Bi, Young, sf/mf/ff An Unusual Psychological Problem by Amy Brett As presented at the August 27 meeting of the New England Society of Psychologists by Dr. Andrew Belamy, PhD Clinical Notes and Tape Transcriptions March 21 Pre-interview - I met the girl I'll call Amy several years ago through her father, a friend from college. She was five or six at the time. I've seen her on numerous occasions in the last ten years, which makes her 15 now. She's always been a precocious, loving girl, full of intelligence and caring. She has been part of her family's activities on every occasion I've seen her since the first. I know that she's loved by her parents, and older brother and sister. Therefore, it disturbs me deeply that she's set up a formal appointment with me. Interview - Begins as normal with quick small talk, asked after parents and siblings. Attempt to relax the patient. She has grown into a very pretty young lady, tastefully dressed in a teen fashion of unusually short skirt, heels, colored stockings, and white blouse. Very long blonde hair, blue eyes, a pretty smile. Patient seems extremely agitated and sits on the front edge of the couch and leans toward me. The small talk is forced and answers are short. There doesn't seem to be any parental problem evidenced immediately. Dr.: [Amy] what can I do to help you? [Tears appear in her eyes and she fights to keep from crying] Amy: Doctor, help me. I think I'm going crazy. Dr.: Tell me about it, [Amy]. What makes you think you're going crazy? Amy: Do all girls...I don't know how to say this...do all girls have feelings. [pause] Do they think there is someone touching them? You know? You know what I mean? Dr.: Maybe not, [Amy]. Tell me what you mean. Someone touching you? Amy: Yeah. Touching me. Like rubbing my legs and touching my feet when I'm in bed at night. And [pause] touching other parts. You know? Dr.: Who's this, [Amy]? Your father? Sammy? Amy: No no. Nothing like that. It's not daddy or Sammy either. Nothing like that. Dr.: Someone else? A friend of the family? Neighbor? A teacher? Amy: No. Really. It's...it's nobody. I mean, nobody real. That's why I'm going crazy. Don't you see. I feel someone touching me. Rubbing me. But there's no one there. Really. Dr.: No one there? I don't understand. Amy: I mean there's nobody in the room. No one. I'm all by myself. Then I feel fingers touching me. [potential diagnosis-hysterical reaction to pubescent sexual drives. Secondary-guilt reaction to masturbation or sexual experience.] Dr.: Are they your fingers, [Amy]? Are you touching yourself? Amy: No! It's not like that. I told you, it's like someone else is touching me. Someone I can't see. [crying] Dr.: It's all right, [Amy]. I believe you. Can you tell me in more detail, how you are being touched? Amy: All over. You know? Dr.: All over. On your legs and feet? Amy: [nods] Dr.: Your face? Your hair? Amy: Yes. Sort of like petting me. Petting my hair. Light touches on my face. My lips and my cheeks and my chin. You know, around here. [she points around her jawline and ears.] Dr.: Your tummy? Amy: [Looks down and nods again] Yes. Dr.: Back? Amy: Yes. Dr.: Okay. That's all right, [Amy]. Now are you touched other places? Your breasts or between your legs? Amy: Yes. And [pause and quieter] behind, too. Dr.: [Amy] do you ever masturbate? Do you know what that is? Amy: Yes. I know. Yes, I do sometimes. Is that wrong? Am I being punished? Dr.: Heavens, no, [Amy]. It's quite normal. Almost everyone masturbates occasionally. [she nods again] Do you believe that it's normal? That most people do it? Amy: Yeah. My friends do, too. I just thought... Well, maybe it was something to do with that. Dr.: What makes you think that? Amy: I mean, if it was really wrong, maybe someone... Oh, I don't know. Maybe someone's punishing me for doing it. Mom and dad or something. Or God. Dr.: Do you think it's bad? Amy: I don't know. I mean, it feels good. And you even said that a lot of people do it. So it must not be wrong. Dr.: Actually, it can be of help to you sometimes. I mean that at your age, your body is saying you are ready for sex. Only a few years ago, girls married and had children by the time they reached your age. Still do in some parts of the world. But we both know that the consequences of early sex in our society can be very detrimental. Unwed mothers. Unwanted pregnancies. Young marrieds. One of the valid alternatives to having sex too early is to masturbate to relieve some of that built up tension. It's really very healthy. Amy: God wouldn't punish me like this, would he Doctor? Dr.: It's not quite my specialty but I think I can say that God wouldn't punish you for anything you've done in your young life. Amy: But [pause] is it different when it happens in the daytime? Dr.: What's that? Amy: When I feel it touching me in the day? Dr.: You've felt that? Amy: Yes. That's why I called you. It happened last week and, since I made the appointment with you, two or three other times. Dr.: Explain. Amy: Well, I feel it touching me. Like yesterday. When I was in the shower after I got up. Dr.: You didn't see anything? Amy: Nothing. I just felt it then. I had soap in my eyes and thought Sammy or Bethy had come in and were teasing me. Touching my breast. But they weren't there. Dr.: You said there were other times? Amy: Yes. The worst was the day I called you. I watched it. Dr.: You watched it? Watched it touch you? What did you see? Amy: It touched my breast while I was trying to pick out clothes for the day. And I could see my skin moving and ... and pressing in like. But there wasn't anyone else there. Really, Doctor. Really. Dr.: Ahhh. And the other times? Amy: Just one other, I think. At school after gym. While I was taking a shower. It touched me...well, you know. There. [indicating between her legs] You've got to believe me. There was another girl in the shower, but she was clear across the shower room. A big room. She couldn't have done it. Dr.: Okay. I think I need some time to think about an approach we can take to this. We'll set up another appointment for this time next week. Amy: You do believe me, don't you? Dr.: Of course, [Amy]. Of course. We just need to develop a way to handle it. You think about what might be causing it, too. Okay? Maybe something you did about the time it started. Or something you're feeling. Amy: Do you think I'm crazy, Doctor? Dr.: No, [Amy]. Of course not. End session March 28 Pre-Interview: I've determined that a possible course of treatment will involve finding the source or trigger of [Amy's] dillusions. The literature has multiple instances of guilt related hysterias. The human mind is particularly attuned to the body during pubescence and unusually focussed on sexual activity. Interview: Amy is very upset today, showing a multiplication of the nervous symptoms from our first visit. She doesn't have time for small talk. Amy: You've got to help me, Doctor. Dr.: That's exactly what we're here to do, Amy. Amy: You can put me away someplace, can't you? Someplace where I won't do anything that would hurt my parents or or, I don't know, somebody else. Dr.: I don't think that's going to be necessary, Amy. Now, have you thought about the things we talked about last week? Amy: Yeah. I thought. Dr.: Did you remember anything that happened about the time this started? Anything at all that might help us to understand? Amy: Only one thing. A couple of days before I first felt something touch me, my bedroom door slammed. All by itself. Maybe that was when it came in the first time. Sort of like it was announcing itself. You know? Dr.: Ah, yeah. But that's not quite what I meant. Did you do anything unusual just before the first time. Maybe masturbate differently than you had before? Or kiss your boyfriend? Amy: I don't have a boyfriend, Doctor. And I always ... you know ... I always do that about the same. After I'm in bed, I think about somebody and just rub a little. You know. [blushing] Dr.: Did anyone touch you differently than normal. Maybe touch your breast or something? Your brother or a guy at school? Or your dad, maybe? Amy: They wouldn't do that ever. That'd be sick. Nobody touched me or did anything before that. Dr.: It has been known to happen though. By accident even. Not necessarily because they meant to do it but just in passing. Amy: No, nothing like that. But I've got to tell you, Doctor. You know how when we talked before nothing had really happened? [change in perception] Well, now it really did. Dr.: Tell me. Amy: First things first, okay? Well. The morning after we talked last time...you remember how I said it touched me in my shower...well, it did it again. I got the soap out of my eyes and watched it where it pressed. It played with my...my nipple? [blush] And it made it hard. I didn't even know it did that. It made me all tingly inside almost like when I masturbate? You know? I don't know. I shouldn't have, I guess. But I just stood there in the shower and watched. But, Doctor? Is it wrong if I enjoyed it? Dr.: Ah, no. Of course not, Amy. You're allowed to enjoy your body. It's very healthy. Amy: I guess it was happy with that, that day. But the next day, it touched between my legs. And it was like when I masturbate myself, except I wasn't doing it, of course. It rubbed me until I came. [note the change in specific sexual reference she was unfamiliar with or unwilling to say last week] Dr.: Now Amy. Remember how I told you last week that it's all right to masturbate. That it's healthy and a good alternative to early, pre-marital sex. Right? [nod] It is all right. I meant it. What may not be all right is removing yourself from the action. Masturbating but saying that someone or something else was doing it to you. Making you do it. Amy: But it's true. It did. I didn't touch myself at all. Swear to God. Dr.: Okay. Well. Let's hold off a bit. You said that was the second day after we met before. [nod and smile] Has anything else happened? Amy: Yes! That's why you need to lock me up. Really. The morning after it masturbated me, it wouldn't let me put on underwear. Dr.: Wouldn't let you... Amy: Really. Every time I went to open my underwear drawer, it closed it. I haven't been able to wear any since last Tuesday. Wednesday, I guess. It won't let me. Dr.: Okay. Amy: I guess that's all it wanted that day except for touching me a little that night. My legs and playing with my toes. My nipples through my nightgown. You know, that sort of thing. But the next morning, after I dressed it pulled up my skirt and played with me until I came. And the next night, it wouldn't let me put on a nightgown and then touched me all over in bed and made me come again. Dr.: I notice a difference, Amy. Hold on a second. You seem much more willing to say words and describe things, sexual things, than you were before. Amy: Well, yeah, I guess. I mean, I've always heard things. Talked with other girls and stuff. I guess I didn't want to say things to you. You know. You're my dad's friend and all. And...well. Shouldn't I? Dr.: No, that's all right. I just noticed the difference. It's just that you're getting more comfortable with me? Is that right? Amy: Uh huh. And the other stuff. You know. This just doesn't seem like such a big deal any more. You know? Dr.: Was there more? Amy: Yeah. Friday. Friday in school. All day, every time I sat down in a class, it'd start pulling up my skirt. Or it would unbutton my blouse. Or it would touch the inside of my leg. You know. My thigh. Or rub my leg and make me all distracted and sort of excited. Then Saturday morning. Dr.: Go ahead. It's okay. Amy: Yeah, well. Saturday morning I usually sleep in and I did this week, too. But I woke up earlier than normal because my sheet was off. Well, maybe not really. My sheet was off, you know. But probably what woke me up was that my legs were real wide spread and something was licking me. Licking between my legs. Can I say clit? That's what it was doing. Licking my clit. Until I really came. Wow. Like blow your mind time. Really. [embarrassed at reaction] I'm sorry. I didn't mean... Dr.: It's all right, Amy. Really. I understand. Having a sexual experience. Even... Well, go on. What happened Sunday? And today? Amy: Sunday was when it first did it to me. Made love to me. I could feel it. A guy's thing inside me. And him pushing me wide open. My legs apart and stuff. And even playing with my nipples at the same time. Dr.: Was that all Sunday? Amy: Yeah. Wasn't that enough? Yeah, well. Okay. Then today's what ... why you need to put me away some place. I'm really afraid he's going to make me do something to somebody else. A guy. You know? Well, today in line at the cafeteria, he pushed me. Dr.: Pushed you? Amy: Yeah. Worse. He held my hand that I had free so I couldn't do anything, and then he pushed me into Billy Trefoil. The basketball jock, you know? Pretty nice guy, I guess. But not somebody I'd want to go out with or anything. He...well, he made me push up against Billy with my titties, you know. Every time Billy stopped for something, he'd push me again until Billy was looking at me really funny. Now if he makes me do that to someone else, who knows. You know? Maybe the guy would get the wrong idea. Then I'd get in trouble and maybe so would he. Right? Dr.: Ah, yeah. Probably. Or it could happen, I guess. But institutionalized? For that? No. What we've got to do is get down to the bottom of this. Find out why it's happening to you. Let's set up another appointment for next Monday. I want to consult with someone. And I want you to think very hard about what might be causing this to happen. Understand? And it's very important that you try to control the situation. You need to re-establish your own will over what is happening to you. Okay? End session April 4 Pre-Interview: Consulted with Dr. Emily Freidenhausen, specialist in female sexual disorders. She felt that the level of Amy's delusions now are consistent with pubescent guilt complexes best treated by allowing a sounding board but not being confrontational. Suggested continued counselling but limited attempts at behavior modification unless a serious incident is discussed or provided from outside sources. Assuming a more passive role and refraining from direct confrontation of the symptomatic disorder. Interview: Amy is very happy today and seems to be accommodating to her mental condition. Some acceptance of herself should counteract guilt feelings if it is controlled. Amy: I am happy today. I mean, why not. I guess I don't have to be locked up. He's not going to make me do anything that would hurt anybody. I'm pretty sure of that now. And maybe, people would even like it. Besides, I can sort of control him now. Dr.: Control him? Amy: Yeah. I decided that's what I needed to do after I talked to you last week and you said everything was okay. And I decided I'd start out to control him right away. Dr.: Good. Amy: Okay. So I went home from here. My brother and sister are involved in extra- curricular stuff until after dinner. Mom and dad get home pretty late from work, you know. So I got home and had a couple of hours probably. I went straight to my room to change my clothes. But then I thought of what you said and instead just took off all my clothes and went and laid down on my bed. I called him to me then just by laying there with my arms out and my legs a little bit spread. It was almost like that was what he was waiting for. While I laid there, he touched me all over and then, like Sunday, he made love to me. I guess that's what he wanted because he left me alone until I got home from school Tuesday. I did it again but instead of the same way, he made me get up on my knees and did it from behind. That was different. Is that normal, Doctor? Dr.: Ah, yeah. Normal. Ah. Yes. A lot of people make love that way. It's normal. Amy: Okay. So that was all except touching me a little that night when I went to bed and the next morning in the shower again. He likes the shower. [have to talk to Emily again. Can this be normal or is the delusion getting out of hand?] He decided to be playful that day in school and every time I sat down, he'd flip the back of my skirt up so I sat right on the cold chair, you know? He still doesn't let me wear underwear. And I had to watch my skirt really carefully because he kept pulling it up while I was sitting in class. Could have been embarrassing, you know? Dr.: Yes. Amy: Then he sort of introduced me to Tim Milwood. He pushed me when I was leaving English and I stumbled right into Tim. While I tried to apologize to Tim, he kept running his hand or whatever up and down the inside of my thigh, turning me on. Maybe he's got tentacles or something. I don't know. Whatever. Tim liked me anyway and he's really a good looking guy. And nice. You know? Dr.: Good. So you've got a boyfriend now, huh? Amy: [blushing] Yeah, I guess so. Dr.: What do you think of that? I mean, what do you feel about your new relationship? Amy: Well, I want to go real slow, you know? I don't want him to get mad at me. But I really think this is what he wanted, don't you? Dr.: Tim? Well, I don't know the boy... Amy: No! Him. The guy. I don't want him to get mad at me. I don't know what could happen. I mean. If he can make me feel good, he could do other things. Things that wouldn't feel good. Right? Dr.: Ah, Amy. Listen now. You really must think about this very hard. Ah. Let's go about this a little differently. When you were little, you had a friend. Remember? Yes, okay. You introduced me to him once when I was at your house. Do you remember doing that? Amy: Sure. But that was a lot different. I mean, I was sort of lonely. Really. I made him up. He was never real. But whoever this is. This is really real. Dr.: Ah. Amy. Think very carefully. Amy: You don't believe me, do you? You really think it's all in my head like my play friend. Don't you? I don't know why I'm doing this. It isn't doing anything anyway. [amy abruptly ended the session but, at my insistence, returned after a short discussion and scheduled another appointment next week.] End session April 11 Pre-interview: With Dr. Emily's help, I see that though I am very worried about Amy, it is quite important for me to provide her with a listening post. If she internalizes these fantasies, they can only escalate with possibly damaging long term results. Though I find it very difficult to do, I'm going to try to be non-judgmental and allow her to discuss her problem freely. Interview: Amy is in good spirits and seems to have forgotten her disallusionment from last week. She seems to be getting more confident in her approach to me and in her general demeanor than in our first sessions. Dr.: You're looking very chipper today, Amy. Everything must be going along fairly well for you. Amy: Yes, Doctor. Fine. Dr.: What has happened to you this week? Anything interesting? A continuation of what was happening before? Amy: Ah huh. Ah, Doctor? Do you believe me when I talk to you? Oh, never mind. It isn't all that important, I guess. Maybe it just makes me a little mad. Dr.: Please, Amy. Tell me anything you wish to. Amy: Okay. Well. Tim called me after I got home from here last week. Yeah. So I sat on the couch in the living room and talked to him. He's really a nice guy. Dr.: I'm glad, Amy. Amy: Yeah. Well. While I was talking to Tim, he touched me again. It was really sort of funny cause while Tim was asking me about school and stuff. People. You know. He was unbuttoning my blouse and then playing with my nipples. Then pulling up my skirt and even insisting when I pulled it down again and tried to stop him. Then he made me put my hand on my breast and touch my nipple while he played around between my legs. Right while I was trying to talk to Tim about just junk. Really hard to concentrate. Dr.: I'd think that was true. Amy: When Tim asked if he could walk me home the next night, I felt him put like a whole finger inside me. I don't even know for sure what I was saying "yes" to. But then, at least, I didn't have to try to talk while that was going on. Dr.: What did "he" do after you hung up? Amy: Funny. He pulled the finger or whatever out of me and just let me go on with what I was going to do. But he'd gotten me so hot, I had to go up to my bedroom and masturbate myself. He didn't even help. Dr.: Ah huh. And did Tim walk you home the next night? Amy: Yeah. Great. He did. And when we got to my house, "he" pushed me against Tim until he took the hint and kissed me. I guess maybe I really wanted him to anyway. And I'd have gotten around to it with him. Dr.: Maybe he sort of added to your own confidence? Amy: Yeah. Maybe. Anyway, that night he made love to me again like before. From the night before, I was afraid he wouldn't. Dr.: Aww. And the next day. Amy: That was when it really happened. Tim walked me home again like the night before. And this time, both of us kissed on purpose. I mean, he didn't push or anything. We stood on the porch and kissed for a long time really. Finally, I was afraid someone was going to see, so I invited him in the house. And on our way into the living room, I felt "him" unbuttoning my blouse again. When I tried to button it back up, he kept me from doing it. Well, I'll tell you. When Tim saw that, my blouse, you know, he just went crazy with a big smile on his face and everything. He asked if he could touch and I knew I wanted him to so I said yes. In a minute we were sitting on the couch and he was kissing me. And about a minute later, he was kissing my breasts and licking them. And that was really great. Dr.: What was the...you know, he, doing. Amy: I don't know. I guess just watching. But then he was lifting up my skirt again and even if I wanted I couldn't keep it down. I didn't want to seem like I was really being weird or something. So finally, I let him do it. Well! When Timmy saw that, he got all excited. After he played with me for a while--he didn't do it nearly as well as the spook--I looked at him sort of and saw him touch the top of Tim's head. I guess he thought I was doing it but I wasn't. But Tim went along with it and slid down my body until he was on the floor between my legs. I knew what the spook was going to do to me then and I really knew that there was nothing I could do about it even if I wanted to. And I really didn't want to stop Timmy. For a long time, Timmy kissed me all over around there until I just had to spread my legs for him. Then he started to lick me like the spook did before. I liked it better while I could watch how much fun Timmy was having doing it. He really got hot. I came and came and came. Dr.: Did you...did you go to bed with Timmy? Amy: No no. Of course not. Not after all the stuff you told me about that. But really, we didn't have time. Just as I sat up and straightened everything a little and was talking to Timmy, my sister came home. Tim had to go home and he was really funny because he was so nervous at nearly being caught. I went out on the porch and kissed him again and thanked him. Dr.: You called "him" a spook a minute ago. Is that what you think he is? Amy: I don't know what he is. But I guess he's maybe a ghost or from outer space or...I don't know what he is. But I sure know he's real. My own private spook. Dr.: You truly believe in this "man" don't you? Amy: I've got all the reason in the world. Yes! Of course. Dr.: Amy? What do you think the possibility is that this is a figment of your imagination? Do you think it could be just something in your mind, your growing up maybe, that's got you thinking this way? Amy: I thought of that first. Even before I came to see you the first time. I mean, that's what you do, Doctor. Talk crazy people out of being crazy. Right? And that's sort of what I thought. That I was going crazy. But it just keeps happening and happening. I see things. And I do things that I didn't even know where possible. And I would have never thought of myself in a million years. You know? I never knew how good it feels to have someone play with your nipples. You know? Or to lick you or to make love to you. It never happened to me before him. Dr.: You hadn't read anything? Or maybe seen a movie? Amy: Well, yeah. Maybe. But I never saw a movie where somebody licked between a girl's legs before. Have you? Dr.: There are some movies around like that. Yes, Amy. I have. Amy: I never have. Really? [End session] April 18 Pre-interview: Plan to continue listening and attempting to guide unless more serious deviations appear. Interview: Today, Amy is wearing the tiniest pair of white shorts I think that I have seen with a teeshirt type blouse tied at the bodice. From her earlier school clothing--obviously this is not--I hadn't known she was so well endowed and mature. Amy: Today and Friday are school holidays. Teacher prep time or something or other. Dr.: Good. Are you keeping yourself out of trouble? Staying home today except for our visit? Amy: Yeah. I guess. Sorta. Dr.: Sort of what? Staying home? Amy: Yeah. Staying home for sure. Dr.: Meaning you're not staying out of trouble? Amy: Yeah. Sorta, I guess. [Doesn't seem to be concerned about it.] Dr.: More this week with your boyfriend, Tim? Amy: Oh. Yeah. Some. Dr.: Some? Amy: Yeah, he walked me home every day last week. Except for Friday when we were off. The spook showed me how to get him excited back, like he did me. When I got brave enough to unzip his pants and stuff, touch him and things, the spook pushed my head down until I had to kiss him on the penis and suck him. He held my head down until Timmy was all done coming in my mouth even though I don't think I would have done that otherwise. Dr.: Don't you think this is rather dangerous, Amy? I mean, could it lead to other things that might be more of a problem for you? Amy: Well, maybe. But one part won't be a problem. I don't have to worry about getting pregnant. I was talking to mom so much about Timmy that she decided it was time to go to the doctor and get birth control pills. That was another thing that, well, I guess means I wasn't behaving much. Dr.: Can you explain? Amy: Yeah. She took me to the doctor and, you know, they have to do an exam before they'll prescibe the pill. Like a full physical with blood stuff and everything. He showed me how to do a breast self-exam on myself. Sort of like the spook likes me to rub my titties, you know. And he did the first exam. It really wouldn't have been all that exciting. You know, more like doctor rubbing rough and all. But while he was doing one breast, spook was doing the other one. Playing with my nipple and getting it hard and stuff. And that made it a whole lot more exciting. Then he did the pelvic exam with that big cold metal thing and while the doctor was looking inside me, spook was rubbing my clit. I was already nervous and when he did that, I came like gangbusters. Dr.: What did the doctor think of that? Did he see you being manipulated? Amy: No. I sort of hoped he would since then someone else would have seen it. But he didn't. I guess he was too busy looking inside me or something. But when I got excited and then when I came, he got really worried and strange. Said that wasn't a normal reaction to the pelvic exam at all and that it hardly ever happens. But most women don't have their clit played with while the doctor is looking inside either. Dr.: No I don't imagine so. What did he say? Amy: He was just real concerned and talked to me about being unusually sensitive and stuff like he did it himself. You know? He was surprised when my nipples got all hard with the breast exam, too. He had to talk to me and then with my mom about how this could be dangerous since it could cause me to be more sexually active earlier than normal. I didn't have the heart to tell him about the spook and, of course, I didn't tell mom when she was there. Dr.: How did your mother react? Amy: Oh, she thought it was probably good that I'm sexually sensitive but told me that just because of that, doesn't mean I have to get more involved with Timmy or anything. Like I wasn't already, you know? But all that stuff, you know, I have answers to that. But something else happened this weekend that I don't know about. You know, like if it's okay or not or if I'm getting really strange. Okay? Dr.: Okay. Tell me about that? Amy: Okay. Well. This is kind of hard. Well. Saturday night, Sammy went out with a bunch of his friends and mom and dad went to a friends for dinner. So Bethy and I were home by ourselves. TV was really dumb that night so Bethy suggested that we make some popcorn and go up to her room to listen to some music. I always like to do that with her. She's great to talk to. So we went up to her room and sat on the bed and listened to music and talked. I told her some stuff about me and Timmy. I didn't tell her about sucking him off--that's what he called it--but I told her about when he licked me. Dr.: How did she react to that? Amy: It bothered her some. She was being big sister and all that stuff at first. Then she thought it was pretty neat and said nobody had ever done that to her and asked me all about how it felt and everything. I noticed when I talked about it that she was sort of getting excited a little but, you know, it was kind of sexy talking about it with her. And she told me about a couple of her dates that were pretty wild, too. And that's when I saw that the spook was there with us, too. You know? Dr.: Yeah, ok. How could you tell that? Amy: Well, at first I thought it was just my imagination. But after a while, Bethy was sort of squirming around a little. I watched real close and I could see that he was just barely touching the tips of her nipples through the material of her nighty. That's how we were dressed. Just nighties. Dr.: How could you tell? Amy: Just little movements that weren't because of the way Bethy was moving or anything. And no breeze in the room or anything either. The material just moved in toward her a little and I could see something moving on top of it, just barely brushing her nipples. One and then the other one while she talked. She told me that our talking was really making her horny and that she could almost feel a guy touching her titties while we talked about it. And I could see him really doing it while she said it. She thought it was just her imagination. Then I saw him doing the same thing between her legs while we were sitting cross legged and talking. I could just make out how the material was being brushed there across her clit just like he starts out with me sometimes. Dr.: And she didn't notice anything unusual? Amy: Just that she was getting turned on. And after a little, she started telling me about her hottest date. To a drive-in movie last summer and how the guy kissed her and played with her titties all through the movie. When she did, she closed her eyes and looked like she was really re-living it. And I sat right there and watched while he took hold of her nipple in the material and started rolling it around. When she looked at me again with these really dreamy eyes, she said something about how I shouldn't do that when she's already so hot. She really thought I had been playing with her. Dr.: Oh. And what happened then? Was she mad? Amy: No. Not at all. I was surprised. It was like she wanted me to do that. I knew she did, really. Cause she moved up closer to me and kissed me on the lips. After a couple of minutes, she sat back and said I had to quit that and I hadn't done anything. I think that the spook was playing with her nipples some more. But she didn't really mean it because she kissed me again and started playing with my nipples the same way. Then she sat back again and told me she didn't know that I was getting so grown up while she touched my breasts through the nighty. And then that she wanted to see. She didn't even give me a choice but just started pulling it off over my head and then looked at me and touched me all over. I was just wearing the little panty things that come with the shortie nighty like I do when I'm not in my room. He won't let me when I'm in my room at all. Dr.: The spook won't? Amy: Yeah. But I was wearing them still in her room. She took off her nighty too and told me how we are almost the same size now. But her nipples are bigger and fuller, you know. Then she started rubbing my nipples and asked me to do it to her like I had been before. I didn't know how that was but when I put my hands out, he helped me, sort of moving my thumb and finger. I never, ever played with a girl except for myself, before. But it was sort of fun, you know? Then Bethy pushed me backwards on the bed and laid between my legs and rubbed between her legs on my thigh while she rubbed on mine at the same time. And we kissed a long time and played with each other's nipples. Then, for a long time, she kissed and sucked on my nipples and then moved up and let me do hers the same way. Dr.: Uh huh. Amy: Then, while she was up on all fours like that, he took my fingers and put them on her front, between her legs and started rubbing her. She even came like that while I sucked on her nipples. When that was over, she laid down beside me and made me take off my panties and took hers off, too. Then she played with me and stuck her fingers in my pussy and everything until I came like she did. Then, she asked me if I would lick her like Timmy did me. Said nobody had ever done that and wanted to. So I did it for her and I really liked that, too. When she turned upside down and started licking me too, that was really great. While that was happening, I opened my eyes and could see him putting his fingers into her pussy and even her bottom and, since she thought it was me, she started doing that to me too. And it felt really good. Really. Both of us just came and came and came a whole bunch of times until we were exhausted. Dr.: Is that all that happened? I mean, that's enough. But...anything else? Amy: No. Except for when she came in the bathroom this morning while I brushed my hair and kissed me really hard on the mouth. Dr.: And what do you think of all that? Amy: I don't know. I liked it but... Dr.: But? Amy: But does that make me a lesbian, Doctor? And really bad because it was my sister? [True concern at these statements] Dr.: What do you think, Amy? Amy: Well. I don't know. I mean, I liked it. Really a lot. But I felt bad that it was my sister. You know? Dr.: Yes. Did you feel like a lesbian? Like you preferred this to being with Timmy or another man? Amy: Oh, no. I liked this too. But it was just different. Not better. I mean, I'm not going to stop seeing Timmy because of it or anything. And I know Bethy's not going to stop going out with her boyfriend. Dr.: Okay. So it is unlikely you are a lesbian. Many women have lesbian experiences in their lifetimes and are completely heterosexual. And others are what we call "bisexual" and enjoy both types of relationship. Amy: Then it's okay? Dr.: I didn't really say that. I don't think that it's good for you to be experiencing this level of sexual activity at your age. That's not to say there is anything particularly wrong with it. Just that it's quite unusual and can be a problem if carried too far. Do you understand that? Amy: Yes. I understand. But... Dr.: But? Amy: But, I'm not the one who wants sex all the time. I hardly ever even thought about it before he came along. And now it seems like that's what I'm doing or thinking about practically all the time. Dr.: That kind of fixation on sexual activity is not good. Amy: Well, what would you think about if everytime you sat down, someone flipped up your skirt? I mean if you wore one? And kept rubbing their hand up and down the inside of your thigh all the time or squeezed your nipples? Or if you woke up in the middle of the night and someone was making love to you? [she seems to truly believe these fantasies] Dr.: I'll tell you what, Amy. Next week at our session, I'd like to try something different. Okay? Amy: What's that, Doctor. Dr.: I'd like to try to hypnotize you during our session. Could I do that? Amy: I don't know. Can you do that? I mean, I don't think I could be hypnotized. Dr.: I think you'll be surprised how easy it is. Okay? Amy: Sure. Yeah, I guess. Dr.: We'll plan on it then. End Session April 25 Pre-interview: I have determined that a good course of treatment may involve direct confrontation with this "spook" in the form of direct recall under hypnosis. I believe Amy will be an excellent subject. Interview: Amy seems more than normally happy today and very willing to try hypnosis. As expected, she goes under very quickly with clinical focussing techniques and suggestion. Dr.: Amy. Can you hear me? Amy: Yes. Dr.: Tell me what you see. Amy: Nothing. Everything is clear. Sort of foggy. Pleasant. Warm. Dr.: Good. Now, Amy. I want you to go back in time until you get to the last time you made love. Can you do that? Amy: Yes. [Her legs spread and she begins pumping lewdly. her breathing has changed. All indications are of sexual activity] Dr.: Amy open your eyes and tell me where you are? Amy: I'm...ahh...I'm on the side of the school playing field. In the grass. Dr.: What time is it? Amy: Ahhhh...about two o'clock. I have to get to my math class or I'll be late. Dr.: What day is it? Amy: Monday...ohhh...mmmm. Dr.: What did Doctor tell you was planned for today in your session? Amy: Hypnotize...ahhh...oh that feels so good. Yes, hypnotize me. Dr.: Describe to me what is happening to you. Amy: I'm sort of...oh, ahh...squatting here at the side of the playing field. Mmmmm. Yes. Being fucked. He's inside me...ah...and...uhh...he lifts me and lets me go down and lifts me. Ohhh. Fucking me. Dr.: Open your eyes again, Amy? Amy: Yes. Oh. Mmmm. Dr.: I want you to look down. Between your legs. Amy: Okay. Ahh. Dr.: What do you see? Amy: My skirt's pulled up...ahhh. I can see my bare legs. And my pubic hair. Ohhh, god yes. That feels so...uhhhh. Dr.: What else do you see? Amy: Grass. Ummm. There's a baseball bat over there a little ways. Yes. Ahh. Oh, I've got to get to class. Dr.: What else do you see, Amy? Who's fucking you? Amy: Oh. The spook. Mmm. He's so good. Mmm yes. Inside me. AHHH. Oh, he's rubbing my clit now. God. Oh. Mmmm. [her body is moving faster now and, as she has for a while, she's holding her skirt up around her waist. She is wearing nothing below the waist.] Dr.: Look closely, Amy. What do you see? Amy: My hole. Ohh. That's sort of exciting. The way it's wide open like that. Mmmm. I'm going...mmm...having a climax. Ahhh. See my clit moving fast back and forth like that. Oh. Dr.: Closer, Amy. Who do you see? Who's making love to you? Amy: Nothing. Ahhh ahhh ahhh. Oh, mmmmmm. God. Ahhhhh. [she's obviously having an orgasm. Her vagina is spasming, the labia fully engorged, and her clitoris distended.] Dr.: Closer, Amy. Isn't it a teacher? Amy: No. No, it's not. It's just my wonderful spook. Mmmm. [relaxing now. Post-coital] Dr.: Amy? Now I want you to move back in time with me. Further. Further. To the first time you remember the spook touching you. Are you there, Amy? Is he touching you? Amy: Uh huh. It's weird. I'm just laying here in bed reading. Getting ready to turn the lights out and go to sleep. Dr.: Tell me who's touching you, Amy. Amy: I don't know. I look around but I don't see anybody. It's really weird! Scary! [looking from side to side of the couch] I don't see anything. What's going on? Pushing my covers down. [Making the motion] Looking and looking. I can still feel it. My nightgown is pulled up around my waist. I can...Oh, no...I... [piercing scream] Dr.: Tell me what you see, Amy. Amy: I can see like bumps on my skin. On the inside of my thigh. Like someone's pushing with a finger. That's what it feels like. Oh. Dr.: It's alright, Amy. It can't hurt you. What does it look like? Who is it? Amy: I can't see anything except those...bumps...whatever. Touching me. Moving up. Up. Oh. It's. Oh. It's going to touch my private parts. It's...Oh, ahhh. It's touching me! Rubbing me. Oh. That...that feels good. Mmmm. Oh. [again she sits with her legs spread lewdly, holding her skirt in her hands as her eyes bug out with surprise. She's nearing another climax. She didn't tell me the first instance was sexual] Dr.: Amy. Time to come back. Come forward in time with me. Follow me. Back to Monday. Doctor's office. When I count to three, you will awaken. You'll feel better than you ever have. Happy. No worries. You will remember everything we talked about. Everything that happened. Now. One. Two. Three. Wake up, Amy. [Her eyes are open. The first thing she sees is that she's holding her skirt high on her thighs] Amy: Oh, Doctor. [Concerned and straightening her skirt] What. What happened? Dr.: Just think, Amy. You know. Right? Amy: Ah, yeah. You took me back to today and then to when I first felt him. Is that right? Dr.: Right. And what did you see in those times. Amy: I told you, Doctor. Nothing. Except me. Being touched. Being, ah, made love to. Dr.: This afternoon. Amy: Yeah. At the playing field. Dr.: Did that really happen? Amy: Yes. When I was going from gym to math, he stopped me on the playing field. Dr.: Yes? Amy: He stopped me and made me hold my skirt up and then he was inside me and, ah, made love, ah, to me. Dr.: Who, Amy? Do you remember it now? Amy: Yes. My spook. He made love to me. Dr.: Uhh. Not a teacher. Amy: No. Not a teacher. Really. Not a teacher at all. Nobody. Really. Dr.: Your spook. Amy: Yes, sir. Dr.: Uh, Amy. Do you think you could bring him next week? Amy: Bring him? I don't...I don't know. I never tried to get him to do anything. I mean, he just does stuff. Does what he wants. Dr.: If you asked. Maybe thought about it. What do you think? Do you think he'd come with you? Amy: I don't know. I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. But what are you going to do? Dr.: I want to learn more about him. Maybe have you interpret what he's saying while I ask some questions. Amy: But, he doesn't talk. At least, he doesn't talk to me. You know. He just stops me or makes me go somewhere or something. Then he does what he wants and that's all. You know? Dr.: Yeah. Okay. Well, I'd still like to meet him. And it couldn't hurt to try, right? Amy: Yeah, okay. Whatever. But, you know? He's probably been here all along. End session May 2 Pre-interview: I have discussed the failure of the hypnosis with several of my collegues during the week. All are surprised that she cannot put a name and face to this "apparition" of hers when under hypnosis. All feel the sublimation of the cause of this manifestation is buried much deeper than is normally the case in such a young patient. Will try to see the extent of the manifestation at this session. Interview: Amy is dressed nicely in a short shirtcut dress and heels. She seems to be in control and not particularly concerned with her manifestations. Most of the original nervousness and fear have disappeared. Dr.: Amy, I asked you to bring the "spook" with you today. Did you try to do that? Amy: Yeah. Because you asked, I sort of asked nice if he would come with me today. But I don't know if he did or not. Dr.: No communication at all with you? Amy: No. He never has except to touch me and make me come. You know. Dr.: Yeah. Okay. Do you think he came along? Amy: I don't know. I can only feel him when he touches me. And he's not doing that now. He never has here. Just school and home and on dates with me or, whatever. I guess he goes just about anywhere I go. I just don't know if he's with me or not. Dr.: Okay. Then I'll try this. Hey, spook. Are you here? [nothing] Do you feel he's here, Amy? Amy: No. Oh. Yeah. He's here. Dr.: How can you tell? Amy: He just ran his finger all the way up the inside of my thigh. Dr.: Uh huh. While you were sitting like that. With your legs crossed. I guess I need something a little more obvious. Amy: Oh! [Amy has just fallen onto her back on the couch. Though her skirt is in place, her legs are spread now.] Okay. You wanted him here. Dr.: I can't see you, spook. Amy: Okay. Pull up my skirt. You should be able to see now. He's rubbing between my knee and...ah...up. You know? Dr.: No Amy. I can't embarrass you like that. He'll just have to... [her dress just moved, was moved up to her waist. She still wears nothing under it] Amy: Can you see it? Dr.: That...ah. [I can clearly see an indentation running from a point on the inside of her thigh and moving upward] Amy: Mmmm. He's never done that so someone else could see. [though her hands are now holding the hem of her dress, her elbows bent, I can see her labia open, shut, one side move upward while the other moves downward. I can see that Amy has an unusually large clitoris as it moves now between the spread and swollen lips.] Dr.: That's him? I mean. That's what you feel when he's... Amy: Yeah. Uh huh. That's what it feels like and looks like when he plays with me. Nnnn. Ohh. It feels good. Dr.: Why have you chosen this girl? [I don't know what I expect, but nothing different happens. I can still see her labia and clitoris moving.] Can you understand me? Show me by opening her labia if you understand. [The same movements as before as I watch] Amy: Mmm. Doc. He's going to make...ahhh...make me come again. Oh. Dr.: Amy! Don't let him. Don't go along with this. You don't have to. Amy: Ohhh. I don't...I don't want to stop him. Oh. Yes. It feels so...Ahhhhhhhh! [she is really blatant in her enjoyment of the orgasm. Her body is spasming and rolling with it. There is no doubt whatsoever that she is enjoying a wildly sexual experience in spite of my cautions. It doesn't seem possible that this could be self induced and I see no evidence that she is in any way touching or manipulating herself.] Dr.: Okay. Okay. Spook. Spook. I believe now. Okay. If you are real, prove it to me. I'll believe if you touch me. Some sensory input. [Amy has settled into a post coital relaxation, still in the same position with her legs spread and skirt up. Breathing even and regular. I don't feel anything even after an extended period of waiting.] Amy: Is my time over, doctor? Dr.: Yes. Yes it is, Amy. Let's make a new appointment for next week and go from there. [End Session] May 2 Pre-interview: I've done a great deal of research during the week concerning this case. Strangely, similar manifestations seem to be limited to paranormal literature and very early psychological literature from before the beginning of the century. I guess that the state of present day medical science prohibits the possibility of something that at least borders on the realms of demonic possession or some form of mysticism. I've got virtually no professional guidance whatsoever that deals with what I believe I saw at the last session with Amy. Interview: Again, Amy is in the best of spirits. Back in school clothes, she's still quite provocatively dressed in a well matched teeshirt and teeshirt material skirt. Though you can't quite see through the material, it is quite obvious she is still not wearing underwear. Amy: What are we going to do this week, doctor? Hypnosis again or do you just want him to show off some more? Dr.: No, no, Amy. Let's start off by you telling me what's been going on this week. Okay? Amy: Yeah, sure. Well, more of the same sorts of things, I guess. You know? Dr.: Maybe. But tell me some details, okay? Anything new? Amy: Sure. He's always thinking of new stuff. This week, first, he decided that I had to watch while he does things to me. You know, like fucking me. [New word.] He likes to do it in the bathroom in front of the full length mirror so I can see him inside me and when he touches me and stuff. That's sort of weird, you know? Feeling it and just seeing a few places where he's touching and stuff. Dr.: Yes. I can imagine. Amy: And it was a good thing mom got me on the pill cause he decided it was time for me and Tim to do it, too. Dr.: So you and Tim made love? Amy: Uh huh. Right in the middle of the living room rug with my parents in the family room watching TV. I don't know what I'd have done if they'd come in on us, you know? Dr.: I can imagine your father and mother wouldn't have understood. Amy: Yeah, maybe. Oh, and his other new thing is that he likes to do it in my bottom. My asshole, you know? That's sort of weird. Dr.: What do you think of that, Amy? Amy: I don't know. The first time it hurt quite a bit and that wasn't nice. And it's sort of weird, you know. With your ass up in the air and all like that. But I sure do come a lot that way. Is that weird, doctor? Dr.: No. I guess not. I know that many people enjoy sex that way. But the fact remains that you're really too young to be engaging in this level of sexual activity. Amy: Yeah, I guess. I don't think I would be. I'm sure I wouldn't, if it wasn't for him. Like. I wouldn't have made love to Bethy at all but I sure wouldn't know what it's like to have someone fuck you in the asshole while someone else licks you like last week. Dr.: That's what happened? Amy: Yeah. Really pretty neat. Dr.: Was there anything it wanted you to do you didn't like? I mean... Amy: Yeah. Yeah, there was. [She stopped. I can't imagine what could have happened at this stage that would embarrass her. But that's what it looks like.] Dr.: What happened you didn't like? Amy: Well... Dr.: Is it really that hard to talk about? I mean, after all the things you've already told me? Amy: Yeah, I guess it is. Well, whatever. The other night we were all watching TV, you know? And he started playing with me right there with everybody else in the room. I guess I was really pretty lucky because he waited until almost bedtime and pretty soon everybody but me and dad went to bed. I couldn't while he was up because spook had gotten me so wet I just knew dad would see and stuff. Dr.: I can see the problem. Amy: Yeah well. What he really wanted me to do was to do something with daddy. He wouldn't let me come, you know? He'd just get me close and then he'd stop so I couldn't move and go to my room. And dad just wouldn't go to bed. Worst, I was wearing my shorty nightgown and I've seen daddy look at me in that a couple of times before spook was around even. So we sat there, both of us wanting to go to bed, I think, but I can't because of the big wet spot on my nightgown bottoms. And dad looking at me every now and then like he was wondering when I was leaving, you know? Dr.: And what happened? Amy: Well, finally I decided I wasn't going to be able to stay up later than him, so I got up and went to kiss him goodnight. When I went to kiss him on the cheek, spook made me kiss him on the lips and then held my head, like he does with Timmy kissing his dick. So I was kissing daddy right on the lips for a long time until he sort of grabbed my arms and pushed me back. He looked at me real funny like maybe I was going crazy or something. But you know what was funny was that he also kept looking down my nightgown, the way it opens up when I bend over so anybody can see my titties, you know. And then when spook made me sit in his lap, I could feel that daddy was sort of excited too. You know how. Right? [Nod] Well, I think from there he could smell me and see the big wet spot on my front and everything. And how my nipples were hard. Dr.: What did your dad do? Amy: Well after a while and when I kissed him again with the spook pushing my head again, he made me get up and go to bed and he did too. But, you know what was funny was that he never did say anything to me like "What the hell are you doing?" You know. I would have though he'd have said something like that. Dr.: That's sort of a strange issue, honey. You know fathers love their kids so much, sometimes the lines between father daughter love and adult love can get a little blurred. I'm pretty sure he was thinking about how adult you are becoming now and fighting with his own needs. I don't want you to get the wrong idea or anything. Incest is a very bad situation. Just the guilt feelings of the participants can be permanently scarring. Amy: You know though. I didn't know it until just a little while ago, sort of when this stuff started. But the first time I had a climax was when I was little and my daddy put me on his knee and bounced and bounced me. I remember that right up until when my feet would reach the floor. Dr.: Well, that's inadvertent, Amy. I'm sure. Amy: Yeah. Probably. But still. It still counts as having an orgasm, right? [nod] Right. Anyway, whether it was right or not, the longer the spook kept me there on daddy's lap, the more I wanted to do something more with him. You know? Dr.: I think so. Amy: Okay. Well anyway. I guess that's all I can think of new. I mean, I still wake up at night with him in me and my legs all spread out and stuff, you know. And a lot of mornings, he's in the shower with me. But that's like getting regular. Even having him play with me in class until I orgasm is getting to be pretty regular. Hard to believe, huh? Dr.: Uh yes. It is, Amy. Hard to believe. [End Session] May 9 Pre-interview: I'm running out of ideas. I don't know what I'm going to do next because I have no idea what I'm going to encounter at this session. I still hope that just listening will provide whatever is necessary to bring this to some understandable direction, if not a conclusion. Interview: Amy seems to be in great spirits. She's still very careless with her short skirt and her blouse is unbuttoned far too low. Amy: I went to a great movie the other night. You ever see "Ghost"? Dr.: Uh huh. I've seen it. Very romantic. Amy: And sexy, too, huh? Dr.: Yes. And sexy. Amy: That one scene where he's playing with her tits and stuff is great. Then the last when he comes back into Whoopi Goldberg's body? Great. But I thought they should have made it instead of just kissing and him going off to heaven. You know? Dr.: Maybe. But that might not have been as romantic as the way it ended. Amy: Yeah maybe. Maybe it was just the way I saw the movie. Dr.: How did you see it? Amy: Well, Timmy took me. Okay? He had his arm around me and stuff most of the movie. When he was playing with her tits while she made the bowl or whatever, the spook was playing with mine just the same. That made it special. And when they got to the part where they went to bed, the spook started playing with me. Between my legs and inside me. I came about twice before they did, I think. But you know what was really great? Dr.: No. Not yet anyway. Amy: Well, while the guy in the movie was getting killed and all the other stuff was going on. The boring stuff, you know? The spook took off my shoe and made me start rubbing the guy next to me's leg with my bare foot. Dr.: Not Timmy's. Amy: No. This guy on the other side of me. Timmy was just watching the movie. Then pretty soon, this guy sort of was leaning toward me, you know? And put his hand on my knee. I liked that. The spook sort of egged me on but I reached down and lifted up my skirt on that side some. Like up on my thigh? Dr.: Okay. Amy: Well, the guy saw that, I guess, cause he just sort of eased his hand up my leg until he had it between my legs. It was sort of funny with Timmy sitting there with his arm around my shoulder and watching the movie and this guy I didn't even know playing with me like crazy until I came. Mostly, for the whole movie, the guy kept his hand right there between my legs, sort of rubbing a little every now and then and watching the movie, you know? Then Timmy braved up some, I guess and put his hand on my other knee. I think the other guy saw that and moved his hand away. But, well, I took my other shoe off and sat on my leg, like you do sometimes? Dr.: Yes. Okay. Amy: Well, while Timmy was watching the movie and edging up my thigh, my other foot was rubbing this guy's and pretty soon he took over again. But instead of on top, he put his hand down between me and the arm of the seat and under me. Let me tell you, that scene at the end is really exciting when Timmy has his finger in your pussy and some guy you've never met has his finger in your asshole. Let me tell you! [This makes me very uncomfortable.] Dr.: I can imagine that being...strange. Amy: Yeah, strange. Right. Dr.: Did anything else happen to you this week, Amy? [I'm finding it hard to even ask these things. I'm not sure I want to know.] Amy: Well, not really. You know, it's getting sort of hard to tell what's different and what's not. Bethy and I did it together a couple of times. And, of course, Timmy made love to me, too, a couple of times. But that's not too interesting. [I'm having a real problem with this.] Oh, yeah. One thing. About Tuesday or Wednesday night, I was watching TV with daddy again. Dr.: What were you wearing? Amy: Oh. I guess my shorty nightie again. Why? Does that make a difference? Dr.: Yeah, maybe. Go on. Did you sit in his lap again? Amy: No huh uh. We just watched TV. Then I went to bed. But after a little while, he came in the bedroom like he did until a couple of years ago every night. I played possum. He sat on the edge of the bed and petted my hair for a little while and said what a pretty girl I am in a whisper. Dr.: Did... Did anything else happen? Amy: Yeah. I don't know whether it was me or spook, but I sort of pulled the top of the sheet down below my breasts while he was still doing that and after a couple of minutes, he put his hand on my tittie. I really liked that. It really felt like he loved me, you know? Well then I turned a little in the bed. All this time I was keeping my eyes closed and acting like I was sound asleep, you know? And I pulled my covers down all the way. Well, usually, I take my nightie panties off when I get into bed. You know, just in case spook wants to do something to me? So when I did that I guess daddy could see me cause he sort of moaned to himself and then his hand was between my legs in my pubic hair. I acted like I didn't even wake up but really I came and came and came while he did that. I think he really liked it. Dr.: Okay, Amy. I think this has gone too far now. This isn't right? Amy: Doctor? Dr.: It's called incest, Amy. Even with your sister it's incest. But when your father starts taking advantage of you, this is just too much. Amy: But he didn't. Not really. I mean, yeah, maybe when I was all uncovered like that he didn't have to. But I wanted him to and I liked it. Doesn't that count? Dr.: It counts. But it's certainly not to the good, Amy. You can't allow this to happen. Whether you're encouraging it or he is, doesn't matter. It's wrong and can get you both in very bad trouble. Not to mention the long term psychological problems it can cause. It's just got to stop. Never happen again. Is that understood? Amy: Yeah. Okay. Whatever you say. [End Session] May 16 Pre-interview: I overstepped. What I did last week wasn't professional and may have damaging effects. I was judgmental and tried to impress my own standards on the patient. I'll try to undo any damage I may have done to our relationship today. How can she open to me if I make it more difficult for her. Start preaching instead of listening and trying to help. Interview: Amy is as I've come to expect. Unbelievably sexy and vibrant. Happy seemingly. Exuberant. Dr.: Last week? I'm sorry, Amy. Amy: Yeah. Whatever. Dr.: I really need you to tell me what's going on. What you're feeling and doing. I should never have done what I did last week but I'm afraid you hit a weak spot in me. Can you understand that? Amy: Oh yeah. Sure. Really. It's okay. Dr.: Please tell me what's been going on this week. Really. Everything. Amy: Okay. Well, I heard what you said last week. And I really tried to stay away from that sort of thing. You know, just didn't let the opportunity come around. [nod] But it just happened. [I hate this.] Dr.: What happened, Amy? Amy: Well, we were watching TV again Friday night. And, like before, everybody went to bed but daddy and I. We watched the late movie together and it was really good. Then, when the movie was over, I went over in front of him and leaned down and kissed him goodnight like I always do. Like with my arms around his neck and stuff. But usually, when I back up to go to bed, he winks at me and maybe pats me on the bottom on the way by. But this time, he let me move part way back but he was looking right down my front and that shortie nightgown doesn't cover very much. A big neckline and all like that. When I bend over like that, I can look right down through it to my panties. I guess he could too. Finally, he looked back at me and I could only just smile, you know. [I'm determined not to say anything.] I like the way he looks at me. I love him more than anything. So I just scooted up in the chair with him like I used to do when I was littler. With my knees up on either side of him. But this time, instead of tickling me or something, he just looked at my titties through the thin material of the nightie. Finally, I decided to really let him see so I pushed the arms off my shoulders and let it sort of fall down below my titties. I really wanted him to like them. He said he shouldn't be doing this. Like you said. That it was wrong. But I wanted him to so I sat up a little so they were really close to his mouth, wanting him to kiss them. And, like he gave up, he did after a while. And boy did that feel good. Really good. When I came, he could hardly stand it. Then he pushed me away and looked really sad. I kissed him some more but it didn't seem to help then. Dr.: Then? Amy: Yeah. He made me go to bed then. I laid there in bed for a long time, thinking about it. And I decided. I know what you said last week but I really don't think it's right for me. I mean what you said about incest is true if a daddy makes his daughter or if she makes him even and nobody wants to do it. But I don't think it counts if both people want it. Right? Dr.: Perhaps. Amy: We both wanted it and I don't care. [Defiance] Well, anyway, while I was still lying there, he came in like he did before. I think I saw tears in his eyes and I really felt sorry for him. I guess he was feeling bad like you said. But I didn't want him to. When he leaned down and kissed me and told me he was sorry, I asked him to make love to me. I mean really love. I don't think anybody who really loves me ever did that. Just Timmy and I don't think he really loves me. He just likes sex, you know? Well, anyway, he wanted to go away but I put my hand between his legs and at the same time, pulled the sheet down so he could look at me again. I took my nightie all the way off that night. Dr.: Oh, Amy. Amy: Yeah. It was okay. Cause he looked and he couldn't stand it, I guess. Cause he came into bed with me even if he was saying he couldn't be doing that. Then he was sucking on my titties until I came and then between my legs. I really really really wanted him inside me then and helped him get undressed. Then it was really great! He just got inside me and he came. [I couldn't cover my moan.] I made him so excited he couldn't even hold back. Isn't that great? Well, then he sort of cried on my shoulder and I told him that that's what I had wanted and that it was alright. You know? Until he stopped. Then I asked him to do it again. To show me the right way. And after I played with him a long time and kissed him, he finally let me be on top so I could show him how much I love him. And that was the best! He's so big he went all the way up inside me until I practically thought I was going to choke, you know. And he could suck on my titties and play with me and he knew how to move my clit just right so it felt the best of all. I came about 20 times before he even did at all again. Dr.: So you've accommodated to this? And he has? Amy: Yeah, I guess. If you mean are we happy about it. Yeah. Like just this morning when I went down to breakfast all ready for school, I got close to him to give him a morning kiss and sort of made it so he could put his hand under my skirt and inside me. It felt so neat! [End Session] May 23 Pre-interview: I don't know if I can continue seeing Amy. Her revelations have become so bazaar and so outrageous that I cannot possibly maintain any type of objectivity. Am I helping her at all or am I only reinforcing her delusions. Possibly making the entire thing more extreme. Perhaps she only needs me as an audience for her imagination. I was almost physically ill after the last session but, at least, I hope that I didn't show her my reaction. Interview: Amy is still dressing much more provocatively than her age dictates. She wears high heels, nylons, and an almost filmy white dress with a short skirt. She seems very happy today, smiling broadly the moment she walked in the door to sit at the chair in front of my desk. She hasn't done that since the first day here. She also hasn't crossed her legs since then either. Dr.: How have you been Amy? Amy: [shrugs] I've been happy. But I don't think you think I'm being good. Dr.: Why is that, Amy? Amy: Why am I happy or why do I think you'll think I've been bad? Dr.: Both. Amy: Well then, I'm happy because I feel loved. Very very loved. [giggles] I guess you won't like it cause it's like the stuff you got mad at me before for doing. Dr.: Making love, you mean? Amy: Yeah. And who I make love to. [she looks like she has a secret and is being very coy about it] Dr.: Tell me about it if you want. Amy: Okay. First to get past all the stuff you'd probably ask me about sooner or later. [ticking off on her fingers] First, yes I fucked daddy again. Twice. And I made love to my sister and to Timmy. And the spook is still around and doing what he does all the time. [I wait her out. She obviously has something she wants to tell me about.] Okay. That's okay so far? Dr.: It's not important what I feel, Amy. You know that. It's important what you feel. Amy: Okay. Then it's okay cause I feel great. [self-delusion?] Spook. Well first. I was taking a bath Wednesday night, okay? Once a week now, I shave my legs and my pits to make sure I look really good. Well, spook must of seen. He's always in the shower and stuff with me anyway. But he decided I had too much hair still. So he helped me shave all the hair off my pussy and between my legs. Do you want to see how clean he got me? Dr.: No! Amy: Okay but you're missing out. [grinning evilly at me] For you, it's free. I mean I even pay you. Dr.: What do you mean that it's free for me? Amy: That's sort of what's new this week. Do you know where Girl's Street is? Dr.: Yes, Amy. And what it is. Amy: Well, one night spook took me there after everyone had gone to bed. It only gets going about midnight, you know. The girls down there are really protective of their territory but I was just walking down the street and kept walking until this car pulled up next to me. There were three older guys, about my dad's age I guess, in the car. The one on the passenger side just said how about a hundred bucks. I just stopped to see what it was about really but I had a feeling I knew what he was offering it for. I'd never thought of selling sex so it was sort of intriguing. I said, "A hundred bucks? What for?" The guy sort of smiled at me like I was being coy or something instead of just wanting to know, you know? Anyway, he said, "You know what for," and since I did, I nodded. "A hundred bucks to come to our room right now and put out for the three of us. What about it?" I was sort of surprised, I guess, cause I didn't answer. "Not enough?" he said. "Hundred and fifty then." I could see that he was willing to spend a bunch of money and, since I hadn't really intended to do anything like that, I didn't care if it fell through. I said, "A hundred bucks each." I was surprised again because he just grinned. "Yeah, okay. Get in the car," he said. Dr.: Amy, do you have any idea of how dangerous that is? Amy: I have a pretty good idea now. They drove to one of the big hotels downtown and left the car with a guy at the door to park for them. Then they led me through the lobby to the elevators and up to the 14th floor. It was a really big room with a table and chairs and a couch and coffee table and everything. But it was all still in the same room with the beds. Big beds. Mostly they all just talked to each other until they hung up their coats in the closet and took off their ties and stuff. Then they sat down at the table with me and we talked for a little while. Then one of the guys said he couldn't stand it and that I just had to take my clothes off so he could see what they were buying. Spook sort of guided me a little but I would have done about the same thing anyway. I unzipped my dress and just stepped out of it and put it on the couch. You know I never wear anything under because of spook. So there I was. Just stockings and shoes. [I let her talk] They were really excited then and made a big game out of playing with pennies to see who was going to be first and second and third. I knew they were hooked now and I could say or do about anything except say no and they'd go along with it. I told the guy who won that I got to be on top unless he wanted to pay extra. He thought that was a great idea. I think he would have paid extra for me to BE on top. It was almost funny watching him get out of his clothes, he was hurrying so fast. Then he flopped down on the bed on his back with his arms out to his sides like he was giving up. It gave me the idea of crawling up and making him lick me before he could do anything else. His buddies had stripped down too by now and they were standing around cheering and stuff. He liked it that he could make me have an orgasm that fast before I crawled back down and let him put it in me. I had a little orgasm that way before anything else happened and the guys were nuts. They said I was the first prostitute, they called it a pro, who had real climaxes that any of them had seen. I thought that was funny. Funny strange, you know? Dr.: From my professional experience, I can tell you that most prostitutes are not in the business for the sex. Most save their climaxes for their personal lives. Amy: I don't think I'd do it just for the money. Anyway, then I think maybe spook started helping them because the one guy hadn't even gotten real hot yet and this other guy walked up in front of me. He said he'd give me an extra hundred for a blow job. We were laying across the bed so the position wasn't any problem. He could just stand there and I could do that. So I said okay and he held it up in front of my mouth. I could sort of put my hands on his hips to guide him and the guy I was fucking started playing with my nipples too. So everything was great. Then the other guy said he'd give me an extra hundred if he could fuck my ass. I turned around and told him two hundred and he smiled. In about a second, he was inside me too. Do you have any idea of what that feels like? [she's truly excited by just the thought] Dr.: No. I'm sure I don't. Amy: Well, I'll tell you it's the most fantastic feeling possible. Three guys grunting and groaning and saying stuff about what a great fuck and everything. And cocks and fingers everywhere rubbing every sex spot on your body. It was unbelievable. [She's actually a little starry eyed with the memory] It didn't take hardly any time at all before all three of them came in me. The only one I had even a little trouble with was the guy in my mouth. He about drowned me with all the come he had. I couldn't swallow that fast. But they all thought it was neat that when I couldn't keep it in my mouth, I let it drip down my front and on the guy's face under me. While they were coming that one time, I must have had a dozen orgasms. Dr.: You are an unusually sensual girl, Amy. [I'm afraid I meant it derogotorially but she didn't seem to take it that way] Amy: Well, that's when I realised that they really didn't have to pay me anything. They could just kick me out in the hall and what could I do? Worse maybe, I realized they could keep me here all night. Three big guys, you know, against just me. They could do anything. Then throw me out in the hall. I got a little scared then. But luckily, it was okay. Dr.: What happened then, Amy? Amy: They kept their end of the deal. They had a meeting or something to go to so they didn't give me a ride back but that was okay. They each gave me what they said they would. Six hundred dollars all at one time. More money than I'd ever seen at one time. Then they walked out and helped me get a taxi home and even paid for it. Each of them said they'd look me up when they got to town the next time. But one funny thing. The guy who got to be first told me that the last time he was in town, he'd called this place and they'd gotten him a girl for the night. Just by himself. And he'd paid a thousand dollars! Can you believe it? And he said I'd given him ten times the excitement that woman had and was better looking to boot. Dr.: What did you think of that? Amy: Well, first, I thought he was real sweet to say it. And second, I thought that the next time I'd see if he'd been right. If you really can get a thousand dollars for one night. [End Session] May 30 Pre-interview: I've thought hard about Amy's situation for days. Even before last week's session, of course. This week my thoughts have been on a little psychology profession realism. I've spent a lot of time with Amy feeling impotent in my attempts to help her with her delusions. But much of my personal feelings are toward a total lack of behavioral adjustment (professional failure) and my personal feelings toward the little six year old I knew before and my friend, her father. What I haven't seemed to internalize is that Amy herself is little affected by anything I say and seems totally adjusted to the situation, no matter how ridiculously escalated it becomes. I really don't think she's depraved. She's very sensual. Certainly there's no doubt about that. My decision, then, has become a question of whether I am serving a positive purpose with her. It could easily be argued that I am acting as a sort of father confessor, absolving her of responsibility. In that case, I'm actually a negative factor in her life. This must be confronted now by both of us. Interview: I can't believe that Amy's teachers would allow her to go to school in the outfit she's wearing today. It is a very short, hip hugging skirt that shows the majority of her front and all of her hipbones as well as all her naked legs. The top is a well tailored half blouse that hangs from narrow straps but only just covers her full breasts. She wears white 4-inch high heels that match the skirt and blouse. Her hair is teased into a sensual rat's nest and her only jewelry is long, dangling earrings. Dr.: Amy. I think we need to make a decision today. Amy: Okay. What's the decision? Dr.: I question my value as a counselor with you. I don't think I'm doing you much good. Amy: Well, I don't know. I like our talks. They give me a chance to tell someone about what's happening to me without feeling bad or worrying too much what they think. Dr.: I know. I think that may be part of the problem. Not a part of a solution. Amy, I'm providing you a sounding post that may be giving you more direction toward some negative activities than providing any psychological help for you. I've seen no break in your thinking about this whole situation. No change or improvement. Amy: I guess I wouldn't have come to you if it hadn't been for spook and my not understanding what he was doing to me. You helped me to understand, I think. And that made a big difference. Dr.: But, Amy. The entire idea of these sessions has been to find the root of this . . . this manifestation. And after we found the root, to pull it out and examine it in the light of day. End this delusion forever. But . . . Amy: You don't believe in spook still, do you? [she looks incredulous] You still don't think he's real! You think this is all in my head and I made it all up! [she's quite upset now, standing in front of my desk] Dr.: Amy, you've got to understand that somewhere in your psyche there is a . . . Amy: Okay! Okay. You don't believe me even after all this time together and all the things you've even seen yourself. I'm going to prove it to you. But I want you to know that you're paid for today and any days that my dad still owes you from before. This week, I went to the hotel I went to and told you about last week? I went into the bar there and a guy offered me a thousand dollars to spend the night with him just like the guy said the week before. Since then, I've done it three more times. That means that, if this takes an hour or two today, it'd be worth about four or five hundred dollars. So I don't have to pay. Dr.: You're hustling full time then. Amy: Yeah. I quit school and I'm going to make a million dollars before I'm 20 years old. I'll bet. [Now there's a delusion!] Dr.: What's this . . . Amy: What's this got to do with anything? I'll tell you. Right now, I'm going to prove to you that spook is real. As real as anything. I know he'll help me. He does anytime I want him to as long as it's the kind of thing he likes to do. Dr.: You're going to prove spook is real. Amy: That's right. Right now. [The bracketted material here is my observations as recorded immediately after the session was complete. As you may be able to infer, my observations were extremely vivid to me when recorded and I have no doubt whatsoever that they accurately reflect what I saw.] Dr.: What do you have in mind? Amy: I'm going to let spook do the things he does to me all the time. But I'm going to let him do them as close to you as you want. While he's doing it, you can do whatever you want. Look. Smell. Listen. Touch. Whatever you want to do. Okay? Dr.: Okay. What do you have in mind? Amy: Hang on. I'll show you. [At this point, Amy walked around my desk to stand within two feet of me. She crossed her arms in front of her and peeled off the little blouse in a single motion. That done, she wiggled her hips as she pushed the skirt down over the last few inches of her hips and dropped it on the floor. She was totally naked except for shoes. Now she stepped out of those as well.] I'd keep them on except I need my balance and sometimes that's hard wearing high heels. [She stands in front of me in a most provocative pose with her legs slightly spread, one knee bent, standing on the toes of that foot. She lifts her arms above her head.] Watch my tits. [I watched from a distance of a little over a foot. Impressions appeared on each as if someone were pressing their fingers into the soft flesh. Kneaded, they were misshappen and then returned to their original conditions over and over as her chest heaved with her breathing. I watched her nipples flatten with her gasp and then twist by themselves. Then they were flattened again and pulled toward my face, released, then pulled again. Over and over. She was licking her lips with excitement. I wondered how much the excitement was from the manipulation and how much from my intense attention to these private parts of her body. Finally, her nipples again flattened until she cringed. Then they moved toward me until her normally rounded mounds were almost cone shaped they were so elongated, as if being pulled very hard straight outward toward me. My hands went to her nipples clinically, feeling the air between them and me, feeling the place where they were obviously being held. My fingers encountered nothing. When I moved away, they were again released and her rapid breathing showed in the rise and fall of her chest.] Look down. Between my legs. Here, I'll sit on the desk. [She sat on the edge of the desk with the full light of the window on her front. I watched as an impression of fingers ran down her lower stomach, down each thigh spreading them wide so that she had to put her feet on the front edge of my chair, and finally into the folds of her labia. I watched from a distance of perhaps six inches as her clitoris engorged and was rolled and pinched and pulled and flicked until she had an orgasm.] This is where you can really get in to it. [She leaned back and finally moved her arms from above her head to leaning against my desk behind her hips. I watched as her lips were spread wide by the impressions of fingers. Then her pussy opened about a half inch in a slightly changing circle.] He's just finger fucking me. Stop spook. [The hole closed.] Now put your finger in and see if it feels like I could do that with just my muscles. [I did as she asked. It felt normal to me with the muscles dedicated to squeezing my finger, not opening around it. Of course I only did this until I was relatively satisfied that it couldn't be done by her own muscles.] Okay, spook. [From very close up now, I watched her pussy open to a fully two inch circle. Nothing came out though, when I had my finger inside her, she was very wet. She moaned with the feeling of what was going on. The opening moved slightly from side to side, slightly in diameter. Her clit was rolled and flattened and rubbed by unseen fingers just as it had been before. The muscles of her legs were rhythmically clenching and relaxing, clenching and relaxing.] He's fucking me. Quick, before I come again, put your fingers inside and feel. See for yourself how open I am and how plugged up with that wonderful cock. [I followed her instructions, putting my fingers inside her, feeling nothing whatsoever, in the center of the opening but feeling the skin on the sides moving inward then outward, inward then outward. Perhaps in some strange way it would be possible to train muscles to open an almost perfect circular hole. But how could anyone train their muscles to move the skin in and out in this fashion? I thought it rather interesting that whatever this being, it was doing what no real encounter could. It was pistoning in and out of her and at the same time rubbing her clit in all sorts of ways. Her climax seemed to be very complete and fulfilling as it raced through her body. It stopped only after an extended time.] Okay. So maybe I could possibly do that myself. [I couldn't see how but nodded anyway.] So I'll bet nobody can do this. [She rolled onto her front, her arms above her head again, her cute bottom suspended right in front of me on my desk blotter. I watched as she arched slightly and the opening appeared in her rear. Her sphincter muscle was spreading open to that same two inch hole. Before being asked, I put my fingers in the opening and touched all sides, again feeling the skin inside it moving and nothing appearing within the hole. As a man, I was much more familiar with the operation of this set of muscles and knew that no one can hold their asshole open this way. Strangely, rather than clinically interested, for the moment, I wished to help her to the sexual high she was now attaining rapidly. I put my thumb in her pussy and found her clit with my fingers as I watched the hole in her ass move and change and her bottom press unnaturally toward my desk and back out again as if a weight were being placed on it and then withdrawn. With my manipulation, it took only seconds before another orgasm overwhelmed her body and her fluids rolled down my thumb onto my hand. Again she relaxed and turned to me with a grin.] Thanks for the hand. [She was grinning like she'd won for sure now. Of course, she had. I was a believer. She knelt in front of me with her hands behind her back.] One more thing. [I watched as her mouth shaped into a circle of similar size to those in her pussy and asshole. She shut her eyes and sucked and released over and over. I could see her cheeks hollowing with her sucking though no air was going into her opened mouth, held in that perfect O. She gagged slightly a couple of times and then her mouth shut in a continuingly narrowing circle until her lips closed. She motioned me to her as she got back on her feet and kissed me, open mouthed. I felt the sticky liquid leave her mouth and enter mine and immediately sat back and away from her. I felt a huge glob of it on my tongue and used my finger to retrieve it. Looking at my finger, I saw nothing but my own saliva.] Are you convinced? [I was agast. She'd proved it to me five different ways. How could I possibly deny the reality of what she'd been telling me from the beginning. I think she could see it in my eyes.] Dr.: Amy. I don't know how . . . [I only began the statement. I must be very thick. On the tape, it sounds very stupid now after all I'd seen and experienced. Plainly, I felt a set of fingernails on the inside of my right thigh. I looked down under the kneehole of my desk. Nothing.] There must be a very good . . . [I felt a soft hand between my legs, inside my pants. I looked again. I watched my zipper lowered and my cock taken out in front of me as I turned into the sunlight from the window. I watched and felt the hand moving up and down my length. Then something else. Warm and wet around it. I watched my come cascade out of the end of my dick. And I watched it disappear an inch from the tip of it.] Amy: Doctor? Do you believe me now? [I very distinctly felt a finger or some other hard appendage press my asshole open and seek my prostate. It moved in and out of me in spite of my sitting firmly on my ass. I grunted. When the warm wetness surrounded me this time, I felt tightening thighs and heels against my hips and in the middle of the small of my back. My nipples were squeezed and rolled and pulled as I came again.] Dr.: Yes yes. [I was gasping. Of course I believed her.] I believe you. I know you've told me the complete truth from the beginning. Amy: So, do you think I'm crazy? [I laughed rather insanely this time.] Dr.: Amy. If this is crazy, I certainly like it. Amy: Then, will you fuck me now? I've been waiting an awful long time. Dr.: Yes, Amy. Yes if that's what you want. Yes. [Suffice it to say that I did as I was told. I made love to Amy and the spook made love to me at the same time. If Amy doesn't make at least a thousand dollars a night for the next four years, I'll be very surprised. I certainly contributed to her first million. And by my calculations, one thousand dollars a night for four years, until she's 20, will make her a millionaire with change to spare. My bet though is that she increases her rates very soon. After all, you haven't lived until she fucks you from all sides at once. Let me tell you from experience. And does she ever love her work!] [End Final Session--of counseling]