This chapter sets the story into high gear. I hope a passage here or there touches you.

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17

 

"Was there a point where you accepted your sexuality?" Trevor asked.

"Oh yes. I was 17. I didn't have a birthday party that year, but it was shortly after that. Anson was an only child. His family was taking a vacation as soon as school was out. They asked me if I would like to go with them so Anson could have company. I was delighted. I couldn't wait for school to finish up. The thought of being with Anson for a week made me delirious. At least for a few days. My thoughts of males hadn't gone away, so I was always questioning. I figured I was probably gay. Or at least I was gay right then. Maybe it would go away."

"Did anything ever happen with Anson?"

"Hoo-boy. Yeah. A lot. We got close. We never really ... I don't know ... said anything specifically, but we felt ... close. Like boyfriends without saying anything like a boyfriend would. We just spent time together like best friends, but there was a fondness behind it."

 

I wished I had a birthday party on my 17th birthday like I had last year. I would have asked Anson to spend the night. I think I would have tried to hold him like I had always wanted to. But no party this year. I wasn't sure why I felt so "Anson crazy." It was a crush. I admitted it. I liked guys.

I wondered what he felt about me. He seemed like he sort of liked me too. We were best friends, for sure. But was there something there? Did he really like me like me?

We didn't have many classes together. P.E. wasn't one. I saw a few classmates in the gym locker undressed. Only a few got completely naked. I saw a few dicks during the year. I tried not to look for too long. I was worried about getting hard in front of my classmates. Two guys that always got naked were Tanner and Garrett. They both had big dicks. Garrett was Black. Black guys were supposed to be hung, or so I had heard. Tanner was just a lucky white guy with a huge penis. Bastard. They showered almost every week. No one ever said it out loud, but we all knew they took showers just to show off their cocks. I felt so insignificant during P.E. I certainly didn't want to show my little dick to anyone.

I was curious as to what Anson looked like. I wondered if I would see him without clothes on during the vacation.

 

"His family trip took place shortly after school was out for the summer. It was a drive to Mt. Rushmore. Along the way, we saw roadside oddities, state parks and a waterpark."

 

We pulled into the waterpark after we had lunch. His family figured it was cheaper to eat outside of the park. We got drink refills for sure. Anson's mother planned on watching the belongings for the most part. Only his father took in a wallet. No one else had anything.

In the changing room, Anson had his back to me. I saw his butt as he took off his underwear to put on a swimsuit. When he turned toward me after getting his suit on, I suddenly felt awkward. I didn't want him to see my small dick. I turned away. In so doing, I was almost face to crotch with his dad as I leaned over. Anson's father probably had an average-sized cock. The thick hair around it mesmerized me. I liked how his balls hung too. He didn't seem to be in a rush to get his suit on. I tried to casually look at his body as much as I could. He didn't have any chest hair but was still trim enough to be nice to look at.

"Let's go," said Anson, ready to hand off the bag of clothes to his mother.

We had a blast. I found myself looking at several college guys during the day. One guy looked like he could be a model. That was when I found Anson looking at him too. We looked at each other and went "wow." That was the first time either of had indicated anything about looking or liking men. It wasn't an absolute confirmation, but a big signal.

In an effort to save money, all four of us stayed in the same hotel room. His parents were always very modest in sleepwear.

 

"On the last night, we stayed in a cabin of sorts. I think that was the `splurge' of the trip. It had a kitchen and large bathroom with two separate bedrooms. The parents got the big one. Ours was smaller. It was a full-size bed, but not as big as the queen beds we had at the hotels."

"It sounds charming."

"I guess it was. I appreciated the décor, being the dweeb I was. I noticed the colors, and I thought the bear theme was fun. It was summer, so it wasn't cold. The evening temperature dropped from a warm day, but it wasn't chilly whatsoever. All we wore to bed was our briefs."

 

We talked into the night hours. I thanked him for inviting me on the trip. He told me I made the whole trip better by being there. It had been such a fun week. His parents were super nice.

I turned out the light. The moon was bright enough to shine through the window. We turned toward each other. We talked for a few more minutes. The slightly smaller bed made us closer than on previous nights. Eventually we stopped talking, and I rolled onto my back.

"Jakob?" he said.

I rolled back toward him. "Yeah?"

Anson pressed his lips to mine. He didn't pull them away quickly. They stayed there for a few seconds. I froze. I wasn't expecting it. But I liked it. My mind darted all over the place. But I knew I liked it. Eventually he pulled back.

"I hope that was all right," he told me.

"It was."

We laid on our backs for a minute.

"Anson?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I hold you?"

"Sure."

He rolled on his side. I rolled up behind him and put my arm around him.

"Thanks," he said.

"Thank you."

My bare chest pressed against his back was the heavenly sensation I had dreamed about for a year. I was holding someone. I was so in awe of actually holding someone that I didn't even get aroused. I was just happy to do it.

 

"That night was my first kiss," I said to Trevor. "It was just one. Anson kissed me. I was surprised, but I knew I liked it. He let me hold him. I was in heaven. It was the beginning of my first relationship."

"It continued then?"

 

I heard a car trunk slam shut. It woke me for some reason. It was the middle of the night. I still had my arm around Anson. It made me realize how much I loved this sensation. Before I fell back asleep, I knew my dick was now hard. It was pressed into his body. I didn't know if he could feel it or not.

We got up the next morning, but neither of us said anything about the kiss. I just knew I hoped it would happen again.

It was the last day, and the drive home was long. I made sure to tell his parents how appreciative I was for being invited. The whole family was kind. They treated me every bit as nice as my own family, possibly more.

When we got home, his parents complimented mine on how polite I was. Mom and Dad had instilled good manners and honesty in me. I knew that for a fact.

As they prepared to drive off, Anson looked at me with a knowing smile as he got into the car.

Over the summer, we talked on the phone a bit. We never mentioned the kiss, but both of us were wondering when — or if — it might happen again. As honest as my parents had raised me to be, there was no way I would ever mention it to them.

 

"It did. When we had a chance to get together now and then over the summer, we tried to sneak in a kiss when no one could see us. During one of the visits in July, he asked his parents if he could borrow the car so we could go get milkshakes. They let us. We weren't sure where to go, but we knew we wanted to be alone. Everywhere we went, it seemed like people were around. We finally went to a mall parking lot. We parked away from most of the cars. No one was near us."

"Sounds ideal," Trevor noted.

"Yeah. This time, I kissed him. It was really pent-up. I guess it was our first make out session."

 

As I pressed my lips to his, I could feel Anson's hand reach up and hold my shoulder. I did the same and we pulled our bodies closer together. We kissed for a few minutes. Then we looked into each other's eyes.

"I like you," I said. "I like you a lot."

"Me too," he returned. "I've never really had ... a boyfriend. Is that what we are?"

"Sounds kind of funny to say, but ... yeah. That's how I think about you. I like you, Anson. I like being with you."

We kissed for a few more minutes.

Then a police car had a siren blaring. We could hear it headed our way. Of course, we knew it was heading directly toward us. Apparently, the police had been notified that two guys were kissing in the parking lot. We were doomed. We could see it as it got close. My heart was pounding so fast. The police car kept going. It went past us at a high speed. We chuckled and started the car.

We stopped to get a shake so that we could walk back into the house with cups since that was our "reason" to go out.

 

"Did this go on for a while?"

"It did. School started back up. Our senior year. Our schedules didn't match at all. We tried to see each other when we could. Part of lunch was about the best we could do. Occasionally after school. But we knew we still liked each other."

"Did you feel gay at that point?"

"Yes. Along with guilty. Sinful. Deceitful."

"Oooo. You had only kissed though, right?"

"At that point, yes. But I felt like I was hiding it from my parents. Well, I WAS hiding it from my parents. I was 100% sure they would not approve. Nothing heavy was going on, but I liked Anson. I knew I liked guys. Men. I knew it wasn't a phase. I was gay. 17 and gay. As much as I tried to process it, I didn't know what to do about it. I just sort of floundered, feeling lost. But more than anything else, I knew I was happy when I was with Anson."

 

"Are you okay in here? Would you prefer the guest room?" Anson's mother said. "It's nice that you can spend the weekend. I spoke with your mother. She was pleased with your grades. You both are starting off your senior year well. You deserve a fun weekend."

"Thanks, Mrs. Petriello." I felt I should answer her question. "We'll be fine in here."

"Thanks, Mom," Anson said. "Can we have snacks later?"

"Hmm. How late are you staying up? Should I be worried the house is going to be set on fire?"

We both laughed.

"Probably not too late. Maybe a little past midnight."

"I would prefer you go for the apples and bananas, but there are chips in the pantry."

She shut the door on the way out, but left it open a crack.

The two of us sat on Anson's bed. It was a queen. We talked about class for a few minutes. Then I saw him looking into my eyes. We kissed. He got up to turn off the lights. We probably kissed for 15 minutes.

"Feel like a snack?" he asked, insinuating we should take a break. I could feel my dick was really hard. Kissing always gave me an erection.

"Sure."

We crunched on some Doritos in the kitchen, trying not to be too loud when we laughed. We noticed an open bottle of wine in the fridge. Anson asked if I had ever tasted wine before.

"Me? With my house?"

"Want to?"

I wasn't sure. My family had steered us kids away from alcohol. I wanted to say, "We're not old enough," but how lame would that have made me look?

"Won't they notice some gone?"

"They have let me taste from time to time. I've grown to like it, but they still won't let me have a glass. `Not `til your 21,'" he said in a parental mocking tone.

He poured a little into two glasses. I smelled it first. Then I tasted it. My initial reaction wasn't great.

"It tastes like dead grapes," I said.

He chuckled.

"Try another sip."

I did. If I sipped it slowly, it didn't seem as bad. He had only poured me an inch or so in the glass. By the time I had sipped it a few times, I got used to it a little. It didn't compare to a Dr. Pepper though. We giggled and crunched on chips. He poured us some Sprite in the glasses. We shared a bottle.

As we leaned against the kitchen counter, Anson suddenly pulled me toward him and gave me a deep kiss. I momentarily panicked. I looked around the kitchen. I didn't know what for. I figured alarms and sirens would go off. Nothing happened. I giggled and gave him a hug. This time, I kissed him. I think we both probably tasted Doritos crumbs on our lips.

 

"Do you have any reason why you felt happy with Anson?" Trevor asked.

"I felt ... myself. I didn't pretend to be anything I wasn't. We just had fun. We were ourselves and enjoyed each other's company."

"It felt like more than a friendship then."

"It did."

 

When we decided to turn in shortly after midnight, we had both brushed our teeth. I had taken off my clothes except my underwear and put on another shirt to sleep in. He did the same. I'm not sure why a different shirt made a difference, but we both did it, so it must have been the "thing to do."

Anson's bedroom was really dark. There was no moon and the blinds blocked out any light that might have come in.

I knew he was close to me, even though I couldn't see him. Then I felt his hand grab mine. He hadn't done that before. My heart was racing. It was a "wow" to me. I liked it. We lay like that for a few minutes. We didn't really say anything. We just held hands.

His body shifted around under the sheets and then I felt him above me. He leaned down and kissed me. We kissed for a couple of minutes.

"I'm so glad you're here," he softly said.

"Me too," I whispered.

"I've wanted to have you stay over since the summer trip."

We kissed for another minute. Then he let his whole body lie on top of mine.

"Thank you," I said. I wasn't sure why I said that. What did it even mean? For what? I imagined it felt like something I could say to let him know I liked him lying on top of me.

Shortly thereafter, he gave me a simple peck and said, "Hold me like you did in the cabin."

Anson rolled on his side. I moved up behind him and put my arm around him. He pressed back into me. We didn't say anything after that. My cock was a crowbar. Even with both of us were wearing briefs, I wondered if he could feel it pressed up against his ass.

He fell asleep faster than me. I guess he felt comfortable in my embrace. I, on the other hand, stayed awake a while. It felt magical.

 

"You probably shared some feelings with him, I gather."

I nodded. "Yeah. I stayed a second night during a sleepover weekend."

"This was significant?"

"It was. It was a next step. For sure."

 

I thanked the Petriellos for a fun day. Miniature golf was a riot. I had the highest score but laughed a lot. Anson's dad was a Star Wars buff, so we watched the original and the following sequel. I had only seen the first one. We ordered pizza. It was a great day.

In bed, Anson and I kissed awhile in the dark. Then he reached over and turned on a lamp.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Jakob, do you ever ... you probably do ... I guess you do ... I think all guys do ... um ... do you ever jack off?"

That was a really personal question. Of course, I did. But I didn't know what a person was supposed to say to another individual about something that personal. Anson and I could share just about anything with each other. Although I felt awkward talking about it, it was also like a compliment. He felt like he could tell me anything.

"Yeah. A few times a week, I guess."

"Want to?"

"Now?"

"Yeah," he said. "C'mon, Jakob. Guys do it all the time."

I wasn't sure if that was true. People always say young boys masturbate together, but was there any proof of that?

He lunged for me and planted a big kiss on my lips. "C'mon. Let's do it."

I didn't even say "yes" before Anson was standing aside the bed and took of all his clothes. I could see his bush, his dick, his balls. They were like royal jewels, something that only the elite were allowed to see. His cock was almost hard. I could actually see it move. As it stretched, it started jutting toward his navel. He was longer than me. It was a nice-looking cock. I liked his bush even more. It seemed masculine. That turned me on. He plopped back on the bed and immediately placed a grip around his six-inch erection. My mind was a tornado.

It seemed like there was no turning back at that point. I pulled my briefs off and then my T-shirt. I lay naked with a person for the first time in my life. My hard-on was only five inches, but it felt like a sword.

Slowly, we both stroked our cocks. We didn't really say anything. We just jerked and fondled. It was obvious that both of us were staring at each other's crotch as we masturbated. I could tell Anson was stroking faster. We never spoke a word, but I could tell his breathing was getting more ragged. Within a few minutes, he came first.

"Oh yeah," he whispered. I watched cum shoot from his dick. It was whiter than mine. The first ejaculation shot up his chest. All the others puddled just above his navel.

He regained his breathing. "Your turn."

Anson didn't clean his cum off. I always did right after my orgasm. He left the liquid there. I stared at it. My hand was jerking harder now. With his hand off his cock, I could fully see it again. It was pretty. It was what I wished mine looked like. It started to hang to the side. I knew I wanted to touch it, but that probably wasn't allowed. We were just jerking off, that was all.

A minute later, my legs were pulsing. My groin was writhing.

"That's it Jakob," he whispered. "Let me see you come."

I groaned. Probably louder than I should have, but it was intense. I splattered what seemed like five gallons of cum all over my chest. It was on my neck, it was on my nipples, it was on the light chest hair that had started growing this semester. The last of it trickled down my knuckles into my bush.

"Wow," he whispered. "You're good."

I didn't know what that meant. But it was nice to hear.

Anson stood again. He pulled out a towel from underneath the bed. I gathered he had this planned for a while. I'm sure he had been mustering up the courage to suggest it tonight. He wiped his body first, then handed me the towel. I got most of it off. I felt slightly sticky. I pulled my sleep wear on again. I didn't want to get anything on his sheets at all. He felt like he should do the same.

After he turned out the light, I leaned over to kiss him one more time, then I rolled him into position to hold him for the night.

 

"It was my first experience, well, at least sexually, with another boy. Neither of us touched each other, but we ... did it at the same time, if you know what I mean."

"I do."

"The next day I was in kind of this trance. It was electric. I got picked up for church the next morning. I felt like a spotlight should be shining on me from the pulpit. I was wondering if there was any way my parents could tell what happened. Of course, they couldn't, but there were times that my heart pounded. I didn't lie to them. I just didn't say anything about those experiences. I felt like I was totally lying even when I didn't say any words."

"Did this first relationship with Anson go on for a while?"

"Yes. Nothing really sexual. He had a cell phone. My parents couldn't afford that for us kids. In those days, it was slowly becoming common for a lot of kids to have them. I was one of the few in class that didn't have one. I felt like a social outcast. Occasionally he would call one of my classmates and tell them to tell me to meet him somewhere later. It was hard, but we found a way to sneak in a kiss here or there."

"Did anyone else know?"

"Like our friends? Oh, no. We weren't that brave to tell anyone. Surprisingly, no one ever called us any names, so maybe they never suspected."

"And if they did, would you have been able to handle it?"

"I doubt it. The fact that Mom and Dad didn't know, I would have been terrified that it would get back to them."

"That's understandable for a teenager."

"When we were out for Christmas break, I had him stay over one night. We had wanted to do it again since that one night. And I mean, do `it.' We planned the sleepover before all the relatives started coming in for Christmas. It was the first night that we were out of school."

 

Keaton was home from college, so Mom had made up the sleeping bags in the den again, just like with Ron on my 16th birthday. I moved the nightlight from the hallway. We had it there so that people could find their way to the bathroom in the dark. I plugged it in behind the end table. It provided enough light that we could see each other.

We kissed sitting on the sleeping bags.

"Want to do it?" I asked.

Anson didn't answer. He just stood up and stripped naked. I loved the shadow his cock made on his torso as it became fully hard. I was nude seconds later. We both lay on the sleeping bags and clutched our erections. At first, we talked about racing. I said I would rather take our time. We did. We gently fondled our cocks but always made sure they stayed hard. After 20 minutes, we got serious. Neither of us had ever made efforts to touch the other. It was just a one-man job for each of us. I got up and lay next to him on his sleeping bag. Our hips touched. Anson came first again. His back arched, and his hips bucked. He didn't moan, but he gasped as the warm liquid shot and puddled on his body.

I was pounding my hard-on vigorously. Before I knew it, Anson took his hand and turned my head. He kissed me for a long time while I kept stroking my throbbing organ. It wasn't long before my breathing got hard. He knew I was close. He stopped kissing.

"Shoot it on me, Jakob," he whispered.

I complied. I didn't even think about the request. I turned my body. With a big gasp, the first blast of my cum hit his neck. With each spasm from my cock, his body was soon splattered with my semen. With a thinner viscosity than his, my cum ran all over his torso.

"Holy crap," he whispered. "That was amazing."

I got up to get us a paper towel from the kitchen. I felt courageous and brave walking around the dark house naked. I moved the nightlight back.

 

"Neither of us used the word, gay. We did say we were boyfriends. To each other. We liked to kiss. I guess that was easier. When we could stay over, it was really special."

"You didn't explore anything sexual outside of your homes?"

"No. I guess we felt we would be caught. It was simple. Nothing wild or intense. We were kids."

 

It was New Year's Day. Anson's father was watching football at a friend's house with a group of men. Anson found out his mother was spending some time with lady friends, so he asked me to come over. I couldn't wait. I got there as soon as I could.

I knocked on the door. He opened it and pulled me inside.

"We're alone."

He then kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him. We kissed standing in the doorway for several minutes.

"Let's go to my bedroom," he said.

I figured we were going to get naked, but I saw him pulling his shirt off as we walked through the house. That confirmed it. I had gotten a hard-on just from kissing him. He was fully erect by the time his clothes were off.

Sitting up on the bed, our clothes on the floor, we started stroking our cocks. We were sitting up at first. I loved watching him service his hard meat. Anson had an attractive crotch. I could stare at it all day. I stopped stroking and gave him a kiss. He kept masturbating. I gave a deeper kiss. I let my tongue touch his. He moaned. We had always been pretty quiet when jacking off together. This time he was a little more audible.

I laid down with my head on the pillow. He moved down to be next to me. Our bodies touched. I found his skin touching my skin electrified my senses.

Anson reached over and took my hand from my cock. He held it a few seconds. Then he reached over and grabbed my erection. I sucked in a huge amount of air when I felt his grip around my dick. No one had ever touched me like that.

"You're really hard," he said to me.

His hand started pumping my stiff organ.

"That feels good," I said. Then I started moaning. Anson stroking my erection felt like tickets to Disney World. I immediately was enthralled with it. His other hand took my hand and moved it to his cock. Holy crap. I wrapped my fingers around his flesh. I loved feeling his rigid mast in my grip. He moaned as my hand started pulling on his phallus. We stroked each other for a long time.

"How long until your mom gets home?" I asked.

"We've got time. She won't be home for a while. At least an hour."

"Good."

I pulled on his cock harder. This made him moan very loudly. We had never had the freedom to be completely expressive. I found it incredibly hot. He just held my dick as I serviced his. Mine was an iron beam even without him stroking it.

Anson's eyes were closed as he enjoyed my handjob. I leaned over his face and kissed his lips as my arm continued to work his hard-on. He moaned into my mouth.

I liked looking at him as he felt sexual pleasure. It made me feel on fire. His hips began to buck as he got close to climax. I jerked his dick harder.

"Oh yeah! Jakob! Jakob! Jakob!"

His cock shot a stream of cum to his nipple. He groaned loudly. I kept pulling. I watched as every ounce of cum was ejected from his cock. I had to be smiling, knowing I was causing his orgasm. His crotch began to wriggle in the last stages of his orgasm. Then his body shuddered.

"Wow," he said, after catching his breath.

"Wow," I said back.

"I want to do you."

He scooped up all his cum in his hand and then wrapped it around my spike.

"Wha - ?" I didn't know what to think of that. Then I felt it. I immediately loved it. It was hot. It felt ... manly.

Within two minutes his stimulation was bringing me close.

"Anson?"

"Yeah?"

"Kiss me."

He did. His lips didn't leave mine. It was like his mouth was sealed to mine. I managed to mumble "harder" in our kissing. He pulled on my cock harder than ever. We kept kissing. I screamed into his mouth as my chest became sprayed with my testosterone-fueled lust. Shot after shot spurted from my stiff rod.

His body moved back, but he didn't let go of my penis. His hand fondled my softening cock for another minute. He let go to wipe his hand through my cum and then held my dick again. He scooped up some more and then rubbed it around his penis. I noticed it had gotten stiff again. He lay down, slowly sliding my cum up and down his dick.

My brain exploded. It was the greatest moment of my life.

"That was the greatest moment of my life," I decided to tell him.

He chuckled. "It was hot. Totally."

I rolled to kiss him again.

"I'm glad you could come over," he said.

"Me too. Thanks for calling."

He took his sticky hand and grabbed mine. We lay there holding hands with my cum acting as an adhesive.

"We're kind of messy. Should we clean up?" I asked.

"I kind of like being naked. With you. I like you, Jakob. Let's lay here a little while longer."

 

"We did explore more during days here or there. But it was playful stuff. You know, explored. Teenage stuff. But my feelings for Anson were so strong. It wasn't just a crush. I really liked him."

"A first love?" Trevor asked.

"Not at that point, but ... I was getting there. Yeah. I definitely was. As the New Year started, he was all I could think about. It was New Year's Day. We had found some time together while his parents were out. You know, naked time."

Trevor nodded.

"His mother got home and made small talk with us. She asked me if I had made any New Year's resolutions. I told her I hadn't. Then Anson gave me a heart attack."

 

"I have, Mom."

"Oh really? Want to tell me?" she said with interest.

"Yes. I want to tell the truth. I want to by myself."

"I'm not sure I follow, honey," she said.

"I'm gay, Mom. Jakob is my boyfriend."

 

"He came out to her right there. In front of me. I had no idea. I probably looked like I had seen a ghost."

"How did his mother react?"

I stopped to think. I had been so traumatized by his admission at the time, I didn't vividly remember her actions.

"You know, I was so freaked, I'm not really sure. I just remember her ... being calm. `I see,' she said. She could tell I was probably shocked by his coming out. I remember her saying that he had `chosen wisely' and that I was a fine boy. Yeah. She was just so ... so calm."

"Did that make you feel better?"

"It probably calmed me down. For sure. I was so ... oh my gosh, my emotions were everywhere. I was kind of mad at him but also really proud of how brave he was. Part of me wanted my parents to be just like her. But I knew they wouldn't be. There was a pit in my stomach wondering how long I had to keep it a secret."

"What was your primary reason that you felt you had to come out to your parents?" Trevor asked.

"Honesty. They had always raised me to be honest. Hiding felt like lying. It wasn't, but it felt like it. I really wrestled with it for a month."

"How did the relationship progress?"

"Slowly. I think we only jacked off together ... oops, sorry, TMI ... once that month. We were alone at his house one afternoon. A couple weeks later I was over one afternoon. We were lying on his bed. He had just kissed me when his father walked in. I freaked."

"Clothes or no clothes?"

"Oh, we were dressed. We were just really close on the bed. Very cozy. My heart was pounding. I felt like I had to come up with an excuse. His dad acted like there was nothing to see. His mom came in shortly thereafter and told us to wash up for dinner. I loved being at his house. We were ... `us' over there. They accepted everything."

"Sounds like a nice family."

"They SO were. They still are."

A woman came into the room and offered Trevor a sparkling water. She handed me a Diet Coke. I thanked her. I took a big drink. I wondered how I was doing with this discussion. I wasn't sure what Dr. Martin expected me to be saying. I wasn't nearly as open as Lance would be. He'd spill every lurid detail, but I still felt kind of exposed for talking about things so personal.

"What next?" he asked.

"Valentine's Day. Anson and I bought each other a gift. I didn't want to go to his place ON Valentine's Day. It would be too obvious with my family. We met after school. We found a spot in the school parking lot that was pretty vacated. We actually parked behind some kind of delivery truck. We exchanged gifts."

 

"We probably don't have long," I said. "Someone is bound to walk by eventually."

Hearing that, Anson leaned in for a kiss. It was a strong kiss.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he said as he pulled his lips from mine.

He reached for his gift and handed it to me. It was a wrapped box; a solid color to the paper didn't convey "Valentine's Day." I opened it. Neither of us knew what to give a guy on a romantic holiday. We both just felt like it was something we should do. I pulled out a shirt from the box. It was nice. There was a slight gay "edge" to it.

"I like it," I said.

"I thought you'd look sexy in it. I went to a gay store over by the university."

I looked at him like that was the bravest thing in the world. Anson seemed so comfortable in life. I handed my gift to him. It was a gift bag with hearts on the outside. Red tissue paper fluffed from the top. "It's dumb."

He leered at me and then opened the bag. It was a plush animal.

"A bear," he said, not sure what to say.

It wasn't a teddy bear. It looked like a bear on all fours.

"Yeah. When I saw it in a store, it made me think of the room where we had our first kiss. You know, the cabin?"

"Right. It's cute."

"I thought, whenever you're in bed and think of me and I'm not there, you can hold this instead and remember that night."

He kissed me. "You're adorable."

"You're my bear."

"You know that's a term for hairy gay guys. You're growing more hair than me. I think you have more chest hair every time we jack off."

"I wish I was holding your dick right now," I bluntly said.

Wow. I had never been so brazen. I couldn't believe I had said that. He must not have been taken aback because I saw his hand reach down to touch the crotch of my jeans.

"You and me both," he said, going in for a kiss.

Suddenly, we heard the delivery truck start up. We looked out the window. The driver looked down at us and just winked. Good lord.

"I guess I should get home."

"I'll drop you off."

We looked around to see if anyone was in eyesight.

"In case we can't do this later ..." I said.

I leaned in for one last kiss. We pulled away and looked into each other's eyes.

"I love you, Jakob," he said to me.

Stunned. Wow. There it was. It was the first time I heard that said to me by anyone other than my mother. Even my grandparents had never used that word. Nor Dad. At least not that I could remember.

"Are you okay?" he said. I must have looked shocked.

I rushed in for another kiss. "I love you, too."

We heard a voice and started up the car. As we drove the short distance to my house, I reached over to hold his hand.

A minute later, I was opening the door. I looked back at him.

"Bye, Jakob."

"Bye, bear."

 

"The gifts were really simple. We didn't have jobs at the time. Simple, round-the-house jobs — that kind of thing — gave us enough to buy something for each other. The big thing was that we both said we loved each other that day."

"Nice."

"Yeah. But it pushed me. He was so open with his family. They were accepting of me. And I hated being in my house more each day. I felt like I was walking around being totally fake. I never lied, but ... I was living in fear."

"Did your family members say anything? Suspect anything?"

"Not that I could tell. But I hated my life. I wanted to be me. Truly me. To be able to talk about Anson. It took me a week after Valentine's Day, but I finally mustered up the courage. I was going to tell my parents."

 

Keaton was in his room. Teresa was at a friend's house. It was early Saturday afternoon. Mom had put away lunch. Dad was reading the paper. Mom came into the living room, and the three of us were sitting there. My heart was pounding. I wanted to tell them, but I was terrified.

I took in a deep breath. "Mom? Dad?"

They both looked toward me.

"You know how you have always taught me to be honest?"

"Of course," Dad said.

"I want to tell you something, but I'm afraid. But you have always taught me to be honest, and I have become really tired ... tired of hiding."

"Jakob?" Mom asked. "Are you in any trouble?"

"Oh, no. Heavens no." I almost backed out. But I knew I had started it. I stood up. "I want to be completely honest with you. As scary as it is to tell you, I'm just going to come right out. I'm pretty sure I'm gay. I know I'm gay. I don't want to feel like I'm living a lie with you."

The room was silent. The air seemed immediately thick. You could cut the tension with a knife.

"No, you're not," Dad said.

Mom looked terrified. She didn't know what to say. She looked at Dad, who was glaring at me. Then she looked at me. She probably could see me trembling.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am, Dad."

"Not in this house. We won't have that type of lifestyle in this house. We're a God-fearing family."

"It's not like that, Dad. It's not like I get to choose. I've known for close to a year now. Actually, even longer. I thought it might be just a phase or something, but it doesn't work that way."

"How do you know?" Mom said, sitting taller.

"You just know."

"Nope. No. We will NOT have that in this house."

"Dad, ..."

"NO! I will tell you right now, Jakob. You will not live that way, or you will have to move out."

"I can't not be this way, Dad. You've taught me to be honest. I'm telling you the truth. I'm gay."

"Maybe we can take you to a doctor," said Mom.

"A doctor. Mom, it's not an illness. It's just the way I am."

"We will NOT have that type of sin in OUR house," Dad said louder.

"Have you done anything with another boy before?" Mom asked.

"A little. Some kissing. We've been a little intimate."

"Good lord!" Dad screamed. "How vile. Do you not know how sinful that is?"

"I'm in love, Dad. That's what gave me the confidence to be honest with you. I love him."

"Who is this person??" Dad demanded.

"Is that really important?"

"Did he force you to do this?" Mom asked.

"No. Of course not. We were both attracted to each other."

"Is he a child molester?! How old is he?"

"No. NO! That's crazy. He's my age."

Dad stood up. He clenched his fists. I could hear his breath seething from his nostrils. He was silent for a couple of minutes. My heart was a jackhammer. I was trying to remember to breathe. I did what I had to do. I was honest.

"Then this is what it will have to be. If you are going to decide to be gay, then you'll have to move out of the house."

"Move out? Where would I go?"

"That's up to you. I won't have a gay son in this house."

"But I didn't decide to. I just am. Can't you accept that?"

"I will not! We did not raise you to be that way. This is not who we want you to be. If you are going to live a gay life, it must be somewhere else."

"But Dad ..."

"No buts!"

"George," Mom said to my father.

"No, Martha. This is all on him. If this is who he is going to be, it will not be with our support."

Dad refused to listen to me. Keaton had heard the yelling. He came out of his bedroom. I could see him standing at the edge of the hall. He didn't say anything. He just listened, peering from a distance.

"We will not have this house soiled by such filth. Take whatever you want with you, but you must move out tomorrow."

Dad's words were a knife. I was shaken to the core. Why couldn't it go like Anson's parents? I had absolutely no idea what to do. I began to tremble. Holy crap. What would I do??

"Where will I go?" I whimpered to Mom.

Tears were streaming down her face.

"That's up to you!" Dad said and stormed out the front door. His face was red with rage.

Mom gave me a pained look and ran to her bedroom, crying. Not to me. Not to hold me. Not to hug me. I stood in the living room alone. I heard our bedroom door shut. Keaton had closed it. I walked to the den and picked up the phone. I dialed Anson.

"Hey there!" he answered.

I didn't say anything at first. I was sobbing.

"Jakob? Is that you? Are you there?"

"Yeah. I ... um ... I came out to my parents."

"Oh, wow. How did it go?"

"Horrible. They're kicking me out. I ... I ... don't know where to go."

"What!?? Are you serious!? That's crazy. Jakob, that's terrible."

I cried. I couldn't make out any more words.

"Do you want me to come over? Do they know about me?"

"No. I didn't tell them. I ... I guess I'll start packing some things. I'll call you later tonight."

"Please! I'm worried. Promise me you'll call."

I hung up. I was truly in shock. My life was over. I had no home. I had nowhere to go. I walked to the bedroom like a zombie. I opened the door. Keaton was staring at me.

"What did you do?" he asked.

"I was honest with Mom and Dad."

"Honest? What the heck does that mean? I heard Dad kicking you out."

"I told him I was gay."

"Gross!! Why would you want to be gay?"

"It's not want or not want. I just am. I thought I should be honest with them."

"Well, no wonder Dad wants you out of here. Have you ever been gay in here??"

"What's that supposed to mean? I am gay. No matter where I am. It's not an ... an ... act. It's not a magic trick you perform. It's who I am. IT'S WHO I AM!!!"

"No wonder Dad is making you go. Why would you choose that over our family?"

"I'm not choosing anything. I'm just ... me. Why doesn't anyone get that?! Why won't anyone listen?"

 

"It did not go well."

"I take it from what I know about you that this was possibly when you were asked to leave the house," Trevor said.

"Asked to leave. Huh. I was kicked out. My father demanded I leave the next day. I had no place to go. I was 17 and scared out of my wits. Anson's parents were so supportive. They didn't blink. Mine kicked me to the curb. I was terrified. I've never considered myself suicidal, ever. Not even then. But in that instant, I had no options. I was wondering if that was all that would be available to me."

"So what happened?"

"I called Anson that evening."

 

"Thank God! I'm so glad you called."

"I still don't know what I'm going to do."

"I do."

"What?" I asked. "What do you mean?"

"After you called, I was bawling. My parents came to see what the matter was. They are heartbroken for you, Jakob. We want you to come live with us. At least for now. You have a place to go. You're not alone."

I exhaled. I was still terrified, but I had an escape door. Tears ran down my cheeks. I hated all this but hearing the words "You are not alone" rescued me. For the moment.

"Pack up some things. I will come by in the morning. When your family is at church, we will move some of your things here. It'll be okay."

 

"His family felt horrible for me. They agreed to take me in. At that time I didn't know for how long. At least for that moment, I had a plan, a lifeline. I don't know what I would have figured out to do. I didn't have a cell phone to make calls to people. Knowing me, I would have felt safest going to the police. I'm sure they would have set me up with a social worker or something."

"It must have been terrifying."

"Totally. Once I felt like I knew what would happen, I tried to stop crying. I didn't talk to anyone in my family the rest of the day. Mom came in to see my packing. Keaton had gone out with some old high school buddy. I don't think Teresa even knew anything was happening. She didn't come in to see me. I'm sure Mom and Dad hadn't told her anything."

"What would you have said to her?"

"What I did say to her. The next morning, they all got ready for church. When I didn't start to leave with them, Teresa asked if I was coming. My parents told her no. She ran to my room to see if I was sick. She saw all the boxes. I knew she was confused. She looked at me. I told her I loved her. She was even more confused. My parents told her to get in the car. It was the last time I saw her for five years. I didn't see any of the rest of them until Lance came into my life."

"Never?"

"No."

"That's really harsh. What was it like moving in with Anson's family?"

"The Petriellos. Like exiting hell into heaven. Granted, the first few weeks, I was still very scared. I didn't know how long it would last, or if they would ask me to leave soon. I got into survival mode pretty quickly. But those first few weeks, I'm sure I said "thank you" for everything a million times a day. I was probably annoying, but they saved me. They were such good people. They ARE such good people."

"I suppose you and Anson didn't have to hide sleeping together anymore."

"No. We didn't do anything sexual for the first two weeks. We'd kiss good night and I'd hold him. That was it. Once I was confident the world wasn't going to cave in, we ... resumed our sexual exploration, if you want to call it that. Bear told me he loved me every night."

"Bear?"

"Oh, my nickname I gave him."

"Was he hairy?"

"Ha." I chuckled. "Not at all. Our first kiss was in that cabin. It was decorated with a bear theme. He was my bear."

"Cute."

 

It had been two weeks since Anson picked me up. I moved clothes, items I needed for school and a couple of personal items. I didn't take a lot.

It was Sunday night. We had school the next day. We kissed and said we loved each other. I rolled over to hold Anson in bed. Before either of were asleep, my hand moved down and slipped inside Anson's briefs. He was not hard.

That changed.

When he was fully erect, he pulled them down. I worked on his cock for a couple of minutes. I kissed him some more as I jerked his pole. He must have really had his lust pent-up. It didn't take long.

"Jakooooobbb," he whispered.

He shot his cum onto his chest. I leaned into kiss him, and his arms pulled me tighter than he had ever embraced me before. I didn't let go of his cock.

"I am so glad you did that," he said. "I wanted to, but I didn't want to push ... you know. I knew you were in a weird place."

He rolled me to my back. I didn't even have to take off my briefs. He pulled them off me and threw them to the floor. I couldn't see it in the dark, but I could feel Anson maneuvering his body, doing something. His hand grabbed my hard cock. It was slick and sticky, and I knew he had scooped up his cum and was stroking me with it. I'm not sure why I thought that was cool, but I did. It was slippery and syrupy and addictive. My erection felt stimulated to the max. As he pounded my stiff organ, the liquid became stickier. The friction rubbed the nerve endings in my skin. It almost pulled too hard but was just lubricating enough to make the sensations come alive.

"Yeah," I whispered.

He didn't take it slow. He worked my cock with gusto.

"Yeah," I whispered.

He kissed me as his fist continued to pound my spike.

"Yeah," I whispered into his mouth.

"Anson, bear, I'm ... I'm ..."

Anson cupped his other hand over the head of my cock. My ass lifted off the bed as I shot directly into his palm. He felt every blast of my climax directly into his hand. It then dripped down my hard dick and his fingers. My breathing was so loud. It was an intense orgasm. Not to mention, I hadn't come in weeks.

I exhaled.

"What made you do that?" I asked.

"It sounded fun."

Then his hand, soaked in my cum, rubbed all around my penis. I momentarily jerked, then enjoyed being fondled. It was extremely messy. And I was okay with that.

"We needed that," I said.

 

 

"I soon felt at home there. I didn't want to feel like an imposition at all. I helped clean. I put away the dishes almost every night. I offered to mow the lawn. Most teenagers are apathetic. I wanted to be the perfect son. I wasn't their son, but ... they made me feel like it."

At least for a while.

 

* * * *

 

More background on this book, Ascension: Jakob's Ladder, can be found at the blog: timothylane414stories.blogspot.com

Previous stories by Timothy Lane:

[Book One] Extracurricular
[Book Two] If It Weren't For the Two of Us
[Book Three] Hi, I'm Lance

All have been fully posted in "Adult Friends"