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Because Trent's journal notes the dates, you'll find this chapter jumps a few weeks ahead.
37
September 19
How fun to visit with Tariq! He
helped with two raps to put into the play. They were great. I jotted them down
in the back of this journal. There aren't many pages left here — a few in the
front and a couple in the back.
Now completely finished, I will
submit my play next week. I think it may have a chance in The Showcase.
Mike purchased this journal for
me to help me get through our break. It's helped me along the way. Now it sits
in the bedroom more often than not. But each time I put something down on
paper, it does remind me how far I've come since March. I was so unsure then.
I'd just come out. I wondered if Mike and I could make a go of it. Now we are
still madly in love. Madly. My career has started, and I not only love my job,
but my circle of friends has grown with coworkers. Mike has embraced them.
I've still not spoken with Dad
in a few weeks. Talks with Mom are brief. I feel sorry that she has to be in
the middle, but I've made peace with my father shutting us out.
Matt and Ali's wedding is two
weeks away. The plans are set, and we've talked about certain things, but Matt
and I know it is Ali's show, so we just let her do her own thing.
Lance was all smiles
seeing Tariq. The two of them embraced in a huge bear hug. It seemed like
forever since we were all together as teammates, even though it hadn't been
even five months.
After we ordered
pizza, Tariq started talking about this year's basketball team. It seemed like
eons since we were all playing together. It is amazing how much had transpired
since graduation. My life was so different than when the three of us were on
the team together. I was a basket case about coming out to anybody. The stars
aligned for us to be in Mike's school that day ... and that he was there ... and
still single following his breakup with Ethan. In a million years, I never
would have expected us to fall in love. I was just hoping for advice. The world
has changed so much for me. And him. And Lance. Once we accepted who we were,
we seemed so much more than college kids. I think Lance and I feel like men.
Men in careers.
I asked Tariq what
he thought of Professor Cleary.
"Tough! I'm only a
couple of weeks into the class, of course, but he doesn't cut any slack.
However, I do like his class."
"I did too."
"Are you still with
Amanda," Lance asked.
"We are. Somehow,
she has found it within her to stick with me. My family is not supportive. But
she says she loves me, so I'm doing everything to make it work."
He showed us a few
really cute pictures of the two of them.
"How about you? Are
you seeing anyone?" Tariq asked Lance.
"Well, actually I
am."
I looked at Lance.
He was always in denial during school. To admit seeing a guy to his friends is
a substantial step for him.
Lance pulled out his
phone.
"This is Jakob.
We've been seeing each other for almost two months."
"Oh. OH! Oh. You're
gay too? Was the whole team gay and I didn't know it?"
Lance and I laughed.
"I think it was just
the two of us," I chuckled.
"I was a mess. I ...
repressed a lot in school, Tariq. I tried to convince myself I wasn't gay and
..."
"He's bisexual in my
opinion," I inserted.
"Whatever. To be
truthful, I was hung up on Trent. But I wouldn't allow myself to admit it. He
and Mike were great, and I knew I wouldn't ever have that. I drank quite a
bit."
"I remember," Tariq
said. "I guess it makes a little more sense then."
"That's no excuse,"
Lance said. "I blame myself. I made poor decisions. Drinking became a problem.
After I had a car wreck — drunk — I turned a corner. I'm in AA, Tariq."
"Gosh, I'm sorry,
Lance."
"Don't be. My life
is on track. I'm doing great at my job. I haven't had a drink in 10 weeks. And
I met Jakob at the meetings. I feel good about myself for the first time in
years. I'm happy. I really am."
"Well, good," Tariq
said, not sure what the appropriate response should be. "You look great!"
"Thanks. Drinking
four or five beers a day packs the calories on. Once the season ended, I let
myself go to hell. I put on 20 pounds. My life was a mess. But now, I feel SO
much better."
"Good for you. I
guess this Jakob is a good influence too."
"I see a spark in
Lance I never had before," I said.
"He's had a hard
past. Abusive even. He's ... he's so good for me. He grounds me. I love every
minute I'm with him."
"Wow. Sounds like
love. Do you love him?" Tariq asked.
Lance was quiet. He
gazed off in a trance.
"Uhhh. I've never
said those words to him. But, if I'm honest, yes. I love him. I totally do."
It was nice to hear
him say it to others. Now if he would only say it to Jakob. I'm happy for him.
I knew we had a history between the two of us. The sexual tension was hot. But
this is healthy. As much as I worried that Jakob might bring him down with all
his past, he seems to bring out the best in Lance.
"You should tell him
that, buddy. Nothing could make him feel happier."
"I worry about
pushing too fast." Lance looked at Tariq. "How long did you wait to say it to
Amanda?"
"Oh, lord. I waited
too long. We were both afraid — terrified — to say it to each other. We felt
it, but we were too scared to say it. We were so glad when we did. We had been
sleeping together for almost two months, but saying the words was the scary
part. Isn't it weird?"
"Do the two of us
get to come to the wedding?" I asked.
"Hold on! We aren't
there yet! Don't push me!!"
The three of us
laughed.
The pizza was great, and the company was even better. The
three of us sat there until 2:30. The server gave up on us. We gave her a big
tip and let her leave her shift. I had told Tariq some about Mike and my father
when we had met earlier, but I shared just a touch of our romance. I figured he
couldn't handle a lot of mushy stuff between two men. It was simply a great
lunch.
As much as we connected — and reconnected — college classes
were so far behind us. Lance and I were quite different people. I was so proud
of him. Talking about college and who we were back then ... Lance has made
enormous strides.
Before leaving the university area, I stopped by to see Zach
and visit with him a few minutes. He said his classes were starting well. I
asked if his roommates were better than Lance and Cole. He said he always liked
rooming with them. His new ones were fine, but he didn't know them that well
yet. He asked if I would be interested in helping with a community function
next weekend. I told him I'd be happy to help. I'd ask Mike if he'd like to
join me, but I wasn't going to commit him.
—
I was hoping Mike would be willing to stay at my apartment tonight.
It was certainly less furnished, but he came over, and we made the most of it.
I cooked dinner, we watched a movie on Blu-ray, and we made love for the first
time at my place since the weekend I moved in. It was just a change of location,
but it still made the intimacy more fun.
Using the lube he gave me, we flip
fucked for the first time. It was fun changing positions several times. It seemed
like we changed places every five minutes. It was if we were thumbing through a
gay sex manual and experimented with every possible position one man could work
his erection into another. Even in those attempts that fumbled, we smiled and
tried it again. It was a wrestling match of arms and legs and conjoined
crotches. Male nudity at its most acrobatic.
Each time he pulled his cock from me, I was ready for him to
fill me again when we repositioned. He stated the same feelings. Typically we
kissed a lot during our lovemaking. Tonight was sheer fucking. A clear
communication of our love was evident, but the sex felt raw. Like the challenge
of a marathon, it became a goal to pleasure each other in all the available
maneuvers. In the sexual exercise, I noticed our skin glisten. A layer of
moisture caressed our bodies as our temperatures flared with passionate conquest.
We kept the screaming down, but the grunting and groaning
between us was at a volume that kept both of us lustfully inflamed. We did it
for almost 40 minutes. Usually, Mike preferred to be a top. It's like my dick
had trained him to be more versatile. Tonight we shared penetration equally.
And audibly. "Michael" and "J.T." were groaned in between thrusts and growls.
He came first. Even though he had unloaded in my ass, he
still let me come inside him as well. We had both neared the edge multiple
times during our sexual tango that when I finally did release, my cock's
stretched skin seemed so hot, I thought it might become laminated inside Mike's
hole. I didn't want to take it out.
"Keep it in me," he softly begged as my body's weight
enshrouded his hairy body below me. I kissed the back of his neck. "Your beautiful
cock inside me makes me feel connected. I wish it could stay that way all
night."
I gently nibbled his ear lobe. "Me too. But something tells
me our butts are really going to feel this tomorrow."
He chuckled lightly. I thrust my hips a bit to push my
softening dick further into him. I felt the challenge to get hard again. I let
my hands reach below him to grip his hairy chest. That's all it took. He moaned
as he felt me become firm within him again. It wasn't necessary to take it much
further. I fucked him mildly — slowly gliding in what I knew was my cum being
smeared inside his channel — breathing heavily in his ear with my slow thrusts.
I was just playing.
"I love you," I whispered, as I finally moved my overtaxed
erection from my lover's ass.
"Love you more, J. T.," he adoringly muttered into the
pillow.
Our bodies turned to face each other. Then we kissed. Not
for long. Just enough for it to escalate with our tongues exploring. We
completed our night with a moment of our noses nuzzling together.
It was one of our longer lovemaking sessions, and I adored
it. It made my place more "my place."
—
Sunday was set aside to get a few more things added to the
apartment. We started the day with coffee in the "gayborhood." We made it more
of a brunch with a couple breakfast wraps at one of the coffee shops in the
area.
I inquired about school, and Mike's expression wasn't ideal.
"School is fine," he said. "But I don't know, with each
year, the kids seem younger, I'm more out of touch with their musical tastes,
fashion choices, social media whatnot ..."
"You know that will just become a bigger gap every year,
right? It's mathematics," I calmly observed.
"I know. The kids are nice. I like them. We seem to have a
good relationship, but I haven't really bonded with them yet. I just feel ... old."
"31 is ancient," I said with a smirk.
As we enjoyed our food selections, a man nearby put down his
newspaper and looked toward us. He appeared to be in his early 60s.
"My, you two make for a fetching couple," he commented.
"Thank you?" Mike commented, pleased with the compliment but
a bit taken aback by it.
It was interesting to me that he immediately knew we were a
couple, despite the age difference.
I sipped my coffee, and a barista came by and topped it off.
It was black, so that was easy enough. He then brought the gentleman a pumpkin
spiced latte. A slight whiff passed our table. It wasn't the type of thing I
ordered, but it did have a pleasant aroma.
"I don't typically see you gents in here for Sunday morning.
Are you new in town?" he asked, turning our way.
"Lord no. I teach at Jerome Hawkins High School."
"I graduated from W. Travis. I've been here for several
years," I added.
"Ah." He took a sip of his latte. "A teacher, huh?"
"Yes indeed. This is my ninth year," Mike offered.
"So young. My first partner was a teacher. That was a
different time. You wouldn't dare say you have a male lover at home. You'd be
fired. We had to keep things so private. Once I was rushed to the hospital. It
was a risky surgery. He was my emergency contact. I instructed the hospital to
use the word "friend" on the message. If it were boyfriend, partner ... anything
like that, it could have caused major problems."
"Wow," I said.
"He so wanted to come see me, but since I wasn't technically
family, he struggled with what to say. He was a mess knowing there was a chance
I might not make it. Not being able to say who I was ... was agony. It really was
a different time."
Mike listened but didn't say anything.
"I'm sure you know how much better it is now. At least we
have some legal rights on our side, right?"
"Right," Mike said blankly.
The man turned back to his newspaper and flipped through a
few pages.
Brad cleared our dishes and asked if we wanted more coffee.
We told him we were fine. We finished shortly thereafter and got up to get to
the day's plans.
"You two kids have a nice day," the man said to us as we started
to depart.
"And you," I said.
The moment we stepped out the door, Mike said, "And suddenly
I feel 12."
We shopped to find a couch that we both liked. I opted for
one with a hide-a-bed just in case I ever had company.
The afternoon was filled with shopping, conversation, an
occasional Diet Coke and relaxing at the park.
Scott and Luke had invited us to dinner, but we had to
decline as we were meeting Matt and Ali. The wedding was so close. One day I
was hoping to intermingle some of our friends. Mike was quite willing to expand
our network. He had commented that he hadn't enjoyed such a large circle in a
couple of years, so it was nice.
—
On Monday, I decided to officially submit my play. They
wouldn't make the decision until late October, but I was ready. Part of me
wanted to start on a new one. I darted from work on my lunch break to get to
the campus. I made it back in time to engulf the sandwich I had brought that
morning.
"There was a message for you while you were out," Irene at
the front desk told me.
"Odd," I thought. All my friends have my cell.
"Please call Jacob," the message read. I had to
clarify one of the digits scribbled in the phone number with her.
Crap! What was wrong? Why would Jakob call me? I dialed
immediately.
"Jakob? Hey, it's Trent. You tried to reach me. What's
wrong? Is Lance okay? Are you okay?"
"I – I am. Yes. Everything's fine. I was ... hoping we could
meet for a few minutes. Maybe this evening or tomorrow?"
"Uhh. Okay," I said, slightly bewildered. "I'm fine with
this evening. My shift ends at 3:30."
"I actually work until 6 today. Maybe around 6:30 then? You
know where the center is, right?"
"Where you guys have your meetings? Yes, I've been there."
"Right. There are a few benches outside. I'll meet you
there."
I was stumped as to why Jakob would call me. I was tempted
to text Lance and inquire, but my gut told me that we were meeting about him,
so knew I probably shouldn't. Yet.
—
I was early. So was Jakob. I had been there a few minutes. He
walked up about 6:20. I didn't know whether to hug him or shake his hand or
what. I foolishly and awkwardly just continued to sit on the bench and immediately
felt like a dolt for not making some kind of gesture. He sat next to me. The
sun was getting lower, but the air wasn't too cool yet, even though it had
dropped to the low 60s. I really had no idea what was about to happen.
"I'm curious," I admitted.
"Thanks for meeting me. I hope you don't think me silly, but
I ... wanted to ask ... kind of a favor."
"Okay ..."
What kind of favor would a homeless person ask for? Did he
want money? Clothes? Advice? His eyes looked to the side. He seemed worried. I
could tell he didn't know how to start. Jakob had a softness to him considering
he had some hard circumstances in his past.
"Trent, you and Lance are closer than any friends I've ever
seen. He talks about you a lot."
"Thanks. Yeah. It's funny, several months ago I thought he
was pretty arrogant. We were just teammates. But eventually he let me see ... you
know, what he is like on the inside. We opened up to each other. I could tell
him anything. That's when I got to know the real Lance. I know you see it in
him too. I love Lance. I always will. I couldn't ask for a better best friend."
"He loves you too." Jakob hesitated. "But ... what I want to
ask you ..."
He lost his courage.
"Go on, Jakob."
"I want you to like me," he blurted out.
"Wait! What? Why don't you ..."
"Be honest, Trent. I don't look good on paper. Doesn't have
his own place. Doesn't have hardly any money. Works a simple job. Alcoholic.
And I'm sure not as handsome as you."
I looked at him. He was wearing a QT uniform shirt. It
looked like something had spilled on it. Jakob had voiced some of my doubts I
had early on in that description of himself. Lance and I had talked on the
phone regularly. When he talked about Jakob, he just all but illuminated
through the wireless ether. I knew the two of them were good for each other. I
could see inside Jakob for the first time; he had an innocence and a
vulnerability and determination and ... love to give. Like an alley cat cast from
a home and clawed and starved yet ready to find a lap to rest in, Jakob had
made it through miles of shit just to get to this point where the future might
actually give him a chance.
"Jakob..."
"I'm a realist, Trent. I've been through enough garbage in
the past years, I try to not gloss over what is real and what is not real. I
know you had to think I was the wrong person for him."
Jakob put his hand on my shoulder.
"Trent, I love Lance. I'm in love with Lance. I've never
said those words to him, but ..."
"You should," I immediately suggested.
"But what if that is too much? What if I freak him out? What
if I come off too clingy?"
"What have you asked from him so far?" I asked.
"Nothing. I just wanted to take things slow at first. My
past ... was not good. Romance was not a thing. I was used more than
loved. Well, I was never loved."
"I'm sorry. I can't even imagine what you've had to go
through," I said with true sincerity.
"Lance is the first person I've ever truly loved — at least
since high school. I don't believe in Love at First Sight, but it didn't take
long for me to find something special about Lance. We became close not because
of our shortcomings, but in spite of them. I've known I loved him for a while
now, even though I've said nothing."
"Tell him, Jakob. Trust me. And as someone who fell for Mike
just as quickly, I know how feelings can hit you fast. You two seem to be
taking things at a reasonable pace. I take it you are ... staying over from time
to time?"
"The sex is fucking hot," Jakob blurted out.
I laughed. "Okay then, things have indeed moved further
along."
"Trent, Lance looks up to you, confides in you ... you mean so
much to him. I need you to like me. If you don't, I don't think I could ever
really have an honest chance with him. You probably don't think I'm good enough
for him, but I would do anything to make him happy."
I reached for Jakob's hand. I squeezed it.
"Jakob. Jakob. I've seen a light in Lance like I never did in
school. He seemed so dulled by alcohol that he went through his days on
autopilot. When we opened up to each other, I could see the real Lance, but he
often hid it. Now, I think he's a superstar. You put that sparkle in him,
Jakob. I know it's you. Yeah, I was a bit concerned when I pictured two
alcoholics seeing each other. Not to fault you for your past, but I was
wondering if you could somehow drag him back to the drinking days. That kind of
scared me. But you two are awesome together. You're strong. I'm happy for you."
"Really?"
"Really. I do like you, Jakob. And I thank you for making my
best friend happy."
Jakob's face was indecisive to express surprise, relief or
glee. His eyes finally settled and a small grin turned
into a smile.
I stood up. "Stay here," I said.
I walked to my car and came back with a bag. It had tissue
sticking out the top. When I returned to the bench, I handed it to him.
"I got this for you."
He looked stunned.
"For me? I – I – I don't understand."
"You will. Look inside."
Jakob pulled out the tissue. He reached in and lifted the
rolled shirt inside.
"It matches the one I gave Lance. When we presented it to
him on his birthday and told him that Mike and I had bought matching ones, I
immediately felt like I left you out. I regretted that. I'd feel much happier
if the four of us matched."
Jakob tried not to cry. I could see his lips quiver. His
eyes watered but he held it back. He just looked at me in the face. His eyes
told me everything, thousands of words. It was more than what he could have
hoped for. He quickly hugged me. I gave him a firm hug back. My eyes even
watered seeing how a small gesture could have an overwhelming impact.
"How did you have this ready? You didn't even know what I
was going to say?" he asked.
"If it was the right moment, I knew I wanted to have it.
I've thought about it for days. I stopped by after work to pick it up."
"It's no wonder Lance loves you."
I took out my phone and opened up the screen. After a couple
of taps, I held it up to him.
"This is my phone number. Please put it in your cell. I want
you to be able to call me if you need to."
Jakob pulled out a simple phone. His hands were almost
shaking in the play of events. Once he had done that, I asked if I could take a
selfie of us. I then put him in my contacts.
"Can I offer you dinner?" I asked.
"That's very sweet, Trent. But I can't ask that."
"I'd like to."
"And I'd enjoy that, but I'm trying to depend upon myself
and not let others take care of me. It's silly but ..."
"It's not silly; it's responsible."
"They will have something for me at the shelter. And I had a
snack at work."
"Okay. But just so you know, treating someone to dinner is
something friends do, so I hope you will let this be a rain check. I'd enjoy it
one night. You let me know when."
"Thanks, Trent. That would be nice. Maybe soon." His eyes met
mine. I thought they were pretty. They repeated those exact words by just
looking into mine.
We stood and hugged. There was really nothing further to
say. Neither of us felt a need to let go immediately. We held each other a moment.
His shirt had just a slight scent of hot dogs and mop water following his
shift. For some reason, I discovered why Lance found him adorable.
"Call me anytime," I said as we eventually let go. He smiled
back and gave the smallest of nods.
Jakob turned and waved. I watched him walk back toward the
shelter. He didn't carry the shirt in the bag at his side. He held it tightly
to his chest. Despite the sudden chill in the September night, I felt warm.
—
I now was a fairly regular voiceover on two segments at the
station. Not officially an on-air "personality," but I became a voice to add
comments here and there. People who called in knew who I was. I really loved my
job. Life was good.
That evening, I received a text from Mom.
"May I call?"
"Yes."
We had talked very little since the incident with Dad. It
was mostly short texts. My cell rang.
"Hi, Mom."
"Hello, dear."
"How are you?" we both said at the same time.
"I bought a new couch over the weekend. I'm slowly filling
the apartment."
"Sounds like you are using money wisely."
"It would be good to have a credit card. I need to be
serious about getting one."
"It's trickier at your age, but you should be able to. Just
don't go hog wild when you get one."
"I won't." I paused. I didn't want to, but I mustered the
energy to ask. "How's Dad?"
"Okay. We don't talk about you and Mike much. He knows he
made a grave error, but ... I'm not sure he knows what to do about it."
"You mean like actually apologize?? Is that so hard?"
"In his heart, he felt what he was doing was right. He was
being protective. But he was wrong."
"He SURE was."
"Yes. We just need ..."
"If you say to give him some time, forget that. The
man is horrible. I can't forgive his hateful intent. He can have forever. I
don't need to do anything with him ever again."
"Trent, he is your father."
"What kind of father treats his son that way? Protective,
ha!! His actions tried to ruin two lives, Mother. He's an awful person. He has
brought me pain for years. I – I'm sorry that you are married to him. You two
can live your lives however you need, but I don't care if I ever see him."
"Well, that's why I called. We're attending Ali's wedding.
So, I just wanted you to be aware that your father will be there."
"Crap! Keep him away from me, Mom. It will be nice to see
you. But, please, keep him away from me."
Life was suddenly not great.
I talked to both Lance and Mike that evening for their
input. Lance told me to just focus on the wedding and not give Dad the time of
day. Mike was attending with me. He could run interference if I needed it.
Surely there was no way he would cause a scene at the wedding.
I just didn't want to see him. Fuck.
* * * *
Author's thoughts are found at the blog: timothylane414stories.blogspot.com
Email is always welcome: timothylane414@gmail.com