Thanks for staying with this story. In the long run, I am confident you will find it very rewarding. This chapter immediately follows the night of Chapter 8.

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9

 

I woke up the next morning and looked at my surroundings. It took me a moment to realize it was the apartment living room. I was lying on the couch in Lance's arms. I vaguely remembered us falling asleep. Bits and pieces of last night started to return. I took a deep breath and started to stir.

Lance woke up. It was 6:25. The guys were still asleep.

I had to pee. I pulled the cover off us and went into the bathroom.

When I came back, Lance was sitting up. His hair was a tangled mess, but Lance still looked handsome.

"Did you get up and get the cover?" he asked.

"No. One of the guys must have come out in the middle of the night. That was sweet." I scratched my head and looked around. "Are those my keys?"

"Yeah. Your car is just around the corner on the left."

"I barely remember you guys going to get it."

"Hey, I'm gonna head out. You should try to sleep a little more," he said.

Lance got to the door. I went over to say goodbye. I wrapped my arms around him.

"Thank you," I said softly. "Thank you for being there. I don't know what I would have done without you."

He squeezed me tight and then opened the door.

I knew I wasn't going to class today. At least not the morning ones. I tried to get more sleep. I woke back up when I heard Paul shower at 8:00.

 

April 15

I hate myself. I am total shit. Mike deserves better.

Thank heavens for Lance.

 

I skipped my morning classes. My head hurt a little. I debated if Detrell actually put something in my drink or if I just drank too fast. I saw it happen to Mike last month. Fuck you, Detrell. Fuck you, fuck you!

As I sat there in a fog, I thought about all the times I should have just said "NO!" and left. I just wasn't thinking straight. Never again. I'm done with alcohol. Then the realization that Detrell had come inside me struck me hard. Fuck! He wasn't wearing a condom. Fuck! This is exactly what Mike warned me about. Fuck! What if he spread something to me? What if I become infected??! Fuck! I felt filthy.

I showered around 11:30. My cum last night had spread around my crotch. It dried in my hair, sticking it to my skin. As the shower washed away the physical damage, my mind relived all I could remember. My ass was pretty sore. How did I let it go so wrong? I was just going to have a drink. I'm so naïve. No wonder Mike wants to give us time. I need time to grow up!!

The shower made me feel better. A little.

A text had come in while I was in the shower. It was from Mom.

"Your birthday is next Thursday. Can you stay with us that weekend so we can celebrate? I love you. Mom."

That was a message that was nice to hear.

Okay. Time to man up. Make good decisions. No more basketball, so getting classes and studies in shape was top priority. It was time to take charge and be smart.

I took the cover back to my bed.

I didn't feel like getting lunch. I ate an apple.

I debated whether to attend my 1 o'clock. I mustered up the strength to do so. I wasn't paying attention as well as I should have, but at least it was better than being absent. My butt still hurt a little.

As I left, I got a text from Lance.

"How are you? How do you feel?"

"Fair," I replied. "I went to my 1:00 class. I'm just trying to feel..."

I didn't know how to end it. I just sent the text.

"Normal," I then concluded.

"Join you for dinner in the caf' tonight?"

"Sure. Yes, please."

"I'll meet you at your place just before 6."

Lance was being very caring. It really was his best side. He seemed different than the arrogant person I used to think him as being. I enjoyed my time with him. He had become a good friend.

My 3 o'clock was better. I seemed more alert. I didn't participate much, but I took good notes on the lecture.

After my classes were done, I started to stroll back to the apartment. I was unsure what to do with myself. I seemed directionless. Perhaps I needed a run.

My phone rang. It was Mike.

"Hey babe, how are you?" he said.

I didn't know how to respond. I couldn't tell him about last night. How would I even start? What would he even think?

"Okay, I guess."

"I just wanted to call. Yesterday, I went to that part of town I took you before. Do you remember?"

"Yes," I said calmly, knowing full well I had seen him yesterday.

"I have friends getting married. Gay friends. I wanted to find a gay card for them. Anyway ... I ran into Ethan."

So that was Ethan.

"I hadn't seen him since we split. We talked a bit. Ricky had told him about the two of us. I talked about you a lot. I'm not sure if it hurt his feelings or not. I mean ... we had moved on, but he was still single. He also told me he hates where he lives now. He always loved our house, ... er, my house."

"So, how was it seeing him again?"

"Okay, I guess. I'll always hope he will be happy. We split on pretty good terms. It wasn't ugly or anything."

Then Mike went silent. I didn't know if I should interject anything.

"Trent," he started again. "As I stood there talking to him, all I could think about was you. How the two of us click in ways Ethan and I never did. I don't know. I can't explain it. I felt a bit sorry for him, but also happy for me."

I smiled.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm rambling like an idiot. I'm sure I sound crazy, but ... I wanted to be honest about having run into him. I guess I called just because I wanted to say, `I love you.'"

My eyes welled with tears.

"I love you too, Mike," I said before it almost turned into a sob.

There I stood, Mike being honest with me, and I couldn't even begin to tell him the truth. God, I hope I could get past this.

"Anyway, I'll let you go," he said. "I hope I can see you soon. But classes come first."

A minute later I walked into the apartment. No one was there yet. I stared at books but wasn't remotely motivated.

I felt a run was the best thing for me. I changed into running shorts and a tank top. It was the longest run I had taken in weeks — 90 minutes. I burned off a lot — calories, tension, anxiety. I needed it.

Walking into the apartment, Paul was there.

"Hey, Paul. I need to shower. Lance may be here before I'm done. Would you let him in?"

I felt pretty good after the run. Those jogs seemed to be fairly therapeutic. Another shower made me feel even better. I didn't take a long one, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't a smelly mess around the guys.

Turning off the shower, I reached for my towel. It was still pretty damp from this morning, but it did the job. I opened the bathroom door to see if Lance was here. He was. Paul had let him in.

"Hey bud," I said finished drying, "I'll be out in a second."

"Take your time."

I wrapped the towel around my waist. I came out to the living room.

"If we can wait a few minutes, Kevin wants to join us for dinner," Paul said.

"Yeah. Sure. That'll be nice," I said. "I'll get dressed. Lance, come on back."

We went into the bedroom. I pulled open a drawer for some fresh underwear. I dropped the towel. My penis hung in front of Lance. He didn't seem to notice. To my surprise, he didn't even seem to look at it. I was expecting some kind of dick quip. I pulled my underwear up. My afternoon shirt was still clean, so I put it back on. A fresh pair of jeans finished the job.

"Sooo..." I said softly. "Am I the patient that everyone is coming to visit?"

"Your friends care, Trent," Lance said.

"I know. And when I said that it would be nice, it will be nice. I'm glad to have you guys around me."

"How do you feel today?" he asked.

"I don't know. Better, I guess. It still shakes me to the core when I think about it, but it seems a little in the past," I said blankly. "Hopefully, that's a good sign. And my ass still hurts."

"I want you to talk to someone about it," Lance said. "We have a counselor on campus."

"Yeah. I know him. He's actually a friend of the family."

Lance grabbed both my hands. "Tell me you will go see him," he said.

I didn't really respond. He grabbed my hands more forcefully. "Tell me. Say it."

"Okay, I promise. I will go see him."

He let go of my hands.

Kevin got home and we all headed over to the cafeteria. Lance didn't really know my roommates at all. Dinner offered an opportunity to become more acquainted. It was actually good conversation that let me get to know all three of them better. They were clearly concerned about me. But just having company helped. I appreciated their efforts.

Following dinner, the four of us walked back to the apartment.

"Want to come over for a beer?" Lance asked.

"No!" I took a breath. "I mean, no. Sorry. I think I'm going to skip any alcohol for now."

"Ah. Of course. Sorry."

Lance gave me a simple hug, then moved to the door. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"Thanks, buddy," I replied, waving to him as he exited.

 

April 16

Much to my surprise, I'm seeing some sensitivity in Lance. He hasn't been suggestive or flirty or anything since the incident. He's just been a good friend. It's really a nice side to Lance now that he is showing it. He's just who I need right now. As a friend. I do have feelings for him. Different than I do for Mike. But I really care about him right now.

 

—

 

After my first class the next morning, I ran over to the Med Center to see if I could see the counselor today. It worked out that a 2 o'clock time slot was free. Perfect. Just before my last class.

I didn't know what I was going to say when I went in. 2 o'clock arrived, and I went into the counselor's office. I had to wait a few minutes, but not long.

As I sat waiting, I tried to remember how long it had been since I had seen Robert. A door opened.

"Trent?"

I waved.

"Come on in!" he said, motioning me with his arm. "It's good to see you. How are you? How are your folks?"

"Oh, they're fine. We spent spring break together. They're the same I suppose." I lightly chuckled.

"And you?"

"Uhhh, well, I suppose that's why I'm here. I actually have two things to talk about, Robert. Er, Dr. Owens. I'm actually not sure what I should call you."

"Outside of the office, Robert is fine. That's always how you have known me. For in here, why not call me Dr. Owens so it helps reinforce our roles. What's on your mind."

"Well, first, I guess I should just come out and say it — I'm gay."

I waited for some sign of shock, but there was none. Dr. Owens' expression indicated I should continue.

"A few months ago, I wouldn't have been able to say that out loud. I was a bit of a mess." I paused. "Oh! Have you had anyone gay come in before?"

"Trent, I've been a counselor here for 18 years. We have thousands of students." He gave me a look.

"Oh, yeah. Ha. I guess so." I rolled my eyes. "Anyway. The last couple years have been hard. I guess I was hiding it, denying it. In the past two months, I have fully accepted it. Overall, I'm happy. I've met someone. I like who I am."

"But something has brought you here."

"Well, staying on this topic, I need to ask you... I have no idea how to tell Dad."

"Ohhhh." Dr. Owens paused. "How do you think your father will feel about it?"

"Disappointed," I immediately said.

"Why do you feel this way, Trent?"

"It's something he said to me in high school. It made it clear that he didn't want a gay son."

"Don't sell your father too short. It might be a shock at first but give him time to come around. How do you think your mother will take it?"

"Oh, I told her Sunday. She was ... okay??" I said with a shrug. "I did get a text yesterday that she wanted me to spend next weekend at the house to celebrate my birthday."

"Happy early birthday. Well, that sounds encouraging."

"I know, right? At least she hasn't disassociated herself from me." I nervously chuckled. "In her text yesterday, she said she loved me. I think that will be fine. Dad, I don't know."

"The world keeps changing. Perhaps in the last few years, your father has evolved some."

"My dad?? Yeah. No." I laughed out loud. "I plan to tell him after graduation. I will feel fully ... I don't know, like an adult??"

"Give him a chance."

"But the real reason I'm here ... Wednesday night, something happened. I, uh ... someone, uh ... I don't know if I would use the word `attacked,' but someone ... sexually ..."

Dr. Owens immediately bolted upright in his chair.

"Trent, did someone rape you?"

"I don't know if technically it was rape. Maybe I didn't ..."

"Did you want to have sex with him?"

"No."

"Did you say it was okay?"

"No. But I didn't necessarily tell him to stop."

"Did you feel good about it afterward?"

"Lord, no. I fell apart. Someone had to come pick me up."

"Trent, you're a victim. Did this happen on campus?"

"No. A bar in town. I had a few drinks."

"Trent, this is not your fault. I need you to know that."

`Yeah," I said softly.

"No. I need you to say it. Please say it to me."

"It's not my fault."

"Say it again."

"It's not my fault!"

"Did you consider going to the police?"

"No. I wasn't thinking clearly. I was just sort of ... out of it."

Dr. Owens turned the words over in his head. "Do you think you were drugged?"

"Everyone keeps asking me that. I don't know. I'm not sure when he would have done that. I think maybe the alcohol hit me so fast."

"When you look back on it, how does it make you feel?"

"Like I want to shudder. Like the chills."

"Do you have a support system here on campus? Close friends?"

"Yeah. One made me promise to come see you."

Dr. Owens smiled. "Sound advice."

"I do have a question. It may sound awkward for you to hear," I said.

"I've heard it all, Trent. You can confide in me."

"This ... man ... didn't use a condom. So, I'm kind of scared. Does the clinic here do ... that kind ... of testing?"

"They can. It's a swab and they typically tend to tell you to wait up to three months."

"Three months!!?"

"Hold on. If you are willing to go to a pharmacy, you can get a better test from blood work. Here, let me write this prescription. They have a college rate for all our students. It's not too bad. Why don't you go at the first of the month?"

"Okay," I said softly.

"I'm glad you came to see me. I want you to come back next Friday. Can you come at this time?"

"I guess so."

"Good. I care about you, Trent. You can always come talk to me. I've known you for a long time. You're a good kid. And as for your parents, they love you. They always will," he said, looking directly into my eyes.

"Thanks, Rob... Dr. Owens. You won't tell them, will you?"

"No. Of course not. Anyone who comes to see me should feel their privacy and confidence are respected. This is just between us."

"Okay. Thank you. I guess I'll see you next week then?"

I left the Med Center and texted Lance to let him know I went. I told him I'd talk about it the next time I saw him.

 

 

April 17

I went to talk to someone today. I think it helped. I'm coming to realize the incident the other night wasn't my fault. I still feel like I should have done more, but I've stopped blaming myself. It was a learning experience for sure.

I guess it's nice knowing I can confide in Dr. Owens. Friends are great, but having a professional is nice. He's known Mom and Dad for some time. Perhaps he can eventually give me pointers in how to tell Dad.