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Jakob's full story has been darker than the previous stories. Thanks for supporting him, knowing he does rise from his past. This a gentler chapter.
21
"When did the drinking start?" Trevor asked.
"From the first day it was legal."
We were down to one table in the
restaurant. They had just finished dessert. Most staff were attending their
cleaning duties. By this time, I should have been released. The manager asked
me to stay. To my surprise, a cake with candles was brought out. Several of the
servers were singing. I was not expecting any attention.
"Wow. I I I ..." I couldn't
stutter out a finished sentence.
"Blow out all the candles," Victor
said.
I had to assume my new roommate was
behind this. He knew it was my birthday but hadn't indicated he was working on
anything. The manager was all smiles as she cut the cake. Everyone scarfed down
a slice, gave me happy wishes and a few hugs. Angel kissed me on the cheek.
They all had closing duties, so we could only take a short break for such
nonsense.
"I'm sure you are responsible for this,"
I said to Victor. "Thank you."
"Happy birthday, sweetie," he said
and gave me a hug.
The final table left.
"Stick around a bit?" the manager
said.
"Yeah. Sure. Anything wrong?"
"Goodness no," she said and handed
me a frozen margarita seconds later.
"What's this?"
"Sweetheart, you're 21. You deserve
a drink. Enjoy."
I slipped some of the frozen
lime-infused liquid into my mouth.
"I love these," I said.
"I know. I remember. You're one of
six people who have been with this restaurant for my last four years here. This
is a transient business. It's nice to have people who stay with you. You're a
hard worker, Jakob."
"Thanks," I said, after swallowing
another sip.
"Now that you are old enough to
serve drinks, would you like to become a server?"
I had thought about this for a long
time. Servers took home much more in tips. It would be a pay bump, for sure.
Maybe that would give me some financial stability.
"I would."
"I'll put you on the training
schedule next week."
We talked for a while. Alice kept
giving me margaritas. My manager was really nice. Apparently, it was commonly
known I did not have a bed of my own or my own room. Perhaps that spurred the
nice gesture everyone put forth for me tonight. Staff members kept coming to
the bar to be signed out by Alice. A few of them gave me birthday wishes again
before heading out.
Victor joined us after finishing up,
and Alice gave him a free margarita too. She was in a good mood. Victor could
be very kind. When he finished his margarita, I was wrapping up my third.
"Okay. I'm really feeling these," I
told them.
I would later be told that I was
starting to slur my words, so Victor asked for my keys. He pulled my car into a
locked area where it could stay overnight. I didn't necessarily remember getting
into his car, but he drove us home. I did at least remember thanking Alice for
her kindness. Before we left, I told Victor and Alice it was my nicest birthday
since I was 18. No question. Someone actually gave me some attention. It wasn't
a lot, but I felt noticed.
We were fairly loud when we walked
in. Graham came out of his room.
"Happy birthday, Jakob," he said.
"Thanks. Sorry to awaken you. I'm
kind of buzzed."
"He's kind of smashed," said Victor.
Graham went back to his room.
Victor sat down next to me. "I could
do one last thing for your birthday. Want to fuck me?"
I laughed. "You're sweet."
"So?"
"You're sweet, but there's no way.
In the state I'm in, I couldn't get anything to work. I just want to crash."
"If you're
sure."
I was. I wasn't even going to
attempt to pull out the mattress. I slumped over on the couch. I tried to untie
my shoes. I couldn't. I finally just pushed them off with my feet. I had just
enough strength to pull off my shirt. The last coherent thought I had was
trying to figure out how Timothy could have sex when stoned. And I was out.
"I got plastered on margaritas on my birthday. It was legal
to drink. I trained to be a server now that I was 21, and it helped
financially. Briefly. You start at the bottom so I wasn't getting the killer
shifts, so I would still bus on the good nights, just to make some cash. My
goal was to save enough to buy a bed. But I had to get a room first."
"So you were going to go out on your own eventually?"
"I didn't think too far ahead. I wanted a bed. But I
couldn't put it in the living room obviously."
"Sure."
"That year was okay, at first. Being one of the servers, I
often would go out with them following work. If they did a club, I would rarely
dance, but it was nice to go with them. They seemed like friends. At least at
the time. But I slowly became one of those people I used to mock. I would spend
my money partying and drinking. It was so foolish. I think wanting to feel
included became ... sort of addictive. I made such idiotic decisions."
"Perhaps. But have you considered that it could have been a
potential coping mechanism, considering you were cast out as a teenager? Just
feeling a need to belong is a strong emotion felt by the young."
"Hm." I pondered Trevor's question. "I suppose I didn't look
at it that way. But still, I should have been preparing for the chance that
something might go wrong. Which it did. I should have saved."
Graham and Victor were college
friends. I was under the impression they were a couple at some point several
years ago. They were quite different now. Victor was outgoing. Graham was
quiet. Their schedules were different too. Graham had a typical 9 to 5 job.
Victor had the late nights at the restaurant. I always appreciated Graham
attempting to be as quiet as he could when making breakfast. He had the master
bedroom, so we never heard him getting up and around.
Both of them expected me to clean
their bedrooms once a week. That was the deal. Graham always complimented me.
Once I rearranged things on his bookshelf. He said it looked great. I had a
flair for it. I even bought a couple of items that made the whole thing look
nice. He really took that to heart. When I made their beds, I tried to remember
what I saw in those magazines when I was younger. At least in my mind, the
rooms looked better than when I started.
Victor never praised me. He gave me
a sincere "thank you" and that was it.
I had two beers one afternoon when I
was cleaning Victor's room. I usually didn't drink that much in the day, but I
was in a mood. And we had it around the apartment, so I just did. I didn't
dance much when I went out with others. I didn't think I was a good dancer. But
I put on some music and started dancing by myself as I cleaned Victor's room.
One wild whirl to "Moves Like Jagger" and I had knocked over a lamp. It was
completely broken. It was nothing irreplaceable, but still a stupid move on my
part.
When Graham came home from work, he
was sympathetic to my situation but said I shouldn't beat myself up too much.
It was an accident.
"My two roommates were Victor and Graham. College buddies.
Graham was kind, but his schedule was so different than ours. I didn't spend as
much time with him as I might have liked. Victor and I worked together. I was
expected to clean the apartment regularly. I accidentally broke a lamp of
Victor's. He came home with a coworker. He was livid. I completely apologized.
He yelled at me for a while. I could tell he had already had something to
drink."
"Victor. He was the mean drunk?"
"Right. He and our coworker kept drinking. They were in the
living room, which is where I slept. I couldn't really get ready for bed other
than brush my teeth. The more they drank, the louder they got. Graham came out
to see me just sitting on the couch."
"Jakob, not that my room is that
much quieter, but do you want to sleep with me?"
"Like ... in your bed? With you?"
"I don't bite. I swear."
I chuckled. "That's not what I
meant. That's very nice of you."
"He invited me into his room. It was a kind gesture on his
part."
"What kind of invitation was it?"
"To sleep. Really. That was all. Graham was really what I
would have wanted for a boyfriend. Handsome, polite, intelligent. We just
didn't spend time together. I appreciated all of his good qualities, but I hadn't
developed feelings for him. He was four years older. At that time, I probably
felt that difference was huge. It's funny because I am four years older than my
husband Lance."
I took off my jeans and socks. I
left my underwear and shirt on.
"This is really kind, Graham. Thank
you. I was getting the impression I was never going to get any sleep."
"I know. Victor can be a dick after
a few drinks."
I let him get into bed first. I
would fill whatever leftover space once he had his "side."
I crawled in and pulled up the
sheet. Graham turned off his lamp and said, "Good night."
"Good night. Man.
I haven't slept in an actual bed in ages."
It felt good. I hadn't felt a real
bed since nights with Timothy. I didn't know if it was because I said that or
if it just felt natural, but when I rolled onto my side, Graham did the same
and put his arm around me.
We were silent for a moment.
"Is that okay?" he mumbled.
"Yeah," I said dumbfounded.
It honestly felt glorious. I loved
being held. To be held by such a handsome man was a thrill. There was nothing
affectionate going on, but it was a thrill. I smiled in the darkness. Graham
wore sleep pants to bed with no shirt. I could feel his chest just slightly
touch my back. His crotch was pressed into my ass, but not tightly. For a
moment, I was just aware of the bulge, but then he pulled back. For such a
terrible day, this was just a slight moment of heaven. Minutes later I could
hear the slightest of snores letting me know he had drifted off. I melted into
his embrace.
"Nothing happened. But he held me. It reminded me of being
with Anson. That had been three years before. I never forgot what being held in
a bed felt like. I think it was the purest sense of comfort. Graham had only
brought two men home that I could remember. Each one once. The first one was
Black, the second one Caucasian. As I lay there with him, I thought he was a
magnificent catch. I wondered why he never found someone to fall in love with.
That made me realize I wanted to be in love again. It had been quite some
time."
"Did you plan on dating again?"
"The lack of a bed situation still bothered me. Money too,
even though I seemed to somehow justify going out for drinks."
Victor and Panther had left the
living room. I soon heard them both in bed. I didn't know Panther's real name.
We all just knew him by that. I couldn't tell one groan from the other. I
couldn't tell who was the top and who was the bottom. Finally Panther screamed
"Fuck me." That told me what I needed to know. They went after it for about 15
minutes. I could hear quite a bit of it. Graham slept through it. It made me realize
that on those occasions Graham did bring someone home, I didn't hear them from
the living room.
In the middle of the night, Graham
got up to pee. He came back and climbed into bed. This time I put my arm around
him. He accepted it. I lay there thinking how blissful it was to hold a man. He
drifted off to sleep right away. I felt my cock get hard and press into his
ass. He didn't notice. I fell asleep a few minutes later.
"I never felt like I was worth dating, to be honest. None of
the gay men at work showed me much attention. I knew I wasn't handsome."
"Why do you say that?"
I looked at Trevor quizzically. "Well. Look at me."
"Jakob, it's not something I would typically say in a
discussion like this, but you have an adorable, boy-next-door quality. You're
very cute."
"Whatever. I know better."
"I'm not saying they are going to cast you as the next
Captain America, but I get the impression you are too hard on yourself. You're
a fine-looking man."
"Not as good looking as Graham. He could do way better than
me. Almost six feet tall, handsome, sandy blond hair, trim he was a catch. I
had no self-esteem at that time. Not that I'm a shining fireball of confidence
right now, but back then, it was zilch."
"Let's keep going with that," Trevor said. "Continue."
"Anytime I even remotely thought about dating someone and
I only really knew people at work I questioned how far it would go. I
couldn't bring anyone home."
"Because of the bed."
"Sure."
"Was sleeping with someone that crucial to dating for you?"
"It's not like the gay community has a lot of people who
say, `Let's wait until we get married.' I just thought it out far enough to
realize that I could never take it to where it would naturally go."
"You could have gone to that person's place."
"True. And I did think of that, but no one really showed
interest, so I didn't pursue it. I just figured no one was interested. I wasn't
dating material."
Trevor scribbled a few notes. I wondered what I had said.
Clearly, he knew I wasn't proud of myself back then.
"Did you try to build friendships?"
"I guess. I suppose it was just a feeling of needing
company. I didn't want to be alone. So several of us went out drinking
frequently. So, I probably could have saved more if it weren't just the
feelings of not wanting to be alone. So ... drinking buddies was about as much as
a friendship that I had. I was sort of the odd duck. Several of them would
smoke ... and smoke pot too. Being the little church boy, I'm sure they thought I
was too innocent or naοve to be that much fun. But we did go out and drink.
That was a common link, so I grabbed on to it."
Trevor nodded.
"You know, there was a time when Graham and I had a simple
friendship," I added.
"Tell me more."
"Victor had loud friends over again. Graham opened his door
to see if I was a part of it or if I was just being kept awake. He saw me on
the couch. He nodded his head motioning me to his room. I was glad."
"Good ol' Victor," Graham said as I
slipped into his bed after taking off my jeans and shirt.
"He's not always this bad," I said,
trying to say something nice.
"Drinking always made him louder. He
was this way in college. `Let's party, let's go drinking, let's grab some weed,
let's go clubbing." Graham let out a sigh.
"Didn't you date for a little
while?" I asked.
"About three weeks. We had been
friends in class for a while. Once we knew for sure that each other was gay, we
tried to get closer. We were not a good fit."
"Why so?"
"Well, `Let's party, let's go
drinking, let's grab some weed, let's go clubbing.' It's not that I wouldn't do
those things ever, but he was just so adamant that we did them all the time. I
wanted to focus on class. I could tell he was bringing my grades down. We weren't
great in bed either."
"Oh."
"And ... I should clarify, it wasn't
his fault or anything he did. I just ... I'm not a fan of ... everything."
This sounded personal. I didn't want
to pry. If Graham wanted to offer anything further, he could. I wouldn't ask.
"I'm sorry. I'm sure that was
disappointing," I softly said.
Graham was quiet. We both stared at
the ceiling.
"I'm a lousy gay," Graham said.
"What?? Graham, you are very
handsome. You're super nice. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a boyfriend."
He rolled over and put an arm across
my chest.
"That's kind of you. But I don't fit
into the gay community well. I don't like clubbing, I didn't want to do drugs
in college, and I didn't align sexually with most people."
"Oh."
"Victor is a mad fuck. You get him drunk,
and he will destroy your ass."
I laughed. Graham did after I did.
"You'll probably think I'm a total
loser, but I'm not a fan of fucking. Victor fucked me once, and it hurt so bad.
He wanted to do it more, but I always suggested other ... things."
"That doesn't make you a bad gay
person," I said, feeling brave enough to hold his hand on my chest.
"I suppose. I just didn't fit. I had
this career-focused mentality, and Victor and most of the gay friends I knew
were about having fun. Looking back, I'm glad I was responsible. I've got a
great job; he works in a restaurant. Sorry, no offense."
"None taken."
"He didn't use his degree. We still
stayed friends, but we aren't close. I think of us as roommates rather than
friends now. I'm not sure he'll ever change."
"Hm." I didn't know what to say. We
weren't talking about anything cheery, but it dawned on me that I was enjoying
sharing with someone. Anson and I used to be very open. I missed it.
"Victor doesn't listen to me," I
said. "When I mention it's getting a little loud not just for me, but for our
neighbors, I'm sure he just waves me off. People don't listen to me. He sure
doesn't."
"That's Victor." He gave me the
smallest kiss on my neck. "Don't let him get to you."
We didn't say anything else. We
snuggled and tried to get some sleep. Two hours later we heard a loud crash.
Both of us jumped up in the bed.
"What was that?" I asked, startled.
"I'll go check," he groaned,
throwing off the sheets.
Since I was awake, I needed to pee.
I got up and went to the bathroom. I squinted as the lights came on. I could
hear a little from the bathroom. The bedroom door was still open a few inches.
Lots of laughing, I heard the word "blood," and it continued to be loud.
Nothing screamed: "emergency." I crawled back in bed.
Graham came back into the bedroom.
Closing the door, it seemed really dark. I looked at the clock. 2:24.
I could hear Graham rustling around,
but he didn't get in bed right away. Eventually I felt the sheet move.
"What's going on?"
"One of Victor's friends dropped
something and slammed his head into the table getting up. They're so drunk,
they think it is hysterical. We checked to see if he was bleeding, but there is
no blood. There is enough of a scratch that he is going to feel it tomorrow."
Graham rolled into me again and held
me.
"If I haven't said thank you for
rescuing me tonight, thank you," I told him.
"He might grow up one day."
We gave a light chuckle.
"Thanks for listening to me
earlier," Graham said to me.
"Anytime. That's what friends are
for."
Friends. I liked thinking that. Our
schedules were very different. We hadn't spent a lot of time together,
particularly just the two of us, but Graham was nice to talk to. The two of us had
seemed to let our guards down tonight.
I clutched his hand. He made the
softest of hums in approval. Almost like a purr.
I felt something press into my hip.
I assumed it was his other arm. I reached back to hold him, a hip or leg or
something. I felt the hair on his leg, I slowly moved my hand and realized I
was touching his bare rear end. He had taken off his sleepwear. Graham was
lying with me naked.
My heart skipped a beat and I
breathed in all the oxygen in the room. My eyes were wide open. Why did he do
this? He hadn't said anything. Was I expected to do something? I was
momentarily alarmed. Sirens were flashing in my eyes.
I exhaled as silently as possible.
He was laying contented. Graham
didn't seem to be expecting anything. I just heard him breathing. I wasn't sure
if he was awake or not. Slowly, I relaxed again into his embrace. The warmth of
his skin on my fingertips was comforting. I was laying with a naked man once
again. I didn't need to know anything further. I didn't question it.
We were at peace.
Five minutes later, there was a roar
of laughter from the kitchen.
"Ugh," we both said at the same
time, and then chuckled. Graham made a big sigh. I heard him mutter "Victor"
under his breath.
He pressed closer to me. His arm
squeezed me tight for a moment. Then he pulled his hand from mine and moved it
across my chest. He gently felt the hair that had grown in fairly thick around
my pecs. It was my turn to purr. Soon his fingers stopped caressing my chest
and roamed further down to my navel and then to my briefs. His large hand
gently gripped the bulge in my underwear. I had been hard for several minutes.
He could feel it through the fabric.
He didn't say anything; I didn't say
anything. It was just there. My hand still cupped his ass behind me. His rod
was pressed hard into my hip.
I had no idea what Graham was
thinking. I, on the other hand, was exhilarated. I hadn't felt anything sensual
with another person since Timothy more than a year ago. I breathed slowly in my
contentment.
We were at peace.
A minute later, Graham rolled his
body slightly. My hand had been on his butt, but as he rolled, my touch flowed
along his body until he moved his cock right into my fingers. I gripped his
erection and held it. At first. I just held it. Seconds later, I squeezed it a
little. It was so warm. Then I loosened my grip so that my fingers could touch
its entire length, fondling it up and down the rigid staff. Graham accepted
everything.
I rolled onto my back and gently pulled
on his firm anatomy. He hummed. I knew he wanted me to feel his cock. I wished
I could see it, but it was too dark. His legs kicked the sheet off of us. As I
began to get serious about giving Graham a full handjob, his fingers slipped
below the waistband of my briefs and touched my dick. That was a bolt of
lightning through my system. I stopped my service only for a moment. Soon, my
underwear was tossed to the floor. Side by side, skin against skin, our hands
felt each other. I loved it.
It was tender.
I knew I wanted his cock in my
mouth. I leaned up and over his crotch. I hesitated ever so slightly in case he
wanted to tell me "no." He didn't. His shaft felt magnificent as it moved into
my mouth. As I slurped on its length, it was heaven.
Graham softly moaned. The noise from
the kitchen would drown out anything anyway.
I began sucking aggressively. I
hadn't performed oral sex in ages. It felt nice. It felt invigorating. I felt
alive.
I sucked and slurped and licked and
engulfed his cock. It was nice: six inches firm, cut and streamlined. I wished
I could see it.
Graham moved his arms to pull and
maneuver my body. It took me a moment to understand his intent. Soon I realized
we were going to 69. He swallowed my hard dick in his mouth.
"Oh yeah," I moaned.
I put my mouth back on his hard
cock. We serviced each other for many minutes. We didn't seem to be in any
rush. I inhaled the scent of his crotch in my nostrils. His hand cupped my ass
cheek. And we sucked and sucked with a succulence of some forbidden fruit.
Graham's breath exhaled through his
nostrils onto my balls. It was heavy. He hummed louder around my cock. His body
language was telling me everything. He was going to come any second.
I gripped his ass and pushed him
firmly into my throat. I wanted to take it all. I felt cum squirt onto my
tongue and the roof of my mouth. It struck my throat. It was everywhere as his
mouth hummed loudly around my cock. His body shuddered at the end of his
orgasm.
I pushed harder and harder into his
mouth. I so wanted to come at the same time, but I wasn't there. I sat upright.
I moved my body to straddle his chest.
"Come for me," Graham spoke to me.
I yanked my moist erection above his
face. My breathing was loud and ragged as I jerked my stiff meat.
"Come for me, Jakob."
"I'm almost there," I gasped.
"Yeah."
"Where should I ... ?"
"Coat my chest."
I wriggled back a foot. I could feel
my climax starting to build. It was building. It was building closer. I was
almost there. My ragged breathing told Graham everything. I was there.
"Ungh!" I called out. In a
nanosecond I wondered if the guys could hear me. A second later, I didn't care.
I fired a fountain of spurts above
him. My moaning had a pleading whine to it. I had coated my cum all over
Graham. It felt intense. It was a fantastic release. I let out a huge exhale at
the end of my orgasm.
"Wow, that was ... wow. I think I'm
pretty much covered," Graham said.
"Stay still. I'll get you a towel."
I pulled his towel off the rod in
the bathroom. After I had wiped my impromptu lover clean, I threw the towel to
the bathroom floor.
When I climbed back into bed, he
wrapped his arms around me to hold me. We breathed in contentment.
"I really should get some sleep," he
said. He kissed me on the cheek, and we snuggled close.
"Graham and I got close for a little while."
"As friends or ... more?" Trevor asked for clarification.
"Both. Kind of in between. The two of us opened up to each
other. Despite him being older, we had a lot in common."
Later that morning, the alarm went
off at 6:45. Graham was in my arms at that point. I let go and he turned off
the alarm. He stumbled into the bathroom. By the time he had finished taking a
leak, I had fallen back asleep.
An hour and 10 minutes later he
jostled me awake.
"Wha
huh?"
"Sorry. We'll talk when I get home
tonight, okay?"
"Sure. Yeah." I barely was coherent.
He leaned over and gave me a simple
kiss on the lips. "Thanks for last night."
And he was gone.
I had the day shift at the
restaurant. Lunch was busy, but the afternoon crawled. When the evening shift
arrived, I finished my duties and left. I got home around 4:50. I felt as if I
was covered in ranch dressing and grilled beef. I wanted another shower.
As I rinsed off, I thought about the
previous night. Surely it was a one-night thing. I was nowhere in Graham's
league. It was just the situation we found ourselves in. That was all. It was
dark.
Even if it was just a fleeting,
one-night stand, everything about Graham was comforting. If I were older and
had money and a bigger dick and was better looking ... right ... I would love to
see us become a couple. It just wasn't in the cards.
I came out of shower wrapped in a
towel. I didn't expect anyone to be home but couldn't be sure. Graham came out
of the kitchen. He startled me. We chuckled and said hello. I headed toward the
chest of drawers for some fresh clothes. He grabbed my wrist and held me in place
a moment.
"I probably owe you something from
last night."
He pulled off my towel. I
immediately felt weird standing naked in the daytime in front of him. He knelt
down and put his mouth around my small cock. It wasn't remotely hard. It just
looked short. He tickled the head a moment with his tongue. I didn't feel right
about any of it.
"Graham, wait. Stop."
He pulled his head back.
"Let me get some clothes on. Let's
talk," I said.
A couple minutes later I had a Coke
in my hand, and we sat on the couch.
"I'm sorry," he began. "All day long
I thought about how I came in your mouth last night and I didn't reciprocate."
"Trust me. I enjoyed everything," I
said.
He slumped back into the couch and
let out a big sigh.
"Jakob. Jakob, Jakob, Jakob. I'm
going to be alone my whole life."
"What do you mean?"
"Last night I told you I was a lousy
gay. I am. I just don't fit. I don't fit in with anybody or any group. I'm just
an odd duck."
"Like an incredibly handsome, kind,
thoughtful odd duck," I quickly countered.
"Thanks."
"So what's wrong?"
"What I did to you last night wasn't
right."
"I participated, remember?"
"Yes. I suppose." He sat up and
looked at me. "But I thought it felt so nice just to have you next to me. Most
guys immediately want to suck and fuck. And I don't fuck well. It hurts when I
bottom, and I'm kind of clumsy as a top. I feel ridiculous. So often I wish I
had just been born straight and didn't have to deal with all this crap."
"You could be clumsy fucking women."
"Probably!!"
"I'm sorry. That wasn't the point I
was trying to make. You have amazing qualities. I'd kill to be you. Heaven
knows I'm no gay expert, but there has to be a guy out there that would
appreciate you for the wonderful person you are."
"You're sweet. There was actually
someone I had really fallen for. I think you saw him when I brought him home."
"Black guy or white guy?"
"Black. Darian. He works on the
floor below me. We enjoyed a few lunches together. I found him so handsome. I
seem to be into African-American men, by the way. I haven't figured it out, but
I'm drawn to them. I thought we might have something. When we went to bed, it
started out nice. Quite romantic. He said he wanted to fuck me. I wanted `us'
to work so bad, I thought I'd give it a go one more time. It was not good. I'm
surprised you didn't hear me scream in pain when he entered me."
"I didn't."
"He was nice enough to do other
things, like we did last night, but I sent up a red flag. We were not on the
same page sexually. I never saw him at lunch after that day."
"Well, that was cold."
"Perhaps he thought of it as a clean
break."
"Still cold."
"Black men have a reputation for
being well endowed, so I don't think my dream will come true that way."
"Don't lump everyone into an
identical group. People are different. You'll find the right one."
"I just don't fit!" Graham barked in
frustration. Then he looked a bit embarrassed. "I'm so sorry. I've just dumped
this on you."
"I don't mind. In fact, it's nice
just to talk honestly with someone. I hope you always feel like you can talk to
me."
"Thanks. Can I treat you to dinner?"
"Like you can have your way with me
if you buy me dinner, huh?" I said sarcastically. Then I felt stupid for even
saying it. Like Graham would remotely be interested in having his way with me.
"I didn't mean that."
"I know."
"A new pizza place, Parma Sean's, is
opening up near the university. Want to check it out?"
"Yum. Sure."
"Graham opened up to me. It kind of reminded me of how Anson
and I used to talk. I think I realized that as Graham and I became closer. It
had been three years, and I still wasn't fully over Anson," I said, looking
over Trevor's shoulder into the middle space.
"Was it helpful?"
"It was. I wasn't happy at that point in my life. Not
really. But I enjoyed my moments with Graham. I felt good in those times. I
always thought no one listened to me, but Graham did. It was kind of like an
older brother."
"But ... did you sleep together?"
"A few times. But I knew it wasn't serious. Graham had told
me what he was looking for. I wasn't it. I wasn't even the right race, but I
enjoyed those encounters for what they were. It was just ... I don't know what to
call it ... an opportunity to enjoy being yourself. He felt he was lousy at being
gay. You know what I thought of myself, so we just accepted each other for who
we were. We were intimate a couple of times. When Victor was loud and had
friends over, he'd invite me into his bedroom. Sometimes we'd have sex,
sometimes we didn't."
I was brushing my teeth following
the two beers I had after getting home.
"Thanks again for dinner," I said to
Graham.
"It was good, wasn't it?"
"I think so. I can see myself going
back there again."
"Yeah." Graham stood silent in the
middle of the room. I thought it odd. "Jakob, do you want to sleep in my bedroom
again?"
Whoa. Where was this heading? We had
a nice evening, but nothing ever implied anything romantic other than my lame
joke.
"I coooouuld.
But I don't know if Victor is bringing any friends over."
"I don't care. It would just be nice
to have you next to me."
"Really?" I was in disbelief.
"Clothes or no clothes?"
"Either way."
"Hm. Okay."
We went into his room. It wasn't
late yet, so we turned on his television and lay on his bed for a little while.
He walked into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He had a clothes hamper in
his bathroom closet. I watched him take off one item at a time. Eventually he
stepped out of his underwear. I could see the profile of his dick. I wished
mine looked like that. Graham's penis wasn't hard, but it still hung about four
inches. I figured he would grab his sleepwear and slip the pants on. He didn't.
He pulled back the sheet and climbed in. I felt like I should follow his
example. I took off everything. He had already seen me naked that afternoon, so
seeing me in the low lighting wasn't that big of a deal.
He turned out the lights, switched
the TV off and then rolled over and placed an arm around me. Score. If that was
all that happened, I was happy.
Graham started asking me questions
in the darkened room. He wanted to know about my first gay experiences. From
his line of questioning, I felt he was still wrestling with his own struggles
and how he fit in with other gay men. As I talked, his fingers gently petted my
chest hair. I was so into my own tales, I hardly noticed. When I did, I didn't
think too much about it other than I liked it. He just listened. As I told him
about the ordeal with my father, he moved his hand to lightly touch my balls.
One finger just roamed over each of them as light as a feather. It didn't feel
sexual as much as it did tender. I could tell he was giving me his full
attention. He enjoyed hearing about Anson and me. I asked if he had any high
school experiences. He felt ashamed that he hadn't. Only a few in college,
Victor being one of them.
"What man will ever want me, Jakob?"
he asked, looking into my eyes in the faintest of light.
"Someone who knows how to make a
good choice."
He smiled and gave me a simple kiss
on the lips. "You're so sweet."
Would that be all? Was sex in the
cards? Graham seemed fragile. For once, it wasn't me. I would follow his lead.
He rolled over and put his arm
around me again. I backed up into him and we spooned for a few minutes. I
figured that was all that would happen. I was completely happy with that. Of
course, my dick was harder than steel. In the silence I listened to him breathe.
I could lightly feel his nostrils exhale on my back.
Graham pressed his face into the
back of my neck. "Do me a favor?"
"Sure. What?"
"You'll think I'm dumb."
I rolled toward him. "I will not. I
never would."
"It's too much to ask," he said
backpedaling. His tone conveyed he wanted to take it all back.
"Graham."
He sighed. "Can we practice
fucking?"
"Practice??"
"I knew it!!! It's too dumb. I'm
sorry. Forget I mentioned it. Gawd, I'm so embarrassed."
"Stop," I said, holding his hand. I
gave him a kiss on the lips. "Let's."
Wow. I felt so brave.
"You sure?"
"Yes. I am. How about both ways?"
"Like we both top and bottom? A flip
fuck?"
"Yeah," I said with a little odd
glee in my voice and a smile on my face.
He gathered a towel, some lube and a
condom.
"Oh. I don't have any condoms," I
confessed.
"And this is my only."
"I could promise not to come inside
you...???" I sounded so irresponsible. "I haven't slept with many men. One actually
and he wore a condom. I'm pretty sure I'm safe, but I'm okay if you say `no.' I
will understand."
"It was my request. I'll trust you."
We knew Victor wouldn't be home for
at least an hour. We didn't rush. I wanted to suck Graham's cock before he put
on the condom. He allowed that. As I feasted on his beautiful organ, I let one
of my fingers just roam to his hole. It rubbed and massaged and played. It
wriggled its way in a millimeter at a time, but no further than my fingernail.
Graham moaned at everything I did.
It was curious that someone as handsome as him had about as much sexual
experience as me. Actually, with my time with Anson, I probably had more, even
though it was simple boyhood stuff. I assumed Graham felt like he was missing
out on everything and that was weighing heavily on him.
"I want you to fuck me," he softly
whispered.
I took my mouth off his shaft.
Reaching for the lube, I got my fingers slick. I probed one inside his hole.
"Oh!"
"Relax. Breathe for me."
"Okay, okay."
He did. I played inside him just as
Timothy had done me last year. I took my finger out and lubed up two. Slowly I
inserted them.
"Umm!"
"Are you okay?"
"Um. No. I'm sorry."
"Don't worry. Let's take it slow.
Breathe and relax for me again."
I put one finger back in. He moaned
at that. I put two in. Slowly. Gently. Like watching me move in slow motion. I
heard him exhale. I moved them and probed a bit deeper, again very gradually.
He accepted it. I toyed with his inner chamber for a couple minutes.
"Roll on your stomach for me."
Graham did. I lubed his hole once
more. Then I coated my dick. I hadn't fucked in so long. I didn't have much
more confidence than he did, but I wanted to make him feel better about
himself. I moved his legs apart. My cock was right at the entrance.
"Okay. You ready?"
He nodded. "Uh huh."
Just the tip went in. His body
tensed. I could hear him breathe harder trying to relax. I pushed in a half
inch further. He breathed louder.
"Relax for me, Graham."
"I'm okay."
"Okay."
Gently, I thrust my hips to move all
the way in.
"Ohhhh. That works," he said to me.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Fuck me, Jakob."
I did. I stiff armed my body and
thrust in and out of him the few inches I could. Graham moaned. Graham groaned.
Graham hummed. Graham barked. It was his first enjoyable fuck, and he embraced
it. It felt good for me too. My shaft felt so good inside him. Sliding and
thrusting and drilling: my body enjoyed being both hammer and spike.
"Oh yes. Graham. I feel good inside
you. Do you feel good too?"
"Yeah. Oh, yes, Jakob. I'm good. It
feels good."
I pounded my cock into him for
several minutes. I could feel I was getting close to orgasm. I pulled out.
"I don't want to come yet. Not until
you do me."
"Okay." He turned over. "I really
did like that."
"I'm not that big. That made it
easier."
"That's what I was thinking. It was
perfect."
Perfect. I had never been called
that. Nothing about me had ever been called that. I wasn't remotely perfect,
but my heart soared just to hear someone anyone say that to me.
"Now do what I did."
I rolled onto my back. I wanted to
watch. Graham lubed my hole.
"One finger."
He did. He explored.
"Two."
Two fingers entered me. He played. I
hummed in approval.
"Fuck me, you gorgeous man."
He smiled and chuckled as he rolled
the condom on his erection. He spread lube on his cock. I grabbed my legs,
offering him my hole. His shiny cock was just visible in the dark room. He had
turned the shower light on in the bathroom when getting the towel. A glimmer
showed through the door to barely illuminate our love making.
"Gently," I said.
He put the head inside me. I hummed
and breathed.
"Okay?"
I nodded. Graham pushed in further.
He was gentle, just a centimeter at a time. Soon his entire sword was inside
me. I groaned and then so did he.
"Yeah," we both called out at the
same time.
"Do me, Graham. I'm yours. Take it."
That sounded sexy hopefully. I
wondered if it sounded lame, but Graham was all about the moment.
We fucked for several minutes. Our
growling and calling got loud. It was wonderful. He paused just for a moment to
lunge down for a kiss. I wasn't expecting that. Considering our actions, it
wasn't unusual. My hands reached for the side of his face, and I pulled him in
for a second kiss. Then we just panted into each other's mouths as his cock
worked my passage.
"I'm too close."
He pulled out. "I'm afraid if I
come, I won't want you in me. I want you in me again. Right now."
We flipped. This time I placed him
on his side. I came in from behind. We were two throbbing, writhing, gyrating,
howling bodies. Minutes went by. We called out each other's names. We called
out off-color words. We cussed. We screamed. We made noises that weren't even
civil.
"I've got to stop. I want you again.
Come inside me, Graham."
We switched and lubed up again.
Graham pushed his red cock back inside me. We both groaned at its intrusion. He
fucked me powerfully now. I had wished the lights were on so that I could see
this beautiful man hover above me in sexual frenzy. I loved listening to him. I
loved watching his shadow and the slight glow of his skin in the dim light that
filtered in.
This time, Graham got there in a few
minutes.
"Jakob," he gasped.
"Come for me."
"Jakob."
"Come inside me."
"Oh, Jakob. Oh, Jakob. Oh, holy
fuck. JAKOB!!"
The neighbors heard that. Graham
positively growled as his seed spasmed into the waiting condom. I knew it was
the safe thing to do, but part of me wished it was all spurting inside me. He
pushed and pushed and pushed and then let his cock stay inside me as he
remained motionless. His body planked into a stiff sundial. His neck craned to
the ceiling while he held his torso on stiff arms. He panted and gasped and
breathed.
"Lay on me."
He did. He let his body collapse. I
wrapped my arms around him. He looked at me and kissed me deeply. We made out
for a couple of minutes. I could feel his penis gradually slip from me. I felt
hollow.
We switched positions. I grabbed his
cock now free from the condom and mine together.
"Oh yeah," he said when he felt our
two organs press to each other. I jerked them together.
I had been close to coming before,
so it would not take me long. I wrestled our snakes for a couple of minutes.
Even though he had finished his orgasm, he seemed to enjoy me manipulating his
cock with mine.
"Rub it on my chest," he requested.
"Rub your cock on me."
I motioned my body in place to
follow his direction. I dry humped his torso.
"Yeah. I like that," he breathed.
"Me too," I whispered.
I moaned as my cock throbbed with
stimulation. I thrust my erection up and down his body. I could feel his bush
and dick touch my ass. This was incredibly hot. This was more electric than
what I had experienced with Timothy.
Graham sensed I was almost there.
"Kiss me, Jakob. Kiss me when you
come."
I dove in. Our mouths sealed to each
other. I felt his tongue explore mine. I moaned loudly into his mouth. My dick
exploded. Liquid splattered both our chests. My cock spewed a wave pool of cum
between us. Once he felt it, his hands clutched my ass as it thrust along his
navel.
I pulled my mouth away and gasped
for air.
"Holy fuck!" he said.
I gasped.
"Oh, man," he praised, I could tell
with a smile.
My body melted into his. I gasped.
Our breathing returned. We were a
male sticky mess. We didn't move. We were just wrapped together.
"That was the best sex I've ever
had," Graham said to me. He kissed me.
"Me too," I agreed.
What Anson and I had was more
meaningful, but this was simply hot. Hot sex. Hot, sensual sex. I cared more
for Graham than Timothy, so this was the hottest sex I had ever experienced. I stayed
on top of him for several minutes. Our naked masculinity became a bond we
shared. I felt like some famous sculpture in a world-renowned museum as patrons
would gather around and discuss our male forms. Then we decided we should peel
our bodies apart.
Once clean, we laid next to each
other in the darkness.
"Jakob. Wow. I can't thank you
enough."
"Like I did anything special."
"You did."
"Trust me. Most people are better at
this than me," I said.
"They aren't at listening. Thank you
for listening. Thank you for hearing me."
"Just be yourself."
"In terms of looks and well, everything we were
completely opposite. But we shared a few insecurities. Once we had sex, we had
a connection. I wasn't right for him long term, but I could tell he had
feelings for me. He cared about be. In a small way, I hoped I had helped him."
"You didn't think the two of you had a chance?"
"No."
"Why?" Trevor asked.
"I knew what he wanted. Eventually he found a perfect match.
He was a cop, actually. He had been married for two years but knew he needed to
accept he was gay. Black. Handsome. He even had a kid. Lots of things to unpack
for a relationship, but the two of them were really understanding. It is
unfortunate that this gentleman had been shot on duty. In the leg. He was
confined to a wheelchair for almost a year. Back then his movements were
limited. I think that vulnerability helped bring them together. I'm so glad
they found each other."
"Do you ever see them now?"
"Every now and then. It's always great to see them. I might
ask them to Friendsgiving this year."
"Friendsgiving?"
"Never mind."
"And when he found this person, you weren't jealous?"
"Jealous? No. I was thrilled for him. He opened up to me
like a childhood friend as our connection started. But I suppose there was a
sense of loss in a way. What's really sweet is the fact that after ... well, a
night we had incredible sex, he kissed me goodbye every morning. I'd be lying
on the futon mattress in the living room. He just kissed me goodbye on the way
out the door. I loved it."
"Interesting."
"Things went really bad shortly thereafter."
"What happened?"
"Victor."
I heard my cell phone ring in my
jeans on the floor. I scrambled out of Graham's arms. It was Victor's number. I
looked at the clock. It was 5:45.
"Hello?"
"Where the HELL are you man??! Are
you okay?"
I could actually hear his voice from
the living room.
"Uh. Yeah. I'm in Graham's room."
"Why the hell are you there? I
didn't have company last night."
"Don't worry about it. We'll talk
later."
"Victor didn't like that Graham and I had slept with each
other. It was just a couple times anyway. It was weird that he had kind of a
jealous vibe going. But Victor pushed drinks on me a lot. He always liked to
have someone to drink with him. I usually complied. The heavier drinking
started."
* * * *
Look for a blog post about this chapter at timothylane414stories.blogspot.com. The title of the post is "21 : Graham."