Date: Wed, 30 Jan 2002 14:05:48 -0800 From: Rick Beck Subject: Billie Joes Journal Chapter 8 Chapter 8 Lonesome Highway It was cool in the morning but in spite of it Raymond wore some ridiculous cutoffs that left nothing to be imagined. We were hitching after leaving the truck and Hank, and we picked up our first ride about forty five minutes after we first stuck out our thumbs. I leaned against my gym bag dozing when a car stopped behind us about ten feet from my feet. It was an elderly man. He was going to Roseburg. He kept drifting onto the shoulder looking at Raymond's long lean legs. Raymond kept smiling at the guy like he knew what he wanted. We rolled up the ramp across from a Texaco Station on the other side of Route 5, and Raymond said before we got out, "Don't you want to ask me something." "No," the man said nervously. "I know what you want. For the right price it's all yours." "I'm getting out. Move Raymond," I said. I headed out toward the Texaco, needing a Coke. I tried to call my brother. He was already at work. He would be pissed I didn't call the night before. Raymond came charging up to me at the Coke machine. "Don't you ever fuck with me when I'm doing business. You cost me twenty bucks. Or more! I could have hooked that old fart." "I just said let me out." "You fuck. You knew I was going with you. I don't want to split up." "I'm just a fuck. You don't need me." "I don't need anyone," he said, indignant. "You need my help. You're not road wise," he said. "Coke?" "You buying?" "Sure!" I put my money in the slot and handed him a Coke. "I drink grape," he complained. I grabbed the Coke out of his hand and threw a wounded duck spiral into the middle of the street fifty yards away, sailing it just over the roof of a passing car. "Why wouldn't you let me kiss you this morning? I really liked you holding me last night. I mean thank you." "Fuck me. Did you say thank you, Ray boy?" "Don't call me that. Tricks call me that." "Oh, poor Ray boy. Ain't I your trick, Ray boy? Didn't I give Ray boy what he wanted last night." "Why not kiss me?" he persisted, refusing to take his eyes out of mine. "Give me a break." He leaned with his long, lithe body up against the soda machine like it was his man. One arm stretched up the side with his hand holding the top, and the other hand was around the front of the machine like it was someone's midsection. The side of his face touched the side of the machine at the front. His blue eyes were clouded with red lines and there were heavy shadows under them. His red hair blazed on top of his head in the morning sun. He almost looked angelic as he studied every inch of me. "Give me a break. We screwed last night. You can't kiss me?" "Screwing you was learning something. It told me I would rather hold you. I'm not looking for love, Raymond. I'm looking for myself. You fascinate me in a repulsive kind of way. I don't want to make love to you. I don't want to swap spit with you. I answered my biological needs by screwing you. Because you did everything you could to get me interested, might I add, or you wouldn't have added me to your trick list." "Why not answer the call of your lips." "They belong to someone else. I'm in love with Carl. When he kisses me it lights up my life. Our first kiss lasted for hours. It was like being in heaven. There isn't anyone else that could do that. Even if there is, I don't care. I've been kissed by the best." "Why screwing and not kissing? .I got good lips. I can kiss good. I'm experienced." "Seems less personal. I wasn't really screwing you. I was getting a nut, as Carl would say. You waved it up in my face and offered it to me. I could have gone in a stall and whacked it, but I know all about that. Why not do it in a way that is new to me. That's why I'm out here." "You're crazy. You don't like me? I don't turn you on, Billie Joe? Why aren't you with what's-his-name anyway." "Does it really matter, Raymond? I told you he's gone overseas." "I don't know. I want you to like me. I like you. Why don't you like me? Everybody likes me for a couple a times anyway. I don't think of you as a trick. Tricks pay. I give it to you gladly because you're good for being so young." "You scare me. You're looking to get whacked, and I don't need it. I want to learn something. I promised I wouldn't get dead or hurt. You're going to get hurt. I don't want to be around when you do." "What do you want me to do to make you like me. I give good head. Hank could have told you." "You can't make me do anything. I'm going down the highway. You're going down the highway. We're going down the highway together right now. We satisfied our needs last night. That's all." "You don't find me attractive at all?" "Why don't you leave it alone. I like looking at you. Especially I like looking at different parts of you. That's why I went with it last night. I wanted to know what it was like with someone that attracted me in a pure sex way. All I wanted was to do it and see what it was like." "What did you think? Will we do it again?" "I think it was okay. I don't know, and I think we should hit the road." "Carl didn't attract you?" "Hell no. He was an asshole. He got in my face, pushed me around. Treated me like a kid." "Kinda like me, huh? Until he started wanting you. Seeing you sexual. He wanted it when he found out what a wild little fuck you could be." "No. Not like you... Yeah, now that I think about it. Kinda like I didn't like you at first, too." "There is some hope we can stick together? You just said you liked me. You said it," he beamed. "Today. That's all. We'll see what happens today. You quit being a wise ass and I might say yes." "You need me, Billie Joe. I know the streets. You'll die out here alone," Raymond was somewhere else as he spoke with foreboding in his voice. "The way you act, I'll die out here with you. Tone it down or we get different rides next time. I'm telling you right out. You come on to someone like that old man again, and we get off at different places. I don't even know you, you do that again." "I can't help it. It's the way I am. Make a buck when you can." "That's something else. I won't ever do that. I won't ever sell myself. I've too much respect." "You're proud to be gay, are you?" "Fuck you, Ray boy. I'm proud of who I am and I'm gay. I'm not proud of having to sneak around, break the law, be made to feel like I'm some rodent. That don't do much to make me proud. But I'll never do nothing that makes me ashamed again." "What made you ashamed, Billie Joe." "Sneaking looks in the shower. Wanting to touch. Making up ways to get what I wanted. Hiding what I felt inside. Even from me." We walked back toward the road. Raymond made me uncomfortable with his questions. He made me think about stuff I would prefer just to let slide. I was attracted to him and sex with him was better than all those years alone with my hand. His redness gave me a thrill down right behind my best part. He made me tingle when I got too close to him, and he made me hard when I could smell him. He always smelled of sex. He always smelled like he just climbed out of a shower, and like sex. That was Raymond. "What else don't you do so I know?" "Only one thing." "I was waiting for an entire list. We might do all right after all. Give me the last rule, Billie Joe. No lovin' on you. No kissin' on you and... ?" "My ass is Carl's. No one will ever have that but him." "You are dreaming. You're out on the highway and think no one is going to put a knee in your back and your face in the dirt and make you bleed? Dream on gay boy. Dream on," he strutted as he walked like he knew some ultimate truth. "That's what I said. That is a promise I made to myself. Carl will be the first when he gets back." "Carl. Carl. Carl. He must be something." "Yep! He's something. You got that right." The sun went in and out of the clouds and we ended up at Fat Somebody's Truck Stop a hundred miles north of California. We decided to get lunch since it was afternoon. They had all you could eat biscuits and gravy left over from breakfast. We both packed it in. Best meal I ever ate, but it was the first one that day, so the five pounds of food just filled me up. I could hardly walk when we left. It was a bright warm afternoon. We decided to walk and hitch. Raymond wanted to just stand. The trees were all green and thick. I liked smelling them. I liked to walk. I felt like running, but with Raymond I knew better. The car was black with those smoke windows. I should have known not to get in. You get those little nagging crawlers on the back of your neck when you're doing something stupid. My legs were tired, and we'd been walking for over an hour. We weren't even hitching, just struggling to get up this hill we were on. The car passed, slowed, jerking onto the shoulder like he was checking us. "Where you boys going," he said leaning toward the door Raymond opened. "California." "Hop in." "You brothers?" "Shit!" I said, as Raymond held the seat so I was forced into the back. I preferred being far away from people I didn't know, so I didn't protest his obvious control maneuver. The guy seemed nice enough. He couldn't have been thirty. He yakked and yakked like he hadn't talked in weeks. I fell asleep after all the fresh air and walking, and a ton of biscuits and gravy. Raymond's yelling woke me up. I don't know what he said, but I heard my name, and this guy is like ripping his shorts off. We were up on a ramp. It was almost dark. My heart was going like a million miles a second. My first thought was getting the hell out of there. Every man for himself was my panic reaction. "Sit back there, you know what's good for you, kid," the guy ordered, putting his hand in my face and pushing me back after I leaned forward in my effort to escape. "Get out! Get out, Billie Joe! Get out while you can! He wants you cause your small." I heard the cloth rip and the guy unzipping his pants while his other beefy arm held Raymond by the throat. I heard Raymond squeaking for breath as this guy pulls out his big hard dick. It was all red and raging, and then he was fighting with Raymond's arms and trying to get his legs up as he got his weight between them. I couldn't think. I was still confused from being asleep and how I woke up. My heart pounded furiously as I thought of escape. I started to reach for the door again, leaning over the corner of the seat and his big hand let go with a roundhouse that hit me in the side of the head. He smacked me upside the face with his open hand as he tried to keep his place with Raymond, and this knocked me back on the seat Thank you Jesus! Never underestimate the value of marshal arts training. He had made his fatal mistake. It shocked me, stunned me, scared me shitless, not unlike a hundred nights at Karate when I faced guys twice my size and age. I used the position he put me in and leaning back on my elbows I stuck my foot in his ear with about five hundred pounds psi. I heard his head cracking against the windshield as I was reaching for caught the door handle. He slid off Raymond and down on the floor groaning like he was about unconscious. Instantly, Raymond's naked ass was up and out the door and running up the side of this ramp out in the middle of nowhere. He rolled down a bank and jumped up, black soil staining his pristine white skin, and he ran up a slope and disappeared into the woods. I was right behind him. I never looked back once I got through the door of his car. The guy was still on the floor groaning, and I didn't waste time seeing if he was recovering. I went into the woods where Raymond disappeared. I ran for fifty yards or so before I stopped and looked back toward the highway and the terror. It was so quiet standing there. I particularly listened for anyone coming into the woods. I knew the guy could handle both of us easy once he was prepared to do battle. I wouldn't let him get that shot. I stood as my heart calmed. I listened to every sound. Our sudden entrance scared the woods into a dead silence. Slowly the frogs and crickets started back up. There were no footsteps and no movement save a squirrel rustling long dead leaves as he hopped off in the distance. I sat down with my back against a tree and faced the road. I looked out in all directions and tried to find the best escape route if it became necessary. I looked for Raymond. He had run in the same direction, but he'd stopped by the time I stopped to listen. Then, as I listened to the sounds of the forest, I realized I could hear him crying somewhere close. I stood up, still checking for anyone approaching. I took one precise, slow step at a time. Raymond was on his face with his hands over his head, naked but for his torn T-shirt that was now stretched down off both of his shoulders, and his shoes. "Don't. Don't. Don't kill me. Please don't kill me," he sobbed. "It's me, Raymond. It's okay. He didn't follow us." Raymond turned over and sat up holding his knees up to his chest looking around, shaking. Finally he looked up at me. "Wipe your mouth. It's bleeding pretty good. He got you a good one all right." I felt my face and the bruise on the side. There was a trickle of blood at the corner that ran down to my chin. It hurt as soon as I touched it. The side of my head now ached. "Thank you." "Thank me. All I did was get my ass out a there." "He was trying to fuck me. I think he would have killed us. He got all crazy when he pulled up that ramp. Said to piss. We were just joking and then he was on top of me. I mean it was like he was smiling and kidding like a regular guy, and then he was ripping my clothes off, saying he couldn't wait to finish so he could get the 'little boy,' he said, and was taking out his cock. He woulda raped us for sure. Like it happened before. I've seen that look. That animal craziness comes on 'em. He wanted you most of all." Raymond drew a deep shuddering breath. "You get your stuff? I lost everything. My money was in my bag. He got it all." "I only got mine 'cause I was holding it when I was sleeping. I got money. Here, I have a pair of sweat pants. They'll be way short, but you're skinny as me in the waist. Cover yourself up will you?" I held my bag out digging through it and tossing him my gray sweat pants. "Turning you on there, Billie boy?" he joked through his tears. "Yeah, Raymond. Something like that. You need help?" "I can't get up. I don't know if I'm just scared or I hurt myself. I can't get up." "Take my hand. You'll be okay. You were running like a thoroughbred when I got out of the car." I pulled Raymond to his feet and he stood on his own and against my arm. He grabbed me and held me, and then, with a gulp, he sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I wanted to move away from the front of the woods, but he just lost it big time. After awhile he leaned on me and put on my sweat pants and an old shirt that only came down to six inches above his belly button. He looked like he had gone through a wash and quick dry cycle that shrunk everything up around him. It was kind of funny in a way, but I couldn't laugh or appreciate the humor much at the time. I was still scared shitless and as soon as I thought Raymond was able, we walked gently until we were deeper in the woods. I still listened to every sound, and I kept my wits so that I knew what direction he'd come from if he came for us. Raymond kept holding onto my arm and walked like he might fall into some chasm he imagined was lurking in the dark. "Let's sit for awhile," he finally said, after we walked maybe half a mile deep. "Sure. This should be safe." We sank to the ground at the base of a big tree. "We should stay here tonight. We can't risk being on that road in the dark with him out there. I know he's still there. He'll look for us to get back out there. We are in the boonies. No traffic at night. He'll have a free shot at us if we go out there." I tried to speak softly and sound reasonable while suddenly being afraid of the dark. I didn't want Raymond to know how frightened I was, but once you reach a certain level, terror is simply terror and there are no dimensions. "No! No!" Raymond agreed with mounting panic in his voice. "I don't want to go to the highway. I need to rest. Will you hold me, please, Billie Joe. I need you to hold me. I'm really tired. I'm so tired." We leaned against the tree and I held him as he put his face next to my chest and cried softly into my shirt. He shook for a long time and went to sleep. I sat listening to the sounds of the night, waiting for a foot to crunch a leaf wome where close. I didn't dare sleep. Terror rested in the pit of my stomach, in every sound and on the breeze, and I waited for it to take me. My body was as tight as a guitar string. Every sound was a threat. The dark took over everything. My eyes betrayed me. The night won a victory over vigilance, leaving us at the mercy of fate with no one awake to divert it. The thing about terror is that it sucks all the life out of you. ***** THE REST OF THE STORY SOON Email and comments create momentum. bjwalkerjr@37.com If you ARE enjoying this, try my other story, DISCOVERING GREGORY, /nifty/gay/highschool/discovering-gregory/