Behold. Of my
eight books (so far), this is the shortest chapter I've ever written. And it
even turned out longer than I had expected. Still, it tells this part of the
story.
16
"Welcome
back, Mitchell. How was your week?" Logan asked.
"Good,
actually."
"Glad to
hear. What has put you in a good mood?"
"I think the
sessions are helping."
"I'm pleased
you think so. We haven't gotten to Cooper yet, but I feel you are digging deep,
finding things out about you."
"I agree. I'm
learning more about me that I haven't really thought about — not at this level
— in the past."
"That's good.
We are making progress." Logan reached for his pad. "Shall we begin?"
"Sure. After
some of our sessions, I've reconnected to several of the people in my past.
Cruz and I have talked a few times. I checked in with Arlo. After last week's
session, I reached out to Kenneth. I'm meeting him and his husband after this
session. Well, later tonight at The Black Stallion."
"Nice. I so really need to get out more. Nate and I haven't been
dancing in years."
"Join us."
"Not tonight.
He has a big dinner at home planned."
"Perhaps
another time."
"Perhaps. Tell
me of your next person."
I reached for
the book.
"No. 16. Dave
Overland. Three inches soft, six inches hard. Cut. No pre-cum. Playful balls.
And the words following that are: Worst. Sex. Ever."
"Goodness. I'm
afraid to ask."
"Dave was a
friend at work. In fact, he was the first gay person I met at the firm. Once we
were out to each other, we would share a lunch here
and there, usually at the office. We were casual friends. He was nice. We
really enjoyed each other's company. Whenever a gay movie would roll around, we'd
go to a film together every now and then."
"Okay. Nice."
"He really
was. I can't say there was a huge attraction on my end, but I could tell he was
sort of flirty with me."
"Not an
attraction? What changed?"
"I'm not
sure. I found myself enjoying time with him. I thought maybe the old mode of
thinking that it's what's inside a person that counts had some merit."
"True."
"He had asked
me out once, but I told him that I didn't think dating at work was a good idea."
"Was there a
company policy?"
"Not that I
know of. I mean ... Cooper. Duh."
"Right.
Right."
"But we were
friends for weeks and months. I liked spending time with him; we were just good
friends. In retrospect, we should have just left it at that."
"Nothing
ventured, nothing gained."
"Yeah. But.
Once we had sex, I wanted to go back to just being friends. And ... well, sex
changes things."
"It very well
can."
"We'd been
friends for months and months, and all of that was great. I really did have fun
with him."
"But ... not
drawn to him."
"Right. But
he asked me out again. He kissed me in the break room, and said he'd like to
take me out. Over dinner, he told me how wonderful he thought I was and
handsome I was and that I was the type of person he was looking for. It was all
very nice."
"But you
weren't exactly feeling the same things; am I correct?"
"Right. He
was NICE. I just enjoyed being friends with him. I should have known taking it
further would change it all. But I think something in me thought maybe, just
maybe, I'd find the special someone in my life."
"You wanted
to find love."
"I did. I was
moving on from my mid-20s to my late 20s. I guess I figured it was time to ...
not necessarily settle down, but ... try to find something more meaningful."
"I don't
really remember you mentioning Dave to me."
"It was very
brief — from a sexual encounter standpoint. Over dinner, he asked me if I would
stay over at his condo over the weekend. I agreed to come over Saturday night.
His words were that he `wanted to show me how much he really thought of me.'"
Logan jotted
something down.
"It was
February. Even though I hadn't seriously thought about sex with Dave, now that
it was on the table, I tried to look forward to it. He was nice. And I hadn't
had sex in months, so ... I just felt I should roll with it and enjoy the sex."
"Tell me how
you felt when you got there. So far, you've told me of random hookups and
people you deeply cared for. This is sort of in between."
"Like
Kenneth, but I was attracted to Kenneth. I tried thinking of what we might do ...
together ... that night. I wanted to get into it. I owed Dave that.
"When I got to
his driveway ... ," I continued. "... he had told me there
was a common door that four condos shared. He stepped out on
a balcony of his condo to say hi. He threw the keys down. I missed them, and
they landed in the snow. I was a bit perturbed that he just didn't walk
downstairs and let me in. It had snowed a few inches the day before. The streets
were clear, but there were two or three inches of snow by
his walk. I dug the keys out; they were covered in snow. Then I walked up to
his condo."
"Curious."
"Yeah. When I
unlocked his door, he met me with a kiss. We hadn't really kissed much other
than a goodnight kiss on our date. This was more ... forceful. It was much more
of a passionate kiss. It didn't seem right for where we `were at.'" I used
finger quotes. "But again, everything was nice."
"I can tell
you weren't feeling it."
"I wasn't. Maybe
I didn't want to hurt his feelings; maybe I thought it would just hit me at
some point and I'd be into it."
"I'm sure you
didn't jump immediately into bed."
"No. It was
around 3. We sat and watched a movie on his couch. I kind of pride myself on
keeping a clean place. I suppose everyone has some clutter somewhere — a
drawer, a desk, a spare room. Dave had piles. Some areas were very clean and
organized, and other areas in the living room and kitchen and bedroom just had
piles of stuff."
"That bothered
you?"
"No ... Yeah ...
No. I wasn't all judgmental or anything, I just noticed. It just didn't make me
drawn to him any further. Had I been wowed by a sense of style or even his use
of color or something — I think I was just looking for something to win me
over. I couldn't see the two of us as a couple."
"Piles of
clutter aren't captivating?" Logan sarcastically said.
"Hardly. I
felt BAD. I felt I was judging him, trying to make him something he's not.
Remember Brock, the movie rental guy? I was feeling like that. I felt like it
was something trivial, but Dave was a good friend. I was very conflicted. I
liked Dave, I did."
"So how was
this `date.' Was it good?"
"It was
sweet. Dave tried very hard to make me like him. We pulled up a movie. Netflix
was the big thing then. I can't even remember what we watched. Yeah, I do. We
started Game of Thrones. Maybe he thought that was a way to hook me." I
chuckled to myself. "He handed me a beer as we sat on the couch. He snuggled up
next to me. I could have put my arm around him, but I wasn't feeling it. I'm
sure at the time, Dave thought I was probably pretty cold,
like he had to break through a wall. I was not snuggly. He'd rest his arm on my
leg, rubbing the back of a finger up and down my thigh, sometimes roaming to my
crotch.
"Dinner was really good. He made a pasta dish with shrimp that was
great. I think I remembered that the most out of the night."
Logan snickered.
"Dave
suggested we move to the bed fairly
early that night. About 9 he took my wrist and led me to his bedroom. He
lit a candle, but he turned on the TV to watch something in there. He undressed
down to his underwear and pulled back the sheets. He tucked his feet under
them, but then started changing channels with the remote."
"Sooo ... it
wasn't a fast dive into sex. It was TV time."
"I guess. It
was just ... not how I would do things. Not that it was wrong. Had the whole
night been one I would spend with Cooper, it'd be
perfectly fine. It just didn't feel like where we were at. It had a real `couple'
feel, but we weren't a couple."
"But it
sounds like he wanted to be."
"Yes. It was
all about comfortable."
"What do you
mean?"
"As we
watched TV, his hand would graze my leg. It would roam around my navel. It
would squeeze my cock through my boxers. He'd say, `Do you like that?' or `Do
you like me doing that?' He eventually slid his hand in my underwear and felt
me. I wasn't hard, exactly ... but a hand on your dick gets some reaction. `Does
that feel good?' It seemed like every movement and every gesture came with a
question. `Are you comfortable?' `Is this cozy?' It – it – it was noticeable."
"Did you say
anything about it?"
"No. I didn't
want to come off as ... unkind. I tried to go along with it. Eventually, he
turned off the television. He leaned over and kissed me. He reached down and
pulled my underwear off. `Do you like me taking this off?' I didn't even
answer. `Do you want to make me naked?' I just pulled off his briefs."
"Hm."
"Then we sort
of got into it, so to speak. Kissing, touching, feeling. But no matter what we were
doing, it became a litany of questions:
`Are you comfortable?'
`Do you like me touching you there?'
`Does that feel good?'
`Do you like sucking my cock?'
`Are you comfortable?'
`Do you like me touching your ass?'
`Do you want my balls in your mouth?'
`Does that please you?'
`Can you lick my cock?'
`Is this comfortable?'
`Do you like how I touch you there?'
`Do you want to call me baby?'
`Do you want to lick my cum?'
`Are you comfortable?'
"It was like
being on a freakin' game show!!"
Logan laughed
hysterically. "I'm sorry. That's not very professional of me. Forgive me." Then
he laughed some more.
"I was NOT
comfortable. I just wanted to shout: `Shut the fuck up!' And then when he came,
he yelled out, `Mitchell! Oh, baby, you're going to make me come!!' and I knew
the neighbors in the adjacent condos could hear. I hate that. I don't like
being loud to where others can hear. I'm ... I'm just not loud. Or I wasn't.
Then."
"Wish to
clarify?"
"No. Cooper
got me out of my shell, but ... never mind."
"So, back to
Dave," Logan said, not being able to conceal a smile.
"Sex lasted
about thirty minutes. He didn't rush, but after 21 Questions, I just needed it
to be done. I jerked myself off so hard, I'm surprised my dick didn't come off
and I had to Superglue it back on. I was tired of taking a quiz."
Logan howled
again. "Sorry." He squeezed his lips between his teeth trying not to laugh.
"Dave asked
if I wanted to go again about fifteen minutes later. I told him I was fine. I
couldn't even remotely fathom going through it again. He curled up next to me,
holding me, and he fell asleep first."
"Sadly, it
all sounds very caring, but ..." Logan said.
"It does. It was
caring in its own infuriatingly annoying way. But as he slept, he dug his
toenails into my feet."
"Ow."
"And he
talked in his sleep. At first, I thought he was trying to tell me something,
but I quickly realized he was talking about something in a dream. Dave and I
had zero chance."
"Did you tell
him that?"
"The next
day, he kissed me goodbye after breakfast — I told him I needed to get some
things done — and he said he'd see me at work. He called me, `babe.' I drove
home in a daze. He was my friend. I liked his company. But now I didn't want to
see him again. I hated that we ... that we tried to make it more than what it was."
"So, then
what happened?"
"At work that
Monday, I told him I thought we should just remain friends. I could tell he was
very disappointed. For a while, we didn't talk. I felt bad. Really bad. After a
couple of weeks, I made an effort to have lunch or go
for coffee or ... stop by his office for a quick chat. But we weren't the same.
The friendship had changed it. Sex changed everything."
"It's
unfortunate. It does."
"In a way, I
miss him. He's no longer at the firm."
"Did you stay
in touch?"
"No. I
thought I'd let him do that. I guess he didn't want to."
"Phones work
both ways."
"I suppose. I
just hated that it all changed."
"If sex hadn't
been a part of it, could you picture yourself with him? He seems kind."
"I don't
think so. Sex or no sex, there needs to be chemistry. But, I'll admit, sex is a
big part of a relationship for me."
"Let's dig
there. Let's say Cooper decided he wanted you back,
would you be interested?"
"In a heartbeat."
"Okay, then
let's pretend he said he was in an accident or had a medical condition and was
no longer capable of having sex. Would he still be the love of your life?"
Wham!!! What
a question. I didn't have an immediate answer. I thought I would have to think about
it.
"I don't know.
I want to say, `yes,' but ... I don't know, Logan."
"I want you
to think on that tonight."
"Goodie.
Homework," I mumbled.
* * * *
Email: timothylane414@gmail.com