Date: Tue, 14 Jun 2022 08:45:09 -0400 From: MC VT Subject: Commodity (Gay Adult-Youth) Commodity ©12 May 2022 MCVT2017 Greedy fingers from the past reach into the lives of Lin and Tilton. Call it tutelage, snare trap or strategy, is it possible to wipe those fingerprints away? As always thanks to Nifty for allowing writers to post here. Please thank them with a donation: https://donate.nifty.org/ Adult content: 100% Fiction, Interracial, anal, drugs, random violence, family. Commodity "Asian-Canadian relocating to Boston." Took a while to decipher that. Curious about why he was speaking to me. Lin's English was minimal, like my high school French and the music was loud at Cathedral Depot. He was an immigrant, famille Chinoise. This slender young man beside me previously lived outside Montreal, before that, I supposed somewhere in Asia. Watched the level of his drink. Half inch left, I asked him to the patio. "Nice night, let's sit outside." Added a few gestures, smiled, pointed to the side door. He smiled, nodded. I believe he was as tired of the noisy crowd as me. Split a platter of nachos, had another drink. Communication remained difficult; body language was clear; relaxed, more smiles, touches. Being completely average-looking and half-buzzed, I was on cloud nine. Me, leaving the bar with a hot guy who looked barely old enough to drink yet barkeeps carded conscientiously. In my mid-thirties and late exercising my queerness, I never felt accepted by the guys in the bars, never included in their cliques. Now, my first time with an uncompensated man, first time with someone who gave me a second look. Walked the few blocks to my condo. Excitement ruined my fantasies. Shot off as I undressed, then again in the shower. Lin only smiled, rubbed my cheek and chuckled. The evening gave us more physical contact than anything else. Lin stayed over. Watched sports in bed Sunday, he enjoyed baseball as I explained the rules, brought a pad and pencil to show him a hotbox play. He laughed, "Hotbox? Need hot wings!" *** Met him again the next Friday. "Where you staying?" "With friends. Need rent-room." I knew someone with an extra room. Me. He came with only a small bag--noticed his toiletries were standard issue, generic. The kind given at the shelter. I'd been at the shelter when I was younger, had he been there? Quiet kid. Not sure if it was the language barrier or he had problems. Figured the immigration bureau would have snagged him if he had a record. Didn't get drunk, ask for money; uninterested in theft or drugs. Polite, he appeared comfortable. I stay up on international events. Had to ask Lin where he was born. Said he wasn't Chinese, but from Taiwan. Strained relations between China and Taiwan, but only threats so far. "Why did you leave?" From what I could understand, he said his father's business could be confiscated so he sold it. Family applied for visas to Canada. They bought a house, applied for citizenship. Through his former contacts in Taiwan, the father opened another import business in Montreal. *** His English improved through online classes and our conversations. Rich source of humor, English. He called ramshackle houses ramble-shacks. When he made a quick sandwich he called it slap-dish. Laughed when he made word jokes. Some were saucy; others, dreadful puns. Clever, soaking up the language quickly, sang with the radio, repeated my sentences. That felt mocking until he said he wanted to get rid of his accent, wanted to sound all-American. My shades-of-gray, life was now a rainbow of novel verbiage. *** Grew close during our first year together, affection between us grew steadily, tenderly. He actually enjoyed my mundane lifestyle, thrived beside me. Gathered my courage and opened a discussion on engagement. "Really?" He grinned, "A ring and a real marriage?" He agreed. I was ecstatic. Given up years ago on a long-term relationship. My weight, looks and nerdy nature didn't put me on the top of anyone's list. Now, I was engaged. In the shower that night, the word skinflint came into use: "Skinflinch," he mispronounced it and gave it a new meaning. Oh, yes. Skinflinch my cock again with those perfect, full lips. *** Lin made a point to help in the house, earn his keep until he could file paperwork for a work permit. Green card arrived, we immediately set up a computer in the corner. He worked as an interpreter online at all hours, racked up the bucks though the work was monotonous. Budgeting his income, Lin hired an immigration attorney. That sped the process somewhat. We planned a quiet ceremony at city hall as soon as possible. Selected two simple gold bands. Would never have guessed Lin wanted to be a pharmacist. A pharmacist who compounds custom medications, not the guy dispensing standard pills and ointments from the corner drugstore. I'd never heard of that until he explained it. Niche profession but necessary. He enrolled full time at Mass U School of Pharmacy, took a part-time job on campus in the chem labs. *** Later, Lin got his parents on a video call a few days before we went to city hall to exchange vows. Good news, right? Wasn't sure if he'd kept in contact with them since we met. Didn't seem so. Their faces reflected confusion at first. Then his father's face turned red. Through the laptop, four eyes scrutinized me as I smiled, nodded. Lin and his parents spoke in Mandarin, dismissed me from the conversation. Lin and his father shot hard looks and quick dialogue back and forth. Lin's mother said nothing but discretely gave me a small smile. Did she just wink? The couple gave me a perfunctory half-bow before Lin shut down the call. "They like you." He smiled, batted his thick, black eyelashes, cocked his head. "They do not." "I told them I'm going to make a pill that makes gay men straight." "Ridiculous." Eye roll. "What they don't know...." Lin's sense of humor was as peculiar as mine and I knew that was a dodge. Familial duty done, he didn't mention them again. *** As a couple, we had routines. Lin got up early, left for campus. At nine, I went downstairs to work on computer-generated joint replacements, rehab devices and hoof aligners for high-end veterinarians. Specialty machine projects for breeders, my work was fitted to thoroughbreds and it kept me busy. Big bucks in the horse racing industry. Never would you find me in another IT department, but I'd saved enough to escape that madness and set up a micro machine shop with a 3-D printer. Snowy February, worried what to get Lin for Valentines Day. Took some photos of my erect dick, created a 3-D version in neon-pink silicone. Inserted a small vibrator into the core of it, remote controlled. Tied a bow on it and left it under his pillow. Delighted, he inspected it, tried out the remote. "Test it now!" Vibrating silicone revved his engine? The best was yet to come. I'd made a small slit along the silicone corona, tucked half a crushed blue pill into it. Quick turn to the left after insertion and he'd be in full-fuck mode in moments. Lin got plugged. Handed him the remote and danced around the end of the bed singing badly about a funny valentine. Then I jumped on him and began sucking his rod. Writhing, moaning, pushed me off his dick, began jerking frantically. Begged me to bite his nipples, his balls. Glorious leakage, several heavy loads flew. We didn't stop till Sunday evening when I revealed my secret potion. Over cold pizza I asked if I should make more dildo-applicators for sale. "Forty dollars'll cover the costs generously. Shipping and handling, that's worth thirty...." Suddenly huffy, "Let the others figure it out themselves. This is mine." *** Reluctantly I took him to other bars he wanted to explore. Lin was a looker, slim, square-shouldered, moved like mercury, and his full lips stretched wide into a beautiful smile. Kept his hair short on the sides, ponytail in the back. Gorgeous man. Had to upgrade my own image; got a hairstyle, showed off my wavy hair. Considered a girdle, but nah. Lin liked his Santa Tilton. At the ice skating rink in winter, watching fireworks on the Fourth, all the holidays were more enjoyable with Lin. He laughed at my unofficial history of Boston, "That's why we add a few grains of salt to our tea." That baffled him until he realized I was teasing him. Lin didn't like the pebbles at L Street beach, or sand in his his shoes. He preferred bus trips to see the ramble shacks in the countryside, enjoyed the cafes tucked along Massachusetts' rural roads. Loved Boston Cream Cake, as he called it. Lin had to go to the Pride festival, I didn't care for the crowds but couldn't let him go alone. A green-eyed devil hid in my thoughts. He gave me no reason to doubt his fidelity and I saw how men looked at him, ogled his rounded butt. Tried to avoid showing my possessiveness openly yet held his hand the entire afternoon. Should have been jealous of his professors, they gave him contacts in the pharmaceutical field, international laboratories. None of that, Lin was going for the gold. He wanted to open his own custom pharmaceutical business. There were only three in the US. Lin headed toward his masters, and another year with his MBA. Potential partners, professors were invited to dine in our home. A whiz in the kitchen, Lin managed the menu. Wine and drinks were my responsibility. Smart guy, Lin always shut the evening down early before anyone could get hammered and possibly belligerent. With definite ideas about our home and lifestyle, he delicately dictated respect for our hospitality. Learned a lot watching him work the crowd. Most important lesson was that Lin didn't like being around loud people, couldn't tolerate an irrational, overbearing personalities. Hated when anyone raised their voice around him. That's why he chose me among all the men at the bar that night. *** Jealousy waned when I realized Lin was a homebody. That made it hard to vacation. Getting him to go to New York for the theater was useless, he said it was dirty, dangerous. Hawaii? Sharks and tropical maladies. Visit the parents in Montreal? Never. We stayed around town for local events. Sex evolved, got organic. One-hundred percent organic. Saturday after shopping and a slap dish lunch, we went to bed. First time it happened, I was insulted when he pulled out an aerosol can: "My love, I've never had a rough butt or calluses on my rear. Always soft back there, I promise." Never heard of anyone with a calloused hole, maybe it happened to more experienced men. Lin said he was keeping my cleft clear of rough spots. Began using a popular cooking spray, "100% organic coconut oil." No lube in our bedroom, he preferred olive or coconut oil. Had to put my foot down when he showed me the garlic-lemon and chili infused oils. "This stuff could lead to divorce." Raised an eyebrow. He said it would be a fun experiment. I stood firm. "Nope." Lin's dick was long, slender, cut. Smooth and strong, nothing better than to hear the hiss of an aerosol spray and feel that dot of warmth where I needed it. Maybe I didn't have much experience, but I knew he was good. What his dick lacked in girth, he made up for with hip movements-- he made swirling movements inside with his knob. Good? I couldn't get enough. Made me drunk with pleasure. Knew I better get in gear when he began humming. No melody, but a hum-grunt when he shoved deep. Swirling ceased, he was ready to cum. Fingernails dug into my back, my waist. Hard thrusts, deep and the oddest habit. His thumbs rubbed my anus, rubbed and pulled me open further. Kinda hurt, but made me so hard, I groaned, begged for more When I begged, he shoved his thumbs inside. Soon, I was begging him to do it harder. Pain, pleasure, I couldn't hold on long. *** Mortgage, bills, groceries, the costs of life bothered him during his last year. He was sensitive about money; always wanted to pay me back. Tried to convince him lovers don't keep accounts. Figured something in his childhood must drive those thoughts. When I asked about his early years, he'd find another topic. *** Like clockwork on Fridays: Finish work and studies, meet at Cathedral Depot for drinks. If we met friends we'd all go for Italian or Greek. Saturdays we watched movies, then coconut time. Sundays we readied for the next week. Quiet Sundays gave balance to our lives he said. Breakfast on Friday morning: "Working the lab this afternoon?" "Till four-thirty. Happy hour?" "Yeah. I'll be in Concord most of the day. Depending on traffic, I might be late." "Concord?" He thought for a moment, "I may go to the gym. Meet you around six." "Sounds good." I rented a car, dropped Lin at the medical center campus and headed north. After four when I finished in Concord. Driving south, I saw a hand-painted sign "Organic Produce." Pulled over and loaded a box of fresh fruit. *** Headed home, FM 1030 on the radio, listened for the traffic report. Boston traffic at rush hour on Friday would be tangled. Stopped for gas. Back in the car, I heard of road closures in Boston. "Random gunfire in the medical center area. Avoid downtown...." Was Lin still on campus? Stomach tensed, I pulled over to call. No answer. Texted him. Dropped the car off. Fifth call to Lin; no answer. He always returned my calls. Always. Waited at home, paced with my phone in hand until seven. Nothing. Called hospital emergency rooms, called the police. No one could tell me anything. News kept blaring updates on the shooting, several injured. Large area downtown was barricaded. On foot, I wouldn't be allowed to look for Lin. Eight that night, local news said all injured were taken to Massachusetts General Hospital. He still hadn't returned my calls. Stomach tensed and knotted--got a sick feeling I might be alone again. *** At Mass Gen an aide pointed down a long hallway filled with staff and families, "Room four-thirty-three." Inside, a small body lay on a bed. Maybe a teen; so small, he seemed a child. Asian, dark hair, pale as the sheets he lay on. Beside him was Lin, his head beside a skinny arm where the IV entered. Twinge of jealousy sparked through me. "Lin?" Slowly he turned his head, his eye opened. "Donnie was hit." He lifted his head. "Donnie?" "We rode the bus together. I helped with his homework while we waited." "What happened?" "At the bus stop we heard shots." Lin snuffled, "Before we realized what was happening, his body fell against me." Lifting his head, "He tried to speak, then went unconscious." "Why didn't you leave? Run for cover?" He leaned to kiss the boy's arm, "When my world was out of control I was alone and afraid. I remember being afraid I wouldn't survive--I didn't know what to do." Lin's eyes scanned the ceiling, then filled with tears. "I couldn't abandon him." Took me a few seconds to comprehend. The bitter conversation with his parents returned; made me wonder. "Take a break, I'll stay." He left and I held a thin, cool hand as the kid slept. Donnie didn't wake that night or the next morning. Lin and I stayed sensing this small body was part of us. In a peculiar way, it was. A sharper profile of Boston, of America, appeared. Looking so average, so commonplace wasn't a curse as much as it was my protection. Donnie and Lin weren't as nondescript. *** The boy's family came again on Saturday; lengthy conversation in Mandarin, ambulance, surgeries.... I didn't need the details. Nothing else to do, I went to give blood. Came back find a group of local reporters at the nurse's station. The shooting was deemed a hate crime, they wanted comments from anyone involved. Passed the waiting room, screen blared the news. Caught a glimpse of the street camera footage, two figures at a bus stop, one jumped and fell onto the other. Clear panels that sheltered the bus stop bench suddenly popped with white circles where more shots hit. Hard to watch; couldn't look away. Blurred, the two figures didn't move, but clung together. Luck, or poor marksmanship kept Lin from being hit. Security helped me get Lin out of the building without any interviews. At home, Lin shaved his head, wore sunglasses and my Red Socks cap. Began attending classes online to finish his semester, and quit his lab job. "Too many rectangles." He said. Everyone wanted a photo of the local hero-of-the-hour. *** Our repetitive but comfortable routine stopped. Ordered out, stayed home. No friends visited. The incident still disturbed Lin deeply. Remembering the times when my life felt out of control, when I felt alone and afraid, they all rushed back in Lin's silence. Couldn't express it; my memories, my fears returned often. Hatred, threats, being alone and without help. Does that happen to all children? *** Studying his options and opportunities, Lin was quiet and serious. Graduation in less than forty-five days. He refused to attend the ceremony though he was at the top of his class. "Why not? I want to get photos, celebrate." "My professors, the dean--they want to give me special honors... about the shooting." He paused, "I don't want it." "Yeah, you do. It could help get your business started. You'll get all the funds you need with the promotion, don't you understand? Great branding for your future." He turned away for long moments, "Donnie was another human, my heart for another is not a commodity to brand or reason for funds. My knowledge of compounding will be enough." It was. Lin started small, built his compounding pharmacy with a load of debt for best equipment. Social contacts came through with contracts for their agencies, professors touted him throughout the medical centers. Hired another pharmacist within eighteen months of opening. *** Reluctantly, and gratefully I split my hours between 3-D printing and maintaining the computers for a custom pharmacy, built the website. We both worked more than forty hours a week. Tiring, but we pushed through knowing it would pay off. Three years we kept up the pace. Lin had the right strategies in place. Income built slowly, steadily. Funds were tight, until they suddenly we were flush: "Going out tonight." Lin grinned, tossed his lab coat over the sofa and grinned. "Get showered." "Going out?" That surprised me. "What are we celebrating?" Still grinning, "My father's death." "Aren't you supposed to be... uh, sad, grieving? You're not upset?" Without a pause, "He taught me to be glad when he was gone." An inheritance headed Lin's way and we were headed to Cathedral Depot where we first met. *** Part of the funds went to expand the online pharmacy carrying Asian botanicals, traditional medications. That required more space for inventory, another employee. Income surged with that addition. Inheritance also brought his mother Majime. Lin was her oldest son, it was his familial obligation to care for her. Beautiful silver-haired woman, smiling and as unperturbed about the patriarch's death as Lin. Came to find she'd managed the household, taught at a private school, raised two children with an "absentee husband." "Lin's father traveled?" "No. Easier for him to count his success in dollars than to invest himself in his family for our love. Always working, he abandoned us--avaricious man. Came to the point that money wasn't enough. He wanted power. Chasing power is futile for mortals. Age becomes an enemy they can't conquer, the commodity of time becomes scarce." Blunt but clear, "So you weren't upset when Lin called to tell you we were engaged?" "Engaged?" Index finger on her chin, she recalled the conversation. She showed puzzlement momentarily then chuckled. "Lin told us you were his partner. Lin's father was angry you weren't Asian, he thought you were in business together." Patting my forearm, "I knew Lin was homosexual when he was young, I knew what he meant. That's why I sent him to Boston as soon as he was old enough to cross the border on his own. It was the best for everyone." There was more she wasn't telling me. *** More than a ramble shack, Lin, Majime and I found a house outside Boston. Older home, big wooded lot. Majime tended an herb garden, I had a workshop. She accompanied me to the equine vets wearing boots and jeans. Always gentle, and with a bag of carrots she made it easier for me to work with the beasts. Lin moved his pharmacy to a small medical center, situated the warehouse nearby. All went well for a while. Being a grandmother, Lin's sister and her family visited with their children. Accepting, caring, happy family. New in-laws and their two children were glad to meet me, made me feel part of the family. Lin, now holding the leadership in his family, took his family to the local sites. Took them into Boston, the harbor and the beaches. Chuckled when I heard my unofficial Boston history quips repeated. *** Lin's brother-in-law was from Vancouver BC. Big, muscled man who captained a fishing vessel along the coast. We stood at the grill cooking burgers for his children. They wanted to to eat inside and watch movies. Chatter over dinner stopped when I brought the huge planked salmon to the table. "To all who've survived and done well to come here and dine. Thank you." Said nothing cryptic, only that we'd all survived with success to eat together. I meant no more and wasn't about to bring up the shooting. Silent stares, then a verbal skirmish. Majime winced at Lin, "You didn't...." "No." Lin shot back. Sudden shift to Mandarin. Again cut out of the conversation. Lin and his mother walked into the house. Argued all the way. "What's going on?" I asked Lin's sister. Never expected to ruin dinner with so few words. "It's about our father." She brought them back. We ate quickly, uncomfortably, without speaking. *** Lin disappeared into the bedroom after dinner. Got the kitchen in order. Found him sitting on the bed, Majime beside him, arm around his waist. They whispered until I neared. "Pancakes tomorrow, I'll cook breakfast." Majime stood. "Tell me why everyone is so upset. I need to know so I don't do it again." Silence, they looked at each other. Head down, Lin began: "My father said I brought shame on him with my homosexuality. Then, he schemed to use it for his benefit." He took a deep breath, "Father didn't get the loan. That's why we came to Canada." Lin looked away. Majime, with a hard look on her face, "Lin's father told me he was taking Lin to his banker's office, learn to negotiate a loan. I agreed--Father was finally taking an interest in Lin's future. At the loan office, Lin's father dropped him at the building and handed him a business card. Told him he banker was waiting for him. "That man grabbed my boy, Lin fought him, began screaming. So he took Lin and locked him in the trunk of his car and parked on the top of the garage where there were no other cars. He used my boy, hurt him. He was going to keep him in Chiayi City. I'd never see my Lin again." Lin held his mother, looked at me, "We had to leave Taiwan. The banker refused to loan Father the money for a deal already signed." Lin was quiet, face frozen in the remembrance. Majime, now angry: "Stupid businessman to use his son for leverage, then extortion... I couldn't let my family stay in Taiwan, there would be repercussions." Looking away "I didn't protect my boy. I didn't know." Alone, afraid and scared he wouldn't survive.... Hard to internalize her explanation though Lin's relationship with his father was clear. She left the room. Showered and came to bed, "Are you depressed?" "No. Secrets lose their sting when they come to light." He turned to me, "That banker, I kicked him in the nuts when he thought I was unconscious. I got away... I was naked, hurt. Scared, so scared, I kept running till I got to the street. A taxi driver stopped for me, wrapped me in his sweater and took me home." He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, "At home, my father blew up, yelling... went into a rage. Then my mother and sister started screaming and..." He looked away. "I didn't know what to do and couldn't make it stop." Disturbing and liberating, that evening. It changed Lin, me. *** Pancakes shaped like flowers with honey the next morning. Over breakfast, Majime asked forgiveness for not being stronger, not taking them away earlier. Nothing anyone could do but nod. Lin addressed the silence: "Mom, it's over now. Take any good that came from those times and use it to make life better now." With those words, a loving father's advice, I saw a different side of my partner and how far he'd come. Commodity Epilogue April, Lin and I decided take our long-delayed honeymoon. When we talked about Paris, the conversation shifted into Mandarin. I'd get the low-down later. Surgeries and rehab left Donnie with a small list to the right and a lower back brace yet he rode a bike. Thought the kid would burst out of his skin when Lin and I visited his parents to ask permission. Donnie, now a young man came with us. "I need to make sure Donnie eats enough." Majime had to come along. She wanted to see the Louvre. Spent three days there with me while Donnie and Lin went to Disneyland. Biking the streets, taking photos, we ate at street vendors, bistros and came back exhausted nightly. Last night, top of the Eiffel Tower looking over the City of Lights, Paris' soft sounds below, couldn't help but think that those pinpoints of light are like the hope in our lives. Always will be evil, it thrives in secrecy, darkness. That's where it erodes our sense of our own selves, our goodness, our potential. If it's too dark, for too long, walk eastward, guarding your heart along your path. The sun will rise, changes happen. Lin walked alone in the dark for years. An incredible sense of peace rose through me with that thought. I'd almost given up hope on love. Almost. Being cherished by a man I loved brought the dawn. Profound satisfaction settled in me, a steely strength emerged from that profound satisfaction. I felt it. Finally possessed the courage to call my father, to light our secrets. End