Illuminati1

 

 

 

"I'm sorry. You have cancer."


I never thought that I would be sitting here at 30 hearing a speech from a doctor letting me know that I was dying. An MRI showed that the cancer had spread to my tailbone and throughout my abdomen, but hadn't damaged my spinal cord. Hearing about my treatment options at that point I felt like I was in another world. I felt like there was no way in hell that this could be real. Right? It was impossible.

But no.

 

It wasn't.

 

I was dying...at 30.

 

 

"Memphis, how was your appointment, sweetie?"


My coworker Alexi is in the breakroom. A big sign that reads Intercontinental Music is behind her. ICM is one of the biggest record labels on the planet. Alexi talks a lot. She's a preppy white girl with pink hair, edgy glasses, colorful clothes and an out there personality. She's always so happy. Even now she's smiling. You would think everything was right in the world.

 

 

"I'm fine," I tell her.

I could say that I'm dying. I could say that the cancer is aggressive and that even with chemo my doctor says there is only a 20 percent chance that I'd survive through the year.

 

The worst thing.


The world keeps moving. My job at ICM is still busy. The coffee room is the big gossip area. It's a live TMZ. Everyone's gossiping about this music artist and that music artist. Everyone is wondering who is dating who. Usually I would love something like this. I had a good job in Economics at the local Public Administrations office. That's what I went to school for, but I was never passionate about it. My passion was music. I wanted to be a music manager. Management was what I wanted to do. So I quit the Public Administrations job and I chased my dream.

 

That brought me here.

 

 

"Oh my god...here comes your best friend. My boss is everything..."

 

I met Alexi through my best friend. She just so happened to be his assistant. Ever since the day she started she's been swooning over him.

 

"Stop it Alexi."


"Are you going to tell him you're in love with him?" she asks me.

 

I grab Alexi. I remember the night that I had gotten so drunk around Alexi and spilled all my beans about how I felt about my best friend.

 

 

"Stop. He'll hear you."


"I'm just joking. If you don't tell him you're in love with him then let me express my love for him. He's so FINE."

"You do know he's getting married right?" I tell Alexi.

 

 

Alexi could care less. She adjusts her suit, plants her eyes across the room, smacks her lips twice for assurance that they are wet.

Quest was a writer. He was one of the best in the business. He was contracted by ICM to basically ghost write for a lot of their artists. Quest was damn talented. Everyone knew it too. He walks in the room with a hippie vibe. I don't know why he dresses like he is constantly at Coachella. I think it's kind of hilarious to tell the truth. Quest is handsome. No. Handsome doesn't really describe it. He's past that.


He was the perfect man.

 

"Hey Quest," she smiles.

I know why Alexi is giddy. Quest is about 6'1". He's chocolate. His skin is like mocha. He never had a pimple all the years I've known him. He has the kind of skin you just want to run your fingers across. People say that we look like brothers and I kind of see it. We both have naturally slanted eyes, big lips, muscular frames, small waists and tight perky butts. I've always been attractive, but just slightly shorter than Quest. For some reason the fact that he could pass as my older brother turns me on even more. Sometimes I imagined God made me and then decided to perfect me in order to make Quest.

 

"Hey lil' bro," he tells me, coming up to me and patting me, "How was the doctor's appointment?"

I'm not his little brother, but he's been calling me that for years with no shame. I keep telling him I'm not his little brother but he has a way of treating me like that regardless.

 

"Good."


I lie to Quest. I can't upset him. I know how this would affect him and I don't want to have that effect on him. We've been best friends since middle school. He was the one who got me in at ICM. He talked me into coming here. Even though I had to start from the bottom I knew that Quest had my back. He always had my back. I was all he really had. His family died back when he was younger. He was closer to my parents than I was. He was always over. My dad called him his son.

 

 

"You sure?" he asks me, "You seem a little out of it."


I force a smile. I had gone to see the doctor because I was losing my appetite. I wasn't sure what was causing it. I was never hungry. It was the cancer. I had lost so much weight. I used to be just as muscular as Quest was. We worked out together. I had lost a lot of that weight.

 

 

"Just having a bad day..."


"Wait until Mr. Mahn gets here," Alexi states.

 

"Mr. Mahn still having you do stupid shit?" Quest asks.

 

 

I roll my eyes. Thinking about my boss was the worst. Augustin Mahn was the manager of some of the top acts in the country. Right now he managed this pop group called LIGHT that was blowing up on the charts. He also managed a country singer named Ashley Preston who just won like 10 Grammys. His last act was Joaquin. Joaquin was a Spanish boy from the Bronx that did R&B. He was young, probably just 25 or 26 but everyone thought he was the sexiest thing in the world.

 

 

"This morning, Mr. Mahn tells me that had to go to Philly to get Joaquin his favorite cheesesteak. I was late for my appointment because I had to get it to him by lunch."


We live in the Manhattan. The idea of travelling that far for a fucking cheesesteak was ridiculous.

"You're lying," Alexi states.

"I wish I was."

 

What was even worse was that Mahn always took credit for everything I did. He never even let me meet any of his acts in person. He says that he doesn't want to confuse them with his team.

 

 

Quest shakes his head, "I can talk to Mahn for you."


Quest had some pull at the ICM. He wasn't on Mahn's level, no one really was, but at least Mahn respect him enough to talk to him.

 

"No. I knew it was going to be rough. That's the life of a 30-year-old intern."


Quest gives me a look in the eye, "It'll get better one day."


My phone rings at that moment. Mahn has given me a special phone to reach out to him. He has 5 assistants but somehow I am always the one who gets the first call.

 

"It's him isn't it?" Alexi asks.

 

I nod.

 

I don't respond.

 

"Listen. If you need to take the day off, I can talk to Mahn for you," Quest starts.

I stop him, "I'm fine. Look. See this smile? I'm fine."


"Ok lil' bro."


Quest doesn't believe me. He can see right through me. He's known me for too long. I wasn't fine. I was far from being fine.

 

I get to the hallway. I take a deep breath. I want to cry. There is no time. There is never any time.

 

I head to Mahn's office. I knock a few times and walk in. He's sitting there with some heavy hitters on the management team. I notice the president of the company; Alexander Appleton is there. Appleton is an older man. His wife is part owner of the company and on the board. She's in the room right now. Appleton's mistress is also in the room. Her name is Princess Matthews. Princess manages two of the highest selling rappers in the US. A year ago she was no one and now she was one of the power players at ICM. I don't think it's a coincidence since she's fucking the president of the company. Of course Mrs. Appleton has no idea. There are a group of power players in the room and it goes over everyone's head. The only reason I know is because I saw Princess bent over his desk when I was working late one night for Mahn. They didn't know I knew an I was going to keep it like that.

 

 

Mrs. Appleton is talking right now. It's pretty clear that she runs things even though her husband is the president. She's a boss and somewhat intimidating.

 

She is slamming her fist on the table when I walk in, "Joaquin's sales are dropping. People are just not interested in him anymore. We need to do something to spice up his career."


"How about a love affair?" Mahn says.

 

"How will this help sales?" Mrs. Appleton asks, "Leave that to public relations Augustin. I need real answers."


I love hearing Appleton shut my boss down. For the first time someone doesn't call him Mr. Mahn. The look on his face shows that he's pissed off as well.

 

 

Mahn is clearly annoyed when he gets shut down in the way that he does.

 

 

"Where's my coffee?" Mahn asks as soon as I see him.

 

 

"You didn't ask for coffee..." I state.

 

 

"I'm sure I did. Are you calling me a liar."


He likes to feel like he knows everything and has this amazing memory. He doesn't. I take out my phone and open up an app on it. It has the transcript of the call.

 

"Sir...you didn't say you wanted coffee. I record all our conversations."


There is laughter in the room at that moment. They are laughing at Mahn. Mahn looks embarrassed at that moment. He turns to me with this look that makes me think he hates me.

 

 

"Get me coffee..."


I nod, "Yes sir."


I have to go down two flights of stairs of the 30 floor building to find Mahn coffee. By the time I get back I can see that he still has this slight attitude. I walk into the meeting just in time to hear Princess give her proposal.

 

"What about him doing an album with someone. LIGHT is real popular right now. Girls love the group thing," Princess suggests.

 

"Listen Joaquin is my client and I know what's best for him Princess," Mahn argues.

 

"I never said you didn't. All I'm saying is what if we get him in a studio with someone. Someone that matches his sexy. Girls will pay attention to Joaquin again."

 

 

"You have anyone in mind?" Mr. Appleton asks Princess.

"Prairie Samuels."


"Who the hell is Prairie Samuels?"


"He's my new artist," Princess states, "He's sings pop."


"Joaquin is a superstar. An R&B superstar...not pop. There is no way he's going to go for making a song with some...nobody."


"That's exactly what he needs. R&B, Pop. What's the difference? As long as they take their shirts off. Joaquin needs someone with a nice voice but only a little bit of buzz. It'll make it look like he's giving back. People like that."


"There is no way in hell that Joaquin is going to go for that."


"Convince him that it is good for his career. That's your job as his manager, isn't it?" Princess argues.

 

Mahn is so mad. I stand patiently waiting for him to take the coffee out of my hand. Mahn looks over at me. His face is viscerally upset. It is clear Princess is outshining him but for some reason he seems to be getting the attitude with me instead.

"What are you retarded?" he asks me, "Put the coffee down and leave, dumbass."


I would like to say that it is uncommon for my boss to talk to me like that, but it isn't. I don't even think it phases anyone in the room. I'm just the intern. Music companies go through interns like crazy. I was "lucky" to be in this position. Millions of boys would want to be where I was at right now. Millions of boys would want the access to the celebrities that I have. Millions of boys would want to be in the same room with the Appletons.


The problem is neither Appleton seems to even notice I was alive. I've seen them hundreds of times and I doubt they even knew my name or knew I existed.

 

 

"This is risky," Mr. Appleton thinks out loud.

 

 

"It is...but I like it," Mrs. Appleton states.

 

 

Appleton nods, "I like it too. Good job Princess. Mahn. Make it happen."

 

I can see the look on Mahn's face. He is livid. I reach over to hand him the coffee and his hands go up!

 

Almost immediately piping hot coffee splashes all over me. Immediately I am scorched feeling a burning sensation all over me.

 

 

No one seems to notice. No one seems to care. I'm wallpaper in the room.

 

 

"Why are you just sitting there? Clean up your mess and get me another one," Mahn says getting up, "Also send a car to pick up Joaquin."

 

Mahn doesn't help me. He doesn't do anything. The meeting is dismissed and he walks clean past me. As he leaves everyone else leaves with him. They are ordering their own assistants around, throwing around their heavy coats and barking their marching orders. No one could care less about me. I'm a no one.

I know that now. I realize it.

 

 

The last person to leave is Princess. She does the oddest thing at that moment.

 

She hands me a napkin.

 

I reach over to take the napkin but Princess stops.

"Wait."


"Um...ok..."


She takes the napkin back. She takes a pen and writes something on the napkin then she hands me the napkin.

 

"Now it's OK to use it," she tells me.

 

 

She hands me the napkin. She doesn't say anything after handing me the napkin. That was all she does. I look down in a curious way to see what she has scribbled on the napkin. She watches me look down and see what she put on the napkin. She doesn't smile. She doesn't look friendly. She just watches me in the weirdest way.


An eye. Just one eye.

"Thank you."


She doesn't respond. She just turns and leaves out of the room.

 

 

 

~

 

 

I get home that night. I'm beat. I've been running around all day for Mr. Mahn making sure his artist Joaquin had some weed. I literally had to go to the shadiest guy's house and buy it off of him. Then I had to deliver it to Mr. Mahn's assistant who screamed at me for being late. I was sure Mahn's other assistant would be the one to deliver the weed to Joaquin. They treated Joaquin like a god. And if Joaquin was at the top of the totem pole then I was definitely at the bottom.

 

 

"I don't get paid overtime hours but he sometimes forgets that I have a life outside of work," I am telling Quest on the phone.

 

 

I get to my apartment. It's 12am. 12 am before I am able to finally deliver the weed for Joaquin. I can't believe that I'm going through this.

 

 

The elevator in my shady ass apartment is broken. So I have to walk up 12 flights to my apartment. Nothing can make this day any worse than it is now.

 

 

"I feel like I put you in this position," Quest states.

 

 

"No. I'm grateful. This is my dream."


I keep repeating it every night. If I was going to die from cancer than I was going to die knowing that I did everything I could to reach my dream.


"It's modern day slavery Memphis," Quest tells me.

He has a point. I have lowered myself for so long. As I continue to climb the stairs I get this real eerie feeling. It's the feeling that I'm being followed. There are shadows on the floor below me that stop when I stop. Slight footsteps. I realize that I probably am completely losing my mind but it's OK.

 

 

"I'll be fine Quest," I tell him.

 

"You want me to come over?" Quest asks me.

"No it's late and I have to be up at 5."


"For what?"


"Joaquin likes to run first thing in the morning when he's in New York but he likes to eat omelets afterward. He always complains about the ones I buy so I just started making them."


Quest pauses. I know it sounds ridiculous to him.

 

"Yo you fucking with me right?" he asks, "You wake up at 5am to make the next man omelets. Quit. I'm coming over. We'll do our date night. I'll make you omelets in the morning."


"Joaquin."


"Fuck Joaquin. I work with the guy. I'm actually helping him and Prarie write a collab tomorrow. I'll tell him then that I'm the reason he didn't get his omelets."


I finally get to the top of the stairs.


I stop at my door. I look and notice something. It's a note.

 

 

"Great..."


"What?"


"Eviction notice," I state, "My doors locked.

 

 

I should have known it was coming. I wasn't getting paid for the internship and my savings were drying up. I figured if I worked hard enough Mahn would hire me as his assistant. I basically did more work than all of his assistants put together.

 

 

"Are you joking?" Quest asks me, "How much do you need? I got you lil' bro."


"You helped me last month..."


"I'll help you for as long as you need me," Quest explains.

 

 

That's just how Quest is. He just had a big heart.

 

"I'll get a hotel for a few days."


"Bullshit. You're staying with me. I'm coming to get you."


I stop at that moment. I think about telling Quest not to but when I turn I see someone standing there. The person is just standing there. It's an old man. He has on a suit. It's a black suit. It's almost like he is waiting for something but I'm not sure what. I smile at him. He doesn't smile back. Then he takes off his glasses.

 

That's when I realize something that scares the fuck out of me.

The man only has one eye!

He stares at me with his one eye. He doesn't remove his glare. For some reason he's just looking at me. He's just staring like he wants something. I don't know what but I know it is freaking me out.

 

"Yeah Quest...do you mind coming to get me?"



~

 

"We can get the rest of your things in the morning," Quest tells me.

 

I pull up to his loft. It's a decent two-bedroom loft. It's a pretty decent size especially for Manhattan. It's clear Quest is doing well for himself. I can't help but to feel a little jealousy at times. We had started out at the same time and now he is so much further ahead of me in life. Quest never makes me feel that way though. As soon as we get to his house he grabs me.

"Thanks for letting me crash man."


"You want something to drink?" he asks.

 

 

That's when Quest does his usual thing. He takes off his shirt and he throws it on the counter. I can't help but to look at his abs. They are rock fucking solid. He is beyond sexy. I know he looks at me as his little brother but I hate the fact that he looks so fucking attractive.

 

I can feel my dick getting a little hard looking at him.

 

"I should get to bed," I state.

 

 

With that he leans over and gives me a hug. He adds, "Just in case you need one."


He does it often. He gives me random hugs, just in case I need one. He knows the kind of person I am. I work hard. I don't complain. I don't burden anyone with my drama. Yet all my life it seems like the harder I work the less I accomplish.

 

 

I head to his bed at that moment and as soon as I open the door I see a girl sitting on the bed.

"WHOA!"


I don't know who screams louder. Her or me. Within a matter of seconds, Quest runs to the door. I recognize the girl. Her name is Ashley. She is Quest's fiancee. She never slept over though. From what I knew she was very...conservative to say the least. She refused to have sex with Quest until marriage so she didn't sleep over. I'm shocked that she is over here now.

 

 

"Memphis. I'm sorry I scared you."

 

"Did not expect this," I state.

Quest immediately takes the blame, "This is my fault. Ashley, me and my brother always sleep in the same bed. Since we were kids we'd get to talking and always fall asleep in the same bed. It's a habit. I don't think we've ever been under the same roof and not slept in the same bed."


"Nope...never," I state, "Has Ashley been...staying here?"


"Ever since the engagement," he states.

 

 

I don't get why Quest is keeping this from me. We tell each other everything. He knew about every weird ass relationship I've had with girls before. He was the first person that I told when I was having gay emotions. He knew that I was thinking about dating a guy but I never actually found one to my liking. Quest knew everything about me.

 

 

"Oh..."

 

 

 

 

I feel so stupid. I want to ask them if they've had sex. I didn't mind the sex though. I kind of wished Quest would have just had sex with this girl and done her like he did the other girls he dated. Quest has never gotten this serious with a girl. Never. He's always put me first. If he was dating a girl I didn't like she'd be gone the same day. That's just how we operated. The fact that she's about to sleep on my side of the bed right now honestly hurts.

 

 

"I can leave," Ashley states, "I understand brother time..."

 

 

I stop her, "No. You know what. Me and Quest aren't really brothers. I'm not going to take the guest room."


I hate Ashley. She's the sweetest Christian girl I have ever met in my life and maybe that is the reason that I can't stand her fucking guts. Somehow her sweet ass managed to make my friend fall in love with her.

 

 

I can't sleep that night. I keep thinking about the cancer. I keep thinking about how stressed I am going to be the next day with Joaquin recording new music. I keep thinking about how fucked up Mr. Mahn acts towards me. I keep thinking about the fact that Quest is in the next room right now with Ashley.

 

And he never knew how I felt.

And now it was almost too late.

 

 

So when the door opens and it's Quest behind it I jump up. I'm so happy. I smile. It's 4am in the morning and I'm sure he can't sleep with Ashley. I'm sure he can't sleep knowing that his best friend is in the same house as he is but not in his bed.


I'm so sure Quest has come to sneak in my bed.

 

 

That's not the case.

 

"You have a call," he states.

 

He seems confused but not as confused as I am.

 

"On your house number?"


"Yeah. Did you give someone my house number? I don't mind if you did..."


"No. I didn't give your house number away. No one knows I'm over here."


"Well someone does because they want to speak to you."


"It's 4 am."


"Should I hang up?"


I was curious.

 

"No."


I go to Quest and grab the phone. I'm kind of hoping Quest will stay in the room with me, but he doesn't. He just walks away.

 

 

I'm alone.

 

"Hello."


"We can help you."

 

At first I think it is a man talking. Then I think it is a woman. Then it becomes clear that two people are talking in the phone at the same time. They speak almost in unison. It's hard to really catch it but I do recognize more than one voice on the other line of the phone.

"Excuse me? Who is this?"


"We are many."


I think about hanging up the phone. This has to be a prank call or something. Still I'm confused on how this person knew I was with Quest.

 

"What do you want?" I ask.

 

 

"We know about your life. We know that you are unhappy with your career. We know you are struggling with your finances. We know about your love life. We know about the cancer."


My heart stops.

I hadn't said anything to anyone. ANYONE.

 

"How do you know that information? Is this Dr. Shaw?"


"No. We are not Dr. Shaw. We see everything. We know everything. Even in the dark, we shine our many lights. We are the Illuminated."


"I'm going to hang up now."

I pull the phone away just in time to hear them say something else.

 

"It will spread."

I panic.

"What?"


"The cancer will spread. You'll be dead by November. You won't make it to see Quest get married. It'll break his heart; don't you think? Dr. Shaw doesn't have the knowledge to save you. We do."


"How do you...how do you know this..."


"We can help you. If you want."


"You know a cure?"


"We know many cures to more things than diseases. Let us treat you."


This is really creeping me out. The two voices seem to multiply. It is almost like a chorus on the phone at this moment. I'm talking to a group of people who speak all in unison. It's the creepiest thing I've ever witnessed in my life. I think about running to Quest. I think about telling him.

 

 

I take a step towards the door. I open it.

 

 

"Don't tell him," the chorus of voices said, "If you tell him or anyone we won't help you."


I stop.

 

How the fuck did they know I was moving towards the door? I turn at that moment and realize the window is open. It's wide open. There is a flash in the distance. A white light. It's too far for me to tell what it is.

 

Could these people be watching me?

 

"Why would you help me?"


"To get your help when the time is needed. If you become we, then we will can be great. Together."


I don't get it.

 

"Fine. I'll play your game. Give me the cure."


"You must become we."


"What?"


"You must become we. You must sacrifice yourself. The All seeing eye will notice."


"You want me to kill myself?"


"Jump off the Brooklyn bridge and we will save you."


I start laughing. I can't take this. It has to be a joke.

"I'm hanging up."


"Jump. What do you have to lose?"


With that I hang up the phone.

 

 

~

It's 6 pm and I am running across the town making sure that I get some Chinese food for Joaquin's studio session.

 

 

I wait 30 minutes and my Uber shows up late.

 

By the time I make it back, I get to the studio session. I don't ever go in. The rules have always been clear with Mr. Mahn. Never go in.

 

"You OK?" Alexi asks.

 

"I just travelled across town to get Chinese food," I state shaking my head, "I'm not the greatest right now. Not even going to lie. Why are you still here?"

Quest never had Alexi work late if she didn't want to. He was really good with his assistants. Sometimes I wish he was in a management position. I was sure Quest would hire me. Unfortunately, he wasn't and there was no point of me working for him if he wasn't doing what I was interested in.

 

"Quest is in there working with Joaquin. I forgot to tell him to get me Joaquin's autograph," Alexi states, "And now I'm too nervous to go in there."

 

"You a fan girl now?"


I wouldn't be surprised. I hadn't seen Joaquin up close and personal but I remember when he got signed to ICM and first walked through the building. People literally stopped what they were doing and watched as though this was the Thanksgiving Macy's day parade. You would think that Michael Jackson had come back to life or something.


"It's for my sister. I been waiting out here for so long. Can you just go in and get it?" Alexi asks me.

 

"Lex. You are an assistant. I am not even that. No. I can't talk to them. They are Gods to us. I am the help."


I feel bad but that's just the reality of the situation.

 

 

"Is that Chinese I smell?" a voice says.

 

I turn at that moment. We are still in the waiting room to the studio. A few of the other assistants are out here with us.

 

 

There is a boy standing there. He's white with platinum blonde hair. He possibly has the prettiest hair I've ever seen. It is a quaffed look that is high on the top and shaved on the sides. He has just the right amount of gel in it. He has that kind of hair that you just want to lean in and touch. He looks like the kind of guy who doesn't let you touch his hair though. Almost immediately I could tell he was a celebrity. I could tell by his suit. I could tell by the way he was dressed. Everything just screamed it.

 

 

"I'm just setting up for Joaquin."

"Why don't you just take it in?" the boy says.

I had to set up out here and wait until he called for one of the assistants to bring it to him. That's how this worked.

"You don't get it."


"Take it in. I'm sure he wants to thank you..."


"This is my business."


Alexi elbows me at that moment. She leans in and whispers, "That's Prairie Samuels."


I get embarrassed at that moment.

 

"Prai---Prairie----"


Fuck. I was going to get in so much trouble for talking to this guy the way that I did. This was the artist who was supposed to be doing a collab with Joaquin. Seeing him now it all made sense. I just assumed he was already in the session with Quest and Joaquin though.

 

"So now that you know that I'm Prairie Samuels is it OK if I invite you inside?" he asks.

I nod. There was no way I was going to be able to say no at this point. I grab the Chinese food and trail after Prairie Samuels like a lost little puppy who had no idea what he was doing.

 

When I get in the room I can see that Mahn is in there. He seems shocked that I've walked in with the Chinese. He's not the only one who is shocked. Quest is writing a few notes but stops to look up and see me. He gives me a smile and a wave.

 

That's when I see him.

 

Joaquin.

 

 

My heart beats heavy. I feel like one of his fan girls. He is just what people imagine. He has long hair that is tied in a ponytail. There is something about Latino boys with ponytails that just drives me crazy. The way he sits on his stool in the studio drives me nuts as well. He keeps his legs open. He's so masculine and cool looking. He's the type of guy that can look cool doing almost anything. I can't keep my eyes off of him when I walk into the room.

 

My mouth waters just looking at him.

 

 

His skin is a golden bronze color. His eyes are dark and beautiful. He has a tank top on so I can see the eagle tat on his shoulder. He's been in the game for so long and I've seen him on television for years. I remember 5 years ago he performed at the super bowl. That was at the height of his career. Now people weren't really checking for him but they still considered him somewhat of a legend.

 

And he was still just...fine as hell.

 

 

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Mahn starts going off on me almost immediately.

 

 

"He's with me. I invited him," Prairie said, "I overheard him talking about how far he went for the Chinese food."


That's when I see Joaquin look over at me, "Aw man, hope I wasn't a hassle."



His accent is so cute. It is a little bit of Latino mixed with a little bit of New York but mixed with a lot of sex appeal. It's so fucking deep. I can't believe I'm fanning out right now. At this point I want to ask him for his autograph for me instead of for Alexi's little sister.

 

 

"It's my job," I state.

"You do it well," Quest tells me, "Just saying..."


He looks over at Mahn who is glaring at me trying to get me to leave. I am about to but I hear Joaquin start up a conversation involving me so I stop.

 

"You two know each other?" Mahn asks.

 

 

"Yeah I do. It's my best friend. Was kind of mad he had to wake up so early this morning to make you an omelet man. Just saying..." Quest says.

 

I'm pissed at Quest at this moment. I knew he was just waiting to say that. He has been annoyed with Mr. Mahn for a minute and right now Quest is throwing him all kinds of shade. Everything he says he turns and looks over at Mahn.

 

 

"Wait you guys didn't get a cook?" Joaquin states.

 

Mahn looks embarrassed, "We figured it would be cheaper."


"So you pay the guy to wake up in the morning just to get up that early just to make me an omelet," Joaquin asks.

 

 

"He's actually not getting paid anything. He's an intern," Quest states.

 

 

Joaquin looks over at Mahn. The look on his face says it all. It's surprise if anything. He just seems a little shocked about it. Hell I was shocked I put up with it for as long as I did too.

 

 

"Can we get back to this music?" Mahn asks, clearly uncomfortable.

 

"You want some Chinese food?" Joaquin asks me.

 

 

I look over at Mahn. He clearly doesn't want me to be in here. I don't answer because I don't know how to answer.

 

 

Quest answers for me, "Yeah. He'll join us."


I sit down and start eating as my boss gives me dirty looks. I am shocked to see how down to earth Joaquin is. As far as Prairie that is a whole different story. The guy is definitely into his looks and his hair. He has to stop the sessions ever few seconds to get himself together. I have to admit he looks damn good but hell so does Joaquin.

 

Between the two I am definitely more attracted to Joaquin. When he starts singing I just find myself not able to swallow.

 

 

"Love is one of the most complicated things

It frees prisoners and confiscates kings

But I'll love you no matter how hard

I'll love you no matter where you are"


He sings the chords and I'm just staring at him. I'm staring at the way his lips open slightly as he speaks. For the first time in my life I'm not obsessing over Quest and I realize that there is someone else in the world who is also attractive. For the first time in my life I have a crush over another guy besides Quest and that shit feels good.

Right now in the room it just feels like it's Joaquin and I.

 

 

And then all of a sudden almost as though it's too safe to feel that way Quest stops him.

 

 

"Actually sing it like this," Quest instructs him.

 

 

Quest starts singing. He points to Joaquin who joins him. They start to mellow out. Their voices blend together beautifully.

 

Quest looks over to Prairie.

"Now Prairie this is where you come in. Like this."


He helps show Prairie how to sing it. Together all three of them sing the chorus. It has to be the most beautiful sound that I've ever heard in my life.

Once it's done I'm just clapping.

 

 

"Man. All three of you sound good together. You all sound way better together than alone. Why don't you all three just be in a group?" I state.

 

 

I expect the reaction to be positive when I say that.

 

That's not the case. Joaquin all of a sudden turns to me and he doesn't have that friendly look that he had before.

 

 

"Are you trying to say I can't sing alone?" Joaquin asks.

 

 

"No... you're voice it sounds beautiful...it's just all three of you..."


Quest is shaking his head attempting to signal me to stop. I stop talking mid-sentence. I know that I definitely fucked up.

 

 

"I understand you wearing a lot of hats as intern but had no idea that you some music critic now?" Joaquin asks.

 

 

"I didn't mean no harm."

 

"Well I took it as that," Joaquin states, "I'm an artist! I'm sensitive about my shit man! First off I been solo for years. So I'm pretty sure I sound good."


He was getting defensive.

 

 

Not even Quest can defend me at this point. If it was Mahn that was one thing but Joaquin is his client as well. I wouldn't want Quest to defend me and risk his job though. I realize just how pissed Joaquin is and it's clear that if I stay here things are going to only get worse.

 

 

"I'll walk him out," Mahn tells me.

 

 

I start towards the doorway.

 

 

 

When we get to the doorway Mahn gives me a hard look, "Don't bother coming back."

"You're firing me?"


"Oh wow you figured that much out. I guess you aren't a fucking idiot after all," Mahn tells me.

 

 

I'm shocked he's talking to me like that.

 

I don't say anything though. It's not worth it. I can't help but go in the hallway. I hope I would see Alexi but she's long gone.


I don't know what comes over me but I just start crying.

 

I'm finally balling.

 

I'm crying about my job. I'm crying about my dream. I'm crying about the eviction notice. I'm crying about the cancer. I'm crying about the fact that the man I was in love with was about to marry someone else. I was crying about all of those things and I didn't know what to do.

 

 

I guess I figured out where Rock bottom is.

 

 

As I'm balling I hear footsteps. I turn away hoping they won't see my tears. The person stops though and hands me a napkin without me seeing them. I look at the napkin.

 

 

An eye was on it.

 

 

The same eye that I saw Princess draw.

 

 

I think it's Princess again but it's not. It's Prairie Samuels. He was the one who hands me the tissue.

 

"I called you a cab for the Brooklyn bridge."


"How did you---"


"No questions," Prairie tells me, "The cab is waiting outside. You can choose to go do what we want you to do. Or you can die being a failure. I was where you are once. I'm not in that place anymore. If I were you...I'd jump. You have nothing to lose."


Who was he?

 

 

I knew he was some new hot pop artist but he was here as something else.

 

Who was he really?


Who did he represent?

 

 

Before I get the chance to ask Prairie that he turns and walks back towards the studio.

 

 

 

~

 

 

I head to the Brooklyn Bridge.

 

 

My heart races.


A sacrifice. If I jump of this bridge I could die. If I jump off this bridge I could fucking die. I can feel my heart race at that moment.


Maybe it wouldn't be that bad to die. I could finally stop being a burden to Quest. He'd be so much happier without a best friend who kept acting like we were in a relationship. He'd be able to settle down.


I was going to die anyway because of the cancer.

 

 

Prairie was right. I had nothing to lose.

I close my eyes and I jump.