Date: Tue, 18 Jan 2005 14:00:47 -0800 (PST)
From: gaymormonwriter@yahoo.com
Subject: Born To Be A Missionary Chapter 20   adult/youth

(Author's note: As usual, the usual disclaimers. I hold the copyright to
this story. It may not be posted or published in any form without the
expressed written consent of me.)


Born To Be A Missionary
Chapter 20


>From Gary's perspective:

The Elders laid their scriptures down on the white table. Elder Lewis began
to speak again.

"Gentlemen, in front of you has been placed "The Book of Life" for each of
these three brothers. It is a detailed accounting of their lives. I believe
if you open them you find that each of these brothers' history is presented
and the future is also written despite the fact that it has not been
lived. You see, gentlemen, Heavenly Father knows our history, our present
and our future. He is not surprised by anything we have done or will do. In
retrospect we see the written history compares exactly to the actual events
foretold."

Each of the gentlemen began reading over the individual books. I was
surprised that all 3 books seemed identical in length.

"As you will notice, this session is included as a special supplement. It
is the written transcription. The page where you make your decisions for
these brothers is completely white and blank. The pages that follow in
their respective "Book of Life" is contingent on the rulings here. Those
pages are the history that WILL be lived if they are returned to their LIFE
to continue their Human Adventure, or begin their Spiritual Adventure."

Elder Lewis stepped back and Elder Martin stepped forward.

"Life is about perceptions. Your perceptions, our perceptions and," Elder
Martin turned and addressed the there of us, "their perceptions."

Turning back to the white table, he continued.

"Even the perception of the Mormon Church to the world is sometimes
incorrect, but we do nothing to correct those perceptions as other
Christian institutions refer to the Church as a cult. We choose to live the
'example' rather than defend our way of life." Elder Martin picked up his
scriptures. "Even the scriptures are a 'perception' of words, written,
studied, translated, interpreted and preached. As they are written,
Christian institutions, including ours, become selective when it comes to
the 'words' of the scriptures. The "Free Will" of the scripture words is
the simple choice to accept or ignore what is written. Yes, even the
Mormons fall to the level of 'selective following' of not only the
scriptures but of the Doctrine of Covenants, one of the most important
writings of this church."

Elder Lewis stepped up next to Elder Martin.

"One of the principles of truth within the Church is that striving we
should be 'Christ like' in all our business and personal lives. I think the
principle becomes confused when so many Christian followers choose to
assume the 'impersonation' of Christ than rather living the lesson in our
actions towards other people. Some choose to 'act' as they believe he
would've acted and yet nothing in the scriptures support those kind of
actions, as an imaginary protective shield, by using the name of Christ to
condone such actions."

"The world is flawed. Mankind is flawed. As it is written, 'to err is
human', and yet finding forgiveness or understanding divinely is becoming
at times a lost commodity."

"Elder Martin and I ask you, as advocates of these brothers, to return them
to their lives. Let the traumatic situations that brought them here be an
influence on their lives so they can grow and learn and appreciate the
life's adventure that awaits them. Each one is different in their state of
minds. One is sadden and heart broken, one is tortured by the failure of
the father to accept his son and one is gravely ill. All living in this
moment one has found the joy of love, one as yet experienced the joy of
love, but is bitter and angry and one who had found the first joys of love
and had it ripped from him in a horrible manner. Every human being needs to
feel the expression of love. Love is the experience that we are brought to
earth for. As you have read in the Books of Life, Brother Joel will find
another to love him. Brother Terry will discover that joy to loved and
accepted. Brother Gary has found the love that alluded him for most of his
life, and he too has 'good works' yet to do with his companion."

"Gentlemen, show your love for mankind and return these Brothers to their
human lives."




>From Rick's perspective:


To say that I was a little surprised would be an understatement. I looked
at Jim and he had this glee in his eye that I had never seen before. There
was definitely something working here that was on a higher plain than just
simple medical science.

"What do you remember Kevin about this young man in your dream," Jim asked.

Kevin reached for Joel's hand and took it into his, it was like he was
trying to feel something between them.

"I remember he was sitting on the opposite side of Terry and he looked so
sad, he was weeping constantly. The older guy between Terry and him was
holding his hand, I think to try and comfort him."

Jim walked up beside Kevin. I watched as Jim placed his hand over Kevin's
and Joel's. Kevin looked up at Jim.

"Doctor, what's wrong with him?"

"Kevin, he is in a coma like Terry, we don't know if he will recover. I
think if he does he will need a friend. His name is Joel."

 "I wish you could tell me what is wrong with him."

"I wish I could, but I can't. I think you will find out soon."

"Okay."

They stood next to Joel for quite awhile. I walked up to Jim and put my
hand on his shoulder.

"I felt it, did you Doctor?"

"He squeezed your hand, Kevin?"

"Yes, he did."

"Good."

They both released his hand and stepped back. I turned around to see what I
assumed were Joel's parents walking in the room. They walked up to foot of
Joel's bed.  Jim turned and walked over to them.

"How are you two doing?"

"Still in shock, this isn't easy." Joel's Dad responded.

"I know," said Jim.

I motioned to Kevin to follow me out of the room. Outside the room Kevin
asked me, "Who are you?"

"My name is Rick, I work at the Gay Community Center in Montrose. I am
Jim's partner."

Kevin's eyes got real big. "The Doctor is gay too?"

"Yeah, I am afraid so. He doesn't like for his patients or his family to
know, but I think it is okay for you to know."

"Has he told you about us...ah, me and Terry?"

"What he could without violating anyone's privacy."

"I told my mother and the Doctor that I, too am gay."

"You have been hiding a long time?"

"Yes, for a couple of years. I couldn't...I just couldn't..."

"I know."

"Do you know what happen to Joel?"

"Some things, not all. When Joel recovers, he will need lots of support and
help, just like Terry will."



>From Jim's perspective:



After Rick and Kevin left the room I went over next to Joel's bed.

"Why don't two of you come closer and each take a hand and hold it."

"I don't know if I can," Joel's father said.

"Why sir, is it because he tried to commit suicide or because he is gay?"

"I am not comfortable with the fact that my son had sexual relations with
another man."

I looked over to Joel's mother, "Do you have the same reservations?"

Joel's mother looked at me, than Joel and than her husband, "I love my son,
Doctor, this isn't easy, we knew he was extremely depressed over the death
of his missionary companion, but we didn't know the extent of the situation
until now. I had been looking for answers and don't like what I have
found. It saddens me that he was this far gone over the companion. I had no
clue. I only tried to be there for him. Joel was so distant. I understand
why now.  Joel being gay, that is a hard to accept."

"As his mother, what do you want to do...now?"

Joel's mother looked at me, and then her husband.

"I want to go to him and caress his forehead and hold his hand and tell my
son that I love him."

"Then why aren't you doing what a Mother needs to do?"

Joel's father just looked down while his wife spoke.

"Joel is my son," his mother continued, "I love him and this hurts so
much." She moved up beside the bed. She took Joel's hand with both of hers
and kissed it. Her tears were dropping onto both of them. Then she took one
hand and placed on Joel's head. She bent down to whisper into Joel's ear,
"I love you, son."

"Have you arranged for a blessing on Joel?" I asked his father.

"No, I haven't. I don't know if he is worthy of a blessing." Joel's father
said.

"I don't think it would be inappropriate for a father, with his priesthood,
to give his son a blessing."

Joel's father looked up. First his eyes rested upon Joel. Then he looked to
me.

"You know the Mormon way?"

"Yes, I was raised as a Mormon and even served a mission."

"How would you feel if it became known to you that your son was a
homosexual?"

"Actually, I just found out that my oldest son is gay and I still love him
and very proud of him. I believe with all my heart that my family comes
first over anything else."

Joel's father expression changed inwardly.

The silence was broken by a voice I hadn't expected to hear come from the
woman on the other side of Joel's bed. The tone was strong and
uncompromising. The look in her eyes was one I hoped I would never have to
see in Rick's eyes.

"Joseph Joel Albers the 2nd, come over here and do your fatherly duties and
give your son the blessing he deserves and needs at this time and if you
don't I will find other Mormon Elders and have it done."

Joel's father looked over at his wife, from the look on his face, he had
never heard her stand up to him before. He didn't move.  Okay, it is
evident that you as Joel's father have mixed emotions. Before he wakes up,
you will have some choices to make. You can walk away, disown him and never
see him again. Or, you can love Joel, let him be your son and forgive him
and help him accept what ever he wants to do with his life. He has lost so
much already so losing you may not be as traumatic as losing the man he
still loves. I need to know the answer because when he wakes, I am going to
have to deal with whatever you decide. I am here for Joel. I hope his
mother and I am not alone."

I turned and walked out into the hallway. Rick and Kevin were outside the
door. I stood for a moment and closed my eyes, with a silent prayer I hoped
that Joel's father would come around.

"Okay guys, we have one more room to check and than Kevin can go back to
his brother's room. So, did you guys get to know each other?"

"We chatted some, I have a feeling we will get know each other better."
Rick said.

"Good."

The three of us walked on down the hall. We found Tyler next to Gary's bed
and he was holding Gary's hand.

"Hey, Tyler, I want you to meet this young man. His name is Kevin. Kevin
this Tyler."

Both young men approached each other and shook hands.

"Tyler, why don't you take Kevin over to Gary and tell him about Gary."

"Sure, Doctor."

Tyler took Kevin over to the bed.

"Kevin, this is my lover and companion. He is in a drug-induced coma
because he is extremely septic. There are using every known anti-biotic on
him. As you can see he is on a respirator. The doctors are hopeful as that
he is still with us. They say his heart is strong enough to endure the
illness and treatment."

"Tyler, I am so sorry. I hope he recovers so he can come to back to you."
Kevin said. Than he turned to me, "Doctor, this is the other man in my
dream who sat between Joel and Terry."

Tyler shot a look of surprise at me.



>From Gary's perspective: The Elders closed the "Book of Life" folders and
laid them down next the scriptures and returned to the rear of the
room. The gentlemen in white at the table also closed their folders. Even
though the Elders were impassioned with their testimonies, I felt in my
heart that the gentlemen were not swayed. The gentlemen lowered their heads
as in prayer. The room was so quiet. I held on to the young men's hands. I
felt them squeezing my hands. I think they felt the same way. I wanted to
go back to be with Tyler, I need him and he needs me. I don't think the
young missionary to my right really seemed too fazed by the proceedings
after his lover finished his pronouncements, I don't think he cares what
happens to him. The other young man on my left just stared ahead most of
the time.

 The light behind the white curtains across from the white table began to
intensify. The lights above also increased in brightness as well. The
lighting became so intense, so incredible. It had to be the purest white
light I have ever seen in my life. I began to feel engulfed by the
light. It was warm. It was beautiful. It was breathtaking. Comforting... a
beacon of love and hope.  I felt the warmth in my chest as my soul stirred
with the essence of joy and illumination.  My eyes remained wide open, the
light seemed to sear through me...it came upon me. All my surroundings
disappeared into the brightness. Just white, bright and warm and I became
one with it.


I am gone...




>From Jim's perspective:



I had Kevin and Tyler compare notes about their dreams. I was really
getting excited.

"The other young man is here, Doctor?" asked Tyler.

"Yes, he is, just down the hall, Tyler."

"Can I go see him please?"

"Sure, let's go."

All four of us, Tyler, Kevin, Rick and I headed for Joel's room. I stopped
just before we got there to see if Joel's parents were still there. Joel's
mother was with him. His father was nowhere to be seen. I told the guys to
wait out in the hallway for a couple minutes.  I went into the room and I
explained the situation with Joel's mother. I tried to sound impassioned so
that she didn't' think I was completely nuts. I told her I thought we were
dealing on a higher spiritual plain here. I brought everyone in and
introduced everyone to everybody. I nodded my head and Kevin led Tyler by
the hand to the bed. Tyler looked at Joel.

"Yes, I remember him in the dream. He sat next to Gary. I thought he looked
so sad and lost. Is he in a coma too, Doctor?"

"Yes he is. After speaking to his doctors, I believe he will come out it."

"I want to meet him when he does."

"Sure Tyler, I can arrange that."

Rick had his hand in mine. He brought his lips up to my ear.

"I think this is going to work out better than I thought." Rick said.

"I know."

"Would you like to see my brother now, Tyler?"

"Sure."

So, we left Joel and his mother and I promised we would be back all paraded
down to Terry's room. Kevin led Tyler to the bed.

"Oh, Kevin, I am so sorry, he looks so bad."

"It's okay, Tyler. My father and brother did to this to him for being gay."

"Oh, Kevin, I am so sorry."

"The doctors say he will recover hopefully, I believe he will." Kevin said.

"I hope so, Kevin." Tyler said.

"Tyler, I am gay too."

"I know Kevin. I felt it."

Tyler put his arms around Kevin.

"I want us all to be friends, I want all of us to feel like we have someone
around when we need them. When Joel wakes up, we will be there for
him. When Terry wakes up, we will be here for him. When Gary wakes up, we
will be there for him. Until then, Kevin, we have each other."

I went over to Kevin's mother and put my arm around her. She looked up at
me and smiled.

"I think I have someone I would like you to meet," I said to Kevin's
mother. "Would you come with me?"

"Yes. I will."

I left the boys with Rick with Terry and I took his mother with me to
Joel's room. As I expected, Joel's mother was by her son's side. She was
wiping tears from her eyes as I entered the room. I introduced the mothers
to each other. With both of their permissions, I explained to each their
situations. Both mothers embraced, crying for the other and their sons.

I left them to each other and headed back to Terry's room. I stopped by the
ICU desk and checked the charts for my patients. I had written orders for
Joel and Terry to be moved to my section of the hospital when their
respective doctors released them from ICU. I plan on putting Terry and Joel
in the same room together. My concentration was broken by...

ALARM warnings from the desk consoles. The nurses checked and ran to the
room where the monitors had sounded. I watched them go down the hall. They
entered Gary's room. I turned and ran down towards Terry's room. I grabbed
my cell phone and called Travis. He answered and I told him that Tyler is
going to need him. I reached Terry's room.

"Tyler, you need to come with me...NOW."

Everyone came running towards Gary's room. We had to physically restrain
Tyler from going in. The doctor's entered the room. I turned to the group.

"I think it time for a prayer. Let's get into a circle."

All four of gathered close. The monitors in the room were still active.

The group prayer was a silent one. My prayer was for both Gary and Tyler.

I could hear the rustling of white over coats, commanding voices as they
worked on Gary who had apparently gone into cardiac arrest. I pulled the
group a little away from the door. Rick was standing on one side of Tyler
and Kevin was on the other.

"It's happening, he told me...he told me," Tyler said as he was crying. "I
know this is it, I just know it, in my heart, my heart."

"It's not over Tyler," I told him, "They are still working on him."

"No, no...the dream...THE DREAM. I already know. I want to be with him. I
want to hold him." Tyler was screaming. Rick and Kevin tried to hold him,
but he broke loose.

Tyler ran into the room. I followed as close as I could. The three of stood
at the doorway. Tyler was just inside.

"Okay," said one of the doctors, "I am going to call it."

Tyler let out a moan has he fell to his knees.



The end of Chapter 20