Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2008 14:32:22 +0000 From: Steve Thomas Subject: Outing for Brian - Chapter 1 This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it might not be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If youare too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - -ENJOY! Cast of characters: Brian Weber -- That's me! Deena -- my wife Ronny -- my son. Chris Willows -- kid in bathroom. Mike Riggs -- new friend. Chanelle LeBelle -- Ronny's girlfriend. Gary Foosdorf -- Mike's friend Prologue: Deena was pale and gray looking as I sat by her side. Weeks ago, when the doctor gave her weeks to live, she wanted to die at home, so we set up a hospital bed in the dining room. The last few nights, she begged me to carry her to my bed, so we could sleep together. Any thoughts of sex were no longer even considered. Ronny was in the kitchen, fixing himself a peanut butter sandwich. He begged to be allowed to add jelly to it, and considering the circumstances, I couldn't deny him this luxury. You see, we were all three pretty sure that his mother -- Deena -- my wife of 10 years a month ago, would die any day. So I gave in to our nine-year-old son probably too often. What else could I do? He was about to lose his mother to cancer. Deena knew that I was gay when we were married. I wouldn't lie about that to her. Besides, she was my best friend from 6th grade on, when my parents bought the home next door to her family. I was sick with chicken pox and could not go to school for two weeks after we moved to the new school district. Deena came to see me that fist day -- and having already had chicken pox, she came every day after that until I ready to come to school. It was actually she who made me admit to myself that I was gay -- in 11th grade. I loved her dearly, and she me. When I finally admitted that she was right, we both cried all night, because -- we were planning to get married -- someday. Before the morning I announced to her that I was going to marry her anyway. I was not looking forward to all the crap that other gay guys I knew had to put up with. I had never had a boyfriend. So as soon as we graduated high school, we were married -- against mild protest from our parents. But we were 18 and strong headed. If Deena's parents knew I was gay, they may have tried harder to stop us from marrying. But they were also somewhat practical and maybe even a little relieved that their daughter would be married. She was not what most would call pretty, but I could see through that and see what a beautiful person she really was. If my parents knew I was gay, they probably would have not tried to stop us at all. I was their only child and only hope for grandchildren. I moved back into my parent's home when Deena died. "Mom -- Dad -- I need your help to raise Ronny." I told them. "But Brian -- with your looks -- you shouldn't have any trouble finding someone." Said my mom. "Oh I know you have to give yourself time to grieve, but in time, you will want to start dating again." "And in the mean time, you may as well start going to the singles the church offers. You're only 28, and as your mom says, you are very good looking. You'll be the most eligible bachelor there!" Said Dad. Mom and Dad were well aware that I didn't go to church, though they may not have known why. "Okay -- um -- I have something to tell you." I started. After I explained to them why I didn't want to go to the singles' activities, and just why I wanted -- especially Mom -- to help raise Ronny. I knew that he needed a female role model to know how to treat and deal with girls. I stayed single, and celibate, and Mom and Dad kept my secret until Ronny graduated high school ... Chapter 1 "So -- the old man is finally gonna try the Saturday night dating scene, huh, Dad?" Said my son, the day of the night of my first outing without him. "Are you going to a gay bar?" "Wha -- at!!?" I exclaimed. "Dad -- do you think I'm stupid?" "Oh, Ronny -- I'm so sorry! I never wanted for you to - " "Dad! It's okay. I figured it out about six months before I graduated. I never said anything at the time, because I didn't think you wanted me to know and -- to tell you the truth, it made it easier for me -- while I was going to school. I know guys that have had to deal with the way kids treat them when their dad is gay. It's SO totally unfair, but kids are mean -- as you probably already know." All this time I stood with my mouth open. Ronny stepped up to me and wrapped himself around me -- as he always did -- and said, "Dad, I'll always love you. I love you even more because you sacrificed years of your life -- so I could grow up -- without that stigma. Now it's your turn to go out and have some fun! Do Gram and Poppy know?" I was still staring, open mouthed, but he had asked me a question! "Oh! Uh -- well, yeah." I said. "So -- I can now love them even more, for helping you raise me!" "Yeah -- um -- I guess. Sorry Ronny, but you really took me by surprise." "Yeah, well, sorry about that, but I didn't want you to have to carry on the charade any longer. So -- are you going to a gay bar tonight?" "I doubt it. I'll probably just go to - " "Nuh-uh! WE'RE going to a gay bar -- tonight!" "Wait a minute! You -- you -- YOU dated girls all through high school, Ronny! I KNOW you aren't gay!" "Who said I was? They won't kick me out because I'm straight -- will they?" "Probably not, but they may not let you in, at your age." "They will if we go to that juice bar, dad. No alcohol sold there." "Oh! Sounds like you've been there already." "I have. It's not exclusively gay -- just mostly." I smiled. "You may have some gay guys hitting on you!" I said. "Heh! You do take after the old man when it comes to your looks, at least!" "It wouldn't be the first time I was hit on by a guy. I know how to handle it." So that's how at 36-years-old I happened to be at a gay bar, for the first time, with my 18-year-old son. I was more nervous than Ronny was. I immediately had to go pee. As I was standing at the urinal, a guy who was no older than my son walked in and stood next to me. There were barricades between the urinals, but this kid was bold. I saw his hand go on top of the barricade and then he simply peered over at my exposed genitals. Since I was wearing the jeans that Ronny made me wear -- the whole fly was unbuttoned and unzipped and my underwear was under the whole package "Nice!" Said this cute and very fem kid. "If you need any help finishing that off, I'm good at shaking those!" He giggled. "Thanks, I think I can handle it." I said. "I wouldn't mind watching that either!" He said. "May I?" I laughed it off and then shook it off. I felt funny -- even a little creeped out - being come onto by such a young kid. But I also felt -- great -- for the same reason. I probably gave it a few shakes and wrings more than was necessary - - When I came out of the restroom I saw Ronny talking animatedly to a guy -- at least my own age. Ronny's hand was lightly touching this guys upper arm -- and it seemed to me that he was even caressing it slightly. Was my son flirting -- with a guy? With and OLDER guy? "Hey!" Said Ronny. "I thought you fell in! Did Chris seduce you?" "Chris?" "Do you know this sexy pa-pá?" Said a voice behind me. I turned and it was the boy from the restroom. "This sexy pa-pá is MY papa, Chris! Back off!" Said Ronny, suddenly serious. "Oh! Sorry, Ron, I didn't know you saw him first! So were you saving this cutie pie for me?" He was now indicating the older guy that Ronny was talking to. "No -- Chris! I was hoping to introduce this guy to my dad! Go somewhere else!" "Well, geezo, Ron! No one told me any -- wait! If you're not with the cutie next to you -- and this fox is your dad -- who are YOU with?" "I'm with Chanelle. You KNOW that! Now let us be!" Chris made a face and started to walk off. "Chris?" I said. Ronny gave me a "DAD!" look and Chris turned around. "What?" Chris said, irritated. "Thanks! I really needed that!" I smiled. Chris couldn't help a small smirk, as he waved and turned around. He headed directly toward another guy twice his age. "Dad, this is Mike." "Hi! Mike Riggs. Um -- `Dad', is it?" said Mike, smiling and extending his hand. "Oh! Sorry! Mike this is my Dad, Brian Weber." "I'm afraid I'm a little green at this -- well more like completely unfamiliar." I said. "It's been awhile for me too." Said Mike. "I didn't come here to -- well -- to find anyone -- you know -- to hook up. I just wanted to get out." "Mike's partner recently died from complications of AIDS." Said Ronny. My whole body felt repulsed. And I'm afraid it showed it! I actually lost my balance and had to step back. "Yeah, I get that a lot." Said Mike. "Nice to meet yah!" He said, more disappointed than angry. "Oh, nooooo! I said. I stepped closer. "I mean -- it was a shock -- to be sure. Oh my gosh! How do you -- well, guess I KNOW how you deal with it. I lost my wife 10 years ago. Sometimes it seems like yesterday." Mike started to smile, but when I mentioned Deena, his smile faded. "I'm sorry." He said. "I only came here for some company, Brian. As I said, I'm not looking to hook up. I have the virus too, but my body seems to be immune. But it's still a positive test. So I can't risk infecting anyone else. Rod has been gone 2 years, actually. How did you lose your wife?" I explained about the cancer, how it spread quickly and how that since then, I raised my boy by myself. "That's more than a lot of guys would do! Well, I know guys who were married and just said goodbye to the family and left -- to chase after guys! I guess I shouldn't judge, but -- I think you did the right thing. Your boy was more important than - " "You got THAT right!" I said. I looked at Ronny, across the room, as he was talking and smiling -- patching and mending an otherwise broken fence with Chris. Some times I wonder if he will be a politician! "But now that Ron's a man, I figure I can relax my role a little and maybe -- have some fun." "Do you like younger guys?" Asked Mike. "I know this guy who may like to meet you." "Omigod no! I'm not sure I'm ready for anyone yet. But someone half my age? I don't think - " "Oh -- I didn't mean that young! Gary is probably about 30 -- I'd say." "I don't -- -- um -- 30?" I said. Suddenly I was more attentive. "He prefers older guys, but I think he may like to meet you." "You mean older than I am?" "He was hitting on me -- until I told him why that wouldn't work, but we've been friends ever since. He was going -- sort of -- with this older guy, Raul -- about 60 I think." "Good grief!" I said. "Sounds like he needs a dad! So why is he no longer -- or is he -- no longer -- with the old guy?" "No -- it's over. Raul told Gary that he deserves someone all his own -- not the leftovers of a guy who is married , with a family." "And Gary - ?" "Gary was pretty distressed at first, but I think he sees the wisdom in that." "Wait a minute! The older guy is married?" "Well, that's another long story. But anyway, Gary is kind of floundering around now -- not sure what to do. I really love him -- I mean as a friend. I figure -- he went for me -- maybe he'd go for you." "I -- well -- um -- I dunno!" I said, while something inside me was twisting and turning. I haven't felt this since I was a teenager - - in the locker room shower! Mike took my hand and put it on my tummy. "Feel that?" I looked down at our hands and then my eyes drifted up to his. If anything, his hand on mine - - and on my tummy -- made my insides even more active! I nodded. "Well, I can feel it too, Brian. You don't have to rush headlong into anything, but -- maybe you'd like to meet him." "Maybe." "We could meet for dinner somewhere." Said Mike. "Better yet, maybe you can bring him to my place for dinner -- say -- next Sunday?" "That'd be excellent. That way it wouldn't look so contrived. He'll just come as my friend. Will Ronny be there?" "I dunno -- I pretty much have been giving him a free rein for the last couple years. He's pretty responsible -- but also pretty independent. I'll ask him if you want." "It may make it easier for me to tell Gary that I don't want to feel like a 3rd wheel -- if Ronny also has a friend." "Now that may be a bit of a tall order. Kids his age still can be pretty judgmental." "Oh -- you mean his friends? Yeah, I know. I was so hoping that when I got into college, that that crap would stop. Same old clique mentality there. Mike said with chagrin. "What's worse," I replied, "is I found it at my first job too. And it wasn't because I was gay -- because no one knew that! I think some people just don't grow up." "Oh -- for sure! Um -- what time Sunday?" He asked. "Oh -- lets say -- around 5-ish?" "Great!" He said. "Um - what're you doing the rest of tonight?" I asked. "You're getting nervous about your first night out?" "Who told you that?" "Ronny. Who else?" "Was he trying to hook us up?" I asked. "I dunno. We had barely met when you came out of the bathroom. But he was just telling me why he was here. Had to justify himself, I guess. He seems to be a good kid. I think it's so great that he went out of his way to treat the fem kid with respect -- I mean after that initial thing. They look like the best friends over there, don't they?" "Yeah -- oh! Well, that was sweet!" I said, watching my macho Ronny hug Chris. Ronny came back to Mike and me. "Hey Kid!" I said. "Did you score a date with the twink?" He gave me "the look". We all watched as Chris followed another older guy into the restroom. "Mike is coming over next Sunday and he's bringing a friend, Gary, for dinner. I'll barbeque some hamburgers up. I was wondering if you - " "Aw crap!" Said my boy. "Next Sunday? I'm going to Frisco with Chanelle's family. They're taking us on a North-bay excursion of some kind. I wish I could be in two places at once!" "It's okay. We were just hoping that having you there would make it less uncomfortable for Gary." Said Mike. "Why don't we make it the week after?" I suggested. "Naw -- that's too long, Brian. With your looks, you may be taken by that time!" Joked Mike. "Let me give him a call." Mike punched a number in his cell phone. "Yeah -- it`s me. Great, you? Where are you -- I'm not interrupting anything - ? Oh! No kidding? Where?" Mike turned around and looked over into a far corner booth. A young guy waved. My heart sank. He looked way too young. Certainly not 30! "No -- that's okay, I don't want to bother you, Gary. But -- no -- you - " Mike threw his hands up as Gary quickly said something to his date and got up and almost ran to where we were sitting. "Oh -- My -- God!" Said Gary. "How did you know I needed to be rescued? I can't seem to get away from Edwin -- short of being plain rude. He seemed cool at first, but -- omigod, he is mega-needy!" "OOohhhhhh!" Said Mike, "Is that why you insisted in coming over here. Well, as long as you're here -- this is kind of awkward -- but -- oh! This is Brian. He just invited me to come over to a barbeque next Sunday. I don't really want to come alone, so - " "Hi Brian!" Said Gary, smiling widely. He looked me up and down and smiled approvingly pumping my hand. Then he turned to Mike. "You have good taste, Mike!" He laughed. Up close he looked a little older that across the room. He had nice smile lines. I tried to ignore what my insides were doing again. Then he turned directly to me and said, "Mike's always trying to hook me up. Next Sunday is out. Got plans to be with the folks after church. But - " he looked me up and down again, Some other time would be -- great!" He winked at me. "How about tomorrow?" Said Mike. I felt like I was being railroaded, but also could not shake the wonderfully sick feeling in my gut -- which had spread to my chest and I was as worried as any teen that it might go south! Gary seemed to glance directly at it! Probably my imagination - But it wasn't stirring anyway. "I could come tomorrow!" said my son. "And bring Chanelle?" I asked. "Um -- er -- she doesn't know about you -- yet. And -- I'm not sure how her parents might react to this -- um -- news." He looked embarrassed and chagrinned. "Look, it's okay, Ronny - " I started. I understood where he was coming from. Hell, I tried to hide it from him for 18 years! "Wait a minute!" Said Ronny. We had noticed Chris coming out of the bathroom -- alone. He was sitting up at the bar alone. Ronny walked over to him. They talked animatedly. Then Ronny came back. "Chris is coming tomorrow!" Said Ronny. "Wow my first date with a twink!" he giggled. "Oh, don't look so worried, Dad! I'm only kidding." "Look -- can I use you as my excuse -- to get away from Edwin?" He didn't wait for an answer. He walked to the booth -- where Edwin was waiting. He sat and told him something -- I dunno what -- then came back. "Well, he was disappointed, but -- whew! -- thanks. "Oh crap! I told him we were going somewhere else, Mikie." Mike looked at me and said, "Good move, Gary! Well, look, I'll see you two tomorrow around 5. Oh! Where do you live?" "Cameron Park. Well it's out of Cameron Park, actually -- closer to Coloma." I reached into my pocket and took out a card with our name, address, phone number and a map with directions on it. He took it and stowed it in his wallet. Gary again shook hands all around, seemingly lingering longer with mine as he gave me his delicious smile again. "See you tomorrow." "Actually it will probably look better if we all leave together," I suggested, "I want to get home anyway -- to straighten up a little." "You don't need to straighten up for us, besides - " said Mike. "Yes! He does!" laughed my son. "He lives with a slob!" That's my boy! We went to the parking lot, and exchanged hand shakes one more time. Gary hugged Mike and I felt a little jealous. As soon as we were on our way, I said, "Not bad for my first night out!" "Not bad at all!" Said my son. "Got hit on by a twink, and met two pretty nice guys. I think that Gary character was also giving you some signs!" "Now, that's just silly!" I said, but again my body was telling me something different. My prodigious son said no more. But the little stinker smiled! "We'll hit the Safeway on the way home." I said. It was after ten but the Safeway Supermarket was open 24-7. I started to eye the porterhouse steaks. "You told them Hamburgers, dad." Ronny reminded me. It sounded right when I said it, but somehow - - now I wanted something better. But -- again, good sense -- from my son -- won out. Hamburgers it would be. And -- lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mayo, an onion, mustard, barbecue sauce, pickles, sweet and dill, and several kinds of soft drinks. I reached for some Martinelli's sparkling apple juice. "What's that for, Pop?" "Always good to have a little on hand -- in case - " "Oh, Pop!" Ronny laughed. "You're hoping to have something to celebrate, aren't you?" "I'm not making any plans! And even though you're 18, you're still my son. A little respect here, please!" "Is that all you want to buy?" "No, I want something for dessert. Go get a sponge cake." "Cake mix?" "Naw -- Just get one of those pre-made ones from the bakery." "Be right back!" He ran. "Not that much hurry!" I said He slowed to a fast walk. I quickly went to the aisle where the condoms were, and grabbed a 12 pack, then hurried back to the produce section. Then I realized how stupid it was -- as if he could not see them in the shopping cart. He was coming from the far end of the produce and I quickly grabbed them and stuffed them in the back of my pants and covered them with my shirt. I directed my eyes to the strawberries. I met him in the middle of the produce, got the strawberries. "I'll go get the truck while you checkout Dad." He said. My boy was as sharp as they come. I doubt he saw what I was hiding, but I also doubt he missed that I WAS hiding something. He probably guessed. I checked out and Ronny was waiting at the door. I loaded the stuff in the back of the truck. I eyed the truck closely as I got in. "I'll wash it tomorrow morning, Dad." Both Ronny and I had pickup trucks. His was an older Toyota, mid-sized, which he kept looking like new. Mine was an almost new Chevy Avalanche -- which I kept looking like crap. Only because I didn't wash it often enough. We need pickup trucks out in the country. A guy needs a pickup truck anyway. He likes driving my truck sometimes, but he always cleans and polishes it before he takes it -- especially on a date. He mostly used the Avalanche for double dates. It was also perfect for picking up hay for the horses. Ours wasn't a large ranch or anything. Some called these gentleman ranches -- 5-acre parcels in the rolling foothills of the Sierra. Our house is built close to the down side of our gently sloped acreage, in a copse of trees. Ronny and I built it together -- for something to keep both of our minds occupied -- after Deena died. Ronny was only almost ten, but he was prodigious in his body as well as his brain, so he wanted to help build and was quite helpful. We had also built a pole barn and some stables. We each had a horse and also a couple of dogs and cats. The dogs were allowed inside, but Ronny inherited his mother's allergies to cats, so they remained outside -- as mousers. Ronny has the responsibility of caring for his own horse, but loves both of them, so he pretty much cares for them himself. I occasionally curry my horse -- usually before and after I ride her. (Ahem -- probably the only "her" that I shall ever ride again!) We have hundreds of wild turkeys that roam around our neighborhood and roost in our trees. It is an easy task to have one for dinner. Shooting guns is prohibited in our neighborhood, but Ronny and I both have blow guns. It is easy to become proficient with a blow gun. We have both long and short ones. The longer ones are more accurate. We have only killed one turkey. If you ever did it, you would know that wild turkey is a completely different meat than the farm-raised variety. Probably much better for you, without all the hormones and fat that are in a store bought bird, but - - they just don't taste "right"! So -- we use our blow guns mostly for target practice. There are also many deer that live on and around our place. We've never bagged a deer. In the first place, it's illegal without a permit and if I did, then I'd have to have someone else dress it out for me. I'm definitely not into that! As a matter of fact, as much as I like to venison, I probably couldn't kill a deer. They are so sweet! So we have two apple trees that we don't get many apples from. We decided after the third season, that they are for the deer. Well, actually the deer decided that, but we allow it because we love the deer. After the shopping, Saturday night, we came home and watched a movie on pay-per-view. Even at eighteen, Ronny often ends up cuddled up close to his dad when we watch TV alone. There's nothing sexual in the least, only a very close bond between my son and me. "Dad -- we better go to bed." "Yeah, huh." I mumbled. "Did you see the end of the movie?" "Course not! Haha! Do we ever?" He said, extricating himself from me. "Your turn." The one thing I regret about raising my boy is that I didn't take him to church. I don't agree with everything they teach there -- especially not that I will go to hell for what I certainly will be doing -- and hopefully soon. But I do believe in Christ -- that he died for us and because of this we all will live again. And -- we pray. He takes the odd days and I, the even. Both Morning and evening. Tonight is my "turn". "Heavenly Father, we're thankful for so many things that you have given us, but especially that we have each other. Bless us with a good night's sleep and Father, please bless our new friends, and help us to be good examples to them as well as help us be humble enough to learn from them. Forgive us for our many misdeeds and trespasses. In the name of Your Excellent Son, Amen." "Amen!" Echoed Ronny. We hugged closely and went to our bedrooms I fell quickly asleep and dreamed that I was holding my boy close. I felt a smile on my face. I looked at him and his face shone like an angel. He opened his eyes and sort of morphed into Chris, the boy I met in the bathroom. I was appalled but was even more disgusted that I popped a boner. He giggled and then turned around and melded himself into me like a spoon. Somehow I know it wasn't Chris any more. The new guy in my arms reached around and gently grabbed my boner and squeezing it, said, "I'm so happy that Mike brought me here tonight! I didn't expect to be here with you the first night, Brian. I'm not in a hurry to have sex, but since Raul, I have missed this so much!" I was horrified what I did next. "Gary, I want it so much!" I said. He knew what it was I wanted, and he climbed over me and from behind me slipped himself into me. It didn't hurt at all. It wasn't exactly exciting either, but I felt full and -- fulfilled -- and in love! He kissed my neck as he fulfilled himself in me. Something didn't seem right, but I had no experience to tell me what was good or bad.. When he was finished, I closed my eyes and he kissed me. When I opened my eyes, I was looking directly into the eyes of -- Mike! All I could think of was Mike's AIDS and I started to cry. "Dad -- Dad! Wake up! You're having a bad dream or something." I was terrified at first, then saw my beautiful boy's sweet face. "Did I -- what -- I mean -- what did I say?" I was afraid of the answer. "You were moaning, but it was loud enough to wake me up in my room." "Thanks for waking me, Ron. I love you." He lay down next to me, on top of the covers. "I'm afraid, Dad." "Afraid of what, Ron?" "I feel like this may be the beginning of the end -- of you and me -- being as close as we're used to." "I -- wonder. Ronny -- some time -- we have to lead our own lives. Don't you want to someday marry and live with a girl -- maybe Chanelle?" "Yeah -- but that was always in the future -- before." He snuggled closer, outside the covers. "You'll be just fine, Son. Why don't you sleep with me tonight -- we haven't sleep together in at least a year." "Yeah, but now I am 18." "So -- that just means that you'll be the first man I ever slept with! Haha!" "We'll probably want to keep that little tidbit to ourselves -- yes?" He said. "Yeah, it COULD be misunderstood by someone else." I laughed. He got up enough to climb under the covers and we fell deeply asleep, him spooning in my arms. When I woke up, my boner was pressing hard against his butt. I lay completely still for about five minutes. Then I tried to ease away from him without waking him. "You awake, Dad?" "Uh -- yeah." I said feeling my ears heat up. "Hee hee! You got some wood goin' here, Huh?!" said my son. "Glad to know it still works!" He said and then the little stinker squeezed it, then scrambled away form me -- but not before my hand got a good slap on his ass. He ran from the room giggling like a 12-year-old. I turned over onto my back and put my hands under my head. I glanced down and there was a considerable tent in my blanket. I smiled. He's right. I am kind of relieved that it still works! But it isn't as if a 36-year-old is close to dead! (Is it??!!) Ronny fixed a wonderful cheese omelet, with bacon, toast and orange juice brunch, which we ate while watching a football game on the tube. Then we went out and curried our horses (they like to roll around in the red dirt!) and rode them. I taught Ronny to ride bareback -- or actually with a bareback pad. But now, I like something a little more substantial -- a western saddle. We followed one of the many trails in the neighborhood. Ron's chestnut Morab gelding, Hero, is smaller and faster than my palomino mare, Trigger. (Yes, I DID name her after Roy Rogers' horse!) Hero is also more skitterish. He can't resist a challenge and I love to just start to run and Hero takes off like a bullet. More than once Ronny's been left on his butt in the red dirt -- before he taught Hero who's boss. "Dammit, Ronny, I wish you had let me buy those steaks yesterday!" "Yeah, they'd taste good about now actually!" He replied. "But -- in the interest of not being to -- um - " "Ostentatious?" "Yeah -- THAT's the word! I still think hamburgers are a better choice." While Ron wasn't looking, I slipped some chicken thighs from the freezer to the microwave. "What're you cookin' in there?" He asked. "You're awfully nosy!" I said. "Oh -- it's on defrost! You didn't find some steaks in the freezer - - did you?" "No!" I said defensively. "Boneless chicken thighs. I just thought a little more variety would be nice." At 4:59:59 there was a knock at the door. "Can you get it, Ron?" I asked, as I was putting the finishing touches on my hair. Damned if I wasn't acting like a damned woman about this. I was tempted to ask Ronny if my butt looked too big in the stretch jeans I chose! I heard muffled greetings at the door. Then Ronny came back to my bedroom. "He's here Dad! Wow! Your ass looks good in those jeans!" He grinned as if he knew I wanted to hear that. "He? You mean he didn't bring his friend -- Gary, isn't it?" I asked. "No -- it's Gary who's out there. He said that Mike would be here soon. Dad! He's looks like more of a stud today!" "A stud?" I said. "If I wasn't straight, I'd go for him!" "Are you quite sure that you ARE straight?" I teased. "Hey! I can appreciate the human body as well as the next guy!" "Oh -- so it's his body that looks good to you!" "Stop, Dad! He just looks good -- the whole package!" "Oh -- you checked out his package too, huh?" "Dad! Geez!" Ronny said, exasperated, "I can't say anything! You must be effing horny!" "Go back out and make some conversation! Don't keep him waiting. I'll be there in a minute!" The doorbell rang as Ronny walked into the living room. Then I heard louder conversation as Mike greeted his young friend. I walked out. I was both embarrassed and pleased, as two good looking men stood, obviously admiring me! And Ronny was right about Gary. He is hot this afternoon! He stood arms over shoulders with Mike. "I guess you guys have been getting acquainted?" "Actually, no. I just got finished getting dressed." "And I just walked in, myself. Nice to see you again, Brian." Said Gary, walking across the room and offering his hand. As he shook my hand, he tilted his head to the side and said, "I didn't notice last night -- that you had such a great ass!" Luckily Mike laughed, joined by Ronny, then both myself and Gary. That broke some of the tension I felt. "Nice gelding you have out there, Brian!" Said Mike. "You didn't tell me you have horses." "He's mine!" said Ronny proudly. "Wanna see?" "Sure!" Ronny opened the door and followed Mike out the door. As soon as the door was closed, Gary said, "That Mike! He's always trying to get me out and -- well you're the first he's actually tried to hook me up with, so that must mean something." "Actually, we just met last night." "Well -- first impressions and all; I can't say I'm not intrigued. Raul dropped me two years ago and probably for the best, but -- well -- I'm just not as sure as Mike is that I'm ready for another relationship - yet." "I didn't see this as a relationship." I said. "Only a meeting of two guys. But I know what you mean. I'm not sure I'm ready either. And -- my wife has been gone 9 years!" "Oh -- you divorced?" "No -- widowed." "I`m so sorry." He said. "I guess I understand -- at least a little." "Um -- well, maybe more than that. She was my best friend. I understand from Mike that you were pretty in love with Raul." "That's true. It was hard. I guess that's why I'm not sure I'm looking for -- anything -- like that -- right yet." "What ARE you looking for?" I said. "Oh -- I dunno - same as any red blooded American guy, I guess -- a fuck!" I didn't know where to go with that comment, and -- luckily -- I think -- Ronny and Mike came back in before I had much time to worry about it. "Well, hey, if you guys are ready, I'll get the meat out and - " I noticed all three guys were smirking at that comment! " -- and put it on the barbecue!" "Need any help?" Said Mike, "You can come out if you want." I threw over my shoulder. Mike came out, but Gary and Ronny stayed in the living room. I felt a minor panic attack for a split second. But then better sense prevailed. Ron could handle himself. "So did you and Gary get to know each other a little while we were visiting your horses?" Asked Mike. "A little. Gary is a balls-out kind of a guy, isn't he." "Oh -- well -- I guess -- there's never any doubt where he stands." "I noticed." I said, slightly amused. "Why? What'd he say?" "He told me he wanted a fuck." "Oh good grief! I told him to behave himself! I told him you're a nice guy!" "I found myself both attracted -- extremely attracted, Mike -- to him and also -- just a little set back." "Well, I didn't mean to set you up, Brian. What I meant was -- heh -- to set HIM up!" "I may just give him what he wants." "Huh?" "OMIGOD! Did I say that aloud?" I exclaimed. "You did! And it sounded pretty convincing!" I was struck mute! I would never have said that to anyone! Well, I'm glad it wasn't to Ronny! I felt a slight twinge in my nether regions -- which is why I tipped out a little when Mike laughed. "Looks like your meat's about ready." He said. I pushed down one meat and turned all the rest. Mike chuckled. When we came back in the house with the cooked meat, both Ronny and Gary were in the kitchen, laying out all the condiments. Ron's gay friend, Chris had arrived and Gary didn't seem to show the least interest in him OR my son. Oh! That's right! He's attracted to older guys! I found myself waffling between two thoughts: "This is insane -- this is NOT what I want or need"; and, "Omigod I SO want this guy to be my first!" Notes. Whaddaya think? Should I continue? Comments are welcome -- to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com Thanks and love, Steve