow, I never knew," Caleb said.
      "Wanna tell'em about number two?" I asked cautiously.
      Caleb looked at me accusingly like I had been withholding information
from him ... which I had.
      "Why not?  Let's get everything out in the open.  Let's have everyone
laugh at Caitlin's stupidity," Caitlin said.
      "That's not why I asked," I said.  "I think you will feel better
about what happened if the guys knew why you dumped him."
      "I don't want their pity," Caitlin shout-whispered, like the dead guy
in the next room would hear.
      "Caitlin, there's a big difference between pity and compassion," I
said.  "Pity is sharing one's sorrow.  Compassion is sharing one's sorrow
with the desire to help them heal or be healed."
      "Now you're beginning to sound like Ryan with his axioms," Caitlin
said with a weak smile.
      "Not a bad role model, if you ask me."
      Looking at her brothers like they better not breath a word of what
she was about to say to anyone, she said, "That was another match made in
heaven.  He loved me.  He remembered the time and date of our first date.
He bought me things ... for no reason at all."
      "He was just like dad," Collin remarked.  And before she could scold
him, he added, "He was older, heavy set ..."
      "Balding," Caleb said, apparently realizing Collin was right.
      Of course I never picked up on Dick the First being just like me, or
Donovan being just like Dad, either.  But what can I say?  Being
dull-witted is part of my charm.
      "Almost from the beginning ... I mean, after we were married, he
started bringing home sex toys.  I played along for a while.  They were
fun.  Some were fantasy toys but some were real orgasm enhancers.  Then the
toys he started to bring home looked like they had been used ... for a long
time.  I think he was digging them out of his old clothes closet at his
mother's house.  It got to where he couldn't get hard if there wasn't a toy
involved.
      "Then he started talking about bringing in other couples.  I tried
that a few times until I found out he was getting to know these people so
he could set up an elaborate gang-bang orgy ... hundreds of couples in one
warehouse just having sex.  He wanted to make his fortune selling the video
on the Internet."
      "Fuck," Caleb said, sympathetically.  He looked at me with a smile
like he understood why I never told him about it.
      "Those movies don't make fortunes," Collin said.  "If they did, I'd
be a fuckin' millionaire.  Yeah, you can laugh at the word fuckin' 'cuz
that's exactly what they were.  I got paid peanuts for my talents but never
saw a cent from royalties ... from anyone, not even the legitimate
companies."
      We all looked at him like we didn't know whether to believe him or
not ... not that he ever gave us any reason to doubt him.
      "But when he wanted to start tying me up and beating me, I filed for
divorce."
      Smiling weakly at Caitlin, Collin said, "So Richard the Second
... things are working out, I guess ... what with the pregnancy and all."
      "Yeah.  We had a rough time at the beginning.  I had a lot of
miscarriages ... throughout all three marriages.  Then I talked to Connor."
      "Big surprise," Collin said sardonically.
      "But it was Ryan that came up with the solution," I said.
      "Solution?" Collin asked with genuine interest.
      "He understood why Caitlin was losing the babies.  Her body was
rejecting the husband thereby rejecting the seed."
      "Solution please," Collin said.
      "When it continued to happen with Richard the Second," I said, "Ryan
told Caitlin she needed to WANT the baby."
      "So all this was psychological?" Collin asked.  "How can miscarriages
be psychological?"
      "Ryan told me," Caitlin said, `you want a baby by Connor.  You know
you can never have a baby by Connor so your body rejects it'."
      "Solution please." Collin insisted.
      "The three of us talked about it and then we presented the idea to
Richard the Second," I said. "The man loves Caitlin so much he'd cut off
his own dick if it would please her."
      "That sounds like it would be counter-productive for making a baby,"
Collin said with a faint smile.
      "Well," Caitlin said, "instead of that, he ended up giving up his
ass.  Figuring my problem was all in my head, Ryan said if Richard fucked
me while Connor was fucking him, I could fool my mind into believing the
seed was ... like ... coming from Connor, through Richard and into me."
      "Jesus Christ, sis!  That's fuckin' whack!" Collin said.  "I'm not
passing judgment.  I've thought up even wackier shit than that, but I'm
just saying ... what the fuck?"
      "Whack or not, I'm pregnant.  God willing I won't lose it.  It's been
five months.  The rest didn't last much more than five weeks."
      "Is Father Chris praying for you?" Collin asked.
      "Every day."
      I didn't bristle at the mention of his name.
      "By the way, when's he gonna be here?" Caleb asked, knowing we didn't
want anyone but Father Chris to officiate the funeral.
      Yeah, I learned to love the guy ... the only other guy outside my own
family to ever fuck my wife.  Even so, he's still family.
      Turning to me, Collin said, `You and Tiffany seem happy."  I heard a
note of sadness in his tone but he forced a smile to soften it.
      "Yeah, we have a happy marriage.  It hasn't always been easy but we
make sure we tell each other when things aren't going well and we work 'em
out before they fester," I said.  And where Caitlin's first two marriages
were nightmares, my only marriage has been a dream.  A dream marriage like
I never imagined.  For example, after Declan was born, if it was early
morning feeding time and if I had an early morning erection ..."
      "Not IF," Caleb said knowingly, "always ... three or four every
morning."
      "... instead of sitting in the rocking chair to breast feed, Tiffany
would sit on my cock and rock.  It was so awesome for me to watch the boys
sucking on her tit with my cock stabbing in and out of the cunt they were
delivered out of ... makes me hard just thinking about.  I'm pretty sure,
too, that's the way the other three boys were conceived.  But you know
... I paid a lot of money for that form-fitting ergonomically correct
rocker!"
      "He means the chair, not his cock," Caleb said.
      "Where IS Tiffany?" Collin asked apparently just realizing she wasn't
in the room with us.
      "She's sitting with Mom and Aunts Jan and Nan.  Tiff thinks the twins
are too old to take care of themselves much less a grieving widow ... even
though they're only a couple of years older than Mom.  As soon as Father
Chris gets to the airport the four of them will pick him up and come
directly here," I said.
      "What about you Caleb?"
      "I'm so in love with my wife and daughters." Caleb said.  "But I have
to admit, when we had a baby before Caitlin did, it took a little of the
joy out it."
      "Oh my god, Caleb!" Caitlin said startled.  "I didn't know.  Of fuck,
you shouldn't have even thought about me ... or my feelings.  That was your
special time to be happy."
      "Well, it happened.  We got over it and ... like I say ... we love
all of them equally."  Then looking at Collin he said, "No, not sexually."
      Collin smiled weakly and said, "Good.  Sometimes sex isn't the
answer."
      "Whaddya mean?" Caitlin said.  "I mean, I know what you're trying to
say but ... it implies that ... maybe ... YOU want to tell US something."
      When he was quiet, I said, "We understand.  You're kind of a private
person about your own life."
      "It's not that," Collin said, "but you're right.  I don't talk about
my life ... to anyone.  It's too embarrassing to talk about except in
certain circles."
      "Wha ..." Caleb said, half the tone was surprise while the other half
was admiration.
      "I hesitated because I don't know where to begin."
      "At the beginning," I said.  "We're not going anywhere."  I looked
around and it looked like no one was going to be coming to the funeral home
either.  It WAS, after all, the afternoon and most people were working.
      "Not a good place to start," Collin said.
      "Why?" Caleb asked.
      "Shhh," I said ... maybe a little too harshly.  "Let him decide where
to begin."
      "Sorry.  I forgot.  Give Collin his space.  Give Collin a chance to
explore his options.  Give Collin your share of the candy ... the toys
... the ..."
      I had never heard Caleb talk about his brother like that.
      "You really think that, Caleb?" Collin asked softly.
      "Yeah, I do," Caleb said defensively.
      "Well I remember a different childhood.  A childhood filled with
`you're too young.  You're too short, you're too weak, you're too small
..."
      "Well, you were," I said, knowing he was really directing that
accusation at me.
      "You were, Collin," Caitlin soothed.
      "Yeah, that's the way I remember it, too ... the two of you
conspiring together to keep me out of the mix."
      "No they didn't," Caleb argued.
      "How would you know?  You were always included.  In fact, whenever
you wanted something, they always gave in to you.  With me it was `you'll
have to wait' or `we don't want you to end up in the hospital' or ..."
      "We did that for you, Collin." I said.
      "We didn't do it to EXCLUDE you.  We did it to protect you," Caitlin
said.
      Then like a flash in my mind I recalled the single most horrifying
moment in my life.  "Yeah, like that stunt you pulled with your fist!"
      "You mean the day you fucked me for the first time?"
      "The first time I ever saw someone fist-fuck themselves, yeah."
      "Yeah, well, I thought at the time I was finally gonna prove to you
that I could be one of the `big boys' in your life and we could start
having sex regularly ... like you did with Caleb."
      "Well, you were still pretty young and I didn't want to encourage you
in the wrong direction.  I mean, you had Denny teaching you all the gay
stuff.  Essentially, I wasn't gay ..."
      "Except with Caleb," he accused.
      "Yeah," I reluctantly agreed.  "So I wanted to be that straight guy
you looked up to for guidance."
      "I was 10 years old.  I wasn't looking for guidance.  I was looking
for love ... like you gave to Caitlin and Caleb.  But I never got it.  Not
from you ... not from Denny ... not from anyone.  Sex ... occasionally,
yeah but not love."
      "I'm sorry if I messed up but I was young.  I didn't have all the
answers.  Hell, I didn't even know at that time that there were more
questions than answers.  I was only 16!"
      "I was the first guy to ever fuck you," Collin said, almost in tears.
"The day I cummed up your ass ... a wet cum, too ... I thought you would
finally realize I wasn't too young, too short, too lightweight, too
immature, or too ..."
      "Yeah, I understand.  We excluded you a lot."
      "Fuck yeah!  The word `too' followed by just about ANY adjective was
an easy excuse for you guys to disregard me."
      "We didn't do it deliberately.  So is that why you didn't come back
home after college.  Because of me" I asked
      "Because of us?" Caitlin asked, reducing some of my burden of blame.
      "Mostly.  I knew I wasn't welcome here."
      I silenced Caitlin's reproach with a stare-off.
      "I knew I could come back here and return to the status quo.  But I
decided I liked San Francisco.  At that time I was just going to college
... and I was studying hard.  I only went to the bars a couple of times
during the whole four years.  I was sincere about getting my degree."
      "If if helps any, Mom and Dad were so upset you didn't invite them
for graduation.  I think ... out of all us kids ... they were the proudest
of you.  You four-pointed every class."
      "Just trying to be more like Connor," Collin groused.
      "So why San Francisco?  You said you weren't going to the bars or
whatever."
      "At that time I wasn't `into the gay scene' but I wasn't oblivious to
what was happening.  I saw a lot of potential there.  More so than coming
back here to a conservative community with its narrow-mined thinking
... and yeah, that youngest child situation."
      "Like what?"
      "My degree was in Fine Arts.  I majored in Journalism and minored in
cinematography."
      "Oh," Caleb said, "that's what you meant by `getting paid for your
talents.'  I thought you meant you starred in some sex movies or something
and got shafted about the profits."
      "Shafted?" Collin smiled.  "Don't even go there." He smiled.
      "Inappropriate word?  Sorry."
      "As for `star,' I was never big enough to be the star.  I was," and
he said with a mocking grin, "too small down there."
      "Bullshit!" I said.  "You've got a big dick on you!"
      "Not by porno standards.  Nowadays dick size isn't as important but
back then it was vital!  But that doesn't mean I didn't make my fair share
of them ... both in front of the cameras and behind them ... and in just
about every genre there was."
      "Genre?" Caleb asked.
      "Suck and Fuck, Watersports, B&D, S&M, Bukkake, Frottage, Machines,
Fisting ..."
      "I could have added that last one to the list without you even having
to mention it." I chuckled.  "Jesus!  I still have nightmares about that,"
I said.
      "Then you don't want to view any of my videos, that's for sure.
You'd never sleep again."
      "Just out of idle curiosity ... and I might regret this ..." Caleb
said, "but what's bukkake?"
      "Just about every film has it but some videos `feature' it.  It's
really nothing more than a lot of men cumming on someone else ... usually a
woman but in gay films ... well."
      "Well, yeah!  Duh!" Caleb said.
      "But that's what I was talking about with dick size.  Nowadays, it's
more about your fetish talents ... and some of those require a LOT of
talent, especially the S&M genre."
      "So what the fuck is `Frottage'?" Caitlin asked.
      "Wait!" I interrupted.  "You said, mostly.  What's the other reason
... or reasons ... you didn't return home?" I asked, hoping to reduce the
amount of guilt I was feeling at the time.
      "The freedom it gave me.  I could do whatever I wanted.  I was, as
they said back in the 60s, `free white and 21'."  I didn't have you or
anyone else telling me I was too ... anything."
      "Collin!  I'm sorry!  I didn't know!"
      "Yeah, I realize that now but it doesn't change the fact that my
feelings were hurt ... for a long long time."
      "I wish I could make it up to you.  I wish I could take it all back.
But I can't."
      "I understand.  It's just ... I guess I did all those nutty things I
was talking about earlier because I COULD do them without you telling me I
couldn't.  So sometimes I went to the extreme.  I drank too much.  I
gambled too much.  I did too much drug use there for a while."
      "Because of me?" I asked.  Hearing him say the word `too' was giving
me a headache only this time it was HIM referring to HIM ... not me.
      "Because of us?" Caitlin asked.
      Shaking his head `no,' Collin said, "I thought so at the time but
looking at it in retrospect, I can see it was ME making those decisions
... not you guys."
      I closed my eyes in a silent `Thank you lord,' prayer.
      Oh by the way, just so you all know, I didn't come home for the
money.  More often than not, I gave Mom and Dad money before I left,
usually a lot of money ... because I knew if I didn't, I'd just waste it on
something else anyway.
      "So, uh, we're okay?" I asked.  "I mean ... no hard feelings?"
      "Not in front of Dad," Collin admonished, sounding like his little
10-year-old impish self again and groping his crotch lasciviously.
      "You're going to hell for that, boy," Father Chris said, walking into
the room smiling.  "That's not only scandalous it sacrilege."  Then he
hugged Collin and groped him at the same time.
      "Where's Mom?" Caitlin asked.
      "Tiffany's bringing her in.  She wanted to stop by the ladies room
first to freshen up her makeup."
      "Like Dad's gonna notice," Caitlin said.  She was the only one who
could say such a thing at a time like this and not have others think she
was being disrespectful.
      "Before she gets here ... Collin said hastily, "are we gonna do
anything ... you know ... while I'm in town, and you're in town and ...?"
      "If you promise not to tell anyone, there's a good chance of it.
It's been a long time for me," Father Chris whispered.
      "Good," Collins said.  "I've wanted you for so long.  And then, when
I found out you were ... available ... well, let's just say you're one of
my favorite jack-off fantasies."
      "And I've got a load the size of the Great Salt Lake I'm ready to
dump," Chris said.
      "Tiffany, too?" Collin asked, looking first at Chris for permission
from her brother before looking at me.  "... and you.  Tiffany and you?"
      "You mean I'm invited?" I asked sheepishly recalling all the things
I'd been accused of.
      "You more than anyone," Collin said lovingly.  "But just be prepared
because I'm gonna make up for lost time.  Paybacks are hell, brother."
      We spent a couple more hours at the funeral home before we took Mom
home.  Aunts Jan and Nan were staying with her so, to give them some time
alone, I invited everyone back to our house ... well, Tiffany's house.  I
moved in there after we got married.  We sent my boys over to sleep with
their cousins at Caleb's house which left the night open for the adults.
I've already explained the family thinking regarding death and dying so
... instead of sitting around drinking and gambling we engaged in "make up"
sex.  We were making up for lost time.
      As it turned out, everyone wanted to have sex with Collin.  Not
because of our discussion at the funeral home but out of genuine desire to
have sex with him.  All these years of being deprived of his cocky little
body had made all of us desirous of him ... and perhaps for the first time
... REALLY desirous of him.
      Even so, at one point, I was on my knees, doggy style, with Caleb
fucking my ass.  I had to promise my wife to be versatile or the games
ended for me and I would have to go home ... to Mom's, since we were
already `home.'  That meant I would have to sleep on my old bed on the back
porch because Aunts Jan and Nan had commandeered my bed upstairs.
      Unaccustomed to feeling Caleb's ... or anyone's ... cock rhythmically
stabbing my prostate, I moaned, "Keep that up and I'm gonna blow."
      "Promise," Collin asked.
      "Promise," I said, never sounding more sincere in my life, before I
realized it wasn't Caleb asking the question.
      "Then blow this!" Collin said thrusting his cock toward my face.
      Startled I said, "No, I mean, when I said I'm gonna blow I meant ..."
      "I know what your conscious mind said, but I also know what your
subconscious mind wants."
      "And you know that how?" I challenged teasingly.  But I still saw a
look of disdain shoot across the room from my wife.
      "Cuz I'm standing here in front of you while you're being porked up
the ass by your brother and you're drooling spittle onto my tattoo."
      "Oh, yeah!  I never DID read the underside of this baby."
      "It ain't no baby anymore," Collin threatened.
      "No it sure isn't," I said.
      "And the only way you're gonna be able to read the underside of it is
if you get it hard."
      I willingly sucked my baby brother's eight inch cock into my mouth.
      "You've been practicing," Collin said appreciatively.
      "Not with me," Caleb said.  "Maybe five or six times a year.  That's
it!"
      "Well he sure has improved from what I remember."
      "Nuumphs," I said, trying to say thanks.
      Even while being fucked by Caleb and sucking Collin, my hedonistic
craving wasn't satisfied.  I looked out the corner of my eyes searching for
more debauchery.  That's when I saw Father Chris fucking my wife ... his
sister ... while my wife was eating my sister's pussy.  To complete the
chain, Caitlin was French kissing the priest ... my brother-in-law.
      Releasing Collin's cock I asked, "Can you lie down on the floor?  I
wanna watch this."
      Collin laid down so he was in a position to enjoy the show, too, and
I went back to sucking him ... greedily.  I think it was at that moment
... many years too late to make much of a difference ... that I realized I
wasn't gay.  I thought, `Damn you're a slow learner.  You're not gay.
You're bi-sexual!'  I sucked my brother's cock with renewed vigor which
only caused my cock to ache for... no, demand to detonate.
      "Somebody wanna catch my cum or do you want me to spray it all over
the carpet?" I asked urgently.
      Collin quickly twisted around so he was underneath me and we 69ed
until I came bucketsful down his throat.  He repaid the favor by supplying
me with his equally award-winning supply of spunk.  I've always had a
problem swallowing cum.  I've never considered it to be a necessary dietary
supplement.  However, this time, I consumed it willingly and enjoyed the
taste, texture and quantity.  I thought, `Damn!  It sure is nice to be
BI-sexual.  It makes the sex all that much more enjoyable!'
      Not to be left out, Caleb pumped one last thrust into my ass and
dumped HIS load ... probably from feeling my ass clamp around his cock as I
discharged my load into Collin's throat.  His orgasm seemed to take forever
... not that I minded.  Having my brother spunk my ass was a thrill
... occasionally ... even though I always made a big deal about not liking
to do it.  Feeling his cock knob hitting my prostate had to be something
akin to a guy hitting a woman's G-spot.  It just enhanced the subsequent
ejaculation ten-fold.  This fuck left both of us exhausted.
      As Collin rolled out from under me, I eased down, flat on the floor,
resting my chin on my folded arms.  I felt Caleb getting into the same
position while continuing to lie on my back.  I felt his nostril-breath
teasing the back of my neck as he struggled to regain normal breathing.
Collin twisted around to lie next to me in the same crossed-arm
chin-on-arms position ... and we watched the show.
      Father Chris pumped his slender eight-inch reamer in and out of his
younger sister slowly, deliberately teasing her as she tried to buck up
against his slim hips.  His muscular milk-white ass cheeks created shadows
in the deep hollows as he flexed up and down.  His cock glistened as he
withdrew.
      "She's already cum ... at least once," I said.
      "Yeah, look at how wet his cock is," Collin said.  "But I gotta tell
ya, that priest has one gorgeous fuckable ass.
      "Look at Tiffany.  She's like a geek at an electronic entertainment
expo.  She's makin' herself crazy trying to decide which she wants more
... Caitlin's pussy or her ass."
      "Damn that's one talented tongue," Collin said.  "She's actually
sticking her tongue in Caitlin's pussy every time Chris pushed his cock
in."
      "Then, on his back stroke," Caleb said, "she traces her tongue along
Caitlin's perineum to her asshole and inserts it in there.  That is so
fuckin' hot!"
      "Almost makes you want to have a pussy of your own, doesn't it
...just to experience both feelings, huh?"
      "Almost," Caleb said, humping his still-hard cock against my butt
cheek, "but I'll just keep the equipment God gave me."
      "Good," I said, thinking, `I'm gonna start enjoying that cock more
often ... now that I'm bi-sexual.'
      Caitlin continued to kiss Father Chris but moved from his mouth to
gently kiss his cheek, his eyelids, the bridge of his nose, his ears, his
neck and down his chest to his nipples.
      Chris gasped when my sister sucked his nipple.  "Oh, fuck you've got
a talented mouth on you girl."
      "Well, growing up with three brothers meant I got a lot of oral
education."
      Looking in our direction ... and surprised to see us doing nothing
but watching ... he said with utmost sincerity, "Thanks fellas."
      "You're welcome," we intoned as one.
      Then Collin said, brusquely, "That's it.  I'm not waitin' any longer.
First rule of kindergarten is learning to share."  Standing up he said,
"Prepare to be mounted, Father Chris, here comes your salvation!"
      "Such sacrilege!" Chris chuckled as he momentarily stopped fucking my
wife in anticipation of Collin's insertion.
      And Collin began fucking Chris.
      Sandwiched as he was between my brother and his own sister all the
priest had to do was move back and forth.  Inward he fucked his sister/my
wife and outward his fucked himself onto my brother.
      Being otherwise preoccupied, Caitlin no longer had anything to do
with her mouth so I tossed Caleb off my back saying, "Go give your sister
something to suck on."
      As he trotted off to do my bidding, he asked, "What're you gonna do?"
      I got up and stood behind Collin.  "Ready for a daisy chain?" I
asked.
      "I've been waiting for that big boy for a long time, Connor.  You
don't need to ask."
      While he continued to fuck Father Chris, I eased my ten inches into
his hot tight hole a little at a time.  I moved forward only slightly with
each of his backward thrusts, allowing him to impale himself a little more
on my cock each time.
      "Please," he pleaded, "Shove it up there.  Don't tease me.  I need to
feel your big hot cock up my ass.  It's been a long time brother.  It's
been a long time."
      I continued to tease him with just a half-inch more with each two or
three thrusts of his own cock into Father Chris.
      I looked up to where I heard the slurping sounds to see Caitlin
chowing down on our brother.  He was being almost brutal in his attack
causing her to gag every once in awhile.  But every time he said, "I'm
sorry," she would deliberately gag herself again."  I think she was
recalling that Halloween when, while we were once again sorting the candy,
I told them about the ballerina guy that gagged on my cock and how much the
sounds turned me on.
      I listened to the Symphony of Sex.  My sister gagging on my brother's
cock was the horn section.  My brother-in-law's cock slapping noisily in
what was probably the juices from my wife's third orgasm was the string
section.  The moans of pleasure my wife made as she lapped at my sister's
cunt sounded like music from a harp. The groan of delight from my other
brother as I fucked his ass with my hard ten inches and he fucked the
priest with his eight fat inches was the woodwind section.  All I had to do
was add a little percussion section to make it a sexual orchestra so I
started rhythmically slapping my brother's ass.
      Unlike an orchestra which finishes at the same time, my family
orchestra finished one after another.  Caitlin had another orgasm in my
wife's mouth causing Tiffany to have another orgasm around her brother's
cock.  That caused Chris to spurt a right righteous load up Tiffany's cunt.
About then, Caleb shot his load in Caitlin's mouth.  She immediately
transferred part of it to Collin who, upon tasting it, began shooting his
load up Chris' ass.  His orgasm triggered mine.
      After a long well-deserved rest, Tiffany and Caitlin got up offering
to fix us drinks.
      I said, "Make mine ..."
      "Whisky and Pepsi," Caleb, Tiffany ... and surprisingly Caitlin
... said simultaneously.
      "Wine," Caitlin said, pointing to Father Chris.
      "You can read me like a Bible," he joked.
      We sat around on the well-padded floor and talked for a while.  I was
glad, now, that Tiffany and I had decided to buy the more expensive padding
and carpet.  Caleb had discussed ... and occasionally argued ... the
benefits of spending more money for better carpet over less money for
inferior carpets.  So, thanks to Caleb, we reaped the benefits
... including ones that never figured into the original discussion
... during the night.
      At one point, Father Chris asked, "Collin, do you take Viagra?"
      "No, why?"
      "Just wondering," he said dispirited.
      "What's the matter?" Tiffany asked, immediately picking up on her
brother's less than jovial attitude swing.
      "Well," he said unhappily, "I THOUGHT I was a pretty good fuck but
..."
      "But what?"
      "You certainly WERE!" Collin said.  "One of my best ... but that
could have been partly because of my fantasy."
      "Yeah, I guess so," Chris said.  "I guess I didn't match up to your
fantasy."
      "Why do you say that?"
      Father Chris pointed.
      The rest of us looked at where he was pointing.
      Collin was sitting cross-legged, "Indian" style.  His eight inch
erection towered out of his crotch like a meerkat peeking out of his hole.
      "What?" Collin asked.
      "I guess I didn't do such a good job of taking care of that."
      "It's not you, Chris," Caleb said, "Collin was always a
double-barreled shotgun."
      "Whaddya mean"
      "He could never cum just once.  He always had to cum twice before his
cock would go soft."
      "Thank God," Father Chris said, reverently.  "I thought I was losing
my appeal."
      "Not with me, you're not," Collin said reassuringly.  Then, like the
thought just occurred to him, he said, "Hey, have I ever shown you guys
this?"  Maintaining his cross-legged position he rolled onto his back.
      "Don't you dare fist-fuck yourself," I warned.  Then capitulating, I
said with a smile, "Unless it will help you get rid of that obscene
hard-on."
      Again, he wrapped his arms behind his thighs.  Only this time he
leaned forward and began sucking his own cock.
      "Oh, lord!" Chris said in awe.
      "Oh ... my ... God," I said enviously.
      "Teach me how to do that!" Caleb yelled.
      "Is that ... even possible?" Tiffany asked.
      "Obviously," Caitlin said leaning down closer to make sure Collin's
cock was actually going in and out of his mouth.
      To start, he was only able to lick the head and part of the knob.
But as his back limbered up and his muscles relaxed more and more he was
able to suck on at least six of his inches.
      "What's a fist-fuck?" Chris asked.
      I rolled my eyes, knowing how infatuated Collin was with Chris.  I
was certain he was going to show him.
      As sure as history repeats itself, Collin waved his right hand like a
magician showing the crowd he had nothing up his sleeve.  Then he
theatrically began inserting his hand in his ass while continuing to suck
his own cock.
      Wild-eyed with amazement, Chris said, "Fuck!  What the hell does he
need US for?"
      After a moment of thoughtful silence Caleb said, "He hasn't learn how
to kiss himself yet."
      We all laughed at that remark.  Even Collin chuckled around his
mouthful of self-cock.
      "Can you actually cum doing that?" I asked.  I'd think your brain
would be so confused from the conflicting emotions you wouldn't know if you
should shit or go blind.
      "Knowing Collin, he'll just close one eye and fart," Caleb said.
      That's exactly what he did as soon as he withdrew his hand.  He let a
resounding fart from all the air pressure he'd built up fist-fucking
himself.  Then he quickly extended his legs back over his head until his
toes were touching the carpet.  "Gonna cum," he warned and began sucking
himself again.
      Five heads zeroed in jockeying for a closer look.  Although he wasn't
able to take the whole eight inches, I noticed his pubic hair was tickling
his nose as he bounced his thighs causing his cock to bounce in and out of
his mouth.
      "Want me to push on your butt?" Caleb asked.
      "K," Collin said around his mouthful of meat.
      Collin pushed down gently and we watched as Collins nose mash into
his pubic bone.
      "No fuckin' WAY!" Chris yelled.  "Oh my god!  I'm gonna cum!"  And
without any further warning, he aimed his cock at Collins face and started
cumming.
      Collin raised his legs enough for us to watch as his piss slit
erupted with volley after volley of cum directly into his mouth.  Some
splattered on his face to mix with Father Chris' cum.  As Collin raised his
legs from his face, Father Chris dived in to kiss Collin, noisily sucking
out as much of the cum as he could.
      "Damn, boy, you wanna come live with me?" Chris asked.
      "I just might consider that after that ass ride I got earlier."  Then
Collin asked "Hey!  Where's Denny? ... and Ryan?" like he just realized
they were missing.
      "He's with Mr. Barnard.  He'll come to the funeral tomorrow and bring
Mr. Barnard over to the house for a little while but he apologized that he
won't be able to stay long.  It's too tiring for him."
      "Brenda and Ryan are in Europe visiting Paris," Tiffany said.  "They
called with their condolences and said they were going to wire flowers but
I told them I'd take care of them on this end and for them not to worry
about it."
      "They said they wanted to fly home" I said, "but after I reminded
them about our death and dying principles they agreed it to stay in Europe
and enjoy their vacation."
      Like most things in life, great times must come to an end and so did
our evening.
      Even so, I awoke about four in the morning with an aching hard-on.  I
must have missed the 3AM wake-up because we partied so late.  Anyway, my
boner was so hard the skin felt overly tight, like I was wearing a condom
that was two sizes too small.  I could easily visualize the skin popping at
some imaginary seam and peeling off like a snake shedding its skin.  Damn
it hurt!  I saw a bright flash of light behind my still-closed eyelids
... and I knew what I had to do.
      I rolled onto my left side and whispered in Caleb's ear, "Okay if I
fuck you?"
      "It's always okay," he mumbled half asleep.
      "I'll be right back."
      Suddenly awake he grabbed my arm and asked worriedly, "What's the
matter?"
      "Nothing ... now!  Just go back to sleep, I'll be back in a minute."
      I rolled over onto my right side snuggling my aching cock up against
Collin's hip.  Gently, I laid my thigh over his crotch and began running my
left hand lightly over his abdomen and chest.
      I knew from past experience Collin was not a `morning' person.  He
didn't like being bothered just as he was going to sleep or when he was
waking up.  He was definitely NOT a snuggle kind of guy.  He tried to roll
away from me but my leg held him down.
      "Hey little brother.  It's Connor," I whispered in his ear.
      "Umm!" he hummed annoyed.
      "Wanna fuck?"
      "Ummm!" he hummed even more annoyed.
      I hadn't had much time to think about what I was going to do or how I
was going to it.  Once he was awake I knew he would be eager to have sex.
But at this point in his sleep, the intrusion was an aggravation to him.
      "Hey, little fuck buddy," I said, remembering the name I called him
the first time I fucked him."
      "Wah?" he asked waking up only slightly.
      "Wanna fuck?" I asked again.
      Using his elbow against my chest to push me away, he said in an
irritated tone, "Caleb's on that side."
      "Yeah, I know, but my best little fuck buddy is on this side."
      He opened one eye as if to check out just exactly who was talking to
him.  Maybe he thought he was in bed in California with someone else and
that he was only dreaming it was me talking to him as we laid on the carpet
in my living room.
      "I've got an aching hard-on little buddy and I need to get it taken
care of."
      In a more awake tone he said, "Like I said, Caleb's over there," and
he tried to roll away.
      I applied more pressure to his crotch area with my thigh which rubbed
my hard-on against his hip.  Damn, it felt good!  But it ached even more,
being this close to human flesh.  I crawled more on top of him and pressed
my face to within an inch of his.  I could feel his breath against my cheek
as he exhaled through his nose from the added weight from my body on his.
"But I want you," I said seductively.
      He opened both eyes.
      I leaned in a little closer so he could feel my breath on his lips.
      Instinctively he started to raise up to kiss me but laid his head
back down.
      I knew what he was thinking.  He was leaving it up to me to pursue
whether we were going to kiss or not.  I leaned down and kissed him
tenderly.  Our tongues swam around in each others' mouths like a school of
porpoise at play.  My hand roamed his chest, his belly, and lifting my
thigh only slightly, his cock.  "Do you think this bad boy wants to come
out and play?"
      "He doesn't have to be hard for you to fuck me."
      "Who said anything about me wanting to fuck you.  I've got Caleb to
fuck."
      Angrily and powerfully he rolled out from underneath me with his back
to me.  "Asshole!"
      I snuggled my aching cock up against the soft flesh of his butt
cheek.
      I climbed half on top of him again so I could pull him onto his back
again.  He resisted but I whispered, "Listen ..."
      "What!" he shouted, almost in tears.
      I whispered sweetly in his ear, "I need to fuck Caleb because I'm
aching so much it's gonna be brutal."
      "So do it!" he spat.
      "But I need my best little fuck buddy to help me."
      "You haven't needed my help all THESE years.  Why should you start
now?"
      "Well, all those years you're talking about, you haven't been here.
But you're here now and I think it's about time you fucked your big
brother, again."
      As the tears of anger began to roll, I leaned in.  This time I made
him make the decision.  He gripped the back of my neck, pulling me into his
kiss.  I felt his body shudder from the release of emotional tension.  I
thought he was gonna sob but he took a deep breath instead.
      "Honest?"
      "If you promise to be gentle," I smiled.
      "This isn't another cruel joke?"
      "No joke."
      "Ummm?"
      "What?" I asked gently.
      "Ummm, instead of fucking you ..."
      "What?" I asked warily.
      "I mean, I've fucked you before."
      "A couple of time, yeah," I admitted recalling the two or three times
I had allowed it.
      "But those were just fucks.  This time, can I make love to you?  You
know, the way you make love to Caleb."
      I kissed my little brother sweetly.  "I wouldn't have it any other
way.  In fact, after Caleb takes care of this boner of mine, we can make
love the rest of the morning."
      Then he really cried ... tears of joy.  "This is what I've wanted all
these years.  And this is what I've been missing out on ... to be included
in your love-making ... not just your sex adventures."
      "From now on, little brother, any time you're home ... ummm ... I'll
... uh, consider ... letting you make love to me."
      He hugged me harder than Mom ever did ... or ever could.
      "Follow me," I said, rolling over to snuggle behind Caleb.
      I felt Collin immediately begin wedging his cock between my cheeks.
      "Let me get in first.  I'm gonna need a little distraction before
I'll be able to take that thing again."
      "Yeah, it's a little bigger than that first time," Collin chuckled.
      "A LOT bigger.  And it's bigger than the last time you fucked me,
too."
      "Well, I was only 14 at the time.  I should hope it got bigger.
Besides, I used the pump on it, too."
      "Pump?" I asked.
      "Penis pump," Caleb said, reaching behind himself to aim my cock at
his hole.  "You'll have to bring one home sometime and let me try it out."
      "Okay," Collin said, like there had not been all those years of
absence in between.
      As I entered Caleb, I felt the tension ease out of my cock like a
soothing balm had been applied to it.  I humped back and forth a couple of
times before I said, "This is gonna take a while, babe, okay?"
      "The longer the better," Caleb said.
      "It doesn't get any longer but I don't think I've ever been harder."
      Reaching around behind him to slap my ass he said, "You know what I
mean."
      "Hey, lover," I whispered in Caleb's ear, "can we ask your brother to
join us?"
      "I think you already have," he said, reaching for my hand.  He pulled
it around in front of him and placed it firmly on his erection.
      "Can we take care of that later?"
      "Yep.  I'm hard just from listening to you two making out."
      "Were you able to hear what we were talking about?"
      "Yeah."
      "And?" I asked, worried that he might be jealous.
      "I'm glad we're finally gonna be a family again."
      "I've got the greatest brother/lover in the world!"
      "Ummm," Collin said, as he began to ease his much larger cock than
before into my hole, "I think you mean brothers/lovers."
      "Yep.  Definitely brothers with an `s,' Collin.  From now on, now
that we've got you back, I'm not leaving you out of our lives."
      He eased his cock in so slowly, it felt like it was five miles long.
I thought for a moment I'd never feel his pubic bush scratching my ass.
But finally it did and I felt as stuffed as a Thanksgiving turkey.
      "Oh my god this is good," I mewled.  "I know, I've always been
against getting my ass breached but ... fuck guys ... this is as good as it
gets."
      "No," Collin said, leaning over my shoulder and down toward my face,
"this is as good as it gets."  And he kissed me"
      "Oh, trust me," Collin said, "it only gets better."  Then he half
turned to join our kiss.  Three mouths, three tongues, three hot guys
... brothers ... making love to each other at the same time was truly
euphoric for me.  Our climaxes, although not simultaneous were nevertheless
monumental in their intensity ... probably because of our combined
affection for each other.  And then we slept ... the rest of the morning.
      Later that day at the funeral home, Denny arrived without Mr. Barnard
who wasn't feeling strong enough for the funeral AND the reception
afterward.  After the usual warm welcomes and idle chatter there was a lull
in the conversation, before Collin asked, "So, Denny, what's with you
living with Mr. Barnard?"
      "After he retired, he fell in the warehouse and couldn't get up for
several hours.  It wasn't safe for him to live alone."
      "So?"
      "So, since I was only renting, I moved in with him."
      "And?" Collin pressured.  The last thing I expected was for Collin to
have a confrontation with Denny at the funeral home but I felt a certain
unease building ... like maybe Collin was jealous.
      "So I pay HIM my rent now."
      "Do you ... like ... umm ..."
      "We have sex, sometimes.  I guess I get the liking-older-men syndrome
from Dad, huh?"
      "I guess ... if it can be inherited."
      "Or it could be environmental," I said, recalling a similar
conversation I had had with Ryan about heredity and environment.
      "He's still really horny for his age."
      "Oh," Collin said sadly.
      "But mostly we masturbate.  He said he masturbated alone for so many
years that it's just easier ... and more satisfying for him that way."
      "Really," Collin said, a little more enthusiastically.
      "Sometimes we dress up and masturbate.  He likes to see me dressed up
like a girl."
      "Yeah, I've been with a few trannys," Collin said.
      "And a few other types over the years," Denny said pointedly.
      "That was work," Collin defended.
      "Yeah, but not many people get to play at work."
      "Well, maybe kindergarten teachers," I said trying to defuse another
potential bomb.  `Although,' I thought, `our explosive discussion of the
day before resulted in a healthier family relationship between all of us.'
      "You wanna know what kept me working all these years?  Thinking about
you guys.  If I couldn't concentrate on my camera angles, I'd think `How
would Connor frame it?'  If I couldn't find financial backers, I'd think
`How would Caleb get funding?'  If I couldn't get hard on the set, I'd
think about one of you guys.  If I needed to psyche myself up for a fuck
scene, I'd think of Connor.  If it was a blowjob scene, it was Caleb.  If
it was a bisexual movie, I used images of Caitlin.  If I needed to get
angry, I'd think of ..."
      "Me," I said, "glad I could help," I said remorsefully.
      "And me," Caleb said.  "He was mad at me, too, for monopolizing your
affection."
      "True, both of you.  I got a little sex from Connor and Caleb once in
a while but, Denny, you were my chief inspiration ... you're the only one
who offered to have sex with me and make me feel like it was love.  When I
was having sex on the set, you were always there ... in my head.  I could
never start a love scene ... you know, kissing and hugging ... without
thinking of you first.  While I was kissing the guy ... or girl ... I was
pretending I was kissing you."
      Denny sat wide-eyed with, I think, disbelief.
      "And, of course, you were in my head at the beginning of every
fist-fuck scene," he added with a smile.
      "TMI," I said a little too loudly for a funeral home.  "I can't
believe we're having a discussion like this in a funeral home ... again!
Father Chris will have to pray for a month of Sundays ... for each of us
... to clean up this abomination."
      "I think the idea is that you're supposed to pray for your OWN
salvation," Denny said.
      "Yeah, but you know me.  I'm so slow I like to leave it to the
experts.  Otherwise, I'd be in Hell before I knew I was dead."
      "In your case that's a good idea," Denny chuckled weakly.
      "So, I was wondering," Collin said to Denny, "How come you never
found someone to ... you know ... live with ... marry, so to speak?"
      "Dude," I said.  "I've been accused of being slow witted ... and I
admit it, I am ... but you are ten times slower than I am."
      "Whaddya mean?  I four-pointed every class in college."
      "Well not in the College of Life you didn't," I accused, "Even I
realized about ten years ago that Denny never `got married' because ..."  I
looked over at Denny.
      He shrugged his shoulders.
      "He was waiting for you to come to your senses."
      "Me?" Collin asked in disbelief.
      "Collin," Caitlin said, "you and Denny were always `The Couple.'  You
two did everything together.  You two experimented together ... and forgot
that you were supposed to keep Ryan or Connor informed about it.  You two
could have done serious damage to yourselves but you were 10-foot-tall and
bullet-proof at that age."
      "She's right," I agreed.  "But you excluded Denny from of your life
when you moved to California.  The same things you are accusing us of doing
to you, you did to Denny.  That's why he never `got married'."
      "Uh, you wanna explain to the dim-witted one what you're talking
about?" Collin asked acerbically.
      "He was waiting for you to ask him to marry you, you goofball!"
      Collin looked at Denny like he had never met him before.
      "Dude!  He has loved you since the first day he ever laid eyes on
you," I said.
      "I have to admit," Caitlin said, "there were times when even I got a
little nauseous watching him making goo-goo eyes at you."
      "He never made goo-goo eyes at me!"
      "You never saw it," I said.  "You were always too ... angry at me for
always choosing Caleb."
      "And Denny would do anything you suggested ... just to make you
happy," Caleb said.
      "Like what?" Collin challenged looking hopefully at Denny like he
wanted him to defend him against this attack.
      "Like the time he told us he knew what pee tasted like."
      "My first wet cum," Collin said.  "Yeah, I thought for sure we were
gonna get in trouble from that remark," he smiled.  "But more often than
not, it was Denny coming up with the crazy shit we did together."
      "Well, just be glad we were so excited about you becoming a man that
day that we didn't pursue it," Caitlin said.  "I can't imagine what Ryan
would have done if THAT comment had registered in his brain."
      Looking at Denny, Collin asked, "Is any of this true?"
      "What part?" Denny asked with a hint of venom in his tone.
      "Did you ... not ..."
      "Yeah.  I never found a guy I liked better than you.  So I decided it
was better for me to do without than settle for second best.  But I don't
blame you.  That was a decision I made."
      "Did I make you feel ... unwanted?"
      "That first time I came out to visit ..."
      "Yeah, a year after I graduated college,"
      "I felt you were more interested in introducing all your friends to
me than introducing ME to all your friends."
      "I don't understand.  It's the same thing."
      "No, it was like you wanted to impress me with all the people you
knew ... all the stars you'd slept with.  I was hoping you wanted to
impress your friends by introducing ME to THEM.  I guess that was just
being a little egocentric of me."
      "I didn't realize you saw it that way.  I thought ..."
      "You thought you could impress me with all the kinky things you had
experienced, like ... those machines!"
      "What machines?" Caitlin asked.
      Although I dreaded the answer ... secretly I guess ... I wanted to
know, too.
      "There were ..." Denny began "... butt-fucking machines,
electro-shock devices, pneumatic milkers ..."
      "Whoa!  I don't even know what some of those things are," Caitlin
said.
      Accusatively, Denny said, "He taped me up to an electro-shock machine
while he showed me how to use a butt-fucking machine."
      "You agreed!"
      "Well, yeah!  Caleb reiterated his previous accusation, "to please
you."
      "So there we were.  My arms and legs were strapped in a leather
sling.  I had electrodes taped to my nipples, penis, scrotum, perineum, and
to a metal rod stuck up my ass.  Collin was doggy-style impaled on a piston
machine that was fucking his ass.  He could bend backward to slide the
dildo further up his ass or bend forward to get away from it.  However HE
had both remote controls.  He could speed up or slow down HIS machine to
suit his own gratification.  But for my machine he could select at random
where the shocks were going to be delivered, to my cock or my ass or
wherever so I never knew when or where it was going to hit next.  He also
was able to regulate the intensity.
      "Hey!  You said, you liked it," Collin said.
      "Yeah, I did," Denny said.  "But after it went on way too long I kept
telling you to quit.  But you didn't.  Then, when you wouldn't listen to
me, I started to panic.  I started thinking about what would happen if you
had a heart attack and died on me.  I had pictures of the police raiding
the building and finding us attached to those machines ... both dead from
starvation."
      "You'd die from dehydration, first," Caleb said.
      Denny smiled at Caleb.  "Sorry, I guess I got a little carried away."
      "No problem.  We've all been venting this week," I said.
       "Going from simplistic `sexburbia' here to all-out-debauchery in
California in less than a 24-hour time span was, for me," Denny said, "like
jumping the Grand Canyon without the benefit of a motorcycle.  You didn't
ease me into the swimming pool of sex life there.  You threw me into the
dumpster of sex life there."
      "I'm sorry," Collin said, weakly.
      "I wanted to get back here as quickly as possible ... to my own
little fantasy world of Vegas costumes and Hollywood cosmetics.  I guess
that makes me dull and boring and ... undesirable."
      "You have NEVER been undesirable," Collin argued.  "You were my first
and only love ... outside the family.  I thought I could stay in
California, prove to you I could make good money and then you'd want to
come live with me.  I guess I was living in a fantasy world of my own.  I
guess I never grew up."
      "No, I think YOU grew up.  I guess I never grew up," Denny said.  "I
was just too comfortable ... too resistant to change ... to mature like you
did."
       "I know I've been somewhat of an asshole these past few years,"
Collin said.  "I had my reasons.  Whether they were valid or not ... well,
I just don't know.  All I know now is ... what with Dad dying so young
... it's kinda put my life into perspective.  I don't want to wake up some
day and say `I wish I had done this or I wish I had done that.  I guess
what I'm trying to say is I'm extending an invitation for you guys to come
back into my life."
      "We want that very much," Caleb said.
      "I realize now that I'm the one who was excluding YOU, so now I hope
you'll ..."
      Caitlin hugged him as hard as Mom ever did and said, "Welcome home,
Collin."
      "Well, that's part of what I trying to say.  I want you guys to visit
me in California, too.  All of you."  Turning to Denny, he said, "No kinky
stuff, I promise."
      "Well, if there isn't gonna be any kinky stuff, I'm not going," Caleb
snickered.
      "Me either!" Caitlin said.
      With great grins all around we engaged in a group hug.
      Father Chris came in with Mom.  She cried, seeing all of us hugging
each other so we pulled her in too.  Then Father Chris officiated the
ceremony, we went to the gravesite for a short service and returned home
... to Mom's home.
      The house was full of company.  Aunts Jan and Nan were there, taking
care of Mom for us kids.  Caitlin and Richard the Second were there.  Of
course, Tiffany and our four boys, along with Caleb, Angelina and their
three girls were there.  Denny brought Mr. Barnard, warning us in advance
that they were only going to stay a few minutes.  He looked so frail.  And
there were also many other friends and family.  All the activity and
chatter was giving me a headache.  Thank god the noisy kids were up in my
old room playing or the cacophony would have been even worse.
      Somewhat dizzy, I decided to go to the back porch to lie down for a
few minutes.  Before I stepped through the doorway ... the same one I
dragged my male ballerina through so many years earlier ... I heard soft
moaning noises.  I peeked around to discover my two middle boys Devon (12)
and Dylan (10) stark naked in the 69 position ... their Sunday church
clothes were in an hasty intertwined heap on the floor.  I quietly stepped
away ... but I didn't go far.
      I brought a kitchen chair that miraculously wasn't being used, into
the laundry room and sat down ... to wait.  I didn't want to confront the
boys.  I wanted to protect them ... to make sure someone else didn't
accidentally stumble across them, too.  But I also wanted them to know I
knew what was going on.
      Knowing I am slow on the uptake, as I sat there, I thought, `What the
hell are you gonna say to them?  You better start thinking NOW 'cuz it'll
take you a year or two just to think of the right things to say.'  I also
took a quick moment to evaluate my emotions ... quick because I didn't know
how long I'd have to make my assessment.  I didn't know if they had just
begun or were about to finish their 69.  My first reaction at seeing them
was shock.  I think anyone's would be?  A houseful of company and your boys
are naked and engaged in sex!  But that was a fleeting emotion because the
second one was pride.  Even with that quick glance, I could see Devon was
inheriting his dad's cock ... mine.  It looked to be about five inches
... on a 12 year old!  But more than that, I was proud that they were
willing to express their love for each other so willingly ... even if that
`love' was only experimental.
      Then came fear ... naturally ... because of the houseful of people
but also I worried that they might have inherited the gay gene from me.
Just as quickly, I dismissed that notion because it no longer mattered
... straight, gay or bi-sexual was fine with me and my family ... but the
instinctual reaction of fear still popped up unwanted.  That was followed
by anxiety over how I was going to respond if they asked me to join them
some time.  But that was replaced by disappointment at the prospect of them
NOT asking me to join them sometime.
      All the time I used to perform a self-analysis, causing an emotional
drain on my brain, meant I didn't take time to think about what I was going
to say to them.  I always seem to do things in reverse order.
      As they walked in from the back porch ... fully clothed, thank God
... I casually said, "Hi, guys.  Whatcha been doing?"
      "Oh, nothing," Devon said.
      "Fuckin' around," the ten-year-old giggled, knowing I wouldn't
reprimand him about his potty mouth with a houseful of guests.
      However, he got a back-handed slap on the shoulder from his older
brother.
      "Good," I said, again as casually as my emotion-strained voice could
articulate.
      Both looked at me funny.
      "It's okay," I said.  "I did that when I was your age, too."  Well, I
was older than them but I didn't want to tell my sons I was a virgin until
I was 16.
      "Oh," Devon said,
      "Really!" Dylan said like he was interested in continuing the
discussion.
      Pushing his brother along Devon said, "See ya."
      "K," I said, in their vernacular.  But just before they got to the
dining room door I said, "So, if you ever have any questions ... or wanna
talk about things like that ... you can come to me.  I love you guys.  You
know that, don't cha?"
      Dylan ran back, gave me a quick kiss on the mouth ... nothing unusual
in our family ... and said with a huge smile, "I love you, too, Daddy."
      Devon was already out the door.
      As Dylan ran after him Tiffany came in.  "What was that all about?"
      I stood up, my cock pointing at about where her pussy would be,
hugged her close and said, "Sometimes life is beautiful.  Really
beautiful!"

      The end.
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