Date: Fri, 25 Jan 2019 12:25:31 +0000 (UTC) From: jagfantsw Subject: A Kid Named Ryan Chapter 8 A Kid Name Ryan - Chapter 8 [A reminder to make a donation to Nifty. Thanks for your support. http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html] Chapter 8 We both fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up realizing that neither Ryan nor I had moved at all. I glanced at my wrist watch and it was just after 4:45 in the morning. Deciding not to move so as not to wake Ryan, I simply laid there next to him, listening to him breathe, feeling his breath at times, watching his chest go in-and-out with each breath. Not being able to fall back asleep, as gently as I could, I got up from the sofa. Finding my shirt, I put it on and then found a blanket and laid it over Ryan. Going into the kitchen, it was now almost 5:30. After getting a pot of coffee started, sitting at the kitchen table, I went back to scribbling notes of things that needed to get done: - Funeral??? - Grandma in Boone? - Call Headmaster Stevens - Set up Play Station - Suit for Ryan? And then, my mind went blank, at least as it had to do with anything about what Ryan and I needed in the days ahead. My head darted back to what had occurred on the sofa after we got home. I kept playing things back in my mind. Sitting back in the kitchen chair, at times I would shake my head in disbelief; or I would just stare at the sliding glass door to the balcony across from me with no real thoughts in my head. As the coffee machine signaled its brewing cycle was over, it hit me. He said, "Prove it now. Prove to me what you say, dammit!" He didn't want me to prove I was gay; he wanted me to prove I loved him. After pouring a cup of coffee, I sat back down. With the pencil, I started tapping on the notepad. It must have either been just loud enough or persistent enough because it brought Ryan into the kitchen wrapped in the blanket. Squinting and wiping his eyes, he said, "You're up early." Somewhat coldly, I said, "Yeh. Couldn't get back to sleep once I woke up. Why don't you try and go back to sleep? It's Sunday. Nothing going on immediately, anyway." In what was a genuine, caring voice, he asked, "You okay?" I looked at him and responded, less coldly, "Yeh, I'm fine. You?" "Yeh. I guess." I looked over at him and said, "Why don't you go and get in my bed, close the door and try to get some more sleep? I'll be quiet. I promise." I don't know how to describe the look on his face before he finally said, "Okay." It was somewhere between still tired, totally puzzled and "should-I-sit-down-so-we-can-talk." He went into my room. I heard the door close. "Dammit," I said under my breath. The guilt of what happened was now really hitting me. Why did I go as far as I did - which wasn't that far, but farther than I wanted it to go, especially with what he's going through. What the hell was I thinking? What's going to be the aftermath of this now? Could Ryan and I go on as if nothing happened? I knew the answer to the last question, but I was having a difficult time accepting it. Then I began to re-hear the litany of how he started to fall in love me: "that first day in class"..."every day after school in your classroom"..."picking me up for Saturday practices"..."going to breakfast." Each and every one was taken by him as if we were starting a relationship. I could say it was a crush, but in his mind it had become so much more, particularly now with the drama we were in after his parents' death. Sipping coffee and turning the pencil over-and-over in my hand, I blankly spent the next half- hour or so attempting to figure something out for which I knew had no immediate answer. "Dammit," I said again under my breath, but this time with a little more emphasis. As the sun came up and filled the room with its light, I looked at the grocery bags filled with most of the things we had bought and were still on the counter from where they had been left last evening. After putting stuff away, I grabbed a bowl of cereal and the last cup of coffee that was in the pot. Getting my laptop, I began searching for local funeral homes and recognized two that I recalled having seen during my time in town. I jotted down their names and phone numbers next to the note, "Funeral???". At least we might have a starting point. Ryan reappeared around 8:30. "Good morning," I said and, rubbing his eyes, he responded, "Hi." After a moment or so, he said, "Uh, can we talk about what happened last night?" Taking a deep breath and letting out a sigh, I responded: "Ryan, I know we have to, but I don't know I'm ready to do that, yet. To be honest, it's been almost all I've thought about this morning and I don't know what to say to you right now. But more importantly, I don't want to say the wrong thing." "You don't hate me, do you?" I got up from the chair, walked over to where he was standing and put my hands on his shoulders. "No," I said, "I don't think I could ever hate you, or dislike you even a little bit." He smiled, put his arms around me and said, "Thanks. I needed to, at least, hear that." Releasing him I said, "The cereal you got last night is in the cupboard right above the stove. You probably know where everything else is." After getting a bowl of cereal, he sat down across from me and began reading, upside-down, the notes I had written. "What's 'Grandma in Boone?'" "We, need to go to see her and let her know about your parents?" "Oh, yeh. I guess we do." "Can we do it today?" "Maybe. Do I have to decide now? "No, but let's not wait too long to make a decision. I'd rather try and do that today, sometime, rather than tomorrow or later. With the holiday, all this is going to get dicey as we move ahead." Ryan nodded his head as he took another mouthful of cereal and milk then asked, "What's with Headmaster Stevens?" "When I saw Coach Tim last night at the Farmer's, he said I probably needed to let him know that you are with me now." "Oh. Yeh. I guess you have to let your boss know what's happening?" "Yeh and I gotta be prepared that's he not going to be supportive of this arrangement, especially since I'm a teacher at the school you attend." "Shouldn't be his decision," Ryan mumbled through another spoonful of cereal. "Well, Ryan, it probably will matter. But don't worry about that. I'll talk with him." When he finished his cereal he grabbed a glass of water at the sink. Looking over at me he said, "Mind if I go for a run?" "Not at all. It'll probably be good for you. Clear your head a little." "Wanna join me?" "Can I take a pass?" "Yeh, sure. No pressure." And I thought, "God, how I wished I had heard those words last night." After changing, Ryan came into the kitchen to put on his running shoes. "I'll be back in about 45 minutes or so," he said. "How long will go?" "Forty-five minutes," he repeated. "No. Length, dude. How many miles will you run?" "Oh! Probably four or five." I slightly shook my head and, with a smile, said, "Okay. See you when you get back." While he was gone I got a shower and a shave. After getting dressed, I went in and got the living room straightened up and pulled his video gaming stuff out to see what had to be done to hook it up to my TV set. It didn't look like it would take much, but I decided to wait till he was with me to do it. When he came in through the kitchen door, he was absolutely soaked in sweat. The summer humidity was brutal. He already had his shirt off and tossed it on the floor where the washing machine was. Grabbing a glass he filled it with water from the faucet and gulped it down in seconds, then, filled it up again and drank that. Coming past the counter toward the table I was sitting at, he bent over and grabbed the end of his shorts. His stomach was moving in and out at such a fast pace as he tried to catch his breath. Sweat was pouring off of him. Eventually, he sat on the floor and, after removing his shoes, he did some stretching. I was totally envious of him at that point. This athletic teenager was in my condo, looking great, and I could only stare at him. He saw me and said, "What? "Nothing. Just marveling at youth." "You should've joined me." "Doubt I would've been able to keep up. That's why I asked how far you planned to run." "You couldn't do 4 or 5 miles?" "No. Been too long since I ran that kind of distance." "Well, we'll have to work on that, old man." And he flashed that smile that made me melt. Re-directing the conversation, I said, "I really would like to get to Boone today." And at that moment my phone rang. It was someone from the medical examiner's office in Tennessee, so I went into my room to talk. After hanging up, I came back into the kitchen. "Who was that?" "Medical examiner. They're releasing your parents' remains." In that instant, his face changed. So, I sat down next to him on the floor and continued, "You and I got to make some tough decisions soon." Eyes began to fill with tears again. He lowered his head onto my shoulder. "I can't do this. I don't know what to do," he said. "Remember when I told you 'we're in this together?' Well, we are." I paused for several seconds that asked, "Can I give you some advice?" He nodded his head. "Let's call the funeral home closest to here. Let them get your folks today. We can go, meet with your grandmother and along the way we can talk options. Okay?" "I guess so." Pulling his head closer to me, I whispered, "It'll be okay." I then stood up, reached out my hand to take his and helped him to his feet. He immediately hugged me, still sweaty, but it was okay. It was for no more than a minute, but it seemed like forever to me. "C'mon, my man. Go get cleaned up and let's get going. If we keep putting things off, they won't get any easier. So, let's check things off by doing one at a time. Okay?" He responded, "Okay," and I gave him a kiss, as I had done before, on the top of his very sweaty head then said, "Love ya." "Love you, too, Mark."