Date: Fri, 16 Jan 2004 18:40:02 -0800 (PST)
From: Evan Bradely <evanbradley33@yahoo.com>
Subject: Chapter 11 of "The Crew"

The following fictional story deals with sex among males.  If you are offended
by such material, are too young, or reside in a location where it is not
allowed, please depart. Though not observed in this story, care enough about
yourself and humankind to practice safe sex.

The author retains all rights.
EvanBradley33@Yahoo.com

Chapter 11
Tonio's Hang-up 		Tonio

Tonio's meandering gait down the sidewalk announced that he wasn't eager to
visit his parents' home.  He'd parked way down the street because all the cars
belonging to his relatives filled both sides of the street in his parents'
block.	The neighbors were used to full curbs when the Ortiz clan gathered.
He sighed loudly.  Hal and Drew were attending a Renegades game.  That's where
he wanted to be.  The crew was really his family.  Oh, he loved his parents and
his sisters - not his brother though.  However, each Ortiz, in his or her own
way, were the ones who screwed him up, the ones who expected the macho, bad-ass,
Latino Ortiz routine that had been enforced on him all his life. But his older
brother had taught him the darker side of that routine.  Instead of making him
feel more a man, the Ortiz script made him feel guiltier.  Why?  He wanted and
needed men, not a macho routine with women.

When Hal Winston had slammed him the first time, he knew he'd found Paradise.
Yah, he'd been with boys before, but he wanted a man who'd fight him, win him,
claim him, subjugate him.  He assumed that if it happened that way, he wouldn't
have to feel guilty - he didn't choose a man fucking him; it was forced on him.
Hal's big thick cock, his consideration and concern, his sawing into Tonio's
chute, his aggressive words of love, his gentle loving after they had shot their
loads left Tonio feeling like a million dollars. So different from Felix and
Rodney.  At first, Tonio had thrown himself into the relationship with Hal,
heady from the initial stages of puppy love.  Hal and he were horny all the
time.  If Hal ever found him in the corner of a house they were building, he'd
mash a hot kiss on his mouth.  Then he'd start tonguing him, rubbing his cock
with one hand and massaging his ass with the other.  Tonio was so turned on it
was hard to breathe.  Or Tonio would push Hal into an unfinished closet, unzip
his jeans, pull out that beautiful piece of meat, and start sucking until he
feasted on Hal's load.

Then the guilt trip would kick in.  It was that damned Felix and Rodney's fault.
He shook the memories from his head.  It was one of the reasons he stayed away
from family gatherings - the Ortiz clan gathered at someone's home every Sunday.
He missed as many as possible until a family wedding, funeral, or baptism
occurred.  No Ortiz was ever allowed to miss those.  Or until his mother
delivered an ultimatum as she had on this occasion.

A smile brightened Tonio's face, remembering the early days with Hal.  Max had
pushed them together.  When Tonio felt himself really falling in love with Hal,
desperation and fear had driven him to sex with that homely-handsome brute,
Max.  This was before Kenji, of course.  Max was reluctant because he knew Tonio
and Hal had been involved.  Tonio was sorry that it had hurt Hal; he'd never
wanted to do that.  But Tonio was too afraid to fall completely for Hal - he
couldn't change his life that much.  If he fell completely in love with Hal, he
wouldn't be able to keep him hidden forever from the Ortiz family, and if they
were too deeply involved with each other, he'd never be able to pull back.

Tonio knew Max would not fall in love with him, but Max's acceptance and lust
let Tonio know he counted for something.  He hadn't been invited to a three-way
with Max and Kenji yet; however, he was hinting broadly for it.  Three-ways were
safe.  They occurred intermittently.  No way he could fall into a relationship
if he was with two guys who were already a couple.  It made him feel as though
the three men were brothers.  He also wanted to get into a three-way with Hal
and his little piece, Drew.  Dew was so well put together, so in control of
himself, so professional in poise, dress, and demeanor that one wanted to "mess
him up," set him trembling.  He knew that was one of the urges that had turned
Hal onto Drew.	Drew was a "suit."  Ted and Levi were another of Tonio's
three-ways - athletic sex!  Ted always wanted Levi to take Tonio first so he
could soak his cock in Levi's cum.  While Ted was fucking Tonio, Levi was
goading them both on to monster orgasms, rubbing, licking, sucking, nibbling
both of them, or sliding his rod into Tonio's mouth or sometimes Ted's ass.

Jamal was another hot partner.	Curiously, Jamal turned off his usual Super
Black Stud shtick when he was having sex with Tonio.  It was sweet, gentle,
tender.  After a night with Jamal, Tonio felt that some special healing had
occurred inside his spirit.  Jamal and he grooved on each other.  It wasn't
love, but it was special enough that they didn't bruit it about much among the
other guys or let them see how often they got together.

Jamal was so hot!  He was tall and heading toward beefy.  His hair was so short
as to be almost nonexistent.  His smooth skin was a dark caramel.  His forehead
was broad.  Dark brows spread up and out at the outer edges of his intense black
eyes.  The bridge of his nose was narrow, broadening out around the tip.  His
lips were full.  His square jaw and chin were made slightly darker by a five
o'clock shadow.  With prominent veins in his forearms, he had no hair on his
chest or legs.	His pecs were sculpted, and he sported six-pack abs and a
prominent ass.	A short, thick pubic bush surrounded his black tube, the head
of which was a little lighter, shaded even lighter around the flare.  His cock
was between six and seven inches and fat in the middle.  His beautiful oval
balls hung underneath his cock in a black, haired bag.	But it was his brooding
look that drew second looks from women and men.  Tonio knew he could never
manage such a mein.  But when this man Jamal wanted you, he loved you in his own
way.  Tonio didn't know how long the love lasted.  How long did love ever last?
But he felt like something real, something valuable, when Jamal was making love
to him.  And he knew it actually was making love.

There was also Rich the accountant.  SO MUCH heat lurked behind that handsome,
cool exterior!	Tonio thought Drew must be like that.  Hey!  Rich and Drew
shared the same professional poise.  That had to mean that they were alike
inside in some ways.  That's why the guys had quizzed Hal so much about what
sex with Drew was like.

Tonio loved getting dicked by Rich.  Since baseball was central to Rich's being,
Tonio would whisper "baseball" lingo, taunts, and come-ons to Rich.  He
studied baseball stories in the sport pages for a couple of weeks to build up
his "baseball" vocabulary.  He'd use it to make ole Rich so hot that he'd almost
rape Tonio when they were alone.  It was weird but nice.  If Rich had been
celibate too long, he'd make a date with Tonio.  They would always start the
evening in a bar.  Then a nice dinner.	And then to Rich's home.  The entire
evening before they headed for Rich's place was one long stretch of foreplay.
He wondered when their next evening would be.  Who wouldn't love this group of
guys?  If someone offered him another job with more pay, he'd turn it down.
He'd be lost without these guys.

But here he was, making a command appearance because Felix, his only brother,
had decided to visit from Los Angeles.	From his earliest memories, he
remembered being attracted to Felix.  As a young man, Felix seemed to be the
exemplar of his parents' notion of an Ortiz man.  He was devilishly handsome.
He had a head of black,curly hair that framed a square forehead.  His dark eyes,
which always looked a little menacing, were accented with very black brows.
His nose was long and straight.  He had square jaws and a smaller square chin.
Muscles abounded in his shoulders, back, chest, and arms.  For all these bundles
of muscles, his waist was amazingly thin.  His sculpted legs were lightly
haired.  One of the big turn-ons for Tonio was a heavy, black pubic beard and a
long, thick cock.  Square, narrow, muscled ass.  Tonio felt himself ugly in
comparison to Felix, an inferiority which Felix had intuited and which he had
worked mercilessly.

As Tonio saw Felix in his mind's eye, he remembered for the hundredth time
Felix and his buddy Rodney seducing him the year he was to finish junior high,
seducing him with honeyed words, making him want to give them blow jobs,
promising him the utmost in pleasure, telling him how special he was to them,
removing a garment here and another there as a feast for his eyes and libido.
Then they made him beg to be fucked.  When they'd spilled their loads, they
heaped abuse on him, calling him "pussy boy," "whore," and other names that
didn't square with the male, Ortiz ethos.

Tonio knew the treatment had warped him - the pull of their words and gestures,
making him feel important, special, loved, then the cruel push away because he
wasn't worthy of them.	And no matter if they'd delivered their exploitative
behavior just two days before, he caved in to their blandishments the next time
they came round, needing to believe this time would be different, making him
hate himself.  Felix and Rodney had even threatened to invite their friends to
a gangbang where they'd sell Tonio's oral talents and ass.  He shook his head
as though that were all that was necessary to rid his mind of the horrible
memories.

To compensate for Felix's cruel treatment of him, in Tonio's junior and senior
years in high school, he would immediately call one of a circle of unattached
women whose company was pleasant and invite her out on a date.	Before the
evening was over, he'd spent more than he should have on her, and he'd fucked
her a couple of times, persuading himself that he wasn't really gay.  When he
reached college, he'd get hot over some guy, have sex with him, and then go
look up one of his women.  The result of years of this experience had led Tonio
to compartmentalize his past - all the good people in one box, and the bad
people in another.  The good box sheltered both men and women.	The bad box
housed bitches and brutalizers.  Felix's hold over him had ended only when
Felix had entered the Army.  Rodney had tried to keep it up, but without Felix,
he wasn't as attractive to Tonio, so Tonio had rebuffed him.  It worked!  Tonio
continued getting it on with guys and then rebounding to his women.

At the front door of the Ortiz home, Tonio didn't knock.  He just walked in.
People were milling around the house, and a glance out the big windows in the
family room revealed the backyard where a long table made of planks laid on saw
horses had been set up for the family dinner.  Many of the clan were outside,
conversing in small groups.  He looked for his mother in the kitchen.  There'd
be hell to pay if he didn't give his greetings to her first.  "Antonio!  Here's
my boy!"  she beamed as she turned from a kitchen cabinet where she was
preparing a dish for the family dinner.  As Tonio bent down to deliver a kiss
and a hug.  "I knew you couldn't stay away.  This boy wanted to see his
brother," she exclaimed proudly to the women gathered in the kitchen.  Then
she frowned, "Though I don't know why it takes a visit from your brother for
you to find your way home."  She gave him a love pat on the cheek.  He kissed
his several aunts on the cheeks and gave Jennifer, Felix's wife, a hug, asking
after his two nephews and niece.

"Who you dating now, honey?" his Aunt Carmella asked.  Tonio just shook his
head noncommittally.

"I hear you were at that Nicky Javez concert last week with a new, cute blond,"
his Aunt Rosalie commented.

"Oh!" his mother exclaimed.  "I haven't heard about this.  Who is she?"

"Her name is Tiffany Weldon, Mom.  She's just a friend."

"Where did you meet her?"

"At Murphy's Gym, Mom.	She works at the front desk."

"Nice girl like that, you need to get yourself back in college and finish that
degree so that you have some security to offer her and my grandchildren.  When
are you going to quit that construction job and get back into school?" she asked
impatiently.  Tonio felt a third-degree interrogation coming on, so he moved to
the kitchen door.  "I need to go say hello to Dad," he said, hustling into the
family room.  He could hear his mother holding forth on her hopes for her
youngest boy once he had worked his way through his "wildness."  Tonio grinned.
Wildness to his mother meant he wasn't allowing her to do his thinking for him
or run his life.  If she really knew how wild he was with his guys, she'd have
a fit.	If he hadn't made a demonstrative move away from his family a few years
ago, she'd have him married now, fathering at least four children, carrying a
big mortgage, and hanging onto her apron strings.

He found his father, who playfully punched him in the gut as he leaned over to
bestow a filial kiss on his father's cheek.  He shook hands with his uncles,
cooed over two new babies in the family, and greeted many cousins, mostly the
women.	The younger male teen cousins didn't seem to come near.  He thought
Felix must have been muttering some of his poison about him in their company.
He walked over for the obligatory greeting to his sister Gracilea.  He'd never
much cared for her.  She was older than he.  Her kids were meek as mice, thanks
to her iron hand.  Hell, she was just like their mother.  He never stayed long
in her company because Gracie usually picked up whatever theme she'd just heard
from her mother about his shortcomings and started harping on it.

Now Gracilea's husband, Eduardo, "Eddie" for short, was another matter.  Tonio
would be on him in a flash if he could - former Marine; muscled cop; hard,
shapely ass; hot, dark Hispanic features.  His smile was as beatific as any
vestige of the human realm could be.  He had that sexy machismo that melted
something inside anyone charmed by it.	Even better than the Ortiz mystique.
Funny that.  The more Tonio melted inside, the harder his dick became.	Yeah,
that part made it difficult to be around his brother-in-law.  Eddie was always
friendly to Tonio, always hugging him when they met, which wasn't often, always
squeezing his shoulder and holding his hand tightly when he shook it as though
he were conveying a special, private message to his brother-in-law.  Eddie was
always inquiring about what was going on in Tonio's life.  They'd no sooner
than get a good vibe going when someone would interrupt.  That was the problem
with spending time at a big family gathering.

Eddie was popular.  Tonio guessed it was what was called charisma.  Everyone in
the family liked being near him, listening to him, having the simple, rich gift
of Eddie's presence conferred on them.	Tonio frequently jerked off to his
brother-in-law's hot image.  He couldn't imagine that Eddie loved Gracie.  He
suspected, given the "early" birth of their first child, that Gracie had trapped
him.  Coming onto him right when she was fertile and then demanding that he
marry her when she shortly discovered that she was pregnant.  Eddie never let
on that he might have been unhappy, but it would take some deep explaining to
make Tonio believe Gracie gave Eddie anything like the beauty he conferred on
her.

Tonio noticed Felix sitting on a lawn glider with Benjy, his son, his arm around
his son's shoulder.  Felix was explaining something to Benjy, but his hot eyes
were scoping Tonio out.  Tonio knew what he was thinking.  He turned away.  The
family gathering might be occurring because Felix was visiting, but Tonio didn't
have to say anything to him.  The last time anything of significance between
them had occurred, Felix had come home on leave.  He'd been out on the town with
his buddies.  Tonio was at home studying for a calculus exam.  When Felix
stumbled in, he'd put the make on Tonio, who'd told him to go away because he
had to study.  Felix wouldn't take "no" for an answer.	He'd raped Tonio and
then beaten him, warning him to make himself ready every night during Felix's
leave.	Needless to say, Tonio didn't enjoy the rape.  The subsequent beating
pretty much sealed that effect.  He guessed something in Felix's basic training
in the army had made him decide that he packed enough weight and power to make
Tonio his sex slave.  Tonio'd left the Ortiz home that very night, bunking with
buddies until Felix had returned to his unit.

By the time Felix came home on his next leave, Tonio had taken a job with
Winston Construction Company and moved to a little apartment as far away from
his parents home as he could locate.  Of course, he'd had to drop out of college
to work full time.  He minimized his exposure to Felix after that.  When his
mother informed him he was to be Felix's best man when he married Jennifer,
Tonio refused.	One whopping argument erupted.	He'd stormed out saying he
wasn't even going to the wedding.  It was the only time his mother had had to
honor his stance on an issue.  His parents had demanded to know why he was
treating his brother so badly.	Finally, he'd told them he wasn't discussing
anything with them about his brother and him.  Ever since that time, he noticed
his father studying him through narrowed eyes as though to intensify his vision
into Tonio's heart and mind.  He knew his dad was trying to figure out what had
caused a breach between his two sons.  After tearful pleadings from his mother
and a stern plea from his father, he agreed only to attend the wedding as a
guest, leaving as soon as the recessional began.  He went nowhere near the
reception.  His mother remarked caustically on his absence from the family
wedding photo.

Tonio's parents had been frosty after that, so he'd stayed away from them for
six months.  Finally, his parents indicated that they wanted to move past the
mysterious barrier that had sprung up in their relationship, but Tonio had
remained distant.  It made his life a lot easier.  Now that Tonio was bigger
and built and Felix had a wife, family and job, Tonio didn't think Felix would
try to repeat the earlier rape.  Had Tonio looked back at Felix at that moment,
he would have seen Felix staring at him, at his ass in particular, his dark eyes
smoldering and his right hand slowly closing into a fist and then opening while
a mound grew in his crotch.  Unbeknownst to Felix, their father was studying
HIM with a frown, watching the hand and cock action.

The evening wore on with the interminable meal, chatter, restless babies, and
running, yelling nieces and nephews.  At his earliest opportunity, Tonio arose
and entered the house, walking straight through to the front door.  No good-byes
to his parents, for they would guilt him into remaning.  He stepped out onto the
front porch, down the steps and walked toward the street.  He'd made it to the
front walk when he heard his name called, causing him to look over his shoulder.
Felix was loping his direction.  "Hey, Little Brother, aren't you going to
say good-by?"

"Good-bye," Tonio said, turning to walk away.

"Hey, take a second, okay?  I just want to have a word with my hot baby brother,
who's grown into one sizzling stud.  Wondered if I could come over to your
place, have a cold one with you, catch up on what's happened in our lives.
Maybe get close again the way we used to.  You always liked that," he said, his
voice growing softer and smoother.

"The last time we got close, you raped and beat me.  You never even apologized,
you bastard."

"Okay.	I apologize.  I was drunk.  I didn't know what I was doing."

"Bullshit, you knew exactly what you were doing, but it won't happen again."

"Well, I'll just drop by your place.  I'll get the address from Mom."

"Good, my roommate, Big Bad-ass Bruiser Max Weingert, knows all about us
and about what you did to me.  He won't say a word to you; he'll just pound your
sorry ass into the ground."  Tonio was glad his mind had leapt to Max in
fashioning a white lie to put Felix off.

Tonio's rejoinder threw Felix out of step.  His eyes shot about wildly, seeking
some gambit to maintain his ground with his little brother.  "Just as I
expected, you've gone queer, Little Brother," he sneered.  "But I'm not afraid
of your roommate.  I know how to take care of myself.  And then I'll take care
of you, bitch."  As Felix spoke, his voice grew in volume.  Just then their
father stepped out on the front porch, walking up to the rail, crossing his arms
over his chest, watching them.	Both Tonio and Felix recognized their father's
stance as the one he took during their boyhood whenever he meant business.

"Stay the fuck away from me!" Tonio hissed, wheeling about and walking away.

Felix knew he couldn't pursue Tonio the way he wanted to, not with their father
watching.  Damn!  He wanted a piece of his brother's ass again.  He'd sit in his
office, remembering how good it felt to get his brother to beg for his cock, to
slam that ass, to twist his brother inside out, feeling the rush of power that
he could do that to him.  Tonio was so pathetic.  He needed to be some real
man's bitch.  Felix knew he was the man.

Felix walked back to the porch where his father stood.	As Felix climbed the
porch steps, his father said, "I've been meaning to ask you a question for a
long time.  I need your help figuring something out.  It was when you'd come
home on your first leave after you entered the army.  Your mother and I were
attending a Knights of Columbus dinner and dance.  We come home to find that
Tonio has left home to stay with buddies.  Two days later, your mother discovers
a bloody tee shirt in your brother's room.  Before you come back home on your
second leave, Tonio finishes the semester, gets his construction job, and drops
out of college.  Won't even listen to your mother and me.  He even refuses to
be your best man in your wedding.  In my mind, these events are connected.
Could you explain to me how?"

"Dad, Mom's said it a hundred times - Tonio's wild.  He's not responsible.  He
has no goals.  I know it must hurt you to have produced such a son."  Felix's
father stood dispassionately, studying his oldest son.	Not being able to read
his father's reaction to his reply made Felix nervous.	"I think Tonio likes
men, Dad - you know what I'm saying?  You've figured that out, right?"	Now his
father frowned, but Felix couldn't tell if it was at Felix for what he'd just
alleged or at Tonio.  Just then his mother stuck her head out of the door,
calling them inside to celebrate family birthdays with a cake.

Felix's father nodded acceptance, telling her they would be in shortly.  When
she'd left the door, he fixed his son in a long, hard look.  "I've got my own
idea about what happened that night.  I'll tell you this:  if it ever happens
again, no matter who or what the accusations are, whether in my home or someone
else's, I'm getting involved.  No one will like that!"	His look turned icy,
with Felix as its intended target.  He waited until he saw Felix gulp.	Then he
slowly walked inside.  Felix paused, mouthing "Damn!" silently.  When his delay
on the porch placed him far enough behind his father, he entered the house.

(To be continued.)