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I hope you enjoy this latest piece of Trent's journey.
3
Having reconnected with Mike last night — over the phone at
least — I was feeling good about resuming classes. This was the home stretch.
Graduation was within sight.
It didn't take long for that to change.
My first two classes hit me with huge projects to complete
in the next month. One was an extensive paper, the other an elaborate
presentation. I wasn't as worried about the latter; public speaking was no big
deal, but it would require a lot of preparation.
I certainly would have struggled to see Mike in the weeks
ahead. In fact, I was concerned about even just fitting basketball in.
Hopefully, I could last eight weeks.
March 23
Clobbered by school. Part of
what will get me through is knowing I get to pick up with Mike where we left
off. It's going to be a long eight weeks.
I miss my time with him. This
temporary break hurts not being able to just see him and touch him and lie next
to him.
March 24
My Tuesday/Thursday classes
aren't much better. Multiple tests before the semester ends — all of which
require massive studying. Aaargh!
I was typically up first each morning. Paul got up right
behind me. Sharing the bathroom was fairly routine for us. I was typically
half-dressed when he came in. However, for the past three days I noticed he
hardly undressed around me. Not that I ever really saw him naked that much.
Maybe twice. Maybe I was imagining it, but he didn't even take his T-shirt off.
I hope he wasn't uncomfortable around me now that he knew I was gay. Not that
there was anything I could do about it. People treating me differently was one
of my fears about coming out.
Wednesday evening, I was studying on the couch when Paul
came in. After some casual chitchat he grabbed a beer from the fridge.
"Want one?" he asked me. It was his personal purchase.
"I'm good, man. Thanks."
He came into the living room. He could see I was studying,
so he didn't turn on the television. However, he did sit down on the couch. I
shut my book figuring he might wish to talk.
"How was your day?" I asked, trying to be social.
"Mostly good, but my senior Psychology course is killing
me."
"I know, right? I have Johnson instead of Kelsey, but did
you get this brutal research paper too?"
"Yes!! It's really going to be demanding," he said. "It
totally sucks."
I took a drink of iced tea I had sitting next to the couch.
"So how old was this guy you were screwing in our
apartment?" Paul asked.
I choked on my drink. "What?!" I blustered with tea running
over my lips.
"Kevin said he walked in on you when you were with this old
guy in your bed."
"Wonderful," I said rolling my eyes. "First, we weren't
actually screwing, just so you know. And he isn't old. He's just eight or nine
years older than me. That's all."
"So, 30?"
"Yes."
Paul sat silent a moment. "Wow. So, how'd you pick him up?"
"Uhhh, it's a long story. I'd rather not get into it."
"Still seeing him?"
"Kind of. I was getting behind in classes, so he said he'd
wait until I graduated."
"That's nice, I guess. So, in the meantime you aren't
getting any?"
"Paul! I'm sure I can survive a couple months. I'm actually
kind of new to ... the whole thing ... anyway. I wasn't `getting any' anyways. Not
until a few weeks ago."
"No biggie," he said. "Just wondering. Sorry for asking;
it's not my business. You were talking about it openly to me the other night. I
was just wondering."
"No problem. I don't mind if you have questions. In the
meantime, I'll just start my plans to strangle Kevin."
"Don't be mad. We were just casually discussing you the
other day, that's all. He really likes you. Well, I mean he doesn't LIKE like you, he just thinks you're..."
"Stop. I know what you mean. Kevin's cool."
Paul took a couple swigs of beer just staring at nothing in
particular.
"So. Have you ever been naked with a girl before?"
"None of your business. Have you ever been naked with a guy
before?"
"Well, I guess I should let you study."
Paul walked into the bedroom, taking a bag of chips and the
remaining half of his beer. We had so few snacks. I was kind of surprised chips
were there. It's funny, even though we weren't snack villages like other
college apartments, I still remember Mike walking through that day and noticing
all the wrappers and clutter. I looked around; we had gotten better about
cleaning up, but it was still evident that a group of guys lived here.
I wasn't going to be able to study after that conversation.
I wondered what I could do that would be constructive. Not much. I cleaned up
the living room a little. That made me feel better.
I checked my phone for texts. None. It had been a few days
since Mike and I talked. I texted the picture of the
two of us in our boxers I took a few weeks ago.
"Thinking of you."
No response. Maybe he wants me to stay away until
graduation. That was a suggestive picture. Maybe I shouldn't have sent it.
Geez, he probably thought I was some sort of childish deviant.
I looked in the cabinet for anything to snack on. I wasn't
hungry. I didn't need anything. I just needed a snack for snacking's sake.
The phone buzzed. I ran to look.
"Thanks. Now you have me hard as a rock."
"Good to know," I texted back.
"God, I miss you, Trent. I guess you'll know what I'll be
doing the next 20 minutes."
"Wish I could join you. Good night. Love you, hon."
March 25
Had a weird talk with my
roommate tonight. But it was fine. I'm not sure if regular guys talk about sex
with each other. It's kind of weird. At the same time, I am no longer going to
hide who I am.
Yeah, sure. Except Mom and Dad.
Coward.
I hope my roommates don't feel
weird around me now, but they seemed to have treated me about the same. Perhaps
they feel awkward undressing around me. I guess they only have to worry about
that for a couple months. Am I really still not a regular guy?
I heard another text come in.
"Can you email me the picture of the two of us all
dressed up?"
I made sure to send Mike the photo before going to bed.
—
Friday morning, I was the first up again. After I got out of
the shower, I heard a knock at the bathroom door while I was shaving.
"Yeah, you can come in," I said, expecting it to be Paul.
It was Kevin.
"You usually aren't up this early," I said.
"I know. My swim team is doing this volunteer thing at the
Food Bank. We have to be there at 8:00."
I continued shaving. Out of the corner of my eye, I could
see Kevin looking at me. He probably hadn't seen me naked before. Well, except
when he walked in on Mike and me. He was looking at my dick. I turned to glance
at him. He saw me and turned away. I thought his lips mouthed the word, "wow."
I took it as a compliment with a slight smile as I returned to shave.
Kevin reached behind the shower curtain to start the water.
As he reached for his towel, I glanced from the side and noticed he was
starting to get a hard-on. Maybe it was from just waking up. I wanted to think
it was because he saw my cock and liked it.
I was not one to judge other guys' dicks. I had just started
to allow myself to look at them this year. I liked the looks of Kevin's. His
penis was just started to get hard, or at least I was interpreting a bit of
chub to tell me that. Completely soft, I would guess it was about three inches,
but it had a nice look. Smooth. Was it weird that I thought the coloring was
good?
In years past, even the first semester this year, I wouldn't
look at another guy undressed. Sometimes I couldn't help it at practice, but I
was always worried that I would get hard in front of them. I was now. Kevin
couldn't see from the shower but looking at him and thinking about getting hard
— it got me hard.
I wanted Mike. I needed Mike. I needed sex. It was part of
my life now. I just had to be willing to wait.
My erection would not go down. I walked back into the
bedroom naked, but kept a towel held in front of me in case Paul could see. The
lights were on; he was up.
"Morning," he said.
I could tell he had awoken with some morning wood. Swell. I
would never go down. Thankfully, he went into the kitchen. I dropped the towel
as I heard him tinker around. I should have just put on my briefs, but I yanked
on my cock for a minute. It felt so good. If only I had time to finish the job.
—
We had a Saturday game this week. We had three practices
instead of four. We all seemed back in the groove.
When Saturday came, I wondered if Mike might be there. As we
were warming up, I looked over to where he had sat in the past. I could not
find him. That was fine, I supposed. He's giving me space; we've put things on
pause. He's probably busy too. It's a crunch time of year.
Ten minutes into the game I scored my first basket. Like
with every score, the crowd cheered. But I knew I heard Mike's voice in there.
I glanced for a split second but couldn't make hm out. Maybe it was just
wishful thinking on my part.
A few minutes later I scored again. In the cheers someone
called me out by name. I knew it was him. I was on the sidelines during a free
throw following a foul. I looked. I searched the crowed. Higher up center court
he was there. Alone. Our eyes locked. Both of us beamed with huge smiles. I
gave him a quick wink before I moved back on the center of the court.
His presence was a driving force for me the rest of the
night. I wanted to score just so I could hear him call my name. Maybe that was
childish, but it was fuel. It was a great game; I think I scored the most,
which had never happened. And we won.
After the game, several friends and family members came
courtside to talk to players. I knew I looked terrible and was a sweaty mess. I
didn't care. I wanted to see him. Hopefully, he would come down. I looked. I
didn't see him in the crowd. Maybe he felt it best that he didn't talk with me.
Then I saw him. I ran over to him.
"Don't get close. I'm a mess," I said.
"You were amazing! You played a great game."
"Thanks for being here," I said.
"I didn't want to miss it. You were a total stud out there.
I'm glad I got to see it."
"The next two weeks are away games," I said. He probably
wouldn't make those, but he was here. Now. "It's nice to see you, Mike."
"Same here." He looked around. He then whispered, "I miss
you."
"Me too," I softly said.
Lance walked by and winked at Mike. I saw Mike's body
language just wither in pain. I'm sure he was thinking of that "shower."
"I'll let you get with your team. Go out and celebrate. I'm
proud of you, Trent."
Mike walked away. I turned to head to the showers.
"Trent!"
I turned.
"Dad! I didn't know you were here. Why didn't you tell me
you were coming?"
"You were on fire, son!" Dad beamed. "You were the man."
"Thanks, Dad. It was a good night. Did you come alone?"
"Yeah. I finished early this afternoon and thought I'd come
see you play one last time."
"Aww, thanks Dad. If we make playoffs you'll come, right?"
"Absolutely. I'm proud of you, son."
"Thanks, Dad!" I said with a smile heading off the court. I
called back, "Give my love to Mom."
Wow. Hearing Dad say he was proud of me was very
heartwarming. Sometimes the two of us feel so strained, but it seemed like
things were getting better. But he didn't know I was gay yet.
As I entered the locker room I wondered if Dad had seen Mike
talking to me. Surely, he had to. I wonder if he suspected anything. He would
have no reason to. Neither of us showed any affection. How many times can Mom
and Dad see him before wondering though? Questions are sure to come up. Will I
have the right answers to tell them?
March 28
Tonight was awesome! I played
great. We won. My dad said he was proud of me. And I SAW MIKE! I feel so silly.
Like some schoolgirl with a crush. How pathetic am I?
It's nice to feel happy.
Typically, I think of myself as a happy person, but since coming out, I feel
happier. Like I'm me. Tonight was really good. The only thing that could make
it better would be to fall asleep in Mike's arms.
Even though we're apart, Mike
was there at the game. Dad probably saw. I don't know if I should be worried.
May can't get here fast enough.
Well, at least one week down.