Date: Mon, 15 Sep 2003 20:23:22 -0500 From: Rhaven Subject: Bug Chapter Five This story contains strong language and sexual content between boy/boy and boy/man. For more stories and poems, please visit: www.rhavenlore.com There ain't angels that come from Heaven. I'm pretty sure of this. Maybe Heaven has its doors locked. I think. I have seen devils, not in real life or anythin' like that, but in people's faces, I seen evil in their eyes and in their smile. I guess I could say that since the devil lives in some, then I've also met those who have God inside them. I ain't never seen an angel, but I seen those who should be angels. CHAPTER FIVE Sheriff Tanner paced his small office glancing occasionally at family photos on his wall, as Bug and Jeff sat, watched and waited patiently, not daring to say anything to interrupt the man's thoughts. "What I'm saying." Tanner suddenly shattering the silence. "We have undisputable proof that the house was deliberately set on fire." "But that doesn't mean Bug started it." Jeff said trying to control his irritation. "Mr. Daniels." The sheriff paused, inhaled deeply and ran his hand through his short spiky hair. "I'm not chargin' the boy with anythin'. yet. I just want ta get to the truth here. Mrs. Thornton lost her life in that fire and I need to do everythin' in my power ta find her killer." Bug didn't want to listen to this anymore, his stomach groaned and churned, threatening to erupt. All this talk of murder and fire, made him want to run from the small square office, out into the street and to a place unknown and undiscovered by anyone. The only thing that stopped Bug from moving was the secure arm, resting across his shoulders. He figured Jeff kept him close, not out of worry or fear of him escaping, but to let him feel his support, it wasn't helping Bug at the moment. It was actually making him feel claustrophobic. "You know we will help in anyway we can. Susan Thornton's death needs to be resolved." Jeff said looking over to Bug and smiling. "Then I need ta ask.. Bug did ya set that fire?" "No sir." Bug answered holding his breath, his heart betraying how he truly felt. "Well son, I hope you're tellin' me the truth. 'cause this is a serious matter here. If ya is holdin' anything back from me, I promise I will find out." Jeff remained silent as the sheriff talked, Bug didn't dare look at him, he didn't want to see the disappointment in Jeff's eyes. For if, anyone knew he was guilty of this fire, it had to be Jeff. After all this man had done for him, Bug couldn't stand the thought of disappointing him. "I. ain't got nothin' else ta say." The drive back to the house was lonely for Bug. Jeff hadn't said a word to him since they left the police station. Sheriff Tanner had told them, in not so many words, that the only reason Bug was going home was because Jeff Daniels stature in the community. If he had lived with anyone else with less respected, and then most likely Bug would already have been charged with murder. Bug wondered what they did with kids convicted of murder; did they have a special prison just for them? It took Bug a moment to realize that the car had stopped, they weren't at home, but parked in front of Weasley's, Bug had never been in the store before, even in his current state of melancholy, he was excited with the idea of going inside. It's large windows filled with mannequins that expressed the ideas of wonderland. "What are we doin' here?" Bug dared to ask. "I thought we could pick you up some more clothes." Jeff said, adding his wide smile. Everything caught Bug's eye the store was amazing, a parade of colors and gadgets only found in the funny pages. Soft music played as Jeff led Bug to the boy's department. Bug had never seen so many shirts and pants in his life; he hadn't realized there were so many different colors in the world. He wanted to ask Jeff, who made all the clothes, but didn't want to look stupid. Bug allowed Jeff to pick out the shirts, there were too many for Bug to even decide. Then Jeff, still smiling, grabbed up some pants. Bug hugged his new pile of clothes as if they were a precious baby. He loved the way they smelled and the way the felt. He was getting new clothes and that made everything all right. Bug noticed that Jeff had a look as if he knew the clothes would make Bug feel better, it made Bug feel all warm inside, knowing Jeff still cared. He reluctantly allowed the woman at the front counter to take the clothes from him, so that Jeff could pay for them. The car ride back, Bug insisted on holding the sack that contained his clothes in his lap. His good mood slipped away as they pulled up to the house, four trucks were there, with a group of men lingering at the steps of the porch. "What's going on?" Jeff asked still smiling, but Bug could see the look in their eyes, they craved blood, they had the look of a wild animal, they were there for him. "Mr. Daniels." A round butterball of a man stepped forward. "We need ta talk wit' ya." Miss June burst out of the house like a teenage girl waiting for a date. Bug had no idea the older woman could move so fast. "I tried ta tell 'em to leave. Ain't no reason for 'em ta be here like this! A bunch of fools, lookin' for revenge, but ain't willin' ta listen ta truth." "What's going on, Mr. Hagen?" Jeff lost his smile, as he looked around at all the farmers. "Just ain't right Mr. Daniels. The boy done kill someone and needs ta be punished. It ain't right fer ya ta keep him here safe." Bug sank down in his seat, hoping the men couldn't see him, he managed to peek up enough to get a look at Jeff. "Now ya men get outta here." Miss June yelled from the porch. "Ain't gonna let no body hurt that boy." "Miss June." Jeff said with strained calmness. "Take Bug inside the house." Bug had never been so happy to see anyone, when Miss June opened the car door and escorted him through the crowd of men and into the house. She had to be the bravest woman he'd ever seen, though she walked with a crooked back and frail legs, at that moment she seemed enormous and more powerful an any of the men around her. "Suga' go sit at de' table and I'll fix ya somethin' ta eat." Miss June said almost singing, as if nothing was happening, she limped into the kitchen and started humming a song. Bug couldn't believe how calm she was, he was ready to scream and hide in a corner. Dandy raced into the room and looked briefly at Bug before he stuck his face at the window. "Their goin' ta kill him!" Dandy screamed. "Ya hush now Dandy. They may be fools, but they ain't gonna hurt Mr. Daniels." Bug ignored Miss June; he jumped out of the chair, knocking it over in the process. He ran passed Dandy and out onto the porch. "Don't hurt him!" He screamed with all the power he could find. Jeff looked up at the boy confused, as did the rest of the men. "Bug, I'm fine.everything is. fine, isn't it Mr. Hagen? Go back into the house, please." Jeff said forcing a smile. The fat man grinned awkwardly and nodded. Bug didn't go inside and Jeff didn't force him. The men gave one last look towards Bug and then slowly, almost reluctantly headed back into their trucks. "Land's sakes child, what did ya think ya was doin'?" Miss June limped out on the porch, looking her age again. "He was protecting me." Jeff said cheerfully, and ruffled up Bug's hair. "Just how ya can smile afta' them idiot come busting in here, I'll never know." Miss June shook her head, didn't wait for Jeff to respond as she swirled around and went back into the house. "Bug, I don't want you to worry about what happened here. Everything is fine." "You keep sayin' that." Bug whispered, his body still shaking from the thought of Jeff being killed. He was mad at himself, mad at the men and even mad at Jeff. "I killed them all." Bug finally blurted out, he hadn't wanted to say it, but it had been stuck in his throat for so long, it had just slipped out. "You. you didn't kill anyone." Jeff said after he recovered from the initial shock. "Yes, I did. everyone dies around me. I killed them all!" Bug was screaming. "And if I stay here, you will die too!" "Poor child is feverish." Miss June started to say, but Bug didn't listen, he ran into the house. Bug ran to his room and threw himself onto the bed. All his emotions were trying to escape, making his body shake from the turbulence. He screamed into the pillow, releasing all that sorrow all that hate and fear that had poisoned him for so long. He screamed and screamed until his throat wouldn't take anymore. He tears flowed from his eyes uncontrollable, he gasped for breath between his manic sobs. Every muscle in his body hurt, as will as his mind. Images of all that had died because of him, danced defiantly in front of him, mocking him. Bug hadn't realized Jeff had entered the room until the man picked him up. Even as Jeff carried him out of his room, Bug couldn't stop crying, he didn't want to stop crying. Jeff laid him on his bed and sat next to him, rubbing his back slowly. Finally, Bug's sobbing slowed and Jeff spoke for the first time. "You have dealt with more death than anyone your age should have to, Bug. I wish I could say something that would make all this go away." Jeff choked back a tear, but couldn't continue. "I shouldn't be here. I don't want ta hurt no body else." Bug managed to say. Jeff shook his head and his face flushed with anger. "You haven't killed anyone Bug! Death doesn't haunt you, damn it!" Jeff almost jumped off the bed, unable to control his anger. "I know none of this is fair. by God if I could erase all this pain, I would. I. I just don't know what else I can do... I don't know how to convince you that you aren't responsible for these deaths." Bug didn't say anything as he watched Jeff walk from the room. He didn 't have time to think on what Jeff said, Dandy entered and quietly sat down at the edge of the bed. "Leave me alone." Bug said burying his face into the pillow. "I ain't leavin'!" Dandy yelled. "Stop bein' a fool and look around. Ya ain't never had it so good, so why ain't ya seein' that?" Dandy cleared his throat and curled up close to Bug, wrapping his skinny arms around Bug's waist. "I'm sorry for yellin' at you, for getting' mad, I don't hate ya Bug. I. I guess I'm jealous." "Jealous?" Bug rolled over on his side to look at Dandy. "Jeff loves ya, ya doofus!" Dandy tried to smile when I said that. "I know he does." Bug confessed. "I also know he loves ya a lot too." Bug said, unable to look Dandy in the eyes. "Yeah he does." Dandy said finally smiling. "So are ya gonna stop mopin' around like some stray dog? Or am I gonna have to start hittin' on ya?" Dandy pulled Bug closer and kissed him on the tip of his nose. "I. just feel so bad." Bug said trying not to cry again. "I don't want ta be sad anymore and I. I don't know how ta make it stop." Dandy kissed Bug's forehead and then his cheek. "I don't know how ta take away ya bad memories. but I know about death. I lost my Ma too ya know and then my brother." Dandy held Bug' s head in his hands and looked deeply into his eyes. "Do ya think ya' ll die because ya is near me?" "No." Bug said feeling foolish. "Ya ain't the Grim Reaper, ya too cute for that." Bug at last, giggled and gave Dandy a quick kiss on the lips. To Bug's surprise and enjoyment, Dandy kissed him back, a long and passionate kiss. It was warm and inviting, releasing a flood of all his good emotions. He grabbed Dandy in a tight hug and started to cry again. "What's wrong now?" Dandy whispered. "I don't know. I guess I'm so happy that ya is here with me." Bug wiped his eyes and kissed Dandy again. "Ya don't mind me kissin' ya do ya?" Dandy giggled and gave Bug another kiss. "I was about ta ask ya the same thing. Want ta do some more?" Bug nodded and they kissed again. Dandy rolled on top of Bug and started kissing his neck. The boys let their hands explore each other, it was the first time Bug had touched Dandy this way, and he loved the smooth skin of Dandy's arms. As they kissed, Bug slipped his hand under Dandy's shirt; he had to feel more of his precious skin. Bug couldn't get enough, he wanted to touch Dandy everywhere, he wanted to enjoy this feeling forever. "What the hell.." Bug almost swallowed his tongue, Jeff had caught Dandy and him in the middle of kissing and almost more. He was about to make up some excuse, some kind of apology, but Dandy spoke first. "I think he's feeling a little better." Dandy giggled. "Dandy, you shouldn't ." Jeff paused and almost smiled. "Is that true? Are you feeling better Bug?" Bug looked at Jeff and then to Dandy, who was still sitting on top of him. "We were kissing." Confessed Bug as if Jeff hadn't noticed. "Yes I saw." Jeff was now smiling. "Miss June has supper ready if you two are finished." Dandy and Jeff both laughed. Bug felt so confused, Jeff wasn't mad, he almost seemed thrilled that he had caught Bug and Dandy in a loving embrace. "We were kissing." Bug said again, thinking that perhaps Jeff had heard him wrong the first time. "Come on let's get somethin' to eat." Dandy said as he pulled Bug off the bed. Miss June had already gone home, but she had cooked up a fabulous meal. Fried ham, greens, corn casserole and baked potatoes. The three of them finished off everything, all dishes and plates were licked clean. "Miss June out did herself tonight." Jeff said patting his stomach in satisfaction. Bug also enjoyed the meal; he had felt as if he hadn't eaten in days, the talk around the table had been casual, too casual for Bug. No mention of Sheriff Tanner, nor the men, they didn't even mention the kissing. He had joined in the conversation, but it wasn't what he wanted to talk about. Actually, by the end of the meal, Bug's head was hurting; his mind swirled with memories and thoughts. They banged around his inside his brain until he couldn't even hear his own voice. "Let's go outside." Dandy didn't wait for Bug to reply, he grabbed Bug by the arm and dragged him outside. Bug wasn't sure how Dandy did it, but he convinced Bug into playing. They didn't play any certain game, but they ran around like idiots, flipping, leaping and all kinds of silliness. They hid from each other, threw rocks into the air and tried to dodge them, Bug even managed to laugh. Dandy spun around, until he wasn't able to stand, Bug followed his example and ended up landing in a bush. They crawled on their bellies like worms; they flapped their arms like birds, only to become airplanes. The boys whistled and sang, they made voices, they whispered. It was the first time in Bug's life, that he allowed himself to enjoy being a kid. "Who wants lemonade?" Jeff said appearing on the porch with a silver tray and a pitcher of ice-cold lemonade. The boys both cheered and raced to the porch. "Aren't you two tired out?" Jeff laughed as he poured the lemonade. "Tired.who's tired?" Dandy giggled. Bug smiled, but he was feeling exhausted, though he wasn't sure he was ready to admit it. "Why don't we have a seat and relax." Jeff offered giving Bug a wink as if he could read his mind. They all sat down on the porch swing and sipped gratefully at the cool drink. Jeff sat between the two boys and hummed a hymn Miss June had taught him. It was peaceful listening to the tune, mixed with the sounds of crickets. "When I was a kid." Jeff suddenly stopped humming and said. "I always wondered if there was anyone else in the world, doing exactly what I was dong at the same moment, feeling the same as I." Bug finished off his lemonade and put the empty glass on the porch railing. He thought hard on what Jeff had said and it made him sad. "I don't think anyone is goin' through what I am." "I think you may be surprised, Bug. Someone told me once, that everyone on this earth has a double, somewhere there is another you, going through the same shit." Bug was silent for a moment, thinking of that kid, who was just like him. "I hope. I hope that other kid has someone takin' care of him like I do." "I'm sure he does." Dandy reassured and reached across Jeff to pat Bug 's leg. "Want ta go play again?" Bug looked at Dandy and then to Jeff, he hated to sound like a wimp, but he was worn out. "I'm.I'm sort of tired." He finally admitted. "So whatcha want ta do?" Dandy asked, appearing to be fine with Bug's comment. "Maybe we should just go to bed?" Jeff interrupted before Bug could answer. "Bed? I ain't sleepy. Bug just say's he was tired. Bug ya sleepy?" Dandy asked. Bug had never thought of the differences in being tired and being sleepy. "I guess I'm just tired.don't think I could sleep yet." Jeff chuckled and relaxed back into the swing. "All right then, what would you two like to do? And let's make it something. not too exhausting or complicated." "I don't care. whatever Bug wants ta do." Dandy said smiling. "All right then, Bug it's all up to you. What would you like to do?" Jeff said looking over at the boy. "I. I don't know.. I ain't done too much really, so." Bug shrugged his shoulders; they were asking him to decide on an activity, when he didn 't know any activities. "It's okay Bug." Jeff reassured. "What have you done here that makes you happy?" "Or what do ya thing would be fun, whatever ya want." Dandy added quickly. Bug thought about it, he thought about the things he had done here. Swimming had been fun, but after the last nights experience, he doubted Jeff would go for that. Only one thing came to mind. "I like." Bug hesitated, not sure, if he should say his thought aloud. "Go ahead Bug, don't be embarrassed." Jeff encouraged. Bug grinned and looked at them for support before speaking again. "I like it when. ya guys baby me." Dandy burst out laughing, slapping his knee in satisfaction. "Ya like it when we.when we 'baby' you?" Bug blushed from embarrassment; he slipped down in the swing wishing he could disappear. "Dandy hush." Jeff said sternly but gently. "I think that's sweet, but how can we make a game out of that?" "What a minute. I didn't say it was a stupid idea. I think it will be fun." Dandy said jumping off the swing and almost knocking Bug off from the jolt. "Fun? Exactly how would you play this game?" Jeff questioned. Bug slipped further down the swing, wishing he had never said anything. He didn't know any good games, the ones he did know, weren't entertaining. Apparently, Bug had missed the full conversation between Jeff and Dandy, of what they had decided Bug had no idea. "Come one let's go inside." Jeff finally said to Bug. Dandy rushed into the house first, making Bug wonder if he was mad. It was just his luck, to say something that would ruin this nice evening.