They visited Rome. Giulio, as luck had it, didn't pursue the subject of Osvaldo's girls. Osvaldo had brought the sketching album with him, and every now and then sketched some interesting type he saw, under the attentive and admiring look of his friend. Guido took him to eat in various places he knew, and they were back at the hotel only late in the evening. They went to bed and before sleeping watched some TV, but in fact they were mainly talking.
Osvaldo was more and more often aroused, seeing his companion undress or feeling his body near him on the bed and knowing he was almost naked. But he had always managed to avoid his friend being aware of it and hoped it would happen less frequently.
"It's good chatting together for a while before falling asleep." Giulio observed.
"You're right; it's really cool ."
"When I was a boy, I envied my mates sleeping in the same room with their brothers, and what's funny is that they envied me because I was alone in my bedroom. Possibly because the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence..."
"Letizia and I were sleeping in different rooms. But we had long conversations during the day. Also about our sexual experiences. This is why it seems odd to me, if she really decided she wanted to do porno movies, she didn't tell me anything."
"Well, but possibly it's rather different. She could possibly fear your judgement, don't you think?"
"It seems weird all the same. She knows me enough to know very well I would not have judged her. Well, of course I would have told her to carefully consider it before making a decision... Of course I would not have been pleased... Anyway..."
"There are sometimes matters which one doesn't have the courage to talk about, even with the closest friend."
"Yes, that's so. It's possibly a mistake but you're right." Osvaldo said, thinking that he didn't yet have the courage to tell Giulio he was gay.
At a certain point Giulio said, "I missed not having a brother a lot, when I was an adolescent. I would have liked having more a brother than a sister. An older brother or just a bit younger than me. Somebody with whom I could talk freely, with whom to compare experiences and friends. One like you, for instance."
"Yes... I had a friend who was more than a brother for me. We still are close friends. His name is Marco. He still lives at our village, but each time we meet, there always is the usual understanding, quite unchanged."
"I've lost all my childhood friends. Real friends, I mean. And even the friends I have now in Florence, they are dear friends, yes, but... not so close. Nobody for whom I would be ready to do... just about anything."
"It's very difficult to get a real friend. I've been lucky I have Marco, but he's the only one I have. I could confess I've even killed a man to him, or to work as a porno actor, or anything, without fearing he would turn his back on me."
"That's very beautiful. I envy you."
"But one day you can find such a friend too ... I hope you can."
"I hope so too. I wonder if it could be you who'll be that kind of friend?"
"It could be. I would like it. But to become friends in that way requires a long time."
"Anyway it seems that we are on the right road."
"It could be, Giulio. But I... I haven't been totally open with you yet."
"That's logical. It requires a long time, as you just said."
"Yes, a long time and... also courage."
"Also courage, of course."
They kept silent, each immersed in his thoughts.
After a while Giulio said, "I'll wait anyway."
"For what?"
"For finding the time and the courage...for both of us."
"Wonderful." Osvaldo said, smiling.
Osvaldo was feeling a strong desire to stretch out his hand, searching for his friend's hand, grasping it and tell him everything about himself. But he still didn't feel ready. Rather, at least for the moment, the more he was feeling near to Giulio, the more he was afraid he could lose him, and less he was feeling ready to take the risk. Moreover, he was falling more and more in love with him. If he could just talk about it with Marco, to ask him his advice...
Osvaldo wondered what Giulio thought about gay people? How did he judge them? He seemed to be a really open-minded boy, with no prejudices... But Osvaldo knew only too well how much people's attitude changes as soon as the subject of homosexuality is brought up.
"What are you thinking about?" Giulio asked him.
Osvaldo was surprised he didn't ask him if he was already asleep... "About people's prejudices."
"Difficult to know how much prejudice we have. We are scandalized by the other people's prejudices and not even aware of our own."
"Yes, you're right." Osvaldo said.
"I always tried to be free from prejudices, to have an open mind, and yet it's an unending struggle against myself."
"It's already great it is as you say. We need to always be honest, above all with ourselves, or else we can't be honest with others."
"The temptation to live following pre-established patterns is always a great temptation. Because of our laziness or because of our cowardice. Not having patterns to follow means being able to put oneself under discussion again and again, and this is uncomfortable. But it is the only way one has to be... a real man."
"Wasn't it that old song that said 'What an effort being a man is'?" Osvaldo said.
"Yes, sure. But how beautiful it is being a man! You see, after all, the benefit of being a couple is exactly that is possible to help each other to carry on that toil and to become more human. This is what I always dreamed about - being able to enjoy a close relationship with Letizia and build a happy future with her. Never with the other girls before her, but only with her. And in spite of all, I don't cease hoping it would still be possible, even if we find her at that place."
"The thought she might really be there hurts you, doesn't it?"
"Yes, I can't deny it. I'm asking myself what can have finally pushed her to take such a step, if she really did. I really need to understand it. Therefore I don't dare to judge her. But, of course, I hope we will not find her there... even though this would mean we have to start all over again. And it will be like looking for a needle in a haystack." Giulio's voice was sad, grieved.
"We are living in an odd world, at an odd moment. Just look the bribes scandal, the secessionism of the Lega Nord, and all the rest. It seems that the world is spinning in the opposite direction." Osvaldo said in an attempt to divert Giulio's thoughts.
"Yes. And people asks themselves why all this is happening - and the Bosnia war, and... But the cause is just one, and a very simple one. The lack of love. If we were able to love there would be no wars, no corruption, no separatism. Love is the real life's motor, is the only force, the only value. Christians are right when they define god as love. Even though at times they are not able to love. Love is really everything. Each of us should spend all his energies only to love... Do you think I'm a stupid idealist?"
"Not at all, Giulio. You seem to be one of the few wise people in this world, one of the very few, unhappily."
"Unhappily..." Giulio echoed and became silent.
Osvaldo felt even more in love with that young man, who really was so much more beautiful inside than outside, he dared to say! "Is it possible that such a splendid person could exist in this world?" Osvaldo thought, "People so wonderful and yet real? And Letizia tore his photo in pieces! We really are living in a crazy world..." he thought as he was falling asleep.
They had already been in Rome for five days, and they had spent them trying to relax, though not with complete success. Returning to the hotel in the evening, they found a message for Leopoldo Morassi. It said - Please call Aphrodite Movies tomorrow morning on 30-748-222, between 9 and 12.
The two friends went to their room, feeling both very excited.
"They answered!" Osvaldo said.
"Yes... My god, I don't even know, at this point, if I hope Letizia is there or not."
"One thing at a time. Tomorrow morning at nine we'll call. They will fix us an interview, I guess. We'll go... and we shall see what happens."
"Yes. Sure. You know... all of a sudden I'm no longer worried having eventually to play in one of those movies... And... and I hope we will find Letizia and can talk with her... and help her if she needs it and if she wants..."
"We will do our best, Giulio. And may god assist us. But it's possible that Letizia will be furious at first, seeing us."
"Or maybe she will understand how much we care for her. Also the fact that we both came here, her boyfriend and her brother, will help her to understand... and to open her heart to you, or to me, or to both of us."
"Well, we'll see. And let us hope."
"We have to cut a good figure, at the interview, to be self-assured."
"Assuming that our centimetres suffice for them..." Osvaldo said, giving a forced laugh.
"Yes. This will be the first time I will be judged... by a centimetre. Do you think we would have to get a hard-on in front of them?"
"They will possibly be able to judge at a glance. The important thing is to get a hard-on on the set, if we really have to do it."
"It's surely a funny thing that to find Letizia, we will have to use our cocks!" Giulio said, trying to be witty. Then he added, seriously, "We haven't even dared to show each other our own nakedness... we aren't such self-confident actors, are we?"
"Well... I think it doesn't change so much. Between us is not the same as being on a set..."
"Anyway, it would be better if we start getting used to it. We should have done it from the first day." Giulio said, starting to undress himself.
Osvaldo was hesitant. He was afraid of becoming aroused. Then he too started to undress, but without looking at his friend. With relief, he was able to pull off everything without anything happening.
He had just pulled off his briefs, when he heard Giulio say, "So, it's done!" and Osvaldo looked at Giulio.
Giulio looked at Osvaldo too, and then said, "It's possibly easier done than said. Let's hope it will be as easy tomorrow, or whenever we shall have to do it."
"Perhaps it is only a question of getting used to it." Osvaldo said.
"Yes, it is certainly so. After all, in the gym, in the showers, we are always naked, aren't we?"
"Do you go to the gym."
"Seldom. But at times I go. And you?"
"I too, but rarely."
Osvaldo was stupefied, but also relieved, that he didn't get a hard-on. Not even now that he for the first time could look at the total nakedness of the young man with whom he was in love. Also Giulio's member was beautiful, worth of all the rest of his body.
Giulio said, "As I'm already naked, I'm going to have a shower." and went to the bathroom.
Osvaldo sat on the edge of the bed. When Giulio came out, he too went to shower. When he returned, his friend was already in bed. He slipped under the sheets without 'accidents', on his side.
"How long is it since you made love?" Giulio asked him.
"Not so long. Just a week."
"Ah, the cheeky boy! Therefore in Florence! Did you make a hit with one of the nurses?"
"No, a casual encounter."
"A real Casanova! For me though, it's about a month... a few days before Letizia went away. With her."
"Do you miss it?"
"Well, sure. We made love two or three times a week. The suddenly nothing more... It's not an essential thing, but... I passed even longer periods without sex. But I miss it, it's true."
"Do you... wank?" Osvaldo asked him.
"Not often. But at times I do it. When the tension becomes too strong, the loneliness too long, too hard..."
"If I haven't a relationship or an encounter I do it rather often instead. I rarely resist longer than a week."
"Well, some have a hotter nature, some are more calm. I don't think a rule exists for this kind of matter."
"Of course not. Anyway it's much better having sex in two than to wank, right?"
"Sure. Wanking is just a relief. In two is to give oneself to the other."
"Also in a one time encounter?"
"It can be also in a one time encounter. You, in Florence, did you just take or did you also give? I mean, did you just relieve yourself or did you make love, with her?"
"No, sure, it was not just a relief."
"That's it. I have had few adventures, but each time it was a search for a human relationship, trying to communicate, even if just for the short span of an encounter. I was looking for pleasure and giving it and not thinking just of myself."
"Yes, it should always be so, I think. I think that it is exactly this what distinguishes man from animals, isn't it?"
"Exactly so. This is why, in a sexual relationship, I like long preliminaries, and going on caressing and kissing long afterwards."
"Hell, Giulio, exactly like me. Otherwise it would be a fuck and nothing more."
"Yes, it would be something like wanking, using the body of a girl instead of the hand..." Giulio said, then added, "These are things that should be explained in a sexual education course at school. Not so much where the ovaries are or how the corpus cavernosum is made... that is, possibly that also, but if they limit to explain just that, it's genital instruction not sexual education. And then, above all, it should be education to love. One can learn to love... Loving, of course, but also talking about it."
"Tomorrow morning, anyway, we'll call them..." Osvaldo said making himself more comfortable under the sheets.
"Yes. I switch off? It would be better if we sleep now."
"Alright. Goodnight Giulio."
The following morning at seven Osvaldo was already awake. He looked at Giulio, still asleep. He asked himself if he should wake him up or let him sleep some more. Then he thought he would have liked waking him up covering him with kisses... and got an erection. So he climbed off the bed, went to shave and wash, and put on his clothes. He then woke his friend, gently shaking and calling him.
Giulio opened his eyes and smiled. "Are you already dressed? What time is it?"
"Seven thirty."
"It's long you have been up?"
"Just half an hour."
"I'll get up..." Giulio said and got off the bed.
Osvaldo noticed with a sense of pleasure that his friend's member was erect. Giulio noticed Osvaldo's glance and, hinting a smile, said, "This morning he woke up too..." and went quietly to the bathroom.
'If he just guessed the effect he has on me, he would be less self-confident' Osvaldo thought. But he was glad he had seen him in that state. When Giulio went back to the room, Osvaldo was looking out of the window.
"He went down..." Giulio announced.
Osvaldo turned and looked at him. "Did you wank?" he asked, hoping not to betray his emotion.
"No, I didn't need to, he went down by himself." Giulio answered simply and started to dress.
'Anyway, it's good being able to talk about it' Osvaldo thought, feeling a pleasant warmth. 'It would be even better if I could caress him, kiss him...' he thought just after. 'Does forbidden fruit become even more desirable?' he asked himself. 'No... he cannot be more desirable than he is already...' he answered himself.
"What are you thinking?" Giulio asked, buckling his belt.
"That you are really well built." Osvaldo answred.
"Let's hope that they will think so too." Giulio commented with a smile, "But now let's go and have breakfast. In an hour we have to call them."
They went downstairs and ate, often checking their watches. Both had a pounding heart and every now and then they looked at each other, smiling, possibly more to be reassured than to reassure the other.
Finally it was nine o'clock. They asked the receptionist for an external line and entered in the telephone box together.
"You'll talk with them, won't you?" Giulio asked.
"Yes, okay..."
Osvaldo dialled the number, "Free tone... Yes, hallo? I'm Leopoldo Morassi and you left a message at our hotel a... yes, it's me... he is here too, yes... yes, of course we know it and we are interested in... no, never, only so, amongst friends, homemade videos... of course... we are free, yes... no, he is on holiday and I came with him... no, single both of us... sure... sure... I understand... yes, it's alright... Wait a moment, I'll write it down... tell me... yes, I've understood... sure... See you and thank you. Yes, see you." And he hung up. He showed the note to Giulio, "They are waiting at this address this afternoon at 4, both of us."
"All went smoothly, didn't it?"
"Yes. She wanted to know if we were ready to do sex scenes for a movie and if we already had some experience. I invented that thing of the homemade videos with our friends so as not to seem too inexperienced... She said we will first have an interview, then a screen test, and eventually we will also talk about money. So... in seven hours, Giulio..."
"You are nervous, aren't you?"
"Yes, quite."
"I am too. But on the telephone you didn't seem nervous at all, you seemed so self-confident..."
"Possibly there too we will be able to hide our nervousness... who knows. Do you know where this address is, Giulio?"
"No, I've no idea. Didn't they explain you hot to get there?"
"No, and I didn't think to ask. But we can ask at reception."
The receptionist showed them on a map where the place was. They decided they would go by taxi.
"What can we do, all this time, Leo?" Giulio asked.
"Bah... can we go on playing tourists?"
"Yes. As the weather is fine, we can go to do a visit the Imperial Forums, that we have just seen in passing. Do you feel like having a good walk?"
"Sure."
"If they hire us, will they make us start at once?"
"I've no idea, Leo... I feel still weird calling you Leo, even though it's now a week..."
"Isn't it starting to come out naturally, now?"
"More or less."
"Be careful not to call me Osvaldo."
"I hope I don't. You know, I never fucked in front of other people..."
"Neither have I. It will be a new experience. That is, if we will be able to. And if we will not, they will just fire us... The important thing is we have the time to see if Letizia is there or not. I wonder how many actors and actresses they have? Not so many, I think."
"You already saw a couple of those movies, didn't you?"
"Yes, and there could be about eight people in each... no more, I think. Therefore, if they hire us, there can be two more men and four women... or less... or more... Anyway, if Letizia is there, we should be able to see her. Unless she performs in another movie... Well, I've really no idea."
"What do you hope, finding her there or not?"
"More or less like you, Giulio. I hope to find her, so we don't have to start our quest again. I hope not to find her, because I would regret that she made such a choice. The more I think of it, the less I can understand why Letizia would have done it... But after all, we know so little even about ourselves, that it would be absurd to expect to fully understand any others."
"And yet, we have to try to understand, both ourselves and each other. And to be able to understand, we have to be able to listen."
"Yes, admitted that the other wants, or is able, or finds the courage to talk..." Osvaldo answered, thinking of his inability to tell him about his homosexuality.
He recalled the morning, when he had seen Giulio with his beautiful erection, and the simplicity with which Giulio let himself be seen... and dreamed that that erection was for him, was waiting for him... He would have liked being allowed to take care of it... he being Giulio's lover in place of his sister... Fantasies, unhappily, only fantasies. Instead he should have cultivated his friendship with Leo, who had showed himself to be a remarkable boy, both as a friend and as a lover. But for Leo he was feeling just a strong affection, he was not in love with him as he was with Giulio.
He was now looking at him, and saw he was immersed in heaven knows what thoughts. So this time it was he to ask, "What are you thinking about, Giulio?"
"What? Ah, I was thinking of Letizia and me. Of the good months we spent together. They weren't perfect, of course... at times we had had also some light tensions... we had to make some needed adjustments. Surely, if Letizia agreed to live together, it could have all been easier. Just living together, a couple is forced to face the mutual problems of adapting. You know... the little daily problems like the laundry to do, the things to buy or not to have, and our different habits, our little personal passions... as well as the basic problems, like the relations with friends or with the respective families, with work. As long as two live apart, even if they meet often, they are not really a couple, and all these problems remain unsolved. So... between Letizia and me there were all these unsolved problems."
"I agree, also in my opinion two who are in love should do all they can to live together as soon as they can. I think I could not resist a long time living apart from the person I'm in love with. I admire you for having held out for a year."
"When one loves, he's also ready to make sacrifices."
"You would have married her, you said?"
"Of course. Because I feel sure about myself, about my sentiments towards her. You see, it is not marriage in itself that interests me, but the fact that by marrying you compromise yourself, you state publicly - I want to live with her. It is totally irrelevant whether it is a religious or civil marriage, or just a private ceremony you carry out in front of all your friends and families, to make such a statement. One rite is worth any other. But it's different just living together and publicly affirming the will to live together. But anyway she didn't want even just to live together."
"At times two people can live together but cannot declare it, make it a public choice... for the most varied reasons..."
"Yes... I understand that. Possibly one of them is already married and cannot yet get a divorce. But also the actual cohabitation is, in a way, almost making public a choice two people made. Moreover, you see, when two live together, also the way they make love will change, in my opinion. You can do it more freely and not at... with a... schedule, do you see? When we have little time to stay together, let's go into the bedroom and make love... It's alright, but it is a kind of... makeshift solution. When you live together, what can I say, you can for instance take a bath together, go around half naked... and so there is a deeper intimacy, you become less and less alien."
"That's true. But did you tell all these things to Letizia?"
"Of course I did."
"And she?"
"She just smiled and told me not to be in a hurry, and that anyway living together is not just roses and flowers, but also routine and weariness."
"It could be so. But if routine means just assurance, it's welcome. And anyway life can become routine and weariness also in a relationship where each one lives apart, at his own place. And in fact, it risks becoming so even faster, in my opinion. My sister has a queer vision of the relationship of a couple... a really weird one."