PREFACE
This story is quite different from all other of my stories, both for content and style.
About the content, it is the story of two straight men falling in love with each other. So the story is about how this happened, and how it evolved, with lot of difficulty, but (as in all of my stories) with a happy end.
About the style, having chosen to write it as an exchange of letters, of course they don't describe the sex between them in detail (they know how it was!) but more the feelings they had, the problems and so on.
So, if you are looking for a "fuck, fuck, bang, bang" story... I'm sorry to disappoint you. And in the first three parts nothing happens, just they are feeling more and more closely to each other. This first part anyway seems to me important to justify what happens after...
I would like to receive your feedback to this unusual story. Thank you.
Roma, 18/5/86
Dear Sebastiano,
Yesterday, after you left Rome to go back home, I thought about the time you spent here and felt a need to write and tell you how very glad I was to have met you, not only for our work but also on a personal basis. About our work: besides being very appreciative of your creative side and your excellent technical skill, I was surprised at the ease with which you grasped my ideas, ideas that I myself had difficulty focusing on.
On a personal level, I have discovered in you a remarkable sensibility, accompanied by a joy of living and by uncommon gifts of sympathy, so that I await with great pleasure your next visit to Rome. I certainly look forward to again appreciate your propositions for our work, propositions that I really long for, and the ability once again to enjoy your so agreeable company.
I give you my best sentiments and salutations and my renewed compliments.
Federico Maria Pirazzoli
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Monday, May 26th
from Salerno
Doctor Pirazzoli:
Your kind letter surprised me.
Pleasantly, of course. You are really kind to write such things. But I feel you go a little too far. I really do not want to disappoint you.
I'm really so young yet. Taking my first steps, actually. This is the first important work ever entrusted to me. I hope I will be able to deal with it.
I feel working with you will be good. You too, in fact, are a creative person. I think it will be easy for us to understand each other. But then, you, too, are a young man.
The fact that I like your work very much makes things easier. There is nothing worse than trying to develop an interest in things you do not care for. It is not so with your work; there is poetry and a freshness in it. There is originality. To repeat, I like it. I felt involved at once.
Anyway, thanks again for your letter. The first of the coming month I'll bring you my first sketches, as agreed. I hope you like them.
Take care.
De Donato Sebastiano
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Roma, 2-6-86
Dear Sebastiano,:
When I went back home from work, I had the agreeable surprise of finding your letter which arrived by this morning's post. The envelope which you painted was very beautiful. It was elegant, colourful and very joyful. Do you always decorate your envelopes in such a manner? It is a very beautiful masterwork to carefully keep and preserve.
But lets now talk about the things I wrote to you. No, I do not exaggerate in what I wrote you. On the contrary, I expressed a little part of what I really think and feel and I am certain that your work cannot disappoint me; because even if it is true that you are young and taking your first steps as you write, you are extraordinarily skilful and I am not at all surprised to discover that you graduated with full honours.
If our producer chooses you for the graphics of our next publicity campaign from amongst the several applicants we had, and believe me there were many, it is because he deeply appreciated the work-book you sent us. Doctor Mancinelli is an old, astute fox and he knows how to surround himself with real talent, and let me assure you he has never been mistaken in any of his choices.
I have your envelope in front of me and the more I look at it, the more I like it. You are solar in your works and you are able to instill in whoever looks at them a deep sense of peace and joy.
I will be most pleased to meet you again and have your sketches.
Warm greetings and I hope to meet you again soon.
Federico Maria Pirazzoli
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Tuesday, June 10th
from Salerno
Doctor Pirazzoli:
It is quite probable I will arrive before this letter.
No, I do not paint all my envelopes in that manner. Just the ones I send to people I like, and I do like you! It has been instinctive; perhaps I am too much so, but that's the way I am.
I have almost finished all of my sketches. The 16th of this month I'll be in Rome. I must tell you, the more you praise me, the more I fear disappointing you. If you don't like them, I'll do them again. In my work doing things over and over is normal. Is that your way also? You are the first scene writer I have met.
I want to understand better what your work is. It seems fascinating.
Apart from the work for you, I'm also doing other things. One is the cover for an exoteric book. Another is a "jacket" for a record of Merola. Both are of little interest. They will not be very good.
Happily, I like doing your work. But in order to eat, one has to do many things, especially at the beginning. Even if one does not like that much. I hope you like this envelope, and above all, my sketches. I am quite happy with them. It is said an artist is never happy with his work. Evidently I am not an artist!
See you soon. Take care.
De Donato Sebastiano
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Roma, 28/6/86
Dear Sebastiano,
I would have loved it if you could have stayed here a few more days. Those ten days made me feel so good being near you. Aside from our pleasant work relationship, it seems to me that a beautiful friendship is being born between us also.
I never cease to be surprised by the way you are able to understand what I have in my mind as soon as I hint at it. It is almost as if you were telepathic, that the same thoughts, the same processes in my mind are taking shape in yours at the same time.
The Americans have a saying, "Great minds run together." Perhaps that is us. Anyway, it is a beautiful feeling to know that it is not on just a professional level; it is a certainty that you and I are becoming a formidable team and that our producer is becoming aware of that fact; just yesterday evening he said to me that he "feels he chose the right person" to make you and I work well together for the smooth function of this publicity campaign.
He clearly was talking about us.
As I knew they would, your sketches have hit the goal dead centre; they are absolutely perfect. We are now waiting for you to develop the samples you showed to us. Especially the one you preferred; that is the one I too liked best of all. It is the one my bosses have chosen, anyway. The other two were good. I really think that you are an artist, despite the fact that out of modesty you deny it; an humble artist is something beautiful and rare.
Stefania sends you her best regards; she was really impressed by you and your personality. I could almost be jealous because she talks about you with such admiration in her tone. Of course I am joking! I'm always pleased when others react favourably to the things and persons I appreciate and admire.
Greetings also from Monica (the girl in the Administrative Division) and from the boy Renzo in Public Relations and as you must know, a dear greeting and good wishes for your (our) work.
Federico Maria Pirazzoli
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Sunday June 29th
from Salerno
Dear Federico:
Many thanks for your welcome.
I really feel we work OK, you and I. The 10 days I spent in Rome were very beautiful. Thanks for being my pleasant guide. I didn't know the Capital. I was conquered!
The colleagues you work with are nice people. I loved that night at the pizzeria, even if in Naples pizza is the "other thing." You are all special. I never liked hotels. One is an unknown among unknowns. After work, you are alone. I am a social animal. You were really kind. You spent your free time with me. And also your girl Stefania. She is a nice girl. You seem OK together.
I am glad you chose the A set. As you said, it is the one I prefer. I did it all in one go. By itself, I mean. I am glad you preferred it personally, also. I believe our tastes are quite similar. In various matters. When you invited me to your place and showed me your videos, I was pleased.
To be admitted to another's home is to cross a border. Until then you are a foreigner. Afterwards, no more.
Your videos are beautiful. And I loved your flat. To see someone's house is like seeing his identity papers. And that is really "your" home. In there I've seen you as you are. Your very soul, I mean. You are lucky to live alone. I still live with my family. There is always racket. And row. I often work at night to have some peace. While the others are sleeping. It is night, now, as I write to you.
If it were up to me, I'd prefer day to night. Sun to moon. Summer to winter. It isn't that I don't like the night, moon and winter. I do love them. But I prefer light and warmth. Am I wrong, or is it the same with you?
I have to tell you something. For a while, now, I feel as if I had known you for ever. Even from the first time we met. I felt you becoming a friend. You know, a friend you have had from the beginning. Friends who grew up together.
Its a rare sensation. But a good one.
I can speak honestly with you. You never misunderstand. I do not need ceremonies. You are always informal. I can say what I think. You are not scandalized.
That's so and that's beautiful.
Ciao, my friend. Take care.
Sebastiano
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Roma, 7/7/86
Dear Sebastiano:
Of course I'm your friend! I too feel that our relationship is not just a working one but that a real friendship is being born and taking shape. In fact, I have very seldom opened up to others as I felt I could do with you. Friends are rare, real friends, I mean, the kind who are able to listen to you and understand you and accept you as you really are. With you I feel this is truly possible; this is very beautiful, probably because it is so rare.
Yes, living alone has several advantages. Especially not having to report to anyone about how you live and most importantly the fact that you can design your living spaces as you like. I'm glad you like the way I've organized my small apartment; you realized I really put it all together myself. For four years I've lived here and I've furnished it little by little and possibly I'm not finished yet, in the sense, I believe, a home has to evolve and change with the person who lives in it. A home that always remains the same, in my opinion, is like a museum with a dead man living there! Dead inside, I mean.
Some people attach a great importance to clothing, to the personal aspect; it is not that I don't take pride in dress, but I attach more importance and weight to the place where I live. It has to be comfortable for both my body and mind - body and soul - a unique personality and not two separated things in opposition as some people seem to believe.
Anyway, apart from philosophy, I love my home and I'm glad you liked it and I have to confess to you that I feel really good in it, especially because it is on the top floor; from my windows, as you probably noticed, one can see the roofs of Old Rome and I love the old roofs, the cats that reign there, the green patches of spontaneous small plants that grow between the tiles here and there, the chimney tops with their thousand shapes, the dormer windows that seem to be little houses in fairy tales in an enchanted landscape.
At times, I stay there by the window for many minutes; you may think that I'm a little weird and perhaps you are right, but then I'll bet that if you were here in the day time you would be fascinated by that landscape of tiles and chimneys and dormer windows and by that sea of light and colour that the roof are, that sea where your eyes can swim without worries, happily.
Next time, I hope you will come to my place in the day time. Rather, I think why, instead of staying at a hotel, don't you stay at my apartment? Apart from the fact that you will spend less money, we will be company to each other and we can go to work and come back on my motorbike. What do you think about that?
I really hope that you will not be full of compliments and that you will be informal about it.
I am looking forward to your next letter in another beautifully painted envelope.
Stefania also sends dear greetings and best wishes.
Federico
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Monday May 26th
from Salerno
Dear Federico:
thanks for your letter, and thanks for your friendship.
I really think of you as a friend. And after your last letter, even more so.
You can be alone and love. It takes two to be friends.
In some ways it is like that with children. You have heard them say, "he is friend to me!" In that saying there is pride. I feel that way. Inside me I repeat, Federico is friend to me! And I feel pride.
Of course, we will have no ceremonies. It's impossible. I accept your invitation. If you were not my friend, I would have to say no, thanks. Don't worry about me. But you cannot say that to a friend. I mean there is no space for formalities: "After you," "Oh, no, after you, please." And both remain standing there like two dried cod. Not two friends. They cannot.
It's a good thing being friends. A brother, you just get him. A friend, you choose.
But to be friends is also a demanding thing. It asks patience, availability.
That's why real friends are so rare. I hope to be a real friend to you and with you.
I was thinking about your videos. You really do beautiful work. Have you ever thought about doing some video-clips? It might be amusing. And it also has a good market. You would surely succeed at it. I really loved that short piece about the two little dogs in love. It was tender. You are able to look at simple things with tenderness. You can find it where no one notices it. And I really appreciate that ability in you. The smallest things, seen by you in your videos become fascinating. Moreover, you are able to use the camera like a master. I think it's also in part editing, isn't it? And also background music.
You use the visual arts like me. You also have in it movement and sound. What you do is more complete. I invent shapes and colors. You create them, give them life. If we were together, we could do animation. But time and means are important. Experience can be acquired. I followed a course on animation at the Academy. Also one of computer graphics.
O.K., now I leave you. I await your answering letter with pleasure.
Kisses to Stefania, greetings to Renzo and Monica. And also to the others.
Sebastiano
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Roma, 26/7/86
Dear Sebastiano:
I received your telephone message and it's really a pity you cannot come here.
We are waiting for your new sketches you are sending by carrier. Of course, I would have preferred to have you here to comment, illustrate and explain them to the boss but I will try to do it in your place and hope I can be as good as you are.
I do trust your mother will recover soon so that you may make a short visit here in Rome before the summer vacations. Do remember that the agency will be closed from the 10th through the 31st of August.
What do you think you will do on your vacation? Have you decided where you will go? Stefania and I planned to do a tour of Greece this year. We would be very pleased if you and your girl friend were able to come with us. There is nothing to book because we decided to rent a camper in Athens and tour in it.
If you two can come we will just rent a bigger one. Do you have a driver's license? If you have, we can take turns driving. Let me make haste to say it is not for that reason I am inviting you. We would dearly love to meet your girl friend and stay with you, so please think about this idea and write or call me.
Unhappily, they have not yet connected my phone at home. I am sure you know how it is, they always say we are coming soon and then they never show up. You will have to call me at the office. You do have my personal telephone number, don't you?
Friends who have been there say that Greece is very beautiful, especially if you avoid the guided tours and the big cities and go your independent way.
They also remarked that in Greece life is quite inexpensive, especially in the rural areas.
Do you like to travel? I really love it and if I could, I think I would be always on a journey to discover new lands, other peoples and customs, to widen my horizons, to understand new things and to become little by little, a world citizen. Probably you think I am too much a romantic and dreamer. That is quite possibly true and I don't regret at all being that way. Apparently you are a realistic person, your feet firmly on the ground. Even so, from your imaginative drawings and your so beautifully painted envelopes I truly believe that, deep inside, you too are a dreamer and a romantic like myself.
About your last letter: You asked if I would like to do animation with you, using your drawings. I really never did seriously think about that possibility since I am not able to draw in a decent way. But I think that with your drawings I'd like at least to give it a try. I also think that with animation one can lend life to any idea, any dream, any fantasy with much more realism than with photography.
I believe that must really be wonderful.
Stefania doesn't indulge in much fantasy, as you may have perceived, and at times I ask myself why I ever started a relationship with her. But she is beautiful, knows how to make love, is also a nice, intelligent person and has a lot of talents. But she is so different from me and does not understand or appreciate my fantasies, my dreams. She even preferred not to go to Greece, wanting to go to New York instead. But she accepted, this time, what I liked after we made a pact that next vacation I will do what she decides. That way we arrived at an honourable compromise.
Yes, she is a sexy person and really knows how to do sex, but is that a sufficient reason to decide to stay with a girl? At times I ask myself what would life be like with her if we married. All things considered I realize that I'm a little scared and probably that is why I haven't yet decided to talk about marriage with her.
What is your opinion on these things? Am I creating too many problems or do the problems really exist? My mother says I exaggerate problems, that I magnify them, that I think too much about such matters and at times I think perhaps she is right. It is also true that I'm able to adapt to situations. I really have great adaptive skills and hence I may be able to adapt to living with a woman who has no fantasies, considering the other talents she has.....
But now enough of these thoughts. I hope soon to have your news and to hear that your mother has recovered. I think it is a great pity that you also, like me, don't have a telephone at home. It would be so much more simple and a faster way to communicate.
I embrace you strongly and send you my best wishes.
Federico
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Friday August the 1st
from Salerno
Dear Federico:
As I said to you on the phone, it is not possible to come to Greece. Carla booked all of our vacation at the Dolomite. I would have really liked to be with you in Greece.
My mother is not completely well yet. Partly because of that we can meet only after our vacations are over. For now, I have to go every morning to the hospital. After she is well, I will be able to go on vacation.
I understand what you mean about Stefania. I think she is beautiful and elegant and likable. But I scarcely know her. If she is good in bed, that's important. But it is not all. A man doesn't live just in bed.
I still don't think about marriage. I don't know if I will marry Carla. If she reads this, she'll kill me! But we have time. We are both young. And after all she may possibly be the one to tie me up. Carla has fantasy. Even in bed. She's better than a living Kamasutra. So I don't complain. I don't have the ideas of the Southern male. I like for a woman to have initiative. And I don't mean just in bed. The modern, free woman. I believe I would not even be jealous. Atypical Southerner, you see. Even if I do have black, curly hair.
You too, are atypical, I think. For a Northerner, that is. Probably because you now live in Rome? Or perhaps it is just because you are an artist.
Anyway, I like the way you are.
I'm preparing the sketches for the second part, as programmed. I think they are coming out O.K. I had to do one plate again. My sister Cettina stained it with milk. I was furious. Working hours thrown into the dustbin. But it serves no purpose to be furious.
Ah, If I had a place of my own! We are too many in this house. But we love each other. That is all that counts.
At times I think that Cettina and Carla are the same age. It makes me feel strange. Carla is a woman. My woman. Cettina to me is a little girl, my little sister. Imagining her doing with a man the same things Carla does with me, upsets me. I know that's stupid and I'm wrong. Possibly Cettina really has relationships, but I prefer not to think about it.
The ostrich syndrome? The ostrich technique! Mothers and sisters; the Virgin Mary; other women; the Magdalene. But before repenting, of course! Isn't that absurd? Nevertheless a man always makes that mistake. If Cettina is a Magdalene... her business. But I have to think that out rationally.
Spontaneously it doesn't come out. I must be more of a Southerner than I like to be.
About the telephone. If Cettina finds work this fall, we will probably get one. But now with just Francesco's and my money, we can't. Any way, not for a few months. For the moment you must be happy with my letters. And envelopes.
This one I drew in one go. I hope you like it. Do you really keep them?
All my envelopes? Do you hope if I become famous, to sell them?
O.K. Take care, dear friend.
Sebastiano
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