Date: Sat, 14 Feb 2004 17:03:19 -0800 (PST)
From: gaymormonwriter@yahoo.com
Subject: Born To Be A Missionary Chapter 4    adult/youth  relationships

Born To Be A Missionary 
Chapter 4

>From Rick's perspective:

About 2 in the afternoon, this cute blond headed guy walks in. He seemed to
be oozing self confidence with a sense of defiance. He sees me and walks my
way.

"I am looking for a guy named Rick."

"You found him."

"Hi, I am ....ah....Tyler. I am here to be tested."

"Okay. Go down the hall to your right here, second door on the left. The
nurse will help you. When you are done, come out and we will chat, okay?"

"Yeah." and he goes.

About a half hour later he was standing in front of me.

"All done, Tyler?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you come with me to our conference room and chat a little."

"Okay."

We sat down at the table and he starts off by saying, " I am not gay. I
just wanted to make sure there was no misunderstanding."

"That's cool, Tyler, nobody said you were."

"I was told I had to come here and be tested and talk to you."

"So you were referred to me. So you are not here because you want to be?"

"No, not really."

"Okay. Why were you referred to me?"

"I am seeing this shrink...ah doctor who told me I had to."

"Everything here is confidential, even the testing is confidential. Unless
you asked to be tested for syphilis or gonorrhea. Those are required by law
to report to the Health Department. Which tests did you request?"

"HIV."

"Are you sexually active, Tyler?"

"Yes."

"Don't you think you need to know if you have contracted other STD's?"

"No."

"Are you in a monagamous relationship or do you have mulitple partners?"

"I have sex with different men."

"You are having random sex and you don't think it is right not being safe
for them?"

"I know I am safe."

"The only way to be completely safe is not having sex at all."

"I am not going to stop."

"So you are using condoms for both oral and anal sex?"

"I use a condom for anal sex, not for oral."

"You can get STD's from oral sex, you did know that didn't you?"

"No."

"Do you let your partner finish off in your mouth?"

"Cum in my mouth...no way."

"Why not?"

"That would be too gay."

"But you are having homosexual sex with men. That is gay."

"Doesn't apply to me. You are only gay if you let a guy cum in your mouth
and you let him put his cock in your ass."

"Okay, so you are having sex with "gay men". Ever have sex with a straight
guy?"

"No, they would think I was gay and I am not."

"But you are having homosexual relations with men."

"You sound just like the shrink who sent me here. Damn."

"You said you "had" to come here, why was it put to you that way?"

"Well, Rick, I am a Mormon, I want to go on my mission so this shrink has
to clear me to go. So I am trying to be cooperative."

So this is the Missionary wanna be. He is kinda hot. Though Jim hasn't
given me any details, I just wondered what was said that sent Jim into a
sexual frenzy last night.

"How long have you been having sexual active, Tyler?"

"I started masturbating when I was 13, my first experience with a man was
five years ago."

"Have you had sex with any females?"

"No."

"Why not, Tyler?"

"I am saving myself for marriage. I want to be a virgin for my wife."

"Tyler, you have had oral and anal sex?"

"And your point is?."

"Then you are not a virgin."

"She won't know about it."

"Tyler, that isn't fair to her or you. Surely you will tell your sexual
history before you marry."

"Nope, none of her business."

"Tyler, it is her business. You will be having unprotected sex with her,
that would be what she is expecting, she needs to know your history."

"Nope."

"Okay, what if you do have an STD and you didn't know and you pass it on to
her and even a baby, how will you handle that?"

"Easy, I dont' have any STD's so I am not worried about it."

"That is the most incrediblely selfish irresponsible attitude to have,
Tyler."

"I didn't come here to be insulted, Rick."

"I didnt' insult you. I stated a fact."

"Are we done here."

"Sure."

And with that, the blond headed hunk walked out of the room, grabbed one of
my business cards and left the center. That night, I cooked dinner
again. After dinner Jim sat me down and gave me another one of his
incredible blow jobs. After he cleaned me up and put my now sensitive cock
my in pants and zipped me up I told Jim I met Tyler.

"Tyler came into the center today, Jim."

"Good. Did he get tested."

"Yes."

"Good. Did you talk to him?"

"Yes I did. What a hard headed, selfish and dangerous prick."

"Wow. He really left quite an impression on you didn't he?"

"Yes he did. He is quite a good looking guy, he's just narcisstic,
arrogrant, totally in denial."

"I know."

"How are you going to do with that attitude of his?"

"I don't know until I figure it out. There is a lot we have to cover before
I write up an evaluation for Kent."

"Do you think that Kent would ever consider him for a mission calling?"

"I don't know yet. First impression? I wouldn't send him to a High School
prom with my sister let alone represent the church on a mission."

"When do you see him again?"

"Tomorrow."

"How did that guy get you so horned up last night?"

"He told me about his first sexual experience, with all the gory details."

"Wow. Must have been pretty hot."

Jim chuckled, "Ah, yeah. Are you going to give me a hard time about this
now?"

"No, but you did to me last night. Wow."

Jim blushed and he is so cute when he does that. I went over to his chair
and kneeled in front of him. I reached up and undid is belt and pulled down
his zipper. I fished out his cut cock and slipped it into my mouth. I love
the feel as it gets hard in my mouth. I take him slowly, I move my tongue
all over the bottom surface of his cock. I relish each time I have done
this.

The first time I took him into my mouth was six months after I moved in
with him. I felt he was ready for me to make a move. He had been so
reserved with me, we had hugged and even kissed on the mouth, but we never
touched other otherwise. It was a setting pretty much like this. He was
sitting in his chair and we were talking about sexual experiences. Jim had
only been with Sara, thier sex life had only been restricted by Sara's
uneasyness with anything other than just intercourse. When Jim tried to
initiate oral sex, she withdrew from him and said she didn't feel
comfortable with it. Jim felt he had to be patient with her. Sara never did
come around to the idea. Jim loved her to much to make a big deal about
it. So, Jim's sex life had been his hand before, during and after his
mission until he got married.

So when we talked about it, I told him I wanted to take our relationship to
the next level. He was somewhat nervous. I told him to sit back and relax
as I got in front of him to take his cock out of his pants. I unzipped him
and stopped. He was still wearing his church garments. Jim never stopped
wearing them even though he no longer was a member of the Mormon Church. I
told him I didnt' feel right going into his garments to take his cock
out. Jim reached down, open the garment and took his cock out. I took him
into my hand and started to stroke it. I knew he was cut so I examined his
cock, his circumcision scar was just below his head which meant he still
had some skin so his cock wouldn't feel tight. I had seen some guys who had
been cut so low that there was no flexability at all. I guess if Jim had to
be cut, he had the best he could get. I looked up at him, he was watching
me with wide eyes. I knew this was going to be his first blow job and I
wanted it to be so good. I stood him up and told him I wanted him naked.

 So I undressed him. I removed his garments from his body. He never wore
garments again. When he was naked I layed him on the couch and ran my hands
all over his body. When my hand came to rest on his cock I kissed
him. While I kissed him I started to stroke his cock. He was hard. His hand
found my zipper and started to pull it down, I let him. Still kissing me he
reached in and touched me. He pulled my cock out and he seemed to know what
to do with my foreskin as he pushed it back and forth over my head. I came
off his mouth and moved my mouth to his cock. I figured this would go
quickly so I took him into my mouth and sucked him slowly letting him feel
my mouth all over his cock. My mind was reeling back to when we were
missionaries and how I had jack off fantasies doing just this. Sucking
Jim's cock. His cock tasted wonderful. I ran my tongue over his sensitive
head, then jabbed at his circumcision scar tissue and stroked it. He
whimpered at that. Then I took my lips and just sucked up and down and it
didn't take long, he came and came, he filled my mouth with so much cum and
I savored it and swallowed it. Jim had nearly jumped off the couch as his
orgasm drove him wild. I ran my hands all over his hairy chest and abs as I
continued sucking gently on his cock.

When his breathing was back to normal I went up and kissed his mouth, his
return kiss was so passionate. Jim had found my cock again and was stroking
it. He told me he had never felt anything like that and loved it. I kissed
him as he continued jacking my cock, he was doing pretty good and then I
came all over his hand and fingers. I nearly lost my balance. He brought
his hand up and licked his fingers of my cum. He said he loved the taste. I
got him up off the couch, we went into the bathroom and took a shower
together. We washed each other and then went to bed, I made love to Jim
that night, I was gentle with him, teaching, showing and when I took his
ass, he just trembled with delight. I told him he had to take me and he
did. I apparently was a good teacher because while he was thrusting in ass,
he had me squirming all over the bed. I never slept in my room again. We
have never spent a night apart in 13 years. I was so blessed that we found
each other.

So, here I am, my mouth on his cock has he sits in his chair. Jim has
become so addicted to my blow jobs as I have his. I have become an expert
on sucking Jim's cock, I know every spot that drives him wild, I can make
him cum quickly or I can make wait for quite awhile.  Tonight, he will
wait. I tease the base of his cock, run my tongue along the underside,
swirl around the head and then down into my mouth to his pubes. Then I stop
moving. His cock just laying on my tongue. All he feels is the warmth of my
mouth and tongue, but no stimulation. This drives him nuts because he
starts to hump my mouth, begging for some traction. So I flip my tongue
against the underside of his cock and push to the top of my mouth. I take
my hand to guide his cock head as I rub it against the roof of my
mouth. Jim is moaning now. Then I speed up the rubbing against the roof of
my mouth and this is one of the ways he likes to cum. And I let him. I
never tire of the taste of his cum. He is like a cum factory, he has huge
loads...maybe that is because of what I can do to him.  I suck him dry and
lick up any accidental spills, put his flaccid cock back in his pants and
zip him up.  Then I turn around and turn on the TV to watch LAW AND
ORDER. I look over at Jim and he appears to have fallen asleep. I am so
proud of myself.

********************************************************************************************************************************************************

>From Jim's perspective:

Tyler is due here in about fifteen minutes for our second session. I glance
at the notes from Tuesday, but my mind wonders to last night when Rick gave
me one of his special blow jobs. It seems like he worships my cock. I think
the only thing he would change about my cock is that I still had my
foreskin. Having touched and sucked and felt his cock in my ass with his
foreskin, I wish I could give him the same in return. I asked why his
parents didn't have him circumcised and he said he was a pre-mature baby
and they never circumcise premies. His parents didn't mind and left him
alone. I think Rick is happy that he wasn't circumcised and so am I, I
really enjoy his foreskin. When my oldest son was born, RJ, my wife asked
that we not circumcise him. I thougth a bit about it, I had known Rick was
uncut when we were missionaries together and I came to the realization that
it probably didn't make a diffence. So I agreed. Our other sons are also
intact. After being with Rick, I realized it did make a difference....skin
is better. In the medical field, that subject has long been debated and
probably will never be totally resolved. In religion it is sometimes
misunderstood. I had a Catholic man tell me one time that he was "a good
catholic" because he was circumcised. He tought all Catholic men were
required to be cut. I explained to him that in the New Testament, Paul
teaches that circumcision is not neccessary and that it is not a
requirement to belong to the church. I explained that outside the US,
Catholic men were usually uncut. He was amazed.

I left my notes and went to the waiting room to get Tyler. He came in and
sat in the rocker recliner again.

"Tyler, did you go to the Gay Teen Center yesterday?"

"Yes."

"Did you get tested?"

"Yeah, they took my blood."

"Did Rick talk with you."

"Yeah, he was a real jerk."

"Oh really, why is that?"

"He asks some pretty stupid questions and he told me I was selfish and
irresponsible."

"Tyler, did he have a good reason to say that?"

"No. I am a very responsible guy. I am clean from all STD's...I protect
myself."

"What about the men you are with, do you protect them?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

This is one argument that isn't going to be resolved, well, not yet at
least.

"Tyler, have you ever had thoughts of commiting suicide?"

Tyler was really quiet. He wouldn't look at me. He looked right at the
floor.

"Yes."

"Have you tried to commit suicide?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"I took my father's shotgun to my room one night. I thought long and hard
about it. I even put it the barrel to my head. That is when my father
walked in to my room. I scared the shit out of him. We talked it out."

"What prompted you to feel like you had to die?"

"I was tired of living with all this shit going on. My mother had gotten to
me. Ever since she found out about the sex she has bitched and complained
at me. My brothers and sisters don't know what to say to me. I have been
getting the chill treatment from everyone. My dad has been the only one to
talk to me and try to help me."

"Are you still living at home?"

"No."

"Where are you are living now?"

"With a friend."

"Is your friend gay?"

"No. He is just a friend. It is just a place for me to sleep and stay away
from home."

"Tyler, when did you move out?"

"About six months ago."

"Has there been any other times you tried to end it all?"

"Yes."

"How many?"

"A few."

"Do you feel suicidal now?"

"Sometimes."

"Any time after you moved out?"

"No."

"How about right now?"

"No."

"Do you thing committing suicide would solve all your problems?"

"Sometimes."

"Kind of a finality to it, isn't there?"

"I guess."

"Do you love your family?"

"Yes, I do, very much."

"And your mother?"

"Yes, I guess."

"Do you think they love you?"

"They used to. Now since I moved out, hardly anyone even sees me. I do miss
Travis. We were so tight, we would tell each other everything, we were
solid brothers, he took me everywhere with him and I really missed him when
he went on his mission. Now...."

Tyler closed his eyes. I can see this causes him some pain.

"You said you told Travis everything, but you didn't tell him you were
having sex did you?"

"No. I couldn't tell anyone."

"You told your bishop, why?"

"He asked, like I told you."

"What do you think would have happen if you had told Travis you were having
sex?"

"He would've given me grief over since he would have thought it was with
girls."

"And, if you told him it was with men, what do you think his reaction would
have been?"

"If I was still underage, he would've told Dad. He always liked looking out
for me." Then he thought for a minute and said, " He would have told Dad
not matter what, even if I wasn't underage."

"Was Travis on his mission when your parents found out?"

"Yes."

"How did Travis find out about it, was he still on his mission?"

"No, Dad forbade me from telling him in my letters to him. I drove to
Virginia when his mission ended to pick him up. That was always our plan
since I should be leaving for my mission within weeks of his returning."

"So did you tell Travis?"

"Yes. It was at the motel the night I picked him up. I sat him down and
told I had to tell him something that the rest of the family knew about and
he needed to hear it before we got home. I told him I had been suspended
from church. He looked surprised and stunned. He asked what I had done. I
told him. It was like I stabbed him with a knife through his heart. He
didn't say anything to me the rest of the night. He just cried all night
long. I did too. The next day he drove and didn't say anything for the
entire drive. We could have made home that day, but he wanted one more
night in a motel room. I don't think he was ready to face what was at
home."

"Did something happen that night at the motel room?"

"Yeah, we watched TV for awhile and then about 10 he shut it off and then
he tore into me about how pissed off he was with me. Pissed that I never
told him anything in the beginning, he said we were the tightest two
brothers could be and that I could have trusted him enough to tell him I
was even having "those" kind of thoughts, that I cheated him from being
there to help me with it. He said he could have accepted the fact if I had
come to him and told him I was gay then or even had gay inclinations
because he loved me, when he said that I told him I wasn't gay, but he said
me that was bullshit. Then he went on to condemn me for having had sex with
men, lying to him, putting our parents through hell, putting my mission in
jeopardy, showing disrespect for the church, it's institution, teachings
and doctrine, things we both shared as sacred, it was beyond him. I thought
he was so furious with me at that moment I thought he was going to beat the
shit out me. I even think he tought about beating the shit out of me, but
then he stormed out. He didnt' come back for a couple of hours. I dont'
think he slept that night either. He had his homecoming celebration without
me. I didn't go. I felt like I no longer belonged to the family. Travis
hasn't spoken to me since. I miss him."

"Is this the first time you have told anyone about Travis' reaction."

"Yeah."

It was obvious he was trying to hold back his emotions.

"Tyler, you have lost a lot from all this haven't you?"

"Yeah."

"In hindsight, would you have changed anything about what has happen the
last 5 or 6 years?"

He thought long and hard on that one, and then in a whispered voice he
said, "Yes."

I let him sit there for a little while letting him dwell in his thoughts. I
continued writing my notes.

"Tyler, tell me about your first job."

 "It was at a video store. The manager had just been transfered here and he
was a Mormon. My dad was Bishop then and he talk to Gary, the manager,
about me getting a job. I was just turning 16. I was hired."

"Did you like working at the video store?"

"Yeah, it was fun. Gary and I got to be pretty good friends. I had to keep
after him to go to church."

"Didn't Gary have a family?"

"No, his wife had died and his son was grown living out of state. So I had
him over for family dinners a couple of times, even Thanksgiving"

"How long did you work there?"

"Well, Doc, I was there about eight months, after six Gary was transfered
again to Dallas. The new guy who replaced him was a jerk so I tried
transfering to another store, but he wouldn't let me so I quit and went to
work at the AMC theatre. I have been there ever since. I have worked the
box office, concession stand and they even taught me how to run the
projectors. I love it."

"Since you and Gary were pretty good friends, did you guys stay in touch?"

"Yeah. I have called a few times. Then he requested a transfer back to
Houston and he got it."

"Did you tell him about yourself?"

"Yes, while he was still in Dallas."

"How did he react to the information?"

"He was surprised, but he took it very well. I had thought he was gay and I
asked him and he denied it."

"Why did you think Gary was gay? Were you attracted to him?"

"I dont' know, he didn't act gay, never said anything to suggest he was, I
just had a feeling. Yes I was attracted to him."

"Do you see Gary now?"

"I called him a couple of times, he even asked me to come back to work for
him, but I told him I liked my job at the theater. The last time I called
his home phone had been disconnected, so I called the store and they said
he had quit the company and moved to California. I dont' know where he is
now."

"Do you miss him?"

"Yeah."

"So, is the theater job something you might continue doing for awhile after
you graduate from college?"

"I don't know, I might."

"Does anyone know at work about your sexual activities?"

"No."

I was writing my notes and Tyler was looking over at my book collection
that I have here in the office.

"Tyler, I want to give you some homework, okay?"

"Yeah, I guess."

I got up and went over to my books and pulled a paperback and handed it to
Tyler.

"I want you to read this book before you come back next week. I want you to
be ready to talk to me about the book."

Tyler looked at the book, it was THE FRONT RUNNER.

"I really think you will like it."

Tyler looked at the cover and flipped it over to check out the back
cover. He read the back cover.

"What is this, a gay book?"

"Actually, it is a love story about two men, one younger, one older."

"Why should I read a "gay" book?"

"First. I think it is a great book about relationship, friendships and
trust. Second, I am not giving you a choice."

"Oh brother. Are we done now?"

"When do you go back to get your test results?"

"Monday."

"You should know that Rick will counsel you about the results. Can you be
civil with him?"

"i guess."

"Alright, see ya next week."

Tyler took the book and left. He was my last appointment and I was looking
forward to repaying Rick for his wonderful blow job last night. I really
love Rick. I never want to lose him.


End of Chapter 4

*******************************************************************************
(Author's notes: If you get a chance to read THE FRONT RUNNER, it is a
great read and a classic gay novel published in the mid seventies. It can
be found in most book stores, you may have to ask for it.)
*******************************************************************************