Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2005 12:00:05 -0800 (PST)
From: gaymormonwriter@yahoo.com
Subject: Born To Be A Missionary Chapter 18   adult/youth

Born To Be A Missionary

Chapter 18

(Sorry it took so long for this chapter to come about. I have had some life
changing things happen since the last chapter. One was good, one wasn't. I
have received some really great emails about the story and I am glad so
many people out there, those Mormon and those not, like the story. When I
started this I story, I had no idea where it would go.  As usual, I hold
the copyright to this story.)

From Gary's perspective:

"Just a moment, sir," Elder Lewis said.

"Why is that, Elder?" responded the chief investigator at the white table.

"We have another guest to consider and we feel it would be beneficial for
all parties to include him."

"Very well Elder. Bring him in."

I could hear rustling of people movement behind me. I looked to my right
and another chair had been placed next to mine. I looked up from the chair
and I saw him, a beautiful looking young man about 23 or 24. Too young to
be here, he app roached his chair, he was naked as I was and he was seated.

"This is brother Joel, he is also in consideration for passage thru the
veil." Elder Martin reported.

I looked over at Joel. He had tears running down his face, he looked so sad
and tortured.

"What is the situation for Brother Joel, Elder?"

"Brother Joel was born into the church, raised in the true spirit of the
church, conducted his callings with faith and diligence. Called to serve a
mission in Florida and served with the spirit of the Lord until an
encounter with another missionary.  Brother Joel has sinned as a homosexual
and is here after attempting suicide." Elder Lewis reported.

"Brother Gary was not born into the church, he is a convert. Elder Martin
and I taught Brother Gary the lesso ns of the church and I baptized and
Elder Lewis placed his hands upon him for the Holy Ghost. Brother Gary took
his lessons and baptism to heart and fulfilled his requirements to become
an Aaronic Priesthood holder. Brother Gary has since sinned as a homo s
exual. He, too, like Brother Joel, had become intimate with another
priesthood holder. Brother Gary professes to be in love with his companion.
His companion was born into the church, raised with the same Church
standards as Brother Joel and was destined to be a missionary, born to be a
missionary as some of said of that young man. But let me make note here,
Brother Gary's involvement with that young had nothing to do with him not
receiving a call for a mission as he had already been active as a
homosexual prior to their involvement."

I looked over at Joel; he was looking at me, his eyes locked into mine.
Sad, but they told me he understood. My heart went out to him.

"Elder Lewis and I have another young man who should be sitting here with
these two Brothers. May we bring him in?"

"This is highly unusual for these type of hearings, Elder Martin."

"Sir, this young man is not a member of our church. But his presence seems
necessary for his salvation, and as an open forum here, we ask for you
indulgence."

"Very well."

I looked to my left and another chair was present. I heard the Elders
behind me speaking softly to someone and than I saw him. Another young man
about 20 years of age. The look on his face was so blank. Shock seems best
to describe. He too, of course was naked. These two, beautiful, young men
flank me. They are way too young to be here, facing the veil to the other
side.  For me, maybe this is heaven.

"Sirs, this Brother Terry. He is not a member of our church, but he is a
Christian young man who was raised by God-fearing parents with strict
conservative values. He, too, has sinned as a homosexual."

I looked over at Terry and he was staring straight ahead, unflinching.

"Elder Martin and I wish to defend these men, these brothers because we
feel that the issues involved here, their sins, their lives, their life's
adventures are the same and yet not quite the same. Yes, they are
homosexuals who engage in sin with other men. Each brother is here for
different reasons and for different causes. Bro ther Gary is serious ill
and in a coma, not expected to live. Brother Joel has attempted suicide by
taking an overdose of pills. A sin all into itself, but the circumstances
that drove him to this point is sad and so overwhelming. He too is in a
coma and his recovery is uncertain. Brother Terry was brutally attacked by
his father and brother after revealing his homosexuality to them. Badly
beaten, his recovery is in question as well."

"Elder Martin and Lewis, the sins are evident against these men, all hav e
sinned as homosexuals, failing to honor their father and mother by doing
so, and one attempting to kill himself. Elders, you know that to pass
through this veil would require complete accountability, a rejection of
those sins and a plea for forgiveness. Are these brothers prepared to do
what is required?"

"Sirs, after you hear our defense for these Brothers, I would ask you at
that time to make your request for repentance."

"Very well, Elders. You may proceed."

Elders Martin and Lewis went aside to talk privately. I have no idea what
they can do. I am guilty of being a homosexual and I won't deny it. I am in
love though. I don't want to leave Tyler. He is my life now. Looking over
to Joel, he is so sadden and lost. Tears continue to run down his face,
they fall onto his legs. He seems unfazed by the tears or what is happening
here. I wonder what could've sent him to this. I turn and look over at
Terry, his face is set, mostly in anger. I know that being gay can take its
toll on human life. I see the fate in both these young faces. My heart goes
out to Terry as well.

From the back I hear another voice.

"Sirs, I would like to present my first witness for Brother Joel."

I instinctively reached over and took Joel's hand. I don't know why I did
it, I felt moved to do so.

With the two Elders was another young man, also dressed as an Elder on his
mission.

"Sirs, this is Brother Brian, he was the missionary companion of Brother
Joel."

I felt Joel's hand twitch. Then it got tight. I looked at him, his eyes
were wide, and his mouth was open like he wanted to scream. Brother Brian
looked over at Brother Joel. His eyes were soft and sad. He walked over to
Joel. Joel rose and Brian put his arms around Joel. Joel started to cry so
heavily it looked like Brian had to hold him up. The cry turned into a
wail, like his soul was so torn and shattered. Brian too, was crying. I am
so sorry, he kept repeating to Joel.  Finally the Elders came over and took
Joel from Brian and placed him back into his seat. My hand instan tly went
back to his. Joel just lowered his head and was whimpering.

"Brother Brian will now give his testimony for this council." Reported
Elder Lewis.

"Gentlemen, I am here in behalf of my sweet Brother Joel or Joe as I knew
him on our mission. I was b orn into the church, I grew up with loving
parents, or so I thought, and raised with the church values instilled into
all of us. I am a sinner just the same. I sinned against myself, and I
sinned against Brother Joel. I committed suicide on my mission bec ause I
came to realize that I was a homosexual and I couldn't live with myself. I
took Brother Joel into my life and sin. I became his lover and he became
mine. I lead him onto this path that has lead him to here. I do not believe
he had a homosexual though t in his life, but I, selfish and sinful, took
him down that path. I know I lead, I know he could have refused, but I am
very persuasive.  I fell in love with him. I know he fell in love with
me. I never knew love like that before in life. It is my fault he is
here. It is my fault his life as been torn since I died. It is my fault,
not his, that he tried to commit suicide. I know Joel has not been with
anyone since me."

He turned and looked at Joel. "I have watched you every day since then, it
has been my pertinence. My heart has broken each day as I followed you. It
was I to have looked out for you and protect you. I failed at that too. I
couldn't reach out to you and help you. I have destroyed you and that is my
sin."

He turned to the white table. "I ha ve been punished with this, not for
being homosexual, but for my actions. I ruined a life by taking mine. I
have torn up lives by taking mine. I wrote in my note to Joel, that I was a
coward, that I believed what my father had said for so long about homos
exuals and I couldn't face my father. I didn't want to see the look in his
eyes. My choice was not in being homosexual, it was not wanting to live
with it," and then turning to Joel, " I still love you and if I could
change all of it, for you, I would."

"I stood before this council when I died, I told you that I believe that
homosexuality is NOT a choice. I fear that the debate on that issue will go
on here today. I am a tortured soul for what has happened to Joel, his sins
are mine. I ask you gentlemen, to send Joel back to his life. Don't let him
end it like this. I want for him to find happiness. When the proper time
comes, I would want to welcome him here, at the veil...but now is not the
time."

Brian went over to Joel and kneeled before him.

"Joel, look at me please." Joel slowly raised his head and looked at
Brian. " Never forget I love you. If you are sent back, please go on with
your life. You will find someone to be happy with. I want you to know from
my heart that if I could take it all back I would. I don't regret my love
for you. I am so sorry, so sorry. Joel, will you forgive me, please?"

Joel put his arms around Brian and kissed him on the lips. It was
beautiful.

"Promise me, please, Joel"

Joel put his head on Brian's shoulder. They hugged.

"Joel, it is time for me to go. Remember I am here for you when the time is
right."

Brian got up and Joel sat back down in his chair. I grabbed Joel's hand, it
felt soft and he was responsive to my touch this time.

"Thank you Brother Brian for your testimony."

Brian walked behind us and disappeared from view.

"Gentlemen, as you can see, Brother Brian's redemption would be if Brother
Joel returned to his life and lived it out naturally." Elder Lewis said.

The Gentlemen looked around at each other and than back at Elder Lewis.

"Please continue Elder Lewis with your defense of Brother Terry."

"Yes, sir."

The Elders once again returned to the rear of the room. A new voice was
heard. I looked over at Terry to see if he recognized the voice. He
continued to remain stone faced.

"Gentlemen, I call as a witness for Brother Terry, his brother Kevin."

Terry's brother came into view; he was dressed like any teenager, jeans and
a polo shirt.

Kevin went over to Terry, kissed his forehead and turned towards the white
table.

"Kevin, Terry is your brother, correct?" asked Elder Martin.

"Yes, he is."

"What happened to Terry?"

"Terry is a homosexual. I have watched for years how my father bullied him,
made him feel worthless. My other brother and my father are best buddies.
They do everything together. Terry wasn't interested in the same things, so
he wasn't `man enough' as they say. I didn't know for sure Terry was
homosexual, but I suspected for some time. You see, I too, am a
homosexual." Kevin turned to Terry, " I am sorry Terry, I should have told
you a long time ago, but I was afraid of Dad, I was afraid he would do the
same things to me that he was doing to you."

Terry looked up at his brother for the first time. I saw a single tear fall
from his eye.

"I watched in horror as my father and brother beat Terry," he started to
cry, "I couldn't stop it, and I couldn't stop it. I tried to. Now, I watch
in the hospital, stitched and bruised. I love my brother. I need my
brother. I want him to live so he can know wha t love and happiness really
is. I want him to have that chance. Please let him come back to our mother
and me."

Kevin turned and walked towards Terry. They looked at each other for a
moment. Kevin reached out and put his arms around Terry. Kevin than pull ed
away from Terry and turned to walk away and Terry got up and grabbed him by
the shoulders, turned him around and hugged his brother.

Terry whispered into Kevin ear, "Tell mom I love her too."

"I hope you can tell her yourself, but until than, I will."

Terry released Kevin and sat back down in his chair.



From Jim's perspective:

Rick and I sat with Tyler for a while as we watched the monitors for
Gary. Gary looked peaceful as he lay, there; unaware of what was going on
with him. I know some people dream when they are in a coma, some don't. I
hope he was and having a good one. I looked at my watch; it was nearly
5:00.

"Tyler, why don't the three of us go down to the cafeteria for dinner, do
you feel like eating?"

"Yeah, I guess."

We found a nice table in the corner and sat down to eat. It has been a long
day, but I didn't feel like eating much. Rick, on the other hand, was
eating away. Tyler didn't' say much just sort of picked at his food.

Tyler put down his fork. Looking down at his food he said, "What am I going
to do if Gary dies?"

As I was about to respond, Rick grabbed my arm and shook his head. He got
up and sat next to Tyler and put his arm around him. Tyler leaned back
against Rick and closed his eyes and began quietly crying.

I left Rick and Tyler and headed to Terry's room. I found his mother
outside sitting alone.

"How's Terry doing?" I asked.

"About the same. I guess that is good isn't it?"

"Yes, we can see it as good."

"How's Kevin doing?"

"He won't leave Terry's bedside."

"May I go in and talk to him?"

"Yes, please."

I patted her hand and got up and went into the room. Terry looked so
uncomfortable but at least he was out of it. Kevin was asleep in the chair
next to the bed. I walked around to the other side of the bed put my hand
on Terry's forehead. " You had better come out of this, for the sake of
your brother at least, I thought." I glanced over to Terry's hand, which
was being held by Kevin. I saw movement in Terry's hand, like it was trying
to squeeze Kevin's hand. It
 was enough for Kevin to stir out of his nap.

"I felt it, I felt him squeeze my hand." Kevin said excitedly.

"I saw it, Kevin."

Kevin looked at me and said, "I had such a dream."

"What was that?"

"I dreamed I saw Kevin and two other guys sitting naked before a White
Table Conference. There were two guys dressed in suits, young guys, with
name badges on their coat pockets. They were asking me questions about
Terry."

"Was Terry awake?"


"Yes, but he looked so sad."

"What happened?"

"I spoke for Terry and how our father was. I told Terry I was gay and how
sorry I was."

"What did he do?"

"He got up and hugged me, naked. He never hugged me before."

"Anything else you remember?"

"Yes, he gave me a message for Mom."

"What was it?"

"Tell Mom, I love her, too."



The end of Chapter 18