Date: Fri, 29 Dec 2006 15:04:37 -0600 From: Tim Stillman Subject: g/m youth/adult friend "Alone in Bed" (more of my work is at the prolific author's section under the name of Timothy Stillman in the extremely prolific author's section. I also have my own web site at novemberhourglass.tripod.com feedback on any of my work, though please, no flames, is always very much appreciated--thanks--this one again is for Michael) Alone in Bed by Timothy Stillman I'm writing this at age 13. It is about when I was ten and was happily playing with myself. It was New Year's night. Mum and dad had gone to a party. I was alone with myself, my penis, and my arsehole. And I was doing what I loved doing best of anything in the whole world. I was lying on my back, naked, with my legs drawn up and my finger at my hole, my hand holding my hard hairless little dick. I was blonde and small for my age. But I was compact. I could take care of myself. Well, I thought so. Back then. Though not really. It was cold but snowless this winter breaks in Montreal, which is where I lived my whole life. If being 13 can be considered my whole life. I lived in dreams a lot then. I lived for that tingly feeling. Sometimes I would be brave and sleep naked. Locked my room's door first. Sometimes I imagined the boy who played Harry Potter was wanking me or I was wanking him. He was so sexy in those round rimmed glasses, and I loved imagining him naked, with just those glasses on, and some pooka or however it's spelled beads round his neck, white beads, and I always wanted to belong to somebody. I always wanted to be something more than me. I don't mean be someone, a fireman or policeman or any of that nonsense; I wanted to be a boy who could meet other boys and be with them, you know. I have a lover now. His name is Robert and he is 24 and he is kind to me and helps me out a lot. Though he wants me to tell you right off the bat that he is not helping me write this, save for whatever mistakes in grammar and such that he finds. I met Robert that New Year's night when I was 10. I was rolling round in the bed, with my nightlight on, and just feeling the heat in my room, and rubbing my little bare butt on the sheets and feeling really sexxxxyyyyyyy. Though of course at age 10, I didn't know much about sex, just that it felt good, and I could come in about two seconds, just lay on my stomach and rub my peenie against the sheets and get that tumble tremor in my tummy and my peenie would be so happy it would almost bark like a puppy and I would hold my face into the pillow so I wouldn't make a sound and I loved everyone in the whole wide world at moments like this and my penis would be like a cap pistol pow pow pow and I felt so tasty warm like baked bread, and I would sigh and rest for about a minute and then do it all over again. I had to be especially quiet even though mom and dad were away for some hours into the wee morning, because, I guess I forgot to mention him, I've got a brother. He was 15 then and a real pain. He wasn't much to look at really and was kind of a drip to people who some way liked him. His name is Teddy and he caught me one day feeling myself up in the shower. Just bloody well opened the shower door, water running and all, and he knew I was in there. I was just wanking away and I hear him and feel him and I had my eyes closed. I should have had my ears closed too, because he laughed at me and called me names most of which I didn't know the meaning. And he's been riding me about it every day since it happened. Made me so ashamed. So Teddy and Robert were out right now, gone sledding or something, but I made sure I had my door locked anyway. I guess when you're me at ten, you get really scared a lot; the planet is far too big; the people around you are far too tall; they weigh more than you do and they don't half think you exist one bit, so I had come to trust no one but Erwin. Oh, who's Erwin? Well, it's the name of my peenie. I had heard at school boys named their-- as they so importantly said it when no teachers were around, and sometimes when there were-- DICKS, which made me laugh inside, and wonder later why they used these terrible words about such a nice boy thingee. Then I started hearing other words about girls' parts and boys' other parts and that, and it seemed kind of mean. Seemed like my brother laughing at me in the shower, at Erwin's size and all and my having it sticking, or him rather, sticking, straight out. I had run starkers to my room with that mean 15 year old who somehow lived in the house with me and who was always giving me grief laughing at me all the way, and even when I got to my room and closed the door and locked it. I remember balling myself up on the bed and holding to my peenie, telling it it would be all right and we had done nothing wrong, telling him, Erwin, please don't you ditch me too, okay? I was the runt of the school. I was a joke. I looked pretty like a girl. Gold hair. Slim body. Kind of girly looking face. But there was a strength there with it that--as Robert is telling me now--"wars with the beauty" and makes me look strong and "real boy" every single day. I never had a thought about another person, I mean sex wise. I never had any thoughts back then other than don't hurt me, and I can't wait to play with my stiffie. My balls were nice too. Bedtime was how I got through the day. I could jack and those other words all the time if I wanted to. And I wanted to. I would just rub my hands over my body and I would pinch my pink nips and I would look at myself in the mirror and kneel there in front of it and watch my Erwin sticking straight out, touching the mirror when I moved my abdomen forward and the mirror even in the heat of summer was cold to the tip of my penis. I was circumcised. I didn't know then what that meant. Robert is uncircumcised and his penis is though not large is larger than mine of course and I love he has this little overcoat on it and I love to pull it down, like opening a window shade on happiness--Robert just looked over my shoulder, and read that window shade on happiness thing, and flicked his finger playfully at the back of my head, and we laughed a bit--crikey! He said. Robert is from Australia. Then he said, you'll get us laughed out of Nifty. Then we laughed again. My god, he said, as he put his head on my left shoulder, how could anyone with two eyes or one even not love you and want you forever?--and he hugged me and it was pretty wonderful. I wondered what Teddy was getting from Wilma these days. Not much I imagine. I mean--her name is Wilma!!--serves him right. Rolling pin Wilma, Robert calls her. I had masturbated, god, are there any romantic terms for these acts?, acts is what you do to get through life like school and teachers and grades and jobs and stuff, fake stuff you have to do; and why is it known as self abuse, lord, it's one of the few self pleasures I had back then. I guess I can tell you this, because Robert is between my legs now. Uncomfortable as that may be, underneath the table the computer is sitting on. I'm naked and finally have a little golden patch of pubic hair, don't want lots of it, this will do just fine, and he's tickling it with his tongue. We've been together since mum found out what I was and summarily--got that right, Robert?, oh Robert, come on, god, he tickles that peenie opening with his tongue so well--`scuse me for a minute or two--okay, now I'm back, depleted but will fill up momentarily, well she found out that Robert and I were well lovers. And of course she and Dad hit the ceiling. And here is where Teddy of all people came through for me, really big came through, so I should not speak so ill of him, he found out the commotion going on in the living room when they were threatening Robert with jail, except if he could come up with well a little money to help the bills and he must never see me again that was sure, so as Robert told me later, after his begging and crying to my oh so moral parents, Teddy walked straight up stairs and opened a locked drawer in his desk, pulled it open, and found a key, then went to his closet, to a tiny lock box, opened it up, found the pictures of mum and dad and various other naked people together in a group of three or four, and more, and they were doing all kinds of really skuzzy things, therefore facing them, after I went to bed crying, fearing for Robert's very life, and Teddy there showing the pictures to them and their faces, Robert said later, so blanched and pinched, and they screamed a lot more, tore up some of the photos before Teddy and Robert could stop them, but Teddy had dupes, and it was a tension charged week let me tell you..they kicked me the hell out^Åand it was the greatest thing that could have happened^Å That night when I was ten and the New Year was welcoming itself in, that I had jacked or wanked or masturbated or whatever the hell off four times in a row, I had fallen asleep, and when I sleep, I really sleep. So I didn't hear him get in bed with me. He didn't touch me. He said he was too scared to breathe. I woke with a start and he was naked in my bed and he said he would leave if I wanted but he had just broken up with Ted (Ted? My bro was gay? Mr. Soccerball star, Mr. Girlmagnet old Teddero gay?) well Robert told me later on in our new apartment that if Ted had not come through for us that horrible weekend when we were FOUND OUT, on his own, that he would show some of his own private picks of Ted and himself to Mum and dad, but I didn't know any of that then. I remember holding him like he is holding me now, I remember telling him it was okay, and patting him on his shoulder. He said he really had been--well--attracted to me and he knew it was wrong, but he played up to Ted to be around me if he could be--- I'm not going to lie and say he didn't scare me. This was a man even then. This was someone bigger and more powerful and resourceful than me. This was one of those tall trees I had to walk through all those years, even kids who were shorter than me seemed tall trees to me. He asked me if I minded. Well, I did. I had no idea what was going on. And he said he felt a perfect ass being naked in bed with me, and I said, just came to me, is my ass really that perfect? And we were dead silent and then he laughed and I laughed and he said he had been like this for as long as he could remember, and he just had to be in bed naked with me one time, he had never been with a boy before, knowing that he would be scalded severely, but it was like a physical pain in his chest and groin not to know even for a second what it might be like and he started to get out of my bed, started turning from me saying he was sorry and he would go away, and I surprised myself by saying, wait a mo' I kind of could use a cuddle. And it was true because Mum and dad were a superior lot and really didn't like runt me long before they kicked me out, so he just lay there, did Robert, and he cuddled me, and I kissed him and after a long time he kissed me back and I held his bigger penis and felt it hard and it felt damned good. We lay there a while, and then both got up and dressed, he held my hard on tightly for a moment as we had just our briefs on, and it was really sexxxxyyyyyy, I had begun to start understanding what that word really meant, not the skuzzy stuff boys went on about in gym or at the lunch table and all the meanness and stuff, but nice and deep intimate and Robert was kind and I knew he would take care of me. I guess all my life I've wanted to have someone be nice to me for just me and me alone. I understand that Wilma has somehow or other found out that Ted is gay, so he's out on his own again, and I feel kind of sad, seeing he changed my life for the best and all, but he really did it for himself, to get back and embarrass parents he hated too, with less reason it would seem than I had, but who knows. So, Robert wants me to finish up. He will correct the story but says there will be mistakes because he's not very good with writing. Well, maybe so, maybe not. But he's good at lots of other things that really are too peacock rainbow tail beautiful for words--Robert just read that sentence--gor, he said, you dip into purple prose far too much--people will be laughing their asses of at you--and then I said, hey, Robert, speaking of asses--and he said you are a perfect ass, the most perfect in the whole wide world. He stroked his hard on sticking out of his jeans, and I know it is time for bed--ah a lad's work is never done. Gotta go. Bye.