After dinner they talked for the whole evening, until finally wishing each other goodnight. Daneel returned to his room and smiled as he looked at the bed with the sheets still ruffled. He undressed and for the first time did not put on his pyjamas; slipping into bed completely naked, hoping to find again those beautiful sensations he had felt with his Jean-Marie.
He wondered if his beloved, at that precise moment, was thinking of him. He could not know, but something told him it must be like that. Then he thought back to his father and to the quiet joy with which he had accepted the news that he had finally made love with Jean-Marie and that everything had gone well. What an abysmal difference with his mother! How, he wondered, could they ever have decided to get together?
Of course, had they not, he would never have been born, which would have been regrettable now that he was finally happy with his life! It took him seven or eight years to find serenity, but he had finally arrived.
He fell into a calm and relaxed sleep, his heart full of his Jean-Marie and his father.
The next morning he woke up feeling perfectly rested and full of energy. He heard his father being busy in the kitchen and knew he was making breakfast. He jumped out of bed and was about to go into the kitchen when he remembered he was naked! Smiling, he put on his briefs and jeans, his slippers; and went shirtless into the kitchen.
"Hi Dad!" he greeted cheerfully.
"Hello, it's almost ready."
"I'm going to have a wash and I'll be there."
"Good."
He washed his face and hands, brushed his teeth, then shaved; smiling in the mirror while combing his hair. Then he went back to the kitchen where his father had just laid the table.
"Did you sleep well, Daneel?"
"Yes, very well. But I would have slept even better if Jean was with me," he said with a mischievous smile.
His father returned the smile, "Of course, I can imagine."
They finished breakfast and together they washed the dishes.
Then Daneel said, "You're going today, you said?"
"Yup."
"Before you do, leave me your address and tell me what happened between you and mother, why you left."
"Yes, I promised you."
Daneel noticed a dimming of the light in his father's eyes, like a veil descending.
"Does it hurt you to talk about it?" he asked hesitantly.
"I fear it may do much more harm to you."
"But I need to know."
"And you have the right, but you will have to... to be strong."
"Yes, dad."
"Come into the living room."
He sat him down on an armchair and took the one next to it, at ninety degrees. Then he took a deep breath. Daneel looked at him, waiting.
"As I mentioned before, Daneel, after marrying your mother, I never cheated on her, either with a man or a woman."
"Yes."
"But I did not deny my past and all that was beautiful in it. I also told you that before meeting Adeline I had been in love with a colleague of mine, you remember? "
"Yes, dad."
"With him there was a strong bond, but unfortunately, just a year before I met Adeline our history ended."
"Oh and why?"
"He didn't like meeting in secret anymore. He had met a Canadian who offered him the chance to go and live with him and gave him a job in Canada. So he left me."
"It must have been painful for you, I guess?"
"Well, of course. On the other hand, no matter how much we loved each other, things were no longer going really well between us. He was also named Jean, but not Jean-Marie, like your boyfriend, simply Jean. We had exchanged several letters, but when he left with the Canadian he returned all my letters and photos."
"And why?"
"Perhaps out of a desire to forget me, I don't know. Maybe because his Canadian would have been jealous? He never told me. But I made a mistake, I kept everything; his letters and mine, pictures, everything, even after I got married to Adeline."
"And my mother discovered it all, after more than thirteen years?"
"Yes. I don't know how she did, or why. She was never curious and everything was in a box that I had placed in the attic. Anyway, keeping those things proved to be imprudent, obviously. "
"So did she confront you?"
"No. Not at once, at least. Even though I had noticed that she was acting strange. She said it was just a passing sickness."
"That's why after she discovered I was masturbating, every now and then she would start talking again with so much contempt about gays."
"Probably to keep you away from certain temptations, I guess."
"But she didn't say anything, you said, when she discovered those papers? That box in the attic?"
"No, she didn't say anything, not for a few days. But she decided that she had to make me pay, because... because she felt betrayed."
"But you only slept with her, no?"
"She probably believed that I led a double life, I don't know. She must have been shocked by that discovery, but she managed to conceal it very well."
"But then she confronted you, did she not? Did she tell you to disappear, to go away?"
"Not exactly. She remembered her old schoolmate, Jaspar Baert, a year older than her and a bad sort. He had been in and out of prison for various things; armed robbery, drug dealing, violence. She thought he could help her to fine-tune her plan."
"Her plan?" Daneel asked, trying to understand.
"Yes. She had decided to make me disappear, to... to kill me."
"Eh? What? But... but how... what? Had she become crazy?"
"No. She simply despised me so much that she thought I had no right to keep living; that I was worthless, an animal, a disgusting animal."
"And then?"
"Then she tracked him down. But Adeline is very intelligent, she knew that asking him for help in her plan would put her in his hands. So she took precautions, so as to be able to control him. She made sure, without him noticing, that she recorded and photographed all their meetings. She told him her plan, promised him money and even promised to become his lover. He had always courted her and was still interested in her. He was also a handsome man and above all, he was not gay."
"Her lover? So pious, religious and... she wanted to kill you and fuck with a criminal!"
"Apparently it seemed to her much less serious than the fact that I was gay."
"And then?" Daneel asked completely stunned.
"And then... when their plan were ready; one morning while you were at school, she called me at the office and told me that I had to come down immediately, she was waiting for me in the car and it was urgent. I asked her what was so urgent and she told me that you had skipped school and you were... that you went with another boy to do the... dirty things in an old house outside the city."
"Me? Even if... Yes or no I masturbated, at thirteen."
"I told her we would talk about it when we were home, because I wanted time to think about it. But she insisted, she told me that the other boy's father had surprised you two; that he had locked you up and she was afraid. At that point I was afraid too, especially for you. So, with the excuse that I had to go to the doctor, I rushed out of the office.
"She was waiting for me outside. I got in the car and she drove out of town, up to that semi-abandoned house. I noticed she was strangely distant, but I thought it was just a reaction to fear, I didn't pay it any attention. I was just in a hurry to get there in time and to get you out of trouble.
"We arrived and the door to the street was ajar. I rushed in calling your name and she followed me. When I got inside, there in an empty room I faced that Jaspar Baert, with a gun in his hand. It was levelled at me and he ordered me to stay still, not to move and not to cry out, if I wanted to see you alive again. I froze, with Adeline standing right behind me.
"Behind me... yes. And she told me, her voice cold as a blade, to turn around. I did as she said. She had a knife in her hand and looked at me full of hatred. Jaspar Baert came up behind me and tried to immobilize me. I struggled. I managed to make him drop the gun and she picked it up. We were on the ground. I grabbed his hair and tried to beat his head on the floor, to get free. To knock him out. But she gave me a violent blow on the head and I was stunned.
"They tied me up. And she told me what she had discovered and told me that she would kill me like the pig I was. Jaspar laughed and spat on me, insulting me. He confirmed they would kill me and that he would fuck my wife because he was a real man.
"I tried to explain to her that it was an old history from the past, that I had always been faithful to her, but she didn't believe me. I asked where you were. At school, of course, she told me. It was just an excuse to bring you here and kill you. If he was a fagot like you, I would kill him too, she told me.
"Then... then... she gave Jaspar the gun, and he asked her if he had to shoot me in the head, in the heart, or in the balls. She told him she didn't give a damn, but that he could shoot me only after she had given me the lesson I deserved and... and she stabbed me right in the heart!"
Daneel screamed, his eyes wide open in horror. "But... but she didn't succeed. You... you're here, you're alive..." he moaned, very upset.
"No, my darling. I just came back to save you from her. You have to... you have to save yourself before she comes back."
"But you are here. You are... you are alive... we ate together, you hugged me... you are alive!"
"No, Daneel, my darling, I'm not and that's why I cannot take you with me.
My body, what is left of it, is on the road to Charleroi. At kilometre seven, buried behind the green house, which is now in ruins. Buried in the back, between the wall and the cherry tree."
"But you are here, you are alive!" shouted Daneel again, rushing into his arms, clutching him convulsively.
"No, Daneel. I could only come back to save you, to help you. I have to leave. Only you can see me; touch me, feel me, nobody else."
"It's not true... it's not true... no, Dad." Daneel moaned, bursting into sobs, clutching hold of himself, convulsing.
"I too would like it not to be true, Daneel."
"I... I denounce them, I... I... I kill them."
"Denounce them, if you want. At least you should get rid of her. Kill them no. No one has the right to kill another living being. Go to the police if you want. But you must have proof."
"How do I get it? Even if I can lead them to your body."
"Adeline, to protect herself from Jaspar, made the same mistake I did. She kept the recordings and the videos, everything. They are in a wooden box in the cellar. She walled it up, behind the boiler. You know that high brick step, don't you?"
"Yes... but how do you know all this?"
"A dead man... his soul... knows, sees..."
"But how can you be dead and... and be here?"
"Sometimes... although very rarely... we can come back to earth, in special cases."
"And mom, was with that criminal for two years? She brought him here?"
"Yup. Then he got tired. He couldn't blackmail her because he knew that in order to get rid of him she would also go to jail. So he stayed with her for a while and then left her. She did not hold him back, she didn't really care. She had only used him to kill me, and she had paid him by going to bed with him."
"If I find the cassette will it be enough to tie both of them together?" Daneel asked, trembling violently.
"The tape and my body with Jaspar's hair in my hands, the DNA, now they know how to find it. In the box there is also a knife covered in my blood and the gun with my hair on the butt. She hasn't thrown away anything."
"I hate her! I hate her! I hate her!" Daneel shouted, devastated.
"Hatred hurts you more than her. It's right that she should pay, especially because only then you can get rid of her and live your life with your Jean-Marie. Now... now I have to go, my Daneel... forever."
"No..." Daneel moaned, clinging even harder to him but... as he looked at him with pleading eyes, he saw his image trembling, becoming transparent. He disappeared and his arms tightened around a void; he found himself kneeling in front of the empty armchair, sobbing. For the last time he cried out, "Dad..."
A soft voice floated through the air, coming from no place in particular, it said, "I will always stay with you, with you two, my darling, I promise you... I love you..."
"Dad..." Daneel moaned again. "My dad... Oh, dad... I love you..."
He did not know how long he had been crying, shaken by sobs, kneeling in front of the empty armchair, invoking his father. He stayed there for hours. Until a sound crept into his mind, a sharp, repetitive sound; he realised it was the phone. He stood up, aching, tired and exhausted, feeling as old as the world. Almost in a trance, he reached for the phone and answered.
"Hello?" he moaned into the receiver.
"Daneel? It's you?" asked Jean-Marie's voice.
"Yes... it's me..."
"How are you? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.
"Bad... bad... I would like to die."
"Because of yesterday?" Jean-Marie asked in alarm.
"No. Can you come here, right away? Please."
"Yes... yes, of course, but... what happened?"
"Come, please. Come right away, now. Please. I need you, I need you!"
"Yes, of course, right away. I'm coming."
"Thanks." Daneel said, hanging up the receiver and sitting down on the floor.
He leaned his back against the cabinet on which the telephone was, turned his head back and closed his eyes letting the tears run down his cheeks. His arms abandoned by his side, his legs stretched out. He felt completely drained, devoid of any energy. The pain was so strong that it had almost anesthetised him. He felt as if he had a boulder on his chest, pressing down on his heart.
He recognised, vaguely, the sound of the engine of Jean-Marie's car. He was rushing into the house, calling him softly. Daneel tried to answer, but had no voice, no words come out of his throat. Jean-Marie entered the living room and saw him. Immediately he crouched next to him, took him in his arms and called him again, under his breath.
Daneel opened his eyes and Jean-Marie saw in them a huge, immense, agonising pain.
"Daneel... love... what happened?"
"Jean... My mother... killed... my father!"
"Your stepfather?"
"No, my father... eight years ago."
"Your mother... eight years ago... your father? But how... that is how you can... how do you... after eight years..." he said confused, sitting on the floor next to him, and hugged him, pulled him close, almost rocking him.
Between sobs, with a broken voice, Daneel told him everything. Everything from the return of his father, to what he had revealed to him that same morning, before disappearing.
"But... Daneel... the dead... do not come back... Maybe you just... dreamed everything... just because... because you know your mother hates gays... and yesterday we two... Maybe..."
"No, Jean, believe me, please, it was not a dream. A nightmare, yes, but not a dream. No more than we two making love yesterday afternoon... while dad was... he had left me alone, to allow me to be with you. It's not a dream and then... if you do not believe me... let's go to the cellar and find that box."
They moved together going down to the cellar. Daneel led him to the boiler room, pointed to the strange brick step and said, "It's there!"
"Do you have a pickaxe?" Jean-Marie asked him.
"There must be one with the gardening tools. Come."
They went to get it and came back to the boiler. Jean-Marie grabbed the pick and began to break the bricks, which jumped apart in pieces, beating against the boiler and making an ominous sound. Finally, a narrow compartment appeared and there, inside, was a wooden box.
Jean-Marie enlarged the hole and pulled it out. He placed it on the ground and opened the hinged lid. Inside were cassette tapes, a knife and a gun. Just as Daneel had said that his father had described. He was about to take something out when Daneel stopped him with a sharp, "No!"
"Don't you think we have to be sure?"
"Everything corresponds exactly to what Dad told me. Don't touch anything. You'll only put your fingerprints on it. Let's leave it closed."
Going into the living room, Jean-Marie placed the box on the table. "And now?" he asked him.
"Now I'll call the police and show them where we found it. Let them check what it contains. I will tell them where Dad is buried and I will denounce my mother and her accomplice. Can you stay with me, please?"
"Yes, of course, just let me call home to tell them that I will be away a while and also work that I'm taking the day off."
"What will you tell them? Your family and work?"
"I'll tell my parents that you need me and why, if you let me? Work, I'll just say it's family reasons."
"All right. Tell your parents. Can you say that you are staying here overnight with me? I don't want to be alone, tonight."
"Of course, they will understand. I won't leave you alone, neither tonight, nor the next nights. "
Jean-Marie made the two phone calls, explained Daneel's problem to his parents and informed them that he would stay with him as long as he was needed and he would stay over at the house. At work he said he needed five days off. Then he asked Daneel if he wanted him to call the police.
"No, I have to do it. I have to do this!" he answered firmly.
He picked up the phone and dialled 101.
He gave his name, home address and then added: "I have to report my mother Adeline Peeters for killing my father Pauwels De Smet, with the complicity of Jaspar Baert."
The agent said he would send a patrol immediately and to wait.
"How are you going to explain to them that you know about all this?" Jean-Marie asked him. "They will not believe you if you tell them... the truth."
"I have the proof and they will find the corpse. But you're right. I'll tell them that Daddy appeared to me in a dream. It will probably sound strange, but perhaps it will be more credible."
"Yes, maybe. However, they will have the evidence, which is what matters. My God, poor Daneel. How do you feel? "
"Bad... empty... Stay close to me, please."
"Sure, sure. I am not moving from here, I will not leave you."
"It's lucky you're there, Jean. Dad told me that even if he had to leave me again you'd be close to me."
"But if they don't find your father's body?"
"They will find it! If dad said he's still there, he's still there. He was right about that wooden box, so he must also know the rest."
"Yes, you're right. But did you actually speak to him, touch him? Was it like he was really there?"
"As if he were alive, concrete, real. Just like you are. But then, in front of my eyes he became transparent, like at the cinema when the lights come on and the film is no longer very visible. Then I was not holding anything anymore."
"He had to love you very much to come back to you. But why after so many years?"
"He said if he didn't come, my mother would have found out about me and she would have murdered me just like she had done to him. My mother hates gays and..." Daneel stopped and gave a nervous laugh. "She is all Church, home and work; and goes to communion every Sunday. She even went on a pilgrimage to Fatima."
"Maybe she feels remorse, don't you think?"
"If she felt remorse she would not hate gays so much and my father might not have had to come back. God, I was so glad to see him and I really wanted him to meet you, so that you knew him as well."
"Maybe he does know me, from what you told him."
"Yeah, it's probable. He was the same as I remembered him, the same as he was eight years ago, even the clothes. They had to be what he had on that day when they killed him."
"He came back to save you and also to get us together."
"True. Even though he waited for me to talk to him, he most likely already knew about you. Yes, I'm sure. And he thought, no, he knew, you were the right guy for me."
"I hope so," Jean-Marie told him tenderly, lightly caressing him.
"Without you maybe I would have killed myself. After killing my mother. I hope they give her life imprisonment!"
"Premeditated murder, it's not a trivial matter."
"And she used me to screw my father. Poor daddy."
"Courage, Daneel. We'll get through it together."
"Together, yes. Together."
Finally the police were there, four officers, one in plain clothes. Daneel went to open the door before they rang, with Jean-Marie at his side.
"Which one of you called? Who is Daneel De Smet?" the plain-clothes man asked.
"It's me."
"I am Inspector Lutgen."
"Inspector."
"Right, lets see what we have here?"
"Of course, come in."
"And you are, a relative?" the inspector glanced at Jean.
"No, my best friend, Jean-Marie Dubois. I called him to help me, to assist me. Here, Inspector, in that box there is evidence of the crime I called about."
"Do you mind repeating for me, in summary, the facts, Mr. De Smet?"
Daneel told him about the dream, how it had troubled him. He had called Jean-Marie and told him everything. Then they went down together into the cellar. They found the box in the boiler room. He explained where, according to his dream, they would find his father's body. The inspector took his cell phone and ordered a patrol to go to the spot at the seventh kilometre on the road to Charleroi to search for the body of Daneel's father.
Daneel was slightly surprised at how the inspector had listened to his entire story without making any objections, or showing any disbelief.
"Where is your mother now? And this man you referred to as her accomplice?"
"My mother is in Portugal with her second husband, Petrus Rottier, who has nothing to do with any of this. They should be back in about ten days. As for Jaspar Baert, I have no idea where he is now."
The inspector asked, "Would you please accompany us to the police station to make a statement, Mr. De Smet?"
"Yes, of course. Can my friend come, please?"
"We don't have two places in our car."
"I have a car and can take Daneel to the police station, I can follow your car." Jean-Marie looked at the inspector.
"Ah well. Yes, let's do it like that. Did you touch anything inside the box?" he asked, opening the lid and glancing inside before closing it.
"No, we just looked. We didn't touch anything."
"Very well." the inspector said and motioned for one of the agents to take the box. "Do you have your documents with you?"
"I have to finish dressing and I'll get them," said Daneel. "If you can wait a minute."
"I have them with me." Jean-Marie added.
After Daneel and Jean-Marie locked up, they followed the police to the station.
Once at the police headquarters, Daneel had to repeat his entire story so it could be recorded. Then he had to sign the statement accusing his mother and her accomplice. Meanwhile an agent had done a search for Jaspar Baert, and found a he had a long police record. He was currently in jail serving three years for rape. The agent pointed out that Baert was not in prison on the date the murder was said to have taken place.
After all the formalities, the inspector told them they could go, but he warned Daneel to keep himself available.
"Will you arrest my mother?" Daneel asked.
"I will have the contents of the box examined immediately and if I find confirmation of your story, I will order her arrest and notify the border police."
"I don't want to see her, or meet her. I don't want her to come home." Daneel told them.
"Can you tell us exactly which plane she will be on coming back from Portugal?"
"They took the train. I might find the name of the agency that made the travel arrangements and hotel reservations, at home."
"It would be very useful if you could provide it. Call me and let me know. If I'm not in the office, leave a message. "
A call came in from the patrol sent out to kilometre seven on the way to Charleroi. Apparently they had found a buried corpse just where Daneel had indicated. When Daneel heard the news, he was assaulted by a strong tremor and burning tears fell from his eyes.
Once back home, Daneel looked for the receipts from the travel agency his mother and stepfather had used to organise their trip. He found them, called the police, and gave the information to Inspector Lutgen, including the return date. The inspector took note and thanked him.
Daneel told Jean-Marie, "Even if they arrest my mother as soon as she sets foot in Belgium, her husband will come back here and I don't want to see him. What can I do, Jean-Marie? "
"You said they are still away for ten days, right?"
"Yes. A week now."
"Tonight, let's sleep here, then we'll sort something out."
"Will you make love with me tonight?" Daneel asked softly.
"It depends on you, how do you feel?"
"I think I need it, Jean. Maybe to feel alive and to feel loved.
If you would like to."
"We will sleep together, anyway. And I will give you all my love, one way or another, do not doubt it."
"I feel so... so..."
"You don't need to tell me, my love. I can feel it all, believe me, even your pain."
"I'm sorry to have involved you in all this history, but..."
"It wouldn't make sense not to have. I am here for you now and I will always be, just as I know you will be for me."
"I was so happy, this morning..."
"And you will be again. We'll be together again."
"I was so happy because I was able to make love with you and not regret it, not to feel dirty afterwards. I was so happy because Dad was here with me, even though he told me that he should have gone. I was just so happy."
"But I am still with you and our love, even on the physical level, has overcome the first, most difficult test. Your father told you that anyway, with his love he will stay near you. Sure, discover everything that your mother did..."
"My mother! Now it's even hard for me to think of her as my mother. I thought her hatred of us gays was just a verbal expression, an exaggeration, prejudice. But instead it was much worse. Dad told me that one reason why he came back was because he knew that if he did not intervene she would most likely have killed me too. My mother, can you understand someone like her? Besides killing my father, if she had discovered, if she had known, understood how I am, she would have killed me too."
"Maybe she is simply mad, crazy?"
"No. Today, it's easy for those who commit obscene crimes to be almost absolved, justified with the excuse of madness. No, I've lived with her for a lifetime. She's not insane. She is bad, wicked. I didn't believe she would go this far, yet I should have understood it. And then she, who threw morals at me, shamed me, accused me of the worst sorts of things, because as a child she had surprised me masturbating. She repaid her accomplice by fucking with him!"
"Don't think about it anymore."
"How do I do that, Jean? How can I not think about it? "
"You're right, but..."
"Today we skipped lunch, it will be better if I prepare something to eat, even if I don't feel so much like eating."
"Do you want me to prepare something?"
"No thank you. Doing something, keeping me busy, maybe it helps me a bit. Are you coming to the kitchen with me?"
"Of course."
After dinner, they went to sit in the living room, on the sofa, side by side, the light turned off. Jean-Marie put an arm around his shoulders. Daneel leaned his head on one shoulder. They remained silent, motionless.
After a while, Jean-Marie realised that Daneel had slipped into sleep. He wondered whether to wake him to go to bed, but decided to let him rest, at least for a while, because perhaps sleep would allow him not to think and relax a little.
After several minutes, however, even Jean-Marie, without realising it, slipped into sleep and they stayed there, side by side, half-embraced, all night long.