(Author Note: This is the first story in a series. This series is based on characters and situations originally introduced in the CP novels, Camp Torowa Falls and Camp Torowa Falls 1964 .
This series may be read independently of those novels.)
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Ho, ho, ho and a bottle of rum,
Santa's run off to the Caribbean,
He thinks about boat drinks and fun in the sun,
Ho, ho, ho and a bottle of rum.

"Ho, Ho, Ho and a Bottle of Rum" - Jimmy Buffett, Christmas Island, 1996.
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If two's company and three's a crowd, what would you call four hyperactive boys stuck in the back of a minivan for a 12 hour road trip? A ticking time bomb, at least according to Miss Dottie, who was trying to referee the chaos from the front passenger seat. It was sheer insanity, as far as Mike Damico was concerned. He had tried to pass some of the time by napping, but that proved impossible... with all the whining coming from back in the third row, not to mention the smell...

Twelve year old Michael Leonardo Damico was an only child, the son of Lieutenant Commander Giorgio "George" Damico, a veteran naval aviator who pilots the Boeing F/A-18E Super Hornet supersonic strike fighter for the US Navy. Mike idolized his father, who was a graduate of the Naval Strike and Air Warfare Center in Fallon, Nevada. This school is the modern version of the old Naval Fighter Weapons School and it retains its traditional nickname throughout the fleet: TOPGUN.

Mike's father was currently serving as the executive officer (XO) of a strike fighter squadron that was deployed aboard USS Dwight D. Eisenhower (CVN-69) in the Mediterranean and would not be returning to Norfolk until early 2017. His mother was spending the holidays with her sister, who was separated from her husband... again. Mike actually sympathized with Uncle Louis, since in his opinion Aunt Stacy was batshit crazy. Mike had enormous difficulty hiding this opinion from the nut-job in question, especially over an extended visit. That is why his mother readily agreed to allow Mike to spend the holidays with his best friend's family.

Mike's best friend was 12-year-old James "Jamey" Lane, who was descended from three generations of US Naval officers. Jamey's most recent ancestor in that line was behind the wheel of his brand new 2017 Chrysler Pacifica minivan cruising south on Interstate 95 as it crossed the Savannah River into Georgia. Commander Daniel Lane was also an F/A-18E Super Hornet pilot and a newly promoted squadron commander. His ship, USS George H. W. Bush (CVN-77) was training and preparing for her next operational deployment to the Mediterranean, and probably the Arabian Sea/Persian Gulf area of operations, in February 2017. Meanwhile "Commander Dan", as the man was known to his sons' friends, was able to enjoy the 2016 holidays on shore with his family. He had chosen to take his family (and his son's friends) on a road trip to visit his parents, who had retired to Jacksonville, Florida.

Jamey and Mike occupied the two bucket seats that constituted the second row of seating in the Pacifica. They had control over the built-in UConnect theater/gaming system. Each boy had a small screen that popped out of the back of the first row bucket seat in front of him. These screens weren't as easy to see from the third row as the ceiling-mounted screen in the old minivan that Commander Dan traded in on his new ride.

The third row seat was occupied by Jamey's 9-year-old brother, Timothy Lane, and Timmy's 10-year-old best friend, Jack Miller. Their inability to control the UConnect system was the source of most of the whining coming from back there. All four boys were forced to surrender their personal smart phones and iPads - any internet-capable digital device - to Miss Dottie before the trip started. This explained why the built in gaming system was so important to the boys. Mike had always found Timmy mildly annoying, but Jack was a lot more annoying... in many ways.

"I'm hungry!" said Jack. "Any snacks left?"

"Well, yes there are," said Miss Dottie, the name Dorothea Lane was known by to her son's friends. "But we'll be stopping for dinner soon. So you need to hang on for a while."

This news was met with a mixture of excitement and relief by all four inmates in the back rows. In Mike's case it wasn't so much that he was hungry, although he realized that he probably would be by the time they stopped for dinner. He really wanted to get out and stretch his legs... and use them to get as far away from Jack Miller as possible.

"I suppose I'll survive that long," said Jack. "I just hope that wherever we stop for dinner they have more baked beans!"

This threat drew protests and general sounds of dismay from the other five occupants of the minivan, including Timmy. They had stopped for lunch at a place in North Carolina called Fuller's Old Fashioned BBQ, where they had enjoyed a very nice all-you-can-eat Southern buffet. Trouble was, Jack had taken a shine to the baked beans, which were in fact quite tasty. But the beans had a most unfortunate reaction with Jack's digestive system, causing him to stink up the interior of the minivan for the past several hours.

"Don't you dare, Jack!" said Commander Dan in his best command voice. "I had hoped to enjoy that New Car Smell for at least a couple more months. Now, thanks to you, I'm gonna have to get the whole minivan decontaminated."

This pronouncement caused a round of laughter from the back seats. Even Jamey couldn't resist the urge to laugh. Unfortunately the loudest laughter came from Jack himself... big mistake.

"I'm not kidding, Jack!" said Commander Dan, a note of anger creeping into his voice. "You eat any more beans at dinner and I'll strap your ass to the roof luggage rack and you can ride up there the rest of the way to Jacksonville!"

Jack held his tongue, though he did quite a bit of smirking when Commander Dan wasn't looking. Mike noticed that the kid didn't eat any more beans during the trip, so apparently he took the threat seriously. That was a smart move, since as a TOPGUN graduate and a former member of the Blue Angels, Commander Dan was a very serious man.

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About 30 minutes later they stopped for dinner at a restaurant called the Liberator Grill. This was a large, new-looking, obviously crowded place located at an I-95 exit in the far southern suburbs of Savannah, Georgia. There was a large scale model of an old time propeller-driven bomber mounted on a post out front of the restaurant. Commander Dan answered the inevitable question, identifyimg it as a B-24 Liberator bomber used in World War II.

While the group waited in line to be seated in the restaurant, which Miss Dottie described as a "mob scene", Mike and Jamey read through tourist brochures they pulled from a rack just inside the front doors. Mike had a brochure for the nearby National Museum of the Mighty Eighth Air Force. This had been one of the largest combat units of the US Army Air Corps during World War II. The Eighth Air Force deployed B-24 Liberators and the more famous B-17 Flying Fortresses in combat with the Luftwaffe in the skies over Europe.

Eventually the group was seated and placed their order. The waiter promised to get the food out to them as soon as possible. Given that the restaurant was so overcrowded, ASAP would probably take a while. Mike decided to use the restroom during the wait. He soon found himself in another line in the men's restroom, waiting for an available toilet stall.

Mike had only been in line a minute or two when the restroom door burst open and a very angry man entered, leading two boys by the ears. From their conversation in soon became apparent that the man was the father of the two lads. The older boy was about Mike's age and his little brother was maybe two years younger. The two youngsters had apparently had an argument at the dinner table that culminated in a food fight. Both boys had missed their intended target and hit diners at other tables with their half-eaten food.

Yikes! Mike hated to even imagine what would happen to him if he was involved in that kind of stunt. His father would be certain to make sure that Mike couldn't sit comfortably for quite a long time. The same went for Jamey and Timmy - Commander Dan would have seriously reddened their asses if they did something like that.

It quickly became clear that the angry father in the restroom was cut from the same cloth as Commander Dan and Mike's Dad. The father ordered his sons to drop their jeans and underwear and lean against a wall. There were some protests from the youngsters, but their father would brook no arguments. Once the boys were in position leaning against the wall the father took off his leather belt and began lashing his son's bared buttocks with the strap end.

The boys were quickly yelping and pleading with their father to stop, their bottoms wriggling while they both maintained position.

A well dressed man in line took his smart phone out of his pocket and tried to aim its camera at the father and sons. The man behind him in line grabbed his wrist and said, "Whoa, Mister! Just what do you think you're doing?"

The man with the smart phone said, "I need to record a video of this abuse so it can be reported to Child Services."

"What abuse?" said the man holding his wrist. "That is just a father disciplining his unruly sons. It's not your business or mine, Mr. New Yorker."

Aha! Mike had been wondering about the cameraman's accent. So he's a New Yorker? It made sense... apparently most New Yorkers think they know more than anyone else. Abuse? It was clear to Mike that the angry father wasn't using all his strength to swing the strap. He was only hitting them hard enough to redden their bottoms and make them think twice about having a food fight in a restaurant ever again.

"Sir!" protested Mr. New Yorker. "This is the 21st century. It's no longer legal to hit children like that."

"Maybe not in Manhattan," said the man in front of him in line. "But I am a licensed attorney here in Georgia. I can assure you that reasonable discipline of your own children is completely legal in this state. What is not legal here is taking cell phone photos or videos in public restrooms or locker rooms. Since there are unclothed minors involved you would also be guilty of producing child pornography."

"That's crazy!" said Mr. New Yorker. "You have some really backwards laws here in Georgia, my friend."

The lawyer chuckled darkly, "I'm not your friend, sir. And New York has many more insane laws than Georgia." He snatched the smart phone from Mr. New Yorker, turned the device off, then handed it back to the owner. "I'd advise you not to turn it back on until after your leave the restaurant; better yet, not until after you leave the state of Georgia."

"How dare you meddle with my property!" said Mr. New Yorker, who had been rendered speechless with shock as his phone was turned off.

The lawyer said, "As an officer of the court I am obligated to stop people from committing crimes if I can do so safely. Just mind your own business while in Georgia and you should be fine." Then it was the lawyer's turn and he entered the vacant toilet stall.

Mr. New Yorker glanced around the room and realized that nearly everyone was watching him. He sighed softly and put the smart phone back in his jacket pocket, still turned off.

The angry father ended the thrashing just before Mr. New Yorker entered a vacant toilet stall. Both boys rubbed their bright red bottoms. Eventually they rearranged their clothes and turned to face the room. Both lads were in tears.

Mike couldn't help sympathizing with the two spanked boys. Although he was certain that his father would have hit him a lot harder, at least he had never been spanked in a public restroom crowded with men and boys who were all strangers.

Palm trees wave, are you listening?
In the pool, water's glistening,
A beautiful sight,
We're happy tonight,
Living in a Florida wonderland.

"Florida Wonderland" - a regional parody of the classic song "Winter Wonderland".
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The 650+ mile road trip from Virginia Beach, Virginia to Jacksonville, Florida took place on December 21, 2016 - the shortest day of the year in the Northern hemisphere. So it was well after dark - nearly 8 PM - by the time Commander Dan pulled his Jazz Blue Pacifica Limited minivan into the driveway of his parents' home in the King's Harbour Yacht and Country Club in northeast Jacksonville. King's Harbour was a guard-gated community. Most of the houses in the community were really small to medium-sized mansions, at least as far as Mike could tell in the darkness. The real indicators were the few homes that had ground-level floodlights lighting up the front of the house to show off the archtecture, and in some cases the Christmas decorations.

Mike was amazed at all the palm trees in Jacksonville that had been decorated with Christmas lights. Of course there were plenty of other trees that had been decorated, but you could find those nearly anywhere. Mike eventually counted at least ten decorated palm trees on the Lane mansion property. That probably surpassed the total number of live palm trees he had seen back in Virginia Beach over all the years he had lived there.

All these Christmas lights in the front and back yards served to outline the Lane house in the darkness. There was light coming through many of the windows from inside the home and the light coming through a large ground floor bay window showed off a lushly decorated and lit Christmas tree. The only regular lights that were turned on outside the house were what looked like twin coach lanterns bracketing the double door main entryway and a single gooseneck floodlight above the middle door of the three car attached garage. All this gave Mike no sense of depth, but the width and height were fairly clear. The width of the house was incredible. It would have covered three or four lots on the street where Mike lived back in Virginia Beach. Most of the house was actually single story, but there was a part near the center of the home that had a second story.

Mike wasn't surprised by the warm welcome that he and Jack received from Jamey's grandparents. These people had raised Commander Dan, after all. Although he was clearly no one to be trifled with, Commander Dan always made guests in his home feel most welcome. Rear Admiral Corey Lane, USN (Retired) asked his grandsons' friends to call him Uncle Corey, or simply Admiral if they preferred. His wife asked them to call her Aunt Anna.

Uncle Corey looked like precisely what he was: the older, version 1.0, edition of Commander Dan. Apart from being about an inch shorter than his eldest son, who Mike knew to be about 6 foot, 2 inches tall, Uncle Corey looked the same, right down to the short Navy haircut. The only other differences were that Uncle Corey's short hair had nearly completed the changeover from its original color to a very white shade of gray. His face also had that weathered look that Mike had seen before in sailors who had retired after a long career at sea.

Aunt Anna was tall for a woman, although she was two or three inches shorter than her husband. She had somehow managed to retain her figure despite being old enough to have a 12-year-old grandson. Mike was only beginning to develop an interest in human reproductive activities and rituals, but even he could tell that this lady must have been stunningly beautiful back in her prime.

"So your grandfather likes being called Admiral?" said Mike a short time later as he followed Jamey up the stairs to their bedroom. Each boy was carrying/dragging a heavy suitcase since they would be visiting for twelve days.

"I guess he likes it well enough," said Jamey as they crested the stairs and he led Mike to their guest bedroom. "Grandpa did, in fact, retire from the Navy as a two-star Rear Admiral. That means he holds the honorary title of Admiral for the rest of his life. Plus it's not like he demands it or anything. Feel free to call him Uncle Corey or Admiral. He'll answer to either one of those."

"Okay," said Mike as he examined their home base for the next couple of weeks. "Wow! The is a fancy guest bedroom, at least for one intended for kids our age."

"Yep," said Jamey, looking around. Clearly he had stayed in this room before. "This is the Nautical Room, though for some reason Timmy insists on calling it the Sports Room."

Mike did another visual scan of the room and decided that Jamey was much closer to the mark than his kid brother. The overall color scheme was dominated by blue and white. This was highlighted by the matching bedding on the two twin beds. The comforters featured broad navy blue and white stripes while the sheets and pillowcases sported blue line drawings of sharks and salt water fish on a white background. Each bed had a small 12-inch square art print of a sea creature on the wall behind it. One had a sea turtle print and the other a seahorse print, each rendered primarily in blue on a white background.

The "middle" section of the room was decorated in a very nautical fashion. There was a re-print of an old navigational chart... of the lower Chesapeake Bay from the looks of it. There was a print of a naval officer standing on the quarterdeck of a sailing ship taking a noon sighting with a sextant. There were also prints of paintings that depicted various warships, apparently famous ones. "I recognize the Union ironclad USS Monitor in the one painting," said Mike. "What about the sailing frigate and the battleship?"

Jamey glanced at the paintings. "The frigate is USS Constitution, one of the six original frigates ordered for the U.S. Navy in the late 18th century. They were the first warships actually designed and built in the United States. Constitution is the oldest commissioned warship in the world that is still afloat."

"Very impressive," said Mike. "So what about the battleship? Is that the Iowa?"

"Right class, wrong ship," said Jamey. "That's USS Missouri, an Iowa-class battleship. She's a museum ship in Pearl Harbor now."

"I know," said Mike, grinning at his friend. "I saw that episode of Hawaii-Five-O too."

After they finished laughing Mike looked at the far wall of their guest bedroom and scanned what was obviously a shrine to Navy Midshipmen sports. The main focal point was a large navy blue banner featuring the Naval Academy goat mascot with "Go Navy" text in gold. This centerpiece was flanked by two normal-sized felt pennants, one promoting Navy Football and the other boosting Navy Baseball. "Oh," said Mike, as he moved closer to the shrine, "this is a picture of the Navy baseball team!"

"Yes," said Jamey, "the Navy varsity baseball team from the 1973 season."

"1973?" said Mike, looking closely at the old photograph and doing some quick mental math. "I'm guessing that Uncle Corey is in here somewhere?"

"He sure is!" said Jamey, proudly pointing out his grandfather in the photo. Then he pointed to the midshipman next to his grandfather in the photo. "And this guy is my Great Uncle Jerry, who ended up retiring as a Major General in the Marine Corps. You'll probably meet Uncle Jerry tomorrow since he lives just down the street, maybe four or five doors away. In any event you'll see him at the club when we start rehearsals for the show. Jerry plays percussion in the band and is one of the co-owners of the club."

"That's amazing!" said Mike. "They've known each other since their Academy days and they're still friends after 43 years!"

"Absolutely!" said Jamey. "They are definitely BFF's. I hope we're still best friends 43 years from now."

"That would be more than okay with me," said Mike, placing a friendly hand on Jamey's shoulder. "But meanwhile I need to find the bathroom. It's out in the hall?"

It turned out that one of the two doors that Mike had assumed led to closets actually led to a private bathroom for their bedroom. When Mike finished in there Jamey showed him the rest of the second floor. "This is the Cartoon Room," said Jamey as he opened the door to another bedroom obviously set up for kids. This time there was no mixture of themes - every piece of decor in the room celebrated the art of Hollywood animation. One of the beds had Toy Story bedding while the other sported Finding Nemo bedding. There were prints on the walls, mainly of characters/scenes from Disney/Pixar films like The Incredibles and Monsters, Inc. Classic Warner Brothers animation was reprersented by such superstars as Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, not to mention The Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote. "This is the room where Timmy and Jack will be staying." said Jamey as he led Mike back out into the hall.

There was a hallway bathroom, and what was probably a third bedroom that had been converted into a "clubhouse", a small rec room for kids. The Clubhouse featured a big screen television with a Playstation 3 gaming console. There was a foosball table, dart board and a collection of board games for live-action gaming. There was even a small bar in the corner, although Jamey pointed out that it was only set up to serve soft drinks.

Both boys were exhausted, but they were too excited from the road trip itself and the beginning of their long holiday vacation to actually go to sleep. So they went back downstairs to the kitchen, where Aunt Anna was offering slices of Hummingbird Cake. Mike had heard of this popular Southern dessert but he had never tried it before. It turned out to be a banana-pineapple spice cake with the same kind of creamed cheese frosting that you usually get with carrot cake. Mike quickly determined that this was a very yummy combination. In fact Aunt Anna's home baked Hummingbird Cake was the best dessert he had enjoyed in quite a long time.

Once everyone had finished their cake the group moved to the living room to chat and unwind. The major features of the very spacious living room were the beautifully decorated and lit Christmas tree in the bay window and a Charles R. Walter concert grand piano in a light Traditional Walnut finish. This was the second Walter piano that Mike had seen in his life. The first was the baby grand piano in Traditional Mahogany that graced the living room of the Lane family home back in Virginia Beach. Apparently Aunt Anna taught her sons to play piano on that instrument while they grew up in that house. Now that his parents had retired to Florida, Commander Dan was raising his own boys in that very same house. Jamey was learning to play piano on that same baby grand.

Timmy and Jack soon looked ready to pass out from exhaustion. Before the two youngsters headed upstairs to bed they were reminded that they couldn't sleep too late on Thursday morning since they had to begin rehearsals for the Christmas show they would all be performing in on Friday and Saturday nights.

This news stunned Mike. When he had agreed to be one of the backing vocalists for the "Christmas Show" at the classic rock nightclub owned by Jamey's grandparents and some of their friends he thought it would be a "one night stand", perhaps preceeded by a couple of hours of rehearsals. Now it sounded like these shows were gonna cost them three days of their Christmas vacation. Bah, humbug.

You woke up this morning
All that love had gone
Your Papa never told you
About right and wrong

"Woke Up This Morning" - Alabama 3, Main Title Theme from The Sopranos

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Their guest bedroom turned out to be very comfortable, as were the beds. The only problem was their morning wake-up call, which came at a ridiculously early time considering that it wasn't a school day. After she was sure both boys were awake and getting out of bed, Miss Dottie closed their bedroom door and presumably proceeded down the hall to wake up Timmy and Jack.

Mike sat on the edge of his bed rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and trying to wake up enough to begin his first full day in Jacksonville. "Okay, who's the idiot who ordered a 7:30 AM wake up call on our first day of vacation?"

Jamey laughed. "I'm guessing it was my grandfather, the Admiral. Trust me, you don't want to call that man an idiot. You'd piss off both him and my Dad."

"Hey, it was just a joke," said Mike, holding his palms up. "Plus I wasn't sure who gave the order anyway."

"Okay," said Jamey. "why don't you go grab a quick shower?"

"Sounds good. Maybe it will wake me up the rest of the way."

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After showering and putting on some clean clothes they headed downstairs. They heard activity downstairs but Mike became a bit alarmed when he couldn't detect any smells associated with cooking breakfast. As they reached the bottom of the stairs he said, "I hope we're not gonna have cold cereal for breakfast this morning."

"Not unless that's what you order for breakfast." said Uncle Corey, who had just entered the living room through a side door. "There's a 24 hour diner right next door to the club so we're gonna eat breakfast there before we start rehearsals."

"Excellent," said Mike. "By the way, good morning, Uncle Corey." As the boys exchanged morning greetings with the old sailor Mike wondered what they were gonna get. In his experience diner food can range from very good all the way down to mediocre at best. He hoped this diner was gonna be one of the very good ones.

When everyone was ready they left through the same side door that Uncle Corey had just entered through. Turns out the door led to the laundry room, which you could walk through to get to the three-car attached garage.

The first garage bay, next to the door, contained a green station wagon. This was Aunt Anna's 2016 Subaru Outback Limited 2.5i in Wilderness Green Metallic.

The second garage bay was empty, although a large silver SUV was parked outside the open garage door.

Mike's attention was inexorably drawn to the orange masterwork of Dearborn design and craftsmanship sitting in the third garage bay. At first he mistook it for one those new 21st century Mustangs that are made to look as "retro" as possible. But as they walked closer to the classic car he finally realized... "Is this a real vintage Mustang?"

"It most certainly is!" said Uncle Corey, who was standing by the garage door, grinning proudly. "That's my 1970 Ford Mustang Mach I in Grabber Orange with the black trim and interior. It has the 351 cubic inch Cleveland small block V-8 engine and a 4-barrel carburator. It puts out 300 horses through a 4 speed manual transmission."

At that point they were interrupted by Commander Dan, who reminded his father that they had woken all these people up early and now they were hungry. It was decided that Jamey and Mike would ride with Uncle Corey and Aunt Anna so they could continue their classic car conversation on the way to the diner. The two boys soon found themselves in the back seat of Uncle Corey's 2017 Range Rover SUV in a silver metallic paint scheme as he pulled out of his circular driveway onto the street. They were followed by Commander Dan driving his Chrysler Pacifica Minivan, from which he had disconnected the utility trailer that had carried their luggage on the road trip. Jack and Timmy were no doubt occupying the second row bucket seats in the absence of the older boys.

Mike was rendered speechless by the luxury exuded by the Range Rover. He had heard rumors that the Range Rover was basically the Rolls-Royce of sport utility vehicles, but he never worked out precisely what this meant. Of course before that day Mike had never ridden in a Rolls-Royce or a Range Rover. It seemed that the whole interior had been crafted from real premium woods and leathers. Even the interior roof liner was covered with incredibly soft and luxurious grey leather.

Jamey seemed equally impressed by his grandfather's new ride. "Wow Grandpa! This Range Rover is a lot fancier than the Lincoln Navigator you used to drive."

His grandparents both laughed. Aunt Anna said, "I certainly hope so, considering how much he overpaid for it."

The couple exchanged a look that Mike couldn't see, but it wasn't hard to figure out that Uncle Corey was annoyed by his wife's comment. "Well, yes," admitted Corey, "this thing did cost about twice as much as a new Navigator."

"But Grandma," said Jamey, "this Range Rover is at least ten times as nice as a Lincoln Navigator!"

"It sure is!" blurted Mike. He instantly regretted this exclamation. Not because he disagreed with Jamey - he did not. But Mike tried not to get involved in other family's internal squabbles. He put up with more than enough nonsense within his own family.

"Thank you, boys," said Uncle Corey, his voice sounding smug.

Aunt Anna groaned, "That figures - boys and their toys. Fine! You three discuss your admiration for this moving monument to conspicuous consumption. I'll just listen to some music." Suddenly the sounds of some classical orchestral symphony filled the fancy cabin.

"So Grandpa," said Jamey, speaking loudly to be heard over the music. "What's the 4-1-1 on this thing?"

"Well," said Uncle Corey, loudly and a bit doubtfully, "assuming that you're asking for the technical details of this vehicle, here goes: this is a 2017 Land Rover Range Rover Long Wheel Base Autobiography Edition SUV. It comes standard with a 5.0 Liter Supercharged V-8 engine putting out 510 horsepower through an 8-speed automatic transmission with fulltime 4-wheel drive. The exterior is Verbier Silver Ultra Metallic with Light Atlas side panel trim. The interior colors are Cirrus with Navy Trim."

Jamey examined the interior. "So this light grey leather is called Cirrus?"

"Exactly," said Uncle Corey. "The wood trim is a genuine Walnut veneer, and the dark trim areas that aren't covered in wood are Navy Blue."

That figured. The Admiral would probably bleed Navy Blue if you cut him. Mike silently wondered if Navy Blue was a normal option for Range Rover interior trim or if Uncle Corey paid for a special custom trim color for his new ride.

Jamey continued to examine the Range Rover interior with admiration. "Grandpa, is this the most expensive SUV in the world?"

Corey laughed, "Not even close. In fact it's not even the most expensive Range Rover. Land Rover offera an Autobiography SVO edition that starts at 50 grand more than I paid for this thing, all in with taxes and tags included. Then you have the Porsche Cayenne and the Mercedes G65 AMG, both of which start at well over $150K and go way up from there. The sticker on this Range Rover was about $153K, which sounds like a lot, I know. But it's actually a reasonably good deal considering what you get."

Suddenly the classical music they had been talking over reduced dramatically in volume. Aunt Anna said, "Corey, did you know your sister is ticked off at you again?"

Mike did not expect Uncle Corey's reaction, which was to laugh uproariously. "Gee, what a surprise! Becky's been ticked off at me for one reason or another for most of the past 60 years or so. You've been around for more than 40 of those years, Anna, so you know this quite well. I can't fathom why you'd expect anything to change on that front, unless she has been getting therapy that I hadn't heard about."

"Corey!" said Aunt Anna in exasperation. "You're sister is not insane."

"Well, as a professional engineer and sailor I'm not trained in psychiatry, so I can't tell you precisely where Eccentric Behavior ends and Insanity begins. But I did have to take a class at some point in my career on recognizing common mental disorders in the people serving under my command. Obviously we didn't learn how make a specific diagnosis or treat any of these disorders. The idea was to recognize the basic symptoms of such problems in others so we could get our people the treatment they needed in a timely fashion."

"Interesting," said Aunt Anna. "Sounds like the Abnormal Psychology class I had to take as part of my master's degree in social work."

"It wouldn't surprise me if the course I took was a boiled down version of that class, but with a strong emphasis on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders."

Aunt Anna looked surprised. "You don't think Becky has a form of PTSD, do you?"

It was Uncle Corey's turn to look surprised. "Oh heavens no! I'm guessing that Becky has a mild-to-moderate case of some kind of bipolar thing."

"Hmm," said Aunt Anna. "I suppose it is possible."

"Just out of curiosity, why is she ticked off at me this time?"

"Because you set a bad example for Jerry. You keep telling him what a good deal this rolling museum was, and apparently he's starting to buy into that idea. He's been talking to Becky about getting a Range Rover or maybe even a Porsche Cayenne when he replaces his GMC Yukon, which admittedly needs replacing."

"Why is this a bad example? Jerry and I served our country honorably for more than 72 years between the two of us. We and our families are financially secure. So why can't we each splurge on a bespoke vehicle just once in our lives?"

Mike was about to ask a question, but Jamey beat him to it. "Grandpa, what is a bespoke vehicle?"

"Bespoke means custom - made to order. The word comes from the men's clothing world in London. There a custom tailored suit has been known as a bespoke suit for well over 100 years. Eventually bespoke started to be used to describe other things that are made specially to the customer's order. One such category of things is hand-crafted cars like the Rolls-Royce or Range Rover."

"So you ordered this thing from the factory?" said Jamey.

"Oh yes," said Uncle Corey. "If I'm gonna spend 150 grand on a new car, I won't just take whatever happens to be in the showroom or on the dealer lot. I want the car to be in the exact colors I like, and with the exact equipment I need. Most Range Rover customers feel the same way. Which is why most new Range Rovers are ordered from the factory, and why there is a waiting list."

"How long does it take to get a Range Rover from the factory?" said Mike.

"Well, it took me eight months to get this one," said Uncle Corey. "I put down my deposit in March and this vehicle was delivered last month, in November."

"That's weird," said Jamey. "You were able to order a 2017 model back in March 2016?"

"Not really," said Uncle Corey. "My deposit merely reserved a generic Range Rover production slot in the factory queue. Then in September - about two months before delivery - I was called back into the local Land Rover dealer to actually design my new Range Rover from the hundreds of available options and to sign the formal contract for the order."

Mike had been burning to ask a question and finally gave in and said, "Uncle Corey, did you pay more for this Range Rover, or for your classic Mustang?"

Corey chuckled, "The Mustang only cost me a tiny fraction of what this thing cost."

"That's surprising," said Mike. "Your Mustang was restored so well that I assumed you bought it from of those classic car auctions... like the Mecum auctions they show on TV."

"Hah!" said Uncle Corey. "Bad assumption, Mike. I actually bought the 1970 Mustang Mach I new from my local Ford dealer, Gilboy Ford in Whitehall, Pennsylvania, back in December 1969."

"Wow!" said Jamey. "How much did a new Mustang cost back then?"

"You could get a reasonably well-equipped 1970 Mustang for about $2,500," said Uncle Corey. "Mach I's were the highest end version of the Mustang that year and mine was loaded with nearly every option so the sticker price was something like $4600-4700, which is more than 20 grand in 2016 dollars."

"It was a much better deal than this bucket," said Aunt Anna as Uncle Corey pulled the big silver SUV into the parking lot of what was apparently their destination.

It was a huge building, much bigger than Mike expected. The sign out front had the word "ERIC" written in large, stylish letters at the top. Smaller lettering below this clarified that "ERIC" was an acronym for "Eric's Rock Island Club". Mike had no idea who Eric was, but he figured he would ask about that later when they were actually in the club. He had spotted the Keystone Diner next door and suddenly realized that he was famished.

The author welcomes comments from readers. You can contact Bobby Watson by e-mail at: mrbwatson (at) gmail.com
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