For readers who are familiar with my work, you might find the appearance of Ethan in this chapter to be a fun (and unexpected) surprise.

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As a reminder, Chapter 8 left off in December 2016.

 

9

 

June 2019

Laramie Jenkins (30)
Ethan Huber (40)

 

Ethan

Mike and I had split three weeks ago. It was strange that I still didn't feel "unattached." I missed him, but we both knew we weren't the right fit. My apartment was settled. I needed to get out. I hadn't been dancing in ages. I needed a night out. Indigo was exactly where I needed to be. The throbbing beat already had my body moving, and I was just sitting at a high top. A few tables away was a nice-looking man. He was alone too. Was I ready to meet someone new? No one said I had to immediately rush into a relationship. I could simply make friends, right?

Ooops. I think this gentleman saw me looking at him. So what? Was that a crime?

After receiving my drink, I headed over to this fellow that I found attractive.

"Alone tonight?" I asked.

He smiled at me. "Not really. My boyfriend will be here shortly. His name is Micah."

"Mine's Ethan. What's yours?"

"Larry."

"Would you like me to go away, or would you like some company until your boyfriend gets here, Larry?"

"I don't think he's the jealous type," smiled Larry. "I'd be happy to meet some new people since I'm here."

"Here being Indigo? Or here being Jackson Bend?"

"Oh. This club. Usually, I would drop into The Black Stallion."

"That would explain the hat," I joked.

Larry's eyes looked up to the brim of his cowboy hat. "Yeah. I guess that doesn't fit so much in here."

"But it's a good look on you," I said.

"Thanks," Larry blushed. "I've been in Jackson Bend over three years now. I like this town."

"Where was home before that?"

"Eureka, Kansas."

"Hm. I guess I don't know much about it."

"Nothing to know. Grew up on a farm."

"What's that like for a gay person?"

"Not fun. We didn't have a lot of dance clubs and gay bars, that's for sure."

I laughed. "How many people lived there?"

"There were times when I thought it was 20. I think around 2,000. I heard word that the population was slowly declining."

"Jackson Bend probably seemed huge then."

"I wouldn't say huge," Larry pondered. "It just seemed ... right. My college boyfriend moved to Boston and then New York. I would have drowned there. I like this town. It's ... it's good."

"I like it here too. Lived the last 25 years of my life here."

Larry saw his boyfriend and waved him over. The gentleman saw me standing at Larry's table. Surprisingly, he was all smiles and didn't seem jealous. Maybe I didn't appear threatening. I tried to shake that feeling off by thinking he was just very friendly and not that I wasn't worth being jealous over. Was I too old for Indigo?

"Micah, this is ... Ethan. Ethan, this is my boyfriend, Micah," Larry introduced.

We both made pleasantries on the introduction. Micah was an inch shorter than Larry. His sandy brown hair had a slight shagginess to it. It was different than Larry's close-cut hair. Micah also had no facial hair. I found Larry much more attractive. But not that people in a relationship felt such things were that important. Looks were all surface. I enjoyed watching the two of them kiss a moment.

"Well, I don't mean to intrude on your date."

"No. Please stay a bit," Larry said. "We both like meeting new people."

I looked at them hesitantly for a moment. "You're ... you're not insinuating a three-way, are you?"

They both laughed. "No," Micah said.

"Not that I haven't had one ... or two ... in my day," I confessed. "Ah ... youth."

"Well, I don't know your age, but whatever it is, you carry it very well," Larry said.

"That's nice to hear. I'm just coming off a breakup," I shared.

"Ooo. I'm sorry," Larry winced.

"Nah. Don't be. Mike and I were really good for a while. We just moved a little too fast. Bought a house and moved in together just after a few months. Then we realized we were more different than we thought. Mike was a teacher — very responsible. He took owning a house very seriously. Not that I didn't, but I still felt we could have a little fun now and then ... between the yard work, right?"

They nodded but didn't know what to say.

"It was just time for us to go our separate ways," I said. "Dividing the finances of the house and everything was the hard part." I realized they probably didn't care about my own personal baggage. "Sorry. You don't want to hear any of this."

"It's hard to find your footing after a breakup," Larry offered.

"Yeah. I thought I might run into some old friends here tonight. However, I might ask one of you two to dance later."

"Then that would probably be Micah," Larry offered. "I'm a little more comfortable with a two-step."

"You're fine," Micah said to his boyfriend. "But ... feel free to ask," he said turning to me.

As the three of us talked, Micah leaned up to Larry to let his fingers slide inside his boyfriend's shirt. I was envious. I found Larry hot. He was probably about Mike's age. I must have a thing for younger men.

"So ... growing up on a farm. Were you out to your parents?" I asked Larry.

His face twisted in pain. I regretted asking him.

"I got outed when Dad walked in on me and another boy," he muttered. "Not good. I'll leave it at that and spare you the humiliating details."

"Ouch," I said.

"How about you, Micah? Did you grow up here? How cool were your parents when you came out to them?"

 

Laramie

I looked at my boyfriend waiting for his answer.

"Lived here my whole life," Micah said. "However, my parents don't know. I haven't come out to them." He looked down.

I was astonished.

"What? Really? We've been dating for six weeks, and I am just finding this out?"

"Guess it didn't come up," he said.

"How'd you two meet?" Ethan asked us.

"The Court House," Micah answered.

I could tell Ethan didn't know what to make of my boyfriend's answer.

"I'm a big fan of the architecture and interior of the Court House," I explained. "Micah works inside. Clerk. He saw me taking pictures and making notes."

"It started out as pleasant conversation. Then we sat down with coffee. I picked up that he was family, and I asked him out. Our first date was Lamar Station."

I smiled at Micah. I was enjoying seeing someone. For these past six weeks, we had become a nice fit. There were enough common interests to allow us to enjoy things together. But we had individual hobbies that made us interesting to each other. I leaned over to give him a peck on the lips. He slid his hand into my shirt further to feel my chest. It was enough to get me hard.

After a few more minutes of conversation, Ethan noted someone else in the club. "Oh. I see a friend. Ricky. I should go say hi to him. It was nice to meet you both."

We waved to him as he stepped away. I then put my hand on Micah's crotch. I had been hard for the past ten minutes. He, apparently, was not. My gesture caused him to grope me under the table.

"I can't wait to get my mouth around that later," he whispered into my ear.

I stayed hard much of the night. We watched Ethan dance with his friend, Ricky. At one point, Ethan motioned Micah out to the dance floor. My boyfriend was happy to oblige and watching the two of them dance caused me to rearrange the hard-on in my jeans. I was horny as hell.

 

Laramie Jenkins (30)
Micah Hawker (27)

Micah

I groaned as Larry's thrusting slammed his balls against my ass. His cock inside me was glorious. I loved being fucked by him. The two of us were good in bed.

"Babe, I'm close," he grunted in his ragged breathing.

"Do it. Come for me, babe. Fuck me, Larry baby," I moaned.

"Ohhh. Ohhhhh. Oh YEAH."

I could feel his crotch grind into my hole. He pushed so hard, and he unloaded his seed deep within me. His groans barked from his craned neck as his orgasm continued to pound me.

"Yeah, baby," I said. "Keep fucking me."

I jerked my cock, not wanting him to take his flesh from my body until I came. I worked my rod fiercely.

"Fuck me. Don't stop!" I commanded.

Larry continued to push his erection into me, trying to keep it rigid. His chest glistened. He moaned along with me. My legs spread wider, and I looked upon Larry's beautiful body hovering above me. I had enjoyed having sex with him for weeks now. His thrusting penis inside me began to retreat, but he continued to shove it into my hole as I had requested. I assaulted my dick with one hand, while the other reached behind his neck to pull him in for a kiss.

Our lips locked. I moaned into his mouth as my climax was building. He pushed his mouth harder into mine; I screamed into it as liquid burst from me. It was on him. It was on me. It was on us.

"Fuck yeah," I said, pulling away for air.

"Fuck yeah," he repeated, flopping on his side, finally freeing his penis from a human cave.

We both stared at the ceiling, touching in our side-by-side positions. My skin against his felt the clamminess of moisture we had produced in our 15 minutes of intercourse glory. We were panting, regaining our breath. Eventually our breathing regulated.

I sighed but didn't say anything.

Larry leaned up and looked at my cum all over my chest. It was on his too. He lowered his tongue to my abs and licked my cream into his mouth. I wondered if he was going to kiss me with it. I didn't feel like it.

"I'm surprised you did that after coming several minutes ago. You typically wouldn't do that once the moment has passed," I said.

 

Laramie

"I was horny as fuck tonight," I said to Micah.

I licked my tongue through one more stripe of his cum. I was still horny. He took a drink from the water on his nightstand. I guess my tasting was just for me. I went in for thirds. His body jolted almost in a ticklish fashion.

"Enough," he teased.

"I'm glad you came home with me," I told him, taking one of the final swigs of my beer on my side of the bed.

"Me too," he smiled back.

I got up to get us something to clean us off. After wiping my chest with the warm, wet washcloth, I tossed it to Micah, who was still in bed. He wiped himself off and continued to do so as he walked into the bathroom to examine himself in the mirror.

Micah had a nice cock. At least in my opinion. I'm not sure how one evaluated dicks. Every guy seemed to want a long one. His was about the same as mine, perhaps a touch longer. But it was streamlined. There was a sleekness to it. His didn't have a protruding vein on it like mine. I thought my penis was okay, but the smoothness of his was ... chic. I could tell he trimmed his pubes too.

I handed the toothpaste to him after I had my mouth foamed to a rabid froth. I didn't want to smile with my mouth all lathered, but it made me happy that he had a toothbrush there for these occasions. We had divided our overnight stays fairly equally between my house and his apartment. My feelings for him were getting pretty deep.

Once back in bed, I turned out my light, and the room was overtaken by the darkness. He found his way into my arms. We seemed to fall asleep regularly that way.

I breathed in the back of his neck and kissed it.

"You smell like nightclub," I joked.

"Swell."

"Don't worry. I like it. I was hot for you all night."

He lightly chuckled.

"I'm glad we're together. It was nice telling Ethan that I was waiting for my boyfriend."

He pressed my hand closer to his chest. "I like having a boyfriend too."

My dick moved up to Micah's hip. It was too soon for me to get hard again, but if I did, I wanted to poke it into his ass crack. I was still horny. I loved having a boyfriend.

"Ethan was pretty hot for 40, don't you think?"

"How do you know he is 40?"

"I asked him on the dancefloor."

"He holds it well. I found him totally hot."

"Me too."

Micah moved my hand to reach down and hold his cock. It still felt good. Long but not hard. I hummed in approval. It caused my own penis to stir a touch. If I could get fully hard before we fell asleep, I made plans for round two.

"I was surprised to hear you weren't out to your parents," I said.

"My brother or sister either."

"Think they suspect?"

"The older I get the more it might make sense to them ... not being with a girl and all."

"Do you fear a negative reaction?"

"I don't know. I just don't want things to change. I don't want them to treat me differently."

I thought on that. Boy, my parents did. Dad hardly talked to me after walking in on me and Marcus. Mom eventually made me feel like a stranger. It was hard to fault Micah for wanting to avoid all that. Not everybody had Freddy's and Joshua's families.

Remembering Dad watching me come as Marcus fucked me made my dick play hide and seek.

Round two was off the table.

 

August 2019

Freddy Spaulding (31)
Laramie Jenkins (30)

 

Freddy

I refused to touch it. I stared at my phone. If I touched it, I would call. I didn't want to call. But I needed to call. I needed him.

I went to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine.

I stood staring out the window. It was a warm evening. The sun had not fully set. I liked the oranges and purples I could see on the horizon. The hues, however, could only occupy my thoughts for so long. I took a gulp of cabernet and then ran to my phone on the coffee table.

"Please pick up," I muttered.

"Hey you!" Laramie said.

"Hi."

There was a slight tremor in my voice. Larry picked up on it right away.

"What's wrong?"

"I ... I just needed to hear your voice."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm ... I just needed ... I don't-"

"What's wrong?" Larry persisted.

"Josh and I had a fight."

"Oh." He paused. "How bad?"

"Ummm... enough yelling. I feel horrible."

"You guys have been married for years. This isn't your first fight, is it?"

"No." I knew we didn't fight much. "But ... it is the first one where he stormed out over it."

"Where is he now?"

"Don't know."

"You guys will get through this."

"Probably. I just ... I just feel uneasy. I figured you would help calm me. I'm sorry to dump this on you."

"Don't be silly. You're my best friend. You can always call me."

"I hate to bring you down."

"Freddy bear, I'm always here for you. Well, I'm hours away, but I'm at least at the other end of the phone when you need me."

"I love how we can still be best friends even after a romance almost ten years ago and you live several states away."

"Want to talk about it?" Larry asked me.

I wondered if I stated our cases if Larry would side with me or with Joshua. That wasn't fair for me to dump on him.

"No. It was over money. Money and family."

"Oh."

"I just like hearing your voice sometimes."

"That's sweet," he softly said.

"How about you talk a while. What's new in your world?"

Larry seemed to go quiet for a long pause.

 

Laramie

Hmm. I did have news, but was it the type that Freddy wanted to hear? I debated what to say. I didn't want to make him feel worse.

"I would like to tell you something, but I'm not sure if this is the right time," I said to Freddy.

"Oh please. Anything. Anything to take my mind off my day is fine."

"You sure? It's kind of happy news."

"Well, of course. Why would I not want to hear that?"

"I said `I love you' to Micah."

"Well... good for you. For both of you." He paused. "Did he say it back?"

"Yes. We were naked in each other's arms."

"Before sex or after sex?" he asked.

I laughed. "Before actually. In the past week or two, I've wanted to say it after sex, but ..."

"Never say it after sex."

"Why is that so bad?" I insisted.

"People get caught up in the moment. You question its sincerity. I assume that you DO love him."

"Very much. I haven't really loved anyone since ... well, since you."

"You've been seeing him a few months. I am surprised it took this long. You and I said it to each other after about a month."

"You were easy to fall in love with, Freddy bear."

"Lord. We were so young. College seems like a lifetime ago." Freddy seemed reflective. "I did love you though. Part of me always will."

"Same here. If I live to be 100, you will always have a piece of my heart. Our love was wonderful."

I momentarily compared my love to Freddy all those years ago to what I felt with Micah now but immediately rejected those thoughts. They couldn't be helpful.

"You know you and Josh will get through this," I started. "You guys are great together."

"I know. It's just finding the right compromise. Neither of us want to fight. We just see this ... situation ... differently. I'm sure we'll figure it out. Somehow."

"I'm sorry."

"Tell me more about Micah."

"He's great. He's a little over a year younger than me, as you know. Still not out to his family -"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Considering my family, I can't necessarily fault him for it. But we are good together. Sex is hot, we like similar things, I'm actually seeing movies — it's good. I'm happy. I enjoy sharing my life with someone."

"Nice." Freddy paused. "You ... aren't asking him to move in, are you?"

"After less than four months? No. Too fast. But I'm over there at least one night a week and he is usually here once or twice a week. We are seeing a lot of each other. It seems we've gone beyond just dating. We are very much a part of each other's time. That's expected between us. We are planning things out a week at a time."

"I'm happy for you," Freddy said. "You really deserve this. You've suffered your share of disappointments."

"Like being caught by my brother and father on first sexual milestones?"

"Well, yes that. But ... you are a catch, Larry bear. Don't forget that. It's hard to believe no one has realized that. I'm glad that Micah is clued in."

"Yeah." I didn't realize it, but I had a huge smile on my face. I enjoyed talking about myself being a part of a couple.

The two of us talked about a few more things, but nothing too heavy. I felt Freddy was feeling better. I figured I would stay on the phone as long as he needed.

"Ooo. I see a text came in." There was a moment of silence. "I'm not sure what the whole thing said, but it started `I'm sorry. I feel bad. I'm ready to talk when I... Hey, Larry bear, I guess I should get off here and prepare to deal with this. I think he is headed home."

"Okay, Freddy. I hope it all works out."

"I appreciate you listening. I'm sure we'll be fine. I was just having ... a moment. You know I love you, right?"

"Just like you know I love you."

I hung up still somewhat aglow sharing that I was in love. Love. Me.

 

—

 

Three hours later, I plugged my phone into its charger. I heard a text come in.

"Josh and I are good. We talked things out. We both felt bad about the fight."

Followed by: "Expecting make-up sex." A wink emoji followed.

 

October 2019

Laramie Jenkins (30)
Micah Hawker (28)

 

Laramie

The Black Stallion was no stranger to guys making out. I felt we had garnered a few stares with our over-the-top makeout session at our table. I heard a few whoops and a "Get'im, cowboy!" I figured we needed to pull apart. I chuckled at the crowd reaction as I did so. So often, guys making out are ignored.

"I want to fuck you," Micah whispered into my ear.

"It's your birthday. You can have your way with me."

I could tell Micah had a buzz going. We danced one more song. I could see it in his body language. He wasn't drunk, but I was glad I was the one driving. Two beers were my intake for the evening.

I had a change of clothes in my back seat. I drove us to Micah's apartment. It was past 11. I thought we'd head straight to the bedroom. Instead, he grabbed two beers from the fridge when we entered the apartment. I placed my clothes in the bedroom and took a leak.

He sat on the couch and nudged his cowboy boots off. I did the same.

"If you drink that beer, can you still get it up?" I joked.

"I can fuck like a madman totally drunk," he bragged with the slightest slur. "Drugs, no. My dick is wet bread when I'm stoned on drugs." He laughed to himself.

We had never done drugs together. Perhaps his experiences were a discussion for another time, but I had no desire to do anything like that. My limited experiences in my early 20s were not pleasant ones. Beer was fine.

I couldn't recall if this was Micah's fourth of fifth beer, but the effects were evident. I liked our sexual intimacy when we were physically at our sharpest, but it was his birthday. I could let him party.

He wanted to unbutton his shirt, but he was hung up on one of them. I laughed and offered to help. Once unfastened, his shirt hung open. Micah had just a bit of hair under his pecs, but a stripe led straight to his navel. He sat back down.

I felt playful. I lifted the jeans on his legs and swiveled him to recline on the couch. Carefully I placed a knee on the other side of his legs. Trying to look macho, I yanked at the button-fly crotch of his denim apparel. I was hoping to rip them all open at once. My moment to appear studly failed as I got two to release. I still manipulated my fingers to get the rest undone. I pulled his briefs outward to let his dick flop into view. He wasn't hard, but even in his nonerect state, Micah was about four inches in length. His cock was nice to look at at all times.

I yanked the waistbands of all his clothing down a few inches. My mouth sucked in his cock like a thick milkshake through a straw.

"Fuuuuuck, yeeeeahhh," he moaned.

I had his entire organ in my mouth. It warmed as it grew. I had learned to particularly enjoy Micah's cock. I had always heard that women didn't like oral sex. I silently questioned how they could possibly not appreciate feasting on the hard flesh of a man. It was the best part of being gay. Sucking. Licking. Tasting. Consuming. Two minutes later, Micah was rigid in my mouth. I could tell he was finishing his beer looking down on me servicing his manly anatomy.

He belched.

"Hey. Hey, Larry baby. I need to pee. Let me get up, and then we'll really do this thang."

I smiled and rolled my eyes.

He hopped up and slightly stumbled. With a little effort he made it to the bathroom. There was a slight lull in sounds. I knew he was waiting for his cock to go down so that he could manage some hope of direction of his piss stream.

While he was in there, I stripped completely naked and awaited him on the bed. Most of my beer was on the nightstand on my side of the bed.

I could hear him rip a piece of toilet paper to wipe his dick off. Courteous.

He walked back to the bed and saw me naked.

"Fuck almighty, you are beautiful," he said, sounding drunker by the minute.

Micah attempted to take his jeans off but fell on the bed doing so. In some type of inebriated tango, he managed to free himself from his clothing.

With a touch of unintended aggression, his face buried itself on my crotch. I felt his tongue sloppily lick my testicles.

"You have fucking amazing balls, you know that?" he told me.

I let him service them. After a minute, he found a groove of really arousing me simply with his tongue. We were both sporting steel weapons.

 

Micah

"Larry, I need my cock inside you. I crave you."

"You only have 20 more minutes left for it to officially be birthday sex."

Larry reached down to grab a towel. He had learned my bed had one — always — rolled up under each side of the bed. I leaned over to grab the lube.

He spread the towel and positioned himself, lying on his back.

"I want to watch," he told me. The way he said it sounded so sexy. He spread his legs wide for me.

Larry always reacted so enthusiastically to my fingers preparing his hole. He moaned as two of my fingers probed his interior and lubricated the entrance. I tried to drip lube on my cock with dramatic flair. My aim was off; I dripped it everywhere, partially on his balls. I was probably technically drunk. I didn't feel drunk, just happy. Larry reached up and slid the slippery liquid around my shaft.

"Yeaaahhhh," I applauded.

I shimmied up to Larry's awaiting body. I placed my cockhead in the right position, despite my intoxicated state. I meant to gently slide in. My balance was off, and I shoved in too hard. His body wrenched in pain for a moment.

"Slow down, slow down," he barked.

I steadied myself by holding onto one of his outstretched legs. Slowly my erection invaded his space. I was able to do it gently. I could feel all tension release from Larry's body. He exhaled slowly.

"Fuck me," he instructed.

"Yes, sir!"

I was gentle, but I moved in all the way. My cock was iron and all of it went inside him. Larry screamed, but it was a good scream. He groaned, but it was a good groan. He whined, but it was a good whine. I fucked him like a pro. Forget drunk, I still had game. I knew what I was doing.

Both of us groaned and grunted like animals for several minutes. Obscenities, each other's names and affirmative gratification were called out at high volume.

"Think your neighbors can hear us?" he asked.

"I fucking hope so. It's my birthday. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! FUCK YEAH!!"

We both laughed.

Our audible level was still high. My stiff arms hovered my body above his. He grabbed my face, and we kissed passionately in our lovemaking. My hips continued to thrust my manhood within him.

"I love fucking you," I told him.

"I love you fucking me. You feel so fucking good inside me with your fucking, hot cock."

"Fuck yeah."

"Fuck yeah!"

I lunged in to kiss him again.

"Grab your cock," I commanded. "Jerk it while I fuck you."

"Fuck yeah."

"Fuck yeah."

I don't know if it was the alcohol or if I was nearing my orgasm, but my vision started to tunnel. Still my crotch rammed Larry's hole. My vision was blurring.

"Fuck, I'm coming."

"Fuck yeah."

My dick pulsed cum for ten minutes. Or so it felt. I closed my eyes and just unloaded into his ass for an eternity. I felt him jerk his dick below me.

"Fuck yeah," I whispered.

I kept fucking him. I wasn't going to stop. It may have been just a minute, but I wanted to believe it was an hour. I was an unstoppable dynamo. At least my drunken state told me so.

A huge crescendo groan from Larry announced his climax. One shot after another shot upward on my chest confirmed it.

"Fuck yeah," I said.

"Fuck yeah," he echoed.

"Fuck yeah."

"Fuck yeah."

He let out a huge breath, letting me know he had finished. I collapsed on him. We kissed. Our arms were around each other, and his cum and our sweat adhered us further.

"Happy birthday," he softly said.

"Fuck yeah."

I knew I was drunk. I had no concept of time. My head was slightly spinning ever since my orgasm rocked my groin. I was coherent enough to feel a warm cloth wash my chest.

We were silent in the darkness. Larry's hand reached for mine.

"I love you, Micah. I don't just want to call you my boyfriend. That seems so ... so youthful. Can I call you my partner? I love you. I want you to fully understand my commitment."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Fuck yeah."

 

—

 

Thank heavens I had set my alarm.

"Ohhh," I called out after I leaned up to turn it off. I felt terrible. I stared up at the ceiling, now well aware that the sun was up. Larry had slightly stirred at the sound of the alarm, but he now seemed to have settled back into a stillness. He was on his side, but I couldn't tell if he was asleep again.

Larry.

I tried to piece together what I could from last night. Black Stallion. Beer. A shot. Dancing. Neighbors. Fuck yeah. Larry's hole. Partner.

Partner.

I didn't dream that did I? He and I had used the term boyfriend from time to time. I seemed to recall him saying something about calling me his partner. I couldn't think clearly.

I wasn't sure how I felt about it. We said "I love you" all the time now. I loved him. So what slightly freaked me out about him calling me a partner? I loved him. That was a wonderful commitment. To me, to us. So why did it feel like a speed bump?

His body turned over. He looked at me.

"How do you feel?" he mumbled in a barely discernable morning voice.

"Fair. Eh, not great."

"I thought you might. Usually, you can hold your beer fairly well. Last night you started losing it near the end."

"Was I bad in bed? I thought we had good sex. Was I wrong?"

"It was fine. It was good. You were a charging bull."

I smiled.

"Six beers is a lot, plus a shot."

"When did you have a shot?" Larry asked.

"You were in the bathroom. The bartender knew it was my birthday. He poured me one. He was kind of flirting."

"Really? What all do you remember?"

"Did we scream at the neighbors?"

Larry laughed. "Not really. We were just loud." He paused. "I told you something last night. Do you remember?"

"That you wanted to think of us as partners?"

"Right. I love you, Micah. I don't know how far we'll go in this next year, but ... I want you all to myself. I want to be all yours. I want us to be ... US. Just us. I want people to know we belong together."

All of those things should have been wonderful to hear. So why did I not appreciate hearing them? Why was I being so weird about this? What was wrong with me?

"You're sweet, Larry Jenkins. I love you."

I did. I most definitely did. So, what was wrong?

 

Early November 2019

Laramie Jenkins (30)
Micah Hawker (28)

 

Micah

Larry and I only had sex once since the "partner talk." We had so much fun Halloween night. He was Han Solo; I was The Joker. My friend Pablo's party was off the rails. We had plenty to drink. We were overdue for a fuck. I rode his cock like a villain being punished.

It was more than a week later, and we had become ... distant. Or I had. He had suggested date nights, staying over. I didn't accept as frequently. I was still delighted to see him. There were a couple of nights where we just slept; the intimacy wasn't there.

I had become disappointed in who I had become. I wasn't sure if Larry had noticed. Was I withdrawn? Or did I still seem like the person he fell in love with?

He wanted to go out to eat. We were at a restaurant called 515 East. I had never been. It was nicer than the places we usually frequented. We allowed ourselves wine, which wasn't our typical go-to, but both of us still had learned to enjoy a glass now and then in our years of experience. Dinner was exquisite. Both our dishes were exceptionally delicious, as well as pricey.

The plan was for me to spend the night at Larry's place. After we shared a slice of lemon cheesecake, we took his car back to his house. We hadn't intended to watch SNL. We just turned on the news. After Sports, we headed to the bedroom.

With fresh teeth and drained bladders, we moved into bed. It was the first night we had slept together where it was noticeably chilly. We had slept together for months, but I never remembered being cold. I moved into his arms.

It was arousing to feel his hard-on press up into my ass crack. I had the impression I was to be fucked tonight. Before that, I wanted his dick in my mouth. I all but somersaulted in the bed to plunge down on this stiff erection. He received a wet blowjob for a few minutes.

"I wanted that," I whispered into his mouth before kissing him. "Do me."

He did. Powerfully. We fucked for a good fifteen minutes in three different positions. In our final maneuver, I was on my side. He had held my leg up to gain easy access to my hole. I loved how his mouth was right at my ear as he groaned in his orgasm.

As he was coming down, he whispered, "I love you."

I straddled his body to where his dick would still poke inside my crack. I jerked my rod feverishly. I noticed Larry smiling as he watched me pleasure myself. After all the stimulation he had supplied, it didn't take long before I sprayed my load on his chest. It had been a while, so it seemed abundant. The orgasm was intense.

A hand towel wiped him clean. We never left the bed.

Typically, he would turn out the light. Tonight, he just looked into my eyes deeply. For a moment I sensed he was nervous.

"Micah, I have been wanting to tell you something all night."

"Oh?"

"I love you. You know that. I ... I want to be your partner and you be mine. I want us together all the time. Your lease is up at the end of the year. I'd ... I'd ... I'd hoped you would want to move in with me. I want us to live together."

There it was.

My hesitation was clarified in an instant.

Damn.

"Oh, Larry." I sighed. "I'm not ready for that."

"Why? You love me, I love you. It would certainly be a savings for both of us."

"Yeah." I knew I would have to explain myself. "If I moved in with you, I would have to give my family my `new' address. They would come see. I would have to explain why I am moving in with another man. And ... I would have to tell them I'm gay."

"You don't think they know? Surely, they suspect."

"Perhaps. But it has never been discussed."

"Micah. We're great together. We're in love. Isn't this a good time to tell them?"

"I'm not ready." I closed my eyes. I couldn't bear to look at him. I wriggled into his embrace and pulled his arms around me. "I know that wasn't the answer you wanted to hear."

 

Laramie

Micah was silent. I was silent. We didn't say anything else the rest of the night. We didn't move. We left the light on. I awakened at 2:10, leaned over and turned out the lamp. My body had let Micah go. I had turned away from him.

Fuck.

 

Mid-November 2019

Laramie Jenkins (30)
Grayson Jenkins (27)

 

Grayson

"Lar', tell me why you broke it off with Micah again? You loved him."

"We were drifting. We found ourselves in different places."

"What places? You loved each other."

Laramie wasn't crying, but I knew my brother well enough to know he had been before he called me.

"We did. But not the same. I wanted us to move in together," he said.

"Big move."

"He didn't want to."

"Oh. Ouch."

"He wanted things to stay the same."

"But ... you were happy with that. Or so you told me."

"I was. I let things grow, and I truly fell in love with him. I still am."

"But ...?" I insinuated.

"I'm 30, Gray. I kind of want to share my life with someone. My boss and I have started talking about the possibility of buying out the company when he retires and-"

"What? What kind of money are we talking about?"

"Not crazy money. He's just retiring. It's not like the store is a national brand or anything. I'd be acquiring the assets, the materials, our client list... still, it's substantial enough that I need to save some more."

"What does that have to do with Micah?"

"Nothing. Everything. I just want to start getting my life into place. If I make that acquisition, it would be great to have a partner in place. You know? I'd like to come home to a significant other there. We'd share finances. I guess ... I guess I just want to picture my life, Gray. Micah seems like he just doesn't want to fit into it."

"Why do you say that?"

"We enjoy our time together, but the only time he really seems to be comfortable being himself is when we are in gay bars. I don't want to spend my life in gay bars the whole time."

"You do other stuff."

"We do, but we aren't affectionate anywhere else in public. He told me he wouldn't go see Love, Simon at the theater last year because someone might see him at a gay movie."

"Macey and I rented that early in the year. I liked it."

"Exactly. Last week he spotted someone from his mother's church in The Black Stallion — a gay bar — and he kind of freaked that this guy would see him and tell his mom."

"Shouldn't the guy be worried that Micah would see him and tell someone?"

"Exactly! He got all twisted and started fabricating these scenarios ... Gray, I just can't commit myself to someone who is hiding who they are. He won't come out to his family. I – I – I need more than that in a partner. I'm not on social media — you know I hate it — but he's on Facebook. We've been in love for almost six months. He's been afraid to post a single picture of us. I need more than that. I can't hide my life. I'm not looking for routine sex and that's it."

"He loves you."

"I guess. But ... it's not enough. I'm ready to take it to the next step, and he keeps pulling away. I understand everyone has their own timetable to come out, but I realize we are just in different places. We aren't the right ones for each other, love or not. I felt us drifting more each day."

I didn't know what to say. I just pictured my brother so far away, feeling alone.

 

Laramie

I had dumped a lot on Grayson. He was silent.

"Hey, I'm sorry to lay this all on you."

"No, no," he replied. "I'm just picturing you sad and alone for the holidays."

I don't know why, but I laughed at that. It made me feel better.

"Really, Lar'. Come home for Thanksgiving. Or Christmas. It's been a long time."

"I'll be fine."

"You haven't seen Mom and Dad in forever."

"Have they come to see me? Even once?"

"You know they never go anywhere."

"Maybe if they showed some interest in my life. When I told them I was in love with Micah months ago, there was no real reaction. I think they both said, `oh.' If I tell them that we broke up when I call next time, I doubt if they would even remember."

"They remember ALL my breakups," Gray returned.

"That's because Mom wants a grandchild. And you've gone through a few women too."

"Right."

"So, are you seeing anyone right now?" I asked my brother.

"No. It's not like I'm looking. I'll get the holidays out of the way. I'm fine by myself."

"And so will I be."

"One day. You'll find the right person, Larry."

"Perhaps. You will too. At least I have a wonderful brother right now, you know?"

"Sure. I'm fucking amazing. Right," Grayson said flatly.

"You have no idea how much I appreciate you, Gray."

"Same here. We need to do another trip together like last year."

"It was indeed awesome," I said, recalling our trip to Atlanta. "We had so much fun. I think that was the one time when my phone call to Mom and Dad lasted a few minutes. They seemed interested in our trip. Or as much interest as they can muster."

"Be nice," he chided.

"Love you, brother."

"Same here. Stay in touch, Lar'. Bye."

I sat my phone down. I contemplated calling Mom and Dad, but just figured I would wait until Thanksgiving.

I didn't feel like a beer. Or wine. Or alcohol. As much as I was sad that I was no longer part of a couple, I didn't miss Micah. I knew my decision was right. He had to figure out his own life first. One day, he will. And someone will find him a great catch.

I set out to treat myself to a milkshake at Sonic.

 

* * * *

 

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