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Oooookay, we enter Act II. The first ten chapters were the prequel, so to speak. We've now caught up to Laramie's introduction in Coffee at 9. But now that his backstory has been told, we see these events in a whole new light, and from his perspective.
It's another long chapter.
Have fun.
11
July 2022
Laramie
Jenkins (33)
Cooper Snow (38)
Laramie
It was nice that the store wasn't overwhelming me. I loved
being busy, but I had certainly regained my footing since the beginning of the
year. I didn't feel the need to go up every Sunday. It was nice to actually enjoy a complete day off now and then. I hadn't
fully decided if I was or wasn't popping in for a couple of hours, but I was
leaning toward just hanging around the house. I did have to be there for a shipment
delivery, which was overdue, and I demanded it get delivered so that we would
have it in the morning. I didn't have to stick around.
If nothing else, I looked forward to enjoying a cappuccino
at Joe. I had learned to enjoy the beverage, thanks to Roman. I wasn't seeing
anyone and my self-esteem wasn't necessarily any more stellar since Roman
dumped me but just being among other gay men even if just customer
proximity helped me feel a part of the community. I never invested a great
deal of effort into building a strong circle of gay friends. Freddy still lived
so far away. Anything else locally was simply casual. I just buried myself in
running Jenkins Mantle, but that was being responsible and probably expected
of a new storeowner.
The cloud cover had kept it from getting too hot this
morning. It was still warm enough for early in the day, but coffee still
sounded good.
I entered the coffee shop. Joe was about half full, but I
saw a place by the window that would let me look outside.
At the last minute, I opted for a mocha latte this time. I
recognized the barista but didn't know his name. I knew he would bring it to
me, but I was content to stand at the counter and inhale the aroma of fresh
pastries.
Shortly, the server handed me my piping hot beverage. I
worked my way back to the table I had mentally selected. I was startled by a
gentleman suddenly standing and turning toward me. I guess I hadn't been paying
attention.
We collided. Both his drink and mine splattered my shirt.
The liquid was scalding. My cup landed on the floor with a crash.
"Damn!" I screamed. I tried to pull my shirt away from my
skin; much of hot brew had soaked through the fabric. "OW! Damn. Ow, ow, ow!"
"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" the man said. "I'm so sorry! I
know that's hot. Quick! Go pull it off in the bathroom
and wash it out. I will run next door and grab you a shirt."
I clenched my teeth and continued to pull the hot material
away from my skin.
The gentleman called out, "Brad!"
"I'm on it. I saw," the barista said, who I now knew his
name.
I darted into the bathroom.
Cooper
I watched the entire coffee shop look at me as I darted out
the door. I ran over to Attitudes, a gay gift store next door. The store had
just opened. They didn't have much of a selection in the way of clothes, but I
grabbed a T-shirt from a rack near the counter. Would a large or extra-large
fit him better? He was slightly shorter than me. A large would probably be
right, but if it was too small, then I was just complicating my mistake. I
charged the XL and darted back to Joe.
Brad was standing outside the bathrooms.
He waited for me to return. "I think he's okay."
I noticed the manager mopping the site of our collision. Our
two coffees made quite the splatter. I turned to the men's room door and softly
knocked. "It's me. I have a shirt for you."
I heard the doorknob turn. I went in.
"Hi. Here. I'm so sorry. They didn't have much of a
selection. I'm so sorry," I said handing him a shirt. "I'm sorry."
The gentleman took the shirt from me. I stared at his chest
for a moment as he rolled the shirt up to pull over his head. I thought his
chest was beautiful. Hairier than Mitch's (and certainly mine). I always liked
a hairy chest. The shirt pulled down below his belt. I should have gotten the
large. This hung on him a bit. The design was a rainbow flag with the town
courthouse silhouetted in the foreground. The words "Jackson Bend" were printed
below.
"They didn't have much of a choice. I'm sorry. Did the
coffee come out? I'm sorry."
My face was frantic. I felt horrible. For the first time we
both looked at each other in the face.
"What's your name?"
"Cooper. I'm so sorry."
"Cooper, relax. I'm fine. I'm okay. I know it was an
accident. Thank you for the shirt; that was kind. Why don't we get out of
here."
I opened the door and the two of us walked out into the main
area. Several eyes turned to stare at us. I was mortified that I had created
such a spectacle. Gawd.
"Have a seat, gents. I'll have two new coffees to you in a second," Brad called to us.
I returned to where I was sitting, and this gentleman looked
at me in an expression that said, "May I join you?" I nodded and extended an
open palm to the seat across from me.
"I'm sorry. I don't know your name."
"Larry."
"I'll happily replace the shirt. Let me know how much you
need."
"Cooper. Relax. It's okay. If the stain doesn't come out, it
doesn't come out. I'll live."
"But it's my fault."
"Maybe, maybe not. We just collided."
"It kind of happened back to me in February. Someone poured coffee
down my leg. We now see each other every other Sunday morning. He just had to
leave a little while ago actually."
"Oooo, a real boy-meets-boy scenario," Larry said.
"Ha. Nothing like that. He's in his 60s. We're just friends.
Heaven knows I need those."
Brad came over with two cups, plus a cinnamon roll. "The
roll is on the house," he said. He placed my black coffee in front of me.
"Maybe keep the lid on this time?" he said to me with a wink. "Laramie, you had
a mocha latte, right?"
He nodded.
"Thanks, Brad," we both said.
I took a sip through the hole in the lid. "Nope. Can't do
that." I started to peel it off. "Watch out, I'm getting dangerous here."
He chuckled.
Brad had not brought an extra plate but did bring two forks.
We both reached for one, not really knowing what to say. "Mmm" we echoed in
unison at the taste of the warm pastry.
"Brad called you Laramie instead of Larry."
"It's my real name. I don't always go by it."
"It's beautiful; I love it."
"Uck. I'm not a fan. I think I was
named after an old relative I never met. I've never liked it. Laramie. It
sounds ... biblical, like Lazarus or something."
"I don't know. It has a western feel to it. It has country
character."
"Well, that fits. I grew up on a farm."
We took another bite of cinnamon roll.
Laramie
I was impressed this Brad knew my
real name. I guess he had seen it on my credit card a few times. Nice memory.
Cooper was a handsome man. Blonde, a little taller than me.
If there was a word I would pick, it would be "gorgeous." Chris Evans good looking.
"So, what about you, Cooper? Tell me about yourself."
"Ohhh, let's not make me look any worse right off the bat," he
joked.
For a few minutes we talked about the coffee shop. Cooper
mentioned coming on Sundays. I said I typically came in around 11 but was early
today because of an overdue delivery at work. I mentioned treating myself to a
cup on Wednesday mornings before heading into work. We
made friendly and colorful comments about Brad. I had met Doreen at some
point. We thought Brad was the most fun.
"Do you mind if I call you Laramie?" he asked.
"If you wish."
"So, what do you do, if I may ask?"
"I'm a carpenter."
"Well, that's different. I do believe you are the first
carpenter I have ever met. How interesting."
"Oh, well I don't know about that."
"Hey, I'm an accountant. Compared to me, you're
fascinating."
"Well, I'm sure you make more than I do."
"Eh. That's all surface. I'm sure
you enjoy your work more than me."
"Maybe. Although, I could see some people sorting of geeking out on numbers."
He laughed. "Maybe. Perhaps from time to time. So, what kind
of things do you build?"
"Furniture. Shelving, cabinetry, tables ... that kind of
thing."
"Wow. I'd love to see your work someday."
"I actually own a shop four blocks
away. It's called Jenkins Mantle. That's my last name."
"Jenkins or Mantle?"
"Jenkins, smart aleck," I said, grinning.
"Are you from around here?"
"No. Several hours from here. Eureka, Kansas. I got a degree
in management. I worked in a department store for about two years. I realized I
hated it. I worked with my hands growing up. I loved
building things. I decided to follow what I love doing."
"I love that. So, what brought you to Jackson Bend?"
Fuck. I didn't want to bring up my parents or Phillip. I
didn't want my family to look like a bunch of shmucks. I took a sip of coffee.
"Next topic."
I think I made him uncomfortable. He probably thought he
said something wrong.
"So other than flinging coffee and being an accountant, what
else is there to Cooper?" I asked.
Like me, Cooper was quiet for a moment. Perhaps he had
issues in the past too.
"Well. I have a son. He's 13, almost 14. I was married for 14 years. My wife and I ... ex-wife ... get
along pretty well now. I'm building a house. That's
about it."
"That's enough to make you quite intriguing."
"Why?" he asked. "Because I was living a straight life for a
while?"
"Sure. That's something I can't relate to."
"Well, I don't know how interesting it would make me. I'm
pretty good at messing things up. Or being in the middle of messed up things."
I patted his arm. "We can swap stories one day." I couldn't
fathom his messed-up things topping Dad walking in on me having an orgasm
during my first fuck. I was the king of things going wrong.
His eyes looked me over. I was doing the same.
Our coffees were about finished. I hated seeing this little
conversation end. Cooper was nice.
"So, if I came in earlier on Sundays, I might see you
again?"
"Uh, well, sure. I meet Emory usually. Older gentleman. He's
on a trip, so ... he won't be here in two weeks. I'll be here then, by myself, I
guess. I have my son every other weekend."
"Well, if you want some company, perhaps I'll see you then."
He smiled but didn't say anything. We both finished our
coffee.
"Cooper, would you like to get dinner this week?"
"Ohhh, Laramie, I'm coming off a hard breakup and actually seem to be taking steps to perhaps patch it up. I'm
not up to dating. I'm a mess."
"Could you use another friend?"
"Huh?"
"We don't have to make it a date. We can just have dinner as
friends. I don't have many. I've enjoyed talking with you. Meeting for dinner
with somebody might be nice for me. Didn't you say you wanted more
friends?"
He contemplated my offer.
"Why not? I have ... a meeting ... on Wednesdays, but I could do
Tuesday or Thursday."
"How about Tuesday. 7 o'clock?"
"Sure. But how do you know I don't spill coffee on someone
every week just to get dinner invitations?"
I laughed for several seconds.
"I'll risk it. If it's a ploy, I'll just play along with
your scheme."
He gave me a big smile. I reached for his phone. He had
placed it at the edge of the table when he had checked the time a few minutes
ago. I held up the phone and took a selfie. After tapping a few keys, I was now
in his phone.
"You now have my contact info."
"With a photo of the shirt I bought you even," he said
blankly, looking at the screen.
We both stood and planned to exit together. I reached down
and picked up the wet shirt. He grimaced looking at it dangling
from my grip. I knew he felt terrible. I reached out to shake his hand.
As we walked out, I noticed Brad smiled at us. Once outside,
Cooper and I waved to each other as we walked to our cars. Despite the soiled
shirt in my hand, I was glad I got to meet him.
Tuesday
Laramie
Work had been busy. Our A/C was having problems keeping up.
I called someone to come out and look at it, but he couldn't be there until
Thursday. Tomorrow would probably be another hot day in the back of the store.
At least the air conditioner wasn't completely conked out.
As I got into my car, even I could
smell the sweat on me. I wanted to present myself nicely for
this new friend, so a shower was unquestionably essential.
It was kind of nice not having to worry about a "date." Dating
was always awkward. Having dinner with just a friend would be a treat. Simple
company would be nice. Gay company. My friends were mostly straight, and even
in that regard, not a large group. I wouldn't even need one hand to count my
number of gay friends. I assume Micah still lived in town. Maybe he didn't.
Roman was "kind of" a friend. Maybe. Actually, I got a
gay vibe from one of the tellers at the bank and, of course, the people at Joe.
But I couldn't call those people friends. They were more like business
acquaintances. I'm glad I asked Cooper to dinner. I needed this.
I rubbed the soap all through my crotch, making the suds
froth. I decided to use my scented shower gel on my chest. It wasn't a date,
but I still wanted to come off nicely. Roman had me slightly freaked out
earlier in the spring that I felt unsophisticated. He never said that, but it
wouldn't hurt to try to make a good first impression.
As I fingered suds into my ass crack, I thought of Cooper.
He was so handsome. Whoever he was trying to patch things up with would be
lucky to have him back. But what did I know? I didn't think Cooper was a serial
killer, but I only knew him from our simple visit at Joe. He could secretly rob
banks and strangle bunnies for all I knew. I felt confident his niceness wasn't
a faηade, but I assumed I would find out shortly.
Once I texted him earlier today that McGee's was my choice,
I was admittedly excited for the rest of the day. Removing the dating aspect
was liberating. I didn't have to get all worked up about Micah or Roman or
Freddy or C.J. or anybody. The simplicity of it all had me in a good mood.
I needed friends. There was no requirement to have a certain
quota of gay friends if one was gay, but it would be good for me regardless.
I arrived at McGee's first. I told the hostess I'd be joined
by one other, but I felt like a beer, so I went ahead and took a table. The
server was there promptly and took my beverage order. I contemplated getting a
pitcher, but I wasn't sure what Cooper's tastes might be.
For five minutes, I crunched through peanuts and threw the
shells onto the floor below the table.
Cooper
Laramie had texted me he felt like a burger. That certainly
dispelled any thoughts of a romantic date. Unless you're a teenager. I wasn't
familiar with McGee's, but he provided the address. As I entered the door, I
wasn't sure what to tell the hostess. I had no idea if he was already here.
Then I saw a hand waving at me. I pointed to him and smiled and nodded at the
hostess. As I walked the aisle to his table, I would occasionally hear the
crunch of peanut shells on the hardwood floor. As I moved into a booth with
Laramie, I saw shells everywhere under the table. A tin bucket of peanuts was
on every table. Laramie was popping a few nuts into his mouth as I said
"hello."
He smiled, swallowed, and finally said, "It's good to see
you, Cooper."
Laramie looked different than at the coffee shop. At Joe, he gave off a boy-next-door cuteness. This evening
he was wearing a cowboy hat, a beautiful burgundy long-sleeved shirt and a suede vest. He looked very country. And very
hot. I liked everything about the look.
I figured a burger place was a bit much for a sport coat,
but I left it on anyway. No tie. My long-sleeve was
light blue, the jacket navy. I had changed into a pair of jeans.
"That's a good look for you," I said. "I like it."
"Likewise," he returned.
Laramie told me a bit of the
history surrounding the restaurant. Looking at the dιcor and the furnishing, I
was surprised I was unaware of it. McGee's had lots of charm.
I ordered a bacon cheeseburger with tots. He went grander
with something called Panhandler that was slathered in grilled onions,
jalapenos, a fried egg and something called Pecos
sauce. We handed our menus to our server, Patrice.
I asked if Patrice could divide the check. She nodded. Laramie
looked at me slightly strangely.
"We agreed it was just dinner between friends," I said. "Even
though you asked me, I didn't want you to feel obligated to pay."
Laramie rolled his eyes.
"How was work?" I asked. I felt it was a safe enough
question to start.
"Pleasantly busy. People must be using the summer to rethink
their homes. I've received quite a few orders to build libraries and shelving."
"Well, that's nice." I smiled, not sure how to follow up. "I
really should come see your place."
"Eighth and McClure, next to a nail salon. So how was work
for you?"
"Busy. We just took on a new client BIG client and my
workload has still not subsided. It's all good, though. It involved a
promotion, which made my new house possible."
"When is that supposed to be done?"
"Well, that depends upon which day of the week and which guy
you talk to," I said with a smile. "I do like my builder, but answers seem to
float around. It should be sometime in the fall."
"Nice."
"I am intrigued to see if you might be able to build what
I'm picturing for the library. Sounds like I should get my order in."
As we talked shoptalk, Patrice brought me an iced tea and
Laramie a draft beer.
"Oh, they have pitchers here. I should have asked if you
wanted to share one. Do you like beer?"
"I'm good," I calmly said. I didn't feel the need to let him
know I was an alcoholic right away.
"My house isn't that big," he said. "The master bedroom is
nice, one bedroom is okay, a tad small. The third is pretty
small in my opinion, like a nursery. I can't see a teenager being
confined to it."
"Well, I told you Sunday I was reacting to a recent breakup.
So. I'll ask. Is the place all to yourself, I assume?"
"Oh yeah. I don't think I'd need to ask friends out to
dinner if I was still involved. That's been a while."
"I see. Messy?"
"Nah. We just ... weren't at the same place. We probably drug it out longer than it needed to be. He was younger,
still in his 20s. He started going to gay bars at the end of college. We met at
Lamar Station, you know, the country-and-western gay bar."
Laramie
"Haven't been," Cooper said.
I hadn't really thought about it, but Lamar Station closed down a few months ago. What is it now? Is it next to Daniel's?
Maybe it was vacant.
"I actually think we fell in love
after a month of seeing each other. We were great for quite a while. Less than
a year later, I wanted to move forward. I asked him to
move in with me just before his lease was going to be up. He ... turned me down.
We drifted quickly. I wasn't enough for him to be fully open with his family."
I wondered what Micah was doing now. Did he eventually come
out to his family? If so, he probably found himself a nice guy. Micah had a lot
of good qualities. It had been a couple of years now. Perhaps I should call
him. Or would he take it that I wanted to start things back up. And ... would
that be so terrible of an idea?
"Don't be hard on yourself."
"Maybe. Perhaps I should say he wanted someone different
than who I was. For a while, I wanted us to completely commit. Not marriage or
anything, but ... he wasn't ready. He still had closeted fears. Then we just ...
weren't the same."
Cooper's expression conveyed empathy.
"So how about you? Messy breakup? You're fixing it, right?"
"Uhhh. Kinda messy. Cheated."
"Uh oh. Him or you?"
"Oh, HE was the one who cheated. I walked in on them ...
during."
"Holy fuck. That can't be pleasant."
"No. We were done, as far as I was concerned. He
still insists he loves me and is trying to make me take him back."
"Do you want to?"
"That's a hard one, Laramie. Mitch was the one who brought
me out of the closet. He was my rope, my guide. I'll always love him for that.
And yeah, I have strong feelings for him. I do. This ... crappy trust issue is
just standing in my way."
"Well. I hope it turns out the way that makes you the
happiest. If you were meant to be, you'll know it. If not, there are plenty of
fish in the sea. Even as a gay man. I could finally realize that after I left
small-town Kansas."
What was that all about? I tried to sound so
knowledgeable, but I was a pathetic example. Since leaving Kansas I had really
had a pitiful record of relationships.
"I wish I felt more comfortable with that. Mitch taught me
so much. We even work in the same building. Without him, I feel like I'm
floundering, a real misfit."
"Just be yourself."
"You sound like Emory."
I gave him a confused look. I didn't understand. Who was he
talking about?
"My older coffee friend," Cooper explained. "He tells me to
not worry about it and be myself."
"Good advice. I thought you were very nice. And look,
you've made another friend."
"After exhibiting my skilled athletic prowess. I'm surprised
you feel safe enough to be at the same table."
"You're easy to look at, too," I said.
I think we both kind of blushed. Fortunately, the burgers
came. He looked at mine as if it were insane.
"How can you even attempt to eat that?"
"Oh, I've had many."
The arrival of food caused conversation to stop. Cooper told
me that outside of grabbing fast food with his son, he hadn't had a big burger
like this in quite some time. I pictured him as a dad. He seemed like he could
be a good father. I never once pictured myself as having kids. I never really
desired them, particularly babies. After several mouthfuls of grilled
deliciousness, conversation resumed. I mentioned to Cooper that I never had the
yearning to have kids. He complimented my choice of places. The food was great
each time I came, and I liked the casual atmosphere.
"I like this place," Cooper said. "Nice atmosphere, and my
food is delicious." He stared at my burger. "I'm amazed your stomach can take
that."
"Most of the times it does, but sometimes it doesn't. It's
worth the risk. This burger is to die for."
I enjoyed talking to Cooper. He didn't seem fake in any way.
Perhaps we both could add a gay friend to our social circle. Not that I had a
social circle.
"You mentioned a son. Tell me about him."
Cooper
This was bad. Corey kind of comes with a failed heterosexual
marriage, an awkward divorce and alcoholism problem. Suddenly, I felt
uncomfortable.
"Another beer, champ?" Patrice asked Laramie as she topped
off my iced tea.
"Sure. Want something?" he asked, looking at me.
"I'm good. Thanks."
After Patrice walked away, Laramie looked
into the middle space of nothingness. "Where were we? Oh yeah, your
son."
"Corey's awesome. He's about to turn 14, but there are times
he seems like he is 20. Mature. Resilient. I couldn't be prouder of him."
"Um. Can I ask if there is a mom in the picture? I'm not
sure of your situation, if I may ask."
"Oh dear. Okay. I hate to lay this on you during our first
dinner out, but ... yeah. I was married 14 years. Then I wrestled with who I was.
Finally admitted it. And ..."
"It's okay. You don't owe me any explanation," Laramie said.
"I developed a drinking problem. I'm ... I'm an alcoholic. I'm
in AA. Sober for almost two years. But that whole scenario sort of crashed into
rubble. For a few weeks, I tried to make that rubble a home. And it just didn't
work. In a drunken fit of anger, I pushed Corey to the ground. That was the
turning point. So, there it is. I accepted I was gay, joined AA and now ... now I
am living an honest life. I'm me."
He smiled but didn't say anything.
"See why I am a total mess?"
"You're not a mess. You're a human being confronting what
life has thrown out. You should feel proud of what you've accomplished. Did you
find support from your family?"
"OH NO. Super religious. I'm some sort of
a pariah. It's hard to be with them."
Laramie snatched my wrist. "I totally understand!" He seemed
to startle himself with his knee-jerk reaction and gently let go. I figured
there was a tender wound under the surface there somewhere.
We tried to lighten the mood. He let me talk about our
company picnic a bit; I told him about Corey's choir program. He shared things
I didn't know about horses; I asked about his favorite furniture project ever.
We talked about simple gay things: movies we'd seen, what little wardrobe
either of us had, Pride parades, gay people in television commercials.
"Full confession, I don't know what letters come after
LGBTQ," I said.
"My confession? I can't even explain the Q."
We chuckled and continued to crunch on peanuts even though
neither of us were remotely hungry anymore. After tonight, I knew I needed a
longer run tomorrow. I realized we had visited for more than two hours.
"I'm sure Patrice would love to turn this table," I said. "I
should probably head home."
"Me, too. I need to go in early tomorrow." Laramie looked at
me. "I've enjoyed this; thanks for meeting me."
"I have too."
If I was honest with myself, I would admit that I felt less
alone. I had no idea what Laramie's baggage might be or if he was working
through anything at all. But I felt less alone. In some ways, he was a kindred
soul. I felt less of a gay misfit.
We tipped Patrice big, and she called us "handsome" and
"good lookin'" when she picked up the payments and
wished us good night. I needed to return to this establishment.
We walked out together. Before separating
to our cars, I pondered if I could give Laramie a hug. Would that be too
forward this soon?
"Laramie ..."
I didn't finish. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a
squeeze.
"I needed tonight. Thanks."
"Maybe I'll see you at Joe in a couple of weeks?" I posed.
"I'd like that."
Thursday
Laramie
Jenkins (33)
Freddy Spaulding (34)
Laramie
"Hey, I'm glad you picked up."
"Don't I always?" Freddy replied.
"You and Josh can sometimes be out."
"Alas, we've become an old, boring married couple."
"Thirty-four. Yeah. Old."
"What's up?"
"I met someone this week. He's actually
really gorgeous."
"Great! So ... did you see ALL of
gorgeous him?"
"No. This guy and I are just friends. We crashed into each
other at a coffee shop Sunday, and it turned into a dinner out."
"Friends."
"Yeah. It wasn't a date, but ... I had a really good time with
him. I haven't had a lot of friends here, Freddy, especially gay ones."
"I agree with you there. You've holed yourself up in that
store for years."
"Whatever. I own the place now, don't I?"
"So, tell me about this dude."
"His name is Cooper. He was married to a woman for 14 years
and has a son just about that age."
"And he's gay?"
"Yeah. Years of denial, or so he says. He's trying to fix
the relationship with the guy who brought him out of the closet."
"What happened?"
"He caught the boyfriend cheating."
"Yikes. That's a tough fix."
"I think they are trying. Perhaps having a new friend to
talk to will help."
"Perhaps. But I think it will help you more, Larry."
"Oh?"
"Yes! I've wanted you to expand your circle of friends for
years. Even if you two don't date or become a couple or ... whatever, he might
have friends to introduce you to. He sounds intriguing."
"Really nice."
"So, did you sleep together?"
"No! Honestly, Freddy. We just met. It was just dinner. He's
just a friend. Jeez Louise!"
"There is a term friends with benefits, you know."
"After Micah and Roman, I think just a friend is more my
speed. I'm not the best boyfriend material anyway."
"Oh, I disagree with you there," Freddy defended. "But with
friends with benefits, it's just friends."
Freddy
Larry didn't have a lot of experience, in my opinion. He
just needed to get laid every now and then. I would imagine he had slept with
less than ten men, not that there was anything wrong with that. But what did I
know? I was the first person to break his heart. After all these years, I still
wanted him to find the right guy. I guessed this dude wasn't going to be the
one. If nothing else, maybe he could introduce him to the right person.
Joshua sat next to me on the couch and curled up to me.
Looking at his expression, I mouthed "Larry" to him silently.
"Josh says, hi," I fabricated.
Larry told me about the pressures of the store, but at the
same time, he said he was learning to enjoy all the responsibilities. I
pictured him as a boss. I think he would be nice to work for. I was overdue for
a visit. Afterall, he did come out to Boston to visit us. Even that has been a
while though.
"I need to come visit you one day.
WE need to come visit," I told my college boyfriend.
"I'd love to see you guys," Laramie said. "Maybe I can get
to New York one day too. It all just seems harder now that I own the store."
"I get that." I thought for a moment. "Christmas in New York
is pretty cool. Maybe one day."
"I'd love that. I'm sure it is pretty
special. I wonder if business will pick up near the end of the year. I
remember some special request orders in the past. Hopefully business will stay
strong. I think I have a pretty good customer base already."
"That doesn't surprise me. I'm sure you treat your customers
quite well."
"Customer service is something I really stress with the
entire staff. It's kind of how I met Roman."
"A shame he didn't work out."
"He needed someone more sophisticated than me."
"I still think you are reading more into that than he
intended. He was very upfront with you," I insisted. "He was probably right.
You'd be miserable with him."
"Maybe. It would be nice to maybe see."
"I'd rather see you with Mr. Gorgeous."
"Cooper."
"With Cooper. Broken relationships are often hard to mend.
Maybe things will turn your way."
"For now, I'm just enjoying having a new friend."
"When do you see him again?"
"No plans. I might try to bump into him ... well, not bump
into him ... at the coffee shop a week from Sunday. He's just nice. Maybe it will
be the beginning of even more friends."
"One can hope."
Early August
Laramie
Jenkins
Cooper Snow
Cooper
"Hey. Sitting here staring out the window. You've sent me
two whole texts from your trip. I hope it is going okay."
Two minutes later, Emory texted me back.
"Okay."
"Uh oh. Is that why you've been so quiet? Not having a
good time?"
"I wouldn't say that. It's just ... okay. My brother just
looks so old to me. Kind of frail. I guess he is 71, but he looks older than
that. Not sure what's going on. It's nice to see family
though. I guess I was expecting a livelier visit. But I'm glad I'm here."
"Enjoy all you can. You'll appreciate having gone when
you get back."
"Thanks. Miss sitting with you today, though."
I sent him a smiley emoji. "By the way, I met someone
here after you left two weeks ago. New friend. You'd be proud of me."
"Good for you. Just don't replace me."
I sent a laughing emoji. "My turn to be out next time.
I'll be on my trip with Corey."
He sent me a thumbs up.
My coffee was black today. Sitting alone, I didn't care to
be rambunctious with some wild flavorings. Black was good.
"No company today?" Brad asked as he roamed by.
"Emory is away. He is using up vacation time before his
retirement at the end of the month."
"And your bathroom fella?"
"Bathroom..." I blustered out a guffaw. "He says he comes in
later."
"He does. But you two were so cute after your coffee crash."
"Oh, please. Just friends. Don't couple us off yet."
"You say that, but look who's early?"
Brad and I watched Laramie walk by the windows. A minute
later he was standing at the edge of the table.
Laramie
"I hope it is okay if I join you," I said to Cooper.
"Sure. Good morning, Laramie."
He looked at Brad.
"Cappuccino?" Brad nodded.
"How has your last week gone?"
"Busy. And that's good. I saw a surprising dip at the
beginning of the year that was unsettling. And now,
they are pouring in the doors," I said.
It was true. I was so nervous as a new shop owner, but
business is strong enough that I can probably bring on one more employee.
"Fantastic. I promise, I will come see your shop one day."
"Nice. You and your son are about to take off, right?"
"This Saturday. Father/son trip. Ten days."
"Work lets you take longer than a week, huh?"
"Two additional days. I have him
the rest of that week. He's old enough to stay alone at my place during the
day. I'm not sure I feel good about that. I'll go home each day and have lunch
with him. Natalie has let him stay home alone for short periods of time. A
parent's mind just starts juggling all sorts of fears, you know?'
"Sadly, having never had kids, I can't relate. I'm sure it's
scary."
Cooper was interesting. I had never had a gay friend with a
kid before. Not that I had a lot of gay friends. I tried to picture him
as a father. I enjoyed our conversations last month. He was probably a nice
dad, but I had no way of knowing.
"I'm excited for the trip though," he said. "Mitchell, Corey and I took one last summer. Only a few days, but it
was great."
"How are things with you and him right now?" I asked.
"Fine. We are enjoying seeing each other. I think he wants
to move it along further. He's giving me space, but I'm not sure if I am moving
closer to what he wants."
"Sex still good?" I just threw the question out there.
Cooper sighed. "All my friends seem much more comfortable
talking about sex than me. But ... yes. Really good."
"Go with it," I offered.
"Dare I ask about your sex life?" Cooper returned.
"You can ask. I have nothing to tell. The last guy I slept
with was in March."
"And where did it lead?"
As much as Roman and I seemed to enjoy our time, I knew he
felt I wasn't right for him, or him for me. I still wish we had at least tried
to take a chance.
"Nowhere. It happened twice. We enjoyed it, but we both knew
we weren't right for each other. Since then, I've buried myself in work. It
seems to keep me occupied."
"When it is right, I'm sure you will be open to it."
I thought about the words when it's
right. The only person I really felt to whom that statement qualified was
Freddy. Charlie was simply a high school crush. C.J., Micah and Roman all had
their snags. None of them were "right." Certainly not.
"I could be. Sadly, I make a horrible first impression."
"Why do you say that?"
He chuckled. "My track record. It's full of bad luck."
"Bad luck??"
Where to begin? And did I want to? Charlie in the driveway
and being caught in the hayloft. My dad seeing me come while getting fucked for
the first time? Did I have enough courage to open up
to Cooper?
"Well, let's start with my first time with a boy. I was a
junior. Growing up on a farm, boys just aren't gay. They aren't. It is never
spoken about in a positive light. At least back home. But I got close to a
friend. Really close. We were drawn to each other. We were outside in the
driveway and started exploring. Just kissing really. But I liked it. And while
our hands were on each other, he came on my shorts. He was embarrassed. To be
honest, I was probably seconds away from coming in my
underwear. I was mortified that I caused him to do that."
"You're very open, Laramie."
"Eh, it's all in the past. We've had dinner. It's not like
you are a total stranger."
Cooper
I would never dream of talking about my sex life with
people. Yet, my friends seem to ask and talk about it openly. My upbringing was
still engrained in me, I guessed. At least I didn't blush talking about it.
Brad brought his cappuccino. Laramie had a five at the
corner of the table for him.
"The first time anything sexual really happened was in the
barn. Same guy. We were seniors. We were kissing. Then we started feeling each
other. I got a blanket, and we took our clothes off and just kissed and felt
each other. I loved it. Feeling another guy's cock was a dream. It turned into
my first blowjob. Then my brother caught us, and I spent fifteen minutes
begging him not to tell my mother and father."
"Oh man. That sucks."
"Yeah." He took a sip. "Let's stop there. It only gets
worse."
"Bless your heart."
"I think I'm more of a friend kind of guy than a lover kind
of guy," Laramie said.
"Hey! Did your shirt ever come clean? Do I need to pay you
for that?"
"It took two washes, but it is fine. You're sweet, but it's
fine."
We talked for half an hour. Nothing important, just simple
conversation. We talked about things around Jackson Bend. We both seemed to
like the city. I talked about Emory a little. A heat wave was forecasted for
later in the week, so I was glad to be heading east. He suggested taking Corey
to the Staten Island Ferry because it cost nothing, and we could see the Statue
of Liberty from it.
It was not a long visit, not nearly as long as our dinner a
while back. In the parking lot, we hugged briefly.
"Since you'll be gone a while, want to do dinner Tuesday?
Your choice this time."
"I think I can. Is Italian okay?"
"Sure."
"I'll text."
Laramie
Jenkins (33)
Grayson Jenkins (30)
Grayson
"So, you've been seeing a guy but you're not dating him??
How is that again?"
"We're just friends, but ... I like being around him. Do you
have friends you just do stuff with, Gray?"
"Well... sure. I mean, I did a LOT before Miranda. But I still
will hang with a bud from time to time."
"She doesn't have you locked down?"
"Ha. No. But ... I haven't told anyone, but ... I'm thinking of
proposing."
"Really!!? That's awesome."
"Maybe. It's a bit scary, but I'm 30. I can't dawdle
forever."
"Do you picture spending your life with her?"
"I do. I want to."
"Then it's probably time."
"Well, we're living together now, so it's not a huge
transition."
"It will be official."
"Mom will be happier too," I said to Larry.
"She sure will. Both for not living in sin and the greater
possibility of a grandbaby."
"Don't make us parents yet."
"Do you want kids?"
I paused a moment. Miranda and I had discussed it. I
still wasn't sure though. When are people truly sure? It all sounds good, until
it all sounds scary.
"I do, Lar'. I do. But then I start to worry."
"As does every parent in the world. So, Cooper, my new friend
is a dad too."
"But ... gay?"
"Yeah. He shares some fears he has about his son Corey, but
I see him light up when he talks about him. You'll be the same way, Gray.
You'll be a great dad."
"Maybe. But it would be nice to just be husband and wife
first."
"True. So maybe your proposal is a good idea."
"If I propose this fall, I can see us getting married next
summer. That should give us a few years to have a couple of kids, if that's
what we decide we want."
"Man. It's so hard to think of my little brother having
kids."
"You know I hate it when you call me that," I groaned.
Laramie
"I know."
In some ways, Grayson had matured more than me. I felt every
bit of an adult, but he was thinking of marriage and kids... Thank heavens I own
the store. That makes me feel rooted. If I was just floundering between
relationships going nowhere and avoiding going home, I probably wouldn't think
much of myself. Having a house and business of my own gives me enough to be
proud of.
"Hey, Lar'?"
"Yeah?"
"If we do get married, will ... will you come home?"
"You think you will get married in Eureka?"
"Well, Kansas."
"Hm."
"Would you come?"
"Of course, I would," I said to my brother.
"Good. I know I want you there."
"You have to propose first."
"Don't push me."
I laughed.
"Hey, I need to run," Gray said. "We'll talk more soon. Love
you, brother."
"Love you too, Gray. Good luck."
We hung up.
Of course, I would want to be at my brother's wedding. My
mind transitioned. The thought of me going back to Kansas almost made my body
shudder. I would do it for him. I wouldn't have to stay in our old house. A
hotel would be just fine. But that was a bridge to cross when I actually would come to it.
I'd do anything for Grayson.
It had been years since Phillip's passing. I hated that my
memories with him weren't quite as strong. I still held on to them, but they
weren't as vivid. His voice, his hair, his walk ... I could recall them all, but
it wasn't as sharp. That made me sad. I wondered if it was the same for Grayson
since he was even younger.
Laramie
Jenkins
Cooper Snow
Laramie
Cooper was about to take a trip with his son Corey. I
thought it was great for them. I knew he didn't get to spend as much time with
his son as he wanted. As good as it was for Cooper, I was disappointed that I
couldn't see him for a couple of weeks. Cooper was the first real gay friend
that I didn't date. I liked having someone to talk to, someone that was easy to
be honest with if I needed.
Thankfully, we were able to meet for dinner before the two
of them left. He seemed up for Italian. I hadn't been to Basil and Chianti before. I always enjoyed finding a new place to
eat.
Miles and I had begun talking about bringing another person
on. If business continued as it was, I felt I could add another person to help
us as we headed into the holiday season. I hated training another person, but
we were going to need one. It would be great if someone already skilled would
apply, but I knew that wasn't supremely likely.
I pulled into a parking space. I wouldn't have called the
place fancy, but I was glad that I had dressed up at least into a long-sleeved
shirt.
Cooper was sitting next to the hostess stand. We were seated
immediately.
I guessed he was wearing what he did to work. He was in a
sport coat and tie. He always looked handsome.
Cooper
Laramie twirled spaghetti with meat sauce on his fork. My
manicotti was delicious. We were both enjoying our meal. I had driven by the
house and told him of the small construction progress over dinner. I asked him
about things I'd like to see in the library.
"Will they subcontract with me?" he asked. "I'd love to do
it. I know some builders are very strict about their own crews."
"I will investigate. These guys were very upfront about
working with the client to make sure I was completely satisfied. Let's see what
I can arrange."
I told him of the activities I had planned for our boys trip. He seemed interested enough and thought a young
teenager should enjoy it.
"Text me a picture now and then. I'm going to kind of miss
you," Laramie said.
I smiled at him. "Me too. I appreciate you being a friend I
can talk to. How big is your circle of friends, Laramie?"
"Um ... not big. Not big at all. I have two people that work
with me. One is too young to really hang out with. The other has fantastic
carpentry skills. He's great. Single. Straight. He knows about me and is cool
with it. We might grab a drink every now and then. We can talk sports, work, I
will occasionally listen to him talk about women he's all talk though and
pinball, believe it or not."
"Pinball?"
"Yeah. We're both kind of junkies. We have one in the back
of the shop. We tinker with repairs from time to time but haven't in months.
Our own machine seems to serve more as a table now than a piece of recreation.
Occasionally we'll go and just play machines and quaff a few beers."
"Well, that sounds nice. Fun."
"Yeah." He paused. "I like Miles. We enjoy each other's
company. But ... I can't really unload everything on him. I try to keep
the gay stuff at bay."
"But he's okay with you being gay."
"Yeah. He is. I just don't know how much he wants to hear, you know?" Laramie wiped his mouth on a napkin.
"Boyfriends, relationships, breakups ... hot guys ... that kind of thing I steer clear.
That's why it is nice to talk to you. Honestly."
"I get that."
Although I had straight friends at work, I didn't really
spend time with them. My closest friends were the coffee guys at Joe and my AA
friends. Some of them were straight.
Laramie
I thought about Micah and me.
"My last boyfriend serious boyfriend anyway was kind of
like that in a way. I loved him; he loved me, but he wasn't too comfortable
being out of the closet. We didn't mesh with many gay friends. Or he didn't. He
could be himself with his friends that he was out to,
but not many others. He was closeted at work. Liked the gay bars but didn't let
himself be his true self elsewhere. He wouldn't even talk about me with his
family. He was 28 and still not out with them. Eventually, we both knew we
didn't fit. Even though we felt strongly toward each other, we were in
different places. It was amicable. Still kind of sad."
"I'm sorry," Cooper responded.
"It is what it is."
"You mentioned someone in March?"
"A customer, actually."
"Really!?"
"I finished a project in his house. As I looked around,
there were things that clearly told me he was gay. He noticed me looking at
certain items and got the picture. He asked me out, believe it or not. Dinner a
couple of times, then I stayed over one Saturday night."
"And?"
"Nice. No real fireworks, but nice. We tried to find some
common interests to go out and do things. He wasn't getting near two-step, and
I was a fish with a bicycle at the symphony. There was a level of
sophistication that he had that I don't think he thought I did. He wasn't a
snob or anything, but we both felt uncomfortable in each other's worlds. We had
sex a second time. Better, but we knew it wasn't enough. We just let each other
go."
That was a lie. Roman dumped me. Why did I feel like I had
to word it that way? I had been willing to give us a chance. Roman just thought
I'd be miserable trying to fit into his world.
"A shame. I guess just keeping a friendship wasn't in the
cards."
"Not us," I said. "Two nice guys that just didn't fit
together. I'm not sure what kind I fit with exactly."
"I have felt the same. Mitch and I are just so good
together. Damn him for wrecking it. But ... I'm trying."
"You're fucking, so you are more than trying," I said with a
grin.
"True. We've made steps."
Soon we both knew we had things to tend to.
In the parking lot, we hugged, acknowledging we would see
each other in the month ahead. Cooper kissed me on the cheek in our goodbye. It
caught me by surprise. I never really had friends that did that. He got in his
car first. As I got into my car, my hand reached up and touched my cheek where
he kissed it. I'm not sure why that affected me the way it did, but it did. I
was going to miss him.
I hadn't come in several days. I didn't feel like "watching"
anything. I just let my thoughts roam. I often thought of hot moments between
Freddy and me, still all these years later. It's odd that I didn't think of
Micah. I occasionally thought of Roman and I trying to reconcile with makeup
sex, but after I came, I knew it was just fantasy.
After several minutes of stroking my hard-on, Cooper entered
my fantasy. He was so gorgeous. I wondered what he looked like out of his
clothes. What was his dick like? Did he have chest hair? Those questions and
picturing his face made me shoot cum across my chest. I surprised myself that
it brought me off fairly quickly.
After I wiped all the liquid off me, I felt guilty for
thinking of Cooper that way. It was mindless masturbation, but ... he was
becoming a good friend. Thinking of him in that way would only mess it up. I
couldn't afford to mess it up. He was my one true gay friend. I didn't want to
ruin it; I tended to ruin everything.
I tossed the tissue into a waste can at the side of the bed.
I was disappointed in myself. Par for the course.
Three
Weeks Later
Laramie
Jenkins
Cooper Snow
Laramie
I was in a funk. I was coming up on Phillip's birthday.
After all these years, it still brought me down.
I knew Cooper would be an uplift to my spirits, but I didn't
want to be a downer.
I had hardly seen him this last month. I enjoyed getting an
occasional text from his trip with his son. It sounded like they had a great
time. I never had the parental gene, but I did have brief moments of envy of
him sharing his life with a young, impressionable man. I knew Cooper was a good
father. Stories of their trip even solidified my
opinion even more so.
Our time at Joe was brief Sunday. I
met his friend, Emory. Nice chap. Older. I gathered from conversation that he
had just retired, so I assumed him to be 65. Between meeting him and hearing
about the father/son trip, I didn't get to say a whole lot.
Maybe I could talk Cooper into dinner tonight or tomorrow.
I texted him on my lunch break. "Can
you do dinner this weekend? I think this one is without Corey, right? Or is
Mitch with you all weekend?"
Cooper called me back instead of texting.
"You're right that I don't have him this weekend, but I made
a commitment to an old friend. It's his birthday, and his husband and he have
invited me up to celebrate in Von. I'm heading up there this evening."
"Oh. All right."
Damn. I knew Phillip's birthday would bum me out. Maybe I
could just talk with Grayson on the phone to work out any feelings.
"You okay?" Cooper asked after my
pause.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Was just hoping to visit. No problem."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," I said, apparently unconvincingly.
It was silent a moment.
"This ... may sound weird, but ... want to come with me?" Cooper
asked.
"Really?? I don't know these people."
"They're great. I'd love for you to meet them."
"Are you sure? I think I'd feel like an odd duck not knowing
anyone. Why isn't Mitch going with you?"
"Tied up. Can't get out of it."
I knew Miles could cover the store on Saturday. I had been
wanting to spend some time with Cooper. Damn it. Surely, I could take a break
from the shop every now and then. I deserved that. I knew I would be weird
Saturday anyway.
"Hm. I'd like some company this weekend, I guess." I
impressed myself with my spontaneity.
"Plus, I hope to be back to the coffee shop Sunday morning
at my usual time, so you will still have Sunday free to do what you need."
"Okay, I guess. Sure."
"I think you will like these friends."
Cooper
"So tell me about this couple,"
Laramie asked me five minutes into the drive.
"They're great. Just so you know, we all met in AA. This
isn't going to be a booze weekend."
He laughed. "I think I can survive."
"Lance is ... well, blunt. He doesn't hold anything back.
That's part of his character, but at the same time he will make you blush.
You're kind of that way, too." Laramie looked at me and raised a questioning
eyebrow. I smiled in response. "Jakob is much more reserved. I'm not sure I
should say this but I'm trusting you Jakob had a very harsh life. His
family kicked him out when he told them he was gay."
"Man. How old?"
"17. He struggled in his 20s. He became an alcoholic; lost
his job. For a brief period he was homeless."
"Jesus."
"Ironically, Lance's parents are lawyers. He comes from
money. It's funny how different they are but found each other. They are SO
happy. And so perfect for each other."
"How so?"
"They not only accept their differences, but they also
celebrate them. Truly kind hearts. I just know you will love them."
"I hope."
I remembered the feelings I had when I had dinner with
Emory's friends. It's hard to not know the hosts; you feel different. I would
try to make sure Laramie fit in. Thankfully, the guys couldn't be more loving
to people; they were sweethearts.
"So, Laramie," I started. "Tell me
something about you I don't know. What is a secret you will share."
"Oooo. I don't know. Are we getting into embarrassing
territory here?"
"Ha. That's not necessarily what I'm going for."
"Well, this will sound totally stupid and weird..."
"I love stupid and weird," I reassured as I entered the
onramp to the freeway.
"...but I moved to Jackson Bend because of the courthouse."
"The courthouse??"
"Yep. Back home I found a magazine I can't remember what
it was and it showed the inside of the courthouse. I thought it was
stunning."
"It is. Quite beautiful. I want to say I've seen it in
articles that talk about architectural sites in the state. For a college town,
we really do have some other nice attributes."
"Right. Anyway, I saw the library in it, and I was taken by
it. The architecture, how the shelves appeared, the wood as a craftsman I was
really impressed by it all."
"Wow. So you moved here not for
the courthouse, but because you were aware of Jackson Bend because of
the courthouse."
"Right."
"What made you decide to move away from home?"
Laramie
I was silent for a moment. I didn't answer. I liked having
Cooper as a friend. I didn't want to ruin it by being a Debbie Downer. I didn't
feel this was the time to tell him about Phillip taking his life or Mom and Dad
not giving a shit about me. I hated Eureka; I didn't want to trash the town I
grew up in.
"Tell me a secret about Cooper," I opted to say.
"Oh. For many people, they would probably be ashamed to say
it, but I'm not. I was a virgin when I got married."
"Really?"
He nodded. Wow. I was surprised such people still existed. I
supposed there were hardcore religious people who held their faith tightly. I
could easily see Cooper as one of them. He seemed so clean cut. But in a way,
it make him even more attractive than his looks alone.
"There's no shame in that," I said.
"Shouldn't be, but if you ask any virgin on a college
campus, I bet you they would be mortified for that information to get out."
The rest of the drive consisted of talk surrounding our
occupations. He enjoyed hearing about the projects that I took a personal
interest in. I was intrigued about him handling other people's money. He felt
his job wasn't interesting, but I was a bit fascinated with the staggering
amounts of money he would be dealing with on some accounts.
It was about 7 when we pulled up to his friends' house. He
double checked the address to make sure we had it right. I was nervous. I
didn't always make a good first impression, but I had to say Cooper certainly
put me at ease during the drive. I liked spending time with him. I think just
"getting away" for the weekend would do me good. It certainly would take my
mind off Phillip.
Before we could ring the bell, the front door opened. Both of them were standing there with gigantic smiles on
their faces.
"Hey!" they said in unison, smiling.
Cooper had a small suitcase. I stepped up behind him with an
overnight bag. I could tell this Lance and Jakob were surprised. They said
nothing, but there expressions screamed, "Who is
this?"
"Guys, this is my friend, Laramie."
"You can call me Larry," I said, extending my hand.
"Uh. Hi, I'm Lance," he said, shaking my hand.
"I'm Jakob. With a K."
"Nice to meet you both."
They invited us in, but Cooper returned to the car for one
more thing. I followed him in. He had a wrapped gift. Lance looked incredibly
surprised.
"I thought it was understood `no gifts.' You didn't have to
do that."
"Oh hush. It's not much. Happy birthday," Cooper said.
Lance kissed Cooper on the cheek, and he returned the same.
Then he did the same to Jakob. I had never done that with friends, even women.
Cooper had kissed my cheek before he left on his trip.
I had to admit I liked it. It wasn't like I was
embarrassed that someone might see. I truly didn't care. It was nice to see men
offer each other affection. Perhaps I could learn to become comfortable in
doing so.
We could smell dinner cooking. It spread a fantastic aroma
through the house.
"Dinner smells good," I said.
Jakob indicated that the guest room was down the hall. I
volunteered to take Cooper's bag.
I knew it would be inappropriate for the two of us to share
a bed. I felt quite confident that Mitchell would not approve. I was sure these
gentlemen would have some bedding for the couch.
Lance and Jakob were watching Sascha, someone else's dog.
Ethan turned out to be an old boyfriend of Mike's, but they still
remained good friends. Mike and Trent were friends of Lance and Jakob.
It took me a moment to keep track of all these people. They explained they would
usually dogsit when Ethan had to leave town. Mike and
Trent were headed to his parents, and Jakob jumped at the chance. Sascha seemed
very friendly and well trained. Cooper and I could tell Jakob loved having him
stay.
Dinner was magnificent. Our hosts had outdone themselves.
Lance had grilled steaks, and Jakob had prepared incredible side dishes. Conversation was lively and fun. Jakob and Lance seemed to
take a liking to me. Cooper was right, they were really sweethearts. I felt we
were fast friends. It was a shame they lived an hour away. Even though they
were younger than me, I would enjoy spending time with them. We laughed a lot.
At one point, Lance apologized for not having alcohol in the house, but I waved
that off like it was nothing. Cooper had let me know.
"How about we sit on the back porch as the sun sets. We'll
have dessert after that," Jakob said.
The back porch was decorated masterfully. It was full of
charm and character. I enjoyed learning about Jakob's line of work. He ran a
store like me, even if he didn't own it. I liked his sense of style. The walls
on the back porch were decorated with ceramic pieces showing a bit of Aztec
flair. Several pots had a Mexican motif and were beautifully graced with
flowers. A canopy had been built to cover the porch. The yard was nicely
landscaped. Two large maple trees were growing in the corners of the yard. Not
only did the canopy have lights strung from above, but a strand also swagged
along the back fence. As the sunlight was fading, Lance turned the bulbs on,
and they gave a soft white glow. It was homey. Sascha was content to rest at
our feet.
"Thank goodness the temperatures are starting to go down.
I'm ready for fall," Lance said.
"Larry, tell me more about the things you build," Jakob
inquired.
I explained to the hosts about the type of work I do. Jakob listened
intently, as if there was passion in my voice. Maybe there was. I did enjoy my work. I couldn't believe how just being
around several gay men could be so comforting. Between Emory on Sunday and now
these two, I felt my circle of friends was growing. Gay friends. I needed this.
"I can't believe it has taken me so long to get up here," Cooper
said, staring into the sunset.
"It IS about time," Lance chided.
"I know. I know."
"Is it okay to ask about Mitch?" Jakob asked.
I, too, was interested in hearing about Cooper's love life.
Coop was such a nice man; he deserved to have someone love him.
Cooper
"Oh sure. We're ... okay. We are seeing each other more
and more, but I'm not ready for us to move in. Part of me still worries that
I'll be hurt again. That's terrible of me to drag my feet, but ..."
"I can understand your caution," Jakob said. "When it feels
right, you'll know it. I'm just glad you are working it out."
Which we were. I wouldn't dream of letting them know I was
in bed with Emory last night. That was its own isolated thing. Isolated, weird,
unexplainable thing. I knew I would be hiding it from Mitchell too, which made
me feel like dirt. And a hypocrite. I needed to start making goals to move
forward. Mitch at least deserved that. If any of these guys had heard me say
why I did it, they would think the worst of me.
Two minutes later, Jakob came out to the porch with dessert.
It was key lime pie. Lance's slice had a candle in it. We sang. It wasn't often
Lance looked sheepish and embarrassed.
"That reminds me," I said going to get my gift.
I returned from the living room with the wrapped present.
Lance ripped open the paper and saw a milkshake and sundae set. He laughed.
"Perfect."
Laramie looked a little perplexed. I had to explain that he
didn't like coffee and that after the AA meetings, when everyone wanted to go
out for coffee, he pushed for milkshakes. Laramie smiled and nodded. Lance came
over to me. After a quick hug, he gave me a simple kiss on the lips. I wasn't
expecting that, but it didn't bother me.
We stayed up to 11 and then decided to turn in. Jakob had
placed bedding on the couch for me. I went in to get my suitcase.
"What are you doing?" Laramie asked.
"I'm sleeping on the couch."
"Why??"
"Because you are my guest, and I'm giving you the guest
room."
"That's crazy. I'm the one who is the extra person here. I'm
not making you sleep on the couch."
"I don't mind."
"I do! Cooper, seriously. Let me. I insist."
I relented. We both sat on the bed for a moment.
"I like your friends. Thanks for inviting me. I've enjoyed
the evening a lot. It's a shame they live far away."
"Well, only an hour, but I understand what you mean. It
would be fun to get together with them more frequently."
Laramie stood. He gave me a hug. It conveyed more to me than
a simple good night. It was one of friendship, one that mattered. I was glad I
invited him. I really didn't know what or if something was troubling him, but
he seemed to be in a good place now.
"I'll let you have the bathroom first. Good night."
And with that, we turned in.
Laramie
Jenkins (33)
Jakob Morgan (28)
Laramie
My eyes looked out the front window. I was comfy enough on
the couch. I had stripped down to my boxers. I hadn't packed an overnight
shirt.
I thought about Cooper's friends. They weren't the exact
same age, but I didn't think they were too far apart. Lance was almost the same
age as when Freddy and I were in love. What would my life be like if Freddy and
I had managed to find a way to make "us" work? Here these guys were in their
20s and married! I envied them. They were a great couple too. Lance was quite
handsome. Not as gorgeous as Cooper, but why compare? Jakob had an adorable
cuteness that almost made me find him the better pick of the two.
There were three good-looking guys in this house with me.
Alas, I wasn't lying next to any of them. Thoughts of them made me momentarily
fondle my dick, but I didn't dare do anything while lying on others' sheets.
I thought I heard a bump in the kitchen. I tilted my head up
and saw a light shining from that direction. I figured I had at least had seven hours of sleep.
I sat up, yawned and stretched
until I felt I could stand. I wriggled into my jeans and the shirt I had worn
last night.
Slowly, I staggered into the kitchen. "Good morning, Jakob,"
I mumbled when I saw who was there.
"Good morning, Larry. I hope you slept okay."
"I did. Just fine. Thank you again for allowing me to come."
Jakob stopped what he was doing and walked over to give me a
simple hug. "Absolutely. It's very nice to have you here."
He turned back to the counter.
"I just put on a pot of coffee. Are you a coffee drinker?"
he asked.
"Indeed I am."
"Lance isn't," he said. "It's kind of nice to make a full
pot for once."
"I think I could probably do a pot
myself," I chuckled. "I try to keep it to just half a pot if I am home."
"At home?"
"Well, Cooper and I have started meeting for coffee
occasionally on Sundays. When out I tend to treat myself to a cappuccino."
"Nice."
Jakob piddled with an assortment of sweeteners, milk and flavored creamers in the center of the table. After
the last item was placed, I noticed he took a moment to arrange them in the
most attractive positions they could be in. He fanned some small napkins next
to the items.
I liked him. I could see why Cooper felt a bond with these
men. I pictured the three of them being in AA together. That was a connection
that furthered their friendship just beyond being gay.
Jakob
Although we had expected Cooper to bring Mitchell, I was
glad that he brought this Laramie gentleman. He seemed quite nice. Even with
his hair being a bit of a smushed mess, he was still rather a hunk in my
opinion. His short hair probably handled bedhead better than my mop did.
I slid a mug in front of him, and he nodded and said
"thanks." I pondered what he and Cooper would like to do for their day in Von.
Sascha entered the kitchen to see what the noise was. I
scratched him behind the ears. One of these days we needed to get a dog. Lance
and I had been here long enough, we definitely had
settled in.
"Later today, would you be interested in seeing my store?" I
asked Larry.
"Very much so," he returned.
I figured we could stop by Lance's gym too.
"It's nice that you run your own store, particularly at such
a young age," he said.
Young age. Ugh. Larry probably had no idea about my
past. I wasn't sure what Cooper might have said.
"Ha. I don't feel like I'm at a young age, Larry. I've had
to go through ... well, a lot."
"Cooper said he was proud of all you had accomplished."
"I never went to college. My parents kicked me out as a
teen. I couldn't be gay and live in the same house."
"I'm so sorry. That's ... that's ridiculous. What did they
expect from you?"
"They thought it was a choice."
"What bullshit. Oops. Sorry."
I'm not sure why I brought up my family to
Larry. I hated giving off the wrong impression, but then again, it was all
true.
"We have a very strained relationship right now, but it has
improved. Lance helped me in that regard. Until he entered my life, I hadn't
talked to them in nine years."
"Wow. My talks to my folks last about 60 seconds every few
months," Larry said. "I haven't been home in almost seven years."
I was thrown. I didn't know what to say to that. It was a
jumping board to pry, but I didn't want to push.
"At least you talk. I guess," I said.
I tried to think of something to change the subject.
"You seem to prefer to be called Larry, but Cooper calls you
Laramie..." I started.
"Yeah. He's slowly making me hate it less."
I chuckled. "You don't like Laramie?"
"Not really. It isn't common."
"I used to think that about my name. I didn't like it
spelled with a K. Now I do. Except people still misspell it, which is why I
hated it in the first place."
"Cooper makes my name sound better."
"He's kind of awesome," I said. I had missed seeing him each
week. Our AA meetings in Von were fine, but Lance and I didn't have the close
friendships we did like Ophelia and Cooper in Jackson Bend.
We each took a sip of coffee. I decided to add a splash of
hazelnut creamer. My spoon clinked around the mug as I stirred.
Cooper joined us in the kitchen.
"Morning, Cooper. Coffee? Did you sleep okay?"
"Yes. And yes." He pulled out a chair. He smiled at Larry.
A few seconds later, I pushed a mug in front of him. Despite
the offerings in the center of the table, he kept it black. He glanced at the
sun rising out the living room window. It looked to be
a beautiful day. He tried to conceal a smile as he looked at my hair. It was a
bit longer than when I lived in Jackson Bend. His
looked freshly brushed. After the New Year's celebrations
we had done with Mike and Trent, I had found it rather comforting to see
friends in true natural form.
We talked about Cooper's house under construction for a few
minutes. I shared that Lance and I were starting to
talk about building a bigger house. Cooper said he hoped to use some of
Laramie's skills in the final layout. I was intrigued with Larry's work, and we
exchanged cell numbers.
Laramie
A minute later, Lance came out in pajama bottoms but
shirtless. Damn! He had no chest hair, but his body was built; chest hair would
have really done it for me. I was probably too obvious in my inspection of
Jakob's husband, but Lance was something to look at. I was in good shape, but
you could tell Lance worked out daily. Even wearing pajamas, his bulge was kind
of noticeable. He must have been packing.
"You're lucky he didn't just stroll out with nothing on,"
Jakob smiled.
"You don't have to change anything on my account," I joked.
Indeed. I could have looked at Lance naked all day. Or Cooper. Or Jakob.
"Hey! I'm freshly showered and smell wonderful," Lance
admonished.
"And you look beautiful, angel," Jakob said wrapping his
arms around him. They kissed in front of us. "Good morning," Jakob said,
smiling at his lover.
Lance looked over at the table to confirm we all had coffee.
He poured himself a glass of juice. Our hosts made us fresh waffles with a few
options of different syrups and walnuts and pecans as choices to finish it off.
It was perfect. I loved these guys.
Once we had all showered, our hosts took us around to show
us what there was to see in Von. It wasn't quite as large as Jackson Bend, but
it had all the ingredients of a good-sized town. They thought I would be
interested in some of the more signature architectural pieces. Jakob's store
was sharp stylish and impeccable. Like me, he often worked Saturdays, but had
taken off because of our visit. There wasn't quite as big of a "gayborhood" as
Jackson Bend, but still a couple of bars, shops and a
burger place. We had lunch at Chubbies. I asked them
if it would be all right if I ordered a beer. I didn't want to offend them.
Von had a park in an area called The Falls. It wasn't a huge
waterfall as the name might imply. The river crashed over a set of rocks.
Instead of a vertical drop, it was more of a cascading stretch that made a lot
of crashing splashes over the elevation change. It was nice that the city
turned it into parkland. The afternoon was warm but not oppressively hot. We
went for a walk. All of us were in shorts, and we decided to pull off shirts and leave them in the car. As we walked the park, we
got several glances. Gay or not, I liked it when women looked at me, in this
case ... us. I saw a couple of guys looking us over. Sweet. One teen called us
"fags." I wondered how he could tell. It wasn't like our clothes had rainbow
flags on them. Not that we cared. We were fags. We weren't shirtless
long enough to get burned, but for that period of time,
we looked like a hunky group of guys, or at least as hunky as we could be
without tans. Between Lance and Cooper, I figured not many people were looking
at me.
Cooper and I wanted to treat them to dinner, but they
insisted on cooking again. The kitchen smelled of lemon and garlic in some sort
of Tuscan chicken dish that Lance was working on in an Instantpot.
Jakob had a nice rice dish started along with steamed vegetables. An Italian
salad started it off. They were good hosts.
It was a later dinner than the previous night. Before it got
dark, we all played a little bit with Sascha in the backyard.
We had simple sorbet in the living room to wind down the
evening. I was in a great mood.
Cooper
Snow
Laramie Jenkins
Cooper
"It has been so good to be here," I told my friends.
"Forgive me for taking so long. I promise I won't wait as long for the next
visit."
"We'd love to have you back. And please bring Mitch next
time. We'd love to see him," Lance said. His eyes
drifted to Laramie, and I could read his facial expression that he wondered if
that somehow came off as disapproving of Laramie's inclusion to the weekend.
"Larry, I hope you feel welcome to come visit as well. It has been nice meeting
you." Lance's awkward smile hopefully rescued all the feelings involved.
"I've had a great time. Thank you for your hospitality,"
Laramie said.
"And if you have someone special in your life, they are more
than welcome too," Jakob added.
"Alas, I'm more of a `friend type' than a `boyfriend type.'
I guess," Laramie said.
I carried everyone's dishes to the kitchen and loaded them
into the dishwasher. Jakob winked at me when I returned.
"You see Trent more than us nowadays. I assume he is still
planning on Friendsgiving this year. Isn't he?" Jakob asked.
"As far as I know."
"He loves hosting that," Lance added.
Laramie looked confused again.
"Trent is a friend of all of ours. He and I went to college
together," Lance said. "A few years ago, someone the three of us here met in AA
committed suicide. Trent didn't know him that well, but it really hit him. He
began a tradition the weekend before Thanksgiving that invited all sorts of
people over to celebrate and give thanks for friendship. They are great events.
We always take a moment to remember Tyler too, the friend we lost."
"Oh," Laramie said, then he became quiet.
Conversation about the fall continued. Jakob talked about
events happening in Von and how they affected his shop. The two of them talked
about family. I noticed Laramie said nothing. His gaze was in the middle space
of the room, not looking at anything.
"Excuse me," he said, standing and slowly walking down the
hall to the guest room.
The three of us looked at each other perplexed. His
expression conveyed it was more than just a go-to-the-bathroom maneuver. We
continued to talk, but I kept an ear focused on
anything that I might pick up down the hall. After a few minutes, I mouthed the
words "I'm going to check."
Laramie wasn't in the bathroom. I walked into the guest
room, which I had fully made up this morning. He was standing looking out the
window.
Laramie
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What's the matter with me? These
guys are so nice. Why am I letting Phillip's death hit me like this? I should
be used to it after all these years.
But I knew it just wasn't Phillip. It was my parents. It was
Kansas. It was everything. Fuck.
"Laramie? Hey, are you okay?" Cooper asked, coming into the
room.
I didn't answer. Cooper walked to my side and could see my
eyes had welled with so much water. Fuck. They were as full as the eyelids
could possibly contain without overflowing into tears. I didn't want him to see
me this way. Damn it.
"Hey. What is it?" he asked, putting his hand on my
shoulder.
"I hate to say."
He pulled me to the bed. We sat
side by side. "Tell me. I'm here. It will be okay."
No it wouldn't. I was going to ruin
this friendship. I was going to be this crybaby idiot who let his past get to
him.
"Not really. The conversation reminded me of my brother.
He..." Tears flowed. "...he committed suicide several years ago. The talk of your
friend Tyler made me think of it. I'm sorry that I ... kind of bummed out the
mood here."
"No. No. Don't be silly." He reached to grip my hand. "I had
no idea. I'm so sorry. That must be painful to pull up those memories."
"It's bad. It's all bad. His birthday would have been
yesterday."
I put my head on his shoulder and sighed, and he put an arm
around me. That felt really good. No one had ever done
that for me. Not that I had ever cried in front of anyone since college.
"Can I do anything?" Cooper asked.
"No. I'll ... I'll just stay in here a bit. I'll try to
collect myself. Go on back out there."
"You sure?"
I nodded.
Cooper walked back to our hosts. After explaining the
situation, I had apparently killed the night. They all decided to turn in.
Fuck. What was the matter with me? How did I fall apart like that? And then my
thoughts drifted to Phillip. Whenever I thought about him, my emotions were
always in a spiral. I was still angry at him for leaving us with no
explanation. I felt a hole where he should have been. Even if we weren't super
close, ... damn it, he was my brother. I still missed talking to him from time to
time. Before I knew it, I was crying even more.
By the time Cooper got back to me, I was weeping
uncontrollably. He held me again. And I loved feeling him hold me. It was so
comforting.
"I'm so sorry. You two must have been really
close."
"Not really." I coughed on a mouthful of mucous in my
throat. "You only know half the story."
Concerned, he looked me in the eyes.
"I'm sorry I ruined the evening," I whimpered. "I didn't
mean to."
"It's fine. It's okay."
"Phillip and I were typical brothers. Three years older than
me. We had some good times, but he had his own set of friends. I told you about
the time he caught me in the barn. After that, we didn't talk a lot. He took
some community college courses, but eventually moved away from home. I knew he
thought I was weird for liking guys. He eventually told me that I needed to
tell my parents. I did. I was 24. We never really talked about it after that.
It was a subject that was not to be approached. I felt that clearly. I was 26
when Phillip took his life."
I blew my nose into a tissue.
"A few months after that, the family was all sitting in the
living room. Mom looked at a photo of Phillip and started crying. I hated
watching them like that. She said, `It's not fair.' My father nodded. He said,
`The wrong one was taken.' It felt like a rifle had shot me in the chest."
Dad's words hit me again, almost as hard as when he had said
them. I started crying harder. Why couldn't I stop?
"Hey, no. I'm sure they didn't mean you. Surely, they
meant just a person in general. They didn't mean you."
My eyes squeezed as tight as I could make them. My face
winced in pain. "Yes, they did. I know it." I tried to catch my breath, and the
inhaled air stuttered in my throat. "That's exactly what they meant."
He wrapped his arms around me. I had never been held that
way. I didn't want him to let go, but at the same time, I hated him seeing me
this way. I hated ruining things, and I had completely killed the evening. But
everything about my family had strangely consumed me.
"They don't even miss me," I said, my voice quivering.
He tried to hold me tighter. My body felt overwhelmingly
heavy, and it collapsed on the bed. I lay there sobbing, clutching a tissue to
wipe my eyes every now and then. Cooper was seeing me at my worst. He must have
felt I was a complete loser. He moved his body up behind me to wrap his arm
around me again. I was confident he regretted asking me to come along. Once
again, I had fucking ruined everything.
We lay there for a long time. It was silent; neither of us
said anything.
Where was I? My body whirled in the bed. I was fully
dressed. I felt confused. I finally figured out where I was. I recalled killing
the evening. But where was Cooper? He should be sleeping here. Fuck! I had
forced the man to sleep elsewhere. Damn me. Was it my fucking destiny to ruin
everything?! These guys were so nice and now none of them probably wanted to
see me again. I buried my face in my hands and softly groaned.
"Laramie Jenkins you're a fucking idiot," I whispered.
Cooper
I felt a touch on my arm. It startled me. Laramie was
sitting on the edge of the couch. I jumped a bit analyzing what the situation
was and where I was.
"Oh. Are you okay?"
"Yeah," he softly said. "I'm so sorry. I should be out here.
Please go take the bed. I didn't intend for you to be out here."
"I'm fine. Really. No. I've settled in here. You take the
bed. I'm good."
He continued to sit at the edge. He was still fully dressed.
I assumed he had just awoken.
"Is it okay for you to hold me another minute?"
"Hm? Uh. Yeah. Sure."
I lifted the sheet with my arm. Laramie scooted his body up
against mine. I put my arm back around him. A few seconds later he grabbed my
hand and pressed it to his chest. Neither of us said anything. We listened to
each other breathe. I made out a clock on the television. It was only 12:14.
Laramie stood. He leaned over me and kissed me on the cheek.
"Thank you," he whispered and walked back to the guest room.
Lance and Jakob had gotten up early. I joined them in the
kitchen. As we had to leave fairly quickly today, I
made sure they didn't put any effort into breakfast. We tried not to talk too
much about Laramie. Sascha provided a nice distraction to scratch behind his
ears. He loved attention.
"Morning, Larry," they both said together.
I turned around to see Laramie walking in with a morning
stumble. He scratched his head. Once again, his hair was a mess. Although, I'm
sure mine was too. I reached for his wrist.
"You okay?" I softly asked.
"Yeah. Yeah. I'm really sorry for
ruining everything last night."
Jakob stood, walked up to him and
gently put his arms around him. "Nonsense."
"You can see what I mean about being better friend material
than boyfriend material. Although I was pretty sucky
at that too."
Jakob reached for both of Laramie's hands. "If you only
knew, Larry. What I came from was a mess. Trust me. If there is one thing AA
teaches us is that everybody has stuff to deal with. You're in good company
here."
Laramie gave a simple smile. By that time, Lance had poured
him a cup of coffee and handed it to him.
Thirty minutes later we were packed and headed to the car.
Neither of us had showered. Laramie offered a full hug to our hosts on our
departure.
"It was nice meeting you," he offered to both
of them.
"Likewise," they responded in kind.
My hug to my friends was a bear hug. I didn't realize how
much I had missed them. I kissed both of them on the
lips.
They both told me they loved me, and we started our walk to
the car.
On the drive back, Laramie didn't say a lot. He finally
broke the silence.
"It was nice of you to invite me. I'm sorry I kind of
embarrassed you."
"Stop. You did no such thing. They liked you."
"I hope so. They were wonderful. I hope I didn't ruin it. It
would be fun to see them again."
"Yes. Maybe you can come to Friendsgiving."
"Your friend Trent doesn't know me."
"No. But friends are welcome to bring friends. Lance and
Jakob took me to the first one. That's what it is all about."
We drove some more in silence.
"It's funny, I felt just like you did a month or so back at
a dinner party Emory took me too," I said.
"How so? I'm sure you didn't dissolve into a stream of
tears. Dear lord."
"Well, no. But I felt awkward. I know for a fact that Lance
and Jakob liked you. I'm glad you're in my circle of friends."
"Will I ever meet this Mitchell fellow?"
"Hmm. I don't know. Maybe. Not sure when
actually, but something might come up. I haven't introduced Emory to him
either. Maybe when the new house is finished. A dinner party."
We pulled into Jackson Bend around 8:35.
"I think I'll skip Joe today," he said. "Just drop me off.
I'm grungy. I think I'll go in and get some work done."
"Are you sure?"
"Oh, I'm sure. I feel you have had enough Larry Jenkins for
the weekend," he groaned.
I chuckled. "Not only are you both friend material and
boyfriend material, but you're just good person material too, Laramie."
"I'm not sure about that. But I appreciate you saying that."
I pulled into his driveway. I took notice of the outside.
There were some arbors and trellises I was sure he had built. His work looked
nice. I got out to give him a hug goodbye.
"I'm not sure why Mitch did to you what he did. I hope you
all can fix it. If I had you as a boyfriend, I wouldn't fuck it up. You're
everything I hope to find one day, Cooper." He kissed me on the cheek and then
turned to go inside.
Laramie
Cooper drove away.
I wasn't sure being separated from him made me more or less embarrassed. I knew work would help me get my
mind off of my pitiful performance last night. Maybe I
would call Gray later. Perhaps if the two of us talked
about Phillip, I'd feel a little better.
I'd shower following work.
Stretching my muscles at work was good. Three hours
unpacking shipments and stacking materials was a good distraction. Exercise is
therapeutic.
The hot water pouring over me later felt heavenly. My
fingers massaged shampoo into my scalp. I took note of the strawberries and
cream fragrance. I never paid a lot of attention to shampoo before, but I tried
to make a mental note to buy this fragrance again.
As much as I tried to put falling apart in front of friends
behind me, it came back to haunt me again. Then I remembered kissing Cooper on
the cheek on the couch last night, then I did again when I said goodbye today.
It seemed very natural. I had watched his friends do it. It
was odd how that became a reflex instinct for me. I had felt
so comforted by Cooper.
I thought about his boyfriend for a moment. Why would Mitch
cheat on someone as nice and good looking as Cooper is? It seemed mindboggling.
Cooper was exactly the type of man I wanted to find.
I looked down at my dick. It was rigid.
* * * *
Email: timothylane414@gmail.com
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