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2

 

I arrived back at the apartment. It took four trips from the car to bring in all the cleaned laundry we had done over Spring Break. Somehow it all fit in the limited space I have in the bedroom. The sheer massiveness of the haul still astonished me. I made the bed.

Kevin and Paul were not back yet. It felt good to be back. College was more "home" than home was, particularly the house my parents lived in. I had lived on campus longer than the months in that house.

I thought back on my parents again. I wanted to tell them the truth, but at the same time, I would do anything to never tell them. But I knew the longer I waited, the worse it would be. I should just get it over with. If I told them, it would be said and done, no matter what happened. I could just deal with it. Even if they didn't like the idea that I was gay, was that all that much worse than living my life in hiding?

Since coming to terms with my true self these past weeks, I felt better. I was experiencing less fear. My friends were good with it. I was okay with myself. I was fine being gay. Being attracted to men wasn't that big of a deal.

Since I had the place to myself, I pulled out my laptop. I didn't make a habit to watch porn, but I had downloaded a video on my laptop as a go-to crutch from time to time. It at least taught me a few things to do with Mike. With the apartment empty, I laid on my bed and placed the movie on my lap. The main star had a hairy chest just like Mike's. When he took off his shirt early in the scene, it got me hard every time. Not his cock, not his balls, not his ass — the chest. As someone fantasizing about being in the scene, I always wanted to picture my fingers running through that hair. Now that I've actually done it with Mike, I knew just what it felt like.

I was actually caught up with classwork. Maybe I could make use of the apartment since I had it to myself. A couple minutes into the scene, both actors were shirtless. One had gorgeous arms, the other that magnificent chest. I pulled off my shirt. I kept my jeans on but unzipped the fly. It made it easy to just feel and grope my crotch.

The video ran about 30 minutes in length. I debated on which parts I wanted to see. Both men had nice dicks, both cut and a spot-on perfect amount of hair. I watched them suck each other for a while. It got me wonderfully hard. I stuck my hand down my briefs as I watched, rubbing my cock. Because of the thin walls, I kept the volume low, but I moaned a little bit on top of it. I stroked my hard-on in a steady rhythm.

The two men were very good with each other. It was probably emphasized for the camera, but they knew just how to please each other in just the right spots. Maybe it was my own interpretation, but I felt Mike and I were hotter. But perhaps I just envisioned it that way. In the meantime, these two were working up a nice sweat. Watching them got me breathing hard.

I shimmied my briefs and jeans down just a couple of inches so my cock could stick out. I pulled on it just how I liked, down toward the base of the shaft. The sexual sensations seemed strongest there to me. My grip became more forceful.

The blond gentleman had maneuvered himself to straddle the black-haired stud's erection. He moved down on it and both men groaned in unison. I adjusted the volume. I didn't think anyone in a neighboring apartment could hear, but why even take the chance?

As he rode his partner's pole, I matched his body movements with my own stroking. My cock felt good. The pulsing sensations below my grasp throbbed with lust. For several minutes I watched, taking note of the masculine details that really aroused me. The blonde's bush was a nice shape, but the dark-haired man had a crotch that had an animalistic edge that really did it for me. My dick was surging with blood-filled pleasure. I felt I was close to coming and jerked my rod even harder.

The front door slammed.

Fuck! I closed the program and shut the laptop. I heard the fridge open. I wriggled my pants up and rolled over on my stomach. Why is my timing with others entering so bad?? The bedroom door opened, and I feigned sleep. Paul threw a bag on his bed. I turned my head.

"Hey, Trent. I'm sorry if I woke you."

"No problem," I mumbled, more into the pillow than to him.

"Are you eating in the caf' tonight?"

"Most likely," I answered.

"Cool. I'll see you then. I'll be back around 6 if you can wait for me."

"Okay."

So. I pondered on whether I should finish the job or just give up. Knowing me, Kevin would walk in. My hard-on had half left me. Still shirtless, laying on my stomach, I just pushed my crotch into the bed, letting friction rub my cock inside my jeans. It felt nice.

At that point, I committed to finishing the job — hands free. I thrust my waist into my bed, rubbing my dick into my clothing. The friction worked at getting me fully hard again. I imagined rubbing my crotch into Mike's. It then switched to pushing it into the black-haired gentleman in the video. Picturing frotting our dicks together returned me to the sexual sensations I was feeling before Paul walked in. My hips bucked a little harder, and I thrust with more force. I lightly moaned as sensations built. I rubbed harder. After a couple of minutes, I was close to coming again. I debated on if I should pull my cock out. Knowing the sheets were clean and ironically predicting Kevin would walk in, I just kept shoving my crotch into the bed, leaving my jeans on.

I repositioned myself up on my elbows. My hips pushed harder. My cock throbbed nearing its climax. I pushed more. The veins in my erection pulsed. I was so close. I rammed my crotch into my bed, and I felt the orgasm build. I had to come. "Yes!" I groaned as I started coming in my jeans. I pushed and pushed and pushed as I felt my cock ejaculate several bursts of liquid into my briefs. The cum spurted from the head of my cock spreading to the waistband along my briefs. My groans turned to heavy breathing as my dick stopped erupting. I collapsed back onto my chest and stomach until my breathing had returned to normal. I was still gently rubbing my dick into the bed while fully clothed. I could feel the wetness along my penis as it started to retreat from its full length. I let out a big sigh.

I didn't think about Mike the whole time. I intended to, but just ... didn't. It made me wonder. Actually, it concerned me a bit. We're a couple. Even though we are temporarily apart, we are a couple. Was this normal? Should I not think of other men? For something so momentary, it troubled me.

I got up and grabbed a washcloth and fresh briefs from a drawer. I walked into the bathroom, shut the door and took off my jeans. I could see some cum had pushed its way through the fabric of my briefs. I checked the jeans to make sure it didn't show. I peeled my briefs off and looked at all my man liquid now smeared into the hair of my crotch. Although it seemed hot to me, it would not be comfortable for long. I got the washcloth wet and washed every inch of my dick and the bush around it. Warming it again, I just made sure my entire package of genitals was clean. A quick blow dry and I was ready for some fresh underwear.

 

—

 

A few hours later, both Paul and Kevin had returned. The three of us were ready to have dinner in the cafeteria. However, we failed to remember that this was the last day of Spring Break, not to mention Sunday. It was not open. So, we walked to a nearby subway sandwich shop. It was nice out, so we ate al fresco.

Each of us relayed what we had done on Spring Break. I was the least interesting. I mean, how fun can spending time with your parents sound? Kevin and his girlfriend went to Myrtle Beach. Paul went with friends on a canoe trip, which sounded like a drinking trip. As nice as all that sounded, I was glad to feel caught up. It would have been nice if Mike and I had been able to do something. I wondered how his trip went.

Across the street I saw Lance walking down the street with a girl. They were holding hands. I rolled my eyes.

We were close to finishing up. I don't know why, but I thought it was the best time to tell Paul. With Kevin there, maybe he would feel less awkward. I could feel the courage I needed.

I looked at Paul for a moment. Eventually, he could feel my gaze on him. He looked back at me. Our eyes locked.

"Paul, I want to tell you something. Kevin knows already, but I ... just want you to know, too," I said.

"What's up?" he casually responded.

"The past month has been a big change for me."

"It's only been a month?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah. I kept pushing it away for a long, long time," I said, looking at Kevin.

"What are you guys talking about?" Paul asked.

"I'm ... gay, Paul. Just last year, I wouldn't have been able to say that out loud. Nothing's different about me; this isn't some sudden change in me. What's changed is that I've just accepted it — and I'm okay with it. I know some things might be tougher, but I'm about to be 22, and I should be able to be who I am."

"Oooh...kay," Paul said, not knowing what to say.

"I don't want you to feel weird or anything, but I wanted you to know. I ... I just want to feel honest with you. We do share an apartment after all," I said.

Kevin didn't say anything. He just looked at Paul waiting for him to respond.

"I guess that's okay. I never really thought about it. I've met ... you know ... gay ... people before. I guess I never thought I'd be rooming with one. It definitely doesn't bother me, so please know that. I'm just kind of surprised I didn't suspect."

"Well, part of that was probably because I was in denial. I had to admit it to myself a few months ago, and then I wrestled with it for quite a while. I haven't told my parents. I used to think I couldn't talk to ANYbody about it, but someone has helped me through it all." I paused. "I hope you aren't freaked out."

"No," Paul immediately replied. "It just ... takes a bit to sink in. But hey, you are who you are. I can accept that. I can easily accept that. Don't worry about that."

After that, conversation returned to the week ahead and finishing out the semester.

 

March 22

Well, I told my second roommate the truth. He was cool about it. That was a slight weight off my shoulders. My friends have been so accepting. It is easier to be honest about myself.

Except with Mom and Dad. Why are they so hard? Why can I not tell them the truth? It is so completely different, but I'm not sure why. Maybe I don't want them to be disappointed in me. Or hate me. If they can't accept me like my friends — that's forever. Forever! It's all really scary. But thank heavens I have a circle of friends that truly accept me. That feels good.

We'll see if I can ever tell my parents. I can't hide forever.

 

I hadn't really talked to Mike much since Spring Break started. Only a couple of quick calls while he was on his trip. I didn't know if I should call. Or even text. This time apart was really strange.

I stared at my phone and then put it down. What if the break was a test? What if he wants to see if I can be fine on my own? If I call, do I come off as a kid? Does he see me as kid? Once I graduate is that a sign of being an adult?

I grabbed a beer out of the fridge. I sat back down with my phone. I checked to see if I had any text messages. Again.

Screw it. I decided to text.

"Hey. Is it okay to text?"

"Of course," came the response.

"How was the trip with the parents?"

"Great," he replied. "A good time. We really did a lot. The vacation was packed."

"I'm glad. I'm sure you didn't even have time to think about things back here."

"I thought about you every day. Every hour. I just wanted to share everything with you."

My heart soared. My God! What an impact that made. I decided to call.

"Hello, babe," he answered.

"Hi, hon'. I wasn't really sure if we were supposed to call on this ... pause."

"Trent, please don't think I am pushing you away. I'm just giving you space to finish school. And we can get this whole student/teacher dynamic put to bed. You have some tough weeks finishing school. Don't think I will forget about you. You are always on my mind."

"Same here, Mike. Sooo... did you tell your parents about me?"

"Actually, yes," he said. "And no. I told them I had started seeing someone who was a little younger. I didn't tell them who you were and that you were a former student. That just comes out weird. But I did say I wanted them to meet you once school was out."

"That's nice," I said. "A little younger is stretching it a bit. Eight years. But that doesn't bother me." Did it bother him that much? "I look forward to meeting them one day."

"Assuming you still want me in a couple months."

"Nine weeks. And, of course, I will." I thought about Mom and Dad. "You know my parents already, obviously. Except that they don't know everything."

We talked for 40 minutes. It was the first time we had done so since we put things on hold half a month ago. I couldn't believe the impact that just his voice had on my whole body. My insides suddenly seemed alive again. He told me about some of the sites his family visited. I told him that while it was a really good time spent with my parents, I was hoping to come out to them. After admitting I chickened out, I could at least say I told my second roommate.

"Everything in its own time, babe."

We sat in silence for a moment.

"Is it okay to tell you that I miss you?" I asked.

"It's nice for me to hear, so yes. I miss you too. Even though we're apart for a while, remember Trent, I love you."

"It was great talking to you tonight. Love you too, Mike. Good night."

I stared at his face on the screen until he hung up and it disappeared.

I set my phone on my chest. The warmth of the screen matched what was in my heart. I felt we could navigate this break. Nothing should get in our way.

Hopefully.