Date: Wed, 7 May 2003 12:40:06 EDT
From: Writersrealmmm@aol.com
Subject: Billie Joe's Journal 22

Billie Joe's Journal/
My 15th Year

Chapter 22
Jesus Loves Me,
This I know

Oppression diminishes. Secrets kill. Potential unrealized is a life
unfulfilled.

Religion gives rise to a superiority complex that allows one set of sinners
to judge another set of sinners while disregarding their own sin.

Men that say they know what is in God's heart, lie. Men that speak for God
are speaking from the shadows of their own evil minds.

 Of course Billie Joe's Journal can't be published because of virtuous
folks.  They would picket any publisher with the balls to publish it. The
story speaks of teens having sex, and we know teens don't have sex. No
matter the message, any story indicating teens are having sex can't be told
in America, not to inform and certainly not to reveal how they end up on
the streets. It doesn't matter if homeless hungry kids are finding ways to
survive there.

What's more immoral, teens having sex or being homeless and abandoned, many
times thrown out of "good" christian homes because of being gay?  Certainly
that story can't be told.

Tom McLauglin might have run away from the torment as Billie Joe did, but
he didn't.  He stood and fought for his rights and he won, but many kids
don't win, and like Robby Kirkland, 14, he killed himself rather than look
into the faces of hate each day.  Robby wrote, "I refuse to live in a world
that hates me," and he died.

How christian were those who drove him to it?  They're only following God's
law, they'd say, and I'd say refer to the top of this page for my answer to
that, and I'll add, "Judge not less yea be judged."  It says that somewhere
too and, "He who is without sin cast the first stone."  We know what
happens then.


www.writersrealm.net


Chapter 22
Jesus Loves Me,
This I Know

By the time Jesus returned it was so hot in the box that Gene and I had
become coated in a sugar film that ran down our bodies with the sweat and
it was in every pour and crevice by now.  There was no water and no way to
get the stickiness off my hands, so everything I touched became tacky.

Jesus made enough noise with the shopping cart that we could separated but
Gene still needed to lean out of the box to collect our pants.  Jesus
seemed oblivious to our constant horniness or at least he pretended not to
notice that we were always getting dressed when he returned from his
wanderings.  Ordinarily I would have been embarrassed by someone knowing I
was up to that sort of thing but holding onto Gene was the only way I felt
safe and so I held on as much as possible.  The oversexed Gene saw this as
an invitation that he was always ready to accept and that's the way it was.

The shirt Jesus gave me was hanging on a branch beside the opening of the
box and I put it on.  I was grateful for the cool silk lining inside.  It
was everything Jesus said it was and I felt guilty about the sugar coating
I was depositing on it.  I watched Gene put on the red and blue shirt with
the festive decorations.  It fit him pretty good in the arms but the body
was way big.  It was a handsome shirt and he looked really good in those
colors.

Gene's big toes stuck out the sides of the tennis shoes.  I couldn't get
the leather shoe on my bad foot and so they were useless for the time
being.  They were highly polished tan shoes with the very top panel over
the toes being white.  They looked to be worn but they had been kept well.
They were size nine and I wore an eight and a half, so I knew they'd fit
okay with a pair of thick socks.  I wondered why Jesus gave me his good
things.  It made me sad when I thought, he lived in a box, pushed a
shopping cart, went through dumpsters, and gave away his best belongings.
I didn't understand.

Once again I wanted to cry about it but I didn't in front of them.  I put
the shoes aside until I could walk again.  I kept the shirt on because it
felt so nice again my sticky skin.  Soon Jesus was attending to my foot.
He looked at it carefully and poured alcohol on it before putting the
bandage back in place.

"No infection.  It'll be fine," he said to himself.

We sat quietly as Jesus made a fire and fixed coffee, using Styrofoam cups
he spooned out Folgers crystals enough for us all to get a slight buzz.
After dozing against his duffel bag, Jesus got up and said he was making a
run to an Italian restaurant that promised to put out some things they
wouldn't be able to sell.  He told Gene to meet him because he needed to
make more stops and he wanted us to eat while it was hot.

He left without his cart this time, still wearing the cloth hat even though
it was the heat of the day.  Gene rummaged in the medical box and took out
another condom, holding it up for me to look at.  He laughed when I saw it
and had the most delightful twinkle in his eyes.  We'd screwed all morning
and he was thinking about it again already.

"Gene, thanks for the help.  You know you're right, I wouldn't have made it
if it wasn't for you.  Even with wanting to do something with you, right
now I can't.  I don't know what I'm going to do.  I thought I had some
time.  A few days.  A week.  My time's run out.  I can't do what you guys
do."

"I thought I couldn't," he said, scooting over beside me and putting his
arm around me.  "I was already doing it with everyone in my neighborhood
but I didn't expect anyone to pay me money to do it.  Too much fucking fun
to get money too.  Then, I got hungry, needy.  They're always around with
their wallets open.  Asking how much you want for it.  One day you ask for
a twenty, hoping they'll give you ten, but knowing you'll do it for free if
they laugh."

"I don't know why I can't.  I just can't do that.  It's dangerous."

"You will when you get hungry enough.  You don't have to as long as I'm
around.  I got guys'll pay plenty to peg me.  I got customers that are in
love with my pecker.  We'll save you for dessert one night if things get
rough.  Start you slow while I'm there to protect you.  I know some real
gentle guys.  We stick together and I'll show you the ropes so you can make
it out here.  You got to lose that squeaky clean look but that shouldn't be
much trouble with us living here."

"Yeah, no doubt.  Isn't there a hose or spigot around somewhere?  I got
parts of me sticking to other parts of me."

"Yeah, my nuts are stuck to my asshole.  Tasted good though.  I never done
no one what was sugar coated before.  He gets donuts every day you know.  I
want to use chocolate on you.  That ought to be really great.  They set the
old ones out for him early in the morning.  Jesus knows everyone."

"That would excite me a lot more if we had a place to take a shower."

"There's a faucet over there that still works.  We got to be careful.  Cops
keep an eye on this place at all hours and Jesus don't like us out in the
open.  Maybe after dark we'll wash up."

"I really need a shower.  I guess that'll do."

"We got the rest of the day.  We can eat and then think about other stuff
we want to do," Gene said, squeezing me toward him with that telltale
twinkle in his eye.

"We'll save that condom for later on," I said, not wanting to work my dick
out every time it was hard.  Gene seemed to have no thoughts in the area of
restraint but he raised no objection to my request.

"They use to hand them out to us on the street.  I always had a couple in
my pocket but some bible thumpers came around complaining they were
encouraging us to have sex and besides it was against the law to give
condoms to minors."

"Where does Jesus get them?"

"He's an adult and he knows everyone."

"What do you do."

"Some guys have them if you ask.  Some wouldn't use one if you held a gun
on them.  I use to stay away from them but now I can't get them I don't
worry about it any more.  We'll always use one if it makes you feel
better."

"Yeah, it would," I said, knowing what happened if you didn't.

Gene went to meet Jesus to get our dinner and he came back with the most
incredible lasagna I had ever eaten.  I was pretty hungry after a day of
donuts and sweats.  There was also something with loads of tomato sauce,
gooey cheese, and big round pasta, but no one knew what it was called,
except maybe good.

We both made pigs of ourselves but there was plenty left for Jesus when he
returned.  My foot started to throb and Jesus advised me one more time, I
should stay off of it for a few days.  He worked carefully to change the
bandage again once he checked it, always being careful to pour alcohol all
over my foot and his hands before he worked on it.

It was curious how clean he was with the wound, and yet he smelled and was
in obvious need of a shower or deodorant or something.  While once features
about someone that would repulse me completely, these characteristics were
merely something that told me when Jesus was around.  In the box we all
pretty much smelled equal by that time.  I was certain I was no rose for
their nose either.

As soon as it got dark we climbed into the hot box and stripped out of our
clothes.  Gene couldn't be denied any longer but it had been on my mind all
day too, so it was good to do something about it.  Gene was quite a lover
and had a way of transitioning between orgasms so that you didn't even know
you were still having sex until you were well on your way again not
remembering what had interrupted the passion.  He knew no limitations and
was determined to prove to me that I didn't have any.  He was kind and
gentle and easy to be with.

...And sticky, he was very sticky.

By the third day I was able to put my foot in the shoe, although Jesus
advised me against putting weight on it.  He helped me to walk around in
the parking lot, teaching me not to put my weight on anything but him.  He
showed Gene how to be him.  He thought it was healing fine when he tended
it but he advised again that I shouldn't walk much for at least several
more days.  He had a more urgent sound in his voice like he was preparing
me for eventualities that we couldn't see and how to use it if I had to use
it before it was time.  I wasn't sure why he suddenly felt that he needed
to give me this information but I took it anyway.  I had all the time in
the world.

Gene and I had gone through half the condoms that Jesus kept in the medical
box by this time, even using one twice several times.  On the same day he
gave me walking lessons he brought back a brown paper bag filled with
condoms and Gene and I laughed hysterically because we thought we were
being wonderfully discreet.  Jesus knew stuff he couldn't possibly know,
but he did anyway.

After replenishing the medical box, he gave Gene the bag with nine more
condoms inside.  I guess he didn't obey all the laws or he thought that it
was safer to provide us with protection rather than letting us go without.

I kept expecting Jesus to want to do something with us but he never did.
He never slept on our side of the box; not that he slept very much at all.
He was mostly gone and that gave Gene and I plenty of privacy.  On the
fourth morning a belt that worked for Gene's pants appeared at the opening
of the box and a pair of thick white plush socks sat on the shinny brown
shoes with the white tops.  As soon as I got the socks on my feet, Gene was
helping me to walk for a few minutes and I could do so without pain, but
listening to Jesus, I rested it one more day.

He had grown quiet and didn't look at the foot again.  He came and went as
did the food but it was like Gene and I were no longer in his world.  I
mean he knew we were there and he provided for us, but he didn't speak or
communicate with us, mostly sitting alone off to one side, sometimes
speaking to himself softly, before or after dosing off.

I no longer knew what day it was by the time we walked back into The Castro
for the first time.  None of the kids were on the street.  Gene had gone up
once and learned Jake had been arrested.  He was AWOL from the army after
being caught with another soldier late at night in the showers.  Details
were vague but not so my imagination.  They charged him with all kinds of
shit to add to the previous charges of bad conduct that he already faced.
He was looking at ten years in some prison in Kansas.  It's why he had come
back to the streets to get lost in a place he knew was friendly to him.
Someone had turned him in and hence the bust on the motel room.

I felt really sad.  I liked Jake more than a little.  He was a nice guy.
He had cared about me and there was nothing I could do for him.  The other
kids were all lost inside the system someplace, one by one escaping back to
the street when they could.  No one knew anything for sure.  Ty had not
reappeared and no one had seen him.  Gene said no one ever would.  It's how
kids disappeared every day.  Picked up by a bad guy or the system and were
held against their will or worse.  When I asked what worse was, Gene batted
his eyes, shook his head and did not speak.

What we did find out for sure was that they were looking for a kid named
Billie Joe.  Gene brought me a flier with my school picture on it.  It was
a picture of me before I had been exposed to street.  I wasn't sure what I
looked like any more but I knew I didn't look like that.  The squeaky clean
kid in the photo had died somewhere between a motel room and an Amana box.

Gene thought a name change was in order for the living.  For some reason he
liked rabbit but he only laughed and wouldn't explain.  I thought BJ was
cool enough but he laughed at that one too and still called me Billie but
no one looked at me twice.  Maybe they didn't pay any attention to yet
another flier looking for yet another kid and maybe I had changed so much
that anyone looking for Billie Joe wouldn't believe I was he.

We walked around most of the day, covering all the places where the kids
might be holding up without success.  Gene got in a car that stopped for
him over on Powell Street.  He said it was cool and he told me he would
only be an hour and I should walk back to the restaurant in the Castro.  He
got a buck in advance so I could buy coffee and be able to sit in side
while watching the street for for the guys.

I also took the opportunity to go into the bathroom to look at my
reflection in the mirror.  The first thing I noticed was the dirt on my
face and my daily exercises in cleanliness had come to an abrupt end quite
a few days ago.  No wonder no one recognized me, I could hardly recognized
myself.  My eyes had sunk into my head and had deep circles under them.
There were lines on my face where there had been none before.  I rinsed my
face with water but there was no soap.  I looked again and it was still the
same minus one layer of the dirt.

"Hey, dude," Gene said, sliding into the seat and proudly smoothing out a
twenty dollar bill in front of me.  "Told you I'd take care of you.  Don't
worry.  I didn't get off.  I saved it for you.  Once they cum they loose
interest quick and don't need me to."

I blushed as he overflowed with excitement and pride over his ability to
provide.  I thought of the sequence of events and how happy he was to get
into that car.  I knew better than to try to figure out what he did for the
twenty.  I just knew that I'd never do it.

We ate on Gene's professional earnings until we were almost sick and still
had plenty left.  He gave me exactly half of his earnings, which consisted
of several dollar bills and some change, almost four dollars.  I took it
because Raymond was still inside my head but I couldn't imagine leaving
Gene and so I'd save it for him.  He was all that was left of any
perception of safety or security.  I'd count Jesus, except I didn't feel
Jesus felt that way about me.  I was there because of Gene and because I
needed help.  Beyond that I didn't think I existed for Jesus, which made me
all the more appreciative that he did take the time for me.

Once it started getting late we decided we should get off the street before
we were too conspicuous in the thinning late night crowd.  We were careful
to go a round about way back to the box, stopping first at the Korean
market for sweats and Gene spent most of what he had left of his new
wealth.  Then we stopped at the faucet Gene had told me about to rinse off,
mostly because of my insistence.  We both ended up naked, helping each
other clean up.  Of course this ended with both of us being way too excited
for our own good, and we ran giggling and touching one another toward the
box.

It had been nice to finally get away from there but I was strangely
comforted being back in the box's proximity.  I found it hard to consider
it home but it was as close as I had at the moment.  Of course all things
on the street are something they aren't and your life can change in an
instant without having to do anything, as was the case in our return to the
box house, and then everything changed.

"Who the fuck's out there," Jesus screamed.

"It's me, Jesus. Gene and Billie."

"Get the fuck outta here. I can't take care a you no more.  Go away.  Leave
me be."

He stood up and was naked except for a white sheet he had wrapped around
his body.  His eyes were wild and they flashed even though it should have
been too dark to see them.  His arms flailed in the air as the hat fell
from his head and shoulder length hair flowed over both of his shoulders.
It was no longer the Jesus I knew but a different man who was possessed of
some demon.


"Fucker's been in the sauce," Gene moaned, pulling me by the arm back into
the parking lot.

I dropped the shirt and turned to retrieve it, and Jesus towered over me,
his hands on his hips as he watched me reach down.  The sheet failed to
cover his bony frame but he looked none the less imposing to a kid who was
kneeling to reach the shirt that was the only thing between him and the
cold damp night.

Once I was retreated back into the parking lot, Gene practically dragged me
away as Jesus yelled at no one while fighting with the night.

"Why has though forsaken me," he screamed at the sky, waving his arms
helplessly.

"Come on.  Can't be around him he gets like this.  Come on.  He's gone.
Jesus ain't home tonight.  He gets to drinking and there's no being around
him."

Gene continued pulling me across the lot as I looked over my shoulder to
see the gentle Jesus gone mad and looking a little like some wolf baying at
the moon he couldn't see through the fog.  He paid us no mind.

The headlights of a car lit the parking lot as it approached and we rushed
into one of the recesses the warehouse provided.  The car stopped and the
lights went out at the end of the driveway but on the other side of the
street.  Gene pressed his body against mine as though he were protecting me
but his protection gave way to an erection that came between us, rising
halfway up my belly toward my chest and warming me well beyond it's ability
to furnish heat.

His arms were around me as his face touched mine.  The car stayed put and
we couldn't move without being seen if they were watching the lot.  I was
tired and scared and wanting to put my closes on but with Gene pressed
against me, it was hard and what if the driver of the car got out and
walked into the lot?  We'd be exposed big time but Gene didn't seem to have
anything like that on his mind.

"Drug deal or lovers," Gene whispered, his lips touching my ear and
nibbling once the talking was done.

"Let's put our clothes on in case they walk down here," I cautioned.

"Put our clothes on.  You expect me to get this in my pants the way it is.
I don't think so."

"Gene, we're in the middle of parking lot."

"We're inside a loading dock and no one is going to come down here anyway.
We haven't done anything all day."

"What if they saw us?  You said they watched the warehouse."

"They watch it they don't come up here and park.  They're doing drugs or
something else even more fun."

He was again kissing my ear and pressing his dick hard again my skin and
this made it really difficult for me to think straight.

"Once we're done we'll get dressed and slip out.  There's a hole in the
fence out back," he said.

I knew better and it would have been easy for me to say so but I didn't say
anything.  Mostly because he was kneeling down and giving me a hell of a
blowjob.  I became sure I knew how he had earned the twenty dollars.  The
more he sucked me the more distant I got from the reality of it all.  I
wasn't sure how Gene could think of sex when we didn't have any place to
stay and there was no where to go but it was becoming less important to me
as well.

He'd searched his pockets for the small bag of condoms and after placing
one on me, he sucked me until I was ready to pop.  I was going to tell him
he was about to waist a perfectly good rubber, except he stood up and
turned around to get me going on his butt and there was nothing else on my
mind by then.  There was only the tight feel of him on me, holding me tight
so I could pump away on that hot opening, and then my hands slid around
him, touching and stroking his twitching meat as I humped hard.

He forced his butt back on me.  The more I jerked him off the more
vigorously he pushed back until we were wrestling over whether or not I
could keep yanking his throbbing cock.  It was hard as usual but swollen
like never before.  I'd grab it with both hands, pulling and stroking on it
greedily until he was fighting my hands off his healthy war club.  It did
start to piss me off when I couldn't get to it and so I fucked him harder
to add to the pleasure.  I wanted it as much as I had ever wanted anything,
and then I finally got a grip on him that he couldn't break, and he leaned
back against me after struggling with me for several more minutes.

It was then he groaned like a wounded animal and he ejaculated over the
width of the dock and into the parking lot.  Two and three more
ejaculations followed with the third going even further than the first but
the other two fell short of those lengthy squirts, falling a modestly
distance away on the dock.

Being completely excited by this display of potency, I proceeded to jolt
and rock him with an orgasm every bit as powerful as his own.  It may not
have gone as far but it got the job done and had us both giggling as he
made an effort to kiss me over his shoulder as I was spewing forth my load,
humping away, which kept my lips in motion because I was determined to stay
firmly planted up his ass, and this got us laughing even harder.

We were oblivious to everyone and everything around us.  It didn't matter
we were homeless, had all of four bucks in our pockets, although we at
least had pockets, and we were standing out in a public place fucking like
two nut cases who didn't have a care in the world.

Two months ago this would have been not simply unthinkable but impossible.
I would not have been able to do it and now it was just the way it was and
nothing more, although I didn't give much thought to anything right then
except touching Gene and feeling his body.  All I wanted was to stay with
Gene and I'd do anything he wanted me to, but seldom did anyone stay with
me for long, and I was already in fear of the future once we'd fucked
ourselves out.

				   *****

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