Date: Mon, 19 Sep 2011 13:52:17 -0700 (PDT) From: Arthur Arthor Subject: Why I Am As I Am. This story is a fictionalized account of what was told to me by a coworker one evening over cocktails after he had had one too many. It is only slightly embellished to make it more interesting and told here without the slurred speech. WHY I AM AS I AM. One of my first memories was the trauma I received in the fifth year of life at the hands of a seven year old female cousin. My father's brother and his family were visiting on a holiday and were spending the night with us. We only had two bedrooms, so the parents were accommodated in those two rooms and all the children, myself and their four - three girls and a boy - slept on the sofa and sleeping mats in the family room. One of the girls, Sheila, was seven years old and the oldest of these cousins. Sheila and I, being the oldest, were assigned the sofa and the younger children the sleeping mats. In the evening the adults were having cocktails on the patio as we children played in the yard. At sunset they told us to get ready for bed. My uncle's wife told Sheila to see to the younger children's needs and then she and I could watch TV for one hour. She took the younger children to the bathroom, put them in the bathtub, and gave them a quick bath. She dressed them in sleeping clothes, put them on the sleeping mats, kissed them good night, and turned off the lights. She then took my hand and led me to the bathroom and told me that we would take a bath together. I thought nothing of this as being out of the ordinary until we removed or clothing. I guess I had seen naked girls before but this was the first time I was aware of their being a difference. My eyes became as big as saucers and my mouth was agape as I looked at her crotch. I looked down at my little willie and then at her willieless crotch and was amazed. I asked her what had happened to her willie and she told me that only a boy had a willie and that a girl had a pussy and she was a girl and I was a boy. I asked her how she pissed and she showed me by sitting on the toilet and emptying her bladder. I watched in amazement. She then told me the most outrageous thing. She told me that a boy could stick his willie into a pussy and it would feel good for both the girl and the boy. I did not understand how that could be. She took my hand and told me to extend my index finger which she guided and placed within her pussy and told me to wiggle my finger as she slowly retracted part way before ramming it in again. She did this several times and told me that that felt good. I giggled but it was out of fear and not pleasure. She then took hold of my diminutive willie and rubbed it between her fingers and ask me how it felt. I told her to stop and she did. She told me that she would show me more when we went to bed. We bathed together and when we were finished she started to dry me off but I grabbed the towel and finished drying myself before donning my nightshirt. We went to the patio to say good night to our parents. They were fairly well snookered and I was surprised to see my father was sitting with his brother's wife, with his arm around her shoulder, and her hand between his legs rubbing his inner thigh. My mother and uncle were standing. Her skirt was pulled up between them and they were rocking back and forth as if dancing to an unseen and unheard orchestra. Sheila grabbed my arm and pulled me back inside and shushed me; telling me to be quiet and not to wake the sleeping children. What I'd seen on the patio was meaningless to my naive mind but, from Sheila's reaction, I knew there was something odd going on. The sofa had a pillow at each end; Sheila was to sleep at one end and I at the other. However, after I placed my head on the pillow and pulled my blanket over myself, Sheila told me to move over to make room for her beside me. I was fearful of what she had on her mind after my experience with her in the bathroom. But I scooted over in spite of my better judgment. She giggled and kissed me on the lips. At the same time she lifted my nightshirt and started rubbing my willie. I set upright, removed her hand, and wiped my mouth with my arm and hand. I wanted to yell but I whispered in desperation and asked her what she was doing. She told me that she wanted to make me feel good. I told her that I felt fine but she told me that she could make me feel better and pushed me back down on the pillow. She told me she wanted me to stick my willie inside her pussy and she returned to massage my little limp noodle. I told her that it hurt and to stop. She told me that it might be too small for what she had in mind and that she could not tell until she got it hard and that, if she rubbed it the right way, it would get hard and longer. She returned her hand to my willie and very gingerly rubbed the underside with the tips of her fingers. She asked me whether that felt good or not. I was almost in tears and told her that I did not like what she was doing. She then exclaimed that she knew a better way to make it feel good and get it hard. I was scared out of my mind. I liked it like it was. Why would I want to get it hard? She placed a hand on my chest and scooted down where her head was over my willie and preceded to take it into her mouth. I was thunderstruck! I was never so scared as I was at that moment when I realized that she was going to bite off my willie and turn me into a girl! I pushed her hand off of my chest, again bolted upright, and pushed her with my feet off of the sofa. I ran to the patio door, slid it open, ran to my father who was still in an embrace with his sister-in-law and told him that Sheila was going to bite off my willie. Whereupon her mother laughed and said that I was one lucky boy. I did not know what surreal meant, but I knew what surreal was. This was surreal. How could I be a lucky boy without a willie? I must be asleep and this must be a nightmare, I thought. She called out to Sheila, told her to stop messing with me, and told me that I could go back to bed. My father just laughed and said nothing. Thinking back on it, I don't think that he even heard me because he was so focused on his own lust at that moment. Sheila was at her end of the sofa and frowned at me when I returned. I crawled onto the sofa and curled up into the fetal position to protect myself from any possible further attacks from the vampiress at the other end of the sofa. They left the next morning and nothing was ever said to me or from me about that night. It was, however, the subject of many nightmares for quite some time. Occasionally, even now, I awaken yelling for Sheila to stop doing that. When I was eight years old, we drove twelve hours to a family reunion for my mother's side of the family. My mother was one of twelve children - she being the oldest. Therefore her younger siblings were not much older than myself. My mother's youngest brother was fifteen and it seems strange to call him Uncle Billy. There were a great many new faces and I enjoyed the feeling of belonging to this extended family. After our picnic lunch, Uncle Billy ask me to help him with one of his chores. He needed to haul hay to the far pasture to feed the livestock that were there. I was eager to go as I'd never been on a tractor before and I relished his attention. We went to the barn and he hitched the tractor to a utility trailer loaded with one gigantic roll of hay. He took a seat on the tractor and I jumped on the trailer with the hay. He told me that that's not safe and that I would ride seated on his lap. I jumped down and went to where he could lift me up to sit on his lap. He told me to hold the steering wheel as he started the tractor. It seemed like great fun to be able to guide this massive machine through the field. Uncle Billy had his arms around my waist and I was oblivious to what he was doing until his hand slipped into the fly of my pants. I did not realize that he had even unzipped me and now he was groping my willie. Stunned, I turn my head and asked him what he was doing. He said that, if I wanted to continue driving the tractor, I should let him have some fun, too. I was enjoying what I was doing and I felt safe with Uncle Billy. By the time we reached the pasture, my willie was as hard as a rock and I was having feelings that I had never experienced, and I was disappointed when Uncle Billy removed his hand and took over the steering as he guided the tractor to a high spot where he stopped. He pulled me tight against his chest and kissed my neck. That felt good. I don't know why, but it felt so good. He asked me whether I enjoyed the trip. I was speechless and just nodded my head up and down as he lowered me to the ground. He then jumped on the trailer, unhitched some straps, and preceded to give the load a push. The large roll rolled down the hill and, like the opposite of the snowball, it deposited hay on its way, becoming smaller in the process. Soon there were cattle gathering along the path munching away in contentment. Uncle Billy again took his seat on the tractor and reached for my hand for me to join him. I smiled and after I was seated I took his hand and replaced it within my pants. He said something like, "Attaboy!" He drove the tractor to the far side of the field and stopped next to a pine thicket. He lowered me to the ground and guided me into the thicket where he preceded to unbuckle my belt and pulled down my pants and underpants to my ankles. He told me to lean against one of the saplings as he kneeled and took my willie into his mouth. This brought back memories of Sheila; and I asked him to please not bite it off. He laughed and said he wouldn't as long as I promised not to bite his off when it was my turn. He once again engulfed my willie with his hot, wet, and talented mouth. Every nerve in my body was tingling and my emotions were roiling in ecstasy. I thought that I could not taken it any longer and was about to ask him to stop when I realized that that was the last thing I wanted. I also realized that some of the pleasure which I was experiencing was coming from his hands as he massaged my balls ever so gently and run his fingertips between my legs as his tongue swirled over my willie and his head bobbed back and forth until my knees buckled and I grabbed his head and bucked my hips - thrusting my willie hard into his mouth. My eyes closed and I melted over Uncle Billy's shoulder. He continued sucking on my willie for several minutes. I stood upright, opened my eyes and looked into a smiling face. He asked me how I liked it. I told him how great it was and that I had never felt anything like that in my life. I asked him to do it again. To which he suggested that we sit down in the pine needles and continue our play. He asked me whether that was the first time that I had my willie played with. I told him that I only knew how to pee with it and that I never knew it could be like that. I told him that I had awakened sometimes with it hard, but I thought there was something wrong with it. He told me that that was when it was right and not wrong. He said that he guessed I had never beat my meat before. I asked him what he meant by that. He then lowered his pants and took his hard willie in his hand and proceeded to masturbate himself. His rhythm was frenetic; his eyes closed, and he moaned. My eyes were transfixed on what he was doing and my hand reached out to touch the tip of his willie. He opened his eyes and took my hand in his and placed it on his rigid shaft and told me to continue what he had been doing. With my other hand I pressed my own little willie and massaged it back to life and tried to pleasure myself at the same time. After several minutes he stopped me and told me to lick his willie. I leaned forward and lowered my head as he pointed his willie for best advantage. I was nervous but did as he asks. He then placed his hand on the back of my head and told me to open my mouth as he slowly pushed my head down onto his awaiting pole of passion. He told me to do what he had done to me and to be sure my teeth were covered with my lips and not to bite him as I had promised. I tasted his flash and was immediately sure that this was going to be pleasurable. I inhaled the scent from his sweaty crotch and something in the primitive part of my brain kicked in - from the medulla oblongata or wherever the libado resides. I was suddenly an animal seeking to fulfill some innate desire; some primal lust took over me. I licked and sucked Uncle Billie's willie in an attempt to pleasure myself as well as Uncle Billy. He had both hands on my head and was running his fingers through my hair as he moaned and told me what a good job I was doing. He bucked his hips upwards repeatedly for several minutes before telling me to stop because he was about 'there'. I asked him where 'there' was. To which he said that 'there' was here! As he took his willie in hand and finished the act with just a couple of strokes. I was dazzled to see his willie expel several streams of fluid into the air which landing on his chest and tummy then a couple of more short burst landed on his hand and in his pubic hair. He raised his hand in his mouth and licked it clean. He then ran a finger through the fluid on his chest and tummy and asked me whether I wanted a taste. He smiled and told me to go ahead because it was good. He raised his finger to my mouth and I looked at it and smelled it. Again that primitive part of my brain took pleasure at the prospect of tasting this ancient sacrament. I cleaned his finger by sucking it into my mouth. I rolled the viscous fluid around my mouth with my tongue and swallowed it. He asked me whether or not I liked it. I leaned forward and licked the remainder of his offering from his chest and tummy. He giggled when I sucked what had pooled in his navel with my tongue. He said that he assumed that I did like it. I asked him what it was and he told me that it was a mixture of semen and sperm which a man makes within his body to make babies or a tasty snack; depending on your desires when you produce it. He told me that he thought it was too good to waste on making babies. He told me that a few years I would be able to make my own. He then reached over and rubbed my willie and told me to sit on his lap and lean back against his chest. He then instructed me in the manly art of masturbation by reaching around my waist and taking my willie between his thumb and two fingers and stroking it up and down. He did not have to tell me but he did tell me that that felt good. After a minute of this he told me to do it myself as he had shown me. I did and he continued to coach me. Within several minutes I was again feeling the pleasure of pleasures and I thought that my hand would surely fall off my wrist because I was going so fast. I did this for several minutes and Uncle Billy must have been enjoying my gyrations because his willie was soon nestled between my thighs and I could feel it throbbing as it pressed against my tiny balls. He was also nuzzling my neck and licking behind my ear. I could hear him moaning almost as much as I was moaning. After the rockets went off in my loins, I threw my arms to my sides and told Uncle Billy that I really liked that. He told me that he was glad that he was able to introduce me to what would be my favorite toy. We rested for several minutes and I dozed off for I don't know how long. Uncle Billy finally shook me and told me to stand up and turn around. My crotch was even with his mouth and he grasped my butt cheeks in both hands and pulling me forward as he again took my willie into his mouth. He bobbed his head several times pausing to flick his tongue over and around my glans. He went slower this time and it taught me that there was more than one way to administer to our animal selves. He stopped several times to lick my balls before continuing his masterful skills of what I would learn was cock sucking. Since that day I have been a cock sucker, or queer, if you prefer that designation. I don't consider myself gay, as I believe that gays are born that way. I was inverted by being sexualized at age eight by my uncle. Cock sucking was imprinted in my pleasure centers and I followed that desire just as a newborn chick follows the first life form it sees after it hatches from the egg. I am the duck that follows the cat around the farm because I think the cat is my parent. Sheila did not help matters by sexually assaulting me when I was five - although I was unaware that it was meant to be sexual at that time; it just gave me an aversion to the female sex. Were the instances reversed, I would likely be a lothario today instead of what I am. I do, however, consider myself to be a moral person with standards, as I do not take advantage of anyone nor do I engage in any sex act with anyone that has not reached his majority. Now, how old did you say you were? Fini. If you enjoyed this story you may like to read - www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/adult-youth/mike-and-david www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/adult-friends/meeting-jeff www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/young-friends/simon-and-william www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/young-friends/an-old-man-remembers www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/beginnings/lumbago