They went to meet Rosetta and Federica. They had the appointment after supper time, in the coffee shop where Osvaldo had met Leo. Rosetta was a girl with a strong and determined character, Federica was a mature woman, with a rather heavy make up, neither beautiful nor ugly. Both knew Giulio by sight and had already heard about Osvaldo. Both seemed keen to help them.
"She wasn't really passionate about our work. As I have to do it, she said at times, I want to do it properly. Sure our work isn't always easy, being always amidst suffering... You do it as a mission, or it simply becomes a chore. You know how it happens, either you try to help the patient on a human, a personal level, or he becomes just a hospital number for you ..." Federica was saying.
"And how did Letizia behave with the patients?" Osvaldo asked.
"Professionally." Rosetta answered curtly.
"Yes, but... more as numbers or..." Giulio asked.
"Well, it depends. You see, even reluctantly we all have the patient we like more than the one who is more difficult to treat. Moreover, especially for a young and pretty girl like Letizia... at times she had to defend herself, so to speak, from some of our male patients..." Federica said.
"She never told me that..." Giulio observed.
"She didn't really need to defend herself. She was able to keep them in their place." Rosetta countered.
"But did she have some problems with some of them, more recently?" Osvaldo asked.
"No, not recently." Rosetta answered.
"Then in the past?" Osvaldo insisted.
"Rosetta, don't you remember that movie actor who courted her? That man with intestinal problems... that foreigner..."
"An actor that one? He said he was, but I never saw him in any movie."
"But yes, Rosetta, his director came often to visit him..."
"Well, I never believed him, and I don't think Letizia did either."
"Sorry, but who was this actor? And the director?"
"Oh, the director, I really don't know, I just saw him when he came for a visit. The actor was a really handsome man. His name was Antonio..."
"Federica! We can't give the names of our patients!" Rosetta dryly scolded her, "And for sure he has nothing to do, that coxcomb, with Letizia's disappearance..."
Osvaldo then shifted the conversation to the journeys to Rome. Rosetta had no idea about them. Federica confirmed more or less what Marina had said, but added a detail.
"In February she received a phone call at work, I took it so I went to call her. I can't swear to it, but I would say that the call came from Rome... The ward sister reprimanded her, because she doesn't want us to get calls while we are on duty, unless it's a really serious matter."
"Why do you think the call was from Rome?"
"Well, she really never named Rome. But she said - we will meet in front of the Pasquino like last time. Now, from what I know, the Pasquino is only in Rome, isn't it?"
Rosetta said, "If it's the statue, you're right. But it could be a restaurant or god knows what. You work with your imagination too much ..."
"She anyway was going to Rome, she told me so!" Federica answered, annoyed, then added, "She gave me her confidences..."
"And did she tell you something that can help us to understand why she resigned and where she can have gone?"
"Well, no, not that..." Federica answered, confounded.
Then Giulio asked Rosetta, "Did you notice some change in her behaviour, in these last months?"
"She was happier, that's all."
"Happier? She was a cheerful girl; she always has been." Giulio objected.
"Yes she rather was. But after the New Year's holidays, once she told me - this year started in a promising way, for me..."
"Promising? Do you know what she was referring to?"
"No... she didn't say more."
They talked some more, for about half an hour and then said goodbye. Osvaldo wanted to go and see Leo... so he asked Giulio if he could go to the ward to arrange for a meeting with Lina and Isa, the last two nurses, for the following day.
"Yes, sure... and you?"
"I've a... an appointment. You can fix the meeting, where and when you thing best. I'm free tomorrow. Will you call me tomorrow morning at Letizia's place?"
"Yes, I will. Have a good night, Osvaldo. See you tomorrow."
"... 'night..."
Osaldo watched Giulio cross the street and thought he would possibly have liked better it was Giulio who was waiting for him. But also Leo, although so different and less beautiful, was an attractive boy. He went round the corner, entered the half open street door and went upstairs. He rang at Leo's door, and the boy came to open it. He was wearing a tracksuit and welcomed him with a wide smile.
"I was afraid you were taking me for a ride..." he said moving back to let him enter, but with a smile.
"No, I told you I didn't know what time I could manage to free myself."
"Yes, you did. But the time was never passing."
"Didn't you look at the movie as you said?" Osvaldo asked, pulling off his sheepskin jacket and putting it on a chair.
"Yes, but I like the real thing better..." Leo answered with a mischievous smile, drawing near, and embracing him.
They kissed. Osvaldo felt Leo's body quiver under his tracksuit.
He parted and asked Osvaldo, "May I offer you something?"
"Yes, some meat." Osvaldo answered slyly.
"Are you hungry?" Asked the boy pretending not to understand. "What meat would you like? Some chicken?"
"No, a cockerel..." Osvaldo answered caressing him between his legs.
"Hey, careful... it's not a cockerel that one, it's a fighting cock!" he warned him drawing him towards the bed.
"So much the better!" Osvaldo laughed.
Osvaldo was feeling he needed that encounter. Not only because Leo was physically very attractive and, it seemed, had a warm personality, but also because he hadn't had any physical contact for a long time, but above all because he needed to relieve himself of the nervous tension of the last few days.
That boy Leo was a mix of simplicity and sophistication, of a boy and a man, of cheecky and demure all in a harmonious contrast. While they were undressing, Osvaldo was studying him with real interest. For a moment, when they were both naked, they looked at each other with appreciation.
"Do you want me I put on a spicy movie?" Leo proposed.
"I don't really think I'll need it - you are more than enough..."
"You're kind, saying so. Come on the bed then..."
They laid down, embracing each other. They caressed. Osvaldo had always liked exploring a companion's body to discover its most sensitive spots. It was like venturing in an unknown land full of promises. Whenever he met a partner aiming for fast enjoyment, a hurriedly consummated connection he was always more or less disappointed. To him it was important to first explore each other, then to savour each other. To appreciate and feel appreciated. To give room to his desire a little at a time, and let it be fed by the other's desire.
"So, you're tickling me..." Leo giggled.
"It means that I've not yet been able to arouse you enough..." Osvaldo answered with a smile.
"Are you in hurry?"
"It's okay if I go back home tomorrow morning early..."
"Good. I don't like things done hastily." Leo sighed leaning against his companion.
"Neither do I."
"Perfect."
Leo probably did lot of gym work as his body muscles were well defined everywhere, even though not too bulky; they were almost chiselled. It was enjoyable to touch them - it was like granite lined with velvet.
Osvaldo thought of Giulio's pictures - his body was more natural that that of Leo, and possibly Osvaldo preferred that of Giulio. But also Leo was absolutely not bad. And anyway Leo was there, available, while Giulio was taboo.
Osvaldo had never liked it when the partner asked - what do you like to do? In his opinion, it had to come out by itself, spontaneously, as a consequence of the mutual exploration. And it seemed that Leo was behaving the same way - he didn't ask, he searched...
"Your body is beautiful, like that of Michelangelo's David..." Osvaldo said, passing his hands over it, almost as to mould it.
"Oh my god, not really the same, I hope!"
"Why?"
"Eh, the statue of David has a such small dick that you need a magnifying glass to appreciate it." Leo answered with a funny expression.
Osvaldo laughed, "No, I was talking about all the rest; there, you're much better developed."
"Oh, happily." Leo laughed.
"Yes, it really seems a nice fighting cock..." Osvaldo said, caressing it.
"Oh, but it's gentle, you know, it's never dangerous..." the boy said, cunningly.
Their searching each other was going on in a natural way, alternating moments of excited passion with periods of calm tenderness, in the spontaneous desire to fan the flame of desire without priming all the powder at once.
During one of their pauses, Leo asked Osvaldo, "Do you have a boyfriend, in Milan?"
"No."
"How come?"
"I don't know. I'm possibly waiting for Prince Charming."
"He doesn't exist."
"I know... or perhaps there is a little of him in each person we meet."
"How's your Prince Charming?"
"Physically?"
"Yes."
"I don't know, I've still to discover that. And I don't think it's so important. Well, of course he has not to be a toad... and if he's handsome, so much the better. You, for instance, would be alright, physically."
"You think I'm attractive?"
"Do you doubt it? It don't seem to recall that you had so much difficulty in bringing me here..."
"No, that's so. But if it wasn't me to hook you..."
"All in all I'm a shy guy."
"And that makes you possibly even more interesting, or rather, exciting. I like how you make love. And you are no longer so shy, once the ice is broken."
"No, you're right. I like making love, especially when I can feel that my partner likes me."
They went on giving each other pleasure until they felt they were about to reach the point of no return, then they abandoned themselves to a full reciprocal enjoyment, one into the other. And then they relaxed. Satisfied, their bodies languidly intertwined.
"How long do you stay still in Florence, Osvaldo?"
"I don't know, I've no idea."
"Will you come here again?"
"Willingly."
"You have my phone number. Call me any time you want."
"Don't you work?"
"No, I'm a university student, foreign languages. These days I'm preparing for two tests, thus I'm almost always at home."
"When you're not at that coffee shop..." Osvaldo said smiling.
"A couple of times in a day, just to relax."
"And to hunt..."
"No, you're the first one I've hooked in that coffee shop. It's just that I liked you at first sight, immediately as you entered."
"It would be better for me to go back home, now."
"It's three o 'clock. There are no buses at this time. Stay here. We will have a sleep and tomorrow morning you go back home."
"Do you have an alarm clock? I've to be back early; I have to wait for a telephone call."
They slept, half embraced. It was good to fall asleep feeling the scent of a male body near you, Osvaldo thought while he was quietly drifting off.
He went back home early in the morning and almost immediately the telephone rang. It was Giulio.
"I called you just before. Were you still sleeping?"
"No, I went out to have breakfast." Osvaldo lied.
"I got the leave. I'm coming to your place."
"Good, I'll wait for you."
Osvaldo recalled the night he had just spent with Leo - yes it had been really enjoyable. He would meet him again very willingly, even though it was a story doomed to end soon. After he shaved, he had a shower. He had just put on a dressing gown when Giulio arrived.
"Hi, Giulio. I wanted to ask you, do you have a key to this apartment?"
"No, but Letizia has a key of mine."
"Ah! And how come that she didn't give you hers?"
"I don't know..."
"That's weird. I'd give it to the person I love. It's somewhat like a symbol, isn't it?"
"Do you attach importance to symbols?"
"Yes, I do. We express ourselves through symbols. The language, our way of making gestures, everything is a symbol."
"Yes, you're right. But it's rare finding young people believing in the importance of symbols. I always give weight to symbols. Letizia not so much, on the contrary..."
"Bah, she deceived herself not to believe in symbols. Without symbols a person cannot communicate, in my opinion."
"Yes, that's right. Ah, listen, we have to meet the other two nurses at 11:30."
"Very good. Where have we got to, up to now, Giulio?"
"I don't know. We still have very few clues."
"I searched through Letizia's things, but have found nothing that could help me, except for one thing... that you won't like."
"Which is?"
"Your picture, the one that was in the frame, was torn in pieces and thrown in the dustbin..."
"Ah!"
"Did you perhaps had a quarrel?"
"No, not at all. On the eighth, we were going to the movies together, but she didn't show up. There was absolutely nothing wrong. I really can't understand."
"Tearing a photograph that was in a frame in pieces, is a symbol, isn't it?"
"Of course it is. It is like breaking up. And without telling me anything. And without a reason..."
"A little bit more of the mystery. I'm sorry I told you."
"No, you did the right thing, though of course it's not exactly a pleasure knowing about it."
"Listen, do you feel like searching through Letizia's things? It's possible that something that I ignored can give you a clue. You knew her in a different way to me."
"Yes, alright. Were can we start?"
"In her desk. Come on."
They started again to examine everything. When the porno magazine came out, Giulio smiled.
"One thinks one knows a person well, yet on the contrary..."
"Are you scandalized?"
"No, not at all. I just didn't expect it, that's all." Giulio said, slowly leafing through it. Then he stopped, "Look, a page is missing here. It has been cut with scissors. I wonder what was there. It's between two stories which are complete, therefore it was a kind of insert..."
"Yes. I didn't notice it, before. We must find an intact copy. Look at the issue date."
"November '91. About six months ago. Do you think we can get a copy after six months?"
"Where is it published?"
"In Milan."
"Good. I'll call one of my colleagues and ask him to contact the publisher and send me a copy by express courier." Osvaldo said and at once went to call.
"He said he will do it immediately, even though he mocked me..." Osvaldo said, amused, while they were resuming combing the apartment.
"Sorry, Giulio... another of my tactless questions..."
"Go on."
"Women have... a different orgasm curve from men..."
"So you want to know if she reached her orgasm or not when we made love, don't you?"
"Yes..."
"Yes, she did. I was always keen about that. I wanted her to be happy and satisfied at least as much as I was. The physical intercourse has to be valuable for both the lovers, or else... or else I would have felt as if I was... using her. Do you understand what I mean?"
"Yes, I do perfectly. A relationship can work nicely only if each of the partners applies himself above all to the other's pleasure. From both sides of a couple. She... she did care about your enjoyment, didn't she?"
"Well... it was almost like a consequence..."
"Do you mean that you... that you had to care for both of you?"
"Not really. Let's say that she had some limits that I didn't dare to overcome."
"You mean... little versatility, little fantasy?"
"In a certain sense. She was anyway very pleasurable and... hot. And it was good like that, for me..."
"But would you have liked doing... other things too." Osvaldo concluded.
"Yes, fantasies. But I didn't feel right forcing her, and so..."
"Yes, alright. But when you like somebody, and even more when you are in love, you feel what the other desires and you just desire it. There are no taboos between two people really in love."
"Yes... theoretically it should be so, I think. But you know, education... can block a person very much. It makes us less spontaneous. And anyway one has to accept the other as he or she is, especially when the balance is positive, everything considered."
"Alright, but I feel that you were the one who accepted her more, than vice versa."
"Whoever has the broader shoulders, has to carry the heavier load, isn't that so?" Giulio answered with a smile.
They went to meet Isa and Lina. Isa was young, rather plump, with a curious turned-up little nose, and she was cheerful and expansive. Lina was possibly around forty-five, a spinster, but sweet and delicate. They both tried to be helpful, when the two young men explained the problem of the mysterious disappearance of Letizia.
"Do you know something about an actor, whose name is Antonio, and who was in your ward at the end of last year?" Osvaldo asked.
"That one? A good for nothing. I didn't like him, even though he made sheep's eyes as a lady-killer." Isa answered.
"Did he behave like that with Letizia?" Giulio asked.
"Oh, with her more than with the other nurses because Letizia is prettier than all of us, we have to admit it. But Letizia was very professional, she wasn't naïve, so she kept him in his place. Even though he tried to enchant her with his tales of movies."
"Did Letizia ever talk about her intention to change of work?" Osvaldo asked.
"No, not really..." Isa answered.
"Not really? Did she hint something?"
"Well, just before resigning... At first I didn't give any weight to it, but... she said - we are killing ourselves with our work, here, to earn peanuts, and there are women who earn millions amusing themselves..."
"She said exactly that?"
"Well... the actual words... I can't swear to them, but the meaning was the same. Then I asked her - but how can one earn lot of money amusing oneself? And she answered - well, if you like the job..."
"But, millions?" Giulio asked, perplexed.
"Well, she was possibly thinking to women managers, who knows..." Lina said.
"Do you know something about her trips to Rome?"
"No, nothing." Isa answered.
"Well, once I happened to see her putting a train ticket in her handbag. So I asked her if she was going on a journey, and she answered she was going to take a test..." Lina said.
"Was she ill?" Giulio asked.
"That's what I asked her. She answered - I hope they will say I'm in a nice shape. I then asked her why she didn't do the tests in our hospital, and she burst in laughter and said - here they don't have the right equipment."
They didn't get more information, so they thanked the two nurses and left. They went to eat in a family restaurant and discussed the last few pieces of information they got.
"Do you think she really could be ill and that therefore..." Osvaldo asked.
"She seemed to be in perfect shape."
"Didn't she ever talk about aches, illness?"
"No, Osvaldo, never."
"All this is so weird..."
"Yes. But possibly it seems us weird only because we still can't get the full picture. Like jigsaw pieces. They seem meaningless, but they do reveal the image, a simple, clear, complete image, only when all the pieces are in the right place."
"But why she didn't tell you nothing about her trips to Rome, and nothing about this medical check-up she went to take in Rome and not here in Florence? What could she have had to hide?"
"I don't know. I never got the sensation she was hiding something from me."
"What did you talk about, when you were together?" Osvaldo asked him.
"About... bah, lots of things. A little about her dreams - a beautiful home, a fashionable wardrobe, such kinds of things..."
"Desires she hadn't realized?"
"Yes, more or less. After all, it's good being able having dreams."
"Yes, as long as one doesn't mistake dreams for real desires. If one remains realistic, I mean."
"Sure, you're right."
"But amongst her dreams, were there was also marriage, children, family?"
"No, Osvaldo, not children. She said she didn't want children."
"But did you want them."
"Not so very much. I wanted her, above all. And her happiness. Therefore, if she didn't want children, it was alright with me."
"But you wanted to marry her, didn't you?"
"Above all to make her understand I really cared for her. But to me it was also alright as we were. I just wanted to live with her, in the same home. Yes, I wanted that."
"It seems just natural, to me. What is the sense of being a couple if you don't live together."
"Yes. As I told her..."
"And above all, as you were both free and independent."
"Exactly. But she kept repeating to me - not yet, Giulio... I value my freedom too much."
"But if two are really in love, they are totally free only when they share everything, I think!" Osvaldo exclaimed.
"I would have liked it if she also thought that, like you. But she could possibly just need some more time. After all for everybody, parting from the family and living by oneself, is like a discovery. One doesn't come of age at eighteen, but when he parts from his family and lives by himself. She evidently needed to test her own forces, her own ability to support and take care of herself."
"I, on the contrary, would very much like having somebody taking care of me, and also for whom I could care..."
"Yes, Osvaldo. You evidently came of age already. But you are also four years older than your sister."
"I don't want to seem you conceited to you, but... at her age I already had the same principles as now."
"You are a particularly mature boy, even though you still have all the freshness of youth. A rare balance." Giulio said with a smile.
Osvaldo felt pleased by that appreciation, but said nothing.
Then Giulio went on, "I feel really good, with you. I never met anybody, up to now, who has ideals so perfectly coinciding with mine. And I feel that I can tell you anything without worrying that I might be misunderstood."
"Wasn't it so with Letizia?"
"Not so much. I had often to explain myself to her, and to be very careful about what I was saying, to avoid being misunderstood. I had to adjust somewhat to her way of speaking, to her vocabulary, to her mental categories. You, on the contrary, are exactly on my wavelength. I think we will be two perfect brothers-in-law, you and I. And also two wonderful friends."
"Oh, about friends, did you have common friends?"
"No. She wasn't interested in meeting my friends, and never told me about hers. She said that in the little time we could spend together she wanted to be with me and nobody else."
"Heck! But for me, the first thing I would like to know about the person I love, are the friends. It's a way to know the one you love better, and something beautiful to share. My dearest friend asked me and repeated to me, that when I fall in love he wants to meet my lover. What did my sister have in her head?"
"Again, Osvaldo, I see this matter exactly as you do... but she was so..."
"But when you were together, did you always and only make love? Nothing else, together?"
"Well, no... We often went to the movies, or to concerts of modern music, or to dance... We also went to eat together in some interesting places... Yes, of course we also devoted a good share of our time to making love. We both liked it very much... and she made love with great... enthusiasm. Letizia is really sensual..."
"But, didn't you ever had a chat... like we are having now, for instance?"
"Well no... not really."
"And didn't you miss that?"
"A little, I did. But look, being able to communicate as we are doing, is a rare thing. You are the first person I can totally open my heart to. The first one in twenty-seven years! Yes. I've some friends I can talk with, and about deep, beautiful matters too, but after all we never touch each other so intimately, they never involve us so totally. There always is something like... a mask we all wear, unhappily. But not with you, and this is... beautiful."